Latest / To Your Success! Podcast / Episode 50: Your Dream Life Requires Less Than You Think

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Episode 50: Your Dream Life Requires Less Than You Think · To Your Success! Podcast

• To Your Success by Christer Johnsen: Complexity has become your identity. You're so used to pushing, you're so used to fulfilling other people's expectations, and the hamster wheel just spins faster and faster and faster and faster. And it becomes more and more a cage. You remember that? I I wrote about that in my book. Have I felt in a cage? Yes, like a tiger in a cage. It is the loneliest place to be, actually. A third summer house won't make you happy. No, the more money won't make you happy. Happiness is a choice. So getting clear on what to keep. And the biggest part of that is getting clear on which version of you do you want to develop? What kind of life do you want to live? Welcome to your success. You've built a life others admire. You've achieved, delivered, and become someone people rely on. But somewhere along the way, it stopped feeling like yours. Mentor Christer Johnson and Ellen Solheim know that feeling. After following successful paths of their own. They chose something different. More clarity, more freedom, more presence. Today, they help high achievers design lives that feel true, not just impressive. This podcast is for those ready for their next chapter. Not more pressure, not more performance, but a life that feels like yours with clarity and direction. Welcome to your success. Welcome everyone to a new episode of the Two Your Success podcast. I am Christa Johnson and with me today is Ellen Solem. Happy to be here. Yeah, me too. And where are we, Elin? We are in Phoenix, Arizona. We are. We've been here for some days. We had family time with my son flying in from Miami ⁓ this weekend. And we are gonna stay here for a couple of weeks actually. Yeah. And we are doing one of the most important things we do. We are gonna meet our mentors. Yeah. Yeah, and later today you're gonna meet your mentor. We're gonna be on a two day seminar here. Really looking forward to and we travel across the world to do this. So to us this is really important. It is. Yeah. I'm really looking forward to it. Correct. So today's episode is about Have I forgotten? No, I'm joking. Okay. We are talking about high achievers as al as always. And ⁓ most high achievers spend their careers adding more. They spend their life adding more. all the time and they have more responsibility, more obligation, more of everything and it's so complex ⁓ and at some point this this feels wrong. So today we talk about why the next level often requires subtraction and not addition. So when you look at the higher TV work with Christer what does complexity actually look like in their day to day? I I can go back in my life and I remember I was adding things all the time. New cars, ⁓ new houses, ⁓ boats, and it was all the time striving for more. Right? ⁓ if I just got that then I would be happy. If I just got that then I would be happy. No, I didn't get happy. I I felt like it was ⁓ it was like finding arguments and reasons for why I worked myself almost to death. Why I said this is good enough. Right, because I could always buy new stuff, new vacations with the family, new boats every second, every third year, right? New car new company cars every second year. New things, all the new watches. I was really good at s at buying watches. When we met I had a huge watch collection. Yeah. And then I changed brand. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. So anyway. So and and that is actually for me a as I see my life now, it was very much an excuse. When we are in Phoenix, Arizona now, we we say that, ⁓ it would be nice to have a house like this. Mm-hmm. Maybe we should buy one. And then we correct ourselves and say, No, we don't want that. No. We can use Airbnb like we did now and have and we can change house. And then we can have the freedom still. Yeah, and still have the freedom, right? But that is only one way of adding things to your life. I mean, it is a it is a complexity trap. Yeah. And More obligations than you act than you actually can serve well is is typical for high achievers. And then they create this complexity and they don't know how to get out of it. I mean maybe tr you recognise that with yourself as well. Right? I don't know how to get out of it. You just continue spinning, spinning, spinning, and then you need to kind of to live up to your self image, so you need to add new things. ⁓ if I have a very popular in Norway, ⁓ to have a cabin, right? ⁓ you can have a cabin by the sea. And then ⁓ if I only get a cabin in the mountains, then I will be happy. Well I we had a cabin in the mountains as well. When we started sailing, we sold it. Yeah. Yeah. I mean it was a good investment for us as well. It was actually the first thing that we bought together was a cabin in the mountain. We didn't even have a house. No, and we bought it cheap and sold it quite expensive, so we made money on it. Right. Okay. So and very often you have more people depending on you than you actually have energy to serve. To get a bit trapped. You get a bit trapped, right? It it becomes an expectation that you always deliver. And that that structure keeps growing, growing, growing, growing. You just build it b bigger and bigger and bigger and bigger. It's