Latest / This is Not Art Therapy (The Podcast) / Episode 9: Authenticity

Transcript

Episode 9: Authenticity · This is Not Art Therapy (The Podcast)

0:05
I like it when you sing our little intro. I can
0:08
sing something. We're talking about spooky, scary.
0:11
Talking about onomatopoeias. Talking about that
0:15
nervous energy. A little bit of diarrhea. Are
0:19
you ready? I didn't think you were going to go
0:21
there, but you did. We're going to do it. You
0:23
can cut in whenever you want. Right on. That's
0:26
on me then. let's go hello hello hello john goodyear
0:31
is back back in the building i feel like i need
0:33
to start calling you josiah that's okay you know
0:36
what i think that's something we should address
0:37
uh because i got a few questions about that from
0:40
our last episode i also had people ask about
0:43
that yeah yeah is it john or josiah and uh so
0:46
I guess how I started out, and this is a great
0:48
way to start off an authentic episode, is, like,
0:51
who are you truly? And, like, growing up, like,
0:55
when I was a little kid, I was always told, your
0:58
name is Josiah Jonathan Hurley Goodyear, the
1:01
fifth, right? And, like, there was a lot of weight
1:03
to that. So, because I knew about the other Josiahs
1:07
in my family being, like, excellent soldiers
1:09
and, like, these really... tough stand -up men
1:12
and like anybody could count on one of those
1:14
guys at any given time and so I was like really
1:16
kind of super stoked to rep that name yeah for
1:19
sure and then I went to school and as like you
1:23
saw before when we were doing the questions back
1:25
and forth I couldn't spell my name which is awful
1:28
he's since learned ladies and gentlemen I've
1:31
learned to spell my non -binaries exactly so
1:34
like it so basically I I it's like my actual
1:38
name my first given legal name is Josiah. But
1:42
people kind of had a tough time. pronouncing
1:45
it I had a tough time spelling it so it was all
1:48
a mess so like one of my teachers was like oh
1:50
John and I was like oh John yeah that's in the
1:53
name and we just kind of switched it and it was
1:55
j -o -h -n and because it's even a shorter version
1:59
of Jonathan because I dumbed it down for everybody
2:02
else and as I kept moving in life I just stayed
2:05
John and that was fine I've done a lot of cool
2:08
stuff as John as well as But I think there was
2:12
just this one point in my life where I moved
2:15
back to Halifax, where I'm originally from, and
2:17
got to meet some, you know, didn't know anybody
2:20
there. I had, you know, previously gotten out
2:23
of a six -year relationship. I just needed a
2:26
fresh start. And when it came like time for like,
2:29
you know, getting on a ship, going to Boston
2:31
with the Navy, this person was like, oh, Josiah,
2:36
that's a pretty cool name. And I was like. yeah
2:38
i'm like nobody here knows me so i'm gonna go
2:41
with it and just be like yeah i'm josiah and
2:43
i kind of liked being the person that that name
2:46
kind of entails because those men really kicked
2:48
a lot of butt and i like kind of being part of
2:50
that line um but I totally get it for all of
2:54
my family and friends who've known me before
2:56
as John. And like, that's a super hard shift
2:59
for people. And like, it's a small iota of what
3:02
people who are like changing their gender or
3:04
anything like that is going through. I'm just
3:07
changing my name to like, we're not even changing.
3:09
Another J name. I'm just calling myself what
3:12
my legal name is. And that had a lot of friction.
3:16
from people in my life and it's okay i totally
3:19
get it and at first i was very staunchly like
3:22
i am josiah and then i was like i realized that
3:25
it wasn't fair to other people and I just was
3:28
like I'm just honestly okay with being John or
3:31
Josiah to you it really doesn't or a secret third
3:33
thing the secret third thing is John Sia and
3:36
that's John Sia okay I know that's what uh that's
3:40
what my girlfriend calls me that's cute she's
3:43
like John Sia and I uh I I just yeah I I it's
3:49
it's been tough to kind of just try and be I
3:51
guess your authentic self yeah But I'm now, I've
3:55
cooled off because it's been about three years
3:57
of being Josiah or four years of being Josiah.
4:01
And I don't mind if you call me John or Josiah
4:05
again. Okay. Appreciate that. Yeah. Cool. Thanks
4:09
for sharing that. I also went by a different
4:11
name for a really long time. Yeah. Until after
4:15
I graduated high school, I went to university
4:17
in a different town. And when I registered, I've
4:21
always had Linnea as my first legal name, but
4:24
I always went by my middle name, which was Elizabeth,
4:26
but people called me Lizzie. But when I went
4:28
to university, I decided to go start going by
4:31
my legal government name, which is Linnea, because
4:33
it sounded more adult than Lizzie. Yeah. And
4:37
my high school friends still call me Lizzie.
4:38
My family calls me all sorts of nicknames. Yeah.
4:42
So it is what it is. And for a while. The only
4:46
people who are calling me Linnea were like, I
4:48
was only getting called Linnea if I was in trouble.
4:50
So I'd be like, huh. But now I just like, especially
4:53
like my therapist name is Linnea. My clients
4:56
call me Linnea. Yeah. So it's a weird thing to
4:59
basically try and just stake out, be like, no,
5:01
no, I'm actually just going by my legal name.
5:05
Yeah. It's tough for people. It's super tough
5:08
for people. But I don't want them to change it
5:10
if it makes them uncomfortable. And I feel like
5:13
because I was so like. probably like i am militantly
5:16
josiah now like that actually screwed up certain
5:19
things in my life you know like certain relationships
5:22
because now i'm just like oh frank dude like
5:24
i'd rather you just call me john and we're still
5:26
cool yeah than me being so self -righteous like
5:30
that's you know right you just learn things you
5:32
just learn points for self -reflection yeah so
5:35
i hope that clarifies nothing we're back to square
5:39
one call me whatever you want j whatever right
5:43
on So today we're talking about authenticity,
5:45
as hinted earlier by our Jay Coats. Now I don't
5:52
know what to call you. You've always called me
5:54
John. Just go with it. Yeah, I know. I'm going
5:55
to stick with that. So authenticity, the art
5:58
invitations, if you choose to invite said art.
6:03
First one is an authenticity altar. So make a
6:07
space or a collection of things or trinkets that
6:10
represents. the truest aspects of you. We can
6:13
do an authentic portrait or landscape. What does
6:16
authenticity look, feel, smell like? Maybe something
6:19
to reflect this magic or make something to reflect
6:22
this magic. The other one is a meme mod. So make
6:26
a meme or a slogan or find a meme or slogan and
6:29
change it to align more with your most authentic
6:32
self. Blackout poetry is welcome in that. reminds
6:36
me of one so i have done multiples of these um
6:40
for today's episode one of them i did so i found
6:43
a love poem someone wrote me the other day and
6:46
i took out all this stuff out of it with the
6:50
exception of five words and what i kept was thank
6:54
you for being vulnerable and i made stickers
6:57
about it Oh, I like that. So I'm going to put
7:01
stickers around. So if you see a sticker that
7:03
says thank you for being vulnerable, that was
7:05
me. No, it wasn't. That wasn't me. That was someone
7:08
else. No. I'm not advocating for graffiti or
7:11
any such things. You're facing a property. No,
7:15
we don't do that here. No way. We can put it
7:17
on your notepad. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. There's other
7:21
things, but we don't have to go into that. Do
7:22
you want to get into the chit chats? Yeah, let's
7:25
go for it. Can I go first? Yeah, yeah, absolutely.
7:28
Right on. So what do you think of when you think
7:31
of the word authenticity? Authenticity to me
7:34
is basically it's what makes people special.
