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The Spy Who Shagged Me · Everyone Has An Ex

0:10
Speaker 1: You're listening to a Muma mea podcast. Muma Me acknowledges
0:15
Speaker 1: the traditional owners of the land and waters. This podcast
0:18
Speaker 1: is recorded on There's nothing quite like the instant connection
0:28
Speaker 1: you feel when you meet someone and just know they
0:31
Speaker 1: could be your person. It's a bond that runs deep,
0:34
Speaker 1: felt emotionally, intellectually and physically so powerful that together you
0:39
Speaker 1: feel capable of conquering anything and everything.
0:42
Speaker 2: I was so into it, and I was really taken
0:45
Speaker 2: with his views of the world and his approach on things.
0:49
Speaker 2: And there's a saying that says small minds speak about
0:52
Speaker 2: other people, medium sized minds speak about events, and open
0:56
Speaker 2: large minds speak about ideas. And I really felt it
1:00
Speaker 2: was like that we would were solving the problems of
1:02
Speaker 2: the world.
1:03
Speaker 1: And it was a really.
1:05
Speaker 2: Nourishing experience to be in where I felt like this
1:08
Speaker 2: is good for the soul and the and the body.
1:11
Speaker 2: I felt we were completely infatuated with each other.
1:15
Speaker 1: Everything was perfect. But with a connection this strong, it's
1:19
Speaker 1: easy to overlook a few signs to give your person
1:21
Speaker 1: the benefit of the doubt, but that doesn't mean everyone
1:24
Speaker 1: in your corner will see it the same way.
1:26
Speaker 2: My little sister, she put her energy into investigating Jake.
1:32
Speaker 2: Whatever it took, she was on the case. And of
1:36
Speaker 2: course she's relaying all this information to my other sister
1:38
Speaker 2: and my mum, and so it was like this three
1:41
Speaker 2: way onslaught from my family of what are you doing?
1:45
Speaker 2: And get out of there? And what's wrong with you?
1:47
Speaker 2: And how can you be so stupid? Like it was text,
1:50
Speaker 2: it was calls, it was relentless.
2:03
Speaker 1: I'm Georgia love and this is everyone has an ex
2:06
Speaker 1: Come with me as we dive into a collection of
2:08
Speaker 1: unconventional stories about relationships passed through the eyes and the
2:13
Speaker 1: hearts of the very people who lived them. We've all
2:16
Speaker 1: heard the saying love finds you when you least expect it. Well,
2:19
Speaker 1: for twenty seven year old Scarlet, a TV presenter living
2:22
Speaker 1: in Brisbane, that couldn't have been more true, because on
2:25
Speaker 1: one completely unassuming evening, an unlikely wing woman stepped in
2:30
Speaker 1: and set everything in motion.
2:32
Speaker 2: It was one of those nights where I had got
2:35
Speaker 2: my pajamas on ordered takeaway. It was in front of
2:38
Speaker 2: the TV. It was like I'm not leaving the house again.
2:41
Speaker 2: And then it was actually a message from my mum
2:43
Speaker 2: who was in town. She was a flight attendant and
2:47
Speaker 2: said come and meet me, and so I saw, okay, mom,
2:49
Speaker 2: I will, and so that set me on being out
2:52
Speaker 2: that night, and later on into the night, I met
2:56
Speaker 2: a friend at a pub after a rugby match who
3:00
Speaker 2: introduced me to Jake. As soon as we met, it
3:04
Speaker 2: was this crazy connection, emotional, intellectual. We were talking, we
3:08
Speaker 2: were kissing, and o member At the end of that night,
3:11
Speaker 2: I'd only met him five hours before, but prying myself
3:15
Speaker 2: away from him to go to my apartment seemed impossible,
3:18
Speaker 2: like I was just so in it.
3:20
Speaker 1: And from there it was full steam ahead.
3:23
Speaker 2: We became pretty much inseparable, and we spent a lot
3:28
Speaker 2: of time together. Not every single day, but before long
3:31
Speaker 2: we were seeing each other every single night. He was
3:34
Speaker 2: staying at my place, and we were pretty soon talking
3:39
Speaker 2: about marriage and kids and all of those things that
3:44
Speaker 2: set up a future. A couple of weeks later, it
3:47
Speaker 2: became more official. But it was one of those experiences
3:51
Speaker 2: in the past you're sort of seeing someone you go, oh,
3:53
Speaker 2: is it a situation?
3:54
Speaker 1: Ship?
3:54
Speaker 2: Are they seeing other people? Are we actually a thing?
3:57
Speaker 2: But the connection was so strong from the start it
4:00
Speaker 2: was like it would have even been offensive to suggest
4:03
Speaker 2: to the other person that we were doing anything outside
4:07
Speaker 2: of each other. He was very dark, very handsome, very charismatic,
4:13
Speaker 2: physically my type, and he just seemed to have such
4:17
Speaker 2: an interesting view on the world. And I feel like
4:20
Speaker 2: I was learning so much with him, and we were
4:23
Speaker 2: in this absolute love bubble like nothing else seemed to
4:28
Speaker 2: be a problem.
4:29
Speaker 1: We were just together.
4:30
Speaker 2: And he told me he was a doctor, but that
4:32
Speaker 2: was the least interesting thing about him. We would spend
4:36
Speaker 2: so long just walking by the river, getting food, drinking wine.
4:43
Speaker 2: I came home one day and the whole living room
4:45
Speaker 2: had been completely transformed. He'd put tea like candles all
4:48
Speaker 2: the way along the window sill and along the wall
4:51
Speaker 2: and the cabinet, and it was all pillows and plush
4:54
Speaker 2: blankets and a bottle of champagne and a big cheese platter.
4:58
Speaker 2: And this was just how it was any given day.
5:01
Speaker 2: One time he picked me up from work in a
5:04
Speaker 2: convertible luxury car that he'd hired just to give me
5:07
Speaker 2: a bit of a nice afternoon fancy restaurants. And it
5:13
Speaker 2: wasn't like it was all these luxury things. They were
5:16
Speaker 2: definitely there, but I had just as good a time,
5:19
Speaker 2: like staying in bed all day or sitting around watching TV,
5:24
Speaker 2: so it was whatever we were doing, the connection was
5:27
Speaker 2: so good. There was definitely chemistry, physical attraction, and intellectual
5:33
Speaker 2: was really strong, like he'd talk about big ideas and things.
5:37
Speaker 1: That were going on in the world.
5:39
Speaker 2: And as a journalist who kind of felt like I
5:42
Speaker 2: knew a lot about a lot of things, you know,
5:46
Speaker 2: and a lot of people, a lot of people I
5:47
Speaker 2: spoke to, I'm like, oh, gosh, ah, the poor uninformed,
5:51
Speaker 2: you know that kind of thing.
