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Jennifer Elizabeth Moore - Empathic Mastery · Postcards to the Universe

0:07
Welcome to Postcards to the Universe with Melissa Capria. Do you believe in magic?
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What if you were told that all you had to do was get a
0:17
little creative and work a magic spell to bring anything you can imagine into your
0:22
life. Here on Postcards to the Universe, we will share manifesting tips,
0:28
postcards, creativity, abundance, and prosperity. Here is your host, Melissa
0:34
Capria. Hey everybody, and welcome to Postcards to the Universe with Melissa creating
0:42
the Life you crave. It's Wednesday. It's my favorite weekday because I get
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to do my show when I love doing my show, and I always have
0:52
really cool guests, which I have a great guest again today. She's an
0:57
author, Jennifer Moore, and she's going to join me in just a few
1:00
minutes and we're going to be talking about empathic mastery and what that means,
1:07
so stay tuned for that. So you guys who are my regular listeners,
1:11
welcome, Thank you again for being here with me. And I love that
1:15
you like my show and you keep coming back and listening. It really really
1:19
means a lot. And if you're just listening and finding me for the first
1:23
time, I want to say welcome. I'm so grateful to have you here,
1:27
and I hope that you keep coming back. And if you can't listen
1:32
live, you can always catch the show after it airs a replay. So
1:38
just a little bit about me. I'm an artist, a photographer, and
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I am also an author, and I have a book out and it's titled
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Postcards to the Universe, Harness the Universe's Power and Manifest Your Dreams. Everything
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that I do is under Postcards to the Universe, and they're thirty manifesting stories
1:57
in my book. So I laid it out where I had people create a
2:00
manifesting postcard, which is kind of like a little minivision board, and I've
2:05
photographed their postcard. I interpreted it and I've photographed it, and it's their
2:10
manifesting story is alongside of their postcards. So it was really fun laying out
2:17
the book. And in my book I include writing exercises, and the writing
2:23
exercises I wanted to put in because it helps us get really clear on what
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it is we want, what we desire, what we want to manifest,
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and we're not always quite sure what exactly that is. Usually we just know
2:37
how we want to feel, right so we need to get clear on what
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it is we want that will help us get to where we want to be
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in our life. And there's also a toolbox full of just some fun exercises
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on how to manifest in love and in money, and career, in health,
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and so much more so. If you are interested in people's stories and
3:01
reading their stories of how they manifested what they wanted and doing some inner work
3:06
exercises, you can get my book your favorite bookstore, they'll get it for
3:10
you if it's not in their bookstore, or of course you can get it
3:14
on Amazon or Barns and Noble online. All right, So I always ask
3:19
each week, and I will keep asking for people to send me a manifesting
3:22
postcard. If you want to know what that is and how to do it.
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If you go to www dot Postcards to the universe dot com, there
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is a section on how to create a manifesting a postcard. And you can
3:35
also email me if you have any questions. I'm always answering people's emails,
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so that's not a problem. If you're on Facebook and you like Facebook groups
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that are fun to join and uplifting, I have one called Postcards of Love.
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It's public, and only things that are shared on there are inspiring and
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uplifting posts, So I just wanted to share I got a confirmation that I'm
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going to be doing a workshop. It looks like it's going to start in
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the middle of July. I will give more information as I go, and
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the workshop is called Manifesting through Gratitude, a Visual Journey, and in it's
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a five It's going to be a five week workshop. We're going to meet
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once a week for two hours on Zoom. It's not Zoom, but it's
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like Zoom. It's online, and we're going to be covering using visual gratitude
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practice and by doing that, we're going to be using our camera phones as
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part of the practice to get us into the alignment with the energy of abundance.
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So each week is going to be focused on a different area of our
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life. And in the first week it's going to be worthiness and self love,
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second week is going to be health and wellness, the third week is
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financial abundance, and we're going to wrap up with relationships. And I'm going
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to teach everybody how to create a photo inspired visual gratitude journal, and we're
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going to be doing that and going over it, and then the fifth week
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is going to be a wrap up where we can get together and share our
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feelings what came up for us, and you know how some people's stuff has
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shifted and what actually manifested in that time period. So I'm super excited about
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it. When I get, like I said, when it's one hundred percent
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confirmed and I have the date and I have exactly where you can go and
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register, I will share all that. But I'm just starting to introduce it
5:26
to you now. So the guys who listen to me on a regular basis,
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no, I talk about a magical message that I share on social media
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that I share once a week, and it's an image of a manifesting postcard
5:36
or something that I found, like an affirmation that I picked up, or
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just anything that sort of inspires me. So this week I picked harness the
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universe, which is also in manifesting, of course, and it is one
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of I believe and I've seen it work. The universe's greatest forces, and
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it's our ability to create something that we think out of nothing. And when
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we learn to harness the universe and the power of manifestation, we can learn
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to co create and create the life we dream of. So manifestation, for
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those who are hearing this word for the first time, is bringing our desires
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into reality. And it works by aligning our thoughts, our emotions, our
6:20
actions with our desired outcome. And the more aligned we are with our desire,
6:26
the more likely it will manifest. And the universe in kind response to
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our energy and what we become aligned with, and it magically quote unquote magically.
