Latest / The You Project / #1617 Understanding You - Harps & Tiff

Transcript

#1617 Understanding You - Harps & Tiff · The You Project

0:00
Speaker 1: Tiffany and Cook, Craig, Anthony Harper.
0:04
Speaker 2: Oh look at us, look at us, bloody good luck
0:07
Speaker 2: on unit's just on a sad well on one of
0:10
Speaker 2: us better than the other.
0:12
Speaker 1: One of us. Looks like they've had a bit of
0:14
Speaker 1: a touch up by Bear the cat who you called
0:16
Speaker 1: a I can't say that word. That's I say a
0:20
Speaker 1: lot of words, but that one.
0:21
Speaker 2: Mm, well, all cats are sea words because they're cats,
0:27
Speaker 2: So that's a sea word. Yeah, And I did I well,
0:34
Speaker 2: as I I think I said. I don't know if
0:35
Speaker 2: I've said it on the podcast, but I went the
0:37
Speaker 2: other day to get a skin checked, and they you know,
0:40
Speaker 2: it's like just hey, we'll just have a bit of
0:42
Speaker 2: a squizze and look while we're here, well, we'll fucking
0:45
Speaker 2: attack your face with a chainsaw.
0:49
Speaker 1: You don't know what to remind me of Nicolas Cage,
0:53
Speaker 1: John Revolt his face off. It looks like you've just
0:56
Speaker 1: had that little profit. Is what you're wearing someone else's face?
1:00
Speaker 2: That wasn't you know when I saw face off it
1:02
Speaker 2: must have been nearly twenty years ago. I thought, gee,
1:04
Speaker 2: that's not a bad idea. If you're a crook and
1:07
Speaker 2: you need to get a new face, but anyway, I
1:11
Speaker 2: don't know if that's possible. Yeah, so it ended up
1:15
Speaker 2: being a little more significant that i'd anticipated. And I
1:18
Speaker 2: know I have the best part of ten stitches in
1:21
Speaker 2: my jaw. And as you said, because you hadn't seen
1:24
Speaker 2: it and you just jump on and you said, I
1:28
Speaker 2: look like I've been assaulted. I feel like I've been assaulted.
1:30
Speaker 2: And then I had to pay for the privilege.
1:33
Speaker 1: And that just makes it like I feel like you know,
1:36
Speaker 1: when you see someone with a saw face and then
1:39
Speaker 1: you struggle to move your face because you I can
1:42
Speaker 1: feel that I don't want to move the muscles in
1:45
Speaker 1: my jaw because I can see yours, and it feels
1:48
Speaker 1: like it's sympathy pains.
1:51
Speaker 2: Can you not make me laugh?
1:54
Speaker 1: Now?
1:54
Speaker 2: It's all right? When I showed you before we went live,
1:57
Speaker 2: when I when I do that, when I when I
2:02
Speaker 2: try and open my mouth too wide, or eating, you know,
2:04
Speaker 2: other than eating and opening my mouth. So it's all good,
2:09
Speaker 2: it's all good.
2:10
Speaker 1: What's that before you move on from it? What is
2:12
Speaker 1: the sensation like of waiting for the biopsy results even
2:16
Speaker 1: you know.
2:19
Speaker 2: Well, yeah, it's I've done it a few times. It's
2:24
Speaker 2: a little bit nerve wracking, But yeah, you you need to.
2:30
Speaker 2: By the way, everyone, if you don't get your skin
2:32
Speaker 2: checked and you think, oh, will never happen to me,
2:35
Speaker 2: well fucking think again. Think again.
2:38
Speaker 1: Two people on this show I've had shit cut out
2:40
Speaker 1: of their face, well and.
2:41
Speaker 2: A million people. And like, the thing that I had
2:43
Speaker 2: cut out of my chin looks so innocuous. It looked
2:46
Speaker 2: like nothing. But the thing is, let's say there's something,
2:52
Speaker 2: you know, something the size of a small pe even
2:55
Speaker 2: that they cut. Basically, I'm showing Tiff this shape. It's
3:00
Speaker 2: it's like an eye, like the shape of an eye,
3:04
Speaker 2: but literally it's about what they cut out was maybe
3:07
Speaker 2: about forty mil or I don't know, thirty, I don't know,
3:11
Speaker 2: but big like so much because they've got to get
3:15
Speaker 2: all the borders right, So they cut it like if
3:18
Speaker 2: you think of your pupil as the spot, and then
3:20
Speaker 2: they cut like this eye shaped thing around and then
3:24
Speaker 2: they go deep as fuck because they've got to get
3:26
Speaker 2: all what they call the borders, and then they've got
3:28
Speaker 2: to make sure they go deep and get any potentially
3:32
Speaker 2: canterous whatever out and then they stitch that shit up anyway,
3:37
Speaker 2: but the bottom line is, go get your skin checked.
3:41
Speaker 2: I have had quite a few things cut out over
3:44
Speaker 2: the years, but I have not been back for about
3:46
Speaker 2: four years, and I'm meant to go every year. Yes,
3:49
Speaker 2: and i'ld mate. The doctor said to me, well, you
3:51
Speaker 2: haven't been there for a while, so I've got to
3:53
Speaker 2: go back next week get stitches out. Then I've got
3:57
Speaker 2: to go back the following week for more surgery than
4:00
Speaker 2: following week stitches out, Then the following week more surgery
4:03
Speaker 2: than the following week stitches out. What yeah, yeah, yeah,
4:06
Speaker 2: so I've got two more lots of surgery. I don't know,
4:09
Speaker 2: do you call it surgery? I mean they're cutting you
4:11
Speaker 2: and stitching you, so I guess surval.
