Latest / The Karen Kenney Show / THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN SYMPATHY, EMPATHY, AND COMPASSION

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THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN SYMPATHY, EMPATHY, AND COMPASSION · The Karen Kenney Show

0:00
Unknown: It's the Karen Kenney show.
0:03
Hey you guys. Welcome to the Karen Kenney show. I'm super
0:06
duper excited to be here with you. Oh my god, on this
0:09
beautiful day, and I wanted to share, let's just dive right
0:15
into this sucker. I wanted to share a little story with you of
0:19
something that happened, and I want to share it with you,
0:21
because this thing that happened got me thinking. It got me
0:25
thinking, it got me feeling, it got me thinking about other
0:28
people, and it also got me thinking about my own behavior.
0:32
And so, as usual, I'm going to start with a little story, and
0:37
then we're going to, we're going to dive into how this all
0:40
applies to us collectively, right, as a people, for you
0:46
individually, to maybe do some considering about my whole thing
0:50
with the Karen Kenney show is I maybe I should make the
0:55
assumption, but I do kind of make the assumption that if
0:57
you're listening to this sucker, It's because either you're a
1:01
loyal listener and you dig the show, you love the show, and I
1:05
really appreciate that, but you're the kind of person who
1:09
wants to kind of take a look at themselves, that you have some
1:12
depth, that you're curious, that you're a lifelong learner, that
1:16
you don't want to walk around being an asshole, right, like a
1:19
selfish asshole caught up in our own stuff, right? We're curious
1:23
about transformation and learning and growing and
1:26
discovering and all that stuff. Okay, so whether it's self
1:30
development or transformation work, spiritual work, whatever
1:33
you want to call it, you're just curious about what it is to be a
1:36
human being and and how you can, you know,
1:41
really show up as your truest self and your best self, and it
1:44
doesn't mean we don't still fuck up and we don't make mistakes,
1:46
and none of us are perfect, okay, but we have a desire to
1:50
show up as the love that we are, and sometimes we're clumsy and
1:54
sometimes we blow it. But you might be very new here. Maybe
1:58
somebody sent you to listen to the show. And if you're new
2:01
here, welcome. I'm so happy to have you. And if you don't like
2:04
this, this show or this episode, I mean, that's the beautiful
2:08
thing of being an adult, is you don't have to listen. You can
2:13
just be like out of here. See you later. But thank you for
2:16
giving it a shot and giving it a try. I am not everybody's cup of
2:20
tea. Okay, so here's the here's the deal. If you listen to last
2:24
week's episode, I was telling you that whole great story, that
2:28
Kismet story of how I got asked to be a part of an art show, and
2:33
it's called, it's called the mothership, the art show. I'm
2:37
only telling you that because it's needed in context for this
2:39
story. It's called the mothership, and the fact that
2:42
it's happening in May of 2026 was a really big deal that I was
2:46
invited to submit a piece on mother in the month of May. So
2:50
as many of you know, if you're a friend of mine, or if you're a
2:53
loyal listener, you know, my mother was murdered when I was
2:56
12 years old in the month of May, May 7, 1981 so this year
3:02
2026 is her 45th it's the 45th anniversary of her death, but
3:07
within a two week period of time, it's basically like the
3:10
anniversary of my mother's death. It's the anniversary of
3:13
my mother and my stepfather's wedding. It is my mother's
3:16
birthday. It's Mother's Day, like all like May is like mom
3:20
month. You know what I'm saying. So the fact that I got offered
3:23
an opportunity to do something around this concept or idea of
3:28
mother or the mother ship, or mother ring, Mother Nature, the
3:31
whole thing was just really, really beautiful, divine timing.
3:35
And because it's the 45th anniversary, I wanted to do
3:39
something special. I didn't know what that was going to look
3:41
like, right? I have my yearly rituals. I have my annual things
3:44
that I always do, but with this being, like a big anniversary, I
3:48
was like, Oh, I hope I can do something, you know, a little
3:51
extra cool or extra special, and and
3:55
then all of a sudden, I got this, I got this opportunity to
3:58
do that, so I'm pretty excited. So okay, but here's the thing,
4:02
the show is running from May 1 to, like around May 30, right?
4:07
So last Friday, this past Friday, May 1,
4:12
we you know, the wall, the installations went up, the
4:15
artwork went up. It's 14 different artists. So everybody
4:18
has such different ideas around this concept, which is so cool.
4:23
And I was able to be at the at the gallery. So the show, for
4:27
those of you who are local, Concord, New Hampshire, it's at
4:30
the 11th letter writing gallery. It's 146 North Main street
4:35
downtown, right downtown, and you'll see it. It's like, right
4:38
next door to the old runner's alley. Now marathon sports, it's
4:42
like right there. So please come see the show. And this Friday
4:47
May 8, which is the day after the anniversary of my mother's
4:51
death, is when we are having the opening reception from 5:30pm to
4:55
7:30pm if you're local, I would love to see you come hang.
