Latest / Real Money with Lisa Chastain / How Women in Small Towns Are Breaking Free From Traditional Roles | REAL MONEY

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How Women in Small Towns Are Breaking Free From Traditional Roles | REAL MONEY · Real Money with Lisa Chastain

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No one talking about the intersection between personal
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growth and development and women in small towns and rural
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communities. I think a lot of women in small
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towns buy into this idea of if you want to do something more
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important like go to the city. And then I'm like, well, I don't
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want that. But like I cannot go through the
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rest of my life just going through the motions.
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The number of times I've had the conversation with women, they're
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like, I just, I'm afraid I'm going to outgrow my husband.
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They're becoming more self aware, more aligned, more filled
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with purpose and who they're meant to be.
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And their partners are simply not interested.
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If I want to continue doing life with this person, that comes
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with a willingness to sit into discomfort.
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As we are going through massive identity evolutions.
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Like there has to be the willingness to be uncomfortable.
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Hey, I'm Lisa and this is real money.
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Forget the spreadsheets for a minute.
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Money is emotional 1st and that's where real change begins.
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Today we're talking about money, community, and the courage to
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lead differently. My guest Emily is a Community
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builder podcast host and she runs this amazing community
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called The Coven. She is teaching women how to
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lead with authenticity, how to rise together.
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And today we're talking about how Emily rose from small town
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roots. She lives in a town of 43 to
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today building a huge platform that gives women permission to
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be themselves and lead with love.
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And it all has to do with money. Let's get started.
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Emily, welcome to the show. The reason that I brought you
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onto the show is that you're doing some really progressive,
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amazing, disruptive work for women in the Midwest.
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I was on your podcast, Gosh, over a year ago.
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I know I was thinking about that like kind of a long time ago.
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And I have a total girl crush on you and I love what you're doing
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and I love your podcast and I love you.
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So please check out Emily on Instagram.
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We'll give you everything's in the show notes.
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And what I really want to talk about is my experience of women
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in the Midwest and the work that you're doing to disrupt
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conversations and art working for women in the Midwest.
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I love this, This is going to be good.
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Yeah, and there's the whole, and this isn't just women in this
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isn't just women in the Midwest, but like there's this whole trad
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movement, trad wife movement, people wanting to go back to the
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way things were for women politically.
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There's a lot of conversations about what women's roles are.
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Should they be in the military? Should they be stay at home
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moms? And you're blowing this
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conversation wide open. What do you think about all
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this? I think you bring up so many
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interesting points in so many of these conversations.
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I feel like it's really easy for us to get hyper fixated on the
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one topic at hand. And I think especially the past,
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gosh, 18 months or so, not only with what's been going on within
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me, but also in response to what is happening in our country and
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externally in the world, I have been starting to see like, oh,
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this is all so deeply interconnected and so much more
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than the conversation that's right in front of us.
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Like I just kept seeing the same through line with my clients of,
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you know, this like total disconnection from self, this
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perceived lack of confidence that actually comes from the
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fact that they don't know love and trust themselves, right?
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And so it was like, what has contributed to all of these
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brilliant, passionate, beautiful, smart, kind, caring
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women, like having this like crisis of I've checked all the
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boxes, I've done all the things and like, why am I so miserable?
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But why am I so stuck trying to do what I want to do?
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And so it's peeled back all of these very systemic layers in
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religion, in politics, in the way that we were raised.
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And then even going back generations and generations
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further, like, Oh my God, man, we could really go on so many
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different rabbit holes of, you know, patriarchal conditioning,
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like the onset of colonization, like the onset of the church as
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an institution, as a means of power, and the way that that has
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been manipulated over time. And like what we see right in
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front of us isn't even rooted in the reality of what actually
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happened, right? And so it's been this really
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messy, complicated unraveling. And I think especially 2020 till
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now, but especially especially the last year has kind of been
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this explosive awakening. It really has for women,
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especially being like all of these things that we were told
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is the truth or is what we need to be doing or is the path
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forward. Like none of this is working
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anymore. And to your point, like I've
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been seeing for years, these little like pockets of
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awakening, like questioning the school system, questioning the
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food system, questioning hustle culture, this, that and the
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other. And now I feel like more and
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more women, at least the ones that I'm connected to, are
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starting to be like, OK, but this is like, everything.
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And what does this mean? And where do we go from here?
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What does this mean and where do we go from here?
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Emily, that's a great question. Where do we?
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What does it mean? Well, that's how long do we
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have. We have the time that we need
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for the woman who is wanting to have a healthy relationship with
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money. That's why she's in my world.
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But also in the sense of disruption.
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We're we're redefining real time what it means to be a woman on
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the planet today. And women with money, which is
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where you and I connected, was like, holy shit, this is a lot
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to take in. And this is the work that we
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have to do right now as women. We have to step up into the
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leadership role of our lives. We have to be having more
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conscious conversations, aware of our generational patterns.
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Yes. And owning our choice, not just
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by default, that this is who we have to be as women.
