Latest / Where We Rise / 16 | "I'm So Proud of You" | A Life Remembered
Transcript
- 0:00Khalila McCoy: Hey, I'm Khalila McCoy, and this is the show where we face the hard things with honesty and hope.
- 0:07Khalila McCoy: This is Where We Rise.
- 0:10Khalila McCoy: Today, it is my privilege to share my conversation with Allaina Maria.
- 0:17Khalila McCoy: She begins this episode by honoring her older sister, Yolanda, a woman whose life was taken due to domestic violence.
- 0:27Khalila McCoy: In our conversation, you'll hear a brief description of what happened that day.
- 0:32Khalila McCoy: What is shared is information you could easily find online if you search for the incident.
- 0:38Khalila McCoy: But what you won't find in those articles is how deeply Allaina Maria loves her sister.
- 0:45Khalila McCoy: You won't read about the precious moments Yolanda shared with her siblings, or how incredible her cooking was, or the real and raw emotions of a baby sister left to rebuild after losing her.
- 0:59Khalila McCoy: That is what we are hearing today.
- 1:03Khalila McCoy: Not even two years removed from that horrible day, Allaina Maria sits with us to share who Yolanda truly was, beyond the headlines, beyond the tragedy, and to open our eyes to the pain of having someone you love taken by violence.
- 1:23Khalila McCoy: Let's listen.
- 1:26Khalila McCoy: How are you today?
- 1:28Khalila McCoy: Hi, I'm doing great.
- 1:29Khalila McCoy: How are you?
- 1:30Khalila McCoy: Good.
- 1:30Khalila McCoy: Welcome to the show.
- 1:32Khalila McCoy: I want to start today by saying thank you for being here and trusting me with such an important conversation.
- 1:38Khalila McCoy: Today we're going to honor your sister, Yolanda.
- 1:41Khalila McCoy: And she was taken from this world unexpectedly and because of violence.
- 1:47Khalila McCoy: And if we were to read the headline in the news as someone who doesn't know her, I would read it, I would see it.
- 1:53Khalila McCoy: And then unfortunately, I would move on, right?
- 1:56Khalila McCoy: And I would forget about the situation.
- 1:58Khalila McCoy: But I understand, and as we all do, for the people who loved her, their lives were shaped by her.
- 2:06Khalila McCoy: This is not something that they're just forgetting and their lives are forever changed.
- 2:09Khalila McCoy: So I'm grateful that we get a chance to talk about Yolanda, about who she was, beyond what happened to her.
- 2:16Khalila McCoy: So for those of us who never got to meet her, please share with us about who she was.
- 2:23Allaina Maria: Um, so Yolanda, um, just before I get started, I just want to say it's always a pleasure and a joy to even mention her name because she was such a wonderful, bright light in this world.
- 2:36Allaina Maria: Um, I was so blessed and lucky to have her as my big sister.
- 2:40Allaina Maria: Um, a lot of people have the horror stories.
- 2:42Allaina Maria: Oh, my sister, no, no, no.
- 2:44Allaina Maria: She was the she was an amazing woman.
- 2:46Allaina Maria: My mother had, she birthed three children, but she raised many.
- 2:50Allaina Maria: Um, but she birthed Yolanda, um, the middle child Shauna, and then myself, Allaina, um, the three of us.
- 2:56Allaina Maria: And Yolanda was always my protector from day one.
- 3:01Allaina Maria: I can't even remember a time that we ever had an argument.
- 3:04Allaina Maria: And that's just the honest absolute.
- 3:06Allaina Maria: She was the gentlest, kindest, sweetest, nicest person that you could ever meet.
- 3:14Allaina Maria: You know, you know, there's some people in the world, you meet them, you're just like, oh my God, like, where are you from?
- 3:19Allaina Maria: You're like otherworldly.
- 3:20Allaina Maria: Like, why are you so what are you doing here?
- 3:22Allaina Maria: Like, what are you?
- 3:23Allaina Maria: What do you got going on?
- 3:25Allaina Maria: Why, why are you so magical or whatever?
- 3:28Allaina Maria: You know, what's up with Aura that you're drawn to them?
- 3:32Allaina Maria: And that was my sister.
- 3:33Allaina Maria: Um, you know, aesthetically, she was a beautiful woman.
- 3:37Allaina Maria: Okay, she was just naturally gorgeous, freckled face, um, little tiny, little slim, petite little something.
- 3:45Allaina Maria: She dressed and dressed and dressed.
- 3:48Allaina Maria: You hear me?
- 3:49Allaina Maria: Nails done, hairs done, just a beautiful woman.
- 3:53Allaina Maria: But outside of that, when you would look at her, you'd be like, oh my gosh, she is so gorgeous.
- 3:59Allaina Maria: But when you would talk to her, you'd be like, oh my gosh, she's even more beautiful.
- 4:02Allaina Maria: You know what I mean?
- 4:03Allaina Maria: So she was just a wonderful, like, like I said, a beautiful sister growing up.
- 4:06Allaina Maria: She was my protector.
- 4:08Allaina Maria: Um, there was nothing I ever needed or wanted.
- 4:10Allaina Maria: She was right there for me and my middle sister as well.
- 4:13Allaina Maria: Let's be clear, she was good to all of us.
- 4:15Allaina Maria: But just speaking specifically for my experience, right?
- 4:18Allaina Maria: Um, she was a great mother.
- 4:20Allaina Maria: She had five wonderful children.
- 4:22Allaina Maria: Wow.
- 4:23Allaina Maria: Um four boys and a girl.
- 4:25Allaina Maria: One girl, she finally got her girl, and her name was Patience.
- 4:28Allaina Maria: And she tested her patience too.
- 4:30Allaina Maria: So they named her prophetically.
- 4:33Allaina Maria: Oh, did they ever name her prophetically?
- 4:36Allaina Maria: Um, but yeah, so Leonard was an awesome cook.
- 4:39Allaina Maria: I mean, she the mantle was passed down naturally for my great grandma, my grandma, my mom to my sister.
- 4:45Allaina Maria: Those those girls can burn.
- 4:47Allaina Maria: And um, she was, you know, right up there, you know, with the upper echelon of the cooks in our family.
- 4:53Allaina Maria: Um, like I said, she worked in social services.
- 4:56Allaina Maria: So she provided, you know, on her daily life, even though she was going through so much turmoil, stress, struggles at home in an abusive marriage.
- 5:05Allaina Maria: Um, but when she went to work from eight to five, she was serving the community.
- 5:10Allaina Maria: You know, she was making sure people didn't go homeless, providing services.
- 5:14Allaina Maria: Um, she would uh actually recently she had started in, well, in Bennell, Florida is a small town where she was living.
- 5:22Allaina Maria: That's what my my grandma but in the small town is the Carver Gym.
- 5:26Allaina Maria: And she started a program once a month where people from her job would come and provide resources to the community, first of its kind.
