Latest / Start Your Comeback: Rebuilding after Divorce, Empty Nest, and Loss of Spouse / The Foggy Road Forward: Embracing Your New Reality After Life Blindsides You

Transcript

The Foggy Road Forward: Embracing Your New Reality After Life Blindsides You · Start Your Comeback: Rebuilding after Divorce, Empty Nest, and Loss of Spouse

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: Is there a major life transition benching you?
• 0:02
  Speaker 1: I know you may be asking what's next?
• 0:06
  Speaker 1: What's my purpose?
• 0:07
  Speaker 1: What if?
• 0:08
  Speaker 1: Because I've asked those too.
• 0:11
  Speaker 1: Welcome to the Start your Comeback Podcast.
• 0:14
  Speaker 1: I'm Toni Thrash, a certified life coach, and I want to share the tools and practical steps to help you create a winning game plan to move into your new adventure.
• 0:25
  Speaker 1: Hi, welcome back.
• 0:57
  Speaker 1: You're listening to episode 78.
• 1:00
  Speaker 1: Over the next three weeks, I'm going to revisit three of my favorite episodes.
• 1:07
  Speaker 1: If you are new around here, then you are here because of a major life transition happening in your life right now.
• 1:14
  Speaker 1: You may have been blindsided by this life transition and find yourself in a complete state of shock which, by the way, is normal yourself in a complete state of shock, which, by the way, is normal.
• 1:28
  Speaker 1: What you will learn by joining me here are the steps to face the reality, make a game plan to get yourself off the bench and re-enter a life that changed without asking permission.
• 1:36
  Speaker 1: Today, I want to touch on the shock of your transition and how to wade through it.
• 1:43
  Speaker 1: Have you ever been completely shocked by a life transition?
• 1:48
  Speaker 1: I mean, you know, gut-punched, paralyzed, couldn't think straight, shocked.
• 1:54
  Speaker 1: Maybe it came from a diagnosis, a betrayal, a loss or even a revelation that something you've been carrying is no longer yours to hold.
• 2:05
  Speaker 1: When that kind of shock hits, it's not just a moment, it's a full body experience.
• 2:12
  Speaker 1: Suddenly, everything in your world is upside down.
• 2:17
  Speaker 1: You feel like you don't have a purpose, you can't focus and everything and I mean everything feels like a mountain you've got to climb.
• 2:27
  Speaker 1: It's daunting at best and numbing at worst.
• 2:31
  Speaker 1: Then survival mode kicks in.
• 2:35
  Speaker 1: And let me be clear survival mode isn't a weakness, it's actually wisdom.
• 2:43
  Speaker 1: You see, I remember that day very clearly.
• 2:45
  Speaker 1: I was home for lunch and I got hit with one of those gut punch moments.
• 2:51
  Speaker 1: I was in marriage counseling, holding on to the role of savior like it was my job, and it was slowly killing me.
• 2:59
  Speaker 1: I was learning the hard truth that role wasn't mine anymore.
• 3:06
  Speaker 1: Anyway, I sat down, checked the bank account and I just knew it was over.
• 3:13
  Speaker 1: At that very next counseling session I said the words out loud I'm leaving.
• 3:19
  Speaker 1: That shock was the first of a million to follow.
• 3:23
  Speaker 1: I was devastated.
• 3:24
  Speaker 1: I didn't know what to do.
• 3:25
  Speaker 1: I didn't of a million to follow.
• 3:25
  Speaker 1: I was devastated.
• 3:25
  Speaker 1: I didn't know what to do.
• 3:26
  Speaker 1: I didn't even know how to think.
• 3:29
  Speaker 1: My brain was in a fog so thick that I had to have people think for me.
• 3:35
  Speaker 1: Literally, they would give me one next step at a time.
• 3:40
  Speaker 1: I'd pray, check my gut as best as I could and then take that one step.
• 3:47
  Speaker 1: It was all I could handle.
