Latest / Becoming / Counterfeit Emotions: Fear, Blessings, and Love

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Counterfeit Emotions: Fear, Blessings, and Love · Becoming

0:00
Speaker 1: I'm divorced, so I'm less than I'm a horrible person
0:03
Speaker 1: because I couldn't keep my family together.
0:05
Speaker 2: I thought that you meant that I was a huge failure,
0:08
Speaker 2: that I wasn't able to keep that together.
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Speaker 1: Oh yeah, and it hurt, absolutely, It hurts so bad.
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Speaker 2: It's interesting because when we go to those low places,
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Speaker 2: we can go one of two ways. We can lean
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Speaker 2: on God or we can be angry at God. I
0:23
Speaker 2: think I was lucky enough to have built some level
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Speaker 2: of foundation of faith from other trials in my life
0:31
Speaker 2: so that when this one came, I leaned on God
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Speaker 2: and I knew I needed him.
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Speaker 1: So, Bama, thanks so much for being in the studio today.
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Speaker 2: I love it. Thanks for having me.
0:45
Speaker 1: It's we've known each other for what a few decades now.
0:49
Speaker 2: It's been a long time.
0:50
Speaker 1: I love it all the way back from the Josh
0:52
Speaker 1: Little days.
0:53
Speaker 2: I know exactly, and now I'm still with him with
0:55
Speaker 2: his pickle company. I'm an investor in Josh's pickles.
1:00
Speaker 1: Okay, tell us just a little bit about the pickles.
1:02
Speaker 2: Okay, Well, so first of all, I'm biased because I'm
1:05
Speaker 2: an investor and I love Josh. But they're the best
1:08
Speaker 2: pickles on the planet. They're in the refrigerated section. They're
1:11
Speaker 2: going into Costco. Oh and all of Harmon's It's it's
1:16
Speaker 2: actually going This is what's wild the crunchiest, healthiest, awesomest
1:21
Speaker 2: pickles ever pickles.
1:22
Speaker 1: Is there a bread and butter flavor?
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Speaker 2: Bread and butter? No?
1:27
Speaker 1: No? What? Okay, you're just like my Patty, she does
1:30
Speaker 1: not like bread and butter.
1:31
Speaker 2: That sounds amazing. I need to look that up.
1:34
Speaker 1: Oh, they're great.
1:35
Speaker 2: But look, I love investing in friends, people who I've known,
1:39
Speaker 2: who I've you know, respected for a long time as
1:43
Speaker 2: an angel investor, that's people are who we invest in.
1:47
Speaker 2: Usually you're investing so early in the business that it's
1:51
Speaker 2: you don't know if the products actually going to work yet,
1:53
Speaker 2: if this software is going to be the best thing
1:55
Speaker 2: on the planet. So you bet on people and that's
1:58
Speaker 2: the first priority anyway. So I've I've been lucky enough
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Speaker 2: to invest in over thirty companies now, and I'm an
2:04
Speaker 2: entrepreneur first. That's how I got started and built and
2:07
Speaker 2: sold a first one in twenty twenty and then I
2:11
Speaker 2: exited in twenty twenty four from the next one. But
2:15
Speaker 2: I've had failures along the way too, where you start
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Speaker 2: a business that it doesn't pan out and you have
2:20
Speaker 2: to go through the roller coaster. Even the ones that
2:24
Speaker 2: were a success, they still were a roller coaster. I mean,
2:28
Speaker 2: you know how this goes. So entrepreneur is kind of
2:32
Speaker 2: how I've built my career and now I get to
2:34
Speaker 2: play more on the investor side, and I love it.
2:38
Speaker 2: I love it because I can put my hands in
2:39
Speaker 2: so many different places and watch them, you know, grow. Actually, Okay,
2:45
Speaker 2: so I have to share this. There's a company out
2:46
Speaker 2: of San Francis. I grew up in San Francisco and
2:49
Speaker 2: so I have a lot of deal flow that comes
2:50
Speaker 2: from the Bay Area. And one of the deals I
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Speaker 2: put some money into as an angel back in twenty
2:56
Speaker 2: twenty one just got a two billion dollar valuation. Kidding,
3:00
Speaker 2: And yes it's in the fintech space. It's not public yet,
3:03
Speaker 2: so I can't actually share the name, but that'll be
3:07
Speaker 2: That's my fourth unicorn. Unicorn means over a billion dollar evaluation.
3:12
Speaker 2: As an angel investor, it's my fourth dang, and I'm
3:16
Speaker 2: I'm sorry, I'm spinning, so you cut that start out,
3:19
Speaker 2: but this is it's crazy. So anyway, I feel super
3:21
Speaker 2: lucky and blessed to be an investor to bet on
3:25
Speaker 2: other people and some haven't worked either. I've lost I've
3:28
Speaker 2: lost money on deals too, but luckily it's it's been
3:33
Speaker 2: more wins and losses. So that's good.
3:34
Speaker 1: Congratulations on that. That's fantastic. Yeah, I love that. It's
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Speaker 1: it's winning in that that you can use that to
3:42
Speaker 1: fuel your your movement.
3:44
Speaker 2: Yeah, fatherhood movement dot com. So look, passion project. I
3:48
Speaker 2: just I've been doing the business thing for a long time.
3:50
Speaker 2: Built the business boot camp dot com, which is still
3:52
Speaker 2: going right now. That's helping very beginner entrepreneurs typically not
3:56
Speaker 2: venture backed, although we have a like get ready for
4:00
Speaker 2: investors type program that people can go through because most
4:04
Speaker 2: people shouldn't raise money from investors. I think most.
4:09
Speaker 1: Love to hear your perspective there.
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Speaker 2: Well, I mean, so look as an investor who's written
4:12
Speaker 2: multiple checks, lots of checks, there's most businesses should be
4:18
Speaker 2: just bootstrapped. Bootstrapped is your own money. You're just grinding
4:22
Speaker 2: it out to become profitable first, and then you can
4:26
Speaker 2: grow without any investors breathing down your neck or pressure
4:29
Speaker 2: to do what they want or to have to have
4:31
Speaker 2: a certain level of success. You just build a healthy business.
4:35
Speaker 2: So I recommend for all first time entrepreneurs if you're
4:38
Speaker 2: listening and you haven't, you're wanting to start something, Start
4:41
Speaker 2: something that you can do on your own without investors.
4:44
Speaker 2: And nowadays, because of AI and technology, you can build
4:47
Speaker 2: most things as an MVP, a minimum viable product without
4:52
Speaker 2: an investor. And back in the day it was hard
4:54
Speaker 2: to build technology without software developers, but now you can
4:59
Speaker 2: build almost any MVP on your own. And so I
5:05
Speaker 2: would suggest go build something bootstrap, try to build it
5:08
Speaker 2: and make it profitable. And if you are on a
5:12
Speaker 2: tear and you're going crazy fast, then maybe you put
5:15
Speaker 2: fuel on the fire with investors. But usually don't go
5:20
Speaker 2: race capital until you've got something that you've proven is
5:22
Speaker 2: actually working, that has some product market fit. And then
5:26
Speaker 2: investors they're the ones who want to put money in
5:29
Speaker 2: your business instead of you pleading for an investor. You
5:31
Speaker 2: don't want to be in that place.
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Speaker 1: You come in with a strong position.
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Speaker 2: Yeah. Absolutely, So I've loved that kind of career and
5:38
Speaker 2: the fatherhood movement did incorporate does incorporate the business book
5:44
Speaker 2: camp dot com, So there's business discussion, career discussion. If
5:47
Speaker 2: you're in the nine to five you want to leave
5:49
Speaker 2: and be an entrepreneur. Let's help you get a side
5:52
Speaker 2: hustle going before you jump ship, so you don't put
5:56
Speaker 2: your family at risk, right, and you can do it
5:58
Speaker 2: after hours so you're not, you know, doing anything you
6:02
Speaker 2: know against your current work job. Make sure that you're
6:06
Speaker 2: honest with your employer and that you're getting the work
6:09
Speaker 2: that you need to. Yeah, but I believe in financial freedom.
