Latest / CLEAR Performance Coaching / Podcast #13 - CLEAR Performance Coaching - GET PEOPLE UNSTUCK - CURRENT STATE

Transcript

Podcast #13 - CLEAR Performance Coaching - GET PEOPLE UNSTUCK - CURRENT STATE · CLEAR Performance Coaching

0:13
SPEAKER_00: Moment by moment choice by choice.
0:21
SPEAKER_00: This is where leadership leads performance practical practical.
0:31
SPEAKER_00: So you can step in and show up on purpose every day.
0:54
SPEAKER_01: Hello, I'm Kent Vaughn with Clear Performance Coaching.
0:58
SPEAKER_04: I'm Sam Bracken.
0:59
SPEAKER_01: And I'm Rick Timlick.
1:02
SPEAKER_01: We're so excited to welcome you to our next podcast.
1:05
SPEAKER_01: Today we'll continue on the conversation about getting people unstuck.
1:10
SPEAKER_01: Now, in our last podcast, we talked about the clearing conversation.
1:16
SPEAKER_01: That's card number 38, about how to help people get unstuck.
1:20
SPEAKER_01: Today we're going to see in this podcast going to talk about the first step of the clearing conversation, understanding their current state.
1:29
SPEAKER_01: What are your current circumstances?
1:31
SPEAKER_01: That's card number 39.
1:33
SPEAKER_01: So, Sam and Rick, you guys and I are, we're doing this all the time with clients and talking about this.
1:39
SPEAKER_01: What would you begin this conversation about the current state as you talk about with your clients, our clients?
1:49
SPEAKER_04: I love when we talk about the current state.
1:51
SPEAKER_04: I love to use the image of a mirror.
1:55
SPEAKER_04: Be honest and authentic with yourself and look in the mirror.
2:00
SPEAKER_04: We tend to behave ourselves into our successes and failures.
2:04
SPEAKER_04: And there's nothing quite as good as an honest, objective evaluation of our own performance and our own results in our life.
2:14
SPEAKER_04: This can be hard because a lot of people they inflate their ego and pride and they want to think there's something really special, which they are special, but they don't have an accurate view of what they're actually doing.
2:27
SPEAKER_04: They don't see things.
2:29
SPEAKER_04: But taking a good look at themselves, where they're at, why they're there, all those kinds of things is a really good starting place to get people unstuck.
2:38
SPEAKER_04: One of my favorite questions here is so how's it going?
2:41
SPEAKER_04: Where you're at?
2:42
SPEAKER_04: They explain why they're frustrated or whatever.
2:45
SPEAKER_04: And I'm like, so how's that working out for you?
2:48
SPEAKER_04: Like, so how do you feel about being stuck?
2:51
SPEAKER_04: Right?
2:52
SPEAKER_04: And I'm trying to pull out of them some kind of uh data dump or feelings or emotions so where I can really get them to look at their current situation a little differently.
3:02
SPEAKER_04: Rick, do you have anything to add to that?
3:05
SPEAKER_05: Yeah, you know, I actually probably just echo it.
3:07
SPEAKER_05: I love the mirror analogy, and I think that's so true.
3:10
SPEAKER_05: And the reason we start with the mirror is that stuck people are almost never stuck where they think they are.
3:16
SPEAKER_05: Like the conversation we have as a coach is to really point out some of those blind spots of where they think they're stuck.
3:24
SPEAKER_01: You know, and I love what you both said about the mirror.
3:26
SPEAKER_01: And can I add an and?
3:29
SPEAKER_01: Because sometimes, and I've got some clients like this, and you all of you do too as well, where you are asked to coach someone or you go to coach someone who has just been blown up by the data or the information, right?
3:43
SPEAKER_01: They've just been put on a performance improvement plan, or they met with the CEO and said, you know, if you don't kind of get this solved, you're gonna be in trouble.
3:49
SPEAKER_01: So you sometimes you're gonna be meeting with people who already know that it hadn't worked.
3:54
SPEAKER_01: They're sometimes often surprised that it wasn't as good as they thought, or they just got a bunch of data thrown out, and they're like, wow, I thought we were doing pretty well, and we're not.
