Latest / Overwhelmed Working Woman: Boost Productivity, Master Time Management, Overcome Overwhelm & Stop People Pleasing / #207| Why Doing More Isn’t the Answer to Overwhelm—and What Actually Works Instead

Transcript

#207| Why Doing More Isn’t the Answer to Overwhelm—and What Actually Works Instead · Overwhelmed Working Woman: Boost Productivity, Master Time Management, Overcome Overwhelm & Stop People Pleasing

• 0:00
  Jenny Connors: I expected the absolute world from myself, and I was ashamed if I didn't meet those expectations all day, every day.
• 0:13
  Michelle Gauthier: You're listening to Overwhelmed Working Woman, the podcast that helps you be more calm and more productive by doing less.
• 0:21
  Michelle Gauthier: I'm your host, Michelle Gauthier, a former Overwhelmed Working Woman and current life coach.
• 0:26
  Michelle Gauthier: On this show, we unpack the stress and pressure that today's Working Woman experiences.
• 0:31
  Michelle Gauthier: And in each episode, you'll get a strategy to bring more calm, ease, and relaxation to your life.
• 0:41
  Michelle Gauthier: Hi, friend.
• 0:42
  Michelle Gauthier: Thanks for joining today.
• 0:43
  Michelle Gauthier: Today you're going to hear from our guest, Jenny Connors.
• 0:46
  Michelle Gauthier: She has completely transformed her formerly overwhelming busy life.
• 0:50
  Michelle Gauthier: And when you listen to her story today, you're going to hear how, with the help of coaching, she broke her habit of expecting way too much from herself.
• 0:58
  Michelle Gauthier: And what happened when she actually started doing less.
• 1:01
  Michelle Gauthier: She's going to teach you about a simple tool she created for herself during our coaching that helps her check in with her basic needs and that helps her prevent overwhelm before it even starts.
• 1:11
  Michelle Gauthier: And then how her life changed when she finally learned how to say no without guilt.
• 1:15
  Michelle Gauthier: And why, in fact, no one even freaked out when she did say no.
• 1:19
  Michelle Gauthier: Jenny and I lucked out and met each other because of this podcast.
• 1:22
  Michelle Gauthier: She was a listener and she'll tell the story on here of how we came to know each other.
• 1:27
  Michelle Gauthier: I think you'll enjoy this conversation and learn a lot in the meantime.
• 1:31
  Michelle Gauthier: Thank you so much, Jenny, for joining us.
• 1:33
  Michelle Gauthier: I'm so excited to have you on.
• 1:35
  Jenny Connors: Thank you for having me.
• 1:36
  Jenny Connors: I'm super excited to be here.
• 1:38
  Michelle Gauthier: I feel like it's extra special because we didn't know each other at all except for the podcast.
• 1:44
  Michelle Gauthier: Like the podcast brought us together, and now we're having a full circle moment where you're on the podcast.
• 1:49
  Michelle Gauthier: It feels extra special to me.
• 1:51
  Michelle Gauthier: So our goal today is just to talk about your coaching experience so that hopefully the people listening can benefit from some of the things that you went through and you learned while you were doing your coaching.
• 2:02
  Michelle Gauthier: So before we jump into it too much, what made you even consider hiring a coach?
• 2:06
  Michelle Gauthier: Had you worked with a coach before?
• 2:08
  Michelle Gauthier: Or tell me, actually, I know your answer on this one.
• 2:11
  Michelle Gauthier: So feel free to tell the truth.
• 2:14
  Jenny Connors: Okay, I will.
• 2:15
  Jenny Connors: I had never worked with a coach before, and actually I didn't have great ideas about life coaches in my head, but listening to your podcast, I just felt, man, I think I need some help.
• 2:28
  Jenny Connors: And when you put on your podcast one day that you had an opening, it felt like the universe was telling me, okay, you got to do this.
• 2:37
  Jenny Connors: And I'm really glad I did.
• 2:39
  Michelle Gauthier: That's your opening.
• 2:40
  Michelle Gauthier: Yes.
• 2:40
  Michelle Gauthier: And I think you emailed me and said, I want to talk to you.
• 2:43
  Michelle Gauthier: I want that spot.
• 2:44
  Michelle Gauthier: So tell us a little bit about the situation you were in or just what your life is like that had you listening to overwhelmed working women in the first place and made you want to work with a coach.
• 2:55
  Jenny Connors: When I saw the title of your podcast, I thought, okay, that's me.
• 2:59
  Jenny Connors: So I'm gonna see what this is about.
• 3:01
  Jenny Connors: I am a what they now call a resource parent, but actually uh known as a foster parent to three wonderful teenage girls.
• 3:11
  Jenny Connors: And I also founded and run a nonprofit theater.
• 3:16
  Jenny Connors: And I also direct and perform and write.
• 3:21
  Jenny Connors: So my days and my evenings and my weekends are always busy, beyond busy.