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Yeah. And this is where this whole
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other layer to your point comes in, you know, specifically
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talking about the Midwest or primarily the the women I work
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with are in small towns, rural communities, you know, and so
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there's this extra perceived or real layer of expectations.
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And that's ultimately what. What are the?
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Expectations. This is ultimately what it comes
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down to. Expectations around, like you
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said, who a woman should be, how she should show up, how she
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should work, how she should be in the home, like how to be a
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good mom, a Good Wife, a good employee.
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And there isn't just one, right? Yeah, So many of the women in my
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world are unconsciously and consciously living into this
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laundry list of expectations that they have been handed over
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the course of a lifetime. And then we have these, like,
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little tiny computers, dopamine machines, which is such a
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blessing, right? I've gotten to meet you and so
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many incredible people in my life through it.
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But we have this, like, ever present measuring stick that
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tells us that we're not enough or that we should be doing it
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differently or that we're doing it wrong.
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And So what I have found is like the most common in how we help
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women regain their power. And I think that this is in, in
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money in life and autonomy, in purpose.
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Is that reconnection with self, Right.
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If every woman genuinely knew, love and trusted herself, we'd
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be having a totally different conversation.
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But we've been living into all of these other layers of
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conditioning and expectations that have severed that self
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trust, totally disconnected it. So of course we are at the whim
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of all of these external factors telling us how to define our
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lives and what we should be doing.
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If we trusted ourselves, if we trust ourselves because I've had
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this conversation in small rural communities with women, that
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would mean that we would also have to make changes in our
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lives that we may or may not want to make.
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I had a woman tell me specifically, Lisa, if I if I
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make more money than my husband, I'm afraid he's going to leave
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me. What are you hearing on the back
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of the other side of that conversation?
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If we trusted ourselves, if I trusted myself, holy, I would
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Blank. Yeah.
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Well, I think this goes back to the roles that we feel like we
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need to play. And you know, on this
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conversation of even looking at like a hetero marriage dynamic,
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right? Like it is in so many ways.
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And again, this is my perceived experience from my point of
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view, from my life and from the women I work with.
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I am not an expert in this by any means.
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So if someone's listening and they're like, no, no, no, you're
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wrong, please, by all means, send me your information.
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I am a student of life. You are you're an expert because
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you're an expert in your own life.
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OK, there we go. But so many women of I would say
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our generation or around us have been empowered to have it all to
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lead to like step into doing all of these things.
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We've cultivated inner self-awareness.
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We have a growth mindset, right? And I don't feel like men have
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been conditioned to do the same. So there was someone who was on
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my podcast a while ago who was talking about how so many women
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are living in like a very masculine space, almost like a
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wounded masculine space. And how many men are actually
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living in a very wounded feminine space.
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Like they have not been empowered to have the autonomy
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over their lives and they are equally as reactive.
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So when a woman is stepping into her power, potentially earning
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more, trusting herself, like bending the rules and
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expectations of the community, the church, the political
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narrative, the generational things that have been passed
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down like that feels very threatening because they haven't
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necessarily been taught or empowered to step into the
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fullness of their, you know, divine masculinity or really
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even their power in themselves, right?
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We have all these, like, false narratives of what it means to
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be a man that isn't really rooted in their, you know,
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mental and emotional health either.
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It's totally disruptive. It's totally changing things,
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yeah. So I think this is another
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example of how we're seeing this like bubble popping of this
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like, again, deep severance from self, this deep emotional
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immaturity and not knowing what to do about it.
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And so like the number of times I've had the conversation with
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women, they're like, I just, I'm afraid I'm going to outgrow my
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husband, right? Whether or not this is related
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to money, when they're on a personal growth journey or
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they're focusing on their health or, you know, they're diving
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into their spirituality or whatever, there's this like
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they're moving onward and upward.
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They're becoming more self aware, more aligned, more filled
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with purpose and you know who they're meant to be.
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And their partners are simply not interested, of course, like
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they're going to grow apart. And most women that I talked to
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are not asking their partners to necessarily grow in the same
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way. Like you don't have to agree
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with me. You don't have to be on this,
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but like you got to be on your own path.
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And my husband and I have been very open about what this looked
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like in our relationship. When I kind of started my
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personal growth and health journey, it was kind of like a
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whoa, what is happening here? My wife is becoming different
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than, you know, who we were when we agreed in this like marriage
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situation. And it took a few years of him
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also sitting in the very real fear of, my gosh, what if she
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outgrows me? What if she leaves me?
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What if we're not compatible anymore?
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Before he had to rise the occasion and be like, well,
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that's a choice. Like, OK, how do I do this too?
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And like, I can't do it for him, right?
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I can't make him go to therapy. I can't make him read the book.
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I can't make him listen to the podcast.
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Like it had to be his self ownership to be like, if I want
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to continue doing life with this person, like I need to step the
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fuck up and figure out the ways that I need to grow and pursue
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my own journey. That's right.
