Latest / Impact Ready / 139. Permission Not Required

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139. Permission Not Required · Impact Ready

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Welcome to Impact Ready, a show dedicated to helping you elevate
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your impact in the world. I'm Steph Safra, your host.
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Let's explore the power of showing up with intention and
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energy each day. This is for those who seek to
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make life truly meaningful. Get ready for impact.
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Hey, team, welcome back to the show.
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Today we're going to talk about something that I believe can
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change the trajectory of your life and your work and your
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relationships and of course, your impact.
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It's something that I've struggled with in the past,
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something that I consciously have had to work on and actually
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still do, to be honest, to this day.
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This episode is about giving yourself permission.
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Permission to be a different version of yourself.
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Permission to pursue a new career, a new job, or to change
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jobs. Permission to sell yourself.
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Permission to speak up, permission to reach for a dream
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that you've been carrying in your heart for a long time.
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And I want to talk about this because I've seen this struggle
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in friends and clients and family members, in myself.
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So many of us are waiting. We're waiting for someone else
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to hand us this slip of paper that says you're allowed to do
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the thing you want to do. And the truth is, permission is
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not required from anybody except for yourself.
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You don't need a stamp of approval for anyone else in your
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life to live the life that you're meant to be living.
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But there's a lot of things that hold us back from giving
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ourselves permission to do the things that we want to do.
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So let's start with the not. Because the truth is most of us
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are not giving ourselves permission.
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We don't give ourselves permission to change because
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we're scared of disappointing people, or we get into people
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pleasing mode, or we feel like we're going to put people off
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who've known us as we've always been.
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We don't give ourselves permission to sell ourselves
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because we fear that we're being arrogant or salesy or over the
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top. We don't give ourselves
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permission to speak up because we fear being rejected.
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We fear conflict. We fear being seen as too much
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or taking up too much space. We don't give ourselves
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permission to dream bigger than what is currently in our reality
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because we're afraid that we will fail.
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We're afraid that we'll be judged.
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And The thing is, the result of all of that is that we end up
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shrinking and hiding. We live smaller than we're meant
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to live, and our impact suffers as a result of that.
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And because this podcast is about impact, we have to address
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the fact that we don't take up the space that we could in order
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to have the positive impact that we want.
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I mean, think about it, If you're holding back from giving
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yourself permission to show up fully, then the people around
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you, your family, your colleagues, your clients, your
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community, they miss out on the best version of you.
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We all know this. We've all seen the person who
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has been timid and has been holding back out of fear,
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whatever reason. And we can see that as a result
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of them holding back, we don't get the opportunity to be on the
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receiving end of all the gifts that they could offer.
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I've seen that in friends. I've seen that in clients.
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I know that you've seen it too. I think that when we hold back
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our permission, we hold back our gifts.
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Permission not given becomes impact that is not created.
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And here's the truth. I am very guilty of this myself.
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I remember probably 10 years ago wanting to get into the coaching
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world. I love self development.
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I loved the idea of coaching and all that it entailed.
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But there was somebody who had said to me in the past, oh, life
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coaching is a joke. Who do those people think they
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are telling people how to live? And the reality is that person
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really had no idea what this modality was, what this career
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was. They didn't understand that
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coaching wasn't telling people what to do.
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But that comment really stuck in my mind, and I was so scared to
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pursue this new career for fear of being judged, for fear of
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failing, for fear of being criticized, or for people
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looking at me and saying, who do you think you are?
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And so even though I was really excited about the idea, I waited
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for a long time. I didn't give myself permission
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to pursue something different. The other thing that was going
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on in my mind was I didn't think that I could give myself
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permission to pursue another career.
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I've been practicing acupuncture for a long time.
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I had gone through a long graduate program.
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I had paid a lot of student loans to go through that
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graduate program. I had devoted a lot of my life
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in the pursuit of practicing Chinese medicine and
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acupuncture. I had built a really thriving
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practice. And so I thought, why would I
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change any of this? It would be stupid to do that.
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And I was so reluctant to give myself permission to do
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something different. And as a result of that, it took
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me a long time to start pursuing this thing that I had been
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dreaming about for years, something that had been nagging
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in my brain for so long. And why do we do this?