7:37
Like there's little corks that everybody has
7:40
and small thing. When it's like it might be just
7:44
going against the grain. Everybody might be,
7:46
you know, going one way and you're just like,
7:49
no, I'm going to be the little thorn and go the
7:51
opposite way of everybody. Oh, yeah. yeah like
7:55
like it's like maybe i'm just really biased but
7:58
i feel like my dog frank is totally authentic
8:01
oh yeah yeah he is he's like a one of a kind
8:04
he's a mutt and he's not he's not a pure breed
8:07
he's a half pug half chihuahua and he has his
8:10
own unique little look but i'm like there's all
8:13
kinds of cool dog breeds i always thought myself
8:16
i was like i'm gonna get an american bulldog
8:18
or i'm gonna get like a german shepherd and then
8:21
i ended up with this weird little goofball that
8:23
i'm like he is just totally his own thing and
8:27
uh the other day he went missing on his own and
8:30
decided to authentically basically be like, what,
8:33
instead of running away, I'm going to go into
8:36
my neighbor's house and lie down in a sunbeam
8:38
for three hours. I have an air tag. So I was
8:41
stuck with it. And I was like, I was out front
8:43
of this guy's house. And I was like, I think
8:44
my dog might be near your house or something.
8:47
And like, I kind of kept circling and I was like,
8:49
maybe it's broken. So I was driving around the
8:51
neighborhood. And then eventually like my neighbor
8:53
came out and was like, your dog's in my house.
8:54
I don't know why. And I was like, it's okay.
8:56
It's totally cool. As long as we got them back.
8:59
So yeah. Yeah, he does him regardless of what
9:03
other people want. Yes, no matter, now I'm in
9:07
the process of getting and building a fence.
9:09
It's been nine years and I'm like, it's time
9:11
for us to build up a fence. What's authentic
9:13
to you? What you said that I liked that against
9:16
the grain thing and I was reminded of, I don't
9:19
know what episode this was, but the story of
9:21
how, this might've been episode one. You were
9:23
talking about the mess, how you could show up
9:25
to the mess in different clothes. Oh yeah. And
9:28
you like. you like rocked it day one and stood
9:33
your ground about it and might have caused a
9:36
fistfight or two yeah yeah no i mean just yeah
9:39
basically being like i'm gonna rock a pink t
9:42
-shirt it's cool like i'm we're wearing we're
9:44
wearing some funky floral patterns and every
9:46
everything basically just being like i just want
9:49
to stand out in this like sea of gray yeah so
9:52
like that and that's very you yeah yeah yeah
9:55
like no more black polo t -shirts i'm like i'm
9:57
gonna wear bright color now everybody you go
10:00
into like you know like the old ndhq spaces and
10:03
you're like on fridays it looks like everybody's
10:06
trying to be like like miami vice oh it's full
10:10
circle everybody's really into it now so yeah
10:13
positive changes yeah and you know the military
10:16
is very and again i say this as an outsider very
10:19
rigid and like there's a lot of rules and there's
10:23
a lot of conformity yes so to to choose to take
10:29
a step back from that when given permission i
10:31
imagine it would be hard for other people to
10:33
be like yeah but you told me not to to like yeah
10:36
my whole life i've been this way i've been this
10:39
way forever like we had this this thing in the
10:42
canadian military where um they they they stepped
10:45
back on like what the grooming standards were
10:47
so like you could grow like a long beard you
10:49
could have long hair you could have colorful
10:51
hair if you wanted and uh like some people just
10:54
went full bore I went the opposite route because
10:57
that's what I do. I just went back to having
10:59
a proper high and tight haircut. I mean, I grew
11:03
up here because it's so much more fun to do than
11:04
shave every day. So it was either beard or mustache
11:07
for me. But yeah, people in the CF or Canadian
11:10
forces now, they're working on trying to be more
11:14
open to everyone, which I think is pretty cool.
11:16
Yeah, right on. Good for them. About time. I
11:19
like that who you are, that unmasking bit. I
11:24
don't think you use those words, but I use the
11:27
term unmasking a lot. And I'm surprised that
11:29
in our art invitations, I didn't suggest making
11:32
a mask because that is often one of my go -to
11:35
art invitations. Like a double -sided mask of
11:38
like who you are on the outside and then on the
11:39
inside of the mask where the part that would
11:42
touch your face, face your face. That would be
11:45
the part that like your most authentic self,
11:47
the parts that you might not necessarily. readily
11:50
show to other people and to do a contrast and
11:53
compare of like okay how are these two different
11:55
and how can we bridge that because when we're
11:58
not being authentically ourselves that's exhausting
12:01
I know it's tough it's tough to put on that thick
12:04
skin uh yeah basically be somebody else yeah
12:07
I think we all have to perform for like different
12:10
roles right If you're with like, for me, like
12:13
I don't have kids, but a younger cousin or something
12:15
like that for, I kind of took on like, I guess
12:18
like a bigger brother role, somebody who would
12:20
just be trying to show these guys what to do
12:22
or like, you know, it's funky. Like your mom
12:25
shows up and your sister shows up and like all
12:28
of a sudden you're like. am I back at being a
12:30
teenager now? Like, why am I on this behavior?
12:32
I wouldn't act like this around anybody else.
12:35
Yeah. Yeah. Like, I guess it's just being comfortable
12:38
with who you are. Yeah. And that kind of, you
12:41
know, we do have to adjust ourselves as part
12:44
of being human. You know, there is a certain
12:46
level of adjustment that we kind of need to do
12:49
for survival. at what point is it too much or
12:54
like for how long is it too much? Like there's
12:56
so much gray area and nuance in there that it's,
13:00
it's complicated to be human. I think so. It's
13:03
a, it's well, it's like. when you're comfortable
13:06
enough with people to start making funky jokes
13:08
with each other. Yes. Yeah. That's when you start,
13:11
you're like, you start doing like little testers.
13:13
Yeah. Like, is this person going to be fun or
13:15
not? Yeah. Yeah. So it, it, it takes a while
13:19
to just sort of let your weird out with people.
13:21
And I think it's okay. Cause you can't just come
13:24
at people full bore. Yeah. Like, running at people
13:28
with rick and morty jokes and just like hey do
13:31
you also like death metal and also do you like
13:34
art also do you like welding and like it's like
13:37
also do you like mma like you know you can't
13:38
just all at one time full bore them because like
13:41
you're just going to overload any normal human
13:44
yeah yeah or know that that's not your your person
13:47
you know if they're if they're totally taken
13:51
aback by your intensity, then, you know, maybe
13:55
that's not a person for you, but honestly, maybe
13:58
the vibes are just right. And like. I don't know.
14:02
It's tricky though. Yeah. Like also it could
14:05
be time and place for everything. Right. Yeah.
14:07
So like, uh, like I can't, you can't be a complete
14:10
goofball when you're about to do like, so like
14:12
I was a rescue swimmer. So you're like going
14:14
to jump off of a boat and be like, yo guys, check
14:16
this. Like he kind of has to look what I can
14:18
do. Yeah. Yeah. Check out this funky starfish.
14:20
I'm going to jump off the side of the boat and
14:22
do like, no. So you kind of had to do drill procedures
14:24
and be like a good. like studious soldier or
14:28
sailor yeah like you know like you're like okay
14:31
we have to perform here and like i guess for
14:33
our job when it was packing parachutes even though
14:35
we're both goofballs uh we would be like okay
14:38
now we have to do these procedures and go into
14:40
these bold it yeah yeah just just like hold it
14:43
in don't be so weird for 10 to 15 minutes yeah
14:46
yeah yeah which is hard to do yeah and you're
14:50
right there is a time and place and an intensity
14:53
too, because in my field and you know, in like
14:58
clinical therapy, it's not necessarily a place
15:01
where therapists are encouraged to be their authentic
15:04
self. In fact, you know, a lot of therapist training
15:08
will teach you to be a blank slate or like that
15:11
blank wall for someone to talk to, which is totally
15:14
not my style. And I tend to bring more authenticity
15:17
into my quote unquote clinical work. And I think
15:21
that's why people keep coming back and why my
15:24
practice is so busy because they don't want want
15:27
someone who's just going to be a blank wall and
15:29
to be like, oh, tell me how you feel about that.