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But that comes with a willingness to sit in the
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discomfort. And this is true for men and
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women, right? As we are pursuing growth of any
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kind, as we're pursuing change, as we're taking in new ideas, as
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we are going through massive identity evolutions, like there
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has to be the willingness to be uncomfortable.
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And I know that you speak on that too, with especially
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conversations around money. There is no other transfer of
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energy that has so much emotional weight behind it.
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Or no, something you speak on too is like, you have to get
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uncomfortable. You have to be willing to sit in
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that messy middle, to be able to look in the mirror, to be able
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to face and befriend your shadows in order to actually get
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from where you are to where you wanna be.
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And the truth is, like, that is a very intentional choice
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because it's not fun. It's very messy, and it doesn't
12:16
happen quickly. We live in a world that just
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wants, like, the easy button. Like, I'm gonna listen to this
12:22
podcast and I'm immediately gonna know what to do and I'm
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gonna apply it. My life is gonna be perfect
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forever. Like periods of evolution,
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especially when it's related to our identity and rearranging our
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worldview and belief system. Whether it's around money, you
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know, the way that we parent, our marriage, our self, mental
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health, like whatever. Like, it comes with this like
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shadow period this wintering, this like going inward and
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taking it all apart and putting it back together before we see
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the fruits of our labor. And that's where, you know, this
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understanding of seasonality has been also really important for
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me. Do you want me to dive into that
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or is there something another direction you want to go?
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There's there's a lot that we can cover.
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The point of all of this is that Emily's amazing and she you're
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having these conversations on the daily.
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But I do want to slow it down because for a woman who is who's
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listening and she's like, just tell me what to do because what
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I'm doing isn't working anymore. What I'm what I'm seeing real
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time on the political landscape. America is in crisis right now.
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We have a mental health crisis. All the things that you were
13:31
just speaking into is that there is an unfolding and undoing of
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things. And you have to lean in.
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Yeah. And realize that this isn't the
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end. This is the beginning, not just
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for women, but for men, because those conventional ways of being
13:50
are being challenged and ripped apart.
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And we're seeing toxic masculinity raise its head right
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now because it's like, what? We've had all of this
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unawareness and have and. And now you're telling me that
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I'm wrong. Yeah, And we're saying no, dude,
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there's just another way. And we're tired of the way it's
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been. And So what do you do?
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You lean in. And then the second thing that
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you do is you join a community of women where you have the
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support and the sisterhood to take the time that you need to
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figure things out. So don't just jump off the
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diving board. Yes, Yeah.
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But join the conversation. This is an invitation for you to
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join the conversation and speak the fuck up.
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Speak up, speak into your pain, speak into your discomfort,
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speak into your like your weariness, speak into your
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questions, your rage, your rage, your rage.
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I was literally thinking this, I have eczema on my foot right
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now. TMI, whatever.
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I have eczema on my foot and being an NLP practitioner, I'm
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like, what is this about? It's on my left foot.
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And this morning it came to me like boom, right out of the
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shower. It's rage.
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It's on communicated rage and sadness and worry and knowing
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that you and I, we have the microphone, we have the power,
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we have the voice, we use our voice.
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We want women to join us in this conversation.
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Yeah, it's so true. You know, for years we have been
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taught that women are our competition.
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You know, I don't know about you, but I feel like I was
15:23
raised in, like, the height of mean girl culture.
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Totally. Literally, we have every teen
15:27
movie about it, right? Like, she is out to get you.
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Like, she's here to ruin your life.
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Like, let's fight over this, like crusty boy, Right?
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And that is intentional because when women come together, magic
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happens. And I'm not being dramatic when
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I say that I have led, LED enough women's circles,
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retreats, masterminds conversations where when we
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enter into a space with the intention of safety and being
15:53
seen, heard and understood, like walls come down so quickly.
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One of the most powerful words in our language is me too.
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And realizing like the things that we are deeply wrestling
16:05
with, We're not alone in that. Like we were meant to do life
16:08
together. If you think about like the
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earliest of peoples, women have always been side by side,
16:13
raising our kids, having conversations like asking
16:16
questions and just being together.
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And here we sit in these little concrete boxes, staring at
16:22
various sized screens, theoretically more accessible
16:25
than ever, but more deeply disconnected than for most of
16:30
humanity. And so, so much of the is the
16:34
willingness to lay down those wounds of sisterhood and be able
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to step in to spaces that are having conversations like this
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and not feel like we have to have it all figured out.
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Like that's so much of what I'm trying to create right now is,
16:53
you know, most of the women in my world identify as being
16:56
achievers to some capacity. Like we want to have the answers
16:59
before we do anything with it because we don't we don't want
17:01
to be seen as like wrong or ill prepared or dumb or whatever.
17:06
Yes, imperfect. That's the exactly the word.
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And it's like I'm on a forever journey of curiosity and taking
17:13
a new information and changing my mind and figuring things out.
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If I wait until I have everything perfect to say
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anything like it's never going to happen.
