Latest / Just & Joyful with Kristin Carver Smith / Returning to Work After a Mental Health Leave & Rediscovering Ambition with Bianca B. King
Transcript
- Kristin Carver Smith: Welcome to another episode of Justin Joyful with Kristin Carversmith. I am your host, Kristin Carversmith, or KCS, as many folks call me. And today's guest is both a dear friend as well as a powerhouse businesswoman and just human being in general, Bianca B. King. Bianca, welcome to the Justin Joyful podcast. Bianca B. King: ⁓ my gosh, Kristin, thank you so much for having me. I really appreciate it. I am so excited to have this conversation with you. Kristin Carver Smith: Likewise, likewise. ⁓ For those of you who are not familiar with Bianca, and some of you actually might be familiar with Bianca because she's been featured in Essence, she's been in Forbes, she's a regular contributor to Entrepreneur, she's been featured in Fast Company, she is a former Forbes Business Council member as well, and she has been in business for nearly 30 years, right Bianca? Bianca B. King: A very long time, yes. Started way back in the 90s in commercial real estate and then founded my agency in 2008. So cumulonil tea, goodness, the entire portion of that would be almost 30 years, about 28 years if I could speak. Kristin Carver Smith: Hmm. Which, so I want listeners to understand, you have helped close over 1.6 billion, billion, the B, billion dollars in transactions. And that in and of itself is just incredible. And I think a lot of people are probably like, what, about billions, what? And I think, Bianca B. King: With a beat. Yeah, with a beat. Yeah. Kristin Carver Smith: You have such an incredible, incredible story. You left home at 13 to escape the instability that you experienced as a child. you have built something so incredible. I look at you and I'm like, are not only professionally successful, but just like personally, as someone who has had the privilege of getting to know you more intimately over the past couple years. I'm just continuously inspired by the life that you have built and created for yourself. And I'm so excited to share more about that with listeners today because, you know, I think, right, that some of us can go like 1.6 B, like, I don't know if I'm ever gonna get to do that. And you've been in all of these places. And at the same time, it's like, I just, always think about how relatable you are. And I'm just so, I'm just, I'm so moved, ⁓ you know, again, by your story. And I think listeners will see themselves in a lot of pieces of it too. And so I, I want to start though, because you just gave, and I was there, you just gave a really incredible opening keynote at the Level Up Summit, which is, Bianca B. King: Thank you. Kristin Carver Smith: hosted by Pretty Damn Ambitious, the incredible community ⁓ that you run. And I was so ⁓ in that keynote, you talk about how we can experience different seasons personally and professional. I think we hear a lot about like, ⁓ I, you know, I'm in, I quite literally wrote a song about being in different seasons. And, but it wasn't until I heard you deliver that keynote that I was like, Bianca B. King: Thanks. Yes. Kristin Carver Smith: ⁓ my gosh, like why is, it's so powerful. ⁓ The way that you put into words what so many of the women in the audience that day were feeling of that my business is in spring, but personally I'm in winter. Tell us more about that. Bianca B. King: Mmm. Yeah. Yeah, ⁓ well thank you so much for that intro and it's something that you and I have talked about. It was a divine download. I had been thinking about what am going to talk to these women about and my keynote came just a few days before the actual event. ⁓ And essentially it helped me understand one of the hardest seasons of my life and just giving language to something that I previously didn't understand. Essentially understanding that your life, like you're saying, can be in spring or summer, or excuse me, your business can be in spring or summer, but then your life could be in winter. And part of the reason why I was able to kind of reframe this is because I literally lived it, right? So I started the keynote off with talking about March 3rd, excuse me, May 3rd, 2023, and how I was featured in Essence Magazine, and then my husband collapsed and 18 months after that, Kristin Carver Smith: Mm-hmm. Bianca B. King: one day was just a crazy tumultuous ⁓ events of my husband's cardiac event, which eventually led him to having open heart surgery. And so my business and my life at that point was in full summer. And, you know, during the keynote, I said full hot girl summer because I just was feeling it. was feeling it on on in every level. All cylinders go. Kristin Carver Smith: Yep. Yep. Bianca B. King: ⁓ And then that one incident essentially switched my life, my personal life into winter. Kristin Carver Smith: ⁓ And I think listeners can probably like they're like, yep, I have absolutely had those really pivotal moments that I, you know, where I'm like, I don't, I don't know, like, how do I navigate and how do I handle when it feels like one of the things is really taking