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We Are Delicate Flowers: Sex Shop Confessions & Laughs · LOLwithMariandJohn.com

• 0:31
  Testing one, two, three. Testing that. Three.
• 0:36
  One, two, three. We look fabulous, don't we? I know. Hello, everybody. Hello.
• 0:43
  We're feeling precious and beautiful. Yes, we're delicate flowers.
• 0:46
  We are delicate flowers tonight. How are you?
• 0:51
  We smoked a little. A little bit. Just a little bit. Enough.
• 0:56
  Enough. Enough to make us go, I am a delicate flower. I am a delicate flower.
• 1:06
  Hey, what are we going to talk about? I have no idea.
• 1:10
  Well, just having fun, having a good night,
• 1:17
  and enjoying ourselves. How was your day?
• 1:23
  Oh, it was a blast. It was a blast? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 1:27
  At the dildo store. At the banana. At the banana. Yes. You had a blast at the
• 1:32
  banana. I had a blast. With all the gay men showing up because they want oral
• 1:37
  sex to be performed. Oh, by the way.
• 1:40
  Andrew said that he did not think it was a good idea to omit profanity from
• 1:47
  our program because it's who we are.
• 1:49
  And there's a lot of profanity out there in programs, and they're popular.
• 1:54
  Yeah. So he basically was telling me, fuck it, just start talking like you talk.
• 2:00
  Oh, really? Fuck it. Yeah. He was like, I don't, because I said,
• 2:03
  don't you think it's better to appeal to a wider audience by keeping the language?
• 2:09
  And he was like i don't know i don't i don't know he was like i don't think
• 2:12
  so he said you know well you know that kind of makes sense he said just be who
• 2:16
  you are yeah and he was like you guys work in a sex shop and you've been working in the adult,
• 2:23
  sex industry your entire lives adult lives um,
• 2:28
  why would you start censoring yourselves now I know.
• 2:32
  When we're in our 60s.
• 2:35
  Don't say that anymore. I'm so sorry, but we are. I'm a delicate flower.
• 2:42
  I can't hear that right now. I know. I can't either. I can't either. But it is what it is.
• 2:48
  And we have to accept it. Death is coming.
• 2:52
  Stop. Don't go there. No, listen. Don't go there. Hey, don't pretend death is
• 2:57
  coming. It's coming. We're 60.
• 3:00
  But for all of us. You know, nobody's guaranteed. Girl, you know what I'm talking
• 3:05
  about. It's around the corner.
• 3:06
  It's not down the street. It's not in the next chapter. It's not in the,
• 3:11
  it's not we're just, we've only just begun.
• 3:16
  Yeah, I know.
• 3:20
  I know, I know, I know. White lace and pride. I can shut her up.
• 3:25
  Anyway. Apparently you can. Oh, thank you. Thank you. I don't know if that's
• 3:31
  a skill. I technically don't. Mm-hmm.
• 3:34
  So. Where are we? Where are we? Where are we? Where are we? Where are we?
• 3:40
  Halloween.
• 3:47
  We had a bunch of Zuhindas. Yeah. I don't know what happened.
• 3:51
  All of a sudden, this femininity invaded us.
• 3:56
  It just reminded us that back then, God was a woman.
• 4:03
  That's right. Yeah. That's right. 26,000 years in archaeological history.
• 4:10
  God was a woman. God was a woman.
• 4:12
  All of these statues around the entire globe. The deities, they were all women.
• 4:19
  Yeah, that's all you make statues of is deities.
• 4:22
  There were no statues of the men.
• 4:24
  There were the women. And you know what? It's believed that it's because primitive
• 4:28
  man, primitive man saw a woman giving birth and went, okay, holy shit, you win.
• 4:35
  You're a badass you are a badass and that's what happened they saw that and
• 4:39
  they were like woman is power woman is the great one and then what is believed as well is that men,
• 4:49
  realized that they had a part in procreation,
• 4:54
  and that screwed us up because the men were like wait a minute so you need my
• 4:58
  dilly dally to squirt some scoopy scoopy.
• 5:02
  To create that thing that comes out of your vagina like a miracle of the century.
• 5:07
  And I play a role in it. Oh my god. That means shut the fuck up,
• 5:10
  sit down, get in the kitchen and start cooking me dinner, bitch.
• 5:14
  And that's what happened. I mean, you know. That's exactly what happened.
• 5:18
  We're cutting it down a bit, but that's basically what happened,
• 5:21
  bitches. Yeah, simple. And now.