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No, and often we not even often all the time when we engage in
17:28
these meaningful dialogues without the expectation of
17:31
imperfection is actually when we connect the dots and are able to
17:36
speak from this like healed healthy place to be able to
17:39
drive our thoughts, our ideas, our missions.
17:41
For sometimes it feels like it's too big.
17:43
Sometimes it feels like, I don't know if you watch the morning
17:45
show on it's on Apple. It's a show that Jennifer
17:49
Aniston and Reese Witherspoon have done together.
17:52
Masterful. It's masterful, yes.
17:54
Put it on your list, everybody put it on your list.
17:56
And in a very beautiful way, they are painting the picture of
18:01
what it's like to be a corporate woman today, corporate woman in
18:05
media today, and what the relationship is with the media
18:08
and the public. And it feels very big.
18:11
And it feels like you have to be Jennifer Aniston, who's running
18:14
this billion dollar media company to get anything done.
18:18
But the the truth is, and to the point of your whole community is
18:21
it's done with your neighbors and your sisters.
18:23
And in rural America, we're speaking to you right now in
18:26
your heart is that it happens in your communities, it happens in
18:30
your schools. It happens with intentional
18:33
raising of our children to be less competitive, which is the
18:37
masculine way, and lean in to support each other.
18:41
And we don't have to be marching down the street in Washington,
18:44
DC to get anything accomplished. And I would say when it comes to
18:48
money specifically, where it's accomplished is where we spend
18:51
our money every single day and by making new choices.
18:57
All of that to say is where where are you bridging this
19:01
conversation with money? Because I know our first
19:03
conversation was eye opening and I know you're still talking
19:06
about money in your communities. But for a woman who wants to
19:08
make change in her life financially, what are the ways
19:10
that she can do that today, right now, in the moment?
19:14
I think a really important part of this conversation that comes
19:18
up a lot for the women I work with is even just trying to
19:22
understand what are the stories that they have around money.
19:26
And this is true no matter what journey you're on, whether
19:28
money, mental health, parenting or beyond.
19:30
But what are the capital T truths that you believe because
19:35
someone else told you or you absorbed along the way?
19:38
Like what is guiding your thoughts, your ideas, your
19:42
decisions around this idea of money?
19:44
And a lot of times for the women I work with, it's like, money is
19:47
bad. People who have money are bad.
19:50
But then there's also the juxtaposition that's like, make
19:52
as much money as possible, but also like, don't tell anyone
19:55
that you're make. Like there's just so much drama.
19:59
It is a lot of drama. Around money, you know, then
20:02
you're talking about the way that you earn and your role in
20:04
the house and like all of this. And so I think one of the most
20:07
powerful things that we can do is even just recognize the
20:10
conditioning, the stories, the expectations we have around
20:13
whatever it is that we're desiring to understand or change
20:16
and just bringing a sense of neutrality to it.
20:19
Like, of course, I feel this way because of this story I was told
20:24
in my childhood. Of course, I feel this way
20:26
because of this thing that I've absorbed.
20:28
And then I think it can be really helpful to be like, OK,
20:31
but is that something that I want to continue to be true for
20:34
me anymore, right. And often times the answer is
20:37
no. And so then I think it comes
20:38
from this place of curiosity around, OK, well, how can I
20:41
start healing or changing that? Because then unfortunately it's
20:45
not as simple as like, OK, Yep, I don't want to believe it
20:47
anymore. I guess it's gone.
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It's not. That easy.
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I wish it was that easy. I wish.
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It was too, I know. But a lot of times when we have
20:55
the recognition around the story, then we feel shame.
20:57
I wish I wasn't this way, or I feel terribly about this, like I
21:01
hate this about myself. Like shame serves absolutely no
21:05
one. Literally no one.
21:07
Well, so just people who are trying to control you, well
21:09
that's it serves who are trying to be right.
21:12
If they're going to be right, they're going to shame you for
21:14
being wrong. That's so true.
21:15
It doesn't serve us to. Sit.
21:17
It does not serve us. But it does, it does serve,
21:19
especially in the finance industry, it serves a lot of
21:22
people. That's such a good point.
21:25
OK, so, but for the person listening, I think even just
21:28
bringing to the state of neutrality of like this is where
21:31
I'm at, of course, that this is where I'm at now.
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What can I do from here? And then, you know,
21:36
unfortunately, there's not a super easy answer, but I think
21:39
you have a million resources of directions that you can then go
21:43
to start healing, to start making changes, right?
21:46
Maybe it's working with Lisa. Maybe it's a podcast, maybe it's
21:48
a book, maybe it's therapy. Like maybe it's some sort of
21:52
like energetic, the healing work, right?
21:54
Like I know for such a long time I tried to intellectualize my
21:58
way through solving my problems, right?
22:00
Because I'm a smart girl and I can figure anything out.
22:03
And the first time my therapist was like, but how does that make
22:05
you feel? I was like, bloody lead.
22:09
What? Gross.
