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14: Discerning Openness · Finding God at Work

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(Transcribed by TurboScribe.ai. Go Unlimited to remove this message.) Hi, I'm Chris.
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This is Finding God at Work.
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Our current series is Gentle Witnesses, sharing the
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good news at work in a way that
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actually makes sense.
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We've been talking about openness, and when I
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think about openness or closeness, somebody's willingness to
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be vulnerable versus their need to protect themselves,
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I sometimes think about cats.
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I don't know if you've ever interacted with
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a cat, where the cat is a little
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bit aloof, a little bit closed off, a
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little bit not desirous of the most vulnerable,
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intimate community access.
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I have two cats, and my cats, Landry
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and Dylan, are very social.
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They're very friendly.
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They're unusual on the spectrum of cats in
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this regard.
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But even my cats, sometimes when someone comes
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over or when there's a lot of people,
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they go and hang out in a different
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room, especially Dylan, the big fluffy one.
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He just he's not fond of crowds.
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He likes individual people.
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He'll even meet strangers, but he's not.
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He's not fun of crowds.
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That just kind of puts him off.
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He doesn't feel open.
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There's this wonderful painter in the Boston area
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named Nan Porter, and she's a cat person,
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and she has this wonderful insight.
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She says, if cats could talk, they wouldn't.
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And I feel like just like cats are
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like this, all of us probably have friends
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or acquaintances, co-workers, others like this, where
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they're just a little bit aloof.
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It's not that they're unfriendly.
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It's not that they're doing anything disrespectful or
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rude.
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It's just maybe hard to get to know
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them, maybe hard to get to that place
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of openness with them.
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So there's a few different approaches you could
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take here.
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One is to say, oh, well, that's them.
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They're they're not open.
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So I'll just worry about building friendships with
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people who are open.
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And that can be a good approach, right?
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If if you have other people around you
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who seem to be more engaged, more open,
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more building a friendship with you, of course,
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you want to respect everybody's boundaries.
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You don't want to force anything on somebody
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who's who's not looking for that.
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But the second approach that I have found
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fascinating and rewarding is to not assume that
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somebody else is not open just because they're
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not immediately open.
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So I in the past have had a
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co-worker who might be described as prickly
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around the edges, right, somebody with a reputation,
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you know, somebody who who really does maybe
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edge into that, not just not being open,
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but being a little bit of prickly sometimes.
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But I thought, you know what?
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You know what?
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I'm not going to let this co-workers
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prickliness determine how I treat them.
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And I found if we were one on
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one, we weren't in a crowd and I
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just asked a curious question about their lives.
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That person loved talking with me.
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That person was like, let me tell you,
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I've been at this company for so many
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years and here's what I've done.
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Here's how things have changed.
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And the reason I had a hunch that
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this person might be willing to do that
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is I had a friend of mine, also
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a follower of Jesus, a disciple of Jesus,
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who I saw getting lunch with this supposedly
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prickly person multiple times.
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And I was like, see, see, even though
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they're prickly, they really do open up.
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They just need the right kind of listening
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to open up.
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OK, so as we're going through these five
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thresholds of faith, we've talked about trusting a
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Christian friend, talked about becoming curious, which can
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be just intellectual curiosity.
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And now we're talking about becoming open, open
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to personal change.
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There's actually two kinds of openness that we're
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kind of talking about together.
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One is the level of openness somebody has
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relationally to you.
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The other is the level of openness that
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they have towards Jesus, toward seeing if these
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things that they're maybe talking about at the
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curious stage with their Christian friend could really
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change their life.
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It could make a change in who they
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are.
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And these two kinds of openness, I have
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posited, can go together that when somebody is
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willing to be open with you, that may
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create a safe space where they're willing to
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also explore the question, could they be open
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to Jesus?
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But they are two different things, right?
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It's it's not like somebody who's willing to
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be vulnerable with you is automatically pursuing greater
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openness towards Jesus and vice versa.
