Latest / Remember Why You Are Here / Your Questions About Sensitivity, Answered

Transcript

Your Questions About Sensitivity, Answered · Remember Why You Are Here

0:00
You came here with a profound spiritual gift.
0:04
Your sensitivity is a gift that was handed to you from the moment you
0:09
were born, and it's a gift that is meant to be cherished.
0:23
Hello and welcome back to Remember Why You Are Here,
0:26
a podcast for seekers and sensitives where you can relax, receive,
0:31
reconnect yourself, and remember the most important thing of all:
0:35
why you're here. I'm Asia Suler, author,
0:39
Earth intuitive, teacher,
0:42
and today I'm going to be answering your questions about sensitivity.
0:47
I released a podcast called "What it actually means to be sensitive," and we
0:51
talked about the deeper layers of sensitivity,
0:53
what this actually means on a soul level, on a level of spirit,
0:57
on a much deeper, even nervous-system level,
1:00
than what you've probably been handed.
1:03
And I put out this call for your questions about sensitivity,
1:06
and I got some really amazing ones-both over on my voicemail
1:10
and via email. And so I'm really excited to dive into these questions today.
1:15
If you identify as a sensitive an empath or an HSP,
1:19
then this episode is absolutely for you.
1:22
And it was so nourishing to dive into this material as I get ready to teach
1:27
Earth Angel School in just a couple weeks.
1:30
I'm so excited about this 11-week program.
1:34
This program was specifically designed for sensitive people.
1:36
It is a spiritual school that is here to help you understand yourself
1:41
as a sensitive person, somatically, spiritually, intuitively.
1:46
The school was designed to help you redefine the way in which you
1:51
see yourself: to not just see yourself as a sensitive or even an empath,
1:56
but to understand that you are an Earth Angel,
1:58
that you came here with a really profound and big
2:03
mission.
2:03
And this school is arising out of my entire lifetime of learning what it
2:08
means to be sensitive,
2:09
how to work with the superpowers of sensitivity to really step into my gifts in
2:14
this lifetime.
2:15
And so this school is this combination of somatic healing,
2:19
spiritual fluency, earth magic,
2:22
and I just couldn't be more excited to get started.
2:26
The early bird pricing ends on Monday, April 14th.
2:30
So if you're listening to this before then and you're interested,
2:33
definitely go check that out at
2:35
AsiaSuler.com/EarthAngelSchool.
2:40
So this topic of sensitivity is as deep as sensitives themselves, which is very,
2:45
very deep. So let's go ahead and get into it.
2:50
This first question was submitted by several different people,
2:54
and it's one that I think is just so important to talk about
2:58
because just by talking about it,
3:01
we can actually undo or start to unravel one of the
3:06
things that is most challenging or most harmful for sensitive
3:10
people. Okay, so here's the question:
3:13
What is sensitivity versus what is trauma?
3:19
So this question was submitted by a handful of folks who really had this query
3:23
for themselves, like, Am I sensitive,
3:26
or have I experienced trauma?
3:29
Is high sensitivity a thing,
3:32
or is it really just the byproduct of living in a time
3:37
in which trauma is very prevalent in our experience?
3:41
So I just want to take a moment and, with my heart,
3:44
reach out to everyone who submitted this question or is just wondering about
3:48
this question inside of themselves.
3:50
And I want to say I feel very passionate about answering this question because
3:55
it really hits sensitives in such a tender spot.
4:01
We're always, as sensitives, we're always wondering,
4:04
is there something wrong with me?
4:09
Is this normal or is there something just wrong with me?
4:12
Why can't I function the way other people function?
4:14
Why is this so much harder for me? So when this question comes up,
4:18
that is the first thing that I'm feeling and wanting to respond to,
4:22
is that it's pointing right back towards one of
4:27
these cycles, these loops that we get in as sensitive people.
4:31
And it's important that we look at it and we start to unravel it.
4:34
Because within this is really the understanding of who we are and the
4:39
utter naturalness of who we are.
4:42
So I just wanted to start out by saying in no uncertain terms that trauma
4:47
and high sensitivity are two different things.
4:51
So there's over 20 years of research to show that sensitivity or high
4:56
sensitivity is a biological trait that you were born
5:00
this way, with a nervous system that is simply more sensitive,
5:05
more attuned to subtleties, more open to sensory input. Your nervous system,
5:09
your brain. You were born this way and in fact,
5:13
not only were you born this way, but about 20% of the population was too.
5:18
And that percentage remains consistent over 100 different species.
5:22
So we know that this is not just trauma,
5:26
that people are born
5:30
with this kind of neurodivergence.
5:32
So this feels really important to me to clarify.
5:37
It's like a clarion call of really reclaiming
5:42
your naturalness,
5:43
of reclaiming the inherent goodness of this specific variety of neurodiversity.
5:48
This is not the result of something that is wrong with you;
5:52
it is something that is inherently right about you.
5:54
It's a gift that you were born with.
5:58
Now I understand though why people ask this question,
6:01
and there are some complexities to it that I want to get into that will
6:06
hopefully help you understand why we even asked this question to begin with.
6:11
So let's talk a little bit about why this might be confusing,
6:14
why this might be coming up. Well,
6:16
one of the byproducts of trauma is what's called hypervigilance,
6:20
this sort of hyper attuned focus on your environment,
6:24
the sort of intense focus on an orientation towards
6:29
perceiving threat or danger. Now, in contrast to this,
6:34
or you could say in some similar tones,
6:37
sensitive people are also more aware of their
6:42
environments, more sensitive to their environments.
6:45
Sensitive people track and take in more detail.
6:49
We know this to be a fact.