22:11
And so that's what led me down like deeper paths of like
22:14
somatic breath work or Reiki or just working with different
22:18
types of practitioners or people who have ideas around rewiring
22:22
mindsets and limiting beliefs. And like clearing some of those
22:27
cords and attachments we have to, I mean, there's so many
22:29
different directions we can go, right?
22:30
And it's not one-size-fits-all, but at the very basic
22:34
understanding how you're experiencing it, what you're
22:36
feeling about it, what you're thinking about it, where that
22:39
came from, bringing it to a place of neutrality and then
22:42
deciding where to go from there and doing it.
22:44
And then do it. That's such a great point.
22:46
And then go do it. When was your awakening to this?
22:51
Being in a rural community, you are not the majority of
22:55
thinkers. And I'm imagining in your own
22:58
community, you are not the majority of thinkers.
23:01
So you came to this on your own somehow, some way.
23:04
So let's start there and then let's talk about for the women
23:07
who are not in the majority, who are thinking more progressively,
23:10
more outside the box. My friend Morgan comes to mind,
23:13
who came to one of your conferences or a conference that
23:16
you spoke at where she feels really isolated.
23:19
So how did it happen for you? Yeah.
23:21
And this is, I feel like it was a layered journey for me.
23:25
So 2019, I had had my second child and as so many of us do,
23:30
had like checked all the boxes. I was just trying to be so good
23:33
for everyone. I didn't have the language for
23:34
it at the time, right? How old are you?
23:37
How young were you? Let's see, I would have been 29.
23:40
I was born in 90. So math is like to figure out.
23:43
So I was 29, I had had my first, I changed careers, I had had my
23:46
second. I went back to work way too
23:47
early. Was working like 60 hours a
23:49
week, pumping like 8 times a day, nursing around the clock,
23:52
had a baby, had a toddler, had a husband, we renovated a house,
23:55
we bought land. Like we did all the things
23:57
right. And I had this moment of
23:58
realization of like, I have everything I've ever won in and
24:01
that we worked so hard for and I'm grateful and miserable.
24:05
Yeah. Like I low key hate this.
24:07
I'm so burnt out. I'm so frustrated.
24:09
I didn't even have the language for it at the time, but I was
24:11
just like, I hate this. And I don't know why.
24:13
There has to be a better way to live my life.
24:16
And so that started with a health journey rooted in love
24:19
instead of shame for the first time.
24:21
Like I can't. I don't care about ellipticaling
24:23
skinny or about like some weird diet.
24:26
Like I just want to feel. I just want to feel better,
24:29
right? Like it was the first time I
24:31
really listened to myself to be like how do different foods make
24:34
me feel? Turns out like gluten and dairy
24:36
were waging war on my body. But I had known because before I
24:41
became a mom, I spent eight years binge drinking, right?
24:43
So of course, I felt like garbage.
24:45
And that ultimately led me to the world of personal growth and
24:47
development, which helped me understand goals and habits and
24:51
really what it looked like to build my day-to-day from a place
24:55
intentionality instead of just default, right?
24:58
And I've always been like an ambitious person who is doing
25:01
good things. But it was like, OK, but how do
25:03
I want to feel? How do I want to experience
25:04
this? How do I want to show up?
25:06
So again, but it was like through this lens of trying,
25:09
trying to listen to like what I really needed, not just like,
25:12
here's the checklist that someone else has said is going
25:14
to make me feel better, but like, what do I actually need
25:17
and want in the season I. Love that.
25:19
For you, Yeah. And so then, to your point, I
25:23
started to realize there was no one talking about the
25:27
intersection between personal growth and development and women
25:29
in small towns and rural communities.
25:31
My husband and I live on a farm in West central Illinois in a
25:34
town of 43 people. Takes us 45 minutes to get to
25:37
the grocery store and we love it here.
25:39
Like I love walking out of my back patio and seeing green and
25:44
the stars and my kids run muck, right.
25:46
It's beautiful. And also, I think a lot of women
25:50
in small towns buy into this idea of, like, OK, this is it.
25:54
If you want to do something more important, like go to the city
25:57
or something, like, right, There's all this, like, bullshit
26:00
stuck in there. And I'm like, well, I don't want
26:01
that. But like, I cannot go through
26:03
the rest of my life just going through the motions.
26:06
So I did what any sane person does during the pandemic.
26:08
And I started an Instagram account just being like, I can't
26:11
be the only person who's thinking about this.
26:13
Yeah. And it turns out I wasn't.
26:15
There was thousands and thousands more women who live in
26:17
places like this all around in the world, who were feeling
26:20
similarly, who were feeling like aliens for wanting to be
26:23
intentional mother differently. Talk about goals, dig into
26:28
personal growth related things. So I jumped in and started a
26:32
coaching business which I thought was going to be rooted
26:34
in goals and habits and mindset. Work.
