Latest / Stuck No More Voices / Gratitude in the Face of Rejection: Insights from Elana Van Deventer

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Gratitude in the Face of Rejection: Insights from Elana Van Deventer · Stuck No More Voices

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: So welcome to my happy place.
• 0:03
  Speaker 1: It's the Kingdom Mentor podcast.
• 0:05
  Speaker 1: I'm Theresa Croft, your host, and got a real treat for you.
• 0:09
  Speaker 1: I'm so glad you could join us, by the way, live on YouTube or wherever else, facebook, or just listening to me.
• 0:17
  Speaker 1: You know I have a passion.
• 0:19
  Speaker 1: It comes from a vision where I saw a dark world and the dark world was like it had the foul smell of fear.
• 0:28
  Speaker 1: And all of a sudden, in this vision, I started seeing bright lights.
• 0:31
  Speaker 1: Oh my god, what are they?
• 0:33
  Speaker 1: And he goes, those are the voices of my kingdom warriors lighting up the world with these pockets of lights.
• 0:43
  Speaker 1: And I believe, if you're listening to this this far, seriously, you are one of those bright lights.
• 0:50
  Speaker 1: I have a passion to help women who've been voiceless because of trauma, because of tragedy, become transformed by finding their voice, embracing it and then, from their authentic self, speaking with words of healing and hope.
• 1:08
  Speaker 1: But to get to that transformation, a lot of times there's a lot of mental work that you got to go through.
• 1:15
  Speaker 1: How much does the money of that?
• 1:17
  Speaker 1: There's a lot of issues you got to face.
• 1:20
  Speaker 1: There's a lot of.
• 1:21
  Speaker 1: Let's just go ahead and say what this is all about today Rejection, yeah.
• 1:27
  Speaker 1: What is some mental tools to deal with rejection Rejection in your business, rejection from someone personally and you know, I really think if you're gonna start any journey on learning how to use your voice, there's so much mental stuff, mental mindsets, that you need to jump through before you get there.
• 1:47
  Speaker 1: That's where my guess recorded, it's gonna come in and help us.
• 1:51
  Speaker 1: Alana van de Venter and myself we have started a mental Mondays.
• 1:58
  Speaker 1: Let me tell you a little bit about Alana, because I'll just gush and gush.
• 2:01
  Speaker 1: Let's just get this stuff.
• 2:02
  Speaker 1: So I won't gush and gush, but let me just tell you who you're gonna be listening to.
• 2:07
  Speaker 1: Alana has a heart to empower others.
• 2:10
  Speaker 1: Everywhere she goes, she's determined to guide people in renewing their mind.
• 2:16
  Speaker 1: She's a neuropsychophysicist under the Dr Caroline Leafs neuropsychal program and, by the way, she's never told me this, but I found this out.
• 2:24
  Speaker 1: She's not just an amazing mental coach, but she's also got this entrepreneurial spirit, as you'll see right in the beginning.
• 2:31
  Speaker 1: But I got to honor her with this.
• 2:33
  Speaker 1: She is the 2023 CREA Global Official Award Honoring and that's rewarded to prestigious list of top entrepreneurs, influential leaders and innovators who have been recognized for their innovative ideas, resourcefulness and their accomplishments in the areas of sustainability and mental health.
• 2:56
  Speaker 1: I'm gonna have her online, don't worry.
• 2:58
  Speaker 1: She's your go-to girl if you need someone to walk on fire.
• 3:01
  Speaker 1: She has walked on fire with me through many ordeal.
• 3:04
  Speaker 1: So, without further ado, we're just gonna flip up a mental Monday.
• 3:08
  Speaker 1: Take some notes or book mark this podcast.
• 3:13
  Speaker 1: All right, here we go.
• 3:14
  Speaker 1: Here is Alana van de Venter.
• 3:16
  Speaker 1: As we go, mental Monday Live.
• 3:19
  Speaker 1: On Instagram, you're catching the replay of Mental Mondays, where today we're gonna deal with the subject of rejection.
• 3:30
  Speaker 1: So if you're an ambitious woman, you're like trying to juggle family and friends and everything.
