Latest / The You Project / #2196 Showing Up (When You Don't Want To) - Harps & Tiff

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#2196 Showing Up (When You Don't Want To) - Harps & Tiff · The You Project

0:00
Speaker 1: I got a tournament's jumbo. It's Fatty Harps, it's Graig
0:03
Speaker 1: Anthony Harper. It's five to eleven in the PM. Of course,
0:07
Speaker 1: not the am. That'd be ridiculous. That would be stupid o' clock.
0:10
Speaker 1: And of course, Tiffany and Cook never she never slides
0:14
Speaker 1: out of bed till her bloke has made us some
0:17
Speaker 1: brecky At about nine o'clock. She just swans in her
0:21
Speaker 1: bloody dressing gown down to the ballroom where Scott serves
0:26
Speaker 1: her breakfast. Is that? How is that how it goes?
0:32
Speaker 2: Look? Be nice? Be nice, wouldn't it? He does cook
0:36
Speaker 2: me dinner? Yeah, look, personal chef, mate, I'm living the dream.
0:42
Speaker 1: You'd hate that, you'd hate being waited on hand, and
0:45
Speaker 1: you dove it for ten minutes, then I'll drive you nuts.
0:49
Speaker 2: Hate for someone who's not a fan of spending any
0:52
Speaker 2: time cooking. Fair to say? I love it?
0:55
Speaker 1: Well, he's a match made in heaven in that sense,
0:58
Speaker 1: isn't he?
0:58
Speaker 2: Oh?
0:59
Speaker 1: Oh yes? And he is a pretty good human on
1:02
Speaker 1: top of that, And he's pretty funny and lovable and yeah,
1:05
Speaker 1: all right, I fucking hate it now now that I
1:07
Speaker 1: now that I dissect it, I don't like him at all.
1:14
Speaker 1: Have you been watching New Hi? Everyone, welcome to the show.
1:16
Speaker 1: Of course, wherever you are, whatever you do, and I hope,
1:20
Speaker 1: hope you had a better day than I had, because
1:22
Speaker 1: I'm going to be honest here it was a caun't
1:23
Speaker 1: But anyway, that's just we may or may not unpack
1:26
Speaker 1: some of that. But yeah, I don't know. Sometimes you'd
1:31
Speaker 1: like sometimes it's just been a shit day, and it's
1:35
Speaker 1: okay to have a ship day, but it's been it's
1:38
Speaker 1: probably been the shittest day of the year, this this
1:41
Speaker 1: particular day for a range of reasons that I won't
1:43
Speaker 1: go in too much, but you can probably have a guess.
1:47
Speaker 1: Just been a whole lot of medical and emergency and ambulances,
1:52
Speaker 1: and it's that's one of the things that people Sorry,
1:56
Speaker 1: I'll shut up and go to you in a moment,
1:58
Speaker 1: but one of the things about when you are and
2:02
Speaker 1: of course I'm nobody and I'm not any way of
2:04
Speaker 1: fucking celebrity, but when you are a public facing person,
2:09
Speaker 1: like you've got to go do a gig, and you
2:11
Speaker 1: know at two o'clock you've got to go talk to
2:13
Speaker 1: five hundred people, You've got to be funny, interesting, You've
2:16
Speaker 1: got to be engaging, you've got to read the room,
2:18
Speaker 1: you've got to build rapport, all those things. But you
2:22
Speaker 1: personally on that day are having a dog shit day
2:26
Speaker 1: and you can't get up there and go, hey, everyone
2:28
Speaker 1: having a shit day. So this won't be very good.
2:31
Speaker 1: So I know you paid me all that do and
2:33
Speaker 1: it won't be worth it, but nonetheless, fuck it here.
2:35
Speaker 1: You can't do that. You know, You've either got to
2:38
Speaker 1: do it or cancel it, which you can't really do.
2:41
Speaker 1: So but anyway, I thought that having a chat with
2:44
Speaker 1: you might be a nice little distraction. And by the way,
2:47
Speaker 1: I'm actually okay, but it's just been I reckon. I've
2:50
Speaker 1: had fifty fine conversations today. Oh no, not that many,
2:57
Speaker 1: thirty five to forty about all the same stuff, talking
3:01
Speaker 1: a myriad of different people. But that's it. How do
3:06
Speaker 1: we How do you when you feel shit and you've
3:10
Speaker 1: got to turn up and train someone or you're personally
3:14
Speaker 1: having you know, you're a bit sad, or you're a
3:16
Speaker 1: bit depressed, or you're a bit anxious, or are you
3:17
Speaker 1: a bit sleep deprived, or as is more often the
3:20
Speaker 1: case with you, a bit angry. You know, but that
3:25
Speaker 1: state that you're in you know that whatever it is,
3:30
Speaker 1: you can't really bring that energy into a room or
3:33
Speaker 1: into a podcast. And I think this is true for everybody.
3:37
Speaker 1: I mean, parents must come home and they've got three
3:40
Speaker 1: little kids running around and dad or mum has just
3:43
Speaker 1: had a shite day and their feeling, but you can't.
3:46
Speaker 1: You've just got to turn it on and do the
3:48
Speaker 1: thing right.
3:49
Speaker 2: Yeah, I think you nailed it with what you said before. Like,
3:52
Speaker 2: sometimes that decision to just show up and it breaks
3:57
Speaker 2: the state for you, which is really nice. Times can
4:02
Speaker 2: be in a state where the last thing you want
4:05
Speaker 2: to do is hang with people because you feel like
4:07
Speaker 2: a drainer. But you have to make that decision, and
4:10
Speaker 2: you make the decision, and you spend time with someone
4:13
Speaker 2: and just maybe saying it out loud and then have
4:17
Speaker 2: it a laugh about other shit, and you feel completely different.
4:21
Speaker 1: Yeah. Yeah, And I think it's just like I'm a
4:25
Speaker 1: bit like this at the minute. Feel what you feel,
4:27
Speaker 1: don't like, my head's not in the sand. I'm not pretending,
4:31
Speaker 1: you know. And most days, by the way, everyone am
4:33
Speaker 1: somewhere between pretty good and fucking great, and even today's okay,
4:37
Speaker 1: but you acknowledge of the feeling. I'm not like, I'd
4:41
Speaker 1: rather get on here and this could be terrible listening,
4:44
Speaker 1: and if it is, I apologize, But I'd rather do
4:46
Speaker 1: this than pretend my day is awesome and pretend that
4:51
Speaker 1: I'm super happy, and it's you know, it's like like
4:56
Speaker 1: it just is what it is. And I think, I
4:59
Speaker 1: don't know, like knowing that people that you know, not
5:04
Speaker 1: that anyone looks up to me, but you know people
5:06
Speaker 1: that maybe you think all really well a few do
5:10
Speaker 1: I know, and that's nice, but it's like, yeah, I'm
5:13
Speaker 1: having a shit day and people like you, yeah, cap
5:17
Speaker 1: shit capitalists, fucking dog poo shit day, you know, and
5:24
Speaker 1: just navigating that, navigating other people's emotions that you love.