5:00
Out, see the art, meet the artist, talk to us, like all the
5:03
stuff. Okay, so here's the thing that happened. I'm going to get
5:07
into the story now. So I was there. We had put the INS my
5:10
pieces, like a mixed media piece installation. So that piece,
5:13
like, goes up and the doors open, and all the other like
5:17
that. Everybody, you know, everybody's artwork is all over
5:19
the walls. It's fantastic. So I, I was there towards the end of
5:26
the day, like, probably from like 630 to eight or whatever,
5:29
and I was hanging out with Jocelyn Wynn, who owns the
5:31
space. She owns the gallery, and some folks came in off the
5:36
street because it was, like downtown, like in town. Conced
5:39
It was their first Friday. So the first Friday of the month,
5:43
from like may to, I think it's November, they have like events,
5:47
and some of the shops are open later and whatever. So it was a
5:50
lot. There was like live music going on. There was all kinds of
5:53
events, all kinds of things happening on the surrounding
5:55
streets. So people were like wandering in, and at one point I
5:59
was just sitting there, you know, or standing there talking
6:01
to Jocelyn, and these people came in, and they're, like,
6:05
looking around the gallery. They're looking, they're reading
6:07
the different artists statements, like all this stuff,
6:09
and then they come up to my piece. Now, of course, they have
6:12
no idea. I mean, they you would have had to kind of look kind of
6:17
closely to make the connection between, like, the pictures on
6:20
my piece, and, like, turning around and seeing me and going,
6:23
Oh yeah, like, that's the artist. Really, that's the
6:25
person. But so it was really interesting. And I don't want to
6:28
tell you exactly what my piece is, because I want you to come
6:31
and see it. But for those of you who are not local, if you want
6:35
to see it at some point, let me know, and I'll send you some
6:38
pictures after the show comes down, or I'll put it on my
6:41
Facebook page, or whatever. You can go check it out. But what
6:44
was really interesting is that my piece is really like, How can
6:50
I describe it? Think of it as like a trailer, or not even a
6:53
teaser. But like, you know how there's a trailer to a movie,
6:56
there's like a preview, like a Movie Preview. This is like a
7:00
preview to, like the opening chapters, like of my book. So
7:03
this is like a nod, obviously, to my mother's story, her life
7:08
story, her death story, and then me becoming a writer and so, and
7:13
that's what I'll kind of like say. So it's this pretty cool
7:15
installation piece, but you have to be curious, like you have to
7:18
lean in, like you have to read this thing and, like, look at
7:21
the pictures and connect the dots. It's about kind of being
7:23
like a detective, in a way. So these folks came in. One guy
7:27
sat's reading my artist statement, and these two women
7:29
are kind of looking at this thing, and there's, you know,
7:32
everything in this writing in this gallery in particular, it's
7:35
not a normal, quote, unquote, like, like, Art Gallery. It's a
7:40
writing gallery. So any piece of art that is hanging in this
7:43
place has to have some sort of text or words or writing in it,
7:47
like, that's what makes it so cool. There's, I've never heard
7:50
or seen of any other person having a writing gallery. So
7:54
kudos to to Jocelyn, because this is wicked goal. So you
7:58
know, there's pictures in my piece, there's words in my
8:00
piece, but you have to, like, like, again, be curious, lean in
8:03
and read it, start to connect the dots. So these women are
8:07
looking at it, and they just read this one thing on my piece,
8:11
and they just go, like, oh. And they suck their teeth, and
8:16
they're like, this is awful, or this is too bad, or whatever
8:19
they're saying. Now, again, I'm behind them, Jocelyn is looking
8:22
at me, and I'm just like watching them watch my piece,
8:25
and it's such a trip. It's a really weird thing. I imagine
8:28
it's what it's like when you know if you're an actor or
8:32
whatever, and you're kind of incognito, and you're in a movie
8:34
theater watching people and responding to your work, but
8:37
like, they don't know that you're in the room. So I'm just
8:39
kind of standing there watching them take it in. And I'm just
8:42
fascinated. I will say this about myself. You know, even
8:46
when my sweetie, my sweetie, my husband, right, is a
8:48
professional musician, and even when he's up on stage doing a
8:52
show, I love watching him do his craft and perform and all of
8:57
that, that's amazing number one. But one of my favorite, like, my
9:00
second favorite thing about a big show like that is watching
9:04
people react to the band, the music, his artistry, his
9:09
singing, like, all this stuff like that. To me, is so much fun
9:12
to look around and see the connection of like, of how
9:16
they're feeling and how they're experiencing the show, right?