4:02
SPEAKER_01: So the current state is helping them understand where they are, and sometimes they've been blown up.
4:08
SPEAKER_01: So work with them wherever they are.
4:10
SPEAKER_01: If they're not seeing it, they're not seeing it.
4:12
SPEAKER_01: What do you do, Sam, when you've got someone who doesn't want to admit the current state isn't where they thought it was?
4:20
SPEAKER_01: What do you do when someone's so stuck there?
4:22
SPEAKER_01: They're like, ah, I'm doing well.
4:23
SPEAKER_01: Well, the data has shown they are.
4:25
SPEAKER_04: Yeah, I'd like to encourage people to take a personal inventory.
4:29
SPEAKER_04: Like, do an assessment on yourself.
4:31
SPEAKER_04: Where do you think you're doing as far as your relationships at work?
4:35
SPEAKER_04: What about your performance?
4:36
SPEAKER_04: What are you doing there?
4:37
SPEAKER_04: How are you doing there?
4:38
SPEAKER_04: And then I ask these questions, what are your strengths?
4:41
SPEAKER_04: What are your weaknesses?
4:42
SPEAKER_04: And I get them to identify something, and most of the time I can get them to admit where they're really have a sense that they're not doing spectacular in certain areas.
4:54
SPEAKER_04: And then I usually go into that area and I said, if you were to rank yourself on a scale of one to ten, ten being just incredible, one being a total turd, where would you put yourself in the ranking?
5:06
SPEAKER_04: So I'm trying to get them out of their own thinking, and I'm trying to get them to objectively look at themselves almost like a third party.
5:15
SPEAKER_04: Like, look at your performance, look at yourself, look at your results, and then evaluate yourself based on a different perspective.
5:25
SPEAKER_04: Because everybody's the hero of their own story.
5:28
SPEAKER_04: Everybody's gonna paint a picture that makes them feel good about themselves, or they might just blame everybody for their failure, depending on if they're in a state of fight or flight.
5:39
SPEAKER_04: You know, we've been doing a lot of work, the three of us, on this idea of being in a oh crap mindset or a fight or flight mindset or uh-oh, you know, and uh and if we see them in that kind of mindset, we really need to give them understanding and we need to share the data with them.
5:56
SPEAKER_04: And as we give them understanding, the emotion will sort of reduce.
6:00
SPEAKER_04: And then as we look at the data, then we can start separating the feelings from the facts.
6:06
SPEAKER_04: This is an important part of this because you validate people's feelings.
6:10
SPEAKER_04: People are free to feel however they want to feel, and they're free to think however they want to think.
6:16
SPEAKER_04: Now, all those things have consequences, they have trade-offs, but they're free.
6:21
SPEAKER_04: So when we let them have that freedom and offer a measure of compassion and empathy, then we have a better chance of getting to the data and the facts where we can make decisions, take decisive action, and those kinds of things, and we can help that separate the emotions in their mind from the kind of action they need to take.
6:43
SPEAKER_04: I don't know.
6:44
SPEAKER_04: Does that make sense?
6:45
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
6:47
SPEAKER_01: Hey Rick, tell us about what the card tells us with regards to what Sam's just been talking about.
6:52
SPEAKER_05: So we got it right on the card, and Sam nailed it.
6:55
SPEAKER_05: You know, you start with that facts, data, and information.
6:57
SPEAKER_05: And then you want to get the feelings and emotions out there.
7:01
SPEAKER_05: You want to understand what that is going on.
7:03
SPEAKER_05: Facts and feelings, they're both on the cart.
7:06
SPEAKER_05: It's both data.
7:08
SPEAKER_05: That personal inventory that Sam talked about, that creates that realistic self-portrait.
7:13
SPEAKER_05: We want to paint the picture, you know, of what things are happening today, and really declare your intentions of where is it you're wanting to go and see that desired outcome.
7:23
SPEAKER_05: So that's what the card says.
7:25
SPEAKER_05: I'll tell you how I use this when I coach.
7:28
SPEAKER_05: For some of the more senior leaders, I'll do a combination of a 360 assessment and a psychometric profile.
7:35
SPEAKER_05: And the psychometric profile just shares how people are wired and what their natural tendencies are, and they answer that for themselves.