5:29
Speaker 1: I yes, I'm with people that I love, obviously, Mum
5:37
Speaker 1: and Dad being upset. Let's just let's call it that,
5:43
Speaker 1: but a bit more than that, you know at times,
5:45
Speaker 1: and just trying to trying to be what you need
5:50
Speaker 1: to be for them, trying to you know, practically manage things,
5:57
Speaker 1: have the conversations, make the decissians on board the information.
6:03
Speaker 1: At the same time, protect them, love them, look after them,
6:10
Speaker 1: and then you know which is and compared to people
6:13
Speaker 1: with real problems, I have fuck all, But then in
6:16
Speaker 1: the middle of that, I've got twelve days to go
6:20
Speaker 1: on my PhD. And then I had a big boy
6:22
Speaker 1: put on your big pants, put on your big boy
6:25
Speaker 1: pants meeting with my senior supervisor today. And it's fair
6:29
Speaker 1: to say it wasn't my fucking brightest moment academically. I
6:34
Speaker 1: just it was hard to get in there and then
6:36
Speaker 1: totally shut off everything and then totally be present with
6:41
Speaker 1: where we're at at the moment. I don't know, and
6:45
Speaker 1: I just guess that's you know, I've said this to
6:48
Speaker 1: you before when you've been struggling, struggling a bit, It's like,
6:52
Speaker 1: it's actually these moments where the rubber hits the road
6:56
Speaker 1: and things are going shit and it's not fun and
6:58
Speaker 1: it's not comfortable, and there no joy at all in
7:01
Speaker 1: the moment. That's kind of the moments where all of
7:06
Speaker 1: the stuff that we talk about really becomes important. So
7:11
Speaker 1: this is not just some theoretical idea that we talk about,
7:16
Speaker 1: you know, you know, how do we build resilience and strength?
7:19
Speaker 1: And oh, you know, we fucking be the calm and
7:22
Speaker 1: the chaos. And it's like I hear my own fucking
7:25
Speaker 1: cliches banging off the inside of my skull, you know.
7:30
Speaker 1: I'm like, yeah, but do you though, are you the
7:33
Speaker 1: fucking calm in the chaos or you're a big sad
7:36
Speaker 1: Humphrey bear, Like what is going on.
7:40
Speaker 2: Again? I think we get really good at managing what
7:44
Speaker 2: becomes our normal. Like you, you often talk about that
7:49
Speaker 2: you have no real problems, you have a really really
7:52
Speaker 2: cruisy life, But the reality is you have. You have
7:57
Speaker 2: problems every day, but they're at a level where you've
8:00
Speaker 2: learned to accept them and manage them. And then another
8:04
Speaker 2: set of problems come along that is completely out of
8:08
Speaker 2: that realm, and think about these are not just problems
8:12
Speaker 2: and challenges. These have a layer. These are like emotionally
8:17
Speaker 2: fatiguing because in the middle of the practical problem solving
8:21
Speaker 2: that you aspire to do, have this whole emotional how
8:29
Speaker 2: do I solve the problem? But also think about how
8:32
Speaker 2: that solves the problem with the people around, the people
8:36
Speaker 2: I love? How do you solve the problem with what
8:39
Speaker 2: Ron's going through medically and practically, and then translate that
8:45
Speaker 2: to how Mary's doing and how she understands it, Like
8:49
Speaker 2: you're doing all that decision making on the fly when
8:52
Speaker 2: you're making just normal practical health related decisions that's huge.
8:59
Speaker 1: And it's then you know, just I told you before
9:05
Speaker 1: we went live, but not long ago before this, I
9:08
Speaker 1: had a heartbreaking phone conversation with Mum and I like,
9:13
Speaker 1: you know where You're like that kills me? And I'm like, ah,
9:19
Speaker 1: and she's so tiny and she's so stoic, and she's
9:24
Speaker 1: so fucking strong and you know she weighs thirty seven
9:29
Speaker 1: kilos in her clothes, right, she's I mean, I said,
9:33
Speaker 1: literally tiny and just trying to be what you know,
9:38
Speaker 1: and You're like, ah, how do I how do I be?
9:41
Speaker 1: How do I be for her? Now? And like you said,
9:46
Speaker 1: there's all the practical stuff, but then there's the u stuff.
9:50
Speaker 1: How do I regulate my emotions? So I'm not losing
9:53
Speaker 1: my shit because I definitely can't lose my shit because
9:58
Speaker 1: kind of the buck stops with me at the minute,
10:01
Speaker 1: which is which is okay, that's my That's what I
10:05
Speaker 1: see as my job and my role and my purpose
10:07
Speaker 1: and my function at this point in time in the
10:10
Speaker 1: context of our family. But it is it is definitely.
10:16
Speaker 1: People ask me a lot lately, you know, how things
10:19
Speaker 1: are going, and I always go it's interesting or it's
10:22
Speaker 1: a real opportunity, and they're like for what, I go
10:25
Speaker 1: for growth, for understanding potential development, you know, And it's like, yeah,
10:31
Speaker 1: but it sucks the fatty, but you know, it's so
10:36
Speaker 1: that's where we're at. And I don't know if that
10:40
Speaker 1: annoys people or helps anyone, but it's like, this is life.
10:43
Speaker 1: Life is messy and fucked, and it's beautiful and amazing,
10:47
Speaker 1: and it's full of surprises and wonder also gives no
10:51
Speaker 1: fucks about when people die or don't die, gives no
10:54
Speaker 1: fucks about your feelings or emotions, and you know, and
10:59
Speaker 1: then it's lunchtime, as I often say, all then it's Wednesday,
11:02
Speaker 1: you know, and it's just set and repeat. You know,
11:06
Speaker 1: it's like, get up, do the thing. How do I
11:10
Speaker 1: need to be today? What am I going to do today?
11:12
Speaker 1: What's in my control? What's not in my control? What
11:14
Speaker 1: should I not waste energy on? What should I invest
11:18
Speaker 1: energy in? How do I respond to this in a
11:22
Speaker 1: way which is somewhere in the ballpark of optimal for them? Yeah,
11:28
Speaker 1: So it's actually it's actually interesting when things go pair
11:35
Speaker 1: shaped and you get and I know, it's an opportunity
11:40
Speaker 1: we don't want, but it's an opportunity that comes to
11:42
Speaker 1: where everybody's going to go. And a lot of our
11:45
Speaker 1: listeners have gone through what I'm going through, and well done,
11:48
Speaker 1: you guys, like well done, but just yeah, that kind
11:53
Speaker 1: of all right. Well, now, this is not a presentation
11:56
Speaker 1: or a lecture or a meme on a whiteboard or
11:59
Speaker 1: a theory construct. This this is ground zero. This is
12:03
Speaker 1: it's all happening now. And you know, so it's I
12:09
Speaker 1: don't want to beat myself up, but I'm pretty critical
12:11
Speaker 1: of me, which is not a healthy thing, by the way,
12:15
Speaker 1: if you're like a major self critic. And I used
12:18
Speaker 1: to think being hard on me was good because it
12:20
Speaker 1: made me hard. And I need to be hard. And
12:22
Speaker 1: I don't mean emotionally hard. I mean I need to
12:25
Speaker 1: be hard. I need to be able to deal with shit.
