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Your Mind is Either Creating or Destroying You · All In with Allie

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In this episode of All In with Ali, we are going to be talking
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about whether your mind is creating you or destroying you, the difference between the
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two, and how to know for sure in which direction you are headed.
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Let's go Welcome to Allein with Ali, the podcast for online business owners and
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entrepreneurs who are ready create the life and business of their dreams. I am
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so happy you are here. It's been a hot minute since I've actually sat
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down to record. It's actually been a couple of weeks. I did a
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couple of in person interviews two weeks ago now with Julie Suliman and Alyssa Rosenheck.
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And if you have not listened to those episodes, they are a couple
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of weeks, a couple episodes ago now, please go listen to them.
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They are incredible conversations with exquisite women. They were so open and vulnerable and
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really, man, I mean, I just I could not have been happier
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with the conversations, and with the exception of one interview that I did with
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Rachel Van Clive, where we like just randomly Rachel van Clive. She is
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the creator of crankon Cottage. She lives five minutes down the road. So
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when I wanted to have her come on and do the homeschool episode that we
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did a few months ago, I was like, let's do it in my
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office and we set it up and you can go and see. And it
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was very scrappy, and you know, it worked out fine, but you
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know, it wasn't It wasn't the best in person vibe. But with the
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last episodes that were in person with Julie and Alyssa, we got an airbnb.
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It was beautiful. We had it. Oha had the whole setup.
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We had like eight phones going and recording at the same time to get different
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angles and lights and the mics and the whole thing. But in order to
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do that, we were using all of my equipment. My team had some
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of it that they brought. Very fortunate that Philip and Caitlin live in the
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same area of Nashville, well they live around at Nashville like I do,
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so they were able to come in and assist with the in person situation.
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Thank you God, because looking back, I never would have been able to
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do that on my own. But anyway, most of it was my equipment.
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It was my mics, it was my stands, it was some of
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my lighting, like the soundbox, everything that I used to record that I'm
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using right now. We had to disassemble and bring with us to this airbnb
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to do the in person and then we had to break it all down and
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I was like, I will never be to do that again. So one
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of my big goals with this podcast is I really really want some sort of
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in person studio. I'm manifesting it. I don't know if it's something that
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I'm just renting. I really want it to be my own vibe. So
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I want it to be more than just like this co recording space, because
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there are I mean's Nashville, we have plenty of those, so I want
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it to be like, you know, mine ish or mine totally. So
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we're figuring that out. But there's just something about if you can being able
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to sit face to face and just having a real conversation, you know.
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And anyway, where I was going with that was to take down all my
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equipment and basically tear up my in person studio. And finally today I was
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like, okay, I've I've got to sit down and record more episodes because
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well we need them. And I had an interview today with Bree Groves,
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which went out last week as well. Not as I record this, but
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as you listen to this, and yeah, putting back this studio. I
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know why I waited two weeks to do it, because me and Tech,
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I'm like facetiming Philip, like, help, where does this wire go?
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Why is aren't my headphones working? Why isn't this mic? This mic doesn't
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work? Can I use this mic? And He's like, oh my God,
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bless your heart. But here we are. I am recording on a
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platform that I normally don't do solo episodes on, so I prayed that that's
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working because I couldn't get the other one to work. But here we are.
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How are you doing? How are you doing? Really? I let
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me tell you where I'm at. Okay, let me just give you a
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glimpse into my psyche. Last night, when I laid my pretty little head
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down to go to sleep, exhausted, I prayed to God, God,
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please let me wake up happier tomorrow. I swear that's so sad, but
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like that's where I'm at. We man, It's just like so a culmination
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of so many things. But like I'm I'm a great mom, but right
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now I feel like a very lazy mom because my one year old, Reht
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is not sleeping. I mean he does like he sleeps, he wakes up
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a lot. And I think I've shared with you before we co sleep with
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him. And there's a part of me like I started co sleeping with him
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because I was so exhausted. That was the easiest thing to do, right,
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because I could just put him in bed with me, give him a
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boob, go back to sleep. Perfect. But then you kind of create
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this co sleeping monster. And on one hand, I'm like, Okay,
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this is gonna be my last baby, soak it up. I really do
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feel like it's been really good for me postpartum, just like something about that
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has been really comforting and nice for me. And at the same time,
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when I tell you, I wake up forty times a night and I've adjusted
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to it, which is scary. Like I used to be one of those
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people that prides themselves on their sleep. I used to be like I would
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fall asleep instantly. I can still fall asleep instantly, and falling asleep is
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never the issue, but I used to like never wake up. I would
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sleep like a freaking baby. But now I'm used to and even when he
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does have a good bout of sleep. I find myself waking up because my
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body is getting adjusted to waiting up every hour two hours. So it's like,
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okay, Ali, so sleep train your child. Thank you, Katie.
