Latest / Adult Child of Dysfunction / E 301: The Truth About Narcissistic Abuse and Family Trauma - Guest Dr.Tracy Hutchinson

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E 301: The Truth About Narcissistic Abuse and Family Trauma - Guest Dr.Tracy Hutchinson · Adult Child of Dysfunction

• 0:47
  Well,
• 0:47
  hello,
• 0:48
  everybody,
• 0:48
  and
• 0:48
  welcome
• 0:48
  back
• 0:49
  to
• 0:49
  another
• 0:49
  episode
• 0:49
  of
• 0:50
  Adult
• 0:50
  Child
• 0:50
  of
• 0:50
  Dysfunction.
• 0:51
  Today
• 0:51
  we
• 0:51
  have
• 0:52
  with
• 0:52
  us
• 0:52
  another
• 0:52
  very
• 0:53
  special
• 0:53
  guest,
• 0:54
  Dr.
• 0:54
  Tracy
• 0:55
  Hutchinson.
• 0:55
  She
• 0:56
  is
• 0:56
  an
• 0:56
  author,
• 0:56
  professor,
• 0:57
  and
• 0:57
  psychotherapist
• 0:58
  specializing
• 0:59
  in
• 0:59
  narcissistic
• 1:00
  abuse
• 1:00
  and
• 1:00
  family
• 1:00
  trauma
• 1:01
  recovery.
• 1:02
  She
• 1:02
  has
• 1:02
  served
• 1:03
  as
• 1:03
  an
• 1:03
  assistant
• 1:03
  professor
• 1:04
  at
• 1:04
  multiple
• 1:05
  universities
• 1:05
  and
• 1:05
  teaches
• 1:06
  at
• 1:06
  the
• 1:06
  graduate
• 1:07
  level
• 1:07
  at
• 1:07
  the
• 1:07
  College
• 1:07
  of
• 1:08
  William
• 1:08
  and
• 1:08
  Mary.
• 1:09
  Her
• 1:09
  expertise
• 1:09
  has
• 1:10
  been
• 1:10
  featured
• 1:10
  in
• 1:10
  Vogue,
• 1:11
  the
• 1:11
  Associated
• 1:12
  Press,
• 1:12
  and
• 1:12
  across
• 1:13
  television
• 1:13
  and
• 1:14
  radio.
• 1:14
  She's
• 1:15
  the
• 1:15
  author
• 1:15
  of
• 1:15
  Adult
• 1:16
  Children
• 1:16
  of
• 1:16
  High
• 1:17
  Conflict.
• 1:17
  Parents,
• 1:18
  find
• 1:18
  freedom
• 1:19
  from
• 1:19
  your
• 1:19
  past,
• 1:20
  Heal
• 1:20
  the
• 1:20
  pain
• 1:20
  of
• 1:21
  toxic
• 1:21
  relational
• 1:22
  trauma,
• 1:22
  and
• 1:23
  cultivate
• 1:23
  lasting
• 1:24
  self
• 1:24
  love.
• 1:25
  Wow.
• 1:25
  It's
• 1:25
  funny.
• 1:26
  Well,
• 1:26
  first
• 1:26
  of
• 1:26
  all,
• 1:26
  welcome,
• 1:27
  Dr.
• 1:27
  Hutchinson.
• 1:28
  Thank
• 1:28
  you.
• 1:28
  Thank
• 1:28
  you
• 1:28
  for
• 1:29
  having
• 1:29
  me.
• 1:29
  Oh,
• 1:30
  you
• 1:30
  are
• 1:30
  very
• 1:30
  welcome.
• 1:31
  I
• 1:31
  love
• 1:31
  that
• 1:31
  you're.
• 1:32
  I
• 1:33
  remember
• 1:33
  when
• 1:33
  I
• 1:33
  was
• 1:33
  writing
• 1:33
  my
• 1:34
  book,
• 1:34
  it
• 1:34
  was.
• 1:35
  Had
• 1:35
  a
• 1:35
  really
• 1:35
  long
• 1:35
  title
• 1:36
  and
• 1:36
  people
• 1:36
  said,
• 1:36
  well,
• 1:37
  why
• 1:37
  do
• 1:37
  you.
• 1:37
  Why
• 1:37
  do
• 1:37
  you
• 1:38
  need
• 1:38
  such
• 1:38
  a
• 1:38
  long
• 1:38
  title?
• 1:38
  And
• 1:39
  I
• 1:39
  said,
• 1:39
  because
• 1:39
  people
• 1:39
  need
• 1:40
  to
• 1:40
  read
• 1:40
  the
• 1:40
  title
• 1:40
  of
• 1:40
  the
• 1:41
  book
• 1:41
  and
• 1:41
  know
• 1:41
  what's
• 1:41
  in
• 1:42
  the.
• 1:42
  What
• 1:42
  they're
• 1:42
  getting.
• 1:43
  Yes.
• 1:43
  And
• 1:44
  I,
• 1:44
  And
• 1:44
  I.
• 1:44
  I
• 1:44
  just
• 1:45
  looked
• 1:45
  at
• 1:45
  that
• 1:45
  and
• 1:45
  I
• 1:45
  thought,
• 1:46
  take
• 1:46
  one
• 1:47
  piece
• 1:47
  out
• 1:48
  of
• 1:48
  that
• 1:48
  and
• 1:48
  it's
• 1:48
  not
• 1:48
  the
• 1:48
  same
• 1:49
  book.
• 1:49
  Right,
• 1:49
  right,
• 1:50
  exactly.
• 1:51
  So
• 1:51
  when
• 1:51
  you
• 1:51
  read
• 1:51
  the
• 1:52
  subtitle
• 1:52
  of
• 1:52
  it,
• 1:53
  it
• 1:53
  could,
• 1:53
  it
• 1:53
  could
• 1:53
  get
• 1:54
  you.
• 1:54
  Because
• 1:54
  you're,
• 1:55
  you
• 1:55
  know,
• 1:56
  healing
• 1:56
  relational
• 1:57
  trauma
• 1:57
  or
• 1:57
  cultivating
• 1:58
  lasting
• 1:59
  self
• 1:59
  love
• 2:00
  and
• 2:00
  self
• 2:00
  respect
• 2:01
  because
• 2:01
  so
• 2:02
  many
• 2:02
  adult
• 2:02
  children
• 2:03
  of
• 2:03
  dysfunctional
• 2:04
  families
• 2:05
  struggle
• 2:05
  with
• 2:05
  low
• 2:06
  self
• 2:06
  worth,
• 2:06
  low
• 2:07
  self
• 2:07
  esteem.
• 2:07
  I
• 2:08
  mean,
• 2:08
  it's
• 2:08
  just
• 2:08
  a
• 2:08
  measure
• 2:08
  of
• 2:08
  being
• 2:09
  in
• 2:09
  an
• 2:09
  emotionally
• 2:09
  invalidating
• 2:10
  environment.
• 2:11
  So
• 2:11
  I
• 2:12
  think
• 2:12
  it's
• 2:12
  important
• 2:12
  to
• 2:13
  do.
• 2:13
  But
• 2:13
  some
• 2:13
  people
• 2:13
  are
• 2:14
  like,
• 2:14
  that's
• 2:14
  a
• 2:14
  long
• 2:14
  title.
• 2:16
  No,
• 2:16
  I
• 2:16
  think
• 2:16
  my.
• 2:17
  I
• 2:17
  think
• 2:17
  I
• 2:17
  laughed
• 2:17
  because
• 2:18
  mine
• 2:18
  was
• 2:18
  like,
• 2:19
  helping.
• 2:21
  Helping
• 2:22
  children
• 2:22
  of
• 2:22
  alcoholic
• 2:24
  backgrounds
• 2:24
  or
• 2:25
  something.
• 2:25
  And
• 2:25
  then
• 2:25
  it
• 2:25
  was
• 2:26
  an
• 2:26
  educator's
• 2:27
  guide
• 2:27
  to
• 2:27
  identifying
• 2:28
  and
• 2:28
  empowering
• 2:29
  disconnected
• 2:29
  youth
• 2:30
  in
• 2:30
  the
• 2:30
  classroom.
• 2:31
  And
• 2:31
  I
• 2:31
  was
• 2:31
  like,
• 2:32
  take
• 2:32
  one
• 2:32
  word
• 2:33
  out
• 2:33
  of
• 2:33
  there
• 2:33
  and
• 2:33
  tell
• 2:33
  me
• 2:34
  how
• 2:34
  it
• 2:34
  means
• 2:34
  the
• 2:34
  same
• 2:34
  thing.
• 2:34
  I'm
• 2:35
  like,
• 2:35
  it
• 2:35
  doesn't.
• 2:35
  Just
• 2:36
  doesn't.
• 2:36
  Yeah,
• 2:36
  yeah,
• 2:37
  that's
• 2:38
  really
• 2:38
  important,
• 2:38
  Tammy,
• 2:39
  because,
• 2:39
  you
• 2:39
  know,
• 2:39
  as
• 2:40
  a
• 2:40
  professor
• 2:40
  in,
• 2:41
  like,
• 2:41
  you
• 2:41
  know,
• 2:41
  teaching
• 2:42
  graduate
• 2:42
  students
• 2:42
  for
• 2:42
  years,
• 2:43
  years,
• 2:43
  and
• 2:44
  I
• 2:44
  teach
• 2:44
  the
• 2:44
  DSM
• 2:45
  5
• 2:45
  TR.
• 2:45
  We
• 2:46
  don't
• 2:46
  teach
• 2:46
  this
• 2:47
  in.
• 2:48
  In
• 2:48
  graduate
• 2:48
  curricula.
• 2:49
  You
• 2:49
  know,
• 2:49
  the.
• 2:50
  These
• 2:50
  things
• 2:50
  are
• 2:50
  stumbled
• 2:51
  upon
• 2:51
  by,
• 2:51
  oh,
• 2:52
  my
• 2:52
  gosh,
• 2:52
  like,
• 2:52
  you
• 2:53
  know,
• 2:53
  this
• 2:53
  person
• 2:53
  has
• 2:53
  a
• 2:53
  podcast
• 2:54
  on
• 2:54
  dysfunctional
• 2:55
  families
• 2:55
  or,
• 2:56
  you
• 2:56
  know,
• 2:56
  decades
• 2:57
  of
• 2:57
  clinical
• 2:57
  experience
• 2:58
  where
• 2:58
  people
• 2:58
  are
• 2:59
  coming
• 2:59
  in,
• 2:59
  you
• 2:59
  start
• 2:59
  to
• 3:00
  uncover
• 3:00
  their
• 3:00
  histories
• 3:01
  and
• 3:01
  you
• 3:01
  see
• 3:02
  that
• 3:02
  it
• 3:02
  has
• 3:03
  to
• 3:03
  do
• 3:03
  with
• 3:03
  toxic
• 3:04
  family
• 3:04
  dynamics,
• 3:04
  why
• 3:05
  they're
• 3:05
  in
• 3:05
  the
• 3:06
  situation
• 3:06
  that
• 3:06
  they're
• 3:07
  in
• 3:07
  with
• 3:07
  whomever
• 3:08
  they
• 3:08
  attracted
• 3:08
  into
• 3:09
  their
• 3:09
  life,
• 3:09
  their
• 3:09
  partner,
• 3:10
  their.
• 3:10
  Their
• 3:10
  Children,
• 3:11
  all
• 3:11
  types
• 3:11
  of
• 3:12
  things.
• 3:12
  So
• 3:12
  it's
• 3:12
  just
• 3:13
  like,
• 3:13
  it's
• 3:14
  important.
• 3:15
  Yeah.
• 3:15
  Oh,
• 3:16
  absolutely.
• 3:16
  I'm
• 3:17
  going
• 3:17
  to
• 3:17
  jump
• 3:17
  right
• 3:18
  back
• 3:18
  though,
• 3:18
  to
• 3:18
  the
• 3:18
  beginning
• 3:19
  of
• 3:19
  your
• 3:19
  book
• 3:19
  because
• 3:20
  I
• 3:20
  want
• 3:20
  you
• 3:20
  to
• 3:20
  explain
• 3:21
  to
• 3:21
  people
• 3:21
  because
• 3:22
  I
• 3:22
  had
• 3:22
  actually
• 3:22
  never
• 3:22
  heard
• 3:23
  the
• 3:23
  term
• 3:23
  high
• 3:24
  conflict
• 3:24
  parent.
• 3:25
  I,
• 3:25
  I
• 3:26
  mean,
• 3:26
  I've
• 3:26
  heard
• 3:26
  dysfunctional
• 3:27
  family.
• 3:27
  I've,
• 3:27
  I
• 3:28
  had
• 3:28
  just
• 3:28
  never
• 3:28
  heard
• 3:29
  it
• 3:29
  put.
• 3:29
  I
• 3:29
  mean,
• 3:29
  and
• 3:30
  that's
• 3:30
  really
• 3:30
  what
• 3:31
  it
• 3:31
  is.
• 3:31
  But
• 3:32
  explain
• 3:32
  in
• 3:32
  your
• 3:33
  words,
• 3:33
  in
• 3:33
  your
• 3:33
  terms,
• 3:34
  what
• 3:34
  exactly
• 3:34
  a
• 3:34
  high
• 3:36
  conflict,
• 3:36
  conflict
• 3:36
  parent.
• 3:37
  So
• 3:37
  a
• 3:38
  high
• 3:38
  conflict
• 3:39
  parent
• 3:40
  is.
• 3:41
  Can
• 3:41
  be
• 3:42
  looked
• 3:42
  at
• 3:42
  as
• 3:42
  being
• 3:43
  dysfunctional.
• 3:43
  They
• 3:44
  could
• 3:44
  be
• 3:44
  looked
• 3:44
  at
• 3:45
  as
• 3:45
  being,
• 3:45
  you
• 3:45
  know,
• 3:45
  we
• 3:45
  use
• 3:46
  this
• 3:46
  term
• 3:46
  a
• 3:46
  lot.
• 3:47
  Lindsay
• 3:48
  Gibson's
• 3:48
  work.
• 3:48
  Emotionally
• 3:49
  immature.
• 3:49
  But
• 3:50
  I
• 3:50
  like
• 3:50
  to
• 3:50
  look
• 3:51
  at.
• 3:52
  There's
• 3:52
  a
• 3:53
  lot
• 3:53
  of
• 3:53
  conflict
• 3:53
  within
• 3:54
  the
• 3:54
  relationship.
• 3:54
  This
• 3:55
  could
• 3:55
  be
• 3:55
  obvious.
• 3:55
  It
• 3:56
  could
• 3:56
  be
• 3:56
  over.
• 3:56
  Like
• 3:57
  take
• 3:57
  a
• 3:57
  person
• 3:58
  who
• 3:58
  has
• 3:58
  a.
• 3:58
  Just
• 3:59
  a
• 3:59
  typical
• 4:00
  alcoholic
• 4:01
  parent.
• 4:01
  There
• 4:01
  might
• 4:01
  be
• 4:01
  a
• 4:02
  lot
• 4:02
  of
• 4:02
  volatility
• 4:02
  emotionally
• 4:03
  and
• 4:03
  otherwise,
• 4:04
  a
• 4:04
  lot
• 4:04
  of
• 4:04
  fights.
• 4:06
  It
• 4:06
  could
• 4:06
  be
• 4:06
  very
• 4:06
  overt.
• 4:07
  But
• 4:07
  high
• 4:07
  conflict
• 4:08
  can
• 4:08
  also
• 4:08
  be
• 4:08
  very
• 4:09
  covert.
• 4:09
  So
• 4:10
  it
• 4:10
  could
• 4:10
  be
• 4:10
  a
• 4:10
  parent
• 4:10
  or
• 4:10
  family
• 4:11
  member,
• 4:11
  in
• 4:11
  this
• 4:11
  case,
• 4:12
  a
• 4:12
  family
• 4:12
  member
• 4:13
  who
• 4:15
  has
• 4:15
  raised
• 4:15
  a
• 4:16
  child
• 4:16
  with
• 4:16
  a
• 4:16
  lot
• 4:16
  of
• 4:16
  emotional
• 4:17
  neglect.
• 4:17
  Maybe
• 4:18
  they
• 4:18
  were
• 4:18
  not
• 4:19
  a
• 4:19
  part
• 4:19
  of
• 4:19
  their
• 4:20
  life.
• 4:20
  Maybe
• 4:21
  they
• 4:21
  were
• 4:21
  in
• 4:21
  the
• 4:21
  bedroom
• 4:22
  a
• 4:22
  lot
• 4:22
  of
• 4:22
  the
• 4:22
  time
• 4:23
  during
• 4:23
  their
• 4:23
  childhood.
• 4:24
  So
• 4:24
  there's
• 4:24
  not
• 4:24
  a
• 4:24
  lot
• 4:25
  of
• 4:25
  overt
• 4:25
  conflict.
• 4:26
  But
• 4:26
  trying
• 4:26
  to
• 4:27
  emotionally
• 4:27
  attune
• 4:28
  and
• 4:28
  connect
• 4:28
  with
• 4:29
  that
• 4:29
  parent
• 4:29
  causes
• 4:30
  a
• 4:30
  lot
• 4:30
  of
• 4:30
  conflict
• 4:31
  because
• 4:31
  you're
• 4:31
  not
• 4:31
  being
• 4:32
  emotionally
• 4:32
  validated
• 4:33
  and
• 4:33
  really
• 4:33
  not
• 4:34
  parented
• 4:34
  in
• 4:35
  an
• 4:35
  emotionally
• 4:35
  validating
• 4:36
  way,
• 4:36
  if
• 4:36
  that
• 4:37
  makes
• 4:37
  sense.
• 4:37
  Yes,
• 4:38
  absolutely.
• 4:41
  Yeah,
• 4:41
  I
• 4:41
  love
• 4:41
  the
• 4:41
  term.
• 4:42
  I
• 4:42
  mean,
• 4:42
  it's
• 4:42
  just
• 4:42
  one.
• 4:43
  It's
• 4:43
  a
• 4:43
  broad.
• 4:44
  It's
• 4:44
  broad,
• 4:45
  but
• 4:45
  it's
• 4:45
  different.
• 4:45
  Now
• 4:46
  how
• 4:46
  is
• 4:46
  that
• 4:46
  a
• 4:46
  different.
• 4:47
  Different
• 4:47
  from
• 4:48
  like
• 4:48
  what
• 4:48
  people
• 4:48
  would
• 4:48
  just
• 4:49
  say,
• 4:49
  oh,
• 4:49
  I
• 4:49
  have
• 4:49
  a
• 4:49
  difficult
• 4:50
  parent,
• 4:50
  or
• 4:50
  my
• 4:51
  mom's,
• 4:51
  you
• 4:51
  know,
• 4:52
  just
• 4:52
  annoying.
• 4:52
  Or
• 4:53
  is
• 4:54
  it
• 4:54
  bigger
• 4:54
  patterns?
• 4:55
  Yes,
• 4:56
  it's,
• 4:56
  it's
• 4:57
  much
• 4:57
  bigger
• 4:57
  patterns.
• 4:58
  So
• 4:58
  this
• 4:58
  is
• 4:59
  pervasive
• 5:00
  patterns
• 5:00
  that
• 5:01
  are
• 5:01
  happening
• 5:01
  quite
• 5:02
  chronically
• 5:02
  over
• 5:03
  time.
• 5:03
  They've
• 5:03
  happened
• 5:04
  in
• 5:04
  childhood,
• 5:05
  they
• 5:05
  continue
• 5:05
  to
• 5:06
  happen.
• 5:06
  So
• 5:06
  this
• 5:06
  isn't
• 5:07
  just
• 5:07
  a
• 5:07
  one
• 5:08
  off.
• 5:09
  You
• 5:09
  see,
• 5:09
  a
• 5:10
  lot
• 5:10
  of
• 5:10
  my
• 5:10
  clients
• 5:11
  will
• 5:11
  say
• 5:12
  I
• 5:12
  just
• 5:12
  don't
• 5:12
  get
• 5:13
  validated.
• 5:13
  With
• 5:13
  a
• 5:13
  lot
• 5:13
  of
• 5:13
  my
• 5:14
  friends
• 5:14
  and
• 5:14
  family
• 5:14
  they
• 5:14
  say,
• 5:15
  it's
• 5:15
  your
• 5:15
  mother.
• 5:17
  My
• 5:17
  mom's
• 5:17
  annoying
• 5:18
  too.
• 5:19
  And
• 5:19
  it's
• 5:19
  like,
• 5:20
  okay,
• 5:20
  that's
• 5:21
  right.
• 5:21
  In
• 5:21
  relationships
• 5:22
  they're
• 5:22
  going
• 5:22
  to
• 5:23
  rupture
• 5:23
  and
• 5:23
  they're
• 5:23
  going
• 5:24
  to
• 5:24
  repair.
• 5:24
  It's
• 5:24
  the
• 5:24
  nature
• 5:25
  of
• 5:25
  relationships,
• 5:26
  healthy
• 5:26
  ones.
• 5:27
  But
• 5:28
  the
• 5:28
  high
• 5:28
  conflict
• 5:28
  piece
• 5:29
  is
• 5:29
  there's
• 5:29
  not
• 5:29
  a
• 5:29
  lot
• 5:30
  of
• 5:30
  repair
• 5:31
  in
• 5:31
  the
• 5:31
  relationship
• 5:32
  over
• 5:32
  time.
• 5:33
  So
• 5:33
  you're
• 5:33
  feeling
• 5:34
  a
• 5:34
  lot
• 5:34
  of
• 5:34
  resentment
• 5:35
  a
• 5:35
  lot
• 5:35
  of
• 5:36
  anger
• 5:36
  towards
• 5:36
  the
• 5:36
  person
• 5:37
  because
• 5:37
  they
• 5:37
  actually
• 5:38
  don't
• 5:38
  know
• 5:38
  how
• 5:38
  to
• 5:39
  repair,
• 5:39
  which
• 5:39
  is
• 5:39
  the
• 5:40
  interesting
• 5:40
  part,
• 5:40
  you
• 5:41
  know,
• 5:41
  and
• 5:41
  another
• 5:41
  thing,
• 5:42
  obviously
• 5:42
  alcoholics
• 5:43
  fall
• 5:43
  under
• 5:43
  this.
• 5:44
  But
• 5:44
  a
• 5:44
  lot
• 5:44
  of
• 5:45
  times
• 5:45
  these
• 5:45
  high
• 5:45
  conflict
• 5:46
  parents,
• 5:46
  they're
• 5:46
  not
• 5:46
  drinking
• 5:47
  or
• 5:47
  using
• 5:47
  drugs.
