Latest / You Call This Normal? The Root Cause Fertility Podcast / Episode 11: Trying to Conceive While Your Body Won't Stand Down

Transcript

Episode 11: Trying to Conceive While Your Body Won't Stand Down · You Call This Normal? The Root Cause Fertility Podcast

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_01: Before we get into it today, just a quick housekeeping because I'd rather you hear this now than at the end when you're half checked out.
• 0:09
  SPEAKER_01: The Neuroshista AI is open now.
• 0:12
  SPEAKER_01: It is my fertility nutrition assistant and it reads your cycle, your labs.
• 0:19
  SPEAKER_01: It tells you how to actually eat for where you are in your cycle, your labs.
• 0:25
  SPEAKER_01: It can take your partner into account.
• 0:29
  SPEAKER_01: Um, and it just frees up that whole brain space where you think that this is a complex puzzle that needs to be put together.
• 0:38
  SPEAKER_01: And it is, but that's what I've been doing for the last 24 years of my life.
• 0:43
  SPEAKER_01: So I've put all that knowledge into this AI system and it comes up with everything for you.
• 0:50
  SPEAKER_01: You can ask it one-off questions like, hey, I just got this lab back.
• 0:53
  SPEAKER_01: What do you think?
• 0:54
  SPEAKER_01: How should I eat?
• 0:55
  SPEAKER_01: What should I change?
• 0:57
  SPEAKER_01: Um, or you can go in there on, you know, the day before you grocery shop and say, make me a meal plan for next week for me and my husband.
• 1:07
  SPEAKER_01: And it already knows your history.
• 1:09
  SPEAKER_01: It knows everything about you because we've done that through a short intake form.
• 1:14
  SPEAKER_01: And it makes you this printable PDF that has the recipes, the grocery list, the order in which to prep things, um, all of it.
• 1:28
  SPEAKER_01: And it doesn't just, it's not just totally Americanized either.
• 1:33
  SPEAKER_01: It works in 13 different cuisines from around the world.
• 1:37
  SPEAKER_01: And you can tell it, hey, I'm having a busy week.
• 1:40
  SPEAKER_01: I need to have this whole week's meal prep done in one hour.
• 1:43
  SPEAKER_01: Or I'm traveling and this is what I need.
• 1:46
  SPEAKER_01: And it will come up with something for you in three to five minutes that is specifically for your labs, your cycle, all of your data and your partners if that's applicable.
• 1:59
  SPEAKER_01: So if that's been on your list, the link is in the show notes.
• 2:03
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, that's it.
• 2:04
  SPEAKER_01: Let's get into it.
• 2:05
  SPEAKER_01: I am sitting in my car today.
• 2:07
  SPEAKER_01: I just posted on Instagram stories uh that I really needed to get back on the podcast.
• 2:14
  SPEAKER_01: It has taken a backseat because life happens and I prioritized these back-end business things.
• 2:22
  SPEAKER_01: I prioritize my clients over everything.
• 2:25
  SPEAKER_01: Um, and it just, it's been a season of breaking things open and rebuilding them stronger and better.
• 2:34
  SPEAKER_01: And that just doesn't go for business.
• 2:36
  SPEAKER_01: That's just me speaking metaphorically about myself, really.
• 2:41
  SPEAKER_01: Um, I've been in this like survival space since I had babies.
• 2:48
  SPEAKER_01: And it's been hard, and I've battled with a lot of things.
• 2:53
  SPEAKER_01: Um, I'm not talking like postpartum depression or anything, but for example, like during the summer in Phoenix, today it's 117 degrees.
• 3:02
  SPEAKER_01: You you can't go outside and play.
• 3:04
  SPEAKER_01: Like things are boiling hot.
• 3:06
  SPEAKER_01: You can't touch like door handles if they're in the sun.
• 3:11
  SPEAKER_01: You can't, you just can't do that.
• 3:13
  SPEAKER_01: It's dangerous.
• 3:14
  SPEAKER_01: So that's really frustrating.
• 3:16
  SPEAKER_01: So then I feel like I'm stuck in the house.
• 3:18
  SPEAKER_01: And yes, we have things to do, but like I like some, I like choice.
• 3:24
  SPEAKER_01: I don't want to be told what to do.
• 3:26
  SPEAKER_01: So we just, you know, you get a little stir crazy in the summer here because you're stuck in the house for like months unless you have a membership to like the zoo and you go to the splash pad there at 7 a.m.
• 3:38
  SPEAKER_01: So that's my two cents.
• 3:41
  SPEAKER_01: But you know that thing where you finally sit down at the end of the day and your body is still going, like it's still buzzing, and you think, like, oh my God, did I drink coffee maybe a little bit too late in the afternoon?