• 3:37
  Speaker 1: This is your one book market.
• 3:39
  Speaker 1: Okay, there she is.
• 3:41
  Speaker 2: Hello hello, hey girl, what's going on?
• 3:49
  Speaker 1: I'm good at you, I'm fine and handy, ready to tackle this subject of rejection.
• 3:54
  Speaker 1: Someone asked this about that, so I got a question right off the bat that they kind of were talking about.
• 4:02
  Speaker 1: So how do you separate the rejection from your self-worth?
• 4:09
  Speaker 2: Oh, that's a good question.
• 4:10
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 4:11
  Speaker 2: I'm gonna use this example that I've learned as an entrepreneur, as someone that have an offer is.
• 4:21
  Speaker 2: Say, for instance, you come to my house, okay, yeah, you're driving, you have your coffee in your car, your bottle of water, you are on your way, you're sipping away.
• 4:32
  Speaker 2: Now you arrive at my house, okay, and you walk in and I'm like, hey, tea, so good to see you.
• 4:38
  Speaker 2: Do you want some water?
• 4:39
  Speaker 2: And you like no, thank you, I just had.
• 4:43
  Speaker 2: You don't even need to say that, are you just like no, thank you.
• 4:47
  Speaker 2: Now, that is the difference between us keeping out our identity separate from whatever we put out Wow, right, yeah, you not saying that You're not rejecting me, my identity, because I didn't offer you a piece of myself.
• 5:09
  Speaker 2: I don't want to eat, so my own?
• 5:12
  Speaker 2: No, I didn't.
• 5:12
  Speaker 2: That was very random.
• 5:14
  Speaker 2: Thank you for random stuff.
• 5:20
  Speaker 2: On the main, told Monday.
• 5:21
  Speaker 2: So we are literally offering people water.
• 5:28
  Speaker 2: Whatever value you add to this world, is you offering water?
• 5:32
  Speaker 2: You know it can help someone, you know there's these value in it, but you're not offering yourself, Wow.
• 5:39
  Speaker 2: And so when you view that rejection, as you know what, she's just not into the strawberry sparkling water that I just offered her.
• 5:51
  Speaker 2: She's saying no to that, but not to me, right, and so it's us Changing the way we view it.
• 5:58
  Speaker 2: So our perspective regarding rejection is so, so key, one of the things that we do.
• 6:04
  Speaker 2: Oh well, and so when you do let me just first finish that so when we do get a no, it's like I celebrate that someone's got the freedom because that's not a given anymore to make a decision.
• 6:17
  Speaker 2: I'm like, yes, I celebrate that you are able to make decisions, and knowing that it's got nothing to do with me, but just the whatever the offer, and it's maybe not for now.
• 6:30
  Speaker 1: It's fine.
• 6:31
  Speaker 1: Wow, that's good.
• 6:33
  Speaker 2: One other thing that we do when it comes to rejection is over a generalization that's a big word.
• 6:40
  Speaker 2: Okay, it's like we're drawing this faulty Conclusion and do you have your coffee water?
• 6:47
  Speaker 2: You have your water, we.
• 6:50
  Speaker 2: So over generalization is actually we're drawing a faulty conclusion.
• 6:55
  Speaker 2: Okay, it's about based on one experience.
• 7:00
  Speaker 2: And I remember and I'm going to share a little bit of my own and I'm sorry, we, the church, and the question that we actually got was regarding the church, and so I wanted to just share this but a couple years ago, I actually moved to this new city and joined this new church and Darrell and I were dating at that state and, in a way, there was rejection that happened.
• 7:28
  Speaker 2: So I Did exactly this.
• 7:31
  Speaker 2: I, for a while, I stepped away.
• 7:34
  Speaker 2: There's so much to it, I'm not going to go into the detail, but for a while, I saw that all churches are like this Wow, and so I actually stepped away from the church for a while, because it was that over Generalization that happened, that I was drawing a faulty conclusion about something based on one experience.
• 7:55
  Speaker 2: Right, and so often we do that.
• 7:58
  Speaker 2: Like that church, I saw that all the churches operate Like that's a topic, so I stepped away from it, from the church as a whole and not just from oh sorry, I'm reading comments so that is something that had really happened.
