Latest / The Mental Healness Podcast / Why do narcissists always want to meet you face to face after you breakup

Transcript

Why do narcissists always want to meet you face to face after you breakup · The Mental Healness Podcast

• 0:00
  So, so after a break up with a narcissist, why do they always
• 0:04
  seem to want to meet you face to face?
• 0:05
  Why do they want to have these face to face conversations if
• 0:08
  you're new Here? My name is Lee Hammock.
• 0:10
  I'm a clinically diagnosed narcissist and welcome to
• 0:12
  another episode of The Narcissist Code.
• 0:31
  So, boom, Welcome back, Welcome back.
• 0:32
  Welcome back. Yes, y'all.
• 0:33
  Yep, Yep, Yep. Why do they?
• 0:36
  Why in the hell do those pesky narcissistic people won't always
• 0:41
  seem to want to meet face to face?
• 0:43
  Why can't you just do this over the phone?
• 0:45
  Why can't we just talk over the phone?
• 0:47
  Why can't we talk through text? Why can't we FaceTime?
• 0:50
  Why can't we zoom call? Why can't we Skype?
• 0:53
  What's that dude? Why can't we Duolingo?
• 0:57
  Duolingo, Why can't we do that? You know?
• 0:59
  But you see the mindset of a lot of narcissists.
• 1:02
  Y'all in the mind of a narcissist, face to face works
• 1:05
  best. I know you might feel the same
• 1:07
  way. Y'all this is not like just
• 1:09
  because they want to be face to face doesn't automatically mean
• 1:11
  that they're narcissists. But a lot of narcissists want to
• 1:13
  meet you face to face because they know that's the best way to
• 1:16
  get you back. They'll beg and plead you.
• 1:19
  They'll try to look. They'll try to make you feel.
• 1:23
  They'll try to make you feel guilty.
• 1:26
  Literally. They will absolutely try to make
• 1:28
  you feel guilty about not wanting to see them face to
• 1:31
  face. You never love me.
• 1:34
  If you ever love, if you ever love me, you would meet me at
• 1:39
  our favorite restaurant, downtown Raleigh, and you would
• 1:43
  come, your favorite in your black dress with the boots on.
• 1:50
  And you would listen to you would dance with me one more
• 1:52
  time. Please.
• 1:53
  You know, if you ever cared about me, if you ever left me,
• 1:56
  you would meet there. You know, if you don't meet me,
• 2:02
  I don't even want to live anymore.
• 2:05
  If you don't meet me right now, I'm going to take my If you
• 2:09
  don't meet me right now, I'm going to take my Tesla and I'm
• 2:13
  going to auto drive it right into a tree.
• 2:18
  I'm. I'm going to ramp my cyber truck
• 2:20
  into an oak tree and end it all because they because you don't
• 2:25
  want to be with them anymore. They want to see you imagine,
• 2:29
  right, taking a cyber truck and driving into an oak tree because
• 2:32
  you're mad your ex burger with you.
• 2:35
  But that happens. Y'all like, seriously, that's
• 2:38
  the I'm sorry, that's the mindset of a lot of narcissistic
• 2:42
  people. They will try to make you feel
• 2:44
  guilty so they so they can get you one last time face to face.
• 2:48
  They want to see like they they want like even though
• 2:50
  narcissists you, you, it's hard to get them to be emotionally
• 2:54
  vulnerable to you. In their minds, if they see you
• 2:57
  face to face, they're look, they're conjuring up all the
• 3:00
  emotions that they get, Any emotion they they got in their
• 3:04
  body, they conjuring it up like the most.
• 3:07
  If they got any kind of emotion in their in a little toe on
• 3:11
  their left foot, they're conjuring it up.
• 3:14
  They're trying to get it to bubble to the surface so they
• 3:17
  can they can come and manipulate you so they can, so they can
• 3:20
  come and try to hurt you with it, right.
• 3:22
  Like they're trying to get their emotions to raise to the surface
• 3:26
  so that they can do some damage to you emotionally, not
• 3:29
  physically. You know what I mean?
• 3:31
  They they're they're hoping that you see they're they're hoping
• 3:33
  it face to face for some. Closure.
• 3:36
  Did you going to see them? They might actually shed a tear,
• 3:39
  like they might come with the vising eye drops and just start
• 3:42
  dropping them, you know what I mean?
• 3:44
  Just start dropping them. Hair drops, hair drop, something
• 3:46
  under the table and to be vising they'd be underneath the table
• 3:49
  like, look what you got me doing.
• 3:53
  I tell myself I wasn't going to cry.
• 3:56
  I told myself I wasn't going to cry and look at me crying.
• 4:00
  They want to see, see you face to face because they think that
• 4:03
  you see their emotions, that they can remind you of the good
• 4:06
  times. You see the face it the face,
• 4:09
  the body it's attached to to the person that you fell in love
• 4:12
  with, right? The person that you initially
• 4:15
  fell in love with. When you during the love bombing
• 4:17
  phase, that person, that face is attached to that person, right?