like bigger nesting. Yeah. Yeah. A lot of people they build nests, right? And then they forget one of the key things from business is that you as Proctor and Gamble always said when it comes to cannibalisation, keep the cannibals in the family and you have to kill your darlings. Right? You have to take away some things to create something new. So the smarter and more capable you are, the more you accumulate. Very often it is like that. Because you are looking for the external proof that you are successful. It doesn't feel right inside. Right? But why do people who can clearly see the problem, why don't they just simplify it? Because it's not their identity. Their identity is to solve complex problems. And then they create complex lives. I don't say we we our life is not like it's not complex. No, it's not. And we have made some some some clips on on Instagram talking about that that we don't live this life because it's easy, we live it because it's hard. Yeah. And hard in a good way. Hard in the way that we challenge ourselves, that we grow. Yeah, and we choose it. Yeah, and you just came out of a sales conversation in Phoenix and you closed a ten thousand dollar deal. Yeah. Yeah. So so one of the things that we and you can say, well, how do we actually do it? We train our mind all the time and we train ourselves to live the life we want and the live the life we want to live is to travel the world. Right? It was one of my goals. I vision I have visualized that goal for a long, long time, actually to fly my family to me and share the time with them. Right? The goal is bigger than what we did with ⁓ with Andreas this weekend, but it was the first step. It's a proof of concept, right? It's proof of concept. It actually works. Yeah. And we had a great time. Yesterday we were on an amazing road trip. No, it was Sunday two days ago. And and the key thing is that complexity has become your identity. You're so used to pushing, you're so used to fulfilling other people's expectations. And you're busy being busy. And the hamster wheel just spins faster and faster and faster and faster. And it gets more and more shiny. And it becomes more and more a cage. You remember that? I I wrote about that in my book. How I felt in a cage. Yes, like a tiger in a cage. Tiger in the cage, right. Does it feel does it feel lonely? It is the loneliest place to be actually. Yeah. ⁓ So many high achievers high achievers around the world and all of them lonely. They're lonely, yeah. But I don't know if you I don't know if you feel lonely. I can just describe how I felt. I felt lonely because I actually I couldn't share how I felt. Right. So I had to write a book about it. And then you can read it. No, because if well basically w what actually happened for us is that I w ⁓ when we met, I said I'm gonna sail around the world and my kids are older than yours and Thomas, ⁓ he was like ten or eleven when I met him first time, you're a youngest. And he stayed with us and I had to wait, right, until he was eighteen and he could or had and he's aggregated. Could or should? He he's editing this podcast so he knows the story. I'm sorry Thomas. When he moved to university I came down with a bottle of champagne and it was for us, not for him. But I said one important thing. I said you're always welcome back but there is a time to move out because that is to grow up. And he did. Right? Yeah. But It it it is all these people being depending on you delivering, right? And and I felt like a tiger in cage. ⁓ I don't feel like a tiger in cage anymore. No. No. I just want more all the time. Right? Because now I express myself, right? Now we live now we live the life we truly want. But to being that kind of high achiever it feels like it's it's still your identity to when you are trapped and you feel like that, it's if you're not if you're not that person, who will you be? Yeah, someone else. You will be the one you truly want to be. Right? Yeah. And and the one you truly want to be is not like it's not like lying on a pink cloud and not having challenges. Life is about dealing with problems and challenges and and that is actually work and we are here to work. You know, it's it that is the purpose of life is to work because as you solve challenges and problems you grow as a person. The difference is that you start to deal with challenges and problems that you actually like to solve. You become a better version of yourself. So because the complexity you create, and you create that complexity inside you as well, because you are as a high achiever you are used to solving problems. And you see that with how we drive our business and how we grow our business, it's it's is this enough? No. No. If you ask me why don't we stop, I said shut up. Can't we be happy with what we have? No. But there is a reason for that. We can be happy with with what we have but still eager for more. Yes. Yeah. That's important. To be grateful and happy for what you have already have. Truly grateful. ⁓ but then to be eager for more means that you want more. Right. And as as the world spins faster and faster and faster and faster and faster and faster ⁓ than ever before. And we are in a huge transition in the world right now. It's not only AI, it is how the world changes as energet energetically as well. You have to change, right? We and I I r I write about that in my book and that is a quote from the global head of Nestle