• 8:18
  Speaker 2: So this, really this distortion, plays a significant role in the pain we experience during rejection.
• 8:27
  Speaker 1: I was rejected.
• 8:28
  Speaker 1: Well, I took it as rejection.
• 8:29
  Speaker 1: I was working for an amazing company, being their social media director, and they got a new publisher and they wanted to put on their publisher instead of me.
• 8:40
  Speaker 1: When I took that as such a major rejection, like, well I go.
• 8:44
  Speaker 1: Did I not do a good job?
• 8:46
  Speaker 1: No, they're replacing me with this other company.
• 8:49
  Speaker 1: That was like, not that great, I'm like, but that that's a damage.
• 8:53
  Speaker 1: But you know where I found healing to get through.
• 8:57
  Speaker 1: That is, I picked back up writing.
• 8:59
  Speaker 1: I was writing like listen to the mind dresser.
• 9:02
  Speaker 1: I literally journaled my way after rejection, that is good.
• 9:08
  Speaker 2: Speaking to someone about it, writing about, getting it out, that's how we take our thoughts captive, right?
• 9:14
  Speaker 2: So, because now you have an emotion, but the emotion is coming from a thought, so you writing it out, is you addressing, taking your thought captive and then, through the writing process and even through speaking with to someone about it, really helps us to distance ourselves from the emotion itself and really get to the belief or the thought that you have regarding this situation, and so it avoid to avoid that over generalization, that can happen as well.
• 9:47
  Speaker 2: One of the things that I love, love, love is this, this tool that we have.
• 9:52
  Speaker 2: We call it NPA, which is called multiple perspective advantage.
• 9:56
  Speaker 2: That we have.
• 9:57
  Speaker 2: We distance yourself from fully just feeling it, just being in it and just like it's running the whole show.
• 10:05
  Speaker 2: You will emotions create, be a virus, leads to results, affirming a thought.
• 10:11
  Speaker 2: So you really want to get to like the, the because, the why behind it, right, the emotion.
• 10:18
  Speaker 2: So one of the things that you can do is NPA, multiple perspective advantage.
• 10:23
  Speaker 2: Asking yourself if this was a friend.
• 10:26
  Speaker 2: If a friend came to me for advice regarding this, what advice would I give her?
• 10:33
  Speaker 2: That is a way where you can gain a different perspective regarding it.
• 10:39
  Speaker 2: Another tip is look for the facts and information and don't make assumptions.
• 10:51
  Speaker 2: Now, I was in accounting before I started doing what I'm doing.
• 10:57
  Speaker 2: No, I know this weird like accountant.
• 10:59
  Speaker 2: How did you get?
• 11:00
  Speaker 1: any case.
• 11:02
  Speaker 2: I remember my team sorry T, I think I knew that that's interesting.
• 11:08
  Speaker 2: My team leader said this and I'm still holding on to it.
• 11:14
  Speaker 2: He said well, as an accountant, you never make assumptions.
• 11:17
  Speaker 2: You want the facts, you want the information right.
• 11:21
  Speaker 2: And he said assumptions is the mother of all mess ups.
• 11:26
  Speaker 2: So often we are operating from assumptions and the emotion and it's leading the way and it's driving us to behave a certain way and we can't.
• 11:38
  Speaker 2: We can do nothing about some other reactions, how they behave, how they react, even the projection.
• 11:45
  Speaker 2: When we look at the, the reason or the the why behind projection, it is people projecting, as perception is prediction.
• 11:56
  Speaker 2: So these traits or emotions that they don't like about themselves, that they projecting onto us, it's got nothing to do with you.
• 12:07
  Speaker 1: That's a good one.
• 12:09
  Speaker 2: So it's.
• 12:11
  Speaker 2: So don't just assume, don't just let the emotion of the words, the emotion in their words, into you like stop, pause, take a, take a step back, take, take that control of your own reactions and even that pause, the power of the pause.
• 12:32
  Speaker 2: We can do that maybe next week where we, where we talk about the power of the pause, we're in the pause.