6:14
Speaker 2: I believe in abundance. I feel like that's part of
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Speaker 2: my calling here on the earth is to to help
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Speaker 2: people with abundance, and that a lot of times comes
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Speaker 2: from entrepreneurship in some way, shape or form or investing.
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Speaker 2: That's usually the.
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Speaker 1: Well let's go there. Let's so one of the one
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Speaker 1: of the pairs of emotions in the framework of counterfeit
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Speaker 1: emotions is is I call them diads. One of the
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Speaker 1: diads is abundance versus accumulation. Interesting and how abundance is authentic.
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Speaker 1: Accumulation is the counterfeit One is I'm going to live
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Speaker 1: large to get large. The other is I'm going to
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Speaker 1: live large to give large.
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Speaker 2: I love it.
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Speaker 1: That's great, and it seems like that that's what you're
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Speaker 1: doing with the Fatherhood movement and with the with all
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Speaker 1: of the venture that you're working on is to live
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Speaker 1: in abundance, not to just to accumulate have one hundred
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Speaker 1: rolexes and ten cars and three hundred nikes. It's to
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Speaker 1: give one hundred percent.
7:14
Speaker 2: Look, I think our purpose here on this earth like
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Speaker 2: I believe that there's a higher power. I call him God, right,
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Speaker 2: he's my heavenly father, and and I know that he
7:26
Speaker 2: to me, he had a son, Jesus Christ, who brought
7:29
Speaker 2: to pass this entire plan that we're able to be
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Speaker 2: here on this earth living today. I think and believe
7:36
Speaker 2: that we have an afterlife, and so we were, we
7:40
Speaker 2: existed before we were born, and we exist after And
7:44
Speaker 2: I totally have that faith that that is the plan.
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Speaker 2: So when we come to this earth, I believe we're tested.
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Speaker 2: So when we're tested, it's about proving ourselves. Can we
7:55
Speaker 2: almost like gain a recollection, a remembrance of who we
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Speaker 2: were and then and who we're becoming. And I believe
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Speaker 2: he wants us to become like him. And if our
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Speaker 2: loving heavenly Father sacrificed his own son so that we
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Speaker 2: could return to his presence someday, I mean that he
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Speaker 2: gave the ultimate gift. He gave the ultimate sacrifice, so
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Speaker 2: when we come to this earth, I do believe too
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Speaker 2: much as given, much as required. And I feel blessed
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Speaker 2: in my life to have had some levels of success,
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Speaker 2: not like most, not like a lot of people out there,
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Speaker 2: but the level of success that I've had has given
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Speaker 2: me an opportunity to give back. And when I give back,
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Speaker 2: it makes me feel good inside. It gives me happiness
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Speaker 2: and joy. And so even coming on your podcast like
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Speaker 2: this is something I feel like I'm able to hopefully
8:49
Speaker 2: share something that will benefit other people, and that's part
8:54
Speaker 2: of giving back. I just went to a Ronald McDonald's house.
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Speaker 2: Oh I'm totally butchering the name the Ronald because I
9:01
Speaker 2: didn't really know much about the Ronald McDonald nonprofit. But
9:06
Speaker 2: they help families who are in hospitals and to have
9:09
Speaker 2: a place to stay and they can cook a meal
9:11
Speaker 2: and people donate things, and I didn't know about their program.
9:15
Speaker 2: I'm involved in other nonprofits, but and I realized that
9:19
Speaker 2: I had some baby products that were their brand new,
9:22
Speaker 2: unopened and because we used to have a company that
9:25
Speaker 2: did baby products, and I'm able to give some of
9:29
Speaker 2: those items to this Ronald McDonald house because I've just
9:32
Speaker 2: had them. I didn't know what to do with them,
9:35
Speaker 2: and so I'm planning on donating those products to the
9:39
Speaker 2: McDonald So that will help all these different families with
9:43
Speaker 2: either babies or infants or little children. Anyway. I just
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Speaker 2: when you can give back, you're only gonna receive as
9:50
Speaker 2: a return. And I've got to hit this one topic.
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Speaker 2: I believe we obey God for three different reasons, and
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Speaker 2: it's a level of progression. So the first reason we
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Speaker 2: obey God's laws or commandments is because we fear him
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Speaker 2: and we fear that we're going to be punished for
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Speaker 2: not obeying God. Okay, I would say that's the lowest
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Speaker 2: level of why we obey is because of that fear.
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Speaker 2: The next level is that we know that we'll receive blessings.
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Speaker 2: And I think all of us are at different levels
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Speaker 2: for different things. So tithing, for example, I still pay
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Speaker 2: ten percent of my increase as a tithe because I
10:32
Speaker 2: believe it's a true principle. But I know, based on experience,
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Speaker 2: that I will receive blessings when I pay that tithing,
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Speaker 2: and so I've gone above the fear state for tithing
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Speaker 2: and I'm in the blessings state. For tithing, okay, But
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Speaker 2: the ultimate goal is that I just obey because I
10:53
Speaker 2: love God and I love Jesus. And what do you
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Speaker 2: call that state love? It's purely out of love.
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Speaker 1: So that so fear the three reasons to blessings to
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Speaker 1: follow God, love, fear, blessing is love.
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Speaker 2: Yeah, And I believe when we're obedient, we receive blessings
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Speaker 2: no matter which state we're at. I do believe even
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Speaker 2: if we do it out of fear, blessings are predicated
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Speaker 2: upon obedience to a law. I believe that's a true statement.
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Speaker 2: And so either way we will have something to receive.
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Speaker 2: But the ultimate goal is just because we love. And
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Speaker 2: I think our plan in this life is based around love,
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Speaker 2: and that abundance in giving back is because we love
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Speaker 2: other people. And I think so as we obey God
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Speaker 2: and these three levels of fear, blessings and love. It's
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Speaker 2: also the same way that people look at success. I
11:51
Speaker 2: think when you're beginning your career, you're doing anything at
11:55
Speaker 2: everything to just grind and to provide for your family,
11:58
Speaker 2: and it's out of necessity you have to. And then
12:02
Speaker 2: you get comfortable because you have enough income to support
12:05
Speaker 2: your family and you have extra and so maybe that's
12:08
Speaker 2: where some of those things you talked about come into play.
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Speaker 2: You buy a little bit more of excess and then
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Speaker 2: but then there's a place where there's sufficient income and
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Speaker 2: hopefully you're being abundant throughout the whole process. But usually
12:21
Speaker 2: what ends up happening is you get to a state
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Speaker 2: of mind to where you want to help others achieve
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Speaker 2: success to and so you've heard of others like tearing
12:31
Speaker 2: people down to get on top of those that's corporate
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Speaker 2: lead and lowest level you know that you ever want
12:37
Speaker 2: to be at, and then you're anyway. So I believe
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Speaker 2: these types of levels of progressions. You can call it
12:42
Speaker 2: Jacob's ladder, you can call it whatever you want from
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Speaker 2: a spiritual sense, but we're trying to progress emotionally spiritually
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Speaker 2: in all of these different aspects. And abundance to me
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Speaker 2: is one of those core competencies that God's given us,
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Speaker 2: and it's a tests. Are we willing to give back?
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Speaker 2: Are we willing to help others succeed? Are we willing
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Speaker 2: to sacrifice something that maybe we wanted? Are are want
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Speaker 2: to be able to help somebody with their needs? And
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Speaker 2: those are important life principles to me.
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Speaker 1: That's fantastic. What are what are some of the most
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Speaker 1: most some of the biggest attributes that men as their
13:27
Speaker 1: achieving success find that are actually counterfeits. Absolutely. I mean
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Speaker 1: ego is all of us have some form of ego
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Speaker 1: inside us, right, the natural.
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Speaker 2: Man, I call it. And I think as you start
13:45
Speaker 2: to receive what most people, I do believe think is
13:49
Speaker 2: success is financial and so when they look at the
13:52
Speaker 2: financial success that they have, their ego starts to grow.
