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Embracing Self Leadership in Uncertain Times with Leah Mether · Smart Business Growth with Nicky Miklós

• 0:04
  Nicky: Welcome to Thrive in Business Together with Nicky and Ness.
• 0:11
  Ness: We would like to acknowledge the traditional custodians of country, the Yagara and Bannerong people of Brisbane and Melbourne respectively, where Nicky and I both work and live.
• 0:25
  Nicky: Some of you may remember the wonderful Leah method that we had on our podcast a quite a few episodes ago now, and we wanted to invite Leah back to have a chat with us because she is an incredible communications specialist.
• 0:39
  Nicky: She's very much about bringing the people part of leadership and work life into the mix and looking at how to develop those inverted commas soft skills, which, let's face it, are really hard.
• 0:51
  Nicky: Leah is an incredible author.
• 0:53
  Nicky: She has recently released her new book, which is Steer Through the Storm how to Communicate and Lead Courageously Through Change.
• 1:01
  Nicky: She also published a book in 2019, soft is the New Hard how to Communicate Effectively Under Pressure.
• 1:08
  Nicky: Now, both of these books have been finalists in the Australian Career Book Awards.
• 1:13
  Nicky: Leah knows what she is talking about.
• 1:15
  Nicky: She is also well known for her practical, straight shooting style and she's incredibly engaging as a trainer, a speaker and facilitator.
• 1:23
  Nicky: So we were very, very fortunate to be able to welcome her back for part two of a conversation, but we've shifted the perspective a little bit because, instead of really focusing on how to lead others, we really are focusing on how to bring in this aspect of self leadership.
• 1:40
  Nicky: So this conversation, my friends, is all about you as a leader, whether you're a business owner, a leader, perhaps just take a leadership role within your team.
• 1:50
  Nicky: Let's talk self leadership with Leah Mehta.
• 1:53
  Nicky: We have one of our most favorite guests back today, as you know.
• 1:59
  Leah Mether: Hello, leah, hello ladies, it is so great to be here again.
• 2:04
  Nicky: So great to have you.
• 2:05
  Nicky: I think you should just hang out with us always.
• 2:07
  Nicky: Okay, Just you know, let's just hang out in this virtual room.
• 2:11
  Nicky: I'm so happy with that.
• 2:12
  Nicky: We want to shift gears a little bit in terms of the perspective of the conversation that we've spoken about.
• 2:18
  Nicky: For those of you who haven't listened to our previous conversation with Leah, make sure you go and check that out.
• 2:24
  Nicky: We'll put links in show notes and we really talked about this you're steering through the storm.
• 2:30
  Nicky: Oh, little name drop for your book there as well.
• 2:33
  Nicky: We'll put that in the show notes Steering through the storm leading your team through change.
• 2:37
  Nicky: We had really really robust, wonderful conversation around that with some excellent frameworks.
• 2:43
  Nicky: But today we're going to shift that perspective that focus on ourselves, because as leaders, as business owners, as business leaders, there is always an element of uncertainty that we need to deal with in our business.
• 2:57
  Nicky: Business is a roller coaster at times, and there's also then the uncertainty of the market or the uncertainty of the world and, my gosh, the last three, four years has really been evident of that.
• 3:09
  Nicky: But that will always be there, this element of uncertainty.
• 3:13
  Nicky: And so what?
• 3:14
  Nicky: I would love to start the conversation today.
• 3:16
  Nicky: Leah is around.
• 3:17
  Nicky: This piece of we need to still step into self-leadership.
• 3:21
  Nicky: We need to be able to show up for our people or our families or the people around us and ourselves, and I would love to pick your brain on how we do that when we ourselves are perhaps feeling a little rattled, a little uncertain.
• 3:36
  Leah Mether: Yeah, absolutely, and you are so spot on, whether you are a people leader or you're just dealing with challenge and change and uncertainty yourself.
• 3:46
  Leah Mether: And really essentially I'm saying everyone listening yes, Because there is so much going on for all of us.
• 3:53
  Leah Mether: Everyone has challenges in their life, whether it's personal or professional, and I think when things get a bit wobbly sometimes we can forget that there are things we can do to lead ourselves through the storm, and I'm excited for this conversation today For the leaders listening.