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Why do we wait around for someone else to tell us that
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it's OK? Why do we delay giving our own
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self permission? I think a lot of it is
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conditioning. From the time we're little,
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we're taught to ask for permission.
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Permission to leave the table, to go to the bathroom, to speak
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up in class, to try something new.
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And that conditioning doesn't just vanish when we grow up.
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And some of that stuff is great. We want to be polite, respectful
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people. But it does carry over.
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So even as adults, we are subconsciously waiting for that
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nod of approval from our boss or our partner or our parents or
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our peers. We think, if someone else says
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yes, then I'll go for it. And trust me, I have been there
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before. I have caught myself saying that
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very thing. If someone else says yes, then
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I'll go for it. But here's the truth.
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The people that you're waiting on may never give permission.
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Not 'cause they don't love you, but because it's not their job.
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They're not thinking about you that much.
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Also, they have no skin in the game.
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Your outcomes don't affect them that much.
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They affect you, so people don't think about giving you
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permission to do the stuff you want to do because they're not
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invested and it doesn't affect them.
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And frankly, most people think I have no right to tell someone
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else what to do. You're the one who has to walk
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your path, live in your body, deal with the decisions that you
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make, and the only person who can give you the permission to
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step into your next chapter, your next dream is you.
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Now, there's a little pushback that I get on this sometimes
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when I'm talking with clients about it.
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And so I wanted to call it out. That pushback is this idea of
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timing. Many of my clients will say,
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well, I didn't feel like it was the right time, and I really
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feel like the timing has to be right.
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I think there's a lot of merit to this.
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I am a true believer that timing is important and that some
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things have to happen of their own time.
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But there's a distinction between the right timing and
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dragging your feet because you're scared.
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That's where we get stuck. And so we don't say yes to doing
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the thing. We don't let ourselves go there.
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And so we have to be aware of this fine line between giving
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ourselves permission and holding back because we're in fear.
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Let's talk about the cost of being slow to give ourselves
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permission to do things. When you delay permission, you
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delay your growth, you delay opportunities, you delay impact.
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I know that you can feel that in your body when I say that
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because we all have an experience in our life where we
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were holding back and as a result, we recognized that we
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delayed opportunities and growth.
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Think about any dream that you might be carrying.
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Maybe it's the book you want to write or the business you want
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to start. Maybe you want to leave a job
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and start a new career. Maybe it's the conversation you
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want to have with somebody, your partner, your spouse, a friend.
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Maybe it's a relationship that you want to leave or go out in
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the world and find every month, every year that you wait, you're
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not just losing time, you're losing the ripple effect of what
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that dream could create in your life.
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I think about what I could have created if I would have started
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getting into coaching five years earlier.
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The ripple effect that I could have had.
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And I've worked with so many clients who tell me I wish I had
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started sooner. And what they're really saying
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is I wish I hadn't waited for permission to do the thing, or I
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wish I would have given myself permission.
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Because here's the thing, life doesn't pause for you while you
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wait. The world just keeps spinning
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around and around. And the longer you hold back,
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the more you can reinforce that belief that you do need
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permission. Have you ever had that
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experience in your life where you've been dealing with
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something, whether it's an illness or an injury or
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something that you've been dealing with that's just been so
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heavy and then you come out of it and you're like, wow,
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everybody else moved on with their lives.
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I've been so in this thing and everything just kept going.
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Life doesn't pause while you wait.
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I remind myself of that all the time so that I can remember to
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take quicker action in my life. Now let's flip it a little bit.
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What happens when you're quick to give yourself permission?
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I'll tell you what I see happen in my life.
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I see more magic, I see more momentum, and I see a lot more
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movement. When you give yourself
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permission, you unlock a special kind of freedom.
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You allow yourself to evolve and to grow into different new
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versions of yourself. You step into careers that fit
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your gifts, not just your resume that you've built.
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You speak up in rooms where your voice matters.
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You make a difference. You take risks that lead to
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rewards that you never thought were possible.
