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Living on Autopilot? How to Find More Joy in Motherhood · That Mom

• Maria Woods: Welcome to That Mom, the podcast where we explore finding more joy and more meaning in the beautiful chaos of motherhood. I'm your host Maria and I'm so glad you're here. Welcome to the show. So excited to have you. And would you just tell listeners a little bit about what you do? Sure. So I'm a development coach, and ⁓ that's my own made-up title. ⁓ and and as you and I talked about, ⁓ so I'll I'll dive a little bit into this. I think the term life coach sometimes has become a punching bag, and so ⁓ I didn't really resonate with that term, but I also work a lot with people in their careers. But I don't love the nitty gritty of resumes and networking and stuff, even though I'm more than happy to do that. That's just not where my passion with people lies. And so I like to think of development coaching as supporting people as they continue to develop into the person they are truly meant to be in this world. And that combines life and whatever career looks like to you. Because when you're happy in one, you're more happy in the other. And when you're off in one, you're more off at the other as well. I love that. So developing into the person that you're truly meant to be. Willing meant to be. Yeah. And so tell me about your philosophy. I know we spoke previously a little bit about that, but what's your philosophy on people or just people becoming who they're meant to be? Great question. ⁓ so the the coaching ⁓ modality that I studied ⁓ really hooked me with their ⁓ phrasing that people are naturally resource. Creative, resourceful, and whole. And I don't think I'd have the words to that as being my philosophy. But as soon as I saw that, I was like, ⁓ yes, that is exactly what I believe in people. I believe that we have everything we need within us. And it's about figuring out how to access that. And so often what's stopping us from accessing that is the voices that are playing regularly in our head that probably can't. came from someplace else, but now really are variation of our own voice inside of our head. ⁓ and the more we can quiet those voices, come to peace with those voices, forgive those voices, the more we can access that naturally creative, resourceful, and wholeness in ourselves and go out and share that with the world. That's amazing. So people are are kind of meant to be something or someone But you find maybe people are holding themselves back or being held back by these ⁓ voices that they may even internalize at that point. Yeah, you know, those negative beliefs that I mean, and I I don't mean to like, you know, be harsh on parents or teachers, but a lot of times that's where those things come from. And usually it's not even said with the intention that this is something the curse is gonna carry them with them for the rest of their lives. But as kids, we kind of pick up on these. things that we hear about ourselves or we're told about ourselves or that we just kind of experience, you know, when you when you regularly get bad grades in a certain subject, you it's very easy to internalize maybe you're not good at that subject, when in fact maybe you could have been taught that subject in a different way and been perfectly good at it. ⁓ and so it's taking all those things that we've been told and now tell ourselves and trying to flip them on their head or or just you know, letting them go in some way. And I'm a big believer that those voices for the most part have been there to protect us from something. ⁓ and so they they were there for a purpose of some sort. ⁓ but now that we're grown ups and we get to be all delting in the world, ⁓ how are they serving us? And if they're serving us by quote unquote protecting us, which is really just like putting us in a box or putting a barrier around us, then they're not serving us anymore. Yeah. And I know you love to work with women especially, ⁓ to kind of work through this. So how do you see these voices come up for women or moms? You know, not to generalize, but just are there any patterns that you see or just kind of typical ways that kind of these ways of thinking can get in people's way and what can they do about it? Yeah. Well, and you know, I can only speak from my own. experience and I am a mom. I'm a middle-aged white woman. I am a 16-year-old and an only child. So you know my only mom experience is with my one child. ⁓ there's just so many just women in general. We have, you know, we started reading 17 magazine when we were 12 years old and started internalizing how to take care of zits that we didn't even have yet and stuff. So there's just all that societal pressure on our appearance and how we're supposed to present in the world. And then you add motherhood to that. And it's just completely compounded because now you've got all of that kind of stuff of just, you know, what it's supposed