• 5:26
  Especially in our third world countries, you know, the women's role is minimized.
• 5:32
  Yeah, she's a secondary citizen. Even when she arrives to another country as
• 5:37
  an immigrant, she's still doing the laundry, mopping the floors,
• 5:41
  cleaning up after people and children,
• 5:44
  and working for an hourly wage. Yeah.
• 5:48
  You know, but somehow when the man works for an hourly wage,
• 5:52
  it means something. Oh, yeah. It makes him the king.
• 5:55
  But when she works for an hourly wage, it's like, thanks for contributing.
• 5:59
  Yeah, and she has to do everything else on top of it.
• 6:02
  Take care of the children, clean the house. Girls, it's not over.
• 6:06
  Have sex with their husband. It's 2026, and Monty and I are witnessing those
• 6:12
  relationships in this freaking apartment building.
• 6:16
  I'm telling you, it is...
• 6:21
  Yeah. It feels like we're living in, you know, not medieval,
• 6:27
  but for us, medieval times.
• 6:29
  Right? Yeah. I'm like, you guys, to the women, I want to say,
• 6:33
  listen, you're in the United States now. You have more rights. I mean, at least.
• 6:37
  But man, we've talked about this before.
• 6:41
  And, you know, what's going to be interesting is your podcast coming up. I know.
• 6:45
  Madi's going to sit one-on-one with one of our neighbors, and it's going to
• 6:49
  be a very special podcast.
• 6:50
  My daughter. or granddaughter, whatever she wants to call herself.
• 6:55
  There might be a few English words thrown in there if I'm around,
• 6:57
  but it's going to be in Spanish, and it's going to be speaking to someone.
• 7:02
  Yeah, someone who's actually become very dear to us because she is the— She's going through a lot.
• 7:09
  Well, she's also the fur mom of our favorite puppy, Toby. Oh,
• 7:14
  yeah, Toby. Tobias, Toby Ziki. Our most popular YouTube videos are of Toby.
• 7:21
  Because Toby's adorable. So Esme and I are going to be talking tomorrow and
• 7:26
  exchanging ideas, not only ideas, but what we think about being women.
• 7:32
  Y'all are going to be just dishing. You're going to be dishing. Yeah.
• 7:36
  And you know what? That woman needs a voice. She has, you guys,
• 7:41
  so she was a singer at one point. So she's been on stage.
• 7:46
  She's kind of...
• 7:50
  She's kind of like a... She's a folk singer. And she's courageous.
• 7:55
  Oh, very. You know what I'm saying? Oh, she's a folk singer?
• 7:58
  She's a folk singer. I didn't know that. Yeah, she sings at Rancheras and... Oh, so she's got that...
• 8:09
  And she's great at harmonizing. Oh, but she's been on stage,
• 8:14
  so she's not afraid of a microphone in front of her face. Nope.
• 8:17
  And she's been through some major shit. I'm like, you guys, oh,
• 8:22
  my God, she's been through some major shit.
• 8:24
  And we're going to have her talk about it and, you know, air out her feelings.
• 8:28
  Who knows what's going to happen? I know. She's lived a life.
• 8:31
  I'm excited. I'm excited. It's going to be cool. It's going to be cool to get
• 8:34
  that perspective, I think. I know. Yep.
• 8:37
  From her heart, from. From your heart. From my heart.
• 8:41
  Yeah, because, yeah, because you're giving a voice to these people,
• 8:47
  you know, it's really cool.
• 8:49
  I mean, I can't do it.
• 8:51
  I don't have the bilingual ability that you have to be fluent in two languages completely.
• 8:57
  I mean, I can speak Spanish pretty good, but I'm not fluent.
• 9:02
  And you can speak English really well, and you can speak Spanish really well,
• 9:05
  and you're completely fluent in both. That's a rare thing. I know.
• 9:10
  I'm really proud of it. Good. You should be.
• 9:13
  And thanks to Mom, who made me write a whole page of Spanish.
• 9:19
  Are you accepting an Oscar?
• 9:21
  Yes. Well, girl, you're dressed for it. I'd like to thank the mechanic.
• 9:25
  I know I got the sparkles and everything. With her Armani jewels.
• 9:29
  And by Armani, I mean, it didn't cost an army of money and a leg. No.
• 9:34
  It did not. Maybe like, I think I have like a whole. This bracelet here,
• 9:38
  the super, can you hold it up? Can you see it? It's right here.
