Latest / Your Thoughts Your Reality / Can Hope Become Legacy? | Legacy — The 10th Silent War | Anne Jolles

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Can Hope Become Legacy? | Legacy — The 10th Silent War | Anne Jolles · Your Thoughts Your Reality

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_03: What do you do with fear you can't fix?
• 0:04
  SPEAKER_03: For military families, there are seasons when you can't control the deployment, the danger, the distance, or what happens next.
• 0:12
  SPEAKER_03: You can only decide what you do with everything you're carrying.
• 0:16
  SPEAKER_03: And sometimes the practice that helps one person survive a difficult chapter becomes something much bigger, something another family can use, something a veteran can walk through, something that keeps helping people long after their original crisis has changed.
• 0:32
  SPEAKER_03: Today's conversation is about legacy, the 10th Silent War, and what happens with the questions that help you find your own footing become a path that helps others, other people find theirs.
• 0:47
  SPEAKER_02: Welcome to Your Thoughts, Your Reality with Michael Cole, the podcast that shines a compassionate light on the journey of veterans battling through life's challenges.
• 0:56
  SPEAKER_02: Michael is a dual elite certified neuroencoding specialist in coaching and keynote training presentations, dedicated to guiding military veterans as they navigate the intricate pathways of post-deployment life.
• 1:08
  SPEAKER_02: Join him as we delve into the profound realm of neuroencoding science, empowering these brave individuals to conquer universal battles, procrastination, self-doubt, fear, and more.
• 1:19
  SPEAKER_02: Together, let's uncover the strength within you to re-engage with families and society, forging a new path forward.
• 1:32
  SPEAKER_03: Anne is the creator of Grace Trail, an award-winning author, life coach, and TEDx speaker.
• 1:38
  SPEAKER_03: The Grace Trail framework was built around five questions: gratitude, release, accept, challenge, and embrace.
• 1:47
  SPEAKER_03: And during her son's combat deployment in Afghanistan, walking and reflection helped Anne navigate fear, uncertainty, and the emotional weight carried by a military family.
• 1:57
  SPEAKER_03: That experience helped inspire the first physical Grace Trail in Plymouth, Massachusetts.
• 2:03
  SPEAKER_03: Today, Grace Trail is used in communities, universities, healthcare settings, and veteran-focused spaces to create reflection, connection, resilience, and hope.
• 2:12
  SPEAKER_03: Anne, welcome to your talk to your reality.
• 2:15
  SPEAKER_00: It's so good to be here.
• 2:16
  SPEAKER_00: And you really did a beautiful intro introduction.
• 2:19
  SPEAKER_00: I think you captured so much of where Grace Trail is today.
• 2:24
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, it's it's amazing to hear me hear you say it's sort of like how does hope become a legacy?
• 2:32
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, that's really what you're talking about is what I needed to cope and what I needed to access hope.
• 2:40
  SPEAKER_00: I built with a trail right in my neighborhood, which has now gone nationwide and helping thousands.
• 2:47
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, that's crazy.
• 2:48
  SPEAKER_00: I never intended it.
• 2:50
  SPEAKER_00: And here it is, and here I am talking to you.
• 2:53
  SPEAKER_00: So thank you for that lovely introduction.
• 2:55
  SPEAKER_03: Absolutely.
• 2:56
  SPEAKER_03: I I you know, when we first talked, I mean, I was so excited for you to come on the show.
• 3:00
  SPEAKER_03: Oh, yeah.
• 3:01
  SPEAKER_03: Because I think this is such a different perspective that people aren't doing or thinking about, and that you created, you know, out of necessity for yourself.
• 3:09
  SPEAKER_03: So I'm I am super excited about today.
• 3:12
  SPEAKER_03: So thank you again for being on.
• 3:14
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, my pleasure.
• 3:15
  SPEAKER_03: The the the five grace questions, you know, first begun during a season of again personal grief and when your son's deployment to Afghanistan helped turn those questions into a physical trail.
• 3:26
  SPEAKER_03: What changed when something private that was helping you specifically cope became, you know, something you felt needed to exist for other people?
• 3:36
  SPEAKER_00: Well, it's fascinating because it's not something that falls like a linear path, like how the heck did this happen?
• 3:44
  SPEAKER_00: Because I say that I look at my husband, I go, how the heck did this happen?
• 3:47
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 3:48
  SPEAKER_00: It's really unbelievable.
• 3:50
  SPEAKER_00: And you know, it actually started like in 2000 when I was struggling and said I need to step into state of grace.
• 3:56
  SPEAKER_00: And that's where the five words came.
• 3:59
  SPEAKER_00: It was an acronym, gratitude, release, accept, challenge, and embrace.
• 4:02
  SPEAKER_00: I saw those words in the word brace.
• 4:04
  SPEAKER_00: I'm not religious, but I knew I was so stuck and I couldn't move on.
• 4:08
  SPEAKER_00: And this was totally before my son was deployed.
• 4:12
  SPEAKER_00: And then I saw the five questions, started asking the five questions that go with those beautiful words.
• 4:18
  SPEAKER_00: And every time I asked, they helped me.
• 4:21
  SPEAKER_00: My husband and I started walking it together, and instead of, yes, instead of the pain that we were experiencing, our family's challenges blowing us apart, it gave us words and questions and a conversation that pulled us closer together.
• 4:39
  SPEAKER_00: That's that yeah, I love it.
• 4:42
  SPEAKER_00: And my husband will tell you that same thing.
• 4:45
  SPEAKER_00: And so, fast forward 2012, my son Rob is deployed in combat every day for a year in Afghanistan, looking for the IEDs and the road.