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But what we're really doing is we're creating, We're co creating. It
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appears in our life. So that was this week's magical message. Let's all
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harness the universe and bring in what we want. Okay, So I'm excited
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to talk to my guests today. She's really interesting and I'm really interested in
7:00
and empathic, so I was really excited that she wanted to be on my
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show. So just a little bit about her, Jennifer Elizabeth Moore. I
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love that she says love it. Former emotional hot mess and world class authorizer,
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Jennifer Moore supports other highly sensitive intuitive women to release empathic overwhelm and distress
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so they can access their inner wisdom and power. Jen brings over thirty years
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of experience to her work, where She merges practicality, intuition, and skill
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to offer insight, guidance, and emotional freedom to those she serves. She
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holds a master's degree in psychology and religion. She's an accredited Master Trainer for
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EFT International, and I've talked about EFT on my show before. She's the
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founder of the Empathic Mastery Academy, the author of Amazon bestseller Empathic Mastery,
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the host of Empathic Mastery Show, and is the creator of two Oracle Decks
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and the photographic healing Tarrow. So if you want to learn more about her,
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go to her website Empathic Mastery dot com. Welcome Jennifer, thanks for
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being here with me today. Oh we Lissa, thank you so much for
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having me. I am so excited to be having this conversation with you today.
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I believe I am empathic and I'm an EmPATH. But so for those
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who kind of know what it is but aren't really quite sure, because you
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can be sensitive and not a full on EmPATH and yeah, absolutely right,
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and you can have empathy but not taking on others emotions. So I'm going
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to let you, as the expert, explain to the difference between being empathic
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and having empathy or just being super sensitive. So go ahead, absolutely,
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Okay, So let's just start with the definition of the word EmPATH. And
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so first off, let's just start with the fact that there isn't necessarily agreed
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upon definition of the word EmPATH. It's a pop that so mpath is as
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not a clinical term. It is a pop culture term that came out of
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science fiction. And basically back in nineteen fifty six there was a short,
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a science fiction novella called The Mpath where everything started with this Scottish writer JT.
9:28
Macintosh who wrote this book. And then the next time that we even
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had anything doing having anything to do with empaths was on Star Trek in nineteen
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sixty eight, I think maybe sixty nine, with an episode called you Guessed
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It the EmPATH. And it wasn't until the actually a lot later when we
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started to really see examples of empaths in things with Deanna Troy in Star Trek
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The Next Generation, and people started to think about it like this started to
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be where we started to as a culture be like, oh my goodness,
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I'm an EmPATH. I'm experiencing this. So I'm just going to share my
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definition of the word based on what I've seen with a lot of people and
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just kind of have drawn from this. So an EmPATH is a being,
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not necessarily a human, but a being picks up the thoughts, the feelings,
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the energy, and the sensations from outside of themselves and unlike somebody who
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is like an intuitive or a psychic with a lot of extrasensory perception abilities,
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and paths have that esp as well. But what makes an EmPATH different than
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somebody who's intuitive or psychic is that mpath process the information and the energy and
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the feelings and the thoughts as if it's their own. And so, for
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example, you know, as psychic or an intuitive could walk into a house
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where there had been and some kind of a conflict or situation, and they'd
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immediately be like, Wow, there's some really weird vibes in here. This
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feels really intense, feels really sad in here. It seems like somebody must
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have had like maybe there was a death, you know, Oh there was
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a death in here, or oh there was like a conflict or a site
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or a murder or whatever. The psychic or the intuitive is going to be
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like, I know, something happened here. The mpath walks into the same
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exact space and goes, why do I feel so sad? Why do I
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feel so angry? Why do I feel so out of source? And the
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thing is that, you know, being an EmPATH and being an intuitive or
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psychic are not mutually exclusive. As a matter of fact, almost all empaths
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do have psychic or into end and intuitive abilities, but interestingly not all psychics
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and intuitives or empaths. And you know, you spoke about sort of the
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difference of like, well, what is highly sensitive, what is EmPATH?
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You know, what is empathic? What's an EmPATH? And what I would
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say is that there is a spectrum of sensitivity that sort of you know,
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on one side, you have people who are just like so totally like like
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the psychopathic narcissists who have absolutely no regard for anybody you know, and no
12:13
understanding or compassion or you know, just like they cannot imagine themselves in somebody
12:18
else's shoes. It's the Me Show twenty four to seven. And then on
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the other side, we have what I call extreme empaths, where they are
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so flooded with all the thoughts, feelings of energy and some the stations that
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are coming from from outside of themselves that they don't even necessarily know one end
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is up. They don't know what's theirs, what's not theirs. And a
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lot of times really struggle with a lot of a lot of anxiety, a
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lot of distress, a lot of fear, a lot of worry, a
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lot of times a lot of chronic health issues can come up, as well
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as a lot of blocks to success because they're just so bombed down by all
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the intensity. And then you know, in the middle is the sort of
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your nice person, somebody who is the capacity to like imagine what somebody else
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is going through and have compassion for that person, express kindness to that person,
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but where they're not getting flooded with the emotional intensity of that person.