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You see new opportunities and new paths light up in front of
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you that you've never seen before.
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When I think back on that example of of me holding back
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permission to become a coach and to get into coaching, I think
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about how much my life has changed because I finally was
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able to give myself permission to make that shift.
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And I see now that I get to have tremendous impact in a way that
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I didn't have before. I am able to do this podcast
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that I never gave myself permission to do in the past.
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I get to work with amazing, incredible, inspiring people who
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are out in the world doing incredible things.
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And I get to see the ripple effect of the work we're doing
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and what they do in their world. I get to do workshops and
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leadership events with companies.
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I get to speak at events. All of this stuff is happening
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as a result of the permission that I gave myself years back,
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and I only wish that I had done it sooner.
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Here's another fun little side effect.
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When you give yourself permission, you give others
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permission too. People see you owning your
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choices, owning your circumstances, and it inspires
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them to own theirs. And then you're having a whole
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different kind of impact, a whole new kind of impact that
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you didn't have before. When you're able to give
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yourself quick permission, it equals faster growth, bolder
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action, and a bigger ripple effect.
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So let's think about how we can make this practical because it's
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nice to talk about it. But what does this actually look
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like in real time? Giving yourself permission might
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look like saying to yourself, I'm not happy in this career or
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this relationship or these circumstances, and I'm allowed
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to pivot. It might look like saying I'm
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allowed to take up space in this conversation.
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It might be saying I'm allowed to raise my rates because the
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value I provide is worth it. It might be saying I'm allowed
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to dream beyond my current reality, my current
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circumstances, and I don't need proof before I start.
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When you're saying that kind of stuff to yourself in the
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beginning, it might feel a little forced, but trust me,
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it's a whole different kind of frame.
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It's a different outlet, a new perspective from what you've
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typically been saying to yourself, which is I can't do
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this. And it's not about waiting until
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you feel 100% confident. Permission isn't this reward for
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having it all figured out. I mean, I don't know anybody who
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has it all figured out. This has historically been one
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of my mistakes. I thought that I had to have it
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all figured out before I could give myself permission to take
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the leap. But you don't need to do that.
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You don't have to have a perfectly foolproof detailed
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plan. Instead, let's think about
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permission as the key that opens the door so that you can figure
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it out. So how do you get better at
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this? There's a couple things that I
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think about. First, notice where you're not
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giving yourself permission. Catch yourself in the places
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where you're holding back, where you're saying I can't when
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really it's I won't let myself because I haven't given myself
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permission. The second thing I think about
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is instead of waiting for approval, say it out loud, say
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your permission out loud. I give myself permission to
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blank dot dot dot. Try it with a lot of different
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things. I give myself permission to
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practice saying it out loud because I guarantee you've been
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saying in your mind about some things.
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I can't do that thing because let's flip the script on it.
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And then finally take some mini action, some micro action.
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Because giving yourself permission really doesn't mean
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anything without taking some action.
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And it can be a small step. Sending an e-mail, making a
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call, writing the first page of a book, any of that stuff will
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signal to your brain, I am moving on this thing.
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I'm allowed to do it. I always tell my clients that
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insight plus action equals transformation.
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Because it's not enough to have the epiphany, the light bulb
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moment, the insight. You have to make a move on it.
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So here's the challenge I have for you this week.
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Stop waiting on the thing you've been wanting to do.
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Stop outsourcing your power. Stop waiting for someone else to
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give you a yes when it could really be you that gives
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yourself a yes. Because the truth is, permission
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is not required, not from outside of you, not from them,
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not from anyone. You just have to write your own
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permission slip this time. So write it and sign your name
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on it, just like you did when you were a little kid, and get
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started on this thing that has been in your brain and your
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heart for so long. I'm so glad you're here today.
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Thank you for listening and thank you for being ready to
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Impact. Thanks for listening to Impact
14:47
Ready. I hope today's episode inspired
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you to own your impact and recognize that you are powerful.
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By elevating our energy and awareness, we can create
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exponential change in this life. If you enjoyed today's insights,
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share them with a friend and subscribe to the show for more.
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I truly appreciate you. Thanks again for being here.