Latest / Your Thoughts Your Reality / Who Gets the Real You? | Connection & Authentic Relationships — The 3rd Silent War | Cindy Gould

Transcript

Who Gets the Real You? | Connection & Authentic Relationships — The 3rd Silent War | Cindy Gould · Your Thoughts Your Reality

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_01: What happens when you stop performing and realize some people only knew the version of you that you were performing?
• 0:08
  SPEAKER_01: A lot of us learn how to fit the room.
• 0:10
  SPEAKER_01: We stay strong, we stay useful, we say what keeps the peace.
• 0:15
  SPEAKER_01: We become the person everybody expects.
• 0:18
  SPEAKER_01: When we start changing, we get more honest about what we need, what we believe, and who we're becoming.
• 0:25
  SPEAKER_01: And suddenly, connection gets complicated because being known is different from simply being accepted.
• 0:32
  SPEAKER_01: Today's conversation is about connection, the third silent war and what it takes to build relationships where the real version of you can show up without disappearing to keep everyone else comfortable.
• 0:47
  SPEAKER_03: Welcome to Your Thoughts, Your Reality with Michael Cole, the podcast that shines a compassionate light on the journey of veterans battling through life's challenges.
• 0:56
  SPEAKER_03: Michael is a dual elite certified neuroencoding specialist in coaching and keynote training presentations, dedicated to guiding military veterans as they navigate the intricate pathways of post-deployment life.
• 1:08
  SPEAKER_03: Join him as we delve into the profound realm of neuroencoding science, empowering these brave individuals to conquer universal battles, procrastination, self-doubt, fear, and more.
• 1:19
  SPEAKER_03: Together, let's uncover the strength within you to re-engage with families and society, forging a new path forward.
• 1:31
  SPEAKER_01: My friend Cindy Gould is a joy catalyst, reinvention strategist, extraordinary life mastery coach, and founder of She Ring.
• 1:39
  SPEAKER_01: She's a dual elite certified neuroencoding specialist who helps people move beyond limiting beliefs, fear, conditioning, and old expectations.
• 1:47
  SPEAKER_01: Her work centers on reinvention, joy, confidence, truth, purpose, and creating a life that feels aligned instead of merely successful.
• 1:55
  SPEAKER_01: And she returns to your thoughts reality after our previous conversation on self-worth to go deeper into what authentic connection actually requires.
• 2:04
  SPEAKER_01: Cindy, my friend, welcome back to your thoughts, your reality.
• 2:07
  SPEAKER_04: Thank you, thank you.
• 2:08
  SPEAKER_04: Of course, I am so stoked to be here.
• 2:12
  SPEAKER_01: I love every time you're here.
• 2:14
  SPEAKER_01: Like we were talking about before we came on here.
• 2:16
  SPEAKER_01: It's just a different, different broadcast when you're here because we just know each other so well.
• 2:22
  SPEAKER_01: And I mean we're here pruned.
• 2:24
  SPEAKER_01: So absolutely love it.
• 2:25
  SPEAKER_01: Since we last talked, what has changed in the way you think about relationships, connection, and really people who you choose to build life with?
• 2:33
  SPEAKER_04: Oh golly, you know, even since we last talked, it's it's interesting when you vocalize something, right?
• 2:40
  SPEAKER_04: Because I, you know, you're we're out on your thoughts, your reality, and we create at the speed of thought.
• 2:48
  SPEAKER_04: That's what we do.
• 2:49
  SPEAKER_04: And so after that conversation, even I notice different things because we vocalize even more in depth about our self-worth and our and our value and and even loving ourselves and those things.
• 3:01
  SPEAKER_04: We even talked about that a couple of minutes ago with your beautiful bride, Susan.
• 3:05
  SPEAKER_04: Shout out to Susan, you know, your producer.
• 3:09
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, and you know, but even that, I because what I've noticed within myself is even my standards were raised.
• 3:17
  SPEAKER_04: Like every time you vocalize something that powerful when it comes to your being, your body, your essence, your purpose.
• 3:25
  SPEAKER_04: I know for me anyway, my standards just get a little bit that's acceptable, that isn't, you know.
• 3:31
  SPEAKER_04: What do we tolerate?
• 3:32
  SPEAKER_04: What do we celebrate?
• 3:34
  SPEAKER_01: Absolutely.
• 3:34
  SPEAKER_01: And I love the journey you're on, my friend.
• 3:36
  SPEAKER_01: You know, over the last couple of years, it's it's been such an honor to really just kind of witness the witness the journey.
• 3:43
  SPEAKER_01: Let's just call it that.
• 3:44
  SPEAKER_01: We'll stick with that.
• 3:46
  SPEAKER_01: It's been absolutely amazing.
• 3:47
  SPEAKER_01: And I and I'm again, I truly am honored to be to be playing with you.
• 3:51
  SPEAKER_01: Thank you.
• 3:52
  SPEAKER_01: Absolutely, absolutely.
