Latest / Our Community, Our Mission / Ep #194 - The Battles We Can't See

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Ep #194 - The Battles We Can't See · Our Community, Our Mission

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: Heavenly Father.
• 0:00
  Speaker 1: We thank you, lord, for this day and your blessings and provisions.
• 0:03
  Speaker 1: God, thank you for this time, thank you for our special guest today and, lord, just pray that you bless this conversation and, lord, the ears that need to hear it.
• 0:11
  Speaker 1: Father, may they be encouraged and may they be blessed today.
• 0:14
  Speaker 1: Father, we love you and we praise your name, amen.
• 0:22
  Speaker 2: Hello everybody.
• 0:23
  Speaker 2: You're listening to our Community, Our Mission, a podcast of the Topeka Rescue Mission.
• 0:27
  Speaker 2: This is your host, Barry Fiecker, here on Wednesday, October 18th of 2023, podcast 194.
• 0:34
  Speaker 3: We're getting close.
• 0:35
  Speaker 3: We're getting close to that 200.
• 0:36
  Speaker 3: Yes, we are.
• 0:38
  Speaker 2: We have to be a big celebration Globally, I hope.
• 0:40
  Speaker 3: And probably with some cookies I would think so, yeah, so that we could eat cookies while we're trying to talk, exactly.
• 0:47
  Speaker 2: That works for me.
• 0:47
  Speaker 2: So yeah, we'll have National Cookie Day, but it's not National Cookie Day today.
• 0:51
  Speaker 2: Oh, we have.
• 0:52
  Speaker 2: Amanda Broil's executive director, here, and Mary and Crabill, deputy Director of Supportive Services, here as usual, and a very, very special guest, and we're gonna be talking about this amazing guy in our community and also some pretty tough stuff too, but before we get there, we want to talk about the importance of October 18th nationally.
• 1:11
  Speaker 2: So, amanda, I know you don't have your sheet in front of you right now that would give you all the answers to this.
• 1:17
  Speaker 2: And yes, yes, thank you, mary.
• 1:19
  Speaker 4: Mary is turning on me.
• 1:20
  Speaker 4: What in the world?
• 1:23
  Speaker 2: So what National Day is October the 18th recognized?
• 1:26
  Speaker 2: For Amanda, it's something.
• 1:28
  Speaker 2: When you get it you're gonna go.
• 1:29
  Speaker 2: Of course it is national chocolate.
• 1:36
  Speaker 4: Eating day, you'd think.
• 1:41
  Speaker 2: Little tiny things that and you bake them Chocolate and you put a can on them, sometimes when you're cheap and you don't want to do a birthday cake.
• 1:48
  Speaker 2: So it's called a cupcake.
• 1:52
  Speaker 4: You all are horrible at charades.
• 1:54
  Speaker 2: I'm just gonna say National chocolate cupcake day, Not vanilla cupcake, not strawberry cupcake.
• 2:00
  Speaker 4: but chocolate, Our poor guest.
• 2:03
  Speaker 4: We didn't even bring him one.
• 2:04
  Speaker 4: I know, Obviously you didn't know what day it was.
• 2:07
  Speaker 3: That's good.
• 2:08
  Speaker 2: You always try to trick us, but if you were thinking ahead for our guest and me, you would have honored this next national day because if you weren't thinking about chocolate cupcake day.
• 2:21
  Speaker 4: It's national smart alec day.
• 2:23
  Speaker 2: It's national.
• 2:23
  Speaker 2: No, it's every day's that day, but it's national.
• 2:26
  Speaker 2: Okay, amanda, it's something that goes along with green beans.
• 2:32
  Speaker 2: You like it at Thanksgiving time.
• 2:34
  Speaker 4: Mash potato.
• 2:35
  Speaker 2: Yes, mash potato day.
• 2:36
  Speaker 2: See, ladies and gentlemen, this is why she was chosen, isn't?
• 2:39
  Speaker 5: she the director of the Tresco de Cheshires.
• 2:41
  Speaker 2: She is on it, it's something else Without stretching the brain too much further.
• 2:46
  Speaker 2: Here.
• 2:47
  Speaker 2: It's national prayer day in Zambia today.
• 2:50
  Speaker 4: Oh.
• 2:50
  Speaker 2: Zambia National prayer day.
• 2:52
  Speaker 2: That's pretty cool.
• 2:53
  Speaker 2: And this day in history, miriam in 1867, I think that was a year before you were born.
• 2:59
  Speaker 2: It was so okay in 1867, what happened on this day?
• 3:04
  Speaker 3: On this day.
• 3:05
  Speaker 3: Let me look at this.
• 3:07
  Speaker 3: That's horrible.
• 3:08
  Speaker 3: Flip it over, you little cheater.
• 3:10
  Speaker 3: Alaska Purchase.
• 3:12
  Speaker 3: The Alaska Purchase was approved and the flag US flag was flown over the capital of Sitka.
• 3:18
  Speaker 2: Sitka yeah, that's the.
• 3:19
  Speaker 2: That's capital of Alaska.
• 3:20
  Speaker 2: Now right.
• 3:21
  Speaker 3: I don't believe it is.
• 3:22
  Speaker 2: Okay, amanda.
• 3:23
  Speaker 2: What is the capital of Alaska?
• 3:25
  Speaker 4: I'm going to say Anchorage, but that might be wrong.
• 3:27
  Speaker 3: She's Googling over here.
• 3:28
  Speaker 3: Yeah, it's not, it's.
• 3:29
  Speaker 4: June.
• 3:30
  Speaker 2: You know that's going to be my plan B.
• 3:32
  Speaker 2: Hey y'all, she's from Arkansas originally, so that's okay.
• 3:35
  Speaker 4: Listen, I know that's Little Rock.
• 3:36
  Speaker 2: that's all that matters we brought her into Kansas to help educate her Is this?
• 3:43
  Speaker 4: podcast over.
• 3:43
  Speaker 4: I'm done.
• 3:45
  Speaker 2: We're just getting started.
• 3:45
  Speaker 2: We're just getting started, great, great.
• 3:47
  Speaker 2: Well, you all know, if you listen to our community, our mission, that we have fun and we joke around and we just go lighthearted and then we get some heavy stuff.
• 3:55
  Speaker 2: And today we have this incredible special friend, special friend of mine, one of my closest friends.
• 4:01
  Speaker 2: I know that the two of you very, very special to you as a close friend and a community leader.
• 4:08
  Speaker 2: He's played college baseball.
• 4:11
  Speaker 2: He played college football.
• 4:13
  Speaker 2: He lived in the District of Columbia, washington DC, and worked for a guy named Bob Dole.
• 4:18
  Speaker 2: So he's not a really young guy, but he's not really old, apparently not as old as me.
• 4:24
  Speaker 2: No, no he wasn't born in 1800s.
• 4:27
  Speaker 2: He served two terms on the Seaman School Board.
• 4:29
  Speaker 2: He was elected two-term city council member in Topeka.
• 4:34
  Speaker 2: He runs Midwest Sales team of 15 largest insurance brokers in the US, speaking on stage for the entire community Kansas Agent of the Year in like around 2020.
• 4:47
  Speaker 2: Back in 2018, he sponsored the resolution to declare war on human trafficking with city council and he's also the vice president currently of the board of directors of the Compassion Strategies organization.
• 5:03
  Speaker 2: And so, if you haven't guessed who he is, he's Mike Lesser, our dearest, dearest, dearest buddy and friend.
