Latest / The Breakfast Club / Best Of Full Interview: Jay Shetty Talks Healing, Purpose, Forgiveness, Grace + More

Transcript

Best Of Full Interview: Jay Shetty Talks Healing, Purpose, Forgiveness, Grace + More · The Breakfast Club

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: Wake that ass up in the morning. Breakfast Club Morning,
• 0:05
  Speaker 1: Everybody's DJ n V.
• 0:07
  Speaker 2: Charlamagne the Guy. We are the Breakfast Club. We got
• 0:09
  Speaker 2: a special guest.
• 0:10
  Speaker 1: In the building, my guy.
• 0:11
  Speaker 2: He's an author, New York Time best selling author. He's
• 0:14
  Speaker 2: an entrepreneur, he is a podcast host.
• 0:17
  Speaker 1: And now he is a model as well. Ladies and gentlemen.
• 0:21
  Speaker 3: Jay Sheddy, By the way, Jay Sheddy is more than
• 0:25
  Speaker 3: the podcast hosts. He has one of the top ten
• 0:27
  Speaker 3: biggest podcasts in the World's right, Okay, I think that's
• 0:30
  Speaker 3: a very important to.
• 0:31
  Speaker 4: Note because everybody got a podcast. Okay.
• 0:34
  Speaker 3: Jay said he has one of the top ten biggest
• 0:35
  Speaker 3: podcasts in the world. Is the number five, I think.
• 0:37
  Speaker 5: I think so that's on Spotify. I think that's what
• 0:39
  Speaker 5: it came out as. But no, thank you for having me, guys.
• 0:41
  Speaker 5: I had a lot to be in here with you.
• 0:42
  Speaker 4: Guys.
• 0:42
  Speaker 5: I'm so grateful to be back to you. Congrats on
• 0:44
  Speaker 5: the new studio. And that's not new for you for
• 0:47
  Speaker 5: your viewers, it's new for me being in in with you.
• 0:48
  Speaker 5: But thank you, Thank you guys.
• 0:50
  Speaker 3: You're one of the people always use as a model
• 0:51
  Speaker 3: man when people tell me, like, you know, how do
• 0:53
  Speaker 3: I get started in podcasting or broadcasting, always say you
• 0:56
  Speaker 3: got to be your true, authentic self and you got
• 0:58
  Speaker 3: to provide something that you know maybe missing. And you
• 1:02
  Speaker 3: came with healing, you know, conversations about mental health, love,
• 1:08
  Speaker 3: and you filled the very big void in the marketplace,
• 1:12
  Speaker 3: a void did didn't even think people knew it was missing.
• 1:14
  Speaker 5: Wow, that means a lot coming from you. I think
• 1:16
  Speaker 5: whenever you're starting anything right, it's about finding the space
• 1:21
  Speaker 5: in the market and then figuring out what you just said,
• 1:24
  Speaker 5: that authentic part that you can match with that space.
• 1:27
  Speaker 5: And I think for me, I love all the podcasts
• 1:31
  Speaker 5: that exists in the world, and they serve so many
• 1:32
  Speaker 5: different purposes. There's so many that I listened to, But
• 1:35
  Speaker 5: for me, I was I remember I was at this
• 1:38
  Speaker 5: event and the event was called Building Meaningful Lives, and
• 1:41
  Speaker 5: Tom Brady was speaking at the event, and then they
• 1:44
  Speaker 5: were asking questions. And I don't know Tom Brady, and
• 1:46
  Speaker 5: you know, we don't know each other, we've never connected.
• 1:49
  Speaker 5: But I saw a lot of questions being asked to him,
• 1:52
  Speaker 5: and all the questions were about the rings and the
• 1:54
  Speaker 5: games and the sports, and I could tell that he
• 1:56
  Speaker 5: was trying to talk about meaningful things because the conference
• 1:59
  Speaker 5: was building meaningful. And again I don't know him, so
• 2:02
  Speaker 5: I've never checked this with him, but from my perspective,
• 2:04
  Speaker 5: I could. I felt my intuition suggested that he wanted
• 2:08
  Speaker 5: to go in a direction that he couldn't go in
• 2:10
  Speaker 5: because everyone just wanted him to talk about sports. And
• 2:13
  Speaker 5: I was like, Okay, I want to build the platform
• 2:14
  Speaker 5: where someone like him could go in the direction they
• 2:16
  Speaker 5: want to go in. That's like when you came on
• 2:18
  Speaker 5: the show and you need to come back, we need
• 2:19
  Speaker 5: to have you back on. You know, when you came on,
• 2:22
  Speaker 5: it was like, we could go in the direction that
• 2:24
  Speaker 5: you want to talk about that. Some people don't have
• 2:27
  Speaker 5: the platform to do that for, you know. So that's
• 2:29
  Speaker 5: where it came from.
• 2:30
  Speaker 3: You know, we had a Kevin Gates up here. He's
• 2:31
  Speaker 3: a rapper and he has a song called I Thing.
• 2:35
  Speaker 3: It's called I Can Heal You, you know, and he's
• 2:37
  Speaker 3: talking about, you know the fact that he feels like
• 2:39
  Speaker 3: he can heal women.
• 2:41
  Speaker 4: Right, but just in general, do you think you can
• 2:44
  Speaker 4: heal people?
• 2:45
  Speaker 5: I can't heal people. I'm not that powerful. I don't
• 2:49
  Speaker 5: think I have the power or the capacity to heal people.
• 2:54
  Speaker 5: But I believe the universe does. I believe energy does.
• 2:57
  Speaker 5: I believe frequency does. And I think that all we're
• 3:00
  Speaker 5: trying to do is introduce people to all of these ideas, concepts, practices, habits,
• 3:06
  Speaker 5: mindsets that they can then implement. I think people taking
• 3:09
  Speaker 5: on that power is too much pressure. I think taking
• 3:13
  Speaker 5: on that pressure of I'm gonna heal you, I'm gonna
• 3:15
  Speaker 5: heal people. Wow, I think I would crumble if I
• 3:18
  Speaker 5: felt that way, I would I would not last two seconds.
• 3:21
  Speaker 6: And so I have never felt that.
• 3:23
  Speaker 5: And I've always felt that I've been a vessel for
• 3:25
  Speaker 5: my teachers and mentors and guides. I feel that I've
• 3:27
  Speaker 5: been so invested in a lot of people say to me, like, Jay,
• 3:30
  Speaker 5: you're so young, how did you learn this? And I'll say,
• 3:32
  Speaker 5: I just got lucky. I had great mentors, great teachers,
• 3:35
  Speaker 5: great guides, and I'm just trying to share what I've
• 3:38
  Speaker 5: learned through me. And yeah, I don't want I don't
• 3:41
  Speaker 5: want the pressure of trying to be a savior, messiah
• 3:43
  Speaker 5: or a leacher.
• 3:45
  Speaker 2: You can heal people do your experience though, because people,
• 3:47
  Speaker 2: you know, I think a lot of times they feel
• 3:48
  Speaker 2: like they're alone. And if you explain your story and
• 3:51
  Speaker 2: tell them how you got through your tough times or
• 3:53
  Speaker 2: whatever that you've been through. It can, like you said,
• 3:55
  Speaker 2: give somebody a roadmap of.
• 3:57
  Speaker 1: What they can do.
• 3:58
  Speaker 2: Absolutely, you know, for every situation that you try might
• 4:00
  Speaker 2: not work for somebody, you know, but it'd give them
• 4:03
  Speaker 2: a guide to maybe something that can put them on
• 4:05
  Speaker 2: their healings.
• 4:06
  Speaker 5: Absolutely. Absolutely, yeah, I agree with that. I agree with that,
• 4:08
  Speaker 5: but I feel like that is still so much on
• 4:11
  Speaker 5: that person. And I feel like that's what we've seen,
• 4:14
  Speaker 5: whether it's mental health, whether it's growth, whether it's personal development,
• 4:18
  Speaker 5: so much of the accountability and responsibility is on the
• 4:21
  Speaker 5: receiver of knowledge. My teacher would always give this beautiful example.
• 4:25
  Speaker 5: They'd say, because sometimes right I go to listen to
• 4:28
  Speaker 5: a talk, or you go listen to a podcast, and
• 4:30
  Speaker 5: the person who's teaching you is maybe not the best orator,
• 4:33
  Speaker 5: they're not the best communicator, they're not the person who's
• 4:36
  Speaker 5: coming at it with all the you know, gems and
• 4:38
  Speaker 5: everything else. And my teachers would say to me, if
• 4:40
  Speaker 5: you're sitting in a class like that, you may think
• 4:43
  Speaker 5: the speakers at a zero, but that means you need
• 4:46
  Speaker 5: to rise to a ten to extract greatness from them.
• 4:49
  Speaker 6: Whereas if your.
• 4:50
  Speaker 5: Speakers at a ten, you get to coast at a zero,
• 4:52
  Speaker 5: and you may extract nothing from them because they just
• 4:54
  Speaker 5: entertained your mind. And so I think as a listener,
• 4:57
  Speaker 5: as a practitioner, we've got a is our game to
• 5:00
  Speaker 5: extract greatness from who we're listening to and implement in
• 5:03
  Speaker 5: our lives.
• 5:04
  Speaker 3: If that makes sense, does everybody no? I feel like
• 5:08
  Speaker 3: everybody deserves healing. But does everybody deserve healing?
