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Protect Your Peace: You Don’t Need to Win the Argument to Move On · The Nadia Chapman Show

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  Music.
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  Hey everyone, welcome back to the Nadia Chapman Show. I am so glad you're here
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  because today's episode is a big one.
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  We're diving into something every single one of us deals with.
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  Disagreement, arguments, tension with people that you care about,
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  or tension with people that you used to care about.
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  That moment when you're emotionally charged, misunderstood, you're hurt,
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  you're angry, and you're asking yourself, what now? Do I fix this?
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  Is it worth it? fixing? Do I cut them off? Do I set boundaries?
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  Do I try to forgive? How do I even move on from this mess?
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  And before I get started, I want you to know that this episode was inspired
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  by the emotional aftermath of Charlie Kirk's murder and the overwhelming division
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  that it stirred online and offline.
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  So just like you, I've watched people spiral into arguments and cutting ties
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  and And we've all been carrying very emotional weight, trying to make sense of it all.
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  But whether it's politics or personal relationships or some deeply held beliefs that you might have,
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  we live in times where disagreements can feel, well, always feel very uncomfortable, sometimes dangerous.
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  So this episode is my response to that. It's a call to protect your peace,
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  to set boundaries, and most importantly, find healing. even when there's no
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  agreement and there's no closure and no perfect ending.
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  So if that's where you are at right now, or you've been there recently, this episode is for you.
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  I want to walk you through this, not as someone that has all the answers,
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  because I am far from being perfect. I am just, I'm human.
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  I'm just like you. But as a coach, I know what it's like to,
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  how can I say, wrestle with the mess and still choose peace at the end of the day.
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  What I've learned, especially over the last few days, is that you don't need agreement to move on.
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  And I want you to let that sink in for a second.
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  You don't need people around you to necessarily see your point or to apologize.
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  They might not apologize. They might never apologize. And you don't need people
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  around you to validate you before you can find peace.
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  Peace is not permissioned. It's chosen.
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  Maybe that's your writer downer for today. Write that one down.
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  Peace is not permissioned, it's chosen.
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  It's such a trap to think, once they get it, I'll feel better.
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  Not necessarily, because maybe they will never get it, and maybe they can't get it.
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  A lot of people are cut up in their own egos, and their own wounds, and their own story.
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  We talk about stories a lot on this podcast. and you're waiting for them to
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  come around, that's giving your power away to them.
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  There's a way that you can choose freedom even if they're still angry at you. And you can let go,
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  even if they're still holding a grudge, because you're not here to win the arguments.
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  You're here to live in alignment. And I know that's hard to do,
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  especially when emotions are high, especially when we talk politics and values and beliefs.
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  Arguments can leave you feeling very raw, very uncomfortable,
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  like your nervous system has been punched.
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  You replay the conversation again and again, and then you go over what you should
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  have not say or post, or you analyze every single word you use and even every
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  look you gave, every silence.
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  And then suddenly you're not even in the moment anymore. You're living inside that loop.
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  You're replaying the conversation again and again, and that loop still your
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  clarity and it definitely still your joy. And I know you know that.
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  So here's the first power move you can do.
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  Take the rope and drop it.
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  Stop playing emotional toggle war with people who are committed to misunderstanding you.
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  You don't need to win. You need to walk away in peace with your dignity intact.
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  Now let's talk about boundaries for a second.
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  Boundaries are not ultimatums. They're not about punishment and they're not
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  about being cold or shutting off or ghosting someone because they made you mad, they upset you.
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  Boundaries are love in action for yourself and for that relationship.
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  So that's you saying, hey, I want to keep this connection. But in order for
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  that to happen, here's how I need to be treated.
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  That's boundaries. And boundaries don't necessarily push people away.
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  What they do is that they keep resentment from building up and burning things
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  down later in the future.
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  And if someone cannot handle your boundaries, that's not proof that,
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  oh my God, you're too much.
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  That's proof that they were never willing to meet you at the level of respect you deserve.
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  Okay, but what if they've already crossed a line?
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  What if there's pain, real pain, and you're holding on to that pain like it's
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  heavy, like your weight.
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  Let's talk about forgiveness for a second. And I'm sure you've heard that before.
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  Forgiveness is one of the hardest thing to do when you feel betrayed,
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  when you feel disrespected, and when you're hurting.
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  And yet, forgiveness isn't about them.
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  It's about you. It's about cutting the cord that's been draining your energy,
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  that's been draining your joy and your peace.
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  I want you to hear this for a second.
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  You don't have to say what happened was okay. You don't have to forget it.
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  You just have to be willing to stop carrying it, carrying that weight on your shoulders.
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  Forgiveness is basically telling yourself, I will not let this have power over me.
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  It's turning the page. Turn the page of the book. Not because they deserve it
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  necessarily, but because you deserve to stop rereading the same chapter again and again.