• 5:10
  Speaker 5: Welcome to our community, our mission Well, thanks for having me and the feelings mutual.
• 5:17
  Speaker 5: I'm amongst friends here, and my dear friends and equally one of my best friends as well, and you, mr Freaker.
• 5:29
  Speaker 2: Thank you.
• 5:29
  Speaker 2: Well, could we cut out the 5 am phone calls and maybe you do a segment?
• 5:33
  Speaker 5: Well, if you really really like me that much, I try to keep you regular, barry, just keep you going.
• 5:41
  Speaker 2: Well, I don't have set the alarm clock with Mike's calling.
• 5:43
  Speaker 2: So we're good, Mike.
• 5:46
  Speaker 2: You've had a long-term history in Topeka.
• 5:48
  Speaker 2: You Lesser family here.
• 5:50
  Speaker 2: Your dad started Lesser Electrical, I believe, or maybe even before my grandfather, actually your grandfather yeah, Ernie.
• 5:58
  Speaker 5: Ernie did right next to the first shop was on North Kansas Avenue between the Twilight or Country Club and the movie theater, whatever it was Well, the Princess.
• 6:11
  Speaker 2: The Princess, yes, the Princess Movie Theater.
• 6:13
  Speaker 2: Yeah, that was a place that nobody ever went to, that I knew.
• 6:17
  Speaker 2: But anyway.
• 6:18
  Speaker 2: But yeah, things have changed.
• 6:22
  Speaker 2: And, mike, you've been invested in this community, as we just talked about.
• 6:26
  Speaker 2: You've been very successful People.
• 6:29
  Speaker 2: You're kind of a go-to guy for a lot of information.
• 6:32
  Speaker 2: You know a lot about the community.
• 6:33
  Speaker 2: I know.
• 6:34
  Speaker 2: You know you and I have lots of story.
• 6:37
  Speaker 2: But I remember you and I hopping one winter into my vehicle and we went off road and we went down and saw a bunch of homeless camps and I know how moved you were by what you saw and as city council member at that time you knew we needed to do something about this and we had some great, great conversations and then, when it came around to the human trafficking issue, you really went full force into that and went with it before the city commissioners, city council members rather, and the mayor and the city manager at that time, and also over on the county and we followed what the state had done to declare war on human trafficking in Kansas and Pekin Shawnee County be a first city in county and you sat down and wrote that up and sponsored that and took the lead on that.
• 7:26
  Speaker 2: And so, mike, there's just so many things that you have invested in this community and people say you know this, mike Lesser, he's a cool dude, he's very successful.
• 7:36
  Speaker 2: But there's been another side, that you said that you were willing to share your story today, and those of us who've gotten to know you have appreciated you for your success, but also for your transparency, and I think those of you who are listening today, you can hear Mike unpack some things if you don't already know this about a very successful man in our community that has struggled with some very, very challenging situations in his life, and so Mike don't even know where to go next with that.
• 8:03
  Speaker 2: But talk about that and some of the things that other people maybe don't know about Mike Lesser.
• 8:11
  Speaker 5: Well, thanks, you know, thank you for giving me the platform to talk about what I kind of came to talk, or what I came to talk about, which is anxiety and anxiety disorders and the number of people that it affects, that we look at so many people and we think these people don't have any problems.
• 8:36
  Speaker 5: Life is perfect.
• 8:37
  Speaker 5: You know they got the house, they got the car, they got the.
• 8:41
  Speaker 5: You know all that stuff and you know there's a lot of us that are a lot of people that are fighting.
• 8:48
  Speaker 5: You know battles that we can't see, as you well know, and so, yeah, so I appreciate the opportunity to come share my story because it's been a lot of.
• 9:05
  Speaker 5: It's been a lifelong anxiety, has been a lifelong struggle for me.
• 9:13
  Speaker 5: It is still a struggle today, as you know.
• 9:18
  Speaker 5: Yesterday, you know it's not as bad as it used to be, you know, thankfully, but there are still other days that it is, and for the most part, it would be absolutely nothing that you would think that would trigger my anxiety.
• 9:36
  Speaker 5: And then the things that you would think oh man, that's that.
• 9:38
  Speaker 5: You know.
• 9:39
  Speaker 5: Wow, you know how's it going to do that and I can do that, you know, 10 times out of 10.
• 9:45
  Speaker 5: But you know what, you know, the opportunity to come here today, you know it really kind of hit me, you know, because we talked about doing this for a while and you know, cody Foster is one of my good friends and he's younger than me but I still call him my mentor and I've helped him with some of this area that he wasn't exposed to, you know, through our friendship and with the loss of Josh and his friend, and it really I was kind of reflecting on it as I actually drove, went to church Sunday and and I left to go see my seventh grade teacher who is in hospice care at her daughter's house, lived a great life, you know.
• 10:38
  Speaker 5: And so it was a sad.
• 10:39
  Speaker 5: It was a sad, it was a sad visit, but it was a happy visit because you know she's, she's like I'm ready to go.
• 10:46
  Speaker 5: You know I'm ready to go, mike.
• 10:48
  Speaker 5: And she was the first person that you know.
• 10:50
  Speaker 5: I don't count your parents because that's just your parents, but she was the first person that her name is Jane Pauya Binsky.
• 10:57
  Speaker 5: She was at assumption grade school and seventh and sister Mary Carita, who was the principal.
• 11:04
  Speaker 5: There was also impactful in my life.
• 11:06
  Speaker 5: But and she's left us, but you know she was ready, but I drove over there, you know, in all practicality to say goodbye you know, and it was a such that that I was driving back and thinking about, okay, and I as an insurance agent, I may or may not have been making notes that that scribbling while I was driving possibly Possibly.
• 11:33
  Speaker 3: I know you wouldn't do that, no.
• 11:34
  Speaker 5: I pulled over most of the time?
• 11:36
  Speaker 3: Yeah, exactly.
• 11:37
  Speaker 2: I knew it To do that, but we have a policy here.
• 11:39
  Speaker 2: Yeah no, we all follow very very dilapidated text.
• 11:43
  Speaker 5: Yes, absolutely, absolutely so.
• 11:46
  Speaker 3: Our insurance agent requires it.
• 11:48
  Speaker 5: Yeah, yeah, exactly, and he should.
• 11:50
  Speaker 5: And so, as I was coming back and thinking about today, you know I was listening to a podcast from Andy Stanley and he said you know, god doesn't call the qualified, he qualifies the call.
• 12:09
  Speaker 5: And I was like, you know, I've told, then I go and I tell several people that, oh yeah, that's good.
• 12:15
  Speaker 5: I'm like, wow, I've never heard that before.
• 12:17
  Speaker 5: You know what I mean, so it hit me pretty strong.
• 12:19
  Speaker 5: But I think that's definitely kind of how I feel about you know being here to share my story, about anxiety is almost like qualified to do it, but unfortunately you know.
• 12:38
  Speaker 5: You know he's qualified.
• 12:39
  Speaker 5: Me you know through the experience.
• 12:42
  Speaker 5: So you know the goals that hopefully that my talk today can maybe you know either you know two things either go out and ask for help if you're struggling from you know, struggling with anxiety, or you go get it.
• 12:56
  Speaker 5: You know one of the two.
• 12:57
  Speaker 5: But you know one thing before we kind of start, because I drive, I do drive.