when I started working there and that is in was in nineteen ninety-four and that's like more than thirty years ago. Right? But he said some very, very wise things. He said you must constantly change to stay the same. Because the world continues and now it's faster and faster and faster. And don't be afraid of that. It is the biggest opportunity ever to be successful. Most people are so connected to their iPhone, right? That they they and they are distracted all the time. So if you just dare to be different and put away that phone. Put away that phell me. I do, right? And you too. But It's not only that, the phone is great because we I mean we can do all our business from our hand, which is completely new. When I worked started working in Nestle, we sent I sent purchase orders to factories all over the world on fax. I know. We didn't have email. It's like we didn't have internet. No, me and my ex So we are we all people. We are all, right? Yeah. We bought our first computer to write our main thesis. Yeah, but one of the things that we did is like we changed with the time. Yeah. So today we are good at all the changes that we have done. We use AI. Yes. Yeah. We use it a lot. Yeah. I decided last summer that I wanted to be really good at AI and now we use it all the time. Right? But we don't use it as slaves, but we use it as a as a production support, right? It's a produ it's a machine. This is a part of changing. When you start to change it you Yeah. It's fun. Yeah. It's it's really fun and it makes things so easy. For instance one of the one of I I I used to it used to take me a lot of time to to make the slides for the programs when I teach. I I was looking for good illustrations and etc. And I w and and now I use AI, use ChatGPT, which is great on creating illustrations. And I have programmed the illustration standard and then it makes it. And sometimes I'm stunned, wow, I didn't think about that. Where did that come from? We even got compliments during a program. Yeah, we have we have an IT manager. in our high achievement programme. And he said, How do you make your slides? I said, thank you. I make them by I with AI. I mean, of course it's based on my thoughts and my ideas and I change it until I'm happy with it. But it's that's a way to leverage your time and the l and then to change. But the thing is that the structure you work with, you know, your external world is just an a reflection of who you are inside you, how you think feel how you think and feel and that creates your actions. You create complexity inside you as well. And we I see that on maybe not so much on the high achievers. Yeah, on high achievers as well, clients we work with, is that they get stuck in the how because they are so used to complexity. But I can just say, make it simple. Right? And don't be afraid of failing. That is maybe why people make it complex. And in the corporate world today, I think sometimes it's more important not to do mistakes than to do something good. I think so. Yeah, but Don't be afraid of making mistakes. You learn from them and keep keep it simple. Kiss kiss is like keep it simple, stupid. Yeah. So and that's really important because people like simplicity. And simplicity is clarity. And it comes from taking action. So when you and I, when we sound a bit strange, but redesigned our lives. What did simplifying actually require? Well, first we sold our cabin. It took six years though. Yeah, and it was a good investment for us both in our time and also financially. We and a lot of people ask me how ⁓ how do you make good investment? It is to buy cheap and sell high. Yeah, it's it's like magic. And that that were those words and listen carefully who they come from. They come from a billionaire that I worked for. It comes from Christian and he said being an investor is really easy, it's just to buy cheap and sell expensive. And make it over and over again. Yeah. Yeah. And he and he and his brother, they become billionaires. Yeah. Yeah. And they have doing exactly that. And they have thirty thousand employees now. It's it's it's an amazing story. Yeah, we should ask Christian to come to this podcast. Yeah. That could be fun. The biggest complexity you create ⁓ that I created was the fear of losing everything I had. Mm-hmm. And that was very much related to my old me. Because the old me, the old CEO and chairman. He was he was very into what would oth others think. So all a lot of the external a lot of the boats and the watches and the cars and all that was very much so that I felt that others I would impress others. And it's kind of painful to say that, but it's very, very honest. It's not painful, it's more sad. Why why wasn't I a better version of me? I think it started being painful when you said it the first time, but now after a while you realize that this is it's It's not who I want to be. We had that discussion as well, you know. We've been looking for a new boat. Of not a smaller boat. Have you ever heard about the boat being too big? No. So we've been looking for a bigger boat, right? And I wanted a sixty footer and you wanted a catamaran. And and we were looking both and then we met resistance, resistance, resistance. Remember when you tried to look at that swan seventy? So we had I had ⁓ this wonderful boat, a seventy foot swan. And and you were you were with your mother at Mallorca and the boat was there and we tried to contact them