• 3:51
  Speaker 1: You see, shock has a way of numbing us, dulling our senses so we don't feel the full weight of the pain all at once.
• 3:58
  Speaker 1: It's the body's way of saying hold up.
• 4:01
  Speaker 1: We can't process all of this right now.
• 4:03
  Speaker 1: It protects us, but it also slows us down.
• 4:08
  Speaker 1: And in that slow, foggy place, you need a strategy.
• 4:12
  Speaker 1: You need survival steps.
• 4:16
  Speaker 1: Right now, I'm going to give you three non-negotiables for navigating the shock phase of a major life transition.
• 4:23
  Speaker 1: The first one is to tighten your circle.
• 4:26
  Speaker 1: You don't need a hundred people giving you advice.
• 4:30
  Speaker 1: That's a recipe for confusion, not clarity.
• 4:34
  Speaker 1: Narrow your circle down to three to five people you trust with your life.
• 4:39
  Speaker 1: These are your lifeline people, the ones who get to speak into your situation.
• 4:45
  Speaker 1: They don't gossip, they don't judge and they walk alongside with you.
• 4:50
  Speaker 1: These were the people I leaned on.
• 4:54
  Speaker 1: I asked the same questions over and over and they never flinched.
• 4:59
  Speaker 1: They just answered it again and again, because when you're in shock, your decision making filter is broken.
• 5:08
  Speaker 1: You need outside clarity until your inner compass starts to reset.
• 5:13
  Speaker 1: Not everyone has the right or the need to know your whole story, so you have to develop a two to three sentence elevator speech that becomes your go-to response.
• 5:26
  Speaker 1: Memorize it and repeat it, and that's how you stay sane when everyone, and their mother wants to know what happened.
• 5:37
  Speaker 1: Number two sometimes you have to bench yourself.
• 5:40
  Speaker 1: This one's tough, especially for the strong ones, the fixers, the ones who've always held it together for everyone else.
• 5:48
  Speaker 1: But here's the truth.
• 5:50
  Speaker 1: Sometimes you have to voluntarily bench yourself before the emotional storm takes you out, and sometimes you don't get the choice.
• 6:00
  Speaker 1: You may already be benched.
• 6:03
  Speaker 1: Maybe your spouse walked out.
• 6:13
  Speaker 1: Maybe you were let go from a job.
• 6:13
  Speaker 1: Maybe a friend or family member cut you off that bench.
• 6:15
  Speaker 1: Yeah, someone else might have put you there and it hurts, but that doesn't mean you're powerless.
• 6:21
  Speaker 1: Getting benched, whether by your own decision or someone else's, isn't the end.
• 6:27
  Speaker 1: It's actually where healing begins, because when you're full of anger, heartbreak and confusion, you're not in any position to run the plays.
• 6:38
  Speaker 1: You'll throw wild passes, take desperate shots and end up worse than where you started.
• 6:45
  Speaker 1: Therapy Let me say that again.
• 6:49
  Speaker 1: Therapy you need a space where your feelings won't scare anybody, a space where you can say the hard things Fall apart, get raw and real and start putting the pieces back together.
• 7:04
  Speaker 1: I remember driving to therapy, crying every single time, sitting in the reception area trying to hold it together.
• 7:13
  Speaker 1: But as soon as I saw my therapist coming down the hall, I couldn't fake it anymore.
• 7:20
  Speaker 1: The tears just came.
• 7:23
  Speaker 1: That space became sacred.
• 7:26
  Speaker 1: It was brutal, but it was mine.
• 7:29
  Speaker 1: You see, therapy is the training ground for your comeback.
• 7:34
  Speaker 1: And, yes, it's work, hard work, but it shortens your time on the bench and it gives you the tools to get back in the game Not broken, but better.
• 7:45
  Speaker 1: So, whether you've benched yourself or someone else made the call for you, take the time, get the help, sit in it, heal from it.
• 7:57
  Speaker 1: Whatever you do, don't skip this step.