• 5:48
  So
• 5:48
  the
• 5:49
  children
• 5:49
  are,
• 5:50
  you
• 5:50
  know,
• 5:50
  the
• 5:51
  adult
• 5:51
  children
• 5:51
  are
• 5:51
  saying,
• 5:52
  well,
• 5:52
  you
• 5:52
  know,
• 5:52
  I
• 5:53
  don't
• 5:53
  really
• 5:53
  know.
• 5:53
  And
• 5:53
  then
• 5:53
  when
• 5:53
  you
• 5:54
  start
• 5:54
  to
• 5:54
  unpeace
• 5:55
  and
• 5:55
  unpack,
• 5:55
  what's
• 5:56
  really
• 5:56
  going
• 5:56
  on,
• 5:57
  even
• 5:57
  though,
• 5:57
  you
• 5:57
  know,
• 5:58
  as
• 5:58
  a
• 5:58
  therapist,
• 5:58
  you
• 5:59
  know
• 5:59
  that
• 5:59
  we
• 6:00
  can't
• 6:00
  diagnose
• 6:00
  people
• 6:01
  who
• 6:01
  are
• 6:01
  not
• 6:01
  in
• 6:01
  our
• 6:01
  office,
• 6:02
  but
• 6:02
  we
• 6:02
  can
• 6:03
  hear
• 6:03
  patterns
• 6:03
  of
• 6:03
  behavior
• 6:04
  and
• 6:04
  things
• 6:04
  that
• 6:04
  have
• 6:05
  happened
• 6:05
  and
• 6:05
  we
• 6:05
  can
• 6:06
  put
• 6:06
  them
• 6:07
  into
• 6:07
  a
• 6:07
  category
• 6:08
  that
• 6:08
  helps
• 6:08
  name
• 6:09
  the
• 6:09
  problem
• 6:09
  so
• 6:09
  the
• 6:10
  client
• 6:10
  will
• 6:10
  understand.
• 6:11
  So
• 6:11
  is
• 6:12
  it
• 6:12
  narcissism,
• 6:13
  is
• 6:13
  it
• 6:13
  sociopathy
• 6:14
  or
• 6:14
  psychopathy?
• 6:15
  I
• 6:15
  mean,
• 6:16
  that's
• 6:17
  a
• 6:17
  big
• 6:17
  pill
• 6:17
  to
• 6:17
  swallow
• 6:18
  for
• 6:18
  someone.
• 6:18
  But
• 6:19
  what
• 6:19
  I
• 6:19
  found
• 6:19
  is
• 6:19
  that
• 6:20
  many
• 6:20
  clients
• 6:20
  find
• 6:21
  freedom
• 6:21
  in
• 6:21
  that
• 6:22
  once
• 6:22
  they
• 6:22
  can
• 6:22
  name
• 6:22
  the
• 6:22
  problem,
• 6:23
  they
• 6:23
  know
• 6:23
  how
• 6:23
  to
• 6:24
  deal
• 6:24
  with
• 6:24
  their
• 6:24
  parent
• 6:25
  and
• 6:25
  they
• 6:25
  can
• 6:25
  take
• 6:25
  away
• 6:26
  that
• 6:26
  personality
• 6:27
  peace.
• 6:27
  Like,
• 6:28
  you
• 6:28
  know,
• 6:28
  I'm
• 6:28
  not
• 6:29
  loved
• 6:29
  because
• 6:30
  my
• 6:30
  parents
• 6:30
  were
• 6:31
  never
• 6:31
  here
• 6:31
  for
• 6:31
  me
• 6:32
  or
• 6:32
  I
• 6:32
  have
• 6:32
  low
• 6:32
  self
• 6:33
  esteem
• 6:33
  or
• 6:33
  self
• 6:33
  worth,
• 6:33
  or
• 6:34
  I'm
• 6:34
  just
• 6:34
  not
• 6:34
  good
• 6:34
  enough.
• 6:35
  Right.
• 6:36
  And
• 6:36
  that
• 6:36
  is,
• 6:37
  you
• 6:37
  know,
• 6:37
  I
• 6:37
  tell
• 6:37
  everybody
• 6:38
  that
• 6:38
  is
• 6:38
  ultimately
• 6:39
  the
• 6:39
  crutch.
• 6:40
  That
• 6:40
  is
• 6:40
  the
• 6:41
  basic
• 6:42
  premise
• 6:43
  of
• 6:43
  everything
• 6:44
  that
• 6:44
  we
• 6:44
  do
• 6:45
  when
• 6:45
  we
• 6:45
  deal
• 6:45
  with
• 6:46
  childhood
• 6:46
  trauma
• 6:46
  of
• 6:47
  any
• 6:47
  kind.
• 6:47
  It's
• 6:48
  yes,
• 6:48
  on
• 6:49
  bring
• 6:49
  that
• 6:50
  level
• 6:50
  of
• 6:50
  awareness
• 6:51
  to.
• 6:51
  I
• 6:51
  do
• 6:52
  have
• 6:52
  this
• 6:52
  feeling
• 6:52
  of
• 6:52
  I'm
• 6:53
  just
• 6:53
  not
• 6:53
  enough.
• 6:54
  I
• 6:54
  just
• 6:54
  call
• 6:54
  it
• 6:54
  not
• 6:55
  enough,
• 6:55
  not
• 6:55
  good
• 6:55
  enough,
• 6:56
  funny
• 6:56
  enough,
• 6:56
  smart
• 6:56
  enough,
• 6:56
  happy
• 6:57
  enough,
• 6:57
  it
• 6:57
  doesn't
• 6:58
  matter
• 6:58
  what
• 6:58
  it
• 6:58
  is.
• 6:59
  Yes.
• 7:00
  And
• 7:00
  you
• 7:01
  know,
• 7:01
  it
• 7:01
  just
• 7:01
  spirals
• 7:02
  you
• 7:02
  into
• 7:02
  this
• 7:03
  ultimately.
• 7:04
  And
• 7:04
  then
• 7:04
  along
• 7:05
  with
• 7:05
  that
• 7:05
  I'm
• 7:05
  not
• 7:06
  enough
• 7:06
  is
• 7:07
  all
• 7:07
  sorts
• 7:07
  of
• 7:08
  shame.
• 7:08
  And
• 7:09
  because
• 7:10
  you
• 7:10
  don't
• 7:10
  feel
• 7:11
  worthy
• 7:11
  or
• 7:11
  enough
• 7:12
  to
• 7:12
  do
• 7:12
  any
• 7:13
  of
• 7:13
  these
• 7:13
  things,
• 7:13
  so
• 7:13
  then
• 7:14
  shame
• 7:14
  follows
• 7:15
  it
• 7:15
  and
• 7:15
  it's
• 7:15
  like
• 7:15
  this
• 7:15
  vicious
• 7:16
  cycle
• 7:16
  that.
• 7:17
  Oh
• 7:17
  just.
• 7:19
  It's
• 7:19
  so
• 7:19
  insidious
• 7:20
  and
• 7:20
  so
• 7:21
  frustrating.
• 7:21
  You
• 7:22
  just
• 7:22
  want,
• 7:23
  well,
• 7:23
  see,
• 7:24
  so
• 7:24
  that's.
• 7:24
  Why
• 7:25
  like
• 7:25
  what
• 7:25
  you're
• 7:25
  talking
• 7:26
  about
• 7:26
  is
• 7:26
  coming
• 7:26
  to
• 7:27
  consciousness.
• 7:28
  And
• 7:28
  so
• 7:28
  many
• 7:28
  people
• 7:29
  are
• 7:29
  living,
• 7:30
  you
• 7:30
  know,
• 7:30
  unconsciously.
• 7:31
  You
• 7:32
  know,
• 7:32
  as
• 7:32
  you
• 7:32
  know
• 7:33
  when
• 7:33
  dealing
• 7:33
  with
• 7:33
  clients,
• 7:34
  they
• 7:34
  come
• 7:34
  in
• 7:35
  and
• 7:35
  they
• 7:35
  don't
• 7:35
  know
• 7:35
  that
• 7:36
  they
• 7:36
  have
• 7:36
  a
• 7:36
  high
• 7:36
  conflict
• 7:37
  parent.
• 7:37
  But
• 7:37
  then
• 7:38
  you
• 7:38
  hear
• 7:38
  all
• 7:38
  of
• 7:38
  these
• 7:38
  high
• 7:39
  conflict
• 7:39
  or
• 7:39
  emotionally
• 7:40
  immature
• 7:40
  behaviors
• 7:41
  and
• 7:41
  they're
• 7:41
  like,
• 7:41
  well,
• 7:42
  what
• 7:42
  do
• 7:42
  you
• 7:42
  mean?
• 7:42
  Like
• 7:43
  all,
• 7:43
  all
• 7:43
  parent,
• 7:44
  you
• 7:44
  know,
• 7:44
  they
• 7:44
  get
• 7:44
  the
• 7:44
  family
• 7:45
  brainwashing.
• 7:46
  All
• 7:47
  parents
• 7:47
  are
• 7:47
  like
• 7:47
  this,
• 7:48
  all
• 7:49
  children.
• 7:49
  And
• 7:50
  all
• 7:50
  families
• 7:50
  argue
• 7:51
  and
• 7:51
  fight.
• 7:51
  Oh
• 7:52
  yes
• 7:52
  they
• 7:52
  do.
• 7:52
  But
• 7:53
  how
• 7:53
  do
• 7:53
  they
• 7:53
  argue
• 7:53
  and
• 7:54
  fight?
• 7:55
  I
• 7:55
  mean,
• 7:55
  how
• 7:55
  do
• 7:56
  they
• 7:56
  manage
• 7:57
  that?
• 7:57
  So,
• 7:57
  you
• 7:58
  know,
• 7:58
  it
• 7:58
  is
• 7:58
  really
• 7:59
  important
• 7:59
  for
• 7:59
  people,
• 8:00
  you
• 8:01
  know,
• 8:01
  to
• 8:01
  come
• 8:01
  to
• 8:01
  consciousness
• 8:02
  about
• 8:03
  whatever
• 8:03
  they
• 8:03
  need
• 8:03
  to
• 8:03
  heal,
• 8:04
  whether
• 8:04
  it's
• 8:04
  toxic
• 8:05
  family
• 8:05
  relations,
• 8:06
  whatever
• 8:06
  it
• 8:06
  is.
• 8:06
  I
• 8:07
  mean,
• 8:07
  it's
• 8:07
  just
• 8:07
  so
• 8:07
  important.
• 8:08
  It
• 8:09
  is.
• 8:09
  And
• 8:10
  the
• 8:10
  hard
• 8:10
  part
• 8:11
  is,
• 8:11
  is
• 8:11
  that,
• 8:11
  you
• 8:12
  know,
• 8:12
  like
• 8:12
  you
• 8:12
  said,
• 8:12
  they're
• 8:13
  like,
• 8:13
  well,
• 8:13
  all
• 8:13
  families
• 8:13
  are
• 8:14
  like
• 8:14
  this.
• 8:14
  This
• 8:14
  is
• 8:14
  what
• 8:14
  they've
• 8:15
  been
• 8:15
  fed.
• 8:15
  And
• 8:15
  unfortunately,
• 8:16
  like,
• 8:16
  in
• 8:16
  my
• 8:16
  case,
• 8:17
  I
• 8:17
  wasn't
• 8:17
  allowed
• 8:18
  to
• 8:18
  go
• 8:18
  to
• 8:18
  friends
• 8:18
  houses.
• 8:19
  I
• 8:19
  wasn't
• 8:20
  allowed
• 8:20
  to
• 8:21
  see
• 8:21
  other
• 8:21
  things
• 8:22
  because,
• 8:23
  I
• 8:23
  mean,
• 8:23
  that's
• 8:23
  why
• 8:24
  the
• 8:24
  situation
• 8:24
  was.
• 8:25
  Well,
• 8:26
  not
• 8:26
  only
• 8:26
  was
• 8:26
  that.
• 8:26
  Well,
• 8:27
  my
• 8:27
  mother
• 8:27
  was
• 8:27
  a
• 8:28
  child
• 8:28
  psychiatrist,
• 8:29
  so
• 8:29
  she
• 8:29
  was
• 8:29
  very
• 8:30
  good
• 8:30
  at
• 8:30
  hiding
• 8:30
  us.
• 8:31
  Hiding
• 8:31
  from
• 8:32
  us.
• 8:33
  What.
• 8:33
  What
• 8:34
  was
• 8:34
  real
• 8:34
  and
• 8:34
  everything,
• 8:35
  but
• 8:35
  more
• 8:35
  importantly
• 8:36
  in
• 8:36
  my
• 8:36
  family
• 8:36
  was
• 8:37
  my
• 8:37
  father
• 8:37
  was
• 8:38
  afraid
• 8:39
  to
• 8:39
  be
• 8:39
  left
• 8:39
  alone
• 8:39
  with
• 8:40
  my
• 8:40
  mother.
• 8:41
  So
• 8:41
  I
• 8:41
  couldn't
• 8:41
  spend
• 8:42
  the
• 8:42
  night
• 8:43
  at
• 8:43
  people's
• 8:43
  houses
• 8:44
  because
• 8:44
  I
• 8:44
  could
• 8:44
  not
• 8:44
  leave
• 8:45
  him
• 8:45
  there.
• 8:45
  He
• 8:45
  was
• 8:45
  afraid
• 8:46
  something
• 8:46
  would
• 8:47
  happen
• 8:47
  to
• 8:47
  him
• 8:47
  while
• 8:47
  he
• 8:48
  fell
• 8:48
  asleep.
• 8:49
  I
• 8:49
  know
• 8:49
  that
• 8:49
  sounds
• 8:50
  so
• 8:50
  sad,
• 8:50
  but
• 8:51
  like,
• 8:51
  think
• 8:51
  about,
• 8:51
  you
• 8:52
  know,
• 8:52
  but
• 8:52
  the.
• 8:52
  Pressure
• 8:53
  that
• 8:53
  was
• 8:53
  on
• 8:53
  you.
• 8:54
  I
• 8:54
  mean,
• 8:54
  that
• 8:54
  burden
• 8:55
  and
• 8:55
  that
• 8:55
  pressure
• 8:56
  to
• 8:56
  be
• 8:56
  parentified
• 8:57
  into
• 8:57
  a
• 8:58
  role
• 8:58
  like
• 8:58
  you
• 8:59
  are
• 8:59
  a
• 8:59
  protector
• 9:00
  for
• 9:00
  your
• 9:01
  father,
• 9:01
  because
• 9:01
  you
• 9:01
  know,
• 9:02
  that
• 9:02
  this.
• 9:02
  It
• 9:02
  might
• 9:03
  be
• 9:03
  possible.
• 9:03
  I
• 9:03
  mean,
• 9:03
  that's
• 9:04
  like
• 9:04
  a
• 9:04
  lot.
• 9:05
  Oh,
• 9:05
  it
• 9:06
  was.
• 9:06
  Yeah,
• 9:06
  it
• 9:06
  was
• 9:07
  crazy.
• 9:08
  So
• 9:08
  I
• 9:08
  didn't
• 9:08
  get
• 9:08
  to
• 9:09
  see
• 9:09
  normal
• 9:09
  households.
• 9:10
  I
• 9:10
  didn't
• 9:10
  get
• 9:11
  to
• 9:11
  see
• 9:11
  what
• 9:11
  was,
• 9:12
  you
• 9:12
  know,
• 9:12
  I
• 9:12
  didn't
• 9:13
  get
• 9:13
  to
• 9:13
  see
• 9:13
  fights
• 9:14
  resolved
• 9:14
  because
• 9:15
  fights
• 9:15
  in
• 9:15
  my
• 9:15
  family
• 9:16
  ended
• 9:16
  up
• 9:16
  someone
• 9:17
  passing
• 9:17
  out,
• 9:18
  someone
• 9:18
  falling
• 9:19
  asleep,
• 9:19
  someone
• 9:20
  hitting
• 9:20
  their
• 9:21
  head.
• 9:21
  And
• 9:22
  all
• 9:23
  of
• 9:23
  a
• 9:23
  sudden
• 9:23
  it
• 9:23
  was
• 9:23
  a
• 9:23
  medical
• 9:24
  issue.
• 9:24
  But
• 9:25
  like,
• 9:25
  I
• 9:26
  didn't.
• 9:26
  So
• 9:26
  I
• 9:26
  have.
• 9:27
  I
• 9:27
  don't
• 9:27
  think
• 9:28
  I
• 9:28
  had
• 9:28
  ever
• 9:29
  in
• 9:29
  my,
• 9:29
  in
• 9:30
  my
• 9:30
  lifetime
• 9:31
  seen
• 9:31
  a
• 9:31
  conflict
• 9:32
  emotionally,
• 9:34
  intelligently
• 9:35
  resolved.
• 9:36
  Yes,
• 9:37
  because.
• 9:38
  Because
• 9:38
  like
• 9:38
  in
• 9:39
  my
• 9:39
  book,
• 9:39
  I
• 9:39
  talk
• 9:40
  about
• 9:40
  what
• 9:41
  repair
• 9:42
  skills
• 9:42
  does
• 9:43
  a
• 9:43
  person
• 9:43
  need
• 9:43
  to
• 9:44
  have
• 9:44
  in
• 9:44
  order
• 9:44
  to
• 9:44
  do
• 9:45
  that?
• 9:45
  You
• 9:46
  know,
• 9:46
  I
• 9:46
  mean,
• 9:46
  they
• 9:46
  have
• 9:47
  to
• 9:47
  be
• 9:47
  self
• 9:47
  aware,
• 9:48
  they
• 9:48
  have
• 9:48
  to
• 9:48
  have
• 9:48
  empathy.
• 9:49
  They
• 9:49
  have
• 9:49
  to
• 9:50
  say,
• 9:50
  you
• 9:51
  know,
• 9:51
  between
• 9:51
  the
• 9:51
  two
• 9:52
  of
• 9:52
  them,
• 9:52
  you
• 9:52
  know,
• 9:52
  we're
• 9:52
  really
• 9:53
  overburdening
• 9:53
  Tammy
• 9:54
  here.
• 9:54
  I
• 9:54
  mean,
• 9:55
  we're
• 9:55
  overburdening
• 9:55
  her
• 9:56
  with
• 9:56
  like
• 9:56
  this
• 9:56
  problem
• 9:57
  and
• 9:57
  this
• 9:57
  issues
• 9:57
  and
• 9:58
  the
• 9:58
  things
• 9:58
  that
• 9:58
  are
• 9:58
  going
• 9:58
  on.
• 9:59
  But
• 9:59
  they
• 10:00
  don't
• 10:00
  have
• 10:00
  the
• 10:00
  capacity,
• 10:01
  whether
• 10:01
  it's
• 10:02
  alcohol
• 10:02
  or
• 10:02
  their
• 10:02
  own
• 10:02
  mental
• 10:03
  health
• 10:03
  issues,
• 10:03
  to
• 10:04
  actually
• 10:04
  see.
• 10:04
  See
• 10:05
  beyond
• 10:05
  themselves.
• 10:07
  And
• 10:07
  that's
• 10:07
  high
• 10:07
  conflict
• 10:08
  parenting.
• 10:08
  I
• 10:09
  mean,
• 10:09
  there.
• 10:09
  It's
• 10:10
  not
• 10:10
  being
• 10:10
  able
• 10:11
  to
• 10:11
  see
• 10:11
  that
• 10:11
  actually
• 10:12
  we're
• 10:12
  the
• 10:12
  parents
• 10:13
  here.
• 10:14
  We
• 10:14
  need.
• 10:14
  We
• 10:15
  need
• 10:15
  to
• 10:15
  be
• 10:15
  parenting
• 10:16
  our
• 10:16
  child
• 10:17
  empathically
• 10:18
  in
• 10:18
  tuning,
• 10:19
  attuning
• 10:19
  to
• 10:20
  them,
• 10:20
  showing
• 10:20
  reciprocity.
• 10:21
  But
• 10:21
  that
• 10:22
  goes
• 10:22
  missed
• 10:23
  because
• 10:24
  of
• 10:24
  their
• 10:24
  own
• 10:24
  limitations.
• 10:26
  Right?
• 10:27
  Yeah.
• 10:27
  And
• 10:28
  no
• 10:28
  judgment,
• 10:28
  no
• 10:29
  fault.
• 10:29
  I
• 10:29
  mean,
• 10:29
  it's
• 10:29
  probably
• 10:30
  came
• 10:30
  from
• 10:30
  their
• 10:30
  parents,
• 10:31
  from
• 10:31
  their
• 10:31
  parents,
• 10:32
  from
• 10:32
  their
• 10:32
  parents.
• 10:32
  And
• 10:32
  that's
• 10:33
  why
• 10:33
  it
• 10:33
  is
• 10:33
  so
• 10:34
  insidious,
• 10:34
  it
• 10:34
  is
• 10:35
  so
• 10:35
  generational,
• 10:36
  because
• 10:38
  it's.
• 10:38
  It's
• 10:39
  so
• 10:39
  generate.
• 10:39
  I
• 10:39
  mean,
• 10:40
  and
• 10:40
  it's
• 10:40
  like
• 10:40
  I
• 10:40
  tell
• 10:41
  my
• 10:41
  kids,
• 10:41
  I
• 10:42
  said,
• 10:42
  even
• 10:42
  if
• 10:42
  I
• 10:42
  had
• 10:42
  never
• 10:43
  picked
• 10:43
  up
• 10:43
  a
• 10:43
  bottle,
• 10:44
  never,
• 10:45
  I.
• 10:46
  You
• 10:46
  still
• 10:47
  have
• 10:47
  all
• 10:48
  of
• 10:48
  the
• 10:48
  characteristics
• 10:49
  of
• 10:49
  a
• 10:49
  para
• 10:49
  alcoholic,
• 10:51
  right?
• 10:52
  Because
• 10:52
  you
• 10:52
  were
• 10:52
  raised
• 10:53
  by
• 10:53
  someone
• 10:53
  who
• 10:53
  didn't
• 10:54
  figure
• 10:54
  it
• 10:54
  out
• 10:54
  yet.
• 10:54
  I
• 10:55
  didn't
• 10:55
  figure
• 10:55
  out
• 10:56
  all
• 10:56
  the
• 10:56
  stuff
• 10:57
  until
• 10:58
  they
• 10:58
  were
• 10:58
  little,
• 10:58
  and
• 10:59
  then
• 10:59
  I
• 10:59
  was.