• 12:38
  Speaker 2: You actually decide.
• 12:40
  Speaker 2: If you built healthy or unhealthy, like negative thought patterns in our brains, it's within the pause someone can be brave.
• 12:53
  Speaker 1: Keep you from rejection.
• 12:56
  Speaker 2: I think one of the things we must know is everyone goes through rejection, it's not just you or me.
• 13:05
  Speaker 2: I think rejection is part of life.
• 13:08
  Speaker 2: I think the way we view it is more key.
• 13:11
  Speaker 2: We shift perspective from rejection is actually just getting free feedback.
• 13:19
  Speaker 2: Okay, there's an opportunity for learning, it's an opportunity for growth, yeah.
• 13:25
  Speaker 2: So every rejection there is, it's like you can actually grow from it.
• 13:31
  Speaker 2: You can learn from it yeah, that's almost like you working on yourself and it's free.
• 13:38
  Speaker 1: One more thing, I'm just thinking of this.
• 13:40
  Speaker 1: Okay, someone's watching this live or recorded, and they just got rejected major league by a person, maybe from a boyfriend, maybe from a girlfriend.
• 13:52
  Speaker 1: How would you speak to that emotion, heartache?
• 13:57
  Speaker 2: heartache.
• 13:58
  Speaker 2: It is difficult.
• 13:59
  Speaker 2: It is difficult.
• 14:00
  Speaker 2: But I think when you, I want to read this because dr Seema and I know they found between a name.
• 14:08
  Speaker 2: I hope not.
• 14:08
  Speaker 2: She wrote this, but and then I will address your question but she wrote this.
• 14:14
  Speaker 2: Some closed doors were a blessing, it's redirection and right.
• 14:19
  Speaker 2: But yes, what?
• 14:21
  Speaker 2: What got me when she said you were knocking on nonsense?
• 14:24
  Speaker 2: I love that so often we don't realize that we're knocking on nonsense and the rejection is redirection.
• 14:35
  Speaker 2: It's really steering us to the door.
• 14:37
  Speaker 2: That's meant for us.
• 14:38
  Speaker 2: So keep thanks.
• 14:40
  Speaker 2: That's another Monday, mental Monday.
• 14:42
  Speaker 2: We will talk about gratitude.
• 14:44
  Speaker 2: Give thanks.
• 14:45
  Speaker 2: That's be so much power yes and gratitude, not just mentally, but it really creates this powerful, powerful tool.
• 14:55
  Speaker 2: It is a tool that we have, so give thanks for read, rejection, redirection and realization.
• 15:05
  Speaker 2: That's the gift.
• 15:08
  Speaker 2: They is within.
• 15:10
  Speaker 2: Even heartbreak, even heartache.
• 15:12
  Speaker 2: That's the gift.
• 15:13
  Speaker 2: They is within a know and within a partner that breaks up.
• 15:17
  Speaker 2: Whatever it is that you are dealing with, there is a gift within that and it's the way you view it that's really going to help you to bridge the gap from where it keeps you stuck and where you fully bridge and you walk in that freedom, knowing that there is a gift even within rejection.
• 15:37
  Speaker 1: I always like to think of rejection as God's protection.
• 15:43
  Speaker 2: Yes, the blessing.
• 15:46
  Speaker 2: There is a blessing in that, and that's the view, the way you view it, right, right.
• 15:53
  Speaker 1: Yeah, and that's key sometimes, especially when it involves a heart, though you like protection, but I was so over him I knew he was the one.
• 16:03
  Speaker 1: You know.
• 16:04
  Speaker 1: Whatever, that was my job.
• 16:05
  Speaker 1: What do you mean?
• 16:06
  Speaker 1: I'm not rejected.
• 16:07
  Speaker 1: I mean there's all the difference of the feedback.
• 16:10
  Speaker 1: But come back to what you said, being grateful.
• 16:13
  Speaker 1: My daughter was calling, she was fussing about all these things and I said, hey, just be thankful, just be grateful for your mom.
• 16:24
  Speaker 1: She was worried about her mom.
• 16:25
  Speaker 1: I know I mean, that's another story.