12:27
Speaker 1: I need to walk the talk. I need to be
12:29
Speaker 1: a role model for people that I talk to these
12:31
Speaker 1: ideas about and I need to be the one that
12:34
Speaker 1: doesn't fucking sink. And you know, so there's that, But
12:39
Speaker 1: then there's it also, you're a human, well so you're
12:44
Speaker 1: a son, you know, so I'll soldier on tiff.
12:49
Speaker 2: That's like that idea of hard. That's why I often
12:54
Speaker 2: go on tangents about it. It's such a it can
12:58
Speaker 2: be such a misinter brit thing. I think even for us,
13:02
Speaker 2: like I've got it. I've got to be hard and
13:04
Speaker 2: stoic and I can't fall down, and I've got to
13:08
Speaker 2: get through the hard things. And I think sometimes we
13:11
Speaker 2: then we we completely lose sight of what hard really is,
13:18
Speaker 2: like isn't hard saying out loud, I'm in the middle
13:23
Speaker 2: of something really shitty and it's hard for me, Like
13:26
Speaker 2: that's harder than just going on all right, I'll just
13:28
Speaker 2: fix it, like we forget.
13:30
Speaker 1: Oh, especially for me, it's like, yeah, I think that
13:34
Speaker 1: is strength. I think if we replace your word hard
13:37
Speaker 1: with strength, we go that strength is when you're yeah,
13:42
Speaker 1: you're you're in the middle of it. And I think
13:46
Speaker 1: I think strength is like a dude, ah, and women
13:51
Speaker 1: are better that at this, which is why I say dude,
13:54
Speaker 1: a dude, I'm not talking about myself but going oh
13:58
Speaker 1: need help, which gets spoken about quite a lot now,
14:02
Speaker 1: or I don't know, I don't know, I don't know
14:06
Speaker 1: the answer, I don't know what to do, or I'm
14:09
Speaker 1: not the best person for this, or can you help,
14:13
Speaker 1: or you know all of that stuff where quite quickly.
14:17
Speaker 1: I got to the point, as you know, because of
14:23
Speaker 1: geography and practicality and all of the things that influence
14:29
Speaker 1: how often and how much I can be with my parents,
14:32
Speaker 1: because you know, when something happens, I cannot be there
14:36
Speaker 1: in five minutes, you know, And when I go into
14:40
Speaker 1: state to work. Now, I dread it, you know, I was.
14:49
Speaker 1: I don't know when it was a couple of years ago.
14:51
Speaker 1: Dad's had two heart attacks, but probably two years ago
14:53
Speaker 1: I was in Queensland. I got a phone call that's like,
14:56
Speaker 1: your father's had another heart attack. He's on the way
14:58
Speaker 1: to hospital. And I'm like, it just never felt more
15:03
Speaker 1: useless and more hopeless or helpless, you know what I mean. Yeah,
15:09
Speaker 1: So anyway, am I venting?
15:13
Speaker 2: Venting is good? Venting is good as long as it's
15:15
Speaker 2: not repeated venting for years and years about the same
15:18
Speaker 2: shit you refuse to change, then it's not good. But
15:21
Speaker 2: venting is like it releases the pressure. If we don't
15:26
Speaker 2: ever vent, we're just holding onto stuff. I was just
15:30
Speaker 2: thinking though about how much anguish there must be as well,
15:39
Speaker 2: with the idea that you've just spent what is it,
15:41
Speaker 2: five or six years doing this super hard thing that
15:45
Speaker 2: wasn't natural or at all really enjoyable for you.
15:51
Speaker 1: To a PhD. You're welcome hearing about an authorized by me,
15:57
Speaker 1: even on board with my own fucking voice.
16:00
Speaker 2: But do you think I can imagine if not you
16:04
Speaker 2: feeling this way, other people would imagine putting all that,
16:07
Speaker 2: I would imagine putting all that, all that time and heart,
16:10
Speaker 2: and we're at the pinnacle, We're almost at that mountain,
16:13
Speaker 2: and now there's all this other pressure, and it's kind
16:16
Speaker 2: of where do you put your focus? You're like, I've
16:18
Speaker 2: just spent all of these years doing this hard thing
16:21
Speaker 2: that means a lot to me, But now I'm conflicted
16:24
Speaker 2: with is it doesn't mean a lot or doesn't it?
16:26
Speaker 2: And why did this happen to have to happen? And
16:30
Speaker 2: you know, like that's unfair, and we know life's not fair,
16:33
Speaker 2: but still it's pretty unlucky that this is happening now, Like,
16:38
Speaker 2: oh yeah.
16:39
Speaker 1: Well, I mean both things are important, but in different ways.
16:43
Speaker 1: And of course the priority is my mum and dad's
16:47
Speaker 1: well being. I mean that that's not even a competition obviously.
16:52
Speaker 1: In fact, anyone that I care about it's wellbeing would
16:56
Speaker 1: override like anything that's you know, like my PhD is good.
17:01
Speaker 1: It's interesting, it's been you know, it's been a journey
17:04
Speaker 1: and all of that, and I'm excited to get it done.
17:06
Speaker 1: But also it doesn't mean I've got to stop doing that.
17:09
Speaker 1: I can't. I don't need to be doing Ron and
17:13
Speaker 1: Mary stuff twenty four hours a day. But it's fair
17:16
Speaker 1: to say that the old concentration and focus is not
17:22
Speaker 1: at a premium at the moment. You know, when you
17:26
Speaker 1: do that where you're like, Okay, just sit down, focus
17:29
Speaker 1: on this and don't think about that, and all you
17:31
Speaker 1: do is sit down and think about the moment you
17:33
Speaker 1: tell yourself not to think about something, that's all the
17:36
Speaker 1: thing that you're thinking about. And like I lately, I'm like,
17:41
Speaker 1: I've got to be almost like dead on my feet
17:45
Speaker 1: metaphorically before I go to bed now, because if I'm
17:49
Speaker 1: not exhausted, I'm just going to lie there and think
17:51
Speaker 1: about shit for an hour and a half. So, like
17:55
Speaker 1: I normally go to sleep at early, like nine to
17:57
Speaker 1: nine thirty, lately, I've been going to sleep midnight because
18:01
Speaker 1: I want to be so tired that I just fall
18:06
Speaker 1: into a bloody coma for six hours or so. But
18:11
Speaker 1: you just you figure it out, as you go, you
18:14
Speaker 1: know you you you navigate grief and complexity and adversity
18:21
Speaker 1: and emotions, and you figure out what is best for
18:27
Speaker 1: you and what is best for them. And I would
18:28
Speaker 1: definitely not suggest anybody do things the way that I
18:31
Speaker 1: do them, because it just works for me, it wouldn't
18:33
Speaker 1: for others. Yeah, and that's the that's the beauty of
18:41
Speaker 1: like being able to understand, you know, when we talk
18:44
Speaker 1: about understanding our mind or understanding our feelings, or understanding
18:47
Speaker 1: even our physiology how we work. And it's been and
18:52
Speaker 1: this sounds weird, but as much as I can have
18:55
Speaker 1: a level of external self awareness or self other awareness
19:01
Speaker 1: they call it in the literature as well of other people,
19:04
Speaker 1: but also of myself trying to as weird as it sounds,
19:10
Speaker 1: analyze my own behaviors and reactions or at least have
19:13
Speaker 1: an awareness of them to see how I am in
19:17
Speaker 1: situations that are not typical and normal for me. Yeah. So,
19:23
Speaker 1: like there comes a time for everyone where the stuff
19:27
Speaker 1: that you think about or talk about, or the books
19:29
Speaker 1: that you read or you know, clearly all of our
19:32
Speaker 1: listeners are consumers of self help slash human behavior, personal development, psychology,
19:41
Speaker 1: you know, all the stuff and then you do all
19:43
Speaker 1: this thinking and you have all this kind of research
19:46
Speaker 1: that you do, either academic research or other. I think
19:50
Speaker 1: it all can be valuable. And then one day, like
19:54
Speaker 1: reality just kicks you in the dick and you're like,
19:56
Speaker 1: it's time, bro, It's like, this is you now, this
19:59
Speaker 1: is not a dress rehearsal. And that's interesting for me
20:04
Speaker 1: because I love observing other people's behavior and I love
20:07
Speaker 1: seeing how people navigate complexity and adversity and pain and
20:12
Speaker 1: emotional difficulty. But yeah, I like, I don't always like
20:17
Speaker 1: what I see with me. I don't always love my
20:20
Speaker 1: reactions or my responses, but yeah, to try to get
20:27
Speaker 1: an insight into how am I actually going doing this
20:31
Speaker 1: thing that I don't really well, I want to do it,
20:34
Speaker 1: but you know what I mean, it's because it's not
20:36
Speaker 1: it's not joyful. It's painful. But this thing that I
20:40
Speaker 1: need to do, this person that I need to be
20:42
Speaker 1: for now, and it's painful. Go on.