• 5:16
  Speaker 5: I would say that let's go around down this thought
• 5:19
  Speaker 5: experiment to answer that question. So I've been thinking a
• 5:21
  Speaker 5: lot about this. If we could simplify the purpose of
• 5:26
  Speaker 5: life to be to love and be loved, if we
• 5:31
  Speaker 5: could agree that we think that loving others and being
• 5:34
  Speaker 5: loved by others feels like a meaningful purpose in our lives.
• 5:38
  Speaker 4: Right.
• 5:39
  Speaker 5: What's really interesting about that is that because of how
• 5:42
  Speaker 5: we've been loved growing up, we chase to do things
• 5:47
  Speaker 5: in order to be loved. So we start thinking, well,
• 5:50
  Speaker 5: in order for me to be loved, I need to
• 5:52
  Speaker 5: build a big business. I need to look a certain way.
• 5:55
  Speaker 5: I need to have a certain amount of followers. I
• 5:57
  Speaker 5: need to build a podcast, whatever it may be. So
• 5:59
  Speaker 5: we start doing lots of stuff in order to be loved,
• 6:02
  Speaker 5: because we think to love and be loved we need
• 6:05
  Speaker 5: to do big things. Then what ends up happening is
• 6:08
  Speaker 5: we end up in a space where we realize that
• 6:11
  Speaker 5: doesn't lead to love. I'm not loved more because I
• 6:14
  Speaker 5: have more followers. I'm not loved more because I have
• 6:16
  Speaker 5: more money. I'm not loved more because I have more,
• 6:19
  Speaker 5: which then begs the question going to your earlier question.
• 6:23
  Speaker 6: We need to heal that idea.
• 6:25
  Speaker 5: So I think everyone deserves healing because everyone's been misled,
• 6:30
  Speaker 5: whether it's by the system, whether it's by society, whether
• 6:32
  Speaker 5: it's about conditioning. So if you look at the journey
• 6:35
  Speaker 5: as to why everyone deserves healing, it's because everyone started
• 6:39
  Speaker 5: from a purer place, where everyone started from a more
• 6:42
  Speaker 5: naive place but got led down a certain path that
• 6:45
  Speaker 5: then requires them to have healing. So I think everyone
• 6:47
  Speaker 5: deserves healing. What do you think, Sheleman?
• 6:50
  Speaker 6: No, no, no, no thinking about it deeply I do.
• 6:53
  Speaker 3: I just hear people say that, you know, and I
• 6:55
  Speaker 3: think what I what I would tell folks is you know,
• 6:58
  Speaker 3: that's like you said, that's really not a to you
• 7:00
  Speaker 3: to decide. You know, if a person, regardless of what
• 7:04
  Speaker 3: they've been through. If they decide to go on their
• 7:07
  Speaker 3: healing journey, that's between them and their creator, and that's
• 7:10
  Speaker 3: between them and their their trauma.
• 7:12
  Speaker 4: Who am I to say that person doesn't deserve Yeah, yeah, I.
• 7:17
  Speaker 3: Guess the other question too, would be does everybody deserve
• 7:19
  Speaker 3: forgiveness and grace?
• 7:21
  Speaker 5: I mean, here's here how I like to look at it.
• 7:24
  Speaker 5: Let's let's pretend that we lived in a world. Actually,
• 7:27
  Speaker 5: we don't need to pretend that is the world. Let's
• 7:29
  Speaker 5: let's live in a world where there is no forgiveness
• 7:32
  Speaker 5: and grace. Lord have mercy, right exactly. Let's let's see
• 7:35
  Speaker 5: what what would that look like like. Let's do a
• 7:37
  Speaker 5: thought experiment. You have a planet, there's no forgiveness, there's
• 7:40
  Speaker 5: no grace. I would struggle to live in that world
• 7:43
  Speaker 5: because I know I need forgiveness and grace not only
• 7:45
  Speaker 5: from myself but from the people around me. If my
• 7:48
  Speaker 5: wife wasn't forgiving and getting give me grace, that would
• 7:51
  Speaker 5: be a really tough relationship. If my mom didn't forgive
• 7:55
  Speaker 5: me and give me grace, that would be a tough relationship.
• 7:57
  Speaker 5: If my boss, if you know, whatever else in my life,
• 7:59
  Speaker 5: I think we'd actually all be living with more anxiety,
• 8:03
  Speaker 5: more stress, and we'd internalize that lack of forgiveness and
• 8:07
  Speaker 5: projected back onto ourselves, and that would pervent you a cycle.
• 8:11
  Speaker 5: By the way, that's kind of where we're at right now.
• 8:13
  Speaker 5: And I think a lot of our lack of capacity
• 8:15
  Speaker 5: for forgiveness and grace for others actually comes because we
• 8:18
  Speaker 5: don't give ourselves the benefit of the doubt, right, like
• 8:23
  Speaker 5: you know, amazing things going to happen, whereby we literally
• 8:26
  Speaker 5: will you know, I think I'm sure you've heard this too,
• 8:29
  Speaker 5: where it's like I loved you until you did this,
• 8:32
  Speaker 5: I believed in you until you did this, And it's
• 8:35
  Speaker 5: almost like we don't give ourself a second chance. And
• 8:38
  Speaker 5: because we don't give ourselves a second chance, we don't
• 8:40
  Speaker 5: give others a second chance. And I believe that everyone
• 8:45
  Speaker 5: deserves forgiveness and grace if they are willing to choose
• 8:50
  Speaker 5: the path of reformation, if they're willing to go on
• 8:54
  Speaker 5: the path and do the work of saying I have
• 8:57
  Speaker 5: had some challenges, I've made some mistakes. I'm willing to grow.
• 9:01
  Speaker 5: That's but sometimes it's a chicken and egg situation because
• 9:05
  Speaker 5: sometimes for someone to have that reaction, they need to
• 9:07
  Speaker 5: feel that there is an opportunity for forgiveness and grace.
• 9:10
  Speaker 5: So often people are so scared that people won't forgive
• 9:14
  Speaker 5: them that they don't want to admit it. Right, let's
• 9:16
  Speaker 5: take the very basic example, like you know someone's let's
• 9:22
  Speaker 5: let's take something that I think, you know, someone's cheated
• 9:25
  Speaker 5: on their partner. Not not an ideal situation, not a
• 9:28
  Speaker 5: great thing. Do we just let that person get away
• 9:31
  Speaker 5: with it? Of course not. But partly that person may
• 9:34
  Speaker 5: be scared of sharing it because they're scared they won't
• 9:36
  Speaker 5: be forgiveness and grace that's true now, or scared to
• 9:39
  Speaker 5: lose or scared to lose now they've made a mistake
• 9:42
  Speaker 5: and they should be held accountable regardless because if they
• 9:46
  Speaker 5: were in a committed relationship. But it's this chicken and
• 9:49
  Speaker 5: egg situation of like what comes first? And I don't
• 9:52
  Speaker 5: know the answer to that because it requires so much
• 9:55
  Speaker 5: from the person who's been hurt, and it's sad because
• 9:57
  Speaker 5: you've already been hurt and now more is required of you.
• 9:59
  Speaker 5: And I think a lot of people feel that way,
• 10:01
  Speaker 5: that they're the one who's been high, but they've going
• 10:03
  Speaker 5: to be the bigger person.
• 10:04
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I think a lot of times with forgiveness. Sometimes
• 10:07
  Speaker 2: it's why the person asks for forgiveness, so why the
• 10:10
  Speaker 2: person is sorry.
• 10:11
  Speaker 3: Right.
• 10:11
  Speaker 2: So, like you said in the cheating situation, right, it's
• 10:14
  Speaker 2: quick and easy for a person to say, okay, I'm
• 10:16
  Speaker 2: sorry because they got caught.
• 10:18
  Speaker 4: You know.
• 10:18
  Speaker 2: Same thing with somebody when they say something wild online. Right,
• 10:21
  Speaker 2: the first reason they want to apologize really is they
• 10:24
  Speaker 2: want things to get back to normal or are they
• 10:26
  Speaker 2: really sorry? Did they really understand what they did? It
• 10:28
  Speaker 2: hurts somebody? And I think that's the problem when it
• 10:32
  Speaker 2: comes to forgiving somebody. Right, it's easy to say I
• 10:34
  Speaker 2: forgive you. You slap me in my face, and I say, okay,
• 10:37
  Speaker 2: I forgive you, But no, I don't, not until we
• 10:40
  Speaker 2: have the conversation and why you slapped me in the face,
• 10:42
  Speaker 2: why you said what you said, how did you affect me,
• 10:45
  Speaker 2: and then we can get to that path. But I
• 10:46
  Speaker 2: think a lot of times it's easy for people to
• 10:48
  Speaker 2: say I'm sorry, I didn't mean to do it. I
• 10:50
  Speaker 2: went to rehabits over right, and the world is supposed
• 10:53
  Speaker 2: to open back up. But if you can't explain to
• 10:55
  Speaker 2: me why you did what you did and assure me why,
• 10:58
  Speaker 2: it can't happen again, I can ever forgive you people
• 11:01
  Speaker 2: be well, forgive you means this that and you other know.
• 11:03
  Speaker 2: I don't think about you, but that's that's my reason
• 11:06
  Speaker 2: of feeling that way.
