Latest / The Lesbian Loudmouth Podcast / Strings, Springs & Dangerous Things

Transcript

Strings, Springs & Dangerous Things · The Lesbian Loudmouth Podcast

• 0:00
  Hello, friends.
• 0:04
  You know what I mean? It's like raining in Winnipeg. It's still somehow 2026.
• 0:08
  My emergency brake is on. I'm trying to drive.
• 0:11
  Yeah, the Lord is not with me. And I'm tired. And my wrist hurts.
• 0:16
  And I'm back at work now, which is good. I think it's good. It's fine.
• 0:20
  It's alright. It's probably for the best.
• 0:24
  I don't know. Routine? Routine? Are we supposed to like routines now?
• 0:27
  Yeah, okay. Look, it could be worse, okay? I could have a terrible job and work for terrible people.
• 0:32
  And I don't. I'm very lucky. And everything's fine, guys.
• 0:35
  I've got two stories to tell you. Thank God there's only two.
• 0:37
  I'm going to try and make it snappy, because it is, in fact,
• 0:40
  2026, and while I'm recording this, I could get hit by a fucking bus. I don't know.
• 0:45
  Anything is possible, friends. Okay, my first story.
• 0:49
  I know you guys are going to get boners. You're going to get ladywood it's gonna
• 0:54
  be very exciting for all the lesbians okay,
• 0:57
  i was on facebook and my neighborhood has a buy nothing group it's called it's where people like,
• 1:04
  give away their shit and sometimes it's quite literal garbage like sometimes
• 1:08
  it's a stained mattress and then people are shocked,
• 1:11
  when no one wants it oh just reposting this it's like no no need yeah no that's
• 1:16
  going into a dumpster that is not like there are period stains on that mattress
• 1:20
  i zoomed in and nobody wants that, okay? But people try, and they give shit away.
• 1:24
  And I had a lady post a lawnmower, and in the picture, it kind of looked like
• 1:28
  shit. Like, okay, I'm gonna get into some slang, like, jargon here for you civilians,
• 1:33
  all right? I mean, you know.
• 1:36
  You pull a string on a lawnmower, it spins another thing, and then your engine starts.
• 1:40
  Her string boke. And she's like, anybody want this? And I was like,
• 1:44
  oh, should I get that? Like, should I ask her? Like, what if I can fix that? Maybe I could fix that.
• 1:48
  And nobody wanted it for a few days. And then I'm like, I messaged her.
• 1:51
  I'm like, hey, do you have the recoil? Which is, you know, sling blade for the string pulley thing.
• 1:56
  And she's like, well, yes, I do. And I'm like, does it have a bag?
• 1:59
  And listen, two questions is too many questions for a free item.
• 2:02
  I'm with you. I get it. I'm also like, take it or fucking don't at this point.
• 2:06
  It is not, in fact, a period-themed mattress. It could serve a purpose.
• 2:09
  But I asked, because whatever, right?
• 2:12
  And yada, yada, yada. I go and pick it up.
• 2:14
  I get it home. I take the recoil thing apart. And my hands aren't very strong.
• 2:21
  And now my wrist is fucked.
• 2:23
  And, you know, not the best for a lesbian. My right hand being virtually useless
• 2:29
  is, like, there's not Viagra for that.
• 2:32
  Is there a physio for that can i get can i get finger bang physio can you guys,
• 2:36
  get this thing back into shape i'm disgusting i hate myself i'm 46 years old
• 2:40
  and i'm still talking like i'm a fucking 13 year old boy except 13 year old
• 2:43
  boys aren't even as gross as i am,
• 2:45
  maybe they're talking like a 46 year old lesbian did you ever think of that
• 2:49
  huh that ever fucking occur to you no okay.