• 4:56
  SPEAKER_00: And it was horrible.
• 4:57
  SPEAKER_00: It was just a horrible time for me.
• 4:58
  SPEAKER_00: And I found myself stumbling again, like, oh man, how do you do this one?
• 5:03
  SPEAKER_00: And happened to read an article, Mike, about the Appalachian Mountain Trail.
• 5:07
  SPEAKER_00: And the question was, who's walking the trail?
• 5:10
  SPEAKER_00: Now, this was just coincidence.
• 5:11
  SPEAKER_00: I'm reading this article, and it the answer is it's a whole lot of veterans walking off their war.
• 5:16
  SPEAKER_00: I was like, oh, really?
• 5:18
  SPEAKER_00: Where do I go walk off my war?
• 5:20
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm not comparing combat and that war to my struggles, okay?
• 5:26
  SPEAKER_00: But metaphorically, I was at war inside, you know?
• 5:30
  SPEAKER_00: And I said, Well, I can't get out to the Appalachian Mountain Trail, so I think I'm gonna make my own trail right here.
• 5:36
  SPEAKER_00: And I live in Plymouth, I live near the harbor.
• 5:39
  SPEAKER_00: I went down the beach, I picked a big granite rock, road gratitude.
• 5:43
  SPEAKER_00: What are you grateful for?
• 5:45
  SPEAKER_00: Release, what do you need to release?
• 5:47
  SPEAKER_00: Accept third question, accept what do you need to accept?
• 5:51
  SPEAKER_00: Fourth one, challenge.
• 5:53
  SPEAKER_00: How do I need to challenge myself to move forward?
• 5:56
  SPEAKER_00: And E is embrace.
• 5:57
  SPEAKER_00: What can I embrace as possible?
• 5:59
  SPEAKER_00: And I took these big rocks, I put them along a big, beautiful trail right along the harbor.
• 6:07
  SPEAKER_00: I hand wrote a map, wrote Grace Trail, put it on both ends, fully expected to cease and desist and should have got it because I didn't own the land.
• 6:16
  SPEAKER_00: And I started walking it.
• 6:19
  SPEAKER_00: I had to be outside, I had to have nature talking to me, the universe, the sun, the wind, as I asked those questions.
• 6:28
  SPEAKER_00: I created a space that was quiet so I could actually hear my own answers.
• 6:33
  SPEAKER_00: And that's what Grace Trail did for me.
• 6:36
  SPEAKER_00: And apparently that's what it did for many others.
• 6:39
  SPEAKER_00: Now I have a book, and I had been speaking about this, and people started showing up, Mike.
• 6:45
  SPEAKER_00: You know, if you build it, they will come.
• 6:47
  SPEAKER_00: Well, I had no idea.
• 6:51
  SPEAKER_00: I had no idea that was going to happen.
• 6:53
  SPEAKER_00: Wasn't part of my plan.
• 6:54
  SPEAKER_00: I went out there, I found military families walking.
• 6:58
  SPEAKER_00: I found a actually military, they were spouses of military personnel.
• 7:05
  SPEAKER_00: And they would they had my book and they were walking from question to question with the book and asking and answering the questions.
• 7:11
  SPEAKER_00: And yeah, it was I found wedding parties, family reunions, graduation parties, divorce groups, grief groups.
• 7:20
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, I was like, this is crazy what's going on.
• 7:24
  SPEAKER_00: And that's when I knew I had something because it took a life of its own.
• 7:29
  SPEAKER_00: And, you know, something certainly that was like a lifeline to me was now becoming a lifeline for others.
• 7:38
  SPEAKER_00: And so that's the origin story that I feel like people need to understand where the whole thing came from.
• 7:45
  SPEAKER_00: Um because you hear grace and you think of, yeah, I got to say grace after meals.
• 7:49
  SPEAKER_00: It has nothing to do with this.
• 7:50
  SPEAKER_00: This is a practical grace process that takes me towards hope and possibility when I ask these questions.
• 7:59
  SPEAKER_03: Absolutely love it.
• 8:00
  SPEAKER_03: And you know what?
• 8:01
  SPEAKER_03: I'm just gonna I'm just gonna say it in today's world now.
• 8:06
  SPEAKER_03: People are this is so needed.
• 8:08
  SPEAKER_03: Whether you're a veteran, whether you're a silent hero, the a family of a veteran, uh, that that honestly people forget about, you know, they don't focus on that.
• 8:17
  SPEAKER_03: And that's one of my focuses, obviously, for a reason because that's what I was, you know, with my father.
• 8:22
  SPEAKER_03: So I absolutely love what you're doing.
• 8:23
  SPEAKER_03: So thank you.
• 8:24
  SPEAKER_03: What I want to get into if we can is I want to teach base on each of the questions.
• 8:31
  SPEAKER_03: And just so even if people aren't, you know what, make your own grace trail in your backyard if there's not one near you.
• 8:37
  SPEAKER_03: You know what I mean?
• 8:38
  SPEAKER_03: Or, you know, out of parts, you know, or something like that.
• 8:41
  SPEAKER_03: I think number one, anytime you're walking and moving, it's a beautiful thing, both physically and emotionally.
• 8:47
  SPEAKER_03: It really helps the brain with so many different things.
• 8:50
  SPEAKER_03: And then I don't, I I can't even talk enough about what how much it changes when you're in nature.
• 8:56
  SPEAKER_03: Right, right.
• 8:57
  SPEAKER_03: Because it just those combinations are one of the most healing and one of the most centering things you can do for yourself.