• 11:07
  Speaker 5: That's yeah, that's the best. I fully agree with everything
• 11:10
  Speaker 5: you just said. That's that's that's what's missing is you
• 11:13
  Speaker 5: just you said something so subtle and so passively. I
• 11:15
  Speaker 5: want to highlight for everyone because I'm like, that is
• 11:17
  Speaker 5: it's like we want to say sorry often because we
• 11:20
  Speaker 5: want things to go back to normal correct and that
• 11:23
  Speaker 5: that is the mistake, Like that isn't worthy of forgiveness,
• 11:26
  Speaker 5: and we need to go deeper than that.
• 11:29
  Speaker 3: You just sat down with First Lady Michelle Obama. Conversation
• 11:33
  Speaker 3: was everywhere right and she expressed how terrified she was
• 11:37
  Speaker 3: about this election year.
• 11:39
  Speaker 4: What was it like hearing that from her? And how
• 11:42
  Speaker 4: do you process that? Did that give you anxiety when
• 11:45
  Speaker 4: you hear it?
• 11:46
  Speaker 5: Yeah, it's an interesting thought process because I can't vote
• 11:49
  Speaker 5: in this country. I moved here eight years ago. I
• 11:52
  Speaker 5: have a green card, but I don't you know, I
• 11:53
  Speaker 5: don't have voting rights, and I moved here the Trump
• 11:58
  Speaker 5: became president in twenty six and so I've had an
• 12:02
  Speaker 5: interesting education in the United States, and I haven't. You know,
• 12:07
  Speaker 5: I didn't grow up learning American history or American politics,
• 12:10
  Speaker 5: so I'm also very uneducated in that space. Specifically, I
• 12:14
  Speaker 5: think for me, I look at most things as things
• 12:20
  Speaker 5: I can and can't control. And when I think about
• 12:24
  Speaker 5: things that make me anxious on a global scale, I
• 12:27
  Speaker 5: often ask myself what is the root of that anxiety
• 12:31
  Speaker 5: in my community? So if I'm seeing whether it's ignorance,
• 12:35
  Speaker 5: whether it's a lack of understanding, whether it's a lack
• 12:38
  Speaker 5: of curiosity, openness, compassion on a global scale, I'm asking myself,
• 12:43
  Speaker 5: where does that exist within me and my friends and
• 12:45
  Speaker 5: my society, and how do I start impacting that? Because
• 12:48
  Speaker 5: that I can control. And so I've been practicing that
• 12:51
  Speaker 5: for a long time because I feel that there's a
• 12:53
  Speaker 5: lot of things that give me anxiety, Like there's a
• 12:55
  Speaker 5: lot of things that can stress me out. There's something
• 12:57
  Speaker 5: new in the news every day that can do that.
• 12:59
  Speaker 5: But for me, what's really interesting is saying, okay, where
• 13:02
  Speaker 5: is Like I read this beautiful quote from f Scott
• 13:05
  Speaker 5: Fitzgerald a few years back, and it's beautiful, and he
• 13:08
  Speaker 5: said that I don't have my phone other.
• 13:10
  Speaker 6: I'd read it right, but type in type in.
• 13:18
  Speaker 5: The type in two opposites and f Scott Fitzgerald orposing
• 13:23
  Speaker 5: idea correct, but look for the full quote because they
• 13:25
  Speaker 5: only quote half of it sometimes and it's so, and
• 13:28
  Speaker 5: read a longer version of that question.
• 13:30
  Speaker 4: See the test of a first rate.
• 13:31
  Speaker 3: Yes, bloody the whole too, opposing sides in mind at
• 13:35
  Speaker 3: the same time and still retain the ability to function.
• 13:38
  Speaker 3: One should, for example, be able to see that things
• 13:41
  Speaker 3: are hopeless yet be determined to make them otherwise.
• 13:43
  Speaker 5: That I love that right, like to be able to
• 13:45
  Speaker 5: hold to this is I think the biggest challenge we're
• 13:49
  Speaker 5: facing in the human mind is that we're not able
• 13:54
  Speaker 5: in our micro world and in a macro world to
• 13:56
  Speaker 5: be able to hold two opposing ideas at the same
• 13:59
  Speaker 5: time still retain the ability to function.
• 14:03
  Speaker 4: So, as f.
• 14:03
  Speaker 5: Scott Fitzgerald said, I should be able to see that
• 14:06
  Speaker 5: everything seems hopeless, yet be determined to make them otherwise.
• 14:10
  Speaker 5: That to me is where I like to live and
• 14:12
  Speaker 5: where I like to function. Is that how can I
• 14:14
  Speaker 5: accept that things are beyond my control? I'm not powerful
• 14:18
  Speaker 5: enough yet control what I can try to do, And
• 14:21
  Speaker 5: so I kind of look at ignorance in my own
• 14:23
  Speaker 5: community and my own friends group, in our WhatsApp chats,
• 14:26
  Speaker 5: in our tech threads, like where is that ignorance? Where
• 14:29
  Speaker 5: is that you know? Where are the missing links? And
• 14:32
  Speaker 5: how can I start to impact and influence my friends
• 14:35
  Speaker 5: to be more open minded, to be more curious, to
• 14:38
  Speaker 5: be better learners. And myself, by the way too, to
• 14:41
  Speaker 5: question where I'm easy quick to shut people down, Like
• 14:44
  Speaker 5: I've noticed that so much in me recently, Like if
• 14:46
  Speaker 5: I'm judging someone, I've really been asking myself, can I
• 14:49
  Speaker 5: look for that quality in me? Because I really believe
• 14:52
  Speaker 5: that the reason I'm judging it and I'm so triggered
• 14:55
  Speaker 5: by it is because I know it's inside myself, and
• 14:58
  Speaker 5: my judgment is just a reflexion of me not introspecting enough.
• 15:02
  Speaker 5: So to me, I try and bring down global events
• 15:05
  Speaker 5: into the personal and intimate, because otherwise it's so chaotic
• 15:09
  Speaker 5: and so hard to deal with.
• 15:11
  Speaker 2: I believe some people's judgment is a reflection of the masses, right,
• 15:14
  Speaker 2: And that's my biggest thing I have with social media,
• 15:17
  Speaker 2: And sometimes when people talk about their healing journey or
• 15:20
  Speaker 2: some of the things that they do, I think they
• 15:22
  Speaker 2: look for out actually without actually doing the necessary work right,
• 15:26
  Speaker 2: So somebody might see Charlemagne and he's evolved, and he'll
• 15:29
  Speaker 2: explain the ways that he evolved, and somebody might jump
• 15:32
  Speaker 2: on it because they've seen it work for Charlemagne, but
• 15:34
  Speaker 2: it won't work for them.
• 15:35
  Speaker 1: Because it's not in their heart, you know.
• 15:36
  Speaker 2: I mean I think a lot of times, with social
• 15:38
  Speaker 2: media and what you said about the masses, I think
• 15:40
  Speaker 2: people follow a fake way of doing it to pray
• 15:43
  Speaker 2: for healing instead of trying to find their own journey.
• 15:46
  Speaker 2: And I think that's the difficult part. And I try
• 15:48
  Speaker 2: to tell people and I think, you know, with some
• 15:51
  Speaker 2: of the things that you're doing, you trying to find
• 15:52
  Speaker 2: your own healing journey.
• 15:53
  Speaker 1: Yes, you know.
• 15:54
  Speaker 2: You give him example with George, Charlemagne gives an example
• 15:57
  Speaker 2: of his. I give an example of mine. But a
• 15:58
  Speaker 2: lot of times people will try to followed that and
• 16:01
  Speaker 2: it doesn't open up their own mind to some of
• 16:02
  Speaker 2: their other thoughts.
• 16:03
  Speaker 5: Yeah.
• 16:04
  Speaker 6: Yeah, that's so powerful.
• 16:05
  Speaker 5: And I think the beautiful thing about anyone who has
• 16:08
  Speaker 5: gone on a healing journey realizes how unique yet similar
• 16:13
  Speaker 5: it is. Like if we sat down and we talked
• 16:15
  Speaker 5: about healing journeys, all three of us, we'd find so
• 16:18
  Speaker 5: many similarities yet so many differences. And that's the beauty
• 16:21
  Speaker 5: of it that when you go down that path. And yeah,
• 16:24
  Speaker 5: I would encourage everyone to not try and imitate. It's
• 16:27
  Speaker 5: almost like, you know, a few years ago, people's morning
• 16:29
  Speaker 5: routines became really popular, and all of a sudden, everyone's
• 16:32
  Speaker 5: trying to do the Einstein morning routine or whatever it
• 16:35
  Speaker 5: may be. And it's like, you're not going to become
• 16:37
  Speaker 5: that person by doing their morning routine. That's a part
• 16:40
  Speaker 5: of who they are. But what you're saying is that
• 16:42
  Speaker 5: there's an essence, there's a heart there that you're totally
• 16:45
  Speaker 5: missing out on. So yeah, I fully agree you can't.
• 16:47
  Speaker 5: You can't imitate someone's morning routine and suddenly become them.
• 16:51
  Speaker 3: I like what you said too, can you can you
• 16:52
  Speaker 3: really find truth in this world of extremes because it
• 16:56
  Speaker 3: feels like everybody got to pick a side. Yeah, And
• 16:59
  Speaker 3: like we talked about it before you came in, Like
• 17:00
  Speaker 3: I could sit down and have a conversation with somebody
• 17:03
  Speaker 3: and people will look at that as an endorsement. No,
• 17:06
  Speaker 3: we're just having a conversation because there's got to be
• 17:09
  Speaker 3: some nuance in all of this, right that I got
• 17:11
  Speaker 3: a spiritual you know, the leader, one of my spiritual
• 17:14
  Speaker 3: teachers of Lutha Yadas, she always says, she says, there's
• 17:16
  Speaker 3: no such thing as right and wrong in humans.
