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I Do Not Blame Neil Diamond, but.... · Armstrong & Getty One More Thing

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: I do not blame Neil Diamond, but neither can I
• 0:03
  Speaker 1: forgive him. It's one more thing.
• 0:06
  Speaker 2: Armstrong and Getty.
• 0:08
  Speaker 1: One more thing.
• 0:08
  Speaker 3: I don't know what that is. I love talking about
• 0:10
  Speaker 3: Neil Diamond, so we look forward to that.
• 0:13
  Speaker 4: We got some jokes we didn't get to use on
• 0:14
  Speaker 4: the radio show, so we're going to run through some jokes.
• 0:16
  Speaker 4: I also got a couple of Babylon B jokes. I
• 0:19
  Speaker 4: know mine are funny, so let's do yours first in.
• 0:22
  Speaker 3: Case they aren't.
• 0:24
  Speaker 5: A former aide says Michigan Senate candidate Abdul El-Said repeatedly
• 0:28
  Speaker 5: farts in front of staffers.
• 0:33
  Speaker 1: Great.
• 0:33
  Speaker 2: Just what we needed.
• 0:34
  Speaker 3: Another Muslim who's silent but deadly.
• 0:42
  Speaker 2: Not terribly funny.
• 0:43
  Speaker 3: Interesting play on words.
• 0:45
  Speaker 1: Yes.
• 0:46
  Speaker 5: An Ohio cancer patient is suing a hospital after a
• 0:49
  Speaker 5: surgeon allegedly amputated the wrong leg. Worse, now it appears
• 0:55
  Speaker 5: they still have to amputate an arm so she can
• 0:57
  Speaker 5: pay for it.
• 1:00
  Speaker 3: Wow, I like it.
• 1:04
  Speaker 2: Again with a ha!
• 1:07
  Speaker 3: Neil Diamond, you say? We'll get to that coming up.
• 1:09
  Speaker 3: Here's another joke.
• 1:11
  Speaker 2: Super.
• 1:12
  Speaker 4: It was reported that Sean Combs pays his fellow inmates
• 1:16
  Speaker 4: to clean his bathroom, and then he pays them a little.
• 1:19
  Speaker 3: More to make it nasty.
• 1:21
  Speaker 5: Yeah.
• 1:23
  Speaker 3: That grossed me out. Get that taste out of my
• 1:25
  Speaker 3: mouth with another joke.
• 1:27
  Speaker 2: Wow.
• 1:28
  Speaker 1: Wow.
• 1:29
  Speaker 2: Okay, what else you got? Do we have the.
• 1:30
  Speaker 4: Opening joke that we opened the show with? Because we
• 1:32
  Speaker 4: ought to get that on again because it's pretty dang funny.
• 1:34
  Speaker 4: Police in Michigan reported that a toddler at a daycare
• 1:37
  Speaker 4: center pulled a loaded handgun from his backpack. So I
• 1:41
  Speaker 4: guess it is recess, bitch.
• 1:45
  Speaker 3: I thought that was pretty funny. Okay, a couple of
• 1:47
  Speaker 3: quick Babylon B's before we get to the great Neil Diamond.
• 1:51
  Speaker 1: Um.
• 1:53
  Speaker 3: The Babylon Bee. Miracle.
• 1:54
  Speaker 4: Man successfully drives across town, even though his wife wasn't
• 1:57
  Speaker 4: there to provide helpful, safe driving tips. Homeless vagrant wins
• 2:04
  Speaker 4: fashion award after stumbling onto stage at Paris and Paris
• 2:08
  Speaker 4: Fashion Week.
• 2:09
  Speaker 3: No kidding. Those weird, freaking strange outfits.
• 2:14
  Speaker 4: And one more wife related joke from the Babylon Bee.
• 2:18
  Speaker 4: Local man prays that wife's text message of okay really
• 2:23
  Speaker 4: means okay.
• 2:25
  Speaker 3: No kidding. How are things? Okay. Uh-oh.
• 2:30
  Speaker 2: So many possible interpretations.
• 2:31
  Speaker 3: Okay, okay, or the definitely not okay, okay. Something I've done, okay.
• 2:39
  Speaker 2: I use that way too much just because I'm lazy.
• 2:41
  Speaker 3: Okay, okay. Wife hates it.
• 2:45
  Speaker 4: Okay with nothing else. Often means not okay. Yeah, it
• 2:51
  Speaker 4: depends on the relationship, I guess. Both of my kids,
• 2:55
  Speaker 4: romantic partners, anybody. Just if all you get is an okay,
• 2:59
  Speaker 4: there's usually something else happening. Like with my kids even.