• 3:28
  Jenny Connors: And I have a constant to-do list that just goes forever.
• 3:32
  Jenny Connors: So it felt like my life was chaos.
• 3:35
  Jenny Connors: That's a key word that my husband would hear all the time.
• 3:37
  Jenny Connors: Chaos, chaos, chaos.
• 3:39
  Jenny Connors: And I wasn't happy.
• 3:41
  Jenny Connors: I got to the point that I was just overwhelmed all the time.
• 3:45
  Michelle Gauthier: Yes.
• 3:45
  Michelle Gauthier: And as we know, you and I, and probably many people listening, when you're in that overwhelm, it's hard to do anything except think I'm so overwhelmed, and then not be able to actually accomplish anything.
• 3:57
  Michelle Gauthier: At least that's how it feels to me.
• 3:58
  Michelle Gauthier: How did it feel to you when you were stuck in that?
• 4:02
  Jenny Connors: Stuck is perfect and frozen.
• 4:03
  Jenny Connors: I had two modes.
• 4:05
  Jenny Connors: I either was completely frozen and shut down and getting nothing done anyway, and not actually really resting, just frozen.
• 4:14
  Jenny Connors: Or I was going at this crazy pace.
• 4:16
  Jenny Connors: I wouldn't even pause sometimes to say hello to people.
• 4:20
  Jenny Connors: It was just move, move.
• 4:21
  Jenny Connors: I don't have time.
• 4:22
  Jenny Connors: I don't have time.
• 4:23
  Michelle Gauthier: Yes.
• 4:23
  Michelle Gauthier: Two modes, neither of them good, right?
• 4:26
  Michelle Gauthier: Right.
• 4:27
  Michelle Gauthier: Yes.
• 4:27
  Michelle Gauthier: Okay.
• 4:29
  Michelle Gauthier: And about how long had you felt that way before we started working together?
• 4:33
  Michelle Gauthier: Three years, maybe increasingly.
• 4:36
  Michelle Gauthier: Yeah.
• 4:36
  Michelle Gauthier: So that's a lot.
• 4:37
  Michelle Gauthier: And now that I know a lot about your life and your business, you started this nonprofit from the ground up, and now you have all these employees and all these shows that you're putting on.
• 4:47
  Michelle Gauthier: And I also know that your daughters, because of the situation you're in, as you said, a resource parent or a foster parent, you have many extra to-dos that most parents don't have.
• 4:59
  Michelle Gauthier: So I can see why you felt that way based on just all the to-dos that you had in your life.
• 5:04
  Michelle Gauthier: Okay, so imagine we fast forward to when we started coaching and as because you just completed it.
• 5:09
  Michelle Gauthier: I worked with my clients for a minimum of six months because it just takes that long to create new habits and for them to really stick.
• 5:16
  Michelle Gauthier: But how long do you think it took you until you started feeling better?
• 5:21
  Jenny Connors: I was thinking about that, and I would say it was about four months in that I realized I'm not freaking out right now.
• 5:30
  Michelle Gauthier: Yes.
• 5:31
  Michelle Gauthier: You realized it in yourself.
• 5:34
  Michelle Gauthier: Like I have crossed over to not being in that constant state of overwhelm.
• 5:39
  Jenny Connors: And I would slide back.
• 5:41
  Jenny Connors: But it was about four months that I really realized, oh my God, this is amazing.
• 5:46
  Jenny Connors: This might actually happen that I feel better and stay that way.
• 5:49
  Michelle Gauthier: Yes.
• 5:50
  Michelle Gauthier: And the slide back, which we'll get to later.
• 5:52
  Michelle Gauthier: But the slide back is that's what happens sometimes when we get stressed.
• 5:55
  Michelle Gauthier: We slide back into those old patterns.
• 5:57
  Michelle Gauthier: But as long as most of the time you're not in that and you know how to get out when you slide back, that's the biggest thing.
• 6:04
  Michelle Gauthier: Okay, so this might be a hard one to choose, but what tool or tip do you think had the biggest impact on you?
• 6:11
  Jenny Connors: I think the biggest impact was changing how I thought about how much I can do.
• 6:19
  Michelle Gauthier: Okay, tell us more about that.
• 6:22
  Jenny Connors: So I expected the absolute world from myself, and I was ashamed if I didn't meet those expectations all day, every day.
• 6:32
  Jenny Connors: And when you and I went over the actual map of how much time there is in a day, how much time there is in a week, and how much time my responsibilities actually take, and how much time that actually leaves me to just sit and work.
• 6:48
  Jenny Connors: I realized I was I was delusional, maybe.
• 7:02
  Michelle Gauthier: Because you had already slotted things in all these other spaces in your life.
• 7:07
  Michelle Gauthier: Right.
• 7:07
  Michelle Gauthier: So obviously, you're a smart person and you know how to do math.
• 7:11
  Michelle Gauthier: So as we walked through that, it didn't add up.