7:42
SPEAKER_05: So often it's another mirror lens.
7:46
SPEAKER_05: Here's a funny psychological stat.
7:48
SPEAKER_05: Large studies were done around self-awareness, and they found that 95% of people believe they're self-aware, but only about 10 to 15% actually are.
7:59
SPEAKER_05: So the blind spot gap in that statistic is why we need to hold the mirror up for others.
8:04
SPEAKER_05: And I think that's that's the job of coaches.
8:06
SPEAKER_05: A good coach job is understanding, not fixing.
8:10
SPEAKER_05: The moment we jump to solutions, we're solving the wrong problem, the one they described rather than the one that's actually there.
8:16
SPEAKER_05: That's that's the gap.
8:18
SPEAKER_04: Yeah, I I think Rick, well, what you're saying is we need to we need to really honestly look at ourselves to get an authentic and accurate baseline.
8:26
SPEAKER_04: Because if you're gonna improve, you need to know and understand where you're at at the base.
8:32
SPEAKER_04: Because a lot of people haven't done the work to really understand the baseline, the foundational, like where are they at right now?
8:39
SPEAKER_04: Let's be honest and be authentic with it, because then we can leap forward.
8:44
SPEAKER_04: But sometimes that story's ugly, and people don't want to they don't want to live in that.
8:48
SPEAKER_04: They don't they don't want to they don't want to admit to that, they want to blame and they want to do other things.
8:53
SPEAKER_04: And you gotta have a real coaching mindset to not get in the rabbit hole of emotion and triggers here.
9:01
SPEAKER_05: Yes, you know, and it's funny that again, you know, in many of the operation-intensive environments that we've been in, to to mention to them to talk about feelings, it's almost instantly, you know, a bit of a wall put up.
9:16
SPEAKER_05: But what we often say is, you know, the feelings isn't soft.
9:20
SPEAKER_05: When we can name our emotions, that reduces my you know, fight or flight, as you talked about, Sam.
9:26
SPEAKER_05: And and once we can have those feelings pass, we can actually start to get into what's really in front of us.
9:33
SPEAKER_05: But as long as that fight or flight is up, we're just reacting.
9:36
SPEAKER_05: Yeah, we're just in survival mode.
9:38
SPEAKER_04: Yeah, we're not going, we're not going to be self-actualized and move forward.
9:42
SPEAKER_05: Yeah, that self-assessment is not possible in that state.
9:46
SPEAKER_04: If you're in fight or flight, how can you have understanding about where you can really make the needed change in your life?
9:53
SPEAKER_04: Like it's almost impossible because you're flooded with the the crocodile brain takes over the body and the emotion.
10:02
SPEAKER_04: And we don't want to live in the crocodile brain unless our lives are in immediate danger.
10:08
SPEAKER_04: That's when the crocodile brain helps you.
10:10
SPEAKER_04: We want to be, we want to live in the frontal, frontal part of the brain, the frontal cortex where agency and critical and creative thinking live, because that helps us solve problems.
10:20
SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
10:21
SPEAKER_05: You know, and let me just help the coaches out there.
10:24
SPEAKER_05: The brain's always going to protect itself image.
10:27
SPEAKER_05: We actually discount data that threatens how we see ourselves.
10:30
SPEAKER_05: We do that all the time.
10:32
SPEAKER_05: To me, that's the reason why self-reflection alone rarely surfaces blind spots.
10:36
SPEAKER_05: Because I got the same mechanism doing the auditing as it does doing the protecting.
10:41
SPEAKER_05: So good curious questions from outside can actually get past those defenses.
10:46
SPEAKER_04: Well, that's really profound.
10:48
SPEAKER_04: That's a profound insight.
10:50
SPEAKER_01: You know, this makes me think of back in the early 2000s, and I don't know what the date is now, but back in the early 2000s, Weight Watchers was far and away the most successful weight loss program in the world.
11:04
SPEAKER_01: There was nobody.
11:05
SPEAKER_01: I don't know what it is now, especially with GLPs and all the medicines you can take, et cetera, et cetera.
11:10
SPEAKER_01: But it was fascinating.
11:10
SPEAKER_01: And the key to their success was really one thing.
11:14
SPEAKER_01: It was that once a week you met with your coach and you stood on the scale.