• 2:53
  Right this recoil needs to be held down like usually you can kind of like turn
• 2:58
  it counter clockwise super tight but if you let go it's going to spin like a
• 3:00
  motherfucker if it's hooked up right
• 3:02
  which this one wasn't so I spun it counterclockwise and then I'm like oh I gotta
• 3:06
  take it apart so I take it apart the spring that wasn't attached yada yada and
• 3:09
  then I could not once I got the spring back on
• 3:13
  I could not get the string through the hole which as a lesbian you should know
• 3:16
  what that means right you got to go from one hole to the other hole all the
• 3:19
  way through if you know what i mean,
• 3:21
  and it wouldn't work and i couldn't hold the thing down because there was nowhere
• 3:24
  to stick a screwdriver in to prevent it from spinning and i had to get my son
• 3:27
  to help me and like all this shit and then and then when i pulled the string
• 3:32
  a few times after i thought i had gotten it on,
• 3:35
  it wouldn't catch and i'm just like fuck this thing so i called this place and
• 3:39
  they're like oh sure bring it
• 3:40
  down and i'm like well do you charge for letting me watch you work on it?
• 3:46
  I hate myself. Okay. And he's like, no, you can watch. I go down there.
• 3:49
  This guy tries his fucking with it for 10 minutes. He's like,
• 3:51
  listen, I cannot get this thing to work.
• 3:53
  And normally I'd be like, oh, fuck. But this time I was like,
• 3:55
  fuck yeah. Okay. I'm not a total idiot.
• 3:59
  He sold me another one. Blah, blah, blah. Put the fucking thing back together. Runs like a talk. Okay.
• 4:04
  So for, I'm going to say 30 bucks and some oil, give or take,
• 4:08
  I have a lawnmower I have to figure out what to do with part of me wants to,
• 4:12
  park it at my mom's so i don't have to go into her garage whenever i want to
• 4:15
  cut the backyard i'll just grab this thing out from under a fucking tree because it was free,
• 4:19
  and my son has convinced me that it would be perfectly fine and appropriate
• 4:22
  to sell it and i'm like well that's not in the spirit of the giveaway site and it's,
• 4:28
  like well she couldn't get it to work and gave it to you and you got it to work
• 4:31
  why can't you sell it and i'm just like oh you know it's not nice but i mean
• 4:35
  really he's kind of Right.
• 4:36
  But also like, eh, you know, like feels dirty. Anyway, I'll think of something
• 4:41
  to do with it. Like maybe somebody will show up and need a lawnmower and I'll
• 4:43
  just be like, oh, ta-da, here you go.
• 4:47
  And then like, I have this thing where I think,
• 4:50
  Doing something good for something makes something bad drop off of the list
• 4:53
  of bad things I've done in my life, which is ridiculous. It's not a seesaw,
• 4:57
  but it doesn't work that way.
• 5:00
  I wish it would. I wish if I did something good for somebody.
• 5:04
  I'd have a wrong removed from my tally.
• 5:07
  And not only removed, but I'd never, ever think about it ever again.
• 5:12
  That's what I would like. And I'd also like to pick which wrong I get erased
• 5:17
  and never have to think about. Because I got a long list, guys.
• 5:20
  I don't know, maybe normal people just forget the dumb shit that they've done
• 5:23
  and said and made people feel, but I don't. It just, man, it's like a hamster wheel in my brain.
• 5:29
  Sad little wheel. Okay, and that's that. I'm waiting to see what I should do
• 5:32
  with it, but I just thought, hey, that's kind of like a lesbian Pride Month story.
• 5:37
  I don't know what level of lesbian this is. I do have a carabiner at work where
• 5:42
  my pants are affixed to, or my keys are affixed to my pants,
• 5:46
  or maybe my pants are fixed to my keys you know potato potato,
• 5:49
  yada yada okay so my son my dear son you know this giant shoes and his height
• 5:55
  and his fluffy little llama hair he goes to school and they do this thing where
• 6:00
  they all all the grade eights go to camp,
• 6:03
  and they stay there with some teachers and you know it's like an outdoorsy thing
• 6:07
  everybody brings a sleeping bag you like.