• 3:56
  SPEAKER_01: So it's like you've stopped moving, but nobody told your nervous system to pump the brakes.
• 4:01
  SPEAKER_01: Your jaw is tight, your traps, your shoulders, they're just up by your ears.
• 4:08
  SPEAKER_01: Your brain is still running normal world math on top of your cycle math.
• 4:16
  SPEAKER_01: Um, your head is stuck on an appointment you just had.
• 4:20
  SPEAKER_01: Uh, you know, it's still on the thing that somebody said.
• 4:25
  SPEAKER_01: And somewhere in there, your doctor or your mom or a well-meaning friend told you to relax and you want to throw something at them.
• 4:34
  SPEAKER_01: And I totally, I totally get that feeling.
• 4:37
  SPEAKER_01: I would say, yeah, throw the thing, but I don't, I'm not condoning violence here today.
• 4:42
  SPEAKER_01: I've been that woman on the couch, technically resting, braced for impact for something that wasn't even in the room at the time.
• 4:53
  SPEAKER_01: So, really, I don't know, when you're anticipating something, even when it's something exciting, you're living that experience twice.
• 5:02
  SPEAKER_01: So this goes for stress and anxiety mostly, but you're thinking about the thing days ahead of time, whether it's packing for a trip, a meeting at work, whatever it is, and you're going through the scenarios, you're feeling the feelings ahead of time, and the thing hasn't even happened yet.
• 5:22
  SPEAKER_01: So I'm not gonna tell you to relax today.
• 5:26
  SPEAKER_01: I'm going to tell you what your body's actually doing when it can't relax and why that matters for your cycle specifically.
• 5:35
  SPEAKER_01: And then I'm gonna walk you through something that shifts that.
• 5:40
  SPEAKER_01: And it's not a mindset thing, a physical thing that I want you to be able to feel by the end of this.
• 5:47
  SPEAKER_01: So if you can find somewhere to sit or lie down, this one you do.
• 5:55
  SPEAKER_01: So this is an activity for you today, not just something that we're going to listen to.
• 6:01
  SPEAKER_01: And I may decide, like, hey, I'm gonna, I'm gonna cut off here and upload it as a separate like mini episode right after this, so that you don't have to find the place in the podcast where exactly it's supposed to start.
• 6:14
  SPEAKER_01: I don't know, undecided.
• 6:16
  SPEAKER_01: We're flying by the seat of our pants.
• 6:20
  SPEAKER_00: When so let's start with what's happening in there.
• 6:31
  SPEAKER_01: Because I do believe once you see it, it's not something you can unsee.
• 6:36
  SPEAKER_01: And that's kind of the point.
• 6:37
  SPEAKER_01: If you're trying to conceive, there's a pretty decent chance that you're living in a body that really doesn't get to clock out.
• 6:45
  SPEAKER_01: And I don't mean that to be a criticism to you.
• 6:50
  SPEAKER_01: It just is what it is.
• 6:52
  SPEAKER_01: I mean it as a description of what a full, capable woman's life looks like from the inside.
• 7:00
  SPEAKER_01: You're rushing between things.
• 7:03
  SPEAKER_01: Um, you're switching mental tabs in your brain and it never really stops.
• 7:08
  SPEAKER_01: The workout that's secretly a punishment.
• 7:12
  SPEAKER_01: We've all been there.
• 7:13
  SPEAKER_01: I'm not blaming.
• 7:15
  SPEAKER_01: The lunch that you skipped, the hard conversation that you swallowed, and then wondered two hours later why your stomach felt like shit.
• 7:23
  SPEAKER_01: Do that long enough, and your body will learn something from it.
• 7:26
  SPEAKER_01: It learns that your baseline is living in this tense, braced condition.
• 7:32
  SPEAKER_01: And when the body has been braced for that long of a time, it starts running a little bit differently than a body that feels safe.
• 7:40
  SPEAKER_01: Your system is basically reading your day for whether things are okay.
• 7:48
  SPEAKER_01: And a packed inbox or a stressful conversation on an empty stomach can register a lot like an actual threat would.
• 7:57
  SPEAKER_01: I just read the input.
• 8:04
  SPEAKER_01: It just reads the input and then it adjusts from there.
• 8:07
  SPEAKER_01: And when the read is we're managing something right now, this isn't the calm season.
• 8:13
  SPEAKER_01: Reproduction can be one of those things that kind of slides down the list, kind of like my podcast has done in the last couple of months.
• 8:22
  SPEAKER_01: Um, so it doesn't shut off like a switch.