• 13:06
  Speaker 5: Well, I drive all three of you crazy, because I'll send you podcasts all the time, Because I'm constantly trying to learn or listen to podcasts and stuff, and so you know, pat Quinn was on a podcast that I listened to the other day and he's like okay, the first five minutes of any presentation is when you have to grab your audience, whether it's in on the pulpit, whether it's in sales, whatever it is because if you don't get them within the first five minutes, then they're moving on to the next one and and you know they're not going to get engaged.
• 13:43
  Speaker 5: So don't give them your resume, don't give them.
• 13:46
  Speaker 5: You know all those type of things, so we do what the national days are cupcake day, cupcake day.
• 13:51
  Speaker 5: Yeah, grab them right off the bowl.
• 13:52
  Speaker 3: Yeah, absolutely Real important stuff, when yeah.
• 13:55
  Speaker 5: I wouldn't know about that.
• 13:56
  Speaker 5: You don't get a body like this but, it just didn't happen.
• 14:03
  Speaker 2: That's why Barry and I don't have them.
• 14:05
  Speaker 2: That's right, we just need the mashed potato part.
• 14:08
  Speaker 5: That doesn't count as vegetables, anyway.
• 14:17
  Speaker 5: So so I'm going to ask you guys to do something and then I'm going to ask hopefully you know the people that are listening to indulge me as well and you know what does anxiety feel like?
• 14:29
  Speaker 5: What does an anxiety attack?
• 14:30
  Speaker 5: What does a panic attack, what does it feel like?
• 14:34
  Speaker 5: And and for for those who have never really dealt with it.
• 14:38
  Speaker 5: So I asked you guys, you know, close your eyes is what I asked you to do, is is?
• 14:44
  Speaker 5: I'll give you two examples, and you know, the first example is you know, if you're a parent, and at our age, we can still say we went to the mall.
• 14:55
  Speaker 5: So so we went to the mall, we went to the department store, and we have our five year old with us, who, who you know, is old enough to walk around.
• 15:05
  Speaker 5: You don't have to watch them all the time, but you keep them close, you don't let them just go.
• 15:08
  Speaker 5: And and so you're shopping, and it's the holidays and it's crowded, and and you're five year old, and next thing, you know, you, you look around, and and you can't find them.
• 15:20
  Speaker 5: And then so you, you go around the corner and you can't find them again, and and, and you know 30 seconds goes by and you know you're asking.
• 15:28
  Speaker 5: You know Dylan, you know that's my son Dylan.
• 15:31
  Speaker 5: Where are you?
• 15:32
  Speaker 5: You know Dylan, and and so then you know a little panic kind of starts to set in and if you're of all you know my age, you kind of go to John Walsh's story and and and his son Adam, that you know, and starts to enter your mind and, and then five minutes go by and you know you can't breathe.
• 15:55
  Speaker 5: You know your heart's racing, your heart's pounding, and 10 minutes go by and then it's like you're gasping for air and and and you're going to get help.
• 16:06
  Speaker 5: You know you're asking and then then you know, luckily, you know you find them, and then all of a sudden it's boom, you know.
• 16:19
  Speaker 5: You know, then you bought them out, you know you know, then it's like you're done, you know you, just you're out and and and.
• 16:28
  Speaker 5: So then imagine that, just that feeling just hitting you when you're just driving down the road or you're just sitting at your desk or you're on the treadmill or wherever.
• 16:43
  Speaker 5: If no, you know predisposed incident coming or going.
• 16:47
  Speaker 5: That, that, that hitch, and then you know, if you don't have a child and and you're not a parent, you know.
• 16:53
  Speaker 5: Then you know, close your eyes and and you got a doctor appointment that you're at that's, you know it's, it's it's for yourself or or your spouse, parent, and you had these test downs.
• 17:10
  Speaker 5: You know, maybe it's, maybe it's a biopsy from a mammogram, maybe it's a biopsy or a CT result.
• 17:16
  Speaker 5: For you know you're in remission and you got to go back every six months, like my dad used to have to do, and and and you're sitting in there for that five minutes, 10 minutes before that doctor gets there, and and you know you just don't know what, what's coming, and the same thing, type hitch or your, your heart's pounding, and you know your, you know your anxiety is just off the charge, and and and and.
• 17:44
  Speaker 5: Then the doctor comes in and and gives you the news and it's good, and and and then, there again, you're wiped out, you know.
• 17:52
  Speaker 5: And the same thing, you know it happens driving down the roads and at your desk, you know, it doesn't matter where it is, and then you try and function during the day and then you're worn and worn.
• 18:03
  Speaker 5: The next time it's going to happen.
• 18:04
  Speaker 5: So that I mean, that's, that's what a panic attack, anxiety disorder, you know, feels like you know.
• 18:15
  Speaker 5: That's a great, great explanation.
• 18:18
  Speaker 5: And it comes out of nowhere.
• 18:20
  Speaker 5: You know, sometimes it comes out of nowhere, it doesn't hit you when you know.
• 18:25
  Speaker 5: You know I'm not a doctor so I don't know how.
• 18:28
  Speaker 5: You know I can't tell you the science of all that type of stuff you know.
• 18:31
  Speaker 5: But but you know, what I can tell you is it just comes out of nowhere, it doesn't come to me in times that I would think it would come to me.
• 18:38
  Speaker 5: You know that.
• 18:39
  Speaker 5: You know.
• 18:39
  Speaker 5: Are you anxious about doing this podcast?
• 18:41
  Speaker 5: No, it doesn't bother me.
• 18:42
  Speaker 5: You anxious about talking in front of 500 people?
• 18:44
  Speaker 5: No, it doesn't bother me.
• 18:45
  Speaker 5: You anxious about, you know, meeting?
• 18:47
  Speaker 5: You know 40 people you've never met before and and ask them for money for your campaign.
• 18:51
  Speaker 5: Now, I'm good, but you know what?
• 18:56
  Speaker 5: What you know, what people, what people know about me some of like you shared is they know that I played you know college baseball.
• 19:06
  Speaker 5: Now I will say this I played college baseball.
• 19:09
  Speaker 5: I practiced a lot in college football.
• 19:13
  Speaker 5: You know you played football to watch from God.
• 19:17
  Speaker 5: I practiced a lot.
• 19:20
  Speaker 2: So so I was Well, you were helpful to the other guys who were playing right, you know.
• 19:25
  Speaker 5: I could go on a whole.
• 19:26
  Speaker 5: Another thing that that I talk about with my salespeople and stuff like that I made, I made everybody else better, because the fights I got into was because I went all out making the making the first string guy look good.
• 19:40
  Speaker 5: I mean because you know I gave him a look.
• 19:42
  Speaker 5: You know, because I get my butt chewed if I didn't.
• 19:44
  Speaker 5: I went through the motions.
• 19:46
  Speaker 5: But my point being is, you know, a lot of people know that what they don't know is you know, for for over two years I couldn't get on the turnpike and drive from Topeka to Kansas City because, once you get on, you can't get off, and I would know how far it was between I knew the halfway point when I needed to turn around to go back to Topeka or to Lawrence or where the exits were, and I would white fist it the whole way because this unrealistic anxiety that I was going to die.
• 20:26
  Speaker 5: You know, and so you know a lot of people, don't you know a lot of people, as you said, knew that, know that I worked for Senator Dole and lived in Washington DC and you know without saying, you know without going into it, probably my hero and the best, you know, greatest, one of the greatest Americans that ever lived, in my opinion, and the senator, and you know a lot of people know that.
