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Drinking at a 1st Birthday Party? · Outspoken the Podcast

• 0:01
  Speaker 1: Welcome to the Mums Group you actually want to be
• 0:03
  Speaker 1: a part of. I'm Sophie Torber and I'm joined by
• 0:06
  Speaker 1: my triplet sisters and journalists, Kate and Amy. Now, Amy
• 0:10
  Speaker 1: and I, we have spent the last week in Middleton.
• 0:12
  Speaker 1: For those not from South Australia, Middleton is around an
• 0:15
  Speaker 1: hour's drive from Adelaide. And this was actually the first
• 0:19
  Speaker 1: holiday that my husband and I have been on since
• 0:21
  Speaker 1: being parents with our nine-month-old Luca. And one, I couldn't
• 0:26
  Speaker 1: get over how much shit you bring. And two, the
• 0:29
  Speaker 1: fact that I've called it a holiday. It's not really
• 0:33
  Speaker 1: a holiday when you travel with kids, is it? It's
• 0:35
  Speaker 1: sort of just your same routine, but somewhere else. Well,
• 0:39
  Speaker 1: I saw somebody disagreeing with your point, Sophie. They said
• 0:41
  Speaker 1: it's still a holiday because you don't have to cook
• 0:43
  Speaker 1: and clean. You just have to parent somewhere else. No,
• 0:46
  Speaker 1: I argue you do have to clean because we had
• 0:49
  Speaker 1: to clean up our Airbnb. We had to be out
• 0:51
  Speaker 1: of there by 10am. So we did our full morning
• 0:53
  Speaker 1: routine whilst also trying to Wrangled two very, very hungry boys.
• 0:57
  Speaker 1: It was rather difficult. I actually saw UK podcaster Jamie
• 1:01
  Speaker 1: Lang talking about how much stuff he had to bring
• 1:04
  Speaker 1: recently away with he and his wife Sophie. So they've
• 1:07
  Speaker 1: got a two-month-old son called Ziggy and they decided to
• 1:10
  Speaker 1: take Ziggy along with them on a skiing trip. Let's
• 1:13
  Speaker 1: have a listen to what they said.
• 1:14
  Speaker 2: Okay, the thing no one tells you when you travel
• 1:17
  Speaker 2: with a baby. You pack up your whole house. You
• 1:19
  Speaker 2: pack up your whole house. It's like moving house. It's mental.
• 1:23
  Speaker 3: You bring a colt.
• 1:26
  Speaker 4: Onto the plane with you.
• 1:27
  Speaker 3: And then you bring a pram.
• 1:29
  Speaker 2: That you have to fold up.
• 1:31
  Speaker 3: Onto the plane with you. The plane. You can't even
• 1:33
  Speaker 3: bring a suitcase, but you bring a cot and a
• 1:36
  Speaker 3: pram underwear.
• 1:37
  Speaker 2: Okay, you have to take so many changes of outfits.
• 1:40
  Speaker 2: So many diapers. You have to take, like, bottles. You
• 1:45
  Speaker 2: have to take hot water. You have to take... You
• 1:47
  Speaker 2: don't have to take hot water.
• 1:48
  Speaker 5: Why not?
• 1:49
  Speaker 2: You've got to take everything. You've got to.
• 1:51
  Speaker 4: You do have to take hot water.
• 1:52
  Speaker 2: You've got to take everything. It's the craziest... No one
• 1:57
  Speaker 2: tells you about that. No one tells you before you
• 2:00
  Speaker 2: have a kid how crazy it is to go traveling
• 2:02
  Speaker 2: with one. But it's amazing.
• 2:05
  Speaker 5: But it's amazing.
• 2:07
  Speaker 1: This is bang on. As I said, it's a holiday,
• 2:09
  Speaker 1: but not a holiday because just the mental gymnastics of
• 2:12
  Speaker 1: working out all of the things that you need to
• 2:14
  Speaker 1: bring with you. I know my husband was beside himself
• 2:17
  Speaker 1: because his job was unscrewing our cot because instead of
• 2:21
  Speaker 1: bringing a port-a-cot, which we originally thought we were going
• 2:23
  Speaker 1: to do, we were like, oh, the boys are getting
• 2:25
  Speaker 1: a bit too big for it. We don't want our
• 2:27
  Speaker 1: sleep interrupted. So we bought two full-size cots with us.
• 2:30
  Speaker 1: You bought your playpen, play mat, sterilizer, 10-ton bottles.
• 2:35
  Speaker 2: What else?
• 2:36
  Speaker 1: We should have brought the high chairs. That's the one
• 2:38
  Speaker 1: thing I regret because you don't realize how often you
• 2:41
  Speaker 1: have your babies just sitting in the high chairs whilst
• 2:43
  Speaker 1: you're doing something. We bought these cute little deck chairs
• 2:46
  Speaker 1: that our son sat on together. It was adorable.
• 2:49
  Speaker 6: Yeah.
• 2:49
  Speaker 1: And just to give you an example of how much
• 2:51
  Speaker 1: stuff we had, We took three cars down and they
• 2:54
  Speaker 1: were absolutely back to the brim. I just kept thinking,
• 2:58
  Speaker 1: how do people bring their babies to Europe? Because I've
• 3:00
  Speaker 1: seen so many influencers do it. Victoria Devine did it
• 3:03
  Speaker 1: with her newborn son. I also saw a new mom,
• 3:06
  Speaker 1: Smiley Citrus, who's from Adelaide. She was talking while she
• 3:09
  Speaker 1: was pregnant about the potential of bringing her baby with
• 3:12
  Speaker 1: her to Europe later in the year with her husband.
• 3:15
  Speaker 1: If you're a mom listening to this and you have
• 3:17
  Speaker 1: traveled to Europe, how? You deserve a medal. I actually
• 3:20
  Speaker 1: think it must be the mums who are exclusively breastfeeding
• 3:24
  Speaker 1: because I don't know how anyone's sterilising a bottle over there.