to mean to be a woman. ⁓ and then you have what different types of mom, you know, are you doing attachment parenting? Are you doing free-range parent? Like, I just want to parent, you know, like all these different labels of everything. And and and with labels kind How people think about those labels and the judgment around those labels. And then you've got you know, just how, you know, I'm doing it this way and she's doing it that way, and who's right and who's wrong. And so there's just a lot of noise in parenting, I think. I definitely, I definitely found that, I will say. I found there to be a lot of noise. I was, you know. Like a lot of moms are where several of my friends were having kids at the same time. And while we were really good friends, we were just doing things in slightly different ways. And then I'd be like, well, maybe we should be doing this way. You know? ⁓ and so it all comes back to that. How do you trust your instinct? How do you, how do you get in touch with your gut? How do you know that you are naturally creative and sourceful and whole as a parent? How do you kind of step back? from all those voices of the books, the magazines, the the people on TV, the people on social media. You know, thankfully when ⁓ my son's 16, so we weren't on a ton of there wasn't a ton, ton of social media when he was really little. And ⁓ you know, I just I I remember seeing something about somebody that I knew on Facebook who had kids slightly older and that were starting to lose their teeth. And she had made like these tooth five dollar bills that were covered in glitter. And I was like, ⁓ my God, am I supposed to be doing that? And I thought, like I got so in my head that my child's life is going to be ruined if he didn't have like a glittery five dollar bill. And it like it was stuff like that that I had to step back and be like, I mean, that's great for that mom and her kids, but that's just not where my interest lies. And you know, he'll be fine. ⁓ and I think it is also remembering kids are super resilient. ⁓ we should absolutely love them unconditionally, but also know that when we feel that maybe we misstepped, they're still gonna be okay. And they're learning with us. And ⁓ that's a conversation now that our son's older that we have with our son regularly, that like one, you're our only child, so you're the only one we can screw up or not screw up, but also, you know, we're learning too. You're 16 for the first time. This is the first time we're having a 16-year-old and all the things that go with that. So it's it is back to that same of giving ourselves permission to just let go. And I'm not saying that's easy, but that's I think what it boils down to is letting go of anything that doesn't feel right to us internally. Yeah. I I so identify with what you're talking about all this noise and I think that is really The main reason for starting that mom podcast is is really how overwhelmed I felt when I first became a mother. And even today, you know, you mentioned social media. There's so much on social media. ⁓ and so tuning out the noise is kind of your your tip there in terms of trusting your gut and letting things go. Yeah. Yeah, it it it sounds a little cliche hearing it back. ⁓ you know, just let it go. Just no frozen song and let it go. But but really, you know, like really at at the end of the day, did I love my child to his fullest? Did I give my best that I could? Was there a glittery five dollar bill from the fai tooth fairy? No, there wasn't. And we all lived a happy day anyhow. ⁓ and and that's a really extreme situation, but you know, just As we're trying all the different things that we're trying from all the different ways that we're hearing about it and stuff like what what's me? This is great for this person. What's great for me? Yeah. And I like you trying to talk about people following their energy, ⁓ which I think could help moms and women think about how to find things that bring them energy, bring them more joy and happiness. ⁓ and you also Yeah, why don't you talk to me a little bit about that? Just yeah following the energy and kind of how can we think about finding a little more happiness, a little more energy, a little more joy in our everyday as moms. Yeah, and and I wanna be very honest, especially moms with young kids, like finding your energy probably sounds like it takes too much energy to do, you know? Like I don't wanna be like, add one more thing to your list, find your energy and stuff. Like I I completely, completely remember I was a I worked since my son was three months old. ⁓ you know, like I completely remember those days where I was like, we are all eating scrambled eggs for dinner tonight. And I feel like I'm doing my best right now. So I don't want women to feel like they have to do something. It's almost like, how can we do less? You know? I I I'm a very I this talk about cliches. I'm a very morning routine person and that's