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Choose Yourself with Hakeem McFarlane · The Trauma Therapist

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: Welcome to the Trauma Therivers podcast. My name is Guimiferson
• 0:03
  Speaker 1: and I interview incredible people who share the story of
• 0:07
  Speaker 1: how trauma has shaped their lives. And a big thank
• 0:10
  Speaker 1: you for sponsoring today's episode goes to my guest and
• 0:13
  Speaker 1: our sponsors. So five four, three, two and one, our folks,
• 0:24
  Speaker 1: welcome back to the podcast. Very excited to have as
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  Speaker 1: my guest today. Hakim Born McFarlane, Hakim welcome.
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  Speaker 2: Hey, Thank you guy. I appreciate what you're doing for
• 0:33
  Speaker 2: yourself and for everybody else. Thank you.
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  Speaker 1: So. Hakim is a creator, author, and motivational speaker whose
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  Speaker 1: raw truth and relentless tenacity have inspired thousands to stop
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  Speaker 1: living on an autopilot and start choosing themselves. He's the
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  Speaker 1: mind behind Choose Yourself to be Chosen and the founder
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  Speaker 1: of the Choose Yourself Movement, a community built for people
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  Speaker 1: who are ready to face their excuses head on, tear
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  Speaker 1: down what isn't working, and build an unshakeable foundation for
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  Speaker 1: the life they actually want. All right, Hakeem, just a
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  Speaker 1: little bit about you, but before we get go in here,
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  Speaker 1: share with the listeners where you're from originally and where
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  Speaker 1: you are currently.
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  Speaker 2: Yeah. Man born and raised Minneapolis thirty years. I've been
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  Speaker 2: in Manhattan for four now hours. I like to say,
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  Speaker 2: from the Minnieapple to the Big Apple.
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  Speaker 1: All right, so raw truth, relentless honesty. How does it
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  Speaker 1: start for you?
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  Speaker 2: Man? Eight days locked up in a cell, no pen,
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  Speaker 2: no pad, no journal, no shower, no phone call, no
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  Speaker 2: answer on when this would end. But we all go
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  Speaker 2: through our dark days and then we get to a
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  Speaker 2: point where we're done dealing with our own bs, our
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  Speaker 2: own excuse is our own victors mentality. We embrace our
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  Speaker 2: accountability and we take action in order to make a change.
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  Speaker 2: But it starts inside. And for me, that took at
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  Speaker 2: least ten to eleven points of God in universe knocking
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  Speaker 2: on my door, hitting me with sides. But my ego
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  Speaker 2: was too headstrong. I didn't listen until I was absolutely
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  Speaker 2: forced into solitude in this huge your self process. We
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  Speaker 2: called it the turning point.
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  Speaker 1: Okay, that's the big picture. In this podcast, get we
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  Speaker 1: dived down what happened? How did you even get in
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  Speaker 1: that cell in the first place?
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  Speaker 2: Yeah? Well, you know, initially, my little brother died when
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  Speaker 2: he was six and I was sixteen. I pulled the
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  Speaker 2: plug and went and played a basketball game. In the
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  Speaker 2: same day. That was my first experience for grief. He
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  Speaker 2: died from cancer. I had a bunch of animosity, a
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  Speaker 2: rebellious attitude towards surgeons and towards my parents for coming
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  Speaker 2: from addiction. They both were from addiction. My mom quit,
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  Speaker 2: my dad was still living in the rock star lifestyle.
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  Speaker 2: So it's me and my moms and my little brother
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  Speaker 2: came and he died and it was me and my
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  Speaker 2: mom's And what that does to a family, What that
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  Speaker 2: does to an older brother to think he has to
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  Speaker 2: step up as the man, What that does for the
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  Speaker 2: bond between the only child, as your mom tends to
• 3:00
  Speaker 2: kind of fade in between the hospital bed and the
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  Speaker 2: nursing station while you're still out here going to school,
• 3:06
  Speaker 2: playing sports, trying to hold it down. That type of
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  Speaker 2: friction put up on an emotional safe, an emotional case
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  Speaker 2: around expressing myself and so playing sports, making jokes, acted
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  Speaker 2: up in class. That was my mask, and so I
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  Speaker 2: talk about in the book the mask or numbing or
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  Speaker 2: projections is typically how we deal with grief, and for me,
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  Speaker 2: it was masking, and I masked it into sports so
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  Speaker 2: I was able to go d one full ride. But
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  Speaker 2: since I masked it. My anger inside started to project
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  Speaker 2: onto my teammates and into the schools that I went to.
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  Speaker 2: So when D one got kicked out, when D two
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  Speaker 2: tore my a cl got into a fight, got eighteen
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  Speaker 2: eighty six months over my head with twenty years probation,
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  Speaker 2: first degree assault felony at age nineteen. So I got
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  Speaker 2: so between the trauma when I was sixteen, or I
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  Speaker 2: caught yer development the grieving when I was sixteen leaving
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  Speaker 2: my full ride, you know, because every frame right there,
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  Speaker 2: you know, we try to try to be grateful because
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  Speaker 2: if we thank God for the good, we got to
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  Speaker 2: thank them for the bad. What can we get from this?
