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Why all narcissists dont try and come back · The Mental Healness Podcast

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  So not all narcissists or toxic people will try to come back to
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  you after the relationship ends. If you're new here.
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  My name is Lee Hammock. I'm a clinically diagnosed
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  narcissist. And welcome to another episode
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  of The Narcissist Code. Welcome back.
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  Welcome back. Welcome back.
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  Y'all. So while some narcissists don't
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  try to come back, not all narcissists, whoever you not all
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  narcissists or toxic people try to be involved in your life.
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  Not all narcissistic people will try to come back after the
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  discard phase. Why leave?
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  But why? Why?
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  Why? Why?
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  Why? So this is a question that I get
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  a lot. Yeah, I'll be surprised how
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  often I get this question. Why didn't the narcissist or
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  talk to a person, whoever? Why didn't they try to come back
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  into my life? Why didn't was was I not good
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  enough to Hoover? Was I not good enough supply.
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  I was. Was I not grade A supply?
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  What is what is going on Lee, tell me the answer.
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  Give me the answer Lee. I'm like, goodness, great, let
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  go. I'm going to give you the
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  answer. I'm going to give you the heat.
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  I promise you the heat. The heat is coming.
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  I promise. But you have to ask yourself in
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  a lot of different situations, a lot of different spaces.
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  Like sometimes y'all the narcissist doesn't come back
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  because it's not that you're not enough, is that you might be too
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  much. They might have done too much to
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  you. They might have put you through
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  so much that they feel like there is no point in trying to
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  come back to you. Like there is no chance that you
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  will take them back like they have done, like they have done
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  enough. They in their in the minds of
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  some narcissistic people that that don't try to come back.
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  They are thinking like I've done too much.
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  I've done too much to this person or or or they've done too
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  much to me sometimes that you sometimes you haven't done
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  anything to them. They just put it on to you.
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  Too much has happened in this relationship and I need to get
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  some. I need freedom.
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  I need to get free of this place.
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  I don't need to go back into that.
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  I can't go back into that like it's it'd be a waste of my time
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  to try to come back like too much has transpired.
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  You know that person has built up like you might be too strong
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  for them to come back. Yeah.
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  Sometimes they might think you're too strong, you know, for
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  them to try to come back into your life.
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  Like you have built up enough resistance to them that them,
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  them trying to come back into your life, it's pointless.
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  You know. Sometimes that does happen.
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  Sometimes that's the result of things that happen.
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  You ain't too much has happened. They think that the relationship
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  is running its course and they don't try to come back.
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  You know another reason why some narcissists don't try to come
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  back is they are scared. Fear.
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  Fear is obvious, obviously a factor for you.
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  I don't remember who the Joe Rogan on Fear Factor.
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  Fear is obviously a factor for you.
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  You see what I'm saying? Fear.
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  They're scared. Some narcissists are scared to
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  try to come back to you. I know that sounds crazy, but it
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  is. They're scared that you go to
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  the first of all day. A lot of narcissists, most fear
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  rejection. Most narcissistic people fear
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  rejection to the highest, to the highest level.
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  Like they are so afraid of rejection.
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  They're like this person. Too much has happened.
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  So I'm scared this person is going to reject me, you know,
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  Too much has happened in our relationship.
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  I'm so afraid that so much has happened that you're going to
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  this person is going to reject me.
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  The chances, the chances of me being rejected are super high,
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  and I'm afraid to get rejected. You know, I'm afraid that this
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  person is going to reject me. I'm afraid this person is going
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  to reject me and break my heart or hurt my feelings.
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  Whatever the circumstance, whatever the situation is, you
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  know, they are afraid that you're going to do them in.
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  They're afraid that you're going to hurt them.
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  They're afraid that you're going to ruin them.
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  You see what I'm saying? They're afraid that you're going
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  to react them. Also, I was just getting, I was
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  getting to that. They're afraid that you're going
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  to expose them. Y'all know that.
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  A lot of narcissists are afraid of exposure.
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  They're scared as hell to be exposed, you know, they don't
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  want to be exposed there. There's a an abject fear of them
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  being exposed. So they Hell no.
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  Why would I? Yeah.
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  If I'm going to get rejected, why would I come back to you?