not for everyone, but it is really good for me and my soul. And Tuesdays and Thursdays, I take a yoga class. And ⁓ because I wanted to be ready for this today, I took the yoga class online in our living room, which I don't usually do. I usually studio. And I got about 10 minutes into it and I just thought, this is not where my energy is today. And it's yoga. Like, you know, it's just a vinyasa class. It's not, it's not hot yoga, it's not difficult yoga. And I was just like, this is this isn't what I need right now. And so I just I I shut down the laptop and I got the book that I was kind of stewing about in my head that I really wanted to keep reading and relating to. And I I sat down on a in a corner in a posy chair and I read for the rest of the yoga class instead. And again, 16 year old child who could get himself up and out the door on his own and everything. But but it's that type of thing of when you feel unaligned and saying, even this thing that seems like it should bring me balance and joy is not right now. Thursday, I'll probably be thrilled to go to yoga. But like right now, what do I need? And so it's it's finding those moments to stop. And that can be so hard to do. We're we're driving kids places, we're school obligations, work obligations, just you know, household obligations, all those things. And like, and I'm saying, please stop throughout the day. Like that can be really hard. But just a moment to take a deep breath and be like, Is this aligned with what my energy feels like right now? And is it not? And and for the joy, I mean, I think joy comes from that. Like I got a lot of joy from sitting and reading today, where I usually get a lot of joy into a yoga. ⁓ but I think, you know, for joy, when you have more than just a moment, putting together a list of a hundred things that bring you joy. And they can be ⁓ big things like traveling to Europe and they can be small things like dark chocolate ⁓ or anything in between. And so that way, you know. When you look at that list of a hundred things, how many of those things are you able to incorporate on a daily, weekly basis? If you're not getting to any of those things, let's realign. Cause if we're talking about when can you have a spot of dark ch dark chocolate that's gonna bring you joy with a deep breath, you can find the time for that. And so really figuring out what brings you joy, what do you enjoy savoring, and how can you make sure you're getting pieces of that throughout your week. I love that because it's so actionable. Who doesn't love a trip to Europe? Sign me up. But the idea that you can think of things that can bring you joy, that you can literally incorporate a little piece of dark chocolate every night if that's your thing. Or you could yeah, incorporate a bath instead of a shower once a week or not. No, so if that's your thing. Put a nice candle in your shower if that's gonna help. You know, like just what's gonna fresh flowers or something like that. I'm a big fan of a one song dance party. So if I if especially if I feel my energy starting to dwindle, I'll just be I'll I will turn on some Whitney Houston ⁓ super loud and I will just dance like nobody's watching because nobody is watching. ⁓ and just the the joy it brings me, the elevation to my mood, ⁓ it's like a instant dopamine kick. And so that's that's one of the things that brings me joy. It's just like little short dance parties. Yeah, and I mean I'm even just laughing and smiling, like thinking about you dancing to it in Houston is bringing me joy. So I oftentimes do it in my kitchen like while I'm waiting for, you know, like lunch to heat up or something and our windows with our neighbors don't quite line up, but I'm always like, Right, they don't quite line up. I can't see this madness happening, right? Because I'm just full on having a good time. So yeah. That brings you joy. And how could you get more of Yeah, and I do think ⁓ sorry, I was just gonna say I do think that sometimes pe ⁓ we hear joy and we think like it has to be like a parade with cannons of gr ⁓ confetti and like joy, capital J, capital A, capital O, capital Y, X. And it's like joy can be a cup of coffee in the morning before people get up. Joy can be ⁓ a quiet walk. Joy can be ⁓ a cuddle with your child at bedtime. You know, like joy comes in so joy is very personal, but it can be quote unquote small. It doesn't have to be huge and loud. And I love that, you know, you didn't say like yoga should bring me joy today. Instead you just tuned in to what was happening because like for me, for example, I usually delegate bringing my kids to school. And I know for some people like I've heard the moments in the car can be so magical and bring them joy, which I think is great. Like for me, that's like a bedtime snuggle, brings me joy. Yeah. But in the morning when I have to get off to work and I have a big like just things to do. Yeah. I'm gonna be honest, it doesn't bring me joy