5:52
Speaker 1: It was not like that at all.
5:53
Speaker 2: I was so into it, and I was really taken
5:56
Speaker 2: with his views of the world and his approach on things.
5:59
Speaker 2: And there's a saying that says small minds speak about
6:03
Speaker 2: other people, medium sized minds speak about events, and open
6:07
Speaker 2: large minds speak about ideas. And I really felt it
6:10
Speaker 2: was like that we would were solving the problems of
6:13
Speaker 2: the world.
6:14
Speaker 1: And it was a really.
6:15
Speaker 2: Nourishing experience to be in where I felt like, this
6:19
Speaker 2: is good for the soul and the mind and the body.
6:22
Speaker 2: The I Love You came a few months later, but
6:24
Speaker 2: I feel like we both wanted to say it immediately,
6:27
Speaker 2: but it was one of those you know, social rules
6:29
Speaker 2: that you just wait a little while to say it.
6:32
Speaker 2: But I felt we were completely infatuated with each other.
6:36
Speaker 2: Everything was perfect. I would go to work in the day,
6:39
Speaker 2: he would go to work. Often he would drop me
6:41
Speaker 2: at work, so I wouldn't even have to drive myself.
6:43
Speaker 2: He'd dropped me at work, and then he'd go to work,
6:45
Speaker 2: and then he picked me up and we'd be back
6:47
Speaker 2: in the love bubble and everything was just as good
6:50
Speaker 2: as it can be.
6:51
Speaker 1: I was totally on cloud nine. Things were moving pretty fast,
6:55
Speaker 1: and at the time Jake was in the process of
6:57
Speaker 1: moving out of his place, so it was only natural,
7:00
Speaker 1: especially with a connection like theirs, that he spent more
7:02
Speaker 1: time at Scarlet's, and that, dear listener, is when you
7:05
Speaker 1: can observe your person a little more closely.
7:08
Speaker 2: I think I might have said thing, oh, well, no problem,
7:11
Speaker 2: you can just stay here. So there was never an
7:14
Speaker 2: official you can move in with me, and he never
7:16
Speaker 2: did move in with me, but it was like an
7:20
Speaker 2: unspoken scenario that just started playing out. I got to
7:24
Speaker 2: a stage where it was every night, and when that
7:27
Speaker 2: was happening, I suppose I may have questioned why he
7:31
Speaker 2: didn't have night shift, but he said that he was
7:34
Speaker 2: only on day shift. It was something about the hours
7:38
Speaker 2: there seemed to be like the explanation made sense, and
7:41
Speaker 2: I didn't really think anything of it. He had this
7:44
Speaker 2: doctor's kit, which was this old looking briefcase with a
7:48
Speaker 2: stethoscope in it. It really looked like some kind of
7:51
Speaker 2: vintage relic, you know. I didn't think it looked quite right.
7:56
Speaker 2: But then also, I am not a doctor. I don't
7:59
Speaker 2: know what it's supposed to look like. And he would
8:02
Speaker 2: dress super casually, like in like almost gym gear to
8:06
Speaker 2: go to work, which I thought, oh, that seems a
8:08
Speaker 2: bit odd. He told me that he got changed at work,
8:11
Speaker 2: so he had his uniform work and got changed, and
8:13
Speaker 2: I thought, okay, well that makes sense. And it was
8:17
Speaker 2: a few months in and I'd never met any of
8:19
Speaker 2: his colleagues. Again, they're doctors, they're busy, they're probably working
8:24
Speaker 2: and sleeping.
8:26
Speaker 1: And then there came an issue with money.
8:30
Speaker 2: So we'd have these extravagant experiences together, helicopter tours of
8:35
Speaker 2: wineries and fancy weekends away and dinners at the best restaurant,
8:41
Speaker 2: and it was all looked after by him. And then
8:43
Speaker 2: the next morning he'd say he didn't have any money
8:45
Speaker 2: to get coffee, and I was like, well, the least
8:49
Speaker 2: I can do is shout you at coffee. That's absolutely fine.
8:53
Speaker 2: So it wasn't the actual money itself. It was more
8:56
Speaker 2: just unusual behavior. How you could have so much and
9:00
Speaker 2: then straightaway have nothing.
9:03
Speaker 1: It seemed.
9:05
Speaker 2: I was thinking, there's just something that doesn't quite add up.
9:10
Speaker 2: I'd met all of his family, really beautiful people. He
9:13
Speaker 2: was a doctor in their eyes, the doctor of the family.
9:16
Speaker 2: So while there were a couple of things that didn't
9:19
Speaker 2: add up, there were also things that did. So at
9:22
Speaker 2: that stage, I was, I suppose, just deep down feeling
9:27
Speaker 2: like there's a few things we need to figure out
9:30
Speaker 2: before we get married and have lots of babies. I
9:34
Speaker 2: asked a couple of questions about the money and about
9:38
Speaker 2: the uniform to work, and I'd dropped him at the
9:43
Speaker 2: hospital a couple of times, and every time I asked
9:46
Speaker 2: him he seemed to have an explanation quickly or he
9:49
Speaker 2: shut it down. And I didn't want to make things worse,
9:53
Speaker 2: because we wanted to be happy and enjoy our day
9:57
Speaker 2: and not go into an argument.
10:00
Speaker 1: Almost a year into the relationship, tragedy strunk. Scarlet's dad
10:04
Speaker 1: passed away suddenly. Through the shock and grief, Jag stayed
10:07
Speaker 1: by her side, but it was also a time but
10:09
Speaker 1: it began to raise new questions about who Jake really was,
10:13
Speaker 1: especially when he was around her entire family.
10:16
Speaker 2: All of the family went to my hometown of Wollongong
10:21
Speaker 2: to be together, my mom and my sisters. We'd lived
10:24
Speaker 2: in different areas of Australia, so we'd all come together,
10:28
Speaker 2: including Jake.
10:29
Speaker 1: He was with me at the time.
10:31
Speaker 2: My sister was pregnant and she was needing to have
10:34
Speaker 2: injections just as part of the pregnancy, very very routine,
10:38
Speaker 2: and Jake did not want any part of it. He
10:40
Speaker 2: didn't want to administer the needle, he didn't want to
10:42
Speaker 2: know what was going on, he didn't want.
10:43
Speaker 1: Any part of it.
10:45
Speaker 2: He almost recoiled at the thought of having to do that.
