Latest / The Touch of a Mustang / She Believed She Was a Mistake with Madison Orlando | Episode 73

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She Believed She Was a Mistake with Madison Orlando | Episode 73 · The Touch of a Mustang

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You can't fake frequency. And, you know, horses know that.
0:05
And they'd rather you just go, I'm not good.
0:08
You know, I could really use those of this today and be
0:13
authentic and real. And I think so many of us have
0:16
been taught to wear these masks. I always felt, why me?
0:19
Like, what's wrong with me? Like, why did they have people
0:22
to tuck them in at night? Why did they have Sunday dinner?
0:26
Why do they have a pool? You know, and we were poor,
0:29
dirty, and I had no mother. I just remember thinking, like,
0:32
why wouldn't someone want to come over and like, help my
0:35
grandmother, She couldn't walk. Like, why didn't somebody just
0:37
cut the grass or, you know, and, and then I just know that they
0:42
were just scared, just like I was scared.
0:44
I got into so many relationships and I know they were my greatest
0:49
teachers. I really believe they came in
0:52
and said I'll take her and I'll make her feel so like crap that
0:57
she's going to get it. And I didn't get it for a long
1:01
time. There are healers on this planet
1:04
with the power to soften the suffering of mankind, yet they
1:07
have remained in the recesses of the world, abused, discarded,
1:11
and labeled as trash. This is the touch of a Mustang.
1:15
I am your host, Shalise Clough, and I'm here to tell the story
1:19
of wild horses, Mustangs and the humans who are discovering and
1:23
sharing their gifts while working to protect their
1:26
well-being and preserve their spirit so this divine power
1:30
won't be lost. Join us on this quest with the
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Wild Mustang. I am a medical board certified
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massage therapist for over 25 years, nationally board
1:47
certified. I'm also a Reiki master teacher.
1:52
I've trained with Doctor Wayne Dyer, Marianne Williamson, Tony
2:00
Robbins, Carolyn Mace, you know, directly, and they've been
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extreme teachers in my life. And before I got into massage, I
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was a national champion in Northern Shaolin Kung Fu.
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So it was so interesting. I didn't get into massage until
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my 40s. And I was in my 20s when I was
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in martial arts. And when I got into massage, I
2:26
just realized that I was just doing martial arts, you know,
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moving chi, moving energy, moving blood fluid and oxygen,
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you know, kind of pouring instead of pushing.
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Because when you do Kung Fu, it's a very, it's not forceful.
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You know, you kind of step out of the way of, of energy.
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You know, you don't use your, you don't lose any energy over
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it. You're just like, and it kind of
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goes past you unless you have to, you know.
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So when you learn that way to bring it through you, what
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you're, what you want to do and get out of your own way and not
3:06
from you, you don't get exhausted.
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You know, I, I've met a lot of therapists that you know,
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they're, they're tired afterwards or they're, they're,
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they don't, their careers kind of aren't very long because
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their hands, you know, they're just getting burned out.
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And when you really learn how to ground yourself and bring it
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through you and use your body mechanics, it's, you know, you
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normally don't. I usually get tired if my ego
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gets involved and that's when I'm thinking, oh, I'm doing
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this, but I'm not doing it. You know, it is coming through
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me. It is a divine connection,
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whatever people want to call it, white light, energy, God, you
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know, anything that is higher than yourself when you can
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really just be still and allow it to flow.
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It's like a matrix, you know, you're just in it.
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And when you kind of try to control it, that's when you're
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not really letting it come through.
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And I think it's the same with the horses.
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You know, they know, like you said, they don't live in the
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past, they don't live in the future.
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They're always present. And they know like I, I know it
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says, you know, somebody's upset and they're like, no, I'm good,
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I'm good. You know, they're not good.
4:31
You can't fake frequency. And, you know, horses know that,
4:37
and they'd rather you just go, I'm not good.
4:40
You know, I could really use those of this today and be
4:45
authentic and real. And I think so many of us have
4:48
been taught to wear these masks and hide so that we don't have
4:55
to feel vulnerable. But that's a superpower really
5:01
to, you know, to just be truthful, you know, not in in a
5:07
way where you're like constantly needy, but to just ask for help,
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you know, or Share your story because so many people think
5:21
they're alone in it. You know, they don't really know
5:24
that it's just not only them. My mom, I'm going to be 70.
5:31
So over all those years ago, they didn't really have mental
5:35
health stuff, you know, they drank a lot of alcohol usually
5:39
to numb it back then I, I believe, and things like that.
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They didn't have programs or the support that a lot of us have
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today. And they didn't know about pre
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menopause or postpartum depression or anything like
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that. Grief.
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And she was in her 40s and she got pregnant with me and my dad.
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I was born on November 8th, but my dad died on November 4th.
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So four days before I was born, he had a cerebral hemorrhage.
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And so I never met my dad. So my mom being fully pregnant
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back in that time, just, it was so much on her.
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Like I just don't think she could.
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She handled it. She just, she was a woman who
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spoke 7 different languages. She played every musical
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instrument, traveled all over the country with Fred Astaire
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and Gene Krupa. You're probably too young to
6:33
know them, but I've heard. Of Fred Astaire.
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Taught the blind Braille, I mean.
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And then she couldn't even herself.
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She didn't speak for 25 years. She just stared.
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She just checked out. She just didn't know how to
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handle it. I don't know if there was a
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disconnect that happened and so I never really knew.
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And this was right after you were born.
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Shortly after. Right around the time you were
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born. Yeah, yeah.
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But her mother? And so the mother you knew
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growing up was someone totally different than how she'd live
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the rest of her life. Yes, yeah.
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And that was really hard to, I really wish I could have known
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her. I'm sure that, you know, she was
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an incredible person, but I don't know.
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I think when you have that and you lose it, it's probably
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harder, I would think because I didn't know anything else.
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You know, I always felt why me? Like, what's wrong with me?
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Like, why did they have people to tuck them in at night?
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Why did they have Sunday dinner? Why do they have a pool?