to do school drop off. So I don't do it. Well, and think about if it's not bringing you joy, how are you showing up that? You know? And that that's what I stop and think about. Like, If I know this isn't where my energy is or this is like a known non-joy factor, I'm showing up in that non-joy space, that unaligned space and energy. My kids don't want me like that's not my best parenting mode. Like so let me do the nighttime snuggle where I'm gonna be fully present and fully with them and giving them what I would have to give them versus that school ride, nobody wants that. You know, nobody wants it if you're not there for it. But I love the flexibility that maybe on a special day, you know, actually my son's birthday is tomorrow. Maybe that would be fun for me to drive him to school tomorrow and drop him off with the cupcakes. So I like the flexibility in this model that you can change your mind. It's not it's not one and done. You like yoga one day. ⁓ maybe reading a book is better for you the next. Yes. Yeah, it's it's personal and it needs to be flexible, you know. Like I said, I'm a big morning routine person. And so like there was that voice in my head this morning where I was like, but it's Tuesday and we do yoga on Tuesdays. And like, we gotta do yoga on Tuesdays. And it's like, I mean who said? Who said? Yeah. ⁓ and and that's I'm I'm big on the board should anytime I hear a client say I should be I'm like, who, who said you should be? Because a lot of times it's us. We said we should be. We made the rule. Guess what folks? We can break the rule. Yeah, there's a lot of shoulds in in motherhood. So many shoulds. And I motherhood is like one big should trip. Yeah. It's and it's like you and I talked about before, it's shoulds from external and shoulds from internal. I should be more like my mother or I should not be more like my mother, you know, like all these should, shoulds, shoulds. And it's like, who's making these rules for us? So every time we kind of feel like I should be folding the laundry or I should Do this as a mother. I should want to spend my time this way. We can just say, why? Why? Why? Who said so? Why? Who said so? Yeah. You know what? That laundry's gonna get folded. That floor is gonna get mopped. Like none of us are living in an absolute pig sty. Like this stuff will happen. Does it need to happen right now when there's when it's beautiful? I mean, so I'm in Chicago. It was 80 degrees yesterday on what October in October, you know, like it just like. Go be outside. Like, do not be, I was like, I gotta get my Halloween decorations up inside. Do I? Like, is this really what I need to be doing when it's 80 degrees outside? No. So absolutely. And then the joy, so like in going outside or reading your book, you mentioned ⁓ feeling a connection ⁓ or you were connecting to the ideas in the book. to me, when I heard that, that thought to me of like something that would bring me energy, like connecting to an idea or learning something new. ⁓ or going outside when it's 80 instead of doing some decor. Like to me, those it sounds like those are the things that that give you energy. Is that just what you're instead of looking for energy as another thing to do, are we just trying to take note of like what feels good and what is energizing to us? Yeah, absolutely. You I think we all, if we stop and listen, know it. You know, like if we stop and we're like, ⁓ yeah, this is total this is this is doing this is. And I love being outside. I wouldn't call myself an outdoorsy person because I'm not like I wanna go camp in the woods all the time. But I know that for me, being outside, taking a walk around the block is gonna be an instant mood changer for me. And I think I've gotten more and more that way as I've gotten older. ⁓ and maybe that's more 'cause I work from home and I I just don't have as much reason to leave the house. But I just know that being outside is gonna bring me instant joy. But it's different for everybody. And it is just like, hey, where am I, what do I, what do I keep finding myself being drawn to? ⁓ so the the book that I'm currently reading, one of the lines that I like underlined a thousand times last night, which is why I wanted to continue it today, was like, I'm gonna paraphrase poorly, but it was something like, What feeds the soul? It comes from two realms, creativity and nature. And I thought. Yes. And nature and creativity get to look different to everybody. This does not mean we are going out in open air and painting all the time. ⁓ or that we're hiking a mountain and then, you know, and doing charcoal drawings or something like that. Like what does creativity look like to you? What does your nature look like to you? What in those things are feeding your soul? Yeah, I love that. I I also love going for a walk outside. It's just an instant mood lifter to me too. So I try to break that in, especially if I've been on like nonstop Zoom meetings