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I Avoided One Conversation For 2 Months — It Almost Killed My Business · Harder Than Life

• 0:00
  I let my podcast grow flat for two months, staring right at the proof because the truth was uncomfortable to say it out loud. Today I'm going to show you why the hardest thing you're avoiding saying is the single biggest performance hack you've got. Everybody thinks honesty is about other people. How many times you said they need to be honest or I'm looking for somebody honest, but in truth it's that you won't admit it to yourself that you need to be
• 0:30
  You need to have that tough, quote unquote, tough, difficult, uncomfortable. I like to call them growth conversations. That's being honest with yourself. So the truth that you're dodging is the growth that you're missing. Here's the story, guys.
• 0:50
  Our producer, he's going to kill me, but sorry, Stephen, I love you, but tired of telling her NTM stories and love stories. So I'm going to tell a real story about our podcast because there'll be a day here where we're the number one show in America, and I'm going to show you what it took to get there. So our producer is the former producer of the Ed Milet Show. Ed Milet is...
• 1:08
  My mentor, I love him dearly. Everybody passes me off as him, and I couldn't think of a better honor. So he grew that show to the top five in the world. I listen to it still to this day. Ed is the GOAT. We'll eventually get him on the show, and I have fun. So we meet every other week, the producer and I and our team, to go over the numbers. I would say it was the end of February, maybe early March, and the numbers were flat, and we had a budget.
• 1:34
  to spend ads and we had a plan. We had a whole plan for the entire year and we just weren't executing. Nothing was being spent. Growth had been stagnant and I was frustrated. I told myself, he's the expert. He knows what he's doing.
• 1:52
  The truth is, I'm a businessman. I know numbers don't lie. I stayed quiet and I said nothing until I didn't. If you guys have followed us three years, we've been working on this. Three and a half years now, but three years and paying out money, paying out money and not getting any growth is absolutely exhausting. The downloads weren't growing. YouTube wasn't growing.
• 2:20
  Nothing was showing up. And I show up and show out. The show prep that we do behind the scenes for this. And if you haven't seen, I'm tweaking with a bunch of new ways to bring you this content. And I'm doing much more real life experiences. And I have to think that our renewed focus as a team, understanding what the goal is, is doing that. So none of it was growing. And it's frustrating. I am an action orientated person. Results matter. That's all of it.
• 2:50
  And it made me feel funky because the truth was awkward. Holding up a mirror to somebody and saying, yo, we're not doing our job. And I called my silence. Respect for the expert.
• 3:04
  And it was literally avoidance. I just, I didn't want to rock the boat. I didn't trust myself. A lot of what I've been coming through is still from fear and scarcity. And when I deliver it, I usually deliver that message from fear and scarcity and it lands all wrong. And the dishonesty wasn't towards him. I was lying to myself. It's not okay.
• 3:32
  It's not okay to pay somebody to do a job and they don't do it and you don't speak up. That is betraying yourself and it's slowly decaying who you are. And...
• 3:46
  I was flat out lying to myself. I'm showing up and showing out and the thing isn't growing. And this is after a year of seeing fake results. So I was really excited to work with the producers now because they're so honest and forthcoming and real. And that's who I am. I'm genuine and authentic. So I partnered with someone who's genuine and authentic. And I'm not naming any names, but our previous producer was doing something nefarious. I'm not sure what it was. I know it wasn't out of malice, but...
• 4:16
  We definitely had to cleanse from that. And that took a full year. So, you know, 14, 15 months into working with somebody who you trust and you love very much and having that growth conversation could have went two ways. But as I've told you in several episodes, this one really went well because it landed well and I was able to say it out of love and abundance. So I finally put my foot down.
• 4:46
  And I didn't do it the old way. I just asked questions, I didn't raise my voice, and I said, we're not using the ad spend, why? And I got this long answer that was very legit. And he was right. But I said, okay, let's start using the ad spend unless you know of something else. And I said, let's put a date, and I picked the next quarter, and I said, what could we realistically be at
• 5:15
  and YouTube and downloads by that date. And he picked and I said, okay.