11:20
SPEAKER_01: And there's no cheating the scale.
11:22
SPEAKER_01: It is what it is.
11:23
SPEAKER_01: And if you didn't do well, they did not berate you.
11:27
SPEAKER_01: They didn't say terrible work.
11:29
SPEAKER_01: Oh my gosh, what'd you do?
11:30
SPEAKER_01: Go to two weddings and three birthday parties?
11:33
SPEAKER_01: They say, hey, you know, tell us what happened.
11:35
SPEAKER_01: You say, Yeah, I had a wedding, or I had a birthday party, or this, that, and the other.
11:38
SPEAKER_01: And okay, fine.
11:39
SPEAKER_01: What are you gonna do this week?
11:41
SPEAKER_01: And it's as simple as it was.
11:43
SPEAKER_01: You couldn't lie about it because the scale didn't lie.
11:46
SPEAKER_01: And then two, the coach did not berate you.
11:48
SPEAKER_01: The coach just said, Hey, so what happened?
11:50
SPEAKER_01: Well, this and that and the other.
11:51
SPEAKER_01: Okay, so what are you gonna do differently, right?
11:53
SPEAKER_01: And they came out with the cards that had points, etc.
11:55
SPEAKER_01: That's a whole other thing.
11:56
SPEAKER_01: But that's really, if you think about your job as a coach, is when people are kind of stuck in the current state, don't berate them about it.
12:05
SPEAKER_01: Talk through, okay, what are we gonna do?
12:07
SPEAKER_01: What are you going to do?
12:08
SPEAKER_01: How do you move forward from here?
12:10
SPEAKER_01: I love that idea of when I make a mistake, frankly, when people make mistakes, the vast majority of the time, they know they made the mistake.
12:19
SPEAKER_01: They know they messed up there, right?
12:22
SPEAKER_01: So they don't need to beat them up about it.
12:24
SPEAKER_01: It's like, okay, great, that's where you are.
12:27
SPEAKER_01: Now where are we going to go, right?
12:28
SPEAKER_01: And that's where how this conversation continues.
12:31
SPEAKER_01: We'll talk about that in the next one about the desired future state.
12:34
SPEAKER_01: An important watch out about this is that people want to jump to solutions.
12:41
SPEAKER_01: Once you've identified and you're clear about the current state, in fact, it's a watch out on the back of the card.
12:46
SPEAKER_01: You're clear about this current state, you really come to agreement on it.
12:50
SPEAKER_01: Don't jump immediately solutions, right?
12:52
SPEAKER_01: Be careful that you're not trying to solve it immediately.
12:56
SPEAKER_01: Just say, let's sit for a while where we are, what's going on.
12:58
SPEAKER_01: The other thing that comes to my mind is somebody pointed out to me a study in the United States several years ago that said the vast majority of people think they're good drivers.
13:08
SPEAKER_01: Rick's thing about think that the people thinking this about themselves, right?
13:11
SPEAKER_01: And if you've driven the United States, the vast majority of people are not good drivers.
13:15
SPEAKER_01: I'm sure I'm not nearly as good a driver as I think I am.
13:20
SPEAKER_01: So, what does the data say, right?
13:22
SPEAKER_01: I don't know.
13:23
SPEAKER_01: We'll have to see what the data says.
13:25
SPEAKER_04: Yeah, I think it's worth noting that if you really get someone that's honest with themselves, that you don't let them, and let's just say they suck at something.
13:33
SPEAKER_04: I really suck at this one thing.
13:35
SPEAKER_04: Don't let them go off the deep end.
13:37
SPEAKER_04: I'm terrible.
13:39
SPEAKER_04: Don't let them run off, get on the train tracks.
13:41
SPEAKER_04: I'm a terrible person, I'm this, I'm that.
13:44
SPEAKER_04: Like, don't let them do that.
13:46
SPEAKER_04: This is not why we we don't want to beat them up, and we don't want them to beat themselves up, because that's not productive.
13:53
SPEAKER_04: But just having some simple awareness of your strengths and weaknesses and your talent, your superpower, and what you're really good at, sort of sets up you for it, sets you up for success in the when you're looking at the future state.