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Maybe somebody who's never been friends with you
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is actually getting quite close to Jesus.
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It's just you have nothing to do with
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it.
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So as we think about these two kinds
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of openness, we want to be asking how
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can we foster the openness with us in
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a healthy and appropriately persistent way, and then
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how can we challenge people to turn that
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openness toward Jesus?
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So just a few points of guidance around
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this.
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Some of this has to do with what
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theologians call the ordo salutis, the order of
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salvation.
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So this is technical language for what happens
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in somebody's heart over time as they're coming
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closer and closer to faith in Jesus and
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then actually putting their faith in Jesus.
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And in our last episode, I talked about
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how the openness stage is not yet like
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saving faith, it's not yet confessing Jesus as
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Lord, but it's like the beginning of it.
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It's like they're opening that door and they're
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about to step through.
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I think that this is a helpful metaphor,
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not least because it shows up in the
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Bible in Revelation chapter three, verse 20, the
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risen Lord Christ is speaking prophetically to the
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churches.
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And he's having John, who's listening, write things
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down to tell to the churches.
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And this comes from his words, the church
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in Laodicea.
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He says, here I am.
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I stand at the door and knock.
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If anyone hears my voice and opens the
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door, I will come in and eat with
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that person and they with me.
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I love that he mentions a meal.
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I will come in and eat with that
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person and they with me.
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Now, that's the language of the door being
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open, leading to true faith, leading to communion.
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But in order to get there, you got
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to open the door.
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And that's what this openness stage is all
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about.
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Can you begin to open that door?
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So how do we help people take a
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step from being open to us to being
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open to Jesus?
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Well, I want to say just a couple
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of things.
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One is that we can actually explicitly appeal
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to that idea.
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So if you've been building a friendship with
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somebody and you realize they're being open with
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you, maybe they're sharing painful experiences, like we
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talked about last time, they may even share
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some traumatic things they've been through and they
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trust you with that and you're being a
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good listener and honoring that trust.
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By the way, you keep their confidences and
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you respond with emotional intelligence and empathy to
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the things they share with you.
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As that's happening and as appropriately a conversation
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may take a turn toward questions of faith,
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you could say something along the lines of,
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hey, you know, in our friendship, you've been
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really open to me.
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And I really treasure that because obviously you
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think I'm trustworthy enough to be open with
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me like that.
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And I'm just wondering, do you think it
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could be possible to be open to Jesus
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like that?
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Now that's the kind of question to ask
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probably when you've already had several spiritual conversations
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when somebody's shown that they're beginning to question
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whether Jesus is real, right?
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But just making that direct appeal, like, hey,
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you're open with me, we have a friendship,
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what would it be like for you to
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be open with Jesus and have a friendship
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with him?
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And you could even bring up that verse,
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you don't have to quote it word for
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word, but paraphrase it.
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Like, you know, there's this verse that says
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Jesus is knocking at the door.
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And if you open it, he'll come in
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and have a meal with you.
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A lot of people don't know that.
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There's this wonderful story about Dallas Willard, you
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got to forgive me.
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I have so many Dallas Willard things I
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know, but they're just so good.
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They're just so good.
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I mean, why not use some of the
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best Dallas, praise the Lord for Dallas.
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Okay, so Dallas Willard was a philosophy professor
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at the University of Southern California.
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And he had a student once, and this
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student went to, I believe at the time
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he was a teacher's assistant for Dallas, who
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was a Christian.
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So the student knew that this teacher's assistant
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was a Christian, obviously Dallas was a Christian
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too.
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But he goes and he asked this Christian
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TA, he says, is it true that Jesus
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can come right up to you?
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And the TA kind of scratches his head
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and he's like, that's an interesting way of
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phrasing things.
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And so he's like, tell me more.
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And he's like, well, I was talking with
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Dallas and Dallas, like during his office hours
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in his office.
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And Dallas said that when you talk with
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Jesus, Jesus can come right up to you
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and listen to you.