• 4:22
  So they're assuming that if you see this face attached to this
• 4:26
  body that you're going to fall back in love with them.
• 4:29
  Even though the inside is different, the outside looks the
• 4:31
  same. The inside has changed up
• 4:33
  dramatically. The person you love, the person
• 4:35
  you love, is gone. Internally, externally, the
• 4:39
  shell is still the same. You mean the shell is still the
• 4:42
  same. The insides have been mixed up.
• 4:44
  It's like, you know, you take, you take a soda, I ain't going
• 4:46
  to shake my soda up. I like it.
• 4:47
  You know, you shake, you shake a soda up, the insides change,
• 4:51
  right? The outside is still the same,
• 4:53
  but the insides change up dramatically.
• 4:56
  So if you're dealing with a narcissistic person, they want
• 4:58
  you to see the shell. They want to present that.
• 5:00
  They want to present the shell one more time to you, so
• 5:03
  hopefully you can connect to the old times.
• 5:06
  You can connect to the good times.
• 5:07
  You can connect to the times when things weren't so bad.
• 5:09
  You can connect to the times when they weren't lying to you.
• 5:12
  You can connect to the times when they make weren't cheating
• 5:14
  on you. You connect to the times when
• 5:16
  they weren't gaslighting you and lying, putting their hands on
• 5:18
  you, whatever it is, screaming and yelling at you in public,
• 5:21
  embarrassing you, invalidating you.
• 5:23
  They want you to connect to the old times when things were
• 5:25
  better, right? That's what they want.
• 5:29
  They shouldn't get it, but that's what they want.
• 5:31
  They want one last time, one last chance to manipulate you.
• 5:35
  They like, say this is a continuation.
• 5:36
  If you're a narcissist, ever ask you for face to face closure.
• 5:39
  They don't want closure. They want a continuance.
• 5:41
  They don't want to be look, they don't want to be sentenced.
• 5:46
  They don't want to be sentenced. They want to continue.
• 5:49
  It's like going to court. They want a continuance.
• 5:52
  You know, they already, they already.
• 5:54
  All the evidence is in there. All the evidence is against
• 5:56
  them. They go, they going to court.
• 5:57
  You take it. Look, you take it in the impact
• 5:59
  court, you know you've you've they've been found guilty, Mr.
• 6:04
  or Mrs. Narcissist. You've been found guilty by a
• 6:08
  jury, one person, a one person jury of your peer, of your of
• 6:12
  your ex peer. Now it's time for the
• 6:15
  sentencing. They're asking for a
• 6:16
  continuance. They want a, they want a, they
• 6:18
  want a relationship continuance. They don't want closure.
• 6:21
  They don't want to be sentenced to no contact, no access.
• 6:26
  This is the last time you ever going to talk.
• 6:27
  This is the last time you ever hear from me.
• 6:29
  They don't want that. They want to continue.
• 6:31
  They want a continuation of the abuse cycle.
• 6:33
  They want to continue to hurt you.
• 6:34
  They want to continue to manipulate you.
• 6:35
  They want to continue to put you through these horrible, horrible
• 6:39
  times because that's what they want to do.
• 6:41
  You know, that's what they do. That's what they're going to
• 6:44
  keep doing to you. Because why wouldn't they?
• 6:46
  Why would they stop? Let's keep it real.
• 6:48
  Why would they stop? They might stop for a little
• 6:51
  while. They might convince you one time
• 6:52
  to take them back, right? They might stop for a little
• 6:54
  while. Things might go back to the
• 6:55
  things might go back to normal, but then they're going to check
• 6:59
  the soda type up again, right? They're going to go back to the
• 7:01
  abusive, toxic ass person that you're trying to get away from.
• 7:06
  They're going to go do that. That's what narcissists want to
• 7:09
  do. Y'all That's literally the
• 7:10
  mindset of it all right there. They don't want to negotiate
• 7:13
  with you. They don't want to do things.
• 7:15
  They don't want to be your friends.
• 7:16
  They want to get over on you. They want to do damage to you
• 7:19
  emotionally one more time. They don't want look, they might
• 7:22
  not even want you anymore. They just don't want anybody
• 7:24
  else to have you, you know? They might not want you anymore.
• 7:28
  They might Look can we look look I.
• 7:30
  Just want one. Look, I know you don't want to
• 7:33
  be with me, but can we start over?
• 7:35
  Can we please just be friends? Please, please just friends with
• 7:39
  benefits. And the benefits is clapping
• 7:41
  cheeks every once in a while. The benefits is the half of the
• 7:44
  family. The benefits is getting married
• 7:45
  and moving in together and and running away.
• 7:48
  The benefits are living happily after you know, friends, friends
• 7:54
  and benefits. You know, that's what I'm just
• 7:55
  telling you. Do not meet them face to face.
• 7:57
  I know some of y'all want to meet them face to face.
• 7:59
  I I got people in my support group.
• 8:01
  If y'all don't know, I do have a support group called Mental
• 8:03
  Healers where we talk. We meet 2-3 times a week over
• 8:06
  zoom, we chat, we talk about goal setting and things like
• 8:09
  that. Links in the description of
• 8:10
  every video and podcast. I do.