13:57
Speaker 2: And if they get notoriety and people know who they
14:01
Speaker 2: are when those around are looking up to them, that
14:08
Speaker 2: may cause them to look down on others. And so
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Speaker 2: I think ego is a core enemy to and the
14:15
Speaker 2: natural man is an enemy to God. So we have
14:19
Speaker 2: to be very careful as God gives us so many
14:22
Speaker 2: blessings in our lives, that we don't allow that ego
14:26
Speaker 2: to change who we truly are and how we treat
14:29
Speaker 2: other people. How do we look at other people? Can
14:31
Speaker 2: we see them through Christ's eyes? Or are we elevating ourselves?
14:39
Speaker 2: And to me, pride is on an ego are work
14:43
Speaker 2: both ways? If we're always looking up at others and
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Speaker 2: thinking about like I wish I could always I want
14:50
Speaker 2: to be like that person. There's nothing wrong with wanting
14:53
Speaker 2: to emulate and aspire, yes, but there can be a
14:57
Speaker 2: sense of pride when you are looking up to someone
15:01
Speaker 2: in a in a how do I describe that in
15:05
Speaker 2: a different way? So looking down on someone's like I'm
15:08
Speaker 2: better than you and I've accomplished and you haven't. But
15:13
Speaker 2: I think there's also in that there's a negative on
15:16
Speaker 2: both sides, looking up and looking down.
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Speaker 1: The envy and greed. Yeah, I want what they have
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Speaker 1: and I'm actually going to I'm gonna do what I
15:27
Speaker 1: can to get it, but I'm also going to possibly
15:30
Speaker 1: demean them, talk about about them like there's this there's
15:33
Speaker 1: this greed and envy element of it as well well.
15:36
Speaker 2: I think a lot of people find behind a keyboard
15:39
Speaker 2: that they gain strength about posting certain things. Right, Maybe
15:44
Speaker 2: you've dealt with that when when we put ourselves out
15:47
Speaker 2: there online, we're signing up for some people to write
15:51
Speaker 2: whatever they want. And some of that ego and pride
15:55
Speaker 2: is coming from the bottom up where they are and
16:00
Speaker 2: of whatever is going on in your life. And people
16:02
Speaker 2: have felt this where they're trying to tear down that person,
16:05
Speaker 2: They're trying to look for their flaws, they're trying to
16:09
Speaker 2: say negative things. And look, I've been online for over
16:13
Speaker 2: a decade and with my ex wife and us together
16:17
Speaker 2: and for the most part it was all positive. But
16:20
Speaker 2: absolutely there were negative things that were said, and we
16:22
Speaker 2: had to build a thick skin and it was hard
16:25
Speaker 2: sometimes to not get upset at those people who were
16:28
Speaker 2: saying negative things, right, but we had to get to
16:33
Speaker 2: a place where where we could see it for what
16:35
Speaker 2: it was. Most of the time, when somebody says something negative,
16:39
Speaker 2: they're the ones that are hurting inside. They're the ones
16:41
Speaker 2: that are there's some something missing for them. And you know,
16:46
Speaker 2: whatever you said, or are doing or are are as
16:50
Speaker 2: a human is triggering something inside them that's creating pain.
16:55
Speaker 2: And so they respond and they have more power when
16:58
Speaker 2: they're behind a keyboard and it's an a right than
17:01
Speaker 2: saying something to someone's face. And on the flip side,
17:05
Speaker 2: we have to be so careful to where when we
17:08
Speaker 2: are online and when we have podcasts or businesses in
17:13
Speaker 2: some form of financial success, let's say that people look
17:16
Speaker 2: up to to not see yourself as better than others.
17:22
Speaker 2: And it's a fine line because when I mentor and
17:26
Speaker 2: I guide and I want to help people have some
17:28
Speaker 2: sort of financial success or abundance with their businesses. I'm
17:34
Speaker 2: trying to see them as who they are. They're first
17:39
Speaker 2: of all, a son or daughter of God, and they
17:42
Speaker 2: have every right and privilege that anyone else has, and
17:46
Speaker 2: they have the ability to achieve whatever they want in
17:50
Speaker 2: this life if they work really hard for it, and
17:52
Speaker 2: if they focus, and if they spend the right time
17:54
Speaker 2: and energy and so anyway, it is a fine line,
18:00
Speaker 2: and it's one of those things that you have to follow.
18:02
Speaker 2: In my mind, you follow God's inspiration, you follow his
18:05
Speaker 2: promptings on how you can help other people, rather than
18:08
Speaker 2: looking down and whatnot. Now I want to say this,
18:12
Speaker 2: I've realized, you know, I'm a recovering people pleaser.
18:16
Speaker 1: Welcome to the club. Welcome to the club.
18:19
Speaker 2: And I don't know if it's a generational thing, I
18:20
Speaker 2: don't know if it's cultural thing. But if you're saying
18:23
Speaker 2: you're a you have been a people pleaser. As a
18:26
Speaker 2: recovering people pleaser, I've found that I would say yes
18:30
Speaker 2: to just about everything or everyone, and part of it
18:33
Speaker 2: I felt like was being christ Like. Then, so they
18:38
Speaker 2: asked for something, they asked for help, they asked for time,
18:40
Speaker 2: they asked for a meeting, a lunch they asked for,
18:43
Speaker 2: and I would say yes to just about everything. And
18:48
Speaker 2: I remember when I was reaching out to who somebody
18:53
Speaker 2: I wanted to emulate, and they didn't respond, And I
18:56
Speaker 2: would reach out, reach out, reach out, and they wouldn't respond.
19:00
Speaker 2: At first, I thought that it was their pride that
19:04
Speaker 2: was that person's not, you know, my peer or at
19:08
Speaker 2: my level, so I don't want to spend time with him,
19:11
Speaker 2: and it hurt. It hurt the feelings, and I had
19:15
Speaker 2: a negative feeling for that person. And now I've had
19:21
Speaker 2: to change that mindset because I've spent so many years,
19:26
Speaker 2: unfortunately of my life, saying yes to too much no,
19:30
Speaker 2: And now I've realized it's saying no is okay, and
19:35
Speaker 2: it's not based on pride or ego. So for those
19:38
Speaker 2: who have maybe messaged me on social media and I
19:43
Speaker 2: have not been able to spend the time with you,
19:45
Speaker 2: it's not because I feel better than or that that
19:50
Speaker 2: I'm not trying to help. One of the reasons I
19:53
Speaker 2: do podcasts is to be able to hopefully share the
19:56
Speaker 2: same thing I would say on a one oh one
19:58
Speaker 2: call with you, is I can share it here or
20:02
Speaker 2: on one of my online programs or in a group
20:05
Speaker 2: coaching setting, right in the business book camp or fatherhood movement.
20:09
Speaker 2: I'm doing these these group elements so that I can
20:12
Speaker 2: share more with more people. Because I cannot meet for
20:18
Speaker 2: lunch with every single person that asks. I can't have
20:21
Speaker 2: a thirty minute call every single person that asks, and
20:25
Speaker 2: and and I feel bad about that, but I've had
20:28
Speaker 2: to learn that saying no also protects my children and
20:33
Speaker 2: me and my time with them.
20:35
Speaker 1: And that's my time with God my you know, yeah,
20:37
Speaker 1: you're you're hitting on one of the one of the
20:40
Speaker 1: core diads and counterfeit emotions is kind versus nice.
20:45
Speaker 2: Yeah.
20:46
Speaker 1: We grow up thinking I've got to be this nice guy.
20:49
Speaker 1: And nice guy means I'm the people pleaser, I'm the doormat,
20:52
Speaker 1: I'm the you know, yes man. I will say yes
20:55
Speaker 1: to anything, and I'll make sure.
20:56
Speaker 2: I don't rock the boat.
20:58
Speaker 1: And and it is a it's a defense mechanism that is,
21:03
Speaker 1: I don't want conflict. I don't want you to think
21:06
Speaker 1: poorly of me, So I'm just gonna say yes to everything.
21:09
Speaker 1: And one of the hardest and yet most revealing activities
21:15
Speaker 1: that I have men that go through my pornography recovery
21:18
Speaker 1: program where I have we have a kind versus nice
21:21
Speaker 1: master class on how to stop being the people pleaser,
21:24
Speaker 1: and we.
21:25
Speaker 2: Have is class masterclass. Do it right now, I mean endorsement.