26:36
Yeah, no. Lol no no but quickly you know,
26:41
became a community builder and brought together women through
26:44
masterminds who were interested in bringing their goals and
26:46
dreams to life and felt like aliens in their zip code and
26:50
sprinting towards that led me to another season of burnout that
26:53
got me into therapy for the first time which started.
26:56
That last That was 2020. To what?
26:58
So I officially left my job in August of 21 and it was by
27:06
probably October of 2022 that I was like I am not OK.
27:11
So still in that achiever. Drowning, yes.
27:14
You were still in that achiever mode, right?
27:16
Yes. So it was in therapy that I
27:17
finally understood and confronted my addiction to
27:21
approval and achievement and accolades as a means of earning
27:25
love and worthiness. And I have never been a person
27:29
that's motivated by money. Like, I was an elementary school
27:32
teacher making $26,000 a year. Like, I just wanted to be loved
27:38
for, like, how impactful I was, Right?
27:40
I just wanted to make a difference.
27:41
I wanted to help people. You still.
27:43
But that was my driving force. Yeah.
27:45
Yeah. And now I make a shit ton of
27:47
money. It's amazing, right?
27:50
But it was like I was constantly chasing like, if I can just do
27:53
enough for someone else, then I will be enough.
27:55
So that kind of changed the conversation around mental
27:58
health. And then, you know, as I was
27:59
growing my business, more and more women in small towns, rural
28:02
communities started being really curious around like, wow, you're
28:05
really building this life of like playing by a different set
28:07
of rules of financial and time freedom, Like how do I do that
28:11
too? And so that led me into working
28:14
with more aspiring or new entrepreneurs.
28:17
And not that entrepreneurship is my passion, but at the time,
28:20
especially women who were wanting to claim autonomy on
28:25
their own life and throw the rules out the window and really
28:28
dive into like, what do I really want and how do I craft that for
28:32
myself through the vehicle of entrepreneurship was so
28:35
exciting. And that's where the
28:38
conversations around money and worth come up so much.
28:42
You know, a lot of women are very comfortable with like the
28:44
transaction of like, you hired me.
28:47
I do this exact kind of work and then I get this exact kind of
28:50
salary, right? And not that there's not all
28:53
sorts of other things we could take apart in there, but helping
28:56
women gain the clarity and confidence to be or be
29:01
compensated for who they are and the gifts that they bring to the
29:04
table, independent of what someone else that's right
29:07
expected from them. Like was a whole another layer
29:10
of money mindset work. And even one more layer past
29:14
that, Like the number of entrepreneurs I work with who
29:17
like, say, for example, it's like, OK, well, I have this
29:20
amount of beef, you give me this amount of money that feels good.
29:23
Or I create this amount of social media posts, you give me
29:25
this amount of money that feels good.
29:27
And then when they want to step into like a thought leadership
29:30
related business and it's like, wait, people are going to pay me
29:33
for my time and my presence. And my energy and.
29:36
In my opinion and my ideas like that is very, very unsettling
29:40
and another really big thing to work through.
29:43
And again it comes back to that like self, inner trust and
29:46
worth. This is the future for women.
29:49
Listen up. Listen up.
29:50
What Emily speak. This is happening in a in a town
29:52
of 43 people. And this is in the heartland of
29:55
America. And this is where the majority
29:58
of Americans, we have a lot of people in the city.
30:00
But this is this is the heartbeat.
30:02
This is the pulse of women in America today.
30:05
And you need to hear this, that our future is not in corporate
30:09
America. Yeah.
30:10
We are paving a new way connected to value and vision
30:13
and purpose, and we're learning how to make money that is not
30:17
dependent upon a corporation. So this is the disruption
30:21
happening real time. Which is crazy because if you go
30:24
back far enough, like this is how it's always been.
30:27
Like women were the spiritual guys of their community, they
30:29
were the healers, they were the doulas, they were the creators
30:33
of of life and everything and beyond.
30:35
And so interestingly enough, I feel like we're just coming back
30:41
to we're coming home to ourselves, to each other and to
30:44
like the way we were always meant to be.
30:47
But that is really unsettling for this like capitalistic
30:50
patriarchal machine that we've been running in for the past
30:55
couple 100 years, you know, and it was like before the
30:59
agricultural and industrial revolution, like women's time
31:03
and value and presence was valued very differently than
31:05
when it became like a transaction of goods and money
31:08
in exchange. Here's what I know about women
31:13
when good women, good people in general, but especially women,
31:17
have money in their hands. They do really good things.
31:20
We do. We do.
31:22
It is circulated in communities. We pay each other generously,
31:26
like we support artisans. We focus on our healing and the
31:31
well-being of the people in our lives.
31:33
Like when money is in the hands of women, like it circulates and
31:38
it moves and it does so, so much good.
31:41
And so I always like to say, like, you are not a bad person
31:45
for desiring financial resources because you will do so many good
31:49
things with them. And when women are well
31:51
resourced, they are able to show up better for their families.