6:51
And so while hypervigilance is one thing,
6:55
the kind of attunement that sensitive people can have for their environment-and
7:00
were biologically designed to have for their environment-are two different
7:03
things. Within evolution,
7:07
sensitive people would have been designed to be taking in a plethora
7:12
of sensory information because they have the ability to process it deeply
7:17
and notice and respond to and help other people orient to
7:22
more subtle patterns.
7:24
So this doesn't just mean orienting towards potential threats;
7:27
this also means orienting towards potential boons,
7:31
potential blessings-just potential in general.
7:36
So let's use cats as an example here. When a cat has been traumatized,
7:41
which you've probably seen at some point in your life,
7:43
or maybe you've seen videos of this, there's a jumpiness,
7:47
there's this wide dilated eyes,
7:49
there's hyperfocus looking at one thing in the environment,
7:54
but then being almost scared to turn their head to look at something else.
7:59
That's an example of hypervigilance. That's a trauma response. Now by contrast,
8:04
think about a cat, maybe even a big cat...
8:07
Cats are so beautifully sensitive, right?
8:10
Think about a cat tracking in their environment.
8:14
They're moving their head back and forth. They're able to hone in on details,
8:19
they're taking it all in. And yes, they're still very,
8:22
very sensitive and they're probably noticing a lot more than a being that wasn't
8:26
designed to track their environment with that much subtlety.
8:29
But there's a settledness to it. There's a empowerment to it.
8:33
There's a peace to it. And as sensitive people,
8:35
that's how we are meant to function in our environments. Now of course,
8:39
many of us are coming in with challenge or trauma.
8:43
Many of us are maybe going in and out of states of hypervigilance, at times,
8:48
if we have experienced trauma.
8:50
But I want you to just feel somatically in your body,
8:53
that sense of being like a big cat that can look around,
8:58
free to move their head,
8:59
free to hone in on all these subtle details as they expertly track their
9:04
environment,
9:05
and they fluidly and gracefully process everything that
9:10
they're seeing and respond.
9:12
That is the gift of a highly sensitive nervous system.
9:18
Now, sensitives do have a very active amygdala.
9:22
The amygdala is a very ancient part of our brain that is intimately involved
9:26
with our emotions and is really tied into what we think of our survival
9:30
responses. Fight, flight, freeze, fawn.
9:34
And so one of the things that we see with trauma is that there can be
9:39
a overactive amygdala in the aftermath and the experience of
9:44
having trauma. And so yes, sensitive people,
9:46
we do have a more active amygdala,
9:50
and this is seen in the depth of our emotion-that we tend to be
9:55
highly emotional beings, that we feel things really deeply.
9:58
But just because we have more sensitivity in one part of our brain doesn't mean
10:03
that that's there because we've been traumatized.
10:05
That sensitivity is part of the attunement that we're born with.
10:10
It's part of the specialized gifts,
10:12
the literal frequency that we are tuned into,
10:16
and it can be a really big blessing.
10:19
This is part of what makes it possible for us to feel things deeply,
10:22
to be so attuned in an almost primal way to our
10:26
environment. With this being the case and with the specific setup that we as
10:31
sensitives come into this lifetime with,
10:34
there is some evidence that sensitive people
10:38
might be more sensitive or susceptible to trauma.
10:42
And this is pretty simple or easy to understand if you just break it down:
10:46
if you are processing more details,
10:49
if you take in more sensory information, if you are more open to the world,
10:55
then it's likely right that certain charges that people will feel,
11:00
that might just sort of flow on through them,
11:02
might be more deeply felt by you-that you are impacted more
11:07
deeply by things than other people are.
11:10
Doesn't mean that there's anything wrong with you.
11:12
But let's go back to thinking about the definition of what trauma is.
11:17
Trauma if you just sort of strip away all the layers,
11:21
is just a charge that's too big to be fully felt in the
11:25
momen. Something happens,
11:27
and the charge of that moment is just too big for you to process in that moment.
11:30
And so stored in the body and that process of storing it and it living in your
11:34
body is called trauma. So if, as sensitive people,
11:38
we feel more, we experience more,
11:42
we take in more,
11:43
then it makes sense that if we have a big impact in our life,
11:47
that charge is going to feel louder, bigger, deeper, wider.
11:53
So yes, we can be more negatively impacted by negative stimuli.
11:58
And yet what I've seen with sensitive people is that we have the
12:03
ability to do some incredible metabolic work not
12:08
only within ourselves, but within the collective,
12:11
specifically because we have such a capacity to
12:15
process things deeply.
12:18
And so we have the ability to have a big charge come our way,
12:23
have to process the extra amplitude of bigness that it might be,
12:27
because of the way in which our nervous system receives things.
12:31
But we go so deep in the processing of that that we can come out the other side
12:36
with an even deeper understanding of what it means to be human,
12:39
of what it means to be alive,
12:40
and the ability to help people in really profound ways move through what they
12:45
have experienced. Ultimately,
12:48
why I was most passionate about speaking to this question is that it really
12:53
circles back around to this achilles heel that we sensitives have,
12:57
which is this looping thought: There's something wrong with me.
13:02
And what I'm seeing more of the time is that that
13:07
thought is actually more impactful in the life of a
13:11
sensitive and more challenging than the trauma that they are healing from.
13:17
So this thought, this one that's on loop,
13:20
this does often come from chronic misattunement.
13:24
So a lot of us sensitives did not get the kind of attunement that we
13:29
needed from our caregivers when we were young.
13:32
And you could have had amazing parents, amazing caregivers,
13:37
but if they aren't sensitive themselves,
13:40
then it was probably really hard for them to attune to the complexities of what
13:45
you needed, your depths,
13:48
the specificity of being a sensitive person.