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And what I would say is the big difference between being having empathy for somebody
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versus being an EmPATH is that empathy you still know it's not your problem,
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you still know it's not you going through the thing. You can have a
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deep sense of empathy and understanding and imagine, like you can imagine yourself in
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that situation, but you're not experiencing it, whereas somebody who is somebody who
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is an EmPATH is somebody who's sort of that empathic sensitivity has gone over from
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just pure empathy to like I am picking it up and I am processing it
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as if it's my own. So long answer, but very thorough, Yeah,
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very thorough. That really really really helps. And I imagine, or
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at least my experience is I seem to do that more with the people that
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I care about them with strangers. But sometimes I'll walk into his space and
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I don't know everybody people very well, and whatever the vibe is, I
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feel it, and it does and I'll feel the sadness or I'll feel frustrated,
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or I'll feel the anger, and I'm like, why am I?
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You know, Like it's easy to recognize it when I'm with people that I
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know intimately, right, because if they're going through something, I'm feeling it.
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And that's why sometimes if somebody's so angry about some injustice, I feel
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so hated in my body, like you know, and it's not mine,
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it's not and I don't know why. And then I as I've gotten older
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and I've been studying more and I've been learning more about this kind of stuff,
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I realize, oh, you're in pathic, You're empathic, and I
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do need a lot of time when I'm in a lot of chaos around a
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lot of people, a lot of recovery time. I need a lot of
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my own recovery time. Yeah. Yes, and a lot of us really
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do, and especially when we're not recognizing that we are sensitive to picking things
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up. You know, you were mentioning about how it can be harder when
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you're around or when you're around people you don't know to realize what you're picking
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up on. And one of the things that I've noticed is that I've had
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this experience over the years where I used to do, you know, before
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especially before the pandemic, when we were actually like gathering together and doing things
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a lot more than we then we sort of we kind of dialed that back.
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But I used to do a lot of like um uh, sort of
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business mastermind, you know, like entrepreneur like like trying to formational entrepreneur thing,
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you know, retreats events. And one of the things that I would
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always notice was that about a day or two into being at an event like
16:08
this, all of a sudden, I would start to experience like this,
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like low self esteem and this kind of like self doubt and this kind of
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like feeling like I'm not good enough. And it took me a couple of
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these experiences in these events to realize, oh, wait a second, this
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isn't mine. I'm surrounded by people, especially like some of those some of
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those big marketing like those big, big like coaching events where you know,
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the whole premise of it is like you are introducing tools to people, but
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we're what they're also doing is teaching people what they don't know. And there's
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this point where it's like about midway in the mid part of the Usually if
16:51
it's a three day event, it's like the second day, what they start
16:55
doing is what's called pushing the bruise. And what happens is all these people
17:00
who sort of are going to this thing are getting all of their what are
17:03
called in the marketing world pain points activated, and suddenly people are just you
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got this room of people who are like, oh my god, who don't
17:11
know anything. And what I realized was that I you know, I didn't
17:18
even notice it until I was like, wait a second, I'm picking up
17:22
on other people's insecurities. I'm picking up on other people's sensitivities because and the
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reason I say this is because it would be about stuff that I would already
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know. It would be about stuff that I had already worked through. It
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would be about stuff that, you know. The day before I got there,
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I was feeling really confident and good about and then all of a sudden,
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it was like, and even on the first day, I'm still like
17:45
cooking with gas, and it's a second day where I'm suddenly like, why
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am I feeling so out of sorts? Why am I feeling so wonky?
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Why am I feeling so weird? So I totally hear you about when you're
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around people you don't know, sometimes you don't realize that you're picking it up
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in the same way that you can be picking it up from people you do
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know, And so that matter. You know, there are people who can
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be picking it up. You know, there are mpaths and sensitive people who
18:12
are picking up the planetary distress. They can be picking up the energy from
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the animals, from the plants, just from the whole planet. So it's
18:23
not necessarily just people that we're picking up that we can be picking energy up
18:29
from. And just to speak about that concept of the spectrum, some people
18:33
are sensitive to the immediate environment and the people around them, but there are
18:38
people who are so sensitive that not only are they picking up on things that
18:44
are immediate, they're picking up on things that are happening on the other side
18:47
of the planet. And there are people who are so sensitive that they can
18:52
be picking up on things that are coming from the past, but also can
18:56
be sort of feeling the shockwaves from the future kind of come back at us.
19:00
And an example of that would be like nine to eleven, where a
19:06
lot of people started feeling really off and really weird and like, what's going
19:11
to be happening prior to the actual event? Wow, that is oh my
19:15
god, so you could be this is such a deep dive that you could
19:18
read it is such a deep dive. I'm like, oh, just buckle
19:22
up, buttercup. We got all guys with stuff to talk about here.
19:26
Yeah, oh my god. Yeah, that's why my space is so sacred.
19:30
I sage a lot. I do a lot of that in my home
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because if people are in and out of my house a lot. Where I
19:36
live. I live in an artist community, so I have a lot of
19:38
people coming in and out all the time. So I'm always sage, you
19:44
know, lighting candles and other things. And it's funny because my family knows
19:48
now that I've learned more about myself and I'm confident I say no to a
19:52
lot of things. No, I can't do this, no, you know.
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And I'm sure people surprise something. Oh who does she think she is?