4:14
Speaker 1: So, yeah, it is surgery.
4:15
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's surgery. It's it's kind of under a local
4:18
Speaker 2: of course.
4:19
Speaker 1: How gross is it though that you can't feel the pain,
4:21
Speaker 1: but you can feel the feeling of that your face
4:24
Speaker 1: getting pulled away is.
4:28
Speaker 2: Graphically yeah, And you can feel them cutting into your face.
4:32
Speaker 1: And the sensation of like this. Okay, let's move on.
4:39
Speaker 2: I know. And so I have had a few concerned
4:41
Speaker 2: folk from so we're recording this Saturday ABO four minutes
4:44
Speaker 2: past to a few a few people from Bendigo because
4:47
Speaker 2: I'm heading up to the thriving metropolis of Bendigo, New York, London, Paris, Munich, Bendigo.
4:55
Speaker 2: I'm heading up there. Well, clearly I love Bendigo because
4:58
Speaker 2: I'm going I'm heading up up there tomorrow tomorrow afternoon,
5:02
Speaker 2: two to five. So if you hear this in the
5:04
Speaker 2: morning and you're living in the Bendigo region and you
5:07
Speaker 2: want to rock along at two o'clock for a little
5:10
Speaker 2: bit of info, inspo and ed Joe, get the fuck along,
5:14
Speaker 2: just go to the website. But I've had about three
5:17
Speaker 2: emails from people going, oh my god, Oh my god,
5:19
Speaker 2: are you still coming to Bendy Go? Are you okay?
5:22
Speaker 2: I'll be there. I might I might be fucking dribbling
5:25
Speaker 2: on my chest, but I might be eating a steak
5:28
Speaker 2: through a straw and fucking handorrhaging down the right side
5:32
Speaker 2: of my chin. But I'll be there.
5:35
Speaker 1: The good people of Gippsland are on the verge of
5:38
Speaker 1: rioting for you to come down and do something down
5:42
Speaker 1: there too. By the way, you haven't seen that happening online.
5:45
Speaker 1: There's almost a riot in Gippsland to petition you to
5:48
Speaker 1: come your land. Mate.
5:51
Speaker 2: I do not know what you're talking about. I mean,
5:53
Speaker 2: I'm hearing you. But what what am I missing? What?
5:55
Speaker 2: What do I need to There's probably a terrible time
5:58
Speaker 2: to do.
5:58
Speaker 1: It, the tour of your there's people in Gippsland that
6:01
Speaker 1: are wondering why they've been left in the left in
6:04
Speaker 1: the lurch and not included in this.
6:07
Speaker 2: Well. Yeah, I mean last time I did one in
6:12
Speaker 2: more Well, which just out of more Well in Churchill,
6:15
Speaker 2: in fact, at the university there, which is all fuck,
6:18
Speaker 2: I forget the name of it? Is it Endeavor? Is it?
6:21
Speaker 2: I forget? I think it's I don't know. Can you
6:24
Speaker 2: google it for me because they'll get mad at me.
6:26
Speaker 2: I shouldn't know, but I do go to a lot
6:28
Speaker 2: of places and they had I think it was two
6:33
Speaker 2: hundred and forty seat room that we used and that
6:35
Speaker 2: was booked out and lovely audience, lovely group Churchill.
6:40
Speaker 1: What am I? What am I googling?
6:42
Speaker 2: Churchill University College, University Federation.
6:50
Speaker 1: That is it?
6:51
Speaker 2: Sorry? Sorry sorry, only been there once, but yeah, beautiful
6:55
Speaker 2: and beautiful union and beautiful little auditorium that we had
6:59
Speaker 2: access to. So I might head back up there. But
7:04
Speaker 2: it's been a while. It's been a while because of COVID.
7:06
Speaker 2: Obviously we didn't do any big public events at all.
7:12
Speaker 2: Tomorrow is not a particularly big event, but just I
7:15
Speaker 2: think like eighty people or so, just putting my toe
7:17
Speaker 2: back in the water, just opening the door. And then
7:20
Speaker 2: we've got a Melbourne one, I don't know in a
7:23
Speaker 2: month or two, and then we're going to do I'm
7:26
Speaker 2: going to do something, then Brizzy and something, and we're
7:29
Speaker 2: just figuring it out. You know, it's like, it's really
7:33
Speaker 2: I shouldn't be talking about this, but fuck it, I'm
7:35
Speaker 2: going to talk about it. You know, what's interesting is
7:37
Speaker 2: fuck it, I'm just gonna I'm going to talk about it.