- 5:35Allaina Maria: And as a result, when they did it again, they named it after her in her honor, and that was not too long ago.
- 5:40Allaina Maria: And they also had a little banquet invited.
- 5:42Allaina Maria: My mom provided her with a plaque.
- 5:45Allaina Maria: I mean, she was a trailblazer, and once she transitioned, and when we had her funeral, it was in a very huge church.
- 5:56Allaina Maria: And when I tell you it was standing room only, um, people black, white, Hispanic, like all of the different people she touched and ministered to in her own way.
- 6:11Allaina Maria: And people were just devastated because when you meet her, like I said, that light, you had to love her.
- 6:16Allaina Maria: You would have never known she went home to what she went home to.
- 6:21Allaina Maria: Right.
- 6:21Allaina Maria: You would never know because she always showed up.
- 6:24Allaina Maria: You know, sometimes you hear stories about people who are in abusive relationships, you know, they shy away, they look that, you know, you know, those times where you're like, okay, something's going on there.
- 6:33Allaina Maria: Right.
- 6:34Allaina Maria: Yeah, she always showed up as her authentic self because she was saying, if I have to go home to trauma, at least when I wake up in the morning, I can help heal others, you know?
- 6:45Allaina Maria: Uh yeah.
- 6:46Allaina Maria: So she was a true gym.
- 6:48Allaina Maria: Um, and I said at her funeral when me and my sister spoke, I would choose you every lifetime to be my sister.
- 6:55Allaina Maria: He was good, she was good stock.
- 6:58Khalila McCoy: Do you have a specific story or memory of her that plays over the most in your mind?
- 7:04Khalila McCoy: Oh, yeah.
- 7:06Allaina Maria: My sister's my middle sister Shauna's gonna get me, but me and Shauna, um, I was in the living room and I don't know what my sister was something else.
- 7:15Allaina Maria: And she would always pick up me for whatever reason.
- 7:18Allaina Maria: I was the younger sister, you know, so whatever.
- 7:20Allaina Maria: You know, we'll do it that that dynamic.
- 7:22Allaina Maria: And one time my sister, Yulana, she was like, that's enough.
- 7:26Allaina Maria: Leave her alone.
- 7:28Allaina Maria: Like she just was like, took her in.
- 7:29Allaina Maria: Hey, leave my sister alone.
- 7:31Allaina Maria: And uh I was like, that's right, that's right.
- 7:35Allaina Maria: That's that lot, my love.
- 7:40Allaina Maria: And you know, when someone as a child, you think about like that woman who came around, like your mother's friend or your auntie that always had their hair done and makeup done.
- 7:47Allaina Maria: And you just every time you see them, you're like, I want to be like you.
- 7:51Allaina Maria: Absolutely.
- 7:53Allaina Maria: And my sister was my hero because she always stood up for me.
- 7:57Allaina Maria: And so that story, one that that's one of the many times, but she will always tell my sister, yay, you better back off.
- 8:03Allaina Maria: Right.
- 8:04Allaina Maria: You know what I mean?
- 8:04Allaina Maria: So she was, like I said, my protector, and I mean that in every single way.
- 8:10Allaina Maria: Yeah, you know, so yeah.
- 8:12Khalila McCoy: Yeah, so she was big in your life, big in the family, in the community.
- 8:17Khalila McCoy: That's really amazing that she was really giving of herself.
- 8:21Allaina Maria: Absolutely.
- 8:22Allaina Maria: Every I left this out, and I don't know how, but this was a big thing.
- 8:26Allaina Maria: Every Halloween, she would come out, decorate her porch, have food.
- 8:33Allaina Maria: They would have grilled hot dogs, hamburgers, free candy, cupcakes.
- 8:37Allaina Maria: She would make this thing called chicken soup.
- 8:39Allaina Maria: It had a little rice chicken in it.
- 8:41Allaina Maria: Um, um, the community would come together and they would give away whole-sized candy bars.
- 8:45Allaina Maria: And the whole block would come and just hang out at my sister's house and with the kids, and they would have relay races up and down the street, and every single year she looked forward to Halloween.
- 8:59Allaina Maria: Yeah.
- 8:59Allaina Maria: Um, and she was also a cat lady, so like the community cat.
- 9:02Allaina Maria: You know, she's like, oh, oh my God.
- 9:06Khalila McCoy: Um, anyway, she loved all God's creatures.
- 9:10Allaina Maria: Uh she was something else, but she was feeding the little community cats.
- 9:14Allaina Maria: But um, back to the Halloween thing, um, last year they had the Halloween uh thing at her house because um the home she was living in was my grandmother's home.
- 9:25Allaina Maria: And so my grandmother is a family house.
- 9:27Allaina Maria: And so she that my sister was the oldest grandchild.
- 9:29Allaina Maria: My mother was the oldest of eight.
- 9:31Allaina Maria: My sister was the first, so she moved in.
- 9:34Allaina Maria: And then once my um sister passed away, my cousin moved into the home.
- 9:39Khalila McCoy: Okay.
- 9:39Allaina Maria: And um, so they continued the tradition with the Halloween party at you know, at the house.
- 9:46Allaina Maria: Um, unfortunately, myself, my mom, the kids, we did not go because my mom just, you know, was not in a place to be able to be okay because she was murdered in front of her house.
- 9:59Allaina Maria: Oh man.
- 10:00Allaina Maria: So yeah.
- 10:01Allaina Maria: So um so that place holds that dark memory now.
- 10:05Allaina Maria: Absolutely.
- 10:06Allaina Maria: And um, you know, the children, he did it in front of my youngest nephew as well, and the re other kids were in the house.
- 10:12Allaina Maria: So it was the the amount of trauma that came behind that situation was unreal.
- 10:19Allaina Maria: She was simply going to work.
- 10:21Allaina Maria: And he pulled in behind her, got an argument, grabbed a knife, and you know, stabbed her 17, 18 times in front of my nephew.
- 10:30Allaina Maria: I'm so sorry.
- 10:32Allaina Maria: Absolutely.
- 10:33Allaina Maria: So uh it is a lot.
- 10:37Allaina Maria: Um, but like I said, we we can't undo what happened to her, but I can tell you, her light shines so bright.
- 10:44Allaina Maria: They had the Martin Luther King parade recently in Bennell.
- 10:47Allaina Maria: My mom came up, they honored her with a plaque.
- 10:49Allaina Maria: You see what I'm saying?
- 10:50Allaina Maria: So her legacy is still moving on, yeah.
- 10:54Allaina Maria: Still moving on.
- 10:55Allaina Maria: Yeah, so that's just a glimpse into this beautiful light.
- 10:58Allaina Maria: You know what I mean?
- 10:59Allaina Maria: She was amazing.