• 9:42
  Anyways, that one with the super glitter and the gold and the greens and the
• 9:47
  reds and multi-toned, it's absolutely gorgeous.
• 9:50
  I think that was around $7 or $6. Right?
• 9:54
  And then this one was a gift from Mr. Ramon.
• 9:58
  Oh, yeah. And then these are... Should we talk about him?
• 10:04
  I don't know. Because it's a sensitive subject. It's a very sensitive subject.
• 10:08
  Ramona was a guy who was a regular at our club. For years.
• 10:12
  For years and years. Regular.
• 10:14
  He would tell you, if you asked him, he was a VIP person.
• 10:19
  And gradually, because he did, he was one of those people that lived down the
• 10:26
  street in a building, an apartment building, and therefore we were very close to his home.
• 10:32
  So it was convenient. But he drove, didn't he? No, he lived like in the Puerto
• 10:37
  Rican area or something. Oh. Something like that. Look at you all labeling areas
• 10:41
  and shit like that. Well, I, you know. Like you somebody.
• 10:46
  Yeah, I, you know, I am who I am. He.
• 10:52
  Lived in a very, it was an old home Latin community. With his husband.
• 10:59
  No, his husband died years and years and years ago. But I mean,
• 11:02
  before that, he lived with his husband.
• 11:04
  And his husband was from a family of notoriety in the bell-making community.
• 11:14
  You know those big cathedral bells that they make? his.
• 11:23
  Family was famous for making those in in,
• 11:27
  I think Germany. Germany or something like that. Something like that. His husband. Yeah.
• 11:31
  So in other words, he married into some family with a name. Mm-hmm.
• 11:34
  And he had to let everybody know because that's how he is.
• 11:38
  Yes, he was. That's how he is. He wants you to remember that he is classy.
• 11:43
  Okay? Don't forget. He is classy.
• 11:46
  So anyway, that leads to the fact that he was there almost every day at the club.
• 11:51
  Every day. And then gradually things started to happen like he showed up with his own chair. Yeah.
• 11:57
  Because our chairs didn't have cushions, and he wanted a cushion.
• 12:01
  And he had the chair with cushion plus a cushion on top of it.
• 12:06
  And at first, he expected us to carry, when he would show up,
• 12:10
  he wanted the chair to be carried upstairs, set in his favorite spot to sit,
• 12:15
  so that he could sit there.
• 12:17
  And then he brought a blanket, and he wanted a blanket to be put over him.
• 12:21
  Yeah, and then he started to bring his own beverage, because he was on a special
• 12:24
  diet and he required a certain beverage.
• 12:27
  But he didn't want to—we were selling beverages. So he wanted us to utilize,
• 12:33
  our refrigerator where we were selling beverages from to hold his beverages free of charge.
• 12:40
  So that when he wanted one, he could ask for it and receive it free of charge. Yeah, yeah.
• 12:46
  It was a bit on the ridiculous side. He didn't tip the guys either.
• 12:51
  And then he decided he no longer wanted to use the customer bathroom.
• 12:57
  And only the employee bathroom, which was larger and much more immaculate,
• 13:01
  would do. And it was much more private.
• 13:04
  So he started insisting that we allow him to use the employee bathroom.
• 13:10
  And then I came down one time and he was behind the counter and.
• 13:18
  He was opening up his coat at the time, because you can check in your coat.
• 13:22
  He had gone into the check-in area behind the counter by himself and decided
• 13:29
  to get some stuff out of his coat jacket because, hey, it's my coat jacket.
• 13:33
  And it was like, but you do understand customers are not allowed behind the counter.
• 13:38
  Yeah. Especially when there is no other employee in sight. You don't just walk behind the counter.
• 13:47
  Then after that, I was ringing up a customer. He was coming up.
• 13:52
  I buzzed him in because we have a buzzer. He buzzed in, walked in,
• 13:57
  proceeded to slam his keys down on the counter and told me, check them in for
• 14:02
  me, as I was in the middle of selling merchandise to another customer, like they didn't exist.
• 14:09
  And then I told him to wait a moment that I wanted to speak to him.
• 14:14
  And when I was through helping the customer, I asked him to please gather his
• 14:19
  chair, his blanket, his cushion, and his,
• 14:23
  special beverages, and to take them with him and to never return to our club. After years.
• 14:32
  But that's where it went to. And everybody was like, remember?
• 14:38
  Oh, they're still asking about it. People were just like, oh,
• 14:42
  my God, how dare you? And I thought to myself,
• 14:46
  Ah, we had, I had explained to him over and over again, you are a customer.