14:10
SPEAKER_04: But it's really important that we don't let people just go, well, you know, I suck at everything, I'm terrible.
14:15
SPEAKER_04: You gotta remember, self-esteem is a thing.
14:18
SPEAKER_04: And people, not everyone has uh really high mo high self-esteem, right?
14:24
SPEAKER_05: Yeah, you know what I like about what you said is sometimes the story is true.
14:29
SPEAKER_05: Sometimes I'm not good at something, sometimes you know I might be in a hard situation, you know.
14:35
SPEAKER_05: And I would say obviously, as a coach, test that story before it's replaced.
14:40
SPEAKER_05: But if the person really is stuck because the story is true, the answer is not a better story.
14:47
SPEAKER_05: It's maybe there's a process fix, maybe there's a right escalation for that person, or maybe it's just a good hard conversation that needs to be had.
14:56
SPEAKER_04: Yeah, to sit in the uncomfortableness of where you're at for a moment is not a bad thing.
15:02
SPEAKER_04: Like to ruminate, to obsess about it, to talk about how much you suck, and that's not good.
15:08
SPEAKER_04: But to just say, I'm really coming to grips with where I'm weak, where I'm not really good at, where I need some significant improvement.
15:16
SPEAKER_04: And I'm okay with not being good at that right now.
15:19
SPEAKER_04: I'm not, it's gonna take me a moment.
15:21
SPEAKER_04: Give yourself the way I coach people through this is I'm like, give yourself some dang grace.
15:26
SPEAKER_04: Like, give yourself some grace.
15:28
SPEAKER_04: We all need it, and you're not gonna be perfect.
15:31
SPEAKER_04: And I'm not doing this as a way to keep them from holding themselves accountable.
15:35
SPEAKER_04: It's like we're all mortal, we all make mistakes.
15:38
SPEAKER_05: We're all mortal, we all make mistakes, and but just just be simply aware.
15:43
SPEAKER_05: If I add to that, again, I'm mindful of those that are out there that are trying to coach.
15:48
SPEAKER_05: I sometimes think, what if some trauma surfaces or a crisis or or something that that runs beyond performance?
15:55
SPEAKER_05: Like, what do we do in those moments as coaches?
15:58
SPEAKER_05: Because we always say, you know, our job as a coach is not a therapist.
16:02
SPEAKER_05: We're not here about the psyche, we're here to coach the work.
16:06
SPEAKER_05: Sam, how do we get out of that?
16:08
SPEAKER_04: You know, I'm so glad you asked that question.
16:10
SPEAKER_04: It happens all the time.
16:12
SPEAKER_04: I would say at least 40% of the time, I notice someone being triggered from some trauma, trauma event and some kind of emotional deregulation, and they're not able to regulate their emotion, right?
16:26
SPEAKER_04: And I just say, I just say what I'm observing is your mood is really up and down.
16:32
SPEAKER_04: What I'm observing is your you don't have a handle on your emotions.
16:36
SPEAKER_04: My recommendation, and this is where I go out of coaching, and I say, you may want to consider you know, seeing a mental health care professional, and and I usually have a Tava mental health, or I give them some kind of you know, someone to call, or I point them to a place where they can get some needed mental health.
16:56
SPEAKER_04: One of the things that's worth noting is that up to 40% of the population is struggling with some mental health crisis.
17:04
SPEAKER_04: So when you're coaching people, it's gonna filter through this.
17:08
SPEAKER_04: And when you see people that are giving huge emotional responses, when it doesn't merit that, it's like it it doesn't match.
17:18
SPEAKER_04: There's some emotional, there's some kind of emotional regulation that needs to happen, right?
17:24
SPEAKER_04: So that's a sign.
17:26
SPEAKER_04: So what I do is I just say, I'm observing this, or and then I'll be personal.
17:29
SPEAKER_04: I said, you know, I've had times in my life where I haven't felt steady, or I felt I overreact for stupid things and don't know why, and what's happened, what's happened to me is this, and here's how I got help.
17:42
SPEAKER_04: You may want to consider that.
17:44
SPEAKER_04: Now you got to be careful with that because people are really freaky about mental health work.
17:49
SPEAKER_04: We have a real word stigma in our country about mental health.