• 16:28
  Speaker 2: She's kind of like my.
• 16:29
  Speaker 1: I'll forget.
• 16:30
  Speaker 1: But she said when I said be thankful for your mom, she's like oh, got chills on that.
• 16:36
  Speaker 1: Yeah, it's a good Holy Spirit advice.
• 16:40
  Speaker 1: Yes, it's great mental advice.
• 16:41
  Speaker 1: But holy moly when the science meets the Bible, or science catches up the Bible.
• 16:48
  Speaker 2: Yeah, which I feel like the Bible is saying so that's awesome, so awesome.
• 16:53
  Speaker 2: So, just to end off with this, I think it is so key, like you said, to write down.
• 17:00
  Speaker 2: Why do you take it so personally?
• 17:02
  Speaker 2: We will always receive evidence of what we believe as truth.
• 17:06
  Speaker 2: So what is the thought that you and the belief that you have about yourself, that you, that is the triggering.
• 17:13
  Speaker 2: So what is the thought that we are feeding?
• 17:18
  Speaker 2: Because that's a rain in that pause that we can get to.
• 17:22
  Speaker 2: What is that, now that we fall back to believing about ourselves, that gets us stuck and paralyze us so we can.
• 17:29
  Speaker 2: That's not allowing us to see it from a different perspective and see the gift that's within it.
• 17:34
  Speaker 2: What is it that you've bought into about yourself that is now you have evidence of.
• 17:42
  Speaker 2: What is it so it's so key to get to?
• 17:45
  Speaker 2: Because thoughts is where it's all from.
• 17:47
  Speaker 2: That's where it all flows from.
• 17:49
  Speaker 2: Yeah, so that created the emotion.
• 17:53
  Speaker 2: So what is it?
• 17:54
  Speaker 2: Emotion, god, it's a valuable, incredible tool that we have.
• 17:58
  Speaker 2: Emotions are not bad.
• 17:59
  Speaker 2: Emotions are this beautiful gift that we have, guiding us to what's behind it.
• 18:04
  Speaker 2: We got this free gift.
• 18:07
  Speaker 2: Don't see it as something negative.
• 18:09
  Speaker 2: See it as a messenger, a valuable messenger, an incredible gift that you have to go to what's behind it.
• 18:16
  Speaker 2: Once you get to what's behind it, you can do something about it, and it won't get you to the place where you a rejection means the end for you, yeah.
• 18:26
  Speaker 2: A rejection means you just abort the mission, yeah.
• 18:30
  Speaker 2: So really take our thoughts, captains, pausing, go to the.
• 18:34
  Speaker 2: What advice would you give to others?
• 18:36
  Speaker 2: Speak to someone and don't over-generalize.
• 18:39
  Speaker 2: One experience doesn't mean everything else.
• 18:44
  Speaker 2: This always happens to me.
• 18:45
  Speaker 2: That is the sentence that we choose use and that's an indication of over-generalization.
• 18:50
  Speaker 1: That's really good.
• 18:51
  Speaker 1: Thank you, wow, shoo.
• 18:53
  Speaker 1: Bookmark this one, guys.
• 18:56
  Speaker 1: Alana, always so awesome man, they have you here for mental.
• 19:01
  Speaker 1: Thank you for taking valuable time out of your busy day, out of your busy day we get to do this.
• 19:09
  Speaker 1: It's exciting to do this.
• 19:11
  Speaker 1: Filters and all.
• 19:14
  Speaker 2: Why not?
• 19:14
  Speaker 2: I think the problem is let's go to address this filter thing right, Go ahead.
• 19:20
  Speaker 2: The only problem that filters actually creates is when there is an emotion attached to the filter, the reason why you use the filter.
• 19:31
  Speaker 1: Like I'm not rejecting myself, like I'm not doing it because that's what you mean.
• 19:36
  Speaker 1: Like, oh, I got to have a filter because I'm, so I'm rejecting myself.
• 19:40
  Speaker 1: How about that for rejection?
• 19:41
  Speaker 1: Yes, but I look at it as they put my mascara on much better than I do.