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  Speaker 2: So the grieving when I was sixteen, obviously seeing what
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  Speaker 2: that did to my mom, D one full ride messed
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  Speaker 2: that up. D two ACL D two felony. Then I
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  Speaker 2: dropped out for a year and I was back at
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  Speaker 2: my mom's started messing around in the streets. When the
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  Speaker 2: night club started doing security, took my anger out in
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  Speaker 2: my job title, which a lot of people do nowadays too.
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  Speaker 2: They will take their anger out on their employees, their staff,
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  Speaker 2: and their family, not knowing that it's literally the friction
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  Speaker 2: between their healing and their mask. And so that's what
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  Speaker 2: we do in the Choose Yourself community is embrace the
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  Speaker 2: story and the pain first, first things first. And I'm
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  Speaker 2: sure you know anybody who's in this field probably understands
• 4:55
  Speaker 2: something similar. So eventually I got too deep in the
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  Speaker 2: black market party and and I had four more knee
• 5:02
  Speaker 2: injuries during that time, and I got to a trigger point.
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  Speaker 2: My first trigger point was I got beat up doing security.
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  Speaker 2: I was in pain. The next morning, I said, I
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  Speaker 2: do not belong in the streets. I need to go
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  Speaker 2: back to school. So because I had a felony, I
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  Speaker 2: couldn't go back to university. So I went to a
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  Speaker 2: private school where I had to talk to the head
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  Speaker 2: coach and the president and the chairman to say, I'm
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  Speaker 2: not a fela, I'm an athlete. They just labeled me
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  Speaker 2: nah blah blah victim. Okay, but they allowed me to play.
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  Speaker 2: So I went back for four years. But now I
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  Speaker 2: had already unlocked the numbing component of substances. I didn't
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  Speaker 2: drink until I went to Ndsun til I went D one.
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  Speaker 2: In high school. From sixteen to eighteen, I didn't do
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  Speaker 2: any substances. I just numbed it sports girlfriend class cloud.
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  Speaker 2: But when I got outside of that structure, that environment
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  Speaker 2: of my home and my friends who were watching me,
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  Speaker 2: who saw me lose my brother, who were like, is
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  Speaker 2: he going to crack? Is he going to crack? I
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  Speaker 2: was fine. But when the pressure was off and I
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  Speaker 2: went to a whole new campus, nobody cared about that.
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  Speaker 2: So I was seeking where to fit in, and I
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  Speaker 2: started fitting into partying. But they didn't have the buried
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  Speaker 2: character development experiences and the addictive genes that I did.
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  Speaker 2: Maybe some of them did, but I wasn't comparing that.
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  Speaker 2: I was just like, Oh, we're on the same team.
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  Speaker 2: Let's party. So every single drink was a crack on
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  Speaker 2: that safe, a crack on that safe, crack on that safe.
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  Speaker 2: And even when I was sober, the anger that had
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  Speaker 2: been released while I was drinking was still part of
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  Speaker 2: my conscious mind. Because once you expand the conscious mind,
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  Speaker 2: it doesn't come back. So a lot of people continue
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  Speaker 2: to numb it with more drinking. And so through partying
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  Speaker 2: and neglecting my grief, I kept getting injured. My body
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  Speaker 2: started breaking down trying to tell me stop running from it.
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  Speaker 2: And when I went back to college, I had now
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  Speaker 2: balanced partying in the off season locking in in the
• 6:44
  Speaker 2: on season. So I locked in after my brother passed,
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  Speaker 2: and I partied in my dark place. Now I'm doing
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  Speaker 2: both every other semester, so I was half fast in
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  Speaker 2: my career. I was the best on that team because
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  Speaker 2: it was D three and I was D one talent.
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  Speaker 2: But I wasn't being pushed enough to really push myself,
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  Speaker 2: and I played the line of ask numb, ask numb,
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  Speaker 2: mass numb. Still got my degree, still went all American,
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  Speaker 2: still got a chance at the pros. But I wasn't prepared.
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  Speaker 2: So when the Dallas Cowboys came to my school, I
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  Speaker 2: wasn't prepared because I was still balancing party and dedication. Now,
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  Speaker 2: if I didn't have my football team, I probably would
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  Speaker 2: have Party of the year round. And that's the people
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  Speaker 2: pleasing in me. I locked in in order to please
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  Speaker 2: my teammates. I locked in order to please the people
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  Speaker 2: at the party. I made sure I had a booth.
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  Speaker 2: I made sure you're at the front of the line.