20:47
Speaker 2: Do you think with things like these things that are
20:50
Speaker 2: this big that likely take us into the grief space,
20:56
Speaker 2: do you think that we can accurately deserve how we
21:01
Speaker 2: are while we're in it? Or do you think it's
21:03
Speaker 2: going to be a case of yeah, I mean, yes,
21:05
Speaker 2: you can to a degree, you can be curious and intrigued.
21:10
Speaker 2: But do you think it's going to be a case
21:11
Speaker 2: of in time to come, when you reflect back, when
21:15
Speaker 2: you're when you're you're emotionally processed, that you you will
21:21
Speaker 2: understand differently how you were one hundred percent.
21:24
Speaker 1: That's a very good question. I mean, you know, we
21:27
Speaker 1: can't be objective about us because we're us. So every thought, idea, experience, interpretation,
21:34
Speaker 1: perception is created on planet Craig. It is created by Craig.
21:39
Speaker 1: So all the things that happen around me, situations, circumstances, illness, conversations, PhD.
21:48
Speaker 1: Every story that I have about that thing, which for
21:53
Speaker 1: me in the moment feels like reality. Reality that is
21:58
Speaker 1: a self created expl sperience, but we don't realize it.
22:02
Speaker 1: We don't realize. We theoretically do when we listen to
22:05
Speaker 1: a podcast or a talk or we read something, but
22:08
Speaker 1: in the moment we're not cognizant that this thing that
22:12
Speaker 1: I know I'm fucking right about is just my idea
22:16
Speaker 1: of what's right. It's no, that's just how you think.
22:22
Speaker 1: And also you could be objectively right. Also, you could
22:28
Speaker 1: be completely wrong or flawed either way. In the moment,
22:34
Speaker 1: we believe what we believe, which is why I'm a
22:39
Speaker 1: big fan of the I think this, but I don't know,
22:43
Speaker 1: like I think that's very brave. It's like I think
22:46
Speaker 1: A and TIF thinks b And we tend to often
22:51
Speaker 1: replace a feeling, emotion, a story, or an opinion with
22:55
Speaker 1: what we think is truth. Well, the truth is no, no, no, no, Brian,
23:02
Speaker 1: fuck no, Brian. That's your version of the truth. And
23:06
Speaker 1: it's cool, and I'm not saying you shouldn't have that,
23:09
Speaker 1: But when you think that your truth is the unequivocal, global,
23:14
Speaker 1: relevant to everybody, true for everybody, macro truth, then you're
23:21
Speaker 1: in denial because you don't have access to that. And
23:25
Speaker 1: by the way, there is no objective kind of macro truth,
23:30
Speaker 1: because I mean, when we're talking about this stuff anyway,
23:34
Speaker 1: because everybody experiences everything different. So when we talk about
23:38
Speaker 1: science or physics or whatever, I guess depending on the field,
23:42
Speaker 1: you know, there are things which are objectively true. But
23:45
Speaker 1: even I heard someone say this thing the other day
23:48
Speaker 1: which fucked with my mind, and it's like, you know,
23:52
Speaker 1: one plus one is two, right, so yeah, not always,
23:57
Speaker 1: And I'm like, well, one plus one is always fucking
23:59
Speaker 1: to And they went, what if I've got a pile
24:03
Speaker 1: of washing on the floor in the laundry, and then
24:06
Speaker 1: I've got a pile of washing on the floor in
24:08
Speaker 1: the kitchen, and then I take the pile from the
24:11
Speaker 1: kitchen and I put it on the pile in the laundry.
24:14
Speaker 1: Now I've got one pile. I'm like, Oh, that's fucking sneaky.
24:19
Speaker 1: I'm like, yeah, motherfucker, that is true. We just added
24:23
Speaker 1: one pile to the other. Now we just have a
24:25
Speaker 1: bigger pile. So when we're talking about true mathematics, yep,
24:30
Speaker 1: one plus one has two, But experientially and in reality,
24:34
Speaker 1: sometimes one plus one equals another one that's just bigger.
24:40
Speaker 1: And it's like, this is an alternate kind of understanding
24:44
Speaker 1: of something that we think unequivocally could not be wrong. Well,
24:49
Speaker 1: sometimes one plus one is two is actually wrong, and
24:55
Speaker 1: then that fucks with our head, right, And so we
25:00
Speaker 1: have this, we have this certainty about what is right,
25:07
Speaker 1: and some like I have been certain about things in
25:13
Speaker 1: my life that I now believe to be completely untrue
25:18
Speaker 1: or I think might be true, but I'm not sure.
25:23
Speaker 1: And so this is you know that that addiction that
25:27
Speaker 1: we have to certainty. I'm certain I'm right. Yeah, I
25:32
Speaker 1: don't know, I don't know. You know, or I know
25:36
Speaker 1: I'm right, or this is the truth or and we've
25:38
Speaker 1: said this before. But even when you think about if
25:41
Speaker 1: we extrapolate this idea of certainty or knowing or being absolute,
25:47
Speaker 1: I absolutely, unequivocally know that the religion I'm in, that
25:52
Speaker 1: the belief system I have is the one true path.
25:56
Speaker 1: And that's a thing. That's that's an expression used in
25:59
Speaker 1: I mean different religions. Right, we think that there are
26:02
Speaker 1: twelve major religions, and there are three to four thousand
26:05
Speaker 1: minor religions, and then a whole lot of other religious
26:08
Speaker 1: kind of cults. Right, so there's maybe ten thousand different
26:12
Speaker 1: theologies and philosophies, and almost one hundred percent of those
26:19
Speaker 1: different theologies, ideologies, organizations, groups believe that everyone in the
26:25
Speaker 1: world except their group is wrong. Now, the problem is
26:31
Speaker 1: that what is tied into that is emotion. And when
26:38
Speaker 1: you go, no, Craig, you're wrong. This isn't how it works.