off and, you know, we talked about spring and we think about blooming and summer and all of this sort of stuff of like thriving and flourishing, but at the same time of like hitting, hitting the hardest wall personally. And you are known on the interwebs and in the business world as the ambition architect, right? As the, and some people even say like, this is the ambition lady. And I, I'm curious, like how did your ambition ebb and flow during that time? Because I'm thinking about our listeners who are, again, maybe finding themselves in two different seasons right now and are going, I'm not even sure I'm ever gonna be ambitious again, or maybe I'm ambitious in this area, but it feels like I don't have the room or space to be. So what did that look like for you in that season? Bianca B. King: So the best way for me to put it was my ambition was redirected and it also was throttled back for my business. my, cause my ambition is not going to go away. I'm just, that's who I am. Right. But my ambition was directed to my husband and being a wife and not a CEO. How can I make sure that he has all the care and support that he needs to get through the season? How can we ensure that we are ⁓ dedicating our time? Kristin Carver Smith: Yep. Bianca B. King: to make sure that he has the right doctors and all the right personnel that he needs to be able to understand his diagnosis, ⁓ prepare for it, have the surgery, and then recover. ⁓ And then of course, his mental state, making sure that he was good, ⁓ making sure that our relationship was solid. So that's where my ambition got redirected. And then for the business, it just got throttled back. I was like, I can't... have my hot girl summer. I've got to throttle things back in business and really make sure that I am focused on the most important significant person in my life and that was my husband or is my husband I should say. Kristin Carver Smith: Hmm. Did you have grief around that? Bianca B. King: grief around throttling my ambition back? No, no, never, never, no. The moment called for something different. And this is part of what I talked about during the keynote. You have to be able to read where you are and make a truly wise choice, the wise response, right? My wise response was, no, do not add more new business ⁓ to my multiple businesses. ⁓ Kristin Carver Smith: Yeah. Really? Mmm. Yeah. Yeah. Bianca B. King: keep what you have, you know, ⁓ and recalibrate in a way that really makes sense for what's happening in your personal life. ⁓ Could I have held both and done it? Probably, but I probably would not be talking to you right now because I'd probably be somewhere burned out, right? So it's really making sure that I understood like the moment called for me to be a wife, not the CEO. And so that was my focus. Kristin Carver Smith: Yeah. Mmm. Yeah, yeah. Gosh, I love that. And again, think it's, yeah, I think anyone who's listening in particular, who's a business owner, right, is going to navigate those moments. you know, no matter what role our listeners find themselves in right now, I think... we inevitably come across situations where we feel like we're at a crossroads and we've got to choose. You talk a lot about joyful ambition. I think ambition can be a really charged word for folks. Bianca B. King: Yes. Like money. Kristin Carver Smith: Mm-hmm, mm-hmm. People can have a lot of feelings about that. And I will say even for myself after navigating my mental health emergency, I wondered, what does ambition mean to me? And having known you and the work that you're doing around joyful ambition, think I was asking myself, is it possible for me to embrace joyful ambition? And so I'd love for you to tell our listeners a little bit about how did you even identify? Bianca B. King: Yeah. Kristin Carver Smith: that there was this like, we need something different here. Bianca B. King: Yeah, ⁓ you you started the top of my story of leaving home at 13. ⁓ And that story is essentially what drove my ambition, you know, having to navigate the world for myself. But that initial ambition was survival ambition. It was the ambition at all costs of myself, know, my health. ⁓ sometimes relationships, right? I was so driven to make sure that I would not be that impoverished girl from San Antonio, right? ⁓ And that survival ambition doesn't come with an off switch. It was until I burned out, ⁓ you know, all the different things that happened until I understand, you know what? Ambition, it's fluid. It can evolve. It doesn't need to be this one static thing, right? ⁓ And so my survival ambition, Kristin Carver Smith: Yeah. Mmm. Bianca B. King: basically evolved to sustainable ambition, which evolved to joyful ambition. Now joyful ambition, as I define it, is the joyful, diligent pursuit of success informed by your ideals with agency as the compass and joy as the foundation. We are living right now. That's it. This is all we get is right now, this present moment. So we can't postpone joy. Joy has to be foundational in everything we do, regardless if it's business or personal. Kristin Carver Smith: Mmm. Wow. Wow, yeah. ⁓ I feel like we need to let the