7:41
Speaker 2: What's interesting is on facie. In the old days, you
7:45
Speaker 2: and I may have spoken about this. But in the
7:47
Speaker 2: old days when we would run, say an event at
7:50
Speaker 2: Deacon University in Melbourne, obviously I go, I'm a student
7:54
Speaker 2: at Monash, but we started early days at Deacon. So
7:57
Speaker 2: they have a really nice lecture theater which is, as
7:59
Speaker 2: you've been too many times, six hundred and seventy people
8:02
Speaker 2: and with not too much trouble we would fill it
8:06
Speaker 2: and so we would advertise on Facebook. Now you would
8:12
Speaker 2: obviously they're not given that room away, So you've got
8:15
Speaker 2: a great big auditorium for a whole day, we'll do
8:19
Speaker 2: the new Project conference. So and then you've got to advertise,
8:21
Speaker 2: you've got to get bums on seats, you know, and
8:24
Speaker 2: so there's there's not insignificant costs. But so we would
8:29
Speaker 2: sell tickets for a whole day. I think it would
8:33
Speaker 2: be you know, like the retail price. You know how
8:35
Speaker 2: everyone does, oh the retail but if you get it now,
8:38
Speaker 2: it's all that bullshit, right, So I think the actual
8:40
Speaker 2: price was like one forty seven, but you'd never sell
8:43
Speaker 2: them for that, and you'd sell them for ninety seven bucks,
8:46
Speaker 2: which would go discount, and for that they'd get a
8:49
Speaker 2: whole day conference with eight awesome speakers. But then we
8:54
Speaker 2: would do the early bird at like seventy seven bucks. Right,
8:57
Speaker 2: So people are getting these tickets and you know, I
9:00
Speaker 2: can't be objective because it's my thing, so but as
9:03
Speaker 2: objective as I can be, seventy seven dollars for a
9:07
Speaker 2: whole day program with great speakers from all around Australia
9:10
Speaker 2: that are experts in their field. For me, that's a
9:13
Speaker 2: bit of a bargain, right, full day program. But what
9:18
Speaker 2: would happen is you would you'd sell the tickets through Facebook.
9:24
Speaker 2: So there's and you can do Facebook advertisements and in
9:29
Speaker 2: the old days now I'm not going to get it
9:32
Speaker 2: exactly right here, but you'd sell a seventy seven dollar
9:34
Speaker 2: ticket and Facebook would take seven to ten bucks, right,
9:39
Speaker 2: and you go, okay, that's not terrible, you know, and
9:42
Speaker 2: then you so then you might end up with say
9:45
Speaker 2: seventy or sixty seven dollars out of the ticket, and
9:48
Speaker 2: then out of that, you know, whatever is profit. You
9:50
Speaker 2: pay tax on that of course, and then you take
9:52
Speaker 2: out GST of course, and then you've got room, and
9:55
Speaker 2: then you've got you've got to pay all your speakers.
9:57
Speaker 2: So you've got seven times you know, like it's thousands
10:00
Speaker 2: and thousands, right, and then at the end you go, yeah,
10:02
Speaker 2: we made a few bucks and people had a good day.
10:04
Speaker 2: And so you know what if you sell a seventy
10:08
Speaker 2: seven dollar ticket, now do you know what Facebook take?
10:11
Speaker 2: Give or take?
10:12
Speaker 1: How much?
10:13
Speaker 2: About fifty dollars about? I mean, it varies. But last
10:19
Speaker 2: time we did it, which is why we went, oh,
10:22
Speaker 2: we need to rethink this. Like you end up doing
10:24
Speaker 2: this great big day and people like look around the
10:27
Speaker 2: room and they go this many people times this much money,
10:30
Speaker 2: you're killing it. Yeah, but it's you know, and I'm
10:33
Speaker 2: not looking or winting. It's just the reality. So, I mean,
10:35
Speaker 2: everything's evolving, and so even when you're running events now
10:39
Speaker 2: you need to figure out how do we do this
10:41
Speaker 2: in a way which is like you're never going to well,
10:44
Speaker 2: I'm never going to get rich from running events, but
10:47
Speaker 2: that's not my plan. But I just like running events
10:49
Speaker 2: where hopefully everybody has a good time. We can be
10:53
Speaker 2: respectful of our speakers and pay them what they are
10:55
Speaker 2: worth and also make a few dollars, you know, because
10:58
Speaker 2: she's got a lot of trouble will to run this event.
11:01
Speaker 2: So the landscape has really changed, and that is why,
11:06
Speaker 2: you know, that's partly why even doing like rural stuff
11:10
Speaker 2: I liked where venues are not so expensive, people are
11:13
Speaker 2: more some of them are more appreciative because they go, Wow,
11:17
Speaker 2: thanks for coming to Bendigo or thanks for coming to
11:19
Speaker 2: more Well or Ballorado wherever it is. Yeah, anyway, so
11:23
Speaker 2: that's it's, you know, nothing stays the same, especially when
11:28
Speaker 2: it comes to like business.
11:31
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's what frustrates me the very most with social media,
11:35
Speaker 1: and I don't know, probably again despite myself. I just
11:39
Speaker 1: don't engage with trying to learn and figure it all
11:42
Speaker 1: out far out your very bruise. When you lift your
11:45
Speaker 1: head up. Oh my goodness, have you seen that angle? Wow?
11:51
Speaker 1: Not very black.
11:52
Speaker 2: I don't want to look too much. I feel looking
11:55
Speaker 2: at that, I'm meant to be icing it, but I haven't,
11:58
Speaker 2: but I should. I forget, forget, And then I'm in
12:01
Speaker 2: bed and I'm like, I was meant to ice today.
12:05
Speaker 2: It's a bit swollen and its bit black, I know,
12:07
Speaker 2: and I forget. And I went over before to get
12:11
Speaker 2: a coffee and I forgot that. I literally look like
12:14
Speaker 2: I've had a fucking car accident or something. And the poor,
12:18
Speaker 2: the poor young lady who would be nineteen years old
12:24
Speaker 2: at the cafe, she was looking at me in horror,
12:26
Speaker 2: and I was thinking, what is she looking at me
12:28
Speaker 2: like that? For she goes, I go, could I get her?
12:32
Speaker 2: And she's looking at me and she goes, what are
12:35
Speaker 2: you okay? Like she's like what happened? I went, oh, yeah,
12:40
Speaker 2: my face. I go, No, I'm good, No, I'm good.
12:43
Speaker 2: I go. I know it looks fucking terrifying, but I'm good.
12:47
Speaker 2: So yeah, I know anyway, because.