• 3:27
  Speaker 1: Like you're not bringing a steriliser. Also, it needs to
• 3:30
  Speaker 1: be kids that are under six months who aren't on
• 3:32
  Speaker 1: solids and who potentially aren't moving around. You're talking about
• 3:36
  Speaker 1: Ella McGrath from Smiley Citrus. She was talking about bringing
• 3:40
  Speaker 1: her son Charlie over when he's eight months old. As
• 3:43
  Speaker 1: someone whose son has just ticked over to nine months,
• 3:45
  Speaker 1: I think that that is probably the worst time that
• 3:47
  Speaker 1: you can bring a child over. They're just starting to
• 3:49
  Speaker 1: move around. They're into everything. Yeah, don't do Ella or
• 3:52
  Speaker 1: maybe do it a little bit earlier because even I'm
• 3:54
  Speaker 1: thinking maybe four months could be, but then again, they're
• 3:58
  Speaker 1: going through the four-month sleep regression. So I don't know.
• 4:00
  Speaker 1: I have seen this TikTok where parents rank the best
• 4:03
  Speaker 1: ages to travel with their kids and the consensus seems
• 4:06
  Speaker 1: to be before they can start crawling and then possibly
• 4:09
  Speaker 1: after the age of three. Yeah. Apparently two-year-olds are terrible
• 4:12
  Speaker 1: to travel with. We were supposed to be going to
• 4:15
  Speaker 1: Port Douglas this year. It was going to be this
• 4:17
  Speaker 1: big family trip with my mother and father-in-law, also my
• 4:20
  Speaker 1: sister-in-law and brother-in-law and their son, who's a very similar
• 4:23
  Speaker 1: age to Luca. But we figured out it was just
• 4:26
  Speaker 1: going to be all too difficult. Like I was chatting
• 4:28
  Speaker 1: to Brandon and he said after the trip to Middleton,
• 4:31
  Speaker 1: he's like, I don't think I want to take Luca
• 4:33
  Speaker 1: to Port Douglas for quite some time. Not until they're
• 4:36
  Speaker 1: not in the routine where they don't have the naps,
• 4:39
  Speaker 1: you're not having to stick to this schedule. There's bottles involved.
• 4:42
  Speaker 1: He's like, I don't want to ruin Port Douglas. I mean,
• 4:44
  Speaker 1: it's an expensive trip too. I feel like some parents
• 4:47
  Speaker 1: are just like tossing money down the drain by bringing
• 4:49
  Speaker 1: their kids on holidays. That being said, one of our friends,
• 4:52
  Speaker 1: she recently traveled to Bali with her son, who's a
• 4:55
  Speaker 1: similar age to Harry and Luca, and she had a
• 4:57
  Speaker 1: great time. So maybe it takes a certain type of
• 5:00
  Speaker 1: person to be able.
• 5:01
  Speaker 2: To do it.
• 5:01
  Speaker 1: And we're just not there yet. So I mean, we
• 5:03
  Speaker 1: still had a great week. I'd say that we had
• 5:05
  Speaker 1: a successful trip. I was very proud of ourselves, but Yeah,
• 5:09
  Speaker 1: it just made me absolutely in awe of the people
• 5:11
  Speaker 1: who have either taken their kids on an interstate holiday,
• 5:14
  Speaker 1: which seems pretty big, and even on a big level
• 5:16
  Speaker 1: on overseas trip.
• 5:17
  Speaker 3: Some of my friends keep asking me about my son's
• 5:20
  Speaker 3: first birthday party, and I just think that it's a
• 5:23
  Speaker 3: very inappropriate question. You shouldn't be asking newborn parents about
• 5:28
  Speaker 3: the first birthday because it's so far away. He was
• 5:31
  Speaker 3: born yesterday. He's three weeks old. We have no plans
• 5:35
  Speaker 3: in mind for a first birthday. That's so far away.
• 5:37
  Speaker 5: Yeah.
• 5:38
  Speaker 4: Bye-bye.
• 5:39
  Speaker 1: Now, birthdays have been on my mind a lot recently.
• 5:43
  Speaker 1: It's your son's first birthday next month, Amy. And nine
• 5:47
  Speaker 1: weeks later, it's my son's first birthday. Gosh, I didn't
• 5:49
  Speaker 1: realize it was that soon. Yeah, I'm planning Harry's F1
• 5:52
  Speaker 1: themed party. I did say I wasn't going to do
• 5:55
  Speaker 1: dinosaurs or cars, but Harry just is obsessed with cars.
• 5:59
  Speaker 1: And I thought, you know what? It's actually for him.
• 6:00
  Speaker 1: It's not for me. I also thought that I wasn't
• 6:03
  Speaker 1: going to do the stereotypical boys theme, but I'm thinking
• 6:05
  Speaker 1: of doing... a farm theme for Luca based on one
• 6:09
  Speaker 1: of my favorite show Clarkson's farm, but it's going to
• 6:11
  Speaker 1: be Luca's farm. That's so cute. When I was looking
• 6:14
  Speaker 1: up the F1 theme, I actually stumbled across Mia Plesic,
• 6:17
  Speaker 1: who if you're a listener of Outspoken, we've spoke about
• 6:20
  Speaker 1: Mia Plesic a number of times. She's an Australian entrepreneur.
• 6:24
  Speaker 1: I wouldn't say she's an influencer. She runs the Slick
• 6:26
  Speaker 1: Stick company and she had this theme for her kid's
• 6:29
  Speaker 1: first birthday and it was next level, I saved it
• 6:33
  Speaker 1: as my inspo. She had all of these F1 themed
• 6:37
  Speaker 1: bears for the kids to take home. Like she must
• 6:39
  Speaker 1: have got a party planner in. It looked incredible. Anyone
• 6:43
  Speaker 1: who listens to Outspoken will know that Mia has been
• 6:46
  Speaker 1: in trouble in the past for some sponsorship deals she
• 6:48
  Speaker 1: did for a 30th birthday party. So I think she
• 6:51
  Speaker 1: did them with a florist. She had like balloon installations,
• 6:54
  Speaker 1: a artist and everything you can think of. But she
• 6:58
  Speaker 1: didn't end up actually delivering with the content for them.
• 7:02
  Speaker 1: So a lot of them felt ripped off. So I
• 7:05
  Speaker 1: wonder if there was enough time between her 30th and
• 7:07
  Speaker 1: her kid's first birthday party for a lot of those
• 7:09
  Speaker 1: event companies to forget about it. I assume that a
• 7:13
  Speaker 1: lot of it would have been collaborative stuff. I have
• 7:15
  Speaker 1: no idea what was collaborative. I didn't notice heaps of tags.