listeners sit on that, sit with that for a second. ⁓ We care so much about joy that we put it in the title of this podcast. I know it is, it absolutely is. I think you said something though that I wanna go back to because I actually haven't heard anybody frame it this way. I don't even know that we have talked about it this way of survival ambition. Bianca B. King: Yeah. Right, exactly. Yeah, joy's everything. Kristin Carver Smith: And man, that's a ⁓ really, it's powerful framing. Again, I'm just always so moved by the way that you put words to the things that many of us are feeling and that you give us new language for that. I think for some of our listeners who might find themselves in that place of like, recognize that I've been living, that I've been. Bianca B. King: and then. Kristin Carver Smith: that my fuel has been the survival ambition. ⁓ What would you say to them right now? Bianca B. King: Right. Yeah. So here, two parts. Survival ambition has a place. Survival ambition skyrocketed out of poverty, right? It really helped me understand that life could be better than what it was. Now, survival ambition without an off switch is the problem. Now, if you're in survival ambition and That is the only ambition that you know it's time to take stock and really think about what your drive to succeed is costing you. Is it costing you your health? Is it costing relationships? Is it costing you anything that you don't want to sacrifice? And if it is, then that's when you need to have that pause and really think about the best way to deploy ambition. And given the framework around joyful ambition, that's a way that you can kind of pivot to that. Kristin Carver Smith: So good. So you talked about survival ambition that it can cost us. I'm curious for you of when you had a chance to pause and take stock and go like, I think I might want to explore something more sustainable than this. Like what did you identify some of those costs? Like what were some of those costs for you that you were noticing for yourself? Bianca B. King: Thank you. Yeah. Yeah, for me it was burnout. For me it was burnout. know, I ⁓ was not a traditional college student. And so ⁓ when I was working full time in commercial real estate, I was also working on multiple degrees. I was climbing the corporate ladder at the same time. I was getting real estate license. I was employee of the year twice. I won deal of the year. I was doing all of those things simultaneously. Well, while not having any real community or support, I didn't have any family I could lean on. didn't have like a whole lot of friends or anything. I was so focused and so driven on, I've got to become this version of myself. And so I burned out. I burned out because I was burning every, every cylinder, every candle, all of it. And I knew like life has to be better than this. I can't just feel horrible all the time. And then all of a sudden I have success. Kristin Carver Smith: Mm. Bianca B. King: And from my perspective, it's like, is this really success? What success actually feels like to me is joy. It feels like wanting to wake up and be in my life and to engage with people who ⁓ understand and want to work on simpler things. ⁓ yeah, just having those moments where you really are living life, not trying to acquire something or Kristin Carver Smith: Hmm. Bianca B. King: ⁓ feel successful. Kristin Carver Smith: Hmm, you are just dropping all the gems, all the wisdom for us. I'm curious, when you experienced burnout, what was one of the first steps that you took? How did you come back? Bianca B. King: ⁓ gosh. Slowly but surely, I felt like literally clawed my way out of a pit. ⁓ Part of my comeback, I would have to say a million percent, was my husband. He was so patient, so kind, understood what I was going through, even though he didn't understand what I was going through, that it was truly burnout, but he understood what I needed in that moment. And he really helped me. Kristin Carver Smith: you Bianca B. King: recalibrate and find myself, right? ⁓ We did that through, you know, him just talking, just talking, talking, talking it through like, okay, this is what I'm feeling. This is what I'm ⁓ dealing with. ⁓ And honestly, a lot of rest. ⁓ My husband says I probably slept like for a year. Like I didn't sleep for a year, but I probably slept pretty significantly for like six months, literally, ⁓ because my body needed the rest. Kristin Carver Smith: Mmm. Wow. Bianca B. King: ⁓ And then as my body started to recover, then I could start mentally recovering. ⁓ Yeah, it was a very ⁓ difficult, but the right thing that I needed in that moment, because if I didn't have the burnout, I wouldn't be here in this moment the way I am right now. I wouldn't have found joyful ambition. Kristin Carver Smith: Yeah. Mmm. It's so good. It's so good. And I'm curious because we talk about the importance of sleep and rest quite a bit on this. Like it keeps coming up as this theme. I think we really underestimate the impact that that has on our well-being, particularly our mental well-being. And were you surprised by how much you slept during that time? were you, I was going to say, how did that go? Bianca B. King: Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, for sure. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Right. Yeah. Yeah. Well, my body forced me. I mean, I didn't have a choice. know, my body was like, no, no more. You've put us through enough. And, you know, thankfully, you know, this was back in my 30s. ⁓ So, you know, six months recovery. I'm not sure if that's a long time or whatever for burnout, but I felt like I recovered. Kristin Carver Smith: ⁓ For those listeners who are like, Bianca, there's no way I'm laying down. Like I can't bring myself to do that. Like what was that like for you? Bianca B. King: well and got back as robustly as I could. But sometimes you have to make yourself sit down. You do. You do. ⁓ And it may not be in the form of sleep and some of these other things. You need to find the thing that makes you happy. So maybe it's just a walk. ⁓ Maybe it's reading a book. It's that quiet time. where your mind can actually be still, that makes all the difference in the world. Because now you're training your nervous system that you don't have to be on high alert all the time, right? You're not looking for the next thing or the next strategy or the next business deal, whatever. So you're training your nervous system to ⁓ down throttle, if you will. And then with that down throttling as you do it habitually, then sleep and all of those other things will really ⁓ be more restorative. Kristin Carver Smith: Mm, mm, I love that. I'm also curious, because it's interesting to hear you sort of reflect on your ambition during these different chapters of your life. And I'm curious of when, what was that moment for you when you really started looking at ambition in a really intentional way and going like, I think I might want to sort of study this. I think I might want to like, Bianca B. King: Mm. Yeah. Kristin Carver Smith: Because again, I mean, you are quite literally the ambition lady. Like you are the, you are an ambition architect and you help others do that for themselves at all different walks of life. And so like, what was that moment for you of I'm imagining it, it maybe wasn't in the pit of burnout, but maybe it was like, I'm just curious when that started emerging for you. Really? Bianca B. King: Yeah. was close. Yeah, yeah, it was actually close to Brown again. It was 2019. And my agency was doing exceptionally well, you know, we're serving clients like everything was again, you know, full summer. But I wasn't full summer, I was in winter, or fall about to be into winter. My body the way I was feeling and I was like, am I feeling burnout again? Like what's going on? You know? Kristin Carver Smith: Mmm. Bianca B. King: ⁓ And the pandemic pause is what made me really re-evaluate my ambition because a lot of what I learned and ⁓ used as survival ambition and then use that in corporate to, you know, build my career, I brought the same, those same things into my agency. And that's why I was able Kristin Carver Smith: Mmm. Bianca B. King: to build my agency so quickly and ransom a great contracts and all that. But then, like I said, 2019 hit and I'm like, wait, this isn't right. So I had to really pause and think about, I love my ambition. My ambition is the thing that really has helped me become the person I am. Now, how do I leverage it in a way that feels more sustainable? Kristin Carver Smith: Yeah. Bianca B. King: And that's when all the work on ambition started. So basically it started around 2020 during our pause. 2021 is when I came up with the idea of Pretty Damn Ambitious. The first iteration of that was like, I want to work with a whole lot of badass women coaches, right? ⁓ It was really about me wanting to help other ⁓ women entrepreneurs understand the best way to deploy their ambition. And a lot of that is sometimes through coaching, know, really making sure that you're matched with the right person. Kristin Carver Smith: Mm. Mm-hmm. Bianca B. King: so that you can grow your business or grow your personal life. ⁓ That sense has evolved to more, you know, and I love that, that I've given myself that freedom to be able to evolve the definition of ambition and how I can deploy it as I keep moving throughout ⁓ my life. Kristin Carver Smith: Yeah. And I feel like the way that you talk about ambition, it's like the image I have is I think about it as fuel. I think about it as a resource. think about, love that you talk about deploying it, harnessing it, ⁓ utilizing it. And I don't know that that's how we have culturally thought about ambition too. It kind of feels like it's like, like it feels more like a thought, right? Than it does this, like this resource that we could actually grab hold of and, and, and leverage. And Bianca B. King: Yes. Right. Kristin Carver Smith: When you, again, I love that you are known as an ambition architect. And how did you arrive at architect? Bianca B. King: Yeah, good question, because I was like, I'm building my ambition. I'm rebuilding my ambition. I'm trying to do it in a way that is sustainable. Well, who builds? Architects. So that's kind of the way I