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  Speaker 2: I made sure I can get you on the guest
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  Speaker 2: guest list. That was me giving away because I wasn't
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  Speaker 2: given to myself. So eventually, once I couldn't go play pro,
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  Speaker 2: I didn't make Dallas. Then I tried to play Arena,
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  Speaker 2: but my probation officer felt any probation stuck in a county,
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  Speaker 2: said you can't go play outside of this county. It's
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  Speaker 2: too much of a hassle. So I lost my spot
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  Speaker 2: on arena team. Then I broke my ankle, and then
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  Speaker 2: that very first mask from when I pulled the plug
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  Speaker 2: on my brother was gone, because now the dream was
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  Speaker 2: gone to play in the NFL. As long as I
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  Speaker 2: could play sports, that was the mask. Once the mask
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  Speaker 2: was gone, you'd think I'd have to sit in the
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  Speaker 2: grief of pain. That's not what I did. I went
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  Speaker 2: back to the other side, which was Numby so my
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  Speaker 2: second dark place. First one was when I ended up
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  Speaker 2: moving back after my ACL The second one was after
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  Speaker 2: I lost my identity and my identity in football, and
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  Speaker 2: in there I doubled down super deep into the dark
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  Speaker 2: place for about two years. And then that's how I
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  Speaker 2: ended up my second eight month stint eight days locked
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  Speaker 2: in a sale by myself because somebody overdosed. I was
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  Speaker 2: forced into sobriety, and then I stayed sober for eighteen
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  Speaker 2: months after that, partnering with my uncle who started doing
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  Speaker 2: sales crushed in Minnesota, and then we expanded to New York.
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  Speaker 2: Moved out to New York and started choose yourself.
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  Speaker 1: Wow, okay, I mean you have an incredible awareness about
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  Speaker 1: your process and what happened when you were in that cell.
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  Speaker 1: What was happening for you, what shifted for you.
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  Speaker 2: Well, the first time, first eight months, there was a
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  Speaker 2: way to acquire substances and numb the pain and sleep
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  Speaker 2: your time away. The second eight months, after somebody overdosed,
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  Speaker 2: they stripped down the whole sale. So now they got
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  Speaker 2: super strict on the UA's. They added more substances to
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  Speaker 2: the UA list. So really, this was my first time
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  Speaker 2: being sober since I went to my first college and
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  Speaker 2: I was forced into sobriety the first day, and I
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  Speaker 2: talk about this as kind of a transition process for
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  Speaker 2: all of us. The first day was withdrawals, pain, depression, confusion,
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  Speaker 2: lack of clarity, fatigue, loss of hope. Second day was anger,
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  Speaker 2: blaming my dad, the judge, my brother, my injuries, the
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  Speaker 2: white judge, blah blah blah blah blah. Third day, I
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  Speaker 2: was looking angrily to join in to all the three
• 9:51
  Speaker 2: hundred and fifty men who were locked up screaming and banging,
• 9:53
  Speaker 2: drinking coffee all night, gang banging, threatening the CEOs, blah blah,
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  Speaker 2: I gotta do this. And then day three I was
• 10:00
  Speaker 2: exerting anger out of ourself with hopes to join the
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  Speaker 2: pain of others. Man, I can't believe this, y'all been
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  Speaker 2: letting me out, blah blah. At first, I was like,
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  Speaker 2: why doesn't everybody shut up? Because I want to play
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  Speaker 2: the victim. And after that you're like, Okay, where do
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  Speaker 2: I fit in? And a lot of times we transition
• 10:15
  Speaker 2: to a new life, a new job, a new school,
• 10:17
  Speaker 2: and new business. You don't really know the ground, so
• 10:19
  Speaker 2: it forces you to be present. But then if we
• 10:20
  Speaker 2: haven't prepared, then we our confidence is lower than if
• 10:24
  Speaker 2: we would have prepared for a previous version. And so
• 10:27
  Speaker 2: that's why growth can seem lonely. And that's why I
• 10:29
  Speaker 2: have the community. But seeking to connect with others without
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  Speaker 2: having a community in place may push you may take
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  Speaker 2: double time to backtrack, because if you don't have your family,
• 10:41
  Speaker 2: a support system, someone to talk to, a therapist, a podcasts,
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  Speaker 2: even if you don't know the people something you're in
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  Speaker 2: your foundation, you'll be seeking looks, achievements, connection, validation, abuse, neglect,
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  Speaker 2: just to justify how your nervous system is operating. And
• 10:56
  Speaker 2: so that's a lot of times what I was doing
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  Speaker 2: with the parties. But then the fourth day was like,
• 11:01
  Speaker 2: all right, I got myself in here. I don't like
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  Speaker 2: screaming with them. Nobody's coming. Then I give me a
• 11:08
  Speaker 2: phone call. The girls are gone, touchdown and gone. My
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  Speaker 2: dad ain't answering, my uncle won't bail me out for
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  Speaker 2: the seventh time. I'm gonna choose myself. And in that
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  Speaker 2: moment I went back to fitness, twenty five push ups
• 11:19
  Speaker 2: and twenty five sit ups every fifteen minutes between the
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  Speaker 2: first meal and the third meal. And in that moment
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  Speaker 2: I realized how fitness forces you to be present, because
• 11:29
  Speaker 2: once I was fatigued, all I thought about was the
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  Speaker 2: next rep in the next breath. So now I use
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  Speaker 2: it as an active meditation form of therapy because it
• 11:36
  Speaker 2: forces me to be present, to push myself outside of
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  Speaker 2: the comfort zone, which is the exact same zone that
• 11:40
  Speaker 2: you visit internally when you transition into a new version.