• 9:03
  SPEAKER_03: Right.
• 9:03
  SPEAKER_03: So, I mean, this is just perfect.
• 9:06
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, it's absolutely love.
• 9:07
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, so let's get into gratitude.
• 9:10
  SPEAKER_03: So, you know, Grace Trail starts with gratitude, and I can't think of a better place to start truly than to put people in that state, right?
• 9:20
  SPEAKER_00: That's right.
• 9:20
  SPEAKER_00: That's right.
• 9:21
  SPEAKER_03: When someone is scared, grieving, angry, or just living with uncertainty, gratitude can sound, you know, almost weird, insulting.
• 9:29
  SPEAKER_03: Um out in the, you know, why would I even be thinking about that, right?
• 9:33
  SPEAKER_03: Right.
• 9:33
  SPEAKER_03: So I wanted to hear this from you is why begin there and how do you practice gratitude without using it to deny what you're struggling with?
• 9:41
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 9:42
  SPEAKER_00: So why begin there?
• 9:43
  SPEAKER_00: Because that's what was downloaded to me that day.
• 9:46
  SPEAKER_00: That's why we began there.
• 9:48
  SPEAKER_00: It has, I say all the time, I'm so grateful that grace begins with gratitude.
• 9:55
  SPEAKER_00: Because what better way to enter a conversation is what's going right in your life.
• 10:00
  SPEAKER_00: So you're right.
• 10:01
  SPEAKER_00: I, you know, I've worked with a lot of cancer survivors.
• 10:04
  SPEAKER_00: I'm a cancer survivor.
• 10:05
  SPEAKER_00: I always feel funny saying to this group of people with ports and you know, sick, what are you grateful for?
• 10:11
  SPEAKER_00: And I think they're going to be like, get out of here.
• 10:14
  SPEAKER_00: And totally it's always a quiet.
• 10:17
  SPEAKER_00: And then they start, they look towards each other, and the energy in the room just goes like this.
• 10:22
  SPEAKER_00: And then I can't shut them up because it's such a wonderful feeling to actually get in touch with what is going right in your life, even if it's little, I'm alive today, right?
• 10:34
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, even if I woke up on the right side of the dirt.
• 10:36
  SPEAKER_03: Yes.
• 10:36
  SPEAKER_00: I'm breathing.
• 10:37
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 10:38
  SPEAKER_00: And so what gratitude does is for me, it helps people to plant their feet firmly on the ground.
• 10:46
  SPEAKER_00: What's going right in this moment brings them into the present moment, it calms their nervous system down so that they can then take a deep breath and start walking towards the rest of the questions, which aren't as easy or pleasant always as gratitude.
• 11:04
  SPEAKER_00: So I like to say gratitude being the first question sets people up to process what comes next.
• 11:11
  SPEAKER_00: Because each of the questions, I I like to consider it like a waterfall, a cascading effect.
• 11:18
  SPEAKER_00: Gratitude, yeah, gratitude will affect your answers on all the other questions because you're in a better place asking them.
• 11:28
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, so it's a it's a wonderful, wonderful first step on the grace trail.
• 11:34
  SPEAKER_00: Absolutely.
• 11:35
  SPEAKER_03: I I think it literally it is again, I think it is you could not come up with a better way to start.
• 11:42
  SPEAKER_03: I really don't.
• 11:43
  SPEAKER_03: So here's the brain science fact.
• 11:46
  SPEAKER_03: You cannot be upset about something and grateful at the same time.
• 11:49
  SPEAKER_03: It is literally impossible for your brain to do that.
• 11:52
  SPEAKER_00: That's nice.
• 11:54
  SPEAKER_03: So if you start there, the rest the the you're setting yourself up for success.
• 12:00
  SPEAKER_03: So I absolutely love that.
• 12:01
  SPEAKER_03: Um let's go into go ahead.
• 12:03
  unknown: Go ahead.
• 12:04
  SPEAKER_00: Nope.
• 12:04
  SPEAKER_00: I was gonna say it's sort of is the expression be where your feet are, folks.
• 12:08
  SPEAKER_00: It's like be right there where your little feet are instead of what happened, what's gonna happen, what's that, you know, it's just like be right there, you know, what's going right.
• 12:17
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, so I'm with you.
• 12:19
  SPEAKER_03: Okay, so the second step, and I think what I'm gonna do, Anne, if we have time at the end, then we will go through the the process, or I will go through the process.
• 12:27
  SPEAKER_03: I just want to make sure we have time to explain all these things so people do have the opportunity to do it for themselves.
• 12:32
  SPEAKER_03: So the second step is release.
• 12:35
  SPEAKER_03: You know, for military families and veterans, there are you know things you can't simply just let go.
• 12:40
  SPEAKER_03: It's not that easy for most people unless they've been trained or know the skill sets to do it.
• 12:44
  SPEAKER_03: Right.
• 12:44
  SPEAKER_03: So, what does release actually mean when the fear, memory, responsibility is real and impacting?
• 12:50
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 12:51
  SPEAKER_00: So when you have a challenge and you say, What do I need to release?
• 12:57
  SPEAKER_00: It sort of falls into two bundles.
• 12:59
  SPEAKER_00: The first bundle is what's in my control?
• 13:02
  SPEAKER_00: And the second bundle is what's out of my control?
• 13:05
  SPEAKER_00: And that's what you're talking about.
• 13:07
  SPEAKER_00: You know, it's with caregivers, it's with military families.
• 13:10
  SPEAKER_00: There's a lot out of your control.