20:00
She's not coming to this, She's not coming to this. But I
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just kind of know when i'm I can, I can handle it, and
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I know kind of what I can't, you know now, And I'm feel
20:11
guilty about saying no anymore, where I used to feel so guilty, like,
20:15
oh, you can't say no, but now I say no, no
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problem. Well and yes, and you know, saying no is is just
20:22
one of it's I mean that if it is definitely one of the most important
20:26
tools in the EmPATH tool docs is the ability to say no and to just
20:30
be like and you know, one of my favorite sayings is not a circus,
20:33
not a monkey, as well as this person has a higher power in
20:37
their life. And you're not at Jennifer, but you know, yeah,
20:42
you were. You know, you were speaking about the whole thing of having
20:45
that ability to say no. And one of the challenges that comes up for
20:48
a lot of sensitive, highly sensitive and pathic people, especially when they're sort
20:52
of in that spectrum of like being you know, mpath is that not only
20:59
are they you know, does the people pleasing stuff come up? It does
21:02
a fear of disappointing somebody come up. But the thing is, as m
21:06
pass, we feel when other people are disappointed, We feel when other people
21:11
are upset, but we also feel and pick up on people's will body and
21:15
their desire body, and so a lot of times when somebody really wants something
21:21
from us, we can feel that energy coming at us. And when it
21:25
goes from just wanting something to being like somebody's trying to like will us to
21:30
do something, we will feel that pressure coming at us from other people.
21:36
And so saying no for an empass can actually be even harder than it is
21:41
for your average people pleaser, because the thing is, not only are we
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worrying about like the social you know, like the social consequences and me,
21:52
oh my god, I'm going to hurt their feelings by saying no, or
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like what will other people think of me if I say no? Like even
21:59
you had said, you know, like some people might think this about me,
22:02
And it's like, you know, there's that concern, But then on
22:04
top of it, there's that I you know, as an impact. We
22:08
will feel the pressure that is coming from that other person to do what they
22:14
want us to do, and so we have to. It really takes like
22:19
some some you know, nerves of steel and kind of like you know,
22:25
like a real like rock solid no. This is my no. I'm just
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gonna I'm standing in my no. M not going to work for me,
22:34
not going to happen. Yeah, yeahste Like anything else, it is practice.
22:40
I have to ask you this question because the way you describe yourself in
22:42
the way it's in your in your bio, you you refer to yourself as
22:47
a former hot mess and a world class awfulizer. So yeah, that mean
22:52
can you show that was so I mean hot mess? We all know what
22:56
that is, you know, I mean I was. I was. I
23:00
was a very very emotional person. I really did not I was one of
23:03
those especially as a younger woman and a you know, teenager in my twenties
23:07
and thirties, I was one of those people. I was like, you
23:11
know, it's sort of like staple staple, uh, you know, staple
23:15
hand to forehead, you know, drama queen, but also sort of like
23:18
stoff the world. I'm having an emotion like I just I didn't really have
23:23
the ability to process things. I also was. I was also really attracted
23:29
to emotionally unavailable people. And um, the reason I was attracted to emotionally
23:33
unavailable people was because I had this identity of being this really romantic, really
23:38
loving, really kind, really caring, really emotionally available, intimate person.
23:44
And so I couldn't own any of the parts of me that wanted space.
23:48
So what I did instead was I was attracted to people who who created space
23:52
for me and who gave who allowed me to have the space I needed without
23:56
me being the you know, quote the bad guy unquote. Um. And
24:02
so I was constantly chasing and pursuing people who are emotionally unavailable. I was
24:07
self medicating with sugar a lot, just trying to find you know, just
24:11
like I just trying to find my way. And UM, you know,
24:15
I was a handful, I've no doubt about it. Well. Plus,
24:18
aufulizer. This is um, this is a term that you know. I'm
24:25
pretty sure I coined the term aufulizer. I'd never heard it before I started
24:29
saying it, but maybe other people say it too. But it's exactly what
24:32
it sounds like, you know, it's like if you if you take a
24:34
situation and you look at it, you know, the optimist is going to
24:37
look at it and be like, oh my goodness, all of these things
24:41
are possible. Isn't this wonderful? The aufulizer is going to take the exact
24:45
same situation. And if you're talking like they get a little tiny splinter,
24:49
you know, the aufulizer can take that little tiny splinter and turn it into
24:53
like the worst, the worst antibiotic resistant form of MRSA that I actually killed.
25:00
You like it, It's like, you know, it's not just a
25:04
little flinter or a little a little boo boo. It's like, oh my
25:07
god, the world of ending. The sky is falling. And so I
25:11
come from a long line of people who would always imagine the worst case scenario,
25:18
who could always run the things through to the to the to the worst
25:22
possible result, and um, you know, I just think about I think
25:29
about some of the experiences I've had with my parents, and you know some
25:33
of the times where I would be like, I'm gonna go do this thing,
25:34
and my dad would just be like, Johnny, you perhaps do that.