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  Speaker 1: What is so inspiring about this scheme is that alone,
• 12:00
  Speaker 1: along with your story and how I mean tragic it is,
• 12:05
  Speaker 1: it is horrific and tragic, and you are in that
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  Speaker 1: freaking cell, and there was that moment you were like, Okay,
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  Speaker 1: this isn't happening anymore. I don't have this person to
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  Speaker 1: rely on. I'm gonna choose myself. How did you have
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  Speaker 1: the strength to do that?
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  Speaker 2: What was it?
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  Speaker 1: Desperation? What was it?
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  Speaker 2: I think I think it was it was trying to
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  Speaker 2: prove myself at that point. You know, I had my
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  Speaker 2: mom who never gave up, and watching how my little
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  Speaker 2: brother crushed her. And then I started to realize how
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  Speaker 2: my choices were also getting that same type of reaction
• 12:41
  Speaker 2: out of her, going back to anxiety meds, going back
• 12:44
  Speaker 2: to drinking, going back to depression and suicidal parts and
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  Speaker 2: all these things that I was hearing about her over
• 12:49
  Speaker 2: the cell phone, because I did eight months before the
• 12:51
  Speaker 2: second eight months and I was partying for you know
• 12:56
  Speaker 2: however long before that, and you know, I was violating
• 13:00
  Speaker 2: and get failing you a's my pl was giving me chance,
• 13:02
  Speaker 2: and you know a second time, I actually had to
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  Speaker 2: go to treatment and treatment and therapy along with sobriety.
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  Speaker 2: But in that cell, it was more of like my
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  Speaker 2: girl left me. When I was in there, I was
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  Speaker 2: used to having a d one full ride. I was
• 13:17
  Speaker 2: used to everybody calling my phone. I was used to
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  Speaker 2: being under the influence of something. I was used to
• 13:22
  Speaker 2: my mom giving me a second chance, and my uncle,
• 13:24
  Speaker 2: my dad and all this. And because I would I
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  Speaker 2: didn't know how long I would be in there. They
• 13:30
  Speaker 2: never told us eight days. They just said, we don't know.
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  Speaker 2: We got to search the whole sale make sure. So
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  Speaker 2: I was like, Okay, well I can't. I'm not. I
• 13:36
  Speaker 2: just got to do something. But as I said, all right, well,
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  Speaker 2: in order to make this better, I'm just gonna just
• 13:43
  Speaker 2: get active so I can at least be tired at night,
• 13:45
  Speaker 2: because I'm not even tiger, because I'm freaking wired. So
• 13:48
  Speaker 2: that was my first first kind of intention, was to
• 13:51
  Speaker 2: get tired and be able to sleep and when all
• 13:53
  Speaker 2: these dudes is screaming and banging on the bed. But
• 13:57
  Speaker 2: as I realized that, I started to get it in
• 14:00
  Speaker 2: level of confidence in my exercise, because my mind would
• 14:02
  Speaker 2: say you need to be depressed, you need to complain,
• 14:06
  Speaker 2: and I would just say shut up and do a
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  Speaker 2: push up. I'd be boo hoo when I would do
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  Speaker 2: a push up, and I would just go and tell
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  Speaker 2: fatigue and tell my mind, it's like I can't do it,
• 14:14
  Speaker 2: and focusing on the push up, I can't get out
• 14:17
  Speaker 2: of the cell. So you had to get yourself to
• 14:19
  Speaker 2: such an uncomfortable state that I could no longer think
• 14:22
  Speaker 2: about the next day or the next meal or the
• 14:24
  Speaker 2: people screaming outside of my mind. It was like, oh,
• 14:27
  Speaker 2: my muscles are tearing, and that was peace for me.
• 14:30
  Speaker 2: I chose that over whatever else, wherever else my mind
• 14:34
  Speaker 2: was going.
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  Speaker 1: Let me remind everyone I'm speaking with Hakeem Born McFarlane.
• 14:39
  Speaker 1: He is the founder of the Choose Yourself movement. So okay,
• 14:44
  Speaker 1: let's talk about this. You get out of there, what happens.
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  Speaker 2: I got out. That was eight months of that though.
• 14:52
  Speaker 2: So I stayed in for eight months, but I went
• 14:54
  Speaker 2: to treatment from eight am to four pm. Then I
• 14:57
  Speaker 2: would be on work on a work release from five
• 14:59
  Speaker 2: to ten, and then I would sleep from eleven to five.