• 6:10
  Pretend like you're on Lost, except it's not as confusing. And like,
• 6:14
  you know, fine. So they had like this thing in February where they're like,
• 6:17
  hey, come on, we'll have an information,
• 6:20
  seminar, and you can come get some information, blah, blah, blah.
• 6:22
  See, my son has like an extra layer of fear and anxiety that goes everywhere
• 6:26
  with him. And it is me. Yeah, you're right. It's me. It's me.
• 6:30
  But it's also his food allergies. He's anaphylactic to eggs and tree nuts,
• 6:36
  which is like fun he hasn't had a reaction since he was I think two maybe it
• 6:41
  was 18 months I can't remember.
• 6:43
  I'm sure there's a podcast about it maybe he was three I don't remember anyway,
• 6:48
  I go to this information seminar and they're like oh no no outside food we're
• 6:52
  not free blah blah blah blah and I go up to the director after the thing and
• 6:56
  there's like you know I didn't want to ask a question because like I don't need
• 6:58
  to bore all of these normal people with their normal kids who could eat dirt
• 7:01
  and nothing fucking happens to them I'll wait
• 7:03
  and I'll do a one-on-one with her Because when your kid's allergic to something, nuts,
• 7:07
  you know, lethal, don't get me wrong, I'm not minimizing it,
• 7:10
  but nuts are easy to avoid because everyone is on high alert for nuts and anything
• 7:15
  may contain nuts and anything that's even looked at a nut.
• 7:18
  Okay, every nuts are, I don't want to say easy, but more taken more seriously.
• 7:25
  I cannot tell you how many times, like he went to a banquet.
• 7:29
  Okay, there's a, here's a tale of two, of two different situations. He went to a banquet to,
• 7:33
  do a wind up with his volleyball team and they had food and I knew they were
• 7:37
  going to have food and I did what every crazy allergy mom does and I called
• 7:40
  and I talked to the woman on the phone
• 7:42
  and I explained the situation I told the day she was going to be there and she's
• 7:46
  like oh okay and she's like well let me check the dressing on this and she's
• 7:49
  like yeah it doesn't have any dairy and I did this.
• 7:54
  I'm like, eggs are not dairy. And she said, what do you mean?
• 7:58
  I'm like, eggs are from a chicken and dairy is from a cow.
• 8:02
  Like it just doesn't like instill confidence in me when you don't know the difference.
• 8:08
  And it's a common thing because eggs are very often in the dairy refrigerator.
• 8:12
  And I don't want to make this go on and on. But anyway, I talked to her, we talked it all out.
• 8:16
  She was going to talk to the kitchen. They were going to have a plate set aside from him,
• 8:20
  like no possibility of cross-contamination we got this all organized yada yada
• 8:24
  so my son gets there that day and I'm like listen you gotta go double check
• 8:28
  with the guy behind the food but in a little chef's coat and you gotta go talk
• 8:31
  to him and make sure it's all good,
• 8:33
  and he gets there and he's like oh yeah the catering manager put together your
• 8:37
  plate and didn't even talk to
• 8:38
  anybody in the kitchen she just did it and I was like fuck but he ate it,
• 8:42
  and he didn't die so that like you know and like I've worked in kitchens I spent the majority of my 20s,
• 8:48
  and late teens in kitchens and I'm aware of who works in kitchens sometimes
• 8:52
  sometimes it's like back to work programs sometimes it's a prison release system
• 8:57
  sometimes there's just like,
• 8:59
  a bunch of drunks and druggies who like to cook and don't want to live normal
• 9:02
  hours which was me I drank a little too much and I don't know I just liked cooking
• 9:07
  and I just yeah I don't know I,
• 9:09
  I got I was in there and sometimes I was smart and sometimes I wasn't but these
• 9:14
  are the people that I know we're in there.
• 9:17
  And it worries me, of course. Right. And another experience,
• 9:20
  he was just in Ottawa or Niagara Falls. And this chick's like,
• 9:24
  oh, yeah, you can have it. It's egg free, a dip with his wings.
