Latest / Wake Up with Marci / Millennial Menopause: myths and Truths with Lauren Tetenbaum

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Millennial Menopause: myths and Truths with Lauren Tetenbaum · Wake Up with Marci

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: Welcome to Wake Up with Marcy, a deep dive in
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  Speaker 1: the self discovery. I'm your host, Marcy Hopkins, and this
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  Speaker 1: is the space where we get real about life, transformation
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  Speaker 1: and finding our true selves. Hello all, and welcome back
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  Speaker 1: to Wake Up with Marcy, where we share real stories
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  Speaker 1: and conversations that inspire transformation, healing and joy. I'm your host,
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  Speaker 1: Marcy Hopkins, and I am so grateful that you are
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  Speaker 1: here with me.
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  Speaker 2: Today.
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  Speaker 1: We're going to dive into a topic that's most often
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  Speaker 1: misunderstood or under discussed, and really, let's be honest, still stigmatized,
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  Speaker 1: and that's menopause. Today's guest is Lauren Tettenbaum, a licensed
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  Speaker 1: clinical social worker, women's rights advocate, and the author of
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  Speaker 1: Millennial Menopause, Preparing for Perimenopause, Menopause and Life's Next Period Love,
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  Speaker 1: that relatable and empowering guide that helps every millennial woman
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  Speaker 1: and her needs from mental health and hormones to careers, relationships,
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  Speaker 1: and how menopause is portrayed in the media. Lauren is
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  Speaker 1: helping women rewrite the story. This isn't just the end
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  Speaker 1: of one chapter, It's the beginning of a new era.
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  Speaker 1: So Lauren, thank you so much. For being on the show,
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  Speaker 1: and I'm super excited you're here.
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  Speaker 2: Thank you so much for having me.
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  Speaker 1: So let's talk a little bit about this book.
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  Speaker 2: I mean, this is a huge topic.
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  Speaker 1: Obviously, I'm grateful that we are beginning this conversation and
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  Speaker 1: there's more understanding around it. But why was it important
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  Speaker 1: for you to write this book and what did you
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  Speaker 1: find that was missing in the conversation around this topic.
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  Speaker 3: I'm laughing because everything was missing in the conversation. I
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  Speaker 3: was approaching forty and I realized that I knew very
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  Speaker 3: little about menopause.
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  Speaker 2: And I work.
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  Speaker 3: In healthcare, a jacent fields as a psychotherapist. I've always
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  Speaker 3: been passionate about women's reproductive health, women's reproductive mental health,
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  Speaker 3: and it was astounding to me how.
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  Speaker 2: Little I knew.
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  Speaker 3: And then the more I learned, I was even more
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  Speaker 3: shocked that I hadn't learned it. And I really felt
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  Speaker 3: that my peers, my millennial generation, my clients, my friends,
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  Speaker 3: we all needed to know more.
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  Speaker 2: We deserve to know more. And I set out to
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  Speaker 2: learn and I wrote it all down.
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  Speaker 1: So tell me, what are some things, like top three
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  Speaker 1: things that you learned that you had no idea about.
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  Speaker 3: The fact that perimenopause, which is the phase leading up
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  Speaker 3: to the final menstrual period and characterized by fluctuating hormones.
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  Speaker 3: The fact that that can last for several years and
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  Speaker 3: start in one thirties is number one. Number two the
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  Speaker 3: fact that perimenopause can involve very severe mental health symptoms
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  Speaker 3: and implications. And number three that hormone therapy is generally
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  Speaker 3: safe and effective as an option to treat symptoms. Because
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  Speaker 3: I had grown up under the shadow of the WHI
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  Speaker 3: study and we were effectively.
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  Speaker 2: Told that it causes cancer and it's not an option.
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  Speaker 1: Yeah, so let me ask you this because obviously mental
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  Speaker 1: health is really important, a really important topic for me.
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  Speaker 1: I myself in fifty six, and so I am on
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  Speaker 1: the other side. I guess I'm in menopause now.
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  Speaker 2: Now.
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  Speaker 1: I started perimenopause very early. I was like maybe forty one.