13:50
So many sensitive people do have this
13:55
history of misattunement. And so from a really young age,
14:00
part of you probably wondered, Is there something wrong with me?
14:05
I didn't react to that like my sister did. Is there something wrong with me?
14:09
The way that I asked my parent for that did not go over well.
14:13
Is there something wrong with me? All my friends could watch that movie,
14:17
but for me, this gave me nightmares for a month.
14:19
Is there something wrong with me? And there's this loop of,
14:23
Is there something wrong with me,
14:24
creates this constant loop of stress in our body,
14:29
this loop of chronic stress, anxiety, depression,
14:34
chronic pain. And so this question,
14:37
or this sort of thorn that we're looping around all the
14:42
time, is the thing that I just want to direct our hearts to right now,
14:47
and say, in an unequivocal manner,
14:51
that there is nothing wrong with you,
14:54
that you carry a gift,
14:56
a very profound gift for this collective.
15:00
And in many ways,
15:02
one of the biggest thing that is standing in your way is just this thought
15:07
that there is something wrong with you,
15:09
when in reality there is nothing wrong with you whatsoever.
15:14
And this is a big part of the reason why I'm so passionate about rebranding
15:19
sensitives as Earth Angels,
15:22
because you didn't just come here to be a shrinking violet,
15:25
to feel like you're fragile or defective.
15:30
You came here with a profound spiritual gift.
15:34
And this gift is one that's been downloaded into your body,
15:38
into your nervous system, into your psyche,
15:40
and that is here to help you expand and open into windows of
15:44
possibility that maybe other people can't even perceive.
15:50
And I really believe that sensitive people come in equipped
15:54
for their mission in this world.
15:57
There's nothing about you that was created in any kind of
16:00
misalignment. You came in with your specific mission,
16:03
and your specific nervous system, psyche,
16:06
and setup in order to accomplish that mission. And let's be real, right?
16:11
This world is intense. And if we're talking about charges,
16:14
just the charge of arriving here on this planet is a lot.
16:18
And so however you wrap your head around this,
16:21
what I want you to know and what I want you to come back to,
16:24
is that your sensitivity is not a result of your
16:28
defectiveness. It's not something that happened to you.
16:33
It's not something that you can change.
16:35
It's not something that is a sign of maladaptation.
16:40
Your sensitivity is a gift. And in many ways,
16:44
when sensitives experience and heal from trauma,
16:47
we're brought even deeper into that gift.
16:49
Caroline Casey calls trauma our beautiful,
16:54
dangerous assignment.
16:56
And so there's also this layer in which it actually doesn't matter.
17:00
It doesn't matter for anyone really to ask the question like,
17:04
Is this innately me or is this my
17:08
trauma? And this can be helpful when we're starting to differentiate,
17:12
and we're starting to reclaim ourselves again.
17:14
But at the end of the day when we loop on this concept or idea that
17:19
somehow if things would just be different, I would be different,
17:22
it takes us away from who we really are and the fact that all these
17:26
layers in our life make up the tapestry of who we are.
17:30
It's almost like asking yourself, Well,
17:33
who would I be if I didn't have age spots or wrinkles?
17:37
It's erasing part of your identity,
17:41
part of your selfhood,
17:42
this incredible tapestry that you've built in this lifetime of you.
17:48
And so what love to direct your attention towards instead is the incredible
17:52
power of your resiliency,
17:54
of the profound specialness of the gifts that you carry,
17:57
and this really acute awareness and knowledge of the
18:02
fact that your sensitivity is a gift that was handed to
18:06
you from the moment you were born.
18:09
And it's a gift that is meant to be cherished.
18:13
So this next question comes from one of our amazing listeners, Stephanie,
18:16
who left me such an incredible voice message.
18:20
The message was so moving and the way Stephanie phrased this question
18:25
was so profound that I thought I would just play the clip here.
18:29
Hi Asia, my name is Stephanie.
18:32
I just listened to your latest episode,
18:34
your podcast on sensitive people today. And oh my gosh,
18:39
talk about being sensitive. I'm like in tears over here.
18:45
One of the things that I would love to hear you talk about
18:49
more is being in freeze mode and maybe if that's a
18:54
result of being a sensitive person or a result of trauma because it
18:59
is so overwhelming.
19:02
So this is such a big question.
19:05
How do we as sensitives get out of overwhelm or
19:09
freeze mode?
19:11
A mode that frankly we probably find ourselves in a lot because
19:15
this world is overwhelming. Well,
19:17
the first thing I want to say is just orient you to the reality of
19:22
freeze mode.
19:24
Freeze is one of the survival modes that we can go into.
19:28
So there's fight, there's flight, there's fawn,
19:32
and then there's freeze.
19:34
And I find fawn and freeze to be the two places that sensitives just
19:38
immediately go to.
19:40
It's like we almost bypass fight or flight and we go right to fawn or freeze.
19:44
Fawning is the impetus,
19:47
the trauma response of responding by trying to appease someone else or
19:52
look like you're appeasing someone else in order to keep yourself safe,
19:55
in order to reduce threat. So this could show up like people pleasing-very,
20:00
very common. Freeze is the other most common response.
20:06
And why I want to orient you to this and just the profundity of the freeze
20:10
response is this: when we look at animals in nature...
20:14
Look at an antelope being chased by a lion.
20:17
That antelope will first run, and then if running doesn't work,
20:22
maybe the antelope will try to stand their ground.
20:25
One of the last ditch efforts for that antelope is going to be freeze mode.
20:30
Freeze mode is when our bodies and our nervous system thinks there is
20:35
nothing else I can do to escape death in this moment,
20:39
except freeze and dissociate from my body.