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  If you're feeling stuck and if you're still carrying the heaviness of an argument,
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  a disagreement, here's a few tools that I've gave people before,
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  tools that work, not theory.
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  Real life stuff I use with clients and I've used with myself.
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  Start with an emotional debrief. So sit yourself and ask, what actually triggered
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  me in this conversation?
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  What was the turning point?
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  When did I lose my shit?
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  Right? What triggered me? Another thing you can ask yourself is what story am
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  I telling myself about what happened?
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  Your next question is, what story am I telling myself about what happened.
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  And lastly, what part of me is still trying to be seen?
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  What part of me is still trying to be seen?
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  Because 90% of emotional pain isn't just about the argument.
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  It's about what it activated inside of you.
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  Maybe it's an old wound, maybe it's insecurity, or maybe it's fear of not being enough.
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  So when you find that root, you stop reacting to the surface. See how it works?
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  Next, I want you to practice something I call micro closure. And this is huge.
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  You may never get a proper ending to your argument and you might never get the
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  apology you want and you deserve.
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  You might not get the text back. You might not get that sit down conversation,
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  that second chance, whatever it is.
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  And that sucks big time. But you know what?
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  You don't need it to heal. This is what I want you to tell yourself.
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  If you're in that situation, that chapter is over.
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  I learned from it. I leave the pain and I keep the lesson.
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  I leave the pain and I keep the lesson.
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  And that ladies and gentlemen, that's closure, closure that you give yourself.
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  And that is next level growth guys.
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  Another thing that I know I had to do at some point over the last 48 hours,
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  crazy last 48 hours, is move your body.
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  And I am dead serious, guys. If you feel the heaviness of disagreeing with somebody,
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  and you know how physically uncomfortable it can be to argue and disagree and
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  just having a tense moment with somebody, go move your body.
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  Go walk. Jump in a pool. I don't
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  punch a pillow go on a hike put some music
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  and dance do something whatever it is that
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  gets your nervous system released attention because when
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  you move your body you shift your emotional state and when you shift your emotional
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  state you can finally think clearly again your body holds on to stress like
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  there's no tomorrow and it's your job to release it so learn ways to release
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  that stress. Don't skip this. I'm serious.
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  You're not just a mind. You're also a whole system. So treat it that way.
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  You're not meant to agree with everyone. And they're not meant to agree with
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  you either. And that's not failure.
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  That's life. We all come from different
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  experiences, different values and stories and wounds and beliefs.
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  And as long as you're not hurting anyone, you have every single right to believe whatever you believe.
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  So trying to force alignment with everyone around you will leave you exhausted
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  and disconnected from one person, and that's you.
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  Real growth as a human is learning to hold on to your truth,
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  to hold your ground with grace always, to disagree without disrespect.
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  And to stop needing this outside validation constantly in order for you to feel secure.
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  You don't have to convince the world to understand you. And I know it's not easy, but that's a fact.
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  You have to just stay rooted in your own truth.
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  You can't please and you cannot agree with everybody around you. That's it.
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  Once you accept this, it makes it a little bit easy to move on.
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  I know that some of you are hurting right now. Maybe it's fresh.
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  Maybe you've been hurting for a few years. Maybe it's something between you
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  and a spouse, a sibling, parents, best friends, partner, co-worker.
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  If you're carrying the weight of what was never resolved, let me tell you something.
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  Healing doesn't need their participation.
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  It just needs your permission.
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  You can be the one who says, I'm done letting this moment define me and I'm
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  done waiting for someone else to give me my closure.
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  I choose my closure. I choose peace right now.
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  Not when they're going to call me. Not when they're going to apologize me because
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  that might never happen.
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  Not when they will change right now.
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  And I'm going to tell you something. your freedom was never theirs to give.
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  So you don't have to agree with people. You don't have to agree with each other to move on.
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  You don't need to fix in order to heal.
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  And you don't need everybody else's permission to protect your peace.
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  That's a myth. Let people misunderstand you. You'll survive.
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  Let them be wrong about you. It happens every day to all of us.
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  Let them keep their version of the story.
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  That's fine. Let it go. You're not here to convince all the time. You're here to live.
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  You're here to grow and you're here to rise.
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  So this week, I want you to say this to yourself. I'm allowed to let go.
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  I'm allowed to protect my energy and I'm allowed to find peace.
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  And let that be your anchor.
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  If this episode helped you in any way, please share it with somebody who might need it.
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  Take a screenshot, follow me, download the episode, tag me, Nadia Chapman Coaching,
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  and don't forget to subscribe for more bold and honest conversations like this one.
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  And remember that you can be both. You can be soft and strong,
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  and you can walk away without hate.
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  You can heal without an apology.
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  That's what real power looks like. Until next time, this was Nadia Chapman rooting for you as always.
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  Music.