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I've thought of that. I've bought courses. I recently enrolled him in
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sleep school. But back to the lazy mom part, this is gonna sound
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so stupid. It's so much work to like, it's gonna like, okay,
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the sleep school. So I signed him up for tell sleep School,
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which ain't cheap, by the way, but I'm like, okay, we're
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doing this. But then it's like you gotta watch all of these videos and
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then it's like step by step and you can't fast forward steps and you have
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to like it's just so many steps, and you're looking at two solid weeks
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of hell before you see any slice of heaven, right And I just don't
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have it in me. I don't have it in me. And Chris will
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give me a hard time. He'll be like, hey, you know,
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we could sleep I'm like, yeah, you could too, So not letting
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you off the hook of that. Does it feel like I need to talk
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to somebody right now? I'm just like giving y'all all the juice today.
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But it feels right, so anyway, that's anyway. So I was praying
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last night because I've just feel like the past few days I've been in such
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a mood, definitely to you know, a lack of sleep. By the
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way, we are gonna finish the Betel thing, for sure. It's just
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I think, I don't know, maybe overhaul, I don't know, who
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knows, maybe not. Maybe I'll just like eventually he'll he'll get out of
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there. Right, But uh, where was I going with that? Oh?
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Praying to be happy? Yeah, so I did. I prayed to
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be happy just because I feel like i've been in more of a negative space.
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Tax season is upon us. Oh my gosh, Holy moly. Listen,
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let me give you some advice. Okay, pull up a chair,
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make your quarterly tax payments because you don't have to. They advise you to
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for a reason, and you don't have to, and you probably want to
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because what I thought we would owe in Texas not even close. So we're
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figuring that out. I still think it's wrong. I'm still in full denial
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and delusion around it. So you know, life is lifing and things are
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also really great. At the same time, you know it's full on duality.
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But I am happy to report that I did wake up today better,
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we did sleep more. I did this thing where when he started crying last
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night, instead of instantly putting him in bed, I actually sat down,
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fed him, put him back in the best in the room versus in bed
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with us. The reason why I don't do that is because I'm worried that
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I'm going to wake up and I won't be able to fall back sleep.
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But I was able to and that actually helped a lot. So I think
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I'm going to start doing that, and that's going to ease us into eventually
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putting him in his room. So it's a start, and I woke up
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today feeling a lot better and excited to be here, excited to record.
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I mentioned a minute ago. Had an incredible conversation with Bree Groves today.
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So if you haven't heard her story, like I said, that's I think
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the episode right before this one, please go listen to that because I know
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if I had heard her story at any point in my business journey, it
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would motivate me. I mean it motivates me now. So anyway, let's
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talk about speaking of waking up happy and move and those sort of things.
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Let's talk about today's topic, which is the fact that your mind is either
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creating you or destroying you. What does that mean? Well, your mind
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is either helping you and supporting you and pushing you and helping you take steps
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towards the things and the version of yourself that you want to show up as.
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Right, So it's creating the level and the level of reality and the
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results and the feelings that you actually want to feel. Or it's not.
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It's the opposite. And I am prove, especially in this season that like
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it goes back and forth, right. I catch this all the time,
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and if anybody's listening that's like me, it can. It's the spiral,
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right, Like it can very easily take on a positive or a negative spiral.
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I actually heard I can't remember who said this, but they were talking
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about how you think and the things you think about. Like if something were
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to come up and like a fear thought, right, you can either downward
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spiral from that thought and keep going deeper and deeper and deeper into it and
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further freak yourself out, or you can spiral up from it. And I
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really like the difference of those and like the visual of those, because that's
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what it feels like. And it very much is a choice in the matter.
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I know I used to think like, yeah, but I can't help.
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I can't help how it feel. Well, yeah, but your feeling
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is dictated by some thought. You're feeling how you feel in a lot of
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cases, right, Like obviously we have hormones. We have things that happen
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in our life that are outside of our control. Like I'm not saying it's
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all completely in your control, but a lot of times when we are thinking
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about let's just say business for example, and how we feel about business,
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it's usually because of our belief around that thing at the time, around what's
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happening at the time. And if you don't catch this and you're not intentional
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and cognizant of where you're at, am I creating around I destroying? That's
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when you can get caught up in the spiral, and you know, it
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can go from a couple hour spiral to a couple of days spiral, two
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months to you know, next thing, you know, Wow, I've been
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feeling this way for seven whole years, and we don't want to do that,
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Okay, So full transparency. I've shared some of this, and I'm
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happy to share this because if I thought that success looked like always being happy
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and business always going perfectly and life always going perfectly and things not getting hard.
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If I thought that that's what success looked like, I would be in
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big trouble right now. But it's because people have been honest about how they
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feel and the different seasons of their life and knowing like it's the people that
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I look up to that I've heard the whole story. And I've shared this
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before, but I'll share it again. I have a coach, Melanie.