• 8:12
  Mental healers. It's a private group.
• 8:13
  It's not on Facebook, Instagram, it's the mental healers.
• 8:15
  It's on a different server. But people just like, please,
• 8:19
  just. Let me do.
• 8:19
  This please, can I do this? You know me, they like people in
• 8:22
  our group. I like, they want more face to
• 8:25
  face closure, whatever. I I understand that y'all would
• 8:27
  like don't get sucked back in to that the the, the, the myth of
• 8:31
  closure because that's what they're holding it like they
• 8:33
  they want, they want to dangle the myth of closure.
• 8:35
  And I know you as a person, you might want closure as well.
• 8:39
  But this I'm here to tell you that closure is something that
• 8:42
  you give to yourself and other people are just like no closure.
• 8:44
  I heard that before. Y'all, sometimes you got to, you
• 8:47
  got to listen to people. You got to get out of your own
• 8:49
  way, put your own ego to the side because yes, so, like
• 8:53
  empaths and codependent people have egos as well.
• 8:55
  Put your own ego to the side and just understand that there's
• 8:58
  nothing that this person can say to you to to your face that's
• 9:02
  going to change how you feel. There's going to close the
• 9:05
  relationship chapter up. There's there's nothing they can
• 9:08
  say to. What can they say to you?
• 9:09
  Well, let's drive. You're not going to ride within
• 9:11
  the sunset one last time and say goodbye to this person.
• 9:14
  That's not how it goes. That's fairy tale shit.
• 9:17
  You know what I mean? I gotta be cussing.
• 9:20
  I don't like, I don't know how to get the videos preview, but
• 9:23
  it happens sometimes I get passionate.
• 9:25
  I love I love this. I love doing this.
• 9:27
  But that's what I'm just telling you right now as a person to you
• 9:30
  right now face to face the this is right now.
• 9:32
  I'm telling you face to face. You listen to me.
• 9:35
  You don't need to sit down with them.
• 9:37
  You don't need to face to face closure.
• 9:39
  They, they they when they when they had, when they had every
• 9:42
  opportunity to your face to treat you better, they didn't do
• 9:46
  it. So why in the hell would you
• 9:48
  give them one last time to do it.
• 9:50
  Because sometimes they won't like you hear this you hear this
• 9:53
  in some of these magazines and some of these newspapers, some
• 9:55
  of these articles online, right. They they wanted to meet.
• 9:57
  They they met up one last time. Things didn't go the way they
• 10:00
  planned and somebody ended up losing their life.
• 10:03
  So this this face to face meeting could be because they
• 10:06
  haven't seen you in a long time. You change your pattern up, you
• 10:09
  moved away so they can't find you.
• 10:11
  And when they finally see you face to face, they go ahead and
• 10:13
  send you, and I'm out of here. You lose your life.
• 10:17
  For for face to face, you don't need it.
• 10:19
  Face to face. Closure.
• 10:21
  Closure was a disrespect. Closure was how they treated you
• 10:25
  when they had you face to face, when they had every opportunity
• 10:28
  to your face to be better, they chose not to.
• 10:34
  So that's what I'm telling you right there.
• 10:35
  Closure is a myth. You don't need face to face.
• 10:39
  They don't. They want to meet you face to
• 10:40
  face because it benefits them. It doesn't benefit you.
• 10:43
  It benefits them. They're still being fake.
• 10:45
  They're still being selfish. If anything, they're if they're
• 10:47
  banging and pleading and they try to make you feel guilty
• 10:50
  about not wanting to meet them face to face, that just shows
• 10:52
  you more who they are. It's still about them.
• 10:55
  I deserve closure. I me, I'm hurting.
• 10:59
  But I'm. I'm.
• 11:00
  I'm going to run my cyber truck into a tree.
• 11:05
  It's still about them. The face to face it may may.
• 11:09
  They might try to make it seem like it's equal.
• 11:12
  There. There.
• 11:13
  There might be some reciprocity. No, it's still about them at the
• 11:17
  end of the day. So you have a choice to make.
• 11:19
  It's your life. You have to live your life the
• 11:21
  way you want to live. At the end of the day.
• 11:23
  Y'all. But anyways, y'all.
• 11:25
  I appreciate every single one of y'all.
• 11:26
  Of course you haven't. Check out my mental health
• 11:28
  support group. We in there.
• 11:29
  We in there live every single day.
• 11:30
  Mental illness is up. Peace.
• 11:32
  Thank you. So.
• 11:33
  Much for making it to the end of my video, I am extremely
• 11:35
  grateful for You have no idea. If you haven't already, make
• 11:38
  sure you go ahead and subscribe to the channel helps.
• 11:40
  Reach more people and click on the screen to watch another
• 11:42
  video or to browse through another playlist.
• 11:44
  There's also a link on the screen to check out my courses
• 11:46
  and my support groups to help you heal and understand what
• 11:49
  you've. Been through.
• 11:50
  Thank you so much again. I will see you in the next
• 11:52
  video. Peace.