12:51
Speaker 1: Because I've got fear of missing out syndrome, and I
12:54
Speaker 1: won't be in Bendio. And I haven't been to your
12:57
Speaker 1: events for a long time because it's been so long.
13:00
Speaker 1: Are they the same? Have they changed? What's this one?
13:03
Speaker 2: There's a bit of well, since I've done this kind
13:06
Speaker 2: of public, you know, with more than a few people,
13:08
Speaker 2: it's been it's probably been five years, because twenty nineteen
13:13
Speaker 2: into twenty nineteen, the end of twenty nineteen, we did
13:17
Speaker 2: our last typ conference. Do you AP project conference twenty nineteen? Yeah,
13:25
Speaker 2: because remember COVID started late twenty nineteen, early twenty twenty.
13:31
Speaker 2: I feel what we.
13:32
Speaker 1: Did one since COVID we did one because I'm me
13:36
Speaker 1: at Mark labasket one that we did you did one?
13:40
Speaker 2: Yeah, we did do no but not recently like we
13:45
Speaker 2: did do one. Yeah, I think maybe it was early
13:48
Speaker 2: twenty twenty, I'm not sure, but it was a good
13:51
Speaker 2: four anyway, four years ago at least.
13:53
Speaker 1: Ye.
13:54
Speaker 2: So yeah, so I've opened the door again. And what's
13:57
Speaker 2: been good is like in the last four or five years,
13:59
Speaker 2: I've been a whole lot of new stuff and doing
14:01
Speaker 2: my research and you know, opening opening a whole lot
14:04
Speaker 2: of new doors. And so yeah, we're going to revisit
14:08
Speaker 2: some older stuff, but also like the the theme of
14:13
Speaker 2: the you know, the title theme, you know focus is
14:17
Speaker 2: on understanding. It's called understanding you. And so I think
14:23
Speaker 2: the ongoing you know project for all of us is,
14:28
Speaker 2: among other things, is trying to understand ourselves, like why
14:32
Speaker 2: do I do the things that I do? You know?
14:35
Speaker 2: All this you know, like why do what? And the
14:38
Speaker 2: you know, my focus? What is it like being around me?
14:40
Speaker 2: What is the Craig experience like for others? Why does
14:42
Speaker 2: that matter? How does TIF think theory of mind? Does
14:46
Speaker 2: it matter that I try to not agree with or
14:48
Speaker 2: not align with? But does it matter that I understand
14:51
Speaker 2: how TIF thinks? Does it matter that I, you know,
14:55
Speaker 2: all that metacognitive curiosity? Does it matter that I try
14:59
Speaker 2: to understand? And why I think the way that I do?
15:03
Speaker 2: Why do I have the relationship with my body that
15:05
Speaker 2: I do? And you know, specific to you, why do
15:08
Speaker 2: I keep picking shit blokes? You know, like we were
15:12
Speaker 2: joking about the other day, It's like why do I
15:15
Speaker 2: you know, and it could even be for me like
15:18
Speaker 2: why am I commitment phobic? I'm kind of not, but
15:22
Speaker 2: kind of am you know? What is that about? Yeah,
15:25
Speaker 2: so it's just getting like we're just opening the door
15:28
Speaker 2: on this idea of trying to be more in touch
15:32
Speaker 2: with our beliefs, our ideas, our own mind, trying to
15:37
Speaker 2: understand why do I keep doing things that don't work?
15:42
Speaker 2: You know, what is success for me? What is failure
15:45
Speaker 2: for me? Why am I scared of that thing? What
15:49
Speaker 2: is that fear about? And do I need to like
15:52
Speaker 2: Because obviously some fears are very valid and they'll keep
15:55
Speaker 2: you safe, and then other fears will actually fuck up
16:00
Speaker 2: your life and derail your potential. And it's knowing which
16:03
Speaker 2: are the ones that I need to step into or
16:05
Speaker 2: lean into. I guess even like the idea of trying
16:11
Speaker 2: to understand your own potential. Like I'm fascinated with I'm
16:19
Speaker 2: not fascinated with talented people. I'm fascinated with what we
16:24
Speaker 2: can do with the talent that we do have. Like
16:28
Speaker 2: I've said too many times, but you know, one of
16:30
Speaker 2: the reasons I'm fascinated with potential is because I don't
16:33
Speaker 2: think I innately have a huge amount of potential. I
16:37
Speaker 2: probably have an average amount, whatever the fuck that means.
16:40
Speaker 2: But I think because I've consistently been curious and I've
16:44
Speaker 2: been prepared to roll up my sleeves and get uncomfortable
16:47
Speaker 2: and fall down and fuck up and be embarrassed and
16:50
Speaker 2: do podcasts that didn't work, and then try another one
16:52
Speaker 2: that didn't work, and then eventually try this one and
16:55
Speaker 2: then do six hundred episodes and lose money and then
16:57
Speaker 2: but keep going. Then eventually you know, all that kind
17:00
Speaker 2: of you know, being the fat kid that ended up
17:03
Speaker 2: not being the fat kid anymore, and that process and
17:06
Speaker 2: that journey, and then being surrounded by you know, often
17:12
Speaker 2: being surrounded by people who I recognize, or at least
17:16
Speaker 2: believe to be more talented than me, more genetically gifted,
17:19
Speaker 2: more inherently intelligent or whatever, but all the while wasting
17:24
Speaker 2: what they've got. So you know, I mean, it's really
17:30
Speaker 2: about so for me, this workshop or even this idea
17:33
Speaker 2: of understanding you or understanding ourselves is trying to recognize
17:38
Speaker 2: what we're doing that's working and what we're doing that's not,
17:41
Speaker 2: and then I guess, you know, figuring out if we
17:45
Speaker 2: really genuinely want to be the self help spectator or
17:51
Speaker 2: the person that actually gets in and has a crack,
17:56
Speaker 2: you know, and just takes chances and does work and
17:59
Speaker 2: gets uncomfortable and climbs the Mountain.