• 4:13
  Leah Mether: As Nicky just suggested, you cannot lead other people unless you first lead yourself.
• 4:19
  Leah Mether: It is as simple as that.
• 4:21
  Leah Mether: But for those who aren't people leaders, I think when things get tough, we often can fall into that trap of thinking oh, it's all happening to us and there's nothing I can do here.
• 4:32
  Leah Mether: And when we get into that space, we can be reacting and behaving in ways that are really out of alignment to the sort of person we want to be.
• 4:41
  Leah Mether: So this conversation today is really about what can we do.
• 4:45
  Leah Mether: What can we do regardless of what's going on around it?
• 4:50
  Ness: 100%.
• 4:51
  Ness: I really relate to that.
• 4:52
  Ness: I wrote it down because it's sort of like I think there is a big difference in how you approach the world and actually how you deal with the stresses in your life.
• 5:03
  Ness: If your belief set is that everything external to you makes you feel a certain way and, let's face it, sometimes that just does feel like that it gets heavy and there's a lot going on.
• 5:15
  Ness: But the ability to empower yourself to shift that perspective into well, actually there's some things within my control and how I'm responding and reacting is within my control.
• 5:27
  Ness: But that actually sometimes is hard to hear because it takes responsibility and accountability.
• 5:34
  Leah Mether: And it is really hard to hear.
• 5:36
  Leah Mether: And just before we get into the conversation anymore, I just want to preface this by saying this is not a conversation itself.
• 5:42
  Leah Mether: Leadership First off, it's not some airy fairy concept, it's not some nice to have, but it's also not saying you have to be holding it together all the time and that you're not allowed to feel.
• 5:55
  Leah Mether: I think sometimes the messaging around resilience and being strong through uncertainty and challenge and change can lead us to believe that, oh so we're not meant to show any emotion and we're not meant to have a bad day and, come on, everything's OK and toxic positivity and all of those things.
• 6:15
  Leah Mether: Just be really clear that is not what we are talking about here, because If you do not let yourself feel the emotions, you'll get stuck.
• 6:24
  Leah Mether: Actually allowing yourself to feel and process emotions is really important.
• 6:30
  Nicky: Oh yeah, so true, and it's.
• 6:32
  Nicky: That's healthy.
• 6:33
  Nicky: We often talk about instead of say being positive, which positive implies this bandaid always have to smile and it's like, oh please, no, no.
• 6:42
  Nicky: What we want instead is resourceful.
• 6:44
  Nicky: We want a resourceful approach to things, and by feeling, by allowing ourselves to be human, we move through whatever it is that we're going through, and I think, again, this is a bit of a theme that's come up in a few podcast episodes in different ways.
• 6:58
  Nicky: But it also gives permission.
• 7:00
  Nicky: It gives permission for people to be human or to feel as well.
• 7:04
  Nicky: So what is that line, lea?
• 7:06
  Nicky: How do we be human, feel, be vulnerable perhaps you know that's a big part of leadership without it being negatively impacting, say, the people around us?
• 7:17
  Nicky: Or what is that line where it's still professional, it's still resourceful in the workplace.
• 7:23
  Leah Mether: Yeah, there's a lot to that and I would say one of the key things if I was looking at self-leadership and you know how do we show up as fully human, even to backtrack a little bit, where I'd be encouraging listeners to start and I think we did mention this in the last podcast but gosh, it's worth saying again is the very first thing I want you to do, listeners, is to ask yourself what you want to be known for as you're navigating whatever challenge it is you're facing.
• 7:52
  Leah Mether: It might be what you want to be known for in general as a parent in the workplace, whatever that might be, but it might be you've got a specific challenge or change coming up project that you're working on and getting really clear on what you want to be known for through that.
• 8:08
  Leah Mether: Because once you get really clear on that and it has to speak to you that can be your touchstone and your true north when things get wobbly.
• 8:16
  Leah Mether: So that will help you when you're making decisions, when you're self-leading.
• 8:21
  Leah Mether: Go, for example, if kindness is one of them, that will allow you to go.
• 8:26
  Leah Mether: Oh, I just want to react and yell at this person.