• 17:18
  Speaker 4: Do you do you believe.
• 17:19
  Speaker 5: That there's no such thing as right and wrong? I
• 17:22
  Speaker 5: mean you could see that from the I guess it
• 17:25
  Speaker 5: depends what level of I guess it depends on what
• 17:28
  Speaker 5: level of humanity you're talking about.
• 17:30
  Speaker 4: Right, they're legal, there's right and wrong.
• 17:32
  Speaker 5: I guess morally there's right and wrong, and then I
• 17:35
  Speaker 5: guess thought wise or perception wise. Then you get into
• 17:40
  Speaker 5: muddy a territory because then what is right and wrong?
• 17:43
  Speaker 5: Because everyone's looking at everything. If you just think about
• 17:46
  Speaker 5: the multiple lenses that we've had, it's like if you
• 17:50
  Speaker 5: imagine that every life experience you've had is a crack
• 17:53
  Speaker 5: in the mirror. Right the parents you had, the town
• 17:57
  Speaker 5: you grew up in, the friends you had growing up,
• 18:00
  Speaker 5: the school you went to, your first job, your first love,
• 18:04
  Speaker 5: your first heartbreak. Imagine all of those are cracks in
• 18:07
  Speaker 5: a mirror. Now every time you're looking in that mirror,
• 18:10
  Speaker 5: imagine how many different reflections and distorted reflections you're seeing.
• 18:15
  Speaker 5: We're basically dealing with that with eight billion people. So
• 18:18
  Speaker 5: the amount of distortion in perception, reflection, perspective is so
• 18:23
  Speaker 5: variegated that how can any one of us know what
• 18:27
  Speaker 5: the truth is or what right and wrong is? Because
• 18:31
  Speaker 5: it's there's the options are unlimited, like you would need
• 18:33
  Speaker 5: an algorithm, and even an algorithm couldn't compute the depths
• 18:37
  Speaker 5: of the trauma, the impact the experience like it would
• 18:40
  Speaker 5: require it would require a God's brain in order to
• 18:45
  Speaker 5: formulate and contextualize all of those experiences. So I do
• 18:48
  Speaker 5: think there was this I don't know where it's from,
• 18:51
  Speaker 5: but I remember seeing it in Cobra Kai, of all places.
• 18:53
  Speaker 5: But there was this great line that said, there's there's
• 18:56
  Speaker 5: always three sides to every story, yours mind and the truth.
• 19:00
  Speaker 5: But I think the challenge is that the truth part
• 19:03
  Speaker 5: is not We're not even subjective, it's objective. But I
• 19:07
  Speaker 5: don't even think what you just said rightly is in order.
• 19:10
  Speaker 5: Then if we're saying there's three sides to every story,
• 19:13
  Speaker 5: but we're only living on one side, the only way
• 19:16
  Speaker 5: to get to the middle ground. And by the way,
• 19:18
  Speaker 5: the middle ground has been a philosophical standpoint. The Buddho
• 19:21
  Speaker 5: talked about the middle path. We talk about living a
• 19:23
  Speaker 5: balanced life. We talk about finding the core, the heart,
• 19:27
  Speaker 5: the center. If you look at all philosophical, spiritual well
• 19:31
  Speaker 5: being traditions, it's always about the middle, the heart, the center,
• 19:34
  Speaker 5: the core. Yet the only way to get to the
• 19:37
  Speaker 5: middle is by looking at both extremes. You're not going
• 19:40
  Speaker 5: to get to the middle by being on any of
• 19:42
  Speaker 5: one side of any thought. And so I think, what
• 19:44
  Speaker 5: you just said, Charlamagne, and what you do here so
• 19:46
  Speaker 5: beautifully is I love. And I try and do this too,
• 19:50
  Speaker 5: to have conversations that people don't expect me to have
• 19:54
  Speaker 5: with people that people may be confused as to why
• 19:56
  Speaker 5: I'm sitting down with them, in order to understand the
• 19:59
  Speaker 5: cracks of the mirror. That's what I'm fascinated by. I'm
• 20:02
  Speaker 5: fascinated by the cracks on the mirror because how they
• 20:05
  Speaker 5: got to how they think is even more important to
• 20:08
  Speaker 5: me than how they think. Because if we understand how
• 20:10
  Speaker 5: someone got to how they think, we can help save
• 20:13
  Speaker 5: the future, because we can make sure that their experiences
• 20:17
  Speaker 5: are slightly more variegated, diverse, supported, in order to have
• 20:22
  Speaker 5: healthier ideas in the future.
• 20:24
  Speaker 4: Do you do you feel like most people are just performing?
• 20:27
  Speaker 5: What do you mean by that?
• 20:28
  Speaker 3: Because when sometimes when you sit down with these people,
• 20:30
  Speaker 3: you realize like, oh, this is this is just an act,
• 20:34
  Speaker 3: like you know what I mean, You're just doing this
• 20:37
  Speaker 3: because of what can what can come come from it.
• 20:40
  Speaker 3: So it's like when I'm having a conversation with somebody,
• 20:42
  Speaker 3: I try to remove all of that and get to
• 20:44
  Speaker 3: what you just said, and you usually get to that
• 20:46
  Speaker 3: by seeing how a person got to where they are.
• 20:49
  Speaker 4: And then when you that's when you realize like, oh, this.
• 20:51
  Speaker 5: Isn't Yeah, I think it's hard right now, Like there's
• 20:55
  Speaker 5: this meme on social media that I love and it's
• 20:59
  Speaker 5: all text and it says society says, be yourself and
• 21:03
  Speaker 5: then society says, no, not like that, and it's brilliant, right,
• 21:08
  Speaker 5: And so what I've realized is society says, I want
• 21:12
  Speaker 5: to know what you feel, and then it goes but
• 21:14
  Speaker 5: if you let me tell you that again, society says,
• 21:18
  Speaker 5: I want to know what you feel. But then if
• 21:22
  Speaker 5: what you feel doesn't make me feel good, then I
• 21:24
  Speaker 5: don't know what you want to feel. And so I
• 21:27
  Speaker 5: think people have actually kind of regressed into performing because
• 21:32
  Speaker 5: they're so scared of being judged for every word they say.
• 21:36
  Speaker 5: And then there's the side of people performing because they
• 21:39
  Speaker 5: think that they have to abide by certain rules, or
• 21:42
  Speaker 5: they have to sit with a particular thought process, or
• 21:45
  Speaker 5: whatever it may be. But I think in our attempt
• 21:47
  Speaker 5: to be more authentic as a society, we've actually started
• 21:51
  Speaker 5: blocking authenticity because if your authenticity doesn't make me feel good,
• 21:56
  Speaker 5: then I'm rejecting it. And that doesn't actually make make sense,
• 22:00
  Speaker 5: but you know it doesn't. You can't if you say
• 22:02
  Speaker 5: something that I don't like, I can say I don't
• 22:04
  Speaker 5: like it, but I can't tell you that that's wrong.
• 22:07
  Speaker 4: Yeah, don't say I'm real until I say something that
• 22:09
  Speaker 4: you don't agree with. Yeah, exactly, But it can't be
• 22:12
  Speaker 4: that way. I should still be real, Like, come on.
• 22:15
  Speaker 1: But is it all an interpretation?
• 22:16
  Speaker 4: Right?
• 22:17
  Speaker 1: Like you've been married eight years.
• 22:19
  Speaker 2: Sometimes when you get into an argument or you know,
• 22:23
  Speaker 2: a disagreement with your wife, it might not be right
• 22:25
  Speaker 2: or wrong.
• 22:26
  Speaker 1: It might be how you interpret things right.
• 22:27
  Speaker 2: So you know, if your wife says something, you'd be
• 22:29
  Speaker 2: like you had an attitude and it makes you upset,
• 22:31
  Speaker 2: But really she didn't have an attitude. So I think
• 22:33
  Speaker 2: a lot of what we see in this world is interpretation.
• 22:36
  Speaker 6: Absolutely.
• 22:37
  Speaker 5: I try and and That's why I think the self
• 22:39
  Speaker 5: interpretation point is so much more important. I think we
• 22:42
  Speaker 5: get so lost in social media. We've mentioned it here,
• 22:45
  Speaker 5: and by the way, obviously I love social media. Without it,
• 22:47
  Speaker 5: I wouldn't even have had a career. I wouldn't be
• 22:49
  Speaker 5: here today. So I'm very grateful to social media. But
• 22:52
  Speaker 5: the point is that I think we get so lost
• 22:54
  Speaker 5: in other people's marriages, other people's careers, other people's failures,
• 22:58
  Speaker 5: that we don't make the time to reflect on our own.
• 23:01
  Speaker 5: So when I find myself being agitated with my wife
• 23:04
  Speaker 5: or being irritated with my wife, I look back as
• 23:06
  Speaker 5: to why did I behave that way, And nineteen percent
• 23:09
  Speaker 5: of the time, it's because I have a certain fear.
• 23:11
  Speaker 5: I have a certain insecurity. Sometimes my fear is actually
• 23:14
  Speaker 5: a positive fear of Let's say my wife asks me
• 23:17
  Speaker 5: a really important question, but I'm about to walk into
• 23:19
  Speaker 5: this interview. My agitated, non mindful response is going to
• 23:24
  Speaker 5: be I've got time for this right now, talk to
• 23:26
  Speaker 5: you later, right, which is the worst thing to say.