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I'm in her High Level Mastermind on year two of her Mastermind, and I
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shared, like, the reason why I ended up signing on with her and
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making this massive investment with her specifically is not because of all the success that
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she's created, but because of how she navigated the hard times. And I
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got to witness her navigate the hard times. She was open about it,
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she was honest about it. She didn't pretend things were always perfect, you
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know, and she really she does such a beautiful job in this where she
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creates art from any place that she's at and that I try and remember that
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all the time, because I really do think that's what we're meant to do,
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right, like, no matter like what kind of creator that you are,
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but especially if you want to be a leader in any regard, part
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of that is leading yourself when things are going really well and leading when things
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aren't going well, and being transparent and honest about both situations, because there's
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not one person on this planet that is not going to experience the hard thing.
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But if we all sit here and pretend that life is fucking peachy all
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the time and oh, I'm sorry you're struggling, I've never struggled the day
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in my life where yeah I struggled in the beginning, but ever since I
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cracked ten k months everything's great, it'd be like, wow, then I'm
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in big trouble, right then I must be the outlier and there's something wrong
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with me. So yeah, I've been. I feel like all of twenty
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twenty three has been quite the season for me and the way that I've shifted
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this for myself purely I think out of survival is I know that there's going
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to be a moment where I come back around right where like I come back
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up and I find my stride again. You know, I know that moment's
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coming, and it's going to be so much sweeter, and it's going to
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be so much more exciting, not only for me, but for you too,
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because you've witnessed what I've been going through for the past year, and
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you can be like, okay, cool, and next time you go through
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a season, you can say, oh, well, Ali had a season
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and look at her now, you know, so like keep freaking going.
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And another way that I've shifted this too is just remembering that you grow through
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a lot of things, right Like growth is happening all the time, but
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you grow more and faster during difficult moments, when things are difficult, when
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you're unsure, when you're feeling fear, or what you did isn't working and
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you thought it would. And I'm not saying that we need to look for
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difficulty, or we need to glamorize difficult seasons by any stretch of the imagination,
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or that you need to go and create fake drama in your life or
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manifest drama in your life because you heard that this is the only way to
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grow, or because it's relatable or whatever. I'm just saying that it's those
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seasons where you grow the most. So I'm just looking at it like I'm
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not on the other side of this yet. This year still feels like o
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grind, feels like a test, feels like an initiation, And I pray
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that the initiation is into a better, stronger, incredible business. I can't
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even fathom how incredible it's going to be. That's what I pray. And
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I don't know. It's just like this reframe, because that's what everything is,
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right, Like everything is a prove it moment. How bad do you
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want it? How much are you willing to work toward this? How much
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are you willing not to stop? And what I've found is like any season
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can be a winning season if you just stay in the game long enough to
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get through the shitty season, right Like what goes up must come down and
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vice versa, Like it's going to come back around. Entrepreneurship is in waves.
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We've talked about this a million times. So you can't lose the game
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if you don't stop playing. So that just keeps me going. And and
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I will say this too, if you're resonating with this and you're like okay,
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like I hate to say, you would you would have peace that like
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I'm struggling right now, but I kind of get what I get it,
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Like it feels good to know that you're not the only one who isn't you
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know, floating on the clouds and bouncing on the rainbows like some people not
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pretend to be some people are anyway, if you're resonating with this, one
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of the things that has brought me piece as well is a lot of businesses
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are going through it right now, like a lot of entrepreneurs. I've had
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countless, countless conversations with other women who are at the same level of me,
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bigger levels than me, who feel a shift in energy, who feel
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a shift in results, who you know, it's like, maybe it's not
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feeling as easy as it was last year or the year before. So we're
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not alone here. But I will say this is kind of the point,
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like this is why we're here, and that's what we need to remind ourselves
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of. Entrepreneurship is all about refinement and keeping things fresh and compounding and capitalizing
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when things work, but then as soon as they stop working, finding the
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new thing, and allowing yourself to continue to evolve. This is how you
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say in business, how many businesses can we think back on that have gone
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out of business because they tried to hold on with a death grip to the
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old model just because it worked in the past. So this is our opportunity
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to let go of old strategies, let go of some old ways of thinking,
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and say, okay, knowing what I know now, seeing with what's
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working now, and also my new perspective, my new vision, the things
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that I'm prioritizing, what I want to create in this world. How do
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I take what I've done and what I currently want to do and refine it
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into what is working now? And that might take some testing, and it
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may take some time, and it sure as hell is going to take some
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patience. But that is why we are here. That is what makes us
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a leader in this space. Do you understand, Because when things get hard,
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guess what most people do. They sit down, they bow out,
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they step out of the game. They say, oh that was fun,
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but now I'm onto this now, now I'm doing this over here. Yeah,
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online business was cool, but like, have you heard of cryptocurrency?
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You know? And like? And that's fine. Like sometimes that's the right
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move for people. And sometimes people do that because they don't have the saying
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power because they don't have the mental fortitude and the level of awareness to realize
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that this is the game. Your mind is either creating you or destroying you.
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So if you are resonating with this and you are like, oh my
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gosh, yeah, I like this is a season or I have been in
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a season or whatever, keep going because you will be made this year.