9:19
Like, that's one of my favorite things. So watching people
9:22
interact with things I find fascinating. So I'm standing
9:26
there and I'm watching them, and they're kind of like, oh, this
9:29
is awful. Not that my piece was awful, but what they were seeing
9:32
and reading whatever, but there was, like, This detachment to
9:35
it, right? And I found this so fascinating. And they were just
9:39
like, Oh, yeah. And, you know, like it's like when you watch
9:41
the news. I've talked about this before, but one of the things
9:46
that happens when we're in a society, when so much crazy shit
9:50
happens every day, or so much awful shit is going down, or,
9:54
you know, right now, it's a pretty intense time to be alive
9:57
every new day is another thing we're.
10:00
You're just heartbroken or devastated or fucking horrified
10:03
or whatever, right? And so it can be really easy to just do
10:07
that teeth sucking thing where you look at the TV and you see
10:10
this awful news story about whatever, right, war, famine,
10:14
loss, rape, murder, whatever, just children suffering, animal
10:18
suffering, the planet, right, whatever's going on. And it's
10:20
really easy for us to just kind of go,
10:24
like, suck our teeth and go, Oh, that's too bad, and to get a
10:27
little numb, to get a little numb to like, what's going on,
10:30
to not really lean in or interact. And I understand that
10:34
sometimes it can be a little overwhelming, right? You feel
10:37
like you're being bombarded with too much bad news all at once.
10:40
But again, to relate to this story. So I see these people
10:44
kind of looking at this thing, and they're acknowledging it,
10:47
but I also get on a certain level that they're not quite
10:50
getting it. So then this really interesting things happens. So
10:53
Jocelyn looks over at me and says, Can I tell them? And I
10:57
said, Yeah. And so Jocelyn goes, this is her, this is the artist.
11:01
And they're like, oh. And then I point to a couple. They're like,
11:05
Oh, this number, this figure, it's something that's on on my
11:08
art piece, right? And I lean forward and I go, yeah. And
11:12
Jocelyn says, this is, like the introduction to her book. This
11:16
is like a trailer for her book, like a teaser, like an in, you
11:19
know, these chapters. And they're like, oh. And then I
11:23
lean and I go, this right. Here is my mother. I go, and that's
11:26
me. And they go, oh. And you guys, when I tell you, like,
11:31
boom, I snap my fingers, like, boom. Immediately, they get
11:35
wicked curious. They lean in. They actually start interacting
11:39
with the piece they're reading it now, while this is going on
11:43
with those two women, the other guy starts talking to us, so I'm
11:47
kind of now engaging with him, and he's talking about a short
11:51
story he wrote, whatever. But I can hear the women, right?
11:53
Because writers are, yeah,
11:58
writers are some of the best e drop is on the planet. So while
12:02
I'm kind of listening to this guy, well, they were really,
12:04
like, they were Jocelyn, and he were talking, and I was kind of
12:07
standing there, but I was listening to the women,
12:10
and I could tell, like, now they're really engaging with it,
12:15
and they're reading things to each other, and they're
12:17
commenting. And their whole energy, their whole vibe shifts.
12:21
Their emotions start to get engaged, and I realize I'm like,
12:25
oh, so what was the moment when things change and just stay with
12:29
me. Stay with me here, if you're listening, because this is going
12:32
to matter in a minute. I'm like, what changed? And I'm like, Oh,
12:36
the second that it got personal, the second that they could see
12:41
that this thing wasn't just something outside of them or
12:45
separate, that there was a real human being attached to that
12:49
story, and that human being was right in front of them. I was
12:52
like, oh, so as soon as it became personal, they could
12:56
attach it to a person that like, looked like them, right, that
13:00
they could maybe relate to. Then everything changed, and it
13:04
stopped. It stopped just being a teeth sucking, like, Oh, too
13:07
bad. And being like, oh. And it got me to thinking about today's
13:13
topic, which I'm calling like, the difference between sympathy,
13:19
empathy and compassion. Now I can't speak for you because I'm
13:24
not you, but I can say for me that I have journeyed through
13:28
each of these different things, right, sympathy, empathy and
13:32
compassion, and I have seen myself in relation to places and
13:38
things and people and situations and how I may or may not
13:42
respond, and one of the things I'm definitely trying to do
13:46
while I'm still alive on the planet is always to expand my
13:50
capacity for compassion, because it's different than empathy and
13:55
sympathy. And I think that we're not always taught what the
14:00
difference is we don't understand or we can't feel,
14:04
necessarily, because we don't know. And I just thought this is
14:07
a really powerful opportunity to learn, because once we learn
14:12
this, we can't unlearn it or unsee it, and it will change our
14:16
lives if we are willing to pay attention and to practice this
14:20
stuff. So I wanted to share this with you, because I saw it in
14:23
real time, and the example I just gave you about the women,
14:28
and as soon as it became personal, they changed. It's
14:31
because they changed a state. They went from sympathy to
14:35
empathy to compassion, and it was very powerful to see it
14:39
happen right before my eyes in real time. And I think once I'm
14:43
done kind of explaining this or sharing this with you, and you
14:46
might already know all the differences, and that's great,
14:49
but look at repetition is the mother of all learning. And we
14:51
can all, we could all use, I think, an opportunity to grow
14:56
our compassion muscle. So for those of you who are listeners,
14:59
I'm going.