• 7:14
  Michelle Gauthier: So I just want to point out to everybody that this is actually really common and it comes from your brain being in this old pattern that says Jenny can do anything.
• 7:24
  Michelle Gauthier: Jenny should get everything done on her to-do list.
• 7:27
  Michelle Gauthier: It's like this thought that doesn't even actually make sense when you break it down and look at how much you can accomplish in a day.
• 7:33
  Michelle Gauthier: But your brain just kept telling you that every day.
• 7:36
  Michelle Gauthier: Let's look at the to-do list.
• 7:37
  Michelle Gauthier: Let's assume we can get it all done.
• 7:39
  Michelle Gauthier: Let's shame ourselves when we don't get it all done.
• 7:42
  Michelle Gauthier: So when we broke that down and did the actual math, what did you realize about yourself?
• 7:48
  Jenny Connors: I realized that my expectations were just way, way too high on myself.
• 7:54
  Jenny Connors: And that the way I was talking to myself was actually really cruel.
• 7:59
  Jenny Connors: And I would never treat someone else that way.
• 8:02
  Jenny Connors: And you would really walk me through that.
• 8:03
  Jenny Connors: And it was so helpful.
• 8:05
  Jenny Connors: And I think that's the biggest thing for me is changing that perspective.
• 8:10
  Michelle Gauthier: Yes, yes, exactly.
• 8:11
  Michelle Gauthier: To think about what would you say if it was your best friend or one of your employees?
• 8:15
  Michelle Gauthier: You would never hand your employees your to-do list and be like, get all this done today.
• 8:19
  Michelle Gauthier: There's just no way.
• 8:21
  Michelle Gauthier: Great.
• 8:21
  Michelle Gauthier: What change felt the hardest to you?
• 8:25
  Jenny Connors: Oh, I think the hardest was going through my to-do list and then saying, okay, I'm going to choose two or three things because I know that's all I have time for today, and I'm just going to focus on one at a time and then let go.
• 8:42
  Michelle Gauthier: Yes.
• 8:43
  Michelle Gauthier: And it makes sense that felt so uncomfortable because for years you had 37 things on your list and you're like, I have to get all these done.
• 8:50
  Michelle Gauthier: So it can feel when you're changing that and really choosing three that you can actually get done, it can feel like, oh my gosh, I'm not expecting enough of myself or I'm not doing enough, or some of those thoughts that go with that old line of thinking.
• 9:02
  Michelle Gauthier: What happened when you actually did that?
• 9:05
  Jenny Connors: When I actually did it, I was more focused.
• 9:08
  Jenny Connors: I was more relaxed.
• 9:09
  Jenny Connors: I was more efficient.
• 9:10
  Jenny Connors: And it felt great to see the things getting done.
• 9:13
  Jenny Connors: And I just learned to accept that it's impossible to do my overall list is about 120 things usually.
• 9:20
  Jenny Connors: And then I thought, oh, I could do 37 a day.
• 9:22
  Jenny Connors: And actually just getting through those top things and trusting myself that I chose the right thing felt great.
• 9:31
  Michelle Gauthier: Yes.
• 9:31
  Michelle Gauthier: And then it starts to give you a more positive cycle that you're in, which is if I choose these two or three things, I will get them done.
• 9:39
  Michelle Gauthier: So then you learn to have self-trust to be able to estimate how long something really takes and then get that thing done and then feel good about that and then choose the next one.
• 9:46
  Michelle Gauthier: And so it starts to form that new habit and that new belief that I can have this ultra priority list and put things on that list and get them done.
• 9:56
  Michelle Gauthier: Something else that you did that I think is a really cool concept that other people might want to take is that even though you own your own business and you can make whatever schedule you want, that you created enough of a structure for yourself that you have three days a week, a sit-down time and a block of hours where you're really just working on stuff, not having meetings, not even taking your daughter's places or doing anything else except for focus time.
• 10:22
  Jenny Connors: And originally I was constantly trying to figure out schedules for myself.
• 10:26
  Jenny Connors: And they never worked in the past because again, I would expect way too much.
• 10:31
  Jenny Connors: And so you helped me think more realistically.
• 10:35
  Jenny Connors: I think you asked me what level of structure do you think you could handle?
• 10:39
  Jenny Connors: And we worked that out and reworked it.
• 10:42
  Jenny Connors: And now I know Monday, Wednesday, and Friday, I have these blocks.
• 10:46
  Jenny Connors: They work in my life, and it makes me feel better knowing, well, on Friday I'm gonna get to that.
• 10:52
  Jenny Connors: Well I don't need to worry about it right now.
• 10:54
  Jenny Connors: It's not my thing right now.
• 10:56
  Michelle Gauthier: Yes, which really takes a whole new level of self-trust.
• 11:00
  Michelle Gauthier: I don't have to do that today, but I know I'm gonna do it on Friday.
• 11:03
  Michelle Gauthier: Like I know I'm actually gonna stick to my own process and my own schedule.