• 7:18
  Speaker 1: But the worst thing is I saved it not realising
• 7:21
  Speaker 1: it was Mia Pleszek and she actually hates us. So
• 7:23
  Speaker 1: I was like, fuck, like my name. Because a lot
• 7:25
  Speaker 1: of people don't realise on TikTok when you save a video,
• 7:29
  Speaker 1: it notifies the creator. I didn't know that. Yeah, and
• 7:32
  Speaker 1: it's not like she's got heaps of followers on TikTok,
• 7:34
  Speaker 1: so I quickly unfollowed her. But if you're listening, Mia,
• 7:37
  Speaker 1: great job with that F1 party. It was absolute gold.
• 7:40
  Speaker 1: That's actually how a lot of influencers have been, I
• 7:43
  Speaker 1: don't want to say caught out, but people have realised
• 7:46
  Speaker 1: that they're pregnant before they've announced it. They've just gone
• 7:48
  Speaker 1: and saved people's pregnancy content. They've been like, hmm. It's
• 7:51
  Speaker 1: funny because back in the 90s when we turned one,
• 7:53
  Speaker 1: people didn't really have these elaborate themes. You'd literally go
• 7:56
  Speaker 1: to Big W and and see what they printed on
• 7:59
  Speaker 1: paper plates and kind of run with it. Yeah, I
• 8:01
  Speaker 1: reckon the first theme we ever had was when we
• 8:03
  Speaker 1: were four and it was a fairy's birthday party, but
• 8:05
  Speaker 1: that was pretty, you know, of the time. Do you
• 8:07
  Speaker 1: remember the fairy shop parties?
• 8:09
  Speaker 2: Yes.
• 8:09
  Speaker 1: They were so cool. I remember legitimately thinking that the
• 8:13
  Speaker 1: woman that was hosting the party was a real-life fairy.
• 8:15
  Speaker 1: It was so cool because you'd get to do all
• 8:16
  Speaker 1: these activities as well. And we went to quite a
• 8:19
  Speaker 1: few McDonald's parties back in the day as well. I
• 8:21
  Speaker 1: remember you got to go behind the counter and make
• 8:23
  Speaker 1: your own ice cream cone. Oh, that was a cool party.
• 8:25
  Speaker 1: Like you'd be happy if you were invited to one
• 8:27
  Speaker 1: of those. Have you guys seen people having cafe themed
• 8:30
  Speaker 1: birthdays for their kids? I've seen that as a baby
• 8:33
  Speaker 1: shower thing, but not a birthday party. What is it?
• 8:35
  Speaker 1: It's so cute. It's like you say it's Harry's cafe
• 8:39
  Speaker 1: and all of the food is cafe themed and there's
• 8:42
  Speaker 1: coffees for the parents. I think it's one of those
• 8:44
  Speaker 1: parties that's more for the parent than it is actually
• 8:46
  Speaker 1: for the child. It's very aesthetic. I've seen this theme
• 8:49
  Speaker 1: I wish I did for Jack's birthday because I ended
• 8:50
  Speaker 1: up having that berry first birthday and it was all
• 8:53
  Speaker 1: bear themed, which was kind of good because he did
• 8:55
  Speaker 1: like bears at the time. That was very 2025. Yeah.
• 8:58
  Speaker 1: But there is a theme called we haven't slept one bit.
• 9:01
  Speaker 1: And basically it's this pajama themed party with brunch vibes.
• 9:04
  Speaker 1: I'm like, that would be perfect. But do your relatives
• 9:06
  Speaker 1: really want to come in their pajamas? I feel like
• 9:08
  Speaker 1: that's more of a thing if you're just having your
• 9:10
  Speaker 1: close friends. It's interesting though, because I feel like we
• 9:12
  Speaker 1: went through this stage probably around 10, five, 10 years
• 9:15
  Speaker 1: ago when it was all about the very over the
• 9:18
  Speaker 1: top birthday parties. You had to buy a cake. It
• 9:22
  Speaker 1: sort of had that fondant look and you had to
• 9:25
  Speaker 1: have big balloon installations. However, more recently, people are going
• 9:29
  Speaker 1: back to having more of that nostalgic type of birthday party.
• 9:32
  Speaker 1: So during my party planning for Jack's birthday, I stumbled
• 9:36
  Speaker 1: across this content creator called Saf Michaelis. whose party prep
• 9:40
  Speaker 1: video for her daughter Margot's first birthday went viral. It's
• 9:44
  Speaker 1: notched up 1.7 million views and had over 585 comments.
• 9:48
  Speaker 1: So for some background, Saf is a London-based lifestyle and
• 9:51
  Speaker 1: food influencer who's got around 120,000 followers on TikTok. So
• 9:56
  Speaker 1: she's known for sharing videos about hosting at home, which
• 9:58
  Speaker 1: is exactly what she did in this video. Let's take
• 10:01
  Speaker 1: a listen to some of the clip.
• 10:03
  Speaker 4: I want my daughter's second birthday to feel girly and whimsical.
• 10:05
  Speaker 4: She is fairy and ballerina obsessed, so I've pulled inspiration
• 10:08
  Speaker 4: from arguably the best books of all time, Fancy Nancy,
• 10:11
  Speaker 4: Angelina Ballerina, and Brambley Hedge. After nursery today, she'll be
• 10:13
  Speaker 4: going straight into bath and bed, so I have the
• 10:15
  Speaker 4: day to set up, ready to unleash some childish wonder
• 10:17
  Speaker 4: in the morning.
• 10:18
  Speaker 1: Now, I personally saved this video as soon as I
• 10:20
  Speaker 1: saw it because it really encapsulated the vibe I wanted
• 10:23
  Speaker 1: to create for Jack's first birthday. I wanted to have nice,
• 10:27
  Speaker 1: colourful balloons, but I also wanted it to look a
• 10:30
  Speaker 1: little bit aesthetic but not over the top. It's kind
• 10:33
  Speaker 1: of like you don't want to look like you've made
• 10:34
  Speaker 1: too much of an effort, but you want to look
• 10:36
  Speaker 1: like it's understated and effortless. This was just thrown together
• 10:41
  Speaker 1: very quickly. Yeah, everything's homemade, but it was simple. When
• 10:45
  Speaker 1: we all know it wasn't, when we all know it
• 10:47
  Speaker 1: probably took all day to make it. It's kind of
• 10:51
  Speaker 1: giving Better Homes and Gardens vibes where everything looks so easy,
• 10:54
  Speaker 1: but it was so difficult to put together all the crafts.