18:02
Speaker 1: Is there anything that specifically is there one big thing
18:06
Speaker 1: that you have in this exact space and what you
18:10
Speaker 1: talk about and share. Is there anything that's that's chained
18:13
Speaker 1: a way that you used to believe or perceive something
18:17
Speaker 1: or talk about something that now you have Do you
18:20
Speaker 1: understand differently or have a different stance.
18:22
Speaker 2: On Yeah, one, I guess a few things. But one
18:26
Speaker 2: thing that sprung to mind when you were asking that
18:30
Speaker 2: was I used to be I used to be a
18:36
Speaker 2: lot more hesitant to be truly vulnerable with an audience,
18:44
Speaker 2: like to be to actually, you know, I think I
18:49
Speaker 2: think it's very common for people to be like almost
18:52
Speaker 2: fraudulently vulnerable, where they're acting vulnerable but they're not really.
18:57
Speaker 2: It's kind of a their kind of role playing vulnerability,
19:01
Speaker 2: you know. But when I say things that about myself
19:05
Speaker 2: that aren't good, things that like, this is not a
19:09
Speaker 2: greg this is not an asset, this is not this
19:12
Speaker 2: is not a good quality, or this is not a
19:14
Speaker 2: good you know. But I think when you say, you know,
19:18
Speaker 2: when I say that, I'm I still do stuff which
19:23
Speaker 2: is really out of ego. You know. Still now today,
19:28
Speaker 2: I still am insensitive at times. I still want to
19:33
Speaker 2: be the smartest in the room at times, you know,
19:38
Speaker 2: not all the time. But I recognize these things about
19:41
Speaker 2: me that I don't like, and I work on them.
19:45
Speaker 2: And I don't want self pity and I don't want
19:47
Speaker 2: a round of applause, and I don't need a slap
19:50
Speaker 2: on the back. And if I do need all of
19:52
Speaker 2: those things, well then I'm just creating another problem and
19:55
Speaker 2: another addiction.
19:56
Speaker 1: Right.
19:56
Speaker 2: But I think I've learned over the last five years
19:59
Speaker 2: in a really experiential way that you know, the more
20:04
Speaker 2: even I think some of the I think you and
20:07
Speaker 2: I are having more raw and real conversations in the
20:09
Speaker 2: last three six months, and we've been doing a version
20:12
Speaker 2: of this for years now, and I think that like
20:16
Speaker 2: we get more and more positive feedback. And it's not
20:19
Speaker 2: because oh wow, it's it's so much more polished, or
20:23
Speaker 2: you know, the sound is great, or or as fuck,
20:26
Speaker 2: what a mind blowing topic, or I think it's just
20:30
Speaker 2: you know, to a point anyway, the more that I'm
20:32
Speaker 2: real and raw and vulnerable and honest, and you know,
20:35
Speaker 2: I can acknowledge that I've done some good things and
20:37
Speaker 2: acknowledge that I've done some shit things, and that I'm
20:40
Speaker 2: a work in progress, and then I think that, as
20:44
Speaker 2: I've said before, that getting closer to that, you know,
20:48
Speaker 2: almost that personal, you know, not the public and not
20:51
Speaker 2: the sorry, not the personal, but maybe the private version
20:54
Speaker 2: of you where you can just I think there's I
20:59
Speaker 2: think it's empowering for others when someone that they perhaps
21:02
Speaker 2: trust or respect talks about their own bullshit, because then
21:06
Speaker 2: we think, ah, Okay, so he ain't really special, which
21:10
Speaker 2: I'm not. He ain't that special, but nonetheless he's doing
21:14
Speaker 2: some cool things. Maybe I can do some cool things too.
21:19
Speaker 2: Maybe I could build a business or brand, or do
21:21
Speaker 2: a course, or fix my problems or overcome my addiction
21:25
Speaker 2: or have a great relationship or you know, overcome my
21:29
Speaker 2: self limiting beliefs or whatever it is, you know, And
21:32
Speaker 2: for me, that, yeah, that I think that vulnerability is
21:38
Speaker 2: a gift for yourself, and at times I think it's
21:42
Speaker 2: a gift for others, depending on who's listening and where
21:45
Speaker 2: they're at.
21:48
Speaker 1: I love that, you know.
21:50
Speaker 2: So yeah, So anyway, that's the that's the new. I'm excited.
21:54
Speaker 2: I'm excited to get in front of a group again.
21:56
Speaker 2: I'm excited to you know. I did a gig the
22:01
Speaker 2: other day for Buxton, a real estate Mornington Peninsula, Buxton
22:05
Speaker 2: real Estate, and I don't know, just I don't know
22:09
Speaker 2: what it is, but I feel like there's been a
22:11
Speaker 2: This sounds weird, but there's been a shift lately. I
22:16
Speaker 2: told you I've never had a standing ovation in my life,
22:18
Speaker 2: and two weeks ago I had two in a week
22:21
Speaker 2: with two different groups. And I'm not saying that sound
22:25
Speaker 2: good because I'm more surprised than fucking anyone. But what
22:29
Speaker 2: I trust me, I'm like, what the fuck is standing for?