17:53
SPEAKER_04: I don't know why.
17:54
SPEAKER_04: If you break your leg, you've got the finest doctors on the planet, but if you get in concussion and uh you get some trauma connected with it and your brain's not healthy, you look normal.
18:04
SPEAKER_04: The problem is you look fine, but you're not fine.
18:07
SPEAKER_04: And that's the problem.
18:08
SPEAKER_04: So we got to look a little past a little look past the facts, look past the data, look to the emotion, look to the person, see the whole person.
18:20
SPEAKER_05: I love that.
18:21
SPEAKER_05: I think, and if you're the coach in that situation, you know, here's here's a couple tips for you.
18:27
SPEAKER_05: You regulate first, you know, and regulating is buying you a little bit of time, so make your breaths out longer than the breaths in.
18:34
SPEAKER_05: Slow what you're saying, and truly say less than you want to, and ask questions instead of making a statement.
18:41
SPEAKER_05: Like, you know, let me think on that and come back to you.
18:44
SPEAKER_05: Because you you truly might need to escalate that situation.
18:48
SPEAKER_05: Don't try to manage it yourself.
18:51
SPEAKER_04: Oh, these are really good word tracks.
18:52
SPEAKER_04: That's really good.
18:53
SPEAKER_04: Those are really good word tracks.
18:56
SPEAKER_01: You know, sometimes when people react to things, they're just simple physiological things going on, too, right?
19:03
SPEAKER_01: Or mental things that are not deep-seated issues.
19:06
SPEAKER_01: But when we talk about communications with our clients, a lot of times we talk about the acronym HALT or HALT Squared.
19:12
SPEAKER_01: You know, if you're hungry, if you're angry, if you feel lonely.
19:15
SPEAKER_01: When I say lonely, meaning nobody's supporting you on this project, you don't have any help with your team or whatever else.
19:20
SPEAKER_01: If you're tired, if you feel threatened in any number of ways, mostly threatened, like you got an idea and everybody blows off your idea.
19:26
SPEAKER_01: Like that's a dumb idea.
19:28
SPEAKER_01: Those are all times when the average person, including me, might overreact, right?
19:34
SPEAKER_01: So just be aware of just some of those physiological things, or if someone just was in a meeting and someone cut them off and now they're really frustrated.
19:41
SPEAKER_01: And so just be aware of what else is going on, right?
19:44
SPEAKER_01: And just say, you know, one of our sons, when he was uh a teen and a preteen, we'd sometimes say, Have you eaten anything?
19:50
SPEAKER_01: And say, No, I haven't.
19:51
SPEAKER_01: In fact, and so sometimes it was as simple as that, right?
19:54
SPEAKER_01: So sometimes as the coaches, remember if they're hungry, they're angry, they're lonely, they're tired, they feel threatened.
19:59
SPEAKER_01: Those can be times where people react to things in ways they wouldn't normally.
20:03
SPEAKER_01: And frankly, who doesn't get hungry every day?
20:05
SPEAKER_01: I mean, Snickers has made a fortune about hangry, right?
20:08
SPEAKER_05: Uh yep.
20:09
SPEAKER_05: You know, we use that term in our house.
20:11
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, that and that's a statement that we need to remember too.
20:14
SPEAKER_01: If you're gonna be a coach, remember that maybe you at the moment are a little hungry or angry or feel lonely and no one else is supporting you, or you feel threatened by something they said.
20:23
SPEAKER_01: Wait a minute, wait a minute.
20:24
SPEAKER_01: It's hard to be a coach if you're gonna feel threatened.
20:26
SPEAKER_01: And sometimes people do come up, come at us with things like, wait a minute, I gotta be careful here and not overreact, which, you know, I love what you said, Rick.
20:35
SPEAKER_01: Maybe let me think about that for a minute and get back with you, or whatever, right?
20:39
SPEAKER_01: We have to be able to be careful when we think about this human interaction.
20:42
SPEAKER_01: Just so many times we think we're communicating, and maybe we aren't, or maybe we're not at our best at the moment.
20:48
SPEAKER_01: Just some thoughts.
20:49
SPEAKER_04: I love that halt that my wife taught me Halt years ago.