or phone calls. I know that like even 10 or 15 minutes a walk around the block will really change my mood and bring me a little bit of joy in my day. So I love that example. ⁓ I wanted to ask you because I have some notes ⁓ here for you and we had spoken briefly before about balance. ⁓ I wanna ask you, what does balance mean to you? Yeah. I think to me, balance means intentionally choosing because I yeah, I know there's a million articles, so I'm not you know, saying anything new here, but like I think work life balance is not I don't think it's helpful. Like maybe it is a thing for some people. I don't think it's a helpful way of looking at things. ⁓ if you actually look at how many hours are in a week and how many hours, even if you're working fifty, sixty hours a week versus how many hours are not at work, even if you count sleep time and stuff like that. Like it's it's not a 50-50. and at sometimes, you know, if you were to think of work projects and things that work as having weight to them, sometimes those are going to weigh more than the home stuff. And sometimes the home stuff is going to weigh more. And it's about again pausing and saying, what am I intentionally putting my energy towards? And if right now I need to intentionally put my energy towards work and a little less at home, that's balance because I know I'm doing it. Mm-hmm. When we're just going all in one direction and not aware of it, that's when we feel unaligned because we realize we don't realize how unbalanced we are. And so to me, the balance is really intentionally checking in to just know what I'm choosing. I like that because Balance seems like this great idea that is hard to hard to pull down to earth. So I love that this is focusing on what you want to intentionally focus on. And you said by checking in and asking yourself, what do I want to focus on? How often do you recommend doing this? Checking in to see what you should be focusing on? I mean, I I've got a thousand systems for stuff like this. So I think it depends on the person and I I know that sometimes I can overcomplicate something too, even when I'm trying to like sometimes by minimalizing, I feel like I'm overcomplicated. I like to journal every day. Sometimes the thing I journal on is what do I need today? Sometimes I'm kind of already know what I need for the day. But if it's looking like a day where I think I need to check in on that, that's a great writing prompt. Just what do I need today? I I do my gratitude every night as I'm going to sleep. I gave up trying to write it in a journal because love to the people who figured that out, but I am tired when I hit ⁓ the bed. And so just the last thing I think of hopefully ⁓ or try to think of before I close my eyes is a couple of things that I'm grateful for, which also helps me think about what is it that I'm choosing. Like when I think of those things I was grateful for today, where was the emphasis on those things? ⁓ so those are two easy places to check in. Yeah, that's so funny because I do the opposite. I Think of gratitude in the morning. And then what are my intentions for the day? And how does that align or overlap? ⁓ but very similar in terms of like I just try to get it done quickly. Sometimes I used to always write it down. I do like to write it down, but sometimes I'll do it, you know, while I'm working out just mentally. Yeah. ⁓ but that little check in, I I have felt like helps focus me on instead of my day just. steamrolling me because there's always things to do. I can check in and say, what are my priorities for the day? What am I intending to do so that I can more intentionally choose what I'm focusing on. And then if something doesn't get done, some reason that feels better to me because I've made a an intentional choice that that wasn't going to be the priority for the day. Yeah. I ⁓ so I I instead of like a planner that, you know, that's put together by somebody else. I have my own planner. And so I love to cross a thing off my list, you know, like a to-do list type of thing. ⁓ but I have a squiggle line that I use when I've intentionally chosen to not do something. And that also brings me a little bit of joy to be like, actually I chose something else instead of this today. And it's a different kind of energy taking that off the list. So I completely agree with that. That's amazing because I love a to-do list. I do like a little check box and I check it and then cross it off. Very specific in how I get my to dos, but I've been learning to let go. I've been trying to learn. So that's a reason I'm so excited to talk to you. And you don't understand how much joy I'm gonna get now doing a little squiggle and then just saying, This is a let go item. It's a let go. I know. I when I first started doing it, I I felt like I was like drawing wind on it, like just letting this go. This is not a thing I'm worried about anymore, type of thing. Yeah. Yeah. Enjoy. ⁓ That's gonna be