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  Speaker 1: My gun in colleges didn't even she wouldn't even acknowledge
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  Speaker 1: that that was happening, right, Yeah, So you fight for
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  Speaker 1: it if you know, like it's just you know, have
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  Speaker 1: the test done. It's an easy little test that you
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  Speaker 1: can have done. But one of the things that I noticed,
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  Speaker 1: like I mentally felt like I was spiraling out of control,
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  Speaker 1: and like my PMS was just I've thought everyone hated me,
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  Speaker 1: like I was in such a darkness, and actually my
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  Speaker 1: drinking elevated even more. I quit drinking when I was
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  Speaker 1: forty six, forty five, forty six, and but I realized,
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  Speaker 1: like that few years, I spiraled out of control.
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  Speaker 2: So can you talk a.
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  Speaker 1: Little bit more to that, because I don't think that
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  Speaker 1: women understand how truly impactful it is on our mental health.
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  Speaker 2: I totally agree.
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  Speaker 3: I don't think that healthcare provides truly understand. And thank
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  Speaker 3: you so much for sharing, because that's what we have
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  Speaker 3: to do, right. We have to share stories. We have
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  Speaker 3: to help other women, even though each of our experiences
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  Speaker 3: will be different. But what you're describing, and it's interesting,
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  Speaker 3: the word spiraling is something I hear a lot when
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  Speaker 3: it comes to perimenopause and mental health symptoms and that
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  Speaker 3: feeling of being out of control. One woman said it
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  Speaker 3: was like a demon took over my body, and she
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  Speaker 3: sort of she knew she didn't want to act this
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  Speaker 3: way or yell at her kids or hate her husband,
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  Speaker 3: but she couldn't help herself. And we see a lot
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  Speaker 3: of rage, We see a lot of sadness and anxiety
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  Speaker 3: and that irritability on a huge scale. And these symptoms
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  Speaker 3: are common, but that doesn't mean you have to accept
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  Speaker 3: them as.
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  Speaker 2: Your new normal.
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  Speaker 3: And there are many tools that we now know we
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  Speaker 3: can implement, whether it's doe hormone therapy through SSRIs, through
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  Speaker 3: cognitive behavioral therapy, through a combination, that can alleviate these symptoms.
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  Speaker 3: And they do very often pop up as some of
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  Speaker 3: the first symptoms of perimenopause, and women, I think are
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  Speaker 3: so used to telling themselves, I'm just tired, I'm just stressed.
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  Speaker 3: It's just this phase of life. And then when their
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  Speaker 3: healthcare providers are saying nothing's wrong with you or this
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  Speaker 3: is just life right now, of course they feel even
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  Speaker 3: more alone and it can impact them even further.
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  Speaker 1: Absolutely, so, I do love that we are starting to
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  Speaker 1: have the conversation right and the studies are finally happening.
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  Speaker 1: I mean, believe it or not, it's very new that
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  Speaker 1: these things are being studied, as you know, But why
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  Speaker 1: is it? Why is there so still so much shame
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  Speaker 1: around it.
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  Speaker 3: I'm making a kind of sarcastic smile because I think
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  Speaker 3: the answer boils down to misogyny and the way that
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  Speaker 3: we value women, and I think it's a really unfortunate
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  Speaker 3: reality that collectively we are overcoming. But it's a long
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  Speaker 3: road ahead, and all women of all ages, all allies
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  Speaker 3: need to be talking about these issues, need to be
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  Speaker 3: valuing women beyond their reproductive years and abilities. And as
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  Speaker 3: a culture, we also need to remove the stigma around aging.
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  Speaker 3: We tend to think of aging as a negative and
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  Speaker 3: something to be feared, when in fact, it's a beautiful privilege.
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  Speaker 1: It is a Listen, I'm glad I know what I
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  Speaker 1: know today, I'll tell you wisdom and you do get
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  Speaker 1: so much more kind of on a different note, but
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  Speaker 1: you just get so much more comfortable in your skin.
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  Speaker 1: But I had to go through a lot to get here.
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  Speaker 1: So focusing in on millennials, you kind of touched that
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  Speaker 1: on that because you are a millennial. But what is different,
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  Speaker 1: like why millennials?