• 10:59
  That's
• 11:00
  when
• 11:00
  my
• 11:00
  healing
• 11:00
  journey
• 11:01
  grew
• 11:01
  up.
• 11:03
  They.
• 11:03
  They
• 11:03
  got
• 11:04
  a
• 11:04
  lot
• 11:04
  of
• 11:04
  the.
• 11:04
  I
• 11:05
  mean,
• 11:05
  and
• 11:05
  I'm.
• 11:06
  I
• 11:06
  don't
• 11:06
  feel
• 11:07
  guilty
• 11:07
  about
• 11:07
  it.
• 11:08
  I
• 11:08
  don't.
• 11:08
  I
• 11:08
  did,
• 11:09
  believe
• 11:09
  me,
• 11:10
  when
• 11:10
  I
• 11:10
  started
• 11:11
  going
• 11:11
  through
• 11:11
  this
• 11:11
  stuff
• 11:11
  and
• 11:11
  going,
• 11:12
  oh,
• 11:12
  my
• 11:12
  gosh,
• 11:12
  what
• 11:12
  have
• 11:13
  I
• 11:13
  done
• 11:13
  to
• 11:13
  my
• 11:13
  kids?
• 11:13
  I
• 11:14
  say
• 11:14
  this
• 11:14
  and
• 11:14
  I
• 11:14
  say
• 11:15
  that,
• 11:15
  and
• 11:15
  I
• 11:16
  didn't
• 11:16
  know.
• 11:16
  So
• 11:17
  for
• 11:17
  the
• 11:17
  people
• 11:17
  out
• 11:17
  there
• 11:17
  listening,
• 11:18
  it
• 11:18
  is
• 11:18
  very
• 11:18
  important
• 11:19
  that
• 11:19
  you
• 11:19
  understand
• 11:19
  that
• 11:20
  what
• 11:21
  you
• 11:21
  didn't
• 11:21
  know,
• 11:22
  you
• 11:22
  didn't
• 11:22
  know,
• 11:23
  right?
• 11:23
  And
• 11:23
  it
• 11:23
  was
• 11:24
  that.
• 11:24
  No
• 11:24
  fault
• 11:24
  of
• 11:24
  your
• 11:24
  own.
• 11:25
  But
• 11:25
  once
• 11:25
  you
• 11:25
  understand
• 11:26
  why
• 11:27
  you
• 11:27
  do
• 11:27
  these
• 11:27
  things
• 11:27
  and
• 11:28
  how
• 11:28
  you
• 11:28
  do
• 11:28
  them
• 11:28
  and.
• 11:29
  And
• 11:29
  you
• 11:29
  start
• 11:30
  working
• 11:30
  through
• 11:30
  that
• 11:30
  now,
• 11:31
  it
• 11:31
  is
• 11:31
  your
• 11:31
  responsibility.
• 11:32
  So,
• 11:32
  you
• 11:33
  know,
• 11:33
  I
• 11:33
  really
• 11:33
  like
• 11:34
  that
• 11:34
  because
• 11:34
  that
• 11:34
  is.
• 11:35
  That's
• 11:35
  the
• 11:35
  difference,
• 11:36
  I
• 11:36
  think,
• 11:37
  between
• 11:38
  someone
• 11:38
  who
• 11:39
  is
• 11:39
  showing
• 11:40
  that
• 11:40
  they
• 11:40
  can
• 11:40
  repair.
• 11:41
  So
• 11:41
  are
• 11:42
  they
• 11:42
  getting
• 11:42
  help
• 11:42
  for
• 11:42
  their
• 11:42
  problem?
• 11:43
  Are
• 11:43
  they
• 11:43
  genuinely
• 11:44
  saying,
• 11:44
  I
• 11:44
  really
• 11:45
  screwed
• 11:45
  up
• 11:45
  when
• 11:45
  you
• 11:45
  guys
• 11:46
  were
• 11:46
  little,
• 11:46
  I'm
• 11:47
  so
• 11:47
  sorry.
• 11:47
  Like,
• 11:47
  I
• 11:48
  didn't
• 11:48
  know.
• 11:48
  Having
• 11:48
  empathy.
• 11:49
  You
• 11:50
  know,
• 11:50
  if
• 11:50
  you
• 11:50
  have
• 11:50
  someone
• 11:51
  coming
• 11:51
  at
• 11:51
  you,
• 11:51
  whether
• 11:52
  it's
• 11:52
  a
• 11:52
  parent,
• 11:52
  family
• 11:52
  member,
• 11:53
  whomever,
• 11:53
  and
• 11:54
  they're
• 11:54
  showing
• 11:54
  true
• 11:54
  remorse,
• 11:55
  they're
• 11:55
  telling
• 11:56
  you
• 11:56
  how
• 11:56
  they've
• 11:56
  grown.
• 11:57
  They're
• 11:57
  like,
• 11:58
  they
• 11:58
  didn't
• 11:58
  know.
• 11:58
  How
• 11:59
  can
• 11:59
  you
• 11:59
  not
• 12:00
  hold
• 12:00
  it
• 12:00
  in
• 12:00
  your
• 12:00
  heart
• 12:00
  to
• 12:01
  forgive
• 12:01
  them?
• 12:01
  You
• 12:02
  know,
• 12:02
  suddenly
• 12:02
  your
• 12:02
  heart
• 12:03
  opens
• 12:04
  and
• 12:04
  you're
• 12:04
  like,
• 12:04
  okay,
• 12:04
  I
• 12:05
  can
• 12:05
  understand
• 12:05
  that.
• 12:05
  Versus
• 12:06
  a
• 12:06
  parent
• 12:06
  who
• 12:07
  would
• 12:07
  say,
• 12:08
  like,
• 12:08
  okay,
• 12:09
  let's
• 12:09
  just
• 12:09
  say
• 12:09
  you
• 12:09
  didn't
• 12:09
  get
• 12:09
  your
• 12:09
  own
• 12:10
  health.
• 12:10
  You
• 12:11
  blame
• 12:11
  it
• 12:11
  all
• 12:11
  on
• 12:11
  your
• 12:11
  kids.
• 12:12
  Well,
• 12:12
  no,
• 12:12
  you
• 12:12
  guys
• 12:12
  were
• 12:13
  rotten
• 12:13
  when
• 12:13
  you
• 12:13
  were
• 12:13
  younger.
• 12:14
  That's
• 12:14
  why
• 12:14
  I
• 12:14
  did
• 12:15
  it.
• 12:15
  It
• 12:15
  was
• 12:15
  because
• 12:15
  you
• 12:15
  were
• 12:15
  getting
• 12:16
  trouble
• 12:16
  in
• 12:16
  school,
• 12:17
  you
• 12:17
  were
• 12:17
  drinking
• 12:17
  too
• 12:18
  much,
• 12:18
  and
• 12:18
  I
• 12:18
  had
• 12:18
  to
• 12:18
  do
• 12:18
  this.
• 12:19
  They'd
• 12:19
  blame
• 12:19
  it
• 12:19
  all
• 12:20
  on
• 12:20
  the
• 12:20
  child,
• 12:21
  take
• 12:21
  no
• 12:21
  responsibility.
• 12:22
  Which
• 12:22
  is
• 12:23
  where
• 12:23
  the
• 12:23
  burgeoning
• 12:25
  I'm
• 12:25
  not
• 12:25
  good
• 12:25
  enough.
• 12:26
  I'm
• 12:26
  not
• 12:26
  lovable.
• 12:27
  I'm
• 12:27
  defective.
• 12:28
  There's
• 12:28
  something
• 12:28
  seriously
• 12:29
  wrong
• 12:29
  with
• 12:29
  me.
• 12:30
  Stay.
• 12:30
  Can
• 12:30
  stay
• 12:31
  with
• 12:31
  someone
• 12:32
  for
• 12:32
  a
• 12:32
  lifetime.
• 12:33
  Absolutely.
• 12:35
  So
• 12:36
  I
• 12:36
  want
• 12:36
  to
• 12:36
  go
• 12:36
  back
• 12:36
  and
• 12:36
  talk
• 12:36
  about
• 12:37
  something,
• 12:37
  because
• 12:37
  we've
• 12:37
  said
• 12:38
  it
• 12:38
  a
• 12:38
  couple
• 12:38
  times
• 12:38
  and
• 12:38
  we
• 12:38
  Kept
• 12:39
  saying,
• 12:39
  staying
• 12:39
  with,
• 12:39
  staying
• 12:40
  with,
• 12:40
  staying
• 12:40
  with.
• 12:41
  Talk
• 12:41
  about,
• 12:41
  let's
• 12:42
  go
• 12:42
  back
• 12:42
  to.
• 12:42
  Because
• 12:42
  this
• 12:42
  is
• 12:43
  what
• 12:43
  I
• 12:43
  am
• 12:44
  just
• 12:44
  so
• 12:44
  passionate
• 12:44
  about
• 12:45
  right
• 12:45
  now.
• 12:46
  Talk
• 12:46
  about
• 12:46
  the,
• 12:47
  the
• 12:48
  nervous
• 12:48
  system
• 12:49
  effect
• 12:50
  of
• 12:50
  that
• 12:51
  constant
• 12:52
  hypervigilance
• 12:53
  and
• 12:53
  that
• 12:54
  constant
• 12:55
  conflict
• 12:57
  with
• 12:57
  no
• 12:58
  resolution
• 12:59
  pattern.
• 13:00
  You
• 13:00
  know,
• 13:01
  so
• 13:01
  like
• 13:01
  anything,
• 13:02
  there
• 13:03
  are
• 13:04
  benefits,
• 13:05
  you
• 13:05
  know,
• 13:05
  to
• 13:06
  growing
• 13:06
  up
• 13:07
  in
• 13:07
  that
• 13:07
  kind
• 13:07
  of
• 13:08
  environment.
• 13:09
  But
• 13:09
  obviously
• 13:10
  there
• 13:10
  are
• 13:11
  a
• 13:11
  lot
• 13:11
  of
• 13:11
  problems
• 13:12
  in
• 13:12
  like
• 13:12
  relational
• 13:13
  trauma.
• 13:13
  So,
• 13:13
  for
• 13:14
  example,
• 13:15
  growing
• 13:15
  up
• 13:15
  in
• 13:16
  an
• 13:16
  emotionally
• 13:16
  invalidating
• 13:17
  environment
• 13:17
  or
• 13:17
  a
• 13:18
  very
• 13:18
  emotionally
• 13:18
  chaotic
• 13:19
  environment
• 13:20
  makes
• 13:20
  you
• 13:20
  hyper
• 13:21
  tuned
• 13:21
  to
• 13:22
  be
• 13:22
  able
• 13:22
  to
• 13:22
  scan,
• 13:23
  to
• 13:23
  read
• 13:23
  a
• 13:23
  room,
• 13:23
  to
• 13:24
  read
• 13:24
  body
• 13:24
  language.
• 13:25
  Many
• 13:25
  times
• 13:26
  people
• 13:26
  go
• 13:26
  into
• 13:27
  healing
• 13:27
  professions,
• 13:28
  they
• 13:28
  make
• 13:29
  great
• 13:29
  nurses.
• 13:30
  I
• 13:30
  don't
• 13:30
  think
• 13:30
  I've
• 13:30
  ever
• 13:31
  met
• 13:31
  a
• 13:31
  nurse
• 13:32
  or
• 13:32
  an
• 13:32
  ER
• 13:34
  physician
• 13:35
  who
• 13:35
  hasn't
• 13:35
  grown
• 13:36
  up
• 13:36
  in
• 13:36
  that
• 13:36
  level
• 13:36
  of
• 13:36
  chaos,
• 13:37
  because
• 13:37
  guess
• 13:37
  what,
• 13:38
  they
• 13:38
  can
• 13:38
  function
• 13:39
  very
• 13:39
  highly
• 13:39
  in
• 13:39
  that.
• 13:40
  It
• 13:40
  actually
• 13:40
  doesn't
• 13:41
  really
• 13:41
  bother
• 13:41
  them
• 13:42
  like
• 13:42
  it
• 13:42
  would
• 13:42
  bother
• 13:43
  most.
• 13:43
  But
• 13:43
  at
• 13:44
  the
• 13:44
  same
• 13:44
  time,
• 13:45
  that
• 13:45
  level
• 13:46
  of
• 13:46
  what
• 13:46
  it's
• 13:46
  doing
• 13:46
  to
• 13:47
  the
• 13:47
  autonomic
• 13:47
  nervous
• 13:48
  system,
• 13:48
  you're
• 13:49
  constantly
• 13:49
  in
• 13:49
  a
• 13:49
  state
• 13:49
  of,
• 13:50
  state
• 13:50
  of
• 13:50
  hyper
• 13:50
  vigilance
• 13:51
  and
• 13:51
  you
• 13:51
  don't
• 13:52
  even
• 13:52
  know
• 13:52
  that
• 13:53
  you're
• 13:53
  in
• 13:53
  a
• 13:54
  constant
• 13:54
  state
• 13:54
  of
• 13:54
  feeling
• 13:55
  wired.
• 13:55
  Or
• 13:55
  that's
• 13:56
  what
• 13:56
  we
• 13:56
  call
• 13:56
  hyper
• 13:56
  vigilance.
• 13:57
  Like,
• 13:57
  you
• 13:57
  know,
• 13:57
  do
• 13:58
  you
• 13:58
  startle
• 13:58
  easy?
• 13:59
  Yeah,
• 13:59
  anytime
• 13:59
  somebody
• 14:00
  opens
• 14:00
  the
• 14:00
  door,
• 14:00
  you
• 14:01
  know,
• 14:01
  I'm
• 14:01
  startled.
• 14:01
  So
• 14:02
  you
• 14:02
  don't.
• 14:02
  You're.
• 14:03
  So
• 14:03
  many
• 14:03
  clients
• 14:03
  aren't
• 14:04
  even
• 14:04
  aware
• 14:04
  that
• 14:05
  they're
• 14:05
  living,
• 14:06
  you
• 14:06
  know,
• 14:06
  in
• 14:06
  this
• 14:07
  state
• 14:07
  of
• 14:09
  heightened
• 14:09
  awareness,
• 14:10
  increased
• 14:11
  cortisol,
• 14:11
  which
• 14:12
  is
• 14:12
  having
• 14:13
  effects
• 14:13
  on
• 14:13
  the
• 14:14
  body,
• 14:14
  different
• 14:14
  parts
• 14:15
  of
• 14:15
  the
• 14:15
  body
• 14:15
  which
• 14:15
  are
• 14:15
  detrimental.
• 14:17
  So
• 14:17
  they
• 14:17
  don't
• 14:18
  really
• 14:18
  even
• 14:18
  know
• 14:18
  it.
• 14:18
  And
• 14:19
  a
• 14:19
  person
• 14:19
  can
• 14:19
  go
• 14:19
  an
• 14:20
  entire
• 14:20
  lifetime
• 14:21
  and
• 14:21
  say
• 14:21
  that.
• 14:21
  So
• 14:22
  you
• 14:22
  could
• 14:22
  be
• 14:22
  sitting
• 14:22
  in
• 14:22
  front
• 14:22
  of
• 14:23
  a
• 14:23
  client.
• 14:23
  They're
• 14:23
  visibly
• 14:24
  anxious
• 14:24
  and
• 14:25
  you're
• 14:25
  like,
• 14:25
  you
• 14:25
  seem
• 14:25
  very
• 14:26
  anxious.
• 14:26
  And
• 14:26
  they're
• 14:27
  like,
• 14:27
  I'm
• 14:27
  not
• 14:27
  anxious.
• 14:27
  They
• 14:28
  don't
• 14:28
  even
• 14:29
  know
• 14:30
  what
• 14:30
  they're
• 14:30
  feeling
• 14:31
  and
• 14:31
  what
• 14:31
  is
• 14:32
  happening
• 14:32
  because
• 14:32
  this
• 14:33
  is
• 14:33
  their
• 14:33
  baseline.
• 14:34
  I
• 14:34
  just
• 14:35
  had
• 14:35
  a
• 14:35
  client
• 14:35
  this
• 14:35
  week
• 14:36
  say,
• 14:36
  you
• 14:36
  know,
• 14:37
  I
• 14:37
  don't
• 14:37
  think
• 14:37
  I
• 14:38
  know
• 14:38
  what
• 14:38
  it's
• 14:38
  like
• 14:39
  ever
• 14:39
  to
• 14:39
  actually
• 14:40
  be
• 14:40
  at
• 14:40
  peace
• 14:40
  and
• 14:40
  to
• 14:41
  relax.
• 14:42
  And
• 14:42
  she
• 14:42
  grew
• 14:43
  up
• 14:43
  highly,
• 14:43
  you
• 14:43
  know,
• 14:44
  highly
• 14:45
  dysfunctional,
• 14:46
  you
• 14:46
  know,
• 14:46
  environment.
• 14:47
  Mom
• 14:47
  is
• 14:48
  most
• 14:48
  likely,
• 14:49
  you
• 14:49
  know,
• 14:49
  narcissist,
• 14:50
  slash,
• 14:51
  maybe
• 14:52
  even
• 14:52
  something
• 14:52
  a
• 14:52
  little,
• 14:52
  you
• 14:53
  know,
• 14:53
  darker
• 14:54
  or
• 14:54
  more
• 14:55
  problematic.
• 14:56
  And
• 14:56
  you
• 14:57
  know,
• 14:57
  but
• 14:58
  I,
• 14:58
  but
• 14:58
  I
• 14:58
  said,
• 14:58
  you
• 14:59
  know,
• 14:59
  that's
• 14:59
  the
• 14:59
  key
• 14:59
  piece
• 15:00
  that
• 15:00
  you're
• 15:00
  actually
• 15:01
  aware
• 15:01
  of
• 15:01
  that
• 15:01
  right
• 15:02
  now.
• 15:02
  You're
• 15:02
  not
• 15:03
  just
• 15:03
  going
• 15:03
  on
• 15:03
  autopilot.
• 15:04
  Like
• 15:04
  you're,
• 15:05
  you're
• 15:05
  noticing
• 15:05
  that
• 15:06
  you're
• 15:06
  in
• 15:06
  a
• 15:06
  constant
• 15:07
  state
• 15:07
  of
• 15:08
  fight
• 15:08
  and
• 15:08
  flight,
• 15:09
  but
• 15:09
  there's
• 15:10
  nothing
• 15:10
  in
• 15:10
  the
• 15:10
  environment
• 15:10
  Right
• 15:11
  now
• 15:11
  that's
• 15:11
  causing
• 15:12
  you
• 15:12
  to
• 15:12
  be
• 15:12
  fearful,
• 15:13
  but
• 15:13
  yet
• 15:14
  you
• 15:14
  are
• 15:15
  assessing
• 15:15
  for
• 15:16
  danger.
• 15:17
  Yeah.
• 15:17
  Well,
• 15:18
  it's
• 15:18
  even
• 15:18
  like
• 15:18
  I'm
• 15:18
  doing
• 15:18
  a
• 15:19
  little
• 15:19
  30
• 15:19
  day
• 15:20
  nervous
• 15:20
  system
• 15:20
  hack
• 15:21
  thing
• 15:21
  right
• 15:21
  now
• 15:21
  on
• 15:21
  Instagram.
• 15:22
  And
• 15:22
  like
• 15:22
  today
• 15:23
  I
• 15:23
  was
• 15:23
  just
• 15:23
  like,
• 15:24
  just
• 15:24
  scan
• 15:25
  the
• 15:25
  room
• 15:25
  for
• 15:25
  five
• 15:26
  things
• 15:26
  that
• 15:26
  are,
• 15:27
  that
• 15:27
  are
• 15:28
  neutral.
• 15:29
  Just
• 15:29
  scan
• 15:29
  the
• 15:30
  room.
• 15:30
  Because
• 15:31
  what.
• 15:31
  When
• 15:32
  our
• 15:32
  brains
• 15:32
  are
• 15:32
  trained,
• 15:33
  like
• 15:33
  you
• 15:33
  said,
• 15:33
  when
• 15:34
  we
• 15:34
  grow
• 15:34
  up
• 15:34
  like
• 15:34
  that,
• 15:34
  to
• 15:35
  scan,
• 15:35
  scan
• 15:35
  for
• 15:35
  danger.
• 15:36
  Yes.
• 15:37
  How
• 15:37
  often
• 15:37
  do
• 15:37
  we
• 15:38
  sit
• 15:38
  down
• 15:38
  and
• 15:38
  be
• 15:38
  like,
• 15:38
  oh,
• 15:39
  that's
• 15:39
  a
• 15:39
  pretty
• 15:39
  picture
• 15:40
  on
• 15:40
  my
• 15:40
  wall.
• 15:41
  We
• 15:42
  only
• 15:43
  look
• 15:43
  for
• 15:43
  the
• 15:44
  things
• 15:44
  that
• 15:44
  could
• 15:44
  possibly
• 15:45
  be
• 15:45
  a
• 15:45
  threat.
• 15:47
  And
• 15:48
  you're
• 15:48
  right.
• 15:49
  I
• 15:49
  tell
• 15:50
  my
• 15:50
  clients
• 15:50
  all
• 15:50
  the
• 15:50
  time,
• 15:51
  what
• 15:51
  do
• 15:51
  you
• 15:51
  think
• 15:52
  your
• 15:52
  baseline
• 15:52
  is
• 15:53
  of
• 15:54
  anxiety
• 15:54
  level?
• 15:55
  Like
• 15:55
  seven.
• 15:55
  Well,
• 15:56
  let's
• 15:56
  get
• 15:56
  it
• 15:56
  down.
• 15:57
  Let's
• 15:57
  only
• 15:58
  focus
• 15:59
  on
• 15:59
  getting
• 15:59
  that
• 16:00
  down
• 16:00
  to
• 16:00
  a
• 16:00
  two
• 16:00
  or
• 16:01
  three
• 16:01
  even
• 16:01
  right
• 16:02
  now.
• 16:02
  Yeah.
• 16:03
  Because
• 16:03
  then
• 16:03
  when
• 16:04
  those,
• 16:04
  I
• 16:04
  mean
• 16:04
  it's
• 16:04
  the
• 16:05
  slight,
• 16:05
  when
• 16:05
  you
• 16:05
  start
• 16:06
  here
• 16:06
  and
• 16:06
  then
• 16:07
  you
• 16:07
  get
• 16:07
  triggered,
• 16:07
  it's
• 16:08
  like
• 16:08
  bam,
• 16:08
  you're
• 16:08
  at
• 16:08
  an
• 16:08
  11
• 16:09
  out
• 16:09
  of
• 16:09
  10
• 16:10
  instantly.