• 3:53
  SPEAKER_01: So last time we talked about self-worth.
• 3:55
  SPEAKER_01: Uh, we talked about conditioning and the difference between belonging and fitting in, right?
• 3:59
  SPEAKER_01: So we're gonna go one step further today, maybe six, but we're gonna start with the one step, right?
• 4:05
  SPEAKER_01: What happens to our relationships once we stop what do I say this?
• 4:10
  SPEAKER_01: Editing ourselves, right?
• 4:12
  SPEAKER_01: And start showing up more honestly.
• 4:14
  SPEAKER_04: Oh golly, you know, it for me, it's really simple.
• 4:18
  SPEAKER_04: It wasn't when I was younger, you know, and you know, people pleasing and perfection and performance, you know, living.
• 4:24
  SPEAKER_04: I it wasn't.
• 4:26
  SPEAKER_04: And now it is for me really simple.
• 4:28
  SPEAKER_04: Things are either a vibrational match or they aren't.
• 4:32
  SPEAKER_04: Now you're a musician, right?
• 4:34
  SPEAKER_04: And so, and so you get that from a standpoint of is it on pitch?
• 4:37
  SPEAKER_04: Is it fat?
• 4:38
  SPEAKER_04: Does it like when one instrument's off, the whole thing's screwed?
• 4:41
  SPEAKER_04: Absolutely.
• 4:42
  SPEAKER_04: And so in your life, it's the same thing with relationships, and we don't have to villainize, you know, the more that we don't edit ourselves, the more that we actually show up of, you know what, like like that scene in Runaway Bride with Julia Roberts, and she finally put all the eggs out, and then she's like, I don't even freaking like eggs, you know, but all these different versions of herself that she had morphed into to just have, please, I just want somebody to choose me and to love me.
• 5:11
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, well, they're not choosing you, and they're not loving you.
• 5:13
  SPEAKER_04: So inside, you always know that.
• 5:15
  SPEAKER_04: So when you're not wanting and willing to do that anymore, then what happens is you look for places that you actually align.
• 5:24
  SPEAKER_04: Where does that symphony sound gorgeous?
• 5:27
  SPEAKER_04: Where does that uplift and edify?
• 5:30
  SPEAKER_04: Where is that something that gives me absolute and true freedom?
• 5:35
  SPEAKER_02: Right?
• 5:35
  SPEAKER_04: And then you don't have to villainize if the relationship isn't a vibrational match, you don't a lot of times what happens, and and I know you've known this in your own life, I know in my own, we make them wrong, or you know, or or we cause a I mean, how many times does somebody cause an argument because everything's peaceful?
• 5:52
  SPEAKER_04: Or, you know, but if but you cause an argument, so there's a reason instead of just a simple reason of you know what, it just doesn't fit anymore, right?
• 6:02
  SPEAKER_01: Does that make sense?
• 6:03
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, absolutely does.
• 6:04
  SPEAKER_01: And you know, I love that what you said because really when we take off the mask and show people our true face, our true essence, if you will, yeah, there's gonna be vibrational matches, like because I know that that's your you're saying, and I love it, because that's just the reality of it, right?
• 6:23
  SPEAKER_00: But here's the beauty of it is you'll bring in the people vibrationally that literally are your people and are and you'll feel more fulfilled and connected, and sometimes that was all of a breakup, if you will, or just putting it in a different place, relationships in a different place, knowing where other people are.
• 6:46
  SPEAKER_00: They may not be that best friend, but they can still be a friend knowing where they are, yeah.
• 6:50
  SPEAKER_04: Yes, yes, yes, and you know where they are, and you can celebrate where they are, you can pray over them and keep them in, you know, in a safe container through prayer and meditation and thought.
• 7:02
  SPEAKER_04: You can send them and always hold them in a good thought if if necessary, you know, and if that's a good thing to do.
• 7:08
  SPEAKER_04: And and it's so great because then they can grow wherever they're gonna grow and you can continue to grow, but you don't have to, you know, join them where they're at and pretend to be that when you're not.
• 7:24
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, absolutely.
• 7:26
  SPEAKER_01: And so I'm already off the questions because it's us.
• 7:29
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, go ahead.
• 7:30
  SPEAKER_01: Let's go.
• 7:31
  SPEAKER_01: So when you when you're in that relationship, right?
• 7:34
  SPEAKER_01: And you're you're you know, the how do I say this?
• 7:37
  SPEAKER_01: The truly the room has like for growth has changed, right?
• 7:42
  SPEAKER_01: Because you're a different person, or you're again showing the real you, yeah.
• 7:46
  SPEAKER_01: How do you know really the the relationships that work, you know, as long as you keep playing the old role, but more importantly, the relationships and and finding the people that that connect with you on that level said differently.
• 8:04
  SPEAKER_04: Please well, no, I I love the way you said it.
• 8:08
  SPEAKER_04: I'm just giggling because we already know because of our love and dear friend and mentor, Joseph McClendon, the third would say, and said differently, you know.