• 14:52
  You are not owner of the club. You are not an employee. You are a customer.
• 14:59
  You must understand the boundaries. And to him, it was no. It was nothing. I mean, he didn't care.
• 15:07
  It was his world. But he brought you jewelry every day. He did bring a jewelry.
• 15:13
  So what it boils down to is Monty was a hoe who kicked her for jewelry.
• 15:20
  And then she was like, turned her back on him the second he pissed her off.
• 15:25
  She was like, I don't care how much jewelry you've given me,
• 15:28
  go to hell. Oh, my God. It's not like that. I know.
• 15:32
  It's not like that. Well, to start with he's the biggest homo in the world.
• 15:35
  Well, hello. And you like the same thing he likes. He was bribing me,
• 15:39
  you know, and it worked for a long time.
• 15:43
  You know, I accept it. I'm sorry. You sucked what?
• 15:47
  I did not suck that. Oh, did you say I accepted it? I accepted it.
• 15:51
  Oh, I thought you said I sucked it.
• 15:53
  No, no, no. I didn't know that.
• 15:56
  You didn't tell me that part of this story. No, no, no, no, no,
• 15:58
  no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
• 16:01
  But I, yeah, I mean, he...
• 16:06
  You realize we're going to have to change the status of this podcast?
• 16:09
  Because all of our podcasts before this have been.
• 16:15
  They've been called clean. Oh, and they're not clean no more.
• 16:19
  And they ain't clean no more, you're right. Yeah.
• 16:22
  They ain't clean no more. So I wonder what effect that's going to have.
• 16:25
  I'm so worried. Christian mother of God, please forgive me.
• 16:29
  Oh, man. Do you see my bird? That's my bird, bitches.
• 16:33
  But I'm wearing it. I know. You don't wear it. Don't break it.
• 16:36
  You're not supposed to wear it. You guys, I love birds. So do I.
• 16:41
  We've had one bird for like 20 years. That should be only living eight years.
• 16:48
  We had like 13 birds. 14. 14 birds. 14 birds. For a long time.
• 16:53
  But, you know, they all died of old age.
• 16:56
  Yeah. And there's one left, and she don't want to go because the food is too good. I know.
• 17:02
  At Restaurant O'Mauri. Yeah, I mean, she gets now the food of all 14 finches in one. In one.
• 17:09
  She gets like, first we start with a chef salad with hard-boiled eggs.
• 17:14
  She gets strawberries, blueberries, broccoli, blueberries. She gets crushed
• 17:21
  almonds in her seeds. Apple, orange. All of her seeds are pre-pitted so that
• 17:27
  she only has to deal with the soft parts.
• 17:30
  And she has a bath.
• 17:32
  Every day, a fresh bath. Yes. She also has almonds that are crushed into her seed.
• 17:39
  Romaine lettuce. Romaine lettuce. She likes the heart of a green bell pepper
• 17:45
  with all the seeds, you know, in the center of it. She loves those.
• 17:48
  Cucumbers are her thang. Oh, yeah. She gets hard for cucumbers.
• 17:51
  And tomatoes. Tomatoes, too. But cucumbers are her thang. That's good. She loves cucumbers.
• 17:58
  And recently, broccoli. She's into broccoli. Oh, she loves broccoli.
• 18:01
  She likes picking the little balls off of the broccoli.
• 18:05
  But she's a sweetheart. She sits a lot. She talks to us. Tina.
• 18:08
  And you know why she got her name?
• 18:10
  Because there was another bird that died before her that was always beating her up.
• 18:17
  So John called him Ike Turner. Yeah, because the fucker was always beating her
• 18:22
  up. And she beat Tina Turner because she was always flying all over the house.
• 18:25
  She outlived him and she's still here and the motherfucker's gone. The house.
• 18:29
  Since she was like out of breath and he he was coming he was,
• 18:33
  yeah he was merciless so we separated them yep he yeah he was ike turner ike
• 18:39
  turner and tina turner so i'm getting tired of talking are you getting tired
• 18:43
  i'm tired of talking yeah i know right.
• 18:46
  You guys you know i have a burnout button so but you know i love talking and
• 18:51
  uh wow we're having fun i want you to have a great day yes and happy monday happy monday yeah,
• 19:02
  and be safe uh have fun yeah and love come back and see us again please we need
• 19:09
  you to survive that's the truth there bye bye love you.