• 8:25
  SPEAKER_01: It's more like it's not your body's top priority when it thinks that you're in the middle of a crisis or in your in the middle of a thing, something.
• 8:36
  SPEAKER_01: And I want to be clear about this.
• 8:39
  SPEAKER_01: That is not a flaw in you.
• 8:41
  SPEAKER_01: It's a pretty normal response in a modern life that your body was never really designed for.
• 8:46
  SPEAKER_01: So that's what we're actually working with here.
• 8:50
  SPEAKER_01: Not stress in the fluffy bubble bath sense, like the physical state that's underneath all of that, which is where NSDR comes in.
• 8:58
  SPEAKER_01: And that stands for non-sleep deep rest.
• 9:01
  SPEAKER_01: It's basically a guided deep rest while you're still awake.
• 9:06
  SPEAKER_01: It's not, it's not meditation.
• 9:08
  SPEAKER_01: So you're not going to go into this and be like, I've tried the meditation before.
• 9:12
  SPEAKER_01: It doesn't work.
• 9:13
  SPEAKER_01: My mind is just too busy all the time.
• 9:16
  SPEAKER_01: We're not asking you to shut off your brain for this.
• 9:19
  SPEAKER_01: It's just guided deep rest.
• 9:24
  SPEAKER_01: And what I want to be clear about of what it is and what it isn't, the way people talk about meditation has made a lot of women feel like they suck at one more thing.
• 9:37
  SPEAKER_01: And it's simpler than that and way less precious than.
• 9:43
  SPEAKER_01: It's simpler than that and way less precious.
• 9:46
  SPEAKER_01: You're not clearing your mind, you're not reaching for some inner serene state.
• 9:52
  SPEAKER_01: You lie down, you follow a voice, and underneath all of it, your system gets a repeated cue that it's safe.
• 10:00
  SPEAKER_01: And that word, repeated, that's kind of the whole point here.
• 10:03
  SPEAKER_01: Your body doesn't really trust words, it trusts repetition.
• 10:08
  SPEAKER_01: If it knows what's coming, if it knows what to expect.
• 10:11
  SPEAKER_01: If the repeating pattern of your day is rushing around, your body believes in urgency.
• 10:19
  SPEAKER_01: So NSDR gives it a different pattern to believe.
• 10:24
  SPEAKER_01: So 10, 20, 30 minutes of your system not being asked to do a single thing.
• 10:30
  SPEAKER_01: And I did not come to this as someone who loved rest.
• 10:34
  SPEAKER_01: I came to it as someone who thought pushing was part of my personality.
• 10:40
  SPEAKER_01: Tired, keep going, overwhelmed, push through it.
• 10:43
  SPEAKER_01: And then my body started doing this quiet processing thing where I couldn't recover.
• 10:49
  SPEAKER_01: My sleep never felt deep.
• 10:51
  SPEAKER_01: My baseline of life just felt like it was being strangled in a way that I don't even know how to describe or name.
• 11:01
  SPEAKER_01: And the first time I dropped into one of these and felt my body exhale from the inside, I remember thinking, oh, so this is what safe feels like.
• 11:11
  SPEAKER_01: This is what everyone's talking about.
• 11:14
  SPEAKER_01: So here's why this belongs on a fertility podcast and not just a wellness one.
• 11:19
  SPEAKER_01: Your nervous system, it kind of runs in two modes: high alert and recovery.
• 11:24
  SPEAKER_01: That's it.
• 11:26
  SPEAKER_01: And a lot of the repair and maintenance your body does, including a lot of what supports a healthy cycle, happens in the recovery mode.
• 11:33
  SPEAKER_01: So if you're spending most of your day in the first mode, the recovery stuff keeps getting pushed to later, pushed to later, and that time never actually comes.
• 11:42
  SPEAKER_01: A few things can shift when you practice this consistently.
• 11:47
  SPEAKER_01: Your stress chemistry stops running the show a little bit less each time.
• 11:54
  SPEAKER_01: Elevated cortisol.
• 11:55
  SPEAKER_01: It's not a mood.
• 11:56
  SPEAKER_01: It is a set of signals, and that can influence when you ovulate and how stable your luteal phase feels.
• 12:03
  SPEAKER_01: And when that chemistry settles down through repetition, your hormones get a more calm, steady baseline to work off of.
• 12:13
  SPEAKER_01: Your heart rate variability tends to improve too, which is really a decent read on how fast your body bounces back instead of staying revved.
• 12:22
  SPEAKER_01: It's kind of like how how fast it can turn that switch, how fast it can go from being activated to being in recovery mode.