10:49
Speaker 2: It just seemed to be at odds with how you
10:51
Speaker 2: think a doctor would react in that situation. But then
10:55
Speaker 2: I thought, well, I guess you can still be a
10:58
Speaker 2: doctor and not be overly caring. Or also, because he's
11:03
Speaker 2: with me and she's my sister, therefore it didn't feel
11:06
Speaker 2: like it was the right place that either way, My
11:11
Speaker 2: poor sister was back on the job with having to
11:13
Speaker 2: do it herself. And then after the funeral, my sister
11:20
Speaker 2: and I decided to go and see my dad's GP
11:23
Speaker 2: because my dad had seen the GP who had sent
11:26
Speaker 2: him home with a life threatening infection which ended up
11:32
Speaker 2: taking his life.
11:33
Speaker 1: Yeah, so we were.
11:36
Speaker 2: Just curious as to why the GP sent him home
11:41
Speaker 2: when he should have been rushed straight to hospital at
11:44
Speaker 2: that stage and he ended up dying from sepsis with
11:48
Speaker 2: an infection that was untreated. So we thought, great, we'll
11:55
Speaker 2: bring Jake because wouldn't it be good speaking to the
11:57
Speaker 2: GP to have somebody who knows about medical information to
12:00
Speaker 2: be there with us. Not only did he not ask
12:04
Speaker 2: any questions, there was something the doctor said that we
12:08
Speaker 2: didn't quite know what was. My sister turned to Jake
12:11
Speaker 2: and said, oh, what does this mean? And he had nothing.
12:15
Speaker 2: He couldn't explain it. So he'd gone from being my
12:21
Speaker 2: boyfriend to sitting in the front row of my father's
12:24
Speaker 2: funeral with a lot of doubt around who he was
12:31
Speaker 2: and what.
12:31
Speaker 1: The story was.
12:33
Speaker 2: Because we were there for my dad's funeral, it was
12:36
Speaker 2: sort of down the list of things to talk about.
12:40
Speaker 1: As you would know, there's just a.
12:42
Speaker 2: Lot of things that had to be done in that
12:45
Speaker 2: period while you're in shock, while you're grieving, and so
12:51
Speaker 2: it was just little seeds that got planted.
12:54
Speaker 1: But these little seeds for Scarlet were big red flags
12:57
Speaker 1: for her little sister, who went into full Nancy Drew mode.
13:01
Speaker 2: Everybody grieves differently, and for my little sister, she put
13:05
Speaker 2: her energy into investigating Jake.
13:08
Speaker 1: Whatever it took. She was on the case.
13:12
Speaker 2: I had mentioned a few concerns about the money to
13:15
Speaker 2: my older sister, which pretty much means it goes through
13:17
Speaker 2: the whole family, let's be honest.
13:19
Speaker 1: So I think that.
13:22
Speaker 2: The whole family had knew that there was not everything
13:26
Speaker 2: being perfect and tracking, But that visit was what inspired
13:35
Speaker 2: her because it went from him doing something to me
13:40
Speaker 2: to him wronging the whole family at one of the
13:44
Speaker 2: most devastating times in our life. So it became personal
13:48
Speaker 2: for her. I said to her, I remember going, why
13:51
Speaker 2: are you doing this?
13:51
Speaker 1: Like go and live your life. It's my problem.
13:54
Speaker 2: And that's when she said, if he sat in the
13:56
Speaker 2: front row of my father's funeral and he sat in
13:58
Speaker 2: that GP office with me, is my problem.
14:01
Speaker 1: And she took it on. They were calling up going Scarlet,
14:05
Speaker 1: I don't know about this guy. Have you got proof?
14:10
Speaker 2: And being a journalist, you are used to getting the
14:14
Speaker 2: facts and getting verification. But I'd never really thought to
14:16
Speaker 2: order a boyfriend quite so strictly, I'm not sort of like,
14:20
Speaker 2: I mean, maybe it's a good thing to be, like, Okay,
14:22
Speaker 2: now can you give me your resume and your job
14:24
Speaker 2: description and your references? But I sort of didn't think
14:28
Speaker 2: to do that, so I sort of said, well, no,
14:30
Speaker 2: I haven't. I've dropped him at work, I've met his
14:33
Speaker 2: whole family. I'd met him through a friend originally, Like
14:36
Speaker 2: there was lots of reasons to support him, and all
14:41
Speaker 2: my friends and family loved Jake. He was an extremely
14:45
Speaker 2: charismatic guy, he really was. Everybody loved him. But my
14:50
Speaker 2: little sister, she was not going to let this go,
14:53
Speaker 2: and she phoned the university, no record of him having
14:58
Speaker 2: a medical degree. She phoned the hospital, no record of
15:03
Speaker 2: him being at the hospital. And then the big one,
15:10
Speaker 2: no record on APRA. So APRA is the site where
15:17
Speaker 2: anyone registered as a health practitioner in Australia needs to
15:20
Speaker 2: be registered. And it wasn't like he was there with
15:22
Speaker 2: a little bit of a black mark against his name.
15:25
Speaker 1: He wasn't there at all. There were so many questions
15:33
Speaker 1: rolling around in Scarlett's head. It was overwhelming. She didn't
15:37
Speaker 1: know what to do or how to approach this newfound
15:39
Speaker 1: information to the man she loved. There was so much
15:42
Speaker 1: going on, but one thing was clear. Her family was
15:45
Speaker 1: not going to let this go.
15:47
Speaker 2: It was harassment by family like it was text, it
15:52
Speaker 2: was calls, it was relentless. And during that time I
16:01
Speaker 2: had also lost my job. The reason for that is
16:07
Speaker 2: I've been freelancing, so I didn't lose my job. With
16:11
Speaker 2: everything that was happening, they needed somebody else to fill
16:14
Speaker 2: those shifts, and so I'd changed jobs and gone into
16:18
Speaker 2: PR during that period.
16:21
Speaker 1: So there was a lot on my mind.
16:23
Speaker 2: And when you start a new job, you don't really
16:25
Speaker 2: want your phone ringing like ten times a day while
16:28
Speaker 2: you're at your desk. Not a good look. And one
16:31
Speaker 2: day I was at work, Ignore, ignore, Ignore, I just
16:34
Speaker 2: started a new job, and she called the office reception.
16:38
Speaker 2: She called the reception of where I worked, and they
16:41
Speaker 2: came over to me because she was so panicked that
16:43
Speaker 2: something had happened to me, because she started fearing for
16:47
Speaker 2: my safety. So my little sister was investigating, and of
16:50
Speaker 2: course she's relaying all this information to my other sister
16:53
Speaker 2: and my mum and So it was like this three
16:55
Speaker 2: way onslaught from my family of.
16:59
Speaker 1: What are you doing?
16:59
Speaker 2: And get out of there? And what's wrong with you?
17:01
Speaker 2: And how can you be so stupid? At a time
17:03
Speaker 2: when I was grieving the loss of my dad, I
17:06
Speaker 2: had lost a job and was trying to make a
17:09
Speaker 2: way in an new career and trying to save a
17:13
Speaker 2: relationship which I believed was endgame for me. So there
17:16
Speaker 2: was a lot going on.