- 11:01Khalila McCoy: Were there some stories that you heard at the funeral that kind of not surprised you in like in a negative way or anything, but you're just like, oh yeah, that's my sister, but you didn't know she was involved, and maybe oh I um almost all of them, because a lot of people in the I I knew she worked in social work, but I don't work with her.
- 11:19Allaina Maria: You know, I don't know how many people she came in contact with on a daily basis.
- 11:23Allaina Maria: And so to hear the people, to see, first of all, seeing was believing.
- 11:29Allaina Maria: Grief is a mess.
- 11:32Allaina Maria: The way these people were grieving, it was moments where I had to stop and look because he had to come and grab some people to, you know, withhold their grief to console them.
- 11:44Allaina Maria: And I'm like, oh my God.
- 11:45Allaina Maria: So not only what they said, it's what I saw.
- 11:49Allaina Maria: People just couldn't believe this wonderful vessel is laying in this beautiful candy red casket in this gold sequence dress.
- 11:57Allaina Maria: And I said to myself, now how you go out of here fine?
- 12:00Khalila McCoy: What?
- 12:00Khalila McCoy: What are you doing today?
- 12:01Khalila McCoy: You know what are you doing?
- 12:03Allaina Maria: You what do you got?
- 12:06Khalila McCoy: Servant people, you know, makeup.
- 12:09Allaina Maria: We made sure to honor her as she was, you know.
- 12:12Allaina Maria: Um, young lady who does my makeup, uh Deja Dowdy, wonderful makeup artist, came and made her be herself.
- 12:20Allaina Maria: Yes.
- 12:20Allaina Maria: Um the week before her transition.
- 12:23Allaina Maria: Um, I I I do a lot of things.
- 12:25Allaina Maria: I'm a motivational speaker, I've written books, I'm an actress.
- 12:28Allaina Maria: And that week before she transitioned, we went to um to um Chicago.
- 12:35Allaina Maria: I had to speak, which was actually her birthday, uh, July 24th was the actual day of the engagement.
- 12:40Khalila McCoy: Okay.
- 12:40Allaina Maria: And um, we all went up together.
- 12:42Allaina Maria: She was like, You gotta do my hair.
- 12:43Allaina Maria: You got so I was like, fine, I'll do your hair.
- 12:46Allaina Maria: And so in the casket, she still had that same hairstyle.
- 12:49Allaina Maria: And I was like, that's right.
- 12:51Allaina Maria: I did that for my sister.
- 12:53Allaina Maria: And so even the picture that was on the front of her obituary is the same hair, because like I said, we had just gotten back from Chicago, you know, and that next week, her and my aunt are one week apart.
- 13:04Allaina Maria: We was in Chicago one week celebrating, and my birth, my auntie's 60th birthday the next Saturday, two days later, you know.
- 13:14Khalila McCoy: Yeah, I love just I can see you, right?
- 13:18Khalila McCoy: And I can see you lighting up as you talk about your sister, and then even at the funeral, like that sense of pride of like my sister has helped so many people and done so many things.
- 13:29Khalila McCoy: Now that she's gone, how do you feel like you want to carry on her legacy?
- 13:35Allaina Maria: Oh man, I like I said, I'm I'm a motivational speaker myself, you know.
- 13:40Allaina Maria: Um, now I I will say at first I had to take a break.
- 13:44Allaina Maria: I had to step back because I had no strength to motivate nobody because I was grieving like a madman, you know.
- 13:50Allaina Maria: Everything she everything I love was in one place trying to figure out how to go on, right?
- 13:55Allaina Maria: Her children, my mother, my sister, you know, her best friend.
- 13:59Allaina Maria: So um I took a step back from that side of me.
- 14:02Allaina Maria: Um, but I had to remember that my sister was my greatest champion.
- 14:08Allaina Maria: Every book until she left, every book I wrote, she edited.
- 14:12Allaina Maria: You see what I'm saying?
- 14:15Allaina Maria: Yeah.
- 14:15Allaina Maria: So that was my yeah, that was my that's what I'm trying.
- 14:19Allaina Maria: I can't convey it enough.
- 14:21Allaina Maria: I don't know if it's coming across in my voice, but that truly was my champion.
- 14:25Allaina Maria: When I'm traveling, what time you're leaving, where you're at, if I make a Facebook post, oh you spelled that wrong.
- 14:31Allaina Maria: Get that off of it.
- 14:31Allaina Maria: Like she's you know what I'm saying?
- 14:33Allaina Maria: Represent yourself the best.
- 14:35Allaina Maria: She did not play by her baby sister.
- 14:37Allaina Maria: Um beautiful.
- 14:38Allaina Maria: Once I got my bearings and was able to start moving forward again, um, I remember my sister and everything that I do and her legacy and her demand for excellence and how she supported me.
- 14:54Allaina Maria: And I remember how she was a champion for the community.
- 14:57Allaina Maria: I make sure my mother makes sure that we in turn continue her legacy and don't just let her name, you know, go in vain.
- 15:04Allaina Maria: It's an impossibility for us.
- 15:07Allaina Maria: I coined a phrase that I refuse to give the grave any of my potential.
- 15:11Allaina Maria: Um, and I coined that after my uncle passed away.
- 15:15Allaina Maria: And um, now that my sister is gone, you know, I regurgitated that.
- 15:20Allaina Maria: Allaina, you're hurting, but you cannot give the grave any of your potential.
- 15:25Allaina Maria: You see what I'm saying?
- 15:26Allaina Maria: My sister would not have wanted that.
- 15:28Allaina Maria: Her journey was over.
- 15:30Allaina Maria: My journey is not.
- 15:31Allaina Maria: Right.
- 15:32Allaina Maria: You know, and she's rooting for me with the cloud of in the cloud of witnesses right now, saying, you better not stop.
- 15:38Allaina Maria: I'm not here physically, but I am still, I'm still here.
- 15:42Allaina Maria: We share the same DNA.
- 15:43Allaina Maria: I I am just no longer in the physical, I'm still in the spiritual form, rooting for you and pushing for you.
- 15:49Allaina Maria: So yeah.
- 15:52Khalila McCoy: Let's go back a little bit to your grief.
- 15:55Khalila McCoy: You talked about how you had to step away for a while.
- 15:59Khalila McCoy: Yeah.
- 15:59Khalila McCoy: After you found out what happened.
- 16:02Khalila McCoy: Walk us through what that was like for you.
- 16:06Allaina Maria: Oh boy.
- 16:06Allaina Maria: Well, I literally was on a movie set down in Miami.
- 16:10Allaina Maria: You know, I'm like, I'm doing my big one.
- 16:12Allaina Maria: You know, this is one of my biggest sets.
- 16:14Allaina Maria: I'm growing up.
- 16:14Allaina Maria: They see my talent.
- 16:16Allaina Maria: And um, my nephew calls.
- 16:18Allaina Maria: I had just walked out of the trailer and was going to the breakfast area to, you know, get a little bagel or whatever they had over there.