• 12:31
  SPEAKER_01: And your sleep tends to get deeper, which matters more way more than most people think.
• 12:36
  SPEAKER_01: A lot of your hormone repair creation, all of it actually happens while you're asleep.
• 12:40
  SPEAKER_01: So deep sleep is when your body does all of the maintenance work that it needs to do.
• 12:46
  SPEAKER_01: If you're sleeping light because your system is still on that low hum of alert, the repair piece is not fully happening.
• 12:55
  SPEAKER_01: And the thing I hear from women that makes this a real practice, not a when I have time sort of a thing, their luteal phase, it feels more reliable.
• 13:08
  SPEAKER_01: Their digestion calms down a bit.
• 13:32
  SPEAKER_01: Now that you actually.
• 13:38
  SPEAKER_01: Now, how you actually do this without turning it into one of the now, how you actually do this without turning it into one more thing that you're failing at, the practice is very simple.
• 13:53
  SPEAKER_01: Very simple.
• 13:55
  SPEAKER_01: I always stand by the fact that things need to be breathable.
• 13:59
  SPEAKER_01: You lie down or you recline, you follow a guided session, you let your body get heavy.
• 14:05
  SPEAKER_01: 10 to 30 minutes is all you need.
• 14:07
  SPEAKER_01: And if your mind is loud and it won't shut up, you're not doing anything wrong.
• 14:11
  SPEAKER_01: You just let it be.
• 14:13
  SPEAKER_01: That's what a mind does when it finally gets a little bit of wiggle room.
• 14:16
  SPEAKER_01: It gets noisy.
• 14:17
  SPEAKER_01: You have to hear all of the voices echoing.
• 14:20
  SPEAKER_01: The practice is only coming back gently without making it a whole thing about, I can't do this, I'm doing this wrong.
• 14:29
  SPEAKER_01: And the best time to do it is right after something hard, an appointment, a conversation, a meeting, a negative test, um, pre-ovulation, through your luteal phase.
• 14:42
  SPEAKER_01: So basically, like any time you can find time to do this is a great time.
• 14:48
  SPEAKER_01: Um before bed, that's a good time if your brain won't be quiet.
• 14:53
  SPEAKER_01: I personally like to do it just after lunchtime when one of my kiddos goes down for a nap and the other one is having quiet time before we do some of our homeschooling.
• 15:03
  SPEAKER_01: That's the perfect pocket of time.
• 15:04
  SPEAKER_01: And I only do 10 to 15 minutes.
• 15:07
  SPEAKER_01: And I have noticed a big difference overall in just the speed in which I'm able to get back to that like full exhale feeling.
• 15:20
  SPEAKER_01: So if you're there sitting thinking, Kelsey, I have a job.
• 15:27
  SPEAKER_01: I don't have 10 to 30 minutes.
• 15:31
  SPEAKER_01: Two minutes, do two minutes of slow breathing in the car.
• 15:35
  SPEAKER_01: Do legs up the wall for 10 minutes at night while you're doing something else, okay?
• 15:41
  SPEAKER_01: You're still gonna get some of the benefits.
• 15:44
  SPEAKER_01: And just do a body scan while you can.
• 15:47
  SPEAKER_01: Silent in your head while you're making dinner, while you're waiting for the water for your tea to heat up, whatever it is, your nervous system doesn't need the perfect conditions.
• 15:57
  SPEAKER_01: It just needs enough repetition, enough practice to learn that it's allowed to chill.
• 16:05
  SPEAKER_01: The biggest mistake I see is women turning this into a rule that they then need to do 20 minutes every single day, or it doesn't count.
• 16:14
  SPEAKER_01: They need to keep doing better, getting more perfect, doing more.
• 16:19
  SPEAKER_01: And that is your performance brain, my dear, hijacking a recovery practice.
• 16:27
  SPEAKER_01: So do it often enough to matter, but you know, you know you.
• 16:34
  SPEAKER_01: Tune into your body, follow your gut.
• 16:37
  SPEAKER_01: It doesn't have to be all or nothing.
• 16:39
  SPEAKER_01: Not everything has to be all or nothing.
• 16:44
  SPEAKER_00: So I actually am gonna do this.
• 16:47
  SPEAKER_00: Let's do a short one right now, because I told you at the top.
• 16:57
  SPEAKER_01: So let's do a short one right now, because I told you at the top this one you do.
• 17:01
  SPEAKER_01: So if you're driving, keep your eyes open, obviously, and just soften your face.
• 17:06
  SPEAKER_01: If you're not driving, get supported.
• 17:10
  SPEAKER_01: Lie back.
• 17:12
  SPEAKER_00: Let the chair or the floor hold you.