• 13:13
  SPEAKER_00: But somehow that's where we all focus.
• 13:16
  SPEAKER_00: What's out of our control, right?
• 13:17
  SPEAKER_00: Let's just keep focusing on what we have no control over and be just as frustrated.
• 13:22
  SPEAKER_00: So I ask people to focus on what is in your control.
• 13:27
  SPEAKER_00: Put your energy there, put your focus there, and because the other is what you have to let go of.
• 13:36
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 13:36
  SPEAKER_00: So you put all of your agency, your imagination, everything.
• 13:40
  SPEAKER_00: What is in my control, right?
• 13:44
  SPEAKER_00: Let go of even for an hour, five minutes, or whatever, whatever, what's out of your control.
• 13:50
  SPEAKER_00: Because when I speak with caregivers and they say, How do I let go of that?
• 13:54
  SPEAKER_00: I can't.
• 13:54
  SPEAKER_00: I say, Well, you can for an hour.
• 13:56
  SPEAKER_00: Let's set it up where you get freedom for an hour.
• 13:59
  SPEAKER_00: That's in your control.
• 14:00
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, when you come home, it's going to be the same.
• 14:03
  SPEAKER_00: But if you put your energy, the hallmark of resilience is someone who can, in the middle of a challenge, say what's in my control and what do I need to focus on?
• 14:13
  SPEAKER_00: Let go of the rest.
• 14:14
  SPEAKER_00: That's the essence of release.
• 14:17
  SPEAKER_03: Awesome.
• 14:18
  SPEAKER_03: I absolutely, you know, but I want to add something to this, and it's going to go for each of these questions.
• 14:24
  SPEAKER_03: And maybe you can use this when you're doing this as well.
• 14:26
  SPEAKER_03: But when when we celebrate, and even more so, just smile.
• 14:32
  SPEAKER_03: So when you smile, there are 22 muscles in your face that actually, when you smile, your brain doesn't know anything else that you're smiling.
• 14:39
  SPEAKER_03: So it can even be fake.
• 14:40
  SPEAKER_03: And your brain releases this amazing cocktail of hormones and things that your brain then is going, what just happened?
• 14:48
  SPEAKER_03: I want more of that.
• 14:50
  SPEAKER_03: And literally your brain starts looking for it in the future.
• 14:53
  SPEAKER_03: So if you're going through Grace Trail or going through anything in life and you stop and smile, it automatically will start changing your state without you doing literally anything else.
• 15:03
  SPEAKER_03: So if you can smile while you're doing this, and it will literally start creating and strengthening neural pathways in your brain to look for these things in everyday life.
• 15:16
  SPEAKER_03: So I just wanted to give that quick tip because I think just adding that in might be a fantastic thing for Grace.
• 15:23
  SPEAKER_03: And again, anybody doing anything in life.
• 15:25
  SPEAKER_03: So thank you, thank you again.
• 15:26
  SPEAKER_03: So thank you.
• 15:27
  SPEAKER_03: Um we're gonna move on to accept.
• 15:29
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 15:30
  SPEAKER_03: So accept, how do you explain the difference between accepting reality and proving of and approving of it, surrendering to it, right?
• 15:38
  SPEAKER_03: Or giving up hope that gives that things can change.
• 15:42
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 15:43
  SPEAKER_00: So it's it's it's a great question.
• 15:45
  SPEAKER_00: Those are great questions because what do I need to accept?
• 15:48
  SPEAKER_00: Well, you know, we all these days have a lot we need to accept.
• 15:53
  SPEAKER_00: And I can't tell people what to accept, or even you know, you hear people say get over it.
• 16:00
  SPEAKER_00: It's like, oh, come on, you can't force acceptance.
• 16:03
  SPEAKER_00: Acceptance comes in its own time, sometimes it never comes.
• 16:08
  SPEAKER_00: So I love people to picture a spectrum.
• 16:10
  SPEAKER_00: On one end of the spectrum is denial, on the other end of the spectrum is acceptance.
• 16:17
  SPEAKER_00: I like denial, okay?
• 16:19
  SPEAKER_00: It works sometimes, very short term, doesn't work long time.
• 16:23
  SPEAKER_00: So the first step towards acceptance is acknowledgement.
• 16:28
  SPEAKER_00: Be aware of what is.
• 16:31
  SPEAKER_00: That's acknowledgement.
• 16:32
  SPEAKER_00: I grew up with an alcoholic mother.
• 16:35
  SPEAKER_00: It took me 20 years to accept that.
• 16:37
  SPEAKER_00: But what I could do was acknowledge the situation and do what I could do to cope.
• 16:43
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 16:44
  SPEAKER_00: So the very first step is to move out of denial, which a lot of people do with numbing themselves and whatever, and and actually increase your self-awareness to say, oh, it is what it is.
• 17:00
  SPEAKER_00: It's right there.
• 17:01
  SPEAKER_00: I see it.
• 17:02
  SPEAKER_00: You might not like it, you might not be able to change it, but it is what it is.
• 17:07
  SPEAKER_00: So that's the first step towards acceptance.
• 17:10
  SPEAKER_00: And like I said, you can't force acceptance.
• 17:12
  SPEAKER_00: It's going to come in its own time.
• 17:14
  SPEAKER_00: And I was walking a grace trail at the VA in Brockton, Massachusetts, because they're putting in a grace trail, the Michael Lawson Memorial Grace Trail.
• 17:25
  SPEAKER_00: They're putting that in next, or they're working on it now.
• 17:28
  SPEAKER_00: It'll be done in May.