• 16:11
  Yes.
• 16:12
  If
• 16:12
  your
• 16:12
  baseline
• 16:13
  can
• 16:13
  be
• 16:13
  a
• 16:13
  2
• 16:13
  or
• 16:13
  3,
• 16:14
  then
• 16:14
  those
• 16:14
  things,
• 16:15
  they
• 16:15
  might
• 16:15
  get
• 16:15
  you
• 16:15
  to
• 16:16
  a
• 16:16
  5
• 16:16
  or
• 16:16
  6.
• 16:16
  And
• 16:17
  it's
• 16:17
  like
• 16:17
  that
• 16:17
  we
• 16:17
  can
• 16:17
  handle,
• 16:18
  we
• 16:18
  can
• 16:18
  deal
• 16:18
  with
• 16:19
  that.
• 16:19
  Yeah.
• 16:20
  So
• 16:20
  it
• 16:20
  really
• 16:21
  is
• 16:21
  about
• 16:22
  like
• 16:22
  being
• 16:22
  mindful.
• 16:23
  So
• 16:23
  you're
• 16:23
  talking
• 16:24
  about
• 16:24
  mindfulness
• 16:25
  taking
• 16:25
  up
• 16:25
  even
• 16:25
  a
• 16:26
  new
• 16:26
  hobby
• 16:26
  like
• 16:26
  bird
• 16:27
  watching,
• 16:27
  going
• 16:28
  walking
• 16:28
  and
• 16:28
  like
• 16:29
  really
• 16:29
  observing
• 16:30
  what's
• 16:30
  going
• 16:30
  on
• 16:30
  in
• 16:30
  the
• 16:31
  environment.
• 16:31
  Because
• 16:32
  guess
• 16:32
  what,
• 16:33
  if
• 16:33
  you
• 16:33
  grew
• 16:34
  up
• 16:34
  in
• 16:34
  that
• 16:34
  type
• 16:35
  of
• 16:35
  environment,
• 16:35
  you
• 16:36
  are
• 16:36
  also
• 16:36
  addicted
• 16:37
  to
• 16:37
  drama.
• 16:39
  So
• 16:39
  you
• 16:39
  might
• 16:40
  be
• 16:40
  attracting
• 16:41
  friends,
• 16:42
  partners
• 16:43
  who
• 16:44
  might
• 16:44
  also
• 16:44
  have
• 16:45
  these
• 16:46
  qualities
• 16:47
  that
• 16:47
  are
• 16:48
  very
• 16:48
  emotionally
• 16:49
  self
• 16:49
  centered
• 16:50
  without
• 16:51
  the
• 16:51
  ability
• 16:52
  to
• 16:52
  attune
• 16:53
  and
• 16:53
  to
• 16:53
  have
• 16:53
  reciprocity
• 16:54
  towards
• 16:54
  you.
• 16:55
  And
• 16:55
  many
• 16:56
  times
• 16:56
  clients
• 16:56
  will
• 16:56
  say,
• 16:57
  well,
• 16:57
  you
• 16:57
  know,
• 16:57
  you
• 16:57
  know,
• 16:57
  I'm
• 16:58
  dating.
• 16:58
  And
• 16:58
  I'm
• 16:59
  like,
• 16:59
  well
• 16:59
  this
• 16:59
  one
• 17:00
  sounds
• 17:00
  like
• 17:00
  green
• 17:01
  flag.
• 17:02
  And
• 17:02
  they'll
• 17:02
  say,
• 17:03
  but
• 17:03
  he's
• 17:03
  so
• 17:03
  boring.
• 17:34
  So
• 17:34
  boring.
• 17:35
  It's
• 17:35
  like
• 17:35
  because
• 17:36
  he
• 17:36
  or
• 17:36
  she
• 17:36
  has
• 17:37
  a
• 17:37
  secure
• 17:37
  attachment
• 17:38
  style,
• 17:38
  it's
• 17:39
  not
• 17:39
  avoidant,
• 17:40
  it's
• 17:40
  not
• 17:40
  disorganized.
• 17:41
  I'm
• 17:42
  like,
• 17:42
  this
• 17:42
  is
• 17:42
  what
• 17:42
  you're
• 17:42
  feeling,
• 17:43
  your
• 17:43
  autonomic
• 17:44
  nervous
• 17:44
  system.
• 17:44
  But
• 17:44
  you're
• 17:45
  so
• 17:45
  used
• 17:45
  to
• 17:45
  this.
• 17:46
  So
• 17:46
  let's,
• 17:46
  like
• 17:47
  you
• 17:47
  said,
• 17:47
  get
• 17:47
  you
• 17:48
  down.
• 17:48
  So
• 17:48
  you
• 17:48
  can
• 17:48
  retrain
• 17:49
  your
• 17:49
  autonomic
• 17:50
  nervous
• 17:50
  system
• 17:51
  to
• 17:52
  be
• 17:52
  comfortable
• 17:53
  at
• 17:53
  a
• 17:53
  baseline
• 17:54
  of
• 17:54
  two.
• 17:55
  Right.
• 17:55
  Retrain
• 17:56
  it,
• 17:56
  retrain
• 17:57
  it.
• 17:58
  Right.
• 17:58
  But
• 17:58
  you
• 17:58
  are
• 17:59
  right.
• 17:59
  I
• 17:59
  can
• 17:59
  remember.
• 18:00
  I
• 18:00
  mean
• 18:00
  I
• 18:00
  was
• 18:00
  at
• 18:01
  that,
• 18:01
  I
• 18:01
  was
• 18:01
  at
• 18:01
  that
• 18:02
  when
• 18:02
  I
• 18:02
  was
• 18:02
  about
• 18:02
  29,
• 18:03
  30
• 18:03
  years
• 18:03
  old.
• 18:04
  And
• 18:04
  it
• 18:04
  was
• 18:04
  like
• 18:05
  when
• 18:06
  I
• 18:06
  met
• 18:06
  my
• 18:06
  second
• 18:07
  husband
• 18:07
  and
• 18:08
  it
• 18:08
  was
• 18:08
  that
• 18:08
  it
• 18:09
  was,
• 18:09
  he
• 18:09
  was
• 18:09
  exactly
• 18:09
  what
• 18:10
  my
• 18:10
  first
• 18:10
  husband
• 18:10
  wasn't
• 18:11
  but
• 18:11
  it
• 18:11
  was
• 18:12
  very
• 18:12
  uncomfortable
• 18:13
  sitting
• 18:13
  there
• 18:13
  in
• 18:15
  nothing.
• 18:16
  Like
• 18:17
  not
• 18:17
  waiting
• 18:17
  for
• 18:18
  something
• 18:18
  bad
• 18:18
  to
• 18:18
  happen.
• 18:19
  Yes.
• 18:20
  Yes.
• 18:20
  Or
• 18:20
  waiting
• 18:21
  for
• 18:21
  some
• 18:21
  kind
• 18:21
  of
• 18:21
  chaos.
• 18:22
  Yep.
• 18:22
  And
• 18:23
  everybody
• 18:23
  kept
• 18:23
  saying,
• 18:23
  you'll
• 18:24
  get
• 18:24
  used
• 18:24
  to
• 18:24
  it.
• 18:24
  No,
• 18:25
  I
• 18:25
  don't.
• 18:25
  Like,
• 18:25
  no.
• 18:26
  Like,
• 18:26
  it
• 18:27
  was
• 18:27
  so
• 18:27
  hard.
• 18:28
  Yeah.
• 18:30
  Because
• 18:30
  you're
• 18:30
  hardwired.
• 18:31
  I
• 18:31
  mean,
• 18:31
  literally.
• 18:32
  I
• 18:33
  mean,
• 18:33
  you
• 18:33
  could
• 18:33
  just
• 18:33
  think
• 18:33
  of
• 18:34
  a
• 18:34
  child,
• 18:34
  you
• 18:34
  know,
• 18:34
  a
• 18:35
  child
• 18:35
  being
• 18:35
  hardwired
• 18:36
  to
• 18:37
  have
• 18:38
  to
• 18:38
  scan
• 18:38
  and,
• 18:38
  like,
• 18:39
  constant
• 18:39
  emotional
• 18:40
  chaos.
• 18:40
  So
• 18:40
  once
• 18:41
  you've
• 18:41
  had
• 18:41
  one
• 18:41
  blowout
• 18:42
  or
• 18:42
  two
• 18:42
  blowouts,
• 18:43
  you
• 18:43
  are
• 18:44
  constantly
• 18:44
  looking
• 18:44
  for
• 18:45
  scary
• 18:45
  blowouts.
• 18:46
  Right.
• 18:46
  So
• 18:47
  it
• 18:47
  could
• 18:47
  be
• 18:47
  once
• 18:47
  a
• 18:48
  week,
• 18:48
  it
• 18:48
  could
• 18:48
  be
• 18:48
  once
• 18:49
  a
• 18:49
  month.
• 18:49
  It
• 18:49
  could
• 18:49
  be.
• 18:50
  You
• 18:50
  don't
• 18:50
  know.
• 18:50
  You
• 18:51
  could
• 18:51
  have
• 18:51
  a
• 18:51
  parent
• 18:51
  who's
• 18:51
  an
• 18:51
  alcoholic
• 18:52
  that
• 18:52
  just,
• 18:52
  you
• 18:53
  know,
• 18:53
  comes
• 18:53
  home
• 18:53
  and
• 18:53
  there
• 18:54
  really
• 18:54
  is
• 18:54
  no
• 18:54
  drama.
• 18:54
  They
• 18:55
  just
• 18:55
  pass
• 18:56
  out.
• 18:56
  You
• 18:56
  know,
• 18:56
  you
• 18:57
  don't
• 18:57
  really
• 18:57
  know.
• 18:57
  But
• 18:57
  one
• 18:58
  or
• 18:58
  two
• 18:58
  or
• 18:58
  three
• 18:59
  of
• 18:59
  these
• 19:00
  will
• 19:00
  caution
• 19:01
  anyone,
• 19:01
  parts
• 19:02
  of
• 19:02
  yourself
• 19:02
  to
• 19:03
  stay
• 19:03
  on
• 19:03
  alert
• 19:04
  continuously
• 19:05
  and
• 19:05
  especially
• 19:06
  if
• 19:06
  it
• 19:06
  was
• 19:06
  chronic.
• 19:07
  And
• 19:07
  there
• 19:07
  was
• 19:07
  no,
• 19:08
  you
• 19:08
  know,
• 19:08
  Tammy,
• 19:09
  last
• 19:09
  night
• 19:09
  we
• 19:10
  had
• 19:10
  a
• 19:10
  horrible
• 19:11
  fight.
• 19:11
  I
• 19:11
  know
• 19:11
  you're
• 19:11
  really,
• 19:12
  like,
• 19:12
  upset
• 19:12
  about
• 19:13
  what
• 19:13
  happened.
• 19:14
  I
• 19:14
  passed
• 19:14
  out
• 19:14
  drunk.
• 19:15
  I'm
• 19:15
  going
• 19:15
  to
• 19:15
  get,
• 19:15
  you
• 19:15
  know,
• 19:16
  help
• 19:16
  for
• 19:16
  my
• 19:16
  problem.
• 19:17
  And
• 19:17
  Mom's
• 19:17
  like,
• 19:17
  you
• 19:18
  know,
• 19:18
  I
• 19:18
  know
• 19:18
  that,
• 19:18
  you
• 19:19
  know,
• 19:19
  this
• 19:19
  is
• 19:19
  really
• 19:19
  having
• 19:20
  an
• 19:20
  effect
• 19:20
  on
• 19:20
  you.
• 19:20
  We're
• 19:20
  going
• 19:21
  to
• 19:21
  get
• 19:21
  counseling
• 19:21
  for
• 19:21
  you.
• 19:21
  That
• 19:22
  usually
• 19:22
  doesn't
• 19:22
  happen
• 19:22
  with
• 19:22
  high
• 19:23
  conflict
• 19:23
  parents.
• 19:24
  So
• 19:24
  right
• 19:24
  there
• 19:24
  would
• 19:24
  be
• 19:25
  the
• 19:25
  validation.
• 19:25
  So
• 19:26
  it's
• 19:26
  more
• 19:26
  like,
• 19:26
  no,
• 19:27
  Tammy
• 19:27
  or
• 19:27
  whomever,
• 19:29
  you're
• 19:29
  crazy.
• 19:30
  We're
• 19:31
  providing
• 19:31
  for
• 19:31
  you.
• 19:32
  So
• 19:32
  many
• 19:32
  people
• 19:33
  would
• 19:33
  love
• 19:33
  to
• 19:33
  have
• 19:34
  a
• 19:34
  mom
• 19:34
  who's
• 19:35
  a
• 19:35
  child
• 19:35
  psychiatrist
• 19:36
  and
• 19:36
  live
• 19:37
  in
• 19:37
  the
• 19:37
  home
• 19:37
  that
• 19:37
  we
• 19:38
  do.
• 19:38
  And
• 19:38
  you're
• 19:39
  so
• 19:39
  lucky
• 19:39
  and
• 19:39
  grateful
• 19:40
  while
• 19:40
  the.
• 19:41
  The
• 19:41
  client
• 19:41
  or
• 19:41
  the
• 19:41
  patient
• 19:42
  is
• 19:42
  like,
• 19:43
  that's
• 19:43
  gaslighting.
• 19:44
  They
• 19:44
  don't
• 19:45
  know
• 19:45
  the
• 19:45
  term,
• 19:45
  but
• 19:46
  they're
• 19:46
  like,
• 19:46
  this
• 19:46
  is
• 19:46
  how
• 19:46
  I'm
• 19:47
  feeling
• 19:47
  inside.
• 19:47
  And
• 19:47
  that's
• 19:48
  not.
• 19:48
  None
• 19:49
  of
• 19:49
  this
• 19:49
  is
• 19:49
  being
• 19:49
  validated.
• 19:50
  So
• 19:50
  what
• 19:50
  do
• 19:50
  I
• 19:50
  do
• 19:50
  with
• 19:51
  this?
• 19:52
  Right.
• 19:53
  No,
• 19:53
  absolutely.
• 19:54
  It.
• 19:55
  And
• 19:55
  it's.
• 19:56
  The
• 19:56
  patterns
• 19:57
  just,
• 19:57
  they
• 19:57
  go
• 19:57
  on
• 19:58
  and
• 19:58
  on.
• 19:58
  And
• 19:58
  that's
• 19:58
  what
• 19:59
  I.
• 19:59
  Again,
• 19:59
  for
• 20:00
  the
• 20:00
  people
• 20:00
  out
• 20:00
  there
• 20:00
  listening,
• 20:01
  there
• 20:01
  is
• 20:01
  hope
• 20:01
  for
• 20:02
  all
• 20:02
  of
• 20:02
  this.
• 20:02
  This
• 20:02
  is.
• 20:03
  And
• 20:03
  it's,
• 20:04
  you
• 20:04
  know,
• 20:04
  I
• 20:05
  say
• 20:05
  it
• 20:05
  might
• 20:05
  have
• 20:05
  taken
• 20:05
  me
• 20:06
  30
• 20:06
  years
• 20:06
  to
• 20:06
  figure
• 20:07
  it
• 20:07
  out.
• 20:07
  It
• 20:07
  doesn't
• 20:07
  have
• 20:08
  to
• 20:08
  take
• 20:08
  30.
• 20:08
  30
• 20:09
  years.
• 20:09
  We
• 20:09
  have
• 20:09
  so
• 20:10
  many
• 20:10
  resources
• 20:10
  now,
• 20:11
  so
• 20:11
  many
• 20:11
  therapists
• 20:12
  and
• 20:12
  coaches,
• 20:12
  and,
• 20:13
  you
• 20:13
  know,
• 20:13
  there's
• 20:14
  just.
• 20:14
  There's
• 20:15
  ways
• 20:15
  to
• 20:15
  do
• 20:15
  this
• 20:16
  and
• 20:16
  where
• 20:17
  do
• 20:17
  you
• 20:17
  think?
• 20:19
  You're
• 20:19
  a
• 20:19
  psychotherapist,
• 20:20
  right?
• 20:20
  Yeah.
• 20:21
  Yes.
• 20:21
  Yes.
• 20:22
  You're.
• 20:22
  So
• 20:23
  where
• 20:23
  do
• 20:23
  you
• 20:23
  think
• 20:23
  the
• 20:24
  first
• 20:24
  place
• 20:25
  to
• 20:25
  start
• 20:25
  is
• 20:26
  when
• 20:26
  you
• 20:26
  start
• 20:27
  when
• 20:27
  you
• 20:27
  realize,
• 20:28
  oh,
• 20:28
  my
• 20:28
  God,
• 20:29
  my
• 20:29
  life
• 20:29
  has
• 20:29
  really.
• 20:31
  I
• 20:31
  need
• 20:31
  to
• 20:31
  make
• 20:31
  a
• 20:31
  change.
• 20:33
  So.
• 20:33
  So
• 20:34
  here's
• 20:34
  the
• 20:34
  thing,
• 20:34
  is
• 20:35
  that
• 20:35
  people
• 20:36
  often
• 20:37
  will
• 20:37
  say,
• 20:37
  oh,
• 20:38
  what's
• 20:38
  bringing
• 20:39
  me
• 20:39
  to
• 20:39
  counseling
• 20:39
  is
• 20:39
  my
• 20:39
  anxiety
• 20:40
  is
• 20:40
  so
• 20:40
  bad,
• 20:40
  I'm
• 20:41
  suddenly
• 20:41
  having
• 20:41
  panic
• 20:41
  attacks.
• 20:42
  And
• 20:42
  they
• 20:42
  don't
• 20:43
  even.
• 20:43
  They're
• 20:43
  not
• 20:44
  even
• 20:44
  aware
• 20:45
  that
• 20:45
  they
• 20:45
  grew
• 20:46
  up
• 20:46
  with
• 20:47
  any
• 20:47
  dysfunction.
• 20:48
  Because
• 20:48
  we've
• 20:48
  got
• 20:48
  the
• 20:48
  cognitive
• 20:49
  dissonance
• 20:49
  going
• 20:50
  on
• 20:50
  too,
• 20:50
  towards
• 20:51
  the
• 20:51
  parent
• 20:51
  or
• 20:51
  and
• 20:52
  the
• 20:52
  family
• 20:52
  members,
• 20:53
  which
• 20:53
  is
• 20:53
  a
• 20:54
  love
• 20:54
  but
• 20:54
  problematic
• 20:55
  thing.
• 20:55
  It
• 20:55
  makes
• 20:55
  things
• 20:56
  very,
• 20:56
  very
• 20:56
  confusing.
• 20:57
  So
• 20:57
  when
• 20:57
  I
• 20:58
  say
• 20:58
  someone
• 20:59
  who's
• 20:59
  coming
• 20:59
  out
• 20:59
  of
• 21:00
  the
• 21:00
  dark,
• 21:00
  they've
• 21:01
  got
• 21:01
  to,
• 21:01
  like,
• 21:01
  know
• 21:01
  something
• 21:02
  like,
• 21:02
  oh,
• 21:03
  I
• 21:03
  heard
• 21:03
  this,
• 21:03
  you
• 21:04
  know,
• 21:04
  I
• 21:04
  heard
• 21:04
  this
• 21:04
  podcast
• 21:04
  on
• 21:05
  dysfunctional
• 21:05
  families
• 21:05
  that
• 21:06
  really
• 21:06
  resonates
• 21:06
  with
• 21:06
  me.
• 21:07
  And,
• 21:07
  you
• 21:07
  know,
• 21:07
  what
• 21:07
  do
• 21:07
  I
• 21:07
  do
• 21:08
  first?
• 21:08
  I
• 21:08
  mean,
• 21:08
  the
• 21:08
  first
• 21:09
  would
• 21:09
  be
• 21:09
  if
• 21:10
  you
• 21:10
  can,
• 21:11
  you
• 21:11
  know,
• 21:11
  get
• 21:12
  a
• 21:12
  therapist
• 21:12
  or
• 21:13
  coach,
• 21:13
  but
• 21:13
  a
• 21:13
  therapist,
• 21:14
  particularly
• 21:14
  one
• 21:15
  who
• 21:16
  is
• 21:16
  trained
• 21:17
  in
• 21:19
  this,
• 21:20
  because
• 21:20
  there
• 21:20
  are
• 21:21
  unfortunately,
• 21:22
  and
• 21:22
  it's
• 21:22
  not
• 21:23
  because
• 21:23
  they're
• 21:23
  bad
• 21:23
  therapists
• 21:24
  or
• 21:24
  anything
• 21:24
  like
• 21:24
  that,
• 21:25
  they
• 21:25
  have
• 21:25
  a
• 21:25
  different
• 21:25
  specialty.
• 21:26
  But
• 21:26
  they
• 21:26
  might
• 21:26
  say
• 21:27
  to
• 21:27
  you,
• 21:27
  all
• 21:27
  families
• 21:28
  have
• 21:28
  problems.
• 21:29
  Well,
• 21:29
  this
• 21:29
  is
• 21:29
  what
• 21:29
  you
• 21:30
  do
• 21:30
  with
• 21:30
  an
• 21:30
  alcoholic
• 21:31
  parent.
• 21:31
  Well,
• 21:31
  it's
• 21:31
  a
• 21:31
  little
• 21:31
  bit
• 21:32
  deeper
• 21:32
  than
• 21:32
  that
• 21:32
  because
• 21:33
  what
• 21:33
  you've
• 21:34
  actually,
• 21:35
  you've
• 21:36
  gone
• 21:36
  through
• 21:36
  is
• 21:36
  relational
• 21:37
  trauma.
• 21:38
  So
• 21:38
  this
• 21:38
  is
• 21:38
  not
• 21:39
  just
• 21:39
  one
• 21:39
  traumatic
• 21:39
  event.
• 21:40
  This
• 21:40
  is
• 21:40
  relation.
• 21:41
  Traumatic
• 21:42
  things
• 21:42
  that
• 21:42
  have
• 21:42
  happened
• 21:43
  in
• 21:43
  a
• 21:43
  relationship
• 21:43
  over
• 21:44
  decades
• 21:45
  and
• 21:45
  continue
• 21:45
  to
• 21:46
  go
• 21:46
  on
• 21:46
  over
• 21:46
  decades.