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  Speaker 3: Sure, so, millennials technically were born between nineteen eighty one
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  Speaker 3: and nineteen ninety six. And what makes us unique, I think,
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  Speaker 3: is that we've been through a lot, and all generations have,
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  Speaker 3: but we came of age during nine to eleven, and
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  Speaker 3: of course we became very comfortable with digital media and
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  Speaker 3: access to the Internet, et cetera. And I think in
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  Speaker 3: part of the traumas that we've endured and our ability
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  Speaker 3: to connect via social media and beyond, we are used
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  Speaker 3: to talking about tough topics or we've gotten more comfortable
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  Speaker 3: at least than generations prior. So we've seen a trend
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  Speaker 3: women and men are talking more about fertility struggles, motherhood struggles,
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  Speaker 3: mental health, and what we want out of our fulfillment
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  Speaker 3: in our careers, et cetera. And I think that menopause
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  Speaker 3: is the next chapter for both what we're going to
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  Speaker 3: experience and what we should be talking about.
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  Speaker 1: I love to hear that because you know, it makes
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  Speaker 1: me really think about that, like what you have gone through,
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  Speaker 1: and it enables you to face the harder subjects. So yeah,
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  Speaker 1: I appreciate you sharing that because we're building.
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  Speaker 3: On the amazing work that the women in gen X
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  Speaker 3: et cetera. Have started, And I think, again, it's so
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  Speaker 3: important to all collaborate and be a part of this together.
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  Speaker 2: Yeah.
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  Speaker 1: I love that. So let's talk about when we are
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  Speaker 1: creating this shift, right, Like what as a mom and
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  Speaker 1: as high achievers, like, how are we shifting the way
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  Speaker 1: that we think about ourselves during the perimenopausemenopause stage.
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  Speaker 2: Great question.
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  Speaker 3: I think that we have to and this is something
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  Speaker 3: I encourage all of my clients and friend to do.
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  Speaker 2: We have to know ourselves. So if something is feeling
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  Speaker 2: a little bit different.
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  Speaker 3: Or new and we don't like it, we have to
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  Speaker 3: get support and resources for it. And that might be
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  Speaker 3: waking up in the middle of the night or the
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  Speaker 3: moodiness that you alluded to. It doesn't have to be,
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  Speaker 3: you know, the severe hot flashes that we tend to
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  Speaker 3: think of when we think about menopause. And so when
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  Speaker 3: you know yourself, I think it's really important to listen
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  Speaker 3: to yourself and to say, yes, I am a busy,
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  Speaker 3: exhausted mom and trying to do a million and one things,
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  Speaker 3: but you know what, I'm not feeling as good as
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  Speaker 3: I think I could feel, and I'm going to reach
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  Speaker 3: out for support. And support is and can and should
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  Speaker 3: come in many forms at home, at the doctor's office,
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  Speaker 3: in the workplace, in your community. And I just think
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  Speaker 3: that women and moms especially tend to put themselves last
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  Speaker 3: on their to do list, but we need to do
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  Speaker 3: a better job of prioritizing our own and.
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  Speaker 1: Health well, yes, because then we are better for ourselves
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  Speaker 1: and then everyone else if ver we were better for
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  Speaker 1: everyone around us, right, Like, we really are the glues,
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  Speaker 1: So if we still come and apart ourselves, it really
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  Speaker 1: impacts everyone and everything around us. So you were talking
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  Speaker 1: about some.
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  Speaker 2: Ways that we can help ourselves.
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  Speaker 1: What help is there out there? Who do we go to?
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  Speaker 2: What are the questions we need to ask? Sure?
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  Speaker 3: So I am a huge believer in building a team,
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  Speaker 3: and it should include a medical provider who can run
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  Speaker 3: lab tests to rule out any other kind of illnesses
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  Speaker 3: of course or conditions, and potentially prescribe medication that you
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  Speaker 3: might need. Medication is a tool in our toolbox, so
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  Speaker 3: it could be antidepressants, could be hormone therapy, whatever is
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  Speaker 3: right for you, and all women should be offered information
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  Speaker 3: on all of the above. I also, of course believe
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  Speaker 3: in psychotherapy, and we know that cognitive behavioral therapy in
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  Speaker 3: particular can be really impactful to alleviate menopause symptoms. I
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  Speaker 3: can't say enough the importance of social connection. It's good
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  Speaker 3: for our cognitive health, which is of course a major
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  Speaker 3: issue as we age, but also for levity and fun
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  Speaker 3: and maintaining that social interactions is so good for our
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  Speaker 3: mental health, exercise, strength building, strength training and sleep is
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  Speaker 3: one of my favorite things lifestyle wise to work on.
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  Speaker 2: And the questions that we should be asking are what
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  Speaker 2: do I need to optimize my health? And then we
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  Speaker 2: need to go after that.