15:31
And I could be like, oh man, that. effing blows
15:34
or whatever you know yeah a more authentic reaction
15:37
than oh tell me how you feel so and again i can't
15:40
be truly authentic all the time in therapy because
15:43
if i'm having a really shitty day i can't show
15:45
up as someone's therapist and be sad no um because
15:48
that wouldn't be helpful for anyone so no again
15:51
there's this time place and degree of authenticity
15:56
yeah yeah i know i know i get that i feel like
16:00
as if if you wanted the this the clinical answers
16:04
it would basically be chat gbt versus yeah right
16:07
like you're like it it it's not saying anything
16:10
wrong it's not doing anything outside the textbooks
16:13
but it's like sometimes you need that little
16:15
bit of glint of a person because otherwise you're
16:18
just like am i just throwing this up onto a whiteboard
16:20
to basically say what's wrong with this picture
16:22
here yeah yeah no yeah and i think there is that
16:26
like clinical aspect that is needed as well yeah
16:29
and again I think as therapists and again I should
16:34
only really speak for myself here but like as
16:35
I grow as a therapist the more time like I can
16:38
develop more of an understanding of all those
16:41
little nuances. And also it's client for client,
16:44
like some clients are going to want more of this
16:46
and more of that. So I really have to be sensitive
16:49
to the individual's needs, I guess. Oh, yeah.
16:52
So yeah, there's a lot of flexibility there.
16:55
No, I think it's good that you can sort of adjust
16:58
and kind of move along with each client. And
17:01
so for me, I'm thinking when you're talking about
17:04
being authentic and stuff like so when you went
17:07
and you switched your name from Lizzie to Linnea
17:10
to Linnea that how did that make you feel more
17:14
authentic or like a fraud when you're like is
17:16
this really am I gonna go with this name or like
17:19
yeah I was 17 and I don't think I thought about
17:22
it but I think it was I think of like a lizard
17:25
shedding their skin of like I am no longer this
17:31
young human I am an adult now I thought that
17:34
like oh I'm in university even though I'm 17
17:36
I'm an adult now and that was it for me and oh
17:40
my goodness looking back 17 years later like
17:42
oh I had so much growing up to do but that was
17:44
that was the intention of like oh I'm a grown
17:46
-up I'm a mature person I don't live with my
17:49
parents anymore I think that was a push for me
17:51
to kind of find my own authenticity rather than
17:55
it being authentic at that moment if that makes
17:58
sense I don't think it makes like I'm still feeling
18:01
out what I mean by saying that so give me time
18:04
no that's all that's all good good question though
18:07
oh no problem no problem but so what is a moment
18:10
that you felt like you're most often oh that's
18:13
a good question I want to say making art I find
18:17
I can be most authentic but like maybe collage
18:21
art because I was painting on Tuesday and the
18:25
critic was getting so loud and I tend to get
18:28
very critical when I paint rather than when I
18:30
collage. So I think my most authentic self comes
18:34
out when I'm collaging and when I'm just in the
18:36
flow and I'm doing it because that's, you know,
18:40
where I feel comfortable. Yeah, it's your good
18:43
working comfort. Yeah. I feel the same thing
18:46
when it comes to like might sound weird just
18:48
but like doing giving instructions like and sort
18:51
of teaching okay teaching moments so like for
18:54
like me at this point in my career I'm I'm hurt
18:59
so I'm actually leaving the military uh and like
19:02
by like the grace of god I got put into like
19:05
this wood shop and uh it was such a good place
19:08
of healing for me because that's somewhere where
19:09
something where i get to see a result every day
19:12
of making something and like starting with nothing
19:14
on a table but by the end of the day you've got
19:16
you know something like fully made so like you
19:19
feel like a good sense of accomplishment and
19:21
so i've been there for almost a year or so and
19:24
getting to show younger guys who are coming in
19:27
because we have like a program that's really
19:29
great where people can join for about a year
19:31
and our place is one of the footnotes and stops
19:34
where people just get to come and work for like
19:36
a week or so so about every two or three weeks
19:38
we have like a couple young guys or girls uh
19:41
coming in and we show them things about like
19:44
you know wood shop safety and it's kind of funny
19:48
i just feel like a wood shop teacher but it's
19:50
it's great you know and i think i've only had
19:52
to stop one or two people to basically be like
19:54
i don't think you we should use this anymore
19:57
I know you're only here for a week yeah it's
20:01
like we it's like you can maybe just go on your
20:03
phone for a little bit you know like it's it's
20:06
for everybody like I don't want to do first aid
20:08
on you you don't want to lose your fingers uh
20:11
let's let's let's like this box that we're making
20:14
isn't that important but we do you know yeah
20:16
scale back scale it back yeah um sorry that reminds
20:21
me you had some art you wanted to share oh for
20:24
the um are you talking about for mine like your
20:27
chest my chest yeah so i made my chest my chest
20:31
muscles it's like took a long time yeah fucking
20:37
forever to sculpt these puppies uh no but the
20:41
chest of um so it's a carpentry chest that i
20:43
have and it actually has my old units crest on
20:46
it and no it doesn't oh yeah no it doesn't no
20:49
it doesn't have that anymore we i gave that belt
20:51
buckle back i swear don't bill me 75 bucks so
20:55
um yeah uh so i uh i have that on it it's got
21:01
a cool little mexican uh like mexican styled
21:04
uh blanket on it and uh it has like all these
21:06
tools that i'd like just sort of acquired over
21:09
the years and uh it's nice because it can kind
21:11
of roll around and i do a lot of fixing in there
21:13
and like yeah i take a lot of pride so like it's
21:16
super organized and uh yeah basically if anything
21:19
gets broken around the house or any stuff like
21:22
that. I'm like, I know exactly where to go to
21:24
sort of start fixing things. That is very helpful.
21:26
That's my piece that we'll be showing. Yeah.
21:29
Yeah. I like the, I love modifying things. Yeah.
21:35
to make them unique. Otherwise it would have
21:37
just been a antique chest that's just sitting
21:39
there looking pretty, looking great, but not
21:41
doing it. So it's being able to just have sort
21:44
of a multi -purpose with it, right? Like it looks
21:46
great, but it's also very useful to have. Yeah.