• 17:29
  SPEAKER_00: But we had a pop-up event where I put up signs, the five questions along the veteran circle.
• 17:35
  SPEAKER_00: And this gentleman, a veteran, joined us, and he was in a wheelchair.
• 17:39
  SPEAKER_00: We got to acceptance, and he just sat there and he said, This is really interesting because for five years I've been so pissed off about this chair.
• 17:52
  SPEAKER_00: He said, I just realized I'm accepting of it, and I'm so much happier.
• 17:59
  SPEAKER_00: But it took me five years.
• 18:01
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, that's the stuff I'm hearing.
• 18:03
  SPEAKER_00: You know, it's like that's that's it.
• 18:06
  SPEAKER_00: You can't force it, but you can be with what is as part of the process of accepting.
• 18:13
  SPEAKER_03: I love that.
• 18:14
  SPEAKER_03: So, you know, for for people that how do I say this, are are don't know how to find it, right?
• 18:26
  SPEAKER_03: What is one of the skill sets that you use or you teach people to use to move out of literal denial of you know, this isn't happening, this isn't real, whatever the case may be.
• 18:41
  SPEAKER_03: Because when you lean into it, and you're right, it does not happen automatically, it does not, it's it's gonna happen you're on your own time, and it's gonna happen when you are ready for it.
• 18:50
  SPEAKER_03: Because sometimes you're literally not ready for it, is you know, because people say all the time is, oh man, I wish I would have known that two years ago.
• 18:58
  SPEAKER_03: Well, you probably weren't ready for it two years ago because now it's coming to you for a reason, right?
• 19:03
  SPEAKER_03: Right.
• 19:04
  SPEAKER_03: So, what are some things that you maybe can can give tips on how to kind of just really move into that acceptance?
• 19:12
  SPEAKER_00: Well, it's a really complex question you're asking because it depends on where the person is, and everyone's at a different place and coping in different ways just to get through the situation they're in.
• 19:24
  SPEAKER_00: And I mean, for me, the best thing that I can do is actually put quiet time, maybe five minutes, and just get quiet in my brain.
• 19:36
  SPEAKER_00: And you know, that's a great time.
• 19:38
  SPEAKER_00: You don't have to be walking a grace trail.
• 19:41
  SPEAKER_00: You can sit in your kitchen, you can sit in a quiet corner and ask the questions.
• 19:47
  SPEAKER_00: You may not have the answers, okay?
• 19:50
  SPEAKER_00: And that's okay.
• 19:51
  SPEAKER_00: But what I have found is the silence and allowing your brain to calm the noise down so you can hear some of these answers that are sometimes very difficult to hear.
• 20:06
  SPEAKER_00: That's how I know it happens for me.
• 20:10
  SPEAKER_00: And what I'm hearing from impact statements or stories people are telling me is that for them, when they first started walking the grace trail, they had a hard time with gratitude.
• 20:24
  SPEAKER_00: Well, every time you walk the grace trail, your answer is going to be different.
• 20:29
  SPEAKER_00: And as you ask these questions and then walk to the next letter and ask the next question, again, it's an impact, it's a slow peeling away of all of the defenses and all of the forts you've built around yourself, brick by brick.
• 20:49
  SPEAKER_00: You can start to take them down just by simply having the intention when you start the grace trail of I'm gonna be courageous, open my heart, I'm gonna be quiet, I'm gonna listen for my own answers.
• 21:05
  SPEAKER_00: That's what I hear.
• 21:07
  SPEAKER_00: And I have a great story.
• 21:08
  SPEAKER_00: Do I have time for a story?
• 21:10
  SPEAKER_03: Absolutely do.
• 21:11
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 21:12
  SPEAKER_00: So we've really made a lot of progress in collecting stories from people, and we've put them on my website on an impact page.
• 21:21
  SPEAKER_00: And the top of the page is this gentleman named Chris.
• 21:24
  SPEAKER_00: I'm not telling secrets.
• 21:26
  SPEAKER_00: He wrote a book.
• 21:26
  SPEAKER_00: I'm still here, it's called.
• 21:28
  SPEAKER_00: And he's dedicated a whole chapter to Grace Trail in the book.
• 21:32
  SPEAKER_00: So he was down in DC and he had two suicide attempts.
• 21:37
  SPEAKER_00: And his sister went down and brought him home and said, Look, you know, whatever.
• 21:43
  SPEAKER_00: He had two hospitalizations here in Boston.
• 21:46
  SPEAKER_00: Again, it's in his book.
• 21:47
  SPEAKER_00: I'm not telling secrets.
• 21:50
  SPEAKER_00: And his sister picked him up and said, Come on, we got some rocks that want to talk to you because the grace trail now, the grace trail now is going out, the one here in front.
• 22:00
  SPEAKER_00: Plymouth, we've just upgraded it to 300-pound boulders that say engraved.
• 22:04
  SPEAKER_00: Gratitude.
• 22:05
  SPEAKER_00: What are you grateful for?
• 22:06
  SPEAKER_00: And so she said, Come on, we got some rocks that want to talk to you.
• 22:09
  SPEAKER_00: Talk about a pattern interrupt.
• 22:11
  SPEAKER_00: About what?
• 22:12
  SPEAKER_00: Talk about a pattern interrupt.
• 22:14
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 22:14
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, oh, yeah.
• 22:15
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, no credit.
• 22:16
  SPEAKER_00: Huh?
• 22:16
  SPEAKER_03: What?
• 22:17
  SPEAKER_00: Exactly.
• 22:18
  SPEAKER_00: So he started walking Grace Trail.