so you could just see does this feel right? And we couldn't do that. It wasn't possible. It wasn't possible. Obstruction, obstruction, obstruction, obstruction. The same thing with other boats we have looked at, right? And then ⁓ we met ⁓ a couple ⁓ and they have become good friends of ours. We met them this this spring and they said why don't you sail around the world with the boat you have? And we just accepted that idea. It's like, well, that is what it was bought. I voted for that purpose, I equipped it for that purpose and why not do it. Maybe we should do that. Maybe we should be happy with what we have. Yeah. Yes. And then we can buy a big boat when we come back and just leave it in the Mediterranean. Yes. Yeah. Like a cabin. Yeah. So not to always strive but then choose to be happy. I think that is a an age thing as well, especially with men. Right? Because as we grow older And I am soon I'm I'm closer to hundred. I'm above fifty, so I'm closer to. ⁓ Yes, I am. Then the test test the testosterone level goes down. Which makes it less important for us to be to shine. For others, it's more important to be feel good inside. Okay. So but first of all I had to give up give up that version of me that was afraid of losing everything. Right? And that was my biggest fear. And then also Not having to force everything, force yourself up on Monday morning to go to all those meetings, doing that, doing that, forcing, forcing, forcing. Maybe that was ⁓ and that is maybe the best part to to that that we have learned to work the effortless way. And the big part of working the effortless way is not being afraid of making mistakes. Absolutely. Because we learn from our mistakes, we never learn from our successes. And and simplicity is not laziness. No, it isn't. No. Definitely not. I remember back from the corporate world that one of the th one of the the times when I grew was when it was a crisis. I felt the purpose, you know, and then I was into the mood and I could run projects and I could be myself and just push things through because there was a crisis or there was a serious situation. and that is what I call adrenaline leadership. And that's a big, big trap to go in, right? Because you're not the leader to solve crisis. If crisis happen then you have to solve that. But the daily business and who you truly are should be a much wiser leader than that. Can I ask you another question? Of course, please do. What do people actually get back when they start remov removing the things that's costing them the most? Clarity. Because it's always back to clarity. It is. Because clarity comes from action. Mm. It doesn't come from overthinking, it doesn't come from searching more information. I tried that for almost I don't know twelve, fifteen years. Looked into self development, read the books, ⁓ it was not so many podcasts at that time, but I tried all that, gather information, gather information, doing the exercises, but nothing happens because I didn't change my identity. Right? And it was first when I changed my identity and my goal is always to upgrade my identity. That was when things changed. What's the difference between Identity and mindset. It is basically the same thing. Right? Identity is who you tell yourself you are. Mm-hmm. Right? My life is great. I live a simple life. I like I live I I love my life. Right? And and and ⁓ then you have your identity that is who you tell yourself that you are. Yeah. And I I had to change, right? That my old identity was that I was a great CEO. My new identity is that I am a really good mentor helping people all over the world. And while we are exploring life together, I see myself as an explorer. Yeah, we both are. Yeah, but try to ask me to sit still. No, it's not possible. No. No. I I'm amazed that you are sitting in this podcast. Yeah. Should we go and I have practice it's discipline. It's discipline, yes. Yeah. But but the the most important thing is that when you when you clear up your life, you know I remember back how many things I did. You you remember that? Okay. So I was CEO I was chairman of I was CEO of of a world leading company in our in our business, in our industry, in the sporting industry. I was chairman of one or two other companies. I was a politician and I was captain on a search and rescue vessel in Norway as well. Mm-hmm. Where we had watches every f Every second week. Twenty four hours. And I was a husband and I was a father. And I was just spinning ⁓ not spinning, I was just doing things all the time. You didn't happen to join the neighbor watched community as well, did you? No. No. That was maybe the only thing. It was like I was just adding things and things and things and things. And I know why now. It was because and it Because when I had when I could fill my mind with new things, I didn't have to feel the pain of not living the life I truly wanted to live. I was filling up. And that's a big trap, that's the biggest trap. Right? It's like we I always say, calm down, speed up. That is from Bob Proctor, right? Calm down means do less things. Then you speed up to your goal. Why? Because when you calm your mind down the ideas will come to you. The ideas of what you truly want to do. Calmness is one of the beautiful jewels of life. Yeah. And that comes from James Allen. Yeah, maybe a bit Bob Proctor says it in a meditation that I listened to. Yes, and it's James Allen, as a man think it. Chapter