20:42
So this is how deep the freeze response is.
20:46
It is the last response that we have to protect
20:51
ourselves.
20:53
And so having some compassion for yourself around freeze response
20:57
is really important.
21:00
Your nervous system is responding to this perceived threat or this
21:05
overwhelm by going to the last possible place.
21:09
That's how big it feels to your body right now.
21:13
And it's hard when you're in freeze state.
21:15
If part of your psyche is thinking this is akin to death,
21:19
it's a pretty big deal to bridge out of that, right,
21:22
to be present again when part of your body thinks I might be dying.
21:28
And I just want to say too that this is a testament to the depth of sensitives,
21:32
that we feel things so deeply that that is the place that we
21:37
go.
21:38
And so don't let this be a place of shame for yourself in any way,
21:42
shape or form. If you are going into freezer overwhelm mode,
21:46
this is just a sign that your nervous system needs support and needs
21:51
even more gentle support in order to feel safe enough to come back out.
21:56
So here's the great thing:
21:58
there is a ton of things you can do at home before you even step
22:02
foot out of the door to help yourself move out of overwhelm or freeE
22:07
state. So the first question I would ask you if you're someone who experiences
22:11
overwhelm or freeze states,
22:13
is are you making your sanctuary spaces like your home,
22:17
true places of rest and energy conservation?
22:23
So when you're home, are you doing what you need to do to block out the world,
22:28
or are you home or in whatever your safe space is,
22:31
and you're still scrolling on social media, you're still watching the news?
22:36
This is really important because a lot of times we think that we are
22:41
engaging in shielding,
22:44
in energy conservation practices,
22:46
just by being home or being in our rooms or being in our safe space.
22:49
And yet there's still this onslaught of
22:54
information that we're having to process.
22:57
Are you having conversations with friends on the phone late at night or in the
23:02
middle of your sacred time, or simply on a day where you're just not ready,
23:06
willing, able, or resourced to talk to somebody?
23:09
These are all questions to ask yourself.
23:11
In what ways can you make your havens, like your home,
23:15
true safe havens? And the most important thing for sensitive people,
23:20
especially those of us who are in states of overwhelm,
23:23
is reducing sensory input.
23:26
So of course this is going to really look like reducing any kind of outside
23:31
information like the news, like social media, like emails,
23:35
like phone conversations or texts-all the things that require our
23:40
attention and require our processing skills.
23:43
And it can feel really hard to set up boundaries in that way,
23:47
but I encourage you to at least look at it with curiosity and ask yourself,
23:50
Am I really creating enough of a safe haven in my space
23:55
that I then have the even chance to resource enough to go back out
24:00
into the world?
24:02
You might also want to think about your literal sensory environment.
24:06
Do you have soft enough sheets to lay on?
24:10
Are you closing down bright lights at night?
24:13
Maybe you even need to close the blinds during the day to have a little bit more
24:17
of darkness and less visual input during the day.
24:22
These are all just things to ask yourself.
24:24
And of course there's things that are out of your control.
24:26
If you're a parent like me,
24:28
then there's going to be times where your house is just loud.
24:31
You can't control that.
24:32
But what you could control is the ability to put earplugs in or maybe even
24:36
having-if your kid is old enough-designated quiet times where you are
24:41
not trying to get stuff done during that quiet time,
24:44
but you're actually giving yourself time to refill.
24:46
So this is the first thing I would mention is take an inventory of your safe
24:51
haven time and space and ask yourself,
24:53
are there other layers that I could be putting in place where I really am more
24:57
buffeted, protected,
24:58
and held so that I can truly decompress when I'm in those spaces?
25:04
The next tactic is to think about this idea of titration.
25:08
So taking things in small little doses,
25:11
small little steps. If something is overwhelming you,
25:15
like the idea of stepping out into the world.
25:18
In what way can you take an even smaller step?
25:22
So maybe it feels really overwhelming to get in your car and drive
25:27
to go meet a friend at the movies,
25:28
but does it feel overwhelming to step onto your porch?
25:31
How about we start there-just step onto the porch and see how that feels.
25:34
Have that be your goal for maybe 15 minutes this morning.
25:38
Titration is a way in which we get our nervous system feeling
25:43
on board, feeling safe, feeling ready for more energy and more bigness.
25:48
And when you are a sensitive person,
25:51
titration is the thing that is going to open you back up to the depths
25:56
that you're capable of. So you're capable of so much as a sensitive person,
26:01
and yet when we're in overwhelm,
26:02
that's a sign that there's just too much actually coming at us.
26:06
There's too much we've been trying to process.
26:08
And so lessening the amount of too much by titrating whatever it is
26:13
that we're going to do.
26:14
Like what's the smallest possible step you could make towards this thing that
26:18
you want to do that feels overwhelming? Try to make it as small as possible,
26:22
and don't do anything else. Then that tiny little small step.
26:26
And this will give your nervous system, like working out,
26:29
the capacity to get stronger and have more capacity for what it is you want to
26:34
do. Now,
26:36
if even the tiniest teeniest little step to you sounds scary,
26:40
then here's a really amazing thing you can do,
26:42
from the comfort of your own home, is imagine it.
26:46
So our brains don't really know the difference between what we're imagining and
26:51
what is actually happening.
26:52
So if you are having feelings of stress or overwhelm come up
26:57
around something that you really want to do in your life,
26:59
that something that feels too big, too overwhelming,
27:02
or the moment you step out into it, you start freezing.
27:06
Use your imagination. You have a very vivid imagination as a sensitive person.
27:11
Use your imagination to imagine yourself doing that thing.
27:15
Maybe even imagine yourself taking the tiniest teeniest little step,
27:19
and imagine it going really well.