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Isn't that a beautiful image that this undergrad
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student, no one has ever told them that
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no one has ever told them that Jesus
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wants to come right up to you, be
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present to you, interact with you.
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So you can do that with your friends,
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right?
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Just like Dallas obviously had created an environment
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of trust in his office and his classroom
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so that the student even at a secular
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campus felt comfortable having a conversation about faith
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with him.
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As we build these safe spaces, we can
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say Jesus can come right up to you.
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You're coming up to me.
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You're getting meals with me.
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You're building a friendship with me.
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Would you be open to considering doing that
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with Jesus?
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You know, we can just ask those questions
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and then see how people respond.
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Again, they might say no.
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They might be like, ah, well, I like
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you.
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I don't know if I like Jesus though.
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You know, whatever it is, they might indicate
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they're not ready for that.
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And again, so then you just honor where
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they're at.
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No need to push, right?
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But you can come back to that as
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appropriate and kind of, you know, you can
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be knocking on the door too and saying
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like, hey, have you thought about opening this
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door?
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But they may respond with genuine openness to
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Jesus.
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They may respond with a sense of like,
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yeah, I think I'm interested in that.
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So what's what's going on then?
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What's going on then?
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Well, I want to read a passage from
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the Valley of Vision, this collection of prayers
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kind of rooted in the Puritan tradition, but
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then written in the 20th century by an
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Anglican clergyman.
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It's really funny how he kind of got
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away with presenting himself as the editor, but
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I'm pretty sure he actually wrote most of
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these prayers himself.
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His name was Arthur Bennett.
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And he has this one called the convicting
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spirit.
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OK, so so again, kind of going back
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to that idea of like the ordo salutus,
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the theological order of salvation, what happens in
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somebody's soul on the way to faith, part
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of what happens is conviction of sin.
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Part of what happens is the action of
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the Holy Spirit in someone's heart for them
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to realize that they need help, that they
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have sinned, that they are responsible for how
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they have sinned, that they need forgiveness, that
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they need God's grace to come inside of
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them and work a change in them.
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So this prayer is presented as a prayer
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of somebody who's kind of at that stage
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of realizing that they are a sinner, that
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they need God's help.
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So it's called the convicting spirit.
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Let me just read a couple of phrases
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from it.
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Melt my heart by the majesty and mercy
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of God.
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Show me my ruined self and the help
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there is in him.
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Teach me to behold my creator, his ability
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to save, his arms outstretched, his heart big
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for me.
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May I confide in his power and love,
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commit my soul to him without reserve.
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Okay.
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Now, obviously, if somebody were actually praying this
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prayer, like consciously addressing the words of this
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kind of prayer to Jesus, they're probably a
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couple of steps further along.
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They're probably at the point of faith, but
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we can pray this kind of prayer for
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somebody else, right?
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We can pray, melt their heart by the
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majesty and mercy of God.
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Show them their ruined self and the help
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there is in him.
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Teach them to behold their creator.
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His ability to save, his arms outstretched, his
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heart big for them.
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May they confide in his power and love,
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commit their soul to him without reserve.
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This is what we're praying will happen in
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our friends' lives when they're at the openness
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stage, that they would see that they need
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help and see that help is available through
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Jesus Christ.
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And there's a phrase there that's really key,
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which is the phrase, show me my ruined
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self, show me my ruined self.
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That is not a politically correct, go us
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self empowered phrase, right?
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This is part of the Christian theology of
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sin, of personal responsibility for sin, that there's
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actually something deeply amiss in our souls.
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And the way to find healing for that
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cannot be found inside of our souls.
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We need outside help.
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We need God's grace to meet us.
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And so it's an unapologetic phrase, my ruined
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self.
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And that's a very hard thing to grapple
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with.
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It's very hard to grapple with the idea
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that your soul is in some way ruined
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and in need of restoration.
