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Modern Mental Health Challenges for Parents and What to do About it w/LPC Amber Batemen · 5–Minute Parenting: Tips to Help You Raise Competent, Godly Kids.

• 0:01
  SPEAKER_00: Welcome to another episode of the Five Minute Parenting Podcast.
• 0:05
  SPEAKER_00: I'm your host, Karen Ferguson, wife, mom, grandmom, and children's book author with a background in K-8 education and a passion for equipping parents to raise confident and God-confident kids.
• 0:18
  SPEAKER_00: In this podcast, we'll cover parenting practices for both a practical view and a biblical view.
• 0:23
  SPEAKER_00: Our goal is to help you raise kids with a positive, godly self-image so they can become all they were created to be.
• 0:30
  SPEAKER_00: I know you're busy, so we'll keep it short.
• 0:32
  SPEAKER_00: Let's take just five minutes and dive in.
• 0:39
  SPEAKER_00: Welcome to another episode of Five Minute Parenting.
• 0:42
  SPEAKER_00: I'm Karen, your show host, and today I'm talking with fellow Ambassador International Author Amber Bateman, who'll be sharing about modern dangers to mental health as it relates to parenting, taken from her book, Save Yourself Some Therapy: Four Modern Dangers to Our Mental Health.
• 0:59
  SPEAKER_00: Amber has a master's degree in clinical mental health counseling from Liberty University and is a licensed professional counselor in South Carolina.
• 1:08
  SPEAKER_00: She previously studied communications in Florida and religious studies in Thailand.
• 1:14
  SPEAKER_00: Amber has over 15 years of experience in the helping profession, serving with a therapeutic wilderness camp, sexual assault response program, pregnancy care center, student counseling services, Christian counseling, and private practice settings.
• 1:30
  SPEAKER_00: Amber, welcome.
• 1:32
  SPEAKER_01: Thank you for having me, Karen.
• 1:34
  SPEAKER_00: It's great to have you here to talk about mental health and well-being for parents at such an important topic.
• 1:40
  SPEAKER_00: So let's dive right in.
• 1:42
  SPEAKER_00: What would you say are the two most common modern challenges to mental health for parents?
• 1:48
  SPEAKER_01: Yes, I would say the two most common challenges are hurriedness or busyness and overstimulation.
• 1:58
  SPEAKER_01: And I would love to break those two down a little bit more for listeners.
• 2:02
  SPEAKER_00: Please do.
• 2:02
  SPEAKER_00: I think we all can relate to those for sure.
• 2:05
  SPEAKER_01: Yes, they're they come as no surprise to anyone.
• 2:09
  SPEAKER_01: Um we all know that we live in a very fast culture.
• 2:13
  SPEAKER_01: Modern life is so fast.
• 2:16
  SPEAKER_01: And if you have children, I think you feel that on an even deeper level.
• 2:22
  SPEAKER_01: Um we have two school-aged children, almost two school-aged children.
• 2:26
  SPEAKER_01: Um, one is in kindergarten, one's in preschool.
• 2:29
  SPEAKER_01: And we feel that life is so, so fast.
• 2:34
  SPEAKER_01: There are so many opportunities that you know we didn't have a hundred years ago in this country.
• 2:40
  SPEAKER_01: And I'm grateful for that.
• 2:41
  SPEAKER_01: I'm grateful that we have the internet and we have so many opportunities, but with it comes so much information, uh, so many choices that can really be very stressful.
• 2:56
  SPEAKER_01: And I think that modern families can relate to that.
• 2:59
  SPEAKER_01: A lot of families are stressed, they're irritable.
• 3:02
  SPEAKER_01: Uh, a lot of parents uh have trouble communicating, have relationship difficulties, have trouble parenting.
• 3:09
  SPEAKER_01: And when I think about what causes those angsts the most, what I see in my own parenting and in and in other parents is hurriedness.
• 3:19
  SPEAKER_01: We've got places to go, right?
• 3:21
  SPEAKER_01: We've got things to do.
• 3:23
  SPEAKER_01: When my child is throwing a fit, having a tantrum, uh, and I need to do some parenting.