• 8:28
  Leah Mether: But hang on, who do I want to be right now?
• 8:31
  Leah Mether: I want to be someone who is kind.
• 8:33
  Leah Mether: That would not be what I do here.
• 8:35
  Leah Mether: So it's getting really clear on who you want to be.
• 8:38
  Leah Mether: And then the second step and this is a harder one is acknowledging where you're at and asking yourself some really tough questions.
• 8:46
  Leah Mether: So when and this can be hard and I encourage listeners to write these down and don't just think about them while you're listening to the podcast like, really do some deep thinking on this Questions like what's it like to be around me?
• 9:01
  Leah Mether: And that's a hard one how am I travelling?
• 9:05
  Leah Mether: Really, am I modelling the behaviour I want to see in other people?
• 9:09
  Leah Mether: Now there's a little tool that I often use here when we're talking about emotions and how we show up, and I'm happy to share it so that it's in the show notes, and it's called the emotional word wheel, because there's some great research that Brene Brown did for her most recent book, atlas of the Heart, which found that when we're asked how we are, most of us have a very limited emotional vocabulary and we can pick a couple of words and you know, happy, sad, scared, and that's kind of it.
• 9:40
  Leah Mether: And you know, some of us don't even pick a feeling.
• 9:43
  Leah Mether: We say good.
• 9:44
  Nicky: How are you Well busy?
• 9:45
  Nicky: Not in a motion.
• 9:46
  Nicky: How are you busy?
• 9:48
  Nicky: That's a common one too.
• 9:49
  Nicky: Exactly.
• 9:50
  Leah Mether: So this word wheel has got 130 different feelings and emotions on it, and I love to use this as a tool personally as well, to ask myself how do I feel really if I had and I asked myself, if I had to pick two words, the more specific and granular the better about how I'm feeling.
• 10:09
  Leah Mether: What would they be?
• 10:10
  Leah Mether: And the reason that this is important is because if you can name it, you can process and work through it, and I'll give you a quick example of this, you know.
• 10:19
  Leah Mether: Again, going back to your original question of how do we show up, I had a woman in a workshop recently and I said you know, how are you traveling really?
• 10:28
  Leah Mether: And she said I'm really angry, I am just so angry.
• 10:32
  Leah Mether: And I said all right, and here's the important thing, there's no bad emotions.
• 10:36
  Leah Mether: Emotions are data about how we're feeling.
• 10:38
  Leah Mether: But I said to her I want you to reflect on this Are you really angry or are you actually feeling something else?
• 10:46
  Leah Mether: And anger is what you're showing?
• 10:48
  Leah Mether: And where she came to was words like disrespected and disillusioned Right Now.
• 10:56
  Leah Mether: Different conversation, different conversation.
• 10:59
  Leah Mether: So, yes, there's the acknowledging where we're at in terms of how we show up and be vulnerable.
• 11:05
  Leah Mether: So, if you know what you want to be known for and can acknowledge where you're at straight away, you're going to see what the gap is and there'll always be a gap, right?
• 11:15
  Leah Mether: I have not yet met someone who can say this is what I want to be known for and a hundred percent of the time I am that person.
• 11:22
  Leah Mether: But this will help you recognize.
• 11:24
  Leah Mether: How am I showing up.
• 11:25
  Leah Mether: Are there some adjustments to make In terms of knowing where the line is?
• 12:06
  Leah Mether: There is no one line.
• 12:07
  Leah Mether: Sorry, everyone, there's no one line.
• 12:11
  Leah Mether: I tried, but this misguided belief that emotions don't belong in the workplace.
• 12:18
  Leah Mether: We don't do feelings at work.
• 12:21
  Leah Mether: That would be great if humans weren't emotion driven beings, but we are, so we have to be allowed to express our emotions, and I think we spoke last time about that little framework of what's okay, what's not okay.
• 12:35
  Leah Mether: Apply it to yourself as well when it comes to self-leadership.
• 12:40
  Leah Mether: Right, it's okay to be angry.
• 12:43
  Leah Mether: It's how you express that anger at work.
• 12:46
  Leah Mether: That is what we need to regulate.
• 12:49
  Leah Mether: Okay, so you're allowed to feel the emotion, and what I would encourage you to do is look at putting words to it, not in the heat of the moment.