17:18
Speaker 1: The mental load was becoming unbearable, and Scarlett knew what
17:21
Speaker 1: she had to do. She had to confront Jake.
17:25
Speaker 2: I needed to find the right time because I knew
17:29
Speaker 2: that it would be a big fight, a big stress.
17:32
Speaker 2: I kept pushing it back, pushing it out of my
17:35
Speaker 2: mind because it was all I could cope with. So
17:40
Speaker 2: the first time I brought it up with him and said,
17:44
Speaker 2: these are some concerns I have. There's this, this, and
17:49
Speaker 2: this that doesn't add up. And the first response was, oh, okay,
17:56
Speaker 2: well I don't think we should be together, and he
17:59
Speaker 2: broke up with me. No answer, no explanation, He broke up.
18:05
Speaker 2: And when that happened, I sobbed like a baby for
18:11
Speaker 2: like twenty four hours in my bed and then came
18:14
Speaker 2: down with the worst flu.
18:16
Speaker 1: I've ever had.
18:17
Speaker 2: I felt like the worst thing had just happened, and
18:21
Speaker 2: I begged for.
18:23
Speaker 1: Him to take me back.
18:26
Speaker 2: I begged him to take me back, and so when
18:28
Speaker 2: I did that, I was on the back foot because
18:31
Speaker 2: I couldn't really beg to take him back and then
18:34
Speaker 2: be demanding answers about who he was.
18:38
Speaker 1: So she dropped it. The thought of losing Jake was
18:41
Speaker 1: just too much, so they carried on as if nothing
18:43
Speaker 1: had happened. But as you can guess, there were a
18:46
Speaker 1: few people that weren't too happy about that. My family
18:49
Speaker 1: was calling me, texting me, and emailing me hundreds of
18:54
Speaker 1: times a day. It was really out of hand, and
18:57
Speaker 1: of course it was coming from a place of love
18:59
Speaker 1: and a place of concern, because they were getting really
19:03
Speaker 1: concerned because there was no evidence he was who he
19:08
Speaker 1: said he was. So once the relationship sort of picked
19:11
Speaker 1: back up and I was feeling like we were going okay,
19:14
Speaker 1: I started to raise these questions again, and he said, Okay, Scarlett,
19:20
Speaker 1: I can send you a pay slip. Great, Okay, if
19:26
Speaker 1: you've got a recent payslip, I'll take it. Wonderful. Can
19:31
Speaker 1: I send it to you tomorrow? Wonderful? So I'm waiting
19:34
Speaker 1: with baited breadth at my email.
19:36
Speaker 2: I've never been so excited to get an email coming
19:38
Speaker 2: in and I opened it up. It didn't look like mine,
19:42
Speaker 2: but I thought, oh, okay, that's okay. We had a
19:46
Speaker 2: good night, and by this stage, this is what our
19:48
Speaker 2: relationship was like, good nights, bad nights, good days, bad days,
19:52
Speaker 2: very much walking on eggshells, trying to protect the chemistry
19:56
Speaker 2: and the attraction that we had. And I said, okay,
20:00
Speaker 2: thank you so much, thank you so much for the payslip. Sorry, yeah,
20:05
Speaker 2: I was sorry for asking. You know, it's just my family,
20:09
Speaker 2: my sister, my mom, and you know I've been going
20:12
Speaker 2: through a lot and there's been a lot of stress
20:13
Speaker 2: going on. And the way it worked out, my family
20:17
Speaker 2: became the enemy. And I did say, thanks for the
20:21
Speaker 2: pay slip. How do you explain the opera registration? And
20:25
Speaker 2: that was when the story changed. That was when he
20:30
Speaker 2: gave me an answer that absolutely flawed me. He said,
20:34
Speaker 2: the reason my name isn't there is because I'm in
20:39
Speaker 2: witness protection and it's been wiped so I can't be found.
20:44
Speaker 2: Because I'm an informant with a secret criminal investigation. I
20:51
Speaker 2: work for a national intelligence agency. I used to be
20:54
Speaker 2: in Special Forces, and I've protected the Malaysian Prime Minister's children.
20:59
Speaker 2: He seemed very matter of fact, to the point where
21:01
Speaker 2: I thought, well, if it was so matter of fact,
21:03
Speaker 2: why did it take this long for this to come out?
21:08
Speaker 1: Because we'd had such a.
21:10
Speaker 2: Close, open relationship where we would spend hours having dn
21:15
Speaker 2: ms about our childhoods and what was important to us,
21:19
Speaker 2: and there were multiple opportunities for this kind of information
21:24
Speaker 2: to come up. And so I just took a deep
21:28
Speaker 2: breath and said, right, okay. It was such a fantastical,
21:34
Speaker 2: bizarre response that I needed time to devise my cross examination.
21:40
Speaker 2: I suppose, like I guess, I'm an interest of journalist's brain,
21:43
Speaker 2: going what questions do I ask?
21:46
Speaker 1: From here?
21:47
Speaker 2: I felt like I could physically feel the cogs of
21:52
Speaker 2: my mind turning.
21:54
Speaker 1: So janke buy his own admission was a spy, and
21:56
Speaker 1: around this time it prompted Scarlet to do a little
21:59
Speaker 1: spying of her own.
22:01
Speaker 2: In the top of my printer. You know how you
22:03
Speaker 2: can lift up the lid to scan things. I was
22:06
Speaker 2: looking in there, which is not something I do every day.
22:09
Speaker 2: This is why it was a few weeks later I
22:12
Speaker 2: found the pay slip It was a cobble together sticky
22:17
Speaker 2: tape and liquid paper like arts and craft job. So
22:22
Speaker 2: it wasn't the pay slip. It was a doctor document.
22:26
Speaker 2: I had approached it very sarcastically, like you call this
22:28
Speaker 2: by work, This is pretty amateur, this is pretty dodgy,
22:32
Speaker 2: and it was, Oh, what's wrong with you? You know,
22:36
Speaker 2: why do you keep going on with this? And he
22:39
Speaker 2: also started to step away again of oh, okay, all right,
22:43
Speaker 2: well you know, I'm out, and I was scared of that.
22:46
Speaker 2: I didn't want to lose him. I was always trying
22:48
Speaker 2: to get back to that incredible, great connection that we
22:52
Speaker 2: had when we met, which was still there in pockets.
22:55
Speaker 2: I was wanting to protect my own integrity and reputation
23:00
Speaker 2: through all this, and also I had the view that
23:04
Speaker 2: we were going to be together forever. Still through all this,
23:07
Speaker 2: the view was that.
23:08
Speaker 1: He was my forever person.