21:29
Speaker 2: Even though I haven't seen it, I can feel it.
21:32
Speaker 2: That's awesome.
21:32
Speaker 1: We do an activity where for one week you have
21:37
Speaker 1: to say no to everything except for feeding small children
21:41
Speaker 1: in prior commitments, so that includes like work commitments and
21:44
Speaker 1: other things. But if you haven't said yes yet, for
21:47
Speaker 1: one week, you have to say no completely for everything.
21:54
Speaker 1: And it is one of the most revealing activities. It
21:57
Speaker 1: it pops codependence out right in front of your face.
22:01
Speaker 1: It just says this right here, this is your most
22:05
Speaker 1: codependent part. And it helps your spouse or your girlfriend
22:09
Speaker 1: or whoever you're working with at the time. It helps
22:12
Speaker 1: them see it too. And it's hard. It's it's one
22:15
Speaker 1: of the hardest, but it's also one of the most
22:17
Speaker 1: rewarding because it reveals so much. And I have a
22:22
Speaker 1: firm belief that the most powerful yeses are defended by
22:28
Speaker 1: an army of no's.
22:30
Speaker 2: Oh that's awesome. I remember reading it's been quite a
22:32
Speaker 2: few years now, No more, No more, mister n Ice game.
22:35
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, yeah, Because it was one of those elements
22:38
Speaker 2: that I did. I felt like I had allowed my
22:41
Speaker 2: life to be dictated upon other people's needs. Now, look,
22:45
Speaker 2: serving others is a big deal, and I want to
22:47
Speaker 2: serve others. Yeah, from a different perspective, from a perspective
22:51
Speaker 2: of keeping myself whole. Yes, And I was losing myself
22:58
Speaker 2: because I was giving in to every other request. And
23:02
Speaker 2: that was that was a negative part of my life
23:04
Speaker 2: for sure. Like I didn't realize it at the time.
23:08
Speaker 2: I didn't know that me saying yes to everything meant
23:12
Speaker 2: that I was saying no to some other things that
23:13
Speaker 2: were even more important. And also I remember now, I
23:18
Speaker 2: served a volunteer mission for our church, the Church of
23:20
Speaker 2: Jesus Christ, a latterday Saints. I was in Portoilegre, Brazil.
23:24
Speaker 2: I loved my time down there. But I remember we
23:27
Speaker 2: used these little paper planners.
23:29
Speaker 1: That blue planner era, Right, Did you have the blue planner?
23:32
Speaker 2: I didn't have the blue We just had folded pieces.
23:34
Speaker 1: Of paper, Okay, Anyway, in Japan. In Japan, we had
23:37
Speaker 1: these blue that we'd trifled together and then we'd fold
23:40
Speaker 1: them in half and it ended up being about that
23:43
Speaker 1: big kind of a stake paper that was just white.
23:46
Speaker 2: Okay, that works. So these papers though, they had half
23:49
Speaker 2: hour increments if I remember correctly, And so we would
23:53
Speaker 2: fill up the calendar with all the people we were
23:55
Speaker 2: going to visit and what we're going to do and
23:56
Speaker 2: all this stuff. And I got into this habit that, hey,
23:59
Speaker 2: the week was scheduled out for me because every single
24:02
Speaker 2: thing we just put on the counter. And from a
24:04
Speaker 2: life principle, I love planning that you know, the night
24:07
Speaker 2: before for the day, the Sunday night, for the week,
24:11
Speaker 2: the month, you know, at the beginning of the month,
24:13
Speaker 2: for the month, the end of the year, for the
24:15
Speaker 2: next year. Like I'm a big believer in planning and
24:18
Speaker 2: blocking out your time and putting the most important things.
24:21
Speaker 2: Those boulders you've heard of, the big rocks. Yeah, you
24:24
Speaker 2: put the big rocks, boulders at the bottom because they
24:26
Speaker 2: are the most important, critical components of your life. And
24:30
Speaker 2: then you can put the stones, and then the pebbles,
24:32
Speaker 2: and then sand and then water. Right, you can put
24:35
Speaker 2: all of those things. But what I was doing is
24:38
Speaker 2: I realized I was allowing the schedule to be filled
24:41
Speaker 2: up with whatever sand water mixed up, maybe a boulder
24:45
Speaker 2: on top instead of down below, and I wasn't in control.
24:49
Speaker 2: I felt like I was in control, but because I
24:52
Speaker 2: had said yes to everything, I wasn't always keeping the
24:56
Speaker 2: most important components in my life in the right order.
25:00
Speaker 2: And I use that example because I hopefully you've seen
25:03
Speaker 2: this before.
25:04
Speaker 1: Stephen Covey, Yeah, yeah.
25:05
Speaker 2: Stephen Covey is the one who brought it up. This
25:07
Speaker 2: is not my I think. And and so now if
25:12
Speaker 2: you look at the most successful people, I don't know,
25:17
Speaker 2: not all that. Let me let me take that back,
25:20
Speaker 2: because success is not necessarily what the world believes success
25:23
Speaker 2: in my mind?
25:26
Speaker 1: Has that changed for you?
25:27
Speaker 2: Oh? One hundred percent? Is that?
25:29
Speaker 1: Because one hundred percent I'm part of this mastermind of
25:34
Speaker 1: you know, what the world consider highly successful business people,
25:38
Speaker 1: and it's CEOs and founders of these companies. And we
25:43
Speaker 1: had a guest speaker come in and he said, write
25:46
Speaker 1: down your definition of success. And it struck me. It
25:50
Speaker 1: was just one of those defining moments in my life
25:53
Speaker 1: where I was like, WHOA, I differently what he used
25:57
Speaker 1: to do. I do not believe what I did fifteen
26:02
Speaker 1: years ago, that success is how big is my bank
26:06
Speaker 1: account and my house and all of these things, and
26:10
Speaker 1: how many magazines am I in and how many awards
26:12
Speaker 1: have I won? It looked completely different. For me. Success
26:19
Speaker 1: is how connected and how surrendered am I?
26:25
Speaker 2: That's amazing.
26:25
Speaker 1: That's my new definition of success is am I surrendered
26:31
Speaker 1: to God? Am I surrendered to this experience called life
26:34
Speaker 1: that's chaotic and frenetic and hard, is so hard at
26:38
Speaker 1: times and beautiful. Am I surrendered to all of it?
26:43
Speaker 1: And am I connected to the experience. Am I connected
26:47
Speaker 1: to myself? Am I connected to others? Am I connected
26:50
Speaker 1: to God? Am I connected to truth? Am I connected
26:52
Speaker 1: to purpose? And when I can say yes to those
26:58
Speaker 1: two things, to surrender and connection, that's eccessing.
27:03
Speaker 2: That's awesome. I love that. I mean it was I
27:05
Speaker 2: remember very vividly. It was twenty sixteen for me when
27:09
Speaker 2: this realization happened. And prior to that, it was all
27:13
Speaker 2: about the financial success. And look, I get it. In
27:17
Speaker 2: the beginning of your career, you got to take care
27:19
Speaker 2: of your family. It's true, you got to hustle, you
27:21
Speaker 2: got a grind to take care of your family. For sure,
27:24
Speaker 2: that's part of our duties I think as providers and protectors.
27:29
Speaker 2: But I had missed a huge component of my life.
27:34
Speaker 2: And even though I've been a Christian my entire life.
27:38
Speaker 2: I've been active in my church my entire life. I
27:42
Speaker 2: hadn't put my focus in God. I hadn't put him
27:46
Speaker 2: at the forefront. And in twenty sixteen it was at
27:50
Speaker 2: the you know, some life trials begun to happen, and
27:55
Speaker 2: then I had to shut down one of my companies,
27:57
Speaker 2: and those like things that happened at the same time,
28:02
Speaker 2: like put me down in a depth of despair, right,
28:06
Speaker 2: and it helped me to I now look back and
28:10
Speaker 2: even though I was pleading with God, like why did
28:12
Speaker 2: this happen to me? Why was this? Why was I
28:14
Speaker 2: going through these hard things? I can look back now
28:16
Speaker 2: and say I know exactly why. Because it put me
28:19
Speaker 2: in a place to rely on God more and to
28:21
Speaker 2: see him as the ultimate goal. And I needed that.