• 13:01
  Leah Mether: Put words and articulate how you're feeling, rather than just express it in an unregulated way.
• 13:08
  Leah Mether: So it's okay to say you know what, and maybe to your team.
• 13:12
  Leah Mether: You know, I am really frustrated at the moment and here's why that is way better than just having no tolerance for your team because you are frustrated and not having the conversation and letting it show.
• 13:29
  Leah Mether: So much of what I'm talking about when I'm talking self-leadership is thinking about the proactive conversations that you need to have.
• 13:38
  Ness: And you know where's your saying that.
• 13:40
  Ness: What's resonating with me is I'm somebody who I need to process things, I need to understand how I feel, and so that's something I'm reasonably comfortable with.
• 13:50
  Ness: I love the word will.
• 13:51
  Ness: I used to have that sitting right on my desk in my old workplace.
• 13:55
  Ness: It's a reminder to go back to that, because sometimes it's hard to put a finger on it and articulate it.
• 14:00
  Ness: But when you see a lot like anger, I think from memory, it sort of then opens up to broader states of emotion and then again so you can actually drill down, like you were saying, disrespected, and so that's actually what it's about, not the surface level.
• 14:14
  Ness: So that part I'm comfortable with, well, reasonably comfortable with.
• 14:18
  Ness: What I find more challenging is articulating that to others, and I think that when I sort of think about circumstances where I've got to talk about how I feel because it's impacting others around me or potentially my emotions are high and that could impact how I show up, without that, without the ability for me, it comes about an inability to process it.
• 14:41
  Ness: So I understand it.
• 14:43
  Ness: But then there's still this hat like a I don't know what it's a fear or there's something in the next step that feels scary around telling people must be vulnerability.
• 14:54
  Leah Mether: Bingo, you took the word out of my mouth.
• 14:56
  Leah Mether: I was like it's scary, because it takes real courage, because it requires being vulnerable and, depending on the environment and the relationships you have with your team, that can be terrifying or a bit nerve wracking.
• 15:10
  Leah Mether: But, gosh, it's worth it if you can get there with the team, because the psychological safety it creates as well when you can do that is so powerful.
• 15:20
  Leah Mether: And you know, talking self-leadership if you can name it, yes, to other people, great if you can.
• 15:31
  Leah Mether: But here's the thing when we're talking self-leadership, sometimes naming it to yourself is enough because you can, then this is self-leadership.
• 15:39
  Leah Mether: Right.
• 15:39
  Leah Mether: If you can name it to yourself which, let's be frank, a lot of people struggle with that yeah, let's bury it down, pretend it doesn't exist.
• 15:49
  Leah Mether: I'll be yelling at everyone because there's some underlying thing going on, but I'm too scared to even face up to that myself.
• 15:57
  Leah Mether: But if we are willing to get vulnerable with ourselves, even if you're not comfortable sharing it, if you can realise oh, the reason I'm so angry all the time at the moment is because I'm feeling disrespected and stifled, then it might be the impetus to go.
• 16:15
  Leah Mether: There are some conversations I have to have here because it's not fair for me to be taking it out on everyone around me.
• 16:22
  Ness: Because then it doesn't tie back to who you want to be as a person, as a leader, as a mother, as a wife, whatever it is.
• 16:29
  Ness: Yes, spot on, and that's why you have to start there.
• 16:33
  Leah Mether: If you're not clear on who you want to be, you can just so easily end up spiralling off elsewhere.
• 16:38
  Leah Mether: So, knowing who you want to be and making a choice about that, acknowledging where you're at, being brutally honest with that and I always say to people, the challenge here is not to go on the shame spiral or the self-loathing spiral.
• 16:51
  Leah Mether: This is about just going.
• 16:54
  Leah Mether: I am human, dealing with a lot of stuff at the moment.
• 16:57
  Leah Mether: This is not a beat myself up moment.
• 16:58
  Leah Mether: This is just really trying to sit with.
• 17:01
  Leah Mether: If I had to pick one of these words, what is it?
• 17:04
  Leah Mether: What is it like to be around me?
