Transcript

Gun Girl · Very Fine Friends

0:00
zillow stocking what do you what do you mean by zillow stocking great so i had a long conversation
0:21
with my wife about this and zillow stocking and her opinion is when like you know you hear about
0:27
somebody moving away or moving to a new place,
0:29
you're definitely going to go on Zillow.
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Oh, yeah.
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Go check it out, right?
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Why?
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Because you want to know what they paid
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and how much money they got for their house.
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It's like, it's a secret look
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into somebody's finances a little bit.
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Yeah, I mean,
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but it's like, you know,
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like it's only going to hurt.
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I know Francis has thoughts.
0:53
I thought we were going to hurt people
0:57
you want to hurt people
0:59
what do you think Zillow's talking?
1:01
what do you think Zillow's talking?
1:04
I think it's like
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going and looking at people's pictures
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and like seeing where all their stuff is
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and being like
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when they show a picture of the primary
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they don't show the primary closet I'm like there's a safe in there
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you know or like if I see a picture I'm like
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they got that target I have that
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okay so you're using it as like recon for breaking
1:23
into their house. So if you're looking at
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Zillow and there's no furniture in it, you're like,
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next house. No, that's not true. I think
1:29
quick close.
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I thought the Zillow stocking
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was where you got the Zillow coal if you've
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been a bad boy for Christmas.
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Heyo!
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Oh!
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Topical Santa reference.
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I know.
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I like
1:48
using...
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Francis,
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us how this recent epidemic of having things staged for the real estate photos.
1:59
Yeah.
2:00
How has that affected your stocking?
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Well, you know, they still buy stuff that I can buy.
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That's what's funny to me.
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If I look at like a $10 million house and I see like my target shower curtain, I'm like,
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what's the point then?
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If you didn't have someone show you that, what's the point?
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I could get that.
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little tiny hands didn't sew this for you.
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What's the point?
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I could get that.
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I have that pattern.
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I saw a Target shower curtain.
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I saw a Target picture of oranges that I have.
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And more.
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Target, if you're listening and we know you are,
2:37
we're looking for sponsors.
2:39
Please sponsor us.
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And houses.
2:41
And Zillow.
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Send us an orange painting.
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Oh, you know what else I do?
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Great topic.
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I'm all the time looking at houses now.
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I like to go at the house and I like to see when it was built, all the times it was sold and what they made, like what the new person made every time.
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So I can judge what they're charging now based on what they've done to the house.
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Like, yeah, you bought it for six.
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You're not selling it for 10.
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Yeah.
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And especially when it was like three months ago, you bought it.
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Yeah.
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Like there's no way you did $400,000 worth of work in three months.
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I love doing it.
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And I look at property taxes.
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Yeah.
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Yeah.
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Permits.
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You look at permits.
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Oh, yeah.
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Did you do that work legitimately?
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Yeah.
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You look up, wait, how do you look up permits?
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And like Realtor.com, it'll show like there's 10 permits associated with this.
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And you look at the permits and it's like rebuild bathroom pool.
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Nice.
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Yeah, we got a section of our house that's unpermitted.
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We have no idea what it is.
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Oh, you didn't, not like you dodged the permits.
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You just know that somewhere in there there's an unpermitted.
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We have more storage footage than what's permitted for the house.
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what if it's like a weird middle sliver
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of your house and it's not permitted
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well we've got
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a detached garage
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which that might have been an after build
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and then we have a faux garage
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or a living room actually
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like one wall is a garage
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I was picturing like the car goes to drive
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into the garage but it's just like a picture of a garage
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so we think
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that house was built in the 70s and we think
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that because there's other houses with the same floor
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plan in our neighborhood because it was like
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you know, a builder's choice or whatever.
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Yeah.
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And there are models where the garage actually works and what our living room is would be
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a garage.
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And our living room is sunken and it's not on the same slab as the rest of the house.
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So I think it was like an option that then, I guess back in the seventies, they're like.
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Sink it.
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I love a sunken living room.
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Yeah, me too.
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It's pretty cool.
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Yeah.
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You just got cooler.
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Yeah, you did.
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Thanks.
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It's the, uh, cause we also have low ceilings.
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So, uh, it's the only.
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Well, not if you're in the living room.
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It's a very cozy feeling house.
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Yeah, the living room's the highest.
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It's the only place I can actually put my hands.
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No, I mean, I've got maybe like three or four inches.
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Nice.
4:57
Welcome to Friends Like Us, podcast where friends talk about stuff.
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Before we begin, regular listeners to the show will know every week Joe, our producer
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Joe, gives us each a secret word to say at some point in time throughout the podcast.
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And if we can guess at the end of the podcast what the other people's secret word is, then we win a prize that's yet to be determined.