28:26
Speaker 2: I needed that in my life and I hadn't had
28:28
Speaker 2: it before. And so that shift in mindset. I had
28:33
Speaker 2: my goals written from before. And it's just like you said,
28:37
Speaker 2: financial success, whoa notoriety, you know, all of these pieces
28:41
Speaker 2: that the world would think as success, yea. And it
28:44
Speaker 2: completely changed my mindset to say, like, look, I don't
28:47
Speaker 2: need any of that. I don't need any of that,
28:49
Speaker 2: And I hope that when I talk about abundance, like
28:52
Speaker 2: you mentioned, it's not so that you can just have more.
28:57
Speaker 2: It's so that you can be, hopefully be. Money only
29:01
Speaker 2: creates you more of who you truly are.
29:03
Speaker 1: It's a magnifying glass. Yeah, that truly is.
29:06
Speaker 2: So if you accumulate and only accumulate for accumulating sake,
29:12
Speaker 2: what does that tell you by yourself? Or are you
29:15
Speaker 2: able to look around and see who needs or who
29:18
Speaker 2: who could use some help or guidance or you know,
29:20
Speaker 2: mentorship and uh. And then first of all, I'm a
29:26
Speaker 2: son of God and I focus my time on my
29:30
Speaker 2: relationship with Him as number one. And in the in
29:33
Speaker 2: the relationship side of it should be my spouse and
29:35
Speaker 2: my children and my health. And these are the pieces
29:38
Speaker 2: that are the most important. So when I look at success,
29:40
Speaker 2: those are the elements that I look for for success.
29:44
Speaker 2: How is that happening now? Having gone through a divorce
29:48
Speaker 2: and you've been there, I thought that, you know, meant
29:52
Speaker 2: that I was a huge failure, that I wasn't able
29:54
Speaker 2: to keep that together.
29:55
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, so so much.
29:58
Speaker 2: One of the most rough things you've ever gone through.
30:00
Speaker 2: It was for me. Yeah.
30:02
Speaker 1: Yeah, the stigma that I put on myself.
30:04
Speaker 2: Yeah.
30:05
Speaker 1: Oh, I'm divorced, so I'm less than Yeah, I'm a
30:09
Speaker 1: horrible person because I couldn't keep my family together and
30:13
Speaker 1: and it hurt absolutely, It hurts so mad.
30:16
Speaker 2: And it's interesting because when we go to those low places,
30:21
Speaker 2: we can go one of two ways. We can lean
30:23
Speaker 2: on God or we can be angry at God. I think,
30:28
Speaker 2: and I was lucky enough to have built some level
30:33
Speaker 2: of foundation of faith from other trials in my life
30:37
Speaker 2: so that when this one came, I leaned on God
30:40
Speaker 2: and I knew I needed him. And I feel so
30:42
Speaker 2: sad for those who are going through incredible hard trials
30:45
Speaker 2: that are not leaning on God and trusting in Him
30:49
Speaker 2: and knowing why that they're so I don't know why,
30:52
Speaker 2: why are people doing it? I don't know. Some people
30:55
Speaker 2: they turn the other way and they get angry, they
30:58
Speaker 2: get upset, And to me, it's if they hadn't had
31:03
Speaker 2: the foundation in the first place, or a strong and
31:06
Speaker 2: a foundation, or there was chinks in the armor, maybe
31:09
Speaker 2: because of actions or things that they were doing in
31:14
Speaker 2: their own life. Then when the hardest times come, they
31:17
Speaker 2: bail instead of holding on even tighter. And I found
31:23
Speaker 2: for me, you had mentioned that peace is one of
31:28
Speaker 2: those things you cannot counterfeit. Yeah, I needed that peace
31:34
Speaker 2: and I couldn't get it without God in my life.
31:37
Speaker 2: I could not get it without leaning on Him through
31:41
Speaker 2: the hardest trials in my life. And I want to
31:45
Speaker 2: shout that to the rafters, like anyone, any one of
31:49
Speaker 2: us and all of us are going to go through
31:50
Speaker 2: our trials. No one can escape. That's part of this
31:53
Speaker 2: life's plea. It's inevitable. Please, I plead with you bilding
32:00
Speaker 2: that foundation now, so that when you do go through
32:03
Speaker 2: the hard things, you'll know who to trust. You'll know
32:08
Speaker 2: how and where to turn. And so for me, I
32:13
Speaker 2: turn to prayer and meditation is one way I receive
32:17
Speaker 2: answers to my prayers and understanding inspired thoughts. The scriptures,
32:25
Speaker 2: I feel like sometimes they're speaking directly to me about
32:28
Speaker 2: a thing I'm going through. Amazing.
32:30
Speaker 1: You can turn to almost any page and.
32:32
Speaker 2: Even if you've read it one hundred times one hundred,
32:34
Speaker 2: it's different that time, right, And so for those that
32:37
Speaker 2: are listening, if you, if you and I know most
32:40
Speaker 2: have gone through something hard, and or if you're going
32:44
Speaker 2: through something hard right now, I plead with you, turn
32:49
Speaker 2: to God. Get on your knees and pray, be grateful
32:53
Speaker 2: for what you do have. I always start my prayers
32:56
Speaker 2: with gratitude, and then you can plead with him for help.
32:59
Speaker 2: And I didn'ts a protection help through what you're going.
33:04
Speaker 2: And it doesn't mean that your your trial, your challenge
33:07
Speaker 2: will be taken away, but I feel like you're able
33:12
Speaker 2: to get more strength to go through it. And it's
33:16
Speaker 2: like the buffalo when the storm comes, they turn towards
33:20
Speaker 2: that storm and they go through it, hopefully stronger than
33:25
Speaker 2: if they were trying to run away, and it lasted longer. Yeah,
33:28
Speaker 2: those cows versus the buffalo. Yeah, the cows were. And
33:31
Speaker 2: I've made those mistakes where I was afraid. I was,
33:34
Speaker 2: I had fear. I allowed fear to come to my life,
33:37
Speaker 2: and you know, instead of faith, I allowed fear and
33:41
Speaker 2: it made things worse. It took longer to get through
33:44
Speaker 2: or to heal, rather than facing it and going through it.
33:48
Speaker 1: I have a feeling that we may we may be
33:50
Speaker 1: very similar. Like I know, you know the scripture that
33:54
Speaker 1: says there's some that choose to be humble and some
33:57
Speaker 1: that are compelled. And I was one of the compelled.
34:01
Speaker 1: Ye for I was one of those that I had
34:03
Speaker 1: my plan and I'm going to build all these high
34:06
Speaker 1: tech businesses and get into that world and be known
34:10
Speaker 1: as an entrepreneur. And God's like, no, Curtis, I need
34:14
Speaker 1: you in a different place. And I'm like, well, just
34:17
Speaker 1: hold on, I got one more company. Let me just
34:19
Speaker 1: He's like no, He's like, I need you here, and
34:25
Speaker 1: and I was praying for humility, and boy, he blessed
34:30
Speaker 1: me with more than I could ever ever want. And
34:36
Speaker 1: I'm so grateful because that humility came in the form
34:39
Speaker 1: of pain, and it hurt. It hurts so bad. And
34:45
Speaker 1: I call my job moment where now living in the
34:49
Speaker 1: fancy house and number one fastest growing company in the
34:52
Speaker 1: Silicon Slopes and blah blah blah blah, like all of
34:56
Speaker 1: that stuff that was so superficial. And he said, I
35:01
Speaker 1: need to take this away for a minute, because when
35:04
Speaker 1: it's all gone, when it's all gone, I need you
35:11
Speaker 1: to know that, when there's nothing left but me and Christ,
35:16
Speaker 1: that that's enough, that that's enough. And so he showed me,
35:24
Speaker 1: he showed me that that is enough. That when the
35:28
Speaker 1: family was stripped away in the house and the money
35:31
Speaker 1: and the titles and the wards, when all of it
35:34
Speaker 1: was stripped away that just him and Christ were enough.