22:32
Speaker 2: I literally was? I literally was. I didn't know why,
22:36
Speaker 2: and then I went, oh, I must have done a
22:38
Speaker 2: good job, but I did, I did a I don't know.
22:43
Speaker 2: It's like it's almost like the less I prep, you know,
22:47
Speaker 2: I need to know what I'm going to do, but
22:49
Speaker 2: the less I prep and the less I perform right
22:53
Speaker 2: and then yeah, you know what I mean, Like this
22:57
Speaker 2: version of me right now, the more I can bring
23:00
Speaker 2: this version of me to a three hour workshop where
23:04
Speaker 2: it's really it's just more of a group conversation led
23:07
Speaker 2: by me, and of course I'm going to be the
23:10
Speaker 2: guy sharing the bulk of the thoughts and ideas and
23:12
Speaker 2: stories and strategies, but nonetheless really more a facilitator than
23:18
Speaker 2: a coach up the front barking kind of orders or directives,
23:23
Speaker 2: you know. But the other good thing in the middle
23:27
Speaker 2: of all of that is so much fucking easier, Like
23:31
Speaker 2: it's so much easier just going oh, you know, like ah.
23:36
Speaker 2: And then I did the gig like I said, for
23:38
Speaker 2: Bucks and the other day, and I just got the
23:40
Speaker 2: most beautiful message saying that. You know, I won't say
23:44
Speaker 2: what they said because I'll sound like a wanker, but
23:47
Speaker 2: just the nicest message ever.
23:49
Speaker 1: Do I think what do you think has contributed? What
23:54
Speaker 1: are the all of the things that might have contributed
23:56
Speaker 1: to that shift? In this overtime, I.
24:01
Speaker 2: Think I've accepted the fact more than ever that some
24:06
Speaker 2: people are going to really resonate with me and some
24:08
Speaker 2: are not. And it's okay, yeah, and this is going
24:14
Speaker 2: to sound silly, but okay, let me preface what I'm
24:17
Speaker 2: going to say with I want people to like me
24:20
Speaker 2: because I'm human and normal. However, I don't care as
24:24
Speaker 2: much as I used to about whether or not people
24:27
Speaker 2: like me. Yeah, because if my priority is whether or
24:30
Speaker 2: not people like me or being likable, then I can't
24:34
Speaker 2: do the best job because I've got the wrong goal.
24:39
Speaker 2: If my goal is to be the best person for
24:43
Speaker 2: the group, like, because I know that some of the
24:47
Speaker 2: things that you know, you get more than two people
24:50
Speaker 2: in a room where you're going to fucking ruffle feathers, right,
24:53
Speaker 2: So I know that I will say things that might
24:58
Speaker 2: not with some people in the room be comfortable for them,
25:03
Speaker 2: or what they want to hear might not be well received.
25:07
Speaker 2: But you've just got to accept that, you know, and
25:11
Speaker 2: and you know. More and more, I just go, look,
25:13
Speaker 2: I know that some people will you know, if the
25:17
Speaker 2: majority don't, then I'm barking up the wrong tree. But
25:21
Speaker 2: more and more, I'm just comfortable with people not liking me,
25:24
Speaker 2: although that's not my intentional goal. But you know, one
25:29
Speaker 2: of my lectures from university first time round a guy
25:33
Speaker 2: who played footy for sin Kilda and Richmond. His name
25:40
Speaker 2: is doctor Paul Callery, and he said to me. We
25:44
Speaker 2: were having a chat and he said, you know, mister Harper.
25:46
Speaker 2: He goes, if you don't want to offend anyone, then
25:50
Speaker 2: say nothing, do nothing, be nothing, and stand for nothing.
25:54
Speaker 2: And I went, oh, wow, say nothing, do nothing, be nothing,
25:57
Speaker 2: stand for nothing. He goes, that's the only way, and
26:00
Speaker 2: he goes and by the way, you'll still offend people
26:03
Speaker 2: because people look for reasons to get offended. You can
26:07
Speaker 2: have the best motives and tensions and whatever, and there's
26:10
Speaker 2: still somebody, you know. So yeah, so it's been. It's
26:14
Speaker 2: been an interesting journey of self discovery. And you know,
26:17
Speaker 2: you would hope that when you do a PhD in
26:19
Speaker 2: self awareness that you might get some along the way.
26:23
Speaker 2: You would hope that some of that research might rub
26:26
Speaker 2: off and that you might actually you might actually acknowledge
26:30
Speaker 2: and accept and you know, do something about some of
26:33
Speaker 2: your own bullshit as you try to bring other people's
26:38
Speaker 2: bullshit to their own attention, you know. So yeah, it's been. Yeah,
26:43
Speaker 2: well isn't it.
26:44
Speaker 1: You know, And it's quite divine when you think about
26:46
Speaker 1: your area of research. Started out wanting to look at
26:50
Speaker 1: motivation and you were you were I was about to
26:52
Speaker 1: saying the most motivated guy, but you were someone who
26:55
Speaker 1: who exercised what looks like motivation your whole life in
26:59
Speaker 1: and have trouble with that, and you've gone into a
27:00
Speaker 1: space that's actually allowed you to grow and develop in
27:03
Speaker 1: a different area. Yes, like how beautiful?