• 8:17
  SPEAKER_04: But how do you do that?
• 8:19
  SPEAKER_04: First of all, your body knows, like your body knows your body, your physical body is gonna know if that relationship is in sync with you.
• 8:31
  SPEAKER_04: Your body, you're you're gonna have bells and whistles.
• 8:33
  SPEAKER_04: For me, you know, I have the Holy Spirit that's gonna give me a check in my spirit.
• 8:38
  SPEAKER_04: Hey, you know, I'm gonna know that something's off.
• 8:40
  SPEAKER_04: My physical body's gonna know when something's off, you know, and it and it's fascinating because you even know if if you're really connected to you, to your spirit, your soul, your being, if you're connected, you know, even when you walk in a room who you're vibrationally aligned with and who you aren't.
• 9:03
  SPEAKER_04: You just know.
• 9:04
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 9:05
  SPEAKER_01: Isn't that weird how you literally walk in?
• 9:08
  SPEAKER_01: I love you brought that up because in your life or in that any room you walk into, you you are absolutely drawn.
• 9:15
  SPEAKER_02: 100%.
• 9:16
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 9:17
  SPEAKER_01: So you know, you've talked about the I'm gonna go a little darker here just because I want to go dark and bring out the light again.
• 9:23
  SPEAKER_01: So you've talked about the weight of survival responsibility and being the strong one, right?
• 9:27
  SPEAKER_01: And so have I.
• 9:28
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, we know each other very well.
• 9:30
  SPEAKER_01: What does constantly being the strong one do to connection when nobody learns how to support you back?
• 9:38
  SPEAKER_04: Oh, it weakens the connection.
• 9:39
  SPEAKER_04: Isn't that interesting?
• 9:41
  SPEAKER_04: You be you become the strong one, and all the connections start to, you know, kind of short circuit.
• 9:47
  SPEAKER_04: That you know, and and when you plug how many times, you know, when you plug something into a socket, you have to hit that stinking button because it has to, you know, make it work because it's not working, right?
• 9:58
  SPEAKER_04: Same thing, it's the same thing.
• 9:59
  SPEAKER_04: And and let me just say, even let's just go to even in marriage and intimate relationships with your partner and and your the love of your life and your you know your mate, you don't want to be intimate anymore because into me you see, and you're not letting them really see into you because you're the strong one, you're the one holding everything, keeping the balls in the air.
• 10:20
  SPEAKER_04: And and so if they saw inside, then they wouldn't see you as that strong.
• 10:25
  SPEAKER_04: And if you're living in that performative spot, then what happens there?
• 10:29
  SPEAKER_04: Then resentment, bitterness, anger, because you're not walking in alignment with you, and then you project it onto your mate because they received your strength instead of saying no, you know, let me meet you there.
• 10:45
  SPEAKER_04: They received it, they took it on, even if you know, in relationships there's an ebb and flow, you have to be stronger sometimes, right?
• 10:52
  SPEAKER_04: And I mean, or you get to, whatever you choose, but and and there are, but when there's that one person in the relationship that's carrying all that weight, right?
• 11:02
  SPEAKER_04: And doing it, then that's when all the bitterness and everything, and you project it onto your mate when who's the one who chose to be the strong one.
• 11:09
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, absolutely.
• 11:11
  SPEAKER_01: And you know, when you share that load, if you will, with your loved one, it it makes them feel better too, right?
• 11:21
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, because it's them feeling seen, feeling needed, wanted, whatever that that word is for you.
• 11:29
  SPEAKER_01: But I think it's super important that you know you can't be 100% every day the rest of your life.
• 11:34
  SPEAKER_01: You're gonna have those 80%, those 60, that 20% day.
• 11:39
  SPEAKER_01: And when you're when that person that you love and you're connected with, and that could be, you know, your your your wife, your husband, your best friend, it can be any of those things.
• 11:48
  SPEAKER_01: But when when you're honest with people and you take the mask off, and you let them know, man, I'm at 20%, you know what?
• 11:54
  SPEAKER_01: That gives them the opportunity to say, all right, I got the other 80 because I got you.
• 11:58
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 11:59
  SPEAKER_01: And I just got chills.
• 12:03
  SPEAKER_01: You too.
• 12:04
  SPEAKER_01: So I mean, how much has that changed the game for a long-term relationship and really community and closeness?
• 12:11
  SPEAKER_04: What do you mean?
• 12:12
  SPEAKER_01: Be specific.
• 12:13
  SPEAKER_01: Just really being true to your authentic self and really communicating and letting people know, hey, I am down today, man.
• 12:19
  SPEAKER_01: Help, can you pick up the rest?
• 12:22
  SPEAKER_04: Oh, for sure.
• 12:23
  SPEAKER_04: You know, what's what's great about that is it I think that trust a lot of times is really an issue of communication more than it is anything else.