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I fully believe that, and that is what's pushing me through. I will
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be like, what I have learned this year and what I have personally endured,
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just in a personal sense and in a business sense, what I ever
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find, what I have tested, what I have failed, is all making
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me freaking bulletproof. Okay, this is like master's level business entrepreneurship. This
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is how you learn. This is how you become better. Right, look
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at any other area in life. How do you become strong as a couple?
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You navigate really difficult times. How do you become strong physically? You
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break down your muscle and then you build them back up and you do that
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consistently. How do you become strong as a parent? You have a son
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named Cruz Christopher just kidding, he's the best he is. He's also whild
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But you navigate the things. You don't become strong by things being easy.
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That's not a thing. But what happens is there are people out there and
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I'm so guilty of this, I promise you I'm the most guilty of this.
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Where you come up during a time where it's just easier, right,
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everybody is buying everybody's you know, to have to be home anyway because of
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COVID, because we're all stuck at home, right, it was just an
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easier time for online business, and a lot of us we had a decent
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foundation, we had a decent level of brand, We knew what we were
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doing, and we capitalized on that moment and it was like the freaking gold
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rush. And what happens because you get through that and you think to yourself,
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oh, well, I'm going to be writing books about business and online
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business, and like, you know, like you get this false sense of
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confidence. I mean some of it is warranted, for sure, but like
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you forget that at every level, there's proven moments. At every level,
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there's different challenges and by the way, different levels of challenges. At one
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level, you know, when you first go from zero to ten k months,
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there's you know, navigating those beginner challenges. Navigating those challenges when you're
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at six figure months feels like nothing. It feels like, you know,
25:26
a walk in the park. But when you're at six figure months or fifty
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to six figure fifty k to six figure months, there's a whole new set
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of challenges that in your beginning would have taken you out completely. So appreciating
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how far you've come, but also appreciating that you got a lot further to
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go, which is such a blessing. But don't fall into the trap of
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thinking that you're invincible and that you got it all figured out, because you
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only have it figured out. If you dare to stay at the level and
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settle at the level that you're at now, Like yeah, if you want
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to stay where you are and not change a damn thing and just keep doing
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for what you're doing for the rest of your life, that might work.
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I would still argue things are going to shift, and you're still gonna have
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to shift, But you're not listening to this because you want to stay the
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same. You're listening to this because you have a really big vision. So
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anyways, stay in there, stay in the game. You can't fail if
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you keep playing that's the thing I watched. Oh my gosh, if you
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have not watched the David Beckham documentary, go watch it. You know,
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I'm a big fan of documentaries in general. I love music documentaries, I
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love sports documentaries, and they all relate so much, in my opinion,
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to business. And what I love so much about the David Beckham documentary is
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the ups and downs in his career. Like he had this incredible come up.
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He was so dedicated, he devoted so like he the pure the purest
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definition of all in right, like all in on soccer or football, and
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you know, had this incredible come up and then had this what probably would
27:15
have been for most people a career ending mistake, decision moment that made him
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one of the most hated men possibly on the planet. Like if you're if
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you're a soccer fan, you know, and I didn't, I mean I
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didn't know this until I watched the documentary. He was one of the most
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hated men. Like they were concerned for their children's lives, they could go
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anywhere. He it was just so wild what he had to deal with because
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of this one split decision, like split second decision, and anyway he navigates
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that it comes back around like he's at He's at his maybe what he would
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consider like a rock bottom moment, and he rises back up. But like
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I said, most people in moments like that, they don't stay in the
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game. They're like, Okay, I'm done. I'm the most hated man
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in the world. Do you think I can walk back on that field again?
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You think I can keep doing this? I'm getting death threats, I'm
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seeing like people are putting effigies of my body, like hanging on their porches,
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that this is insane. You know, for us, we get that
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bound out of bent out of shape when somebody leaves a bad comment on a
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video, right, Like can you imagine the level of pressure and just like
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that, that's the difference of I guess like seeing if you have what it
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takes, like what And this is why we've talked about this before. The
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level of pressure and drama and struggle and challenges and doubt that you can hold
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makes you a match for more greatness, right because with greatness there's a shadow,
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there's a shadow to everything. So with a fame, with being known,
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with being considered a respected leader in your industry, being one of the
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greats in your industry also comes with a level of pressure that you either can
29:29
or cannot hold. It comes with a level of people that love you and
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that want to love you and want to respect you, and a level of
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people who can't stand you and never want to stand you and choose to absolutely
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despise you. Can you hold both of those things? So I see stuff
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like the David Beckham documentary and by the way, he had to go through
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it again like in another level, and there's cycles to this, right,
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but he can't fail if you stay a in the game, it's all happening
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for you. And that like watching that documentary was so cool because you can
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see, like in hindsight, it's so clear, crystal clear. You can
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see in that documentary when he made that mistake and they lost that game and
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he was public enemy number one. You can see how that created this kind
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of warrior in him. It created this level of superhuman and it didn't it
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hardened him in a sense where it was like, Okay, I can handle
30:37
anything, but it didn't change him as a person, right like he and
30:41
it's really cool to see how he navigated that and how he didn't he didn't
30:47
react with people and he just like took it all in stride, like he
30:52
freaking understood the assignment, you know, like it almost was like like he
30:56
was called to this and he just he was like, Okay, this is
30:57
just part of it, and it's we only get a small portion of the
31:03
the story, of course, but you can see in hindsight how that made
31:10
him into the human and into the athlete that could handle so much more than
31:15
that, and that could create and went on to create so much more than
31:21
that in one of the greatest names in the history of his sport. So
31:26
and don't come at me. I'm not a football soccer fan, so that
31:32
may or may not be true. I mean, surely he's like one of
31:33
the he's one of the greats, right, of course he is. He's
31:37
David Beckham. He's freaking hot, so he's hot, so he's great.
