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Sober Talk SA - Jason. J · Sober Talk SA

• 0:00
  Do you want to talk on recovery for another 15-20 minutes Jason?
• 0:07
  Yeah, carry on. Yeah.
• 0:10
  I'll just take out recovering there.
• 0:16
  Yeah. Well interesting to recovery or
• 0:25
  was after 15 years of that. I went to a doctor and he could
• 0:31
  see the door and I was almost dr.
• 0:33
  Charles story, at Valley and lots of human ages.
• 0:35
  Said, you need help. You need help.
• 0:39
  When this was afterward right away from my sister's of one
• 0:43
  wife. One Flat down at Henley face
• 0:44
  cause sun, rose, screaming that Leo, and into the elevator High
• 0:48
  School hero here under a tree. Then whenever the city got more
• 0:53
  Valley man that went up to my sisters and I went to a doctor,
• 0:56
  the next day and asystole, and this was a doctor I found a hard
• 0:59
  to get stuff home. He said to me, you won't help
• 1:03
  and I was so, I was ready for it, you know, it's just a lot to
• 1:07
  do anything. I realize that Tyler wasn't
• 1:10
  really. The real thing rolls really
• 1:11
  ready to go into into the wok rules.
• 1:14
  For it said, you need to go out and work the hospital here.
• 1:17
  You need some help. And I said, yes, and that's
• 1:20
  where more Journeys. Connor started in recovery,
• 1:22
  surveying years ago and then I went to different rehabs after
• 1:27
  that they Allure McEwen. The one ignored and then I'm
• 1:31
  gonna placement with the same roof and I of thought although
• 1:35
  the go to court my or going to Archway the poor and according
• 1:42
  to us, why the port and they are to do the detox for a couple of
• 1:47
  days and you know, you got the plastic base there and anyone
• 1:51
  was there for seven months. I can talk about it for a little
• 1:56
  while, because now, thing I've got 15 minutes for the This
• 2:02
  rehab was Rumble II members and you know met my first monster in
• 2:07
  there and we run through an II program for three months while
• 2:11
  you're in there. And I know what my first sponsor
• 2:13
  and they are given by mouth, you know, any of em below either
• 2:18
  good man. And and an oil account will come
• 2:23
  and II through through that rehab.
• 2:26
  There were, there were meetings. In that rehab and when I had
• 2:32
  these mailings, or playful coming out the back and then
• 2:35
  we'll happy and laugh and I won't store, you know.
• 2:37
  I could you just P. I so have my place and but also
• 2:43
  political Other clients in there that we're going to meetings
• 2:50
  with with our panel, going to ladies that come back and do
• 2:53
  happy and I must be what they say.
• 2:57
  There was an iron, what you want, what we have in the big
• 3:00
  book, I wanted what I what he has and or what.
• 3:04
  So I kind of came to a meeting a pop done with more sponsor, or
• 3:09
  even got little spots or what at that time.
• 3:15
  And you know, strong Alibi name on him for tomatoes, all the
• 3:18
  sort of scared the lights, wave aeschylus and appends II.
• 3:25
  And they brought Beeman people shook his hand.
• 3:27
  And I shook my hand and I was just just embraced by just just
• 3:32
  another alcoholic and it has been a long journey since he
• 3:38
  saying, what Talking about your past or something for talking
• 3:43
  about recovery. Probably talk for ages on that
• 3:46
  for a lots happened for them. So I seem to be more sponsor
• 3:51
  after all. Is he said, oh, you know, if
• 3:53
  you, if I have to and you know, and I was going to make peace
• 3:58
  with you in our Corner into that, start to go through the
• 4:01
  steps with him because what I saw, what didn't work and I I
• 4:04
  was always that food. That's third step.
• 4:09
  My decision to turn a little more life to the care of going
• 4:12
  over there all the time. What we want in life, that's
• 4:14
  just that's it just, you know, and gratitude in that and
• 4:19
  thought, you know what, I'll always be grateful for but firm.
• 4:22
  It was starting to do steps with other people through the gel and
• 4:27
  Charlie tapes or whatever. But so he got where the Buddha
• 4:32
  steps or decided to do the step stopping with when I wasn't
• 4:36
  really ready. Although was ready to turn.
• 4:39
  What will more flavor to anything?
• 4:43
  What did the steps within? The hey got leaders are brought
• 4:45
  down my life story and at the time I thought, you know what,
• 4:48
  what does this got to do with anything?
• 4:51
  This has got nothing to do with anything.