• 20:52
  Speaker 5: What they don't know is the number of times that I would just be sitting at home and start having a panic attack and I would, you know, as recently as five years ago, drive the Stormont Vale parking lot and park in the emergency room parking lot because I had to ascertain whether or not I was having a panic attack, I was having a heart attack, I was having whatever, and then your mind just doesn't work when you're hyperventilating, when you're doing all those type of things.
• 21:20
  Speaker 2: So, Mike, what I think, I hear and you say is that these would come on unplanned, unexpected, and that you weren't afraid to speak in front of 500 people.
• 21:32
  Speaker 2: But was there a hesitancy to speak in front of 500 people because it might happen while you're speaking?
• 21:40
  Speaker 5: No, no, no, because I never, ever had a panic attack or had the anxiety of going to those type of things that I was prepared for.
• 21:52
  Speaker 5: I mean, as you guys make fun of me with my notes and my color coding and all that type of stuff, those things never, ever bothered me.
• 21:59
  Speaker 5: Because you know, the reality of it is I make the joke to say I'm much more educated than I am smart, and I say that as a joke, but it's the absolute truth, you know, is I have to work hard at absolutely everything I do because I do have average intelligence.
• 22:19
  Speaker 5: That what saves me is I just don't get over outward and I don't get out prepared and I don't get all those things.
• 22:26
  Speaker 5: But I'm not going to be the guy that you're going to go give me the L-sad or all those type of things.
• 22:34
  Speaker 5: You know, and I'm going to score high on those.
• 22:40
  Speaker 2: So a lot of people would just rather die than go speak in front of 500 people, but they drive down the Turnpike.
• 22:46
  Speaker 2: So what was it about the Turnpike or these other situations that were triggers or something that you can relate to, or was it nothing you could relate to at all?
• 22:56
  Speaker 2: I'm okay to speak in front of 500, but I can't get from here to Kansas City.
• 22:59
  Speaker 2: Did you ever figure that out about what brought it on?
• 23:08
  Speaker 5: You know, I think that you know there's nature, there's nurture.
• 23:14
  Speaker 5: I mean, if you look at the history of the you know biologically at, you know the Lesser family and the Medlin family which is my mom and my father's side, you know my dad was I don't know what number he was, but you know they did that capital to Shawnee County Beth's athletes of all top 100 and he was like number 30 or something like that, I can't remember and played professional football and all that stuff and he puked before every game all the way up to when he was you know, yeah, and I remember you know when we would go travel and drive and go to Texas where my parents lived, and you know dad would always have stomach issues and stuff.
• 24:00
  Speaker 5: And then the long story short is my dad had had anxiety, but not to the extent that I did.
• 24:07
  Speaker 5: My grandmother had it.
• 24:09
  Speaker 5: And so there's that biological point where there again, I'm not a doctor, but you know whether it's.
• 24:24
  Speaker 5: You know whether it's I have too much serotonin or not enough.
• 24:28
  Speaker 5: I mean, I know that played a role just physiologically.
• 24:31
  Speaker 5: But then there's also manifested in you know about four different times in my life where it really would manifest.
• 24:41
  Speaker 5: It really manifested to the point that it became absolutely disabling and had to I had to actually, you know, make it.
• 24:52
  Speaker 5: You know when I was a kid, you know when I was in seventh grade when I moved to Tulsa for a promotion and then you know I haven't shared it with a lot of people, but you know city council, you know part of the me deciding that, hey, it's time to move on.
• 25:11
  Speaker 5: You know those were some points that you know thing.
• 25:16
  Speaker 5: You know events that significantly manifested that I had to either ask for help or do things.
• 25:24
  Speaker 5: You know.
• 25:25
  Speaker 2: What's the balance between pressing on through an anxiety potential or even an attack, or just withdrawing, because I can think of people who would just work, work, work, work, work, work, work, pouring themselves into, maybe speaking in front of 500 people every twice a day because that doesn't do it, but be afraid to how you're going to get there to that meeting or just say I'm going to put it down, I'm not going to do anything?
• 25:51
  Speaker 2: What's the balance in there?
• 25:52
  Speaker 2: What did you find that?
• 25:54
  Speaker 2: Because you, you, you may have made some adjustments in your life, still being one of those, but you're still very, very active, you drive, you, you move all over the country.
• 26:04
  Speaker 2: Now, how, how have you navigated through this?
• 26:08
  Speaker 2: And I think what we're hearing you say is that it's not in the past, it's current.
• 26:14
  Speaker 2: You're still dealing with this.
• 26:15
  Speaker 2: So what for somebody who's listening right now, who just, basically, is overwhelmed by this kind of illustration that you gave about you look around and your child is missing.
• 26:27
  Speaker 2: Fortunately, it comes down, you find the child.
• 26:32
  Speaker 2: But now I am totally spent.
• 26:33
  Speaker 2: And those ups and downs sometimes for people are nonstop, especially, you know, for a lot of people.
• 26:43
  Speaker 2: They're unplanned, they happen at the most inappropriate times.
• 26:47
  Speaker 4: And they don't want others to know, and they don't want others to know.
• 26:50
  Speaker 2: Yeah, so what's going on?
• 26:51
  Speaker 2: Or withdrawing what, Michael?
• 26:53
  Speaker 2: What have you discovered?
• 26:55
  Speaker 5: Well, you guys know me well enough in regards to what other people thought.
• 27:00
  Speaker 5: I really didn't ever give too much of a shit about that.
• 27:05
  Speaker 2: First ever here on our community art mission.
• 27:10
  Speaker 5: So that was really never too much of a big concern for me.
• 27:13
  Speaker 5: But the reality of it was, you know, to me you know, because I'm not qualified to talk about the medical side of it other than I know it exists and I'll talk about kind of how that helped a little bit.
• 27:32
  Speaker 5: But you know the nurture type you know was, you know, the first thing that really kicked it off.
• 27:40
  Speaker 5: That then was I had some really good friends that lived right next door to us.
• 27:45
  Speaker 5: The Keith, kevin and Troy Brocksterman, and Merlin and Mary were their parents and they were, you know we're talking.
• 27:54
  Speaker 5: I was in a second grade or a first grade.
• 27:57
  Speaker 5: You know we grew up together.
• 27:59
  Speaker 5: We did all these, all this stuff.
• 28:01
  Speaker 5: My mom would walk with Mary and Merlin would cut her hair and that was the first thing that happened was Merlin was a really good bowler and he got it in an airplane.
• 28:17
  Speaker 5: Mary and Merlin got it in an airplane to fly to Tulsa for a bowling tournament.
• 28:24
  Speaker 5: Merlin went down, the boys were at, you know, a family's house and that you know.
• 28:37
  Speaker 5: I just was talking to my friend, keith, who was one of Troy's since died a pancreatic cancer.
• 28:42
  Speaker 5: He was a year older than me and just a great guy and left us too soon.
• 28:46
  Speaker 5: But I was talking to his brother, keith, and he didn't know, he had no idea how the impact it had on me.
• 28:53
  Speaker 5: But you know, they were here one day and they were gone the next and for gosh man, a long time I would not let my parents out of my sight.
• 29:05
  Speaker 5: You know I would not go to school.
• 29:07
  Speaker 5: I mean I would.
• 29:10
  Speaker 5: I was afraid that if my parents dropped me off anywhere they were not coming back, just like the Brocksterman and you know Rochester grade school, where I went and Mr Gabbard and Dennis Richter was there and Frank Curd's wife was in my and I would not go to school and I would not get out of the car and I would not let a babysitter come watch me.