- 16:24Allaina Maria: And my nephew called and it was like early in the morning.
- 16:27Allaina Maria: I'm like, what did he want?
- 16:28Allaina Maria: Wait, what did he what are you doing?
- 16:29Allaina Maria: I'm like, what's up, Jace?
- 16:30Allaina Maria: And he was like, earthy, earthy.
- 16:32Allaina Maria: And you know, he told me what was happening.
- 16:34Allaina Maria: I'm like, wait, say who did what now?
- 16:38Allaina Maria: Who did who they was?
- 16:39Allaina Maria: So I'm four hours away.
- 16:41Allaina Maria: I'm down in Miami.
- 16:42Allaina Maria: My family's in central Florida.
- 16:44Allaina Maria: Um, and she was alive, you know, but you know, injured, but still alive.
- 16:52Allaina Maria: And so when I finally talked to my mom, I was like, Mom, I'm on the way.
- 16:56Allaina Maria: And my mom was like, Don't you dare move.
- 16:58Allaina Maria: We're here.
- 16:59Allaina Maria: You stay right there.
- 17:01Allaina Maria: Because that morning I texted him, I made it, her reply, I'm so proud of you, sis.
- 17:05Allaina Maria: That was the last thing she said to me that morning.
- 17:07Allaina Maria: Okay.
- 17:08Allaina Maria: Um, and my mom was like, Don't you move, you stay right there.
- 17:11Allaina Maria: You finish out your set, we will call you.
- 17:14Allaina Maria: We are here.
- 17:15Allaina Maria: And I was like, Mom, I need to come home.
- 17:17Allaina Maria: She said, Allaina, don't you move?
- 17:21Allaina Maria: We are here.
- 17:23Allaina Maria: We'll call you.
- 17:25Allaina Maria: Said, okay.
- 17:27Allaina Maria: They don't set, you know, when you when you're filming, you're not you're not on your phone.
- 17:32Allaina Maria: You're filming.
- 17:33Allaina Maria: And then so I went to check my phone and nobody had text, call, email.
- 17:37Allaina Maria: That's when I knew.
- 17:38Allaina Maria: I said, nobody's talking to me.
- 17:40Allaina Maria: Nobody's talking to me.
- 17:42Allaina Maria: Nobody's giving me an update.
- 17:43Allaina Maria: So I called, nobody's answering the phone.
- 17:46Allaina Maria: I call my cousin, she answers, and I was like, Kim, you know, what's going on?
- 17:50Allaina Maria: She said, You need to get home.
- 17:51Allaina Maria: I say, but is my sister gone?
- 17:54Allaina Maria: You need to get home.
- 17:55Allaina Maria: Now I'm frantic.
- 17:56Allaina Maria: Don't play with me.
- 17:57Allaina Maria: It's not like don't play these games.
- 18:00Allaina Maria: And she said, Yeah, I the scream that I, you know, the what the the kids say, the scream that I scrumped.
- 18:07Khalila McCoy: You know, the scream that I scrumped.
- 18:11Khalila McCoy: Yeah.
- 18:12Allaina Maria: Oh my gosh.
- 18:13Allaina Maria: I I I felt like um like I had been hit with a whip on my back.
- 18:19Allaina Maria: You know, like I I can't explain the the jolt that went through me.
- 18:25Allaina Maria: It was it was unreal.
- 18:27Allaina Maria: And where we were, I couldn't just walk off set.
- 18:30Allaina Maria: They drove us on set in the black truck, so they had to we, you know, we they had to release us, and then we the the calf got in the trucks, and then they drove us back to our car.
- 18:39Allaina Maria: So I couldn't just walk off the set.
- 18:42Allaina Maria: So I'm sitting there trying to hold it together, finishing up.
- 18:45Allaina Maria: But these people contracted me to do my trying not to cry.
- 18:49Allaina Maria: When they finally let me go, I told the lady what happened.
- 18:52Allaina Maria: They was just like, oh my God.
- 18:53Allaina Maria: You know, they were very sympathetic.
- 18:54Allaina Maria: I got in my car and I floated down 95 when I drive north, getting to my sister.
- 19:02Allaina Maria: Um, we were at my we went to my aunt's house, and um was going through your head on during that drive.
- 19:08Khalila McCoy: Do you remember?
- 19:08Allaina Maria: Were you Oh, I was screaming and hollering uh straight down the industry.
- 19:11Allaina Maria: I don't know how I didn't crash.
- 19:13Allaina Maria: You you see what I'm saying?
- 19:15Allaina Maria: And I um I do distinctly remember I called my children's father.
- 19:18Allaina Maria: We're no we're no longer together, but we have a great relationship.
- 19:20Allaina Maria: I called him, you know, because he was in my life for how many years, you know?
- 19:24Allaina Maria: Hey, Yolanda is gone.
- 19:27Allaina Maria: And he's like, say what?
- 19:29Allaina Maria: And his sister, um Lashawn, was there, and the way I was screaming, she was like, Allaina, pull the car over.
- 19:36Allaina Maria: George and I are on the way to get you.
- 19:39Allaina Maria: We'll ride together and I'll drive you.
- 19:41Allaina Maria: I was like, no, I don't I can't wait for you to get I I I um you ever had an auto like like you're an autopilot?
- 19:50Allaina Maria: Like I know you I was in Miami and then I was in Daytona.
- 19:54Allaina Maria: I mean I palm coast.
- 19:56Allaina Maria: I was in Miami and I was in some of the hours, I don't know what happened.
- 20:02Allaina Maria: Right.
- 20:02Allaina Maria: It's like you know, men in black.
- 20:04Allaina Maria: Oh I know and you're there, yeah.
- 20:08Allaina Maria: Yes, and that call time that morning was extremely early for that film, and so I was beat.
- 20:15Allaina Maria: But I felt none of that.
- 20:18Allaina Maria: I got there, my entire family was there, my mom, you know, the person I love more than myself is there, just tattered.
- 20:28Allaina Maria: And the look on her face, I didn't know what to her children, my siblings, my aunt, all of my extended family, even my uh in-laws, uh well, her in-laws, even his family um was around.
- 20:45Allaina Maria: And this isn't talked about much, but even though they didn't do it, I felt some type of way about them.
- 20:52Allaina Maria: They didn't deserve it, they didn't support it, they were not okay with it.
- 20:57Allaina Maria: But they all looked like him.
- 20:59Allaina Maria: And seeing them around you know what I mean?
- 21:04Allaina Maria: Right, I get that.
- 21:05Allaina Maria: Yeah, so people don't they don't talk about, you know, you just think about, oh, these people are hurt, but they don't think about the fallout, you know, the the residual effects, how the relationships will never be the same.
- 21:17Allaina Maria: Yeah, again, I have no issue particularly with the family, but one of theirs offended one of mine.