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You know? And we were poor, dirty, and I
7:48
had no mother, You know, my grandmother, her mother was an
7:54
invalid, couldn't walk, was in a wheelchair, but very smart and
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very wise. And the state let her keep me.
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There was not much of A child welfare system or DYFUS or
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anything back then. So she raised me.
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But most of the time, like, you're in survival mode because
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you know when you can get outside, there's nobody really
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to watch you or call you in or come after you or anything.
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So yeah, so I just kind of grew up very hyper vigilant and my
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intuition kind of build because I just needed to be safe.
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And I never really got into drugs or alcohol because I never
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wanted to be out of control. So I thought, Oh my God, what if
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I? What if I drink and I don't know
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where I am or where all my friends would be doing it but I
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just never did? It sounds like you almost raised
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yourself. Well, you know, there were so
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many wonderful angels that came through honestly.
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Like there was always someone that, you know, just helped
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somehow. Like even I remember getting a
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waitress drop when I was 15 years old and you had to be 16
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because you have worker working papers.
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And every time they'd ask me, I'd just leave and go to another
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diner until I got to be 16. But you could be having a bad
9:22
day and somebody would come in with just a great message, you
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know, they wouldn't even know they were telling you and just
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change your whole day. There were times that were very
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hard and I got pregnant when I was 15.
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I had a boyfriend. I wasn't promiscuous child.
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I just wanted so badly to have a family and could like the other
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kids. And of course we were children.
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We didn't know anything so we didn't really know what we were
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doing. And we got married for all the
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wrong reasons. So we were apart more than we
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were together, but we got divorced after eight years of
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really not being together. And my daughter turned out
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wonderful. I mean, I worked a lot.
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I worked two or three jobs, but I always had a great person that
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that she stayed with that had up five other kids.
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And she's a NICU nurse. She's happily married.
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She's 50 some years old. We have 3 great grandchildren.
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So I don't think we're that fragile, you know, that I think
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that we have this inner strength if we can tap into it, if we can
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use the tools which, which all these healing tools with these
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horses are so important. I mean, I've seen them with
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people that were ready to give up.
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I mean, absolutely wanted to commit some side, God forbid.
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And they worked with them for a few weeks and they were totally
10:59
changed their life, totally changed their life and are doing
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great. They're thriving, you know, with
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these animals, these beautiful. Yeah, there are a lot of stories
11:12
out there about how they have helped people in just that way,
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where people just were at a point of complete hopelessness
11:20
and desperation and were able to somehow connect with a horse and
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absolutely turn their life around.
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And, you know, I love the point you made that we aren't as
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fragile as we sometimes tell ourselves that we are.
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You know, I think, yes, in a way we're fragile, but also in so
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many other ways, we have a deep, deep resiliency as human beings
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to to overcome really challenging things.
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And like, as your story perfectly highlights, you know
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everything that you would say a child needs, and you didn't have
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a lot of it. And yet still, here you are
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doing good things, giving back to the world with children who
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are thriving. So what a beautiful example of
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that. Thank you.
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Yeah, I mean, I did go through a lot of of 10 to zeros, you know,
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learning because I had big abandonment issues and and
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shame, which is very different than guilt, you know, like guilt
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is I made a mistake and shame is I am a mistake.
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And when you feel so different than anybody and you know, you
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don't really have a lot or know a lot, you know, sometimes and I
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learned very differently because I really didn't have even a
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reference point of it. I think like just someone
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helping me with homework or whatever, but but I just learned
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more in a knowing way. It's interesting.
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Like I'm not the greatest grammar or speller, even though
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I've tried many times. I just don't, I don't know how,
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but when I went to massage school, it was like a + a + a
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plus. It was like a download.
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Like, I don't, you know, I know I wasn't just the one doing it.
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I was being helped and, and I loved it and it was just so.
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And it's the same with the horses and the Reiki, you know,
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and sometimes you think, oh gosh, you know, really like, how
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am I really this like, am I doing this?
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I'm, you know, or is it imposter syndrome?
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Like how do I know, you know, and you kind of get insecure
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about it. But every time I do like someone
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who'll just come and don't, don't just tell me how much you
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know, their session was changing them and how it unravels, you
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know, cuz it's like an onion. You know, sometimes you know,
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you can get a lot of change in the first session, but normally
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it takes time. It didn't happen overnight and
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it doesn't go away overnight. But so much of it is learned
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behavior and, and the body keeping score of, you know,
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trying to go, oh, you can't change this.
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This is how we've always been. You know, this is our normal,
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but it's really not your true nature.
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It's how you've learned how to survive and you know when you
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can work with the body and help itself regulate and you know,
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even when you heal, like I have triggers at times, but I don't
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live there, you know, I feel it, you know, And of course we have
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we should we have emotions, we get angry, we get sad, we get we
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should use them, you know, to deny them is, is stuffing it,
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you know, but feel it. And then you go, you know what,
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that's just that's the lie. It's not me, you know, this is
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my path and this is the way I'm going.
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And that's how it it's been for me.
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You know, I I am that is not my path.
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I remember growing up and thinking, God, this is not my
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path. Like I remember like not having
15:13
food and our house, like people wanting to tear it down because
15:18
the neighborhood, you know, it just made their houses, you
15:21
know, look bad or whatever. And I just remember thinking
15:25
like, why wouldn't someone want to come over and like help my
15:28
grandmother, she couldn't walk. Like, why didn't somebody just
15:31
cut the grass or, you know, and, and then I just know that they
15:35
were just scared, just like I was scared.
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You know they think differently when people have fear, they
15:44
think differently and when you can, you can rebalance your
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system, you start to think differently.
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You know, because all of when you're all off balance and your
15:57
meridians are all your chi or your key, whatever some you
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know, it's key in Japanese chi and Chinese.
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When it is off, all your organs are affected, you know, so your
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spinal fluid, everything, all your energy is not moving right.
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And you do don't you do feel fatigued.
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You do feel insecure. You do think things are staying
16:21
different. Like you know, the throat is
16:24
about communication, but it's really about hearing.
16:28
You know, you could be walking down the street with your friend
16:32
and someone will say something to you and then you guys will
16:36
start walking away and she'll say, did you hear what she said?