15:00
Talk about this, but for the watches at home, because I know
15:03
a lot of you watch on YouTube. Well, I shouldn't say a lot, but
15:06
some of you watch on YouTube. I'm gonna also hold up a little
15:09
graphic from Susan David that's gonna show you the difference
15:12
between these because some of us are audio like verbal learners.
15:16
Some of us we learn by seeing, and some of us learn by doing.
15:20
Some of us are all three, okay? So here's the difference. So
15:24
sympathy is when you feel pity towards another person's
15:29
misfortune, you might feel sorrow towards their their
15:32
misfortune. So you can, kind of, like, get a sense of like, what
15:37
the other person like. You feel pity for them. Let me put it
15:41
that way. Okay, you feel pity for them. So I'm going to just
15:45
try to make these first introductions pretty small.
15:48
Empathy is a feeling and understanding of another
15:52
person's emotions, like what they're going through, what
15:56
they're experiencing, as if it was our own. So you can feel
16:00
what a person is feeling. Sympathy is again, feeling pity
16:05
or sorrow for somebody, for their misfortune, their
16:08
situation, whatever's happened to them. But empathy is when we
16:11
can actually feel it as if it's our own suffering, our own
16:14
situation. Compassion, and I'm going to keep going through
16:18
these in different ways, because I learned through repetition. So
16:21
hopefully this is helpful for you too. Compassion, though, is
16:26
more than just a feeling. Compassion is the action
16:30
oriented desire to actually alleviate somebody else's
16:35
suffering. So where sympathy you might have again pity or sorrow
16:39
for the suffering, empathy is when you can feel it as if it's
16:43
your own suffering. Compassion is the action kind of base form
16:47
of this where you have a desire inside of you to alleviate their
16:51
suffering. It is the willingness to relieve another person's
16:56
suffering, or an animal suffering, or whatever, and
16:59
that's a really big distinction. So sympathy is when we feel for
17:03
somebody else. Empathy is when we feel with them, right?
17:07
Compassion is when we act to help.
17:12
Now, I don't know about you, but whenever I get this refresher,
17:15
I'm like, Oh yeah, that is so good to remember. And it also
17:21
explains to me,
17:23
like, more clearly, it gives me an insight into myself, more and
17:26
more and more, why I love to be a problem solver. It kind of
17:31
clicked in for me when I was thinking about this. It's like,
17:33
Oh, I like to be a problem solver because I'd like to take
17:37
action because I cannot stand to bear like i It's not that I
17:42
can't bear it. I can bear it, and I have beared it, and I will
17:46
bear it, but I don't like it like I can't, oh, I can't stand
17:50
when other beings and other people are suffering. Now I also
17:53
have learned over my 57 plus years heading towards 58
17:59
that sometimes we can't alleviate another person's
18:02
suffering. To take away their suffering, takes away their
18:04
capacity to understand that they can help themselves, that they
18:09
can't do it. So it doesn't make sense. It's like idiot
18:12
compassion sometimes when you just try to swoop in and fix
18:15
everything for everybody, and you rob them of the opportunity
18:18
to understand who they are and what they're capable of. But I
18:21
also don't believe in watching somebody suffer needlessly, if I
18:25
can do something to help now I'm not talking about right. There
18:29
are times when, let's just say somebody's in the throes of
18:31
addictions or whatever, like you can't make it so that other
18:35
people don't I always say, we can't rob people from the
18:39
opportunity right to learn about themselves. I think we do them a
18:43
disservice, and we cannot save people from the consequences of
18:47
being themselves sometimes, okay. So sympathy is when you
18:51
feel for somebody else. Empathy is when you feel along with
18:54
them, right, like you get it. Compassion is when you act to do
18:57
something about it and to help. So sympathy is a reaction.
19:01
Empathy is more about that connection piece, right? But
19:05
compassion is a solution. Compassion is when we look at
19:09
something and we want to do something about it. So for
19:12
example, let's say those women were like, looking at my piece,
19:16
and they saw one of the things on my piece that said, I'm being
19:20
vague on purpose, but it says something, right? Then they
19:24
might feel motivated to go, Oh, my God, that statistic is
19:27
horrible. I want to do something about that. Maybe I can
19:30
volunteer. Maybe I can learn more about violence against
19:34
women or whatever the thing is, right? It's like we feel
19:36
compelled to act when we are showing true compassion. And so
19:41
I'm going to dive into these a little bit deeper. Because
19:44
again, I like to like, I really like to drive a point home. I
19:47
don't say these things because I think you're stupid, dear
19:50
listener. I just know my own knucklehead. And sometimes I
19:54
like to get different examples. So again, think of sympathy as
19:58
pity. And.