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  You know what if I, if you want to expose, if you have too much
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  dirt on me, I'm going to leave you alone as to not upset the
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  apple cart. You know as to not upset the
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  apple as to if I if I do, one more thing to you, you might
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  expose me. You might reveal to the public
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  or to whoever it is our friends and family about who I am.
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  You might show the world. You you might ruin my
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  reputation. You know, you if like,
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  sometimes, like if I'm already in a relationship and I'm
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  cheating with you, you might expose me to my partner and
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  break me in my family. You see what I'm saying?
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  You might expose me to my family, and in my relationship
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  you might do that. There's a fear.
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  Fear y'all. Sometimes they're just scared,
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  you know? They're scared to come back
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  because they think you're going to ruin them.
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  We think they think you're going to reject them.
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  R&R, not rest and relaxation is ruin and rejection.
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  You know, they have that fear. You know, they are some of them,
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  yeah. Some of them just don't come
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  back. Y'all.
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  Some of them. It's like some of them don't
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  come back because they feel like the relationship has run its
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  course. Like there's nothing.
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  Like there's nothing like the supply has ran out.
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  Whatever supply that that narcissistic person has been
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  getting from you, it's run out or it's it's just too low.
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  And they're not. It's not, it's not they're not
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  getting enough from you. So they seek out, seek it from
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  someone else. You know, they might move on and
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  not try to come back to you because they found somebody who
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  fits them better, who gives them more of a certain type of
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  supply, whatever it is, y'all you know, sometimes their supply
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  could be. Ask yourself what they were
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  getting for you. Sometimes their supply can be
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  the emotional connection. You know, they can be just
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  getting the emotional connection from you.
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  Emotional validation. Sometimes their supply is
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  physical. You know, it's just like we're
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  together, We're in a relationship.
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  Whatever it is, sometimes their supply is financial.
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  It's just money where it's the the money.
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  I'm getting money from you. You get whatever it is, you
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  know, We're making money together.
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  You help me build my life up, whatever it is, you know?
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  And sometimes their supply is sexual.
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  It's a sexual aspect to it. Sometimes it's just sexual
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  supply. You know they're getting that
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  from you in that space. So if you think about it from
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  that perspective, whatever supply that they're getting from
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  you has ran out. It's ran its course, it's, it's
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  been, it's been exhausted. It's like the supply is on E
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  like if y'all if your relationship, if the supply was
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  a gas tank, it's running on fumes right now you know it's
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  smoking. It's it's so empty.
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  It's so dry. It's smoking.
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  You know and I still and this is what it.
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  And this is the point of the video why I know some people the
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  first name is going to pop into your head is like well Lee how
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  do we re up on that supply. How do we pick it back up.
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  How do we get it back to. How do we get things to go back
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  to the way they used to Y'all once it has run its course and I
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  know it's tough to hear this. Yeah.
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  You can't re up on your supply unless you don't let them use
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  you for something and do some people do.
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  I talk to some people who I will.
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  I will let them use me for that. They can come back.
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  I talk to some people who are in that mindset.
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  They some people will get to that point where they just feel
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  like they'll do anything to have the toxicity back in their life
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  because they're trauma bonded. And I understand it.
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  You know, and it's not me trying to judge past judgment.
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  You trauma bonded. You want them back in your life.
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  That's not me trying to pass judgment.
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  But that's me just trying to. Hey, look, it ain't right.
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  You will sacrifice everything, your health, your healing, your
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  money, whatever, to have this person back in your life.
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  Ask yourself why. You know why.
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  Ask yourself why. I feel like that.
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  I feel like that helps out a lot right there.
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  Ask yourself why. You know, you have to.
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  Ask yourself why do you want to go back to this person?
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  You know, ask yourself why do you want them to come back?
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  You know, ask yourself why Some people I know, I know.
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  When some people ask me this question, why don't why aren't
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  they coming back? You wonder if you are not
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  enough. You know, that's the one reason
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  that people ask me that question like, oh, they didn't come back
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  because I'm not enough. Some people want them.
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  Why don't they come back? Because you you want them to
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  come back in your life. You miss them.
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  You want them back in your life. Like, will they come back?
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  Why don't they come back? You know you want them back into
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  your life because you miss them. And I it's understandable.