• 11:07
  Michelle Gauthier: Yeah, I think that's awesome.
• 11:09
  Michelle Gauthier: I think that really helped you get a lot of stuff done.
• 11:11
  Michelle Gauthier: And I have found this, especially with people who are creative like you, that structure is not necessarily their favorite thing, but there is some amount of structure.
• 11:21
  Michelle Gauthier: So you don't want to become as structured as like the stereotypical accountant who puts everything on a spreadsheet because that wouldn't fit for you.
• 11:28
  Michelle Gauthier: But what level of structure do you need in your life and for your mind and how your brain works?
• 11:34
  Jenny Connors: And I think the level of structure we got to just fits like a glove, and it leaves all this room for how much my personal life varies, the amount of appointments that we have to make sure we get to, and the flexibility of working with artists and being an artist myself.
• 11:52
  Michelle Gauthier: Yes, yeah.
• 11:52
  Michelle Gauthier: I love that.
• 11:53
  Michelle Gauthier: Helps you relate to your people and to accept your brain as is, which is magical and wonderful.
• 12:00
  Michelle Gauthier: We can't make it be ultra structured when it's not ultra structured.
• 12:04
  Michelle Gauthier: Okay, which, and you might have more than one answer for this, but when I just asked you right off the top of your head, which tool or shift or change was just like your favorite?
• 12:13
  Michelle Gauthier: I know there were a lot of them that cracked us up.
• 12:15
  Michelle Gauthier: When I'm asking this question, I'm picturing us laughing about some of the things we came up with.
• 12:23
  Jenny Connors: So one, there's so many, there's so many.
• 12:26
  Jenny Connors: Let's see, catching the doom cycle, as they named it, being able to catch and stop the doom cycle when I'm going to that place of, oh no, I'm horrible.
• 12:36
  Jenny Connors: Everything's gonna be horrible, it's all gonna fall apart.
• 12:39
  Jenny Connors: Being able to catch that and not get stuck in that.
• 12:41
  Michelle Gauthier: Yes, yes, you have to tell them about that.
• 12:43
  Michelle Gauthier: That's so good.
• 12:44
  Michelle Gauthier: Okay, so the doom cycle is what we gave the name to after we really outlined what happens in your brain.
• 12:50
  Michelle Gauthier: I'm not getting stuff done.
• 12:52
  Michelle Gauthier: I'm a terrible person, the world is ending, however deep it goes.
• 12:56
  Michelle Gauthier: So we called that the doom cycle.
• 12:57
  Michelle Gauthier: And Jenny learned to have awareness of that and be like, oh no, I'm about to go into the doom cycle.
• 13:02
  Michelle Gauthier: I'm gonna change that and pull myself up.
• 13:04
  Michelle Gauthier: And it's really helpful sometimes if it is something that makes you laugh, because then you can laugh at yourself gently.
• 13:09
  Michelle Gauthier: Okay, we almost caught that one.
• 13:11
  Michelle Gauthier: Okay, now tell them about Dreap, because that is a really good one that probably everyone could use with their own letters.
• 13:17
  Jenny Connors: I have to use it every day.
• 13:19
  Jenny Connors: So Dreap is our stands for drop because if I don't put my eye drops in, I get a headache.
• 13:25
  Jenny Connors: Let's see.
• 13:26
  Jenny Connors: E stands for eat, A stands for agua, so I drink some water, and P stands for P P.
• 13:35
  Jenny Connors: Because I would literally just go and go and go and not check in, and I would be miserable.
• 13:43
  Jenny Connors: I wouldn't go to the bathroom, I wouldn't eat anything, I wouldn't drink anything, and I'd have a massive headache.
• 13:49
  Jenny Connors: And uh now, before I will sit down and do anything, I'll go drink.
• 13:54
  Jenny Connors: What do I need to do?
• 13:55
  Jenny Connors: And it's amazing how nice it is when you actually take care of yourself.
• 14:00
  Michelle Gauthier: Yes, and it's it probably sounds like what?
• 14:03
  Michelle Gauthier: Who doesn't do that?
• 14:04
  Michelle Gauthier: But I bet every overwhelmed working woman is like, yep, sometimes I do that.
• 14:07
  Michelle Gauthier: I'm like, oh, I've had to pee for two hours.
• 14:09
  Michelle Gauthier: Why am I not doing that?
• 14:11
  Michelle Gauthier: Or why am I so crabby?
• 14:12
  Michelle Gauthier: Oh, because I didn't eat lunch.
• 14:13
  Michelle Gauthier: If you don't start with those most basic of human needs and do whatever your dreap equivalent is, it's really hard to be productive or think clearly or do anything.
• 14:24
  Michelle Gauthier: It's amazing what a little lunch and a drink of water will do for a person.
• 14:28
  Jenny Connors: It's amazing that that I didn't think of that as even a priority before.
• 14:32
  Michelle Gauthier: Because you had so many other things to focus on, and that one just didn't make it on the list, even though it should be number one and now it is number one, which is great.