• 8:02
  Speaker 1: The third and final step is you just have to focus on basic survival In those early beginning days of transition.
• 8:11
  Speaker 1: You don't need to solve every problem, you just need to survive.
• 8:16
  Speaker 1: Ask yourself these questions what about my job?
• 8:20
  Speaker 1: Do I need more income, or is what I have enough for now?
• 8:25
  Speaker 1: Where am I going to live?
• 8:27
  Speaker 1: What are even my options?
• 8:30
  Speaker 1: How will I pay for therapy?
• 8:32
  Speaker 1: Can I use insurance, a sliding scale or community resources.
• 8:39
  Speaker 1: What's going on with my money?
• 8:40
  Speaker 1: Do I need a new bank account?
• 8:42
  Speaker 1: What bills can I cut?
• 8:44
  Speaker 1: What about my insurance?
• 8:47
  Speaker 1: Is there enough coverage for me and my kids, if I have them?
• 8:50
  Speaker 1: How does custody work?
• 8:53
  Speaker 1: This looks different for every family.
• 8:56
  Speaker 1: What are some resources can I tap into right now, in this moment?
• 9:01
  Speaker 1: What do I say to my kids?
• 9:04
  Speaker 1: How do I keep them emotionally safe?
• 9:08
  Speaker 1: While I'm figuring this out, here's an important one Will I ever get my life back?
• 9:14
  Speaker 1: And, finally, what do I do with this fear of being alone?
• 9:21
  Speaker 1: Listen, I know it's overwhelming, but these are the questions of someone who wants to live, someone who wants to come back.
• 9:30
  Speaker 1: Come back Right now.
• 9:32
  Speaker 1: Your normal has been ripped away, but here's the truth.
• 9:36
  Speaker 1: Shock is a motivator.
• 9:38
  Speaker 1: It will either drive you into action or drag you into the pit.
• 9:42
  Speaker 1: That choice is up to you and, let's be real, you'll probably spend some time in both places.
• 9:54
  Speaker 1: But I'm here to tell you you can choose the path out.
• 9:57
  Speaker 1: You can make it and you don't have to do it alone.
• 9:59
  Speaker 1: I've walked this path.
• 10:02
  Speaker 1: I know how lonely and terrifying it feels, but I also know there's hope on the other side.
• 10:08
  Speaker 1: You're not stuck forever.
• 10:11
  Speaker 1: This shock phase isn't permanent.
• 10:13
  Speaker 1: It's a bridge, not your final destination, and that's why I do this podcast to hand you tools, hopefully to encourage you to push you when you can't push yourself, because your comeback story is still being written and it starts with surviving today.
• 10:32
  Speaker 1: So let me give you a couple of calls to action today.
• 10:37
  Speaker 1: Tighten your circle, Get a therapist, answer your basic survival questions and then come back next week, because next week we're going to be talking about limbo, that awkward, painful in-between stage where everything is blurry and you're not where you were, but you're also not quite where you're going.
• 11:02
  Speaker 1: I'm so glad you're here.
• 11:03
  Speaker 1: I see you, I believe in you and I promise there is still time left on the clock to get you off the bench and onto the road to your comeback story.
• 11:15
  Speaker 1: I'll see you next week.
• 11:18
  Speaker 1: Hey, thanks for listening.
• 11:20
  Speaker 1: I don't take it for granted that you're here.
• 11:22
  Speaker 1: You didn't listen by mistake.
• 11:24
  Speaker 1: If you want to reach out, you can DM me on Instagram at Tony Thrash Until next week.
• 11:31
  Speaker 1: Remember there's still time left on the clock.
• 11:34
  Speaker 1: Let's get you off the bench to start your comeback.
• 11:37
  Speaker 1: I want to give a special shout-out to Country Club for the original music.
• 11:42
  Speaker 1: You can find them on Instagram at Country Club.
• 11:45
  Speaker 1: Thank you.