• 23:29
  Speaker 5: But I've been there. I'm just gonna put my hand down.
• 23:31
  Speaker 5: I've done that right, Like I've said, Hey, i'n't got
• 23:34
  Speaker 5: time for this right now talk.
• 23:35
  Speaker 1: I would never say that, boy, you got more. I
• 23:38
  Speaker 1: ain't got time for this.
• 23:40
  Speaker 5: I said that in the past, right, I've said that before,
• 23:42
  Speaker 5: and I feel terrible for saying that now when I
• 23:44
  Speaker 5: look back at that, and I've reflected on that, and
• 23:47
  Speaker 5: my wife's very forgiving and kind, and so she tolerates
• 23:50
  Speaker 5: me deeply.
• 23:50
  Speaker 6: And I appreciate her for that.
• 23:52
  Speaker 5: But when I reflect on having made that mistake, the
• 23:55
  Speaker 5: real reason is twofold one is it's not that I
• 23:58
  Speaker 5: haven't got time for it. I actually really care about
• 24:00
  Speaker 5: and I want to give her a really good answer.
• 24:02
  Speaker 5: I just am scared that I won't be able to
• 24:04
  Speaker 5: do that in thirty seconds, and so now I'm just
• 24:06
  Speaker 5: trying to pass it off because I don't want to take.
• 24:08
  Speaker 6: On the fear.
• 24:09
  Speaker 5: So there's actually a well intentioned thing there. It's not
• 24:11
  Speaker 5: that I actually think I'm too busy. And then sometimes
• 24:13
  Speaker 5: I'm like, well, my life's more important. Like I remember
• 24:17
  Speaker 5: this time, my wife would come up to me and
• 24:19
  Speaker 5: say I've had a really bad day, and I'd say,
• 24:22
  Speaker 5: tell me about it. I've had a really bad week,
• 24:25
  Speaker 5: and I was using her pain.
• 24:26
  Speaker 1: You're trumping her pain exactly.
• 24:28
  Speaker 5: I was using her pain to validate my pain because
• 24:31
  Speaker 5: I haven't spent time validating my pain in private, because
• 24:34
  Speaker 5: I haven't taken that time to acknowledge and recognize that
• 24:37
  Speaker 5: I'm having a challenging week. I'm now using and taking
• 24:41
  Speaker 5: her moment of connecting with her partner to make it
• 24:45
  Speaker 5: about me. And so again, when I reflect on that,
• 24:47
  Speaker 5: why am I doing that? It's because I haven't taken
• 24:49
  Speaker 5: time for myself. And I think that's where I want
• 24:52
  Speaker 5: people to live more, because we could actually heal so
• 24:55
  Speaker 5: many of our daily irritations and agitations simply by going
• 24:59
  Speaker 5: god it. I'm scared, I'm being insecure and I'm not
• 25:03
  Speaker 5: validating my own pain.
• 25:04
  Speaker 3: How many times do you? I mean, how often have
• 25:06
  Speaker 3: you broken your own eight rules of love?
• 25:08
  Speaker 6: Oh? Every day?
• 25:10
  Speaker 4: Every day, man, every day.
• 25:12
  Speaker 5: I don't think it's you know, it goes back to
• 25:14
  Speaker 5: that how can I heal someone I'm still healing myself.
• 25:16
  Speaker 5: And it goes to the reality of and I think
• 25:19
  Speaker 5: we all know this at this table. Everything in life
• 25:22
  Speaker 5: is a process, right, Like even if you took something
• 25:25
  Speaker 5: really tangible, like we say this person is rich, we
• 25:30
  Speaker 5: talk about them as if they can never lose it,
• 25:32
  Speaker 5: and that will always be theirs. That's actually not true.
• 25:35
  Speaker 5: People could lose all their money. We talk about someone
• 25:38
  Speaker 5: being famous, you could lose that. So in the same
• 25:41
  Speaker 5: way healing progress development, you can lose it. And I
• 25:45
  Speaker 5: think we've got so lost in that destination addiction, the
• 25:49
  Speaker 5: belief that you get to a point from which there
• 25:51
  Speaker 5: is no return. And I think that destination addiction is
• 25:55
  Speaker 5: really misleading in the wellness space because we feel like, oh,
• 25:59
  Speaker 5: now I'm healed. And I think it comes from this
• 26:02
  Speaker 5: idea of if you think about it right, Social media
• 26:04
  Speaker 5: is full of before and off the pictures, this where
• 26:06
  Speaker 5: I used to be, look at where I am now, right,
• 26:08
  Speaker 5: And it's always like saying I used to be in
• 26:10
  Speaker 5: a bad place, now I'm in a great place. No process,
• 26:13
  Speaker 5: no process, and linear when the real life life is
• 26:16
  Speaker 5: this every day. Sure, it's just cyclical. And I think
• 26:19
  Speaker 5: we've made our minds feel that journey's are linear. It's
• 26:24
  Speaker 5: like A to B, like going from LA to New
• 26:26
  Speaker 5: York or New York to LA. It's linear. But we
• 26:29
  Speaker 5: know that life is so much more cyclical. And so yes,
• 26:31
  Speaker 5: I've broken the eight Rules of Love every day, every
• 26:34
  Speaker 5: week of my life.
• 26:34
  Speaker 3: One of the things you said, man that I think
• 26:36
  Speaker 3: is so important that I want people to really get
• 26:38
  Speaker 3: from this if they don't get nothing else from this conversation.
• 26:41
  Speaker 4: Is like, there's no manual for any of this.
• 26:45
  Speaker 3: You're not going to be the perfect husband, You're not
• 26:47
  Speaker 3: going to be the perfect father. I spend so much
• 26:50
  Speaker 3: time simply apologizing to my wife and apologizing to my
• 26:53
  Speaker 3: kids because I don't ever want them to think that
• 26:56
  Speaker 3: I'm trying to come off with some perfect human who
• 26:59
  Speaker 3: never gets anything wrong right.
• 27:01
  Speaker 4: And I think that is that's very important to do.
• 27:04
  Speaker 4: And just being present, like.
• 27:06
  Speaker 3: When you're when you're when your wife calls you, your
• 27:08
  Speaker 3: child calls you, even if you in that moment you
• 27:10
  Speaker 3: weren't present.
• 27:11
  Speaker 4: As soon as I'm done whatever I'm doing, I'm so
• 27:13
  Speaker 4: sorry that you know I had to do that, but
• 27:15
  Speaker 4: I had to go do X, Y and Z in
• 27:17
  Speaker 4: that moment. Yeah.
• 27:18
  Speaker 5: Absolutely, And I think I think the thing about the
• 27:20
  Speaker 5: point you just made, and I hope this is what
• 27:22
  Speaker 5: someone takes away from this as well, is I think
• 27:24
  Speaker 5: a lot of us in our minds when we do introspect,
• 27:27
  Speaker 5: we're quite heavy and harsh on ourselves. I think a
• 27:30
  Speaker 5: lot of people are walking around with a internal in
• 27:36
  Speaker 5: a critical voice that is completely making them feel terrible.
• 27:39
  Speaker 5: And so when anyone says something externally, it's worse. And
• 27:42
  Speaker 5: I just want to remind people that you can't hate
• 27:45
  Speaker 5: yourself into change, Like you can't guilt yourself into growth.
• 27:49
  Speaker 5: You can't blame yourself into a breakthrough. When was the
• 27:53
  Speaker 5: last time you changed who you were because someone hated you?
• 27:57
  Speaker 5: Never when was the last time you poorted someone you
• 28:01
  Speaker 5: hate deeply? So if you're hating, blaming, guilty yourself, it
• 28:05
  Speaker 5: may get you started, but it won't get you there.
• 28:08
  Speaker 5: And so anyone who's giving themselves a hard time, I'm
• 28:10
  Speaker 5: not saying to give yourself an easy time, but that
• 28:13
  Speaker 5: inner grace that in a forgiveness is such an important
• 28:16
  Speaker 5: part of you actually becoming better. So you're not doing
• 28:19
  Speaker 5: it because you're trying to take it easy on yourself.
• 28:21
  Speaker 5: You're doing it because it's gonna let you get through
• 28:23
  Speaker 5: the hard times.
• 28:24
  Speaker 2: The most important thing I think for a lot of
• 28:26
  Speaker 2: people is back to what you said with forgiveness and
• 28:28
  Speaker 2: grace right. A lot of things that we do is
• 28:31
  Speaker 2: learn behavior.
• 28:32
  Speaker 6: Right.
• 28:32
  Speaker 2: Why do people pop their children usually because they got
• 28:35
  Speaker 2: popped as a child, you know, why do people talk
• 28:37
  Speaker 2: the way that they talk, usually because their parents talk
• 28:40
  Speaker 2: to them, or their parents are the same thing, or
• 28:42
  Speaker 2: they do that. But a lot of times when you're
• 28:44
  Speaker 2: in the moment, you don't see that. Right when my
• 28:46
  Speaker 2: dad told me, don't go out, don't do this, don't
• 28:48
  Speaker 2: do that, my first reaction was like, I hate them.
• 28:50
  Speaker 1: My other friends can do it and I can't.