• 14:40
  Michelle Gauthier: When we were doing coaching together, did anyone around you notice a difference in you?
• 14:46
  Jenny Connors: My husband noticed a difference, and I think he likes it quite a bit because I'm not pushing past him and saying, I can't talk right now and I get it at this thing.
• 14:54
  Jenny Connors: He's getting more attention now.
• 14:56
  Jenny Connors: Yeah.
• 14:56
  Jenny Connors: And the people I work with, I so often I'll say something along the lines.
• 15:02
  Jenny Connors: Uh I think that's a win.
• 15:04
  Jenny Connors: So we should celebrate that, even if it doesn't feel like it.
• 15:07
  Jenny Connors: We did get a win there.
• 15:09
  Jenny Connors: In fact, we start our weekly meetings now with saying our wins from the week.
• 15:14
  Jenny Connors: I bring the things that I've learned to what we're doing.
• 15:17
  Jenny Connors: So I'll check in and say, make sure, did you get something to eat first?
• 15:22
  Jenny Connors: Did you is everyone ready?
• 15:24
  Jenny Connors: Should we really check in?
• 15:26
  Jenny Connors: And they also just notice that I'm not as stressed out.
• 15:31
  Jenny Connors: And they'll say, How are you so calm right now?
• 15:33
  Jenny Connors: Theater comes with a lot of chaos naturally.
• 15:36
  Jenny Connors: Yeah, it just is there.
• 15:38
  Jenny Connors: And I just don't take it on anymore.
• 15:43
  Jenny Connors: I don't let myself feel it.
• 15:45
  Jenny Connors: It things aren't going to completely fall apart.
• 15:48
  Jenny Connors: And you know what?
• 15:49
  Jenny Connors: If they do, it'll just be for that moment and then it'll be okay.
• 15:54
  Michelle Gauthier: Yeah.
• 15:55
  Jenny Connors: They ask me all the time what's going on.
• 15:58
  Jenny Connors: And they get a bit of coaching through funnels through me now.
• 16:03
  Michelle Gauthier: I love that.
• 16:04
  Michelle Gauthier: So one of the things Jenny did during her coaching was read a book that I recommend often called The Gap and the Gain.
• 16:11
  Michelle Gauthier: And it really teaches you to focus on what is working and what your current wins are.
• 16:16
  Michelle Gauthier: And that's something that I do with each one of my clients.
• 16:19
  Michelle Gauthier: We always start off with wins.
• 16:21
  Michelle Gauthier: And it's amazing how much difference such a small thing can make because Jenny, you were always great at having your wins ready.
• 16:28
  Michelle Gauthier: After we'd done a couple sessions, you knew that was the first thing I was going to ask you.
• 16:31
  Michelle Gauthier: And when that's the case and you know I'm going to ask you, then you start tracking them and noticing them.
• 16:36
  Michelle Gauthier: And it just makes you naturally think more positively.
• 16:39
  Michelle Gauthier: So I love that you're passing that along to your team too, because now they know you're going to ask them that.
• 16:44
  Jenny Connors: Yeah.
• 16:44
  Jenny Connors: It does change the way you think all day, every day.
• 16:48
  Michelle Gauthier: Yeah.
• 16:48
  Michelle Gauthier: Yeah, which is so great because why not think more positively?
• 16:52
  Michelle Gauthier: Nothing bad can come from that.
• 16:53
  Michelle Gauthier: Right.
• 16:54
  Michelle Gauthier: Did anyone not like your changes during coaching?
• 16:58
  Jenny Connors: I do think that I started to say no more.
• 17:01
  Jenny Connors: And that been a big first, I think, for some people to take on.
• 17:06
  Jenny Connors: And it was a bit nerve-wracking, still is nerve-wracking for me to just flat out say, no, that's not going to happen, or to say, I hear that's what you were looking forward to.
• 17:17
  Jenny Connors: That's too bad.
• 17:18
  Jenny Connors: Maybe another year and just leave it at that.
• 17:21
  Jenny Connors: I trust my choice.
• 17:22
  Jenny Connors: I know what feels right.
• 17:24
  Jenny Connors: And I get butterflies thinking about it right now.
• 17:27
  Michelle Gauthier: Yeah.
• 17:27
  Michelle Gauthier: Yeah.
• 17:28
  Michelle Gauthier: So it doesn't feel totally comfortable yet.
• 17:31
  Michelle Gauthier: It will over time with practice, but it's such a different shift to go from what do I think this other person wants to hear to what is my vision for this company or this family or whatever?
• 17:42
  Michelle Gauthier: And answering from that place instead of trying to answer based on what the other person might think.
• 17:48
  Michelle Gauthier: And sometimes people don't like that or they're surprised by it.
• 17:50
  Michelle Gauthier: They don't know how to handle it.
• 17:52
  Michelle Gauthier: But have you seen any relationships that have been damaged by that?
• 17:57
  Jenny Connors: Not at all.