23:09
Speaker 2: So I was wanting to protect both of our reputations
23:13
Speaker 2: because when you share certain information about a relationship, there
23:16
Speaker 2: is no going back. Through all this, I never wanted
23:20
Speaker 2: to leave him or break up. I just wanted to
23:23
Speaker 2: understand what was going on, and I was constantly giving
23:27
Speaker 2: him the benefit of the doubt. With that I was
23:30
Speaker 2: no closer to finding answers. In fact, I was more
23:33
Speaker 2: confused before me starting the investigation. During this the family
23:40
Speaker 2: pressure was becoming more and more relentless, and the language used,
23:47
Speaker 2: which they've since apologized for, was very much victim blaming.
23:52
Speaker 2: What is wrong with you? You're an idiot? How could someone
23:56
Speaker 2: smart like you end up in a situation like this?
24:00
Speaker 2: And I suppose they were saying out loud the things
24:03
Speaker 2: that deep down I was saying to myself. I didn't
24:06
Speaker 2: want to admit to myself that I'd been such an
24:08
Speaker 2: idiot and got it so wrong, because in the beginning
24:12
Speaker 2: it was such a strong intuitive connection, like I believed
24:17
Speaker 2: with every cell of my body that this person was
24:20
Speaker 2: the person I was meant to be with forever. So
24:22
Speaker 2: going back on that was me denying the strength and
24:27
Speaker 2: integrity of my own intuition. It was me admitting to myself, well,
24:33
Speaker 2: my sense of what's real and what's right is completely off.
24:37
Speaker 2: So I felt like by believing the lies would have
24:43
Speaker 2: been dismantling everything that I believed to be true for
24:48
Speaker 2: myself and my life. The consequences were much greater than
24:53
Speaker 2: just the relationship breaking up, And so I did what
24:57
Speaker 2: any love blind woman in my situation would do told
25:01
Speaker 2: my family I broke up with him and then continue
25:05
Speaker 2: to date him in secret. When I told my family
25:10
Speaker 2: that I'd broken up, it did stop the relentless calls
25:16
Speaker 2: and texts and pressure. It also meant I started this
25:23
Speaker 2: secret part of the relationship with I don't care who
25:26
Speaker 2: he is or what he does, it doesn't even matter.
25:30
Speaker 2: I just want to be with him because I love him.
25:33
Speaker 2: And I rationalized it in my mind by saying, of
25:37
Speaker 2: course you can love someone and still have no idea
25:40
Speaker 2: who they are.
25:41
Speaker 1: It had become so secret, so he was lying. I
25:46
Speaker 1: was lying.
25:46
Speaker 2: And the ironic thing was is my job was in
25:51
Speaker 2: pr at that stage before had been journalism, where your
25:54
Speaker 2: job is to use your voice, share the facts, tell
25:58
Speaker 2: the truth, be accurate. And in my home life everything
26:04
Speaker 2: was a lie. It was eating me alive inside.
26:08
Speaker 1: It was killing me.
26:09
Speaker 2: I am a open, honest person, very close to my family.
26:13
Speaker 2: I was at this luxury weekend away because we were
26:15
Speaker 2: back to these beautiful luxury weekends, you know, with spars
26:19
Speaker 2: and champagne and or dervs and all the things and fireplaces,
26:23
Speaker 2: and got a call from my mum. But because I
26:25
Speaker 2: was keeping up the facade. I couldn't just not be
26:28
Speaker 2: answering the phone. So here I am in a bubble
26:31
Speaker 2: bath with a glass of champagne, saying to Jake, you.
26:34
Speaker 1: Know, sh it's my mum, Hi mom, Oh honey, what
26:39
Speaker 1: are you up to?
26:39
Speaker 2: Oh? You know, just pottering around the house, my head
26:43
Speaker 2: down to Woolli's like just trying to keep up this
26:46
Speaker 2: story of me being alone and not being with him,
26:51
Speaker 2: And the calls were starting to be sympathetic. My family
26:58
Speaker 2: was saying, how you're going, love, you know what with
27:00
Speaker 2: the breakup and the emotional stress, and with my dad
27:03
Speaker 2: they were saying, how are you? And so there was
27:05
Speaker 2: this incredible guilt that I felt because I was with Jay.
27:10
Speaker 2: Yet they were comforting me because they felt that I
27:12
Speaker 2: was all alone wanting to start afresh, but I wasn't.
27:18
Speaker 1: The more Scarlet thought about it, the more she felt
27:20
Speaker 1: like a hypocrite. And Jake, well, he tended to agree.
27:23
Speaker 1: The conversation turned to, well, if you're lying to your
27:29
Speaker 1: whole family, then this can't be the real deal sort
27:34
Speaker 1: of vibes. So there was so much lying going on.
27:38
Speaker 1: He was lying, I was lying.
27:40
Speaker 2: It was eating me up inside and I thought How
27:43
Speaker 2: can I expect him to ever tell me the truth
27:46
Speaker 2: if I'm not being truthful in my own life. I'm
27:49
Speaker 2: believing now the key to us finally being together, finally
27:52
Speaker 2: being in the clear. Throughout this time, I really had
27:55
Speaker 2: this visual that it was going through this fog, and
27:58
Speaker 2: if we just got to the end of the fog,
28:00
Speaker 2: everything would be fantastic again and we could live happily
28:03
Speaker 2: ever after. So it was time to stop lying, and
28:08
Speaker 2: I wrote an email saying I've been seeing Jake, I
28:13
Speaker 2: will be seeing him. You can either get on board
28:17
Speaker 2: or you can cut me off. And I waited until
28:21
Speaker 2: my family were all in the one place. They lived
28:23
Speaker 2: all over Australia, so I'll wait until they were at
28:25
Speaker 2: a gathering, all in the one place, and I hit send.
28:30
Speaker 2: It was like dropping a bomb. They absolutely lost it.
28:37
Speaker 2: But they were not physically in the same city, so
28:39
Speaker 2: I was a little bit protected by being able to,
28:42
Speaker 2: you know, not answer the thousands of phone calls coming through.
28:46
Speaker 1: But what was.
28:48
Speaker 2: Even more diabolical was how Jake reacted. He was in
28:53
Speaker 2: my living room.
28:54
Speaker 1: I said, we.
28:55
Speaker 2: Can finally be together. I've told my family, like we
28:59
Speaker 2: can be in the open. We don't need to hide it.
29:01
Speaker 2: Let's just move forward, Let's do this. I felt, finally
29:06
Speaker 2: we're free, and that weight had lifted off my shoe,
29:10
Speaker 2: that tight feeling that you have when you're not speaking
29:13
Speaker 2: your truth, it was released. He turned to me and said,
29:18
Speaker 2: what did you do that for? I don't love you anyway.