• 12:34
  SPEAKER_04: You know, if you have a relationship where you're both honorable people, you know, you're not out doing things that you shouldn't, you're aligned, you know, keeping all the promises you made to each other, and yet you're feeling some kind of trust issue, I would say look at the communication because and it starts in here.
• 12:50
  SPEAKER_04: So when I can go to, you know, someone that I'm close to, even go to, you know, when I have my mate, when I can go there, you know, one of the things that I think is really valuable and important is to be able to rest in each other.
• 13:05
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 13:05
  SPEAKER_04: And know that person has you, no matter what.
• 13:09
  SPEAKER_04: And that you can say, hey, you know what?
• 13:11
  SPEAKER_04: Today's an off day.
• 13:12
  SPEAKER_04: Yo, bro, take the trash out.
• 13:14
  SPEAKER_04: You know, whatever it is, you know, I you know, or I could really use XYZ.
• 13:19
  SPEAKER_04: Speak what you want and what you need, don't just hold it in.
• 13:24
  SPEAKER_04: Have the the courage.
• 13:26
  SPEAKER_04: Hey, you know what?
• 13:26
  SPEAKER_04: I I don't care that we've been eating, you know, keto.
• 13:29
  SPEAKER_04: I want ice cream, let's go get ice cream.
• 13:31
  SPEAKER_04: You know what I mean?
• 13:32
  SPEAKER_04: Whatever it is, right?
• 13:33
  SPEAKER_04: Whatever that is, and be able to do that in a place of, you know, hey, this, I love you, and I know you love me back, and I know you've got me.
• 13:43
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 13:44
  SPEAKER_04: Right?
• 13:45
  SPEAKER_01: Unconditional love with communication can't go wrong there, right?
• 13:48
  SPEAKER_04: Right.
• 13:49
  SPEAKER_04: Well, and and in relationship to to the veterans and things, when you come from a team and you and you live and you're immersed in some of the most traumatic, scary things ever, and you know that every person on that team, that team works because you all have each other.
• 14:06
  SPEAKER_04: When you go home, that same expectation is often there.
• 14:13
  SPEAKER_04: And if you don't communicate that expectation, and if she doesn't feel like, and I'm using men and women, or he, whoever was the one at home, doesn't feel like you had them because you were gone.
• 14:24
  SPEAKER_04: Some of that needs that there needs to be some bridge work done to remind each other that hey, we've got each other, you know.
• 14:31
  SPEAKER_01: You know, it's funny to bring that up.
• 14:34
  SPEAKER_01: Because that was the next question that I wanted.
• 14:36
  SPEAKER_01: So, so I have certain questions.
• 14:38
  SPEAKER_01: This is one that I actually wanted to talk about.
• 14:41
  SPEAKER_01: So when you lose community, right, like you're talking about, you know, people understood the language, the culture, the pressure, right?
• 14:49
  SPEAKER_01: And and the mission literally without explanation, how do you build meaningful connection in civilian life without requiring everyone around you to fully understand what they never lived?
• 15:01
  SPEAKER_01: And this is something I do a lot, right, with my coaching and trainings.
• 15:04
  SPEAKER_01: So I'm let's let's get into this.
• 15:06
  SPEAKER_01: I love this.
• 15:07
  SPEAKER_04: I love it too.
• 15:08
  SPEAKER_04: So, as a family, as the parents, as the grown-ups, as the two, the married couple, first and foremost, you have to be each other's priorities.
• 15:19
  SPEAKER_04: And and because you came from a culture and an environment and a community where there was a mission, a vision, an agenda, etc., create that for your family.
• 15:28
  SPEAKER_04: What's the vision for our family?
• 15:30
  SPEAKER_04: What's our mission as a family, as a couple?
• 15:33
  SPEAKER_04: What is our mission as a couple?
• 15:35
  SPEAKER_04: What is our statement on this planet?
• 15:37
  SPEAKER_04: What are we into?
• 15:38
  SPEAKER_04: What are we not into?
• 15:39
  SPEAKER_04: Do we go to church?
• 15:40
  SPEAKER_04: Do we not?
• 15:40
  SPEAKER_04: Do we go to temple?
• 15:41
  SPEAKER_04: Do we not?
• 15:42
  SPEAKER_04: Do we, you know, what do we do?
• 15:44
  SPEAKER_04: And be completely, you don't have to agree with everything, but be completely in agreement with your values and be congruent so that there's an inherent knowing, you know, well, gosh, I'm never gonna make liver.
• 15:59
  SPEAKER_04: He can't stand liver.
• 16:01
  SPEAKER_04: You know what I mean?
• 16:01
  SPEAKER_04: Just even simple things like that, like who likes liver?
• 16:04
  SPEAKER_04: Ew, but you know, but don't say you do, Mikey.
• 16:07
  SPEAKER_01: Because I'll be I can eat a little bit of it, I can eat a little bit of it.
• 16:10
  SPEAKER_01: So it's funny, I can't finish it, I can never finish it.