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And you'll go, what? That's not what he said because
16:43
you hear it differently. She might hear it like because
16:46
she's not in a great place and she'll take it in a very
16:50
different way that it's said. But when you can realign, you're
16:55
just like, this isn't this is not right.
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You just don't see it that way. You see it in the highest way
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you can and you know it has nothing to you, nothing to do
17:05
with you. You know, it's, it's wherever
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they are. Tell us a little bit more about
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that process of moving from this child who felt abandoned and
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neglected and could see the other children and what they had
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and knowing that you didn't have that and all the things that
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came with that struggle. How did you move from that into
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a place where you are now helping others to heal and find
17:31
a better way of living in the world?
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You know, lots of, lots of work. I mean, I was seeker, you know,
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I wanted to feel better. I didn't want to allow emotional
17:46
abuse. You know, I got into so many
17:48
relationships, and I know they were my greatest teachers.
17:53
I really believe they came in and said, I'll take her and I'll
17:57
make her feel so like crap that she's going to get it.
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And I didn't get it for a long time.
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I didn't. And I went and I studied with
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Tony Robbins, you know, almost 30 years ago.
18:14
And honestly, I haven't been back.
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And I know he's still on fire, but I still quote him.
18:21
He was one of, I think he's one of the greatest teachers around.
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He he is so giving like you'll, you think we're supposed to be
18:29
over at 9:00. He will go till 2:00 in the
18:31
morning until he gets somebody. Just just the things that he
18:36
teaches. And Wayne Dyer, Doctor Wayne
18:39
Dyer, you know, just all the things, the power of intention
18:45
and, and just all of his quotes and listening to him and
18:50
studying with him. Marianne Williamson you know,
18:53
knowing Course in Miracles, how nothing real is ever threatened.
18:58
You know, what you resist persists, and what you look at
19:04
disappears. So much of us don't want to to
19:07
look at what we're feeling or to believe that, or to think we're
19:11
worthy and we're this amazing human being.
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There's only one of us, you know, and we're here for a
19:17
purpose. And if we weren't, we'd be gone.
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You know, our journey is not over.
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And so, you know, I studied a lot, but most of my lessons came
19:31
from abusive relationships, you know, when I finally had enough
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and I just was like, you know, you do not get to treat me this
19:41
way or I will not stay here, you know, and allow this and so many
19:49
ways. But it took, it took time, just
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like everything else does, because you really don't know,
19:55
you don't believe it. And then when you see someone
19:58
else and I, I, I believe that a lot of people don't change
20:03
because you tell them they change where they, they witness
20:07
it, they witness it and someone else and they think, wow, how
20:11
does she do that? I want some that what's her
20:15
thing like how does how she's so joyful and how did she get out,
20:19
you know, and then they start to apply those things and integrate
20:24
them because. You know, like knowledge is not
20:28
power, it's potential power without action, it does nothing
20:32
because there's a lot of people that have a lot of knowledge,
20:35
but you've been around, I'm sure people that just have a gift and
20:42
they apply it. That's because they apply the
20:45
knowledge and, and the, you know, integrate the things
20:48
they've been through and that wisdom comes through like you,
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you know, all the things you're doing and your podcasts and your
20:58
grace. Thank you so much.
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So you know I'm married now, it still be 25 years soon.
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I met my husband in my 40s and I remember I wasn't looking.
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I was in a great place, so happy.
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I didn't want to be in a nothing and he wasn't either.
21:19
We were both divorced for a while and I met his friend and
21:23
his friend said you need to meet my friend Tom.
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And I'm like, no, I'm good. You know, he goes no, no, you
21:29
have to. And then he said to him, you
21:31
need to meet this girl I just met.
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And my husband said, well, what's wrong with her?
21:35
Why don't you want her? But his friend was a lot younger
21:38
than us and, you know, wanted to have kids and stuff.
21:41
And and again, it wasn't our connection anyway, but we met
21:47
and we were married in three months.
21:50
And it, it, it, it's been quite a journey bound on wonderful
21:55
crazy. But I remember the first night
21:58
we went out, he said, do you know how special you are?
22:04
And in the past, I would have said, no, tell me, you know,
22:08
because you're the only one's opinion that matters.
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That's how I would have been because I didn't know or have a
22:15
boundary or an opinion of myself for many years.
22:20
And so he said, you know how special you are?
22:23
And I said, do you? Because I could tell you for
22:26
months how great I am and you'll never meet anybody like me.
22:29
But if you don't know it, it's not going to matter.
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You know, I know it. And and then like, I'd never
22:38
spoken that way. So my stomach got really scared
22:41
and I was like, well, I would just want to take that back.
22:43
But I didn't take it back. I stood in it and I thought, oh,
22:48
he's not going to like me because I'm but he loved that I
22:51
challenged him. He loved that I set boundaries.
22:54
He loved that, you know, I had my own truth and it's just built
23:00
and he wanted me to shine because I really believe that
23:03
real love is not controlling, it's liberating.
23:07
It doesn't flatline you, it rises you up and and I know that
23:15
first hand and then vice versa from from me for him too.
23:21
You know you just when you really love someone, you want
23:24
them to shine, you want them to be happy, whatever way it is,
23:26
even if it's not with you. How did you get from that point
23:30
to where you have this great relationship where you guys are
23:32
both confident and secure in who you are and what you want?
23:35
How did you get there from being in these emotional abusive
23:39
relationships where I imagine, I mean, certainly have the choice
23:42
to to give up or to stay there versus I'm going to change and
23:47
do something differently? Yeah, I think it's, it's like
23:51
any other job. It's, it's definitely a
23:54
practice, you know, you know, it's an emotional muscle that
24:00
you build and you even little steps you don't have to make
24:05
this huge change If you do little things every day to to
24:10
love yourself and, and know your value and, and, and you're worse
24:17
and, and listen and, and, and, and see the red flags and not
24:21
ignore them and just go, yeah, that's not me.
24:24
Like really know what you want and what you don't want.