21:48
And everything's very, like there's a place for
21:50
everything in there. Like all the screwdrivers
21:53
have little holes, the other tools. Yes. All
21:57
the wrenches are sized properly. We have the
21:59
bags for like, okay, if I need to cut something,
22:01
I'm going to this bag. If I need to sand something,
22:04
I'm going to. this bag if i need to measure something
22:06
here it's like i have all the brackets in the
22:08
proper spot so very organized yeah thank you
22:11
we love that yeah yeah cool um next question
22:14
yeah yeah um are there moments when you feel
22:17
more or less authentic and what do you think
22:19
influences this i think it's environment it's
22:23
okay huge right like yeah uh so you know i mean
22:26
just breaking the ice eating strangers we let
22:29
down one little layer at a time like an onion
22:31
so like i feel like we just go like showing the
22:35
best of us in the beginning but as time kind
22:38
of goes on we start like showing and unmasking
22:40
and just basically being like this is and i have
22:42
this and this and uh but yeah i'd say probably
22:46
like in the realm of being an adult trying to
22:49
make friends of like being like i promise i'm
22:52
not this weird but then slowly like people do
22:55
find you're weird and they like it the right
22:58
brand of weird needs to find the right brand
23:00
of weird yeah i think that's probably where like
23:02
it's like you have to be a little inauthentic
23:04
and just sort of have to show like the like the
23:07
public side versus the the inside yeah yeah do
23:10
you find yourself stumbling into places where
23:14
you can't be authentic we're like meeting people
23:17
where you're like oh this is a person that I
23:19
cannot be weird around like does that happen
23:21
to you I mean yeah I think we all feel like I'm
23:24
like oh man Becky from accounting she's gonna
23:26
hold this one against me I can't be it's like
23:29
don't screw up don't screw up but yeah yeah I
23:31
think I think we all have that yeah yeah I hear
23:34
that um and yeah i tend to be quite cautious
23:38
when i meet people oh yeah when i first just
23:42
because you never know yeah it's it's just all
23:44
about feeling it out yeah will this person be
23:47
able to like sort of hand like authentic so and
23:49
i think that like when it comes to like showing
23:52
who you are it takes a special type of person
23:55
and it's like they say that you only have like
23:57
a certain amount of friends like they say that
24:00
who's they I don't know it's just that it's it's
24:03
just over your lifetime you're like and something
24:05
that I've realized as you're getting older like
24:07
you have less friends like as when you're younger
24:10
in your 20s like you're like you're like okay
24:12
like everybody's my homeboy but as you kind of
24:15
get older you start scaling back and you know
24:17
long -lasting friendships just mean so much so
24:21
yeah i think it's just the people who've been
24:23
with you for they say what was it it's like seven
24:25
years seven years of friendship yeah it means
24:29
you're going to be friends for pretty much ever
24:31
okay yeah yeah yeah i'm i'm cool with the people
24:35
i got from my seven years yeah word and i think
24:38
it takes that long to really find out who someone
24:41
is yeah yeah it definitely definitely would take
24:44
it takes time because you don't want to overload
24:46
people yeah that's what i found do you find that
24:49
you've had like authentic or in authentic moments
24:52
in your life uh yeah i'd say i'd say like i mean
24:56
inauthentic would basically be like call back
24:58
to episode eight with mikey like remember he
25:01
stopped doing art yeah that's truly who he is
25:03
he's like because he started off as the kid who
25:05
always drew and then like having um having basically
25:10
being like oh nobody else is drawing and people
25:13
aren't exactly giving me compliments so i'm gonna
25:15
stop doing the thing that i like yeah you know
25:18
and uh like for me i i used to do cage fighting
25:22
and but it made my family really really upset
25:25
so i kind of i wonder why Yeah. I mean, it's
25:28
dangerous, but I loved it and I was good at it.
25:30
I was five and oh, and like, I had really no,
25:33
like never even kind of got close to hurt when
25:35
I was doing that. And like, I just steamrolled
25:37
people and I loved doing it. And, but I knew
25:41
that it made everyone else upset. So then I just
25:43
couldn't be that guy. And then, so I. joined
25:47
the army because that was safer, I guess. But
25:51
that actually did make everybody in my life a
25:54
lot happier. And it also kind of made me sad
25:56
because I was like, I wonder where I could have
25:59
been if I had kept fighting. And a guy that I
26:01
actually beat, somebody told me that he went
26:03
to the UFC. I never really looked it up, but
26:05
it's on this site called Sheardog and you can
26:07
watch where people's careers went in the fighting
26:09
world. And apparently he made it into the UFC
26:11
and like somebody, and I was like, I don't even
26:13
remember fighting. So I did. pretty good against
26:16
him and people are like you could have gone to
26:18
the UFC too and I was like yeah and I could have
26:20
got concussed maybe and beat to hell and yeah
26:24
no insurance and no it's a tough it's a tough
26:26
tough game yeah physically emotionally spiritually
26:29
etc Yeah. I imagine. Yeah. I, I love doing it,
26:33
but I, I kind of held some resentment for, for
26:36
leaving and then coming back into like doing
26:38
other things, but I found my way around that.
26:40
I, they have hand -to -hand combats in sports
26:43
in the, in the armed forces and I competed in
26:47
a bunch of those. I did not know that. Yeah.
26:49
Of course they would. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I actually
26:53
won. And I think it was like 2016. I won the
26:55
hand -to -hand combat championships for the Canadian
26:57
armed forces. So like I was. good at it that's
27:01
kind of a big deal yeah I couldn't I couldn't
27:03
really like you know I it's just something I
27:06
couldn't continue with because I was just busy
27:08
with my actual career yeah giving up your sporting
27:11
life or fun life but I'm glad I did it because
27:14
I had a wonderful time. It sounds like, you know,
27:19
we're made up of different parts and it sounds
27:21
like some parts can be like all equally authentic.
27:26
But what happens when these parts do not align?
27:29
Yeah. Like, you know, the part of you that really
27:31
values and respects your family and friends,
27:34
whereas the part of you who wants to be a cage
27:36
fighter, like those two parts are so authentically
27:39
you. How can you hold both? I couldn't. Yeah.
27:43
I actually couldn't, if I'm being honest. I wanted
27:46
both. I was very happy doing that, but I knew
27:49
that it was hurting other people outside of the
27:52
cage. And that really, that for me, I couldn't
27:55
carry on doing that because I knew how much it
27:57
was meshing with other people outside of it.
27:59
And I just was like, well, I guess I have to
28:02
kind of give this up and start doing something
28:04
like respectable. yeah at the time and like my
28:07
hat's off to every athlete that competes in the
28:10
cage and does all that stuff like you're living
28:12
the dream and every dude i've met who does that
28:14
and lives that lifestyle it's a It's sort of
28:17
a Cinderella story for the guys who've actually
28:19
made it and made money and been like, make a
28:20
living. But there's a lot of guys on the outside
28:22
who, you know, tried to go down that path and
28:25
hurt themselves and not been able to actually
28:26
do anything. Yeah. So it's a, it's like a bright
28:29
torch, right? Like you're like, you're living
28:31
large, living fast. And it just takes one wrong
28:34
fight for it all to be over. Yeah. Bodies are
28:36
fragile. Exactly. As I found. Yeah. Oh, too soon.
28:41
Yeah. It's all good. Yeah. Right on. Yeah. Thanks
28:44
for sharing that. That was a good. Good metaphor,
28:47
that bright torch. How are you able to stay connected
28:51
with the authentic parts of you? Or make space
28:54
for all of it, if possible? Yeah, I think it's
28:57
just kind of, as you get older, you just start,
29:00
you find these spaces where you're like, okay,
29:03
I'm going to schedule this, and this is important
29:05
for me, and you're not going to, it's not important
29:07
for everybody, but this is something that I'm
29:10
going to, I used to like to do surfing quite
29:14
a lot, but I can't do that anymore. and uh no
29:17
yeah so uh kind of a bummer but something that
29:20
i used to do was go out past the brink like so
29:23
if you can get your board past like the break
29:25
you can sort of just sort of paddle and hang
29:27
out there and just watching these guys go get
29:29
after it kind of got me really stuck because
29:32
i tried to do some surfing with my cousin and
29:34
it just uh like it wasn't very long attempt where
29:37
i realized it's like this just isn't for so now
29:39
i have to i was like so i went out there and
29:41
just hanging out with him on the waves like meant
29:43
a lot just to watch somebody in my family doing
29:45
it I was just like, oh, sick. Gerald can get
29:48
up there. And like, he's like up on these waves
29:51
and talking to all these cool people. Cause the
29:53
cool, like, I don't know, like talking about
29:55
stereotypes, the coolest people are all the surfers.