• 9:27
  And I've taught him, do not eat anything that's white anywhere at any time.
• 9:31
  It will have very likely mayo in it or something. And he's so she she's like,
• 9:36
  oh, no, I checked it. It's fine.
• 9:38
  She comes back four minutes later. She's like, oh, did he eat that?
• 9:40
  And he's like, yeah. And she's like, oh, it was a meat container.
• 9:43
  It's like, do you get it? Like, do you know what I mean? And this isn't like
• 9:46
  he's going to have diarrhea.
• 9:48
  He's going to like potentially die.
• 9:50
  And now he's going to an island, like a little island. This camp is on a little island.
• 9:57
  And I'm a little scared. Okay, well, at the seminar, I go up to her. This woman has this bob.
• 10:02
  And good for her for having the confidence for that bob. Okay?
• 10:05
  Did it suit her face? Not really.
• 10:07
  Not really. but i think you know much like like i have lego hair i have a ponytail
• 10:12
  that looks like it's been clicked to the back of my head and it's the steven
• 10:15
  seagal one and i will wear this even if i only have two hairs to put in this
• 10:19
  ponytail i will wear this hair until i die,
• 10:21
  i am not kidding i will never wear my hair anywhere else this is what i've got
• 10:25
  and so i don't you know i'm just using this to judge her because i already don't like,
• 10:29
  and i come up to her and i'm like hey listen and i explain the situation she's
• 10:32
  like oh he can be fully accommodated we have kids all we do is kids we have
• 10:36
  kids come with all kinds of allergies. We've never had a problem.
• 10:39
  And she kept saying fully accommodated. And I'm like, I would like to prepare
• 10:43
  his food. Like, is that okay? She's like, of course you can,
• 10:46
  please feel free. No problem. Yada, yada. But he can be fully accommodated.
• 10:50
  Okay, great. And then I think I reached out once more just to double check.
• 10:57
  Like she said, send me an email. So I have your information.
• 10:59
  So I sent the email saying, hi, we talked, blah, blah, blah.
• 11:02
  And then she She wrote me back. She's like, yes, yes. Let's reach,
• 11:04
  reach out again closer to the time that he's coming. And I was like,
• 11:07
  okay. So I wrote back and I said, Hey.
• 11:10
  Is it possible for me to have a contact or for you to put me into contact with
• 11:14
  the person who runs your kitchen so I can get a menu and maybe I can match what
• 11:18
  the other kids are having?
• 11:19
  Because it's important, like, you know, I'm not a therapist,
• 11:23
  but it's important for him to kind of try to eat what the other kids are eating.
• 11:26
  So they're all eating similar foods.
• 11:28
  Can you see, you know, it sucks being different and not being able to eat anything.
• 11:31
  And I've seen him struggle with it. And he kind of acts like it's no big deal,
• 11:34
  but it sucks, right? Like it sucks. And she wrote me back. Okay, listen.
• 11:39
  Okay. She wrote me back. And I've already had this thing with Olivia.
• 11:41
  Go back and listen to the episode about Olivia.
• 11:44
  And she wrote, as we previously discussed, and I'm like, okay, benefit of the doubt.
• 11:50
  As was mentioned to you previously, he can be fully accommodated.
• 11:55
  So I know you heard me and it sounded like I stuttered.
• 11:58
  But twice in that email, she said, I've already fucking told you this, stupid.
• 12:03
  And like, you know, it's business person talk.
• 12:06
  They call it a p p f o,
• 12:10
  email like please fuck off like they can't say please fuck off but they can
• 12:14
  say things like as was previously mentioned mentioned and as per our last email
• 12:19
  like that means fuck off right because i was a nuisance to her and i i you know i
• 12:24
  i had to be talked down i really wrote a three paragraph fucking monologue back
• 12:29
  to this woman about how her whole job is communication.