26:41
Speaker 1: I get reactive, I get defensive, I get emotional. I think, well,
26:46
Speaker 1: that's none of that is logic. None of that is logic.
26:49
Speaker 1: None of that is truth. None of that is science,
26:52
Speaker 1: none of that is absolute. But we because we hold
26:58
Speaker 1: on so much to a believe if and by a
27:01
Speaker 1: belief or faith. By definition, faith is believing in something
27:07
Speaker 1: for which you have no evidence. Otherwise, if you had evidence,
27:13
Speaker 1: now you have data. Now you have unequivocal knowledge. So
27:17
Speaker 1: the need for faith becomes redundant. So, oh, and by
27:22
Speaker 1: the way, do I have faith? Yes? Do I believe
27:26
Speaker 1: there's you know, what I used to call God and
27:30
Speaker 1: I still call God. But is it the God that
27:33
Speaker 1: I grew up with? I don't know. Is it like
27:37
Speaker 1: I believe there's some divine power, love force that's greater
27:43
Speaker 1: than what we can understand. Also, and in other news,
27:47
Speaker 1: could I be wrong? Yes? Like could I be wrong?
27:51
Speaker 1: Of course I could be wrong. Do I arrogantly beat
27:54
Speaker 1: my chest about what I think? No? Because this is
27:59
Speaker 1: one of the hard things, right, because we identify so
28:02
Speaker 1: much with our beliefs, and you know, we kind of
28:05
Speaker 1: that becomes our badge or our suits or our protector.
28:10
Speaker 1: Who the fuck wants to go that thing that I've
28:13
Speaker 1: kind of shaped my life around thirty years, my ideas
28:17
Speaker 1: and beliefs and relationships and conversations and ideology. Oh that
28:23
Speaker 1: that might be bullshit. No one wants to think about that,
28:26
Speaker 1: No one wants to believe that. But even when you
28:30
Speaker 1: think about even the twelve major religions, right, well, clearly
28:35
Speaker 1: either twelve are wrong or eleven are wrong because they
28:40
Speaker 1: can't all be right because they have different ideas, beliefs,
28:43
Speaker 1: and theologies. But people don't want to you know. So yeah,
28:48
Speaker 1: there's I don't know how we got here, But I
28:50
Speaker 1: find this shit interesting that need for us to absolutely know,
28:57
Speaker 1: because that we're scared not knowing. Guess what the human
29:01
Speaker 1: condition is not knowing most things. So if it scares you,
29:08
Speaker 1: you're in trouble. Bro get some courage and go. I
29:10
Speaker 1: don't fucking know. I don't know what happens when we die.
29:13
Speaker 1: Maybe I'm going to become a fucking plant, or maybe
29:16
Speaker 1: a deer is going to have a pooh on me.
29:18
Speaker 1: I don't know. I might become part of the fucking
29:22
Speaker 1: the ecosystem that is, the cemetery or the bloody I
29:26
Speaker 1: don't know. Paddock I get buried in probably definitely organic
29:31
Speaker 1: biological me will just become part of the food for
29:34
Speaker 1: the ecosystem. Right, We don't want to think about that.
29:37
Speaker 1: Because we have a story that no, we go to
29:40
Speaker 1: this mystical, magical, beautiful, spiritual world where there is no pain,
29:45
Speaker 1: there's only joy and there's only fucking kaftans and light.
29:49
Speaker 1: And could that be true? Sure? Could it not be true? Sure?
29:54
Speaker 1: That's the thing like having to be right is like
29:58
Speaker 1: the ultimate display of arrogance. I have to be I'm
30:01
Speaker 1: not talking about yeah, you know you're right about this,
30:04
Speaker 1: I'm wrong about this. That's not arrogance. She just happened
30:07
Speaker 1: to be right and well done. But that need to
30:10
Speaker 1: be right, that need to win conversations, that need to
30:14
Speaker 1: run other people down who don't share your philosophy. That's
30:18
Speaker 1: not wisdom, that's not knowledge. That's emotional bullshit, that's ego.
30:23
Speaker 1: That's insecurity, that's fear. But if you say that to
30:27
Speaker 1: those people, of course they're going to tell you to
30:29
Speaker 1: get fucked. And if you asked me, at certain stages
30:34
Speaker 1: of my young adult life, I would have told you
30:37
Speaker 1: to get fucked. I wouldn't have actually because I didn't swear,
30:42
Speaker 1: but I would have strongly disagreed with you. And now
30:47
Speaker 1: people talk about whatever aliens and previous civilizations that had technology,
30:55
Speaker 1: and you know, I go fuck I would have gone, once, well,
30:59
Speaker 1: that's bullshit, because we've kind of there's been a linear
31:03
Speaker 1: progression from the wheel to AI. So once upon a
31:07
Speaker 1: time technology was the wheel, and now we have chat,
31:12
Speaker 1: GPT and the like, and that's been a linear, steady progression.
31:16
Speaker 1: Maybe or maybe there were other civilizations that vanished off
31:20
Speaker 1: the face of the earth that did things like built
31:24
Speaker 1: the fucking pyramids that nobody still nobody knows how that
31:29
Speaker 1: was done. And also fast forward to now, with our
31:33
Speaker 1: technology and our engineers and all the access we have
31:37
Speaker 1: to all the cognitive horsepower, be it artificial horsepower or
31:43
Speaker 1: human cognitive horsepower, we still don't know how the fuck
31:47
Speaker 1: those things were built. So what we do is we
31:50
Speaker 1: just gloss over it, you know. But I go, well,
31:54
Speaker 1: I don't know. Nobody knows. I've never heard anybody explain it.
31:57
Speaker 1: There are lots of theories and ideas, but that theories
32:00
Speaker 1: and ideas are not knowledge. This has gone at a
32:04
Speaker 1: Joe Rogan tangent, hasn't it?
32:06
Speaker 2: Bloody hell, Scott, it will be so rap. You're talking
32:08
Speaker 2: about the fucking pyramids.
32:12
Speaker 1: It's but I mean that they exist, right, And so
32:16
Speaker 1: it can be a metaphor for others. It's not about yeah,
32:19
Speaker 1: like I'm not trying to push ancient civilizations or aliens.
32:24
Speaker 1: I'm just going here's the truth. Right, We don't know,
32:27
Speaker 1: so we choose to believe the thing that is most
32:30
Speaker 1: comfortable and familiar.
32:33
Speaker 2: When you were talking about beliefs on it, we'll back
32:37
Speaker 2: to two things. You were talking about belief, and I
32:39
Speaker 2: was thinking about how interesting it is when you apply
32:44
Speaker 2: that thought to self belief. And I don't just mean
32:47
Speaker 2: in our capabilities, I mean that deep sense of what
32:51
Speaker 2: we believe about ourselves or that we lack. So you know,
32:55
Speaker 2: some people think they are a bad person, like I
32:59
Speaker 2: am a bad They believe that deeply underneath all of
33:02
Speaker 2: their conscious mind not not you know how well can
33:05
Speaker 2: they play footy or how you know they make a
33:07
Speaker 2: lot of money? I am? They believe and they are.