27:08
Speaker 2: Yeah, thank you? And I think also, you know, I
27:11
Speaker 2: needed to and I probably didn't know I needed to,
27:16
Speaker 2: you know, I didn't. You know, it's like when you
27:19
Speaker 2: think you're right about stuff. I don't think I was
27:24
Speaker 2: overly arrogant because I always had like shit self esteem
27:27
Speaker 2: and imposter syndrome. But you know when you think you're right,
27:31
Speaker 2: like we all think we're right about certain things, to
27:35
Speaker 2: the point where it's like, oh no, I don't think
27:37
Speaker 2: I'm right. I fucking know I'm right now. You know,
27:42
Speaker 2: that's almost like the ultimate in I don't know, self
27:47
Speaker 2: belief arrogance. I don't know, maybe it's a blurry line there,
27:49
Speaker 2: but you know, there are things that I used to
27:52
Speaker 2: think that I absolutely, positive, positively, unequivocally I thought that
28:00
Speaker 2: Not only did I believe that, I thought I knew it.
28:04
Speaker 2: I thought, oh no, I know this to be No,
28:06
Speaker 2: this is not a this is not a belief, this
28:08
Speaker 2: is knowledge. But then over time I went on, no,
28:13
Speaker 2: I didn't know at all. I just thought I knew.
28:15
Speaker 2: It's like I thought I knew, and being able to
28:20
Speaker 2: be honest enough and brave enough, which I'm not always,
28:23
Speaker 2: but to change your mind about things, changing your mind
28:28
Speaker 2: saying I was wrong, not oh yeah, but but but
28:34
Speaker 2: oh no, not fuck all that just I was wrong
28:37
Speaker 2: the end, I was wrong, you were right the end.
28:41
Speaker 2: Or I don't know. I don't know. I wish I knew.
28:46
Speaker 2: I have an opinion, I have an idea, I have
28:48
Speaker 2: some thoughts, but I don't actually know, because people are scared,
28:53
Speaker 2: because people don't like the unknown. What do you think
28:57
Speaker 2: happens when we die, Craig, I mean that hundreds of
29:01
Speaker 2: times or a version of that, life, death, God, eternity,
29:05
Speaker 2: you know, blah blah, life after death. You know. I
29:11
Speaker 2: spent my life thinking about that. I spent my life
29:14
Speaker 2: in church, being taught, told, trained, programmed, educated, fucking manipulated
29:20
Speaker 2: coerce to believe a certain paradigm, to to intertwine my
29:25
Speaker 2: mind with a certain theology and philosophy. But when I
29:29
Speaker 2: step back now and I think about my thinking, I
29:32
Speaker 2: open the metacognitive door and I try to remove myself
29:36
Speaker 2: from the programming. The truth is I don't know. That's
29:41
Speaker 2: the truth. That's the uncomfortable truth. I don't know what.
29:44
Speaker 2: I don't know. If there's a god. I wish I
29:47
Speaker 2: could go, oh, I know there is, but I'd be lying.
29:52
Speaker 2: And anyone who says they know, well, I shouldn't say that.
29:55
Speaker 2: But to me it's like, well, if you know, then
29:57
Speaker 2: show me the evidence, and nobody's got evidence. If we
30:00
Speaker 2: had evidence and we have knowledge, then that would make
30:02
Speaker 2: faith redundant. And religion is all about faith, and it's okay.
30:06
Speaker 2: It's okay that you believe, and it's okay that I
30:09
Speaker 2: believe or don't believe, but it's like it's when it
30:13
Speaker 2: comes to certain things, we don't like not knowing. We
30:17
Speaker 2: don't like being out of control. We don't like the uncertainty,
30:22
Speaker 2: we don't like the unfamiliarity of ol. I spent my
30:25
Speaker 2: life believing this, and now I'm out here, which is
30:28
Speaker 2: why I absolutely fucking loved that book Unfollow that You'll
30:35
Speaker 2: have you? Where are you with that? Where are you
30:37
Speaker 2: up to?
30:38
Speaker 1: I've listened to most of it.
30:40
Speaker 2: I loved that book, and I've spoken about it before.
30:43
Speaker 2: But it's called Unfollow. It's by Megan Phelps Roper. Listen
30:47
Speaker 2: to it on audible if you want to listen to
30:49
Speaker 2: talk about somebody absolutely being heroically brave and challenging the
30:57
Speaker 2: cult that she grew up inwashing, the manipulation, the control.
31:03
Speaker 2: She is so brave, that woman, so brave, so evolved,
31:08
Speaker 2: so enlightened, like she inspired me that woman. She's fucking amazing.
31:14
Speaker 2: And apart from the fact that it's just a cracking story,
31:19
Speaker 2: like just the story, it's worth it listening. It's worth
31:21
Speaker 2: listening just for the story, but the magical insights in that,
31:26
Speaker 2: Oh my god, about the way that programming, manipulation, control, cognition, metacognition, culture. Family.
31:34
Speaker 2: Is so much great shit in there. It's like, that's
31:37
Speaker 2: like a PhD of the mind. Just that book.
31:40
Speaker 1: Yeah.
31:41
Speaker 2: Fuck, if you can listen to that, think about all
31:44
Speaker 2: of the myriad of brilliant messages in there, and the
31:47
Speaker 2: insights and the truth and the wisdom. Oh my god,
31:51
Speaker 2: it's one of the best books I've ever read. And
31:53
Speaker 2: I've read definitely more than a thousand books. It's like
31:56
Speaker 2: a fucking great book. And I don't know her everyone,
32:00
Speaker 2: and I'm not on the payroll.
32:02
Speaker 1: You probably should be.
32:04
Speaker 2: I probably should because I reckon. I've turned one hundred
32:06
Speaker 2: people onto it. So that's what I'm doing tomorrow. TIF.
32:10
Speaker 1: I love that.
32:11
Speaker 2: If you feel compelled, get in the car and come up.
32:13
Speaker 1: Go see Harps. See Uncle Harps.
32:16
Speaker 2: Yeah what about you though, you can do five months.