• 28:52
  Speaker 2: But now as a parent, it's the same thing. Now
• 28:55
  Speaker 2: I understand why he said what he said. But you
• 28:57
  Speaker 2: always pray that you get it before that family members
• 29:01
  Speaker 2: this earth, you know what I mean. And I thank
• 29:02
  Speaker 2: God every day that my dad is still here, that
• 29:05
  Speaker 2: I didn't leave being mad at him. And you know,
• 29:07
  Speaker 2: I try to explain more to my kids because I
• 29:10
  Speaker 2: never want them to feel that way, but I know
• 29:11
  Speaker 2: they must feel the same way when they be like
• 29:13
  Speaker 2: I can't go to my friend's house or sleep over.
• 29:14
  Speaker 4: Why?
• 29:15
  Speaker 2: And I know they might be mad because their friends
• 29:17
  Speaker 2: do it. But that grace and forgiveness. We have to
• 29:19
  Speaker 2: understand that a lot of the stuff that we do
• 29:22
  Speaker 2: is learned behavior, even if it's not right.
• 29:23
  Speaker 1: We have to realize that a lot of the things
• 29:26
  Speaker 1: that we learned and we were taught were fucked up.
• 29:28
  Speaker 5: Yeah, there's that famous quote you just reminded me of
• 29:30
  Speaker 5: that says, by the time you realize that your parents
• 29:34
  Speaker 5: are right, your kids are telling you that you're wrong.
• 29:36
  Speaker 5: And it's that awkward position that we end up in.
• 29:40
  Speaker 5: But you know what's really interesting about that. I was
• 29:41
  Speaker 5: talking to someone about this at dinner last night, and
• 29:45
  Speaker 5: there's this old story that I heard a while ago,
• 29:48
  Speaker 5: and it's always resonated with me, even with my own childhood,
• 29:51
  Speaker 5: not in particular, but in essence. So the story goes
• 29:56
  Speaker 5: that these two men were interviewed and one was an alcoholic,
• 30:00
  Speaker 5: the other one and never drunk alcohol, and they were brothers,
• 30:02
  Speaker 5: and they interviewed them and then they asked the one
• 30:05
  Speaker 5: who drank alcohol and was an alcoholic, he said, why
• 30:07
  Speaker 5: are you an alcoholic? He said, my dad was an alcoholic.
• 30:10
  Speaker 5: And then they asked the other brother, why don't you drink?
• 30:12
  Speaker 5: And he said, my dad was an alcoholic. And so
• 30:14
  Speaker 5: I think a lot of us got an education and
• 30:16
  Speaker 5: what not to do, but we ended up repeating it
• 30:19
  Speaker 5: instead of breaking the cycle. And I feel like in
• 30:22
  Speaker 5: my life I had to I got a great education
• 30:25
  Speaker 5: in a lot of my areas of life in what
• 30:27
  Speaker 5: not to do and who not to be, and I
• 30:29
  Speaker 5: took all those little notes down, and I think that's
• 30:32
  Speaker 5: what's improved my life. So I think if we're constantly
• 30:34
  Speaker 5: waiting for the perfect example and the perfect space and
• 30:37
  Speaker 5: the perfect surroundings and the perfect aren't and uncle and
• 30:40
  Speaker 5: the perfect parent, it's like we may be waiting forever
• 30:43
  Speaker 5: because no one's perfect. So we almost have to make
• 30:46
  Speaker 5: a list of what not to do, but what not
• 30:48
  Speaker 5: to do, but.
• 30:49
  Speaker 4: Also how to.
• 30:50
  Speaker 3: That's why that's why podcasts like On Purpose is so important.
• 30:53
  Speaker 3: That's why podcasts like you know, Debbie Brown deeply Well
• 30:55
  Speaker 3: is so important because we learn how to you know,
• 30:59
  Speaker 3: break break a lot cycle.
• 31:00
  Speaker 5: Absolutely.
• 31:01
  Speaker 4: Are you wearing gap right now?
• 31:02
  Speaker 5: No?
• 31:03
  Speaker 6: Not right now?
• 31:03
  Speaker 4: Okay, I'm just happy because you saw that you saw
• 31:05
  Speaker 4: a gap.
• 31:08
  Speaker 6: That's why.
• 31:08
  Speaker 4: That's just thought you was handsome.
• 31:13
  Speaker 5: I was like, all right, DJM, you know, you know,
• 31:18
  Speaker 5: I wasn't expecting that from you, But thank you, man.
• 31:20
  Speaker 3: I appreciate you and your wife do the holiday holiday
• 31:23
  Speaker 3: gap campaign.
• 31:24
  Speaker 5: Yeah, yeah, we we were just you know, when we
• 31:26
  Speaker 5: got asked to do that, it was like we couldn't
• 31:28
  Speaker 5: believe it.
• 31:29
  Speaker 6: We're like, what is this?
• 31:30
  Speaker 5: You know, like we grew up watching the Gap campaigns
• 31:32
  Speaker 5: like the holiday campaigns especially, and any I've said to
• 31:36
  Speaker 5: my wife, any time I get to do any work
• 31:38
  Speaker 5: with her is my favorite thing because I get to
• 31:40
  Speaker 5: hang with her all day. And so that shoot was fun.
• 31:43
  Speaker 5: They made it fun. The creative team was fantastic, Like
• 31:45
  Speaker 5: it was a good time. We walked out of there
• 31:47
  Speaker 5: having having had a great day. So it was a
• 31:49
  Speaker 5: lot of fun. And then it was it was surreal
• 31:52
  Speaker 5: because you know, yeah, definitely never been a model.
• 31:55
  Speaker 3: So do you have a question yourself when you get
• 31:57
  Speaker 3: approached to do things like that, because you know, people think, for.
• 32:01
  Speaker 4: Whatever, for whatever reason, what it is you do, Oh,
• 32:04
  Speaker 4: you shouldn't have a campaign to be a guru? You know?
• 32:09
  Speaker 5: Do you ever question yourself about Yeah, absolutely, I've I've
• 32:12
  Speaker 5: had the challenges. I've had to sit with that question
• 32:15
  Speaker 5: so much. And here's what I've come out with. One
• 32:17
  Speaker 5: of the reasons I do it is because I don't want.
• 32:20
  Speaker 4: To be the guru.
• 32:21
  Speaker 5: I don't want to be that. I'm a normal guy
• 32:24
  Speaker 5: who likes nice things, who is married, who's happily married,
• 32:27
  Speaker 5: who who's living in the normal world, who has businesses
• 32:31
  Speaker 5: like everything. It's like, I just I want to be
• 32:33
  Speaker 5: that because I think that the you know, the putting
• 32:37
  Speaker 5: anyone up on a pedestal, that person will always let
• 32:40
  Speaker 5: you down because it's it's hard for anyone to live
• 32:43
  Speaker 5: up to that, and so I would rather take myself
• 32:45
  Speaker 5: off of it and normalize it and be good with that.
• 32:49
  Speaker 5: And at the same time, I think, I look at
• 32:51
  Speaker 5: it and I go, in my opinion, I'm hoping that
• 32:54
  Speaker 5: someone's going to see that and be reminded of wellness
• 32:57
  Speaker 5: and be reminded of well being from the perspective of like,
• 33:00
  Speaker 5: oh yeah, generally they do that thing. So I'm hoping
• 33:02
  Speaker 5: that it's actually helping us get the message out there more.
• 33:05
  Speaker 5: And maybe I'm wrong, but I also look at it
• 33:07
  Speaker 5: as things I enjoy doing and things I love doing
• 33:10
  Speaker 5: with my wife, and I live life in that way
• 33:11
  Speaker 5: and a lot of the opportunities come my way. One
• 33:14
  Speaker 5: of the things that I've really been working on, and
• 33:15
  Speaker 5: this is probably the most thoughtful answer I can give
• 33:18
  Speaker 5: to this, is I've realized that a lot of opportunities
• 33:20
  Speaker 5: I give today, a lot of opportunities I get today, they.
• 33:26
  Speaker 6: Feel like a high five.
• 33:28
  Speaker 5: To my sixteen year old self and my twelve year
• 33:31
  Speaker 5: old self, and even my five year old self, and
• 33:35
  Speaker 5: then there's the more evolved me of today. And so
• 33:39
  Speaker 5: I'm living these two lives, and I think we all
• 33:41
  Speaker 5: are living the life of what are inner child desired
• 33:45
  Speaker 5: and then are evolved today's self desires. And I've just
• 33:49
  Speaker 5: found that there are certain opportunities that fulfill it for
• 33:52
  Speaker 5: that inner child that I don't want to abandon, because
• 33:55
  Speaker 5: what I'm worried about is that if I abandon it,
• 33:57
  Speaker 5: there'll be some more biddenness, some more resentment that will develop,
• 34:01
  Speaker 5: that will grow in the future. And so I want
• 34:03
  Speaker 5: to make sure that I acknowledge the needs of that
• 34:05
  Speaker 5: in a child that maybe weren't met at that age
• 34:07
  Speaker 5: or that stage in my life. And so that's kind
• 34:09
  Speaker 5: of what I refer to a lot when I'm trying
• 34:11
  Speaker 5: to make these decisions.
• 34:12
  Speaker 3: I don't have a problem with it, because you know,
• 34:13
  Speaker 3: we always say stop making stupid people famous, So so
• 34:17
  Speaker 3: why not make the small ones if the small ones
• 34:19
  Speaker 3: can get the light on them?
• 34:20
  Speaker 4: Why not? Because when the amplifies, I appreciate that more
• 34:23
  Speaker 4: people you know, come in and pay attention.