six. Okay. It is. Yeah. Calmness of mind is one of the jewels of wisdom. And a calm mind is wise. And what people not understand maybe is that a calm mind attracts what you want. Like it's like ⁓ James Allen wrote that in As a Man Think It. It's one of my favorite books. ⁓ and it says ⁓ a calm mind is like a tree in in the desert. It gives shadow and it attracts. Because you have this energy that other people like. And that's that's really important. So freedom and then creating the life you want often comes from moving fewer parts. You know that I I I know that from from technical and from engines you're always looking to take away parts and make it simple because then it creates first of all it's really good construction and it's good engineership but it also lasts longer. And then and you know most people have it backwards. If I just have that, if I just have that, if I just have that, then I will be happy. No. No. It didn't make me happy. No, no, it didn't. I I I might even have to sail around the world with my old boat. ⁓ What a shame. ⁓ we are so lucky. We are. Yeah. There was half jokes. Half jokes, yeah. So after listening to this, what should people ask themselves? If you're sitting there like a high achiever, what should you ask yourself? You know, honesty in that situation is difficult. I I I I I had the honesty. But I was not willing to take the consequences of that honesty. And that's the difference between having a wish or a hope or a dream or having a goal. Right? Because if you have a wish or a hope or a dream then you say, ⁓ that would be nice, but I cannot do that. Yeah. What would family say if we cannot go on winter vacation on that cabin? Well you can rent one instead of owning one. You create flexibility. Stay at home. You can stay at home. The kids will be happy just by having your attention, right? So it's it's not that you have more that will make you happy. Freedom will make you happy, ⁓ and then financially, emotionally, energetically, all that all those things, right? Because you have to clear up. You have to clean up, you have to do a cleansing and it starts with honesty. Right? And most people have never audited their life honestly. No. So so that is and It's something to think about. Yeah, and and that is where you create ⁓ yeah, and I I always get reflections when we have when we record these and it's like why do we want all those things? We don't. You have goals where you want things. Yeah. But ⁓ not all those things. No. No. It's just one big thing. One big thing. That's a good it's a good goal, yeah. So you have to be honest. And that starts as Michael Jackson, his famous song, start with the man in the mirror. All right, look yourself in the mirror. I I will challenge you actually. Look yourself in the mirror and tell you two things. This is what I want and tell you that you love yourself. Yeah. It took me fifty years to look myself in the eyes and tell me that I love myself. So all change starts with honesty, right? That is where it starts. So most people they carry the complex lives and the backpack or the burden gets strong bigger and bigger and bigger and bigger and then they say, Well, we know that. ⁓ I I ha it it's actually the Norwegian businessman, one of the biggest businessmen in Norwegian history is Tanerik Hogan. He passed away sixty nine years old. And I got really sad. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I'm still am And you didn't even know him. No, I didn't even know him. ⁓ I never met him. I worked for one of his close friends a long time ago. ⁓ but it it just made me sad because so many people they wait and they save and they wait and they say, when I just retire, then I will live the life I truly want. No you won't. Because you haven't changed your mind. You haven't changed your mindset, you haven't changed. You will still be. And you will still be looking for that. So I can just say, start living the life you want now. Create it now. This is Twenty twenty six is is the year of of change. So why not now? Right? So don't keep carrying on and build that, you know, a third summer house won't make you happy. No, the more money won't make you happy. Happiness is a choice. So getting clear on what to keep. And the biggest part of that is getting clear on which version of you do you want to keep. Which version of you do you want to develop? What kind of life do you want to live? That is the first step. Write it down. Write it down. Yeah. So should we wrap this up now? Let's wrap this up. Do you have any closing words? Just do it. Just do it, yeah. Yeah. I didn't know how to. And a lot of my clients say, I don't know how, I don't know how, I don't know how. And then I asked them, well, if you had known the how, had you done it? Yes, of course. Yeah. Yeah. So just do it. So just do it, right? Just start taking imperfect actions. Just do it. So thank you to all the listener for listening to this podcast. And we would love for you to subscribe if this resonates with you. And everything we do is to your success. To your success. Bye. Bye bye. If something in this episode spoke to you, it may be a sign that you are ready for a different kind of life. Krister and Ellen work with a small number of high achievers who feel it is time for their next chapter. If that feels like you, you can apply for a private clarity call through the link in the show notes. Until next time, to your success.