• 21:47
  So
• 21:47
  seeking
• 21:48
  out
• 21:50
  a
• 21:50
  therapist,
• 21:51
  buying
• 21:51
  books,
• 21:52
  you
• 21:52
  know,
• 21:52
  adult
• 21:52
  children
• 21:52
  of
• 21:53
  high
• 21:53
  conflict,
• 21:53
  parents
• 21:54
  looking
• 21:54
  up
• 21:54
  YouTube,
• 21:56
  you
• 21:56
  know,
• 21:56
  videos
• 21:57
  and
• 21:57
  things
• 21:57
  like
• 21:57
  that.
• 21:57
  But
• 21:58
  I
• 21:58
  also
• 21:58
  think
• 21:58
  it's
• 21:58
  important
• 21:59
  to
• 21:59
  have
• 22:00
  a
• 22:00
  trained
• 22:00
  professional
• 22:01
  because,
• 22:02
  I
• 22:02
  mean,
• 22:02
  God
• 22:02
  Bless
• 22:03
  Everyone
• 22:03
  with
• 22:03
  TikTok
• 22:04
  and
• 22:04
  all
• 22:04
  of
• 22:04
  this
• 22:04
  stuff.
• 22:05
  I
• 22:05
  mean,
• 22:05
  this
• 22:05
  is
• 22:05
  great
• 22:05
  because
• 22:06
  this
• 22:06
  is
• 22:06
  how
• 22:07
  we
• 22:07
  understand
• 22:07
  the
• 22:08
  problem
• 22:08
  a
• 22:08
  little
• 22:08
  bit
• 22:09
  better.
• 22:09
  But
• 22:09
  there
• 22:09
  are
• 22:10
  a
• 22:10
  lot
• 22:10
  of
• 22:10
  untrained
• 22:11
  professionals
• 22:12
  that
• 22:12
  might
• 22:13
  inadvertently
• 22:14
  trigger
• 22:14
  you
• 22:14
  with
• 22:15
  your
• 22:15
  trauma
• 22:15
  and
• 22:16
  you
• 22:16
  might
• 22:17
  not
• 22:17
  be
• 22:17
  able
• 22:17
  to
• 22:17
  know
• 22:18
  how
• 22:18
  to
• 22:18
  handle
• 22:19
  it.
• 22:19
  You
• 22:19
  might
• 22:19
  not
• 22:19
  have
• 22:19
  the
• 22:19
  coping
• 22:20
  skills
• 22:20
  yet.
• 22:20
  And
• 22:20
  that
• 22:21
  can
• 22:21
  be
• 22:21
  a
• 22:21
  little
• 22:21
  bit
• 22:21
  dangerous.
• 22:22
  So
• 22:23
  that's
• 22:23
  what
• 22:23
  I
• 22:23
  would
• 22:24
  suggest.
• 22:25
  Kudos
• 22:25
  to
• 22:25
  that
• 22:25
  because
• 22:25
  I
• 22:26
  100%
• 22:26
  agree.
• 22:27
  I
• 22:27
  say
• 22:27
  that
• 22:27
  people,
• 22:27
  you
• 22:28
  know,
• 22:28
  we're
• 22:28
  looking
• 22:28
  and
• 22:29
  they're
• 22:29
  like,
• 22:29
  oh,
• 22:29
  well,
• 22:29
  I
• 22:29
  did
• 22:30
  a
• 22:30
  video
• 22:30
  on
• 22:30
  how
• 22:30
  to,
• 22:30
  like,
• 22:31
  self
• 22:31
  hypnotize
• 22:32
  myself.
• 22:32
  And
• 22:32
  I
• 22:32
  figured
• 22:32
  I'd
• 22:33
  go
• 22:33
  back
• 22:33
  and,
• 22:34
  whoa,
• 22:34
  who
• 22:34
  are
• 22:34
  you
• 22:35
  sitting
• 22:35
  with
• 22:35
  when
• 22:35
  you
• 22:35
  do
• 22:36
  this?
• 22:36
  I
• 22:37
  know.
• 22:37
  Are
• 22:37
  you
• 22:37
  kidding
• 22:38
  me?
• 22:38
  Like,
• 22:38
  I
• 22:39
  know.
• 22:39
  And
• 22:40
  even
• 22:40
  some
• 22:41
  so
• 22:41
  much
• 22:41
  information.
• 22:42
  Like,
• 22:42
  I
• 22:42
  was
• 22:42
  talking
• 22:43
  to
• 22:43
  a
• 22:43
  lady
• 22:43
  the
• 22:43
  other
• 22:43
  day
• 22:44
  and
• 22:44
  we
• 22:44
  were
• 22:44
  talking
• 22:44
  about
• 22:45
  breathing,
• 22:46
  and
• 22:46
  she
• 22:46
  goes,
• 22:47
  you
• 22:47
  know,
• 22:47
  they
• 22:47
  keep
• 22:47
  telling
• 22:48
  me,
• 22:48
  deep
• 22:48
  breath,
• 22:49
  deep
• 22:49
  breath.
• 22:49
  And
• 22:50
  I'm
• 22:50
  like,
• 22:51
  And
• 22:51
  I
• 22:52
  asked
• 22:52
  her,
• 22:52
  I
• 22:52
  said,
• 22:52
  what
• 22:52
  does
• 22:52
  it
• 22:53
  feel
• 22:53
  like
• 22:53
  to
• 22:53
  you
• 22:53
  when
• 22:53
  you're
• 22:54
  having
• 22:54
  a
• 22:54
  panic
• 22:54
  attack?
• 22:55
  She
• 22:55
  said,
• 22:55
  I
• 22:55
  feel
• 22:56
  like
• 22:56
  an
• 22:56
  elephant
• 22:56
  is
• 22:56
  stepping
• 22:57
  on
• 22:57
  my
• 22:57
  chest.
• 22:57
  I
• 22:57
  said,
• 22:58
  can
• 22:58
  you
• 22:58
  breathe?
• 22:58
  And
• 22:59
  she
• 22:59
  said,
• 22:59
  no.
• 23:00
  Then
• 23:00
  why
• 23:00
  would
• 23:00
  you
• 23:00
  take
• 23:01
  a
• 23:01
  deeper
• 23:01
  breath?
• 23:05
  Why
• 23:05
  would
• 23:05
  you
• 23:05
  hold
• 23:05
  your
• 23:05
  breath?
• 23:07
  I
• 23:08
  mean,
• 23:08
  and
• 23:08
  it
• 23:08
  was
• 23:08
  so
• 23:09
  simple.
• 23:09
  But
• 23:09
  this
• 23:09
  is
• 23:09
  a
• 23:10
  few
• 23:10
  months
• 23:10
  ago.
• 23:10
  But
• 23:10
  literally
• 23:11
  I
• 23:11
  was
• 23:11
  like,
• 23:12
  how
• 23:12
  about
• 23:12
  take
• 23:13
  two
• 23:13
  quick
• 23:13
  breaths
• 23:13
  and
• 23:14
  then
• 23:14
  just
• 23:14
  breathe
• 23:14
  out
• 23:15
  as
• 23:15
  long
• 23:15
  as
• 23:15
  you
• 23:15
  can,
• 23:16
  like.
• 23:16
  And
• 23:16
  then
• 23:17
  she's
• 23:17
  like,
• 23:17
  wow,
• 23:17
  that
• 23:18
  really
• 23:18
  helped
• 23:18
  me.
• 23:19
  But,
• 23:19
  you
• 23:20
  know,
• 23:20
  you
• 23:21
  grab
• 23:21
  these
• 23:21
  bits
• 23:22
  and
• 23:22
  pieces
• 23:22
  and
• 23:23
  you
• 23:23
  try
• 23:23
  to
• 23:23
  piece
• 23:23
  them
• 23:24
  all
• 23:24
  together.
• 23:24
  And
• 23:24
  that's
• 23:24
  why
• 23:25
  I
• 23:25
  say
• 23:26
  all
• 23:26
  of
• 23:26
  it's
• 23:26
  great.
• 23:27
  Yes,
• 23:27
  but
• 23:27
  you
• 23:28
  need,
• 23:28
  you
• 23:28
  need
• 23:29
  a
• 23:30
  guidance.
• 23:30
  You
• 23:30
  need
• 23:31
  guidance.
• 23:31
  You
• 23:32
  need
• 23:32
  somebody
• 23:32
  to
• 23:33
  run
• 23:33
  these
• 23:33
  things
• 23:33
  off.
• 23:34
  And
• 23:34
  like
• 23:34
  you
• 23:34
  said,
• 23:34
  you
• 23:35
  need
• 23:35
  someone
• 23:35
  that
• 23:35
  can
• 23:35
  bring
• 23:35
  you
• 23:36
  from
• 23:36
  a
• 23:36
  10
• 23:36
  to
• 23:36
  a
• 23:36
  2
• 23:37
  if
• 23:37
  something
• 23:37
  you
• 23:38
  do
• 23:38
  triggers
• 23:38
  you.
• 23:39
  I
• 23:40
  agree.
• 23:40
  Yes.
• 23:41
  Because
• 23:41
  there
• 23:41
  are
• 23:42
  so
• 23:42
  many
• 23:42
  resources
• 23:42
  out
• 23:43
  there.
• 23:43
  But,
• 23:44
  but
• 23:45
  yeah,
• 23:46
  air
• 23:46
  with
• 23:47
  a
• 23:47
  foot
• 23:47
  of
• 23:48
  baby
• 23:48
  steps.
• 23:49
  Baby
• 23:49
  steps
• 23:50
  don't
• 23:50
  go.
• 23:50
  You
• 23:50
  know,
• 23:50
  I,
• 23:51
  I
• 23:51
  don't
• 23:51
  know,
• 23:51
  I
• 23:52
  just
• 23:52
  feel
• 23:52
  like.
• 23:54
  Well,
• 23:54
  I
• 23:54
  mean,
• 23:54
  so
• 23:55
  that's
• 23:55
  trauma
• 23:55
  informed
• 23:56
  care,
• 23:56
  right?
• 23:56
  I
• 23:57
  mean,
• 23:57
  so
• 23:57
  people
• 23:57
  come
• 23:57
  in
• 23:57
  all
• 23:58
  the
• 23:58
  time
• 23:58
  and
• 23:58
  they'll
• 23:59
  say,
• 23:59
  I
• 23:59
  want
• 23:59
  emdr.
• 24:00
  I'm
• 24:00
  like,
• 24:00
  you
• 24:00
  know,
• 24:01
  that's
• 24:01
  great.
• 24:02
  But
• 24:02
  you
• 24:02
  know,
• 24:02
  you
• 24:02
  actually
• 24:02
  have
• 24:02
  to
• 24:02
  be
• 24:03
  assessed
• 24:03
  for
• 24:03
  that
• 24:03
  process.
• 24:04
  So
• 24:05
  I
• 24:05
  have
• 24:05
  to
• 24:05
  know
• 24:06
  you
• 24:06
  have
• 24:07
  the
• 24:07
  appropriate
• 24:07
  coping
• 24:08
  skills
• 24:08
  that
• 24:09
  you
• 24:09
  can
• 24:09
  decrease
• 24:09
  your
• 24:10
  emotional
• 24:10
  arousal
• 24:11
  when
• 24:11
  you
• 24:11
  go
• 24:11
  into
• 24:11
  trauma.
• 24:12
  And
• 24:12
  that
• 24:12
  could
• 24:12
  take
• 24:12
  many
• 24:13
  times
• 24:13
  to
• 24:13
  set
• 24:13
  up.
• 24:14
  Even
• 24:14
  reading
• 24:15
  this
• 24:15
  book,
• 24:15
  you
• 24:15
  know,
• 24:15
  adult
• 24:16
  children,
• 24:16
  high
• 24:16
  conflict
• 24:16
  parents,
• 24:17
  you
• 24:17
  know,
• 24:17
  I've
• 24:17
  had
• 24:17
  people
• 24:17
  say,
• 24:18
  and
• 24:18
  it's
• 24:18
  true,
• 24:18
  they're
• 24:19
  like,
• 24:19
  the
• 24:19
  stories
• 24:20
  like
• 24:21
  that
• 24:21
  really
• 24:21
  triggered
• 24:22
  me.
• 24:22
  Well,
• 24:23
  your,
• 24:23
  your
• 24:23
  childhood
• 24:24
  was
• 24:24
  difficult,
• 24:25
  so
• 24:25
  healing
• 24:26
  from
• 24:26
  it
• 24:26
  is
• 24:26
  going
• 24:26
  to
• 24:26
  be
• 24:27
  challenging
• 24:27
  too.
• 24:27
  Yeah,
• 24:28
  that's
• 24:28
  it.
• 24:28
  But
• 24:29
  you
• 24:29
  can
• 24:29
  completely
• 24:30
  and
• 24:30
  totally
• 24:30
  get
• 24:31
  through
• 24:31
  it.
• 24:31
  I
• 24:32
  mean,
• 24:32
  if
• 24:32
  there's
• 24:33
  a
• 24:33
  will,
• 24:33
  there's
• 24:33
  a
• 24:33
  way
• 24:34
  you're
• 24:34
  going
• 24:34
  to
• 24:34
  be
• 24:34
  able
• 24:34
  to
• 24:35
  get
• 24:35
  through
• 24:35
  it.
• 24:36
  But
• 24:37
  definitely
• 24:38
  having
• 24:38
  something
• 24:38
  in
• 24:39
  your.
• 24:39
  Some
• 24:39
  things
• 24:39
  in
• 24:40
  your
• 24:40
  arsenal
• 24:41
  to
• 24:41
  decrease
• 24:41
  emotional
• 24:42
  arousal
• 24:42
  is
• 24:43
  like
• 24:43
  really
• 24:43
  important.
• 24:44
  And
• 24:44
  then
• 24:44
  also
• 24:44
  something
• 24:45
  that
• 24:45
  I
• 24:45
  always
• 24:45
  like
• 24:46
  to.
• 24:47
  Because
• 24:47
  it's
• 24:48
  just
• 24:48
  true.
• 24:49
  You
• 24:49
  know,
• 24:49
  clients
• 24:49
  come
• 24:49
  in,
• 24:49
  they're
• 24:50
  like,
• 24:50
  oh
• 24:50
  yeah,
• 24:50
  I'm
• 24:50
  so
• 24:50
  defective.
• 24:51
  I
• 24:51
  came
• 24:51
  from
• 24:51
  this
• 24:51
  environment.
• 24:52
  Now
• 24:52
  I'm
• 24:52
  doomed
• 24:53
  forever.
• 24:53
  Let's
• 24:54
  talk
• 24:54
  about
• 24:54
  what
• 24:54
  you're
• 24:55
  doing
• 24:55
  well
• 24:55
  in
• 24:55
  your
• 24:55
  life.
• 24:56
  You
• 24:56
  are
• 24:56
  not
• 24:57
  in
• 24:57
  the
• 24:57
  mental
• 24:57
  hospital.
• 24:58
  You've
• 24:58
  never
• 24:58
  been
• 24:58
  actively
• 24:59
  suicidal.
• 25:00
  You
• 25:00
  have
• 25:00
  a
• 25:01
  job
• 25:01
  and
• 25:01
  you
• 25:01
  go
• 25:01
  to
• 25:01
  it
• 25:01
  every
• 25:02
  day.
• 25:02
  Do
• 25:03
  your
• 25:03
  children
• 25:04
  ever
• 25:04
  go
• 25:04
  hungry
• 25:05
  or
• 25:05
  not
• 25:05
  cleaned?
• 25:06
  No.
• 25:06
  So
• 25:07
  you're
• 25:07
  doing
• 25:07
  great
• 25:08
  and
• 25:08
  you're
• 25:08
  very
• 25:08
  resilient.
• 25:09
  Here,
• 25:10
  Right.
• 25:10
  Well,
• 25:10
  I
• 25:10
  already
• 25:11
  know
• 25:11
  that
• 25:11
  you've
• 25:12
  got
• 25:12
  some
• 25:12
  skills,
• 25:13
  but
• 25:14
  when
• 25:14
  you
• 25:14
  go
• 25:14
  through
• 25:14
  some
• 25:14
  of
• 25:15
  these
• 25:15
  heavy
• 25:15
  things
• 25:15
  that
• 25:15
  you
• 25:16
  might
• 25:16
  have
• 25:16
  pushed
• 25:16
  out
• 25:16
  of
• 25:16
  your
• 25:17
  awareness,
• 25:17
  and
• 25:17
  that's
• 25:17
  kind
• 25:17
  of
• 25:18
  a
• 25:18
  smart
• 25:18
  thing,
• 25:18
  that
• 25:18
  your
• 25:18
  body
• 25:18
  does.
• 25:19
  Push
• 25:19
  it
• 25:19
  out
• 25:19
  of
• 25:20
  your
• 25:20
  awareness.
• 25:20
  Because
• 25:20
  why
• 25:20
  do
• 25:21
  we
• 25:21
  want
• 25:21
  to
• 25:21
  remember
• 25:21
  and
• 25:21
  go
• 25:22
  back
• 25:22
  to
• 25:22
  things
• 25:22
  that
• 25:22
  are
• 25:22
  horrific
• 25:23
  and
• 25:23
  painful,
• 25:24
  but
• 25:24
  just
• 25:25
  know
• 25:25
  that
• 25:26
  you,
• 25:26
  you
• 25:27
  know,
• 25:27
  you
• 25:27
  can
• 25:27
  be
• 25:28
  healed
• 25:28
  from
• 25:28
  it,
• 25:29
  Right?
• 25:30
  Absolutely.
• 25:33
  And
• 25:33
  we
• 25:33
  could
• 25:33
  literally
• 25:34
  go.
• 25:34
  I.
• 25:34
  There's
• 25:34
  so
• 25:35
  many
• 25:36
  as
• 25:36
  we're
• 25:36
  talking,
• 25:36
  like,
• 25:37
  oh,
• 25:37
  my
• 25:37
  God,
• 25:37
  there's
• 25:37
  so
• 25:37
  many
• 25:38
  different
• 25:38
  directions
• 25:38
  I
• 25:38
  could
• 25:39
  go
• 25:39
  with
• 25:39
  this
• 25:39
  and
• 25:39
  everything
• 25:40
  else.
• 25:40
  I
• 25:41
  love.
• 25:41
  I
• 25:41
  do
• 25:41
  love
• 25:41
  talking
• 25:42
  about
• 25:42
  the
• 25:42
  nervous
• 25:42
  system,
• 25:43
  because
• 25:43
  I
• 25:43
  do
• 25:43
  think
• 25:43
  it
• 25:44
  is
• 25:44
  all
• 25:44
  stored
• 25:44
  there.
• 25:45
  And,
• 25:45
  you
• 25:46
  know,
• 25:46
  so
• 25:46
  it's.
• 25:47
  And
• 25:48
  just
• 25:48
  teaching
• 25:48
  those
• 25:48
  little
• 25:49
  hacks,
• 25:49
  you
• 25:49
  know,
• 25:49
  like
• 25:50
  I
• 25:50
  say,
• 25:51
  a
• 25:51
  good
• 25:51
  example
• 25:52
  was
• 25:52
  I
• 25:52
  hosted
• 25:52
  an
• 25:52
  event
• 25:53
  in
• 25:53
  December,
• 25:54
  and
• 25:54
  the
• 25:54
  gentleman
• 25:55
  was
• 25:55
  an
• 25:56
  amazing
• 25:56
  surgeon.
• 25:57
  He
• 25:57
  was
• 25:57
  for
• 25:58
  breast
• 25:58
  cancer,
• 25:59
  and
• 25:59
  he
• 25:59
  did
• 26:00
  the
• 26:00
  surgery,
• 26:00
  and
• 26:00
  he
• 26:00
  wanted
• 26:01
  to
• 26:01
  show
• 26:01
  a
• 26:01
  video
• 26:02
  about
• 26:02
  looking
• 26:02
  at
• 26:02
  it
• 26:03
  from,
• 26:03
  like,
• 26:03
  the
• 26:03
  surgeon's
• 26:04
  perspective.
• 26:04
  Right.
• 26:05
  But
• 26:05
  I'm
• 26:06
  like.
• 26:06
  But
• 26:06
  it
• 26:07
  was
• 26:07
  very
• 26:07
  deep.
• 26:08
  And
• 26:08
  I'm
• 26:09
  like,
• 26:09
  wait
• 26:09
  a
• 26:09
  minute.
• 26:09
  Where
• 26:09
  are
• 26:09
  the
• 26:10
  people
• 26:10
  ringing
• 26:10
  the
• 26:10
  bell?
• 26:11
  Like,
• 26:11
  where.
• 26:11
  You
• 26:11
  know,
• 26:11
  where
• 26:12
  is
• 26:12
  the
• 26:12
  joy
• 26:12
  in
• 26:12
  this
• 26:13
  video?
• 26:13
  And
• 26:14
  at
• 26:14
  the
• 26:14
  end,
• 26:14
  I
• 26:14
  could
• 26:14
  see
• 26:15
  everybody
• 26:15
  was,
• 26:16
  like,
• 26:16
  so
• 26:17
  tense.
• 26:17
  Their
• 26:17
  shoulders
• 26:18
  were
• 26:18
  up,
• 26:18
  their
• 26:18
  jaws
• 26:19
  were
• 26:19
  clenched
• 26:19
  and
• 26:19
  everything.
• 26:20
  And
• 26:21
  again,
• 26:21
  it's
• 26:21
  some
• 26:22
  people.
• 26:22
  It's
• 26:22
  their
• 26:22
  natural,
• 26:23
  like,
• 26:23
  take
• 26:23
  a
• 26:23
  deep
• 26:23
  breath.
• 26:23
  And
• 26:24
  I'm
• 26:24
  like,
• 26:24
  no,
• 26:24
  let's
• 26:24
  shake.
• 26:25
  Like,
• 26:25
  literally,
• 26:25
  like,
• 26:26
  everybody
• 26:26
  get
• 26:26
  up
• 26:27
  and.
• 26:27
  Yeah,
• 26:27
  shaking
• 26:28
  it
• 26:28
  off.
• 26:28
  You
• 26:28
  see
• 26:28
  athletes
• 26:29
  do
• 26:29
  that
• 26:29
  all
• 26:29
  the
• 26:29
  time.
• 26:30
  Like,
• 26:30
  shaking
• 26:30
  it
• 26:30
  out
• 26:30
  of
• 26:30
  your
• 26:31
  nervous
• 26:31
  system.