• 17:58
  Jenny Connors: No.
• 17:58
  Jenny Connors: They just once they see that I'm not shifting, it's just okay.
• 18:02
  Jenny Connors: On to the next thing.
• 18:03
  Michelle Gauthier: Yeah.
• 18:04
  Michelle Gauthier: Yes.
• 18:04
  Michelle Gauthier: I feel like that with my kids.
• 18:06
  Michelle Gauthier: Like when I say no, they know and they're just gonna stop asking me.
• 18:09
  Michelle Gauthier: They don't hate me or anything, but they're just like, oh, I know I know that's not allowed, so I'm just not gonna ask.
• 18:15
  Michelle Gauthier: Yeah.
• 18:16
  Jenny Connors: Haven't quite gotten there with our kids, but everything is a work in progress.
• 18:21
  Michelle Gauthier: Yes.
• 18:22
  Michelle Gauthier: Sometimes I have to reiterate the no.
• 18:25
  Michelle Gauthier: Like yesterday, I had to be like, tomorrow I'm literally not driving you to school because I just let her get in the habit of I can't make the bus.
• 18:33
  Michelle Gauthier: And then I drive her.
• 18:34
  Michelle Gauthier: So I just had to reinforce.
• 18:36
  Michelle Gauthier: So it doesn't last forever.
• 18:37
  Michelle Gauthier: I still have to reinforce.
• 18:39
  Michelle Gauthier: Okay, so we could talk about a whole bunch more things, but in the interest of keeping this short, like we like to keep the episodes on this podcast.
• 18:46
  Michelle Gauthier: Let me jump to how does your life feel now?
• 18:50
  Jenny Connors: Now I feel like I have a lot more control.
• 18:54
  Jenny Connors: I feel much calmer.
• 18:56
  Jenny Connors: I don't have that doom.
• 18:59
  Jenny Connors: In fact, I don't even remember the last time the doom cycle started for me.
• 19:04
  Michelle Gauthier: Whoa, that's a big deal.
• 19:06
  Jenny Connors: It is.
• 19:06
  Jenny Connors: I am genuinely amazed by how helpful it was to do the coaching with you.
• 19:13
  Jenny Connors: I just feel better overall.
• 19:16
  Jenny Connors: Yeah, and still get stressed.
• 19:18
  Jenny Connors: And yeah, there are moments when I think, oh, there's so much to do.
• 19:21
  Jenny Connors: But I have those tools.
• 19:23
  Jenny Connors: I go back to them and they help every time.
• 19:26
  Michelle Gauthier: That is awesome.
• 19:27
  Michelle Gauthier: Yay.
• 19:28
  Michelle Gauthier: I'm so glad.
• 19:29
  Michelle Gauthier: That was my next question to you.
• 19:31
  Michelle Gauthier: Is obviously there'll be times when you still feel stressed or overwhelmed or guilty or anything like that.
• 19:37
  Michelle Gauthier: What do you do when those come up?
• 19:40
  Jenny Connors: The first thing is I have to make sure I recognize it and I'm getting better and better at that.
• 19:44
  Jenny Connors: And then I go to those tools.
• 19:47
  Jenny Connors: I love what you sent me, the breakdown, everything we worked on.
• 19:51
  Jenny Connors: And I have it printed out even.
• 19:53
  Jenny Connors: And I can think, okay, what am I doing with my thoughts?
• 19:57
  Jenny Connors: Or did I do my dreep?
• 19:58
  Jenny Connors: Am I sticking To my plan.
• 20:01
  Jenny Connors: And a lot of the time, no, I didn't do the drink because I didn't even think about myself for a second.
• 20:06
  Jenny Connors: And once I do it, I'm back on track.
• 20:08
  Jenny Connors: So just using those tools, checking my thoughts, taking a moment sometimes and thinking, okay, am I being kind to myself?
• 20:15
  Jenny Connors: Am I trusting myself?
• 20:17
  Jenny Connors: And it gets easier and easier to get right back to feeling like I've got this.
• 20:22
  Michelle Gauthier: That is awesome.
• 20:23
  Michelle Gauthier: That's what I measure success by is how long clients and myself say stay stuck in that negative old thought loop, or how quickly you can recognize it and be like, oh, I see what I did there.
• 20:38
  Michelle Gauthier: Let me just change the way I'm thinking about that and then feel better.
• 20:42
  Michelle Gauthier: And it used to be it was three years that you felt overwhelmed.
• 20:45
  Michelle Gauthier: And then maybe you got to the point where you'd feel overwhelmed for a week and then a day.
• 20:48
  Michelle Gauthier: And then maybe now you slip into overwhelm every once in a while, but you know how to get back out of it.
• 20:53
  Michelle Gauthier: So that's just amazing.
• 20:56
  Michelle Gauthier: To me, the the biggest outcome for myself and not being overwhelmed all the time is how free my brain is to think about actual things.
• 21:04
  Michelle Gauthier: Besides I have so much to do.
