Latest / The Difficult Boss Podcast with Fexingo: Managing Up, Toxic Managers, and Workplace Survival / How to Manage a Boss Who Gives Vague Feedback
Transcript
- Lucas: You walk out of a one-on-one, and you have no idea what your boss actually wants you to do differently. That's today's episode — managing a boss who gives vague feedback. Luna: Oh, 'step it up' is the classic. Or 'be more strategic.' You nod, you take notes, and then you're left wondering — step what up? By how much? Lucas: Right. And the problem isn't just that it's frustrating — it's that vague feedback can actually hurt your career. If you can't translate it into action, you can't improve, and when performance review time comes, that same boss might say you didn't meet expectations. Luna: So what's behind it? Why do managers do this? Lucas: I think there are three main reasons. First, some managers genuinely don't know what they want. They sense something's off but haven't done the work to articulate it. Second, some are conflict-averse — they use vagueness as a shield so they don't have to deliver hard news directly. And third, and this is the trickiest one, some use ambiguity intentionally to keep you off-balance, to maintain power. Luna: That third one is brutal. You're basically being managed by psychological fog. Lucas: Exactly. But regardless of the motive, your move is the same: you need to turn fog into concrete. And there's a technique for that. I call it the 'feedback drill-down' — three specific questions you ask in sequence. Luna: Okay, let's hear them. Lucas: Question one: 'Can you give me a specific example of when I fell short?' You're asking for evidence. Most vague feedback crumbles when pressed for an example. If they can't produce one, it's often not about you — it's about them. Luna: But what if they do give an example? Then what? Lucas: Then question two: 'What would success have looked like in that situation?' You're asking them to paint the target. Now you're moving from a criticism to a standard. And question three: 'How would you like me to handle it next time?' That gives you a repeatable action. Luna: I love that. It flips the dynamic — you're not just absorbing feedback, you're co-creating a playbook. Lucas: Exactly. And here's a real example. A product manager I know — let's call her Sarah — was told by her VP to 'be more visible in the organization.' She had no clue what that meant. So she asked the three questions. The VP's example was that Sarah hadn't spoken up in a cross-functional meeting two weeks ago. Success would have been sharing her roadmap and asking for input. Next time, she should prepare a five-minute update for that meeting. Luna: See, that's actionable. 'Be more visible' becomes 'Prepare a five-minute update for the weekly cross-functional.' That's a concrete task. Lucas: Right. And now Sarah has a measurable expectation. She can do that, and the VP can't later claim she wasn't visible enough. She's documented it. Luna: Documentation — that's key. You want to send a follow-up email after the conversation. 'Just to confirm, moving forward I'll prepare a five-minute roadmap update for the weekly cross-functional. Let me know if that captures it.' Lucas: That's exactly the next step. You're creating a paper trail. If the boss later says 'that's not what I meant,' you have a record. And if they keep being vague, you've shown good faith effort. The problem is now theirs. Luna: What about the psychological toll? I've had listeners tell me that vague feedback makes them feel like they're failing but they don't know how to fix it. That's corrosive. Lucas: It is. It erodes confidence over time. One thing I recommend is to separate the feedback from your self-worth. If the feedback is vague, it's not really feedback — it's noise. You can treat it as data about the manager, not about you. Luna: That's a healthy reframe. But what if the manager is the intentional type — using vagueness to keep you uncertain? Lucas: That's harder. In that case, you need to be even more systematic. Set up a recurring one-on-one where you ask for feedback on specific deliverables. 'Last week's report — on a scale of one to ten, how useful was it? What would make it a ten?' Force them into specifics. Luna: And if they still dodge? Then you might be dealing with a manager who doesn't want you to succeed. That's a different conversation. Lucas: Absolutely. At that point, you're looking at a systemic problem, and your options include finding a mentor elsewhere, transferring teams, or ultimately leaving. But for most cases, the drill-down works. Luna: Let's talk about the 'be more strategic' feedback. That's probably the most common vague one I hear. Lucas: It's the king of vague. 'Strategic' means different things to different people. So again, drill down. Ask: 'What's an example of a strategic decision I made that you disagreed with?' Or 'Can you point to a recent project where you felt my approach was too tactical?' Luna: You might also ask: 'What would you like me to stop doing to free up time for more strategic work?' That forces them to prioritize. Lucas: That's smart. Because if they say 'stop spending so much time on slides,' then you know 'be more strategic' means 'spend less time on formatting and more on analysis.' Luna: Exactly. And once you get that, you can show progress. 'I've reduced slide prep by 30 percent and used that time to run the competitive analysis.' Lucas: That's the loop: vague feedback → concrete action → visible result → documented alignment. It's a skill, and like any skill, it gets easier with practice. Luna: You know, this topic reminds me of something. If we've helped you think through a career move or a difficult conversation, listener support is what keeps this show ad-free and independent. If you find value in these episodes, you can support us at buy me a coffee dot com slash fexingo. It's a simple way to help us keep doing this. Lucas: Yeah, and we genuinely appreciate it. It allows us to focus on the content without worrying about sponsors. So thank you to anyone who's already done that. Luna: Back to the feedback drill-down — one last tip. When you get concrete feedback, also ask about frequency. 'How often would you like that five-minute update?' That sets a cadence. Lucas: Great point. And you can even propose a cadence: 'Would it be helpful if I send a brief update every Monday morning?' That shows initiative and gives them an easy yes. Luna: So the takeaway: vague feedback is a solvable problem, not a dead end. You have tools to clarify it. Lucas: Exactly. And the next time your boss says 'step it up,' you'll know exactly what to ask. I'll see you next time. Luna: See you.