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Donald Drumpf Theatre: The Return to the Scene of The Crime or You Want It Darker · Donald Drumpf Theatre radio show

• 0:10
  SPEAKER_02: It's time again for Donald.
• 0:14
  SPEAKER_03: Drunk.
• 0:15
  SPEAKER_03: Theater.
• 0:16
  SPEAKER_03: No one knows what is up or down.
• 0:17
  SPEAKER_03: Exactly why.
• 0:18
  SPEAKER_03: Legal or impeachable.
• 0:20
  SPEAKER_03: Everything is make-believe in Donald.
• 0:22
  SPEAKER_03: Drunk.
• 0:23
  SPEAKER_03: Theater.
• 0:23
  SPEAKER_03: So let's pull the curtain back.
• 0:26
  SPEAKER_02: We are controlling transmission if we wish to make it louder.
• 0:30
  SPEAKER_03: We will bring up the body.
• 0:31
  SPEAKER_03: We can change the focus to a soft blur.
• 0:33
  You're moving into a land of both shadow and substance,
• 0:36
  of things and ideas.
• 0:38
  SPEAKER_03: You've just crossed over into...
• 0:56
  SPEAKER_03: I hear it's fake news, but maybe it is, maybe it isn't.
• 1:00
  SPEAKER_03: I think it's fake news, okay?
• 1:02
  SPEAKER_03: Now, would I do that?
• 1:03
  SPEAKER_03: Absolutely.
• 1:04
  The president of the United States has the authority to do what
• 1:07
  the president has
• 1:09
  SPEAKER_03: the authority to do.
• 1:12
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, I've declared myself as king.
• 1:14
  SPEAKER_03: I learned a lot from Richard Nixon.
• 1:16
  SPEAKER_02: Well, when the president does it, that means that it is not illegal.
• 1:19
  SPEAKER_03: I could cause panic much better than even you.
• 1:21
  SPEAKER_03: I could do much.
• 1:22
  SPEAKER_03: I would make you look like a minor league player.
• 1:24
  SPEAKER_03: So, Professor, would you say it's time for everyone to panic?
• 1:28
  SPEAKER_03: Yes, I would get.
• 1:29
  SPEAKER_03: Welcome to the resistance.
• 1:30
  SPEAKER_03: I promise you for the remainder of the next four years,
• 1:34
  SPEAKER_03: I will only speak to you in this tone of voice.
• 1:44
  Most historic vibe shift of a day.
• 2:08
  SPEAKER_03: Donald J.
• 2:09
  SPEAKER_03: Trump,
• 2:09
  SPEAKER_03: the 45th president of the United States,
• 2:13
  a man whose licentious and felonious behavior has been well
• 2:16
  cataloged and documented,
• 2:18
  SPEAKER_03: returned to the Capitol Rotunda just four short years after inspiring,
• 2:23
  SPEAKER_03: in that very place,
• 2:24
  SPEAKER_03: a day of riotous shit-f***ery.
• 2:28
  SPEAKER_03: Returned to the exact same room.
• 2:30
  SPEAKER_03: Now,
• 2:30
  SPEAKER_03: generally,
• 2:31
  SPEAKER_03: if this were a Dateline documentary,
• 2:33
  he would return to that room to express a form of repentance
• 2:36
  and maturity and
• 2:37
  SPEAKER_03: acknowledgement of the pain that had been wrought on that terrible day.
• 2:41
  SPEAKER_03: But in this show that we're filming now...
• 2:45
  SPEAKER_03: It's to be sworn in as the 47th president of the United States.
• 2:50
  Donald Trump became the first convicted felon to be sworn in as
• 2:53
  president of the
• 2:54
  SPEAKER_03: United States today.
• 2:55
  SPEAKER_03: He is selling inauguration bibles to celebrate.
• 2:59
  He launched a new meme coin over the weekend to the tune of
• 3:03
  some say $41 billion.
• 3:06
  SPEAKER_03: He launched his own cryptocurrency days before he became president.
• 3:11
  SPEAKER_03: I hope we all understand how crazy that is.
• 3:14
  The president of the United States following in the footsteps
• 3:17
  of the Hawk to a girl.
• 3:19
  SPEAKER_03: If you are the dealer, I'm out of the game.
• 3:23
  SPEAKER_03: If you are the healer, means I'm broken and lame.