29:58
Like they're just, I mean, it's pretty hard to
30:00
find like a not cool surfer. Like they're just
30:02
the most authentically themselves as in like,
30:05
they're just like, I've met people from Quebec
30:08
up in Nova Scotia and like all types of people
30:11
from all over the world. I do a little bit of
30:13
surf in Africa and like, I just, everybody who
30:15
does that sport, just seen you know it's a hard
30:18
thing to do to get up before the sun's up because
30:20
that's yeah around here yeah you need a discipline
30:24
you need to be flexible strong have good cardio
30:26
and then being able to just get up and just do
30:29
these things like these boards and do acrobatic
30:32
tricks just like the drop of a hat and like read
30:34
the ocean and like then deal with like a beat
30:38
-up filthy car that smells like seawater and
30:41
sand and so like they're just a grungy crunchy
30:43
Cool group of people. Interesting. I think of
30:46
authenticity as like being in the moment with
30:49
yourself. And I think as a non -surfer, surfing
30:52
is all about being in the moment and being in
30:55
tuned with everything around you and what's going
30:58
on in your body as well. Again, saying this as
31:00
an outsider. everything i know about surfing
31:03
jack johnson taught me and then a little bit
31:05
of you so i don't really know much about that
31:08
culture no you're deadly accurate you're you're
31:10
right on there it's uh it's basically um you
31:14
have to be there you have to be present you have
31:15
to be watching the waves you have to be watching
31:17
for undertow you have to be like is there a storm
31:19
coming uh it's like or is this is the ocean going
31:22
to go totally flat how many more runs do you
31:24
think i have so you basically just got yeah to
31:27
be present and be in the moment and hang in there
31:30
because like I know like when I was surfing when
31:33
you would catch that pocket of the wave and just
31:35
be able to ride along inside of it for like maybe
31:38
like I'm not like you know maybe be able to ride
31:41
it for myself like 15 to 20 seconds of just being
31:43
like this is it this is awesome this is it oh
31:46
my god oh my god this is so dope and then just
31:48
like totally wipe out you know so like yeah it's
31:52
it's very much in that moment you know fascinating
31:55
And I think there are parts of us that prevent
31:59
us from living in the moment. Our anxieties or,
32:02
you know, whatever mental illness plagues our
32:05
brains takes us to different places. And as real
32:10
as those parts are, I think it does take us away
32:13
from that present moment and kind of does take
32:15
us away from that authenticity. Yeah. Like folding
32:18
to a social pressure to basically be like, I'd
32:20
rather just fit in than be like ostracized for
32:23
just trying to be myself. Yeah. you know so it's
32:26
uh i think it's a tough thing to be authentic
32:28
but i think you start doing it and you just start
32:30
realizing nobody cares what you're doing kind
32:33
of like that oh yeah When people start going
32:36
to the gym for like the first time, they're like,
32:38
everybody's looking at you. And I'm like, I can
32:41
guarantee you, no one is looking at you in the
32:43
gym. Most people are just looking at themselves.
32:45
And if you do find that one oddball who's looking
32:48
at you and judging you for being new, that's
32:51
more on them than it is on you. Everybody's stoked
32:53
to see you there. If you're a new person in the
32:56
beginning, like if you're overweight and you're
32:57
just here to try, I guarantee you there are people
33:00
who are just going to be great at fighting more
33:01
than anything. or like what might sound like
33:05
a critique, but actually ends up being something
33:07
that actually does end up helping like in the
33:10
long run. Like it might sound weird basically
33:12
because it's like, guess what? If you're new
33:14
to something, you're probably not doing it right.
33:16
And if there's an older gentleman and you just
33:18
kind of had to heed that advice for a second
33:20
or two and basically be like, hey, you know what?
33:22
I think he might be right because he's been at
33:24
it for a great amount of time. So it's a little
33:27
bit of humility and just being able to be like,
33:29
be brave to just get in there and start doing
33:31
it. I think that. similar rule applies to outside
33:35
the gym like I work with so many youth who have
33:37
this like the and again when you're a teenager
33:41
you are hyper aware of your peers and your place
33:44
in the world so you do have that sensitivity
33:46
that other people might be judging you but I
33:49
think for the most part people are so involved
33:53
in themselves, they do not care about other people.
33:56
That being said, I'm not a teenager anymore.
33:58
What? So it's, I know, I know. My youthful, my
34:02
youthful appearance might say otherwise. I'm
34:05
angsty teen to live in my D .I .E., bruh. Word.
34:09
Yeah. Stick with that. Why not? Yeah. But yeah,
34:14
it's hard to shake that. Oh, but once you do,
34:18
it's worth it. There's no going back to it. Right
34:21
on. You don't want to go back into that closet.
34:26
Yeah, I hear that. Has your connection with art
34:31
making changed how you feel about yourself or
34:35
like, you know, has a different version of you
34:38
or a different part of you kind of come up? Yeah.
34:41
Does it feel more authentic? I had to use the
34:43
word authentic there just to bring it back to
34:45
the theme. No, no. I think it is true because
34:49
it's like you're becoming a new person with art.
34:52
And I find it's so with drawing and doing caricatures
34:59
of people or things from my past that I want
35:02
to draw down or jot down, I get a lot of inspiration
35:04
from just basically being out in the real world
35:07
in coffee shops. um that's usually like my place
35:10
and i think every once in a while like i'll have
35:13
somebody come up and be like what are you doing
35:15
and then we can start up a cool little conversation
35:17
and they're like oh i could never draw and i'm
35:20
always like yeah you can like you actually kind
35:22
of can like i mean i just had that that um i
35:27
mean miss just trying to make an opportunity
35:29
out of a miss opportunity but by basically lying
35:32
on my back two times for like four months at
35:35
a time. I was like, I got to do something apart
35:37
from look at my phone and drawing was just such
35:40
a good out. And it's cool that it's like, my
35:43
stuff doesn't look like other people's. Your
35:44
stuff doesn't look like my stuff. And I'm like,
35:46
this is just, you can tell this is authentically
35:48
mine. I have this booklet that I draw on all
35:53
the time when I was over in Europe. My buddy
35:55
who's a tattoo artist was like, he drew something
35:58
in my book. And as soon as my friend Mikey was
36:01
looking through it, he was like, you didn't do
36:03
this. And I was like, yeah, yeah, I know. He's
36:05
like, yeah, you can completely tell. And I was
36:07
just like, yeah, I know, I know. Because it's
36:09
just like the strokes, the shading, the lines,
36:12
they're completely different, right? But that's
36:14
your piece and people like that style. Yeah,
36:19
like art being your... thumbprint a hundred percent
36:21
like i have tremors in my hands now and that
36:24
puts a bit of a shake to my lines really like
36:27
how that kind of turned yeah i like that that
36:30
that you can come to that and not be frustrated
36:34
because when i was working on that painting the
36:36
other day yeah i was trying to make and i'm trying
36:39
to work on a very illustrative painting which
36:42
is not me And I'm kind of realizing this right
36:46
now. And it's taken me almost two years now that
36:48
I'm working on these two paintings. And it requires
36:52
such an illustrative style. And I do have very
36:55
shaky hands. So I'm trying to make these very
36:57
precise lines. But my hands are like, oh, no,
37:00
we're not going to do that. And I get so critical
37:02
of myself because I'm trying to be this. perfect
37:05
illustrator when that's not my style like not
37:08
authentically me so I think that's why I've been
37:10
feeling so crunchy about this painting or these
37:12
paintings and I'm getting so much good feedback
37:15
of everyone's like oh my god I love them and
37:16
I was like oh god these are the bane of my existence
37:19
right now yeah well don't be afraid of not straight
37:22
lines I think you said to me that you said this
37:25
to me on one of our episodes where you're like
37:27
if you want a straight line use a ruler yeah
37:29
but it's flowers that I'm trying you can't use
37:32
a flower I mean, you can't use a ruler to draw
37:34
a flower. Or you can, I guess. Sorry, don't let
37:36
me tell you how to draw a flower. I like my hexagon
37:38
flowers. Thank you very much. Yeah. That's fair.