kind of put those two together. And our ambition evolves. It changes. So the same thing that I felt. Well, let's go back just one second. So first, we've been talking about ambition, but. Kristin Carver Smith: Mmm. Mmm. Yeah. Bianca B. King: I mean, what is ambition? If you look at like just the regular dictionary ⁓ version and definition of ambition, it's just your desire to succeed, right? So my desire to succeed from my 20s versus where I am now is wildly different. And so as you're thinking about that, how are you building your ambition to serve you in the moment versus ⁓ sacrifice you? Because I believe traditional ambition. Kristin Carver Smith: Hmm. Hmm. Bianca B. King: is taught in a way that it really sacrifices you and that is not what we want to do with our ambition. Kristin Carver Smith: Yeah, it's almost like it feels more extractive, right, than regenerative. And so when you are talking about ambition, again, that's just the visual that I keep getting is thinking about, it's just regenerative thing. feels like it could be restorative. ⁓ Yeah, it's again, just so powerful. And so I'm curious because listeners might be thinking right now like, Bianca B. King: Yes, exactly. Kristin Carver Smith: How do I harness my ambition for myself and to create a really joyful and ⁓ just life for myself? And particularly if I feel like I'm in different seasons, personally and professionally, where do you recommend they start? Bianca B. King: Yeah, so I have a framework around it called the five A's of Joyful Ambition and the underlying foundation for everything is always awareness. Understand where you are and if you are in two different seasons, are you in a personal winter and then a business summer? That's the first thing that you need to do is understand where you are, right? ⁓ And then part of that framework, there's four other ones, so it's alignment. How can you align yourself? And I'm not saying trying to realign the two seasons, but how can you align yourself within the season that either one of your business or personal life is in, right? ⁓ And then really thinking about ⁓ the way that you can ⁓ make sure that you're okay, right? So that means that you may have to recalibrate, right? That means that some things like I was saying earlier for my business, I couldn't do, right? I had to redirect my ambition to my personal life, right? ⁓ The second thing I also have is like, maybe it's root. Maybe you just need to stay where you are and really just understand. Kristin Carver Smith: Woo, I know listeners are throwing the phone at you right now. I don't wanna stay where I'm at. I don't wanna do that, Bianca. Bianca B. King: Sometimes you do. Sometimes you do. Sometimes you have to root and just be okay with where you are and just understand it's a season. It's going to pass, right? And then other times you may need to, ⁓ you know, really throttle that engine and rev and you're like, okay, I'm going to move forward and get things done, right? But the first thing that you have to understand is you have to be aware of where you are. And then that awareness is gonna help you understand what you need to do in each of those situations. Kristin Carver Smith: It's so powerful. again, I don't, I think that our listeners have likely not thought about that in a really tangible way of saying, you know, I would like, I think I've maybe felt like I'm in a winter season, despite the fact that it's spring or, you know, or summer or, you know, or whatever time that they're sort of feeling. But I think, you know, having them do this and put pen to paper too, right, is just so, powerful. ⁓ I'm also curious, because we've asked this question a couple of times on the podcast, I'm curious about what it looks like for you is that when you're thinking about like, do I need to root, do I need to throttle, do I need to recalibrate, do I need to do those things? ⁓ Bianca B. King: calibrate. Kristin Carver Smith: Do you have a sounding board? who are, do you have people that you go to to help flesh that out for you? Do you do that with yourself? Like what is your process for that sort of look like? Bianca B. King: Yeah, so and I've been practicing meditation since 2013. So how long is that? 13 years? I don't know. ⁓ So the first thing I go to is myself, know, prayer and meditation. I need to understand where I am before I can talk to anything, any person externally, right? ⁓ That starts with stillness. That starts with listening to what your body is saying, what your mind is saying. Kristin Carver Smith: Yeah, yeah. Bianca B. King: you know, all of that so that you can have a real good grasp of, okay, this is happening. Do I need help or do I need to just be still and hear the next thing that needs to come? Right. ⁓ If I need help, that's where I reach out to my community. You know, that's why I feel like the Pre-DM Ambitious Collective is so important. There's so many women who are going through things like this and they don't want to have a language for it or maybe they don't have the right partner or people in their life that can help. Right. So it's really about making sure that one you understand