20:53
SPEAKER_04: We don't talk about serious things if I'm hungry, angry, tired, you know, all those kinds of things.
20:59
SPEAKER_04: And this is why whenever I am coaching someone around noon, around lunchtime, I always bring food.
21:09
SPEAKER_04: That's bagel protein bar, bagel protein bar, whatever.
21:13
SPEAKER_04: I always have a snack.
21:15
SPEAKER_04: Say, hey, you want some food?
21:17
SPEAKER_01: You know, I took over a responsibility with hundreds of people, and the first day, you know, was it like a 15-hour day?
21:25
SPEAKER_01: There's a million things going on, a lot of things to do.
21:26
SPEAKER_01: And that night, about 10 o'clock, I was getting into the shower, and my wife said, Hey, what about X, Y, and Z?
21:32
SPEAKER_01: And I said, Hey, baby, can I just not have another question today?
21:36
SPEAKER_01: You know, I've had so many.
21:37
SPEAKER_01: And she knows that after about 9:30 at night, my brain's left the building.
21:42
SPEAKER_01: And so I have to be really careful about the way I respond to things at late at night.
21:47
SPEAKER_01: Because I'll say something that I didn't remotely mean, but I was frustrated or whatever else.
21:52
SPEAKER_01: And so I'm just a lot of times about 9 or 90, just think, okay, Vaughn, just keep your mouth shut.
21:56
SPEAKER_01: Just keep your mouth shut, you know, still.
21:58
SPEAKER_01: And because my wife is the obvious.
22:00
SPEAKER_01: She's a night person.
22:01
SPEAKER_01: I'm a morning person.
22:02
SPEAKER_01: I wake up in a good mood most days.
22:05
SPEAKER_01: I wake up early, long before the alarm goes off most days.
22:07
SPEAKER_01: My sweet wife, she's long after the alarm went off, right?
22:11
SPEAKER_01: It's waking up and getting going.
22:12
SPEAKER_01: And so you have to remember, too, that sometimes you're working with people that are kind of opposite places of you as well, right?
22:18
SPEAKER_01: And know where you're where you're at.
22:19
SPEAKER_01: And in fact, I live in Eastern time.
22:21
SPEAKER_01: These guys live in mountain time.
22:22
SPEAKER_01: And sometimes they'll say, hey, can we meet at 6 at night?
22:24
SPEAKER_01: It's like, that's eight my time.
22:26
SPEAKER_01: And I'm really not going to be my best at 8 my time.
22:29
SPEAKER_04: Yeah, we actually have open conversations about that.
22:32
SPEAKER_04: That Kent's not going to be his best self at 9 o'clock at night.
22:36
SPEAKER_04: Yeah, except fire for you.
22:38
SPEAKER_02: I'm rocking, baby.
22:39
SPEAKER_02: It's 7, 8 o'clock.
22:41
SPEAKER_02: Whoa, it's just not a bad.
22:43
SPEAKER_04: No, these are really good things to understand as we're helping people give themselves an honest assessment.
22:51
SPEAKER_04: They're really trying, we're really trying to get them to look at themselves in the mirror and make an assessment.
22:58
SPEAKER_04: Get a baseline.
23:01
SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
23:02
SPEAKER_05: You know, the only technology ever invented for shrinking the quadrant of blind spots is feedback from someone we trust.
23:10
SPEAKER_05: That's what a coach is.
23:12
SPEAKER_04: Yes.
23:14
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
23:16
SPEAKER_01: Hey, on the back of card 39, there are two powerful questions, and we love these powerful questions.
23:21
SPEAKER_01: And of course, the video, and we're going to put the QR code of the video in the podcast, so in the in the show notes.
23:26
SPEAKER_01: So you can watch a great video with Sam for about 90 seconds about this very topic.
23:32
SPEAKER_01: And the questions are, what are the facts telling you about your current circumstances?
23:36
SPEAKER_01: And that's just the question you asked me.
23:37
SPEAKER_01: And you think about it, if you just ask, what are the facts telling you?
23:40
SPEAKER_01: You're not trying to create a rise, you're not saying in a way that's judgmental.
23:44
SPEAKER_01: Just what do the facts tell you, right?
23:46
SPEAKER_01: And then that line is just what are your feelings telling you?