• 10:56
  Speaker 1: But is this kind of worse? Because we go, oh,
• 10:58
  Speaker 1: this is actually obtainable, but it's really not. Well, I
• 11:01
  Speaker 1: liked Saf's video because while she did make a few
• 11:04
  Speaker 1: things from scratch, like she made this beautiful Victorian sponge
• 11:07
  Speaker 1: and she also made sausage rolls. She also showed herself
• 11:10
  Speaker 1: trying to make those little party hats that you put
• 11:12
  Speaker 1: on figurines. And she had so much trouble with it.
• 11:15
  Speaker 1: She said it took her over an hour and a
• 11:17
  Speaker 1: half to do. And I saw this video and thought, nah,
• 11:20
  Speaker 1: I'm just buying them. It was very helpful. Do you
• 11:21
  Speaker 1: remember what Jade Tunchi did? She just did the basic
• 11:24
  Speaker 1: 90s party where she had everyone there. She had cupcakes.
• 11:27
  Speaker 1: And I remember it made headlines at the time because
• 11:29
  Speaker 1: all these people were being like, oh, that's budget as fuck.
• 11:31
  Speaker 1: And shouldn't she have spent more money because she's an influencer?
• 11:34
  Speaker 1: And she's like, wait a sec, how much money do
• 11:36
  Speaker 1: you think I have? And like, this is actually what
• 11:38
  Speaker 1: we wanted to do, which I really respect. People are
• 11:41
  Speaker 1: just so opinionated about kids' birthdays. The wild thing about
• 11:45
  Speaker 1: Saf's video was that it went viral because there were
• 11:48
  Speaker 1: so many nasty comments. So the number one comment was,
• 11:51
  Speaker 1: is this a skit? And that got over 3000 likes.
• 11:54
  Speaker 1: She also made this comment about popping all of the
• 11:57
  Speaker 1: ambient snacks in a bag. And a lot of people
• 11:59
  Speaker 1: were like, what are ambient snacks? I'm glad someone in
• 12:02
  Speaker 1: the comments cleared it up because they said it's basically
• 12:04
  Speaker 1: the food that you don't need to refrigerate. Why does
• 12:06
  Speaker 1: this remind me of Meghan Markle's show where she made
• 12:09
  Speaker 1: popcorn and put it in a fancy bag and did
• 12:11
  Speaker 1: her calligraphy on it? It sort of is giving those vibes.
• 12:14
  Speaker 1: Why are we all such gluttons for punishment? I told
• 12:17
  Speaker 1: myself before starting planning Harry's birthday, don't make anything, just
• 12:21
  Speaker 1: go and buy the stuff you don't have time. And
• 12:23
  Speaker 1: somehow I've ended up having to make Harry's race car outfit.
• 12:26
  Speaker 1: So it's been a bit of a head fucker. She's
• 12:28
  Speaker 1: been my Roman empire. I've been trying to find this outfit.
• 12:31
  Speaker 1: Etsy have them for $ 400 and I refuse to pay it.
• 12:35
  Speaker 1: So I've actually ended up buying a jumpsuit and some
• 12:38
  Speaker 1: patches that I'll end up sewing onto it. See, my
• 12:40
  Speaker 1: advice from someone who has gone through the first birthday
• 12:43
  Speaker 1: is choose the things that you actually want to do
• 12:46
  Speaker 1: that are non-negotiable. So if making the cake is really
• 12:48
  Speaker 1: important to you, spend time on that and then get
• 12:51
  Speaker 1: other pre-made foods. So what I did is we ended
• 12:53
  Speaker 1: up having Jack's birthday party at a pub and we
• 12:57
  Speaker 1: had it catered. And that way I could bring in
• 13:00
  Speaker 1: the cake that I wanted to. So I made the
• 13:01
  Speaker 1: women's weekly cake and I spent time picking out decorations,
• 13:05
  Speaker 1: but I didn't have to clean my house and I
• 13:07
  Speaker 1: didn't have to cook any of the other food. And
• 13:08
  Speaker 1: it was perfect. Do you know what, Amy, to answer
• 13:10
  Speaker 1: your question, why we do it? It's because I think
• 13:13
  Speaker 1: in particular for the first birthday party is such a
• 13:16
  Speaker 1: memorable one. And you know that you are in control
• 13:19
  Speaker 1: of their childhood memories. Like Even though they won't probably
• 13:22
  Speaker 1: remember the day, they're going to remember the photos and
• 13:25
  Speaker 1: you're going to remember the feeling of it. Don't you
• 13:27
  Speaker 1: think it's also a bit of a reflection on how
• 13:29
  Speaker 1: well you're doing parenting wise? Like you might not say
• 13:32
  Speaker 1: it out loud, but I feel like the first birthday
• 13:34
  Speaker 1: you want to be like, look, I've got my shit together.
• 13:36
  Speaker 1: I've made a cake. I've organized this. Now we've got
• 13:39
  Speaker 1: to talk about party start times. I have been planning
• 13:41
  Speaker 1: my son's birthday party and I am just lost at
• 13:45
  Speaker 1: whether I lock in an early start time for it
• 13:49
  Speaker 1: or the afternoon shift. I saw Bachelor stars and podcasters
• 13:54
  Speaker 1: Maddie J and Laura Byrne debating this very topic online.
• 13:58
  Speaker 1: Let's have a listen to what they said. This is
• 14:00
  Speaker 1: a debate which has divided families all across the world
• 14:04
  Speaker 1: for centuries.
• 14:05
  Speaker 4: The best time for a kid's birthday.
• 14:06
  Speaker 3: Party, is it A, 2.
• 14:09
  Speaker 1: O'clock in the afternoon after lunch where everyone can go,
• 14:13
  Speaker 1: doesn't matter if you've got young kids having a sleep
• 14:15
  Speaker 1: during the day, or is it B, 10 a.m.
• 14:17
  Speaker 6: 10 a.m. is the perfect time. However, we're having an
• 14:23
  Speaker 6: argument because 10 a.m. is not a feasible time for us,
• 14:26
  Speaker 6: the Lawless Birthday Party, because we're having it at a
• 14:28
  Speaker 6: pub and it's not open. So is 11 a.m.