• 15:03
  Speaker 2: And I do it again for eight months. One day
• 15:04
  Speaker 2: a week. You had to stay in all day and
• 15:08
  Speaker 2: then I did therapy once a week as well. And
• 15:10
  Speaker 2: so the first forty days I did the same exact
• 15:14
  Speaker 2: things at four days, first with draws, denial, second anger, blaming, complaining, blaming, complaining, third,
• 15:22
  Speaker 2: trying to fit in with all these uses within the
• 15:24
  Speaker 2: treatment center. Oh, I didn't have this. I couldn't make
• 15:26
  Speaker 2: it at the BUSSA man's my po min. Eventually, I
• 15:30
  Speaker 2: was in the group one day, probably about three months in,
• 15:33
  Speaker 2: and this dude blamed everybody around him, and I don't
• 15:37
  Speaker 2: know what it was, but I saw myself in him,
• 15:39
  Speaker 2: and I was like, that is annoying as hell. I'm
• 15:42
  Speaker 2: never going to be that person that sounds like me.
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  Speaker 2: I'm not doing this. And then I bought in. I
• 15:48
  Speaker 2: was at every class, I was doing worksheets, I was
• 15:51
  Speaker 2: reading extra books outside, I was listening to audio books
• 15:54
  Speaker 2: when I was whenever I if I ever could, I was,
• 15:57
  Speaker 2: you know, make sure. I started reading The Secret and TDJ,
• 16:00
  Speaker 2: and there was another book in there. I can't remember
• 16:02
  Speaker 2: what it was, but I think it was seven seven
• 16:06
  Speaker 2: Habits Effective Habits, something like that. But those three really
• 16:10
  Speaker 2: started shifting my mind into internal. You change what's in here,
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  Speaker 2: then you change how you feel about what's out here.
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  Speaker 2: And the only thing that has us disrupted between what's outside.
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  Speaker 2: The only thing that makes us dislike what's outside is
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  Speaker 2: what's in here. So we can't change out here and that.
• 16:26
  Speaker 2: When I started having that realization, I was like, Oh,
• 16:28
  Speaker 2: just is what it is. It just is what it is.
• 16:30
  Speaker 2: What am I going to do? And so I started
• 16:32
  Speaker 2: evolving and going into my foundation. That's now what I
• 16:36
  Speaker 2: help provide people with is the time before and after state.
• 16:39
  Speaker 1: So how did you get to a point where you
• 16:41
  Speaker 1: was like, all right, I want to start this foundation.
• 16:43
  Speaker 1: I want to start helping other people. How did you
• 16:45
  Speaker 1: get to that point? I came what was that like?
• 16:48
  Speaker 2: Yeah, when I when I got out of jail, then
• 16:52
  Speaker 2: I went back to I had been bortenning since I
• 16:54
  Speaker 2: was nineteen through this whole thing, which is why it
• 16:56
  Speaker 2: was hard to stop partying because everybody around me was partying.
• 16:59
  Speaker 2: But I went to after that eighteen months of sobriety,
• 17:05
  Speaker 2: I was still bartending sober, I was locked in. I
• 17:08
  Speaker 2: was like, I'm not going back. Obviously I was on
• 17:10
  Speaker 2: tighter probation, so I also had restrictions. But that that
• 17:14
  Speaker 2: was another thing that helped me. Plus my therapist helped
• 17:17
  Speaker 2: me heal some things, plus actually being sober, plus like
• 17:19
  Speaker 2: seeing that in treatment, like all these things helped me
• 17:21
  Speaker 2: stay strong on the outside. And then my uncle, I
• 17:25
  Speaker 2: was living in my boys unfinished basement, and he actually
• 17:28
  Speaker 2: started a liquor company, and so he's like, yo, I
• 17:32
  Speaker 2: just started liquor company who made a new category, you
• 17:35
  Speaker 2: know about spirits? Do you want to sell it? So
• 17:37
  Speaker 2: I'm like yeah. So I got this little hoopti no
• 17:40
  Speaker 2: air condition, put three cases in my truck and drove
• 17:45
  Speaker 2: around the city to bar's restaurants, some liquor stores, probably
• 17:47
  Speaker 2: thirty thirty to fifty a day from eleven am to
• 17:51
  Speaker 2: eight pm, right, But in order to get on the
• 17:53
  Speaker 2: street by eleven I was bartending and waking up at
• 17:56
  Speaker 2: two pm. By the time my uncle called me and said,
• 17:59
  Speaker 2: do you want this job? I was waking up at
• 18:00
  Speaker 2: two because I'm a full time bartender, and then I
• 18:03
  Speaker 2: would go to the gym and then I would go
• 18:06
  Speaker 2: back to work at five. That was like my forty
• 18:08
  Speaker 2: hour week. Nless had a day off. So when I
• 18:10
  Speaker 2: had to start waking up at nine, then in order
• 18:14
  Speaker 2: to wake up earlier, I had to find a way
• 18:17
  Speaker 2: to not snooze, not nap. I had to find a
• 18:19
  Speaker 2: way to get more energy, and so that started with
• 18:22
  Speaker 2: my sleep the night before. So as I transitioned out
• 18:25
  Speaker 2: of bartending, I didn't have to bartend late, but I
• 18:28
  Speaker 2: had to start going to sleep earlier. So then I
• 18:30
  Speaker 2: started giving myself a curfew or kickout time, where I
• 18:32
  Speaker 2: would kick out company or i'd be home by a
• 18:34
  Speaker 2: certain time. And then i'd have a digital sunset where
• 18:36
  Speaker 2: all my screens would be down, the phone, TV, just candles.