27:23
Imagine you feeling really open and expanded and peaceful in your
27:28
system,
27:29
maybe having something happen that is just like serendipitous and
27:33
magical the moment that you do it. So the more you imagine that,
27:38
the more you're preparing your brain and your nervous system to actually feel
27:42
okay when you do that thing.
27:45
And if you want to go even deeper with this, you can add in somatic tracking.
27:50
So somatic tracking is a practice, it's a technique,
27:53
where you are turning your awareness into your body and
27:58
you are just becoming aware of whatever it is that you're feeling with a lack
28:03
of judgment. So in somatic tracking,
28:06
you're often asked to gaze inwards.
28:09
Notice what you're feeling, where you're feeling it,
28:12
and to use descriptive words that describe its
28:16
texture, its temperature, its location.
28:20
So we're not looking for, in somatic tracking,
28:23
words like happy or sad,
28:25
we're looking for furry or smooth, big, small,
28:30
circling, stagnant... really descriptive,
28:35
tactile kind of words.
28:37
So you can do somatic tracking when you're visualizing something-especially if
28:42
you visualize something and you do have those feelings of anxiety come up-turn
28:46
your awareness in. Where do you feel this anxiety or stress?
28:51
What's its temperature? What's its texture?
28:54
What's its girth or width? Is it small? Is it big?
28:59
You can use this when you're visualizing something,
29:01
or you can use it when you actually take that step and you go into the world or
29:05
you take that first little step towards the thing that overwhelms you.
29:09
And what's really cool about somatic tracking is you're actually not trying to
29:13
accomplish anything with it. There's not an end goal.
29:16
There's not something you're striding towards.
29:18
You're not even trying to change the feeling,
29:21
you're just tuning in and noticing.
29:24
And what's really cool and witchy about somatic tracking is that what it's doing
29:29
is it's helping to retrain your brain to see
29:35
that what you're experiencing isn't dangerous.
29:38
So that even if you do have anxiety or overwhelm come up,
29:43
you start to notice it in your body, you locate it, you describe it,
29:47
and it's this really amazing thing where when we stop having anxiety or
29:52
stress around what we are experiencing,
29:55
the experience itself starts to shift.
29:58
So your only goal here with somatic tracking is to turn your awareness
30:03
inward without judgment and without story and notice.
30:08
And it's very cool how the more you notice,
30:12
the more it will shift.
30:14
And here's the thing about sensitive people is we tend to be pretty darn smart.
30:18
And so we think we can just rationalize our way out of this situation.
30:22
If we just think about it long enough, deep enough, hard enough,
30:25
we'll figure it out.
30:26
The problem is that the issue isn't with our ability to
30:31
perceive or think,
30:33
the issues in our bodies and our nervous systems and the way in which we don't
30:36
feel safe.
30:38
And so the more we just turn that same brilliance to
30:43
our own body, tracking our body, tracking our sensations,
30:47
just becoming aware of them, the more those sensations will just start to shift.
30:52
And your whole feeling around taking that next step, will start to shift too.
30:57
And the very last tool I want to mention as you are moving out of freeze state
31:02
or moving out of overwhelm is something that might feel a little funny to you
31:05
but actually really works incredibly well,
31:08
and that is to mobilize in a safe place.
31:12
So freeze comes up in our nervous system when we think there's no possible way
31:17
I can fight or flight my way out of this anymore.
31:21
And so how do we come out of a freeze? Well,
31:24
one of those ways is to mobilize, is literally to move our bodies.
31:29
So this could look like putting on a song and dancing in the comfort of
31:34
your own home. Maybe you like full body shaking,
31:37
so really shaking out your arms, your hands, your legs, your hips.
31:43
Another thing you could do is literally imagine how you would want to move in
31:47
that scenario. So in this case,
31:49
how you might want to move when you leave your house and walk out of the door,
31:53
and imagine this in your mind.
31:56
And then literally walk like you would want to walk in your house in a place
32:01
where you feel completely safe. I have used this a lot,
32:04
especially when I felt like in an interaction with someone I went into a freeze
32:08
response, and that was really hard for me to process later,
32:11
or I had shame around it.
32:13
There was a million things I wish I had done or wish I had said.
32:16
I will literally reenact it-normally in a safe space,
32:20
either in my home or when I'm in a safe place in nature.
32:23
And I'll move my body the way I wanted to move,
32:25
or maybe in a way that I never could conceive of myself moving or don't think I
32:29
would ever do, but would have wanted to.
32:31
Like to punch someone or to push someone.
32:34
And so this can be really cathartic and it can be really helpful to move your
32:39
body out of the free state in a place where you feel really safe and really
32:43
held. And with this,
32:45
I want to give a really hardcore shout out in this moment to all of the
32:48
therapists out there, especially the somatic therapists,
32:51
who are doing this work with their clients.
32:53
And if this is something that you want to explore more,
32:58
if you're like, okay, I...
33:01
this is all really resonating and I want to be really held while I do it,
33:05
definitely go find yourself a therapist who practices somatic experiencing or
33:08
some sort of somatic way of relating or being in therapeutics.
33:13
I have found through the many years that I've been in therapy and have worked in
33:18
therapeutic settings,
33:19
that this somatic layer is so important for sensitive people.
33:24
And it can take some time to actually get in touch with,
33:26
to get to the bottom of, to feel safe enough to connect with.
33:29
But having someone there who's specialized in this can really,
33:32
really help you to drop in, feel safe, start mobilizing,
33:35
and get yourself out of freeze and overwhelm.
33:38
The third question that came in is one that I think a lot of sensitives ask
33:43
themselves out there-I know it's something I think about a lot-and so I think
33:47
this might resonate with a lot of you. And this is the question:
33:49
How do I discern between my feelings and somebody else's feelings?