• 14:33
  Speaker 2: Okay or is that too late?
• 14:35
  Speaker 1: Because some people have children who need to.
• 14:36
  Speaker 6: Nap at 12.
• 14:37
  Speaker 3: Oh, 2.30, 2.30.
• 14:37
  Speaker 5: Two.
• 14:37
  Speaker 1: Two to four, two to four.
• 14:39
  Speaker 2: Two to four.
• 14:40
  Speaker 1: Now, the video attracted over 424,000 views and over 1,000 comments.
• 14:45
  Speaker 1: and 350 send-ons. So it's clear that a lot of
• 14:48
  Speaker 1: people had opinions on it. Super nanny Jo Frost weighed in.
• 14:51
  Speaker 1: She wrote, if I had to choose for a toddler,
• 14:53
  Speaker 1: it's three to five, then they eat at 4 p.m.
• 14:56
  Speaker 1: and get home ready for bath, story, and bed. If
• 14:58
  Speaker 1: under 18 months, 10 to 12, 30 p.m., sleep one
• 15:02
  Speaker 1: to three. Now we posed this question to the mums
• 15:04
  Speaker 1: group and we got an overwhelming amount of responses on this. Overall,
• 15:09
  Speaker 1: the mums group decided that the time slot between the
• 15:12
  Speaker 1: morning and the afternoon nap was the best one. I
• 15:15
  Speaker 1: tend to agree. I actually didn't do this time. I
• 15:18
  Speaker 1: don't know what I was thinking. I ended up doing
• 15:20
  Speaker 1: Jack's birthday party at 12, which was an hour before
• 15:23
  Speaker 1: his nap, but it was only because I couldn't have
• 15:25
  Speaker 1: it any earlier because it was at a pub. Yeah,
• 15:28
  Speaker 1: that sounds like an absolute nightmare time. That's smack bang
• 15:30
  Speaker 1: in the middle of their lunchtime naps. I'm not organized
• 15:33
  Speaker 1: enough to have the morning slot. I need that time
• 15:36
  Speaker 1: to get prepared. I think that people that prefer the
• 15:39
  Speaker 1: afternoon time slot are the ones that want to have
• 15:41
  Speaker 1: a drink because last year, when I was talking about
• 15:44
  Speaker 1: planning Jack's birthday party on Outspoken, our other podcast, I
• 15:48
  Speaker 1: mentioned that we were having it at a pub and
• 15:49
  Speaker 1: I didn't know whether we should put a tab on
• 15:51
  Speaker 1: or if people can just buy their own drinks. Because
• 15:53
  Speaker 1: my thought was, well, it's a kid's birthday party. It's
• 15:56
  Speaker 1: not about drinking. Well, was I wrong? A lot of
• 15:59
  Speaker 1: people were annoyed at me and said, hang on, this
• 16:02
  Speaker 1: is for the parents. They should be allowed to have
• 16:04
  Speaker 1: a drink. Yeah, we also posed that question to the
• 16:07
  Speaker 1: Mums Group community. And there were an overwhelming amount of
• 16:10
  Speaker 1: people saying that when you host a kid's birthday party,
• 16:14
  Speaker 1: you should have a number of eskies that are stocked
• 16:16
  Speaker 1: with alcoholic drinks for the parents. I saw some people saying, though,
• 16:20
  Speaker 1: that they think that the host should provide some alcohol,
• 16:23
  Speaker 1: but then also have a BYO option. I think so.
• 16:27
  Speaker 1: I mean, again, it depends when you are hosting the
• 16:29
  Speaker 1: birthday party. If you are going for the morning time slot,
• 16:32
  Speaker 1: I don't think that alcohol is really required. For my
• 16:35
  Speaker 1: baby shower, I mean, my husband and I, we don't
• 16:37
  Speaker 1: drink at all, but we thought, oh, people might, it's
• 16:39
  Speaker 1: an afternoon thing, people might want some wine. We have
• 16:42
  Speaker 1: literally been stuck with bottles and bottles and bottles of wine.
• 16:46
  Speaker 1: No one drank anything. So we're going to bring it
• 16:48
  Speaker 1: out for the birthday party this year. Perfect. What do
• 16:51
  Speaker 1: you guys think about presents at a kid's birthday party?
• 16:53
  Speaker 1: Because there's this trend going around where people are asking
• 16:56
  Speaker 1: for no presents and the debate online has been, well,
• 17:00
  Speaker 1: does no presents actually mean no presents? Or does it
• 17:03
  Speaker 1: mean we want a voucher? Or do you bring a card?
• 17:06
  Speaker 1: Or do you bring a book? I think no presents
• 17:08
  Speaker 1: means no presents. But again... If people are going to
• 17:12
  Speaker 1: say no presents, they need to be clear whether they
• 17:14
  Speaker 1: are expecting some sort of wishing well situation like at
• 17:17
  Speaker 1: a wedding because it can be confusing. And I do
• 17:20
  Speaker 1: feel for friends who don't have kids, like our best friend,
• 17:23
  Speaker 1: she doesn't have children. And she said that she finds
• 17:27
  Speaker 1: first birthday parties really difficult because she doesn't know what
• 17:30
  Speaker 1: stage that they're at and what they're into. So she
• 17:33
  Speaker 1: said she'd rather just give money, which I think is
• 17:35
  Speaker 1: a good idea. I actually think that having a registry
• 17:39
  Speaker 1: would be super helpful because for a kid's birthday party.
• 17:42
  Speaker 1: But again, I think socially it would be frowned upon
• 17:45
  Speaker 1: because again, it seems like there's this expectation of a gift,
• 17:48
  Speaker 1: but it would actually make things a hell of a
• 17:50
  Speaker 1: lot easier because you get so much stuff and sometimes
• 17:54
  Speaker 1: you don't want the stuff in your house. I don't
• 17:56
  Speaker 1: think that there should be a wishing well, but I
• 17:58
  Speaker 1: actually think that if you are a dink and you
• 18:01
  Speaker 1: have no idea what to get the child, that money
• 18:05
  Speaker 1: in a card should be fine because it's actually a
• 18:07
  Speaker 1: big effort to go to baby bunting or a toy shop,
• 18:12
  Speaker 1: especially when you don't know what you're looking for. Yeah,
• 18:15
  Speaker 1: that was me. I'm the mom who throws ice in
• 18:18
  Speaker 1: her bathtub. I came across this TikTok last night and
• 18:21
  Speaker 1: it was by a creator called Inside Attunement. And she
• 18:24
  Speaker 1: was talking about a concept which really has shifted how
• 18:28
  Speaker 1: I view mom rage. And I've been thinking about mom
• 18:30
  Speaker 1: rage a lot. So she was explaining how when you
• 18:33
  Speaker 1: first become a parent, Something happens to your nervous system
• 18:37
  Speaker 1: that basically rewires it. Let's have a listen to what
• 18:40
  Speaker 1: she said.