24:28
Because a lot of people know what they want, but they don't
24:30
know what they don't want. And then they get caught up in
24:32
this hypnotism of like, oh, this is great.
24:35
And then because, you know, a lot of the times when you first
24:37
meet someone, we're in our best, you know, best self, it doesn't
24:43
come out for a couple of months. And you're like, right, this
24:47
person, you know. But my husband is a recovering
24:53
alcoholic for over 30 years. I didn't know him when he drank.
24:57
So I didn't understand alcoholism because I never was
25:01
drunk. And when I met him, I think he
25:06
was eight years sober. And so I wanted to know about it
25:11
and learn about it. And you know, when you learn
25:13
that it really has nothing to do with the ISM because people have
25:19
addictions of drugs, sex, shopping, food, you know, all
25:25
kinds of isms. And however they numb that with
25:31
his, with alcohol, you know, that's what numbness the
25:37
behavior. But in his program, he got to be
25:41
so steady. And honestly, I feel just by his
25:45
examples that I learned to love myself even more.
25:48
Not because he ever said I should do this, he never did.
25:53
But how much he loved himself, how much he forgave himself, how
25:57
much he made a decision and didn't look back, how much he
26:01
would never allow drama or gossip in his drama free zone.
26:07
Like he just didn't connect to it.
26:10
He stayed grounded and in his morals, values and principles
26:17
and that's what keeps him steady.
26:20
So I was like, I would like to be more steady because when I
26:23
read his big book, I had never been drunk and I was like, I'm
26:28
an alcoholic 'cause it's all about manipulation or, you know,
26:35
possessing or codependency, like all kinds of issues that I never
26:41
drank, but I had, I had those tendencies.
26:44
Yeah, yeah. I think a lot of us, just like
26:48
you say, we go to different avenues.
26:50
I think social media is a huge one now where you can, you know,
26:54
just skirt away from all your problems and focus on something
26:58
else and let them be and sit there and then they're there
27:01
when you get done. Yeah, it's like a gift and a
27:04
curse because, you know, there's so much good about it, like,
27:07
like podcasts and, you know, sharing events and the homes,
27:12
the the mental health for, you know, all that happening.
27:15
And then there's the part where, like you said, you're just
27:19
distracting yourself. And and I again, I just kept
27:24
seeking and I kept, I remember one night we had just got
27:28
married. We just moved to a new state and
27:31
he just started a new job. All the things you're not
27:33
supposed to do all at once, you know, And we did all of them at
27:36
once. And we only knew each other
27:39
three months. So he was not really liking the
27:44
job, I guess. And he was coming home and he
27:48
was just acting so different, like I didn't recognize him.
27:52
And I said, what's the matter with you?
27:56
And he got like, he's a very big guy, so he has a lot of energy.
28:03
And so he kind of raised his voice, which he never did.
28:06
And he went, what, you married an alcoholic?
28:08
Get over it. And I was like, what?
28:13
And I remember my therapist saying no, because I had a great
28:16
therapist that I would talk to. And, you know, again, I was in
28:20
my 20s. And she'd say, you didn't marry
28:23
an alcoholic, you married a recovering alcoholic.
28:26
There's a difference. And, and so I kind of just got
28:32
quiet. And at that time, I still had a
28:35
lot of anxiety. And I never wanted people to
28:39
know because when my mother was sick, I don't know what she had,
28:44
but everyone thought she was just crazy, like mentally ill
28:48
and all kinds of stuff. She was in a hospital, you know,
28:53
And I, I didn't, you know, know what any of that meant and if I
28:58
was going to turn out that way. And I was afraid to tell anyone
29:02
that. Yeah.
29:03
And back then nobody, nobody talked about like even just
29:08
recently, it's means to me. Let's pretend like it's not
29:11
there. Absolutely, yeah.
29:13
Yeah, and you had to pretend so long that you were OK.
29:16
But like I said, you don't, you can't fake frequency.
29:19
You know, you're, you can see it that someone's uncomfortable.
29:23
And so I was just kind of thinking, wow, this is weird.
29:28
And you know, I don't understand why he's this way.
29:31
And I guess I have to try and understand it.
29:34
And then he went, what's wrong with you?
29:38
Like 3 days later, You know what are you What?
29:41
Yeah, because I was quiet and I just went, listen, you married
29:46
an anxiety person. Get over this and I said the
29:50
same. Thing he.
29:51
Said and he just burst out laughing.
29:54
Because that was the first time we really became real to each
29:57
other. Because again, we only took
29:59
three months and we were still holding back who we really were
30:02
because we thought, oh, they won't love me, they won't love
30:05
me. But when you really show up as
30:07
yourself and you don't have anything to lose, and I didn't,
30:11
I had a great job. I took care of myself.
30:14
My daughter was raised and you know what?
30:17
This is it. But I was always afraid to say
30:19
it. And I said it and he burst out
30:22
laughing and he's like, oh, my God, you're just like me.
30:26
Like, meaning I was afraid too, you know?
30:29
And then we just started to help each other.
30:31
Like we would call each other on stuff.
30:34
And in the past, if someone would say, oh, you're doing that
30:37
or something, you go, oh, my God, no, I'm not.
30:40
You're doing it. And you kind of get defensive.
30:43
But we were both at a place where we would go.
30:47
Am I? I hate doing that.
30:49
Thanks for calling me on it, You know, And we, we helped each
30:53
other see those things and we didn't judge each other and we
30:56
didn't keep talking about him. It was a moment we went through
30:59
it and you get over it. But I think a lot of people are
31:03
afraid to do it and afraid to really show up like themselves
31:07
because they won't be lovable. And you're so lovable.
31:10
You're perfect. And the perfect person, if
31:13
that's what you want, is waiting for you.
31:17
And and you, you're already whole and complete.
31:22
You know, there's so many things out there now it do this, do
31:26
that, learn this, learn that, you know, my God, there's so
31:29
much stuff like you couldn't possibly, you know, it's
31:34
exhausting to take this vitamin, take that vitamins and.
31:40
Which do I do? Everybody says this is the fix
31:42
for me, right? Yes.