• 3:03
  Speaker 4: Unless they're just busy. Sometimes it just means you're busy.
• 3:07
  Speaker 2: Sure, sure, of course.
• 3:08
  Speaker 1: So speaking of vibes, I took mine on our annual
• 3:15
  Speaker 1: dinner cruise for the Bourbon Society that I'm part of.
• 3:19
  Speaker 1: It's an excuse to get together and drink and eat.
• 3:22
  Speaker 2: But anyway.
• 3:22
  Speaker 3: The Bourbon Society.
• 3:24
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 3:26
  Speaker 1: There's a giant bourbon craze there for a while.
• 3:29
  Speaker 2: Maybe you're aware of it.
• 3:31
  Speaker 1: Bourbon went from like your bottom shelf corn liquor up
• 3:34
  Speaker 1: to everybody's exalting it and talking about this one and
• 3:37
  Speaker 1: that one, how wonderful and amazing they are. You know,
• 3:40
  Speaker 1: I enjoy a bourbon with friends and stuff.
• 3:42
  Speaker 2: It's fine.
• 3:42
  Speaker 1: But Some of the gushing about it was just way
• 3:45
  Speaker 1: over the top to me. I thought it was silly.
• 3:48
  Speaker 1: And the fetishizing of this brand and that distiller and
• 3:52
  Speaker 1: the rest of it.
• 3:52
  Speaker 2: You know, it's good. It's fine.
• 3:54
  Speaker 3: It's whiskey, right? Just not made in Scotland.
• 3:58
  Speaker 2: It's corn whiskey.
• 3:59
  Speaker 1: It's American-made whiskey that's got to be 51% corn. Anyway,
• 4:03
  Speaker 1: and again, it's fine, but it's nothing like compared to Scotch.
• 4:07
  Speaker 1: Or Irish whiskey or whatever.
• 4:08
  Speaker 2: It's just, it's fine.
• 4:10
  Speaker 3: Well, it's been around forever. So the idea that all
• 4:12
  Speaker 3: of a sudden everybody would figure out. This is pretty good.
• 4:15
  Speaker 3: Because lots of things come and go like that. We
• 4:17
  Speaker 3: do with foods and drinks.
• 4:19
  Speaker 1: And people acting like, and this is true of wine
• 4:22
  Speaker 1: culture and restaurant culture and all sorts of stuff. Acting
• 4:25
  Speaker 1: like something that's incrementally better than the other one is
• 4:28
  Speaker 1: just some sort of heaven-sent miracle from above.
• 4:32
  Speaker 2: I mean, no, it's just decent whiskey. It's fine.
• 4:35
  Speaker 1: Anyway, so I didn't get, I never got caught up
• 4:37
  Speaker 1: in the, you know, oh my God, I got a
• 4:39
  Speaker 1: bottle of XY's.
• 4:40
  Speaker 2: It's fine. It's all all right.
• 4:42
  Speaker 1: But so anyway, this dinner cruise is nice because we
• 4:45
  Speaker 1: rent this big two-story boat and we go out and
• 4:48
  Speaker 1: then there's music and people hobnob and sip drinks and
• 4:52
  Speaker 1: cocktail hour.
• 4:52
  Speaker 2: And then you sit down for a dinner and blah, blah, blah.
• 4:55
  Speaker 1: But because the weather was not perfect, they decided to
• 4:58
  Speaker 1: put up like walls, not walls, but you know, like
• 5:01
  Speaker 1: heavy-duty plastic roll-downs of the upper floor so everybody would
• 5:06
  Speaker 1: be happy and temperate and the rest of it.
• 5:10
  Speaker 2: But the problem was.
• 5:13
  Speaker 1: It was just too many people, and so it was
• 5:16
  Speaker 1: cacophonously loud.
• 5:18
  Speaker 2: So you had to shout all conversation everywhere. This is
• 5:22
  Speaker 2: really a good whiskey, isn't it? I'm sorry, bourbon. Or just,
• 5:25
  Speaker 2: you know, so how was your trip to Normandy?
• 5:30
  Speaker 1: Yeah!
• 5:32
  Speaker 2: It was so cool!
• 5:34
  Speaker 1: Right?
• 5:35
  Speaker 2: And I've hated that.
• 5:37
  Speaker 1: When I was like a 19-year-old college student, dudes, let's
• 5:40
  Speaker 1: go out to the bars so we can shriek conversation
• 5:43
  Speaker 1: at girls who can't hear us, and we can nod
• 5:46
  Speaker 1: with wide eyes like we can hear them.