35:41
Speaker 2: Oh man, that heads that heads deep. Ah, another reason
35:50
Speaker 2: why I wanted to even be here with you. These
35:54
Speaker 2: are the types of experiences I hope people can hear
35:57
Speaker 2: it feel through a screen they're listening or while they're watching, Like,
36:03
Speaker 2: these are the moments that matter the most. And you
36:11
Speaker 2: know when you're lying flat on your back or in
36:12
Speaker 2: the fetal position because you're going through the hardest things
36:15
Speaker 2: of your life, that the fetal position, that's where we
36:21
Speaker 2: have to believe that God is there for us even
36:25
Speaker 2: if we're going through the hardest, hardest thing in our life.
36:29
Speaker 2: And those moments show us who we really are. Because
36:36
Speaker 2: you're right, the titles don't matter, but it doesn't matter
36:41
Speaker 2: what truly, truly, deeply matters and all of those counterfeits,
36:45
Speaker 2: like you've talked about seeing us such a good job
36:49
Speaker 2: of trying to help us to distract ourselves with all
36:53
Speaker 2: the fun things. And there's good, there's good things out there.
36:57
Speaker 2: Building your career is good, is our holding companies is good?
37:01
Speaker 1: It's important.
37:04
Speaker 2: But what is great? And what does God really need
37:07
Speaker 2: us to do? And what is that mission that you
37:10
Speaker 2: feel like you've been called to do while you're living
37:14
Speaker 2: in this life, and you know, in the grand scheme
37:17
Speaker 2: of things, this is one hundred years here on this
37:19
Speaker 2: earth is just a blip compared to how long we
37:22
Speaker 2: existed before and how long will exist after? And what
37:26
Speaker 2: is it that is that mission? And I would ask, like,
37:29
Speaker 2: if you haven't asked that question, you know, include prayer
37:33
Speaker 2: and fasting in this process of asking what is that mission?
37:37
Speaker 2: For those who are listening, it's I wish I would
37:40
Speaker 2: have done it sooner. I wish I would have known
37:44
Speaker 2: a lot, you know, earlier in my life, so much earlier,
37:49
Speaker 2: because I think that idea of being compelled to be humbled,
37:53
Speaker 2: that was definitely God's way of waking you and I
37:56
Speaker 2: out to what really mattered most. I'm glad you bring
38:03
Speaker 2: that up. Thanks for sharing.
38:04
Speaker 1: Yeah, and I love the he said fetal position, because
38:09
Speaker 1: that's what it was.
38:10
Speaker 2: Yeah.
38:10
Speaker 1: And that's where all of the framework with the counterfeit
38:13
Speaker 1: emotions was discovered. Was it started in the fetal position
38:18
Speaker 1: where I wanted a mountain to fall on me.
38:21
Speaker 2: I I it.
38:23
Speaker 1: Hurts so bad, and I pled, Oh, I pled so deeply.
38:31
Speaker 1: I said please take away this pain, please, And he didn't. Instead,
38:43
Speaker 1: he wrapped his arms around me, and he said, I
38:47
Speaker 1: know this pain. I've taken this pain. I'm not gonna
38:53
Speaker 1: take it from you. I'm going to be here with
38:55
Speaker 1: you as you go through it. And that's when it
39:02
Speaker 1: broke in my brain. I said, how can I be
39:04
Speaker 1: feeling this much love and this much joy and this
39:09
Speaker 1: much pain together? I said, how is this even possible?
39:14
Speaker 1: Because in my mind there was this big wall and
39:17
Speaker 1: on one side of the wall was pain and on
39:19
Speaker 1: the other side of the wall was joy. And I
39:21
Speaker 1: was like, wait, no, these can't mix. This wall is impenetrable.
39:26
Speaker 1: And I was like, my brain was just not comprehending
39:29
Speaker 1: how there could be just as much love as there
39:32
Speaker 1: was pain. And that's when I realized the side of
39:36
Speaker 1: the wall wasn't pain.
39:37
Speaker 2: The side of the wall is misery.
39:40
Speaker 1: Misery by definition, is the absence of joy. And I
39:44
Speaker 1: get to choose where I put my pain. I can
39:48
Speaker 1: bury it underneath the sludge and tar of misery and
39:51
Speaker 1: I can just say no, I'm gonna blame everybody in
39:54
Speaker 1: shame and I'm just gonna be so miserable, And that
39:57
Speaker 1: way I don't have to actually look at the pain,
40:00
Speaker 1: or I can pick it up, I can honor the pain.
40:05
Speaker 1: And it's not until I started picking up the pain
40:09
Speaker 1: that I was able to place it at the feet
40:10
Speaker 1: of Christ. And when I started to do that, that's
40:18
Speaker 1: when I saw him, truly saw him.
40:23
Speaker 2: That's incredible. Oh, thank you for sure, that's magical. We
40:30
Speaker 2: all need that experience.
40:33
Speaker 1: I've thought about that a lot, like how can we
40:36
Speaker 1: all have our job movement? And is that a horrible
40:39
Speaker 1: thing to wish a job moment on everyone? Or is
40:42
Speaker 1: it a beautiful thing to wish them pain. Andy Grammer
40:46
Speaker 1: has a song called I Wish You Pain, and it's
40:49
Speaker 1: beautiful because it shows how important and how much of
40:56
Speaker 1: the plan is pain, that that is the fastest, most
41:02
Speaker 1: effective way to grow to become like God is through pain.
41:06
Speaker 1: And it's not pleasant, and it hurts so deeply, and
41:11
Speaker 1: it's also I imagine it like the pain is like
41:15
Speaker 1: God's chisel that he's carving out the dead wood in
41:19
Speaker 1: our soul so that he can just pour in the love,
41:24
Speaker 1: pour in the joy. And when he's carving, oh, it
41:28
Speaker 1: hurts so bad, but he's doing it because he needs
41:33
Speaker 1: more room for love.
41:36
Speaker 2: That's incredible. I think without like you said, without pain,
41:40
Speaker 2: how do we change. I think that the idea of
41:42
Speaker 2: being compelled to be humbled, unfortunately, most of us have
41:46
Speaker 2: to feel it. I have to feel that the wound's
41:49
Speaker 2: open wide before we're willing to make change. And so
41:54
Speaker 2: if there's an element of our life that needs change
41:57
Speaker 2: and we won't do it on our own, then we're
41:59
Speaker 2: going to feel pain in some way, shape or form
42:03
Speaker 2: in order to learn that lesson to feel what direction
42:09
Speaker 2: we're supposed to go. It was when I asked, in
42:12
Speaker 2: the depths of despair of you know, one of the
42:14
Speaker 2: hardest trials for me. I knew I couldn't get out
42:17
Speaker 2: until I learned what God wanted me to learn, and
42:20
Speaker 2: so I would ask and plead, like it, just please
42:22
Speaker 2: teach me. What is it that I'm supposed to learn
42:24
Speaker 2: from this? And what was it that specific example? I
42:31
Speaker 2: needed to learn charity, a true love of Christ. I
42:35
Speaker 2: need to be able to see people through Christ's eyes.
42:39
Speaker 2: And the experience happened where I needed to learn to
42:42
Speaker 2: love even those who had hurt me. And I wasn't
42:51
Speaker 2: quite ready to hear that, But when that flooded into
42:57
Speaker 2: my mind that that's exactly what I had to do
43:01
Speaker 2: to get out of the depths of despair. It gave
43:04
Speaker 2: me an example. It gave me a new mindset that
43:11
Speaker 2: when I felt call it triggered. You could say, when
43:16
Speaker 2: I felt pain, I can remember that experience of charity
43:22
Speaker 2: that He gave me in that moment, and it changed
43:26
Speaker 2: my ability to respond or to react or to engage
43:30
Speaker 2: with different people and that charity. It's one of those
43:35
Speaker 2: amazing reminders of seeing people more like Christ season, even
43:40
Speaker 2: if you feel like you're being attacked in some way,
43:42
Speaker 2: to be able to know and have a deeper understanding
43:46
Speaker 2: of where maybe it's coming from, and having more peace
43:49
Speaker 2: and calm, staying grounded. I think as a man, it's,
43:54
Speaker 2: you know, in our duty, in our divine masculine to
43:57
Speaker 2: be able to stay ground It just a whole to
44:05
Speaker 2: feel love for other people I think like Christ would
44:09
Speaker 2: see them.