• 12:33
  Like, she should not, you shouldn't ever do that. And.
• 12:37
  I just was so fucking angry. And I sent the screen. I almost hit send.
• 12:41
  I sent the screenshot to Sarah. And I'm like, what do you think?
• 12:44
  And she's like, whoa, those are some strong words. You're really mad.
• 12:47
  Because I've worked in kitchens.
• 12:49
  And this director and her Bob are in some tower.
• 12:53
  She doesn't know what happens in the kitchen. You know who knows what happens in the kitchen?
• 12:57
  The kitchen manager, if there is one, it could be a 17-year-old girl I don't know.
• 13:02
  And whoever's cooking in the kitchen who thinks eggs are dairy.
• 13:06
  Do you see what I'm saying? So what i was trying to do is is like let me get
• 13:10
  in touch with the actual person who actually cooks not this six-figured bobbed wearing okay you.
• 13:17
  Know fine i didn't write back to that email she did cc the kitchen manager or
• 13:21
  whoever's women i don't know and she didn't follow up with it and i was so fucking
• 13:25
  livid i didn't i didn't end up writing back anything at all,
• 13:29
  because i thought okay i'm gonna let sarah handle this one because i'm really
• 13:32
  mad i just i cannot fucking stand being condescended to i cannot stand it like it drives me insane,
• 13:38
  so he gets there he comes pack them all up spend so much money i i pre-packed
• 13:43
  all his meals and i'm like listen dude my food's way better than the fucking
• 13:47
  ragu shit they're gonna dump on a fucking noodle and give to those kids like
• 13:51
  it's sloth there's no way,
• 13:53
  and he went there the first lunch.
• 13:57
  He gets there. They don't know he's there. They don't know what he's allergic
• 14:00
  to. There's nothing prepared for him to eat whatsoever. He was not accommodated whatsoever.
• 14:06
  They made grilled cheese sandwiches for the kids, and the bread had egg in it.
• 14:12
  He went and checked, and they put mayo on it to toast it.
• 14:16
  What was he going to eat? Nothing. They had nothing for him, right?
• 14:21
  Okay, lunchtime rolls around, and this is all later, this is all secondhand, okay, so bear with me.
• 14:26
  Lunchtime rolls around, and they have hamburgers, or you can have a vegan burger.
• 14:32
  And they're like, oh, do you want to come back here and read the ingredients?
• 14:35
  And all there was on the bag was a QR code, so he scanned it with this lady's
• 14:39
  phone, because he wasn't allowed a phone.
• 14:41
  And they read the ingredients, and they're like, oh, okay, sure, he eats it.
• 14:46
  Okay. And he says, my mouth started tingling. And I'm like, oh, great. Like, great.
• 14:52
  I don't know any of this is happening. Right? He, he, he says my mouth starts tingling.
• 14:58
  And then he's like, man, I don't know. And I have drilled into his head every
• 15:02
  single time he goes somewhere without me.
• 15:06
  And he's going to go eat something. I'm like, you do not if something starts
• 15:10
  to happen to you, and you feel weird, do not go into a bathroom by yourself
• 15:15
  and lock the door. Never, ever do that.
• 15:17
  Because if he's behind a locked door and he's passed out because his throat's
• 15:21
  closed up or his blood pressure went crazy, he's going to die.
• 15:24
  Like he will die in there. You die from anaphylaxis. It kills people all the time.
• 15:29
  So what does he do? He starts to panic because, you know, these things are like
• 15:33
  you throw up or you get diarrhea.
• 15:35
  And he's 14 at a camp with his peers. And I knew this was going to happen.
• 15:39
  Okay. I told him many times, do not do that. What does he do? He gets up.
• 15:43
  He's kind of probably quietly panicking because he doesn't show anything outwardly at all.
• 15:48
  He does not tell a teacher or an adult saying, I think I ate something weird.
• 15:52
  I'm just going to go explore that.
• 15:54
  Nope. Doesn't say anything. Just goes into his cabin. He lays there for a while.