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That is part of why people back away
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from openness, is to truly press into openness
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to Jesus, requires being open to the news
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that you are a sinner and you need
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forgiveness, among other things.
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And that is really good news because it
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provides something that explains all these experiences you've
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had in your life when your soul has,
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in fact, gotten the better of you and
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you've done things that are destructive and that
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you don't want to do and it's caused
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problems and you're not sure how to make
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sense of things.
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Like the theology of sin is actually incredibly
13:55
liberating because it does show people like, yeah,
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you've had this darkness in your life all
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along, but you can be freed from it.
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You can find forgiveness and grace for a
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new way of life as you put your
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faith in Jesus.
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But that is a bitter pill to swallow.
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And so one of the things that we
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can be attentive to is how are people
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beginning to recognize their ruined self?
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That's a key thing.
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That's a sign of openness.
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So if somebody is talking with you, if
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they're in friendships with you and they start
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saying things like, I just wish X could
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change, right?
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Like, I wish I could be more patient
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with my kids.
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They may not have the language of sin,
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right?
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But they're noticing their ruined self.
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They're noticing there's something about me that would
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be good to change.
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And the one virtue in our culture is
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like be yourself, right?
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And there is a reality that we need
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to be ourselves, but we don't want to
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be the version of ourselves that's wicked and
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cruel and selfish and impatient and lustful and
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all those other things, right?
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We can become our truest selves by learning
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to repent of our sin, by learning to
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name what is wrong and hand it over
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to the Lord.
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So keep your ears open when you're in
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these conversations for somebody talking about their ruined
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self, even if they don't have that language.
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So it could be saying that it's something
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they want to change.
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It could also be sharing about aspects of
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themselves where they feel like they need help
15:19
or healing.
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It's like mental health conversations of someone's like,
15:22
I just experienced so much anxiety or I'm
15:24
really having a hard time with depression.
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Very important clarification.
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It is not a sin to be anxious.
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It is not a sin to be depressed,
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right?
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Mental health conditions and difficulties are complex in
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their roots and causes.
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But there's still things that we can face
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into as a darkness in our lives that
15:45
God can minister to us.
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And to receive that ministry from God requires
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a vulnerability and an openness to him, even
15:52
if it's not exactly repenting of a specific
15:54
sin.
15:54
It's bearing a wound for his healing to
15:57
enter in.
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And so if somebody's sharing stories like that
16:02
with you, again, one of the best ways
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to meet somebody there is to, as appropriate
16:05
as they have shown themselves trustworthy, share your
16:08
own experience with those things.
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And as much as you have experience with
16:11
anxiety, depression, with other mental health needs to
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come to them as, you know, one human
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being broken and a need to another human
16:19
being broken and a need, honestly, and you
16:21
can share how you found grace and healing
16:23
for those things in all the ways that
16:25
you have as part of your friendship with
16:27
Jesus.
16:30
But if somebody's sharing those things with you,
16:32
those are things that you can then note
16:34
like internally, silently, while you're continuing to listen
16:36
to them, like, ah, that's an openness thing.
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That's a ruined self thing.
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That's a need for outside help thing.
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And if you're getting more and more of
16:44
those or more and more frequently or more
16:46
and more vulnerability in your conversations with a
16:48
friend, that's a sign they're in the openness
16:50
stage.
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And the next stage after that is even
16:53
more exciting.
16:54
It's the seeking stage, which we'll talk about
16:56
in our next couple of episodes.
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Lord Jesus, we want to be open to
17:03
you.
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Show us how.
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Show us how to let you keep saving
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us.
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Show us how to listen well to our
17:11
friends as they share their stories, their experiences,
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their sense of self.
17:17
Help us to be good friends and good
17:18
counselors and just be open and honest about
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pointing the way towards you, saying that you
17:25
are there knocking at the door, waiting to
17:28
come in and eat with them.
17:31
Jesus, do your work in us as we
17:33
do our work with you.
17:39
Thanks for listening.
17:40
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17:42
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17:45
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