31:42
But yeah, stay stay in there. But here's where our minds come in,
31:49
because it's really really easy to be on top of your game and to
31:56
feel powerful and to do the things that you know you're supposed to do,
32:00
the things that are going to better you as a person, as a business
32:04
owner, as you know, whatever you are trying to create in your lifetime.
32:08
It's really easy to do that when things are good, isn't it.
32:13
It's really easy to go to the gym when you are fully rested and when
32:19
you're feeling good, and when you're on a roll at the gym and you
32:22
went yesterday and you went the day before and you've been eating well and you're
32:25
starting to see results, it's like, Okay, now we've built momentum.
32:30
It's really easy in business to show up and be powerful and feel confident and
32:37
focus on putting out really good energy and doing the small but effective actions in
32:44
your business that you know need to happen in order to keep things running,
32:46
in order to keep selling and keep revenue flowing. It's really easy to do
32:51
those things when people are buying. It's really easy to date your partner and
32:58
to be kind to your partner and to go out of your way to do
33:01
nice things for your partner. When you guys are in a good place.
33:05
It's really easy to play with your kids and to be the sweetest, most
33:12
patient mom on the planet when they're being good and when you're in a good
33:17
mood like that's that's for everybody, by the way, that's when even average
33:24
people look great was when things are going great, right, It's when things
33:30
aren't. It's when we are being tested that you see who really does have
33:37
what it takes. And it's when you're being tested, no matter in what
33:40
area of life, that you have to be so cognizant and intentional with the
33:46
direction that your mind is going. Because it's really really easy be creating good
33:52
things when you're in a good mood and you're feeling good, and again the
33:54
positive momentum is building. That's easy. Any idiot can do that. It's
34:00
when you're in a funk, you've failed, people hate you, you're in
34:06
a bad place, you're in a season, that you can prove not only
34:13
to yourself but to everybody else that, like whether things are going good or
34:19
awful, I'm here regardless, like I have what it takes. I'm not
34:22
going anywhere. So your mind is either creating you or destroying you one way.
34:30
So you got to differentiate these things, right, You got to differentiate
34:34
what it looks like and what it feels like of a creative mind versus a
34:39
destructive mind. So when I think about this, I instantly think of overthinking
34:50
that, Like I know that's how it manifests For me, I overthink so
34:55
much more when I am in a non winning season, Right, That's when
35:04
it's because I'm doubting myself a little bit more. I'm playing a little bit
35:09
safer because I'm not in a winning season. I'm losing sight of the bigger
35:15
picture. I'm losing the confidence in the bigger picture. All of that,
35:20
when you add it up together, is a lack of confidence in myself,
35:24
which just produces and manifests in this almost incessant overthinking of everything, right,
35:34
should I do this? Should I not do this? Why did I do
35:37
that? Do I do this? Should I go here? Should I okay?
35:40
What about this? Should I okay? That didn't work before? So
35:44
and again it's like it all has to do with the lack of confidence.
35:47
That's what it looks like for me. And what's happening here is overthinking is
35:53
simply allowing your mind to take the wheel. Right. But the problem with
36:00
that is you are not your mind. I am not my mind. We
36:04
are not our minds. So and I don't know about you, but there
36:07
are seasons and moments where my mind changes with the freaking weather, sometimes like
36:15
based on how I'm feeling that day, how much sleep. I've had what
36:19
video I randomly just came across on Instagram, the comment that my husband just
36:23
made me how my kid is acting? What a client just did? What
36:30
have I eaten? Have I not eaten? And yes, we can build
36:32
more resilient minds, and we should and we are, but it'd be like
36:37
that sometimes where we don't want our mind steering the ship because then we're at
36:45
the mercy of whatever the hell circumstance is happening in that moment. That's what
36:52
we're creating from. That is scary. So we want to have this healthy
37:00
I don't know. We want to have a level of awareness where we are
37:08
paying attention to this, where we can catch this, where we can pay
37:15
attention to where is this action stemming from? How long am I thinking about
37:22
this? Why am I overthinking this? What? Like? What is Why
37:27
aren't I just moving on this? Like I got this idea, I know
37:30
that I should be doing this thing. I'm clearly overthinking it. Why am
37:35
I overthinking it? What if I just went and did it in my experience?