23:49
SPEAKER_01: So you know you got facts, you got feelings, and you're and then you say it and then you stop talking.
23:54
SPEAKER_01: You give them a chance to talk.
23:56
SPEAKER_01: And we were talking about this just, I think, in the last podcast, usually you need to wait longer for an answer than you think.
24:04
SPEAKER_01: You know, I had someone the other day said, I try to count to seven in my mind and give people a chance to respond.
24:10
SPEAKER_01: Now, once you've been working with somebody for a while, they'll be better at responding, right?
24:14
SPEAKER_01: But when you, if it's new and you're trying to help them get unstuck, they're not used to just spitting it out.
24:18
SPEAKER_01: And you've been thinking about this question for a while, so just give it a little minute, a minute to simmer and let them think about it, and don't be in a hurry to fill up the dead airspace.
24:28
SPEAKER_01: It's okay.
24:29
SPEAKER_01: You can have dead airspace, it's not a big deal.
24:31
SPEAKER_01: What would you guys say about that as we wrap this up?
24:35
SPEAKER_04: A lot can be said in the silence.
24:38
SPEAKER_04: You can learn a lot about a person with where they pause and think, but you need to give them psychological air.
24:48
SPEAKER_04: Let them let them express themselves and be patient.
24:52
SPEAKER_04: Don't be afraid to take notes, write notes down, and then reflect to them what you're what you're understanding, confirm to them what you're observing and understanding to make sure that you're on target.
25:06
SPEAKER_04: But slowing down, being patient is really is really something that's good.
25:12
SPEAKER_04: Being very specific about your words can help a lot.
25:20
SPEAKER_05: I like that.
25:21
SPEAKER_05: I'll leave listeners with this.
25:22
SPEAKER_05: You can't get unstuck from a place you can't see.
25:25
SPEAKER_05: You remember what I said that 95% of us believe we're self-aware, and only one in ten of us actually is.
25:31
SPEAKER_05: So the odds are that you and every person you lead is carrying a blind spot right now, and it's quietly running the show.
25:38
SPEAKER_05: What I would say is try to actively seek an honest picture of where things really are.
25:43
SPEAKER_05: It's the whole point of the show.
25:45
SPEAKER_05: Seeing clearly isn't a gift some leaders are born with.
25:47
SPEAKER_05: It's not a talent, it's a conversation any leader can have.
25:50
SPEAKER_05: You know, we often talk about ordinary leaders, great coaches, extraordinary results.
25:54
SPEAKER_05: It starts with that conversation of what am I just not seeing?
26:00
SPEAKER_04: That's profound.
26:01
SPEAKER_04: That is, that is.
26:03
SPEAKER_01: I love the idea of asking.
26:05
SPEAKER_01: If you, you know, if you're wondering about this result or this thing or that thing, getting input.
26:11
SPEAKER_01: If someone's not coming to you, why aren't they coming to you?
26:14
SPEAKER_01: I don't know, but go ask and get tell people, hey, I really want to know what you what you think.
26:17
SPEAKER_01: Give me your input and your insight, and then be careful when they get that you don't give it to you, that you don't react.
26:24
SPEAKER_01: Because if you react, they're not going to give you feedback again.
26:28
SPEAKER_01: Just like, oh, well, that didn't work well.
26:30
SPEAKER_01: Last time I'll tell him that thing, right?
26:32
SPEAKER_01: So just to be careful, be careful.
26:36
SPEAKER_01: Well, thanks for participating with us in the the first of the five steps of the clearing conversation, the current state.
26:44
SPEAKER_01: And I love what Rick said.
26:46
SPEAKER_01: Our tagline is really simple.
26:48
SPEAKER_01: We help ordinary leaders become great coaches who create extraordinary results.
26:53
SPEAKER_01: Frankly, we're all pretty ordinary.
26:55
SPEAKER_01: All of us are in our own ways, and yet everybody has some special gifts.
26:59
SPEAKER_01: So as you think about yourselves helping people raise the bar in their own lives and move to the next level, hey, thank you for what you do.
27:06
SPEAKER_01: Congratulations on taking the responsibility to coach and develop and help others around you get better.
27:12
SPEAKER_01: Have a great day.