• 22:21
  SPEAKER_00: And at first he said he thought it was woo-woo.
• 22:23
  SPEAKER_00: He thought it was stupid.
• 22:24
  SPEAKER_00: It was a hippie thing.
• 22:25
  SPEAKER_00: Came every day.
• 22:27
  SPEAKER_00: Slowly over time, walking in a beautiful area and asking those questions.
• 22:34
  SPEAKER_00: He credits it, Grace Trail, and walk, committing to walking it and asking those questions, even though in the beginning he didn't believe in it, to actually creating a path that walked him towards health.
• 22:48
  SPEAKER_00: And it's a beautiful story.
• 22:50
  SPEAKER_00: It's all on my impact page.
• 22:51
  SPEAKER_00: And that's what I'm hearing from people is that I say trust the trail.
• 22:57
  SPEAKER_00: You know, just trust the trail.
• 22:59
  SPEAKER_00: And the first rule on Grace Trail is you don't have to share your answers with anyone else if you don't want to.
• 23:06
  SPEAKER_00: Keep it private.
• 23:07
  SPEAKER_00: Keep it private till you're ready to talk about it.
• 23:09
  SPEAKER_00: And trust the questions.
• 23:12
  SPEAKER_00: Start asking them.
• 23:14
  SPEAKER_00: And see what I love to do is I like to say, ask the question, start to walk, listen for your answer.
• 23:21
  SPEAKER_00: That's why walking is wonderful.
• 23:23
  SPEAKER_00: It gives you that nice gap.
• 23:25
  SPEAKER_00: It gives you distractions, the birds, the water, the sunshine.
• 23:30
  SPEAKER_00: As you're you're looking around and relaxing because it's so nice, your brain's working on the answer to the question.
• 23:36
  SPEAKER_00: That's what I love about the walking, the walking outside and asking powerful questions.
• 23:42
  SPEAKER_00: Because your brain, you may not know it, but is looking for those answers.
• 23:46
  SPEAKER_03: Absolutely.
• 23:47
  SPEAKER_03: Subconsciously or consciously.
• 23:49
  SPEAKER_03: Absolutely.
• 23:50
  SPEAKER_00: Right, exactly.
• 23:51
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 23:52
  SPEAKER_03: Well, I love the story too.
• 23:53
  SPEAKER_03: Thank you.
• 23:53
  SPEAKER_03: So I'm gonna let's move on to the challenge question.
• 23:57
  SPEAKER_03: What is what is my next challenge?
• 23:59
  SPEAKER_03: Why do you think narrowing life down to one next challenge can be powerful when uncertainty makes the whole future really feel overwhelming?
• 24:08
  SPEAKER_03: And I I love this, by the way.
• 24:10
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, well, this challenge question is not about your to-do list, okay?
• 24:15
  SPEAKER_00: It's not what's my next challenge.
• 24:16
  SPEAKER_00: Oh my God, I gotta do that.
• 24:19
  SPEAKER_00: No, this is what's the challenge of my choice to move me in the direction that I would intend to go.
• 24:26
  SPEAKER_00: Move that's that's the difference.
• 24:27
  SPEAKER_00: It's it's an aware, awake, conscious decision of where do I want to put my precious energies?
• 24:34
  SPEAKER_00: Where do I want to put my resources?
• 24:36
  SPEAKER_00: Who do I want to direct my precious energy towards?
• 24:40
  SPEAKER_00: It's it's really, I love to say, the other C's on challenge are courage, compassion, commitment, creativity.
• 24:51
  SPEAKER_00: This is where you really wake up and go, wow, look what I've been doing with my time.
• 24:56
  SPEAKER_00: What if I took one small step in the direction of my choice?
• 25:02
  SPEAKER_00: How would that change the path?
• 25:06
  SPEAKER_00: And yeah.
• 25:08
  SPEAKER_03: Love it.
• 25:09
  SPEAKER_00: It changes it, yes.
• 25:10
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, absolutely love it.
• 25:12
  SPEAKER_03: So the final question is embrace, right?
• 25:15
  SPEAKER_03: Yes.
• 25:15
  SPEAKER_03: What can I embrace as possible?
• 25:17
  SPEAKER_03: Or how do you help someone imagine possibility without drifting into false positivity or promising that everything is just gonna work out?
• 25:24
  SPEAKER_03: Right.
• 25:25
  SPEAKER_03: So talk about that, please.
• 25:26
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, so what can I embrace as possible?
• 25:30
  SPEAKER_00: No self-doubts, no negative talk, nothing.
• 25:34
  SPEAKER_00: What if so?
• 25:35
  SPEAKER_00: Let's take this down to the first grade level.
• 25:38
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, let's take it down to first grade because we do have elementary school kids walking the grace trail in in Connecticut.
• 25:45
  SPEAKER_00: They have a grace trail around their elementary school.
• 25:48
  SPEAKER_00: I visited them in May and walked the grace trail with them.
• 25:51
  SPEAKER_00: You can't imagine what kindergartners actually how deep they answer these questions, okay?
• 25:58
  SPEAKER_00: It's so cool.
• 25:59
  SPEAKER_00: So to them, I'd say, hey, if you had a magic wand, what could make you stronger?
• 26:07
  SPEAKER_00: What can make you smarter?
• 26:08
  SPEAKER_00: What could make you enjoy life more?
• 26:11
  SPEAKER_00: What would be totally cool to do?
• 26:14
  SPEAKER_00: What would that's what you can embrace as possible in your life?
• 26:18
  SPEAKER_00: We're not saying it's a goal, we're saying what's possible.