37:38
Like not to say we don't think things through, That's not what I'm
37:43
saying at all. I'm certainly not advocating that you don't think about the actions
37:45
that you take. But there's a fine line between thinking something through in a
37:53
way that is supportive of you versus overthinking it in a way that is hurtful
38:01
to you and what you're trying to create, right, it siphons the positive
38:07
energy out of it. You're messing with the original idea. That's something that
38:12
me and Breed you talked about in our episode, where you get these ideas
38:17
and it's really easy to take it and then start chipping away at it with
38:22
well could it be better if we do this? And what about this?
38:24
We could make more money if we did this, and maybe we do this,
38:28
And next thing you know, it's been days or weeks that have gone
38:31
by. You still haven't taken action. Now you've taken the original idea and
38:35
it's completely warped into something else that has nothing, no resemblance at all to
38:39
the original brilliance that came through for you. In a lot of cases,
38:44
then it's too late to even do it. Then the ship has sailed.
38:47
We do this with great ideas, but we also do this with the day
38:52
to day things that are going to build us into who we are. Right
38:55
this is why I say your mind is either creating you or destroying you,
39:01
because if you are overthinking everything to the point of, okay, we should
39:07
I eat today? Should I go on that walk? Should I Should I
39:12
do that workout? Should I make that post? Should I say that thing?
39:15
Should I record that podcast? Should I reach out to that person?
39:17
Should I sell this thing? Think not only how much time you're wasting,
39:23
but again you're at the mercy of how you're feeling in that moment. So,
39:30
in my opinion, how we fix this for lack of better term,
39:37
or work toward being stronger in this is, in my opinion, getting clear
39:45
on what are the actions based on what it is that you want to create?
39:50
Okay, and if that's actually where we need to start, is what
39:54
are you creating right now in this season? What version of you are are
40:00
you creating? How are you bettering yourself? How are you bettering your relationship?
40:05
How are you bettering yourself as a parent or a co parent? How
40:09
are you bettering yourself as a leader, as a business owner, as a
40:14
client, as a clientee or a mentee or a mentor? How like?
40:20
What is that next? We're always growing and evolving, so what is that
40:24
just the next level. We don't even have to think really big here.
40:28
Think about like a two percent increase of betterment in any area of life or
40:36
all areas of life, because if you're thinking that small or that attainable right
40:42
where, it's just like, okay, how can I just be two percent
40:45
better in this area? You could easily do this across the board. Okay.
40:50
So I know if I want to increase my health by two percent,
40:53
then I need to work out one to two more days a week. Cool,
40:58
simple. I know if I want to increase my health by two percent,
41:01
or you know around that, I know I need to drink more water.
41:05
I know that I need to cut out the wine every single night.
41:08
I know, right, Okay, so you're going to get clear on what
41:12
those actions are. Same thing in business, if you want to increase your
41:15
revenue by what you feel like is a good, attainable but also exciting result,
41:22
what would that look like? If you want to increase your revenue by
41:25
two percent? What do you need to do? What kind of offer do
41:30
you need to put out? How do you need to show up? What
41:31
actions? Basic actions? These aren't even like big things here. These are
41:37
just like the most simple of actions, what can you do today and moving
41:42
forward to increase your betterment in that area by just just a tiny, tiny,
41:47
tiny bit. This is how you're going to start gaining traction, right,
41:53
because not only is this attainable, but it's not going to be pushing
42:00
yourself so far that when you fail, you're like, well, I was
42:04
never able to do that anyway. Right, Like, if you've never worked
42:08
out before, and you're like, Okay, I want to be a bodybuilder.
42:13
So I need to not only work out every single day, but twice
42:15
a day, and I need to cut my calories in half or triple my
42:20
calories, and I need a trainer, and I need all of these things.
42:25
And you've never worked out before, that's going to be a shock to
42:30
your system. And the odds of you sticking with that and the odds of
42:35
you actually becoming a bodybuilder are very very rare. But again, if you
42:39
start with like, Okay, that's a big vision. I would love to
42:43
be a bodybuilder, but for now, I'm going to start with with losing
42:47
ten pounds. Okay, what do I need to do to lose ten pounds?