25:38
And so much of it was because he was just he and my mom
25:45
both had a tendency to if something was they would always look through the glass
25:49
darkly and imagine, not necessarily always, but frequently would imagine the worst case
25:56
scenario. And the problem with being a world flush aufuilizer is that if you
26:00
grow up in a family system that is constantly imagining the worst case scenario,
26:07
you learn how to worry, and you learn how to aufulize, and you
26:11
learn how to like. And the thing is, it's under the guise of
26:15
protection, it's under the guise of well, I need to be prepared,
26:19
so I need to think of the worst possible scenario. And so this was
26:23
something I really really had to train myself out of. And basically one of
26:30
the things that I learned, or I've learned over the years is instead of
26:36
like being like, well, I better run the world, I better run
26:38
all the numbers, I better run all the possibilities, I better run the
26:41
data just in case, what I've learned to say to myself and do instead
26:47
is to basically say, you know, okay, why don't we like Let's
26:53
just so we're looking at this as it is. If anything comes up,
26:56
we'll deal with it when it happens, and just that shift of like instead
27:00
of trying to prepare for the worst case scenario, being like, I'm just
27:04
going to go ahead as if this is going to be good and if it's
27:10
and and if something happens it's unexpected, I'll deal when it happens. And
27:15
that's you know. I don't mean to interrupt you, because we could talk,
27:21
we could get into this, we could go into it nowhere. Let's
27:25
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27:29
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liberty and equality. Hey guys, welcome back. If you're just joining me.
31:26
We're talking about empathy today and being empathic and I have authored Jennifer more
31:32
as the expert on today. So you were talking about the way right before
31:36
the breakbot, how you used to sort of process things, and you said
31:41
you called yourself very dramatic, and you know, everything was like the worst
31:45
case scenario, right, like the house is like on fire every time,
31:49
for everything every time. Yeah, I had more of a Mine was more
31:56
of an internal I'm a little bit more of an internal accessor a lot of
32:00
people don't always know what was going on, you know, So whatever my
32:04
emotions were, if I was picking up on the sadness or the anger,
32:07
it was an internal process people didn't always know, you know, Like I
32:12
was, you know, very good at fooling people like, oh, everything's
32:15
okay, but meanwhile it's simmering underneath, you know, simmering underneath, you
32:19
know. I think sometimes because I was an EmPATH, I assumed people knew
32:24
what was going on inside, Like I'm not sure, Like for me,
32:29
the experience was that I was a drama queen, and the experience was that
32:32
I was like really really really emotionally intense. But I think that that's that
32:38
I'm not sure that everybody else always knew what I was going through or how
32:44
emotionally upended I was, Like, I think that I think that a lot
32:49
of times, because I was feeling such intense feeling, I kind of imagined
32:54
that other people could feel them or pick them up off of me, but
32:59
I did. I think sometimes that as EmPATH, we imagine other people know
33:02
what we're feeling when other people don't necessarily know so, and then you think
33:09
there's something wrong with you because you can't understand, like what is wrong with
33:14
me? Like what is right with me? Right? Why am I in
33:17
this way? Right? And a lot of it isn't yours, it's not
33:21
even exactly you're feeling it. It's crazy. Oh my God. I have
33:24
to ask you this though, because I think this is really interesting, because
33:28
I've heard this God so many times now that there is an attraction between empathics
33:35
and paths and narcissists. Right exactly where anybody does anything, they're a narcissist,
33:43
right so, right, right, so, but but it is true
33:45
that there is there does seem to be an attraction, but you think talk
33:51
about a little different. So what do you what is that about the narcissis
33:54
I have? That would be a good movie, right, narcissist in the
34:00
EmPATH there? Yes, exactly, well, and they're actually I you know,
34:05
um, one of the one of our one of our fellow podcasters from
34:09
Podmatch, Um Raven Scott, literally wrote a book called The EmPATH and the
34:14
Narcissist and has a show EmPATH and the Narcissist. Um, you know the
34:21
thing. So from my perspective, I mean, so let's just talk about
34:23
sort of basic definition of narcissist. You know, a narcissist is kind of
34:28
on the other side of the spectrum, and that the narcissist is somebody who
34:32
is It's it's the n show, It's the twenty four seven. You know,
34:36
did I talk about me as I told you about me? Um?
34:38
And it's it's all about what can you do for them? How are you
34:42
going to glorify them. How are you going to get you know, and
34:45
how are they going to get their needs mets. But the thing is that
34:49
mpath narcissists are extremely generally, extremely charming in the beginning. And the thing
35:00
about narcissists is that narcissists know how to pour it on thick. Narcissists know
35:05
how to love bomb. Narcissists know how to make you feel good. And
35:09
the thing about the relationship between the EmPATH and the narcissist is that at the
35:14
beginning of the relationship, the narcissist is loading all kinds of praise and attention
35:22
and you know, gifts and wonderful stuff on the EmPATH. The EmPATH is
35:28
reflecting all of that back at the narcissists and is like giving back all kinds
35:32
of love and affection. And you have this perfect like feedback loop of the
35:38
EmPATH picking up on all the happy, positive, wonderful feelings that the narcissist
35:45
is experiencing from all the attention that the EmPATH is giving, and the m
35:52
the narcissist is also it's just like just basking in the glow of all this
35:57
attention, and so for a period of time it is usually a match made
36:04
in heaven. It is usually something that feels really, really good. And
36:09
the thing is that it often takes like people will most of the time,
36:15
the EmPATH and the narcissist will both be invested in the relationship where they both
36:22
care about each other, they love each other, they want to be in
36:25
this relationship with each other before the red flags really start showing up, before
36:31
the warning, before things start to go really sour or sideways. And what
36:37
I've noticed happens very frequently when it comes to the dynamic of the EmPATH and
36:43
the narcissist is things go well until the EmPATH has other priorities that take their
36:50
attention away from the narcissist. And the thing about about human behavior, and
36:57
this is something I learned when I was in graduates that was really amazing.