• 18:40
  Speaker 2: And then I'd have a routine between my digital sunset
• 18:43
  Speaker 2: and my reading bedtime. Because I learned that when you
• 18:45
  Speaker 2: start shutting down your nighttime routine, your melatonin gets released,
• 18:48
  Speaker 2: your circadian rhythm activates. I was just learning about all this,
• 18:52
  Speaker 2: so I gave myself a nighttime routine. Then I was
• 18:54
  Speaker 2: able to get sleep, which allowed me to wake up
• 18:56
  Speaker 2: on time. And it was hard to stop hitting the snooze.
• 18:59
  Speaker 2: But I started using motivational content right in the morning
• 19:03
  Speaker 2: and they would say something online Aaron Thomas, David Gagains,
• 19:07
  Speaker 2: Denzel Washington, Will Smith, and my top go to it
• 19:10
  Speaker 2: would say something online while I was laying in bed complaining.
• 19:13
  Speaker 2: It would trigger me to get up. After about two
• 19:16
  Speaker 2: weeks of that, I wanted to be that voice for people,
• 19:18
  Speaker 2: and then I started doing content. Then when I did content,
• 19:21
  Speaker 2: it forced me to I knew it was my passion
• 19:24
  Speaker 2: because I couldn't sleep because I wanted to wake up
• 19:26
  Speaker 2: to make content. Then I didn't.
• 19:28
  Speaker 1: Want what did you want to say? What did you
• 19:32
  Speaker 1: want to get across to.
• 19:33
  Speaker 2: People that I was changing, you know, and there was
• 19:36
  Speaker 2: more me to me okay and what and what? And
• 19:40
  Speaker 2: I knew people that were close to me who already
• 19:41
  Speaker 2: wrote me off for watching me. People are like, oh, athlete,
• 19:44
  Speaker 2: he's in jail eating that stuff. He's done. I'm like, yeah,
• 19:46
  Speaker 2: I about to show y'all. So that was part of it.
• 19:48
  Speaker 2: But then after a little bit of doing that, I
• 19:51
  Speaker 2: started to realize that when my excuses would pop up
• 19:54
  Speaker 2: in the following days to come, I'd have a choice
• 19:56
  Speaker 2: to make. Do I want to be a liar? Do
• 19:58
  Speaker 2: I want to follow up with what I said? And
• 20:00
  Speaker 2: so I started and then I was I started going
• 20:02
  Speaker 2: out again. Actually I started going out and drinking again
• 20:06
  Speaker 2: in a balance, and there were some times that kind
• 20:09
  Speaker 2: of almost lost myself and me and my uncle had
• 20:11
  Speaker 2: a difficult conversation about six months in because I was
• 20:15
  Speaker 2: slipping back. But then I really cranked up the juice
• 20:18
  Speaker 2: and the foundation and my boundaries and elevated man sold
• 20:22
  Speaker 2: more than the top selling competitor that about two years later,
• 20:27
  Speaker 2: and so I really really did well. But yeah, that
• 20:30
  Speaker 2: it was the foundation, man, And now it's evolved over
• 20:33
  Speaker 2: time where I have a seven hour foundation and a
• 20:35
  Speaker 2: twelve hour foundation. It just depends on what's surrounded it.
• 20:40
  Speaker 1: Let's talk about Choose Yourself movement.
• 20:44
  Speaker 2: Who's it for?
• 20:46
  Speaker 1: What's involved with it?
• 20:50
  Speaker 2: Yeah, Choose Yourself movement is to help people embrace who
• 20:56
  Speaker 2: they were supposed to be before the world made them
• 20:57
  Speaker 2: someone or not. So we're trying to go to embrace
• 21:02
  Speaker 2: the power within by unblocking the suppression like I did
• 21:05
  Speaker 2: my little brother, by tapping into the painful parts, like
• 21:08
  Speaker 2: I did to losing football, to try to combine what
• 21:11
  Speaker 2: happened in those moments that gave me my strength. Well,
• 21:16
  Speaker 2: I got the foundation, I got leadership, I got balance.
• 21:20
  Speaker 2: I have knowledge about health and fitness. I have the
• 21:24
  Speaker 2: ability to process grief or at least do the preventative
• 21:26
  Speaker 2: action to make sure I can recover faster, because I
• 21:29
  Speaker 2: know what happens when you suppress it right away. I
• 21:32
  Speaker 2: have the knowledge of a single kid, a being from poverty.