• 15:58
  He puts his feet up. He's like, okay, I feel better. I don't have any hives.
• 16:01
  My mouth is tingling then he like fucking.
• 16:04
  Pukes everywhere like the exorcist everywhere and that's when he was like oh shit
• 16:09
  and then he laid down he put his feet up and he's like nope this isn't going
• 16:12
  away my throat's starting to close up he gives himself the epi pen and there
• 16:15
  just so happens to be another kid in the cabin with him that kid runs and gets help
• 16:20
  and the epinephrine helps immediately but time is your friend like if you have,
• 16:25
  if you have kids they're anaphylactic or like,
• 16:28
  your niece or nephew, or maybe you work in a daycare. The second they start
• 16:33
  feeling off, just give them the EpiPen.
• 16:35
  No harm will come to anyone from having an EpiPen.
• 16:39
  You get a little shaky, your blood pressure might go a little wonky,
• 16:41
  just lay down. Worst case scenario, you just lay down. Like time is your enemy in these situations.
• 16:47
  And okay, then the camp counselor comes in, the teachers come in,
• 16:52
  they're on an island. And what does the camp counselor say?
• 16:55
  Well, actually, it's our policy for one of the camp counselors to give the EpiPen.
• 17:00
  Oh, okay. Well, that's a useful bit of information.
• 17:04
  Should he have laid here for another 45 minutes and waited for you to come before
• 17:08
  having it? Maybe he could have just fucking died to follow the policy, you dumb cunt.
• 17:13
  Okay, that's cool. Everything's fine.
• 17:15
  I get a call. I'm wrist deep in this fucking lawnmower. Okay,
• 17:19
  I'm just seeking a tiny little fraction of joy.
• 17:22
  And I get this phone call. hi this is blah blah blah from blah blah school and I'm like.
• 17:28
  Okay she's like your son's fine and I'm like uh-huh why are you calling me well
• 17:34
  he's on his way to the hospital and I'm like for what and she's like well he
• 17:40
  had an anaphylactic reaction,
• 17:42
  and I was like so he's not fine she's like no no he's fine he's fine he's fine
• 17:46
  and I hear another lady in the background she's like oh that's mrs smith she's
• 17:50
  like yeah i'm anaphylactic too and he's able to talk he's breathing on his own
• 17:54
  he's doing very well he walked himself to the boat and they're just gonna go
• 17:58
  get a double check and i'm like.
• 18:02
  I lost my shit. Okay. And then I told them the story about the bitchy little
• 18:06
  bob headed lady and her assuring me he'd be a fully accommodated and there was no fucking food for him.
• 18:13
  And I just went on and on. And then finally I took a deep breath and I'm like, I'm sorry.
• 18:17
  And they're like, no, no, we understand. We understand. This is very scary.
• 18:20
  And I'm like, yeah, this is kind of like my worst nightmare that this has happened.
• 18:24
  And I'm like two and a half hours away from you. And he was on an island.
• 18:29
  You see? Yeah, no, we get it. We get it. Okay. And I hang up the phone.
• 18:33
  And then Sarah's like, I'm going to get him.
• 18:35
  And I'm like, okay, well, let me talk to him first. He might want to go back. He calls.
• 18:39
  I'm like, do you want to, do you want to go back to the camp?
• 18:41
  And he goes, no, I want to go home.
• 18:44
  And I'm like, okay, no problem. And I told the teacher, I'm like,
• 18:47
  please, you guys eat the food I packed. Like, it would just be so sad for it
• 18:50
  to go to waste. And I pack good food.
• 18:52
  Not that this is about me. It's not. I made chorizo and potatoes with corn tortillas,
• 18:56
  okay? And cilantro, wine, rice.
• 18:59
  And I made chicken sudlaki with lemon roasted potatoes.
• 19:02
  And I made sweet and sour meatballs. And I made pasta with meatballs as well,
• 19:05
  because he loves meatballs.