• 26:31
  You
• 26:32
  know,
• 26:32
  that's
• 26:32
  interesting
• 26:33
  because
• 26:33
  what
• 26:33
  we
• 26:33
  do
• 26:34
  here
• 26:34
  in
• 26:34
  Western
• 26:35
  medicine,
• 26:35
  and
• 26:35
  like,
• 26:36
  Peter
• 26:36
  Levine,
• 26:36
  Dr.
• 26:36
  Peter
• 26:37
  Levine
• 26:37
  talks
• 26:37
  about
• 26:37
  it,
• 26:38
  you
• 26:38
  know,
• 26:38
  I
• 26:38
  think
• 26:38
  he
• 26:39
  was
• 26:39
  like,
• 26:39
  in
• 26:39
  a
• 26:39
  car
• 26:39
  accident.
• 26:40
  I
• 26:40
  can't
• 26:40
  remember
• 26:40
  when.
• 26:40
  It
• 26:40
  was
• 26:41
  maybe
• 26:41
  20
• 26:41
  years
• 26:41
  ago
• 26:42
  or
• 26:42
  something.
• 26:42
  And
• 26:42
  he
• 26:42
  was
• 26:43
  aware
• 26:43
  that
• 26:43
  if
• 26:44
  we
• 26:44
  stop
• 26:44
  our
• 26:45
  traumatic
• 26:45
  responses,
• 26:46
  which
• 26:46
  is
• 26:46
  what
• 26:46
  the
• 26:47
  body
• 26:47
  does,
• 26:47
  what
• 26:47
  animals
• 26:48
  do
• 26:48
  after
• 26:48
  a
• 26:49
  fight
• 26:49
  with
• 26:49
  each
• 26:49
  other,
• 26:49
  they
• 26:50
  shake
• 26:50
  and
• 26:50
  convulse.
• 26:51
  That
• 26:51
  is
• 26:51
  get.
• 26:51
  That's
• 26:52
  releasing
• 26:52
  your
• 26:52
  trauma.
• 26:53
  But
• 26:53
  in
• 26:53
  Western
• 26:54
  medicine,
• 26:54
  they
• 26:54
  stop
• 26:55
  you
• 26:55
  from
• 26:55
  doing
• 26:55
  that.
• 26:55
  And
• 26:56
  that's
• 26:56
  how
• 26:56
  people
• 26:56
  can
• 26:56
  get
• 26:57
  ptsd.
• 26:57
  See,
• 26:58
  Right?
• 26:58
  So
• 26:58
  shaking
• 26:58
  it
• 26:59
  off.
• 26:59
  And
• 26:59
  you
• 26:59
  see
• 26:59
  this
• 26:59
  all
• 26:59
  the
• 27:00
  time.
• 27:00
  Yoga
• 27:00
  is
• 27:00
  another
• 27:00
  great
• 27:01
  thing.
• 27:01
  But
• 27:02
  if
• 27:02
  you're,
• 27:02
  you
• 27:02
  know,
• 27:02
  I've
• 27:02
  trained,
• 27:03
  like,
• 27:03
  in
• 27:03
  meditation
• 27:04
  and
• 27:04
  in
• 27:04
  yoga,
• 27:05
  you
• 27:05
  see
• 27:06
  people
• 27:07
  in
• 27:07
  meditation
• 27:08
  and
• 27:08
  they
• 27:08
  are
• 27:09
  shaking.
• 27:09
  You
• 27:09
  see
• 27:09
  people
• 27:10
  in
• 27:10
  Shavasana
• 27:10
  in
• 27:11
  the
• 27:11
  end.
• 27:11
  And
• 27:11
  you
• 27:12
  always
• 27:12
  know
• 27:12
  because
• 27:13
  you
• 27:13
  say,
• 27:13
  ah,
• 27:14
  this
• 27:14
  person's
• 27:15
  early
• 27:15
  on
• 27:15
  in
• 27:15
  their
• 27:15
  journey
• 27:16
  and
• 27:16
  their
• 27:16
  body's
• 27:16
  actually
• 27:17
  discharging.
• 27:17
  You
• 27:18
  ask
• 27:18
  them,
• 27:18
  did
• 27:18
  you
• 27:18
  know,
• 27:18
  you
• 27:19
  were
• 27:19
  shaking
• 27:19
  at
• 27:19
  the.
• 27:19
  Your
• 27:20
  nervous
• 27:20
  system.
• 27:20
  You
• 27:20
  were
• 27:20
  shaking.
• 27:21
  They're
• 27:21
  like,
• 27:21
  no,
• 27:21
  I
• 27:22
  didn't
• 27:22
  know
• 27:22
  that
• 27:22
  at
• 27:22
  all.
• 27:22
  Because
• 27:23
  the
• 27:23
  body's
• 27:23
  discharging
• 27:24
  the
• 27:24
  trauma
• 27:24
  from.
• 27:25
  It's
• 27:25
  discharging
• 27:25
  it
• 27:26
  from
• 27:26
  the
• 27:26
  body,
• 27:26
  which
• 27:27
  is
• 27:27
  just
• 27:27
  easier,
• 27:27
  you
• 27:27
  know?
• 27:28
  I
• 27:28
  mean,
• 27:28
  it's
• 27:29
  amazing.
• 27:29
  Yeah.
• 27:30
  Yeah.
• 27:30
  And
• 27:31
  so
• 27:31
  necessary.
• 27:31
  So
• 27:32
  I
• 27:32
  said,
• 27:32
  whatever
• 27:33
  feels
• 27:33
  good,
• 27:33
  you
• 27:34
  know,
• 27:34
  just
• 27:34
  breathe
• 27:34
  into
• 27:35
  wherever
• 27:35
  you
• 27:35
  feel
• 27:35
  that
• 27:36
  tenseness
• 27:36
  or
• 27:36
  that
• 27:37
  whatever
• 27:37
  when
• 27:37
  you
• 27:38
  have
• 27:38
  a
• 27:38
  feeling
• 27:38
  and
• 27:38
  it
• 27:39
  arises,
• 27:39
  and
• 27:39
  then
• 27:39
  breathe
• 27:40
  into
• 27:40
  that
• 27:40
  and
• 27:40
  then
• 27:40
  just
• 27:41
  let
• 27:41
  it.
• 27:42
  Let
• 27:42
  it
• 27:42
  go.
• 27:42
  You
• 27:42
  know,
• 27:43
  don't
• 27:43
  try
• 27:43
  to
• 27:43
  fight
• 27:43
  it.
• 27:43
  That's
• 27:44
  what
• 27:44
  we
• 27:44
  always
• 27:44
  do.
• 27:44
  And
• 27:45
  that's
• 27:45
  part
• 27:45
  of
• 27:45
  the
• 27:45
  problem
• 27:46
  with
• 27:46
  the
• 27:46
  highly
• 27:47
  conflictive
• 27:48
  parents
• 27:48
  is
• 27:49
  everything's
• 27:50
  okay,
• 27:50
  sweetie.
• 27:51
  Suck
• 27:51
  it
• 27:51
  up,
• 27:51
  buttercup.
• 27:52
  Like,
• 27:52
  stop
• 27:52
  crying.
• 27:53
  Get
• 27:53
  over
• 27:53
  it.
• 27:53
  Like,
• 27:54
  how
• 27:54
  many
• 27:54
  times.
• 27:54
  I
• 27:54
  mean,
• 27:55
  I
• 27:55
  must
• 27:55
  have
• 27:55
  heard
• 27:55
  that
• 27:55
  every
• 27:56
  day
• 27:56
  of
• 27:56
  my
• 27:56
  life.
• 27:57
  Yeah.
• 27:57
  Even
• 27:57
  when
• 27:57
  I
• 27:58
  was
• 27:58
  happy.
• 27:59
  Like,
• 27:59
  what
• 27:59
  are
• 27:59
  you
• 27:59
  so
• 27:59
  happy
• 28:00
  about?
• 28:00
  You
• 28:00
  got
• 28:00
  nothing.
• 28:01
  Nothing
• 28:01
  to
• 28:01
  be
• 28:01
  so
• 28:01
  happy
• 28:02
  about.
• 28:02
  Okay.
• 28:03
  Emotional
• 28:03
  invalidation
• 28:04
  right
• 28:04
  there,
• 28:04
  you
• 28:05
  know?
• 28:05
  And
• 28:05
  it
• 28:05
  was
• 28:06
  so.
• 28:06
  It's
• 28:06
  like,
• 28:06
  okay,
• 28:07
  I
• 28:07
  get
• 28:07
  in
• 28:07
  trouble
• 28:07
  if
• 28:07
  I'm
• 28:08
  sad.
• 28:08
  I
• 28:08
  get
• 28:08
  in
• 28:08
  trouble
• 28:08
  if
• 28:09
  I'm
• 28:09
  happy.
• 28:09
  So
• 28:09
  I
• 28:09
  will
• 28:10
  literally
• 28:10
  let.
• 28:10
  How
• 28:10
  about
• 28:11
  we
• 28:11
  just
• 28:11
  don't
• 28:11
  have
• 28:11
  any
• 28:12
  emotion?
• 28:13
  Like,
• 28:13
  Right.
• 28:14
  You
• 28:14
  know,
• 28:14
  And.
• 28:14
  And
• 28:15
  that's
• 28:15
  a
• 28:15
  pattern
• 28:15
  too.
• 28:16
  You
• 28:16
  know,
• 28:16
  it's
• 28:16
  people.
• 28:17
  I've
• 28:18
  had
• 28:18
  people.
• 28:18
  I
• 28:18
  remember
• 28:18
  my
• 28:19
  first
• 28:19
  client,
• 28:19
  and
• 28:19
  I
• 28:19
  kind
• 28:20
  of
• 28:20
  laugh
• 28:20
  and
• 28:20
  going
• 28:20
  back
• 28:21
  to
• 28:21
  you,
• 28:21
  talking
• 28:21
  about
• 28:21
  finding
• 28:22
  someone
• 28:22
  who
• 28:22
  is.
• 28:22
  Kind
• 28:23
  of
• 28:23
  understands.
• 28:24
  I'm
• 28:24
  not
• 28:24
  a
• 28:25
  therapist,
• 28:25
  but
• 28:26
  I
• 28:27
  met
• 28:27
  my
• 28:27
  first.
• 28:28
  My
• 28:28
  first
• 28:28
  client
• 28:29
  came
• 28:29
  to
• 28:29
  me
• 28:29
  and
• 28:30
  she
• 28:30
  said,
• 28:30
  tammy,
• 28:30
  I've
• 28:30
  been
• 28:31
  working
• 28:31
  with
• 28:32
  a
• 28:32
  therapist
• 28:32
  for,
• 28:32
  like,
• 28:32
  11
• 28:33
  years.
• 28:34
  And
• 28:34
  she
• 28:34
  said,
• 28:35
  and
• 28:35
  I
• 28:35
  have
• 28:35
  not.
• 28:35
  I
• 28:36
  went
• 28:36
  to
• 28:36
  therapy
• 28:36
  for
• 28:36
  a
• 28:36
  long
• 28:37
  time.
• 28:37
  I
• 28:37
  still
• 28:37
  do.
• 28:37
  So
• 28:38
  I
• 28:38
  have
• 28:38
  nothing.
• 28:38
  I'm
• 28:38
  not
• 28:38
  saying
• 28:39
  anything
• 28:39
  bad
• 28:39
  about
• 28:39
  it,
• 28:40
  but
• 28:40
  I
• 28:40
  said,
• 28:42
  did
• 28:42
  your
• 28:43
  therapist
• 28:43
  by
• 28:43
  chance
• 28:44
  have
• 28:44
  two
• 28:44
  alcoholic
• 28:45
  parents?
• 28:45
  And
• 28:45
  she's
• 28:46
  like,
• 28:47
  no.
• 28:48
  I
• 28:48
  said,
• 28:48
  I
• 28:49
  was
• 28:49
  you.
• 28:50
  I
• 28:50
  was
• 28:50
  you.
• 28:51
  I
• 28:51
  know
• 28:51
  what
• 28:51
  to
• 28:51
  ask
• 28:52
  you.
• 28:52
  I
• 28:53
  know.
• 28:53
  I
• 28:53
  know
• 28:54
  what
• 28:54
  you
• 28:54
  went
• 28:54
  through.
• 28:55
  And
• 28:56
  that's
• 28:56
  why
• 28:56
  a
• 28:56
  lot
• 28:56
  of
• 28:57
  healers,
• 28:58
  they
• 28:58
  get
• 28:58
  into
• 28:59
  healing
• 28:59
  people
• 28:59
  that
• 28:59
  went
• 29:00
  through
• 29:00
  what
• 29:00
  they
• 29:00
  went
• 29:00
  through
• 29:00
  because
• 29:01
  they
• 29:01
  know
• 29:01
  they
• 29:01
  can
• 29:02
  help.
• 29:02
  I
• 29:02
  mean,
• 29:02
  she
• 29:03
  said,
• 29:03
  my
• 29:03
  God,
• 29:03
  in
• 29:03
  18
• 29:04
  minutes,
• 29:04
  you
• 29:04
  told
• 29:05
  me
• 29:05
  two
• 29:05
  things
• 29:05
  that
• 29:06
  I
• 29:06
  could
• 29:06
  do
• 29:06
  that
• 29:06
  changed
• 29:06
  my
• 29:07
  whole
• 29:07
  life.
• 29:07
  And
• 29:07
  I'm
• 29:08
  like,
• 29:08
  because
• 29:08
  I
• 29:08
  was
• 29:08
  you.
• 29:09
  So.
• 29:10
  Yeah.
• 29:11
  You
• 29:11
  know,
• 29:11
  and
• 29:11
  there's
• 29:12
  no
• 29:12
  right
• 29:12
  or
• 29:12
  wrong
• 29:12
  therapist.
• 29:13
  There's
• 29:13
  no.
• 29:14
  It's
• 29:14
  just
• 29:14
  who
• 29:15
  you
• 29:15
  resonate
• 29:15
  with,
• 29:15
  who
• 29:16
  you
• 29:16
  trust,
• 29:17
  because
• 29:17
  that
• 29:17
  is
• 29:18
  a
• 29:18
  huge
• 29:18
  issue
• 29:19
  when
• 29:19
  you
• 29:19
  come
• 29:19
  from
• 29:20
  high
• 29:20
  conflict
• 29:21
  families.
• 29:22
  Yeah.
• 29:22
  So
• 29:22
  you
• 29:23
  know
• 29:23
  what?
• 29:23
  Like,
• 29:23
  even
• 29:23
  in
• 29:24
  that
• 29:24
  instance,
• 29:24
  and
• 29:24
  I
• 29:24
  say
• 29:24
  this
• 29:25
  to
• 29:25
  everyone,
• 29:25
  there's
• 29:26
  never
• 29:26
  any
• 29:26
  real
• 29:27
  wasted
• 29:27
  time
• 29:27
  that
• 29:28
  you
• 29:28
  have
• 29:28
  with
• 29:28
  a
• 29:28
  therapist.
• 29:29
  So,
• 29:29
  okay,
• 29:29
  you
• 29:30
  came
• 29:30
  and
• 29:30
  see
• 29:30
  me,
• 29:30
  but
• 29:30
  you've
• 29:30
  been
• 29:31
  seeing
• 29:31
  someone
• 29:31
  for
• 29:31
  10
• 29:31
  years
• 29:31
  and
• 29:32
  you're
• 29:32
  like,
• 29:32
  it
• 29:32
  just
• 29:32
  kind
• 29:33
  of
• 29:33
  fizzled
• 29:33
  out.
• 29:33
  Well,
• 29:34
  developmentally
• 29:34
  you
• 29:35
  probably
• 29:35
  were
• 29:35
  not
• 29:35
  ready.
• 29:36
  And
• 29:36
  just
• 29:36
  the
• 29:36
  fact
• 29:37
  that
• 29:37
  you
• 29:37
  went
• 29:37
  to
• 29:37
  that
• 29:37
  therapist
• 29:38
  for
• 29:38
  10
• 29:38
  years,
• 29:39
  you
• 29:39
  were
• 29:39
  able
• 29:40
  to
• 29:40
  trust
• 29:41
  and
• 29:41
  feel
• 29:41
  emotionally
• 29:42
  safe
• 29:42
  with
• 29:42
  someone
• 29:42
  probably
• 29:43
  for
• 29:43
  the
• 29:43
  first
• 29:43
  time
• 29:43
  in
• 29:43
  your
• 29:44
  life.
• 29:44
  And
• 29:45
  that
• 29:45
  is
• 29:46
  so
• 29:46
  important
• 29:47
  because
• 29:47
  you
• 29:47
  didn't
• 29:48
  feel
• 29:48
  emotionally
• 29:48
  safe
• 29:49
  probably
• 29:49
  ever.
• 29:50
  Growing
• 29:50
  up
• 29:50
  with
• 29:50
  this
• 29:51
  level
• 29:51
  of
• 29:51
  dysfunction,
• 29:52
  you,
• 29:52
  you
• 29:52
  just
• 29:52
  didn't.
• 29:52
  You
• 29:52
  were
• 29:53
  always,
• 29:53
  well,
• 29:53
  then
• 29:53
  I'm
• 29:53
  just
• 29:54
  gonna
• 29:54
  zip
• 29:54
  it.
• 29:54
  I
• 29:54
  just
• 29:55
  won't,
• 29:55
  I
• 29:55
  just
• 29:55
  won't
• 29:56
  show
• 29:56
  my
• 29:56
  emotion.
• 29:56
  So
• 29:56
  if
• 29:57
  I'm
• 29:57
  happy,
• 29:57
  I
• 29:57
  won't
• 29:57
  show,
• 29:57
  I
• 29:58
  won't
• 29:58
  ask
• 29:58
  why.
• 29:58
  I'm
• 29:59
  just
• 29:59
  gonna
• 29:59
  have
• 29:59
  this
• 29:59
  baseline
• 30:00
  of
• 30:00
  like
• 30:02
  being
• 30:02
  kind
• 30:02
  of
• 30:02
  absent.
• 30:04
  Yeah.
• 30:04
  Did
• 30:05
  you
• 30:05
  ever
• 30:05
  have
• 30:05
  that
• 30:06
  experience
• 30:06
  with
• 30:06
  any
• 30:06
  of
• 30:06
  your
• 30:06
  clients
• 30:07
  where
• 30:07
  you
• 30:07
  ask
• 30:07
  them
• 30:07
  like,
• 30:08
  well,
• 30:08
  who
• 30:08
  are
• 30:08
  you?
• 30:08
  Or
• 30:09
  what
• 30:09
  do
• 30:09
  you
• 30:09
  like
• 30:09
  to
• 30:09
  do
• 30:09
  when
• 30:09
  they're
• 30:09
  like,
• 30:11
  oh,
• 30:11
  yeah,
• 30:12
  dear,
• 30:12
  that
• 30:12
  was
• 30:13
  me.
• 30:13
  I
• 30:13
  pictured
• 30:13
  back
• 30:14
  the
• 30:14
  first
• 30:14
  time
• 30:14
  I
• 30:14
  ever
• 30:14
  went
• 30:14
  to
• 30:15
  a
• 30:15
  therapist
• 30:15
  and
• 30:15
  she's
• 30:16
  like,
• 30:16
  well,
• 30:16
  who
• 30:17
  are
• 30:17
  you?
• 30:18
  I
• 30:18
  was
• 30:18
  like,
• 30:18
  that's
• 30:19
  a
• 30:19
  pretty
• 30:19
  deep
• 30:19
  question.
• 30:19
  I
• 30:20
  have
• 30:20
  no
• 30:20
  idea.
• 30:20
  Like,
• 30:21
  I'm
• 30:21
  like,
• 30:21
  I
• 30:21
  don't
• 30:21
  know.
• 30:21
  What
• 30:21
  do
• 30:22
  you
• 30:22
  want
• 30:22
  me
• 30:22
  to
• 30:22
  be?
• 30:23
  Yeah,
• 30:23
  see,
• 30:23
  there
• 30:24
  you
• 30:24
  go.
• 30:25
  What
• 30:25
  do
• 30:25
  you
• 30:25
  need
• 30:26
  me
• 30:26
  to
• 30:26
  be?
• 30:26
  I'll
• 30:26
  be
• 30:26
  whatever
• 30:27
  you
• 30:27
  want
• 30:27
  me
• 30:27
  to
• 30:27
  be.
• 30:28
  Uh
• 30:28
  huh.
• 30:29
  And
• 30:29
  that
• 30:29
  is
• 30:29
  a
• 30:30
  typical
• 30:31
  response
• 30:32
  because,
• 30:32
  I
• 30:33
  mean,
• 30:33
  that
• 30:33
  can
• 30:33
  go
• 30:34
  into
• 30:35
  fawning.
• 30:36
  Right?
• 30:37
  So
• 30:37
  I'm
• 30:38
  sorry,
• 30:38
  I'll
• 30:38
  be
• 30:38
  anything
• 30:39
  that
• 30:39
  you
• 30:39
  want
• 30:40
  me
• 30:40
  to
• 30:40
  be.
• 30:41
  That's,
• 30:41
  that's
• 30:41
  a
• 30:42
  trauma
• 30:42
  response
• 30:42
  that
• 30:43
  is
• 30:43
  learned.
• 30:43
  It
• 30:43
  could
• 30:43
  be
• 30:43
  fight,
• 30:44
  it
• 30:44
  could
• 30:44
  be
• 30:44
  fun,
• 30:44
  it
• 30:44
  could
• 30:45
  be
• 30:45
  flee.
• 30:45
  So
• 30:46
  how
• 30:46
  are
• 30:46
  you
• 30:46
  reacting?
• 30:47
  You
• 30:48
  know,
• 30:48
  so
• 30:48
  many
• 30:48
  clients
• 30:48
  come
• 30:49
  in
• 30:49
  and
• 30:49
  they
• 30:49
  don't
• 30:49
  even
• 30:49
  know
• 30:50
  how
• 30:50
  they
• 30:50
  actually
• 30:50
  feel.
• 30:50
  So
• 30:51
  that's
• 30:51
  why
• 30:51
  I
• 30:51
  like
• 30:51
  what
• 30:51
  you're
• 30:52
  saying.
• 30:52
  You're
• 30:53
  actually
• 30:53
  talking
• 30:53
  about
• 30:53
  somatic
• 30:54
  healing
• 30:54
  when
• 30:54
  you're
• 30:54
  saying,
• 30:55
  okay,
• 30:55
  breathe
• 30:55
  into
• 30:56
  it.
• 30:56
  Like,
• 30:56
  where
• 30:56
  do
• 30:56
  you
• 30:56
  feel
• 30:56
  it
• 30:57
  in
• 30:57
  your
• 30:57
  body?