amazing. Yes. That's perfect. Amazing. ⁓ All right. Let me check. ⁓ I have a couple notes here. and I did wanna talk about something you mentioned, I heard you mention was routinely finding yourself. I haven't heard that before. You know, I've heard people talk about finding themselves, but what is routinely finding yourself? Well, just like we're talking about all these ⁓ pressures and sources coming from outside, I think part of the reason as mothers, we're getting so much of that is because there's so many stages and phases of life, you know, where we're constantly in these different seasons and some of them are kind of culturally prescribed. ⁓ but a lot of times they're just like what I need or where I am right now. and so and and as your kids are in different phases and stages, you parent in a different way too. And so it's it's that routinely like, am I parenting Am I parenting the seven-year-old like a five-year-old because that's what I'm stuck in? Or did I check in and figure out how to find myself as a parent in this moment with the seven-year-old? ⁓ and so that that's what I mean by routinely checking in. It's it's very similar to everything else we're talking about, just you know, how do you regularly check in with where am I aligned with what's important to me? ⁓ I love doing values exercises with clients and using those as guiding stars, north stars, ⁓ and and sometimes even turning them into ⁓ a life purpose statement or ⁓ having a client find some kind of tchotke or something like that that's a symbol to them, a totem of some sort. And like, you know, am I am I that person anymore? Is that does that still resonate with Nate? ⁓ you know, people love to do ⁓ resolutions at the new year. I'm not a big resolution person. I do love though kind of checking in with myself and being like, this is This is kind of what I've felt this past year. Is that still who I'm trying to be going forward? What's changed? What do I need to change because of that information? I also did that kind of thing around birthdays because ⁓ there's like a little less pressure. The world's not talking about it. You're just talking about it for yourself and making it more personal. But just yeah, just regularly checking in with where am I on this journey of life? And is it bringing me joy? Is it bringing me happiness? Do I feel like I've been I'm I'm living out some sort of purpose that feels right with me. Yeah, I love that. And I love, I think for moms, like you said, there's so many ages and stages. So asking yourself, you know, who do I want to be? Who am I working towards is so important. And I know for me, like in the early days of having babies, ⁓ like just surviving was sort of alright. That was absolutely that was like that was on the list. And then, you know, slightly as my kids get a little bit older, I think there's a little more breathing room to take on a little bit more personally. ⁓ and I'm I'm sure that ebbs and flows as, you know, who knows what I'm gonna get into next as a parent, as a mother. But ⁓ I love that that you're routinely checking in and it's not, you don't set it once and forget it. You got to keep checking in to make sure things are working for you. Yeah. And I, you know, I do this same type of exercise with people who are starting a new job. It's, you know, What's gonna work for you? Is it a monthly, a quarterly, a bi-annual check-in? But put it on your calendar and find time to do it. It's not just an idea. It's like let's actually make the time to check in. And ⁓ one of our family ⁓ traditions is at dinner time doing happies, crappies, and gratitudes. I I understand some people call them rose petals and thorns, but we started this ⁓ during the pandemic and happy, crappies and gratitude sounded about as good as we could get at the time. So that's what we do. ⁓ and but that can be how you do your check-in too. If it's monthly, quarterly, biannual, whatever it is. Like, you know, what's what's been my happy the last couple of months? Where do I feel crappy or unaligned? And then really digging into both of those, you know, what do I want to do about this crappy feeling? And sometimes it's like I can't do anything right now. Sometimes that crappy feeling is just where life need has to be at the moment. But again, intentionally being aware that this is the moment or the season of life where this Crappiness needs to you maybe I'm in a season of grief. Maybe I'm in a season of survival. Like not everything's roses and bubbles and rainbows and stuff like that. But are you intentionally aware that this is where you are and that this is where life needs you to be at the moment? And when you check in next time, is that still where you need to be? And so having those reminders so that you do actually come back to them and say, actually, now it's time for you to move to a different direction. Amazing. ⁓ and then I saw too in your newsletter, which was really amazing, that you're