• 17:06
  Leah Mether: Let's just try to drop the guard and be as honest with ourselves as we can.
• 17:11
  Leah Mether: The next thing I'd love to talk about there is the importance of training our brain, because self-leadership doesn't magically happen.
• 17:21
  Leah Mether: It's not something that just happens for us.
• 17:24
  Nicky: Wait for my morning, and that's it.
• 17:26
  Nicky: I'm a great self-leader.
• 17:29
  Leah Mether: It does not happen like that and there are.
• 17:32
  Leah Mether: There's two models that I love using and you know I will share these because they were game changes in my life and have been for so many listeners, and I'll share a story around this as well.
• 17:43
  Leah Mether: But the first one's an old model.
• 17:45
  Leah Mether: It's called the Dreaded Drama Triangle.
• 17:47
  Leah Mether: Stephen Cartman came up with that in the 1960s.
• 17:51
  Leah Mether: I said lots of people under pressure respond and all react from a position in the Dreaded Drama Triangle.
• 17:56
  Leah Mether: Don't even know it, but it will absolutely impact your ability to show up well under challenge and change.
• 18:04
  Leah Mether: First position is victim, and when we're in victim mode we say things like this poor me, why does bad stuff always happen to me?
• 18:12
  Leah Mether: Life's not fair and we feel like our dreams are lost and denied.
• 18:17
  Leah Mether: Everything's happening to us and we focus on all the problems and, of course, because we focus on all the problems, that's all we say.
• 18:23
  Leah Mether: Second position is persecutor.
• 18:26
  Leah Mether: Some people, through challenge and change, go to that space which is where we usually started off as a victim.
• 18:32
  Leah Mether: Now we're angry and we just want to tear other people down and we want someone to blame and finger point, and it needs to be someone else's fault.
• 18:41
  Leah Mether: The third position in the Drama Triangle where I suspect there might be some listeners who fall into this one.
• 18:47
  Leah Mether: I know I can fall into this one.
• 18:49
  Leah Mether: Be interested to hear from you ladies as well.
• 18:52
  Leah Mether: It's rescuer, oh, I know right.
• 18:55
  Leah Mether: And rescuer says things like this poor you, let me save the day, let me do it for you, flying with my superwoman cape on.
• 19:09
  Leah Mether: Make everything better, because I don't want you to feel like a victim.
• 19:12
  Leah Mether: So if you do this under pressure, you're not good at delegating.
• 19:17
  Leah Mether: If you're a leader, you're jumping in and doing things for people and you're getting overloaded.
• 19:23
  Leah Mether: So you were already stressed, but now you're doing it for everyone else to try to save the day.
• 19:29
  Leah Mether: And here's the thing you keep the victim in victim mode and create a codependent relationship.
• 19:34
  Ness: That's a lose-lose.
• 19:36
  Leah Mether: It's lose-lose but it's so well-intentioned those of us who are the nurturers who want to help people and jump in and do it for them, but all it does is it keeps that victim in victim mode.
• 19:48
  Leah Mether: It doesn't help them.
• 19:49
  Leah Mether: As you said, nicky and I, it's lose-lose and we burn out.
• 19:52
  Leah Mether: So when wearing this triangle, it means that things are happening to us.
• 19:58
  Leah Mether: So you're in the middle of challenge and change, personal or professional, going well.
• 20:03
  Leah Mether: This is unfair and you know I feel crap about it and it doesn't change your situation or circumstance showing up from one of those positions, but it makes you feel like crap, right?
• 20:14
  Leah Mether: So the alternative to this is called the empowerment dynamic and it was created by a guy called David Emerald, an American guy.
• 20:22
  Leah Mether: He's got a great book on it called the Power of Ted, which stands for the empowerment dynamic, written like a fable, a bit like the five disfunctions of a team really great book.
• 20:32
  Leah Mether: And what he says is the drama triangle sucks Like I said it makes us feel like rubbish.
• 20:38
  Leah Mether: But a lot of us live there.
• 20:39
  Leah Mether: Why do so many of us, through challenge and change, show up from the drama triangle?
• 20:44
  Leah Mether: Because it's easier, because then we don't have to take personal responsibility.
• 20:48
  Leah Mether: We can blame other people for our situation, which might feel good in the moment, but we get stuck.