20:00
Empathy is understanding and compassion is action, okay? But
20:06
with the thing, with sympathy, what it does is sympathy kind of
20:09
creates a little bit of distance. So when you have
20:12
feeling for somebody else, like they're going through something
20:15
awful, it's like watching the news, and you just go, oh, isn't
20:18
that so awful, right? So you might have a feeling for, I'm
20:22
doing little quotes for somebody, but it's usually with
20:24
a little bit of pity, or there's a little bit of distance between
20:27
the two of you, like you're not you're not close. And this is
20:30
kind of like in real life, we might like, let's say, Send,
20:34
like, a sympathy card or an empathy card, a condolence card,
20:38
like, if somebody dies, you just send the card. So it indicates
20:41
that you give a shit. It indicates that you care. But it
20:45
doesn't mean that you're, like, getting in the ring with them
20:48
and like sharing the emotion with them. It's just like you're
20:50
acknowledging it. Okay? Empathy is when we have that true
20:54
understanding, and it involves, like, taking a perspective of
20:58
what it would be like to be in their shoes, right? You feel
21:02
along with them, and I'm sure like you have experienced this
21:07
in your own life, right? It's like being it's like putting
21:10
yourself in somebody else's shoes, or you feel it in your
21:13
own skin, what it's like to be in that situation and what
21:16
they're going through. And I love this little piece here. It
21:19
says, what empathy does is it fuels connection, whereas
21:23
sympathy can sometimes feel distant. Empathy doesn't always
21:27
lead to action, but empathy is a really good bridge towards
21:32
compassion. That's like the beginning step of compassion is
21:35
having that understanding. But here's the thing that happens,
21:39
and maybe you've experienced this yourself,
21:43
especially in the caring professions. So whether that's
21:47
therapists, psychologists, nurses,
21:51
hospice workers, whatever, right? EMTs, police, whatever,
21:54
when you are in the service business, when you're in the
21:57
caring profession,
21:59
you can oftentimes end up with empathetic distress. So like,
22:04
you get overwhelmed because or social workers, right? That's a
22:07
perfect example. A lot of times you're involved in these systems
22:11
of care where you're trying to help others, but it just feels
22:14
hopeless. It feels like, Oh my God, I feel all this empathy,
22:18
but I don't have the power to change their situation, I don't
22:21
have the ability to take action on their behalf. There's nothing
22:24
I can do. So you just bombarded on a daily basis of deep, deep,
22:28
deep feeling, right? This is why, when people say, Oh, it's
22:31
so hard to be alive, because I'm an empath. I think we're all
22:35
empaths. I think we're all empathetic. I mean, unless
22:38
you're like a serial killer or have, you know, a sociopath, and
22:43
you don't have feeling towards others, right? But we can end up
22:47
in a place where we have empathetic distress. Another key
22:51
interesting thing about empathy, though, is it often is self
22:54
oriented, right? It's like we're focusing on how we might feel in
22:57
that situation where compassion is really other oriented. So
23:03
let's jump to compassion now again. So compassion is like so
23:08
where empathy is sharing the feelings of others like you can
23:11
feel it along with them. Compassion is when you have a
23:14
wish to help them.
23:17
I love this. When you have a wish to make a difference, when
23:20
you have a wish, like, I always say, like, wherever you go, may
23:23
your presence, your energy, your love, be a blessing. May you
23:26
being there, may it leave people differently than how you found
23:29
them. Something occurs in that where you take maybe some sort
23:33
of action, where you are a helper, right? So it goes beyond
23:36
compassion. Goes beyond empathy. It goes beyond just
23:40
understanding, okay, it's you wanting to actively, somehow,
23:46
some way, alleviate the suffering. So it's often I love
23:51
this. I wrote this down. Compassion is often described as
23:54
empathy in action, and where compassion is proactive and
23:59
rewarding, it encourages pro social actions to help others
24:04
also listen to this statistic, compassion is often seen by the
24:08
ones who are suffering as more helpful helpful than empathy
24:13
alone, because it involves actively addressing needs, and
24:19
studies indicate that compassion training reduces negative
24:23
emotions and increases positive ones, because there's often a
24:28
negative effect when it's just empathy alone, again and again
24:31
and again and again. So while empathy can often lead us to
24:35
feeling, I don't want to put words in your mouth, but maybe
24:38
you feel like drained or a little overwhelmed by other
24:41
people's pain, compassion offers kind of a built in,
24:47
like protective mechanism, because you're focusing on
24:50
solutions, right? And that's what I love about being a
24:53
problem solving and saying, Okay, this is my situation. I'm
24:55
like, Okay, how can we help that whole thing? How can I help? Is
24:59
really.