• 17:16
  SPEAKER_00: Let your hands go heavy.
• 17:21
  SPEAKER_00: And if closing your eyes feels okay, please close them now.
• 17:28
  SPEAKER_01: First, don't fix your breath.
• 17:30
  SPEAKER_01: Don't try to control it, just notice it.
• 17:34
  SPEAKER_01: Is it shallow?
• 17:36
  SPEAKER_01: Is it fast?
• 17:38
  SPEAKER_01: Is it stuck in your chest?
• 17:41
  SPEAKER_01: There's no judgment in this space.
• 17:43
  SPEAKER_00: We're simply collecting data.
• 17:49
  SPEAKER_00: Now lengthen the exhale.
• 17:52
  SPEAKER_00: Inhale gently through your nose.
• 17:56
  SPEAKER_00: And exhale like you're fogging a mirror, a little longer than the inhale.
• 18:03
  SPEAKER_00: Again, inhale through the nose.
• 18:09
  SPEAKER_00: No longer exhale.
• 18:15
  SPEAKER_01: And if your brain's starting to go, am I doing this right?
• 18:18
  SPEAKER_01: That's your nervous system talking, not your personality.
• 18:21
  SPEAKER_00: So come back to the exhale.
• 18:27
  SPEAKER_00: Now your jaw.
• 18:28
  SPEAKER_00: Let your teeth separate slightly.
• 18:32
  SPEAKER_00: Let your tongue drop off the roof of your mouth.
• 18:39
  SPEAKER_00: Your shoulders, let them fall away from your ears.
• 18:46
  SPEAKER_00: They don't need to be holding up your whole life.
• 18:52
  SPEAKER_01: And your belly.
• 18:53
  SPEAKER_01: This one surprises most people.
• 18:55
  SPEAKER_01: Let it be soft.
• 18:56
  SPEAKER_01: Not pushed out, not held in.
• 18:58
  SPEAKER_00: Just let it stop guarding.
• 19:06
  SPEAKER_00: Now I'm gonna say something and I want your body to react before your brain analyzes it.
• 19:13
  SPEAKER_00: Nothing is required of you in this moment.
• 19:21
  SPEAKER_00: Again, nothing is required of you in this moment.
• 19:27
  SPEAKER_01: If you feel a little emotional, that's normal.
• 19:30
  SPEAKER_01: If you feel nothing at all, that's also normal.
• 19:33
  SPEAKER_01: If you feel a little irritated, that's normal too.
• 19:37
  SPEAKER_01: You're not failing at the resting peace.
• 19:40
  SPEAKER_01: Your system is literally learning something new, and sometimes that requires getting past the resistance.
• 19:50
  SPEAKER_01: One more slow breath in through the nose.
• 19:55
  SPEAKER_01: An exhale out of the mouth.
• 20:00
  SPEAKER_01: Start to wiggle your fingers and toes.
• 20:03
  SPEAKER_01: Don't overthink this part, just quick check.
• 20:07
  SPEAKER_01: Do you feel even two percent more downshifted?
• 20:11
  SPEAKER_01: Nah, I'm not asking you to be like blissed out, just two percent.
• 20:15
  SPEAKER_01: That's the whole point.
• 20:18
  SPEAKER_01: Tiny cues, repeated.
• 20:20
  SPEAKER_00: That's how your body starts to believe it.
• 20:24
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 20:26
  SPEAKER_00: Come all the way back.
• 20:29
  SPEAKER_00: If you feel calmer and maybe a little emotional, that's expected.
• 20:35
  SPEAKER_01: Your body's been carrying more than you realize, and it takes a second to come down when it finally gets permission.
• 20:47
  SPEAKER_01: Here's the honest part before I let you go today.
• 20:50
  SPEAKER_01: This calms the water.
• 20:52
  SPEAKER_01: It's not gonna tell you why the water was choppy in the first place.
• 20:57
  SPEAKER_01: An SDR won't find the thyroid conversion that nobody checked, it won't find the gut piece.
• 21:06
  SPEAKER_01: It's not the reason your progesterone keeps coming back low.
• 21:10
  SPEAKER_01: That's a different kind of work, and that's the work that I care most about.
• 21:14
  SPEAKER_01: If you're at the point where you want someone to actually look at your whole picture with you and help you figure out your next move, that's what the first move is for.
• 21:24
  SPEAKER_01: 60 minutes, just us,$250, and you walk out with a real next step instead of another thing that you've Googled at midnight.
• 21:36
  SPEAKER_01: I will put the link in the show notes if you want to schedule a call with me.
• 21:42
  SPEAKER_00: And I'll see you next week.