• 3:32
  SPEAKER_01: What stresses me out the most is the fact that we have to go, right?
• 3:37
  SPEAKER_00: Yes.
• 3:37
  SPEAKER_01: Like we gotta get in the car.
• 3:39
  SPEAKER_01: If if I had all of the time in the world, we could sit down, we could have this conversation about why you can't have another cookie.
• 3:47
  SPEAKER_01: But we gotta go.
• 3:49
  SPEAKER_01: And so that constant urge of like we we have to hurry, we have to go, uh, I think is a huge, huge point of stress.
• 3:57
  SPEAKER_01: I know it is for families.
• 4:00
  SPEAKER_01: Um, and so being able to slow down our pace of life as a family is so so important, but so hard to do.
• 4:10
  SPEAKER_01: So let's jump into some practical things, right?
• 4:12
  SPEAKER_01: Because I think we all know we need to do this, but how do we do this?
• 4:15
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, um, and so one idea is practicing the art of saying no.
• 4:23
  SPEAKER_01: It is so difficult for some of us to do, but we have to get really, really good at saying no nicely, but but a no.
• 4:33
  SPEAKER_01: That's no to our kids, you know.
• 4:35
  SPEAKER_01: No, I'm sorry, honey, but we can't go to that birthday party because we've already had a full schedule.
• 4:41
  SPEAKER_01: Or no, I'm sorry, but we're not gonna be able to do two sports at once.
• 4:46
  SPEAKER_01: That's just too much for our schedule.
• 4:48
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 4:49
  SPEAKER_01: Um, and then of course, saying no to things in our own life too, not just to our kids, but no to further obligations, no to volunteer opportunities that are just gonna be too much for our family in this season.
• 5:04
  SPEAKER_01: Uh, so it's a simple thing, but it can be so difficult to do, at least for me.
• 5:09
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 5:10
  SPEAKER_00: Well, I would just interject, maybe too, and I I feel this saying no to our phones more, you know?
• 5:16
  SPEAKER_00: Yes.
• 5:17
  SPEAKER_00: No, I don't do that scrolling.
• 5:19
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 5:20
  SPEAKER_01: Exactly.
• 5:21
  SPEAKER_01: And I'll touch on that in a second more because you're exactly right.
• 5:25
  SPEAKER_01: Um, uh one thing I want to say is I think a lot of parents, modern parents, feel a ton of pressure to do everything for their kids and give their kids the best opportunities out there.
• 5:39
  SPEAKER_01: And this comes back to being on the phone too much.
• 5:42
  SPEAKER_01: When we're on social media a lot as parents, we see all of the things that other families are doing.
• 5:49
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, well, their kid is, you know, in the good news club, their kid is picking up trash in the community, their kid, you know, doing memorizing Bible verses or whatever it may be.
• 6:01
  SPEAKER_01: Um, and all those things are wonderful.
• 6:04
  SPEAKER_01: They're not wrong, but when we see other families doing all of the things in our minds, we can get, yeah, we can feel that pressure that, well, we need to be doing that too.
• 6:16
  SPEAKER_01: We need our kids to be involved in all of these things.
• 6:19
  SPEAKER_01: They need X, Y, and Z.
• 6:21
  SPEAKER_01: And they really don't.
• 6:22
  SPEAKER_01: What kids need most of all is healthy relationships to their parents.
• 6:29
  SPEAKER_01: That's what they need.
• 6:31
  SPEAKER_01: Good attachment, um, and parents who are emotionally regulated and who have time and space for their kids.
• 6:42
  SPEAKER_01: And I know this can be kind of a sensitive topic because all of us as parents want that for our kids.
• 6:47
  SPEAKER_01: But again, we feel too busy.
• 6:49
  SPEAKER_01: We feel like there's too much pressure.
• 6:52
  SPEAKER_01: And so, yes, being able to say no to a lot of things, including uh getting more pressure from our phones is so, so important.
• 7:06
  SPEAKER_00: Yes.