31:44
And I think that's when, you know, you can really get quiet.
31:49
And again, if it's around the horses or wherever, and just
31:53
allow that download to come and you'll know which one to choose.
31:57
And you'll choose it because you you choose the right teacher or
32:01
you choose the right for you. Because we're all different and
32:06
we all are everything. You know, people will say, oh,
32:09
you're so kind, you're so sweetness and you're so gentle.
32:13
I am, but I'm also a force, you know, and, and when I, when I
32:18
access that people are like, Oh my God, like I never, you know,
32:22
I've never seen you like this. And I'm like, well, we all have
32:25
it. We just, it's dormant.
32:27
But if someone was going to hurt your dog or your horse, God
32:30
forbid you'd find it, you know, and, but we choose not to.
32:35
We choose love, we choose peace, we choose joy, We we choose
32:39
gratitude and everything is a choice every day, how we show up
32:46
and, and, and who we and how we want to live, I believe and what
32:51
we want in our life. And I think peace and joy is so
32:54
much more exciting than being exhausted.
32:57
And you know, money, I know everybody, it's like money, but
33:02
I've known a lot of people with, you know, unlimited amount of
33:06
money that didn't want to live anymore.
33:10
It didn't, it didn't save them, you know, so you know, you you
33:16
can find. I love what you said about.
33:19
I love what you said about choice, too, because I think a
33:21
lot of times we're very quick to give away our choice to make
33:25
ourselves believe, you know, this is just who I am or life
33:29
can't be any different. And really that's where so much
33:33
of our power lies. If we're willing to kind of take
33:36
that back and say, yeah, this has been my choice.
33:39
I have choose to live this way that I don't like and now I'm
33:41
going to choose something different.
33:44
Exactly. And that's what a lot of people
33:46
would say to me because when I started to grow, you know, it's
33:51
like a thermostat. You're say you're at 68, you
33:56
turn it up to 72 and all of a sudden the people you hang with
33:59
are like you're different, you're changing.
34:02
And you don't want to, You don't want to disappoint them.
34:04
You don't let them down. They've been your friends,
34:06
they've been your tribe, but you want to grow, but they don't
34:10
want you to grow because then they won't have you like they
34:13
had you. So you know, you don't want to
34:16
hurt them, but you know, it's it's kind of like season reason
34:20
or a lifetime. You know, some people are in
34:22
your life for a season, sometimes a reason, and
34:24
sometimes they're there forever. And it's not that you're think
34:28
you're better than them or anything.
34:30
Your frequency is just gone to a different level that you don't
34:35
kind of resonate with each other anymore.
34:37
And no matter how much you want to, it just doesn't, you know,
34:41
And and they're they grow too, or they change or they decide to
34:45
stay where they are. There's a a really good book
34:48
called Good to great. Have you ever heard of it?
34:52
It's about what got you familiar, what got you the good
34:56
is keeping you from great because again, people get there
35:00
and they go. I always did it like this and it
35:02
worked. But but now, yes, but now you
35:06
have to do something else to get to the next level, you know,
35:11
something different. And you can look at it with such
35:15
interest and passion if you want to, or you can look at it like
35:20
this is going to be hard, you know, but like you like look
35:27
what you're doing when you love what you do, you never really
35:29
work a day in your life compared to like not having your own
35:33
hours and going somewhere and doing something you don't really
35:37
enjoy. And that also affects the
35:41
system, your chakras, you know when the energy comes in, like
35:46
when you what Reiki does it like the horses do, they create
35:50
conditions for health in your body because they help you self
35:56
regulate it. It's not that they're doing it.
35:59
It's being around that your system starts to feel safe and
36:02
peaceful. And then when it can rebalance
36:05
itself, it starts to think and talk differently.
36:09
It makes better choices, eats differently, sleeps better.
36:14
Yeah, that makes sense. If you're not compensating in
36:16
one area heavily that you can be more balanced.
36:20
Yeah, it affects everything, you know, your liver, your gulf,
36:24
kidneys, adrenals, everything. You know, people think that it
36:29
was only I'm up here in my head, you know, But if you're not in
36:33
your heart, because that's the bridge, you know, to to
36:40
connecting to the highest truth of yourself.
36:42
When that's blocked or or unforgiveness or resentment and
36:49
forgiveness is for you. It's not for the other person.
36:54
It disconnects the cord that they have on you.
36:58
And when you cut that cord, it doesn't mean that you for that
37:01
you have to ever see them again or what they did was right or or
37:06
not. You know, it wasn't a terrible
37:09
thing to do. It just means that you're not
37:11
giving them the power over you anymore.
37:14
You are you forgive them. Good luck.
37:18
God bless you, you know, but you're not having, you're not
37:21
going to control me anymore, present or distant, you know,
37:27
because even if they're not around you and you're holding on
37:30
to that, they're still controlling the way you live.
37:33
Yeah. Tell us a little bit more about
37:36
how you've seen that rebalancing take place.
37:40
You know, where I think when we are off balance, off kilter,
37:44
whatever, that's oftentimes when we hit really low points or find
37:48
ourselves in a really difficult situation.
37:51
How have you seen that rebalancing or even how does
37:53
that all work, where people can come from that point where
37:58
things are maybe very out of sync for whatever reason, to a
38:02
healthier rebalancing where you are being able to be more in
38:06
tune with what your body and your soul need?
38:12
You know, again, I'm, I'm only speaking from my own
38:16
circumstances because I know that everybody has different
38:19
needs and different things that they need to do.
38:22
I'm not trying to say like, oh, something's wrong with them and
38:26
I know it all because I do not. But it's just what I've seen and
38:30
what works for me. And I think that there are
38:35
people that definitely need to be on something.
38:38
It's no different than, you know, thyroid medicine or heart
38:42
medicine or blood pressure medicine if somebody really
38:46
needs something that's not going over the synapse in the brain so
38:49
that they can think correctly and things like that.