• 3:28
  SPEAKER_03: If thine is the glory, then mine must be the shame.
• 3:33
  SPEAKER_03: You want it darker.
• 3:45
  SPEAKER_03: And as with most returning to the scene of the crime,
• 3:50
  SPEAKER_03: it began with tea with the people you tried to steal it from.
• 3:56
  SPEAKER_00: A short time ago,
• 3:57
  SPEAKER_00: President Joe Biden greeted Mr.
• 3:59
  SPEAKER_00: and Mrs.
• 4:00
  SPEAKER_00: Trump at the White House for tea,
• 4:02
  SPEAKER_00: an inaugural tradition.
• 4:03
  It's always important to keep up the tea tradition when you
• 4:07
  hand over the keys to...
• 4:09
  SPEAKER_03: I'm sorry,
• 4:09
  SPEAKER_03: what did you call them?
• 4:10
  SPEAKER_03: Hitler?
• 4:10
  SPEAKER_03: Hitler?
• 4:13
  SPEAKER_03: I'm not saying Biden should have done his own insurrection,
• 4:15
  but there's got to be a happy medium between storming the
• 4:18
  Capitol and would you
• 4:19
  SPEAKER_03: like a crumpet?
• 4:20
  SPEAKER_03: Magnified, sanctified, be thy holy name.
• 4:25
  SPEAKER_03: Vilified, crucified in the human frame.
• 4:47
  SPEAKER_03: But not to worry,
• 4:48
  also attending were all those people who warned Americans to
• 4:51
  shun this wannabe
• 4:52
  SPEAKER_03: fascist dictator called Trump.
• 4:54
  SPEAKER_03: Look at me, ma!
• 4:56
  SPEAKER_03: Oh, let's go see Hitler and get a quick selfie first.
• 4:58
  SPEAKER_03: Hello, look at this!
• 5:00
  SPEAKER_03: Oh, a quick one for the gram!
• 5:01
  SPEAKER_03: Yes, former President Obama was there.
• 5:03
  SPEAKER_03: George Bush seemed kind of there.
• 5:07
  SPEAKER_03: Definitely high.
• 5:08
  SPEAKER_03: Even Mike Pence showed up, I guess, to let the crowd finish the job.
• 5:12
  SPEAKER_03: The last time he was in the building,
• 5:14
  SPEAKER_03: he was being chased by a man dressed as a buffalo,
• 5:17
  SPEAKER_03: but he showed up anyway.
• 5:19
  SPEAKER_03: He showed up without mother.
• 5:20
  Karen Pence opted not to celebrate the man who was all good
• 5:23
  with a bunch of yahoos
• 5:25
  SPEAKER_03: killing her husband.
• 5:34
  SPEAKER_03: There's a lover in the story, but the story's still the same.
• 5:38
  SPEAKER_03: There's a lullaby for suffering and a paradox to blame.
• 5:43
  SPEAKER_03: But it's written in the scriptures and it's not some idle claim.
• 5:48
  SPEAKER_03: You want it darker.
• 5:51
  SPEAKER_03: We kill the flame.
• 6:00
  Only Michelle Obama seemed to have the consistent ethical
• 6:04
  stance of saying,
• 6:05
  SPEAKER_03: when they go low,
• 6:07
  SPEAKER_03: I stay the f***.
• 6:08
  SPEAKER_03: They're lining up the prisoners and the guards who take an aim.
• 6:12
  SPEAKER_03: I struggled with some demons they were making.
• 6:35
  SPEAKER_03: Meanwhile,
• 6:35
  SPEAKER_03: many dignitaries went hairless with a plethora of stocky,
• 6:39
  bald billionaires who all seemed to go to the same biohack life
• 6:44
  extension clinic
• 6:45
  SPEAKER_03: and say,
• 6:45
  SPEAKER_03: give me the Lex Luthor.
• 6:50
  SPEAKER_03: Yes,
• 6:50
  taking the place of seats normally reserved for Democratic or
• 6:53
  Republican governors
• 6:54
  SPEAKER_03: sat Zuck,
• 6:56
  SPEAKER_03: Bezos,
• 6:57
  SPEAKER_03: Tim Cook,
• 6:58
  SPEAKER_03: Elon,
• 6:59
  SPEAKER_03: Tic Tac guy,
• 7:02
  SPEAKER_03: Google guy.
• 7:03
  SPEAKER_03: The six guys who control maybe 20% of the world's wealth.