• 29:40
  Speaker 5: My poor parents couldn't go anywhere because I was afraid they weren't coming back and I, you know.
• 29:46
  Speaker 5: So you know I ended up at Menengers.
• 29:47
  Speaker 5: Not at Menengers, but they took me to Menengers.
• 29:51
  Speaker 5: You know to try to, you know, and they wanted to institutionalize me and thank God my folks were not doing that.
• 29:59
  Speaker 5: You know what I mean and somehow I got through that.
• 30:03
  Speaker 5: I don't know how that ended up working out.
• 30:05
  Speaker 5: You know what I mean, you know, and you know the timing of it.
• 30:10
  Speaker 5: You know everything's perfect, mrs Curd, who I'm still good friends with, mrs Curd and Frank, her husband, and, and you know she got pregnant with one of their kids.
• 30:20
  Speaker 5: And then they bring in a teacher who's a substitute and she's, you know, very old, cranky, mean lady and she had zero tolerance for Mike crying in his chair because he wanted his mom and dad and was scared, and so that was like the absolute worst.
• 30:36
  Speaker 5: You know that you could do.
• 30:38
  Speaker 5: So, you know, somehow I got through that, you know.
• 30:41
  Speaker 5: And then the next change was seventh grade, where change and change again and worrying about abandonment.
• 30:50
  Speaker 5: And that's where Jane Paliubinski, where, instead of going to Logan, I went there for two days in the semen system and I ended up going to assumption grade school.
• 30:57
  Speaker 5: And the reason I did that was because Jane Paliubinski was my seventh grade teacher, who was a good friend of our family and I felt safe with her there.
• 31:09
  Speaker 5: So that's, that's how I ended up there.
• 31:11
  Speaker 5: So you know, I can't, I can't, I can't answer that question really, anything other than you know, the move to Tulsa and the city council, the then re.
• 31:24
  Speaker 5: You know.
• 31:25
  Speaker 5: You know my move to Tulsa.
• 31:27
  Speaker 5: Again, it was change and it was.
• 31:31
  Speaker 5: You know.
• 31:34
  Speaker 5: The reality of that was, you know, I was dating a lady at the time and it was yeah, I'll move to Tulsa with you, but you know, I'm 20, gosh, 24 years old, you know, I think that was all at the time, but God, I was just a kid, you know.
• 31:50
  Speaker 5: And I'm leaving to Pika, where I know everybody, where I, you know, et cetera et cetera and I'm going to you know nobody, and it was honestly you know.
• 31:59
  Speaker 5: I mean it is, yeah, I'll go with a ring on my finger and I was too scared to go by myself.
• 32:06
  Speaker 5: Now I'm not saying it.
• 32:08
  Speaker 5: You know and and you know, and you know.
• 32:13
  Speaker 5: Hey, here's the deal is, I'm one of those guys that you learn from everything.
• 32:17
  Speaker 5: I don't look back.
• 32:18
  Speaker 5: I have no regrets.
• 32:19
  Speaker 5: I was not.
• 32:21
  Speaker 5: I was not.
• 32:21
  Speaker 5: I was not a great husband to her.
• 32:24
  Speaker 5: She gave me two absolutely beautiful kids that I thank her for the rest of my life for.
• 32:32
  Speaker 5: But that was one of those deals.
• 32:36
  Speaker 5: That anxiety led me to make a decision that I probably would not have made.
• 32:39
  Speaker 3: I would not have made.
• 32:41
  Speaker 5: A good person.
• 32:41
  Speaker 5: Good, but just wasn't it.
• 32:44
  Speaker 5: And then city council, but I'll jump into it and hit.
• 32:53
  Speaker 5: The last piece of it, which is the medical piece, is 1998, I decided that I had enough that my daughter's getting ready to be born.
• 33:01
  Speaker 5: I did not want to be that guy that could not be present.
• 33:05
  Speaker 5: This is how this goes.
• 33:13
  Speaker 5: So I decide, finally, I'm going to go get some help.
• 33:18
  Speaker 5: So I go dial the phone book it's very nice location in Kansas City where we lived and I go see.
• 33:27
  Speaker 5: Now this guy seriously helped me drastically and he put me on a paxil you know, got no problem saying that you know,
• 33:37
  Speaker 5: changed, you know, got me on.
• 33:39
  Speaker 5: That changed the direction of you know me being able to control it.
• 33:47
  Speaker 5: It was not the intensity of what it was before, so then I could, I could be normal and then I could control the rest of it after that.
• 33:55
  Speaker 5: Now here's the funny thing is, is his name with Dr David Sternberg very you know nice guy, you know, pulled him out, go through see him three or four times.
• 34:05
  Speaker 5: We up my medicines, we do that, you know it's, it's doing good, and and he goes.
• 34:12
  Speaker 5: Now it may have been 10 meetings, counseling sessions, and I'm doing good, you know.
• 34:18
  Speaker 5: And he would say, how you know, do you still have it?
• 34:20
  Speaker 5: No, I don't, yeah, I do.
• 34:22
  Speaker 5: So we had up at the, you know, because you can't take it up right away.
• 34:25
  Speaker 5: You got it, you got it, otherwise it yeah, yeah.
• 34:28
  Speaker 5: And then you actually a lot of people don't know that the side effects of some of those medications then you have to treat.
• 34:34
  Speaker 5: I had to take Xanax with Paxil because as you dose yourself up to get where you do it, the Paxil actually gives you anxiety.
• 34:42
  Speaker 5: You know what I mean, and so a lot of people don't realize that.
• 34:45
  Speaker 5: But but so, anyways, you know 10, 10 deals and he says, well, you know, I'm not, obviously we're not going to be able to have any more appointments.
• 34:56
  Speaker 5: And I'm kind of like, obviously, no, I didn't know that.
• 35:00
  Speaker 5: It's like, well, vanderman, yeah, and I'm like you know my, my, my story, don't you?
• 35:07
  Speaker 5: I'm like I have no idea what you're talking about.
• 35:11
  Speaker 5: Doc, he says, well, I have to report next week to federal prison.
• 35:15
  Speaker 5: I'm like, oh, really, yeah.
• 35:23
  Speaker 5: So you know all the doctors in Kansas City that I pick out to be my psychiatrist to go and do this, you know I didn't Google them.
• 35:32
  Speaker 5: There wasn't internet back then.
• 35:33
  Speaker 5: You know it had been charged, convicted, for Medicaid Medicare fraud.
• 35:36
  Speaker 5: He's doing going for five years away to fricking.
• 35:39
  Speaker 5: You know, do his time.
• 35:42
  Speaker 5: I'm like, well, you know, I kind of wondered why I always had to pay cash.
• 35:46
  Speaker 5: You didn't take my insurance and stuff like that.
• 35:48
  Speaker 5: And then after that I even get calls from you know how did you pay Dr Sternberg when you went to something?
• 35:54
  Speaker 5: Well, I had to write him a check or cash, oh really.
• 35:57
  Speaker 5: So he went in violating the same thing.
• 36:01
  Speaker 5: What does it?
• 36:03
  Speaker 2: work.
• 36:04
  Speaker 5: You know, the man changed me.
• 36:05
  Speaker 5: I don't know where that happens, you know, but I will say, hey, he was a good doctor.
• 36:09
  Speaker 5: He did that and, as Barry told me, you know, we're all you know, and we're all sinners.