talking about WTF moments ⁓ or life situations. Life situations. Yeah, could you tell me a little bit more about that and and then I have a follow up. Like, can you does it have to be full blown or can it be a half WTF situation? Yes. So I'm a big fan that midlife crisis is come in all different shapes and sizes and definitely do not have to be full blown, ⁓ which is kind of what a WTF moment ⁓ is. So ⁓ in the newsletter time about like I really believe in seasons and like I was just saying, you know, like so many of us had that season where like everybody we know is getting married and then everyone knows having kids and everybody we know is like you know going to that next level in their job and stuff like that. So like a lot of this is like societal or cultural based on, you know, who's in our group and stuff like that. But then there's these personal seasons of like I was saying like grief or ⁓ you know moving and kind of upheaval and stuff like that. ⁓ but several years ago, and kind of like you're saying, like when your kids get to that age where like you're like, ⁓ I could actually do a bit more for myself right now. I wasn't taking the time to see that I could do more for myself. And it it felt like this WTF, like, wait, I've just been kind of on autopilot. And that's what happens when you don't check in. Is that you got you get yourself on autopilot and the only way to get up on autopilot is to realize you are on. autopilot. And so the WTF moment to me is that moment that you realize, I don't want to be on autopilot anymore. How do I get to this place? And I regularly quote the Talking Heads song ⁓ once in a lifetime, you know, like this is not my beautiful house. This is not my beautiful life. How did I get here and stuff? And it doesn't have to have anything to do with your spouse or your house or or you like, you know, you get to choose what part of your life it is. It's not feeling right. but it's that moment of waking up. coming out of autopilot and be like, WTF, how did I get here? And how do I get out of here? And that's where I was a couple of years ago. And that's how I got into coaching and stuff like that, because I realized I'd been on autopilot while I needed to be more available to my son and ⁓ just due to some work situations available for my husband and stuff like that. And we weren't really in that mode anymore, but I hadn't changed. And so how did I want to change? Yeah, I think so many moms are on. Autopilot, I I would dare to say that if I could go back and see me with a newborn, my first newborn, I'm pretty sure I was on straight autopilot. Absolutely. ⁓ you know, and yeah, I think a lot of people can probably relate to feeling a little bit on autopilot and maybe even the moment of realizing, like for me, you know, it wasn't that life was terrible. But that you can put a little more intentionality into your life and kind of choose your adventure a little bit more versus just going along with whatever has been happening. Exactly choose your adventures, but I love that phrase. I I use that a lot too. But and that's like you said, like my life wasn't bad. Everything was fine. It just it was fine. You know? ⁓ and back to that development being development coaching being kind of at the intersection of life and career coaching, it's life. was great. Like I was really happy with my mom's stuff. I was really happy with my wife's stuff. I was happy with like, you know, just my household. There's like all the stuff, all the stuff that goes under life, family and everything like that. But I realized how unhappy I was at work. And I I think I had known that. It was the WTF mom was realizing like, you know, because I'm unhappy here, it is actually impacting these things that I think are going really well and aren't going really well. But ⁓ my gosh, how much better could they be? If I felt more fulfilled over here? How much less drained would I be for my family? ⁓ how much, you know, less irritable would I be? ⁓ so let's let's do something about this. Yeah. ⁓ and then I think kind of the last thing I'd like to ask you is you kind of brought up the morning routine and doing things that work for you. are there any things that you recommend, any kind of strategies for? being more intentional or taking a moment to yourself in the morning or sometime during the day that that works for moms. Cause I know you're passionate about one size doesn't fit all and you love a morning routine. I do too. But we know I think it's unrealistic to expect moms to all be marching to the same morning routine. so how do you kind of think about incorporating some mindfulness into your day ⁓ either as a routine practice or when you actually need some help to to think about, okay, let me take a pause in my day. Yeah. When you're a real mom working in real lifetime. Yeah. I I think it's just like you said, it's being realistic. When do I have the capacity to do these check-ins? Is it during nap