38:54
But I believe a lot of the times it's just learned behavior and
38:59
it's abusive behavior or it's trauma or it's, you know, that's
39:05
the way it's always been. And they have no other reference
39:08
point. And I think a lot of the times
39:10
when people get on the table, you know, I wait because
39:20
everybody that's in AIII give them time to decompress because
39:25
I think, I think most of the healing is unburdening.
39:30
When they can share something that they don't tell anyone
39:33
outside that they just like, they either start crying and
39:37
they say, oh, you know, I'm in this situation or this happened
39:41
or that happened, but they don't really show it.
39:43
Like we said, they have the masks up, I'm good, I'm OK.
39:47
But when they come into the studio, they and they can let
39:51
their guard down because they know it's not going anywhere
39:53
else but between me and them and I.
39:57
And so they they share a little bit.
40:01
And when they can get on and you can start to work with them like
40:08
they have no other reference point but what they know.
40:11
And that's the thing. Most people only know what they
40:14
know. Like people say like you're this
40:17
way. Like, no, I'm not what you think
40:20
of me. You're what you think of me, you
40:24
know, I know what I am, but you're thinking of me because
40:27
that's your reference point. That's what you see in me
40:30
because that's what you know. It's kind of like people that
40:32
that lie. They think everybody lies
40:34
because that's that's what they know.
40:36
That's what their parents did and they talked about people and
40:39
then they didn't in front of their face or whatever it was.
40:42
Yeah. So when you work with the
40:45
chakras, are you familiar? Little bit.
40:51
The, the, there's many chakras everywhere on your body, your
40:54
hands, your fingers, everywhere. But there's seven very central
40:59
ones down the front of your body from the top of your head and to
41:04
the pubic, like right below your pubic bone.
41:07
And each one is where like the Reiki comes in or the energy,
41:12
whatever people kind of energy work they do through the
41:15
endocrine system, you know, and it filters in and communicates
41:20
and inserts to those chakras. And each chakra correlates to
41:27
organs in your body. So sometimes, you know, you'll
41:31
start to work with someone and they'll say, oh, my hips are so
41:36
tight and my shoulders are killing me and they've been
41:39
getting Utis. So right away I'm like, this
41:45
sounds like trauma because that's all second chakra and 2nd
41:49
chakra is, you know, where you create a life where you have
41:55
boundaries or no boundaries with when you can have been sexually
41:58
abused or, or anything, it can be, you know, not being wanted
42:06
guilt because you feel like it was your fault, you allowed it
42:12
or something. But you know, there's a lot of
42:17
times, especially if you're a child and you've been overcome
42:20
that you didn't allow, but you had no choice, you know, and
42:25
they, it affects your hips, your shoulders, your gynecology area,
42:33
you know, and people, how do you know?
42:36
And it's not rule. It's just science that we've
42:40
learned, you know, or your grounding shock where people
42:44
will come in and go, oh, I hate my job so much.
42:46
And their car broke down and, you know, their family's a mess.
42:50
They're not getting along. And I'm like, this is all for
42:54
chakra because that's your family.
42:56
It's it's your job, your financial stability.
43:03
You know, if you look at Catholicism like the the seven
43:10
sacraments, it's kind of the same thing.
43:13
Like they'll talk about your first sacrament is baptism and
43:20
you come in and it's your tribe, it's the people that are going
43:24
to take care of you. It's family, you know, and
43:27
that's your grounding chakra. That's how you feel grounded and
43:31
safe for chakra, same kind of thing.
43:33
Second chakra is communion, you know, and 2nd chakra is
43:40
communing with someone else, creating a life, creating an
43:44
idea, creating a podcast, whatever it might be.
43:49
So, and then confession, we all had those gut instinct, you
43:56
know, and we're affirmed like I knew it, I knew it and I still
44:00
went down that road and I knew that, that I shouldn't have
44:03
went, you know, but we don't listen to it because we don't
44:07
trust it. And, and that's the most
44:09
powerful part, your third chakra, solar plexus power
44:13
center confirmation, it's your confirmation area.
44:23
And so many of us don't trust it.
44:26
And when you learned to put all these together, because they,
44:29
they go up in the heart, especially is the bridge from
44:32
the lower chakras to the upper chakras, because the lower are
44:35
physical and the upper are spiritual.
44:38
And when you can combine them all and realign them, you, you
44:42
just I've seen people's life change, like like you can't even
44:47
imagine, you know, when I met Dave and Kathy, and I'm sure
44:50
that they won't mind me Speaking of them, you know, I met Dave at
44:56
the ranch, you know, and I've they were there for weeks and he
45:01
worked with those horses and him and his friend both came and
45:05
they weren't in great places, you know, with the PTSD and all
45:10
that. And it changed their life.
45:13
They left taking horses back and then created this whole, yes,
45:18
you know, and he also came to me, I think every week for Reiki
45:24
to my studio. And it was a beautiful exchange
45:29
because it's an exchange. It's not me like I'm getting it
45:33
as much as you're getting it because when you're just the
45:35
vessel for it, you know, whatever he gets, he needs and
45:39
whatever I get, I need. But we don't get stuff from each
45:42
other. It just comes in and I'm just
45:45
the the vessel, if that makes sense.
45:51
It's hard to explain. It kind of defies definition.
45:53
Just like the horses, you know, it's, it really needs to be
45:59
experienced. And I would say to anyone out
46:01
there, if you can do your research and find a really great
46:06
acupuncturist or a really wonderful Reiki person, go for
46:13
it. You know, it's something you
46:15
know that you, you do for a little while at first so that
46:18
you get rebounds and then you can go seasonally just for
46:22
maintenance so that you don't relapse.
46:26
You know, it's, it's no different than, you know, taking
46:29
your vitamins or going to the gym.
46:31
Like it's just a different way. It's medicine, you know, and
46:36
it's medicine without side effects, you know, just like the
46:43
horses are. It is medicine, I'm telling you.
46:49
And I think that rebalancing and realignment, something that
46:52
really does, like you've said, it changes your life.
46:55
And yeah, like you said, that's something that the horses can
46:58
also do is help you see the places where you're out out of
47:01
balance, where you need to adjust and look inward a little
47:05
bit and and maybe even get some answers from them while you're
47:10
out there with them, you know, pondering on it and thinking on
47:13
the experiences that you're having.