33:12
Speaker 2: They have guilt and shame over maybe I'm a bad person.
33:15
Speaker 2: I'm like, where does that come from? And but previously,
33:18
Speaker 2: when you were talking about your parents, I was thinking
33:21
Speaker 2: on a similar train where for you, you often deflect a
33:28
Speaker 2: lot of when you're when.
33:31
Speaker 1: You do you do? Not am? Not? You do you do.
33:34
Speaker 2: When you open up and you share your struggles, there
33:38
Speaker 2: is always a reflection on my life's not bad. People
33:43
Speaker 2: have things worse. I'm not you know, or you'll you'll
33:46
Speaker 2: you'll deflect in some minor way, but you but you
33:48
Speaker 2: do it. And for someone who I observe, I've got goosebumps.
33:54
Speaker 2: Now who I observe that does everything for his parents,
34:00
Speaker 2: it with love and integrity. And I think there's a
34:05
Speaker 2: real sense that you still don't feel like enough and
34:10
Speaker 2: I and it interests me to go where does that
34:14
Speaker 2: come from?
34:16
Speaker 1: Listen, doctor Bill fuck off.
34:22
Speaker 2: I've invested a lot in thera bid asked questions like this.
34:25
Speaker 1: I know, I know, I don't think I'm a bad person.
34:28
Speaker 1: I think I'm a flawed person. But I also think
34:31
Speaker 1: I'm a good person. But I'll be well, I've been
34:36
Speaker 1: totally honest, but I'll be totally honest with this answer.
34:39
Speaker 1: I am very gun shy of consciously or publicly saying
34:47
Speaker 1: too much about myself. That is positive because I have
34:51
Speaker 1: been I have learned many times, pull your head in,
34:57
Speaker 1: don't do anything close to complementing your self. I would
35:00
Speaker 1: never brag, that's for fucking sure. It's like just not
35:04
Speaker 1: in me. So there's a bit of that. And I Firstly,
35:12
Speaker 1: people who think they're bad, you can almost guarantee they're
35:16
Speaker 1: not bad, because people who are actually sociopathic or psychotic,
35:23
Speaker 1: they don't think that about themselves. They think they're fucking
35:26
Speaker 1: ace right. Typically this is bro science, But I like,
35:36
Speaker 1: I know, I mean, you know, I know me better
35:41
Speaker 1: than anyone knows me, and I also I want to
35:44
Speaker 1: be I was listening to a very well known person
35:50
Speaker 1: today on a podcast who's surname rhymes with fore Mosy
35:57
Speaker 1: and and you know, clearly, depending on what metric you use,
36:05
Speaker 1: very smart, you know, very capable, buildsots to do it,
36:11
Speaker 1: does lots of things. But there's so many of his
36:14
Speaker 1: philosophy's and ideas that I think some are fucking inspirational
36:18
Speaker 1: and brilliant, and some I'm just like, no, Like that
36:22
Speaker 1: is not the purpose of life, you know, And I
36:27
Speaker 1: don't know, I just think that. But again that's maybe
36:31
Speaker 1: an age and a stage. And there might have been
36:33
Speaker 1: a time in my life where I looked at him
36:36
Speaker 1: talking about Alex Hormosi, everyone who and I just thought
36:40
Speaker 1: he was the fucking biggest superstar of all time, even
36:43
Speaker 1: though he's twenty years younger than me. But an Alex
36:46
Speaker 1: hormos type I would have, you know, but I don't know.
36:49
Speaker 1: I'm just a lot more philosophical now. And I'm like,
36:53
Speaker 1: I realized that, yes, I've got to make some dough
36:56
Speaker 1: and I want to achieve successfully, and I want to
36:58
Speaker 1: have a good podcast, and and I want to do
37:01
Speaker 1: lots of presentations. I want to develop new things. But
37:05
Speaker 1: that is just part of what I do and who
37:07
Speaker 1: I am. It is not my purpose, you know, And
37:11
Speaker 1: I think I get to live what I believe is
37:14
Speaker 1: my purpose through the work that I do. So it's
37:17
Speaker 1: kind of a pathway to you know, in a I
37:24
Speaker 1: understand why people say this, But when people say things
37:29
Speaker 1: like I just want to help people, it isn't annoying,
37:34
Speaker 1: but it's sometimes I get annoyed because I'm like, well,
37:37
Speaker 1: why aren't you like, why aren't you like what do
37:43
Speaker 1: you want to do? I want to help people? Cool?
37:45
Speaker 1: How just tell me how? And why don't you start today? Oh?
37:51
Speaker 1: And that kind of you know, that that drives me
37:55
Speaker 1: to actually practically do things support people. And you know,
38:03
Speaker 1: it's like this might sound like a brag, it's not.
38:08
Speaker 1: But I had I met a person on the weekend
38:11
Speaker 1: that I had in Queensland, a few weeks ago, and
38:14
Speaker 1: they were really struggling and struggling to stay on track
38:20
Speaker 1: and do the things. And I can't offer this to everyone.
38:23
Speaker 1: Of course, I said to this person, this is what
38:26
Speaker 1: I want you to do for the next twenty eight days.
38:28
Speaker 1: I will be your accountability partner. I do not want
38:30
Speaker 1: anything back. It will not cost you anything. There's no hooks, catches, agendas.
38:35
Speaker 1: I don't give a fuck if you never do another workshop,
38:38
Speaker 1: never listen, whatever, right, I just want to help you.
38:43
Speaker 1: And so every night that person sends me an accountability SMS,
38:50
Speaker 1: and some of them are quite long, and some days
38:53
Speaker 1: I'm depending on the text, you know, I'm like, well done, great,
38:57
Speaker 1: think about this, try that data. And some days I
38:59
Speaker 1: will spend fifteen minutes replying. And I do that because
39:06
Speaker 1: nobody did that for me ever, nobody ever, just with
39:12
Speaker 1: that this kind of thing. Right to be a person
39:17
Speaker 1: who And again, even I think talking about this as
39:20
Speaker 1: a contradiction because it sounds like bragging, But I'm just
39:23
Speaker 1: going to talk about the idea for me that the
39:28
Speaker 1: vast majority of things that I do for people nobody
39:31
Speaker 1: else knows. And I choose that, and I'd want that,
39:36
Speaker 1: but you know, what is beautiful to me is like
39:41
Speaker 1: I reckon, there was a time, let's go to you
39:44
Speaker 1: and me. There was probably a time where you went,
39:48
Speaker 1: this guy's too good to be true. He says all
39:51
Speaker 1: this shit. He's charming and charismatic and he's nice. But
39:56
Speaker 1: then there was a time where I reckon, not that
39:59
Speaker 1: you doubt me, but you like, nobody can be that
40:05
Speaker 1: generous when over time and I've said to many people
40:12
Speaker 1: over the time, over the years, who and I say
40:16
Speaker 1: to people, don't trust me, like don't just trust me
40:19
Speaker 1: because I'm funny, or I'm a good talker, or you
40:23
Speaker 1: like me a bit, or don't don't just just hold
40:26
Speaker 1: reserve your judgment. I'm not saying don't trust me in
40:30
Speaker 1: that sense, like don't think that I'm untrustworthy, but don't
40:33
Speaker 1: automatically put me on a pedestal. Don't trust me. Just
40:36
Speaker 1: watch me for the next ten years and how I
40:39
Speaker 1: treat you and interact with you, and see if there's
40:42
Speaker 1: see if it's bullshit, And if in ten years or
40:46
Speaker 1: five years or whatever it is, you think that it's
40:50
Speaker 1: real and I'm real, then if you choose trust me
40:54
Speaker 1: and respect me, but don't automatically trust me and respect
40:57
Speaker 1: me because I can be charming in cars. That is
41:01
Speaker 1: not a reason. Because sociopaths are charming and charismatic. Anyone
41:05
Speaker 1: can turn on that shit. And for me, it is like,
41:10
Speaker 1: what what is it that actually is driving someone to
41:14
Speaker 1: do this thing socially or publicly? What is the real reason.