• 16:14
  SPEAKER_01: But as long as there's onions and stuff, I can do a little.
• 16:16
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, as long as it's covered up and pretending.
• 16:19
  SPEAKER_01: Cindy, love me where I am.
• 16:21
  SPEAKER_04: Exactly.
• 16:22
  SPEAKER_04: I'm no ever.
• 16:24
  SPEAKER_04: So, you know, but you but when you have those same structures, I mean, the beautiful thing about the military is they know how to get it done, right?
• 16:32
  SPEAKER_04: And so when you look at that structure, and as the patriarch of a home, let's say, and you come home and you are that leader, you are the general, right?
• 16:41
  SPEAKER_04: So when you come into the home and you can bring a reverence because you're united in your mission and your vision and your absolute love for each other, like your love for your country, like your love for your team, it's the same.
• 16:55
  SPEAKER_04: Ooh, I'm not, ooh, ooh, ooh, it's the same thing, you know, because then you're leading together, you're leading your team and your union in a way that's still congruent with what you just came from.
• 17:08
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, absolutely.
• 17:09
  SPEAKER_01: Love it.
• 17:09
  SPEAKER_01: Here's here's a quick exercise.
• 17:11
  SPEAKER_01: Susan and I just started doing and I really dug it.
• 17:13
  SPEAKER_01: We we each got a big piece of paper.
• 17:15
  SPEAKER_01: So we own a construction company, so we have like landscape plan size paper, right?
• 17:19
  SPEAKER_01: And we took a couple of those and we literally we asked a question and then we literally wrote down our own answers, and then we compared them to see kind of where we are, you know, and with no pressure, no anything else, just hey, this is where I am.
• 17:35
  SPEAKER_01: And it is it was a really cool exercise that we did.
• 17:38
  SPEAKER_01: I absolutely loved it because it was just unfiltered, just this is where we are in this, this is where we are in goals, this is where we see our life going, those kinds of things, and it was a beautiful, beautiful experience.
• 17:49
  SPEAKER_01: So um, anybody interested, check that out, try it out.
• 17:53
  SPEAKER_01: So, vulnerability, and we're gonna talk about this because this is big, right?
• 17:57
  SPEAKER_01: Because this is really what we're talking about is vulnerability.
• 18:00
  SPEAKER_01: You know, it gets talked about like the answer to everything, but trust has to be earned or or does it?
• 18:08
  SPEAKER_01: That's the first part.
• 18:09
  SPEAKER_01: And then how do you know when opening up creates connection and when you're giving access to someone who hasn't earned it yet?
• 18:15
  SPEAKER_01: So I struggle with saying trust always has to be earned because I'm I'm I'm a little different than the average bear.
• 18:22
  SPEAKER_01: I trust very easily until you're not trustworthy.
• 18:27
  SPEAKER_01: So talk talk to me about your perspective on this.
• 18:29
  SPEAKER_04: Well, I want to go back to your big piece of paper first because it actually has a lot to do with what we're talking about.
• 18:35
  SPEAKER_02: Yes, absolutely.
• 18:36
  SPEAKER_04: When you're willing to put your answers side by side with your mate, if you come from a performative background, if you've been living that, you know, kind of hiding and morphing into whatever she needs or he needs to keep the peace, or to just belong, you think, but it's really trying to fit in, all of those things.
• 18:58
  SPEAKER_04: Putting your answers side by side is could be traumatizing.
• 19:02
  SPEAKER_04: What I love about what you said, because it does boil down to trust.
• 19:06
  SPEAKER_01: It does.
• 19:07
  SPEAKER_04: I'm safe to put these answers.
• 19:09
  SPEAKER_04: This isn't going to cause World War III, or he or she is not going to want to correct my answer, right?
• 19:17
  SPEAKER_04: Or control my answer.
• 19:19
  SPEAKER_04: And there might have been a time in your life that you did that, right?
• 19:22
  SPEAKER_04: Well, no, you shouldn't, X, Y, Z, you shouldn't want that because you know, whatever.
• 19:28
  SPEAKER_04: And instead just allowing it to be and then seeing where it's all synergistic.
• 19:33
  SPEAKER_04: So I love that you segued with that exercise because that's really cool.
• 19:38
  SPEAKER_04: Probably didn't even unknowingly segue into it.
• 19:41
  SPEAKER_04: But also when it comes to trust, you know, when you said that, what you said about yourself, I thought, oh yeah, innocent until proven guilty.
• 19:47
  SPEAKER_04: You know, I tend to give, well, you know, I was gonna say some latitude where trust is concerned.
• 19:54
  SPEAKER_04: I'm really grateful that my what's in my heart, I mean, I'm led by the Holy Spirit.
• 20:02
  SPEAKER_04: I know who to trust.
• 20:03
  SPEAKER_04: Like I wasn't always that way because I I was always led.
• 20:07
  SPEAKER_04: That doesn't mean I always listened.
• 20:09
  SPEAKER_04: Let's just put it that way.