• 20:55
  Leah Mether: We just end up stuck and miserable and resentful and in a really dark place.
• 21:02
  Leah Mether: So the alternative is the empowerment dynamic In this.
• 21:06
  Leah Mether: I'll run through it really quickly.
• 21:07
  Leah Mether: The opposite to a victim is a creator.
• 21:09
  Leah Mether: The opposite to a persecutor is a challenger.
• 21:13
  Leah Mether: We need those people in the workplace, people who say could we do it differently?
• 21:17
  Leah Mether: Just because we've always done it that way, is there a better way?
• 21:20
  Leah Mether: And the opposite to a rescuer is a coach, the person who is absolutely there to support their team, who will teach and empower their people, but understands I can't do it for them.
• 21:31
  Leah Mether: And it's one of the hardest life lessons, right?
• 21:34
  Leah Mether: You can't help someone who won't help themselves.
• 21:36
  Leah Mether: You can support and assist.
• 21:38
  Leah Mether: You can't do it for them.
• 21:39
  Leah Mether: But I want to come back quickly to the creator, how it differs to a victim.
• 21:43
  Leah Mether: The creator is not Pollyanna.
• 21:45
  Leah Mether: They are not saying every day is a good day, just smile and be positive.
• 21:51
  Leah Mether: The creator is saying this bad things happen to good people all the time.
• 21:55
  Leah Mether: Life is not fair.
• 21:57
  Leah Mether: In fact, sometimes a bloody sucks no-transcript.
• 22:04
  Leah Mether: We have a choice.
• 22:04
  Leah Mether: We have a choice to take personal responsibility for how we respond, no matter how hard or difficult it gets.
• 22:14
  Leah Mether: And this draws on the work of Victor Frankel, who was a Holocaust survivor, who wrote an incredible book called Man's Search for Meaning in the 1940s.
• 22:22
  Leah Mether: And in that book he says this everything can be taken from a man but one thing, the last of the human freedoms the power to choose our response in any given set of circumstances, to choose our own way.
• 22:34
  Leah Mether: When we can no longer change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves.
• 22:39
  Leah Mether: Between stimulus and response, there is a space.
• 22:42
  Leah Mether: In that space is our power to choose our response, and in our response lies our growth and our freedom.
• 22:48
  Leah Mether: I get goosebumps every time I think about it.
• 22:50
  Leah Mether: Wow, he wrote that after three years in Auschwitz his whole family was killed by the Nazis.
• 22:57
  Leah Mether: And he said and it's incredible book, if you can get your hands on it Man's Search for Meaning.
• 23:02
  Leah Mether: He said the last thing you can take from me is my power to choose my response.
• 23:07
  Leah Mether: You don't get.
• 23:08
  Leah Mether: So how often do we give our power away to other people when things get hard rather than go?
• 23:15
  Leah Mether: No, I get to choose how I respond here.
• 23:19
  Leah Mether: It doesn't mean every day is a good day and that you don't have your moments, but I get to choose, and this framework has got me through some of the most challenging times in my life, and I want to share with you just briefly, the story of a woman and I won't name her, but I do name her in my new book, steer Through the Storm.
• 23:40
  Leah Mether: I trained her in those models in 2019 and she responded to them at the time, but she actually reached out to me at the start of last year, 2022.
• 23:49
  Leah Mether: And she reached out and she said Lea, I want to update you on the last couple of years for me and I want to let you know how I've used these models to help me lead myself through a really challenging time.
• 24:01
  Leah Mether: Now really challenging times and understatement this woman went into hospital during COVID for a relatively minor procedure on her leg.
• 24:10
  Leah Mether: Unfortunately, that minor procedure being in hospital, her leg got infected with a superbug and she actually got golden steth.
• 24:19
  Leah Mether: And when she emailed me in March last year March 2022, she said and it's still.
• 24:26
  Leah Mether: It almost I get emotional talking about it, because she's an incredible woman.
• 24:30
  Leah Mether: She runs a disability support service here in Gippsland.
• 24:35
  Leah Mether: She actually had her leg amputated during COVID.
• 24:38
  Leah Mether: You can imagine what happened there.