- 21:27Allaina Maria: So it make it made things awkward.
- 21:30Allaina Maria: It made things awkward.
- 21:32Allaina Maria: And they simply wanted to be there, and they should have.
- 21:35Allaina Maria: Um, the father is the one that stopped him from stabbing my sister, you know?
- 21:39Allaina Maria: He just happened to be riding by and was like, what in the world?
- 21:42Allaina Maria: Jump that, pull out his pistol, told him you stab again, I'm gonna kill you.
- 21:45Allaina Maria: His own father.
- 21:46Allaina Maria: So they weren't in in agreement with that.
- 21:49Allaina Maria: But as we're showing up at the house every day, you know how us uh black people do, we have fish one day, and you know, every day, and people come by.
- 21:59Allaina Maria: Chicken and it yeah and you're seeing all these people, and again, you're not angry at anyone but the offender.
- 22:07Allaina Maria: Um, but the fact that you're a human being, your true emotions, I don't care what nobody says.
- 22:13Allaina Maria: People attached to that person, yeah, you do feel a type of way.
- 22:17Allaina Maria: I I and that's just the honest truth.
- 22:20Allaina Maria: It really is.
- 22:21Allaina Maria: Um, and I really had to do some self-reflection because they didn't do it.
- 22:25Allaina Maria: And not only that, they don't could they don't they don't condone it.
- 22:29Khalila McCoy: Yes, that's the big part.
- 22:30Allaina Maria: Yeah, and they weren't okay with it.
- 22:32Allaina Maria: And they would I won't say just I'm glad to hear that.
- 22:35Khalila McCoy: I'm glad to hear that.
- 22:36Allaina Maria: Yeah, yeah.
- 22:39Allaina Maria: So it so that feeling, you see, so the the the point was how did I feel walked me through?
- 22:44Allaina Maria: I felt everything and nothing at the same time, if that makes any sense.
- 22:50Allaina Maria: I can tell you the worst feeling was the day we went to see her at the wake, and it was just a family viewing only.
- 23:00Allaina Maria: And my mom, my sister, and I walked up first.
- 23:07Allaina Maria: The children did not come to the wake because they were just trying to figure out, they were just trying to breathe, they were just trying to inhale and exhale.
- 23:14Allaina Maria: Um, but my my mom, my sister, and of course, other family members were there, but we were the first three they led up to see her.
- 23:21Allaina Maria: And my mother just collapsed on her child's chest.
- 23:24Allaina Maria: Yeah, and my my middle sister was like on her torso and I'm at her feet.
- 23:30Allaina Maria: And I just my my body was almost like I was having a seat, like I couldn't even stop myself from shaking.
- 23:39Allaina Maria: And I cried and cried.
- 23:41Allaina Maria: I felt helpless, I felt angry, I felt sad, uh, I felt um abandoned, um, I felt lost.
- 23:54Allaina Maria: I was angry with God, you know, because and again, you want me to be raw and honest, he beat her all the time.
- 24:01Allaina Maria: I always hoped it had been him and not her.
- 24:03Allaina Maria: You know what I mean?
- 24:06Allaina Maria: Like these things people don't talk about, but if anybody gotta go, it needs to be the monster, you know?
- 24:12Khalila McCoy: Um, and so I was questioning God, like, why did you let it get her not him?
- 24:17Allaina Maria: You know what I mean?
- 24:18Allaina Maria: You yeah.
- 24:19Allaina Maria: So um I just felt I felt everything.
- 24:26Khalila McCoy: Yes.
- 24:26Allaina Maria: And then afterwards, people eating chicken, you know, after everybody came and we're at my sister's house, and they're outside having crabs and laughing and talking.
- 24:35Allaina Maria: I stayed in my sister's room the whole time.
- 24:37Allaina Maria: I would come out, you know, peek out, check on my sister, check on my mom.
- 24:41Allaina Maria: And I went back in the room with sitting on the bed because I didn't feel like he, ha ha.
- 24:44Allaina Maria: I didn't, I didn't want to, but I also um not that it's all about public image because it's not, but I also am a brand.
- 24:53Allaina Maria: I'm Allaina Maria, like I said, I'm an actor singer.
- 24:55Allaina Maria: So I didn't want to be cutting up.
- 24:57Allaina Maria: Right.
- 24:58Khalila McCoy: Yeah.
- 24:58Allaina Maria: I'm not a normal cutter upper, if you will, but I hadn't felt the way I felt before ever.
- 25:04Allaina Maria: And like I said, all these twin-faced people outside that look like the offender.
- 25:10Allaina Maria: So I stayed in the room and just kind of wanted to make sure I just I don't know.
- 25:18Allaina Maria: I don't know what I wanted to make sure, but I just needed to make sure.
- 25:21Allaina Maria: Yeah, so yeah, so I felt everything.
- 25:28Allaina Maria: I felt everything and nothing.
- 25:30Khalila McCoy: I think it's like you said, like we don't talk about that fact that you're hurting, you're in pain.
- 25:35Khalila McCoy: You know how you're supposed to act, but at that moment, nothing matters except what you're going through and what you're feeling.
- 25:42Khalila McCoy: And it's not selfish.
- 25:44Khalila McCoy: And yeah, people will understand later, but you also knowing you have to hold it together, that's a lot for one person to manage.
- 25:53Khalila McCoy: Absolutely.
- 25:54Khalila McCoy: And then, like, even what I said before, like these people coming, yeah, they're sad, they're hurting, but that's your sister, right?
- 26:03Khalila McCoy: Yeah, she helped you, she supported you, and you saw her as a pillar in the community and you loved her, but this is my sister right here, and that's a different type of connection, an emotion that I think we forget to acknowledge and honor as well.
- 26:19Allaina Maria: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- 26:21Allaina Maria: It it takes a it takes a lot out of you.
- 26:24Allaina Maria: Um, and my concern with my mom is I wanted to make that's her first baby.
- 26:30Allaina Maria: You know, before Yolanda's children, it was my mama and Yolanda.
- 26:35Allaina Maria: That's it.
- 26:36Allaina Maria: So I wanted to make sure that I was holding her up.
- 26:39Allaina Maria: And then my sister, Shauna and Yolanda, they're closer in age.
- 26:43Allaina Maria: So they were pretty tight.
- 26:46Allaina Maria: You know what I mean?
- 26:46Allaina Maria: And they look so much alike.
- 26:48Allaina Maria: So a lot of people, and they would look at she would find people, even still to this day, they'll be staring at her because they're seeing Yolanda, you know, and it makes her, you know, feel some type of way.
- 26:57Allaina Maria: Because she's like, you know.
- 27:00Allaina Maria: Um, but her and Yolanda was, they were best, best, best, best, best, best, best, best, best buddies.
- 27:06Allaina Maria: You know, I was baby sis.
- 27:08Allaina Maria: We were close.