• 34:24
  Speaker 3: I want to ask you to do you get pushed
• 34:27
  Speaker 3: back from people who will watch you sit down with
• 34:30
  Speaker 3: a Michelle Obama or a Jada Pinket smith Man.
• 34:32
  Speaker 4: Why didn't you challenge them on this? Why didn't you
• 34:34
  Speaker 4: challenge them on that?
• 34:35
  Speaker 5: Yeah, I don't get pushed back for not challenging people
• 34:38
  Speaker 5: because I think the questions I ask are challenging in
• 34:40
  Speaker 5: a different way. But I think I'll get pushed back
• 34:43
  Speaker 5: because someone doesn't like that person. Yeah, but what I've
• 34:46
  Speaker 5: found every single time is that when someone actually listens
• 34:50
  Speaker 5: to the episode or watches it on YouTube, if you
• 34:53
  Speaker 5: look at that common section, it is spectacular, like when
• 34:59
  Speaker 5: someone's actually taking out time out of the day to
• 35:01
  Speaker 5: listen for an hour or watch for an hour, and
• 35:03
  Speaker 5: then you see the comment section, you'll see people having
• 35:06
  Speaker 5: complete I had people reaching out about both those episodes,
• 35:10
  Speaker 5: the President Biden interview as well that we did earlier
• 35:13
  Speaker 5: last year, and the comments of people who actually listened
• 35:16
  Speaker 5: to it. And by the way, a lot of people
• 35:17
  Speaker 5: were like, Hey, I don't agree with this person's politics.
• 35:21
  Speaker 5: I'm actually on completely on the other side. But I
• 35:24
  Speaker 5: just want you to know that listening to this interview
• 35:27
  Speaker 5: was so enlightening from a human perspective. Thank you for
• 35:29
  Speaker 5: putting it out there. And I respect that approach because
• 35:32
  Speaker 5: I think that's why I do the interview. I don't
• 35:34
  Speaker 5: do the interview for any other reason apart from us
• 35:37
  Speaker 5: looking at the broken mirror and looking back and saying, Okay,
• 35:41
  Speaker 5: where can I resonate with the humanity of this individual
• 35:44
  Speaker 5: or where can I relate to this person? So yeah,
• 35:46
  Speaker 5: I think that's generally the pushback. But the comment section.
• 35:50
  Speaker 5: I encourage you on those episodes to go look at
• 35:52
  Speaker 5: the YouTube comment section. It's phenomenal to read what people
• 35:57
  Speaker 5: are getting.
• 35:57
  Speaker 3: Yeah, because I think your conversation with Jada pit and
• 36:00
  Speaker 3: gets Smith. The clips is what's set off the Jada
• 36:03
  Speaker 3: pink and hate tred not because of you.
• 36:05
  Speaker 4: Yeah, you know what I mean.
• 36:06
  Speaker 3: But if you didn't watch the whole conversation and context
• 36:11
  Speaker 3: and you just saw clips.
• 36:12
  Speaker 4: Yeah, she got a tech Yeah Yeah.
• 36:14
  Speaker 5: And Jada's a dear friend for me, So it's yeah,
• 36:17
  Speaker 5: it's it's a tough one because I think any clip
• 36:20
  Speaker 5: about anyone.
• 36:21
  Speaker 6: I said, someone say this to me today.
• 36:23
  Speaker 5: Yesterday they said to me Jay, they meant me for
• 36:25
  Speaker 5: the first time and they were like, Jay, you're so
• 36:27
  Speaker 5: much nicer in person. I didn't like you off a
• 36:29
  Speaker 5: few Instagram and I was like, fair enough, that's cool.
• 36:32
  Speaker 5: But it's it's so hard for me to be all
• 36:35
  Speaker 5: of myself in thirty seconds. And I'm trying my best.
• 36:38
  Speaker 5: You're trying your best. You'll try your best, but it's
• 36:41
  Speaker 5: hard for any of us.
• 36:42
  Speaker 4: Like they did nothing like about you on Instagram. You're
• 36:44
  Speaker 4: with your wife. No, yeah, puppy's looking your face.
• 36:49
  Speaker 5: No, in the sense of I think he was just
• 36:51
  Speaker 5: like you know, I feel like you feel a bit
• 36:53
  Speaker 5: like whatever it was, like whatever.
• 36:55
  Speaker 6: I don't even know what it was.
• 36:56
  Speaker 5: But I think all of us, if you judged any
• 36:58
  Speaker 5: of ourselves at thirty second real, oh, I'm sure all
• 37:01
  Speaker 5: of us would agree, it's not who we are, you know. So,
• 37:03
  Speaker 5: and that's why I've started I do stuff with my
• 37:05
  Speaker 5: wife because I feel I'm most myself when I'm with
• 37:07
  Speaker 5: my wife because naturally it's the person I spend the
• 37:10
  Speaker 5: most time with. And so, but even even with all
• 37:12
  Speaker 5: of us, like, I've got to meet you guys in
• 37:14
  Speaker 5: person a few times now. We were in Canned with
• 37:16
  Speaker 5: iHeart on, you know, for the festival last year together,
• 37:20
  Speaker 5: and I think when you've met people in person, that's
• 37:23
  Speaker 5: the only time you're going to feel like you've got
• 37:25
  Speaker 5: to know them. I don't think anyone under I feel
• 37:27
  Speaker 5: like if someone if someone okay, if someone follows me
• 37:30
  Speaker 5: on Instagram, they understand maybe ten percent of who I am.
• 37:33
  Speaker 6: If they listen to my podcast.
• 37:34
  Speaker 5: They probably understand seventy five percent of who I am
• 37:37
  Speaker 5: because they're really dialing into who I am. If they've
• 37:39
  Speaker 5: read my books and my podcast, they're probably like, at
• 37:41
  Speaker 5: that eighty nine percent. If they've seen me live, there
• 37:42
  Speaker 5: at that ninety five percent, and then when someone's met
• 37:44
  Speaker 5: me in person, it's one hundred percent. And so I
• 37:46
  Speaker 5: think it's all percentages. And I you know, I hope
• 37:50
  Speaker 5: that we all again going back to forgiveness and grace.
• 37:53
  Speaker 5: I hope that we can all give each other a
• 37:55
  Speaker 5: bit more benefit of the doubt because I think it
• 37:57
  Speaker 5: will go a long way for people.
• 37:58
  Speaker 4: And you officiated been in j Lowe's wedding, Yeah.
• 38:02
  Speaker 6: That was a year and a half ago.
• 38:03
  Speaker 4: Were you to do that?
• 38:05
  Speaker 6: I had to do the online kind of you know.
• 38:08
  Speaker 4: Why they I mean, why did they?
• 38:09
  Speaker 5: But I don't think you have to be in Georgia.
• 38:11
  Speaker 5: I don't think you need to be licensed, so I
• 38:14
  Speaker 5: don't know the rules of that. I can't remember why
• 38:15
  Speaker 5: did they pick you? Though? So i'd collaborated with Jen
• 38:19
  Speaker 5: for a while, like we've done a bunch of stuff together.
• 38:21
  Speaker 5: Okase she came on the show a few years ago,
• 38:23
  Speaker 5: we'd had a few great offline conversations. I went and
• 38:26
  Speaker 5: officiated weddings as part of the launch of her last
• 38:29
  Speaker 5: movie on her special and it was just, you know,
• 38:34
  Speaker 5: it just I was really grateful for the opportunity. I was,
• 38:37
  Speaker 5: you know, pinching myself as well. And you know, for me,
• 38:40
  Speaker 5: I love love, like I'm a massive lover of love.
• 38:43
  Speaker 5: And I'd sent her the book as well, and I
• 38:47
  Speaker 5: think that kind of made it happen to I'd sent
• 38:49
  Speaker 5: the book and when it was being written, and she
• 38:51
  Speaker 5: appreciated it and she wrote me a beautiful testimonial for it,
• 38:54
  Speaker 5: and that kind of led to the wedding as well.
• 38:57
  Speaker 6: And it was like I felt like I.
• 39:00
  Speaker 5: Was just trying to make sure I didn't cry, Like
• 39:03
  Speaker 5: I'm that kind of guy who like ugly cries during
• 39:05
  Speaker 5: a wedding and like gets really soppy, and like, you know,
• 39:08
  Speaker 5: she's walking down the aisle, bend's there, he's tearing up.
• 39:10
  Speaker 5: I'm like, don't cry, dude, you're going to ruin this.
• 39:13
  Speaker 5: Do not cry. And I just had to hold it together.
• 39:16
  Speaker 5: Just to get through because I was like, I'm about
• 39:17
  Speaker 5: the ball. So yeah, it was specially it's an amazing experience.
• 39:21
  Speaker 4: I know you probably got a runch. I got like
• 39:22
  Speaker 4: one more question for you.
• 39:23
  Speaker 3: You say, language has created the word loneliness. They expressed
• 39:28
  Speaker 3: the pain of being alone, and it has created the
• 39:30
  Speaker 3: word solitude, express the glory of being alone.
• 39:35
  Speaker 4: Could you could expound on that?