• 4:54
  It's a silly thing to sit. Well with me and I found it very
• 4:59
  hard. He went through the steps or
• 5:03
  nothing, the way my second spot for did the steps but now I want
• 5:07
  more third sponsor, but when I went through the steps with
• 5:10
  Iran's us Wuzzle Wuzzle lead. Willing to do anything.
• 5:14
  I wasn't willing to do anything. I'll just What you want to go
• 5:20
  out in my commands in the puzzle, I had a belief in God
• 5:23
  because a few things happened in that rehab that that, you know,
• 5:27
  I tried to go at once and, and something happened to later just
• 5:31
  on you, they was, I gone boy. You know, I won't love ourselves
• 5:36
  ever live with my mom and she was asking me about something
• 5:39
  personal. You can't stay long.
• 5:41
  Talk about she's all that, just totally wrong.
• 5:47
  What tracks? And I want to sit this on Town
• 5:50
  and I must have been here then II.
• 5:53
  You know, I can you help me? Because she don't athlean and
• 5:57
  stuff come out of my mouth. So I count the score to you.
• 6:02
  Those just but despite peace. It just takes time over that
• 6:07
  conversation. So I knew there was a God, but
• 6:13
  for that, there are found a very hard to guess or Court couldn't
• 6:17
  go outside. Brought stiff like a lance or
• 6:21
  just couldn't do it or try to go ahead and do it several times
• 6:24
  and I did it with one person and he said to me, always where you
• 6:29
  are. You can make it like after me do
• 6:33
  not swear again because I will swear.
• 6:36
  Before I left the like Nothin up to more only I hear like an
• 6:41
  immense and to me now liking a maze is got so you don't like an
• 6:47
  immense a known donor. You isolate to get off of War
• 6:50
  conscious the wreckage of my past. so, I couldn't I couldn't
• 7:00
  I couldn't make amends and hey, kept on trying to help me do it,
• 7:04
  but I couldn't do it. So it was a period there in in
• 7:07
  my recovery. Where I was going to meetings
• 7:12
  and also try and try my best and doing service and do the best I
• 7:20
  could but I had a a time where I hadn't done the immense or lost
• 7:26
  my job a guy and I made except once jock he said don't can give
• 7:33
  us thank God in title. I and also is silly old for.
• 7:37
  We are, we're talking about got some other time, nothing for me.
• 7:40
  I'll tell you the truth. I was doing the best I could do
• 7:42
  Under the, come on, ladies and that, then my life fell apart.
• 7:46
  As always, don't like, I was doing a hard job, a place Skype
• 7:50
  or I can go on the steel of garden maintenance, you know,
• 7:54
  Iraq and up like with Y sub wire that.
• 7:57
  And thinking I was King day and King David.
• 8:02
  Yeah, I'll still still the best I could in recovery orca.
• 8:07
  Well. Track now. it came to a point
• 8:17
  where I started to have the I had to start rely on God or
• 8:27
  that's the old girl's gone downhill.
• 8:29
  I think things will get worse and worse and I was going to to
• 8:33
  here's this thing. And II want, go to wanting in
• 8:35
  94, follow me, I'll try that because I whales going to a lot
• 8:39
  of lading philologist. Not really amazing person.
• 8:42
  Walk or I can go to a few back then and you know, was possible
• 8:45
  to say that they want. If you don't want to go to a
• 8:47
  wedding, you don't have to go to a lady.
• 8:50
  The phonons communicate they will you feel like the Shag on
• 8:53
  the Rock after Layton's finishing?
• 8:55
  I've talked to and I was uncomfortable in early sobriety.
• 9:01
  I came to a point where I went to a meeting in this 1990 and I
• 9:05
  hadn't done one man's and they don't do no, I hadn't done my
• 9:11
  means. I've busted my shoulder in
• 9:14
  Ninjutsu that I was doing sort of martial art and what sort of
• 9:16
  packed out, because I was doing weights, martial art and the job
• 9:20
  at same time. And, you know, just basically
• 9:24
  destroying what body but I was, you know, big and doing martial
• 9:27
  art and all that having a good time.
• 9:28
  But I just bought a bike physically crike Job, Corps
• 9:34
  store didn't have that and I went to a meeting and after the
• 9:40
  meeting or during the meeting and went out to talk to someone.
• 9:42
  One. And I just couldn't even talk to
• 9:44
  him. I just could I just I was beside
• 9:48
  myself, you know, I couldn't talk to him unless that lading
• 9:51
  or rang oval or Circle, I'll get worse, not better or can't even,
• 9:57
  you know what is going on with me marker?