29:25
Speaker 2: My body just crippled. I was in so much shock,
29:29
Speaker 2: like it really felt like being shot in the heart.
29:33
Speaker 2: And so within an hour I had put a chasm
29:39
Speaker 2: between myself and every single person in the world who
29:43
Speaker 2: I cared about.
29:45
Speaker 1: And I said, you don't mean that. I stood up
29:49
Speaker 1: and tried to hug him.
29:51
Speaker 2: I tried to beg for the love I suppose he
29:55
Speaker 2: wasn't ready to give.
29:57
Speaker 1: He wasn't ready to give that commitment.
29:59
Speaker 2: He didn't mean it deep down. It was such a mirror.
30:05
Speaker 2: It was such a mirror. It was me who didn't
30:08
Speaker 2: love myself. It was like I thought the weight would
30:11
Speaker 2: be lifted by telling my family the objective truth, but
30:14
Speaker 2: really I was still lying to myself.
30:18
Speaker 1: And that was the conversation that ended.
30:21
Speaker 2: It well sort of after that, and then began, I
30:28
Speaker 2: guess the great untangling, because throughout the period of time
30:32
Speaker 2: there had been so much on and off we were on,
30:35
Speaker 2: then we were off, and then it was a secret,
30:37
Speaker 2: and then it wasn't. I wasn't the person to end it.
30:42
Speaker 2: I really admire women who can end it and then
30:45
Speaker 2: just go no contact. I wasn't able to do that
30:49
Speaker 2: with him. The energetic connection in the chemistry was too strong. Fortunately,
30:55
Speaker 2: I really loved my job and it gave me a
30:58
Speaker 2: focus of I knew where to go each day and
31:01
Speaker 2: I could be on. If I didn't have that, I
31:07
Speaker 2: would have really spiraled into a deep depression, because I
31:10
Speaker 2: was spiraling that way anyway. But I still needed to
31:13
Speaker 2: get out of bed, have my shower, get to work,
31:17
Speaker 2: And for a long time, it was going through the
31:19
Speaker 2: motions of just getting through the next day, and it
31:25
Speaker 2: was a game of can I go through today without
31:28
Speaker 2: texting him? All I was thinking about was texting him.
31:34
Speaker 2: I would hope that I would see him. I'd be
31:37
Speaker 2: checking my phone to see if he texted me, and
31:39
Speaker 2: then double checking that I hadn't gone through one of
31:41
Speaker 2: the blocking him.
31:42
Speaker 1: Periods, And it was all I thought about.
31:45
Speaker 2: And I would write a little diary when I got
31:47
Speaker 2: home from work, going okay, if I go to the gym,
31:49
Speaker 2: and then I make my dinner and then I watch
31:51
Speaker 2: my show, then I can go to bed. And if
31:53
Speaker 2: I just follow that list, I won't text him. It
31:56
Speaker 2: was one of those things where you know what is
32:00
Speaker 2: good for you. I was very low in willpower. I
32:04
Speaker 2: was feeling very, very depressed. I was questioning my intuition.
32:08
Speaker 2: You know how they say, you know, this is why
32:09
Speaker 2: they've got to trust your gut. But to myself, I
32:13
Speaker 2: had trusted my gut and I'd chosen this person, So
32:16
Speaker 2: what does that say about my gut? That's why we
32:18
Speaker 2: kept having these rendezvous because I guess both of us
32:22
Speaker 2: couldn't keep away from each other. There was one day
32:25
Speaker 2: when my building manager said, oh, we found your boyfriend's license.
32:32
Speaker 2: Because they weren't quite up with what was going on
32:34
Speaker 2: in the relationship. They didn't know that we'd entered it.
32:36
Speaker 2: I said oh, and she handed me his license and
32:40
Speaker 2: I said, where did this come from? And she said, oh,
32:44
Speaker 2: it was dropped outside, dropped outside the door. So he
32:48
Speaker 2: had been at the door of my apartment without me knowing.
32:52
Speaker 2: He's either left the license on purpose, or was drunk
32:57
Speaker 2: and it just or something. It just fell out and
32:59
Speaker 2: it was there. So this is what also happened over
33:02
Speaker 2: that period. There was a series of him being around
33:06
Speaker 2: me without me knowing there was once he messaged me
33:08
Speaker 2: and said, you look really right in pink, because I
33:11
Speaker 2: was wearing a pink shirt to work that day, but
33:13
Speaker 2: I hadn't seen him. It was this weird he was
33:17
Speaker 2: there without me knowing, and for a while I was
33:22
Speaker 2: bringing home random men to have someone else in my
33:28
Speaker 2: apartment in case he turned up. I was also airbnb
33:31
Speaker 2: hosting at the time, which was fantastic, like there was
33:34
Speaker 2: the safety and security of having other people in the house,
33:38
Speaker 2: and so in the months following we would still catch
33:42
Speaker 2: up from time to time. I told him I was
33:45
Speaker 2: moving on started dating other people, and it became so
33:50
Speaker 2: toxic that he would even drop me off at dates
33:54
Speaker 2: with other men and then pick me up at the.
33:57
Speaker 1: End of it.
33:58
Speaker 2: It was like, we can't be together, but it was
34:00
Speaker 2: just those pockets of not being able to be away
34:04
Speaker 2: from each other, and he allowed it because I guess
34:08
Speaker 2: he knew without stepping forward to claim me, there was
34:12
Speaker 2: nothing he could do. But then, of course that was
34:16
Speaker 2: just my attempts to forget about him.
34:19
Speaker 1: This went on for months until one day when he
34:21
Speaker 1: picked Scarlet up from work. Something in who just switched.
34:25
Speaker 2: I looked at him with that different feeling, was like
34:29
Speaker 2: it wasn't the same person. It was like some sort
34:31
Speaker 2: of energetic cord had been cut and I was able
34:34
Speaker 2: to let it go. It became very clear that I
34:39
Speaker 2: didn't want the answers because finding out the truth with
34:45
Speaker 2: him was not what it was about. Because the resolution
34:49
Speaker 2: happened with me where I was able to feel like
34:53
Speaker 2: I got what I needed and I got the closure
34:56
Speaker 2: I needed. For the first time, I wasn't attracted to him.
35:03
Speaker 2: I felt a bit of disgust. Actually, I just looked
35:06
Speaker 2: at him, and he's a beautiful man.
35:10
Speaker 1: In that moment, I.
35:11
Speaker 2: Just saw he was a bit bedraggled. I think he
35:15
Speaker 2: had a bit of sauce on his shirt or something like.
35:18
Speaker 2: This happened to us all, you know, and it just
35:21
Speaker 2: gave me the ick. I'd never throughout all of this scenario,
35:25
Speaker 2: I never ever ever got the ick, But in that
35:29
Speaker 2: final time I saw him, I did, and I just
35:31
Speaker 2: breathed this sigh of relief and I thought, Yep, I'm done.