25:00
Really, really a big question to ask. So when we think about
25:04
these again, sympathy, empathy and compassion, sympathy is
25:08
about having pity for it's very low action. It can feel
25:12
distance. And an example of this might be like, I'm sorry for
25:15
your loss. Okay, if I'm giving you an example, empathy is a
25:20
feeling with it has more moderate action, and it
25:24
establishes more of a deep connection. And you might say
25:27
something like, with empathy, I understand your pain, okay,
25:32
where compassion, the focus is on helping, like doing
25:36
something, the action is action oriented, so it's a high level
25:40
of action. And your question might be, how can I help? So
25:45
that really distinguishes it. It's not just again. It's not
25:48
just going, Oh, that's too bad, or sucking our teeth, or saying,
25:50
Yeah, I can understand. It's, what can I do about this? And
25:53
that's like, such a powerful, powerful thing. Now I'm going to
25:57
hold up now the graphic detail. This is the visual that I love.
26:01
This is from Susan David, a fantastic writer, and it says
26:05
what sympathy, empathy and compassion look like. So in the
26:08
first frame, it's just an individual, which we'll just
26:11
say, that's you, okay? So sympathy, if you're listening to
26:14
this and you're not watching, I'll explain what's happening.
26:17
So there's a little green guy, and there's a little pink
26:19
person, and the little pink person. It's a little shape.
26:22
It's a triangle, okay, just, we'll call it. A person is
26:25
sitting inside of a circle all by itself, and the green guys
26:28
outside it just kind of looking down at them, and it says,
26:31
basically, sympathy says, I'm sorry you're in pain. And it's
26:35
distant. It's outside the circle.
26:38
Empathy shows the little green guy stepping one foot inside the
26:42
circle with the little pink triangle.
26:45
They're really cute, actually. And this one says, I can
26:50
practice perspective taking by imagining what this pain might
26:53
feel like. And it's a more shared experience. And the
26:58
compassionate circle, it's so cute. The little green guy is
27:01
wrapping his arms around the little pink person. It's like,
27:04
it's like a little bit of a love hug, but they're both inside the
27:08
circle. And what compassion says is us suffering, and I will do
27:12
what I can to help. And this one is connected and action
27:16
oriented. It's so fantastic. I'm gonna like, I hope you just pop
27:21
on to see this. Susan, David, it's a great thing, and it's
27:24
about emotional agility, having the emotional agility to
27:28
understand where you are in this context. Are you somebody who's
27:32
only capable, usually, of showing sympathy? Are you
27:35
somebody who's overwhelmed because you're so empathetic?
27:37
Are you somebody who actually gets in the ring and tries to do
27:40
something to help. And one of the things I think we can take a
27:45
look at this is going back to the art story, and these people
27:49
viewing my art and viewing my story from a distance. It wasn't
27:53
until they acknowledged me and saw me as a real person that
27:57
they could relate to what was going on up on my art piece, and
28:01
that's when they leaned in, is when they made it personal to
28:05
what not just personal meaning it was them, but they put it to
28:10
an actual person standing in front of them. And it got me to
28:13
thinking about like, how sometimes people can't feel
28:18
empathy, they can't feel compassion, they might not even
28:21
feel sympathy, because they don't care about it until it
28:26
becomes personal, like until it affects them. Now, we saw this
28:31
in Nazi Germany. We saw this in the Holocaust. We see it all the
28:35
time around us with racism and misogyny and sexism and wars and
28:39
stuff like that, where we stand apart from it, and we're like,
28:42
Oh, yeah. And we don't actually start to give a shit until it
28:45
starts to knock on your door and threaten you and your family.
28:48
And then we see all that my kids, my family, my whatever,
28:52
and it's like, yeah, but it's not just your kids, your
28:55
whatever, your family. It's all of us, right? And sometimes,
28:59
until it becomes personal, or until a person experiences it
29:02
themselves. They're not worried about it, they don't think about
29:05
it, they don't want to do anything about it, and they
29:08
certainly don't feel moved by it. And I think of this often,
29:13
like I've had people say to me right over time,
29:18
and I give them credit for acknowledging it, but a lot of
29:21
times, people can't feel those things or understand those
29:24
things, because they'll say, I hadn't gone through it. And
29:27
they'll say to me, I've had people say to me, until I lost
29:31
my beloved dog, until I lost my beloved pet, my furry kid,
29:35
right? My animal, that was like my guy, my person, my, you know,
29:39
my being. I had no idea, and they said to me, I had somebody
29:44
say to me, I was often a little bit flippant with people, and
29:46
they'd say, it's just an animal, it's just a cat, it's just a
29:49
dog. And they're like, until I lost my own and realized the
29:52
amount of grief that I experienced. Some people will
29:56
say to me, I had no idea. You know, I used to look at my
29:59
friend and be like, Oh.