37:01
So what's really fascinating about human beings is that it is actually more devastating and
37:07
damaging to a human being to be what is called disconfirmed, to not receive
37:13
any attention, to be neglected or abandoned, than it is to get negative
37:17
attention. And so the narcissist is going to usually have a core wound of
37:25
being ignored, neglected, or abandoned. Usually that starts from a very very
37:30
early age, like we're talking like a three or five year old who didn't
37:36
get their needs met. And so when excuse me, when the mpath stops
37:45
being able to shower all that affection and that praise and that attention on the
37:52
narcissist or the narcissist, tolerance grows because just like any other six, any
38:00
other addiction, the more you know, it's like you get a tolerance to
38:05
it. It's like you need more and more and more. So what ends
38:07
up happening is the narcissist gets to the point where they're not getting the attention
38:14
that they want or need, and so they start acting out because as human
38:19
beings, we will do anything to get attention, and even if it's negative
38:24
attention, getting negative attention is more like is energy still even if it's negative
38:31
energy, it's still energy, and so as humans, we will seek out
38:37
if we can't get positive attention, we will speak out negative attention. And
38:42
so that's when things usually start going sideways with the EmPATH and the narcissist.
38:47
And the thing is the mpath is usually like, what happened? What you
38:52
know? Like everything was going so great why is this suddenly going so sour?
38:57
And because the mpath is now picking up all these like all of this
39:01
blame, all of this negativity. A lot of times the ampetha is going
39:06
to be, what am I doing wrong? Why am I like? What's
39:08
happening here? And so a lot of and very frequently, I don't know
39:15
if you've seen this, but I have seen very very very frequently, there
39:21
is there are by the time this dynamic really starts to go like go south
39:25
and just go sideways, there are children involved, and so there's more of
39:31
an investment in being in this relationship because there are kids. Yeah, yeah,
39:38
well there's a quick question. So I want to be really careful because
39:44
narcissism is a diagnosis and there's a whole you know, psychology behind it and
39:50
stuff. It's different than people who are self absorbed or just selfish, because
39:54
there are tons of us that have a tendency to be selfish at different times
39:58
whatever's going on in our or maybe you're a selfish person or maybe you're self
40:01
absorbed, that doesn't make you a full on narcissist, right right right,
40:07
you know, And anytime we see selfish behavior, now we happen to get
40:12
in the habit of calling that person a narcissist. Exactly, Yeah, and
40:16
I that's not the same thing. So can you just briefly give us a
40:21
little description between somebody who's just very self absorbed or selfish compared to somebody who's
40:25
a full on narcissist. M I think, like EmPATH, it is a
40:34
spectrum, and that you know that it is a spectrum. And that also
40:38
right now, the word narcissist is, like EmPATH, is kind of out
40:45
in the pop culture. And while you could certainly pull out the DFM five
40:50
and read the clinical diagnostic definition of narcissistic personality disorder, the word narcissist in
40:59
many ways is just is as much of a pop culture word as EmPATH is.
41:07
And so what I would say is that I think that the differ for
41:15
me and so, and I'm speaking not of a clinician, I'm just speaking
41:17
as a human being who's witnessed relationships. What I would say is that I
41:23
think that the difference between a narcissist, like somebody with you know, with
41:30
a clinical narcissism, with clinical narcissism, versus somebody who's somewhat self absorbed,
41:36
it's the one thing I think people who are self who are somewhat self absorbed,
41:40
generally still have a capacity for understanding or grasping the consequences of their behavior.
41:51
Have an ability to understand and an ability to pivot, like an ability
41:55
to get feedback and be like, oh, I'm being in I'm you know,
42:00
I'm being a jerk. I need to I need to shift my behavior.
42:05
Whereas when you have somebody who is in that, you know more of
42:08
that like textbook you know, diagnosed as narcissistic personality disorder. One of the
42:15
traits that seems to be pretty pervasive is the inability to see their own part
42:21
in it. Everything is it's always everybody else's solved, it's always something you
42:27
know, the world done me wrong. And what's said is the irony of
42:30
this is that narcissists are completely self absorbed. It's all about them all the
42:35
time. But they often lack they definitely lack self awareness, and very often
42:44
they are like they just don't see their part in any of it, which
42:47
is heartbreaking, it's really sad. I also think that where somebody who might
42:52
have moments of selfishness or moments of being self absorbed and like you said,
42:57
we all do. I mean this is a culture. I mean influence their
43:00
culture, social media culture. It makes all of us just like constantly comparing
43:07
ourselves to other people and constantly constantly going through stuff. But I think that
43:14
what makes somebody, you know, somebody where they're really over the edge into
43:19
narcissism also is that they will engage in behavior that is harmful to other people
43:27
and to themselves and they just can't help it, Like they just can't help
43:34
it. They care and they move nor do they care? Yeah, right,
43:37
And I think that's yeah, that's that's really really interesting. It's so
43:39
interesting how the two ends of the spectrum kind of attract each other right,
43:45
right, right, And sometimes Actually what is funny about empaths is that when
43:51
an EmPATH is so flooded with the thoughts, feelings of energy and sensations that
43:54
are coming from outside of themselves, and what I would say is usually it's
44:00
getting as you know, that energy from outside is activating energy inside of us,
44:06
um traumatic experiences, other things, which makes it more intense for us.