where you are and two if you do need help Really do you reach out really do you reach out even if it's this that you know your best friend? And you know she has 10 million things to do She'll be happy to help you. Maybe it's you know a sibling that you are you know connected with then you know they could help you whomever that you can find as a resource, that's what you should do, especially if you need help. Kristin Carver Smith: Mm, so good. And you know, as you're talking, I'm reminded about earlier in our conversation where you said that your husband was such an important part of, of coming out of the pit, out of recovering from burnout. And a big part of that was you all talking. And for those of us, myself, 100 % included here who live inside our heads all day. ⁓ Bianca B. King: Yes. Yeah, All damn day. Kristin Carver Smith: And I think if you also identify as an ambitious person, you likely spend a lot of time ⁓ architecting, if you will, in your mind. ⁓ And I have found for myself, Bianca, that there are, you know, it's so helpful for me. to continue to take the thoughts that are in my mind. It sounds like such a simple thing. Take the thoughts that are in your mind and speak them out loud, whether that's over yourself as an affirmation, or sometimes even I'll have a conversation with myself out loud about something that feels like if it doesn't quite feel rational in my mind, I'll say it out loud and see how it hits and lands. And I love that, again, you're reminding our listeners the power of. Bianca B. King: Yes. Kristin Carver Smith: Sometimes it's just a simple conversation with someone you trust and getting those thoughts out of your head to help you sort through like, where am I at right now? And what do I actually need and what's possible for me? So I appreciate that. Bianca B. King: Yes. And especially, yeah, especially if they're close to you, like my husband, ⁓ they're gonna see your blind spots and they're gonna see some things that you aren't necessarily recognizing. So that's where it can be very essential when you do need to have that connection and have that reflected back to you, right? Another thing I would also say is journaling and just free flow journal. ⁓ I've again been journaling for years. Don't think about it. Just like literally just let the pen just do the work and then close it. Don't even reread it that day and then maybe come back a day or two later and then reread it, you know, or like you were saying, having the full blown conversation with yourself and sometimes even out loud, right? ⁓ Just to really kind of help sort things out so that you understand, like again, orient yourself, where are you? ⁓ But not only orienting yourself, thinking about where you actually want to be, especially if you are in a hard season, right? ⁓ How can I make this season the best it can be? Kristin Carver Smith: Yep, yep. Bianca B. King: in this moment right now. And then when I am in spring or summer, what do I actually want that to look like, right? Because sometimes planning can be the way out of the hard season mentally, right? You may still be in the hard season, but you're thinking about, my gosh, once this is done, I'm gonna do X, Y, and Z. yeah, that could be a way to kind of give you some hope and a destination. Kristin Carver Smith: Mm, so powerful. On the flip side, what would you say to the listener who's like, Bianca, I don't think I got any ambition right now. Like, I think it went away. I don't know if it's there. I'm not sure what I desire and aspire to. ⁓ What would you say to them? Bianca B. King: I'm going say that you have not lost your ambition. You may have lost your motivation. And those are two distinctly different things. Your motivation sometimes is ⁓ your energy to want to do something, right? But your desire to succeed, never leaves. You may not know what that desire is to succeed is yet, ⁓ but it's really about you finding your motivation again. And once you find your motivation, whatever you're wanting to succeed in, it's going to pop up like that. and then that's where your ambition lives, right? So two distinct things, right? Kristin Carver Smith: I think you gave such a great example of this too, even thinking about what you and your husband were navigating with his health and just your ambition was getting him well. That was the thing, right? And that was channeled into something different. And I think about that even for myself is that for folks who are tuning in, watching this, listening right now and... Bianca B. King: Yeah. That was the thing. Kristin Carver Smith: who are saying, you know, I'm finding myself in that place where like my quote unquote ambition is getting out of bed in the morning. Like that's, that is quite literally where I'm at. I know that well and Bianca, know you and I know you know that well, that that is not an unfamiliar thing for you. And so I just, want our listeners to hear that. Bianca B. King: Yes, that's it. Yes. Yes. Kristin Carver Smith: We, know, Bianca and I have done some cool things and we love our resume and we're proud of it and all of those things. And also like we have absolutely