• 5:48
  Speaker 2: I've never had a moment's worth of patience.
• 5:50
  Speaker 4: God, how many conversations have I had in loud bars?
• 5:53
  Speaker 4: I like quiet, dingy bars where we stare at our
• 5:58
  Speaker 4: glass and part of their life. But loud bars where
• 6:01
  Speaker 4: some guys, I'm picking up like every fourth word, Montana!
• 6:06
  Speaker 1: 49ers!
• 6:08
  Speaker 3: And I'm just smiling and nodding.
• 6:09
  Speaker 2: Nodding your head. Ah, yeah!
• 6:11
  Speaker 3: Yeah!
• 6:13
  Speaker 1: Guy just told you he's got prostate cancer.
• 6:15
  Speaker 2: And you're smiling and saying, yeah, uh-huh! Cool! Uh-huh!
• 6:18
  Speaker 3: Yeah!
• 6:19
  Speaker 2: Cool! Montana! No, that's where I was diagnosed. Uh-huh!
• 6:23
  Speaker 4: Cool!
• 6:26
  Speaker 1: So anyway, and the guy playing music, he was fine,
• 6:29
  Speaker 1: but it was louder than it needed to be. So
• 6:30
  Speaker 1: the entire thing was just so much volume. And people
• 6:35
  Speaker 1: are like, I'm walking by and they say, hey, how
• 6:38
  Speaker 1: do you think the midterms are going to go?
• 6:41
  Speaker 4: And I'm like, I think it's going to be an
• 6:45
  Speaker 4: ass kicking.
• 6:46
  Speaker 2: And I'm losing my voice. And it just goes on
• 6:50
  Speaker 2: and on. It was fine. The food was fine. I
• 6:53
  Speaker 2: was just so fatigued.
• 6:54
  Speaker 1: And as an introvert, as you know, that sort of thing,
• 6:58
  Speaker 1: you got a ticking timer in the back of your head.
• 7:04
  Speaker 2: But you're trapped on a boat and you can't leave.
• 7:08
  Speaker 1: And the moment that the misery reached full flower, for
• 7:11
  Speaker 1: me as an introvert and as one of my iconoclast
• 7:17
  Speaker 1: individualist non-join or whatever. For me, the crowning moment of
• 7:23
  Speaker 1: misery was I'm upstairs where it's every bit as loud
• 7:27
  Speaker 1: as downstairs. And the music guy with his Stratocaster, he's
• 7:31
  Speaker 1: playing a really nice track. And his backing tracks and
• 7:35
  Speaker 1: everything that guys use these days is playing Sweet Caroline.
• 7:39
  Speaker 1: And everybody's got to do the shouting along thing.
• 7:42
  Speaker 2: Bum, bum, bum. Yeah. So good. So good.
• 7:45
  Speaker 1: Including my favorite human being of 8 billion on earth,
• 7:50
  Speaker 1: My wife and everybody's shouting along and me as an iconoclast,
• 7:54
  Speaker 1: all I see is I know.
• 7:56
  Speaker 2: What I'm supposed to do and I'm doing it.
• 8:00
  Speaker 1: I can't imagine anybody getting any pleasure out of this.
• 8:05
  Speaker 2: That's funny.
• 8:06
  Speaker 4: So I don't know if you know how popular it is.
• 8:09
  Speaker 4: Like high school football games, they got to play it.
• 8:11
  Speaker 2: Everywhere.
• 8:12
  Speaker 5: Everywhere.
• 8:13
  Speaker 2: Every game of every level of every sport. I know, yes.
• 8:16
  Speaker 3: Am I wrong? Because we were young when this song
• 8:19
  Speaker 3: first came out. It wasn't this for decades, was it?
• 8:23
  Speaker 1: Boston Red Sox several years ago. I can't tell you
• 8:27
  Speaker 1: how many.
• 8:28
  Speaker 4: Somebody decided like 40 years after the song came out,
• 8:31
  Speaker 4: this might be a good one to play for crowds.
• 8:32
  Speaker 3: But yeah, high school football game, whole.
• 8:35
  Speaker 4: Crowd does it every Friday night.
• 8:37
  Speaker 3: Bop, bop, bop.
• 8:39
  Speaker 1: Yeah, it's funny, my bellowing about how loud it was.