35:35
Speaker 1: I'm truly done. And that was the last time I
35:39
Speaker 1: ever saw him. Jake didn't give up easily, hundreds of
35:43
Speaker 1: calls and texts followed, all of them ignored as Scarlet
35:46
Speaker 1: stayed focused on what mattered most, making amends with her family.
35:50
Speaker 1: The next day was when I had the conversation to say, look,
35:55
Speaker 1: this is what's happened. And I was leaning at that
35:58
Speaker 1: time really into what I was being told about myself.
36:02
Speaker 1: It was a lot of self loathing, a lot of yes,
36:05
Speaker 1: I'm an idiot, I know I'm stupid, and I'm sorry,
36:08
Speaker 1: and I just things are over now, and things started
36:16
Speaker 1: to repair, the relationship with my family was quite rocky,
36:19
Speaker 1: as you can imagine, for a while before it started
36:22
Speaker 1: to build back up. And it might sound like my
36:26
Speaker 1: family has this strong hold over me, and it wasn't
36:28
Speaker 1: like that at all.
36:29
Speaker 2: It was really just normal, concerned family. I was going
36:34
Speaker 2: to do what I wanted to do anyway, which I
36:37
Speaker 2: clearly did. They were the voice that I had deep
36:41
Speaker 2: inside that I was ignoring and didn't want to listen
36:44
Speaker 2: to myself about. This is why it hurt so much,
36:46
Speaker 2: because they were saying out aloud the very thing I
36:48
Speaker 2: was needing to tell myself. I felt so ashamed, I
36:52
Speaker 2: felt so embarrassed. I felt it changed the whole way
36:57
Speaker 2: I looked at myself. I'd always felt that I was
36:59
Speaker 2: this confident, expressive speaker, and that completely broke my whole
37:06
Speaker 2: self identity. I became an salute man, hating be arch.
37:12
Speaker 2: I remember I was at a bar after work, and
37:15
Speaker 2: where I worked was actually close to the hospital. So
37:17
Speaker 2: I'm at the bar and there's this quite nice looking
37:19
Speaker 2: guy and he said, oh, hi, how are you going?
37:22
Speaker 2: And said, oh hi, how are you and what do
37:24
Speaker 2: you do? Probably not the best opening line, but hey,
37:26
Speaker 2: you know that's what came up. And he said, oh,
37:29
Speaker 2: I'm a doctor, and I said that's what they all
37:32
Speaker 2: left and say, and then like walked off. So the
37:36
Speaker 2: poor man must have been like, far out, what is
37:40
Speaker 2: wrong with that woman?
37:42
Speaker 1: So I was very.
37:43
Speaker 2: Skeptical and for a long time was going into situations
37:49
Speaker 2: wanting to have the upper hand and not believing anything.
37:53
Speaker 2: I would verbally say in the shower every day, Oh fuck,
37:56
Speaker 2: I hate men or psychopaths, narcisst misogynists like I was
38:02
Speaker 2: really like that, and I had to change that thinking.
38:05
Speaker 2: I had to change that thinking because if I believed
38:07
Speaker 2: that I was never going to find connection with someone,
38:10
Speaker 2: so a lot of it was rewiring my beliefs around,
38:14
Speaker 2: there are good men, there is something to believe in,
38:19
Speaker 2: you can have connection. It's very funny because my current
38:22
Speaker 2: partner actually did work for a national intelligence agency. So
38:28
Speaker 2: when when we met and he sort of told me
38:32
Speaker 2: on the you know, the second meeting, I was like,
38:34
Speaker 2: you're joking, Like, what is it with me in the
38:36
Speaker 2: intelligence community? This has never been anything intentional? He doesn't now,
38:41
Speaker 2: but it was. You find out, it's kind of quite boring.
38:44
Speaker 2: The way that Jake painted it was much more exciting now.
38:47
Speaker 1: I bet you're wondering whether Scarlet actually did get to
38:50
Speaker 1: the bottom of Jake's career. Dear listener, I realized that
38:53
Speaker 1: my desire to get to the bottom of what happened
38:56
Speaker 1: was more the journalist in me coming out wanting to
39:00
Speaker 1: give people the end of the story, rather than me
39:03
Speaker 1: wanting it for myself. It was more like I felt
39:06
Speaker 1: like this public service. It's more I felt like this
39:10
Speaker 1: community service that I needed to find the end so
39:12
Speaker 1: I could give all the people who were hanging on
39:14
Speaker 1: the edge of their seats the end of the story.
39:17
Speaker 1: And it wasn't about that I'd receive the lesson that
39:19
Speaker 1: I needed to and me going down that rabbit hole
39:25
Speaker 1: would have not helped me. It would have distracted me
39:28
Speaker 1: from getting on with my life, from my work, from
39:32
Speaker 1: meeting someone else. It would have just become me going
39:36
Speaker 1: right down into that never ending abyss. Because I thought
39:40
Speaker 1: about do I reach out to the ex girlfriend and
39:42
Speaker 1: things like this, I thought, no, what will it serve?
39:44
Speaker 1: I started writing a book called The Spy Who Shagged
39:47
Speaker 1: Me and my book is actually called voice Print. But
39:52
Speaker 1: I was like the Spy who Shagged Me and I
39:54
Speaker 1: wanted to record it. But then I thought, would the
39:57
Speaker 1: process of writing this book help me or hinder me? Absolutely?
40:03
Speaker 2: Speaking about the story, sharing about what happened, sharing the
40:06
Speaker 2: feelings from my own perspective, the lessons that I learned.
40:11
Speaker 2: That has been healing and that has been helpful. But
40:14
Speaker 2: getting to the bottom of who he is and what
40:17
Speaker 2: he does, I just thought wouldn't be a great use
40:20
Speaker 2: of my time or energy. To this day, I don't
40:24
Speaker 2: know where he is, I don't know what he does,
40:26
Speaker 2: I don't know if he's still a doctor. But I'm
40:28
Speaker 2: okay with that because I understand myself better. I know
40:32
Speaker 2: who I am, I know the truth of what I
40:35
Speaker 2: stand for, and that's way more important than getting to
40:38
Speaker 2: the bottom of his life. I don't know why he lied,
40:42
Speaker 2: and I don't know if he even knows the truth
40:45
Speaker 2: of what he does or who he is. I've never
40:48
Speaker 2: felt love and attraction like that since that relationship, and
40:53
Speaker 2: I have a lot of gratitude to him for being
40:56
Speaker 2: able to experience that feeling. And I also believe that
41:01
Speaker 2: feeling was so closely linked to the danger and deception
41:05
Speaker 2: of the relationship. I had those highs because I had
41:09
Speaker 2: those incredible lows. It was dangerous, it was risky, and
41:17
Speaker 2: that's what potentially gave me that feeling. And I believe
41:20
Speaker 2: with relationships now you do have a choice of what
41:23
Speaker 2: kind of relationship you want. The relationship I'm in gives
41:27
Speaker 2: me incredible peace and stability and reliability. There's not the
41:34
Speaker 2: peak high as I suppose, as you could describe with
41:37
Speaker 2: that previous relationship, but there are also not those lows.