• 21:36
  Speaker 2: So all these things, having addicts's parents, all these things
• 21:39
  Speaker 2: now are part of my story. So then what was
• 21:43
  Speaker 2: my gift while I got my communications major. I did
• 21:46
  Speaker 2: our presentations, and every presentation was my favorite part of
• 21:49
  Speaker 2: the whole year was presentations. And I was always the
• 21:52
  Speaker 2: leader on every team. I was the chanter guy. I
• 21:54
  Speaker 2: was the leader. I was the halftime guy that pumped
• 21:56
  Speaker 2: people up. That was always me since third grade. Always
• 21:59
  Speaker 2: I always has to coach. I do a speech. I
• 22:01
  Speaker 2: was always that. So I'm like, okay, not an athlete,
• 22:03
  Speaker 2: but I love talking. I always kind of did riddles
• 22:06
  Speaker 2: and rhymes when I was growing up. I'm like, okay,
• 22:08
  Speaker 2: so speaking the pressure, performance, the practice, pressure and performance
• 22:15
  Speaker 2: of football. That's what I get from speaking. And the
• 22:18
  Speaker 2: only thing I can describe on stage is I've called
• 22:21
  Speaker 2: them three heil marriage to win the game that time
• 22:24
  Speaker 2: when the clock goes down and there's a bunch of
• 22:26
  Speaker 2: defenders around me and I'm jumping. I never questioned am
• 22:29
  Speaker 2: I going to catch it? I always say this bos's mind.
• 22:31
  Speaker 2: That's what I feel on stage. I've prepared, I'm gifted.
• 22:36
  Speaker 2: This is my message to deliver, but it's not my
• 22:39
  Speaker 2: message that I've created. I'm here to deliver it. And
• 22:42
  Speaker 2: so my story gift my passion. You know, my passion
• 22:47
  Speaker 2: is speaking. My story gave me the traits. Now, my
• 22:49
  Speaker 2: gift is the words that I give to people from
• 22:53
  Speaker 2: what I know and my story. That's my gift to
• 22:55
  Speaker 2: help people choose themselves. So now in that combination, that's
• 22:59
  Speaker 2: the trilogy that I'm trying to help people access to
• 23:02
  Speaker 2: the Choose Yourself movement. So you go through your you
• 23:04
  Speaker 2: go through your story, embrace your story after you get
• 23:07
  Speaker 2: to your turning point, and then there's five levels to
• 23:09
  Speaker 2: the tune to Choose Yourself process. First, you evaluate your environment,
• 23:13
  Speaker 2: your consumption, all five levels, digital emotional, mental relationships as well.
• 23:17
  Speaker 2: Sit down evaluate them. Next, foundation, nighttime routine, pleasure, sleep
• 23:22
  Speaker 2: without pleasure, nighttime routine plus your sleep pleasure, morning routine
• 23:25
  Speaker 2: without people, without screens, without toxins, Between your digital sunset
• 23:29
  Speaker 2: and your first obligation to just be you. We'll put
• 23:32
  Speaker 2: systems in there to help you create the characteristics that
• 23:36
  Speaker 2: need you to acquire the life, push through adversity, identify opportunities.
• 23:41
  Speaker 2: Once you have your mindful consumption, you've taken things out
• 23:43
  Speaker 2: of your environment and consumption. Then you've added time management,
• 23:46
  Speaker 2: your foundation. You start knocking out your foundation every day.
• 23:49
  Speaker 2: Then you start to make choices to bring things into
• 23:51
  Speaker 2: your foundation. That's self investment. That's the fourth level. Now
• 23:55
  Speaker 2: your podcast, change your food, change your relationships, change your mentors,
• 23:59
  Speaker 2: your coaches, your book, stay all changed. Now you're bringing
• 24:01
  Speaker 2: stuff in. Then once you once you take those actions,
• 24:04
  Speaker 2: you put time to tap into your passion and your foundation.
• 24:07
  Speaker 2: You've done the work in the beginning with the Choose
• 24:08
  Speaker 2: Yourself community to be able to brace your story. You've
• 24:11
  Speaker 2: read the book that also have has innercizes. Now you
• 24:14
  Speaker 2: have accountability. Now you're starting to see your old version
• 24:16
  Speaker 2: in other people. Once the student is ready to teacher appears,
• 24:20
  Speaker 2: and that's the fifth level. Create and contribute. Once you're
• 24:23
  Speaker 2: ready to create and contribute, we have a branch. We
• 24:26
  Speaker 2: have branches now of the CYC where you can utilize
• 24:28
  Speaker 2: the CYC to start a branch. We just started CYC
• 24:31
  Speaker 2: Kids and a teacher, coach and wellness professional has now
• 24:35
  Speaker 2: started a branch four kids and parents about to Choose
• 24:39
  Speaker 2: Yourself philosophy and how you can implement foundational living in
• 24:42
  Speaker 2: two families. So now we're recruiting parents into there. Now,
• 24:45
  Speaker 2: if we get one who does relationships, one who wants
• 24:47
  Speaker 2: to do music, one who wants to do athletes. We
• 24:49
  Speaker 2: have branches that are discovered through authenticity and sustainability, through
• 24:55
  Speaker 2: the process from story, gift, passion. Then you make a branch.
• 24:58
  Speaker 2: Then you build your following, then you launch your business
• 25:01
  Speaker 2: or bring bring your business into the branch.
• 25:05
  Speaker 1: How came You're on fire?
• 25:09
  Speaker 2: Thank you? Man? I love it.