• 7:25
  there is not a useful app of communication not controlled by at
• 7:29
  least one of these
• 7:30
  individuals and you may not be concerned that they've all
• 7:34
  ponied up a million
• 7:35
  dollars to be sitting there and are kissing the ass of a
• 7:38
  president who openly
• 7:39
  threatens non-ass kissers but trust me shit's gonna get weird
• 7:45
  even by that
• 7:46
  SPEAKER_03: afternoon
• 7:49
  This appearance of Elon Musk at an earlier Trump rally is
• 7:51
  getting loads of
• 7:52
  SPEAKER_03: attention because of a one-armed gesture he made.
• 7:55
  SPEAKER_03: This one really mattered.
• 7:58
  SPEAKER_03: And I just want to say thank you for making it happen.
• 8:01
  SPEAKER_03: Thank you.
• 8:02
  SPEAKER_03: OK.
• 8:18
  nerve-wracking day you're not normally a public speaker it's a
• 8:25
  one-off gesture
• 8:26
  please try not to use it again you really want to make sure the
• 8:39
  people in the back
• 8:40
  SPEAKER_03: see it I guess
• 8:43
  But don't be concerned that these tech titans control Google
• 8:46
  and TikTok and
• 8:48
  WhatsApp and Instagram and X and any other way that we
• 8:52
  communicate in the year of
• 8:53
  SPEAKER_03: our Lord 2025,
• 8:54
  SPEAKER_03: because,
• 8:54
  SPEAKER_03: you know,
• 8:54
  SPEAKER_03: they're not going to censor us.
• 8:56
  SPEAKER_03: Magnified, sanctified, be the holy name.
• 9:00
  SPEAKER_03: Vilified, crucified in the human.
• 9:14
  A lot of people were wondering why all these rich guys were
• 9:17
  invited to sit in the
• 9:18
  SPEAKER_03: Capitol for the inauguration.
• 9:19
  SPEAKER_03: There's a perfectly good explanation for it.
• 9:22
  SPEAKER_03: Trump is selling the country to the highest bidder.
• 9:25
  It really has been amazing to watch these powerful men who
• 9:28
  don't need to ever make
• 9:29
  another dollar in their lives debasing themselves to suck up to
• 9:33
  this ridiculous person.
• 9:42
  SPEAKER_03: Then it was time for the swearing in on the... kind of on the Bible?
• 9:46
  SPEAKER_03: Yes, it turns out Trump didn't actually put his hand on the Bible.
• 9:53
  SPEAKER_03: Obviously, because one or the other would burst into flames.
• 9:58
  SPEAKER_03: Perhaps both.
• 9:59
  And so,
• 10:00
  ladies and gentlemen,
• 10:01
  the torch has been passed from Biden to Trump.
• 10:05
  SPEAKER_03: Yes, the torch has been passed to the same generation of Americans.
• 10:09
  SPEAKER_03: If you are the dealer, let me out of the game.
• 10:31
  He made it
• 10:53
  SPEAKER_00: Donald Trump took the oath of office flanked by billionaires.
• 10:56
  SPEAKER_03: Mark Zuckerberg, Jeff Bezos, Sundar Pichai and Elon Musk.
• 11:00
  Mark Zuckerberg will also be hosting a black tie party to
• 11:04
  celebrate along with some
• 11:05
  SPEAKER_03: high profile Republican donors.
• 11:07
  Me and some of my tick bros are throwing an inauguration party
• 11:10
  for Donald Trump.
• 11:11
  SPEAKER_03: And I'd like to tell you about it.
• 11:13
  Hopped off the plane for Trump's big day,
• 11:16
  cause I'm deeply spineless and weak.
• 11:18
  SPEAKER_03: Sporting my brand new bro hairdo, I call it douchebag chic.
• 11:22
  Trump's heading out goodbye to malarkey,
• 11:26
  time for Trump to lead us to oligarchy.
• 11:29
  SPEAKER_03: The possibilities are endless, maybe I'll stop being friendless.
• 11:34
  Instead of giving to the needy or the homeless,
• 11:36
  we're giving to the felon POTUS.
• 11:38
  SPEAKER_03: Let's make the DJ play the MAGA tunes.
• 11:44
  SPEAKER_03: With Elon.
• 11:46
  SPEAKER_03: All hail dear leader Don.
• 11:47
  SPEAKER_03: So we put our lips out.