had the days and the months and the years where we've been like, my ambition is to survive. My ambition is to live. My ambition is to wake up and get out of this bed and be okay. Like it is to eat. is right. It is to breathe. Like it is as simple as those things. So I just, ⁓ Bianca B. King: for sure. Yeah. Yeah, that's a good distinction that you made there as well. Ambition does not have to be this big monstrous thing that we think of it. And most times we think of ambition when it comes to our professional careers. ⁓ Your ambition, as we've discussed multiple times, can be just, not just, but to raise amazing humans. That can be your ambition. ⁓ Your ambition in a very hard season can be, I got out of bed, I brushed my teeth, I got back in bed. Kristin Carver Smith: Yep. Yep. Amen. Amen. Yes. Bianca B. King: Don't even have to stay out of bed the entire day. That you got out of bed, you brushed your teeth, you washed your face, you got back in bed. That's it. You ate, like you were saying. ⁓ That is the one small thing, that desire to have success in that, that makes your day successful. That's okay. Again, it comes in so many forms. And I think we have been taught that ⁓ traditionally ambition is just all about profession. And it's not. It's really about Kristin Carver Smith: Yeah, yep. Bianca B. King: your desire to have a successful life ⁓ and how you use that fuel, how you use that resource, the tool to make that happen. And that's what ambition is from my perspective. Kristin Carver Smith: Thank you for giving us that permission. Thank you for giving listeners that permission and for for rewriting the definition. I mean, like it was pastime. We needed a new definition. We needed something that felt, dare I say, just and joyful for each one of us and, you know, and personalized for each one of us. And I love that you've just said, you know, our ambition can be raising great humans. Our ambition can be being an incredible sister. can be ⁓ being a wonderful Bianca B. King: I love it. Kristin Carver Smith: It can be, you know, being the best friend that you can be. It doesn't have to be that you, you know, that it's limited to being named to the Inc 5000 list, right? And that's, feel like those are the things, like you said, right? We will take all of it. We will take all of it, right? Yes. Bianca B. King: Right. And they're wrong about that either. Right. They're wrong about that either. Both and, right? ⁓ Yeah, it's expensive. I think, you know, we come to ambition with this inherited version of ambition. And I talk about this in my private podcast, right? ⁓ We inherited our grandmother's ambition, you know. ⁓ We inherited our mother's ambition, the way she navigated the world. is probably the way we're navigating the world, especially when it comes to success. What I'm saying is you have agency to want what you want and then go after it, right? You have the agency to think about, okay, I want joy in my life, I want joy in my ambition, so this is the way that I'm going to achieve that. So remember that, again, your ambition's not static, and two, make sure that it's your ambition, it's not something that you. was passed down to you like a family heirloom that you didn't want. Make sure that your ambition is truly yours. haha Kristin Carver Smith: Again, that's another, like, I want the listeners to sit in that for just a second. Your ambition is yours. Thank you for saying that. And thank you for reminding us too that it's not an heirloom, it's not something we've inherited. It's also not something that we have to copy and paste from someone else's life on the internet, right? Bianca B. King: ⁓ my gosh, yeah, ⁓ that, yeah, we can go into that like real deep. But I also understand like, you know, if you're a first generation to have any type of wealth, me, ⁓ if you're, you know, coming from an immigrant family, a lot of these things are thrust upon us. This is the way you should have success. This is the way you should do X, and Z, right? ⁓ You know, the immigrants ⁓ family that came over and ⁓ they want their Kristin Carver Smith: Mm-hmm. Bianca B. King: their son or daughter to be a doctor and all they want to do is be a chef. We have to have the courage and what I call the radical self-trust to know your desire and to still pursue it despite all of the different things externally that are telling you to do otherwise. Kristin Carver Smith: Yeah. Yep. I mean, we could have this conversation for forever. And we will obviously be having Bianca back folks, because there's so much more for us to say, not only on this topic, but Bianca again, you just have such an inspiring. incredible story and I'm excited for us to have you on regularly for folks to be able to learn from you and to just, yeah, savor all of these pearls and gems that you are blessing us with today. So as we get ready to wrap up, we have a little bit of a rapid fire for you. So you are a writer. Bianca B. King: Me too. Alright. Kristin Carver Smith: I know you're out here writing all of the time. You're a podcast host. You're also an incredible speaker, keynote speaker. ⁓ What books are you obsessed