• 24:40
  Leah Mether: And then when she emailed me last year, she just had her second leg amputated.
• 24:46
  Leah Mether: She had a bilateral amputation.
• 24:48
  Leah Mether: So she's now a woman, a CEO of a business, and she's lost both of her legs.
• 24:54
  Leah Mether: And in this email she said the thing I am coming back to again and again is those triangles, the Dreaded Drama Triangle and the Empowerment Dynamic.
• 25:03
  Leah Mether: And she said don't get me wrong, I've been to some really dark places over the last few months, but the thing that is keeping me going is reminding myself that I get to choose how I respond now, because here's the thing they were taking my legs, whether I liked it or not.
• 25:19
  Leah Mether: I did not have a choice over that, but I get to choose what next.
• 25:24
  Leah Mether: I get to choose where to from here.
• 25:27
  Leah Mether: And I just want listeners to think about the choices they're making in, you know, hopefully much less dramatic circumstances than that.
• 25:37
  Leah Mether: When challenges happen.
• 25:38
  Leah Mether: What's your choice?
• 25:40
  Leah Mether: What can you control?
• 25:43
  Leah Mether: What can you influence?
• 25:45
  Leah Mether: What conversations can you have Then?
• 25:48
  Leah Mether: What do you need to let go of.
• 25:49
  Leah Mether: That's, of course, drawing on Covey's circles of influence, but it's such an important reminder to go.
• 25:56
  Leah Mether: At a time when I may not feel powerful, I might feel powerless.
• 26:01
  Leah Mether: Actually, it's all happening to me and around me.
• 26:04
  Leah Mether: We have to remind ourselves that at those times when we feel powerless, we are actually powerful.
• 26:10
  Leah Mether: We get to choose how we respond.
• 26:13
  Ness: Wow, that gave me goosebumps, that story.
• 26:15
  Ness: It is so empowering to hear that somebody going through that and even the Victor Frankel, his book and his message.
• 26:23
  Ness: It really does put things back into perspective we started the conversation talking about sometimes we just feel like the world happens to us and we don't have control over it.
• 26:32
  Ness: So I feel like this has been such an important conversation and a really great I guess a circuit breaker perhaps for some around how they're viewing their responsibility or their ability to be able to feel back in control of their response.
• 26:48
  Ness: So we could talk forever on this.
• 26:50
  Ness: How do we always say that when we speak to you, lea?
• 26:52
  Ness: Sorry, it was amazing, right?
• 26:54
  Ness: Thank you Much for everything that you've shared today.
• 26:57
  Ness: But to bring this full circle and I'm sitting here going what's the cycle?
• 27:02
  Ness: What's the tangible action that someone who's listening, who really resonates with this conversation today and you've given them so many ideas and resources within sharing your knowledge but if there's an action for someone to take in the next 24 hours, what's the first simple step to break this cycle where you feel like everything is happening to you and you want to step into this self-leadership, but you're not sure what the first step is?
• 27:30
  Leah Mether: Yeah.
• 27:31
  Leah Mether: So I'm going to be cheeky and give you three steps in one.
• 27:34
  Leah Mether: Okay, because it's three actions to do, but you can absolutely do it within 24 hours.
• 27:41
  Leah Mether: You can, I promise you.
• 27:42
  Leah Mether: And it is doing that thing.
• 27:45
  Leah Mether: What do I want to be known for?
• 27:46
  Leah Mether: How do I want to show up through?
• 27:48
  Leah Mether: Whatever this challenge is that I'm facing, like, get real with yourself.
• 27:52
  Leah Mether: What sort of person do you want to be?
• 27:54
  Leah Mether: Number two you have to acknowledge where you're at.
• 27:57
  Leah Mether: You have to be like you can.
• 28:00
  Leah Mether: The reality is, folks, you can have every tool in your toolkit, but if you don't get honest with yourself about where you're at and how you're showing up, if you don't dig deep and be prepared to face up to that hard stuff, you won't put them into practice Because you won't think you have to right.
• 28:18
  Leah Mether: So, acknowledge where you're at as number two.
• 28:21
  Leah Mether: And the third one is choose your response.
• 28:26
  Leah Mether: I want people thinking about those positions in the triangle.