• 11:49
  SPEAKER_03: We're conquering on.
• 11:51
  SPEAKER_03: We're serving as Trump's bidet.
• 11:56
  SPEAKER_03: Demonstrating fealty like yeah.
• 11:58
  SPEAKER_03: We've got super yachts, our own spaceships.
• 12:01
  SPEAKER_03: His looks like a huge weenie.
• 12:08
  Do we normally see all the titans of industries and things in
• 12:13
  the front row,
• 12:14
  the box seats?
• 12:16
  SPEAKER_03: No, this is really different.
• 12:18
  SPEAKER_03: And in fact,
• 12:18
  SPEAKER_03: I was reflecting on how different this is even from Russian oligarchy,
• 12:23
  SPEAKER_03: because,
• 12:24
  SPEAKER_03: you know,
• 12:24
  SPEAKER_03: at least Putin had a very clear red line with his oligarchs.
• 12:28
  The grand bargain of the early 2000s was he was going to let
• 12:31
  them get rich
• 12:33
  SPEAKER_03: on condition that they kept their noses out of his political business.
• 12:37
  SPEAKER_03: At most,
• 12:37
  SPEAKER_03: they would be his errand boys from some diplomatic missions in Europe,
• 12:40
  SPEAKER_03: for example,
• 12:41
  SPEAKER_03: on their super yachts.
• 12:42
  SPEAKER_03: But that was it, and it ended there.
• 12:44
  SPEAKER_03: And he made a huge example of Mikhail Khodorovsky,
• 12:48
  who was the Yukos oil chairman who dared to stand up for
• 12:54
  transparency and human
• 12:55
  SPEAKER_03: rights in Russia.
• 12:56
  And that earned him almost a decade in Russian prison and
• 13:00
  seizure of all of his assets by Putin.
• 13:02
  SPEAKER_03: He was lucky to escape with his life.
• 13:04
  SPEAKER_03: Oh, and so you're not expecting any of our oligarchs to be like, hey...
• 13:09
  SPEAKER_03: Watch what you're doing.
• 13:10
  SPEAKER_03: Like, none of that.
• 13:11
  SPEAKER_03: No,
• 13:11
  but what Trump has done is so extraordinary because he doesn't
• 13:15
  have that bright
• 13:15
  SPEAKER_03: line with the new oligarchs of America at all.
• 13:18
  SPEAKER_03: He's basically said, OK, you bought it.
• 13:21
  SPEAKER_03: Do what you want.
• 14:11
  Trump also managed to burn his own supporters by canceling the
• 14:13
  outdoor inaugural
• 14:14
  festivities and moving everything indoors where the crowds were
• 14:17
  not allowed.
• 14:18
  For the first time in 40 years,
• 14:20
  the presidential inauguration will be held indoors.
• 14:23
  SPEAKER_01: Trump will now take the oath from inside the Capitol Rotunda.
• 14:27
  SPEAKER_01: So capacity is much smaller.
• 14:29
  So many guests who expected to attend the event won't be able
• 14:32
  to see the ceremony in person now.
• 14:34
  SPEAKER_03: There's a lot of disappointed Trump folks in town, though.
• 14:36
  Trump supporters who have traveled at great expense to head to Washington,
• 14:41
  SPEAKER_03: fly from all over the country.
• 14:42
  Hotels in D.C.,
• 14:43
  extremely expensive this week because of the inauguration.
• 14:46
  SPEAKER_03: And they are largely shut out of the events.
• 14:48
  SPEAKER_00: Hundreds of thousands of Trump supporters left out in the cold.
• 14:52
  SPEAKER_00: It feels awful.
• 14:53
  SPEAKER_00: I understand, but really disappointed.
• 14:56
  SPEAKER_00: Limited indoor space preventing most ticket holders from attending.
• 15:00
  So Trump supporters who traveled long distances at great
• 15:03
  expense were left out in
• 15:04
  SPEAKER_03: the freezing cold.
• 15:04
  SPEAKER_03: What about all the VIP seats indoors?
• 15:07
  SPEAKER_03: Who got those?
• 15:08
  SPEAKER_03: The majority of those events remain off limits to the general public,
• 15:12
  but not off limits perhaps to the influential politicians and
• 15:16
  tech class billionaires.
• 15:17
  People are coming out in support of more nationalist
• 15:21
  governments and making sure
• 15:22
  SPEAKER_03: that we can actually support our people and not globalist elites.