30:00
Oh, my God, can you just get over it already? Or they'd roll
30:02
their eyes at somebody saying, like, oh, you know what? Your
30:05
mother died, like this long ago, your father died, or your grand
30:08
it was just a grandparent. They were old, right? All the stupid
30:10
shit that humans say, and then they'll say, I didn't realize
30:15
until I went through my own loss, just how debilitating that
30:19
kind of grief can be. I can't believe how affected I am, and
30:22
it's unfortunate that a lot of us are built that way, where you
30:26
know you can't really feel something or understand
30:29
something, and so you go through it yourself. So this episode is
30:33
an is an invitation to say, like, don't wait for that. We
30:37
have to practice building our compassion muscle, and some of
30:43
the things that we can kind of look out for, right is notice.
30:47
Here's some things to notice. I wrote these down so I wouldn't
30:49
forget. Notice when you judge or minimize other people's
30:55
suffering.
30:57
Notice when you look at somebody else's suffering and you say
30:59
things like, it was just a dog, it was just a cat. That happened
31:03
so long ago, I wouldn't be that upset about that, because here's
31:08
the thing, they're not you.
31:11
Everybody responds to things differently. Everybody's
31:14
capacity for being able to get through things right? That's
31:19
where those all those old sayings like, pull yourself up
31:21
by your Bootstrap, get over it already. Blah, blah, blah,
31:24
right? It's like we don't get to determine or judge another
31:27
person's process for suffering and grief. It doesn't matter if
31:31
we would handle it differently, or we wouldn't let that affect
31:33
us, or we wouldn't do that that's very self oriented, so
31:38
notice when you judge or minimize the suffering of
31:40
others.
31:42
Notice when you dismiss your own suffering,
31:47
when you kind of roll your eyes or make fun of yourself or blow
31:50
it off, or you condemn yourself, because I should be over this by
31:53
now. This shouldn't be such a big deal.
31:57
So notice these things right, when you diminish or judge other
32:01
suffering, and when you dismiss your own also, though, notice
32:04
when compassion comes like more easily for you? Is it more
32:09
easily towards animals? Is it more easily towards old people
32:13
or babies? Because I'll tell you this, if we see an old person
32:17
fall down or a child fall down, most people are much quicker to
32:21
react than if you just see another human being. It's almost
32:24
as if our suffering isn't on the outside. If it's not right in
32:28
your face, we can't empathize or have compassion for
32:34
we might actually actively turn away. I don't want to get
32:37
involved,
32:39
so notice when your compassion comes easily, and notice when it
32:44
doesn't. These are great things to like, pay attention to. Okay,
32:49
also,
32:51
I noticed, I know this because it's somebody who has lived with
32:54
irritable bowel syndrome for a really long time who has an
32:57
affliction or disorder or whatever that you can't see on
33:00
the outside, and all kinds of people are walking around with
33:03
illnesses or diseases or situations that we can't see on
33:07
the outside. We don't know that somebody just lost their mother,
33:10
we don't know that somebody just got an awful diagnosis. We don't
33:14
know that somebody's going through a divorce or a breakup.
33:16
We don't know that somebody just lost their job, etc, etc. We
33:21
shouldn't have to have people walking around with signs or
33:24
thought bubbles above their head announcing their grief, their
33:27
suffering, whatever, for us to have compassion for each other,
33:31
this is a muscle that we really need to grow. You know, I
33:35
believe this. You know, when I look back and I think about and
33:39
again, I know I talk about them all the time. But when I think
33:41
about like, you know, go all the way, go, go down through
33:46
spirituality and religion, go back to Jesus and how much
33:49
compassion Jesus had for others. You can look at Mother Tracy.
33:52
You can look at all kinds of saints and mystics and sages,
33:55
right? But we can also look at like, more modern day mystics,
33:57
like, I look at Bob Ross I look at Mr. Rogers, right? They were
34:02
trying to teach us from a very young age to have compassion,
34:05
right? For for each other, for ourselves, for animals, for our
34:09
environment, right? They were, they were like the powerhouses
34:12
of compassion. So seriously, go back. Watch yourself some Mr.
34:16
Rogers episodes. Listen to Bob Ross right, like put it in the
34:21
background, listen to them talking to you. It's so
34:23
important. And so this is a question. So this is a question
34:28
that I have for you. Why do people have to be showing
34:32
distress to earn our empathy and compassion?
34:37
Or why do we have to have a personal connection to someone
34:41
or a personal connection to a cause
34:44
to care about it,
34:48
and I can't answer it for you. These are personal questions
34:51
that I'm putting out to you that because I asked myself these
34:54
questions too. These are things that I like bounce around in my
34:57
head. You know? Why do people have to show.