• 39:36
  Speaker 5: Yeah, it's a Paul Tillich quote. The writer Paul Tillich
• 39:38
  Speaker 5: said that, and to me, I extrapolated from his work
• 39:42
  Speaker 5: for my book because I was realizing that language and
• 39:46
  Speaker 5: the way we use words completely defines how we think
• 39:49
  Speaker 5: about things. So when you hear the word loneliness, you
• 39:52
  Speaker 5: think sadness, you think potentially depression, you think negativity. Of course,
• 39:57
  Speaker 5: solitude is spending time alone with yourself, but with strength,
• 40:01
  Speaker 5: with courage, as Paul Tillett says, glory. So what I've
• 40:05
  Speaker 5: realized is we've got to be so careful with the
• 40:07
  Speaker 5: language we use in our minds. Every single word is
• 40:10
  Speaker 5: a seed for either a weed or a flower, right,
• 40:14
  Speaker 5: and so every single word that you say is defining.
• 40:16
  Speaker 5: So if I keep saying I'm lonely, I'm lonely, I'm lonely,
• 40:19
  Speaker 5: that's going to impact how I feel. But if I
• 40:21
  Speaker 5: say I'm in solitude all of a sudden, there's a
• 40:23
  Speaker 5: strength that comes with that. And so I just want
• 40:25
  Speaker 5: to encourage people to recognize that being alone doesn't have
• 40:29
  Speaker 5: to be a weakness. It can be a time of
• 40:32
  Speaker 5: strength and self awareness and personal growth. But it is
• 40:35
  Speaker 5: about the language that we use with ourselves. And so
• 40:37
  Speaker 5: I would ask everyone to this one activity. Think about
• 40:40
  Speaker 5: the one word that comes to your mind the moment
• 40:43
  Speaker 5: you wake up or the moment you go to sleep.
• 40:46
  Speaker 5: Make that word a word that you want it to be.
• 40:48
  Speaker 5: Don't let the word you go to sleep with, and
• 40:50
  Speaker 5: don't let the word you wake up with be a
• 40:52
  Speaker 5: word that makes you feel negative, unhealthy, or weak. Because
• 40:57
  Speaker 5: those studies show we have sixty to eighty thousand thoughts
• 41:00
  Speaker 5: per day, and eighty percent of them are negative, and
• 41:03
  Speaker 5: eighty percent of them are repetitive, which means you're having
• 41:05
  Speaker 5: the same negative word or thought repeating. It's not like
• 41:09
  Speaker 5: we're having lots of different thoughts, it's the same thought. Now,
• 41:11
  Speaker 5: you can't control sixty to eighty thousand thoughts, but you
• 41:14
  Speaker 5: can control two thoughts of the day. So just master
• 41:16
  Speaker 5: the first thought of the day and the last thought
• 41:17
  Speaker 5: of the day, and make it a thought and a
• 41:19
  Speaker 5: word that you want it to be.
• 41:20
  Speaker 4: I wonder when that study was done.
• 41:21
  Speaker 3: I wonder was it before social media after because I
• 41:23
  Speaker 3: feel like with social media is probably trippled.
• 41:25
  Speaker 5: At Yeah, I probably read it that. That's that probably
• 41:27
  Speaker 5: I've read in the last three to four years. So
• 41:30
  Speaker 5: I guess while social media is around. But yeah, I
• 41:31
  Speaker 5: mean now it could have totally tripled. But it's interesting
• 41:34
  Speaker 5: because it's the same thought often.
• 41:35
  Speaker 4: Yeah.
• 41:36
  Speaker 5: Right, It's a lot of time we keep saying the
• 41:37
  Speaker 5: same thing. I'm so tired, I'm so tired that thought
• 41:40
  Speaker 5: could life last a year? Or like, oh god, I'm
• 41:43
  Speaker 5: so scared at work, I'm so anxious, that could last
• 41:45
  Speaker 5: a year?
• 41:45
  Speaker 4: So h one more thing, Yeah, man, is there anything
• 41:48
  Speaker 4: Jay Shady hates?
• 41:50
  Speaker 6: Ooh ooh, that is that's a great question. I need
• 41:53
  Speaker 6: to give a good answer for that.
• 41:55
  Speaker 5: You think about that. By then, of the answer I
• 42:10
  Speaker 5: was going to give, I have to I can't. So
• 42:14
  Speaker 5: the answer is I don't because I think hate personally,
• 42:19
  Speaker 5: collectively individually doesn't lead to greatness. I've never seen hate
• 42:25
  Speaker 5: lead to greatness. I've never seen hate lead to purpose.
• 42:28
  Speaker 5: I've never seen hate lead to a positive outcome, and
• 42:31
  Speaker 5: so I think hating anything is setting yourself up to
• 42:34
  Speaker 5: never see the greatness to goodness in it, and so
• 42:38
  Speaker 5: I'd prefer not to hate anything.
• 42:39
  Speaker 4: What about the Notebook.
• 42:43
  Speaker 5: I don't hate the notebook, but I have heard I
• 42:46
  Speaker 5: have thoughts about the notebook Charlamayne, I don't hate the number.
• 42:49
  Speaker 5: I find it hilarious as to how many. And I was,
• 42:52
  Speaker 5: like I said, I'm a hopeless romantic. I've been like
• 42:54
  Speaker 5: that my whole life because I grew up watching Hollywood
• 42:56
  Speaker 5: movies thinking that that's how I was meant to fall
• 42:59
  Speaker 5: in love. I was that person who felt for that.
• 43:01
  Speaker 5: And now I've read about something that they call Disney
• 43:03
  Speaker 5: Princess syndrome, where people walk around like feeling like they're
• 43:07
  Speaker 5: going to be saved by their partner, like you're gonna
• 43:09
  Speaker 5: have a night in shining armor, Who's gonna come in
• 43:11
  Speaker 5: and rescue you? And I think there's Disney Prince syndrome
• 43:14
  Speaker 5: as well, where we want to go and save someone
• 43:16
  Speaker 5: and we want to be the be all and end
• 43:18
  Speaker 5: all of everything. So the Notebook just has some really
• 43:21
  Speaker 5: questionable lines where like Ryan Gosling's character says to Rachel
• 43:26
  Speaker 5: mcadam's character, he'll say things like, oh, you know, I
• 43:29
  Speaker 5: could be anything you want me to be. I'll be anything. Right,
• 43:32
  Speaker 5: we've heard that. But then the other thing is, she's
• 43:34
  Speaker 5: on a ferrist wheel. Is thatways called ferrist wheel? Right,
• 43:37
  Speaker 5: that's what you call it, ferrist wheel. I have to
• 43:40
  Speaker 5: check my British and American, but yeah, she's on the
• 43:42
  Speaker 5: Ferrist wheel. He's hanging off the Ferrist wheel. And he goes,
• 43:45
  Speaker 5: if you don't go on a date with me, I
• 43:47
  Speaker 5: will fall like I'll let go. That's really unhealthy.
• 43:51
  Speaker 4: That is.
• 43:54
  Speaker 6: Like saying to.
• 43:54
  Speaker 5: Someone I am I'm going to commit if you don't
• 43:57
  Speaker 5: go out with me and those and we may thinks
• 44:00
  Speaker 5: a movie, it doesn't matter. I know people who've heard
• 44:02
  Speaker 5: that from people. I've had people who've stalk I know
• 44:04
  Speaker 5: people who've stalked people who've had people chase them down,
• 44:07
  Speaker 5: who've said things like that to people. So I didn't
• 44:10
  Speaker 5: kill myself, you leave me exactly. So I think we've
• 44:13
  Speaker 5: got to be careful about these ideas. If you're watching
• 44:15
  Speaker 5: his entertainment, it was really funny. I was talking to
• 44:16
  Speaker 5: someone the other day and they were like, they're like,
• 44:18
  Speaker 5: I didn't sleep so well, and I was like, what
• 44:19
  Speaker 5: did you watch last night? And they went an American nightmare?
• 44:21
  Speaker 6: And I was like, yeah, obviously, what do you expect?
• 44:23
  Speaker 5: So whenever anyone tells me they wake up with anxiety,
• 44:25
  Speaker 5: the first question I says, what did you watch last night?
• 44:28
  Speaker 5: Because that is going to tell me what was in
• 44:30
  Speaker 5: your brain? So yeah, I don't hate the number.
• 44:33
  Speaker 4: You think it's a horror movie though basically.
• 44:36
  Speaker 6: It will make your life into a horror movie for sure.
• 44:39
  Speaker 1: Well, J Sheddy ladies and gentlemen, when can they follow you?
• 44:42
  Speaker 4: Jay?
• 44:42
  Speaker 5: Come and check out the podcast On Purpose. It's where
• 44:45
  Speaker 5: I'm pouring my heart and soul and you know, excited
• 44:47
  Speaker 5: to share so many more amazing, maybe thought provoking, maybe
• 44:52
  Speaker 5: even pushing you slightly conversations to come and join us
• 44:54
  Speaker 5: at On Purpose.
• 44:55
  Speaker 3: And his latest book was Eight Rules of Love that
• 44:57
  Speaker 3: came out last year, how to Find It, Keep It,
• 44:59
  Speaker 3: and Let It Go.
• 45:00
  Speaker 4: You got any a new book coming.
• 45:01
  Speaker 5: Or no, no, no, this was just I was just
• 45:03
  Speaker 5: excited to be back with you and hanging and actually,
• 45:05
  Speaker 5: do you know what, sometimes I love these conversations because
• 45:07
  Speaker 5: I came here not knowing where it was going to
• 45:09
  Speaker 5: go and then you guys just guide it beautifully.
• 45:11
  Speaker 6: So this was wonderful man, Thank you guys.
• 45:13
  Speaker 1: Jay Shatty, It's the Breakfast Club. Good morning, wake that
• 45:16
  Speaker 1: ass up in the morning.
• 45:18
  Speaker 4: The Breakfast Club