• 15:26
  SPEAKER_03: Stay out, globalist elites.
• 15:27
  SPEAKER_03: Absolutely.
• 15:28
  SPEAKER_03: That is exactly what we want.
• 15:29
  SPEAKER_03: Are you excited to see Elon Musk up there?
• 15:31
  SPEAKER_03: I am.
• 15:32
  SPEAKER_03: And MAGA isn't just for one kind of people.
• 15:35
  SPEAKER_03: We are for the American people and everybody that that encompasses.
• 15:38
  I think you're going to need everybody to get together to push
• 15:40
  out those globalist elites.
• 15:41
  SPEAKER_03: Absolutely.
• 15:42
  So let's get the registrar in the world from South Africa to
• 15:44
  come in here and do it.
• 15:45
  SPEAKER_03: I completely agree.
• 15:45
  SPEAKER_03: It's really remarkable to see these tech CEOs or founders,
• 15:51
  SPEAKER_03: in the case of Jeff Bezos,
• 15:52
  SPEAKER_03: the founder of Amazon,
• 15:56
  SPEAKER_03: standing alongside members of the Trump cabinet.
• 16:42
  Trump supporters are outside freezing while Trump himself is
• 16:46
  inside cozying up to
• 16:47
  SPEAKER_03: wealthy tech oligarchs.
• 16:48
  I'm just going to sit here for a second while you think about
• 16:50
  the metaphor.
• 16:53
  SPEAKER_03: And then Trump got into the substance of his speech,
• 16:56
  SPEAKER_03: an unsettling,
• 16:57
  low-energy mix of ominous fascism and weird that no one except
• 17:00
  Donald Trump and his
• 17:01
  SPEAKER_03: minions even care about.
• 17:03
  SPEAKER_03: In order to ensure the security and continuing stability,
• 17:09
  SPEAKER_03: the Republic will be reorganized into the first galactic empire.
• 17:24
  SPEAKER_03: So this is how liberty dies.
• 17:26
  SPEAKER_03: With thunderous applause.
• 17:29
  SPEAKER_03: That's right.
• 17:30
  SPEAKER_03: Emperor Palpatini Hands is back.
• 17:33
  SPEAKER_03: It was not an uplifting or even well-written speech.
• 17:36
  SPEAKER_03: A short time from now,
• 17:37
  we are going to be changing the name of the Gulf of Mexico to
• 17:42
  the Gulf of America.
• 17:44
  SPEAKER_03: As of today,
• 17:46
  it will henceforth be the official policy of the United States
• 17:50
  government that
• 17:51
  SPEAKER_03: there are only two genders.
• 17:53
  SPEAKER_03: And above all,
• 17:54
  SPEAKER_03: China is operating the Panama Canal,
• 17:57
  SPEAKER_03: and we didn't give it to China,
• 17:58
  SPEAKER_03: we gave it to Panama,
• 18:00
  SPEAKER_03: and we're taking it back.
• 18:04
  SPEAKER_03: That sound.
• 18:04
  SPEAKER_03: Here she comes.
• 18:07
  SPEAKER_03: Full glass and top down.
• 18:08
  SPEAKER_03: Hot shoe.
• 18:09
  SPEAKER_03: Burning down the avenue.
• 18:11
  SPEAKER_03: Model citizen.
• 18:11
  SPEAKER_03: Zero disarray.
• 18:11
  SPEAKER_03: Don't you know she's gonna hate me?
• 18:19
  SPEAKER_02: You lose her election.
• 18:43
  SPEAKER_00: Trump is already talking about invading Canada and Greenland.
• 18:46
  SPEAKER_00: Is he serious, or is that one of his distractions?
• 18:49
  SPEAKER_03: He's nothing like a shiny machine.
• 18:51
  SPEAKER_03: Got the feel for the way to keep the moving parts clean.
• 18:54
  SPEAKER_03: Hot shoes, burning down the avenue.
• 18:57
  SPEAKER_03: I'm always coming through my courtroom.
• 19:00
  SPEAKER_03: Don't you know she's coming home to me?
• 19:06
  SPEAKER_02: You lose her in that shot.
• 19:09
  Oh, yeah, ho.
• 19:30
  SPEAKER_03: So we're going to invade Panama?