• 36:16
  Speaker 5: You know what I mean, and me included, and so I give him the grace of that.
• 36:20
  Speaker 5: He helped me, and that was the guy.
• 36:24
  Speaker 5: I apparently God, my God, as I've always said has one hell of a sense of humor, because he gave me that.
• 36:32
  Speaker 2: So, yeah, so that's Mike, you, you, you've and thank you for being so transparent here.
• 36:37
  Speaker 2: Yes, You've.
• 36:38
  Speaker 2: You've battled this almost ever since you can remember you still pressed on you white, knuckled it down the highway.
• 36:45
  Speaker 2: You've served in public places, spoken to major groups.
• 36:49
  Speaker 2: You've also had some pretty significant losses in your life A child, probably your closest friend, your dad.
• 36:58
  Speaker 2: How have you coped with those?
• 37:04
  Speaker 5: Yeah, those, you know God got me.
• 37:09
  Speaker 5: God, I mean that to me is no secret, god, god.
• 37:17
  Speaker 5: You know how do you get over watching.
• 37:19
  Speaker 5: You know how do you get over, you know, your daughter at 16 years old jumping off a bridge.
• 37:26
  Speaker 5: You know, I mean, how do you get over that?
• 37:28
  Speaker 5: You?
• 37:29
  Speaker 5: You don't get over it.
• 37:32
  Speaker 5: It never stops hurting it.
• 37:34
  Speaker 5: Just you just learn how to deal with it.
• 37:36
  Speaker 5: How do you get over?
• 37:37
  Speaker 5: You know, watching your father.
• 37:40
  Speaker 5: You know, fight it for 10 years.
• 37:42
  Speaker 5: You know he's my hero, he's my conscience, he's, he's my, why he's my, my dad is still my, why I get up in the morning and do what I do, so to try to be better, so I can honor him by that.
• 38:08
  Speaker 5: And I haven't always done that.
• 38:10
  Speaker 5: You know, in my life, I mean, I've made some pretty piss poor decisions, and I've I am by no, you know.
• 38:19
  Speaker 5: You know my closet is it has, you know, in my, in my way past, as you know it's.
• 38:28
  Speaker 5: I'm not perfect.
• 38:30
  Speaker 5: That's why I didn't judge zero people, and you know, and you know, and you know and.
• 38:36
  Speaker 5: I'm not perfect, you know, man, my, you know.
• 38:39
  Speaker 5: Probably the hardest one, though is, you know and I call it like I see it, you know, if any of you guys know I mean Barry knows probably me better than you, but you know I don't sneak up on anybody, I come right at you, you know, you never have to worry about me stabbing you in the back, I'm gonna come right at your face.
• 38:58
  Speaker 5: And, as Mike Tyson says, we're all tough until we get punched in the mouth you know, and you're never gonna.
• 39:04
  Speaker 5: You know, I'm never gonna be that guy that you ah that too was behind that.
• 39:08
  Speaker 5: No, I'll come right at you and so I say what it is and that's the character, you know, character defect I have, and then the strength I have that I think builds loyalty from my friends, people who work for me, those type of things.
• 39:25
  Speaker 5: You know, my daughter, my daughter who's alive.
• 39:33
  Speaker 5: You know, I call it like I see it and she's perfect example, in my opinion, of Stockholm syndrome, if you look at it.
• 39:43
  Speaker 5: And I was not a good husband to my first wife and she hates me as much today as the day that it was over and unfortunately, the age my daughter was at had to take a lot of the brunt of that and stuff and there's a lot of things that she believes that just absolutely aren't true.
• 40:06
  Speaker 5: They just aren't and but it is what it is.
• 40:11
  Speaker 5: But I, you know that's probably been the hardest one because I have not talked to her in 10 years and she's still here, she's still alive.
• 40:20
  Speaker 5: She's going to medical school in Kansas City and I miss her every day.
• 40:23
  Speaker 5: I love her every day and I text her and I reach out and you know it's nothing.
• 40:27
  Speaker 5: So you know those are the things that you look at and you say why doesn't anxiety just absolutely tear you apart on those type of things?
• 40:32
  Speaker 5: And that's the thing where it's like God gets me through all those things.
• 40:37
  Speaker 5: There's no way in hell that I can get through that stuff on my own, so he carries me.
• 40:42
  Speaker 5: I know that's what it is.
• 40:43
  Speaker 5: The other stuff I have to believe, you know, is.
• 40:48
  Speaker 5: You know, like I said at the beginning, he, you know, he's he, he, he, you know, he, he, god doesn't call it qualified, he qualifies the call, you know, and so that's that's how I, I can help on that's, I think, what brings me here to be able to help on those type of things.
• 41:09
  Speaker 5: You know, I can't give you an answer how I'm still got through all that shit.
• 41:12
  Speaker 5: You know all that stuff, because it's just how do you?
• 41:16
  Speaker 5: I mean, how do you people ask me all the time, how, how, how?
• 41:20
  Speaker 2: I think, mike, we, we thank you so much and, as we've gotten to know you, you are very.
• 41:27
  Speaker 2: You don't sneak up on anybody, it's it's what you see, is what you get with Mike Lesser, and I think, for for many of us, that's very refreshing, because you're not a, you're authentic, you're not a pretender, you're an authentic man and you help us to see some things about ourselves that we're a little uncomfortable with.
• 41:47
  Speaker 2: You know, amanda, a lot of people, maryam, that come through the doors of the rescue mission don't have a why.
• 41:55
  Speaker 2: They've lost their why.
• 41:57
  Speaker 2: Like you said, your dad's still your why, and you know, I think, that that one of the things that we need to be aware of with our neighbors, with folks who are unsheltered, maybe work at the rescue mission, maybe serve in community, as they've lost their why sometimes, and and and we can't make a why up for them, but we can help them to understand why it's important to live.
• 42:24
  Speaker 2: And of course, we know and Mike, you've identified with this you and I've had some incredible conversations, and it's about two years ago you got baptized.
• 42:33
  Speaker 3: I did.
• 42:33
  Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah.
• 42:36
  Speaker 2: And so as an adult and that was, that was awesome experience, especially when you see Mike come up out of that water and the expression he had on his face.
• 42:43
  Speaker 5: And, and, and, and he said he had to hold me down a little longer than most.
• 42:47
  Speaker 5: Just to make sure that when he dry already, and I grew up together so I could have pulled him in too Pulled transparency.
• 42:58
  Speaker 2: That's why he was debating there for a little bit, so I'll just go ahead and leave him down.
• 43:00
  Speaker 2: But but, mike, you know what we, what we believe in it and you've identified this as well is that part of your why now is is the qualifier the God of your life, and, and so what we, we like to help people who are struggling to know that they are, in spite of how they see themselves, maybe how other people have reflected back to them, that they are incredibly important to him, god, and he sees us as his why, isn't?
• 43:35
  Speaker 3: that pretty cool.
• 43:36
  Speaker 2: That's powerful, isn't it?
• 43:37
  Speaker 2: Yeah, we're his why.
• 43:38
  Speaker 2: He created this whole universe out here.
• 43:41
  Speaker 2: You know, and, and, and and.
• 43:43
  Speaker 2: The more we get to know about it, it's like, wow, yeah, that that's not a random thing out there.
• 43:49
  Speaker 2: It's powerful, and and and.
• 43:51
  Speaker 2: Yet he said, above, above all, that that that we're his why, so much to the point that his why has turned on him so many different ways, me included.