• 30:57
  Oh
• 30:58
  my
• 30:58
  God,
• 30:58
  I
• 30:58
  feel
• 30:58
  like
• 30:58
  the
• 30:58
  tension,
• 30:59
  like
• 30:59
  here.
• 30:59
  Okay,
• 31:00
  breathe
• 31:00
  into
• 31:00
  it.
• 31:01
  Notice
• 31:01
  where
• 31:01
  you
• 31:01
  feel
• 31:01
  it
• 31:02
  in
• 31:02
  your
• 31:02
  body.
• 31:03
  Noticing
• 31:03
  where
• 31:03
  you
• 31:03
  feel
• 31:04
  it
• 31:04
  in
• 31:04
  your
• 31:04
  body
• 31:04
  can
• 31:05
  start
• 31:05
  for
• 31:06
  you
• 31:06
  to
• 31:06
  be
• 31:06
  able
• 31:07
  to
• 31:07
  identify
• 31:07
  actually
• 31:08
  emotionally
• 31:08
  how
• 31:09
  you're
• 31:09
  feeling.
• 31:09
  So
• 31:09
  many
• 31:09
  people
• 31:10
  do
• 31:10
  not
• 31:10
  know
• 31:10
  that.
• 31:11
  They
• 31:11
  don't
• 31:11
  even
• 31:11
  know
• 31:12
  how
• 31:12
  they're
• 31:12
  feeling.
• 31:13
  Right.
• 31:13
  And,
• 31:14
  and
• 31:14
  you
• 31:15
  asked
• 31:15
  the
• 31:15
  question
• 31:15
  before,
• 31:15
  like,
• 31:17
  just
• 31:18
  even
• 31:18
  naming
• 31:19
  what
• 31:19
  happened,
• 31:19
  like
• 31:20
  naming
• 31:20
  an
• 31:20
  emotion
• 31:21
  is
• 31:21
  very
• 31:21
  difficult
• 31:22
  for
• 31:22
  some
• 31:22
  people
• 31:22
  in
• 31:22
  the
• 31:23
  beginning.
• 31:23
  You
• 31:23
  know,
• 31:23
  you
• 31:24
  don't
• 31:24
  know.
• 31:24
  It's
• 31:25
  like,
• 31:25
  oh,
• 31:25
  what
• 31:25
  is
• 31:25
  that
• 31:25
  feeling?
• 31:26
  Is
• 31:26
  it
• 31:26
  anger?
• 31:26
  Is
• 31:27
  it
• 31:27
  like
• 31:27
  I
• 31:28
  literally,
• 31:28
  at
• 31:29
  26
• 31:29
  years
• 31:29
  old,
• 31:29
  I
• 31:30
  mean,
• 31:30
  I,
• 31:30
  I
• 31:30
  joke
• 31:31
  and
• 31:31
  I
• 31:31
  laugh
• 31:31
  about
• 31:31
  it
• 31:31
  now
• 31:32
  because
• 31:32
  it
• 31:32
  was
• 31:32
  22.
• 31:33
  Oh
• 31:33
  no,
• 31:34
  what
• 31:34
  am
• 31:34
  I,
• 31:34
  58.
• 31:35
  So
• 31:35
  30
• 31:35
  some
• 31:35
  years
• 31:36
  ago,
• 31:37
  I
• 31:37
  didn't,
• 31:38
  I
• 31:38
  couldn't
• 31:38
  even
• 31:38
  name
• 31:39
  an
• 31:39
  emotion
• 31:39
  people
• 31:40
  like.
• 31:40
  And
• 31:41
  I
• 31:41
  remember
• 31:41
  my
• 31:41
  therapist
• 31:42
  saying
• 31:42
  to
• 31:42
  me,
• 31:42
  well,
• 31:42
  doesn't.
• 31:42
  Didn't
• 31:43
  that
• 31:43
  make
• 31:43
  you
• 31:43
  angry?
• 31:44
  No.
• 31:44
  Didn't
• 31:45
  it
• 31:45
  make
• 31:45
  you
• 31:46
  like,
• 31:46
  sad?
• 31:47
  No.
• 31:48
  Yep.
• 31:49
  Right.
• 31:49
  Because
• 31:50
  I
• 31:50
  get,
• 31:51
  I
• 31:51
  learned
• 31:51
  to
• 31:52
  detach.
• 31:52
  Yeah.
• 31:53
  Step
• 31:53
  aside,
• 31:53
  kind
• 31:54
  of
• 31:54
  watch
• 31:54
  things
• 31:54
  happen
• 31:54
  and
• 31:55
  be
• 31:55
  like,
• 31:55
  interesting.
• 31:57
  Exactly.
• 31:58
  So
• 31:58
  not
• 31:58
  really
• 31:58
  being
• 31:59
  in
• 31:59
  touch.
• 31:59
  And
• 31:59
  I
• 31:59
  see
• 31:59
  this
• 32:00
  a
• 32:00
  lot,
• 32:00
  like
• 32:00
  with
• 32:01
  clients
• 32:01
  not
• 32:02
  really
• 32:02
  in
• 32:02
  touch
• 32:03
  with
• 32:03
  their
• 32:03
  anger,
• 32:05
  so
• 32:05
  they
• 32:05
  can
• 32:05
  say,
• 32:06
  you
• 32:06
  know,
• 32:06
  over
• 32:06
  sadness
• 32:07
  and
• 32:07
  all
• 32:07
  that,
• 32:07
  but
• 32:07
  they're
• 32:08
  not
• 32:08
  really
• 32:08
  in
• 32:08
  touch
• 32:08
  with,
• 32:09
  you
• 32:09
  know,
• 32:10
  you
• 32:10
  have
• 32:10
  to
• 32:10
  move
• 32:11
  through
• 32:11
  all
• 32:11
  of
• 32:12
  these
• 32:12
  feelings
• 32:12
  and
• 32:13
  know
• 32:13
  that
• 32:13
  they're
• 32:13
  natural
• 32:14
  in
• 32:14
  order
• 32:15
  to
• 32:15
  actually
• 32:15
  heal
• 32:16
  and
• 32:16
  not
• 32:16
  be
• 32:16
  ashamed
• 32:17
  of
• 32:17
  the
• 32:17
  anger
• 32:17
  and
• 32:17
  rage
• 32:18
  you
• 32:18
  might
• 32:18
  have
• 32:19
  for
• 32:19
  growing
• 32:20
  up
• 32:20
  in
• 32:20
  an
• 32:20
  environment
• 32:20
  like
• 32:21
  that.
• 32:21
  A
• 32:21
  lot
• 32:21
  of
• 32:21
  clients
• 32:21
  along
• 32:21
  in
• 32:22
  their
• 32:22
  healing
• 32:22
  would,
• 32:22
  would
• 32:23
  say,
• 32:23
  you
• 32:23
  know,
• 32:23
  what
• 32:23
  would
• 32:23
  I
• 32:24
  be
• 32:24
  like
• 32:24
  if
• 32:24
  my
• 32:25
  parents
• 32:25
  were
• 32:25
  more
• 32:25
  normal?
• 32:26
  What
• 32:27
  would
• 32:27
  I
• 32:27
  be
• 32:27
  like?
• 32:27
  You
• 32:28
  know,
• 32:28
  that's
• 32:28
  a
• 32:28
  whole
• 32:29
  grieving
• 32:29
  thing
• 32:29
  that
• 32:30
  they
• 32:30
  have
• 32:30
  to
• 32:31
  go
• 32:31
  through
• 32:31
  also
• 32:32
  to
• 32:32
  be
• 32:32
  able
• 32:32
  to
• 32:33
  come
• 32:33
  on
• 32:33
  the
• 32:34
  other
• 32:34
  side
• 32:34
  and
• 32:35
  not
• 32:35
  stay
• 32:35
  in
• 32:36
  forever.
• 32:37
  Forever.
• 32:39
  You
• 32:39
  know,
• 32:39
  branded.
• 32:40
  I'm
• 32:41
  an
• 32:41
  adult
• 32:41
  child
• 32:42
  of
• 32:42
  an
• 32:42
  alcoholic,
• 32:43
  high
• 32:43
  conflict
• 32:43
  parent.
• 32:44
  Because
• 32:44
  every
• 32:44
  single
• 32:45
  person
• 32:45
  goes
• 32:45
  through
• 32:45
  something
• 32:46
  in
• 32:46
  their
• 32:46
  life
• 32:46
  and
• 32:46
  to,
• 32:47
  you
• 32:47
  know,
• 32:47
  learn
• 32:48
  it
• 32:48
  from
• 32:48
  a
• 32:48
  spiritual
• 32:49
  lens
• 32:49
  and
• 32:49
  like,
• 32:50
  try
• 32:50
  to
• 32:50
  move
• 32:50
  towards
• 32:50
  post
• 32:51
  traumatic
• 32:51
  growth
• 32:52
  is
• 32:52
  like
• 32:52
  the
• 32:52
  most
• 32:52
  important
• 32:53
  thing.
• 32:53
  Oh
• 32:54
  yeah.
• 32:54
  Oh
• 32:54
  yeah.
• 32:54
  And
• 32:55
  the
• 32:55
  post
• 32:55
  traumatic
• 32:55
  growth
• 32:56
  is
• 32:56
  huge,
• 32:56
  but
• 32:57
  it's
• 32:57
  possible.
• 32:58
  Yes.
• 32:58
  And
• 32:58
  you
• 32:59
  have
• 32:59
  to,
• 32:59
  you
• 32:59
  have
• 32:59
  to
• 33:00
  want
• 33:00
  it.
• 33:00
  You
• 33:00
  have
• 33:00
  to
• 33:01
  believe
• 33:02
  that
• 33:02
  the
• 33:02
  work
• 33:02
  it
• 33:03
  takes
• 33:03
  to
• 33:03
  do
• 33:03
  it
• 33:04
  is
• 33:04
  more
• 33:04
  important
• 33:05
  than
• 33:05
  the
• 33:06
  pain
• 33:06
  that
• 33:06
  you're
• 33:06
  gonna,
• 33:06
  you
• 33:07
  know,
• 33:07
  that,
• 33:07
  that
• 33:07
  it's
• 33:07
  gonna
• 33:08
  muster
• 33:09
  up
• 33:09
  and
• 33:09
  things
• 33:09
  and,
• 33:10
  and
• 33:10
  you,
• 33:10
  you
• 33:11
  have
• 33:11
  to
• 33:11
  be
• 33:11
  able
• 33:11
  to
• 33:11
  do
• 33:11
  the
• 33:11
  work.
• 33:12
  I,
• 33:12
  I've
• 33:12
  had
• 33:12
  people
• 33:13
  that
• 33:13
  take
• 33:13
  my
• 33:13
  eight
• 33:13
  week
• 33:14
  course
• 33:14
  and
• 33:14
  they
• 33:15
  say,
• 33:15
  oh
• 33:15
  yeah,
• 33:15
  I
• 33:15
  went
• 33:16
  through
• 33:16
  it.
• 33:16
  No,
• 33:16
  it's
• 33:16
  been
• 33:16
  seven
• 33:17
  days.
• 33:18
  There's
• 33:19
  thousands
• 33:20
  of
• 33:20
  articles,
• 33:22
  week
• 33:22
  long
• 33:22
  exercises.
• 33:24
  Yeah.
• 33:25
  You
• 33:25
  know,
• 33:25
  it's
• 33:25
  like
• 33:25
  you
• 33:26
  have
• 33:26
  it,
• 33:27
  you
• 33:27
  know,
• 33:27
  you
• 33:27
  have
• 33:27
  to,
• 33:28
  you
• 33:28
  have
• 33:28
  to
• 33:29
  be
• 33:29
  willing
• 33:29
  to
• 33:30
  do
• 33:30
  the
• 33:30
  work.
• 33:30
  But
• 33:31
  it's
• 33:31
  so
• 33:31
  worth
• 33:32
  it,
• 33:32
  every
• 33:32
  step
• 33:32
  of
• 33:33
  it.
• 33:33
  Yeah.
• 33:34
  And
• 33:34
  also
• 33:34
  just
• 33:35
  know
• 33:35
  that
• 33:35
  it
• 33:35
  is
• 33:35
  gonna
• 33:36
  feel
• 33:36
  scary,
• 33:36
  it
• 33:36
  is
• 33:37
  gonna
• 33:37
  feel
• 33:37
  daunting.
• 33:38
  And
• 33:38
  if
• 33:38
  you
• 33:38
  do
• 33:38
  need
• 33:38
  to
• 33:39
  take
• 33:39
  a
• 33:39
  break
• 33:39
  for
• 33:39
  whatever
• 33:40
  reason
• 33:41
  and
• 33:41
  you
• 33:41
  know,
• 33:41
  your,
• 33:42
  your,
• 33:42
  your
• 33:43
  autonomic
• 33:43
  nervous
• 33:43
  system,
• 33:44
  but
• 33:44
  also
• 33:44
  your
• 33:45
  memories,
• 33:46
  you're
• 33:47
  not
• 33:47
  gonna
• 33:47
  remember
• 33:47
  things
• 33:48
  that
• 33:48
  you
• 33:48
  can't
• 33:48
  handle.
• 33:49
  I
• 33:49
  mean,
• 33:49
  that,
• 33:49
  that's,
• 33:50
  I
• 33:50
  mean,
• 33:51
  they
• 33:51
  just
• 33:51
  will
• 33:51
  not
• 33:52
  come
• 33:52
  up.
• 33:52
  So
• 33:53
  you're
• 33:53
  never
• 33:53
  really
• 33:53
  in
• 33:54
  a
• 33:54
  state.
• 33:54
  I
• 33:54
  mean,
• 33:55
  you've
• 33:55
  already
• 33:55
  lived
• 33:56
  through
• 33:56
  all
• 33:56
  of
• 33:56
  that
• 33:57
  and
• 33:57
  you
• 33:57
  did
• 33:57
  it
• 33:57
  when
• 33:58
  you
• 33:58
  were
• 33:58
  really
• 33:58
  young.
• 33:59
  Now
• 33:59
  you're
• 33:59
  an
• 33:59
  adult.
• 34:00
  I
• 34:00
  mean,
• 34:00
  you
• 34:00
  can
• 34:00
  handle
• 34:01
  it.
• 34:01
  And
• 34:02
  don't
• 34:02
  be
• 34:02
  so
• 34:02
  hard
• 34:03
  on
• 34:03
  yourself
• 34:03
  and
• 34:03
  say,
• 34:03
  oh
• 34:03
  my
• 34:04
  God,
• 34:04
  I
• 34:04
  failed
• 34:04
  or
• 34:04
  I
• 34:04
  didn't
• 34:04
  do
• 34:05
  this
• 34:05
  right?
• 34:05
  Or
• 34:05
  I
• 34:05
  didn't
• 34:05
  do
• 34:06
  whatever.
• 34:06
  If
• 34:06
  it
• 34:06
  takes
• 34:07
  you
• 34:07
  years,
• 34:07
  it
• 34:07
  takes
• 34:08
  you
• 34:08
  years.
• 34:08
  You
• 34:09
  know,
• 34:09
  someone
• 34:09
  just
• 34:09
  said
• 34:09
  it
• 34:10
  took
• 34:10
  me
• 34:10
  two
• 34:10
  months
• 34:10
  to
• 34:11
  read
• 34:11
  your
• 34:11
  book.
• 34:11
  I'm
• 34:11
  like,
• 34:11
  I'm
• 34:12
  surprised
• 34:12
  it
• 34:12
  took
• 34:12
  you
• 34:12
  two
• 34:13
  months.
• 34:13
  It
• 34:13
  could
• 34:13
  have,
• 34:13
  should
• 34:13
  have
• 34:13
  taken
• 34:14
  you
• 34:14
  like
• 34:14
  a
• 34:14
  year,
• 34:15
  maybe
• 34:15
  even
• 34:15
  a
• 34:15
  decade.
• 34:16
  Because
• 34:16
  this
• 34:16
  is
• 34:17
  like
• 34:17
  emotionally
• 34:18
  intense
• 34:18
  stuff,
• 34:19
  right?
• 34:19
  It's
• 34:19
  okay
• 34:20
  to
• 34:20
  look
• 34:20
  at
• 34:21
  it
• 34:21
  and
• 34:21
  be
• 34:21
  triggered
• 34:21
  and
• 34:21
  be
• 34:21
  like,
• 34:22
  okay,
• 34:22
  this
• 34:22
  is
• 34:22
  a
• 34:22
  little
• 34:22
  overwhelming.
• 34:23
  Maybe
• 34:23
  I
• 34:23
  just
• 34:23
  going
• 34:23
  to
• 34:23
  put
• 34:24
  this
• 34:24
  down
• 34:24
  and
• 34:24
  maybe
• 34:25
  I'll
• 34:25
  look
• 34:25
  at
• 34:25
  it
• 34:25
  in
• 34:25
  a
• 34:25
  couple
• 34:26
  of
• 34:26
  months.
• 34:26
  I
• 34:26
  mean,
• 34:26
  everyone
• 34:27
  is
• 34:27
  developmental.
• 34:28
  You
• 34:29
  know,
• 34:29
  we're
• 34:29
  all
• 34:29
  on
• 34:29
  this
• 34:29
  like
• 34:30
  timeline
• 34:30
  developmentally.
• 34:31
  And
• 34:31
  you
• 34:31
  are
• 34:31
  exactly
• 34:32
  where
• 34:32
  you're
• 34:32
  supposed
• 34:32
  to
• 34:33
  be.
• 34:33
  Exactly.
• 34:34
  That's
• 34:34
  such
• 34:35
  a
• 34:35
  good
• 34:35
  comment,
• 34:35
  right?
• 34:36
  You're
• 34:36
  exactly
• 34:37
  where
• 34:37
  you're
• 34:37
  supposed
• 34:37
  to
• 34:38
  be.
• 34:38
  Like,
• 34:38
  don't.
• 34:39
  And
• 34:39
  no
• 34:39
  comparison.
• 34:40
  No.
• 34:41
  There
• 34:41
  is
• 34:41
  no
• 34:42
  linear
• 34:42
  healing
• 34:43
  chart.
• 34:44
  Right.
• 34:45
  Like
• 34:45
  this.
• 34:46
  These
• 34:46
  are
• 34:46
  my,
• 34:46
  these
• 34:47
  are
• 34:47
  my
• 34:48
  things
• 34:48
  that
• 34:48
  happen.
• 34:49
  So
• 34:49
  I'm
• 34:49
  gonna
• 34:49
  plug
• 34:50
  them
• 34:50
  into
• 34:50
  the
• 34:50
  chart.
• 34:50
  And
• 34:50
  your
• 34:51
  timeline
• 34:51
  is
• 34:51
  that.
• 34:51
  That
• 34:52
  doesn't
• 34:52
  exist.
• 34:53
  I
• 34:53
  mean,
• 34:54
  I
• 34:54
  talk
• 34:54
  of
• 34:55
  people
• 34:55
  and
• 34:57
  you
• 34:57
  can't
• 34:57
  beat
• 34:57
  yourself
• 34:58
  up
• 34:58
  about
• 34:58
  it
• 34:58
  because
• 34:58
  then
• 34:59
  it
• 34:59
  goes
• 34:59
  back
• 34:59
  to
• 34:59
  that,
• 35:00
  I'm
• 35:00
  not
• 35:01
  good
• 35:01
  enough,
• 35:01
  I
• 35:02
  can't
• 35:02
  do
• 35:02
  this.
• 35:02
  And
• 35:04
  that's.
• 35:04
  It
• 35:05
  all
• 35:05
  goes
• 35:05
  back
• 35:05
  to
• 35:06
  that.
• 35:06
  So
• 35:06
  love
• 35:07
  yourself
• 35:07
  right
• 35:07
  where
• 35:07
  you're
• 35:08
  at.
• 35:08
  I
• 35:08
  mean
• 35:08
  that's,
• 35:09
  yeah,
• 35:09
  self,
• 35:09
  love,
• 35:10
  self.
• 35:11
  Treat
• 35:11
  yourself
• 35:12
  like
• 35:12
  your
• 35:12
  own
• 35:12
  freaking
• 35:13
  best
• 35:13
  friend.
• 35:14
  When
• 35:14
  you
• 35:14
  have
• 35:14
  that
• 35:14
  little
• 35:15
  critic
• 35:15
  sitting
• 35:15
  on
• 35:15
  your
• 35:16
  shoulder
• 35:16
  telling
• 35:16
  you
• 35:17
  you're
• 35:17
  not
• 35:17
  good
• 35:17
  enough
• 35:17
  or
• 35:17
  you're
• 35:18
  stupid
• 35:18
  or
• 35:18
  you,
• 35:19
  you
• 35:19
  know,
• 35:19
  you,
• 35:19
  you're
• 35:20
  a
• 35:20
  failure.
• 35:20
  You
• 35:21
  know,
• 35:21
  like
• 35:22
  I
• 35:22
  always
• 35:22
  say,
• 35:22
  that
• 35:22
  little
• 35:23
  person
• 35:23
  sitting
• 35:23
  on
• 35:23
  your
• 35:24
  shoulder
• 35:24
  talking
• 35:24
  to
• 35:25
  you,
• 35:25
  pretend
• 35:25
  it's
• 35:26
  like
• 35:26
  your
• 35:26
  daughter,
• 35:27
  your,
• 35:27
  your
• 35:27
  son,
• 35:28
  whatever,
• 35:28
  whoever
• 35:29
  you
• 35:29
  love
• 35:29
  the
• 35:29
  most
• 35:29
  and
• 35:30
  set
• 35:30
  those
• 35:30
  standards
• 35:31
  for
• 35:31
  that
• 35:31
  person.
• 35:32
  When
• 35:32
  you
• 35:33
  talk
• 35:33
  to
• 35:33
  yourself
• 35:34
  and
• 35:35
  like.
• 35:35
  That,
• 35:35
  that
• 35:35
  is
• 35:36
  literally
• 35:36
  self
• 35:36
  compassion
• 35:37
  work.
• 35:38
  I
• 35:38
  mean
• 35:38
  that's,
• 35:38
  you
• 35:38
  know,
• 35:39
  the
• 35:39
  premise
• 35:39
  of
• 35:39
  self,
• 35:40
  self
• 35:40
  compassion.
• 35:40
  So
• 35:41
  when
• 35:41
  you
• 35:41
  start
• 35:41
  beating
• 35:41
  yourself
• 35:42
  up,
• 35:42
  notice
• 35:42
  it.