37:43
Yeah. No, I think that it's definitely... let
37:48
your let like the mistakes kind of just be part
37:51
of your pattern you know oh but i don't wanna
37:53
i can tell you how to do things but i'm not gonna
37:56
tell me how to do those things those rules don't
37:59
apply to me yeah the imperfections of your story
38:03
like they just really are like like if you want
38:06
something perfect punch it into ai art it'll
38:08
yeah apart from like no it won't yeah like you
38:11
know like for for the most part you're like yeah
38:14
you want to see this it's like yeah you can throw
38:16
that into there but what i like is that it's
38:19
taking you time to make this right like you're
38:21
saying this took you two years to or like a year
38:24
to make you know yeah this art so like that time
38:29
put into every piece you can tell oh yeah big
38:32
time more detail to it like if i do something
38:34
in 30 minutes versus three hours that's completely
38:37
they're two completely different uh you know
38:39
drawings oh big time yeah and the funny thing
38:43
is when i started these paintings i intentionally
38:45
one of them's about i always get these two mixed
38:48
up one's about the healing vortex the other one's
38:51
about the trauma spiral and it's using both of
38:55
those things in the perfect balance in life and
38:58
in therapy because In order to heal, you do need
39:01
to kind of talk about trauma. But you can't stay
39:05
in the trauma for too long. Then you're not healing.
39:07
So it's, again, finding that perfect balance.
39:10
And even through life, you can't always be healing.
39:13
You do have to find that balance. So it's funny
39:16
that I'm taking so much time on working on these
39:18
two things. And so many things have come up in
39:20
me starting this. So it's been really cool to
39:24
watch unfold, but I'm pretty determined to not.
39:28
I started them. It'll be two years in October.
39:31
So I'm hopefully going to finish them before
39:33
the end. And they're three feet. they're large
39:35
so it's i just use a regular sheet of paper and
39:39
like filling that out in three hours like that's
39:42
i i don't think i've had a continuous piece basically
39:45
that i'm like i keep going back to apart from
39:47
like my doodle pages which i kind of use to like
39:49
sort of warm up and just draw funky things but
39:51
then those kind of become their own weird little
39:53
i do like those pages i can see you making wallpaper
39:57
let that oh man do a full wallpaper like that
40:02
i'm charging ten thousand dollars i'm gonna just
40:05
say some ridiculous number for if i do your full
40:08
wall with like hand -drawn art yeah for my first
40:12
one i'm commissioning that ten thousand because
40:16
like i only draw pictures that are basically
40:17
the size of like your thumb yeah and like your
40:20
hand so like that would be that'd be like like
40:23
painting basically um what do you call it where's
40:25
that place in rome the sistine ceiling yeah basically
40:29
that that's what it would feel like to me to
40:31
do a wall okay yeah so yeah well when i was saying
40:34
wallpaper like you can design and print wallpaper
40:37
but like even if you just took one of your characters
40:41
and duplicated it a million times and turned
40:44
that into wallpaper yeah like you can have tomo
40:48
Just a bunch of Tomos. Tomos? Just Tomos doing
40:51
different things? Yeah. Yeah, yeah. I like that.
40:55
Wallpaper that's also a coloring book. Someone's
40:58
done that. That's not original. No, that's, I
41:01
mean, one of our listeners or us have to do that
41:03
now. Yeah, I'm going to Google it. Yeah, Google
41:07
it. But then we can do our own. There's other
41:09
coloring books out there. We can do that. Yeah,
41:11
that's true. Sweet, sweet. Patented. We patented
41:14
that listener. Yeah. That's how patents work,
41:18
right? You just have to say it out loud. It's
41:20
like dibs. You just dibs. Yes. Yeah. Legally
41:23
dibs. We legally patented it. Right on. Yeah.
41:27
I have zebra wallpaper print, zebra print wallpaper
41:31
in my bathroom and I had some leftover. So I
41:33
put it on this desk I got for free. So I'm slowly
41:36
coloring in the white of the zebra, different
41:39
colors. Nice. So it's kind of being done. Yellow
41:42
would be cool with them. That just becomes tiger
41:45
stripe, doesn't it? Kind of, yeah. It's just
41:47
like this rainbow of an animal. Are there ways
41:51
we can support each other in being more authentic?
41:54
Man, being nice. I feel like I have great followers.
41:57
Nah. Kick them well down. Look at those tremor
42:02
lines. like no i got i got like my 10 ride or
42:06
dies every time i post something and that that
42:09
actually inspires me like quite a bit it's like
42:12
the people who just like thumbs up or hearts
42:14
it and like or send like a nice message about
42:16
it i i fully love that oh yeah being nice positivity
42:20
feedback just go out there and show your art
42:23
and uh sometimes you get positive sometimes you
42:25
won't get positive sometimes you get nothing
42:27
which is worse oh really Oh, man, I remember
42:31
handing this, handing my book over to one of
42:34
the guys to see what, because he's like, what
42:37
are you drawing? And I was like, oh, just some
42:38
caricatures and stuff. And like, I was about
42:40
like halfway through the book. So I did like
42:42
quite a bit. And I'm like, looking at each page
42:44
is like progressively kind of getting better.
42:46
And this guy literally just held my book and
42:49
just thumbed one, two, three, four. And that
42:52
was like the cadence of like him just ripping
42:54
through every page and kind of said nothing.
42:57
It was like. Okay, cool. And then just like gave
42:59
it back. And I was like, not one part you wanted
43:02
to point out there and the hundreds of hours
43:05
at this point, you're like. yeah yeah kind of
43:07
hit you in the feels so yeah some people just
43:10
won't get it no they're just like yeah they're
43:12
like i've seen better you're like yep you definitely
43:15
have they've definitely seen better yeah no but
43:17
that's not the point of art i know it's just
43:20
showing yourself a little bit you know yeah one
43:23
of my favorite authors in one of his books says
43:26
everything is your self -portrait And that really
43:30
stuck with me. Everything. I like that. Yeah.
43:33
I remember. Yeah. I remember really taking that
43:36
to heart when I read that. I was like, oh yeah,
43:38
everything is. That's definitely. Yeah. like
43:41
it's how you see it right so like on my travels
43:44
like writing down and jotting things and looking
43:46
at things just like sketching like bottles of
43:48
wine or like countryside when like we're on the
43:51
trains and stuff like that you're like this is
43:53
you know somebody's everyday commute but to me
43:55
it's so new and foreign i'm taking in everything
43:58
you know it's great trains in portugal oh yeah
44:02
shout out to european trains those things are
44:04
so cool yeah they really nailed the train system
44:07
there yeah yeah we need to get more on that in
44:10
canada yeah i think we're working on it but i
44:13
i don't get to make decisions here so no no everything's
44:17
just kind of a slow work in progress over here
44:19
we seem to be like at a trickle pace versus like
44:21
everywhere else just like slow yeah no yeah oh
44:24
no we're like we're just doing it oh canada starting
44:29
out like a question mark um back to that you
44:34
know giving someone your sketchbook and them
44:35
not saying anything and like feeling that that
44:38
sting I think to help people be more authentic
44:43
I think of like curiosity of like really being
44:45
curious with people and almost like and I think
44:49
a big part of my job is being curious with people
44:51
because I know the second I'm not curious about
44:54
someone I'm either missing an opportunity to
44:57
get to know them better or I'm like putting a
45:00
part of them set aside and that part might be
45:03
important so i know it's so important to be curious
45:07
with people yeah i i think that yeah by being
45:11
curious and showing taking an interest what they're
45:13
doing is huge you can get yeah you can get a
45:16
lot of details out of you like what inspired
45:18
you to do this just like that simple question
45:21
of like you know like if somebody saw me and
45:23
like they're like why are you drawing this while
45:25
we're on train and starts waiting for your community
45:27
to be done and you're like oh because like this
45:29
is new to me i'm new hi nice to meet you and
45:32
like you can get a lot out of that so yeah yeah
45:35
i think the second you're not curious it's it's
45:37
over yeah yeah you're like okay that's not very
45:40
good or to you anyways it doesn't pique my interest
45:43
like i can't be curious about everything but
45:45
the things that you are into you're just super
45:47
yeah and i have to be mindful of that in interacting
45:52
with people because i don't want to get too art
45:55
therapist -y when i am asking people about their
45:58
art yeah but i also see like my best friend is
46:02
very talented artist yeah And she'll make something
46:05
and I want to be like, so you're going to tell
46:07
me about it? Like, I don't want to get too like
46:09
nitty gritty with it. But I also know that when
46:12
people talk about their art, they can get really
46:14
excited. And to see someone like light up and
46:16
get excited about what's going on. And yeah,
46:19
I live for that shit. I know. It's good. It's
46:22
just basically being excited about things is
46:25
cool. Oh, big time. Yeah. So like, well, I have
46:29
a neighbor who's super into birdwatching. And
46:31
there was... yeah we we were out we were talking
46:35
about like because frank ran away like um fence
46:38
lines and being like oh like we could probably
46:40
do one along here and this will work for you
46:42
guys and then we just heard a bird that we were
46:43
like i've never i was like i don't think i've
46:45
ever heard that weird noise come from a tree
46:48
before and he was like he's like one second he
46:50
got out his app And he just started like he like
46:52
put his app in the air and we're like talking
46:54
about birding. And I was like, I guess we're
46:56
going to be into birding for the next 20 minutes.