• 21:07
  Michelle Gauthier: Yeah.
• 21:08
  Michelle Gauthier: What would you say it is for you?
• 21:10
  Michelle Gauthier: Is it similar or something different?
• 21:12
  Jenny Connors: Yeah, it's amazing how much time the thought about time took up in my head.
• 21:17
  Jenny Connors: Constantly thinking, oh, I don't have time for this, or I have to get that thing done, or I have to, but now that I'm not doing that, I find myself having more ideas.
• 21:25
  Jenny Connors: I find myself being inspired more.
• 21:28
  Jenny Connors: Yeah.
• 21:28
  Jenny Connors: And I need that in what I do.
• 21:31
  Jenny Connors: Yes, exactly.
• 21:33
  Jenny Connors: So it in my company, Women's Theater Collective, also are we go by Valkyrie Theater Company when we're working with youth or doing things that aren't quite female-centered.
• 21:44
  Jenny Connors: But we're a nonprofit, and the whole purpose of the organization was to feature women, to have more realistic, more authentic portrayals of women on the stage, to give opportunities to female artists.
• 21:59
  Jenny Connors: We do a lot of female-written shows, have female directors, just as much as we can do there and hopefully make a difference that way.
• 22:06
  Jenny Connors: And then we also partner with organizations such as Weave, Single Mom Strong, Wellspring Women's Center in Sacramento to hopefully push the causes that they're working on.
• 22:18
  Jenny Connors: And we try to raise a little bit of money for them too, which isn't always easy in the art.
• 22:22
  Jenny Connors: But that's the core of what we do.
• 22:25
  Jenny Connors: And a lot of the time it takes a lot of focus.
• 22:30
  Jenny Connors: It takes a lot of planning, but it also takes being ready to handle whatever comes up in the moment.
• 22:36
  Jenny Connors: So we just did a show about Mary Shelley, the author of Frankenstein.
• 22:42
  Jenny Connors: And we did it outside because we're theater on a shoestring.
• 22:47
  Jenny Connors: And we chose a space and we turned it into a theater.
• 22:51
  Jenny Connors: When it rained, we suddenly had to take all the equipment down and move it somewhere.
• 22:55
  Jenny Connors: Then it stopped raining.
• 22:57
  Jenny Connors: We had to put it back up.
• 22:58
  Jenny Connors: But while I'm managing all of that and managing the books and working on insurance and payroll and all of those things, fundraising.
• 23:07
  Jenny Connors: Fundraising.
• 23:08
  Jenny Connors: Oh, grandma.
• 23:09
  Jenny Connors: I'm also performing and I'm also trying to think what's the best show to do.
• 23:16
  Jenny Connors: And I'm also thinking creatively about what we can do with the next show.
• 23:20
  Jenny Connors: We have as you like it, the musical coming up, and trying to create a magical scene that's new and unique.
• 23:28
  Jenny Connors: A lot of what we do is very new and unique.
• 23:31
  Jenny Connors: We're not just recycling the same shows over and over.
• 23:33
  Jenny Connors: That's not what we're about.
• 23:34
  Jenny Connors: So it takes a lot.
• 23:36
  Michelle Gauthier: Yeah, that takes a lot of clarity of mind so that you can have those creative parts, a lot of rolling with the punches, thinking up new solutions on the fly when it starts raining and you've got rugs laid out on the grass and all kinds of stuff.
• 23:51
  Michelle Gauthier: Yeah.
• 23:51
  Michelle Gauthier: So I could see how being calm in your position could really benefit you, your business, the audience, all the people who are seeing it.
• 24:01
  Michelle Gauthier: It feels like it has a ripple effect when it's starting with you.
• 24:05
  Michelle Gauthier: So that is just awesome.
• 24:06
  Michelle Gauthier: If people want to know more about your company, where can they go?
• 24:10
  Jenny Connors: They can look us up on women's theatercollective.org.
• 24:13
  Jenny Connors: You can also find us on TikTok, Facebook, Instagram.
• 24:18
  Jenny Connors: And again, you can also look under Valkyrie Theater, which is our other name, where we do youth workshops.
• 24:23
  Jenny Connors: We work with schools in Sacramento City Unified School District.
• 24:27
  Jenny Connors: And we also do shows in Fair Oaks, like the new Fair Oaks Performing Arts Center.
• 24:32
  Jenny Connors: We also work with the Orangeville Community Center to do the little ones theater program.
• 24:38
  Jenny Connors: And we actually just got a new space that's in Midtown Sacramento.
• 24:42
  Jenny Connors: So that's very exciting.
• 24:43
  Jenny Connors: Wonderful.
• 24:45
  Michelle Gauthier: It has just been awesome working with you.
• 24:47
  Michelle Gauthier: And those were all my questions about your coaching.
• 24:50
  Michelle Gauthier: I just want to ask you the questions that I ask every single guest who's on this podcast, which you obviously probably already know.