31:54
They're able to do really empowering, incredible things
31:58
for their communities. Like, it is actually the most
32:01
like selfless thing you can do to charge what you're worth and
32:06
step into your powder and own your shit and like, let go of
32:10
this conditioning that says like you're not good enough or you're
32:13
not worthy enough to be compensated.
32:15
Like bullshit. You're so smart and you're so
32:18
passionate and you're so good at what you do.
32:21
Like, just keep going on. Just keep doing it.
32:24
I pray everyday because I am. I am a woman of faith.
32:27
I was raised Southern Baptist, fell away from the church.
32:31
I found Jesus again. I'm so grateful for Jesus.
32:35
And also, I'm not a Bible thumper.
32:37
And I believe that God is love and that when we have more
32:40
money, there will be more love in the world.
32:42
When money runs through the hands of women because we are
32:45
the life givers. We are the ones that want
32:48
sustainability. We want the environment to win.
32:52
And you know what Emily? Men want that too.
32:55
They just haven't been given much permission or space or
32:58
respect for wanting that, too. And it's time.
33:02
And it will happen when this is the predominant conversation for
33:06
women and money, Yeah. I mean, I think if more people
33:10
had the willingness to come home to themselves and break out of
33:13
the boxes they feel like they have to live in, like so many
33:17
beautiful good things would happen so much.
33:19
It's happening. Hatred that we see, so much
33:21
projection, so many just yucky things that are happening are
33:25
coming from, like, people who are deeply unhealed and
33:28
repressed and angry. And it's, you know, how do we
33:31
change the world? We heal ourselves.
33:32
Yeah. It influences our partners.
33:34
It influences our friendships. It influences our communities.
33:36
It influences our kids. Like, you know, I came into
33:39
teaching because I wanted to make the world a better place.
33:41
So what I have learned is we make the world a better place
33:44
through our own hearts and through our own healing
33:46
journeys. And then the way that we stand
33:48
in community with other women because by nature we value
33:52
reciprocity, we value community, we value like everyone having
33:58
what they need and then some. But it has to come from this
34:01
willingness to like, lay down the rules we don't want to play
34:04
by anymore. Agreed.
34:05
Totally agree. And this is the conversation
34:08
that we are having on Real Money.
34:10
This is the conversation that you're having on your podcast.
34:14
Wild and waking. I know it's it's rebranded since
34:17
you were on it. It used to be called Gather and
34:18
Growth and it needed some. It needed some more fire behind
34:21
it after everything I've been through.
34:23
I love that we invite you as a part of the Real Money community
34:26
to keep having this conversation.
34:28
Share this episode out to another woman who is wild, who
34:31
is waking, who has seen that there's another possibility.
34:34
Come join the conversation with us.
34:36
Just because someone who has 300 million followers said it
34:40
doesn't make it true. So question what's what's
34:43
happening in the media? Question what's happening in
34:46
your communities, question other people.
34:48
Do it with love and courage. And on those days where you
34:51
don't feel as strong, come hang out with us and we'll give you
34:53
the courage. We'll lift you up because that's
34:55
the work that you're doing, Emily.
34:56
Yeah. Ultimately, I mean, there are
34:58
just too many women who feel like they're the only ones.
35:01
Yeah. And it stops them from using
35:04
their voice. And of course, like when women
35:06
use their voice, really big change happens.
35:09
And that's very threatening to a system that does not like that.
35:13
But we are so much stronger together.
35:16
I mean, that's like the most cliche thing to say, but it's.
35:18
It's true. And so when we sit in circles,
35:21
when we sit in rooms, when we sit in conversations, we're
35:23
like, oh, my gosh, I'm not the only one.
35:25
Like we get to lean on each other's courage and bravery to
35:28
really change the conversation, and that's what excites me.
35:32
Agreed, and it's not just for wealthy women in Manhattan
35:36
anymore. It's for every woman.
35:38
You're doing it in small town America, which is beautiful and
35:43
agricultural America, which is beautiful.
35:45
I'm doing it here in Las Vegas. However we do it, we do it.
35:49
This is your invitation as a listener to do it yourself too
35:52
and figure out the pathway for yourself and lean into love
35:55
because love wins at the end of the day.
35:56
I truly believe that it. Truly does, yeah.
35:59
And I, I really think we are in a whether you call it a season,
36:03
a portal, a period right now of women, especially leading the
36:07
charge and like waking up and asking harder questions and
36:09
diving into themselves and healing and learning and growing
36:12
and challenging. And I know that this timeline
36:15
feels so disoriented, like it's impossible to not open your
36:19
phone right now and just want to throw it out the window and
36:22
scream into the abyss. Yeah.
36:24
But I I forever optimist and I also believe that like this is
36:29
happening for a reason, right? Like things have to explode and
36:32
crumble sometimes before the phoenix can rise from the ashes.
36:35
And I think that's what we're seeing in real time.
36:37
I agree. I think a lot of us worry like
36:41
how bad is it gonna be before we grumble and have to rebuild?