33:55
As sensitives,
33:57
we will feel other people's feelings.
34:00
We literally have more mirror neurons in our brain,
34:04
neurons that are responsible for our ability to understand and empathize with
34:08
other people.
34:09
We have more of these mirror neurons in our brain than somebody who isn't
34:13
sensitive has.
34:15
And so you are more susceptible to,
34:20
sensitive to, other people's feelings. This is just a fact of life.
34:24
You are going to notice that you're going to feel that more than other people.
34:29
When this question comes up for me, however,
34:31
I often notice that it's because I'm in an under-resourced place to begin with.
34:36
So if I am going down that path of asking, Is this mine, is it not?
34:40
It's probably because I'm not already full of my own resources and
34:45
being, in that moment. And so if that's the case,
34:48
if you're having this question come up for you hardcore,
34:50
I want you to ask yourself, How could I resource myself more?
34:53
What do I need in order to feel centered in myself, to feel resourced,
34:57
to feel held?
34:59
So let's take that awareness in as we examine some deeper
35:03
levels in this question. Now,
35:05
I do think there's ways to recognize on a somatic level if
35:10
something is not "yours." And I think some of this
35:15
comes with time and time spent tracking yourself and understanding your own
35:20
body. So I have certain signals in my own body that to me signal like,
35:25
"something invasive," "something coming from the outside." So these signals will
35:28
come in when I get sick with something.
35:31
I first started noticing these specific signals when I contracted Lyme disease,
35:35
but I'll also notice it come up now if I'm picking up energies that are not
35:39
necessarily mine and that don't really have any business being inside my body.
35:43
So some of those signals for me will be that my heart often feels like it's
35:47
racing. I'll feel like the tightness of my pericardium around my heart.
35:53
I often will get sort of sweaty hands and feet and they'll get a little bit
35:58
cold; like my temperature will drop.
36:00
Another sign of invasion for me is often that I have a lot of meta feelings.
36:04
Meta feelings are feelings about my feelings.
36:06
So if I'm feeling really stressed and then I have a lot of stress about that
36:11
stress,
36:13
I might want to examine is this mine or am I picking up someone else's stress?
36:17
Or if I'm feeling anger and I'm feeling a lot of
36:21
overwhelm about that anger or a lot of sadness about that anger,
36:24
this is another thing to examine. So this is just one little example.
36:29
You can definitely have meta feelings about your feelings and have them be your
36:32
feelings. But this could also be something that could orient you to,
36:36
Do I need to unpack this in a huge way or is this somebody else's?
36:40
So these are some things that I noticed for myself,
36:43
but everybody's going to be really different with their own
36:48
signs of otherness, like tracking otherness.
36:52
And I mention this at the same time that I really want to say
36:57
that your ability to recognize what is you and what is not you
37:02
is important, but at the end of the day,
37:05
we live in a world in which everything is in relationship all the
37:10
time. So we don't ask ourselves,
37:14
Where did this joy come from?
37:17
Say you're outside on a beautiful spring day on a hillside covered with cherry
37:21
blossoms. You're not asking yourself, Where did this joy come from?
37:24
We really only ask ourselves that question when it's hard feelings.
37:29
But we are beings in constant relationship with the world
37:32
around us. On the level of quantum physics,
37:35
we're constantly exchanging energy fields. This question of,
37:39
"What is mine and what is yours?" is actually really hard to answer.
37:43
The smaller and smaller you get, the more you...
37:45
the deeper you look into reality.
37:47
And so there's this level in which we will always be picking up
37:52
on other people's experiences, other people's feelings.
37:55
We're going to pick up on the feelings of a tree.
37:57
We're going to touch into the mood of a landscape.
38:01
What becomes more important here is what happens next. And yes,
38:06
it's true that as a sensitive person you will feel this more than perhaps other
38:09
people will,
38:10
that you will be more open to picking up on feelings and sensations in the
38:15
environment around you. But what happens then?
38:18
It's what we do with it actually that's much more important.
38:22
So what you're feeling might have been somebody else's,
38:25
but if you are feeling it now inside of yourself,
38:29
it's now your feeling.
38:31
And this doesn't mean that you need to go through huge process here of
38:37
reckoning or accountability;
38:39
it's just that now it's a feeling that exists inside your body,
38:41
and so you have the ability to process and release that feeling.
38:46
When we constantly ask ourselves, is this mine or someone else's?
38:50
What's often happening there is that we're resisting what we're feeling.
38:54
And it's not an invalid question to ask.
38:57
It's helpful sometimes to really be aware of, Wow,
39:00
actually I don't think that was mine. I do think that was someone else's.
39:03
But the fact remains that now that feeling is inside of you now,
39:06
that feeling does exist in your system. And what do you do about that?
39:10
So instead of continuing to ask, How do I get rid of this because it's not mine,
39:14
ask yourself, How can I feel it and transform it,
39:18
because I don't need to hold it? This is how you do this.
39:21
You just feel what you're feeling: identify it,
39:26
maybe find a word for it. Sometimes it can feel complex,
39:30
and that complexity itself can feel overwhelming, like we want to push it away.
39:34
So really take a deep belly breath and ask yourself,
39:37
What is this that I'm feeling drop into somatic tracking?
39:41
Where are you feeling it in your body? What does it look like?
39:44
What does it feel like? What does its temperature? How big or how small is it?
39:50
When we turn our attention then to what we are feeling,
39:53
because this feeling now exists inside of us, regardless of where it came from,
39:57
we then can watch it transform. And what I've found is that when it's not mine,
40:02
often it will transform much quicker. I will breathe into it,
40:06
I will feel into it. I'll track it.