42:52
Cool? I need to cut out that wine, I need to get
42:55
the gym membership. I'm going to go to the gym. Don't go at
43:00
all, So I'm gonna start going. I'm gonna start with two days a
43:04
week. And what's gonna happen is when you start doing that and you start
43:07
getting those simple wins, that is going to build your confidence. And with
43:13
that level of action, there doesn't and with that level of clarity, I
43:17
should say, there's no need for overthinking. At that point, you know
43:22
what you need to do. And then at that point, the job is
43:27
to not argue with yourself, to not negotiate with yourself. I said this
43:32
on my stories the other day. I the past couple of days, I've
43:37
had to go work out at four pm. I really like working out in
43:39
the morning. If you can go like it just obviously we know, you
43:44
know, it starts your day off right, you get it over with,
43:45
it's great. But I've had busier mornings the past couple of mornings, so
43:50
I've had to go at four pm. And after a day like a full
43:54
day, and you know I've already mentioned how we're sleeping by four pm,
43:59
I'm like ready for bed. Okay, the last thing that I'm excited to
44:02
do is to go change and drive to the gym and get a really good
44:08
workout in, you know. But yesterday I was like, okay, I'm
44:12
going because I skipped Monday. I was like, I've got to go today
44:15
because if I skip today, then I'm on this like downward cycle for the
44:20
week. Right, Like, that's I know, that's the last place that
44:22
I want to be. I'm so much better of a person when I've got
44:27
a positive momentum physically, it helps mentally. All we know the ripple effect
44:31
right of working out. So I was I was just like, just get
44:37
up out of the chair. Get up oou of the chair. I was
44:38
like, just walk downstairs. Okay, just walk in your closet, get
44:42
out the leggings. Put on the leggings. Okay, put on the socks,
44:45
put on the shoes, put on the hat, get your keys,
44:49
get some water, walk out the door, get in the car, drive,
44:52
keep driving. Pull into the No, no, don't pull into Starbucks.
44:57
Do not pull into Starbucks. Don't you dare pull into Starbucks. Okay,
45:00
pull into the parking lot. Park don't leave, stay in the car.
45:04
Don't leave you got no, no, no, don't scroll your phone.
45:07
Get out of the car, take a step toward the door, Take
45:08
another step to the door, keep walking toward the door, Open the door,
45:12
get in the door, Get in the door. It's like and then
45:15
next thing you know, you're there and you do the thing. And then
45:20
what happens on the other side of every action that you don't want to do
45:24
but you know is good for you without fail every single time you come out
45:30
the other side and you're like, ha, I should do that more often.
45:34
I'm great, you know, like, then you get the endorphins,
45:37
Then you get the confidence of that thing. Now we've started this positive spiral
45:42
upward of like, Okay, I did the thing that I know I should
45:45
have done even when I didn't want to. That that creates a level of
45:51
mental fortitude in you that spans and impacts you across many different areas of life.
46:00
Same is true in our business, right. But it's when we stop
46:06
and we negotiate with ourselves and we're like, okay, so like yesterday,
46:09
it could have gone so different. I could have been like, instead of
46:14
getting up out of the chair, been like, oh man, let me
46:16
just let me just see what's happening in my stories real quick. Okay,
46:21
Oh crap, I haven't checked boxer, man, let me check Foxer.
46:23
Oh man, I've already lost five minutes. Now I need to get ready
46:29
like instantly, and I'm already kind of running late. Man. I really
46:32
am tired sleep over everything, and it wouldn't be bad to skip another day.
46:37
I'm fine, you know, it'd be actually, you know, I
46:39
really should take a bath instead. You know, I'm kind of in a
46:43
bad mood now. I'm thinking, and it's going into overthinking. And at
46:49
the same time that I'm now making and finding and creating excuses for myself to
46:53
stay at the level that I'm staying at now, or that I'm at now,
46:57
when I don't want to be at this level anymore. I want to
47:00
be better. Not only is that happening, but now I'm wasting my precious
47:05
time. And if you think about how many times you do that, with
47:08
how many decisions you overthink every single day, you very easily can overthink your
47:15
whole freaking life away quite literally. And same is true in our business.
47:24
Right when I want to put out the thing, or I want to say
47:29
the thing in the podcast, or I want to start the podcast, or
47:30
I want to get the guests on the podcast or whatever I'm like, yeah,
47:34
but maybe they don't want to be on there, and what if they
47:37
say no? Or what if I put that thing out there and it doesn't
47:38
work again it didn't work last time. What if it doesn't work now?
47:42
And what if like this happens and this happens vers versus if I just say,
47:47
hey, I love that idea, Okay, you know what, I'm
47:52
going to put it out there, and I put it out there and whatever
47:53
happens happens, it works, it doesn't work, it doesn't matter. But
47:59
by the time I am now on the other side of that, and I've
48:01
gained the wisdom or I've gained a result of whatever that action is, I'm
48:08
now on the other side of that a new version of myself. Versus if
48:14
I hadn't taken that action, I'd still be sitting there overthinking it. Right,
48:19
This is what it looks like when you get a really good idea and
48:22
instead of doing it instantly, you're like, yeah, but it actually makes
48:25
sense to do this next month because we're really busy this week and blah blah
48:30
blah, and like, Okay, every once in a while, there's a
48:34
time and a place to put something off right. Every once in a while,
48:37
it does make sense to wait until next month because then the kids aren't
48:43
in school, or they are in school or whatever. Like rarely this does
48:47
make sense. But the amount of women I have seen who have all the
48:53
potential in the world and I have an incredible idea and they come to me
49:00
with the idea and they're like, yeah, but we're going to Disney next
49:05
week. And then you know, Cooper is in pre K and he's probably
49:13
going to do like mother's stay out, And then like Brian has this thing
49:17
and I'm probably going to go with him to this thing. And the I'm
49:21
like, I'm really into Pilate's right now, and I really want to like
49:24
get certified just in case this doesn't work out. But the only time that
49:29
I could get certified is in October. So maybe I'll wait until June twenty
49:35
twenty seven to make this happen because I feel like in June twenty twenty seven
49:38
the kids will be in college. And it's like, Okay, this is
49:45
what we do. I do it too, Okay, we all do it,
49:52
but this is where we get to look at our mind and the way
49:57
that we're thinking, and we get to up a step back a minute and
50:02
say, hey, is this line of thinking creating what I want to create?