• 18:42
  Speaker 5: The day you become a parent, something happens to your
• 18:45
  Speaker 5: nervous system. You are functioning at baseline here. This is
• 18:48
  Speaker 5: your general activation and output. When you become a parent,
• 18:52
  Speaker 5: that moves up a notch. It is higher. There is
• 18:56
  Speaker 5: more vigilance. There is more alertness. There is more energy
• 19:00
  Speaker 5: expenditure here. the stakes are higher and you feel that
• 19:04
  Speaker 5: in your body biologically. Feels unpleasant. Depletion is real. It
• 19:09
  Speaker 5: is not imaginary. We move into hypervigilance when we have
• 19:14
  Speaker 5: young children and we stay up there pretty much all day.
• 19:18
  Speaker 5: And you might feel that when your child naps or
• 19:21
  Speaker 5: when your child sleeps, that something shifts in your nervous
• 19:24
  Speaker 5: system and you get a bit of a reprieve. And
• 19:27
  Speaker 5: that's why a lot of times when kids skip naps
• 19:30
  Speaker 5: or don't sleep at night, it can be incredibly dysregulating,
• 19:33
  Speaker 5: especially if your body was anticipating a much needed break.
• 19:37
  Speaker 5: It also can feel like an identity crisis because if
• 19:40
  Speaker 5: your whole life you were here and now you're here
• 19:43
  Speaker 5: and you can't handle as much or do as much
• 19:46
  Speaker 5: or you don't have the same types of responses to things,
• 19:49
  Speaker 5: that can feel very disturbing.
• 19:52
  Speaker 1: I heard a lot about mum rage before I gave
• 19:54
  Speaker 1: birth and I just thought, oh, is this just some,
• 19:57
  Speaker 1: you know, new term that's being tossed around for engagement?
• 20:00
  Speaker 1: But I have definitely felt a lot of mum rage
• 20:05
  Speaker 1: since becoming a mum and it has never been more strong.
• 20:09
  Speaker 1: than when my son hasn't slept through a nap that
• 20:11
  Speaker 1: he's supposed to sleep through. Now, this isn't rage at him.
• 20:14
  Speaker 1: It's more rage at the situation. And it's because you have,
• 20:18
  Speaker 1: as she touched on, it's set in your mind that
• 20:20
  Speaker 1: I'm going to have this break. I deserve this. You
• 20:24
  Speaker 1: think you still have control over the situation, but the
• 20:27
  Speaker 1: longer you become a parent, you realize that you don't
• 20:29
  Speaker 1: have control over anything.
• 20:31
  Speaker 5: Yeah.
• 20:32
  Speaker 1: Well, apparently this dysregulation in your body, it hits mums harder.
• 20:36
  Speaker 1: What a freaking surprise. So- It actually explains the phenomenon
• 20:40
  Speaker 1: of mum rage. You don't really hear about dad rage.
• 20:43
  Speaker 1: It's always mum rage. And this is because our bodies
• 20:46
  Speaker 1: are literally in fright or flight mode 24-7. So I
• 20:50
  Speaker 1: hope this makes any listeners who have experienced mum rage
• 20:53
  Speaker 1: feel a bit better because it can be really confronting.
• 20:56
  Speaker 1: Like sometimes when you do go through bouts of mum rage,
• 20:59
  Speaker 1: you don't really feel like yourself. And I think it
• 21:01
  Speaker 1: also comes with a bit of shame that you're choosing
• 21:03
  Speaker 1: to be angry and as opposed to just going with
• 21:06
  Speaker 1: the flow. I know I've seen so many TikToks pop
• 21:09
  Speaker 1: up when I was very much in the newborn trenches saying,
• 21:12
  Speaker 1: you know, when you're 80, you're going to look back
• 21:13
  Speaker 1: at this time and you're going to love every second
• 21:15
  Speaker 1: and you're going to wish it was then, which I
• 21:17
  Speaker 1: think is great to give you a bit of perspective
• 21:19
  Speaker 1: when you are going through something hard. But I think
• 21:21
  Speaker 1: it's also difficult because it sort of invalidates how you
• 21:24
  Speaker 1: feel in that moment. It's sort of saying, oh, you're
• 21:26
  Speaker 1: stupid for being angry at something that you actually biologically
• 21:29
  Speaker 1: are wired to be angry at. Yeah, exactly. I remember
• 21:32
  Speaker 1: one day, I think it would have been, Harry might've
• 21:34
  Speaker 1: been four months old and the lack of sleep was
• 21:37
  Speaker 1: just getting to me. And I had a day where
• 21:39
  Speaker 1: everything just seemed to go wrong and I was meant
• 21:42
  Speaker 1: to be going out. I think I was meeting one
• 21:44
  Speaker 1: of you guys and Dale was looking after Harry and
• 21:47
  Speaker 1: I went to reverse out and I noticed that Dale's
• 21:49
  Speaker 1: car was behind me. So I was parked in and
• 21:53
  Speaker 1: I just literally screamed in the car. I was like,
• 21:55
  Speaker 1: I'm so loudly. And I was like, the neighbors probably
• 21:58
  Speaker 1: heard me. They probably think what the hell is going on,
• 22:01
  Speaker 1: but I just had to release it somehow. And it
• 22:04
  Speaker 1: actually reminds me of this video that went viral of
• 22:07
  Speaker 1: a US TikToker. So she put this video up of
• 22:10
  Speaker 1: her aggressively throwing ice into a bathtub. And she was saying, look,
• 22:14
  Speaker 1: I would advise any moms to do this. It's like
• 22:16
  Speaker 1: a form of therapy. And of course, as the internet goes,
• 22:25
  Speaker 1: She was inundated with really negative comments. People were saying like, oh,
• 22:28
  Speaker 1: you're going to hurt your child and all of these
• 22:31
  Speaker 1: horrible accusations. It got so much publicity that she actually
• 22:34
  Speaker 1: ended up on Dr. Phil who told her that what
• 22:38
  Speaker 1: she was doing was 100% right. So he actually labeled
• 22:41
  Speaker 1: it as experiential therapy and said it was a really
• 22:44
  Speaker 1: cathartic way of getting your anger out. Maybe we've got
• 22:48
  Speaker 1: to try this. Should I get the old ice cubes
• 22:49
  Speaker 1: out of the fridge, toss them in the bath after
• 22:52
  Speaker 1: he's down for the night? I mean, I don't want
• 22:54
  Speaker 1: to wake him up though. That might lead to mum rage.