• 8:44
  Speaker 1: My Apple Watch is telling me, hey, the sound recently
• 8:48
  Speaker 1: hit 90 decibels. Yes, I know, and it did last night, too,
• 8:51
  Speaker 1: when you told me. But so what is it with
• 8:53
  Speaker 1: a personality? Because I'm the same way. It pains me
• 8:57
  Speaker 1: to join in on something like that.
• 9:01
  Speaker 4: Oh, it's terrible.
• 9:02
  Speaker 2: And hey, by the way, for the record, I'm the weirdo.
• 9:05
  Speaker 3: Well, right, right, right, right. I agree, I agree 100%.
• 9:07
  Speaker 1: I'm the one with the problem, not my wife and
• 9:10
  Speaker 1: her friends and everybody else up there.
• 9:11
  Speaker 4: You're having a good time with a community activity. That's
• 9:16
  Speaker 4: good for you. I just can't do it.
• 9:19
  Speaker 2: Not won't.
• 9:20
  Speaker 1: Can't.
• 9:21
  Speaker 3: Yeah, I'm the same way. Yeah, exactly.
• 9:23
  Speaker 2: Not won't.
• 9:25
  Speaker 4: Can't.
• 9:25
  Speaker 3: Can't make myself do that.
• 9:28
  Speaker 2: Right, right.
• 9:29
  Speaker 5: Ugh.
• 9:30
  Speaker 1: And so I was shrieking conversation with a friend and ludicrously.
• 9:37
  Speaker 2: Said, the bathroom's downstairs, right?
• 9:40
  Speaker 1: You're on a boat. Where the F do you think
• 9:42
  Speaker 1: the bathroom is? But that's, I just needed a, you
• 9:45
  Speaker 1: just don't whiz over the railing. No, it's not that
• 9:48
  Speaker 1: sort of crap. But so I, I went downstairs and
• 9:51
  Speaker 1: thank God found my way out onto the bow where
• 9:54
  Speaker 1: it was just like boat noise in the wind. And
• 9:57
  Speaker 1: I could kind of hear the engine and stuff like that.
• 9:58
  Speaker 2: I was like, oh, thank God.
• 10:00
  Speaker 3: Oh, thank God.
• 10:01
  Speaker 1: Oh, thank God. And started reading news stories alone. But,
• 10:06
  Speaker 1: you know, I told my wife on the way home,
• 10:08
  Speaker 1: I said, I feel like I've been assaulted. I mean,
• 10:11
  Speaker 1: I'm like disturbed and she doesn't quite get it all.
• 10:14
  Speaker 2: She's lived with me long enough. She kind of gets it, but.
• 10:18
  Speaker 2: Absolutely nobody did anything wrong.
• 10:20
  Speaker 3: Right.
• 10:21
  Speaker 1: But by God, it was when everybody was chanting along
• 10:23
  Speaker 1: with Sweet Caroline, I thought, as I've said more than
• 10:26
  Speaker 1: one time, if I could take a beating or this, I'd.
• 10:30
  Speaker 2: Say let's ball up our fists and get started.
• 10:33
  Speaker 3: It only hurt for a while.
• 10:34
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 10:35
  Speaker 2: Oh, well.
• 10:35
  Speaker 3: I know.
• 10:36
  Speaker 4: You can't explain it to people who don't have that problem.
• 10:39
  Speaker 4: The Christmas party I was at a couple of years
• 10:41
  Speaker 4: ago where I just kept going into the bathroom and
• 10:43
  Speaker 4: standing there. How long can I stay in here before
• 10:45
  Speaker 4: it's weird? Because I just couldn't handle it. And nothing
• 10:50
  Speaker 4: wrong with the people out there. Perfectly fine people with
• 10:53
  Speaker 4: perfectly normal conversations that normal people do.
• 10:57
  Speaker 3: It's just a miserable experience for me for some reason.
• 11:03
  Speaker 2: So good. So good. So good.
• 11:06
  Speaker 1: Yay.
• 11:12
  Speaker 2: Oh, my God.
• 11:12
  Speaker 3: They're playing it.
• 11:13
  Speaker 4: Run.
• 11:14
  Speaker 1: Run.
• 11:17
  Speaker 2: Such a good song. Whatever happened to Longfellow Serenade? That's
• 11:20
  Speaker 2: a great Neil Diamond song.
• 11:22
  Speaker 3: Love on the Rocks. How about we all just sit
• 11:23
  Speaker 3: here and listen to Love on the Rocks real slow?
• 11:25
  Speaker 2: Quietly. And drink.
• 11:28
  Speaker 1: Yes.
• 11:29
  Speaker 2: Well, I guess that's it.