- 27:09Allaina Maria: We were all close.
- 27:10Allaina Maria: But that was her her homegirl.
- 27:13Allaina Maria: So she is just you know, in pizza cup.
- 27:17Allaina Maria: She's just hysterical and going crazy.
- 27:19Allaina Maria: And then it's me who um I feel exactly what they're feeling.
- 27:25Allaina Maria: But we all have different personalities.
- 27:28Allaina Maria: So it's me, Allaina, trying to make sure I'm level-headed.
- 27:31Allaina Maria: Okay, we gotta get the funeral stuff, we gotta do this, we gotta do that.
- 27:34Allaina Maria: You know, trying to stay here when all I want to do is yes, you know what I mean.
- 27:42Allaina Maria: But it wasn't about me, you know.
- 27:47Allaina Maria: It wasn't uh, I mean, it was a a a part of me, but it wasn't just about me.
- 27:52Allaina Maria: There's so many pieces to this puzzle, like I said, people don't think about.
- 27:54Allaina Maria: You kill someone, you don't think about that best friend who's been in life since they were, you know, three.
- 27:59Allaina Maria: You just all the kids.
- 28:01Allaina Maria: No, there's there's someone, you know, who also loves her.
- 28:04Allaina Maria: You know what I mean?
- 28:05Allaina Maria: Or that favorite cousin, or that uncle who used to take her and get ice cream, like that that thing, it reaches so far and wide when you when people die, it hurt.
- 28:15Allaina Maria: But the truth when you're gonna kill somebody, it's just like, for what?
- 28:23Allaina Maria: You know, and so now what?
- 28:25Allaina Maria: The light that you had in the world is now snuffed out, you no longer have access to her.
- 28:30Allaina Maria: And that's what I take peace in and joy in.
- 28:33Allaina Maria: She's somewhere that you're not.
- 28:36Allaina Maria: Yes.
- 28:37Allaina Maria: And I love that for her.
- 28:40Allaina Maria: I wish she could be with me, but she's somewhere where the monster is not.
- 28:44Khalila McCoy: She's not hurting anymore.
- 28:46Khalila McCoy: Nope.
- 28:46Khalila McCoy: She's being taken care of.
- 28:48Khalila McCoy: Yep.
- 28:50Allaina Maria: Yeah, absolutely.
- 28:52Allaina Maria: And so are her children.
- 28:53Allaina Maria: There are five children, two are with me, two are with my other sister, and one he had a little baby, and um, he has his girlfriend.
- 29:01Allaina Maria: Yeah, little baby, which I'll be getting this week.
- 29:04Allaina Maria: I can't wait.
- 29:04Allaina Maria: Dash my bum.
- 29:05Allaina Maria: Yeah, you know, so we, you know, we're holding up, my sister's not here, but we got her right and her left arm held up here in the earth.
- 29:13Allaina Maria: Her children want for nothing, not a thing.
- 29:16Allaina Maria: They're well cared for.
- 29:17Allaina Maria: You know what I mean?
- 29:19Khalila McCoy: Yeah.
- 29:19Khalila McCoy: You mentioned God before.
- 29:23Khalila McCoy: How did you get past that anger with God to a place where you're like, okay, God, I trust you again.
- 29:28Khalila McCoy: Help me through this.
- 29:30Allaina Maria: Well, I've been in a similar place before.
- 29:33Allaina Maria: I um my son would have been 18.
- 29:37Allaina Maria: Well, he'd be 19 this December.
- 29:38Allaina Maria: He passed at six months old.
- 29:41Allaina Maria: And uh, but he was a micropreamie.
- 29:43Allaina Maria: You know, no one did anything to him.
- 29:45Allaina Maria: He just was early.
- 29:46Allaina Maria: That was my first child, and I was sick about it, you know.
- 29:50Allaina Maria: And I remember I used to take arrows, invisible arrows, and shoot them to God so I hit him in the heart so you could feel how I felt.
- 29:56Allaina Maria: And it took me years to be okay.
- 29:58Allaina Maria: And I sang on the praise to him and in the choir and direct the choir and was a good girl, and I didn't smoke, and I didn't drink.
- 30:04Allaina Maria: Well, I, you know, all the things you think that make you good, and then when something bad happens to you, you're angry about it, you know.
- 30:09Allaina Maria: You're like, God, but the crackhead has 82 kids.
- 30:12Allaina Maria: You're gonna take my one, she's gonna give them to the system.
- 30:15Allaina Maria: I never, you know, so um I I I I was in a place of really hurt where I was angry with God before.
- 30:23Allaina Maria: Um, like I said, that was years removed from my sister, which was just a year and a half ago.
- 30:28Allaina Maria: And um I did a lot of God why.
- 30:34Allaina Maria: A lot of god why why.
- 30:37Allaina Maria: But I also did a lot of my sister life, wasn't kind to her either.
- 30:43Allaina Maria: You know, it wasn't necessarily kind to her, even though she was good to it, it didn't return the favor.
- 30:51Allaina Maria: Yes, she lived in turmoil every single night.
- 30:55Allaina Maria: So when I took a retrospective look into her story, like I said, I take solace in that she's no longer in a place where the monster can have access to her, her soul can finally be at east.
- 31:10Khalila McCoy: Be at rest, yes.
- 31:13Allaina Maria: So was I angry?
- 31:15Allaina Maria: It it would I'll tell you a joke, but I'm gonna tell you no lie.
- 31:18Allaina Maria: Yes, I was angry.
- 31:20Allaina Maria: But I uh I don't know how to say it without sounding crazy.
- 31:24Allaina Maria: I miss my sister, but I would rather her be resting away from me than be living in turmoil with him.
- 31:32Allaina Maria: You see what I'm saying?
- 31:34Allaina Maria: Yeah, so that's again where I hang my hat, uh, you know, and I can pop my collar and feel good about she is not constantly tormented by the one she loved the most.
- 31:47Allaina Maria: She deserved her soul, deserved.
- 31:50Allaina Maria: She was dating him since she was 12.
- 31:52Allaina Maria: He killed her at 50.
- 31:53Allaina Maria: So that tells you how long.
- 31:54Khalila McCoy: How long you said I'm saying, yeah.
- 31:58Allaina Maria: So I just I know it sounds crazy, but um, I'd rather her.
- 32:03Khalila McCoy: That doesn't sound crazy at all.
- 32:05Khalila McCoy: Yeah, you said one of the last things she said to you was that I'm so proud of you.
- 32:11Khalila McCoy: Oh, yeah.
- 32:11Khalila McCoy: Is that in a text message or in a text?
- 32:14Khalila McCoy: So do you do you still have that text that you look back at?
- 32:19Khalila McCoy: Of course.
- 32:20Khalila McCoy: Yeah, of course, because that's such a wonderful last thing to hear, too.
- 32:26Khalila McCoy: Yeah, especially after all she's met and done.