• 10:02
  1992 me, what wasn't anything? It was getting through that and
• 10:07
  means that really or Heartland needed to get through.
• 10:11
  That means that was what the Matrix like a splinter in your
• 10:14
  life or cause I could not do it. And, hey, I don't know what
• 10:19
  happened with him but things are starting to get getting worse
• 10:23
  and worse and I started our I'll save another member in ions
• 10:28
  going to do service at the Flinders living in the city, and
• 10:31
  all still in service there and get resentful at the old Toms in
• 10:34
  the back and I sometimes giving you talking to you and anyone
• 10:37
  else Oregon there that seemed like it was Angelic point after
• 10:41
  of lading. He, you know, it clap his hands
• 10:44
  will slowly me just real quiet. He seemed like it was Angelic
• 10:48
  but it wasn't. So I asked and I what happened
• 10:54
  is, I've seen an ex-girlfriend of mine and another guy is the
• 10:58
  still with that all big time, and why?
• 11:03
  Big time they want recovery or big-timing.
• 11:05
  Why using basil or separate from here at the three years when I
• 11:10
  was with her and why, but smoking all that escalating
• 11:14
  named intake steel saw her at the beach.
• 11:16
  One line, that was just come right out of the blue, and I saw
• 11:19
  this other door going to that. I used to go.
• 11:21
  It still points. We have a wish to get on the
• 11:24
  heroin, but up, and I highlighted this bike.
• 11:26
  He was a real Favorite things to get worse.
• 11:32
  So I'll set the Barnyard. Can you be my sponsor?
• 11:35
  And he said, you know, I know, but I'll pray for you, you know
• 11:39
  that he did get one. So anyway I went you know that
• 11:44
  filed or whatever and I said don't start to open a cigar to
• 11:49
  this meeting and It's got those medical to hey it started with a
• 11:57
  different spot sir and that was this guy anyway.
• 12:00
  So I went service leaving and you know, just really down and a
• 12:08
  nonmetal second small sir and he was the one that took me through
• 12:11
  the steps. It was a feat, he was the first
• 12:13
  guy that I thought that mating and he said to me or You know,
• 12:17
  how are you? And I are not very good, not
• 12:22
  good at all. Things are just getting worse
• 12:29
  and worse and he said to me, all, will you breathing out here
• 12:33
  in the office? That's good.
• 12:38
  The winter through the matron, a said, to me later on, with my
• 12:41
  lookbook, a person that had a backpack on his back.
• 12:44
  Well, here know, I felt like that.
• 12:47
  After the meeting because I all want to talk to us, I set it on
• 12:52
  my pallet. Yellow light will not want to be
• 12:54
  done, and I'll just went straight over to him and You
• 12:59
  know, and he said, you know, I tell me anything because, you
• 13:02
  know, if you told me what to do, I think your behavior and still
• 13:08
  that kind of, why these days? Don't tell me what to do.
• 13:11
  Some of these public Foods diver talk enough for your opinions on
• 13:18
  things like that. Even the spots are the other
• 13:22
  day, the message comes through some horse people that you don't
• 13:26
  want to hear from and hey. Hey Fabulous.
• 13:29
  I think that's really think these Sensational weather.
• 13:33
  So rounding, tell me what to do is the signal, if you need some
• 13:36
  help. Here's my number and you don't
• 13:38
  want to see where he was a beautiful, like, you know, a
• 13:41
  beautiful goddess taking a lot of people through the steps and
• 13:45
  So the next day and our ranking any say, though, you might come
• 13:50
  down to my place at Waterville and you'll have to get soft
• 13:53
  caught the train from there. So, and I went down there, I'll
• 13:57
  start to go through the steps of even.
• 13:58
  He said to me later on that, he knew that I had the willingness
• 14:01
  to do whatever it took because I took that tramp down there and
• 14:05
  I'll tell you, I would have enough money to swirling it.
• 14:08
  They all would have done anything laying like this.
• 14:11
  Immense was the hardest thing that I've ever had to do.
• 14:17
  They are not. Life is getting pretty hard, but
• 14:20
  if, when you're giving it starts to get a bit, easier takes me a
• 14:25
  lot. Can you give me a lot of pain?
• 14:28
  A lot of, you know, these other voices, you telling me, he
• 14:31
  doesn't want to do anything and all that kind of stuff.
• 14:34
  I went through the Stitch width team that's highly different
• 14:36
  wide enough to run at One Last Story.