• 20:10
  SPEAKER_04: I I I knew even way back when I was a kid and some hurtful things happened to me, you know, I I had checks in my spirit.
• 20:17
  SPEAKER_04: I wasn't familiar because I was so young that that's what that was.
• 20:21
  SPEAKER_04: And and you know, I I actually kind of know.
• 20:25
  SPEAKER_04: Like I think people, if you're willing, and this is where our whole theme comes in.
• 20:30
  SPEAKER_04: If you're willing to connect with somebody, you know, if you start to connect with them and you're starting to feel like you're gonna short circuit.
• 20:37
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, you know, if you stay that connected to yourself, and for me, staying that connected to myself and to to God, it I do just kind of know, like, you know, and I didn't, like I said, I I didn't always honor what I knew.
• 20:51
  SPEAKER_04: You know, sometimes you're gonna see red flags and you're gonna dismiss them because she's a smoke show, you know, or you're gonna dismiss them because you're like boom boom, boom boom, okay.
• 21:00
  SPEAKER_04: He's like, you know, just in my rank, and you'll be like, ah, I can deal with that.
• 21:05
  SPEAKER_04: And then and then you realize you're in a two, you know, in a marriage and you're there's abuse, or you know, there's other things that are happening, right?
• 21:13
  SPEAKER_04: You know, so you but once you do know that there's a violation of trust, here's the the interesting thing: you can forgive somebody and never trust them again.
• 21:22
  SPEAKER_04: You can have complete and total forgiveness and never spend time with another that same person again, right?
• 21:31
  SPEAKER_04: Or you can have forgiveness and everything heals and and the relationship grows and deepens and things are better and and trust is is back together.
• 21:39
  SPEAKER_01: You know, there's both sides of it.
• 21:41
  SPEAKER_01: Absolutely.
• 21:42
  SPEAKER_01: And I think it I think that's really important to really listen to what you just said.
• 21:46
  SPEAKER_01: I I I really do.
• 21:48
  SPEAKER_01: I I because you you know, and the forgiveness part, let's just I'm you dropped like five gold nuggets there.
• 21:55
  SPEAKER_01: So I was like, which one do I really want to go into?
• 21:58
  SPEAKER_01: Right, but it's It's it's you can forgive and still not trust, right?
• 22:03
  SPEAKER_01: Because forgiveness really is about you.
• 22:06
  SPEAKER_01: Right.
• 22:06
  SPEAKER_01: It's it's for you.
• 22:08
  SPEAKER_01: Yes.
• 22:09
  SPEAKER_01: Right?
• 22:10
  SPEAKER_01: Because a lot of people get stuck with that.
• 22:12
  SPEAKER_01: It's like, no, I can't forgive the I can't forgive what they did.
• 22:14
  SPEAKER_01: You can't forgive the action, and I agree.
• 22:17
  SPEAKER_01: That's why that's up to you.
• 22:18
  SPEAKER_01: But you you forgiving for yourself is a whole nother game.
• 22:22
  SPEAKER_01: Can you talk about that a little bit?
• 22:24
  SPEAKER_04: Oh gosh, yes, from my own life experience.
• 22:26
  SPEAKER_04: You know, I mean, it is a whole nother game, it gives you so much freedom, you know.
• 22:31
  SPEAKER_04: I it and it and it kind of evicts that conversation from your the space in your brain that you've rented it to, from the parts of your body that you've literally, you know, given that to.
• 22:43
  SPEAKER_04: And what's interesting when you do that, oftentimes it's it's like you'll be given a similar opportunity, you know, to oh, a similar, it's like I see it as frequency because you know that, but it's a similar tone.
• 22:58
  SPEAKER_04: And another person may join, you know, your or try to join your circle or your, you know, you, and but it's kind of like a similar to the last person you just had to forgive.
• 23:11
  SPEAKER_04: And it gives you an opportunity to heal, or you didn't have to forgive, you chose to forgive, but it gives you an opportunity to say, uh-uh, no, because now you know, right?
• 23:20
  SPEAKER_04: And once you know, you can't unknow.
• 23:23
  SPEAKER_04: And your body knows, your spirit knows, your heart knows.
• 23:26
  SPEAKER_04: And you know, it used to be people, and I know people like this, you and I both do, where nope, if I forgive, that means I'm giving them a pass.
• 23:34
  SPEAKER_04: That means I'm saying it's okay.
• 23:36
  SPEAKER_04: No, it's not okay, and it's okay that it's not okay.
• 23:40
  SPEAKER_04: You just don't, your for forgiveness is for giving up, saying the same story, living in that frequency, living in that space where when you get to a place where it's neutral, where your heart's not doing this, where your brain isn't saying the 50 million conversations and things you wish you would have said, could have said, could have done, all the things when it's just a neutral thing, then you know you figured it out.
• 24:07
  SPEAKER_04: You know, you've just like, okay, that's gone.