44:10
But the irony is that I have noticed that sometimes when we are in
44:15
extreme what I call empathic overwhelm, what ironically happens is we lack the capacity
44:22
for empathy because we're so worried about we're we're so consumed by the intensity of
44:30
the feelings we have that we sometimes will lack the ability to have empathy for
44:35
other people. So ironically, sometimes, um, you know, like it's
44:39
almost like we're talking two sides of the spectrum, but like it's almost like
44:44
it comes it's goes full circle where the empaths and the narcissist kind of meat
44:49
at the meet in the back because in both cases they're they're so overcome by
44:54
their own their own stuff that they can't necessar they don't have a lot of
45:00
room for being able to have perspective about other people's experiences. Yeah. Absolutely,
45:07
So so you talk about like you have this, and I thought this
45:12
was really interesting because I think this can help all of us and pass or
45:15
sensitive people if you're not you know and pat, you know, how do
45:20
we learn how to you know, control the sensitivities? And you also talk
45:27
about, you know, you think it's a curse, but it could be
45:30
a blessing. So like, absolutely, how do we work that into our
45:35
life? How do we work that into our life? So I wrote,
45:38
I wrote a three hundred and eighty page book at Yeah, And so what
45:44
I would say is that you know, it is a process, not a
45:46
pill. This is something, yeah, that this is something that really takes
45:51
time. And I had created a fun You know what came through for me
45:57
in terms of having done this work for quite a while is I developed a
46:00
five step system. And so the system is we start by recognizing and before
46:06
we can even recognize like what's going on, we have to recognize the identity.
46:09
We have to recognize that we're vulnerable, that we have to recognize that
46:13
we're empaths and claim that identity and understand what it means. Then we start
46:17
to recognize that we're feeling out of sorts, that we're feeling disproportionately distressed even
46:23
though everything in our life is going completely fine. And then we start recognizing
46:28
like, oh, I'm feeling something, and we start asking the question and
46:31
looking at recognizing what's mine what's not mine? And then for sort of the
46:37
graduate level of recognizing, it starts to be where is this coming from?
46:40
What is this about? Is this coming from a past life? Is this
46:44
coming from ancestral trauma? Is this coming from something going on in the room
46:47
around me. Is this coming from my own personal experiences that are getting activated
46:53
or triggered, and so, you know, really being able to identify and
46:58
what you know. I'll give you a sort of cliff notes version, which
47:00
is and most of the time it's coming from more than one place, you
47:04
know, most of the time it's both. And the second you'll get into
47:07
much more detail for those of you listening in her book, I really do
47:12
ye yeah, so you can really get the into the heart of it into
47:15
the book. Okay, go ahead, fit exactly. So the next bit
47:17
is release, which really has to do with letting go of the stuff that
47:21
is no longer serving us. And one of the things that once I,
47:24
you know, once I have recognized that I've taken on something, release can
47:30
be as simple as a breath in, you know, putting your hands on
47:32
your heart inhaling sure, and then exhaling and releasing your hands and saying,
47:37
I send this back to where it belongs. But I also love to use
47:40
EFT emotional freedom techniques. So I think it's one of the most powerful tools
47:45
for releasing stuff that I've ever found. Um, you know, there's movement,
47:50
there's journaling, there's dancing, there's there's walking in nature, there's using
47:54
any number of energy healing techniques, so there's any many different ways to release.
48:00
Then only after we've recognized and released do we come to protect, which
48:07
is the third step. So a lot of people in kind of the New
48:10
Age world, you know, if you were taught like I was, the
48:14
first thing I was taught was just put a ball light up around you.
48:16
The problem with this for empass is that if you've already started to absorb all
48:22
the thought stealings, energy and sensations, and you're carrying and you're a psychic
48:27
sponge that's just carrying all this around, no amount of love and light wrapping
48:30
around you, it's gonna like really help it, maybe keep a little bit
48:36
of stuff from more stuff coming from coming in. But if you're already carrying
48:39
that stuff, it tends to erode your filters and shields from the inside out.
48:45
And it also means that you're already in a state of distress. So
48:50
the reason why protect is not the first step, but it's the third step,
48:54
is that we cannot effectively protect ourselves if we do not recognize what's if
49:00
we do not recognize ourselves as mpath and also start being able to recognize what's
49:06
hours and what's not ours and release the stuff that is no longer serving us.
49:09
The way I think of it is um You know, it's kind of
49:13
like if you if you took a bath and you like didn't and you and
49:17
the bathtub was you finished the bath and it was just filled with dirty,
49:21
dirty water, and you just pull the shower curtain around the tub without draining
49:24
the tub, you know, you've got a problem going on here. I
49:29
want to jump back in that bathroom. I don't want to run back in
49:31
that bath, you know, and it's gonna let's just say, it's gonna
49:35
start sinking up everything else. So we want to we need to drain the
49:39
tub. We need to drain the tub before we pull the short shower curtain
49:43
back around. So protect us the third step, and protect us about two
49:46
things. It's about energetic, psychic spiritual protection, about establishing better filters and
49:54
shields and around our energy body so we're not as porous because most mpaths ten
50:00
be a lot more porous and a lot more sensitive, like vulnerable to picking
50:04
things up than average people are. But then also it's about strategic protection.