• 7:08
  SPEAKER_01: Um, yeah, and so another another thought is being more home and neighborhood centered.
• 7:16
  SPEAKER_01: I talk about this in the book a little bit, and it's been one of the things that has been most life-changing for our family.
• 7:22
  SPEAKER_01: Uh, driving is stressful.
• 7:24
  SPEAKER_01: Uh, it is for me, and I know it is for a lot of parents.
• 7:27
  SPEAKER_01: When we are going to and fro all over town in traffic, getting the kids in and out of the car, that takes a lot of time and a lot of energy that I don't think modern parents really realize.
• 7:41
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 7:42
  SPEAKER_01: And so a tip is to come back to the home and the neighborhood more.
• 7:48
  SPEAKER_01: So, for example, my kids on a Saturday, well, the one especially is very social.
• 7:53
  SPEAKER_01: So he'll always ask, can we go somewhere?
• 7:56
  SPEAKER_01: Can we go to the park?
• 7:56
  SPEAKER_01: Can we go to the store?
• 7:58
  SPEAKER_01: Can we, you know, go do things?
• 8:00
  SPEAKER_01: And I'm trying to be at home more and play with kids in the neighborhood more, have people over to our house more because when we do that, it slows life down so much.
• 8:14
  SPEAKER_01: I can't even explain it all, but if you try it, you know.
• 8:19
  SPEAKER_01: That's a good thing.
• 8:20
  SPEAKER_01: Being at home, being at home and being in the neighborhood where you're walking or biking places um slows down your pace.
• 8:31
  SPEAKER_01: Um, they've done some research on this in Denmark and and in Sweden, where people who walk and bike were more happy, less stressed than people who drove everywhere.
• 8:45
  SPEAKER_01: Uh, and it's I think it's just one of those things that Americans, Americans who love our cars, we don't think about it.
• 8:52
  SPEAKER_01: But it really is true.
• 8:54
  SPEAKER_01: And I would challenge listeners to just try it.
• 8:57
  SPEAKER_01: Rather than jumping in the car and going shopping or going driving around town, try staying at home more and doing some activities with your kids at home and in the neighborhood and see if that helps reduce some of that hurriedness.
• 9:13
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, good point.
• 9:16
  SPEAKER_01: Let me jump in to over-stimulation because I know we don't have a ton of time.
• 9:21
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 9:21
  SPEAKER_01: Um, we kind of already touched on it.
• 9:23
  SPEAKER_01: Over over stimulation is too much input, too much information coming into our senses.
• 9:32
  SPEAKER_01: And particularly in the modern world, we're talking about on the screens.
• 9:36
  SPEAKER_01: So it's phones, it's social media, video games, even TV in general.
• 9:44
  SPEAKER_01: Most children's shows that are available on TV are extremely overstimulating.
• 9:50
  SPEAKER_01: There's so much noise, flashing lights.
• 9:55
  SPEAKER_01: There's hardly any dialogue without movement happening all over the place.
• 10:00
  SPEAKER_01: Yes.
• 10:01
  SPEAKER_01: And this overstimulation is really dangerous for people in general, but for kids especially, it lowers their attention span, it increases irritability.
• 10:12
  SPEAKER_01: They've done a lot of research on this, but I've also just seen it in my own kids' lives.
• 10:19
  SPEAKER_01: Um, and so being able to just decrease the amount of screen time is so important.
• 10:25
  SPEAKER_01: And one of the ways to do that is to model it.
• 10:29
  SPEAKER_01: Parents ask me, how can I get my kids off of my screens?
• 10:32
  SPEAKER_01: And my number one answer is, how much are you on your screens?
• 10:36
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 10:37
  SPEAKER_01: Right.
• 10:37
  SPEAKER_01: Because when we are on our screens as adults, the kids look to us and they say, That's where real life is happening.
• 10:45
  SPEAKER_01: Real life is happening on the screen because that's where mommy is all the time.
• 10:49
  SPEAKER_01: She she's always looking at it.
• 10:52
  SPEAKER_01: And so I was challenged by somebody recently to treat being on my phone as a bad habit because it is.