• 22:56
  Speaker 1: I actually saw this other video by Alex and John.
• 22:59
  Speaker 1: They're the US comedy couple on TikTok who I absolutely love.
• 23:04
  Speaker 1: And yeah, and so Alex did this video about the
• 23:06
  Speaker 1: rollercoaster of emotions mums feel. And some of the time
• 23:10
  Speaker 1: the anger is directed at the father. I mean, sometimes
• 23:12
  Speaker 1: it's warranted. But she put up this clip and it was,
• 23:16
  Speaker 1: I've gone through this before, like one minute you're like,
• 23:18
  Speaker 1: I fucking hate you. And the next you're like, this
• 23:20
  Speaker 1: man is the most beautiful man I've ever met. He's
• 23:24
  Speaker 1: doing the laundry. I couldn't do this without my husband.
• 23:27
  Speaker 1: He is an absolute angel.
• 23:29
  Speaker 2: Idiot.
• 23:30
  Speaker 1: So fucking careless. Dropping shit around the house. What's he
• 23:33
  Speaker 1: going to do next?
• 23:34
  Speaker 2: Drop our child?
• 23:35
  Speaker 4: Wow. What a man.
• 23:37
  Speaker 1: Always taking care of me, making sure I... Is that
• 23:40
  Speaker 1: fucking mayonnaise?
• 23:41
  Speaker 2: I hate mayonnaise.
• 23:43
  Speaker 1: I love it with a passion. I told him that
• 23:45
  Speaker 1: three years and seven weeks ago.
• 23:47
  Speaker 2: Great.
• 23:48
  Speaker 1: All thanks to him, I'm going to starve. I've been
• 23:51
  Speaker 1: really enjoying their podcast too, because they have been speaking
• 23:54
  Speaker 1: a lot about parenting on there. So if you want
• 23:56
  Speaker 1: another parenting podcast, well, it's not a parenting podcast, it's
• 23:58
  Speaker 1: a comedy podcast with a side of parenting, go and
• 24:01
  Speaker 1: check them out. I want to say the other person
• 24:03
  Speaker 1: that seems to get the blame is your dog. I
• 24:06
  Speaker 1: have seen numerous videos of people who are in the
• 24:10
  Speaker 1: newborn trenches, just losing it at their dog if they
• 24:13
  Speaker 1: hear them in the middle of the night, like licking
• 24:15
  Speaker 1: their foot or something, or just making any sort of noise.
• 24:18
  Speaker 1: And It's quite clear that everyone's angry at the situation,
• 24:22
  Speaker 1: that they're sleep deprived, that they have to get up
• 24:23
  Speaker 1: in the middle of the night. But they direct that
• 24:25
  Speaker 1: blame towards the dog, which I actually think is very unfair. Well,
• 24:28
  Speaker 1: I think it's another biological thing where people were saying
• 24:31
  Speaker 1: that they just can't stand their dog. I don't understand that. Yeah,
• 24:35
  Speaker 1: because they suddenly say, oh, there's this animal that's inside
• 24:38
  Speaker 1: that's so filthy, dirty, that could be like getting germs
• 24:42
  Speaker 1: on the baby. Really? I mean, I've got cats, so
• 24:45
  Speaker 1: I didn't experience that with my cats. But I think
• 24:47
  Speaker 1: you realize like when you bring a baby home from
• 24:49
  Speaker 1: the hospital, you suddenly become so protective of the baby
• 24:54
  Speaker 1: that you will do anything to keep it safe. So
• 24:56
  Speaker 1: like I remember shutting the cats out of the room
• 24:58
  Speaker 1: because I was like, they could jump on him. Well,
• 25:00
  Speaker 1: I definitely think that you need to be safe when
• 25:02
  Speaker 1: you are introducing animals and babies. I mean, our dog
• 25:06
  Speaker 1: sleeps on our bed and he has for the past
• 25:08
  Speaker 1: five years. So when we brought our newborn home, my
• 25:12
  Speaker 1: husband actually had Archie with a harness on and the
• 25:16
  Speaker 1: lead around his arm for, I think, three weeks overnight.
• 25:19
  Speaker 2: But that's good.
• 25:20
  Speaker 5: That's safe.
• 25:21
  Speaker 1: Do you know what? My husband and I, because as
• 25:23
  Speaker 1: we've painted on this podcast, we literally love our dog.
• 25:26
  Speaker 1: He's like a child to us. We have said to
• 25:27
  Speaker 1: so many couples, no, don't buy into that hype. We
• 25:30
  Speaker 1: love our dog more now, if anything, because it's so
• 25:33
  Speaker 1: special to see the bond that he has with our son.
• 25:36
  Speaker 1: And he's sort of this outside source of cuddles and
• 25:39
  Speaker 1: happiness and I don't think I would have been able
• 25:42
  Speaker 1: to get through the experience without him. Like, you know,
• 25:44
  Speaker 1: when your husband goes back to work and you feel
• 25:48
  Speaker 1: very lonely, but I'd always look down and he'd be
• 25:50
  Speaker 1: there with me, supporting me. The constant.
• 25:52
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 25:53
  Speaker 1: So if that just reminded me, the other night I
• 25:55
  Speaker 1: had this really unpleasant experience. So when Harry was a newborn,
• 25:58
  Speaker 1: I used to wake up thinking, oh my God, he's
• 26:00
  Speaker 1: in the bed. And I know a lot of other
• 26:02
  Speaker 1: mums have had that happen. You like search the covers
• 26:05
  Speaker 1: and you're like, oh no, okay. They're in their cot.
• 26:07
  Speaker 3: They're okay. Okay.