• 35:42
  But
• 35:43
  what
• 35:43
  would
• 35:43
  you,
• 35:43
  how
• 35:43
  would
• 35:43
  you
• 35:44
  intervene
• 35:44
  with
• 35:44
  your
• 35:44
  best
• 35:45
  friend
• 35:45
  or
• 35:45
  your
• 35:45
  daughter
• 35:46
  if
• 35:46
  she
• 35:46
  was
• 35:47
  saying
• 35:47
  those
• 35:47
  things?
• 35:47
  I
• 35:47
  mean,
• 35:48
  what
• 35:48
  would
• 35:48
  you
• 35:48
  say?
• 35:48
  How
• 35:48
  would
• 35:49
  you
• 35:49
  rally
• 35:49
  behind?
• 35:49
  How
• 35:50
  would
• 35:50
  you
• 35:50
  motivate?
• 35:50
  How
• 35:51
  would
• 35:51
  you
• 35:51
  say,
• 35:51
  none
• 35:52
  of
• 35:52
  this
• 35:52
  is
• 35:52
  true.
• 35:52
  What's
• 35:53
  wrong
• 35:53
  with
• 35:53
  you?
• 35:54
  Right?
• 35:54
  Step
• 35:55
  out
• 35:55
  of
• 35:55
  it.
• 35:56
  Snap
• 35:56
  out
• 35:56
  of
• 35:56
  it?
• 35:56
  Yes,
• 35:57
  out
• 35:57
  of
• 35:57
  it.
• 35:57
  I
• 35:58
  mean,
• 35:58
  you
• 35:58
  know,
• 35:58
  you're
• 35:58
  this,
• 35:59
  you're,
• 35:59
  you
• 35:59
  know,
• 35:59
  you're
• 36:00
  saying
• 36:00
  all
• 36:00
  this
• 36:00
  and
• 36:00
  everybody
• 36:01
  needs
• 36:01
  that
• 36:01
  reminder,
• 36:02
  you
• 36:02
  know,
• 36:03
  when
• 36:03
  that
• 36:03
  starts
• 36:03
  to
• 36:03
  happen,
• 36:04
  happen.
• 36:04
  But
• 36:04
  it's
• 36:04
  the
• 36:04
  awareness
• 36:05
  that.
• 36:05
  Oh,
• 36:06
  here
• 36:07
  that
• 36:07
  part
• 36:07
  comes
• 36:08
  again.
• 36:08
  That
• 36:09
  part's
• 36:09
  coming
• 36:09
  in
• 36:10
  highly
• 36:10
  critical.
• 36:10
  You
• 36:11
  can't
• 36:11
  do
• 36:11
  this.
• 36:11
  You're
• 36:12
  not,
• 36:12
  you're
• 36:12
  not
• 36:12
  enough.
• 36:13
  Like,
• 36:13
  okay,
• 36:13
  I'm
• 36:13
  going
• 36:13
  to
• 36:13
  ask
• 36:14
  you,
• 36:14
  love
• 36:14
  you,
• 36:14
  thank
• 36:15
  you
• 36:15
  for
• 36:15
  protecting
• 36:15
  me,
• 36:16
  but
• 36:16
  I'm
• 36:16
  going
• 36:16
  to
• 36:16
  ask
• 36:16
  you
• 36:17
  to
• 36:17
  step
• 36:17
  aside
• 36:18
  and
• 36:18
  I'm
• 36:18
  going
• 36:18
  to
• 36:18
  like,
• 36:19
  focus
• 36:19
  on
• 36:19
  something
• 36:19
  else
• 36:20
  and
• 36:20
  retrain,
• 36:21
  Retrain
• 36:22
  myself
• 36:22
  in,
• 36:23
  in
• 36:23
  another
• 36:23
  way.
• 36:23
  That's
• 36:24
  the
• 36:24
  whole
• 36:24
  purpose,
• 36:25
  to
• 36:25
  retrain,
• 36:26
  you
• 36:26
  know,
• 36:26
  your
• 36:27
  neurons.
• 36:27
  I
• 36:27
  mean,
• 36:28
  there's
• 36:28
  so
• 36:28
  much
• 36:28
  research
• 36:29
  and
• 36:29
  the
• 36:29
  brain
• 36:30
  of
• 36:30
  like,
• 36:30
  what
• 36:30
  this
• 36:31
  does,.
• 36:33
  You
• 36:33
  know,
• 36:33
  and
• 36:33
  think
• 36:33
  about
• 36:34
  it.
• 36:34
  It
• 36:34
  wasn't
• 36:34
  many,
• 36:35
  long
• 36:35
  ago.
• 36:36
  I
• 36:36
  mean,
• 36:36
  there
• 36:36
  were
• 36:36
  some
• 36:37
  pioneers
• 36:38
  decades
• 36:38
  ago,
• 36:39
  but
• 36:39
  that
• 36:39
  stuff
• 36:39
  was
• 36:39
  kind
• 36:40
  of
• 36:40
  poo
• 36:40
  pooed,
• 36:40
  chewed
• 36:41
  aside.
• 36:41
  Totally.
• 36:42
  You
• 36:42
  know,
• 36:43
  we
• 36:43
  can't
• 36:43
  change.
• 36:43
  Once
• 36:44
  you're
• 36:44
  hit
• 36:44
  this
• 36:44
  certain
• 36:45
  age,
• 36:45
  your
• 36:45
  brain
• 36:46
  doesn't
• 36:46
  grow
• 36:46
  your
• 36:46
  blah,
• 36:47
  blah,
• 36:47
  blah.
• 36:47
  That
• 36:47
  is
• 36:47
  BS
• 36:48
  for
• 36:48
  everybody
• 36:48
  out
• 36:48
  there.
• 36:49
  Your
• 36:49
  brain
• 36:50
  is
• 36:50
  like
• 36:50
  a
• 36:50
  big
• 36:50
  ball
• 36:51
  of
• 36:51
  play.
• 36:51
  D'oh.
• 36:52
  And
• 36:52
  you
• 36:52
  get
• 36:53
  to
• 36:53
  mold
• 36:54
  what
• 36:54
  it
• 36:54
  thinks
• 36:55
  and
• 36:55
  what
• 36:55
  it
• 36:55
  believes
• 36:56
  and
• 36:56
  what
• 36:56
  it
• 36:57
  remembers
• 36:57
  and
• 36:57
  what
• 36:58
  it
• 36:59
  believe.
• 37:00
  Yes.
• 37:00
  And
• 37:00
  actually
• 37:01
  retrain
• 37:02
  it.
• 37:02
  Yeah,
• 37:03
  retrain
• 37:03
  it.
• 37:04
  And
• 37:04
  have
• 37:04
  new
• 37:05
  neural
• 37:05
  networks
• 37:06
  that
• 37:06
  actually
• 37:07
  are
• 37:07
  created,
• 37:07
  new
• 37:08
  pathways.
• 37:09
  I
• 37:09
  mean,
• 37:09
  why
• 37:09
  do
• 37:09
  you
• 37:09
  think
• 37:10
  when
• 37:10
  you
• 37:10
  start
• 37:10
  a
• 37:10
  habit
• 37:11
  so
• 37:11
  hard
• 37:11
  in
• 37:11
  the
• 37:11
  beginning,
• 37:12
  but
• 37:12
  after
• 37:12
  you
• 37:12
  do
• 37:13
  it
• 37:13
  20,
• 37:13
  30
• 37:13
  times,
• 37:14
  you
• 37:14
  just
• 37:14
  start
• 37:14
  to
• 37:14
  automatically
• 37:15
  do
• 37:15
  it?
• 37:15
  You've
• 37:16
  just
• 37:16
  rewired
• 37:17
  your
• 37:17
  brain
• 37:18
  so
• 37:19
  you
• 37:20
  know,
• 37:20
  there
• 37:20
  is
• 37:20
  no
• 37:20
  static.
• 37:21
  Like,
• 37:21
  no,
• 37:22
  you
• 37:22
  can
• 37:22
  rewire
• 37:23
  your
• 37:23
  brain,
• 37:23
  you
• 37:23
  can
• 37:24
  rewire
• 37:24
  your
• 37:24
  autonomic
• 37:25
  nervous
• 37:25
  system
• 37:26
  system,
• 37:26
  and
• 37:26
  you
• 37:26
  can
• 37:26
  heal
• 37:27
  from
• 37:27
  anything.
• 37:27
  But
• 37:27
  like
• 37:27
  you
• 37:28
  said,
• 37:28
  Tammy,
• 37:28
  it
• 37:29
  does.
• 37:29
  What
• 37:29
  it
• 37:29
  takes
• 37:30
  is
• 37:30
  just
• 37:30
  like
• 37:31
  it
• 37:31
  to
• 37:31
  be
• 37:31
  successful
• 37:31
  in
• 37:32
  anything
• 37:32
  in
• 37:32
  life.
• 37:32
  It
• 37:33
  takes.
• 37:33
  I'm
• 37:33
  gonna
• 37:33
  do
• 37:33
  this
• 37:34
  even
• 37:34
  though
• 37:35
  it
• 37:35
  sucks
• 37:35
  and
• 37:35
  I
• 37:35
  don't
• 37:36
  feel
• 37:36
  like
• 37:36
  going
• 37:36
  to
• 37:36
  therapy
• 37:36
  today.
• 37:37
  Like,
• 37:37
  oh
• 37:37
  my
• 37:37
  God.
• 37:38
  Like,
• 37:38
  oh,
• 37:39
  it's
• 37:39
  like,
• 37:39
  come
• 37:39
  into
• 37:40
  therapy
• 37:40
  and
• 37:40
  let's
• 37:41
  talk
• 37:41
  about
• 37:41
  what's
• 37:41
  going
• 37:41
  on
• 37:42
  with
• 37:42
  you.
• 37:42
  Because
• 37:43
  you're
• 37:43
  usually
• 37:43
  right
• 37:43
  there
• 37:44
  on,
• 37:44
  right
• 37:45
  there.
• 37:45
  You're
• 37:45
  like
• 37:45
  one
• 37:46
  step
• 37:46
  away
• 37:46
  from
• 37:47
  a
• 37:47
  major
• 37:47
  awareness
• 37:48
  that's
• 37:48
  gonna
• 37:48
  happen.
• 37:48
  So
• 37:49
  that's
• 37:49
  normal
• 37:49
  to
• 37:50
  feel
• 37:50
  that
• 37:50
  level
• 37:50
  of.
• 37:52
  I
• 37:52
  mean,
• 37:52
  who
• 37:52
  really
• 37:52
  wants
• 37:53
  to
• 37:53
  go
• 37:53
  back
• 37:53
  to
• 37:53
  the
• 37:54
  traumatic
• 37:54
  things
• 37:54
  in
• 37:54
  their
• 37:55
  life
• 37:55
  and
• 37:55
  rehash
• 37:56
  them?
• 37:56
  Who
• 37:57
  would
• 37:57
  want
• 37:57
  to
• 37:57
  do
• 37:57
  that?
• 37:58
  I
• 37:58
  mean,
• 37:58
  that's
• 37:58
  not
• 37:58
  fun.
• 38:01
  That's
• 38:01
  not
• 38:01
  fun.
• 38:01
  But
• 38:02
  it's
• 38:02
  so
• 38:02
  worth
• 38:03
  it
• 38:03
  to
• 38:03
  come
• 38:03
  out
• 38:04
  of
• 38:04
  the
• 38:04
  patterns
• 38:05
  and
• 38:05
  to
• 38:05
  be
• 38:06
  fully
• 38:06
  alive
• 38:06
  and
• 38:06
  to
• 38:06
  have
• 38:07
  full
• 38:07
  self
• 38:07
  love
• 38:08
  and
• 38:08
  Self
• 38:08
  respect
• 38:08
  for
• 38:08
  yourself.
• 38:09
  Absolutely,
• 38:10
  absolutely
• 38:11
  love
• 38:12
  it.
• 38:12
  Well,
• 38:13
  Dr.
• 38:13
  Hutchinson,
• 38:13
  this
• 38:14
  is
• 38:14
  so
• 38:14
  much
• 38:14
  fun.
• 38:14
  I
• 38:14
  could
• 38:14
  talk
• 38:15
  to
• 38:15
  you
• 38:15
  forever,
• 38:15
  but
• 38:16
  I
• 38:16
  know,
• 38:17
  I
• 38:17
  know,
• 38:17
  right?
• 38:18
  I
• 38:18
  feel
• 38:18
  like
• 38:18
  there's
• 38:18
  so
• 38:19
  many
• 38:19
  different
• 38:19
  topics
• 38:19
  and
• 38:20
  so
• 38:20
  many
• 38:20
  different
• 38:20
  directions
• 38:21
  I
• 38:21
  wanted
• 38:21
  to
• 38:21
  go
• 38:21
  and
• 38:21
  I'm
• 38:22
  like,
• 38:22
  ah,
• 38:23
  but
• 38:23
  maybe
• 38:23
  I'll
• 38:23
  have
• 38:23
  you
• 38:23
  back
• 38:24
  on.
• 38:24
  Who
• 38:24
  knows?
• 38:24
  Definitely.
• 38:25
  I
• 38:25
  would
• 38:25
  love
• 38:25
  to
• 38:26
  come
• 38:26
  back
• 38:26
  on.
• 38:26
  I've
• 38:26
  enjoyed
• 38:27
  myself.
• 38:27
  Yes.
• 38:28
  So
• 38:28
  tell
• 38:29
  people
• 38:29
  if
• 38:29
  they
• 38:29
  want
• 38:29
  to
• 38:30
  work
• 38:30
  with
• 38:30
  you,
• 38:30
  how
• 38:31
  you
• 38:31
  work
• 38:31
  and
• 38:31
  how
• 38:31
  they
• 38:32
  can
• 38:32
  reach
• 38:32
  you.
• 38:32
  The
• 38:32
  best
• 38:32
  place
• 38:33
  to
• 38:33
  reach
• 38:33
  you.
• 38:34
  The
• 38:34
  best
• 38:34
  place
• 38:34
  to
• 38:35
  reach
• 38:35
  me
• 38:35
  would
• 38:35
  just
• 38:35
  be
• 38:36
  my
• 38:36
  website,
• 38:36
  so.
• 38:37
  Www.doctortracy
• 38:38
  hutchinson.com
• 38:39
  and
• 38:40
  just,
• 38:40
  you
• 38:40
  know,
• 38:40
  the
• 38:40
  contact
• 38:41
  me
• 38:41
  page
• 38:42
  will
• 38:42
  like,
• 38:43
  you
• 38:43
  know,
• 38:43
  guide
• 38:43
  you
• 38:43
  into
• 38:44
  like,
• 38:44
  you
• 38:44
  an
• 38:44
  email.
• 38:45
  Obviously,
• 38:46
  I
• 38:46
  have
• 38:46
  the
• 38:46
  book
• 38:46
  that
• 38:47
  you
• 38:47
  can,
• 38:47
  there's
• 38:47
  links
• 38:47
  to
• 38:48
  that
• 38:48
  where
• 38:48
  you
• 38:48
  can
• 38:49
  purchase
• 38:49
  that
• 38:50
  on
• 38:50
  Amazon
• 38:50
  or,
• 38:52
  you
• 38:52
  know,
• 38:52
  Barnes
• 38:53
  and
• 38:53
  Noble
• 38:53
  or
• 38:54
  wherever
• 38:55
  there
• 38:55
  are
• 38:55
  major
• 38:55
  book
• 38:56
  retailers.
• 38:57
  Okay,
• 38:58
  yeah,
• 38:58
  perfect.
• 38:59
  And
• 38:59
  all
• 38:59
  that
• 38:59
  will
• 38:59
  go
• 39:00
  in
• 39:00
  the
• 39:00
  show
• 39:00
  notes.
• 39:01
  But
• 39:01
  first,
• 39:01
  I
• 39:01
  want
• 39:01
  to
• 39:02
  thank
• 39:02
  you
• 39:02
  for
• 39:02
  coming
• 39:02
  on.
• 39:02
  I
• 39:03
  thank
• 39:03
  you.
• 39:04
  Love
• 39:04
  it.
• 39:05
  And
• 39:05
  lastly,
• 39:06
  I
• 39:06
  want
• 39:07
  you
• 39:07
  to
• 39:07
  leave
• 39:07
  the
• 39:08
  listeners
• 39:08
  with
• 39:09
  some
• 39:09
  words
• 39:09
  of
• 39:09
  wisdom
• 39:10
  or
• 39:10
  something
• 39:11
  tangible
• 39:12
  they
• 39:12
  can
• 39:12
  either
• 39:12
  do
• 39:13
  or
• 39:13
  something
• 39:13
  positive
• 39:14
  to
• 39:14
  carry
• 39:15
  throughout
• 39:15
  the
• 39:15
  day
• 39:15
  with
• 39:15
  them
• 39:16
  today.
• 39:17
  Today.
• 39:19
  Well,
• 39:19
  the
• 39:19
  fact
• 39:20
  that
• 39:20
  you
• 39:20
  are
• 39:21
  on
• 39:21
  and
• 39:21
  listening
• 39:22
  to
• 39:22
  the
• 39:22
  show,
• 39:23
  whether
• 39:23
  you
• 39:23
  are
• 39:24
  a
• 39:24
  regular
• 39:25
  listener
• 39:25
  of
• 39:25
  the
• 39:26
  podcast
• 39:26
  or
• 39:27
  this
• 39:27
  is
• 39:27
  your
• 39:27
  first
• 39:28
  or
• 39:28
  second
• 39:28
  show,
• 39:29
  you
• 39:29
  are
• 39:29
  already
• 39:30
  on
• 39:30
  your
• 39:31
  step
• 39:31
  and
• 39:31
  your
• 39:32
  journey
• 39:32
  to
• 39:32
  healing.
• 39:33
  And
• 39:34
  once
• 39:34
  you
• 39:34
  reach
• 39:35
  a
• 39:35
  certain
• 39:35
  state
• 39:35
  of
• 39:35
  awareness,
• 39:36
  often
• 39:36
  there's
• 39:37
  no
• 39:37
  going
• 39:37
  back.
• 39:37
  You're
• 39:37
  going
• 39:38
  down
• 39:38
  the
• 39:38
  rabbit
• 39:38
  hole
• 39:39
  of
• 39:40
  healing.
• 39:40
  So
• 39:41
  know
• 39:41
  that
• 39:42
  even
• 39:42
  listening
• 39:43
  to
• 39:43
  a
• 39:43
  podcast,
• 39:44
  journaling
• 39:45
  every
• 39:45
  morning,
• 39:46
  you
• 39:46
  are
• 39:46
  already
• 39:47
  nourishing
• 39:48
  yourself
• 39:48
  with
• 39:49
  self
• 39:49
  respect
• 39:49
  and
• 39:49
  self
• 39:50
  love.
• 39:50
  You're
• 39:50
  on
• 39:50
  the
• 39:51
  journey
• 39:51
  and
• 39:52
  more
• 39:52
  than
• 39:52
  likely
• 39:53
  you
• 39:53
  are
• 39:53
  going
• 39:53
  to
• 39:54
  heal.
• 39:55
  You
• 39:55
  will,
• 39:56
  you're
• 39:56
  going
• 39:56
  to,
• 39:56
  you're
• 39:57
  going
• 39:57
  to
• 39:57
  heal
• 39:57
  from
• 39:57
  it
• 39:57
  because
• 39:57
  you're
• 39:58
  already,
• 39:58
  you
• 39:59
  know,
• 39:59
  being
• 39:59
  attracted
• 40:00
  to
• 40:00
  the
• 40:01
  things
• 40:01
  that
• 40:02
  are
• 40:02
  more
• 40:02
  positive
• 40:03
  in
• 40:03
  your
• 40:03
  life
• 40:03
  versus
• 40:04
  staying
• 40:04
  stuck
• 40:05
  into
• 40:05
  something.
• 40:06
  So
• 40:06
  you're
• 40:06
  already
• 40:06
  coming
• 40:07
  to
• 40:07
  consciousness.
• 40:08
  So
• 40:08
  congratulate
• 40:09
  yourself
• 40:09
  for
• 40:09
  that.
• 40:10
  Perfect.
• 40:11
  Thank
• 40:12
  you
• 40:12
  so
• 40:12
  much
• 40:12
  again
• 40:12
  for
• 40:13
  coming
• 40:13
  on.
• 40:13
  Sure.
• 40:14
  Thank
• 40:14
  you.
• 40:15
  You're
• 40:16
  very
• 40:16
  welcome.
• 40:16
  And
• 40:16
  for
• 40:16
  everybody
• 40:17
  else
• 40:17
  out
• 40:17
  there,
• 40:17
  you
• 40:18
  heard
• 40:18
  it.
• 40:18
  That
• 40:18
  was
• 40:18
  Dr.
• 40:18
  Hutchinson.
• 40:19
  And
• 40:19
  make
• 40:20
  that
• 40:20
  first
• 40:20
  step.
• 40:21
  You're
• 40:21
  here,
• 40:21
  you're
• 40:22
  listening
• 40:22
  to
• 40:22
  it,
• 40:22
  you've
• 40:23
  got
• 40:23
  that
• 40:23
  awareness.
• 40:24
  Make
• 40:24
  the
• 40:24
  second
• 40:24
  step.
• 40:25
  It's
• 40:25
  one
• 40:25
  step
• 40:26
  at
• 40:26
  a
• 40:26
  time,
• 40:26
  every
• 40:26
  day
• 40:27
  at
• 40:27
  a
• 40:27
  time,
• 40:27
  loving
• 40:27
  yourself
• 40:28
  and
• 40:28
  knowing
• 40:29
  that
• 40:29
  at
• 40:29
  the
• 40:29
  end
• 40:29
  of
• 40:29
  the
• 40:30
  day,
• 40:30
  no
• 40:30
  matter
• 40:30
  what
• 40:31
  people
• 40:31
  in
• 40:31
  your
• 40:32
  life
• 40:32
  have
• 40:32
  told
• 40:32
  you
• 40:32
  or
• 40:33
  shown
• 40:33
  you,
• 40:34
  you're
• 40:34
  worth
• 40:34
  it
• 40:35
  and
• 40:35
  you
• 40:36
  deserve
• 40:36
  it.
• 40:37
  So
• 40:37
  I
• 40:37
  love
• 40:37
  you
• 40:38
  guys
• 40:38
  and
• 40:38
  I'll
• 40:38
  see
• 40:38
  you
• 40:38
  back
• 40:39
  next
• 40:39
  week.