35:00
Distress. Why can't we just naturally extend compassion? So
35:05
I highly encourage you, if you want to grow that compassion
35:07
muscle, to go through those things of noticing when the ones
35:11
I just listed a moment ago, right? But also, if you go back
35:15
to Episode 243,
35:18
I did a whole episode on loving kindness, a loving kindness
35:21
meditation. It's a powerful meditation. You can also just do
35:24
something really simple, of setting an intention of
35:28
compassion when you first wake up in the morning, like, I'm
35:30
going to move to the world with more compassion. People don't
35:32
need to be suffering and down, you know, down like they don't
35:35
have to be unhoused and standing on the corner for me to have
35:39
compassion for them, people don't have to be outwardly
35:42
expressing their suffering in order for me to care. I can just
35:46
move to the world with kind of an assumption that most people
35:49
are going through something, and so I'm naturally going to
35:51
practice trying to extend compassion and loving kindness
35:54
towards them, right? That's what Metsa is. Metsa loving kindness,
35:58
you know. And we can develop our compassion like a muscle every
36:02
time you sit down to do your DSP, your daily spiritual
36:05
practice, you can set the intention of increasing your
36:08
compassion for others and for yourself.
36:12
We set the intention so that our daily spiritual practices are
36:15
not just self serving, that they have, you know, connection to
36:18
others beyond ourselves, that they go out more globally. And
36:22
we can even start with just a simple meditation of setting the
36:25
intention that you want to grow your compassion. And you feel
36:29
like, I always say, like a beautiful ball of golden light
36:31
or a pink light, or a white light, or whatever light makes
36:34
you happy, emanating from your heart. And first it just kind of
36:37
covers you and your whole self, and then it emanates out and
36:41
maybe starts to cover the people within your home, your furry
36:44
kids, your human kids, your sweetie, whatever. You can just
36:48
imagine it growing. And then you can imagine this golden light
36:51
reaching out to your family and your friends,
36:55
and imagine that they can feel the love that you're extending.
36:58
They can feel the compassion that you're extending. And then
37:01
you can extend it. It's very similar to like a loving
37:03
kindness, Medicaid meditation. And then you can extend it to,
37:06
you know, people you love. And then you can extend it out a
37:09
little bit wider. Then you can eventually extend it out to
37:11
people that maybe you have a disagreement with,
37:15
maybe people you actively don't like. And just imagine them
37:19
receiving that golden light. Imagine that golden light
37:21
extending from your heart to theirs right and just imagine
37:24
how different the world would be if we were all extending that
37:27
compassion to each other all the time.
37:30
I'm not saying it's easy. I'm not saying it's not hard,
37:35
because actively, we have preferences and personalities
37:38
and just people we don't necessarily love or like,
37:43
but
37:46
it's so helpful for us to like, get it out there. And remember,
37:50
compassion is paired with action. It asks the question,
37:53
How can I help? It goes beyond just, Oh, that's too bad. It
37:58
goes it goes into being action oriented, right? Wanting to
38:02
actually do something to alleviate the suffering of
38:04
others. What can I do? How can I help? It's one of the first
38:08
questions I try to ask. You know, when we have a nest call
38:10
or whatever, I'll get on the call and I'll say, okay, how can
38:13
I help? How can I be helpful? Right? That that is my great
38:16
desire, one of my great desires in this lifetime. So you guys, I
38:19
hope this was helpful to you in some way. If you're listening to
38:22
this, you're probably, if you're listening to this on the first
38:24
day that it comes out, you were listening on May 7, 19. No, not,
38:29
not 19. May 7, 2026, this is the 45th anniversary of my mother's
38:35
death. So this is also a little love letter to my mom to be
38:39
thinking about compassion, because I really do believe
38:41
that, you know, if the guy that killed my mother could have had
38:45
more compassion for her as a human being,
38:48
then she would still be alive. So this is a really important
38:51
thing. It's something that is near and dear to my heart. If
38:54
you live locally, you guys and you're able to please come,
38:57
please come to the opening reception on Friday May 8 at the
39:01
11th letter writing gallery 146 North Main Street in downtown
39:05
conkin. 530 to 7:30pm the artist will be there to talk about
39:10
their work and to, you know, just to interact with people or
39:13
whatever. And I'd love to have you there. So thank you so much
39:16
for tuning in. I know this is a little bit of a longer one. I
39:18
hope it was helpful in some way. And just know that I super duper
39:21
appreciate you for being here. If you can still hear the sound
39:24
of my voice, thank you for hanging in there with me and
39:26
look wherever you go out in the world. May you leave the people
39:29
and the animals and the environment and yourself better
39:33
than how you found it wherever you go. May your presence, your
39:36
energy, your love and your compassion be a blessing. Bye.
39:42
Hey, thanks so much for listening to the show. I really
39:45
love spending some time together. Now, if you dig the
39:48
show or know someone that could benefit from this episode,
39:51
please share it with them and help me to spread the good word
39:55
and the love. And if you want to be in the know about all of my
39:59
upcoming shenani.
40:00
Begins head on over to Karen kenney.com/sign,
40:04
up and join my list. It'll be wicked fun to stay in touch.
40:09
Bye. You.