47:16
Well, it helps you. Again, it's nothing you don't
47:18
know. You'll just remember because
47:22
we've all come in and we have all this wisdom and knowledge
47:24
like just your eyeball, like the the amount of stuff that your
47:29
provisional peripheral vision picks up all day long and you
47:32
don't even realize it into the subconscious.
47:36
Like we have so much information, but we only use
47:39
like the small part of it. And when you're around the
47:42
horses and you're feeling that peace.
47:45
And my experience with people that are resisting it and, and
47:52
in a really bad place, they're always exhaling, they're always
47:56
puffing out. And when I see them take a deep
48:00
breath, that's when I know they're ready, when they're on
48:03
the table and they inhale. When they inhale, I'm like, oh,
48:07
they're, they're ready to receive.
48:08
They're starting to, to, to allow it, you know, 'cause they,
48:13
they're taking life in, they're taking oxygen.
48:17
You know, that's why a lot of people smoke.
48:19
Smoking is a stimulant, but they think it's a relaxer.
48:22
But it relaxes you, 'cause you're going and you're taking
48:25
in all this oxygen while you're taking in smoke.
48:28
It's crazy, but. Interesting.
48:30
Yeah, yeah. So tell us a little bit more
48:32
about the work you're doing now. And yeah, give us a little bit
48:36
about how you got connected with Samsung Sustainable.
48:40
Hold on, Samsung Strength, Sustainable Veteran Project.
48:45
And yeah, let's even talk a little bit about part of why
48:48
we're here, which is the campaign that they're doing in
48:51
May for Horses for Mental Health.
48:54
Yes, again, stuff kind of just shows up for me.
48:58
I didn't plan this. I didn't even, I haven't been
49:02
around the horses in a while. And we moved here to New York in
49:05
November and it was in the mountains, in the Catskills, 10
49:09
feet of snow for months. You know, it was it was rough,
49:15
but it's so beautiful. Oh, it's beautiful up here,
49:19
though. But I kept thinking, OK, so now
49:22
I had closed my studio. I don't know anyone here and
49:28
what do I want to do next? So I, I was thinking, oh, I'd
49:35
like to find some horse farms. They have the hits here.
49:39
It's a huge horse. So like everybody comes to it.
49:43
It's humongous. And they're, they're mostly show
49:48
horses and dressage and stuff. So that's not what I I was kind
49:52
of looking more for horses that they have that help autistic or
49:57
PTSD or that kind of type of ranch.
50:01
And it's been so cold. I haven't really found it.
50:03
But everybody's saying you're going to find it here.
50:06
You're going to find it. And then I get this text from
50:09
Kathy and she's like, hey, do you know anyone that wants to?
50:15
And I'm like, well, I would love to.
50:17
And she's like, you would, would you do it?
50:19
Because, you know, you've been around.
50:21
And I'm like, yeah, I would love to, but what do I have to do?
50:23
Because you know, I'm not really connected to a lot of horse
50:26
people yet. But again, then it just starts
50:30
happening. I meet two people the other day
50:33
and they're like, Oh, I know two people.
50:34
I'll send you the information with a, with a ranch.
50:36
And so, you know, that just might be.
50:39
But even in massage, I was waitressing like way into my
50:46
early 30s from from 15 years old.
50:49
And I really believe that everyone should do it because
50:55
I'll tell you what you learn in service is service.
51:00
And you can go anywhere and work in any kind of job because you
51:03
learn how to read a room, you learn how to read body language.
51:06
You learn how to understand every different type of customer
51:10
and what they need and how to deliver it.
51:13
And, you know, whether it's verbally or food, you know, and
51:19
I remember again, I was off and on, like years in between, but
51:26
I'm like, I'm just kind of feeling depressed.
51:27
And I was like 39. And I went to see a therapist
51:31
and she said, like, what's going on?
51:32
I said, oh, I just feel, you know, like I'm getting older.
51:35
I don't know what I'm going to do.
51:36
I don't want to be doing this the rest of my life because now
51:38
all the people I'm working with are like high school kids, you
51:42
know? And I just feel so out of place.
51:45
And she said, well, what would you want to do if if you could
51:50
do whatever you want? And I said, I'd like to go to
51:54
massage school. She said, well, you know, I
51:58
could help you with that. I could get you a grant because
52:02
she said feeling depressed get you like, qualified.
52:07
I'm like, what? And she changed my life.
52:10
She got me enrolled in school and again, I didn't have a car
52:15
till I was 30 years old. I took the bus everywhere, got
52:18
my daughter to daycare, pick my daughter up, never missed a meat
52:21
of her running track or anything, but all on foot, you
52:27
know, and, and people saying they'd help me with a ride.
52:32
So that's how massage school came about.
52:36
And now I this horse I've been wanting and it's always kind of
52:42
been like right there. I miss it right there.
52:45
But I guess it's just not the moment yet.
52:50
I think I still have some more knowledge to learn and stuff
52:56
because I don't really know. I mean, I knew the anatomy
53:01
because I'm a massage therapist and they have many is the same
53:05
as humans, you know, the muscles and things and the energy and
53:10
the meridians they love. So I knew that.
53:12
But I don't know the language of the barn.
53:15
And there is language. I've never been grown up on a
53:19
farm and I've never grown up around farm people or anything.
53:22
And so I've always felt a little insecure about asking if I could
53:26
go because they are very coveted with their loving animals.
53:30
And, you know, I, I guess I felt like I didn't really have the
53:33
credentials to to ask. And that's why I was so blessed
53:38
with the DLR Mustang Ranch when they offered.
53:42
So. Yeah.
53:43
So yeah. And so then Kathy called and
53:47
asked and I said yes. And then she said, oh, I want
53:50
you to be on Chelise's program because, you know, we're doing
53:53
the May account campaign. And I said, OK.
53:58
And I said, you know, I'm a little nervous.
54:02
She said, oh, she's so lovely. And she'll tell you just come
54:05
from your heart and so. But she's such a lovely woman.