• 26:08
  Speaker 1: My new thing is I now wake up and I
• 26:12
  Speaker 1: think that I've been left to look after Harry, Jack
• 26:16
  Speaker 1: and Luca. And I go, oh, my God, where are they?
• 26:18
  Speaker 1: Because Jack can run. Harry can crawl. I'm like, oh,
• 26:22
  Speaker 1: my God, they've fallen out of the bed. It's horrible.
• 26:25
  Speaker 1: I am still going through that. I will wake up
• 26:27
  Speaker 1: in the middle of the night thinking that he is
• 26:30
  Speaker 1: on my lap. I want to point out we don't co-sleep.
• 26:32
  Speaker 1: He is in a bassinet in our room still, well,
• 26:34
  Speaker 1: a cot in our room. The other night I had
• 26:37
  Speaker 1: the scariest situation happen where I woke up and my
• 26:40
  Speaker 1: dog Archie again, he usually lies to me. And I
• 26:43
  Speaker 1: woke up, he was lying on me. I assumed it
• 26:45
  Speaker 1: was Luca. And then I thought that Archie was on
• 26:48
  Speaker 1: the other side of me. And I said to Brandon,
• 26:50
  Speaker 1: oh my God, Archie and Luca are lying next to
• 26:52
  Speaker 1: each other. And then in my dream, Brandon was like,
• 26:55
  Speaker 1: quickly get him up. So I tried to pick him up.
• 26:58
  Speaker 1: I'm thinking I'm picking Luca up. I'm wrangling Archie who
• 27:00
  Speaker 1: starts growling at me. And I was like, oh, my God.
• 27:03
  Speaker 1: And then he jumped off the bed. And I was like,
• 27:05
  Speaker 1: Luca has just jumped off the bed. Anyway, it was
• 27:07
  Speaker 1: a bit of a mind fuck. As a new mum,
• 27:10
  Speaker 1: I absolutely love hearing a good mum hack. And Jacqueline
• 27:14
  Speaker 1: Tomer's viral TikTok did not disappoint. So she asked mums
• 27:19
  Speaker 1: to list hacks they wish they knew sooner. And the
• 27:22
  Speaker 1: responses didn't disappoint. So one mum said that when her
• 27:25
  Speaker 1: kids lose a tooth, She tells them that their taste
• 27:27
  Speaker 1: buds also changed so they should try new foods with
• 27:31
  Speaker 1: their new taste buds. That's clever. Another mum said that
• 27:35
  Speaker 1: instead of saving cleaning to when your kids are asleep,
• 27:38
  Speaker 1: you should do it whilst they're awake. So she said
• 27:40
  Speaker 1: it's really healthy for kids to see how much time
• 27:42
  Speaker 1: and effort goes into keeping a house functional. I've been
• 27:46
  Speaker 1: doing this a bit lately because otherwise I'm like, when
• 27:48
  Speaker 1: the hell am I going to clean this house up?
• 27:51
  Speaker 1: I also saw someone had bought their kid a onesie
• 27:54
  Speaker 1: that had like a mop kind of material on it.
• 27:58
  Speaker 1: So when they crawled around, it would clean the floor.
• 28:00
  Speaker 1: And I was thinking recently, I should actually get Harry
• 28:02
  Speaker 1: one of these because he's been doing so much crawling.
• 28:04
  Speaker 1: I think our kids aren't quite the age yet, but
• 28:07
  Speaker 1: I think once they reach toddlerhood, kids love to get
• 28:10
  Speaker 1: involved in those sort of activities and lend a helping hand.
• 28:13
  Speaker 1: This was actually my favorite. So one mom said that
• 28:16
  Speaker 1: after a long day when she just needs to lay down,
• 28:19
  Speaker 1: but her daughter still needs her attention, she'll give her
• 28:22
  Speaker 1: a paintbrush and a cup of lotion and And she
• 28:24
  Speaker 1: tells her daughter it's white paint so she gets her
• 28:27
  Speaker 1: to paint it all over her back. And so she
• 28:29
  Speaker 1: said that it's interactive play but she gets to chill
• 28:32
  Speaker 1: with a back rub. We both love it. Oh, my God.
• 28:36
  Speaker 1: This is a brilliant idea. It's like the dads who
• 28:38
  Speaker 1: get their kids to draw them while they're sleeping. Draw them?
• 28:41
  Speaker 1: I've never heard of that. Yeah, they do like a portrait.
• 28:44
  Speaker 1: They're like, oh, draw me and I'll be asleep like
• 28:46
  Speaker 1: on the ground with a blanket. Do you have a
• 28:49
  Speaker 1: good mum hack of your own? I do have one
• 28:51
  Speaker 1: that will make you look really cool in front of
• 28:53
  Speaker 1: your son. So under the matchbox cars, if you flip
• 28:57
  Speaker 1: them over, it has what each model of the car
• 28:59
  Speaker 1: is written on it. So when your kid asks you, oh,
• 29:03
  Speaker 1: what is this? You are able to reply with the
• 29:05
  Speaker 1: exact make and model. I love that. That's really cute.
• 29:09
  Speaker 1: I want to know your mum hacks. I need all
• 29:11
  Speaker 1: the help I can get. I'm going to put a
• 29:12
  Speaker 1: thread up in our Facebook community where you can share
• 29:15
  Speaker 1: your best mum hacks. On that note, that is all
• 29:18
  Speaker 1: we have time for today. Thank you so much for
• 29:20
  Speaker 1: joining us for this episode. If you have enjoyed it,
• 29:23
  Speaker 1: could you please, please, please, and I'm going to beg,
• 29:26
  Speaker 1: leave us a five-star review. Maybe when your child is
• 29:29
  Speaker 1: napping or you might be nap-trapped at the moment, just
• 29:32
  Speaker 1: jump on, leave us five stars, a review, share where
• 29:36
  Speaker 1: you're listening from, and don't forget to follow us on
• 29:39
  Speaker 1: Instagram at also on TikTok at The Mums Group Podcast.
• 29:43
  Speaker 1: You can also follow Kate, Sophie, and I on Instagram.
• 29:46
  Speaker 1: This podcast was recorded on the traditional land of the
• 29:48
  Speaker 1: Kaurna people of the Adelaide Plains. We pay respect to
• 29:51
  Speaker 1: elders past and present.