40:09
I'll ask for a guide to come in and help me transform it.
40:14
I'll visualize it transforming inside of my body. And when I do that,
40:19
then it just dissolves. And this is the cool thing about this, right?
40:23
Not only are you then transforming the feeling that's inside of your
40:27
body,
40:28
but you're metabolizing a piece of pollen that came in on the wind.
40:32
And then just letting it go.
40:35
And so not only are you doing this work for yourself,
40:37
you're doing this work for the collective too. And it's pretty cool.
40:40
And I promise you that it will transform so much faster this
40:44
way, than if you keep resisting it by asking yourself,
40:48
Is this someone else's or is this mine?
40:51
Drop the question as much as you can, feel what you're feeling,
40:55
and watch it transform.
40:57
This fourth question is one that is so dear to my heart because it's such a real
41:01
part of the reality of being a sensitive person.
41:05
And so here is this question that a lot of different people asked in
41:08
different iterations, and it's this:
41:12
Why as a sensitive can relationships feel so
41:15
hard or draining? This is one of these paradoxes of being a sensitive person,
41:20
that we're both incredibly good at relationships,
41:24
and it's also like our Achilles heel.
41:26
The thing that feels the hardest are relationships,
41:29
and there's reasons for this.
41:31
So when I polled the sensitives my audience and asked them about a year ago,
41:35
what was one of the most challenging things about being a sensitive,
41:38
this relationship with the other was the number one most challenging thing that
41:43
came up for people. As sensitives, we are constantly tracking our environment,
41:48
which means we're constantly tracking the person that we're with, their energy,
41:53
their mood, their feelings, what they're going through. This is beautiful,
41:57
right? This means that we can be really attuned friends and partners and
42:02
lovers,
42:04
but it can also be really draining and exhausting.
42:08
Because of this: as sensitives,
42:11
we have the tendency to over-attune to others and
42:15
under attune to our own selves.
42:18
So we are constantly tracking and taking in all this sensory detail about the
42:23
person that we're with, the relationship that's unfolding here,
42:27
in a way where we come up and out of our own selves and we're not attuning to or
42:31
tracking our own selves anymore. This is tiring.
42:35
If we're not connected to or attuned to our own self,
42:38
we're not sitting at the seat of our power,
42:40
we're not sitting with and enjoying our own energy;
42:44
we're constantly turning the attention outwards.
42:47
And if you have the attention outwards for too long,
42:50
it can start to drain your batteries.
42:52
So even when you have a relationship with someone that you absolutely adore and
42:57
love, this can still come up,
42:58
that the relationship can feel draining or exhausting or it's taking a lot out
43:03
of you and you need time to retreat and take care of yourself.
43:07
I remember I used to think to myself that I was really good at relationships and
43:12
I realized that I thought I was good at relationships because
43:16
people in relationships with me tended to be happy about being in a relationship
43:20
with me, that I was a really good friend, I really showed up for people,
43:23
that I was a really good lover or a really good partner.
43:27
But at some point I realized that I actually wasn't good at relationships
43:31
because while I was really good at making that other person feel good,
43:36
I wasn't so good at taking care of myself and making sure that I felt good
43:41
inside of the relationship. And this was so common for sensitive people.
43:44
We become hyperfocused on making sure somebody else feels good that we don't
43:49
even pay attention to whether or not we feel good in this situation,
43:52
whether or not we feel good with that decision, or inside of this relationship.
43:57
And so one thing that can be really helpful to have relationships be less
44:01
draining is to learn how to turn your tracker,
44:05
so you're not just tracking that other person.
44:07
One of the things that I found to be really helpful for sensitive people is to
44:10
learn how to track, in the real world, in the living world,
44:14
in the natural world.
44:15
I think this is a big reason why sensitive people get really excited about
44:18
things like birding or plant identification or literal
44:23
tracking is because it uses our ability to be attuned to
44:27
subtlety and it focuses it outwards.
44:30
It focuses it on the environment around us on nature,
44:35
in this place where our nervous system is naturally regulated and
44:39
at ease. We have this ability as sensitive people,
44:42
so I encourage you to have other things that you're tracking
44:47
besides just the humans in your life-this will be really helpful for you,
44:51
really regulatory-and of course to learn how to track your own self.
44:56
The more you learn how to track yourself,
44:58
the more you can be responsive to when your body and when your system is saying,
45:02
This is too much for me, or I need a break.
45:05
And it might feel hard at first to express that.
45:08
The more you practice attuning to yourself and being able to
45:12
express your boundaries, wants, needs and desires from that place,
45:15
the easier it becomes, and the richer your relationships will become.
45:20
Of course, within the recognition of relationships being draining,
45:24
we do need to ask ourselves like, Is this the right relationship for me?
45:27
Is this configuration the right configuration? Is this person the right person?
45:31
All those questions are super valid,
45:33
and they're all things that are important for you to look at.
45:37
And the more you learn how to turn your tracker
45:42
inwards to really acknowledge your own energy system,
45:46
your own needs and desires,
45:48
the easier and easier it will be to answer those questions and to start really
45:52
cultivating relationships in your life that fulfill you.
45:57
And the last question, this question is so dear to my heart.
46:01
It's so important, it's so real. And this question goes like this:
46:06
I feel so amazing, so centered, everything's flowing really well,
46:12
and then it seems to shift. And then it's like,
46:16
I have this terrible day, I have this bad day, and it all goes to pot.
46:20
How do I stay centered and connected in a inherently
46:24
chaotic world? I feel this so strongly.
46:29
It's so real, right? You can have these amazing days where you're like, Oh,
46:33
I've really figured some stuff out now. This is where I'm going to stay.