46:58
I'm into it. Show me all you know. So, yeah.
47:02
Oh, that's cool. Well, did you figure out what
47:05
bird it was? We have to know. We don't know.
47:08
We have a mystery bird. Ooh. See, I would want
47:11
to make some art about that. The mystery bird?
47:14
Ooh, to like dream up your favorite or like this
47:17
like dream bird. What would your dream bird?
47:20
A double? What is that? Does it have two heads?
47:24
Yeah, okay, it could have two heads. Two heads,
47:28
four wings. Four claws. It's coming at you in
47:32
all types of directions. So, yeah. What did you
47:36
mean by double hawk? I meant four wings. Oh,
47:39
okay. That makes sense. Yeah, I was thinking
47:41
one head, four wings, just like this little weird
47:43
drone body puck. Okay. Yeah, yeah. I'm having
47:47
a hard time picturing that, but... Yeah. Have
47:50
you ever heard of an owl bear? No, but I'm picturing
47:53
a bear that's also somehow an owl. Are these
47:56
real things? Are you making these up? this is
47:58
dnd oh okay okay save for another episode but
48:02
the description of an owl bear is basically so
48:05
cool it's imagine body of a bear hands of an
48:08
owl you know like the arms of an owl yeah like
48:11
the little yeah like the big thick claws like
48:13
oh okay then it's covered in feathers but it
48:17
has an owl face that's an owl okay is it like
48:20
giant like a bear oh yeah oh yeah okay cool i
48:24
would not want to mess with that guy no don't
48:26
mess with owlbears they'll mess you up so in
48:29
the dnd world yeah of course that's something
48:32
i'm also super enthusiastic about yeah so yeah
48:35
um more questions what does it feel like or how
48:39
do you know when you're not being authentic because
48:41
we've talked a lot about what it's like to be
48:43
authentic being inauthentic is just basically
48:46
that work clothes yeah that's kind of where my
48:49
mind was going to of like yeah working at a job
48:53
that is not made for you and forcing it yeah
48:57
just not do you remember uh when we worked at
49:01
our spot and we all got to go up for drinks that
49:03
was really funny to watch people let their hairs
49:05
down uh it was like downtown uh ottawa and people
49:09
were allowed to just like kind of like we had
49:11
like a lot of engineers and stuff that we work
49:13
with who are very was i there I don't, I can't
49:15
remember. I don't think I was there. I do not
49:17
remember that. I was sitting next to Laura and
49:20
Dave. Oh yeah. Friends of the company. Friends
49:25
of company. And they, they basically, yeah, it
49:30
was really funny. I definitely wasn't there.
49:31
And have them like, you know, let down their
49:34
hair. Yeah. Interesting. That's why work parties
49:37
are crazy. Yeah. Karen from accounting. What?
49:41
what the heck where are they working on the table
49:43
exactly they're just letting out that animal
49:46
because they're just a few drinks and then people
49:48
can kind of be like you know what i think i can
49:50
tell you that joke and then you're like oh i
49:52
don't hang out with doug no more so yeah most
49:59
inauthentic i think for myself and most other
50:02
people it's probably where yeah where you're
50:05
like okay i gotta be semi -professional yeah
50:07
and i'm Yeah. I'm curious how people cope with
50:11
that from the day to day. I think it's like that
50:14
old, like just, you just work a job you hate
50:16
till you die kind of mentality. Okay. A lot of
50:19
people have out here in the Maritimes. That's
50:21
capitalism for you. Yeah, kind of. Yeah, kind
50:24
of. Like me and my buddy were talking about like,
50:26
I have a friend who's very creative and he wants
50:29
to start up a lot of companies and do all kinds
50:31
of great things. And he has all these wicked
50:32
ideas. And then his own father is like, look,
50:35
you just work this job. that you hate and you
50:38
provide for your family and everybody else is
50:41
happy. And we just deal with this. We just lock
50:43
this in. He's like, I live for five o 'clock
50:46
and I live for the weekend. And there are people
50:49
who will do that. And because they have to, there's
50:51
not another option. Sometimes we have the luxury
50:54
of living in a first world nation and being like,
50:56
maybe I can be creative with my life and do other
50:58
things. But like, yeah, I think a lot of people
51:01
do have to just sort of hold down the fort to
51:03
like, just make sure everybody else is doing
51:06
okay. Yeah, that's true. Comes with certain responsibilities.
51:10
I also see that it's like very ingrained, like
51:14
science and math are so at the core of our educational
51:18
system. Like you have to take science and math
51:20
every day, I think, up until like grade nine,
51:22
maybe. And you still have to take science and
51:25
math. But, you know, those classes are mandatory.
51:28
And I'd be so curious how things would look if
51:31
art was also mandatory. Yeah, I don't know. Or
51:36
like if someone in grade 11 and 12 was like,
51:39
oh, I'm going to go be an artist. If that had
51:41
the same societal value, it's like, oh, I want
51:45
to go be a doctor or I want to go be a lawyer.
51:47
There's so much don't go into the arts mentality.
51:51
Yeah. The starving artist is like the real thing.
51:54
Oh, yeah. You know, where they're just like,
51:56
oh, the starving artist. You're like, that's
51:58
it. You're like, oh, I'm not going into that.
52:00
Yeah. Because it's not safe, you know. So I think
52:04
it's just real risk takers who are just out there
52:06
trying to just do art and make art full time.
52:09
Yeah. Very cool. Like, I think in a way, like
52:12
the cage fighting, but not as violent. But still,
52:16
it is a risk. Artists are the cage fighters of
52:20
the art world. You are. You guys are the cage
52:24
fighters of the art world. And I think it's cool
52:26
as hell. yeah we'll see what people come up with
52:28
like what spaces guys get into and like how can
52:31
you express yourself like how you see the world
52:34
and i see the world are two very different places
52:35
you know and yes when you uh when you put that
52:39
down on the paper it's a cool way for us to communicate
52:42
and be like i didn't know you saw that oh yeah
52:44
word that reminds me of one of and i still remember
52:48
this to this day i think it was around 2012 someone
52:51
i worked with gave me the best compliment about
52:54
me that i've ever received and you know 2012
52:57
was how many years ago like i still remember
52:58
it she said that the way she thinks that the
53:02
way i picture the world kind of like a dr seuss
53:05
kind of thing of like that the trees are colorful
53:09
and just this like magical world that she's like
53:11
oh i think that's the world you live in and i
53:13
was like i love that so much i love that that
53:16
is the vibe i'm giving off to people yeah i honestly
53:21
get that myself um like when i came back from
53:25
africa i i was very i was pretty sad i i'd say
53:29
when i got a little bit defeated when i came
53:31
back and um one of my cousins uh and he he lives
53:36
a very different world and has such a different
53:38
lens than i do uh i think that it's it's crazy
53:42
because like we're trying to relate on the same
53:45
subjects and i think because we've just been
53:46
through such different stuff and we're not similar
53:49
ages i'm a few years above it even though i'm
53:52
only maybe like 10 years older than him or less
53:55
i feel like i'm 40 years old because of the other
53:58
extra stuff that i've been through or seen and
54:01
i think that everybody's world lens is like so
54:04
different and so it comes down to it and i'm
54:07
like i'm really like and even though we're different
54:09
i was like i'm so happy that that's how you see
54:12
people Oh yeah. Like, like I remember we were
54:15
trying to get crepes. Crepes? Like flat pancakes.