time? Is it on the car ride home from dropping off at school? Is it on the car ride to work? Is it ⁓ that coffee break that I take that nobody else in the office is taking? Like when do I actually have 10, 15 minutes to myself? And how can I turn that into like this beautiful moment to savor and just reconnect with my breath, reconnect with my gut, let it all go and recalibrate. So I think that's and then put a reminder, like literally put it on your phone. I I'm a big unplug person, but I also love a reminder. And so as you're finding that, put it on your calendar or put it on your reminder to whatever, whatever your situation is with your phone and stuff like that. To remind you to do those things because it it's all lovely to say, I'm gonna do this, but then like you get into your routine and you're on that autopilot and you're having that cup of coffee and you're spinning, spinning, spinning and not realizing like, ⁓ this was the moment I was gonna take for myself instead. ⁓ so put it on your calendar. So sorry, I got like a curl stuck there. put it on your calendar. If that time's not working, you know, that calendar notice keeps coming up and you're like, ⁓ this day didn't work, find another time. Like keep working until you find that time that works for you. So I think that's my big thing. I'm also a big fan of putting stuff on your calendar, even if it's not always going to work for you. So for example, I love a restorative yoga class at my yoga studio on Wednesday nights. It's not always the thing that my energy wants or needs. It's not always something my schedule allows for, but I have it on my calendar regularly as a reminder, it's available to me when I need it to be available to me. So what are those things in your life that like I know I'm not gonna get to this every Monday at 10 AM, but when I can, it's gonna be really lovely or when I need it to, it's gonna be really helpful to me. So just put things on your calendar or in reminded form so that you're reminded that you're trying to do this work. Yeah, I love that. So for me, it's like 10 or 15 minutes. either before my kids get up or if something happens and I oversleep or they ⁓ undersleep, wake up early, then surprise, I'm parenting. And and then once they're off to school, I like to take 10 or 15 minutes. Or if I have to jump into a call, then it would be the next, you know, window of time that I have available. So ⁓ I think that's just great practical advice. Yeah. ⁓ I think it all boils down to being intentional. You know, which takes a moment. To figure out when can I be intentional? Yeah. Yeah. But not too many moments. Just too. Not too many moments. Just make this easy. Make it easy. Yeah. Great. so Charlotte, where can people find you? I know I already mentioned you have an amazing newsletter and you have your coaching practice and you coach one on one. ⁓ will you tell us a little bit of what else you're working on and where people can find you? Sure. ⁓ I'm at Covexcoaching.com. It's K-O-V-A-C-S coaching.com. You can subscribe to my newsletter there. ⁓ I'm not really on social media outside of LinkedIn. It's just not my jam. I'm also in the midst of working with two colleagues that are also in the areas of health and wellness. ⁓ and in 2026, we're going to be launching BRAZ, which stands for Building Resilience and Accountability, which would be a female centric ⁓ group program offering retreats and other types of group activities throughout the year for women who want to unplug and elevate ⁓ throughout their days, their weeks, their months, their life and stuff like that. So those are the two big projects that I'm working on. I do, I work with one on one with clients. And then about twice a year I offer a small group coaching program for my own group ⁓ that's called Eyes on the Stars, Feet on the Ground. And it's about getting some kind of tactical with those big dreams. So that's the eyes on the stars, while staying grounded in like What's reality? I don't have a million dollars to make this happen, but what can I do right now? ⁓ that's the feet on the ground. And so combining those two ideas to move you forward. Wow. Yeah, that sounds great. I mean, I'm sure there's some people thinking they'd love some tactical advice on how to move those big dreams a little more into their reality. So that's wonderful. Thank you so much for spending time with me and with this audience. ⁓ really appreciate it. And we'll drop all your information in the show notes so that people can find you. Awesome. Thank you. Thank you for the really thoughtful conversation. I appreciate it. Yeah, same to you. This was wonderful. Thanks so much. Bye-bye. Bye-bye. This is Maria, and you've been listening to That Mom. Thank you for being here. If this episode resonated, share it with a mom who needs it too. And if you're ready for more, Your next episode is waiting because every conversation here is meant to empower you to live better.