36:44
But I hold on to the trust and the faith and the hope that we
36:48
will. And the work like you and I are
36:51
doing, and the women in our communities who are doing the
36:54
same thing, are going to be the ones that put it back together
36:57
and lead the charge from a healed, healthy space that is
37:01
rooted in love and reciprocity and just beautiful, beautiful
37:06
things. That's right.
37:07
That's right. Great way to end the show.
37:08
Thank you for being here today. I I do have a rapid fire round
37:11
that I love to play. This is one of my favorite games
37:13
to play with kids. My favorite game to play on road
37:16
trips. And so we're going to play an
37:17
old fashioned game of this or that.
37:19
Are you ready? I am so ready.
37:21
Morning person or night owl? Become a morning person.
37:23
OK, cook at home or eat out. So far away from here, it's like
37:27
we have no options, no delivery, no restaurants, nothing.
37:31
So you must cook. She must cook.
37:33
I must cook. I had to get really good at
37:36
grocery shopping. It's terrible.
37:38
Podcasts or books? Oh, I can't choose.
37:41
Pick one. Books.
37:43
Beach vacation or mountain retreat?
37:45
Mountain. Me too.
37:46
Save or spend? Spend Me too.
37:48
Big city or small town? Small town.
37:51
We knew that we knew that summer.
37:54
But I do love, I do love to visit the city.
37:56
Yeah, but then go home. I could be happy anywhere.
37:58
Like I love to hang out on the beach.
38:00
Like I'm not the person that's like going to get a vacation
38:03
home in one place. Like I want to see it all.
38:05
I want to do it all. I want to explore.
38:06
I want to be everywhere. Sneakers or heels?
38:09
Sneakers for sure. Planet or wing it?
38:11
Wing it. We do You're like my spirit
38:13
sister. Netflix binge or outdoor
38:17
adventure? Outdoor adventure for sure.
38:19
Dream big or stay grounded. Dream big while staying
38:22
grounded. I thought the same thing.
38:24
Yes, that's exactly what I thought too.
38:26
Why we have to pay? Yeah, I mean.
38:28
Because for a long time, like so much of my platform was about
38:30
like, go after the goals, go after the big dreams.
38:32
And I still wholeheartedly believe like, you can bring
38:34
freaking anything to life. But if it's rooted in this like
38:37
expectation and need to prove yourself and it's not coming
38:40
from a healthy place, that's also not good either.
38:41
So I think it's part of like getting really aligned and clear
38:45
on you and your desires and your purpose and freaking going for
38:48
the stars. But it has to be coming from a
38:51
healed health the whole place or else it's just another fast
38:56
track to burnout, obviously. We've seen this story right
38:59
itself over and over and over again that unhealed, ungrounded
39:03
people drink, dream big, go big, somehow attract the results, and
39:06
then burnout and even die in the.
39:08
Process, yes, it's like the I think it's called officially the
39:12
arrival fallacy. But the lie of ones once I do
39:14
this, then I'll be happy once I do this, then I'll be happy.
39:16
Once I do this, then I'll be happy.
39:17
And the truth is, your life happens everywhere in between.
39:20
Like big goals, big dream, big ideas.
39:22
Like amazing love that. But your life consists of the
39:26
way you feel on a Tuesday morning and the depths of your
39:28
relationships and like what you're thinking about when your
39:31
head hits the pillow every night.
39:33
And so there has to be this rooted, grounded intention
39:38
behind reaching for the stars. I totally agree.
39:41
Thank you. That was not a very good this or
39:43
that, but that's my. That was great, That was great,
39:46
that was great. I appreciate your heart.
39:48
I appreciate you as a human, as a woman, as someone who is on a
39:52
mission similar but in our very different ways.
39:56
If you don't follow Emily, make sure to follow Emily.
39:58
Let us know what you loved about this episode.
40:00
Let us know what you learned. We're all over Instagram.
40:03
We'll be all over YouTube. And we'll have you back on the
40:06
show. Emily, thank you for being here.
40:08
Thank you for being who you are. Yeah.
40:11
Anything else you want to share while before we head out?
40:13
Man, that's like, that's like the hardest question.
40:16
Like what's the one piece of advice?
40:18
What is it? What's in your heart?
40:19
What's in your heart right now? What's in my heart right now?
40:23
I think that it is safe to be you.
40:26
It is safe to be the weird, the wild, the curious, the
40:31
emotional, the empathetic, the out there.
40:35
Like whatever it is, people are there and so much of the what
40:40
are they going to think that we drown in is completely
40:43
fabricated or not meant for you in the 1st place.
40:46
It's safe to come home to yourself and in fact, it's a
40:48
really beautiful place to be. Love that, love you.
40:51
Thank you. Love you.
40:52
Thank you, this was amazing. It was amazing.
40:55
All right, everyone, you heard it.
40:56
Be yourselves, love yourselves. This is real money because when
40:59
you change your relationship with money, you change
41:02
everything. We'll see you next time on REAL
41:04
MONEY and have a beautiful day everyone.