• 44:03
  Speaker 2: And he said okay, I'm going to make a way so that I can prove to you my why, and that's, I'm going to give you my son and he's going to take it all.
• 44:13
  Speaker 2: He's going to take it all.
• 44:14
  Speaker 2: Well, this is heavy.
• 44:17
  Speaker 2: Mike is um Lamanimarium, anything you want to say.
• 44:24
  Speaker 3: I'm not exactly sure what I would say other than wow and um, how important it is that there are people like you, mike, that are so willing to be so transparent and so willing to, um, show their pain, um to others, to encourage them.
• 44:44
  Speaker 3: And you know, I thought you were a pretty cool guy before and now you're probably going to just, you know, get sick of me, um, but no, I think I think what you said is really important and I think the message that we never know what people are going through and why, how we treat people is so important, because we don't know what they might be facing.
• 45:12
  Speaker 3: Um, that's, it's, it's something that we should just all strive for.
• 45:20
  Speaker 5: You know um thank you and um, like you know, you know, how I feel about you as well, and uh, you know, I guess that you know.
• 45:30
  Speaker 5: The other thing, though, is you know, is you know one of the things that kept kind of coming up as we were talking about.
• 45:37
  Speaker 5: You know how did you do this or how did you, and I think you know, the one thing I, you know, I think is important, is there's a lot of people, though, that that helped me, you know, to, uh, to get through, and this was behind no wings, like we said, white knuckle it.
• 45:58
  Speaker 5: And you know, and you know, you know the three things that that you know, as you brought up my bab to you know the my mission church, you know, and I'll say the name because that's my church, and, um, you know, just you know what?
• 46:14
  Speaker 3: what?
• 46:15
  Speaker 5: RD and Cody and now you bury there.
• 46:17
  Speaker 5: If you put together is you know it changed.
• 46:20
  Speaker 5: It actually changed my life, you know it's changed my life.
• 46:23
  Speaker 5: I mean from the standpoint of you know, I went.
• 46:27
  Speaker 5: You know I went to great church, grace's Cathedral, my entire life and when I was a kid I was a virgin there and you know and and you know, and great church, I have nothing but great fond memories.
• 46:40
  Speaker 5: I still go cause on Christmas Eve, just because we always did that.
• 46:45
  Speaker 5: And you know, and and uh, when it burned down, my dad played a major role and my mom did as well in raising money, and then my dad and his company helping to rebuild it.
• 46:56
  Speaker 5: And very few bills, very few bills did Lester Electric send to Grace Cathedral or sister?
• 47:04
  Speaker 5: Mary Carita assumption you know the bills that he usually sent, said paid and um.
• 47:10
  Speaker 5: But you know, the difference is and this is about me it's not about one being good, one not being good, like RD talks a lot about it talks about it, but is until mission for me.
• 47:26
  Speaker 5: I I did not have a relationship with with God or Jesus.
• 47:31
  Speaker 5: I believed in God, I believed in Jesus a bit, but but what's changed then?
• 47:36
  Speaker 5: And why I wanted to get baptized, because it was my decision not at three months old.
• 47:42
  Speaker 5: You know was that became important to me.
• 47:46
  Speaker 5: And now I read the Bible, I study the Bible.
• 47:51
  Speaker 5: I don't just go and follow the rules that people tell me I'm supposed to do.
• 47:55
  Speaker 5: And let's nobody's Like.
• 47:59
  Speaker 5: I said, I'm not bash, it's just for me.
• 48:01
  Speaker 5: This is what I needed.
• 48:05
  Speaker 5: And then the other thing that I have to say is my wife.
• 48:13
  Speaker 5: She deserves so much better than I am and we've had our struggles over 25 years.
• 48:27
  Speaker 5: But I went from having someone who was there that made me feel guilty about the way that I felt when I would have these, to somebody that now helps protect me, who knows my triggers.
• 48:56
  Speaker 5: I mean she, you know she's probably the most self, you know, selfless person.
• 49:07
  Speaker 5: You know I went, I went from the selfish to selfless.
• 49:11
  Speaker 5: You know, as far as just the way that she support, has supported me through these things, because it still rears its ugly head now.
• 49:19
  Speaker 5: But I do have to say too on that is is when I get a cold or a man cold.
• 49:28
  Speaker 5: She is the absolute worst nurse in the entire freaking world.
• 49:32
  Speaker 5: She has zero tolerance.
• 49:34
  Speaker 5: I still have to call my mother when I get a cold because I get nothing.
• 49:41
  Speaker 2: Aaron, if you were listening, it was going really well.
• 49:43
  Speaker 5: Yeah, yeah, but you know, mike, no, she'll say you know, mike is the best nurse and I'm the worst in her.
• 49:49
  Speaker 5: I'm going to tell you that when it comes to that piece and I think LeManda and I have even texted when- I was sick I was like okay, lemanda, I need some attention Okay.
• 49:58
  Speaker 4: And I said I feel so sorry for Aaron and my prayers to her during your man cold.
• 50:05
  Speaker 5: Yeah, because I am not good at that and I am a bit, but you know.
• 50:10
  Speaker 5: Lastly, then is is you know John Maxwell talks about.
• 50:16
  Speaker 5: You know the circle of five and I absolutely preach this to my kids and, and you know John Maxwell's circle of five is you become like the five people you spend the most time around, the most time with, and that becomes part of you know, part of who you are, and I absolutely believe that I have conversations with my kid and you know, you know I, you know I would be remiss to not say you know my circle is is Perry, is a guy named Derrick Rose, cody Foster, craig Strongren, don McWilliams and Tom Meyer.
• 50:58
  Speaker 5: So my circle of five, six, but I remember it like I said, I'm much more educated and smart.
• 51:04
  Speaker 5: So so I just can't add.
• 51:05
  Speaker 5: But then you know, then you have your people.
• 51:08
  Speaker 5: You know your people which are.
• 51:10
  Speaker 5: You know you guys are my people, amanda, you know Mary, I mean.
• 51:13
  Speaker 5: Then you have your people, that that that are underneath the Fred Patton, tony Emerson, ron Reichman, doug Vinson, you know Brian Smith, artie Cog.
• 51:21
  Speaker 5: I mean these are my people, that that you know, you learn when I got sober.
• 51:26
  Speaker 5: You know, through alcoholics, anonymous, you, you have to kind of, you have to decide who you're going to be with and who those people are that, that, that that we also know, in in for people of fight addiction and homeless.
• 51:39
  Speaker 5: You know, you know and you know through that is you become those people and like those people and and, and it goes both ways.
• 51:48
  Speaker 5: So, so you know, that's, that's.
• 51:50
  Speaker 5: That's pretty much all I have, as far as you know, getting to be able to function through.
• 51:57
  Speaker 5: The anxiety is that happens is because I have also a support system of of people that I can say hey, you know, I can call Barry at sometimes 430 in the morning.
• 52:12
  Speaker 5: You're just like it's at five, you know what are you doing?
• 52:15
  Speaker 5: And well, I'm in my skivvies in the in the chair here, what are you doing?
• 52:20
  Speaker 5: Thanks, mike.
• 52:21
  Speaker 5: Well, most people are at five in the morning, I think.
• 52:27
  Speaker 5: I mean, if you're not, if you're fully dressed at five, I'm worried about this.
• 52:32
  Speaker 2: But I got my dog up in my lap.