• 19:47
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 19:48
  Speaker 2: They've got put lashes on for me, which I afraid.
• 19:55
  Speaker 1: I work on putting stuff in my mouth and make my teeth.
• 19:57
  Speaker 1: That's good, though, because I appreciate you touching on that, because once again you can, I can see myself without a filter.
• 20:06
  Speaker 1: That's, if you're rejecting yourself, you are so damaging yourself.
• 20:10
  Speaker 1: So be thankful, that thankful thing, that thankful thing.
• 20:15
  Speaker 1: And I love when you talk about the evidence.
• 20:17
  Speaker 1: Maybe it's not seen yet, but when you're thankful you can actually bring the evidence into existence, because your focus is off the rejection and on to.
• 20:28
  Speaker 1: I'm going to be thankful, I'm going to start seeing evidence, all right, but that's not who I am.
• 20:32
  Speaker 1: I'm not going to reject myself.
• 20:33
  Speaker 1: We kind of went off on a plane there, yeah.
• 20:37
  Speaker 2: I don't think we have to be so critical regarding filters is if you have a feeling regarding yourself.
• 20:43
  Speaker 2: Emotion, again, it's a guide, right?
• 20:45
  Speaker 2: Yeah, we knew that.
• 20:47
  Speaker 2: Oh no, I need a filter, and this is the reason why Bandy is a problem, and if it's a negative, it's just because it's fun.
• 20:55
  Speaker 2: One day I can even put a clown filter on Because I think it's so fun.
• 21:00
  Speaker 2: I never get to experience filters, and so my reels are usually without filters, and when we do this, I didn't have an emotion attached to it, right, because I wish I looked a different way or I wish I was a lack within me.
• 21:14
  Speaker 2: It's just fun.
• 21:17
  Speaker 2: So, but you taught me is I don't embrace.
• 21:22
  Speaker 1: I have little black circles.
• 21:23
  Speaker 1: Embrace and love it.
• 21:24
  Speaker 1: You were really.
• 21:25
  Speaker 1: Don't beat yourself down with words or your body down.
• 21:31
  Speaker 1: So that's Big life Protecting ourselves.
• 21:36
  Speaker 1: But that's pretty cool Girl, you're awesome.
• 21:39
  Speaker 2: I speak life.
• 21:40
  Speaker 2: Speak life In Italian.
• 21:42
  Speaker 2: It's life and death is in our words.
• 21:44
  Speaker 1: We speak.
• 21:46
  Speaker 1: All right, we have a Super Monday, alana.
• 21:48
  Speaker 1: And hey, thank you for joining us for Mental Monday, usually around 2.30 or 3.00 Eastern Standard Time.
• 21:53
  Speaker 1: We'll always let you know.
• 21:55
  Speaker 1: We'll be seeing you next Monday.
• 21:57
  Speaker 1: Bye, so much fun to relive that.
• 22:03
  Speaker 1: She started out just as a mental coach, but as, week after week after week, god gave me the gift of a Psalm 15 Passion Translation friend, very, very thankful, because that's.
• 22:15
  Speaker 1: God can use people, god can use a podcast, god can use a course to bring the pieces back together for your destiny, for your purpose, for where you're meant to walk.
• 22:28
  Speaker 1: You're very valuable, you are enough, you are chosen, you are loved, you are worthy of all the goodness that God has for you.
• 22:39
  Speaker 1: It's not too late.
• 22:41
  Speaker 1: Those of you 55 and older, hey, your best years are ahead of you.
• 22:46
  Speaker 1: Just feel like I need to say that.
• 22:47
  Speaker 1: So, thank you so much for joining us.
• 22:50
  Speaker 1: This is the Kingdom Mentor Podcast.
• 22:53
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• 22:55
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• 22:57
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• 23:09
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• 23:11
  Speaker 1: Without you we would not be here.
• 23:13
  Speaker 1: So thank you so much.
• 23:14
  Speaker 1: And that was Lola and I recorded.
• 23:16
  Speaker 1: Believe you me, we're gonna get her on at least a two-parter for live.
• 23:20
  Speaker 1: That's coming up.
• 23:22
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• 23:26
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• 23:31
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