• 24:10
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 24:10
  SPEAKER_01: Coulda, woulda, shoulda, it's just bad.
• 24:13
  unknown: Yeah.
• 24:14
  SPEAKER_04: Like, whatever.
• 24:16
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, and and I think we're we're getting close to the end of time already.
• 24:19
  SPEAKER_01: I do not know how that has happened.
• 24:20
  SPEAKER_02: How is that a thing?
• 24:22
  SPEAKER_01: I know, right?
• 24:23
  SPEAKER_01: I want to talk about this.
• 24:26
  SPEAKER_01: Joy is very central to your work and and your being.
• 24:29
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, let's just call it what it is.
• 24:31
  SPEAKER_01: Why can laughter, play, celebration, really shared experiences create forms of connection that that serious conversations alone sometimes can't?
• 24:42
  SPEAKER_04: Oh my goodness.
• 24:43
  SPEAKER_04: You know, I I you've heard me say this even on on this on this amazing Your Thought Your Reality podcast of I hit the parent lotto.
• 24:52
  SPEAKER_04: Like, and I and I say that I do.
• 24:54
  SPEAKER_04: I have the coolest, grooviest, most amazing parents.
• 24:58
  SPEAKER_04: And and it isn't because they were perfect.
• 25:00
  SPEAKER_04: If you knew their childhoods and knew the things that happened in their lives, you think, how in the world did they get to that and create that outstanding family that they did?
• 25:10
  SPEAKER_04: But they were present, they were present and they loved us as much as they and they gave us as much as they could from the resources they believed they had, right?
• 25:20
  SPEAKER_04: One of the things my parents did with us is I had the coolest mom in the neighborhood.
• 25:25
  SPEAKER_04: Well, I have five brothers and one sister, and we'd go out and play football in the yard.
• 25:29
  SPEAKER_04: She'd be out there, give the ball to me, man, and she'd run it through the touchdown.
• 25:33
  SPEAKER_04: Who's tackling my mom?
• 25:35
  SPEAKER_04: Nobody, you know.
• 25:37
  SPEAKER_04: I mean, and my parents, Monday nights we had family home evening, which you know, my parents would teach us something, you know, scripturally or whatever.
• 25:44
  SPEAKER_04: We'd have treats, but we'd always be singing and jamming.
• 25:47
  SPEAKER_04: We're Hawaiian and Italian, you know.
• 25:48
  SPEAKER_04: I mean, it's like we'd always be eating and singing and having music and all the things.
• 25:52
  SPEAKER_04: And we had instruments that we'd play, even if there was, you know, the little and the tambourines and the things.
• 25:58
  SPEAKER_04: They taught us how to play well and they taught us how to work hard.
• 26:02
  SPEAKER_04: They taught us the values that mattered.
• 26:04
  SPEAKER_04: And playing was some of our, and laughter and joy were our biggest connections because life is hard, right?
• 26:11
  SPEAKER_04: Life painful things happen, traumatic things happen.
• 26:15
  SPEAKER_04: So when you laugh and you have joy and you release all the feel-good, and you know, all of that, it provides a connection like, huh, I'm safe here when I'm laughing.
• 26:25
  SPEAKER_04: I this is a person I can play with, and it does provide a really fun connection.
• 26:30
  SPEAKER_04: Like, who doesn't love game night?
• 26:32
  SPEAKER_04: Right, right, like online Monopoly.
• 26:35
  SPEAKER_04: Are you kidding me right now?
• 26:36
  SPEAKER_04: With prizes, like I I love doing Pictionary.
• 26:40
  SPEAKER_04: I want prizes.
• 26:41
  SPEAKER_04: Let's have prize gonna look.
• 26:44
  SPEAKER_01: I love it.
• 26:45
  SPEAKER_01: I'll remember that when you come to visit.
• 26:47
  SPEAKER_04: Yes, yeah.
• 26:47
  SPEAKER_04: Well, you know, my prize is brisket.
• 26:49
  SPEAKER_04: I want I want your brisket.
• 26:52
  SPEAKER_01: Like that's fair, that's fair.
• 26:55
  SPEAKER_01: Um I didn't tell you we did a Wagyu brisket uh first time ever.
• 26:59
  SPEAKER_01: And holy Lord.
• 27:01
  SPEAKER_01: Oh you got a little drool right here.
• 27:05
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, right.
• 27:05
  SPEAKER_04: I know, right?
• 27:06
  SPEAKER_04: I'm like, oh my.
• 27:08
  SPEAKER_01: Absolutely love it.
• 27:09
  SPEAKER_01: Cindy, for everyone listening who who connects with this message and wants to learn more about, you know, create your victorious life or your coaching, speaking, your retreats, especially, or just the communities you're building.
• 27:20
  SPEAKER_01: What's the best way they connect with you?
• 27:21
  SPEAKER_04: Oh, the best way is on Facebook.
• 27:23
  SPEAKER_04: Just look me up, you'll see my picture, you know.