- 32:28Khalila McCoy: It it captures honestly who she is.
- 32:31Allaina Maria: Absolutely, it it really did.
- 32:34Allaina Maria: And I'm like, I'm doing my big one, y'all are going.
- 32:36Allaina Maria: It was a big name artist.
- 32:37Allaina Maria: I can't say who because the movie hasn't released, but it was a pretty big you know, actor that I I was attached to, you know?
- 32:44Allaina Maria: And I'm so proud of you.
- 32:47Allaina Maria: I'm like, you know, I'm feeling myself.
- 32:50Allaina Maria: Yeah, I could go, and then that was a part that I was angry about.
- 32:54Allaina Maria: Um, I'll be honest, because she was my biggest champion and one of my first biggest gigs.
- 33:00Allaina Maria: You're gonna do this on this day?
- 33:02Allaina Maria: Right.
- 33:03Allaina Maria: Not that it was about me, because it wasn't about me.
- 33:09Allaina Maria: But when you sit and go back and reanalyze everything, you just like, man, not that I want you to do it on any day.
- 33:17Allaina Maria: You understand?
- 33:18Allaina Maria: Um, but it's just it's so hard to put into words.
- 33:24Allaina Maria: And I just want to say humbly, I'm so proud of myself today because I haven't dropped a tear.
- 33:29Allaina Maria: It took me a long time to get to this place where I can talk so freely.
- 33:33Allaina Maria: And even though I'm happy that she's okay, that I am not a blubbering, blundering mess.
- 33:38Allaina Maria: I had to acknowledge that.
- 33:42Allaina Maria: I am so proud of myself that I'm able to do this today.
- 33:45Khalila McCoy: I was honest too.
- 33:46Khalila McCoy: I was I would wasn't sure how you know this conversation would go.
- 33:50Khalila McCoy: I have my tissues right here, ready to go.
- 33:52Khalila McCoy: What made you decide that you want to talk about this?
- 33:56Khalila McCoy: Right?
- 33:56Khalila McCoy: We don't know each other, but I like I said, I'm very honored that you would come on here and talk about this with me.
- 34:02Khalila McCoy: What is it about the situation that you want others to hear and know about?
- 34:07Allaina Maria: Uh, well, I wanted to talk to you so I can be honest.
- 34:13Allaina Maria: A lot of times people are afraid to say how they really feel, you know, especially like like, and again, not to harp on their family.
- 34:21Allaina Maria: Their family is fine.
- 34:22Allaina Maria: But people won't say, I feel some type of way because it was your people.
- 34:27Allaina Maria: You know, you feel like something is wrong with you because you're angry, or, you know, and I just I want to come and talk about, you know, being real about your feelings and your emotions.
- 34:36Allaina Maria: And it's okay to feel what you feel.
- 34:39Allaina Maria: Now you're responsible for your actions, but it's okay to feel how you feel.
- 34:44Allaina Maria: And so I'm not the only person who has had someone murdered or killed, or be it uh hospital negligence, be it a car accident, shoot, just uh cancer or just regular everyday.
- 34:56Allaina Maria: It hurts no less.
- 34:58Allaina Maria: You love them, they leave here.
- 35:00Allaina Maria: It hurts.
- 35:01Allaina Maria: You know what I mean?
- 35:02Allaina Maria: And, you know, you may be angry with the doctor because you felt they could have done more when the doctor really did all they could.
- 35:08Allaina Maria: But it's okay to feel like they should have done more because you love that person.
- 35:12Allaina Maria: So I wanted to come on, you know, with to be real and honest to tell people your feelings are okay and they are valid.
- 35:19Allaina Maria: They are valid because you love them.
- 35:21Allaina Maria: And it's okay to not be okay all the time.
- 35:25Allaina Maria: And you grieve and run your race how you need to run your race.
- 35:30Allaina Maria: Don't buck up against other people who feel like, oh, they're good.
- 35:34Allaina Maria: If you need to cry, you still can cry.
- 35:36Allaina Maria: Certain movies come on.
- 35:37Allaina Maria: I'm just sitting there having a good time and the tears fall fall, and I let them fall.
- 35:42Allaina Maria: I wipe my face and I go do something else.
- 35:46Allaina Maria: But I don't be like, I got this.
- 35:48Allaina Maria: No, I don't, not right now.
- 35:49Allaina Maria: I don't.
- 35:49Allaina Maria: This moment I'm weak.
- 35:50Allaina Maria: This moment I'm broken.
- 35:51Allaina Maria: This moment I miss my sister and I want her presence.
- 35:54Allaina Maria: I can't have it, but it's okay to say I want my sister.
- 35:58Allaina Maria: You know?
- 35:59Allaina Maria: So I wanted to do this to just come be raw, real, and to encourage and minister to others that grief that hurts, right?
- 36:11Allaina Maria: It hurts.
- 36:14Khalila McCoy: It hurts.
- 36:14Khalila McCoy: It hurts.
- 36:16Khalila McCoy: Have you been able to look at the in-laws in that side of the family?
- 36:24Khalila McCoy: Are you still healing in that way?
- 36:26Khalila McCoy: Or have you been able to look at them and not see him but see?
- 36:34Allaina Maria: That was fresh.
- 36:35Allaina Maria: Yes, okay.
- 36:36Allaina Maria: I don't I I don't care, you know.
- 36:38Allaina Maria: Yeah, when it was fresh, it's like he just did this yesterday, y'all sit on the other day.
- 36:43Allaina Maria: Mm-hmm.
- 36:44Allaina Maria: Move.
- 36:45Allaina Maria: You know, but that at this point, you know, again, I'm entitled to my feelings.
- 36:52Allaina Maria: But at this point, again, not at one second of these people, I'm okay with it.
- 36:57Allaina Maria: That's what she gets.
- 36:58Allaina Maria: Right.
- 36:59Allaina Maria: These they are not in cahoots.
- 37:02Allaina Maria: They don't agree.
- 37:03Allaina Maria: There had there is no, you know, so there's no need for me to feel any type of way about anybody else but the offender.
- 37:12Allaina Maria: It's just in the moment, in the early stages, I just needed somewhere to put that you know, all that.
- 37:21Allaina Maria: You know, all that.
- 37:22Allaina Maria: You know, but now I don't, I don't, I don't think, you know, my mom still talks to his dad to this day, you know.
- 37:29Allaina Maria: You know, the kids, my sister, the the two that are in school, this is my sister in Jacksonville.
- 37:34Allaina Maria: The last time she came to Bonnell, she took them over there to their granddad.
- 37:37Allaina Maria: I mean, you know, if I see any of them in the street, I'm like, how you doing?
- 37:42Allaina Maria: You you you know, um, like I said, when it was fresh, I didn't know what to do with my emotions.
- 37:47Allaina Maria: I didn't know who to love or who to hate.