• 5:20
  This is recorded, we got it written down, let's go. And it wasn't an accusation, it wasn't, you're doing a terrible job, it's just, here's where we are, here's where we wanna get to, can you do that, yes or no? He said yes, it wasn't demanding and it wasn't demeaning, and it wasn't saying you're doing a bad job. I have a bad habit of making it sound like people are doing a bad job, but this is a world where we reward people for their intention and not their outcomes, and that's a problem.
• 5:47
  You know, I worked really hard. How many times have you heard? I worked really hard on this. Yeah, I worked really hard on this podcast. And we are just now starting to grow. And it was frustrating. But it was me not using my voice, lying to myself and speaking up. So I pointed right to the data. And I said, what can we commit to the next quarter? He gave me that. And we're on pace.
• 6:09
  Here's the big mind-blowing thing. It wasn't as hard as we make it out to be. That conversation was not hard at all, and it brought us closer. Here's the best part. Had he got mad, upset, defensive, I would have known right then and there that he wasn't for me.
• 6:28
  And we've gotten closer and now we're actually having fun because we get to watch the daily subscribers, the daily downloads just shoot up. And I said, remember this conversation because when we're on top, this is where it started. So these, call these growth conversations, not difficult conversations, not challenging conversations, growth conversations. Because that literal growth conversation
• 6:56
  is what's, while you're hearing me, while you're watching me either on YouTube or Spotify or now iTunes, by the way, hit smash to subscribe on any one of those and share this with anybody that wants to hear radical honesty and watch a crazy guy like me literally share his entire life out in the open. And this is fun. And the funny thing about it is as I'm doing all this, guys,
• 7:23
  My therapist says, everything doesn't have to be content. I share everything with you guys. Literally just wants me to just be and just live my life. But my purpose is just paying it forward. I tell you, wise people learn from other people's mistakes. Smart people learn from their mistakes. Wise people learn from other people's mistakes. It hurts my heart to watch people on life's merry-go-round, going round and round and just puke, expecting a different result.
• 7:53
  By doing the same thing, that's the definition of sanity. Guys, if nothing changes, nothing's changed. So the lesson I want you to learn from this is that radical honesty isn't a brutal confrontation, does not need to be a brutal conversation. It can be with yourself. I have those every single day in the mirror where it's, yo Siegel, you're absolutely giving your power away right now.
• 8:23
  And then I write out what I'm going to do. And I go in and I do it. And I don't speak from my heart. I speak from facts. So it's the refusing. I want the lesson to be you refuse to lie to yourself about what you already see. You guys know what's happening. You know if you need to break up with that girl. You know you need to break up with that guy. You know if you need to go to that networking event. You know if you need to take that job. You can feel it in your gut. If nothing else, just sit back and pray.
• 8:54
  God will guide your way. Yes, I've been getting more and more into God. Somebody's been looking out for me because I've been making stupid mistakes and I keep ending up in a good spot. You're not soft for keeping the peace. Remember that. It's not soft. It's just the silence in front of bad data is a decision. You're making the decision to stay in the place that you're at today and you have to make the decision that you want to grow.
• 9:26
  And the data doesn't lie, my friends. It doesn't. In the case of if you're in a terrible relationship, look and see what are they doing. Are they communicating? Watch the tongues of their shoes, not their tongues in their mouth. If you're in a job and your boss is a jerk and he treats you and demeans you and you leave every day drained, you have the data.
• 9:44
  but you could always go in and stand up for yourself and say, this is what I'll tolerate. Those are boundaries. What I'm talking about being honest with yourself is just trusting yourself to not tolerate disrespect and not tolerate what's going forward. And if they choose to leave,
• 10:01
  Or you need to leave. Good. At least you got change. And it may get worse if it gets better, but trust yourself. You will be fine. You've overcome everything up until this point. So the truth is we avoid the result you don't get if you don't use the truth. So you wonder why you're not getting the outcome you want because you're not saying the truth. You're not being honest. You're not holding the line. Yeah.
• 10:27
  And something I do a lot is I'll have so much compassion for the other person that I'll reward him for it. But I no longer do that. That's scarcity and fear. Absolutely. So somebody works really hard. We have the project defined. We have the dates defined. They get to the end of it and they fumble it. I used to give them a second chance, third chance. And that's unacceptable. We say, here's the time it needs to be complete. It's usually 30 more days. And if they don't,
• 10:56
  That's termination. So it's the same in relationships. It's the same in every interaction in your life. So here's what I want you to take away from this. The invitation. Step one, decide you're sick and tired of being sick and tired. That's the first thing.