• 19:32
  SPEAKER_03: I love that he campaigns,
• 19:33
  SPEAKER_03: saying he's going to take on major world powers like Russia and China,
• 19:37
  SPEAKER_03: and then he wins,
• 19:37
  SPEAKER_03: delays the TikTok ban to please China,
• 19:39
  and threatens military action against tiny countries like
• 19:42
  Denmark and Panama.
• 19:44
  SPEAKER_03: It's easy to make America win again when you're only scheduling cupcakes.
• 19:47
  This is like if Alabama scheduled a game against the Savannah
• 19:51
  College of Art and Design.
• 19:53
  SPEAKER_03: We got the Faroe Islands next week.
• 19:56
  SPEAKER_03: Should be a real barn burner.
• 20:26
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, we run a little bit hot tonight.
• 20:28
  SPEAKER_03: I can barely see the road from the heat coming off.
• 20:38
  SPEAKER_03: Reach down between my legs.
• 20:43
  SPEAKER_03: Ease the seat back.
• 21:21
  SPEAKER_03: That dude signed over 100 executive actions.
• 21:24
  SPEAKER_03: I mean, look at them.
• 21:26
  SPEAKER_03: He froze the federal hiring bill, something about genders.
• 21:31
  SPEAKER_03: Then he said Cuba's a state-sponsored terrorist now.
• 21:35
  SPEAKER_03: He renamed a mountain.
• 21:37
  SPEAKER_03: Dishwashers are less efficient.
• 21:40
  SPEAKER_03: He can do that?
• 21:43
  SPEAKER_03: Look,
• 21:43
  SPEAKER_03: he has so many executive actions,
• 21:44
  SPEAKER_03: they have to,
• 21:45
  SPEAKER_03: like,
• 21:45
  SPEAKER_03: scroll through the tracks like it was an ad for,
• 21:48
  SPEAKER_03: like,
• 21:48
  SPEAKER_03: now that's what I call MAGA.
• 21:52
  SPEAKER_03: And being the showman that he was,
• 21:54
  Trump wasn't gonna sign these behind the desk with a pen and
• 21:57
  paper like a nerd,
• 21:58
  SPEAKER_03: okay?
• 21:59
  SPEAKER_03: No, he turned this into an arena show.
• 22:02
  SPEAKER_01: At Capital One Arena in front of a crowd of supporters,
• 22:04
  SPEAKER_01: Trump putting into motion his day-one actions.
• 22:07
  SPEAKER_03: Even after he got back to the White House, he just kept signing.
• 22:10
  SPEAKER_03: He didn't even know what he was signing.
• 22:13
  SPEAKER_03: What is this?
• 22:14
  SPEAKER_03: Withdrawing from the World Health Organization.
• 22:16
  SPEAKER_03: Ooh.
• 22:24
  He's withdrawing from the World Health Organization like he's
• 22:27
  hearing the dessert options.
• 22:30
  Like,
• 22:30
  oh,
• 22:30
  yeah,
• 22:31
  yeah,
• 22:31
  yeah,
• 22:31
  I'll have the tiramisu and,
• 22:33
  uh,
• 22:33
  potential miso outbreak with that.
• 22:36
  SPEAKER_03: Trump rescinded 78 of Biden's executive actions,
• 22:39
  SPEAKER_03: including one lowering prescription drug costs.
• 22:42
  SPEAKER_00: Trump pulled the U.S.
• 22:43
  SPEAKER_00: out of the Paris Climate Accords.
• 22:45
  SPEAKER_00: Accepting the military and a number of other excluded categories,
• 22:49
  SPEAKER_00: again,
• 22:49
  SPEAKER_00: until full control of the government is achieved,
• 22:51
  SPEAKER_00: and we understand the objectives of government going forward.
• 23:00
  SPEAKER_03: Woo!
• 23:01
  SPEAKER_03: Paperwork!
• 23:01
  SPEAKER_03: Woo!
• 23:04
  SPEAKER_03: Do a W-2!
• 23:05
  SPEAKER_03: Woo!
• 23:07
  SPEAKER_03: File for a mother f***ing extension!
• 23:09
  SPEAKER_03: Woo!
• 23:12
  Among the many executive orders President Trump signed on
• 23:15
  Monday was this one.
• 23:16
  SPEAKER_01: Pausing the TikTok ban for 75 days.
• 23:18
  SPEAKER_01: I think...
• 23:21
  SPEAKER_03: The U.S.