• 27:25
  SPEAKER_04: And I think Susan also posted it.
• 27:27
  SPEAKER_04: I am on Instagram, I am Cindy Gould.
• 27:29
  SPEAKER_04: That's the Instagram, but you know, and we do have coming up.
• 27:32
  SPEAKER_04: I I have one space available for our Hawaii retreat.
• 27:36
  SPEAKER_04: That's in J.
• 27:36
  SPEAKER_02: I'll take it.
• 27:37
  SPEAKER_04: I know, right?
• 27:38
  SPEAKER_04: Ha.
• 27:39
  SPEAKER_04: Susan's like, uh-uh.
• 27:42
  SPEAKER_01: But it's I would never.
• 27:44
  SPEAKER_04: Yes, and we will be on the big island of Hawaii.
• 27:47
  SPEAKER_04: It's gonna be spectacular.
• 27:48
  SPEAKER_04: You know, it's just really I love just connect with me.
• 27:52
  SPEAKER_04: I do answer my my own things when you do connect and it's a DM and it's personal.
• 27:57
  SPEAKER_04: I'm on it.
• 27:58
  SPEAKER_04: So I would love that.
• 28:00
  SPEAKER_04: And thank you for having me.
• 28:01
  SPEAKER_04: I cannot believe it's our time.
• 28:03
  SPEAKER_04: Are you kidding me right now?
• 28:04
  SPEAKER_01: Uh we're we're about to go over time, yes.
• 28:08
  SPEAKER_01: It went so fast.
• 28:10
  SPEAKER_01: Um, and in the the uh the retreat you're doing that is for she reigns, or what is that specific for?
• 28:16
  SPEAKER_04: I actually am doing two retreats back to back.
• 28:18
  SPEAKER_04: So the retreat, the first the first retreat is for she reigns, which is my 12-month experience.
• 28:24
  SPEAKER_04: And you get two retreats in there.
• 28:26
  SPEAKER_04: I'm actually interviewing and taking applications for the 2027 groups for She Reigns.
• 28:32
  SPEAKER_04: So please reach out.
• 28:33
  SPEAKER_04: And then the other retreat, though, is Return to the Crown.
• 28:36
  SPEAKER_04: And that's an entry into my world.
• 28:39
  SPEAKER_04: And it's about you know, your divine and noble birthright and and actually everything we're talking about today.
• 28:45
  SPEAKER_04: It's about being connected to you and and really creating the most extraordinary life, the most epic adventures that you could ever have.
• 28:55
  SPEAKER_01: And and this is your jam, and this is why I was so oh, did I just say this is your jam?
• 28:59
  SPEAKER_01: Yes, this is your jam.
• 29:01
  SPEAKER_01: That's why I was so excited about today.
• 29:02
  SPEAKER_01: I truly was.
• 29:04
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, absolutely.
• 29:05
  SPEAKER_01: Uh as we know, my dear friend, time is the most precious resource we have as human beings.
• 29:09
  SPEAKER_01: We can't get it back.
• 29:10
  SPEAKER_01: So again, Cindy, thank you for spending time to move our mission, help our mission really make a difference.
• 29:16
  SPEAKER_04: Thank you.
• 29:16
  SPEAKER_04: So happy to do it.
• 29:17
  SPEAKER_04: This is precious time to me.
• 29:19
  SPEAKER_04: So thank you.
• 29:20
  SPEAKER_01: Me too.
• 29:20
  SPEAKER_01: It's like we just we get extra time to play.
• 29:23
  SPEAKER_01: Um, if something today's conversation resonated with you, don't move on to the next thing.
• 29:27
  SPEAKER_01: If you got goosebumps like Cindy and I, if something just said, huh, lean into it a little bit, sit with them for a minute, and and really just understand that there's a reason why it connected with you.
• 29:41
  SPEAKER_01: And if you know someone who needs to hear this, share this episode with them.
• 29:44
  SPEAKER_01: It's so important that we build the mission and move the mission forward.
• 29:47
  SPEAKER_01: You can also join us at your thoughtsyourreality.com where we continue these conversations around identity, transition, resilience, and growth.
• 29:55
  SPEAKER_01: And remember, your thoughts shape your reality.
• 29:58
  SPEAKER_01: We're out of here.
• 30:00
  SPEAKER_04: Aloha.
• 30:06
  SPEAKER_03: Thank you for joining us on another insightful journey of Your Thoughts, your reality podcast with your host, Michael Cole.
• 30:13
  SPEAKER_03: We hope the conversation sparks some thoughts that resonate with you.
• 30:16
  SPEAKER_03: To dive deeper into empowering your thoughts and enhancing your reality, visit EmpowerPerformance Strategies.com.
• 30:23
  SPEAKER_03: Remember, your thoughts shape your reality, so make them count.
• 30:28
  SPEAKER_03: Until next time, stay inspired and keep creating the reality you desire.
• 30:33
  SPEAKER_03: Catch you on the next episode.