• 11:13
  And usually when you're sick and tired, you're complaining about it. The same thing every single day. And if you got really good friends, a good support system, they should be telling you that. You know, you're complaining about that person every day. You're complaining about your significant other every single day. What are you going to do about it? That's a good friend. Not a friend just going, I hear you. Decide you'll do anything to change it is the next step. Anything. But I'm going to give you the actual proper steps, which is literally the
• 11:42
  Write down the outcome and the date and let them figure out how. Figure it, give the what and the why.
• 11:51
  Let them figure out the how, because that's their part of it. If you have to give them the how, you could probably hire AI to do it. These two decisions must become before the conversation, or else you're just gonna do the same thing over and over. They're gonna give you the valid reason that it's not done, and you're gonna walk away more frustrated, abandon yourself, and literally pissed off.
• 12:15
  Write down the facts on paper. I wrote down 20,000 YouTube subscribers by June. I think it was June 1st. I have it written down. I'm in the studio, I don't have it written down. Maybe it was 15,000.
• 12:31
  It was 15,000 by June 1st, and we're at, I think, 17,000 right now. So we've passed it. Now the new goal is 25,000. I believe it's the next month. That's the beauty part about it. Once you get on the positive momentum train, it keeps going. And now the team is so excited to watch it go and grow, and we've learned to communicate better. So write down the facts on paper, take them with you, and don't deviate. Hold the line. Set the date.
• 13:00
  that you need to achieve the goal. Ask them if they have any questions, and if they don't, then they understand the goal, and you then let them know if there's any check-in points if they get stuck to come to you. And then the best part is you remind them, I hired you to do a job, you're really, really smart,
• 13:19
  Go do your job. You can't keep giving them the path. That makes dependent robots. So once you have all this, you have that conversation and just say the facts. Once all that is done, you will see clarity and you will feel free. Remember, like if somebody tells you a lie, lying for me is just an absolute cutoff. I'm gonna digress for just a second and talk about an actual lie. For me, it literally says in my bathroom at home.
• 13:46
  Love everybody and tell the truth. Ram Dass said that. If you lie to me, it's an absolute you're gone. I don't care if you're a customer. I don't care if you're a partner. I don't care if you're an employee, a friend. It is just a non-negotiable.
• 14:00
  A lie hurts forever. The truth hurts once. I want everybody to be courageous. Each and every one of you to be courageous and lead and put your best foot forward and always tell the truth. But back it up with facts, not feelings. So today, your homework. This was another short lesson, but I'm trying something new where I'm literally just riffing off of the top of my head. Hopefully you guys like this. And if anybody...
• 14:30
  is denying their truth and complaining to you about the same thing, everything. Send them this lesson, send it to them. I really appreciate it. We're bringing bigger and bigger guests. All of these forwards, all of these subscriptions are helping us. So here's your homework. Name the truth you've been dodging, bring the facts and a date to the meeting this week and have said meeting. You will be scared to death. Breathe before you do it.
• 15:00
  Give the facts, don't over explain, clarify that they got it, end the conversation, and check in on the date that you agreed them on.
• 15:11
  Pro tip, make certain that they agree on the date, that they didn't just say yes to make you happy. I got that a lot. I've made every mistake. So literally, this will help you get off life's merry-go-round. It is the most freeing thing. And I've done this all the way through NTM, my personal life, harder than life. And there's no...
• 15:33
  mistake of why we're growing. This is the reason. Looking in the mirror, trusting myself, choosing myself, being honest with myself. I want you to do it today. And the hardest thing to say is usually the most profitable. Stop protecting people from the truth. Stop protecting yourself from the truth. Start respecting them and yourself to tell it. This has been Heart of the Life. I'll see you next Thursday.
• 16:03
  Please rate and share this podcast. I'm active on all social platforms and love to hear from my Segal supporters. Each and every episode is sponsored by my company, National Technology Management, the easiest and best IT company to do business with, delivering peace of mind with technology every day, even simplifying cybersecurity. Visit TrustNTM.com for more info. Until next week, be harder than life.