41:41
Speaker 2: It's very stabilizing. It's a great foundation, and that can
41:47
Speaker 2: be a hard pattern to recognize if you're used to
41:49
Speaker 2: being in relationships where it.
41:51
Speaker 1: Is those.
41:53
Speaker 2: High highs we go chasing that again. I like feeling
41:57
Speaker 2: safe and secure and cared for in a relationship. I
42:01
Speaker 2: can totally be myself. I can speak my truth. I
42:05
Speaker 2: never feel like I have to filter what I'm going
42:07
Speaker 2: to say before it. I can be open with my
42:10
Speaker 2: friends and family, and the relationship is a real foundation
42:15
Speaker 2: to live the life I want to live and do
42:17
Speaker 2: the things I want to do, rather than being this
42:20
Speaker 2: all consuming focus in my life. Because I look back
42:23
Speaker 2: at that time and I can tell you objectively other
42:26
Speaker 2: things that I was doing, but he was the only
42:28
Speaker 2: thing that was taking up all of my emotional headspace.
42:32
Speaker 1: But every dark cloud has a silver lining, and this
42:35
Speaker 1: one will. It led to a brand new career path.
42:38
Speaker 2: I'm so grateful for that experience because it's what taught
42:42
Speaker 2: me that there is a huge difference between speaking with
42:44
Speaker 2: confidence and speaking your truth. And now as a voice
42:49
Speaker 2: and speaking coach, I serve my clients so much better
42:53
Speaker 2: because I'm not just about the surface level speaking tips.
42:56
Speaker 2: I really know what it truly means to speak your
42:59
Speaker 2: truth and to find your voice. So without that experience,
43:03
Speaker 2: I wouldn't be doing what I'm doing now, and I'm
43:07
Speaker 2: incredibly grateful for it, which I'm able to many years
43:10
Speaker 2: later in the moment, not so much now. I honestly
43:15
Speaker 2: feel nothing but gratitude for the situation. It really was
43:19
Speaker 2: something that happened for me, not to me. When these
43:22
Speaker 2: things happened at the time, you can feel like such
43:26
Speaker 2: a victim.
43:27
Speaker 1: How could they do this to me? How could this
43:30
Speaker 1: happen to me? I went and saw a counselor with
43:35
Speaker 1: all this, and.
43:36
Speaker 2: I was feeling, oh my gosh, like this is terrible,
43:40
Speaker 2: and was saying.
43:42
Speaker 1: He lied about this and lied about that, and she said, oh, yes,
43:47
Speaker 1: I just had somebody in with a similar situation. I said, sorry,
43:51
Speaker 1: what she was like, yes, happens more than you think.
43:54
Speaker 1: And then since that happened, and I have told the
43:57
Speaker 1: story to friends and family that I meet, everyone seems
44:03
Speaker 1: to have a similar story about someone lying similar to
44:07
Speaker 1: this circumstance, and so I don't feel special that having
44:11
Speaker 1: happened to me. In fact, now I feel incredibly grateful
44:15
Speaker 1: for the experience, grateful to have met him, to have
44:18
Speaker 1: known him.
44:19
Speaker 2: He's definitely played a role in my journey, and I
44:24
Speaker 2: would not be able to be the coach that I
44:28
Speaker 2: am today without that experience. I can definitely work on
44:31
Speaker 2: a much deeper level with an understanding that I wouldn't
44:35
Speaker 2: have had I'd put all of my energy and pinned
44:39
Speaker 2: all my hopes on this person being my husband, being
44:43
Speaker 2: the father of my children. And I've learned about relationships
44:46
Speaker 2: that it's really less about the other person and more
44:49
Speaker 2: about yourself, understanding what you want, loving yourself, having compassion
44:54
Speaker 2: for yourself. And I am absolutely thriving now. I have
45:01
Speaker 2: a successful business, I have a beautiful partner. I've chosen
45:04
Speaker 2: not to get married or have children. I feel very independent,
45:09
Speaker 2: and any young women who are getting into relationships, I
45:13
Speaker 2: feel absolutely qualified to be able to give them advice
45:16
Speaker 2: on what to do. And it's always listened to your
45:19
Speaker 2: own inner voice. Don't look for someone else to complete you,
45:23
Speaker 2: look at how you yourself can be completed. And if
45:26
Speaker 2: something happens in a relationship, it's always a lesson.
45:29
Speaker 1: It's often a mirror. It's giving us the opportunity to learn.
45:33
Speaker 2: More about ourselves. And that's why I say relationships and
45:39
Speaker 2: time with people is never wasted. It is if you
45:42
Speaker 2: stay there for too many years. But if you can
45:46
Speaker 2: appreciate that interaction and learn those lessons, then you'll end
45:50
Speaker 2: up being much further ahead in your own life. I
45:53
Speaker 2: had been on radio and TV all through my twenties,
45:57
Speaker 2: really confident speaking, and I thought that made me a really.
46:01
Speaker 1: Confident communicator, but it didn't.
46:03
Speaker 2: It was the relationship that taught me to truly find
46:05
Speaker 2: my voice. I had to learn what the truth was.
46:08
Speaker 2: I had to learn how to use my voice in
46:10
Speaker 2: all areas of my life, not just professionally. In my book,
46:14
Speaker 2: I talk about finding your FMV moment, So people think, oh,
46:18
Speaker 2: fuck my voice, but FMV is a find my voice.
46:21
Speaker 2: Where is that find my voice moment? We often reflect
46:24
Speaker 2: on the time when we lost our voice, so we
46:26
Speaker 2: were embarrassed or we didn't speak, but this is going
46:30
Speaker 2: back and going when did we speak? And for me,
46:32
Speaker 2: that relationship was my FMV moment.
46:52
Speaker 1: Everyone has an Ex's a MINTI Media production and proudly
46:55
Speaker 1: part of the Mum and mea network. This interview was
46:57
Speaker 1: conducted and episode narrated by me Georgia Love and was
47:01
Speaker 1: written and produced by Linda Scott. If you have a
47:03
Speaker 1: story you'd like to share, email podcast at momameia dot
47:07
Speaker 1: com dot au. You can support us by following the
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Speaker 1: show in your favorite podcast app and leaving us a
47:12
Speaker 1: five star review. We'll see you for the next episode.