• 14:38
  Got rid of all of them with so many asked me to go through, you
• 14:42
  know. I don't want him to go through
• 14:43
  more Steph 444 went through. 104.
• 14:47
  Misty out sample of my first sponsor.
• 14:49
  But anyway, I went through the steps on a totally different way
• 14:53
  that they did with my first sports or in, I felt like after
• 14:57
  that, I started have to pray to a higher power to help me get
• 15:01
  through those domains because I would be sitting in front of a
• 15:04
  firing for half an hour, an hour wanting to ring these people.
• 15:07
  You know, you make the list you go through resentments.
• 15:09
  And if they are I think you need to make amends for this person
• 15:13
  and on what all why and as You do.
• 15:17
  And anyway so I had to start to rely on and pray on this higher
• 15:22
  power or didn't, you know, I've had a contact with in on you was
• 15:26
  there but have been anyway. So I started, you know, I could
• 15:31
  be in that much fear before that the ring they say, well, you
• 15:33
  have a spike on please and you're bringing them up our
• 15:36
  salaam alaikum, if you can lay them later, and someone will say
• 15:40
  well what for or where you want and Eventually fix the final,
• 15:46
  you know Ames harle adrenaline will kindly safe.
• 15:50
  Sometimes I feel a license. It's just kicked in the last
• 15:53
  couple of years and Tarek. You were Governor.
• 15:57
  He's a funny thing that I don't went through.
• 16:00
  Those are means, you know, all of them are went through.
• 16:04
  Probably a few more like to do these days after it went through
• 16:08
  those. A means he, I probably got
• 16:09
  through leaving or fear going out and trusting.
• 16:13
  You know, he more trusting him and also alcohol has rocketed
• 16:19
  into a fourth dimension, really. I see now after 17 years in
• 16:24
  civilly, I just got rid of all of that baggage and craft that
• 16:28
  was on my back and you know even though he's a thief label these
• 16:32
  days I think I've made amends to that, we need to close.
• 16:38
  You know what journey is a finished and I feel like that's
• 16:44
  kind of running to starting or you know, I was going out
• 16:48
  looking so Recovery processes. Yeah just yeah I'll sign layout.
• 16:57
  I feel like I just want to go out now a lots happened since
• 17:02
  that second spot for what we had a bit of a falling out and you
• 17:05
  know why that happened I'll come on over and II and go away from
• 17:11
  when I have that spiritual experience or for that I've got
• 17:14
  rocket into fourth dimension on, got a wife and golf carts on go
• 17:17
  away from this. So people that were talking
• 17:19
  about their problems and II were the idiots and I hadn't found,
• 17:23
  you know, God work on, you know, I thought I'd found God and
• 17:29
  These days are kind of one of those people that have got their
• 17:32
  problems and save it. The office is hard.
• 17:36
  Like a recovery is hard or when I felt my emotions kind of
• 17:40
  kicking in The Last 5 Years or for starters, go to a
• 17:45
  locational. Subordinating oral a lot to
• 17:49
  Garner. A bill feel W story where his
• 17:52
  emotions emotional support to kick the investing in 20 years
• 17:57
  or a thought. He was in deep depression and
• 18:00
  That. Yeah.
• 18:03
  So Well, I've got a third spots are in Hayes Convent or face.
• 18:12
  He's going to soar ecology and all this cool stuff and I'll
• 18:17
  call of dust. Notice given late 1988 and not
• 18:21
  want to want and has given given me a lot.
• 18:25
  I see all of this as God's planning on serving three years
• 18:29
  through recovery. You think you have a girlfriend,
• 18:31
  you think you'd be more spiritual lift on stuff?
• 18:36
  I talked about an AI but under started getting flatter my
• 18:39
  license But I someone set me off at work yesterday and well I'll
• 18:46
  tell you I'll tell you the truth.
• 18:48
  I found it so hard to hold back my drawn.
• 18:52
  What it was, excruciatingly long going later on one of the going
• 18:57
  to kick this person in the face and do this and do that.
• 19:02
  I think I've kind of got away from writing my resentments
• 19:04
  down. And ask God to relieve while
• 19:07
  resentments got away from meditation.
• 19:10
  Go away from service. Yes, I'll go to what leavings
• 19:13
  but It all over here. That heard a couple of people
• 19:17
  lightly so that they don't go on ladies.
• 19:20
  You know, go on, go on work the other day.
• 19:24
  I think it's over this royal blue.
• 19:29
  How can you not go to meetings? How can this is?