• 19:07
  Like, I made nice food. He should have just eaten the fucking food I packed. Oh, shit.
• 19:11
  Anyway, the point being, everything's fine.
• 19:15
  We're using this as a life lesson. He's now had an anaphylactic response that he can remember.
• 19:21
  And the doctor said, the second you feel your mouth tingle, EpiPen,
• 19:27
  immediately. Do not hesitate. That's exactly what I told her because I'm a doctor now.
• 19:31
  And Sling Blade, both at the same time. And yeah.
• 19:35
  What's that? Oh, oh yeah. I am going to eviscerate that bob-headed little bitch
• 19:42
  with her condescending fucking email.
• 19:45
  And Sarah and I are going to double up so we can both send her something real
• 19:49
  good because I, my brother-in-law is, we're suing them.
• 19:52
  I'm like, no, we're not suing them, but we are going to make good goddamn sure
• 19:56
  that this doesn't happen to another kid because he could have died.
• 20:00
  Like, had he not had an EpiPen in his pocket, he would have died.
• 20:06
  And I know you guys are like, oh yeah, whatever. But no, for real.
• 20:10
  Had that other kid not been in there, had he not had the EpiPen in his pocket,
• 20:14
  had he passed out, how long would it have taken for someone to stumble upon him?
• 20:19
  An hour? Maybe? I don't know. When do those kids come back to bed after supper? Nine, ten o'clock?
• 20:25
  Bananas bananas so yeah i've got a really long email to write whoo yeah and
• 20:32
  she wrote me the next day and she's like yeah oh we're truly sorry to hear what
• 20:37
  happened to your son at our camp oh,
• 20:40
  oh you're truly and when you're ready please give me a call oh fuck no i'm not
• 20:44
  calling you i want this all documented i'm gonna cc the fucking principal of the school too
• 20:50
  because fuck you lady and she doesn't even say we'll refund you oh you're fucking
• 20:55
  refunding me yeah we're gonna write up a whole policy
• 20:59
  and procedure checklist an updated one because the one that you have doesn't
• 21:02
  fucking work like maybe the 14 year old boy isn't responsible for checking the
• 21:07
  ingredient list on your products
• 21:09
  maybe don't speak with like absolutes oh he can be fully accommodated except,
• 21:16
  no one had anything planned for them for for him he was what was he going to eat air?
• 21:20
  I'm like, well, could you have had a salad or some fruit? He's like, there was no salad.
• 21:23
  There was no fruit. There was nothing for me to eat. Uh-huh.
• 21:27
  Okay. Anyway, this is my new project. Like I may, I may be done with that lawnmower,
• 21:30
  but this is my new project. I just want to make sure that no one fucking dies
• 21:35
  on an island in Manitoba. That's my goal. Okay.
• 21:39
  Sorry. I know. This was all me, me, me. Right? Yeah. I know.
• 21:42
  I, yeah, I'm very stressful, but what, what, you know, but what?
• 21:48
  Okay. Listen, if you need me, oh, who fucking cares?
• 21:53
  All right. I don't know. I don't, I want to end on a high note,
• 21:55
  but I don't know what it is.
• 21:56
  He didn't die. That's good. I have a lot of like, you know, time and money and
• 22:00
  effort and energy invested in this kid.
• 22:02
  I need him to not die on an island.
• 22:05
  Okay. Okay. Love you. I know. I'm sorry. I'm sorry, too. I know. It's raining here.
• 22:10
  And my bald spot's gonna be really obvious. And I look really stupid in hats.
• 22:13
  Like, fuck. Come on. Come on.
• 22:18
  Okay, I love you. Okay, I love you. Bye. Bye. Don't call. No.
• 22:20
  Don't call her. Don't. Don't look at the camp. Don't give her shit.
• 22:23
  I'm on it. Okay, I love you.
• 22:25
  No. Okay. Okay, I'm on it. I'm on it. Just relax. Okay, bye. I love you. Bye. Bye.