54:09
And Dave, too. They're such wonderful people.
54:13
Yeah, they're great. People caring, yeah, so.
54:18
Yeah. And another really great example
54:19
of just how they took a really difficult hardship they went
54:23
through and they have created, like we kind of talked about a
54:25
little bit before, just this beautiful organization that is
54:29
literally saving people's lives who go there.
54:32
And the really neat thing is that this is happening all over
54:37
the world. I think that's one thing the
54:39
Horses for Mental Health campaign is highlighting is
54:41
like, hey, there is this other way that you can also get that
54:46
help, get that rebalancing and, and maybe it will be for you and
54:50
help you and maybe it won't and that's OK also.
54:53
But to just let people know that the horses are there.
54:57
And I think as we both experienced, there's something
55:00
to just being in their presence that really helps us as humans
55:03
to kind of find that rebalancing, have some of those
55:06
insights and and even recognize character traits or habits or
55:14
conditioned responses that we can work on changing to make our
55:18
lives better. Yes.
55:20
And it's available and I really believe it's, it's going to,
55:24
it's, it's getting stronger. I mean, it's, it's blowing up in
55:28
a good way. Like I really believe it because
55:31
people are starved for this. They're so tired of just taking
55:36
a pill and, and, you know, kind of not feeling really any better
55:42
or not changing those patterns that are keeping them in the
55:45
same place. They're just not feeling so
55:49
irritable about it because the numb part of it, you know, but
55:53
they're still not, they're not really getting to the root of
55:57
it. And, and that's the beauty of
56:01
this work that I mean, have you seen the the movie The Rescued
56:05
Hearts? I haven't seen it yet, I've just
56:09
seen I think a clip of it. I swear to you, I watched it and
56:14
I felt healed just watching it. Like, you know, that I was
56:20
going, yeah, I was going through like the the move and.
56:23
And, you know, just like, Oh my gosh, how am I going to start
56:26
all over again, you know? And but I've been here before
56:32
and I know that life cycles and the wheel goes up and the wheel
56:38
goes up and it will. And the the film came on and I
56:42
watched the whole thing. I couldn't even move.
56:44
And I just was like, gosh, and I felt, I want to say hi.
56:49
I've never felt high so I don't know.
56:51
But I felt so elated in the most beautiful way just by viewing
56:58
it. I felt healed.
57:00
It's so beautiful. It's so beautiful and, and the
57:03
way they did it. So I hope you get to see it soon
57:06
because you'll love it. Yeah, yeah, I definitely will.
57:10
And that is another neat thing. I just talked recently to a
57:13
photographer that has an account on Instagram and shares a lot of
57:17
her beautiful work. And she was even saying, yeah,
57:19
she's had people come back to her.
57:21
And just that image that she shared with them of a horse has
57:24
been something that, you know, gave them the insights, changed
57:27
their life, help them keep going forward when things were really
57:31
hard. So I would say it doesn't even
57:34
have to be a media access. You don't have to have horse
57:36
ownership. There's definitely lots of
57:38
places that would love to volunteer to have people come in
57:46
and just just help them out with the horses.
57:48
And like you kind of alluded to, it's just finding the right fit
57:51
for you. And so there are lots of
57:53
opportunities out there to connect with the horses for
57:55
sure. Yeah, you're right.
57:57
And through the picture, especially because it's energy
58:00
and when she took that shot, whatever was going on in there,
58:05
it's, it's there in that still, you know, and when you look at
58:10
it and you see it, you can feel it because you know, like it's
58:15
frequency, even if it's in a picture.
58:17
And and again, it's Feng shui, you know, when you can create
58:23
those kind of things around you that make you feel good, too.
58:26
Like whether it's too much clutter or, you know, having
58:32
something that reminds you of driving force, like a horse, the
58:35
strength of them, you know, and the gentleness.
58:40
See, they have both. You know, they're powerful, but
58:44
they're so kind and gentle, too. Yeah.
58:48
And loving and really beautiful. Examples for our lives.
58:53
Yeah, and they want to be loved and they want to love like, you
58:58
know, so many people. It's so hard for them to
59:00
receive, you know, But you really rob someone of the joy
59:08
they get when they want to do something from you.
59:11
When you go, oh, it's good, I got it.
59:12
You don't have to. Or why did you go do that?
59:16
Wow, Thank you so much. That was so lovely of you.
59:19
You know, and they get that feeling that fills them up so.
59:25
Yeah, yeah. To wrap up a little bit, can you
59:29
tell people if they would like to connect with you, how they
59:32
would be able to do that? I have a, a Facebook page,
59:36
Madison Massage Alchemist and they can message me through
59:41
there if they'd like to, you know, I'm, I'm always open to
59:45
talk or speak to anyone or FaceTime them or anything.
59:51
Again, there's so much you know that to put into, like an hour
59:56
and so many minutes. Yeah, there really is.
1:00:01
You know, and it kind of like gets off track, but when you,
1:00:06
when you work with people, you know, you can help them find
1:00:10
their, their strength because it's in there it's in there.
1:00:15
They've just been told it's not, you know, or they.
1:00:20
Yeah. Yeah, absolutely.
1:00:21
Thank you so much for the beautiful message you shared and
1:00:24
even sharing your story. Just, you know, I love the idea
1:00:27
you said that we're not fragile, just that we can be courageous
1:00:30
and strong and overcome if that's what we choose to do with
1:00:34
our lives. And I think that is something
1:00:36
that we can all use in our lives, especially when we're
1:00:39
kind of feeling down on ourselves, feeling like, you
1:00:41
know, why me? And just knowing that those are
1:00:45
the places we can go to that are going to teach us lessons to be
1:00:48
able to move forward in life and to improve our life.
1:00:51
So I really appreciate you sharing your story and sharing
1:00:55
the insights and the wisdom that you have gained.
1:00:58
Thank you so much. I really appreciate you too so
1:01:01
much. Thank you for joining us and
1:01:03
learning about Horses that Heal and the humans who help them.
1:01:07
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remember that the horse is always there to help you heal.