• 10:59
  SPEAKER_01: And so in front of my kids, I'm trying to be uh less on my phone in general and sort of not hide as in I am on my phone when they're not looking, but to show them an example that this is a bad habit.
• 11:15
  SPEAKER_01: Scrolling on the phone is a bad habit.
• 11:18
  SPEAKER_01: Um, and I want them to see that so that they are not thinking that that's where real life is happening.
• 11:24
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, that is so good.
• 11:27
  SPEAKER_00: Something that we all could do better at, I know.
• 11:29
  SPEAKER_00: Um, yeah, they're very good.
• 11:32
  SPEAKER_00: You know, tips like these, you have a ton of them in your book.
• 11:36
  SPEAKER_00: Um save yourself some therapy.
• 11:38
  SPEAKER_00: So tell listeners a little bit about your book, how that came about, the inspiration behind it, and the best place to find it online.
• 11:44
  SPEAKER_00: It's a great book.
• 11:46
  SPEAKER_01: Yes, yeah.
• 11:47
  SPEAKER_01: So this book, I really can't take a whole lot of credit for it.
• 11:51
  SPEAKER_01: It was an idea that the Lord gave me.
• 11:53
  SPEAKER_01: Um, I don't say that lightly, he really did.
• 11:56
  SPEAKER_01: Uh, I was not planning to write a book, I was not trying to, but he gave me this idea of these four modern dangers and how they were impacting modern life and how they were contributing to mental illness in our country and in our time.
• 12:15
  SPEAKER_01: And so, yeah, I talk about the four modern dangers and their hurriedness, overstimulation, pressure to maintain an image, and loneliness.
• 12:25
  SPEAKER_01: And then I walk through just some really practical counselor-like uh suggestions of things that I would recommend to my own clients and things that I'm doing myself in my own life because I struggle with these as well.
• 12:42
  SPEAKER_01: I'm not immune to these.
• 12:44
  SPEAKER_01: And so this very short little book is a really easy read.
• 12:49
  SPEAKER_01: It's a really doable read if you're not a reader.
• 12:52
  SPEAKER_01: I try to make it very practical, very to the point.
• 12:55
  SPEAKER_01: And then I have some discussion questions and some further resources at the end of each chapter.
• 13:03
  SPEAKER_01: And you can find it on Amazon, on the Ambassador International website.
• 13:08
  SPEAKER_01: And then my website is Delve D-E-L-V, Delve mentalhealth.com.
• 13:17
  SPEAKER_01: And then you can find me on Instagram at Amber Bateman L P C.
• 13:24
  SPEAKER_01: Uh, although I have to say that I am not on social media all that much because you're you're trying to practice that, right?
• 13:31
  SPEAKER_01: Not being on your phone so much.
• 13:32
  SPEAKER_01: I'm trying to practice not being on my phone, and it's an odd thing because I want to share some information with people, but I also don't want to encourage people to be on social media more than they should.
• 13:43
  SPEAKER_01: I want them to be with their families and with their kids.
• 13:46
  SPEAKER_00: That's good.
• 13:47
  SPEAKER_00: Well, we'll we will list your website so people can find you there as well as social media and a link to your book.
• 13:53
  SPEAKER_00: It's I I recommend it.
• 13:54
  SPEAKER_00: It's it's a great read.
• 13:55
  SPEAKER_00: It's I think I know it will be very helpful to a lot of parents.
• 13:58
  SPEAKER_00: It just kind of speaks to us right where we're at in this day and age.
• 14:02
  SPEAKER_00: So well, Amber, thank you so much for being here and sharing today.
• 14:06
  SPEAKER_00: And Lisa, thank you for joining us.
• 14:09
  SPEAKER_00: Um, be sure to share this this episode with someone you want to encourage.
• 14:13
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and be sure to to check the show notes for links to Amber's book, to her website so you can connect with her.
• 14:20
  SPEAKER_00: And uh be sure to like and subscribe to Five Minute Parenting so you never miss an episode.
• 14:25
  SPEAKER_00: Until next time, have a blessed week.