41:21
Speaker 1: It's like when people postshit of themselves being amazing on Instagram,
41:27
Speaker 1: when there's a fucking film crew. It's all planned, it's
41:30
Speaker 1: all organized, it's all edited. Look at me being spontaneously amazing.
41:36
Speaker 1: But there's this guy that gives away money. Good on him,
41:39
Speaker 1: but there's a whole entourage around him, and he's given
41:43
Speaker 1: a hundred bucks to someone on the street. Great, do
41:46
Speaker 1: that without anyone watching, you, cunt. And by the way,
41:49
Speaker 1: give them a thousand and.
41:52
Speaker 2: Tell nobody taken a thousand off of the post.
41:55
Speaker 1: That's what I'm saying. Give them a grand and don't
41:57
Speaker 1: fucking tell anyone. You know. That's like, this is virtue signaling,
42:03
Speaker 1: like one oh one, I don't know. This is how
42:07
Speaker 1: I to me, I would rather hang out with well,
42:13
Speaker 1: you know this right. So another example, which we may
42:17
Speaker 1: have shared once, but there's a certain person who comes
42:19
Speaker 1: to the gym who in a normal gem setting. And
42:24
Speaker 1: I won't expand on this, but you know, and I
42:26
Speaker 1: know that person ain't getting any attention from anyone or hardly.
42:31
Speaker 1: I give that person the most attention in the gym,
42:36
Speaker 1: and that person fucking digs it and their eyes light
42:40
Speaker 1: up when they see either you or the crab or
42:45
Speaker 1: John or me, particularly me, because I make the most
42:49
Speaker 1: fuss and I give the most attention. But how awesome
42:53
Speaker 1: is that? How awesome is that? Well, there's nothing that
42:57
Speaker 1: person can do for me that I couldn't do for myself.
43:00
Speaker 1: I don't want anything, you know, And you're like, yeah, this,
43:03
Speaker 1: this for me is wealth. This is spiritual wealth, emotional wealth,
43:08
Speaker 1: you know. So cheeze, We've covered some ground. But back
43:13
Speaker 1: to your original question. I don't think I'm a bad person.
43:18
Speaker 1: I don't think I don't think bad people ask themselves that.
43:22
Speaker 1: And even then, what is a bad person like? We
43:24
Speaker 1: would need to define that. That's very broad. Have I
43:27
Speaker 1: ever behaved badly? One hundred percent? You know? Have I
43:32
Speaker 1: ever in the moment been a or behaved like a
43:35
Speaker 1: bad person? I guess is of course, of course, you know,
43:39
Speaker 1: And I think if you think you're shit hot, I
43:42
Speaker 1: think some people think there's a lot of self loathing
43:45
Speaker 1: in me. There isn't, because I'm aware of my strengths
43:49
Speaker 1: and my gifts and my kindness. I just don't want
43:53
Speaker 1: to I don't want to trumpet that because then you
43:57
Speaker 1: just become another flog on the internet. Right, But don't
44:01
Speaker 1: you now look at me? Look how amazing I am.
44:03
Speaker 1: I mean, that's pretty much every fucking Instagram post is, Hey,
44:07
Speaker 1: look how ace I am. I've taken thirty nine thousand
44:11
Speaker 1: photos to get this one photo that I'm putting up.
44:14
Speaker 1: It took me two days to get this pick with
44:17
Speaker 1: the right light and the right filter and the right editing.
44:20
Speaker 1: And here I am pretending, oh, this was just a
44:23
Speaker 1: fucking accidental photo of me, when there's been three days
44:27
Speaker 1: of fucking planning going. There's nothing organic, there's nothing real,
44:32
Speaker 1: there's nothing humble. It's all bullshit. This is you trying
44:36
Speaker 1: to influence the way that people perceive and experience you.
44:41
Speaker 1: And I'm not even saying it's a bad thing. I'm
44:43
Speaker 1: saying it's a common thing. It's a human thing. But
44:46
Speaker 1: that like I read people, I think I think I
44:50
Speaker 1: read people really well. I think you probably think I
44:53
Speaker 1: do as well. And like I can pick bullshit. Somebody
44:57
Speaker 1: comes up and they're all love and light and unicorns,
45:00
Speaker 1: and it's fake. I know in four seconds, and I'm
45:05
Speaker 1: not interested. Give me the person who is just a
45:10
Speaker 1: great human being, who isn't interested in accolades and bullshit
45:14
Speaker 1: and attention. That's who I want to hang out with.
45:17
Speaker 1: That's who I want to have a conversation with. That's
45:20
Speaker 1: that's who I want to be friends with. You know,
45:23
Speaker 1: So it's been a good ride, Tiff.
45:26
Speaker 2: I'm surprised you let me hang around for so long.
45:28
Speaker 1: You know, You're right, You're a work in progress. But
45:31
Speaker 1: so am I like? Also, is Craig Harper ever a
45:35
Speaker 1: pain in the ass? One hundred percent? One hundred percent?
45:39
Speaker 1: Do people not like me? One hundred percent? Of course.
45:44
Speaker 1: Do I get negative emails through to sometimes horrible emails, yep,
45:48
Speaker 1: but it's about one percent. Ninety nine percent is somewhere
45:52
Speaker 1: between okay and really really kind, and I go cool.
45:57
Speaker 1: If you don't like me, well I don't dislike you,
46:02
Speaker 1: So just don't like me, and that's okay. But you
46:06
Speaker 1: don't need to contact me to tell me that, by
46:08
Speaker 1: the way, because I don't know you. But if you
46:11
Speaker 1: want to okay, or if you want to encourage me
46:15
Speaker 1: or support me, or say something nice that would be better,
46:20
Speaker 1: or maybe say fucking nothing. It doesn't matter. It's like
46:23
Speaker 1: I have no Like. Sometimes I'll write something on you know, socials,
46:29
Speaker 1: and someone will totally misinterpret what I've said, like my intention,
46:34
Speaker 1: and of course my intention is not people's experience, but
46:38
Speaker 1: they have a story about the words that they read
46:41
Speaker 1: and it is nowhere in the ballpark of what I'm
46:44
Speaker 1: actually trying to say, and some of it's negative and whatever.