46:37
I'm not going to leave this place. I know myself. I know what I need.
46:40
Here you go. And then,
46:42
you wake up one morning and it's like the storm clouds have rolled in and your
46:45
mind immediately goes to, What did I do wrong? Why is this happening again?
46:51
How do I get back to where I was?
46:53
The first thing I want to say here is just to let go of the
46:57
anxiety around this feeling of disconnection.
47:01
The feeling of disconnection, discombobulation, depression,
47:04
that's hard enough,
47:06
but at least let go of some of the stress and pressure you're holding for
47:09
yourself around, I need to get back to that centered place.
47:14
Here's the reality: Life has many textures.
47:18
Life is going to have hard days, days where you feel disconnected.
47:22
You didn't do anything wrong. You did nothing wrong.
47:27
In reality, in fact,
47:28
you're here living your life,
47:31
and this is part of the experience of being alive.
47:35
Every time we go through moments of being disconnected or feeling off center,
47:40
this is part of us gathering information:
47:44
about what we need, about how to release,
47:47
about how to be here and be human.
47:50
Circling back to this idea of meta feelings, as much as you can,
47:54
let go of the meta feelings about your feelings. If you're sad,
47:59
you don't have to feel sad about being sad; just feel sad. If you're worried,
48:04
don't feel worried about being worried; you're just worried.
48:08
Feel the feelings in their primary state. Let go, if you can in any way,
48:13
shape or form, the meta feelings about it,
48:14
these meta feelings that were sensitives so often lead us back to shame.
48:18
Shame of like, I thought I had it all figured out.
48:22
I gave so-and-so advice the other day, and now here I am. What?
48:25
I'm back in this place;
48:26
who am I to be going about this world thinking I have anything figured out?
48:30
I feel so bad about myself and the fact that I'm back here in this place.
48:35
Your whole goal during these moments of time when you do feel disconnected is to
48:40
let go of that shame,
48:42
to know that this is part of the human journey.
48:45
This is part of what you signed up for.
48:47
Absolutely nobody on this planet is going to feel connected every single day,
48:51
unless they're an ascended master. And those are very few and far between.
48:55
So when you have off days, just say yourself, This is part of the human journey.
49:00
This is part of the human experience.
49:03
I'm supposed to be experiencing this too. And in fact,
49:06
when I get through this, the other side will be that much richer.
49:10
My ability to connect to myself, to connect to my guides,
49:14
to connect to this wider wisdom will be even richer for having said Yes to just
49:18
being on the human journey. And while you're in the state to ask yourself,
49:22
what do you need in order to come home?
49:25
What are the things that help you feel cozy, held and resourced?
49:30
And we're not looking for these things to completely solve or take away the
49:34
pain;
49:35
we're just looking for them to give us a solid foundation so that we can get
49:39
through this time. So what are those things for you?
49:42
What are the things that help you feel really resourced in life?
49:45
And what are the ways in which you could work those into your day while you're
49:49
moving through this time? And yes,
49:53
there are ways to be more centered, more of the time. Absolutely.
49:58
This is what expanding our capacity is about.
50:01
This is exactly why I am teaching Earth Angel School,
50:04
so that your center of gravity expands that much
50:09
more. Because that's really what it is, right? When we come home to ourselves,
50:13
when we understand ourselves, when we know how to be our authentic selves,
50:17
when we understand our gifts,
50:19
when we're connected to the source that is here to animate us,
50:22
here to support us, this center of ourselves, this gravity of ourselves,
50:26
gets bigger-and so less and less can knock us
50:31
off our center. We're still human. Things still will.
50:34
But the more you can build out this center of who you are by understanding
50:39
and attuning to your own self and your own divine abilities,
50:44
the more this center of self is going to expand,
50:46
and the less easy it will be for you to topple over. At the end of the day,
50:50
us sensitives, us earth angels,
50:53
we came here to this planet because we have a
50:57
special interest in humanity, because we're fascinated by the human journey.
51:02
We want to experience all the layers.
51:04
Earth Angels are here for it. They know how to meet it.
51:08
They know how to be with it.
51:10
And earth angels see everything as an opportunity to grow. Everything,
51:14
even this hard time,
51:15
is an opportunity for you to connect more deeply with your soul,
51:19
for you to grow.
51:21
So if you are getting to the end of these questions and you're saying, yes,
51:25
all of this is for me. I am not just a sensitive, I am an Earth Angel.
51:29
I'm really ready to understand who I am, why I am here,
51:34
to work with the magic of my nervous system,
51:37
to really step into the potential that I have in this lifetime,
51:40
to expand my center so I can walk into this world with not only the knowledge of
51:45
my gifts,
51:46
but the gravity and the self-assurance to really make them possible,
51:50
then I would love to see you in earth angel school.
51:53
The early bird pricing for that ends on Monday, April 14th.
51:57
So if you're interested, definitely check that out before that ends.
52:01
We start on April 23rd. And if you're listening to this and you're like,
52:06
tell me more about Earth angels,
52:07
tell me more so that I know that even though I'm a sensitive,
52:11
I am also an Earth Angel,
52:13
then definitely stay tuned for next week's podcast episode,
52:16
because in that episode I'm going to talk all about entering your earth angel
52:20
era-a guide for all my fellow sensitives out there for you to step
52:24
into your earth angel era,
52:27
and what that actually means for your ability to be in your power,
52:31
to have clarity, and to come home to yourself.
52:34
So thank you so much for being here, and as you explore your sensitivity,
52:38
the uniqueness of the things that make you,
52:42
may it bring you even closer to the most important thing of all:
52:47
remembering why you are here.