• 26:22
  SPEAKER_00: And here in Plymouth, I say just look out at the horizon and just look at that beautiful, it's infinite the possibilities.
• 26:32
  SPEAKER_00: What can you embrace as possible in your life?
• 26:34
  SPEAKER_00: So this is where you get to invite your imagination onto the grace trail with no one criticizing, no one giving advice, no one judging you.
• 26:44
  SPEAKER_00: What's possible in your precious life?
• 26:47
  SPEAKER_03: Love it.
• 26:48
  SPEAKER_03: That is that that's fantastic.
• 26:50
  SPEAKER_03: And gosh, the the the beauty of someone in in kindergarten or first grade or something that young and learning how to think this way is just, I mean, that's a that's a generational game changer right there.
• 27:05
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, it is.
• 27:06
  SPEAKER_00: So I grew up I grew up in an alcoholic home, okay?
• 27:10
  SPEAKER_00: And I was determined to break the cycle of addiction, right?
• 27:14
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, even when I was like a teenager, I was like, I'm not doing this crazy shit, you know, this is ridiculous, right?
• 27:23
  SPEAKER_00: So here now to see elementary school kids learning this.
• 27:30
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm telling you, I mean, I had it at third grader say to me, so we were like, What are you grateful for?
• 27:36
  SPEAKER_00: She says, I'm so grateful for my sister.
• 27:38
  SPEAKER_00: I was like, Oh, that's nice.
• 27:39
  SPEAKER_00: She goes, She died last year.
• 27:41
  SPEAKER_00: I'm like, oh.
• 27:42
  SPEAKER_00: And she said, I'm so grateful for the time I had her.
• 27:47
  SPEAKER_00: I'm like, you know, it's unbelievable.
• 27:51
  SPEAKER_00: So the really nice thing was this year, so they've had their grace trail three years, I believe.
• 27:58
  SPEAKER_00: And they also have them in the classrooms now because they do have something called trail kits.
• 28:02
  SPEAKER_00: You could put the signs up in the classroom.
• 28:04
  SPEAKER_00: So they they walk their grace trail throughout the day.
• 28:08
  SPEAKER_00: And yeah, it's very cool.
• 28:10
  SPEAKER_00: And the principal called me and said, Ian, you're not going to believe this, but we have a legacy project going on where the kids that are the oldest, the two oldest grades are moving on to the middle school.
• 28:23
  SPEAKER_00: And we've given them the challenge and the commitment, whatever they want, to design a mural and work with an artist.
• 28:31
  SPEAKER_00: A community artist came in, and they they have Grace Trail running up the center of their mural.
• 28:39
  SPEAKER_00: There's a trail in their little feet running up.
• 28:42
  SPEAKER_00: He said they've actually incorporated into their time here at Westwood Elementary School and how they've grown.
• 28:50
  SPEAKER_00: And you can see it all again on my website.
• 28:53
  SPEAKER_00: I keep saying that, but it's right, it's right there on the impact page.
• 28:57
  SPEAKER_00: It's a beautiful mural designed by the kids, their words, their thoughts, their reality.
• 29:04
  SPEAKER_00: And they're taking it to middle school, which is so cool.
• 29:08
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, just think if you had that in middle school, like how different it would be.
• 29:15
  SPEAKER_00: And then, you know, yeah, and to think, what can you embrace is possible, right, guys?
• 29:20
  SPEAKER_00: I never thought that was I never thought when I started this that was happening.
• 29:26
  SPEAKER_00: And and also to have the the Grace Trail going in onto a VA here in Boston on the VA campus.
• 29:33
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, that's that just makes my heart like so happy.
• 29:37
  SPEAKER_00: Um talk about impact.
• 29:39
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, yeah, talk about impact.
• 29:42
  SPEAKER_00: So yeah, it's it's beautiful.
• 29:44
  SPEAKER_03: Absolutely is.
• 29:46
  SPEAKER_03: So I we're we're at time, but I'd like to ask one more question and then we'll close out.
• 29:51
  SPEAKER_03: We won't have time for me to go down Grace Trail, but I will tell you this I have 13 acres where I live.
• 29:56
  SPEAKER_03: I'm gonna create a grace trail out here.
• 29:57
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, sounds great.
• 29:58
  SPEAKER_00: As long as it's for your private use, you can do that.
• 30:01
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, absolutely.
• 30:02
  SPEAKER_03: Just just for just for my family, absolutely.
• 30:05
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, because if anything more, have people call me because it's a whole licensing process and it's a beautiful process, and I'd love, I'd love to put them in.
• 30:15
  SPEAKER_03: Thank you for for letting me know that I do appreciate it.
• 30:18
  SPEAKER_03: Um, so one of the the ideas around Grace Trail is that when people walk together, they ask questions and then listen.
• 30:26
  SPEAKER_03: Now I know some people just it's just for themselves, but when they're ready to talk, they talk, right?
• 30:30
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, so it's just you know asking questions and then listening to the people they're with, right?
• 30:35
  SPEAKER_03: No fixing, no interrupting, no turning into advice.
• 30:38
  SPEAKER_03: No, what happens in a military family or better community when people finally feel heard, right?
• 30:44
  SPEAKER_03: Feel seen without someone trying to solve them.
• 30:49
  SPEAKER_00: Well, that is exactly the rule is no judgment, no criticism, no advice on the grace trail.
• 30:57
  SPEAKER_00: This is about people finding their own answers.
• 31:00
  SPEAKER_00: And I did have a veteran reach out to me, he didn't want to say it in person.