• 28:31
  Leah Mether: Am I choosing my response?
• 28:34
  Leah Mether: Ok, so what do I want to be known for?
• 28:38
  Leah Mether: Acknowledge where you're at.
• 28:40
  Leah Mether: What's your next step?
• 28:42
  Leah Mether: And I can't answer that for you, folks.
• 28:44
  Leah Mether: That is you asking yourself and what I would just encourage you to do as we finish off.
• 28:48
  Leah Mether: Don't try to change it all.
• 28:50
  Leah Mether: That's a recipe for doing nothing.
• 28:53
  Leah Mether: Ok, just pick a baby step.
• 28:58
  Leah Mether: A baby step If it is that you realise oh gosh, I've been totally in victim mode.
• 29:03
  Leah Mether: Ok, acknowledge where you're at, and then it's making that baby step.
• 29:10
  Leah Mether: Choice of how can I show up differently in this conversation in this moment?
• 29:17
  Nicky: Love it so powerful, and thank you for sharing all those frameworks and stories and I'm going to pick up that book is on my bookshelf.
• 29:24
  Nicky: I loved it.
• 29:25
  Nicky: I'm going to read it again.
• 29:26
  Nicky: I also want to add one final thing around this, because what powerful questions, and even that example where you said I want to be known for kindness, as an example, as a kind leader.
• 29:37
  Nicky: Make sure you put the mirror on yourself as well as on others in all of these questions and incredibly powerful, thought provoking questions Leigh has shared.
• 29:48
  Nicky: Yes, think about it for others, and the whole point of this is think about it for self, because you can be kind to others and not kind to self, or you know you can all of that.
• 29:57
  Nicky: So it's such a good exercise to turn that mirror on ourselves as well.
• 30:01
  Nicky: Thank you so much, leah, for joining us again and just as a reminder, where can people follow you?
• 30:08
  Nicky: Find you again?
• 30:09
  Nicky: I like to say friendly stalk you.
• 30:11
  Nicky: You know, grow I need your friendly stalking?
• 30:14
  Leah Mether: Absolutely, look, probably the easiest way is just to plug my name, leah Mehta, into Google.
• 30:20
  Leah Mether: I'm on all the usual socials.
• 30:22
  Leah Mether: I've got a YouTube channel as well.
• 30:24
  Leah Mether: There's my website.
• 30:25
  Leah Mether: There's so much and there's lots of free content out there from me Lots of videos, lots of blog posts and webinars and resources.
• 30:34
  Leah Mether: So feel free to use everything I've got out there for free and never buy anything off me.
• 30:40
  Leah Mether: That is so OK with me, because I love your generosity.
• 30:45
  Leah Mether: Oh look, I do what I do to make a difference.
• 30:47
  Leah Mether: So if it helps someone, then I'm a happy lady and also, don't be afraid of buying Liz's bestselling books.
• 30:54
  Nicky: you know, there's always that Of course.
• 30:57
  Ness: Thank you so much, leah.
• 30:58
  Ness: Everything you just said you just represent every time you have a conversation with us, and thank you for your generosity and sharing your knowledge with our listeners today.
• 31:06
  Ness: And, yeah, thanks again.
• 31:08
  Ness: We'll see you all next week, everyone, bye.
• 31:11
  Nicky: Bye.
• 31:11
  Nicky: Thanks for listening to today's EPP.
• 31:13
  Nicky: If you loved what you heard, find us on LinkedIn and let us know what you enjoyed.
• 31:18
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• 31:24
  Nicky: Ness and I are obsessed with helping you break through your business and life barriers to get you to your next frontier of growth.
• 31:33
  Nicky: We bring two business minds and two perspectives into your business.
• 31:38
  Nicky: As the magician, I help connect the dots, see the possibilities and the hidden potential, and as the architect, ness turns those possibilities into practice, implementing plans and frameworks.
• 31:50
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• 31:55
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• 32:01
  Nicky: Are you curious to find out more?
• 32:03
  Nicky: Send us an email or go old school and give us a call.
• 32:07
  Nicky: All our details are in the show notes and on our website.
• 32:10
  Nicky: Until next time, happy listening and here's to thriving in business and life.