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  Speaker 1: Yeah, so sleep, that's a big one. And the heat,
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  Speaker 1: hot fleshes that are happening, and you know sleep with
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  Speaker 1: the core affects pretty much everything, right, our stress, health,
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  Speaker 1: how we just interact throughout the day, brain.
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  Speaker 2: Blog, all of that.
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  Speaker 1: So how can we help ourselves, Like, let's just choose
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  Speaker 1: that one right now.
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  Speaker 2: Sleep? How can we help ourselves with sleep?
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  Speaker 3: So I like to tell women of all ages prioritize
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  Speaker 3: your sleep because building good habits will only serve you
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  Speaker 3: later on when you're in the menopause transition when sleep
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  Speaker 3: might not be as accessible because of the other physical
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  Speaker 3: symptoms going on, the inability to die sleep, perhaps the
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  Speaker 3: needing to your need in the middle of the night,
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  Speaker 3: you know, night sweats, all the things. So if you
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  Speaker 3: have good habits, you're starting off at a good baseline.
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  Speaker 3: And of course, if you then experience those things like
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  Speaker 3: the night sweats et cetera that are disruptive, get.
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  Speaker 2: The right help for that. Cooling blankets.
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  Speaker 3: There's of course, you know, just the thermostat put it
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  Speaker 3: on a low setting. I spoke with a couple of
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  Speaker 3: sleep experts. They both really strongly recommended a cool and
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  Speaker 3: very dark room.
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  Speaker 2: Ye no screens before.
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  Speaker 3: Bed, which we all, I think know, but when we
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  Speaker 3: really emphasize the importance of sleep, it's something that we
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  Speaker 3: should do a better job with. And again, medication if
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  Speaker 3: you need it, and therapy if you're roomin eating and
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  Speaker 3: can't get rid of intrusive thoughts, but sleep really is
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  Speaker 3: medicine itself, exactly.
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  Speaker 1: Just so you know, anti depressants helped me. That's what
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  Speaker 1: I was put on, but I don't even I wasn't
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  Speaker 1: even really given any other alternative, but it ended up
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  Speaker 1: working for me, so I was grateful for that. Now,
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  Speaker 1: another one that comes up a lot is around intercourse,
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  Speaker 1: sex in our sexual drive and dryness. Things that we
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  Speaker 1: may not think that this can be. A perimenopause can
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  Speaker 1: be affecting, and it can really and that's a big,
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  Speaker 1: big part, but women are very uncomfortable going in and
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  Speaker 1: speaking about it to theircologist or being honest, right, So
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  Speaker 1: talk to us a little bit more about that, like
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  Speaker 1: what should we look for and is their help.
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  Speaker 3: Yes, I'm so happy to say that help is available,
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  Speaker 3: but I agree before we even get there, there tends
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  Speaker 3: to be a disconnect. I think a large part of
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  Speaker 3: that does fall on clinicians who can and should be
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  Speaker 3: doing more of asking open ended questions and creating a
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  Speaker 3: safe space for the patient in front of them to
• 15:53
  Speaker 3: express themselves. When it comes to libido, we know that
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  Speaker 3: often libidos get lower as we age, and of course
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  Speaker 3: is the stress of life consumes us, body image issues
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  Speaker 3: can come into play if we're not feeling good in
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  Speaker 3: our bodies, if we're not feeling sexy, right, the mental load,
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  Speaker 3: and then the vaginal dryness and what they used to
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  Speaker 3: call vaginal atrophy. The tissue gets thinner, so it's quite
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  Speaker 3: painful at worst, and you know, just you're not that.
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  Speaker 2: Into it at best.
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  Speaker 1: Right.
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  Speaker 2: Fortunately, there are things we can do.
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  Speaker 3: I think normalizing talking about sex in general is important,
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  Speaker 3: and using proper terminology with body parts, and you know,
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  Speaker 3: just being more comfortable in general. And then there are
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  Speaker 3: products and medications that we can use. There's a vaginal
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  Speaker 3: estrogen which is safe and effective for every woman that
• 16:51
  Speaker 3: we are trying to remove. The black boots warning on
• 16:54
  Speaker 3: formone therapy again can help different kinds of loops. There's
• 16:57
  Speaker 3: also two different new metaw new ish they're not that new,
• 17:02
  Speaker 3: but new medications.
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  Speaker 2: Called Addie and by Lasi that women can take.