• 24:56
  Michelle Gauthier: But what is something that you can do to make yourself feel less overwhelmed?
• 25:00
  Jenny Connors: Something I do to make myself feel less overwhelmed is to speak kindly to myself.
• 25:07
  Jenny Connors: I think that is the absolute biggest thing is when I speak kindly to myself.
• 25:11
  Michelle Gauthier: Yes.
• 25:11
  Michelle Gauthier: How do you do that?
• 25:13
  Michelle Gauthier: How do you notice you're doing it and then change it around?
• 25:20
  Jenny Connors: I named the bad voice Karen. And when Karen speaks up, I have this little visual.
• 25:23
  Jenny Connors: I'm a very visual person, for sure.
• 25:25
  Jenny Connors: You can imagine.
• 25:26
  Jenny Connors: I see this little like bratty middle school girl.
• 25:30
  Jenny Connors: And I just tell her, Karen, no, go sit over there.
• 25:34
  Jenny Connors: And then I get back to all right, Jenny, you're a rock star.
• 25:37
  Jenny Connors: You got this.
• 25:38
  Jenny Connors: Bring the love, bring the positivity, go be a leader.
• 25:43
  Jenny Connors: You can do this.
• 25:43
  Jenny Connors: You can do this.
• 25:45
  Michelle Gauthier: I love it.
• 25:45
  Michelle Gauthier: And so the first step that Jenny's talking about there is just noticing when your Karen voice, no offense to anyone named Karen out there, you can name yours anything you want, but when Karen voice comes out, just to be like, oh wait, no, that's just a thought that my brain offered for some reason.
• 26:01
  Michelle Gauthier: I don't have to believe that.
• 26:02
  Michelle Gauthier: I'm gonna tell her to be quiet and then substitute in some better thoughts.
• 26:07
  Michelle Gauthier: So that is great.
• 26:08
  Michelle Gauthier: Okay, and then what is something that you do consistently to save time or do less?
• 26:13
  Jenny Connors: I have started asking myself, is my business or my home life or my personal well-being actually literally going to fall apart if I don't do this?
• 26:23
  Jenny Connors: Really is it going to fall?
• 26:25
  Jenny Connors: And I'd say 95% of the time the answer is no.
• 26:28
  Jenny Connors: And it's amazing how much that has helped me think, oh, I don't really have to do that.
• 26:33
  Jenny Connors: Maybe I might never need to actually do that.
• 26:36
  Michelle Gauthier: Yeah.
• 26:36
  Michelle Gauthier: It saves me so much time.
• 26:38
  Michelle Gauthier: Very freeing.
• 26:39
  Michelle Gauthier: Yes, because my brain personally would tell me that everything is extremely important.
• 26:44
  Michelle Gauthier: I have to calm down enough to make that call as well.
• 26:47
  Michelle Gauthier: That's so great.
• 26:48
  Michelle Gauthier: You know, something else that you do really well that I think is worth noting just in case this helps somebody else is you got really good at breaking down tasks.
• 26:57
  Michelle Gauthier: When something felt too big or overwhelming, if you decided you still wanted to do it, you'd be like, okay, today I'm gonna work on cleaning up the entry area of my house.
• 27:07
  Michelle Gauthier: And tomorrow I'm gonna work on the TV room or whatever.
• 27:11
  Michelle Gauthier: But you got very good at just not feeling overwhelmed by the big stuff, but just breaking things down into smaller tasks.
• 27:18
  Michelle Gauthier: It's one of my new favorite things to do.
• 27:20
  Jenny Connors: It's just I geek out on it, writing down, I break it down as small as I can and write it down.
• 27:25
  Jenny Connors: And I love it.
• 27:26
  Michelle Gauthier: Such a good tip.
• 27:27
  Michelle Gauthier: It if it feels too big, just go smaller until it is this tiny little thing.
• 27:32
  Michelle Gauthier: And maybe that tiny little thing is think about a time when I could clean the front hall.
• 27:36
  Michelle Gauthier: That's what I'm gonna do today, or whatever it is.
• 27:39
  Michelle Gauthier: Jenny, I could go on and on.
• 27:40
  Michelle Gauthier: I feel like you had a million wins.
• 27:42
  Michelle Gauthier: You were an awesome client.
• 27:43
  Michelle Gauthier: I absolutely loved working with you, and thank you so much for being on the podcast.
• 27:48
  Jenny Connors: Thank you so much.
• 27:49
  Jenny Connors: I have absolutely loved it, and I'm thrilled to have gotten to meet you and work with you and do the podcast.
• 27:55
  Michelle Gauthier: Good, good.
• 27:56
  Michelle Gauthier: Okay, thank you so much.
• 27:58
  Michelle Gauthier: Thank you for listening to the Overwhelmed Working Woman podcast.
• 28:05
  Michelle Gauthier: If you want to learn more about my work, head over to my website at MichelleGauthier.com.
• 28:11
  Michelle Gauthier: See you next week.