• 23:22
  SPEAKER_03: should be entitled to get half of TikTok.
• 23:24
  SPEAKER_03: Now,
• 23:24
  SPEAKER_03: if you remember,
• 23:25
  TikTok was originally banned because everyone thinks it gives
• 23:28
  China too much
• 23:28
  SPEAKER_03: influence over Americans.
• 23:30
  SPEAKER_03: What absolute idiot even thought of banning it in the first place?
• 23:34
  SPEAKER_03: We're looking at TikTok.
• 23:35
  SPEAKER_03: We may be banning TikTok.
• 23:38
  SPEAKER_03: Okay.
• 23:39
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, thank you, President Trump, for saving us from that guy.
• 23:42
  And Trump is gonna try,
• 23:44
  through executive order,
• 23:45
  to end birthright citizenship.
• 23:47
  SPEAKER_00: It's a constitutional right that those born on American soil are U.S.
• 23:50
  SPEAKER_00: citizens, regardless of their parents' immigration status.
• 23:53
  SPEAKER_03: Overnight,
• 23:54
  SPEAKER_03: with the stroke of a pen,
• 23:55
  President Trump issuing sweeping pardons to nearly all of the
• 23:59
  rioters charged for
• 24:00
  SPEAKER_03: their actions on January 6th.
• 24:02
  SPEAKER_03: So this is January 6th?
• 24:04
  Trump even granting clemency to the more than 600 people
• 24:07
  charged with assaulting or
• 24:09
  SPEAKER_01: resisting law enforcement.
• 24:13
  SPEAKER_03: Okay,
• 24:13
  SPEAKER_03: look,
• 24:14
  SPEAKER_03: uh,
• 24:14
  freeing violent criminals from prison seems less moderate and
• 24:18
  more like something
• 24:19
  SPEAKER_03: Bain did,
• 24:20
  SPEAKER_03: okay?
• 24:22
  He even let out the most violent offenders,
• 24:24
  like oath keeper,
• 24:26
  militia leader,
• 24:26
  Stuart Rhodes.
• 24:27
  More than 600 people accused of assaulting or impeding law
• 24:31
  enforcement officers
• 24:33
  SPEAKER_03: with weapons that included hockey sticks,
• 24:35
  SPEAKER_03: firecrackers,
• 24:36
  SPEAKER_03: crutches,
• 24:37
  SPEAKER_03: and broken wooden table legs.
• 24:39
  SPEAKER_03: This guy's shooting a gun outside the Capitol.
• 24:41
  SPEAKER_03: Should he be pardoned?
• 24:43
  SPEAKER_01: I don't think he should have shot a gun.
• 24:45
  SPEAKER_03: That's just my opinion.
• 24:46
  SPEAKER_01: I know.
• 24:46
  SPEAKER_01: That's a little different situation there.
• 24:48
  The Q shaman,
• 24:49
  Jacob Chansley,
• 24:50
  who yesterday tweeted this contrite announcement.
• 24:53
  SPEAKER_03: I just got the news from my lawyer.
• 24:54
  SPEAKER_03: I got a pardon, baby.
• 24:56
  SPEAKER_03: Thank you, President Trump.
• 24:57
  SPEAKER_03: Now I'm going to buy some motherfucking guns.
• 24:59
  SPEAKER_03: Donald Trump was on TV from 8.43 a.m.
• 25:02
  SPEAKER_03: when he shuffled into church to tell Jesus, you're welcome to...
• 25:08
  SPEAKER_03: his sleepy late-night slow dance at an inauguration party at 11.30 p.m.
• 25:14
  SPEAKER_03: That means Trump was on TV for almost 15 straight hours.
• 25:18
  There was one thing that really resonated with me personally,
• 25:21
  and it was this.
• 25:22
  After years and years of illegal and unconstitutional federal
• 25:26
  efforts to restrict
• 25:27
  SPEAKER_03: free expression,
• 25:29
  I will also sign an executive order to immediately stop all
• 25:33
  government censorship
• 25:34
  SPEAKER_03: and bring back free speech to America.
• 25:39
  Never again will the immense power of the state be weaponized
• 25:43
  to persecute political opponents.
• 25:49
  SPEAKER_03: Because I'll admit, I was worried about this show for a hot second.
• 25:52
  SPEAKER_03: But now, knowing that you're a man of your word, full steam ahead.