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  Speaker 3: That too few people know about, but I am encouraging
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  Speaker 3: us all to seek out information because we should be
• 17:15
  Speaker 3: told about our options.
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  Speaker 1: Yeah, one hundred percent. And also I have an incredible
• 17:21
  Speaker 1: guynecologist and she has a machine called the Mona Lisa.
• 17:26
  Speaker 1: I don't know if you've heard that, and that's about
• 17:29
  Speaker 1: the cellular regeneration and helps with that thinning and the
• 17:34
  Speaker 1: pain and the pain that comes with that.
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  Speaker 3: I'm so happy to hear that and to hear that
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  Speaker 3: you're aware of it. I have been to many events
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  Speaker 3: on menopause, and nearly every time a woman will be
• 17:49
  Speaker 3: beautifully brave and share her story and say, I've been
• 17:51
  Speaker 3: experiencing pain with any sort of insertion, tampon's fingers, anything,
• 17:57
  Speaker 3: for years, and I don't know.
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  Speaker 2: What's helped going to me.
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  Speaker 3: And that's heartbreaking because it shouldn't get to that point.
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  Speaker 3: And I understand why it has because of our culture
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  Speaker 3: and because we don't have the right training, but it
• 18:10
  Speaker 3: doesn't have to. And of course Also there's communication with
• 18:15
  Speaker 3: your partner if you have one, and learning to know
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  Speaker 3: what works for you and your body as well is
• 18:22
  Speaker 3: really important.
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  Speaker 2: So please, please please get help. It's available.
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  Speaker 1: And another huge one, Lauren, Let's be real. Women are
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  Speaker 1: always concerned about their weight. Yeah right, and oh now
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  Speaker 1: I'm hitting perimenopause. Menopause.
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  Speaker 2: You know, I can't help it.
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  Speaker 1: I'm just going to gain weight. What do you say
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  Speaker 1: to that.
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  Speaker 2: I say a few things.
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  Speaker 3: It's always important to, of course, have a nutritious diet, right,
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  Speaker 3: and I don't mean diet in terms of abstaining from food, but.
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  Speaker 2: Just what we eat, leafy.
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  Speaker 3: Greens, whole grains, eggs, you know, protein of course is
• 19:05
  Speaker 3: having a moment, and fiber that's kind of all stuff
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  Speaker 3: we've already known. And I personally think it's important to
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  Speaker 3: enjoy your life and you know, have the treats if that's.
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  Speaker 2: What makes you feel good.
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  Speaker 3: The reality is that as we age, our bodies do change,
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  Speaker 3: and I think that sometimes there's a lot of room
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  Speaker 3: for working on acceptance. You know, why should a fifty
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  Speaker 3: year old look the way she did at twenty? Maybe
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  Speaker 3: she shouldn't. That being said, of course, it's difficult to
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  Speaker 3: encounter change and not recognize ourselves. And we also need
• 19:40
  Speaker 3: to be careful of the mid section weeking because it
• 19:43
  Speaker 3: can have other impacts on cardiovascular health and things like that.
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  Speaker 2: So I would say live.
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  Speaker 3: Your life, eat nutritiously and if you need if it's
• 19:54
  Speaker 3: bothering you, much like your libido might be, might not be.
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  Speaker 2: But if it's.
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  Speaker 3: Bothering you, get help, work with a trainer, work with
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  Speaker 3: a nutritionists. We've seen a lot of data on GLP
• 20:05
  Speaker 3: one medications and coordination with hormone therapy be really effective
• 20:10
  Speaker 3: for one's health. And that's what it boils down to.
• 20:13
  Speaker 3: It's one's health, not one's gene size. Do you like
• 20:17
  Speaker 3: hormone therapy? I think that if that is what works
• 20:21
  Speaker 3: for someone, that they should absolutely pursue it. They could
• 20:25
  Speaker 3: also try it, and we know that it's safe and
• 20:27
  Speaker 3: effective for most women unless they have a contraindication.
• 20:31
  Speaker 1: Okay, so I know that your book I'm so excited
• 20:35
  Speaker 1: for you, congratulations, just came out and it's packed with
• 20:40
  Speaker 1: stories and solutions and science and a great resource. But
• 20:46
  Speaker 1: can you share a few practical things that someone could
• 20:50
  Speaker 1: start doing today to help themselves emotionally and physically.