• 31:04
  SPEAKER_00: He wrote to me and he said, Ann, release.
• 31:07
  SPEAKER_00: Let me tell you about release.
• 31:09
  SPEAKER_00: I was successful in the military because I was angry.
• 31:16
  SPEAKER_00: And my anger was my fuel.
• 31:19
  SPEAKER_00: And I got things done and I powered through things that other humans couldn't.
• 31:25
  SPEAKER_00: And now it's getting heavier and heavier and heavier to carry this anger, and it's not working.
• 31:32
  SPEAKER_00: And I need to let go of it, and that's just the first step is the awareness.
• 31:38
  SPEAKER_00: And you know, I I just know from my son that veterans carry very different things than other people.
• 31:49
  SPEAKER_01: Absolutely.
• 31:50
  SPEAKER_00: And just acknowledging that and giving them the space they need to find their footing on their own trail and find their voice and their answers is the gift and the power of Grace Trail.
• 32:04
  SPEAKER_03: Absolutely love it.
• 32:05
  SPEAKER_03: Absolutely love it.
• 32:06
  SPEAKER_03: So, and for everyone listening who wants to experience Grace Trail, you know, bring a trail or guided experience into their community school, care organization, or yeah.
• 32:16
  SPEAKER_03: I mean, there's so many opportunities, veteran groups, or just want more about your book and work.
• 32:21
  SPEAKER_03: What's the best way they can connect with you?
• 32:24
  SPEAKER_00: They can go to gracetrail.com.
• 32:27
  SPEAKER_00: Gracetrail.com, we just finished, brand new.
• 32:30
  SPEAKER_00: The paint is still wet on gracetrail.com.
• 32:33
  SPEAKER_00: And it's any any questions you have can be answered there.
• 32:36
  SPEAKER_00: If you can't find your answer, you can email me at Ann at Gracetrail.com.
• 32:41
  SPEAKER_00: And but there's an inquiry form there if people want to actually put a custom trail into an organization or community.
• 32:48
  SPEAKER_00: There's a there's an inquiry form.
• 32:51
  SPEAKER_00: I have something called Trail Shop.
• 32:53
  SPEAKER_00: People can look in my book, is there, the kits are there, so people can bring it into their home.
• 32:59
  SPEAKER_00: And we have people hanging it in their kitchen.
• 33:01
  SPEAKER_00: My husband has one in his medical practice.
• 33:04
  SPEAKER_00: He has the five signs and he puts puts up post-it notes so people can write all their answers.
• 33:09
  SPEAKER_00: They're all over the walls.
• 33:10
  SPEAKER_00: There's a lot of fun ways to walk your own Grace Trail.
• 33:13
  SPEAKER_03: I love it.
• 33:14
  SPEAKER_03: I'm gonna go check that out.
• 33:15
  SPEAKER_03: I did, I did play on your website a little bit, and it it, you know, it's it's fantastic, you know.
• 33:20
  SPEAKER_03: No, thank you.
• 33:21
  SPEAKER_03: Thank you.
• 33:22
  SPEAKER_03: No, absolutely.
• 33:23
  SPEAKER_03: Um, and we know time is the most precious resource we have, human beings.
• 33:26
  SPEAKER_03: We can't get it back.
• 33:27
  SPEAKER_03: And thank you for spending this moment and time to help our mission and really make a difference.
• 33:31
  SPEAKER_00: Hey, welcome to Grace Trail.
• 33:33
  SPEAKER_00: I'm so glad to be on this trail with you and everyone else who's listening.
• 33:37
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you.
• 33:38
  SPEAKER_03: Okay, amen.
• 33:39
  SPEAKER_03: Absolutely.
• 33:39
  SPEAKER_03: If something in today's conversation resonated with you, don't just move on to the next thing, right?
• 33:45
  SPEAKER_03: It's just like the questions.
• 33:46
  SPEAKER_03: Sit with it for a minute.
• 33:48
  SPEAKER_03: If there's a reason why you got goosebumps, or you felt something, or you said, hmm, sit with it for a minute.
• 33:54
  SPEAKER_03: There's a reason.
• 33:56
  SPEAKER_03: The Grace Trail is just so fantastic.
• 33:58
  SPEAKER_03: I can go on for days.
• 33:59
  SPEAKER_03: And if you know somebody who needs to hear this, I'll share this episode with them because literally people need to know about Grace Trail.
• 34:07
  SPEAKER_03: They need to know that something so simple that they can do on their own with no judgment is there.
• 34:12
  SPEAKER_03: It's super important.
• 34:14
  SPEAKER_03: You can also join us at your thoughtsyourreality.com where we continue these conversations around identity, transition, resilience, and of course growth.
• 34:22
  SPEAKER_03: And remember, your thoughts shape your reality.
• 34:24
  SPEAKER_03: We're out of here.
• 34:27
  SPEAKER_03: Thank you.
• 34:28
  SPEAKER_03: Absolutely.
• 34:31
  SPEAKER_02: Thank you for joining us on another insightful journey of Your Thoughts, Your Reality Podcast with your host, Michael Cole.
• 34:38
  SPEAKER_02: We hope the conversation sparks some thoughts that resonate with you.
• 34:42
  SPEAKER_02: To dive deeper into empowering your thoughts and enhancing your reality, visit Empower Performance Strategies.com.
• 34:49
  SPEAKER_02: Remember, your thoughts shape your reality, so make them count.
• 34:54
  SPEAKER_02: Until next time, stay inspired and keep creating the reality you desire.
• 34:59
  SPEAKER_02: Catch you on the next episode.