46:51
Speaker 1: And I'll unless it's just an error they made or
46:56
Speaker 1: something that I can just correct it right where they
46:58
Speaker 1: thought I meant that. No, it didn't mean that. But
47:01
Speaker 1: these negative, kind of hateful, hurtful ones, I never respond never,
47:06
Speaker 1: like you will never find a hateful comment that I
47:09
Speaker 1: have responded to. And I know there are things that
47:14
Speaker 1: I could say that would be if all you want
47:18
Speaker 1: to do is go toe to toe, well I can
47:21
Speaker 1: be like very good at that, but I choose not
47:25
Speaker 1: to do that. And I've mentioned this probably twice in
47:29
Speaker 1: two thousand something episodes. I had this wise old man
47:34
Speaker 1: in my life when I was very young, who was
47:36
Speaker 1: the pastor of a church that I was going to.
47:39
Speaker 1: His name was rest in peace, Milton, and he kind
47:44
Speaker 1: of he sussed me out really quickly, and he saw
47:47
Speaker 1: on my bullshit, and he saw my talent, and he
47:49
Speaker 1: saw my potential, and he saw the good and the
47:52
Speaker 1: bad of which there is, you know both. And I
47:55
Speaker 1: was maybe twenty one or two, and I think somebody
48:00
Speaker 1: had a bit of a dig at me about something
48:03
Speaker 1: and I responded and kind of verbally decimated them because
48:10
Speaker 1: they fucking started it, so they deserved it, of course,
48:14
Speaker 1: not really, you know. And he comes up to me
48:16
Speaker 1: and he he used to call me dear one, and
48:19
Speaker 1: he said, dear one, I want to chat to you
48:23
Speaker 1: for a minute. And I was shitting myself because he
48:25
Speaker 1: was like Jesus, And I go, yes, pasta and we
48:29
Speaker 1: just walked to the side and he goes, so you
48:31
Speaker 1: have many gifts, he goes, maybe maybe your gift, maybe
48:37
Speaker 1: your biggest gift is communication. But it's a two edged sword,
48:42
Speaker 1: and you need to choose what you were going to
48:44
Speaker 1: do with that tongue of yours with your words. You
48:47
Speaker 1: need to choose if you're going to bring people up
48:49
Speaker 1: or drag people down, because you can do both. And
48:52
Speaker 1: I'm like Roger that Roger that because if people would
48:58
Speaker 1: have a go at me, I would massacre them verbally.
49:02
Speaker 1: I'm like, that's not cool, that's not nice. That's not love,
49:05
Speaker 1: that's not humility, that's not awareness, that's all the things
49:09
Speaker 1: that you don't want to be. And so I had
49:12
Speaker 1: to work constantly and you know, ego stuff, that stuff,
49:18
Speaker 1: all the stuff, And that's not self hate, you know,
49:22
Speaker 1: it's just about honing up and going, yeah, I'm sometimes
49:26
Speaker 1: like I wrote a post before, I'm just going to
49:29
Speaker 1: read it because this is kind of true about this,
49:34
Speaker 1: and the post is I always find myself talking with
49:39
Speaker 1: the person in the relationship who isn't the problem, you
49:44
Speaker 1: know what I mean. It's like if somebody's having bullshit
49:47
Speaker 1: or issues or problems with another person, always, somehow I'm
49:52
Speaker 1: talking to the person who isn't at fault, no matter
49:56
Speaker 1: how many people are, because no one goes, you know what,
50:00
Speaker 1: I having some issues. We're really not getting on great,
50:02
Speaker 1: and I've just got to say it's all me. No
50:04
Speaker 1: one says that, no one says that, no one goes
50:08
Speaker 1: I'm the problem. But sometimes and obviously often we're not
50:12
Speaker 1: the problem. Maybe it is ninety the other person and
50:15
Speaker 1: ten me, or sometimes maybe it's one hundred million zero.
50:19
Speaker 1: Then either way it is what it is that the
50:22
Speaker 1: issue is not is it true or is it untrue?
50:25
Speaker 1: That the issue is Do I have self awareness and
50:29
Speaker 1: enough humility to be able to say I was wrong?
50:34
Speaker 1: You are right? I am sorry the end, not like
50:37
Speaker 1: oh yeah but you but none of that, just like
50:40
Speaker 1: I fucked up, I was wrong the end. I will
50:44
Speaker 1: try to be better. We don't need to be defensive,
50:48
Speaker 1: we don't need to go on the attack, we don't
50:50
Speaker 1: need to win. We don't need to know everything you know.
50:54
Speaker 1: And that's me at the moment with my folks. I
50:56
Speaker 1: fucking I'm learning as I'm going like this is the
50:59
Speaker 1: first time. Well, you can't be good at something the
51:02
Speaker 1: first time you know all the you know, and in
51:06
Speaker 1: terms of having managing this kind of stuff and having
51:09
Speaker 1: these conversations with a myriad of people, and it's like, well, yeah,
51:14
Speaker 1: you get you just get better, But you have to know,
51:19
Speaker 1: like I'm well aware of my limitations. You have to
51:21
Speaker 1: know where my expertise and my IQ and my problem
51:25
Speaker 1: solving skills end and where I need to ask for help.
51:31
Speaker 1: You seem thrilled, you know when I stop talking you
51:36
Speaker 1: start talking. That's how podcasts work. Yeah, I'll send you
51:39
Speaker 1: a book. See what I did there. I was just
51:42
Speaker 1: a smart ass. Now I've got to go and repent.
51:46
Speaker 1: Seek the Lord.
51:48
Speaker 2: If it's been greatly, been really good.
51:54
Speaker 1: Anyway. If that was horrible everyone, but I'm sorry, but
51:57
Speaker 1: I'm sure you stop it. Well for some it might
52:02
Speaker 1: have been.
52:02
Speaker 2: If they're listening right now, chances are they're not the
52:05
Speaker 2: ones that thought it was horrible.
52:06
Speaker 1: Maybe they just hang around for you.
52:08
Speaker 2: Bro, Thanks for hanging around.
52:10
Speaker 1: Guys. Yeah, Craig's a dick, but fuck if you've.
52:14
Speaker 2: Endured a lot.
52:16
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, I'm here to say fair well, great traps
52:21
Speaker 1: and Deltoid's she's also a cac Ah. It's been great.
52:27
Speaker 1: I'm going to eat a chiok and some chicken and
52:32
Speaker 1: some brockery.
52:33
Speaker 2: I did write down one other note that I had
52:35
Speaker 2: to remember to say to you before we got off
52:38
Speaker 2: the call, and that was that I've I've got another
52:41
Speaker 2: Scott prepared meal for you in my fridge. It's just
52:45
Speaker 2: a constant stream of home deliveries for you.
52:48
Speaker 1: Now, we both Yeah, I was about to say something
52:52
Speaker 1: so inappropriate, but you would laugh your ass off, and
52:55
Speaker 1: so would I. So you can say it, you know,
53:00
Speaker 1: when you go, ah fuck, that is just the funniest.
53:03
Speaker 1: But I also know, I know my my audience. I
53:06
Speaker 1: don't mean my t whitep audience, but I could say
53:09
Speaker 1: that to you, you'll laugh your ass off. Anyway, it's
53:14
Speaker 1: been great, thanks to great Thanks everyone,