• 20:54
  Speaker 3: Yeah, I would say, I'll share some things that I've done.
• 20:59
  Speaker 3: Start strength training so important. We often don't think about it,
• 21:03
  Speaker 3: but it is incredibly vital for our bone health, our
• 21:07
  Speaker 3: brain health, everything is connected, and it's something that we
• 21:10
  Speaker 3: need to be doing so that we are strong as
• 21:14
  Speaker 3: we age. That's hugely important. I would also say make
• 21:19
  Speaker 3: sure to talk about these issues.
• 21:21
  Speaker 2: Again.
• 21:21
  Speaker 3: Every woman would go through things differently, but just knowing
• 21:26
  Speaker 3: that you're not alone in this journey, that what worked
• 21:29
  Speaker 3: for your best friend may not work for you because
• 21:31
  Speaker 3: you might have different symptoms. But being able to say
• 21:34
  Speaker 3: I'm kind of feeling weird, you know, any advice, any
• 21:39
  Speaker 3: solidarity that can just be so powerful and beautiful. So I,
• 21:45
  Speaker 3: as you can imagine, talk about this stuff all the
• 21:47
  Speaker 3: time with my girlfriends.
• 21:48
  Speaker 2: And I think that we all should be doing that.
• 21:51
  Speaker 3: And I really encourage people to know themselves.
• 21:55
  Speaker 2: You know your body, your mood best.
• 21:58
  Speaker 3: If something is different and not what you want it
• 22:01
  Speaker 3: to be, talk about it, ask for help, get the
• 22:05
  Speaker 3: information and resources.
• 22:07
  Speaker 2: You need, love it, love.
• 22:09
  Speaker 1: It, and you're not alone. Yeah, lady around you going
• 22:13
  Speaker 1: through the same.
• 22:14
  Speaker 2: Thanks.
• 22:15
  Speaker 1: So I just want to thank you so much Lauren
• 22:17
  Speaker 1: for coming on and empowering us and you know, communicating
• 22:23
  Speaker 1: something that it can be so difficult to talk about
• 22:28
  Speaker 1: and honestly definitely hard to understand right and to learn
• 22:34
  Speaker 1: to advocate for ourselves. So thank you again for.
• 22:38
  Speaker 2: Coming on wake Up, thank you for having me.
• 22:42
  Speaker 1: So I just want to let you know, for all
• 22:44
  Speaker 1: of you guys out there, if you are wondering if
• 22:47
  Speaker 1: you're in perimont menopause or you know, heading into the menopause,
• 22:53
  Speaker 1: I just want to say, Lauren, you said a few years,
• 22:56
  Speaker 1: for that perimenopause can.
• 22:57
  Speaker 2: Be up to ten years.
• 23:00
  Speaker 1: I just want you to know that you can find
• 23:02
  Speaker 1: Lauren's upcoming book, Millennial Menopause, and can you find it anywhere?
• 23:10
  Speaker 3: Yes, it's available wherever books are sold. I'm them Burns
• 23:13
  Speaker 3: and Noble independent bookstores. If you go to Millennialmenopause dot
• 23:17
  Speaker 3: com that's my website, or it'll take you to my
• 23:19
  Speaker 3: website that has all my contact info and if I
• 23:23
  Speaker 3: can help you directly, I will try my best to
• 23:25
  Speaker 3: point you in the right direction.
• 23:27
  Speaker 1: Awesome, amazing, Lauren. Thank you for the work you're doing again.
• 23:31
  Speaker 1: And before we go, I want to invite you to
• 23:33
  Speaker 1: join me for the upcoming Shatterproof Walk for Recovery I'm
• 23:37
  Speaker 1: going to be in seeing the event and I'm building
• 23:39
  Speaker 1: a team team wake Up with Marcy, and I would
• 23:43
  Speaker 1: love for you to walk with me.
• 23:45
  Speaker 2: That event is.
• 23:46
  Speaker 1: Going to be in New York City October twenty fifth,
• 23:50
  Speaker 1: and also in la November ninth. That'll be doing both
• 23:54
  Speaker 1: of those, So I'm going to link the details in
• 23:57
  Speaker 1: the and all the information below along with Lauren's information,
• 24:02
  Speaker 1: And i want you to remember please that you are
• 24:05
  Speaker 1: not broken, you are powerful, worthy, just getting started, and
• 24:10
  Speaker 1: I'll see you next week. Have a great week.