54:19
The flat pancakes. Okay. Yeah. So we went to
54:21
go get some flat pancakes and there was a homeless
54:24
guy and I gave Finn like 20 bucks. And basically
54:27
he was like, Finn was like, I should just give
54:30
him all of this. And I was like, what are you
54:32
doing? No, you can't. Like, cause then we don't
54:34
eat. And he's like, yeah, but then he would eat.
54:35
And I was like, he's like, cause we'll probably
54:36
eat again at supper. And I was just like, you're
54:38
absolutely right. It's like, it's a beautiful
54:41
sentiment. And I love that you're like that,
54:43
you know? So like, whereas me, I'm like, I don't
54:45
have time for this. I can't. And I'm like, I
54:47
gotta eat. I gotta make sure you eat. That's
54:49
all I care. But then you're like this other person.
54:52
It's so self, selfless. Yeah. Still has it in
54:56
him. And I'm like, whereas at that time, my mindset
54:58
was more of like more despair of just like whatever
55:02
we did wasn't working and it didn't work. And
55:06
yeah, I feel like we didn't make a difference,
55:08
which really hurt. to kind of say yeah yeah came
55:12
back and like what did we do and then my mom
55:15
basically had this awesome quote of basically
55:17
go nancy yeah nancy she was like you can only
55:20
really help who's around you with an arm's reach
55:22
so she like because i was thinking i was like
55:24
i'll go back to africa and i'm gonna help people
55:26
and i'm gonna help save things and she was just
55:28
like or you could just help the people around
55:30
you and i was like that actually makes a big
55:32
difference and it's not as expensive so yes we'll
55:35
do that for now you know but i still still love
55:40
to get back to helps yeah yeah cool big heart
55:43
yeah um maybe one more question and then i think
55:46
we'll have to wrap up i haven't been timing this
55:48
one my bad oh that's all good um and this might
55:51
be a long answer so whatever we'll make it happen
55:53
what stories have you been told about who you
55:56
should be oh yeah you know it's funny uh is I
56:00
was told, well, my mom was told that I would
56:03
be a doctor by a gypsy woman when we were in
56:05
the UK. Okay. And I just was like, and she kind
56:09
of had that. We have a pretty successful family
56:12
when it comes to people doing really well academically.
56:14
And for like a lot of my family, they've done
56:18
all super well academically. And then there's
56:21
me. and uh i've never really kicked butt in that
56:25
arena so by not being that way and kind of just
56:31
being my myself and doing things like i feel
56:34
like i should have been more successful in the
56:36
academics of things but I tried pretty hard.
56:39
Like I ended up doing an engineering degree,
56:41
not degree, engineering program in the Navy.
56:44
And that's a lot of hard work, especially for
56:47
a dude with dyslexia. And I had to stay up to
56:48
like three o 'clock in the morning. And I was
56:50
like, dude, it's just so not worth it to be good
56:52
academically. Not for everyone. Yeah, I'd be
56:57
up to like three o 'clock in the morning to basically
56:58
score a 70. yeah no and then there's like just
57:02
people on my course were like yeah yeah i breezed
57:05
it i was like cool cool cool cool nice yeah good
57:08
for you yeah yeah yeah great job buddy it's like
57:10
but uh no i'm like maybe i'm not like an academic
57:14
so i think that was the person that i think i
57:17
should have been by by i'm a bit of an outlier
57:20
on my mom's side of the family by not being great
57:22
but yeah i think i make up for another oh absolutely
57:25
you've got many many like skills and experience
57:29
that really contribute to this world yeah what
57:33
about you what's your I think it's odd enough
57:35
but I had a similar story I also got um diagnosed
57:40
with dyslexia at a very young age i think i had
57:43
a hard time reading i think both my parents have
57:45
dyslexia and maybe my sister a little bit but
57:47
we all are avid readers but when i was young
57:51
and i got assessed i was told that i would likely
57:53
not go to university or college because i was
57:56
just so behind and i also remember in grade five
58:00
um we were supposed to draw what we wanted to
58:03
be when we grew up. And it was our first time
58:05
ever given a piece of paper that was bigger than
58:08
a printer sheet. Like we got a big piece of paper
58:11
and I got so excited and I drew myself as an
58:13
astronaut and I covered the whole page. I had
58:16
this cool space theme and there was me as an
58:18
astronaut. And I was just like, I'm going to
58:20
be an astronaut. And I was so excited about it.
58:22
And then my teacher totally tore me down. She's
58:25
like, well, you're not good at math and you're
58:26
not good at science. So you'll never be an astronaut.
58:29
meanwhile all of these things were put on the
58:31
wall and mine was like i don't want to say the
58:33
most artistic but like i was the only one who
58:35
covered the whole page yeah and like got really
58:38
into it and as much as the teacher might be right
58:40
in that like i'll never be an astronaut but knowing
58:43
how space travel is going now anyone can be an
58:45
astronaut but anyways exactly we can do it for
58:47
10 minutes now yeah exactly you just need 150k
58:51
of expendable money yeah love that see yeah but
58:55
it's accessible that messaging is like oh you
58:58
like telling a kid that they can't do something
59:00
knowing how hurt i was in that i learned and
59:05
have like still try to embody this as an adult
59:08
to never tell people what they can and cannot
59:10
do yeah and i think that's why i do have a sensitivity
59:13
to people being like oh you can't do that it's
59:16
like don't tell me what to do yeah um sorry friends
59:19
who have had to deal with that part of me and
59:23
I'm sure you had to get the grunt of that too
59:25
working with me yeah what nah sometimes that's
59:29
all yeah it's all good I think it's I think it's
59:32
good it ends up being like a kind of like a fuck
59:35
you can do attitude yeah do it in spite of you
59:39
know yeah I'm doing this not out of love I'm
59:42
going like hate is a great motivator yeah if
59:45
you truly like I think we talked about this with
59:48
a banker that we talked about previously. Oh
59:51
yes. Yes. And so like, I don't want to get into
59:53
it, like the financial side of these things,
59:55
but he basically was like, this won't happen.
59:57
And I was like, yes. So I was like, I did everything
1:00:00
within my power to basically be like, yeah, I'm
1:00:02
going to make sure that I'll be showing up to
1:00:04
be like, this will be, I'll be able to do this
1:00:07
thing. Yeah. Love that. Yeah. right on sweet
1:00:09
this was great um we do we have any homework
1:00:13
or we have songs we do have songs uh mine was
1:00:17
man of the year by what was his name again i
1:00:20
wrote it down it's a contact it's contact and
1:00:24
he's no it's not contact it's contrast with a
1:00:28
k and an h and it's nice we'll put it in the
1:00:31
playlist yeah um the song i'm adding is called
1:00:35
in another time or maybe another time i was just
1:00:40
listening to it by bang suave oh really struggling
1:00:44
with the artist today with the names yeah yeah
1:00:47
tough names out there yeah yeah so that's those
1:00:50
are our song ads um next week do we know what
1:00:54
we're doing next week Do you have a tattoo artist
1:00:56
on? No, that's in a few weeks from now. We have
1:01:00
a guest who's also post up in Nova Scotia. So
1:01:04
we'll have two Maritimers and one Linnea. We'll
1:01:09
be ganging up on you. Talking about, I guess
1:01:11
I can say we're going to be talking about friendship.
1:01:13
Absolutely. So yeah, stay tuned for that, everyone.
1:01:16
Thanks for coming or listening to us. Tuning
1:01:21
in. Do you guys want some forehead kisses or
1:01:23
not? Get out of here. right on peace out everyone
1:01:28
thanks for listening