with right now? Bianca B. King: Gosh, I'm going to say something that three years or five years ago, I'd be like, wait, what? I'm actually not reading any books right now ⁓ because I'm working on my book. So I'm trying to focus that, what I call ⁓ extra time and energy into really creating my book and ⁓ decanting my story, if you will. Kristin Carver Smith: Okay? Y'all heard it here first! Bianca B. King: excavating all the different things around, you know, how I navigated ambition as a child, ⁓ as a young adult, ⁓ in my early career, and now, you know, as a business owner who's almost been in business for 20 years. So I'm not reading anything right now, which is the strangest thing for me to say. And believe me, I'm like itching to pick up a book, but I'm like, nope, use this time for you to ⁓ really think about how you want to ⁓ write this book. And also I've been doing... you know, just writing around the book as well. Kristin Carver Smith: Sounds like a lot of awareness right there, a lot of knowing what season you're in, being discerning about what you're putting your hands to, what you're consuming, I love it. ⁓ We often talk on this podcast about what it's like to regulate our nervous systems and navigate being overstimulated. Like what's your go-to resource when you're overstimulated? Bianca B. King: Hmm Yeah. Yeah. We kind of talked about it before. ⁓ It's being still. that meditation. ⁓ It also is talking it out. If I'm feeling overstimulated, you know, I've got an amazing husband who is very caring and kind and ⁓ now understands after, you know, we've been together multiple decades, sometimes I just need to talk and I'm not looking for an answer. Right. ⁓ So yeah, but like being still, having that moment of, okay, what's actually happening, not spiraling, I think a lot of times we'll do that if we're overstimulated and we'll just start having all these crazy stories and scenarios and ⁓ none of it's real. So what is actually happening? ⁓ How can I have a wise response, if you will, to it? And then if I need more care or more outside ⁓ perspective, Kristin Carver Smith: Yup. Bianca B. King: who can I speak to to really give me that reflection back in a way that it's ⁓ kind and possibly even joyful. Kristin Carver Smith: I love that you just said that it's kind. Yeah, that's so important. So important. Okay, who is a and we talk about justice a lot on this podcast. Again, it's in the name who is a justice champion or advocate that you're always hitting repost on? Bianca B. King: Yeah, it has to be kind. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You. It is you. have to say, again, like Kristen, you know, we've, we've had multiple conversations and I'm just so excited to see what you've done with this, the most horrendous winter that you went through and how you're really using this podcast as a tool to not only, you know, help you unpack what happened, but to help. Kristin Carver Smith: ⁓ I'm really touched. Bianca B. King: others better navigate ⁓ maybe the season that they're going through. So, girl, it's you all day. All day. Kristin Carver Smith: Okay, you're gonna have me weeping out here, duh. I really appreciate that, that means a lot. And thank you for walking through ⁓ that season and so many others with me. I'm so grateful. ⁓ What is something, last question for you, what's something that's bringing you joy right now? Bianca B. King: All day. Oh, okay, so this is going to sound really strange, but maybe not. I don't know. I have been growing hibiscus for the past five or six years. Yeah, I can't remember what island I was on. I've been throughout the Caribbean multiple times. I can't remember what island I was on. I remember walking up to this beautiful hibiscus bush. It was just one perfect bloom on there. And I was like, oh my God, that flower is just absolutely gorgeous. And then about 10 years later, I decided to grow them myself. So right now I have poor hibiscus and they're all blo... They're not blooming yet, but they're all growing. Because I never know if they're gonna come back. You have to cut them all the way back. And then they look like they're dead. It looks completely dead. And so when I start seeing the green, ⁓ you know, push through the earth and peak and the leaves are getting bigger and greener and just beautiful, that brings me so much joy because I know I'm gonna have like the most beautiful... Kristin Carver Smith: ⁓ my gosh. Yeah. Bianca B. King: flowers in like maybe a month and they're huge they're like the size of a plate So yeah, that's what's bringing me joy right now that my hibiscus are starting to grow again Kristin Carver Smith: ⁓ my gosh, and ain't that a metaphor for our lives, Right, absolutely. Bianca, what a treat to have you on today. And for those tuning in right now, if you want to learn more about Bianca, you can follow her on Instagram at ⁓ I am Bianca B King. You can also visit her website, BiancaBKing.com and pretty damn ambitious Bianca. ⁓ thank you. Thank you, thank you, thank you. I so appreciate you. Bianca B. King: Yeah. Yes. Yeah. Yeah, thank you. I really appreciate you as well. It's been awesome.