32:21
Speaker 1: I'm running a boxing workshop in Port Melbourne on Sunday.
32:25
Speaker 2: Now, old mate is going to get mad at me,
32:28
Speaker 2: and I apologize to him when I get our fhile. Remember,
32:31
Speaker 2: but you know, I always love opening the door for people, right.
32:35
Speaker 2: I love you, know, like you're wanted. Not that you
32:38
Speaker 2: would have got there anyway, but I think I helped
32:40
Speaker 2: you open the door a little bit, right because I
32:43
Speaker 2: recognize in you all the things you know, drive, courage, knowledge,
32:49
Speaker 2: good communication, and a desire to be you know, doing
32:53
Speaker 2: the things that you're now doing and more. And so
32:57
Speaker 2: in my own way, I kind of helped you along
33:00
Speaker 2: a little bit. And I love that where I can
33:02
Speaker 2: when I meet somebody and I think, oh wow, and
33:04
Speaker 2: then I open a door for them, and I don't
33:07
Speaker 2: like they take the opportunity just like you did. And
33:10
Speaker 2: then it's all about your work and your effort and
33:12
Speaker 2: your talent. So there was a young guy who used
33:14
Speaker 2: to think he still follows me. But last time I
33:18
Speaker 2: went to Bendigo was maybe twenty seventeen maybe, and I
33:25
Speaker 2: was kind of over via social media or via messaging,
33:29
Speaker 2: just helping him out. He was sending me. He sent
33:32
Speaker 2: me a thing going, oh, I want to be a
33:33
Speaker 2: stand up comic, and then it done a couple of gigs,
33:36
Speaker 2: a few open mics, and yeah, I mean I love
33:42
Speaker 2: stand up comedy and we you know, we're going back
33:48
Speaker 2: and forth. He sent me like a minute or two
33:50
Speaker 2: of his stand up and then a few photos, and
33:52
Speaker 2: I was encouraging him and he lived. I don't know.
33:57
Speaker 2: I actually think he lives down here. And I don't
33:59
Speaker 2: know why I have this idea, but last time I
34:01
Speaker 2: went to Bendigo and it was a really big group.
34:04
Speaker 2: Last time it was like three hundred, and I said
34:09
Speaker 2: to him, how would you like to do stand up
34:11
Speaker 2: to three hundred people? And he's like what? And so
34:16
Speaker 2: I gave him an invitation where he could come to
34:18
Speaker 2: Bendigo and I said, you can open for me, And
34:22
Speaker 2: I think I gave him like eight minutes, which is
34:25
Speaker 2: an eternity.
34:26
Speaker 1: Wow.
34:27
Speaker 2: When you're like somebody who's not a kind of recognized
34:31
Speaker 2: professional comic, they call them open micers. So you could
34:35
Speaker 2: be an open micer tonight. You could go and they'll go,
34:38
Speaker 2: here's two minutes, get up, do your best. Right. You're
34:40
Speaker 2: an open micer, you're just learning, you're practicing, and generally
34:43
Speaker 2: they're somewhere between shitthouse and not very good. Right but
34:47
Speaker 2: now and then you know you're building skill, you're getting time.
34:50
Speaker 2: So anyway, he came, he came, and he did. I
34:54
Speaker 2: can't remember. It was somewhere between five and eight minutes
34:56
Speaker 2: in front of three hundred people, and it was a
34:59
Speaker 2: very warm, proud. Yeah he didn't do awesome, but he
35:02
Speaker 2: definitely didn't crash and burn. He did for where he
35:05
Speaker 2: was at on his comedic journey, he did pretty well.
35:09
Speaker 2: And yeah, I just thought of that then while we're talking,
35:12
Speaker 2: I thought, yeah, it's so fun. It's fun to be
35:15
Speaker 2: able to do that for people.
35:16
Speaker 1: Oh, that'd be amazing. The thing with comedy is the
35:19
Speaker 1: delivery is actually everything, and the delivery is the thing
35:24
Speaker 1: that you are going to be the shittest at when
35:25
Speaker 1: you first start getting in front of audiences you've never
35:28
Speaker 1: been in front of before. Oh my god, I inge
35:32
Speaker 1: on Carl Barron. I think he's my favorite. Binge on him.
35:35
Speaker 1: I can watch the same jokes over and over and
35:39
Speaker 1: over and laugh every time, and I think to myself,
35:42
Speaker 1: if he didn't carry on the way he does, they're
35:44
Speaker 1: not funny words, No, it's just dumb mannerisms in his
35:49
Speaker 1: delivery and everything that's right, that's right.
35:53
Speaker 2: Here, here's a brilliant comic. And if you just if
35:55
Speaker 2: you didn't have his facial expressions, his energy, his physical humor,
36:00
Speaker 2: he's timing his delivery. But if you just looked at
36:03
Speaker 2: the words on twenty pages, you went, here's what he said,
36:08
Speaker 2: and you looked at it, you go, that's the unfunniest
36:10
Speaker 2: shit I've ever seen. But then you put then you
36:14
Speaker 2: wrap it around him, and it's fucking hilarious because he's hilarious.
36:18
Speaker 1: I love you so much.
36:20
Speaker 2: But when he talks about his old man, don't be
36:23
Speaker 2: a dickhead, kyl. Yeah, all right, I'm not sure we
36:28
Speaker 2: covered anything today, but that is okay, Tiffany and Cook.
36:33
Speaker 2: I'm going to put some ice on my face.
36:36
Speaker 1: You go on ice, that bad boy.
36:38
Speaker 2: Put my head in a sling. Thanks TIV, Thanks ups