50:09
Or is it destroying and plummeting and stomping on every dream and vision that
50:16
I have for myself? Because often it's very very clear, right, So
50:24
that's it. It all comes back to self awareness. It all comes back
50:29
to self awareness. You can bullshit yourself all day long if you numb out
50:35
all day and you're getting your kicks from watching what Taylor Swift is up to,
50:40
and you are setting big visions and allowing the endorphins of just setting the
50:46
vision be enough for you without actually going out and getting it. But then
50:52
again, you're keeping yourself so distracted and busy with other things that you don't
50:55
even realize the level at which you are destroying your precious time and ability to
51:04
make this thing happen for yourself. Then you'll live a whole life where you're
51:07
just blissfully unaware. And some people, the average person, does that.
51:14
That's like status quo one on one, keep yourself numb, don't really focus
51:22
and pay attention to what decisions where you're making, and where those decisions are
51:27
coming from, and what the the ripple effect of those decisions are going to
51:32
create for you, don't really look at any of that. Just keep yourself
51:36
focused on other people and judging other people and idolizing other people. Again,
51:43
get your kicks from what Taylor's doing over here. Let that be the highlight
51:47
of your week, and you won't even notice that you've been running around in
51:52
a circle for the past ten years. Feel free. But I don't think
51:59
anybody that's listening to this wants to do that. So that means that you
52:04
need to pull your head out of your ass, and you need to be
52:07
very, very honest with yourself. And sometimes that's not fun. And I
52:12
can say that because I do it every day of my life and it's it's
52:17
not fun. It's not fun to say, hey, you are literally like
52:24
being your own worst enemy right now. You are self sabotaging right now.
52:29
Wake up, snap out of it, get your butt moving, put the
52:34
glass of wine down, put the phone down, idolize yourself enough to want
52:39
more for yourself. Please. That's not fun because that means that you need
52:45
to do things that the average person doesn't do. And when the average person
52:50
is everybody around you doing the same thing, being complacent with the same things,
52:55
you feel like a crazy person, and you look like the boring person
53:00
trying to do good things for yourself, and in the moment, that's kind
53:04
of sucky. But you know when it's not sucky when you then become the
53:08
person people are idolizing because you had the level of self awareness to pull yourself
53:14
out of that complacent, weird spiral overthinking not doing shit with your life vibe.
53:22
You got out of that. You created something for yourself because you focused
53:29
and made sure that with the way that you're thinking and the way that you're
53:31
acting, you're actually creating versus destroying, and you actually made something of yourself
53:37
and of your life. And then you're like, ah, okay, here's
53:42
the payoff, but you gotta get through it first, right, You got
53:49
to get through the uncomfortable phase. It's not going to come overnight. And
53:53
that's the thing that the average person will not do. This is why everybody's
53:59
average. There's the reason why they're called average, because that's where most people
54:02
are because they want the quick thing. They want to make something great in
54:08
themselves. They want to be a leader, they want to have a super
54:13
successful business or be the person that people look up to. They have great
54:17
ideas and they have the potential, but they are not willing to walk through
54:23
shit on their way to greatness. What everybody has to do. If you've
54:29
never stepped foot into a gym and you want to be an athlete or you
54:32
want to be a bodybuilder, you want to be elite in that space,
54:38
you've got to get really sore, and there's going to be a season where
54:42
you have no results and you're wondering why am I doing this and making these
54:45
sacrifices when everybody else is having the best time, or at least it seems.
54:50
Same thing in your business, when you want to do something big and
54:53
you want to make a name for yourself, you want seven figure, eight
54:55
figure whatever business, there are seasons where you are walking through shit. You
55:01
don't have the results, you don't have the accolades, you don't have the
55:05
name for yourself. You have to go through the building phase and you have
55:09
to be willing to walk through that faithfully and stay the course until you come
55:15
out the other side. That's where ninety nine point nine percent of people fall
55:21
off. Everybody talks a big game, not everybody can can walk the walk.
55:25
This is why the one percent is only one percent, because nobody is
55:30
willing to do that, but are you Are you? I am and I'm
55:36
not going anywhere. God willing love you, See you next week. Bye,