44:09
Speaker 1: Yeah, that kind of goes back to our previous conversation
44:13
Speaker 1: around the ego of I'm either looking down or looking up.
44:18
Speaker 1: When we take off the blinders, when we take off
44:21
Speaker 1: the skills off our eyes, we see there is no
44:25
Speaker 1: down or up. Yeah, that if Christ's atonement applies to
44:31
Speaker 1: me and all of my mistakes, then it has to
44:35
Speaker 1: apply to you and the ones that hurt me and
44:39
Speaker 1: everyone else, because if it doesn't apply to them, then
44:42
Speaker 1: how can it apply to me? There is no looking
44:46
Speaker 1: up and looking down because when we truly see who
44:50
Speaker 1: we are, when we truly see it, there's no ego.
44:57
Speaker 2: It's just love. Amen. Amen. Honestly, this is a what
45:06
Speaker 2: a great topic. Hopefully this is it's inspiring me, so
45:10
Speaker 2: hopefully it's inspiring those who are listening. There's so much
45:14
Speaker 2: of this life that I feel like uh uh and
45:18
Speaker 2: and maybe it's because we're just getting older, but like
45:22
Speaker 2: these experiences that God is allowing us to have, our
45:27
Speaker 2: shaping who we are and refining us as a refiner's fire.
45:32
Speaker 2: And I'm grateful for it. I know what I was
45:35
Speaker 2: going through some of those pieces. I don't know if
45:38
Speaker 2: I was as grateful. Isn't that the truth? It's in
45:42
Speaker 2: the moment. It's so hard, and and I think I
45:47
Speaker 2: think when we when we can finally add gratitude to pain, Yeah,
45:54
Speaker 2: that's when it becomes a sacred sorrow. That's when it
45:58
Speaker 2: becomes holy. That's when their's purpose is. When we can
46:04
Speaker 2: actually add gratitude to pain, that's when all of a sudden,
46:09
Speaker 2: it's not life.
46:10
Speaker 1: Happening to me. It's life happening for me that I
46:16
Speaker 1: get to have this opportunity to have pain. And does
46:20
Speaker 1: it hurt a heck, yeah, it hurts. It hurts so bad,
46:24
Speaker 1: and yet it's for me even the pain.
46:28
Speaker 2: Yeah, We've got to become who God wants us to become.
46:33
Speaker 2: And I think the further we can progress down that
46:35
Speaker 2: path while we're alive, the better. And we have an
46:39
Speaker 2: opportunity every day to choose that. And I teach my
46:42
Speaker 2: kids we as we pray as a family with my children,
46:45
Speaker 2: and I often I talk about battling our spiritual battles,
46:51
Speaker 2: and I want them to envision that every day they
46:53
Speaker 2: wake up, they're going into battle. Not to put them
46:56
Speaker 2: in some scared mindset, that's not it, but to put
46:58
Speaker 2: on their armor. And so we talk about what is
47:01
Speaker 2: that armor? And so it's prayer, and it's gratitude, and
47:05
Speaker 2: it's going, you know, serving others and repenting and trying
47:09
Speaker 2: to make right what I did wrong, and these pieces,
47:14
Speaker 2: studying scriptures, worshiping in the temples. You know, having this
47:19
Speaker 2: this armor allows us to go to battle. And when
47:23
Speaker 2: you go through the battle or when you go through
47:25
Speaker 2: your day, knowing that you have put on your armor,
47:29
Speaker 2: you can have more confidence that you're doing the right thing,
47:33
Speaker 2: that you're listening to God's will, attempting to trying. And
47:37
Speaker 2: we'll all still make mistakes. Oh yeah, so many mistakes,
47:40
Speaker 2: so many mistakes. Thank Goodness for repentance. Right, But that
47:44
Speaker 2: when we have the armor where we have more strength
47:47
Speaker 2: to overcome temptation, that we can fight against Satan. And
47:51
Speaker 2: I know it may sound crass, but even with my kids,
47:54
Speaker 2: I talk about punching Satan in the face, and it
47:57
Speaker 2: makes them laugh, right because it is. It's something, and
47:59
Speaker 2: I'm like, well, how do we punch him in the face.
48:01
Speaker 2: We're like, ah, we'll read our scriptures, we'll say a prayer,
48:03
Speaker 2: and we'll go to church and we'll bunch them in
48:05
Speaker 2: the face. We'll pay tithing, right, And because look, Satan
48:08
Speaker 2: doesn't he doesn't quit, he doesn't sleep, he doesn't need
48:11
Speaker 2: time to eat. He is twenty four to seven, and
48:14
Speaker 2: he and his minions trying to tear us down, trying
48:17
Speaker 2: to distract us, trying to make us. He knows that
48:20
Speaker 2: you and I are probably not going to do some grandiose, horrible,
48:23
Speaker 2: evil thing, but he can get us to do something
48:27
Speaker 2: that takes our eye off the ball. Oh, it takes
48:29
Speaker 2: our direct course back to God off one degree, two degrees,
48:34
Speaker 2: three degrees, so that after years and years and years,
48:39
Speaker 2: his flax and chords, they call it right wrapping around
48:42
Speaker 2: our necks so subtly that we don't even feel it
48:46
Speaker 2: until it's too late. So when I teach my kids,
48:49
Speaker 2: and I remind myself to put on the armor every
48:52
Speaker 2: day so that I can start my day with some
48:54
Speaker 2: scripture study, I can start my day with prayer. I
48:57
Speaker 2: can start my day even physically going and getting exercise
49:00
Speaker 2: and keeping myself physically fit. These are pieces that are
49:05
Speaker 2: hopefully guarding me from the evil darts of the adversary.
49:09
Speaker 2: And and it gives me more confidence to go through
49:12
Speaker 2: life when I believe and feel like I'm following God's will. Yeah,
49:19
Speaker 2: and I think that that's hopefully part of that mission.
49:23
Speaker 2: And when we can surrender like you talked about. Uh,
49:26
Speaker 2: there's a book called Surrender, by the way, it's pretty
49:28
Speaker 2: fascinating book. But when we can surrender to His will,
49:34
Speaker 2: and it's something it's so hard for me to do,
49:37
Speaker 2: is to always feel like I'm surrendering. I want to
49:39
Speaker 2: be in control. I want to I want to be
49:40
Speaker 2: the one planning it.
49:41
Speaker 1: And control is such an illusion, such an illusion. We
49:47
Speaker 1: have no control. We have how I'm convinced we have
49:51
Speaker 1: no control, and that control is actually the counterfeit of power.
49:55
Speaker 2: So fascinating.
49:56
Speaker 1: Power is what lives inside controls, what we try to
50:00
Speaker 1: do to the outside. Power is the ability to say, well,
50:04
Speaker 1: it's like Victor Frankel said, the last of human freedoms
50:08
Speaker 1: is the ability to choose in my attitude and my
50:12
Speaker 1: actions in any given set of circumstances. And he said
50:17
Speaker 1: that in Auschwitz concentration camp.
50:21
Speaker 2: Wow.
50:21
Speaker 1: He said, the last of human freedoms, and that's the
50:25
Speaker 1: power is I get to choose my actions, and I
50:27
Speaker 1: get to choose my attitude that can never be taken away.
50:31
Speaker 1: When I was having that Joe moment, when I was
50:33
Speaker 1: in the fetal position on the kitchen floor, I realized
50:38
Speaker 1: everything could be taken, everything except for four things. My
50:44
Speaker 1: relationship with God, my relationship with Christ, my soul, and
50:50
Speaker 1: my ability to choose. Those were the only things that
50:54
Speaker 1: were sovereignly mind. Everything else, my house, my car, my money,
50:58
Speaker 1: my titles, every thing could be taken. My mom was
51:01
Speaker 1: going through cancer at the time, like it all can
51:04
Speaker 1: be taken. And because of that, I realized the flip
51:09
Speaker 1: side of it, because everything can be taken. Everything's a
51:14
Speaker 1: gift everything, And that comes to the idea of stewardship.