- 37:49Allaina Maria: You know, but uh I don't think, you know, it it it that that is dissipated, you know, you know, that's dissipated by now.
- 37:58Allaina Maria: I don't I don't care.
- 37:59Allaina Maria: Even if I see them on Facebook something I like, I click the click like.
- 38:02Allaina Maria: I don't, you know what I mean?
- 38:03Allaina Maria: There's no more anger there because I was able to kind of settle my spirit about it.
- 38:09Allaina Maria: Um you know, but again, honestly, in the beginning, I was like, mm-mm.
- 38:14Allaina Maria: So that's just the raw truth, you know?
- 38:22Allaina Maria: It's just the raw truth of the matter.
- 38:25Khalila McCoy: And I appreciate your honesty.
- 38:26Khalila McCoy: I agree with you.
- 38:26Khalila McCoy: We don't talk about it enough.
- 38:28Khalila McCoy: We think we have to put on a smile, we have to keep going and moving forward, but this is real.
- 38:34Khalila McCoy: And you said you're not the only one, unfortunately, who deals with this in life.
- 38:38Khalila McCoy: So I know they would appreciate what you have to say.
- 38:42Allaina Maria: Oh, yeah, and uh what people don't uh talk about, they have the right to love their loved one, even though they were wrong.
- 38:49Allaina Maria: You see what I'm saying?
- 38:51Allaina Maria: You know, they shouldn't be, you don't get to tell people how to love who they love.
- 38:54Allaina Maria: That's still their loved one.
- 38:56Allaina Maria: That's still if they want to go see him, that's their right, that's their right.
- 39:00Allaina Maria: Right.
- 39:00Allaina Maria: He'll be judged by a jury of his peers, and whatever they decide, that will be the judgment on that.
- 39:05Allaina Maria: You see what I'm saying?
- 39:06Allaina Maria: None of that brings my family back.
- 39:08Allaina Maria: So if they want to go and visit, talk to no, but they don't need to go.
- 39:11Allaina Maria: Yes, they can people can do whatever they can.
- 39:12Allaina Maria: Whatever they want to do.
- 39:15Allaina Maria: And so that's another part of the healing um that you know doesn't get talked about.
- 39:19Allaina Maria: Or people like to say what they should what he you don't get to tell people how to love their family or friends.
- 39:27Allaina Maria: If they want to send him $20 to get some ramen noodles in his commissary, send them the $20.
- 39:33Khalila McCoy: Right.
- 39:34Allaina Maria: That has nothing to do with me or my family.
- 39:38Allaina Maria: They get to love him right on.
- 39:41Allaina Maria: You know, they get to love him right off.
- 39:44Allaina Maria: Yeah, you can love a monster.
- 39:46Allaina Maria: Absolutely.
- 39:54Allaina Maria: I have some family members I'm not the proudest of.
- 39:56Allaina Maria: You know, I I love there are a couple monsters I love from behind bars.
- 39:59Allaina Maria: You see what I'm saying?
- 40:01Allaina Maria: I still love my family.
- 40:03Allaina Maria: I will never condone, you know, be okay with, support, you know, if I see the family grieving on their on their post, I would stay out of that.
- 40:13Allaina Maria: But I I have to love, if you love them, you love them from where you are.
- 40:17Allaina Maria: I yeah.
- 40:17Allaina Maria: So I I had to get to that place too.
- 40:19Allaina Maria: People can they can still love him.
- 40:21Allaina Maria: They can.
- 40:23Allaina Maria: Mm-hmm.
- 40:24Allaina Maria: You know, people have free will.
- 40:26Khalila McCoy: Yes.
- 40:27Allaina Maria: So that's another place people don't talk about either.
- 40:30Allaina Maria: Mm-hmm.
- 40:31Khalila McCoy: Yeah.
- 40:32Khalila McCoy: So you've shared why you wanted to talk about Yolanda and her memory.
- 40:39Khalila McCoy: So usually at the end of the show, I ask the guests to share, like, you know, how would you inspire, encourage people to rise?
- 40:46Khalila McCoy: And I feel like you've done a lot of that.
- 40:48Khalila McCoy: What do you think Yolanda would say to our listeners?
- 40:52Khalila McCoy: How do you think she would encourage people to rise?
- 40:56Allaina Maria: She would definitely say, be true to yourself.
- 41:00Allaina Maria: That would be the first thing she'll say.
- 41:02Allaina Maria: Take care of yourself.
- 41:04Allaina Maria: Because she had already said, I'm not she didn't know why she stayed.
- 41:09Allaina Maria: But she went and saved the world.
- 41:12Allaina Maria: So she would say, Be true to yourself, trust your gut.
- 41:16Allaina Maria: It's time to go, trust yourself, listen to that inside voice and put yourself first, focus on keeping yourself healthy, healed, and whole.
- 41:30Allaina Maria: Be good to yourself.
- 41:33Allaina Maria: And if you're good to yourself, that makes you a better person to be good to others.
- 41:38Allaina Maria: But when you're also broken and just spreading broken seeds, take the time to be good to yourself.
- 41:44Allaina Maria: I know that's what she would say.
- 41:46Khalila McCoy: Listen to don't stay if you have to go.
- 41:51Khalila McCoy: Go if you have to go.
- 41:53Khalila McCoy: Thank you, Allaina Maria, for this conversation.
- 42:00Khalila McCoy: Thank you for your heart, your honesty, and for sharing your love for your sister and for letting us get to know Yolanda.
- 42:08Khalila McCoy: I am so deeply sorry for your loss and for your community's loss.
- 42:13Khalila McCoy: From everything you shared, Yolanda sounds incredible.
- 42:17Khalila McCoy: And like we talked about earlier, I'm glad that her legacy is living on and still touching people through the work she did and the love she gave.
- 42:26Khalila McCoy: I will continue to pray for you and your family for comfort and for strength.
- 42:32Khalila McCoy: There are so many ways I could close this episode.
- 42:37Khalila McCoy: The takeaways, the moments that stayed with me, the questions that we could sit with.
- 42:42Khalila McCoy: But today was so personal and so honest and sacred that I want to leave space for you to do your own reflecting.
- 42:51Khalila McCoy: I encourage you to talk to someone about what you heard today, share what you felt, and share what you learned as well.
- 42:58Khalila McCoy: To anyone who is listening, who is experiencing domestic violence, or walking through any struggle that feels too heavy to carry, hear me when I say this.
- 43:10Khalila McCoy: You are not alone.
- 43:13Khalila McCoy: Please take the next step that leads you closer to safety, to peace, and to joy.
- 43:21Khalila McCoy: To everyone listening today, thank you for being here with me, for holding this space, and for listening with your whole heart.
- 43:30Khalila McCoy: Until next time, keep listening louder and discovering what connects us in ways we sometimes forget to notice.
- 43:40Khalila McCoy: See ya bye.