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  And some people get into their heads that, you know, it's bad.
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  It's like you beat yourself up because you miss somebody that
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  hurt you. You know, you miss the person
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  that hurt you. And that's okay.
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  You know it's okay. That hurt you miss.
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  You know, I'm drawing some down. This might be a video.
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  It's okay to miss the person that hurt you.
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  It's not okay to allow them continuous access to your life
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  and to your space. But it's understandable that you
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  miss this person. That is truly understandable.
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  It's one of the things that I do understand that you miss the
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  person that you you that you you fell in love with.
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  You miss this person. This person y'all had y'all
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  building on life together. Whatever happened.
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  You miss them. Yeah, I get that part.
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  I promise you, I do. I do understand that.
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  I get it. That's just just me being
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  truthful, you know? That's me being truthful for
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  you. It's just in that space.
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  So you're you're dealing with the narcissist or toxic person.
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  It's OK to miss them, but just be strong, be as strong as you
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  possibly can because you don't want to allow that toxicity back
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  into your life, especially if you have children with this
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  person and whatnot. Especially if y'all built a life
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  together. And I I get it.
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  Y'all. I get it, I get it, I get it,
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  you know, because sometimes they don't come back because y'all
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  they they really, that fear does come to the table, like and I'm,
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  I'm going to leave it. This is right here.
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  Y'all because this is another. It's going to sound weird, but
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  this is another object. Abject fear that some
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  narcissists have their fear of failure.
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  They for some of them, and this is true for me personally, that
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  I've left relationships and not went back before because the
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  relationship was. It's going to sound weird, but I
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  feel like I was going to fail. I didn't want the relationship
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  to. I just, I I felt like I was
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  going to. I was scared to fail the person,
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  you know. And I just like, I can't do it.
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  I can't feel it. I've left the relationship
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  before because I was scared to fail, not realizing that leaving
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  the relationship was a failure. You know what I mean?
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  I was scared to fail. I was scared to get married and
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  failed as a husband. I was scared to get have kids
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  and failed as a father. I was scared to take this, go to
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  school and fail as a go to college and fail as a student,
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  scared to fail as an athlete. You see what I'm saying?
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  That those fears made me leave relationships.
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  I was the fear of failure is strong in a lot of narcissistic
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  people. Y'all.
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  So some of them might have left you because they were scared to
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  fail you, which is stupid, you know what I mean?
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  They didn't talk to you about. A lot of narcissistic people
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  lack the ability to communicate in a functional way.
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  Like other than the physicality, other than being physical and
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  things of that nature. They don't know how to
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  communicate with you. But that's part of the paradigm
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  of dealing with a narcissistic person.
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  Y'all it really, really is. But that's part of it.
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  Y'all so thank y'all so much for tuning into another episode.
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  Y'all, go ahead and go Amazon. Grab that self love journal.
• 10:59
  Help you rebuild yourself love and just understand that if they
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  come back you might be too strong.
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  You know what I mean? If they don't come back, it
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  might be strong. Don't don't Hoover yourself.
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  Because somehow if you if you Hoover yourself back into it,
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  you know when their pride and their ego is so high, you know
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  they just they didn't want to reach out to you.
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  Sometimes their pride and ego is too high and they they won't
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  reach out. And then you reach out, they
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  might actually want you to, they might actually want you back.
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  But their pride and ego is so high that they just they don't
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  reach out to you, you know, Their pride in their ego is so
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  astronomically high that they refuse to reach out to you and
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  contact you and then you reach out to them and then you get
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  reverse Hoover and then you get treated horribly.
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  So that's the last reason. I'll leave you with that.
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  Stay tuned for more y'all like and subscribe for more mental
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  illnesses out peace. Thank you so much for making it
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  to the end of my video. You are a mental illness
• 11:46
  Rockstar and I appreciate you for being here.
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  If you haven't already, make sure to click on the screen to
• 11:51
  subscribe to the channel and watch another one of my videos
• 11:53
  on my playlist. There's also a link available up
• 11:56
  here for you to purchase my kids.
• 11:58
  But remember, it's not your fault on Amazon so check that
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  out. Thank you.
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  I will see you in the next video.
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  Peace.