51:23
Speaker 1: I used to think ownership, you know, that idea of Oh,
51:27
Speaker 1: I got to be the owner of this really cool house,
51:29
Speaker 1: and the owner I don't own anything. God has just said,
51:34
Speaker 1: you get to be a steward. You get to be
51:36
Speaker 1: a steward for a time, a steward of these kids,
51:40
Speaker 1: a steward of this business, a steward of this money.
51:43
Speaker 1: You get to be a steward for me.
51:45
Speaker 2: Yeah, for a.
51:46
Speaker 1: Time, and that will come and that will go. But
51:52
Speaker 1: there is no control, There is no ownership that because
51:57
Speaker 1: everything can be taken. Everything is a gift, and it's
52:00
Speaker 1: a gift from Him. Even this conversation is a gift. Everything,
52:06
Speaker 1: this shirt, this your brotherhood had, like everything, it's not mine.
52:12
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's a gift that I was given. Yeah, I
52:16
Speaker 2: love that. On that point of ownership, I think sometimes
52:19
Speaker 2: as men, we look at ownership as a big part
52:22
Speaker 2: of our lives, right, and if you strip away ownership
52:26
Speaker 2: and knowing that everything is a gift, what I want
52:29
Speaker 2: to keep intact is accountability because when ownership is taken
52:35
Speaker 2: away and everything is a gift, not just men, men
52:40
Speaker 2: and women, we all need to be accountable for our actions,
52:44
Speaker 2: accountable for our thoughts, accountable for for who we are
52:48
Speaker 2: as a person. And I think sometimes in the beginning
52:53
Speaker 2: phases of our lives, it's easy to blame other people
52:58
Speaker 2: for what's going on right and think that life is
53:01
Speaker 2: happening to us and not for us. And when you
53:03
Speaker 2: can look inward enough to realize that we're accountable for
53:06
Speaker 2: these actions, how do we respond to people? Tony Robbins
53:10
Speaker 2: says something about, you know, when talking about triggers, people
53:14
Speaker 2: say I was triggered, you triggered me, whatever, something trigger trigger.
53:18
Speaker 2: He says that if you know, if that person triggered
53:21
Speaker 2: you because of what they said, well they could say
53:23
Speaker 2: the exact same thing to that other person and they
53:25
Speaker 2: wouldn't have any response at all. So therefore we trigger
53:29
Speaker 2: ourselves like it's our response is what really happens. So
53:35
Speaker 2: how do we respond to people? How do we They
53:40
Speaker 2: could be strangers, they could be our family members. Probably
53:42
Speaker 2: the people who love us the most and that we
53:44
Speaker 2: love the most can trigger us the most because they
53:48
Speaker 2: know our deepest, darkest wounds and how do we respond
53:52
Speaker 2: to that? And I think for me it was big going,
53:57
Speaker 2: especially going through separation and of worse, looking inward was
54:02
Speaker 2: the only thing I could do. You can't change anyone else,
54:05
Speaker 2: So you have to look inward and say, Okay, where
54:08
Speaker 2: do I need to change? What things do I need
54:10
Speaker 2: to look at in my own life that will help
54:14
Speaker 2: me to respond better, to have more charity in my thoughts,
54:18
Speaker 2: in my mind, and how do I build deeper relationships
54:22
Speaker 2: as you know, with my God, with my children, with
54:26
Speaker 2: those that I love. And so anyway, that account accountability
54:30
Speaker 2: piece for me is has been really helpful to look
54:32
Speaker 2: at a deeper way than I did in the past.
54:35
Speaker 1: And that's where stewardship comes in. Is As a steward
54:39
Speaker 1: I am responsible. I am accountable for the gifts that
54:42
Speaker 1: have been given and I have to take responsibility for them.
54:46
Speaker 1: I have to be the one because they were given
54:48
Speaker 1: to me. And it's interesting. We did a conference it's
54:53
Speaker 1: called Safe to Feel, all about emotional awareness and emotional health.
54:59
Speaker 1: And and my partner, her name's Christy Holt. She she
55:04
Speaker 1: was partnering in the in the conference and we're backstage
55:08
Speaker 1: getting ready to go on and and she said, Curtis,
55:12
Speaker 1: you know God, God gave you this message. And I'm like, yeah, yeah, yeah,
55:17
Speaker 1: I know. And because we're talking about, you know, as
55:20
Speaker 1: this as the movement of counterfeit motions becomes more and
55:23
Speaker 1: bigger and kind of takes over the world, She's like,
55:27
Speaker 1: I said, I don't want to be famous. I you know,
55:30
Speaker 1: people with podcasts and all that, they're like, oh, you're
55:32
Speaker 1: gonna be so famous. Like, I don't want to be
55:35
Speaker 1: I want to be an influencer and not in the
55:37
Speaker 1: social media terms. I want to change people's lives. And
55:42
Speaker 1: so I was sharing this with her and she goes, Curtis,
55:45
Speaker 1: you know, God gave you this message. I'm like, yeah,
55:48
Speaker 1: I know, and she goes, no, no, no, no, God
55:51
Speaker 1: gave you this message. It wasn't Stephen Covey or Gandhi
55:58
Speaker 1: or Victor Vrinkle or anybody else. He gave this to you.
56:03
Speaker 1: And for the first time in history, this idea of
56:06
Speaker 1: counterfeit emotions is now out there so people can be aware.
56:10
Speaker 1: And He needs you, with your message and your stories,
56:14
Speaker 1: your experiences, to be the voice of this message. And
56:19
Speaker 1: that's when that stewardshit hit. It was like, Wow, Yeah,
56:25
Speaker 1: if this is the gift He's given, I need to
56:27
Speaker 1: hold that as a precious diamond. I need to make
56:31
Speaker 1: sure that I'm doing everything I can to take that
56:36
Speaker 1: message and spread it throughout the world.
56:40
Speaker 2: Amen, brother, Amen.
56:43
Speaker 1: So Bob, I'm so grateful to have this very very vulnerable,
56:50
Speaker 1: very spiritual, very thoughtful conversation. And in the framework of
56:55
Speaker 1: counterfeit emotions, there's one emotion that can't be counterfeited, and
57:00
Speaker 1: that's peace. Where does Bubba Page find peace? I find
57:07
Speaker 1: peace when I connect with my Maker. I find peace
57:11
Speaker 1: with God. I find peace when I'm praying and meditating
57:15
Speaker 1: with him. I find peace with my children as I
57:18
Speaker 1: get to spend the fatherly time with them. Fatherhood is
57:22
Speaker 1: such a gift and.
57:23
Speaker 2: A blessing to me. They teach me more than I
57:26
Speaker 2: teach them. I'm sure those two pieces. Whether I'm in nature,
57:32
Speaker 2: whether we're on a drive, whether we're at home sitting
57:36
Speaker 2: around the dinner dinner table together, peace is like that
57:40
Speaker 2: is what gives me true peace. It's not the money,
57:43
Speaker 2: it's not the success, it's not being an entrepreneur or
57:47
Speaker 2: an investor. Peace comes because of my relationship with God
57:50
Speaker 2: and my children. I feel that I feel that.
57:57
Speaker 1: Thank you for sharing that.
58:00
Speaker 2: So much, Thanks for having me. I love this stuff.
58:02
Speaker 2: This is the best. It is. You talk about this
58:04
Speaker 2: suff all day long.
58:06
Speaker 1: It is And thank you for joining us and sharing
58:11
Speaker 1: this journey of understanding where to find peace, that one
58:16
Speaker 1: emotion that can't be counterfeited. And I hope that as
58:20
Speaker 1: you go on your journey, as you have those pains,
58:25
Speaker 1: those hard times, that you realize it is a gift,
58:30
Speaker 1: It is a blessing. Not only does life not have
58:34
Speaker 1: to happen to you, it can happen for you. And
58:38
Speaker 1: there's even one more step. Life can happen through you.
58:42
Speaker 1: You can be a victim, you can be a victor,
58:45
Speaker 1: or you can be a vessel. Until next week, go
58:50
Speaker 1: find peace.