• 25:11
  Speaker 1: You are on fire? Who? Why is choose yourself? Why
• 25:16
  Speaker 1: is it so hard for many of us, most of
• 25:20
  Speaker 1: us to do that?
• 25:23
  Speaker 2: Conditioning and lack of emotional awareness. So there's in the
• 25:28
  Speaker 2: scientific component is why I do a lot of neuroplasticity
• 25:32
  Speaker 2: studying and becoming supernatural. I mean to try to learn
• 25:40
  Speaker 2: about the actual neurology of the brain and so our
• 25:43
  Speaker 2: process and perception, which sure you know is environment, sensory input, thought, emotion, action,
• 25:51
  Speaker 2: between emotion and action. There's a space. It's the power
• 25:54
  Speaker 2: of choice. It's actually a book. And in that space
• 25:58
  Speaker 2: we can choose old habits, which is primitive, conservative, comfortable, energy, conservation,
• 26:06
  Speaker 2: no fear, because we know what's coming. You choose old
• 26:08
  Speaker 2: habits that is literally day to day living what they
• 26:11
  Speaker 2: want us to do auto pilot because we're easy to
• 26:13
  Speaker 2: be controlled. If we're stuck an autopilot and we don't
• 26:16
  Speaker 2: even remember. The second choice is the present, past, habits
• 26:20
  Speaker 2: present emotions very dangerous because you never know what that
• 26:24
  Speaker 2: emotion is going to be and what it's attached to,
• 26:27
  Speaker 2: or you choose your future intention, which is what you
• 26:30
  Speaker 2: said you would do before your sensory input was impacted,
• 26:34
  Speaker 2: penetrated by the environment and your emotions, because your emotions
• 26:37
  Speaker 2: can come up just from seeing somebody, and there could
• 26:40
  Speaker 2: be a whole different correlation of oh, black guy with
• 26:42
  Speaker 2: a gun trigger shoot him back. I'm a cop, I'm untrained,
• 26:46
  Speaker 2: Or it could be oh, they're overweight, blah blah.
• 26:48
  Speaker 1: Don't know.
• 26:49
  Speaker 2: You don't know what they went through. You know you're
• 26:51
  Speaker 2: somebody who's homeless. You don't know. But the judgment is
• 26:54
  Speaker 2: what is habits and emotions? Now? Intention is you want
• 26:57
  Speaker 2: to be a good person, you want to be compassionate,
• 27:00
  Speaker 2: We're going to be empathetic. How long does it take
• 27:01
  Speaker 2: you to process those emotions. So we're taught to live,
• 27:05
  Speaker 2: We're taught to live habitually and emotionally, but intentionally it
• 27:11
  Speaker 2: comes from preparation. They don't tell us to prepare for
• 27:15
  Speaker 2: what happens after grief. We don't get taught that growing up.
• 27:18
  Speaker 2: We don't get taught to prepare what happens when you
• 27:21
  Speaker 2: look when the economy shuts down, and don't tell you
• 27:23
  Speaker 2: what happens when you experience grief. They just give your
• 27:27
  Speaker 2: time off and give you some pills. So that's the
• 27:30
  Speaker 2: normal way for it, and especially for men athletes to
• 27:35
  Speaker 2: be emotional to speak about it. You're either be quiet
• 27:38
  Speaker 2: and you're strong but you're soft inside, or you talk
• 27:41
  Speaker 2: about it and you get stronger but you look soft outside.
• 27:46
  Speaker 1: Er Dakim. The book is called Choose Yourself to be Chosen.
• 27:53
  Speaker 1: We'll have the linked up here at the show notes
• 27:55
  Speaker 1: page at the Trauma Therapist podcast dot com. How do
• 27:57
  Speaker 1: people learn more about you and what you're doing?
• 28:00
  Speaker 2: Choose Yourself dot info. You'll find all the cities I'm
• 28:03
  Speaker 2: coming to I'm working on to choose yourself to her
• 28:05
  Speaker 2: to come to a city near you. Otherwise, big dream
• 28:08
  Speaker 2: hai keen on Instagram, TikTok, Facebook, and the big dream
• 28:13
  Speaker 2: is to help you live yours.
• 28:14
  Speaker 1: Okay, and we'll have that linked up again here at
• 28:18
  Speaker 1: the show notes page at the Trauma Therapist podcast dot com. Akeem,
• 28:21
  Speaker 1: I'd love to have you back at a later day,
• 28:23
  Speaker 1: all right, I mean, there's this obviously so much to
• 28:25
  Speaker 1: talk about and I love talking to you. You're on fire,
• 28:31
  Speaker 1: You're you're obviously inspired and passionate about what you do,
• 28:35
  Speaker 1: and that's what I love doing. So thank you so
• 28:39
  Speaker 1: much for being here. I appreciate you.
• 28:41
  Speaker 2: Hey, thank you for having me. Man, just just let's
• 28:43
  Speaker 2: just keep the gratitude in the attitude and keep growing
• 28:45
  Speaker 2: and going. Thanks guys, right, take care.