• 52:33
  Speaker 2: Yeah, you do, I know.
• 52:35
  Speaker 5: But you know, here's the other deal.
• 52:37
  Speaker 5: Though it's, it's man, we have some good.
• 52:39
  Speaker 5: I mean in all of seriously, I mean some.
• 52:41
  Speaker 5: I mean, and part of that is because you and I are so busy, it's like we have a, it's the only time we could talk.
• 52:45
  Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah.
• 52:47
  Speaker 5: But we have some deep, deep stuff at at five, you know.
• 52:50
  Speaker 2: So, Mike, thank you so much Before we, before we close today, Amanda, what's your takeaway today?
• 52:57
  Speaker 4: That.
• 52:57
  Speaker 4: I wish that there were more Mike Lussers in the world, yeah.
• 53:02
  Speaker 2: You know, most days, most days, okay, most days.
• 53:04
  Speaker 4: Most days Depends on if my phone is blowing up or not.
• 53:07
  Speaker 4: Yeah, there you go.
• 53:08
  Speaker 4: But you know, I think we've already touched on just his transparency, his vulnerability, his work ethic, all of those things, but I don't know if we've really touched on how those things make him the friend that he is.
• 53:27
  Speaker 4: And I mean Mike.
• 53:31
  Speaker 4: Don't think I like you or anything, but Mike is a friend and that's just not a word that I take lightly, you know, especially just being in this role and it's been quite the transition, and to do it at a time where homelessness has become political and I just experienced some hurt, that you know, I'm just someone who's bubbly and I love people and to find out that not everybody is nice and not everybody is is kind that that kind of rocked my boat a little bit.
• 54:19
  Speaker 4: And so when we talk about being authentic and we talk about transparent and all of those kind of things, that was what made me want to have a friend and Mike.
• 54:30
  Speaker 4: But it also allowed me to let Mike in to be my friend because I knew that I could trust him.
• 54:36
  Speaker 4: I knew that he was going to have my back.
• 54:38
  Speaker 4: I knew he was going to tell me when he felt like I was maybe not making the right decision and that it was because of his concern for that, and so you know he's a rockstar on so many levels.
• 54:52
  Speaker 4: But I also think that the friendship piece is something that we need to just highlight, because if you have been honored to gain Mike's trust or you have the opportunity to let him in, everyone would say he has been a true definition of a friend, and for that I'm grateful.
• 55:12
  Speaker 2: Well said yeah.
• 55:13
  Speaker 2: So, mike, let's hurt.
• 55:17
  Speaker 2: Friend and community leader, transparent, authentic, grateful gratitude.
• 55:26
  Speaker 2: You've shared your heart.
• 55:27
  Speaker 2: You've shared some things that have been a challenge in the social level, emotional level and the chemical level.
• 55:33
  Speaker 2: You also identified that there's somebody outside of all of us, your savior Jesus Christ, who is the one that has gotten you through all this over the years, and I want you to know.
• 55:45
  Speaker 2: You've made a big impact on our lives and many others in this community, and we trust that your availability today to be on this podcast is going to spread that even further.
• 55:57
  Speaker 4: Yes.
• 55:58
  Speaker 2: So, whether you have a home or don't have a home, whether you are sitting on a pile of money in your bank account or you're down to your last penny, whether or not you speak in front of 500 people or afraid to speak on the telephone to the next person that calls, know that there's a guy who has shared his heart today about what he struggled through and he still is admitting that that struggle is right, present today.
• 56:23
  Speaker 2: It's just better, but it could happen to any of us at any time, anywhere, and it's okay for us to circle ourselves around some healthy friends, maybe five, maybe start with one.
• 56:35
  Speaker 2: But know this that you are valuable, that in spite of this broken, cursed, hard world and certainly we know in Topeka, kansas, right now, there's a lot of suffering going on because of record number of people dying through homicide and homelessness that's out of control in the whole country and what's going on globally.
• 56:57
  Speaker 2: You may just feel like that you are so isolated.
• 57:00
  Speaker 2: You don't have to be and you do not have to suffer and perish in your own challenges, because there are people like Mike Lesser and there are people that maybe are close to you, that cared deeply for you and if you will take a step just to reach out, and first of all reach out in prayer and say Lord, I'm here, do you see me?
• 57:22
  Speaker 2: Listen for him to say I see you and I am loving you and you're my why, you are his why.
• 57:34
  Speaker 5: You know the last thing I want to say, because I wanted to make sure I got this in and I don't know if you remember it, barry, but it was probably four or five years ago and remember you and I were talking, and we're talking about anxiety.
• 57:47
  Speaker 5: That's the first time I ever brought it up to you and you told me.
• 57:54
  Speaker 5: You said, you know I never had that, but you know it hit me.
• 57:59
  Speaker 5: It hit me one time you were getting up to speak and a couple of times you went to go speak.
• 58:02
  Speaker 5: You said you started having this and this is something that I think about too, when the way that you know because we could go way deeper in this of how you control it and stuff, but one of the ways that what you told me is one of the ways now when I do control it and even means more to me now because of you know, you know my faith since discovered mission and you know, get a tattoo of John scripture on me, you know, to look at was.
• 58:41
  Speaker 5: You know you said you know I got up there, I started to have this panic attack and you know I said I asked God to help me and then I kind of you said, you told me.
• 58:50
  Speaker 5: You said the worst thing that could happen to me, I guess, up here is I fall over and die, just right up here.
• 58:58
  Speaker 5: And you know what he said not in any hurry, don't want it to happen, but if it does I'm okay.
• 59:06
  Speaker 5: You know, and that's kind of where I'm at too, you know.
• 59:10
  Speaker 5: So I tell myself, yeah, I tell myself.
• 59:12
  Speaker 5: I sometimes, when it's I said you know, I know he loves me.
• 59:17
  Speaker 5: You know, I know that I'm not.
• 59:21
  Speaker 5: You know, as Steve, a guy named Steve, used to say in AA, I'm not the man that I want to be, but thank God I'm not the man I used to be you know, and so I'm not in any hurry, you know, but I'm okay with that, because I've paid the electric bill and you only got to pay it once, man.
• 59:46
  Speaker 5: You don't got to keep paying it over.
• 59:47
  Speaker 5: No matter how many people think you have to keep paying it, you pay it once.
• 59:50
  Speaker 5: So that advice that you gave me has transpired and has transferred into one of my coping mechanisms, and so it was important that I taught you.
• 1:00:03
  Speaker 2: What you just did is open the door for me to unpack my story someday of my tenure struggle with anxiety and how what you just said was the final of it helped to where today, you know, caught me out of nowhere and took me out and I thought I'm done.
• 1:00:20
  Speaker 2: And struggle 10 years and God took me deeper with him because of it and I'm thankful for that and so but that's another story for another day If you've listened to this today on our community, our mission.
• 1:00:31
  Speaker 2: Whether you're listening on Wednesday, october 18th, or anytime down the road, this story is applicable, probably to you or someone you love and someone you know.
• 1:00:40
  Speaker 2: So thank you for listening to our community, our mission.
• 1:00:44
  Speaker 2: If you would like more information about the Topeka rescue mission and the many different ways that the rescue mission reaches out to people who are suffering and broken and giving them hope and letting them know that they're God's why you can find more information to go to the website at trmonlineorg.
• 1:01:00
  Speaker 2: That's trmonlineorg.
• 1:01:02
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• 1:01:07
  Speaker 2: Thank you for listening to our community, our mission.