• 19:32
  Just to me? This is I always be going
• 19:37
  waiting's over, always trying to get back because you know, I've
• 19:41
  got all of this knowledge and this Freedom through the.
• 19:46
  They say 3 that what I call the steps program of II steps away,
• 19:50
  I has given me freedom and now it's giving me a Lon awfully
• 19:54
  hard to get out there and take this water boiler. the guide us,
• 20:01
  but because of my fear, Here, all of this all of it, the whole
• 20:09
  lot of as probably more stuff on this is all through me.
• 20:15
  Turning more will wear my life. It's care of God cause that's
• 20:18
  probably, that's what I did when I went to my second spots and I
• 20:21
  was in the down and out there on for a little while, just give it
• 20:27
  all to him. Great artist was wrecking
• 20:32
  things. What Molly was a wreck?
• 20:34
  I was losing it. Yeah, I was down and out Nai
• 20:38
  doing service doing this, when I hadn't gone through, you know,
• 20:43
  making that mess right now with this will see everything as
• 20:46
  God's planning and that, it's a real to me.
• 20:51
  It's a real loving loving God. It just lovely to a point where
• 20:55
  it knows exactly what I made. I mean, look how long this has
• 20:59
  gone on for John to do this over.
• 21:02
  Talk trying to go out there and yeah, it's just shows shows
• 21:07
  Whalen the power of prayer. But a big thing for me is pie
• 21:12
  and you know all of ever done is called, just try to put one foot
• 21:16
  in front of our they even while I was in that I love walking
• 21:21
  around, not doing the steps and with a broken shoulder, you
• 21:25
  know? I just wonder what God's given
• 21:26
  me and II suck Soul or my eye sockets that So, surreal down
• 21:33
  and out. You know, I had to go through
• 21:38
  those kind of had to go through the pain to get to the other
• 21:42
  side, the other side and that's just the way I am saying.
• 21:46
  I think I meant even more spots on their talks about being
• 21:48
  stubborn. I've got this corner the voice.
• 21:52
  I think it's watch. All right, voice.
• 21:55
  You know this just for going out there and doing stuff, but I
• 22:00
  want to get it. Go out there now and do stuff.
• 22:03
  And even after fire, for the willingness, the other day of
• 22:07
  even started to do a bit of meditation or cough.
• 22:09
  I've done this now, but I need to get back into more of II and
• 22:14
  have a bit more of balancing a lawful for the night while
• 22:19
  saying psychologist thing. Contrary to All Saints, race,
• 22:21
  oncologists, and face. All colleges that are really
• 22:27
  getting a little benefit to these days.
• 22:29
  She's just said to me the other day, Parker House, the
• 22:33
  balancing, your life, and I have what she said, but then all went
• 22:37
  into all my stuff like I usually do about what's going on at
• 22:40
  work. Unless there was a to Latin.
• 22:43
  But on while I'm on balance is not right in life.
• 22:46
  What I look after myself enough or they you know, just come
• 22:50
  across a new dog, which was like a gift to me and I'm doing stuff
• 22:53
  for him. But I really started later look
• 22:56
  after myself and, you know, Rotation going out into nature,
• 23:02
  going to conventions you noticed and Toronto progress small off
• 23:06
  of got a really good lawyer for those sitting here now.
• 23:08
  And anyway, I'll be gone too long.
• 23:15
  It's all three Gods planning and Here.
• 23:19
  Now, you know, I also forgot the willingness and there's, there's
• 23:25
  more and more tests to come in with a right.
• 23:26
  Not to leave, recoveries progress, not Perfection.
• 23:30
  You don't get, you know, a spiritual awakening overnight
• 23:33
  early in the season in the big ball.
• 23:34
  Spiritual Awakening is on the educational variety of think
• 23:39
  they say and, you know, I'll still get educated and then
• 23:42
  there's a lot of stuff still in May.
• 23:43
  That's that needs to be looked at, but I'll tell you what phone
• 23:47
  coming from. He was going to kill himself.
• 23:54
  Look at it to walk into that, with that sponsor like 5 to 10
• 23:59
  meters behind in walk a little, you know, I told to what my life
• 24:03
  is today, is incredible. Keep on any is will be there.
• 24:11
  I mean, that's what you do. Okay, come on that.
• 24:14
  Good on you. Make a calendar in Cape Town and
• 24:16
  UK unless they are giving away. I thought about about taking
• 24:20
  event on the island, I where I play tennis, you know, they say
• 24:25
  goodbye. Thanks for thanks for letting me
• 24:28
  share. Thanks for that Jason.
• 24:31
  That's all