50:10
It's about that, know, that you and I were talking about at the
50:14
very beginning of this conversation and really claiming and honoring, like, you know,
50:20
not going to do that, not for me. You know, things
50:22
like even you know, turning your phone off at a certain point at night,
50:27
not responding to the text my favorite thing to do. I tell everybody's
50:31
like, oh, I know when you have your do not disturb one exactly
50:36
exactly, it's like, yeah, you know, we need, we absolutely
50:40
need to have moments of do not disturb an mpass because we you know,
50:45
the thing is MPASS will often be in a place where they will rush in
50:50
to rescue because we feel better when other people feel better. And so part
50:58
of being part of protection is also about learning how to let people steal in
51:02
their juices and let people live their lives and allow them to feel their feelings
51:08
without us trying to make it better. And so protect is, like I
51:14
said, it's both energetic and strategic. The fourth step is connect because the
51:19
universe supports vacuum. So if we don't want to keep on absorbing negativity and
51:23
keep on taken on all this stuff, we need to replace it with something
51:27
better. And so this is about moving away from what one of my mentors
51:32
calls my I've a wonderful mentor from Scotland, Joanna Hunter and Joanna talking about
51:37
the idea of source and void, and you know, I mean sources like
51:42
that divine alignment. It's light, it's love, it's possibility, it's knowing
51:45
that we are immortal, that we are eternal, that will we will go
51:50
on forever, and that all is well in this world even if it doesn't
51:52
make any sense to us. Void, on the other hand, is like
51:57
is world class off alizing, We're all going to hell the handbasket. There
52:00
is nothing, there is nothing but this and you know, just getting sucked
52:06
down into the void. And so connect is really about aligning with divine source
52:10
and aligning with that higher octave of possibility and instead of continuously getting sucked back
52:21
into all of that epidemic of fear and worry and strain that we have on
52:25
this planet. And then the final step beyond connect is act, because words
52:32
without works is dead and in order for us to really live our lives effectively
52:38
and to go from feeling like having an empathic sensitivity or you know, being
52:44
an EmPATH is a curse to using it as a gift has to do with
52:49
learning how to act in new ways, learning how to recognize our purpose and
52:54
really you know, leaning into our mission on this planet, saying yes to
52:59
what we're to do, and then we have the ability to use our sensitivity
53:05
to sense when we're on track. Like the sensitivetivity almost becomes like this master
53:10
GPS compass within us that really allows us to know like, Okay, am
53:15
I on track? Or am I off track? Am I moving in the
53:19
right direction? Am I not moving in the right direction? And you know,
53:22
it's amazing what is possible. And you know, a lot of people
53:27
I think imagine empaths like ideal jobs for empaths is like being a healer,
53:31
being being an artist or creator. But I've actually met empaths who were like
53:37
absolutely spectacular in marketing and sales because they knew exactly what the people wanted and
53:44
needed. Empaths who are really good in leadership because they know exactly what people
53:50
want to need. Empaths who are amazing teachers because they can tune into the
53:55
energy and they can adapt and adjust accordingly. And that's the thing that makes
54:01
EmPATH so wonderful is that once we are in alignment with the gift generally,
54:09
what happens is it goes from that empathic flooding and that empathic overwhelm to more
54:15
of an intuitive or psychic knowing and an ability to just be in that state
54:22
of like knowing without reacting. So we moved from reacting to responding. And
54:28
what's so cool is I want to say, because we only have a couple
54:30
of minutes, it's like a how two books. So if you think you're
54:34
empathic, it's a how two books, so you want to get an empathic
54:37
mastery. It's like was written like I was reading. I was like,
54:40
okay, yep, yep, yep, me me read yea. But you
54:43
have, like I said, we only have a minute, we could talk
54:45
forever. You could verses and tools for people who are listening. And so,
54:52
do you have a gift or is or people that can reach you or
54:54
you're an offer that you're offering people today? Yes? Absolutely, So people
55:00
want to jump on over to Empathic Sensitivity dot com. That will get the
55:05
whole ball rolling, and that will lead you to my guide, which is,
55:09
you know, thematic safety Guide, which has all kinds of like it's
55:14
like three tools for finding calm in the eye of the storm. But also
55:17
on top of that, it will also give you access to my plea Facebook
55:22
group where I do monthly masterclasses, like really juicy masterclasses on every single full
55:29
moon I've got the next one is actually coming up, like is coming up
55:32
this Saturday evening at seven pm Eastern times, and it's called and the class
55:37
is called Clear, and it's all about really being able to recognize how getting
55:45
muddled and muddied and you know, where where are we mucked up? And
55:49
where are we muddied? And where is our mind? Like where are we
55:52
not clear? And then we're going to do work on really just kind of
55:54
like you know, cleaning the pool. Thank you so much, Jennifer,
56:00
We could go could Yeah? All right, guys have thank you for listening
56:07
to Postcards to the Universe with Melissa creating the life you crave. And I'm
56:09
wishing everyone a wonderful week filled with joy, abundance and love, peace,