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Maybe a picture of oranges from Target.
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I don't know.
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We'll see.
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We'll see.
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We have been given our secret words.
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And here's Joe with the secret words.
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Jenna's secret word is hydrogen.
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Francis's secret word is harass.
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Blake's secret word is urine.
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Okay. Well, good talk.
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Yeah.
5:53
I think it's time to get to our first segment.
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I think we should introduce Blake.
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Oh, shoot. We should. Sorry. There's this strange third voice.
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Don't introduce me. I'll just interject.
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I'm Jenna. With me as always is Francis.
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Hey, girl.
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Keeping me honest is Francis.
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And we have a special guest today, friend Blake. How are you, Blake?
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I'm good. Thank you.
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Oh, you're welcome.
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Thanks for being here.
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Oh, thank you very much.
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It's very nice to be here.
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Oh, good.
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All right.
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Now that shit out of the way.
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Let's get to our first segment, which is the invention of the week.
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Okay.
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Inventions.
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I thought a lot about this.
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And don't shit on it, okay?
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It's good.
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That ball is in your court, my man.
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All right.
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I got to paint a picture for you.
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Okay.
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You go to the bank.
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You're excited.
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You got a paper check.
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Yeah.
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And you're going to have money in your account.
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Finally.
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You just got to go cash it.
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Yeah.
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You got your check in your purse.
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You're walking into the bank.
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You're smiling.
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You're waving at people.
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It's great.
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Yeah.
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Oh, Carol.
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Hey.
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Yeah.
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Yeah.
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Anyway, you go in the bank.
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You're in line.
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It feels, you know, it's always nice and chill in the bank.
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Cool.
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Yep.
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There's that smell of triplicate paper that somehow lingers even though they don't have it anymore.
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Love the bank.
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Yeah.
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All of a sudden, a man walks in the bank.
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The man has a mask on.
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You are worried.
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Yeah.
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But you don't want to be that person.
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Maybe he's just ugly.
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The guy with the ski mask.
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Yeah.
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Is it the ski mask?
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Yeah.
7:43
Okay.
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Yeah.
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when they dissect this after it's going to be like
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they were clearly being rubbed
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why was she waving at him
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does he have friendly eyes
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it's hard to say because we forgot our glasses
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anyway
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two other men walk in
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they all have guns
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they pull the guns up
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this is about to be a real situation
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oh no
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what do you do
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oh if only there was an invention
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for this specific scenario
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Well, guess what?
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What?
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There is.
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Give me your money, the guy says.
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Yeah.
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And the teller.
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Carol.
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Is prepared.
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Yes, teller's waving at you.
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Don't worry, I got this.
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Reaches under, flips a switch, activating the bank's proprietary system of intense earth magnets that are up at the ceiling.
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The guns fly immediately to the ceiling.
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where they stay.
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And so do all of the customers
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that are wearing metal jewelry.
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My belt is now...
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Well, no, your belt's not going to unhook, and your jewelry's not going to unclasp.
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No, it's not.
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You might just be...
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No, no, no.
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Do my fillings come out?
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I don't know.
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All right, finish your idea.
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It's strong enough for guns.
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It's not strong enough to lift a person.
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It's balanced for a woman.
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Okay.
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Okay.
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And that's it.
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It's an anti-terrorist magnet system for banks and schools.
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Okay.
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Okay.
9:24
I mean, well, obviously, well, I'm glad you're now moving on to commercial inventions and not individual inventions.
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is the entire roof a magnet or is it like magnet spots so that on the floor there'll be an x and
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it says like robbers stand here well our um techs will but that's a decoy x so the robber's like i'm
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not following for that and then they stand right next to it then that's the real spot yeah i was
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thinking our engineers could do like calculations and figure where robbers would be most likely to
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based on prior robberies.
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You're using statistics. I like that.
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Yeah.
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Wait, I had a question for this.
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It flew out of my head. Oh no, the magnet
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took the question out of my head.
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Where's your thought?
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Will my debit card still work
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after you flip this magnet switch?
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No.
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You're alive. I like that.
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But that's okay because you brought a paper check.
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Yeah.
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I forgot. I'm not in the banking community
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actually. This is my first day in a bank.
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Yeah. Okay.
10:32
What do you do for
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non-metal?
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Wouldn't this just immediately
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make people... 3D printed guns.
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Yeah, or like
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in the movie In the Line of Fire,
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John Malkovich's character
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makes a porcelain gun
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so that it goes through
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metal detectors and it's not detected.
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Was it porcelain? I thought it was just
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like plastic, like polymer.
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Yeah, it's like something like that.
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I thought he said the word porcelain.
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Like a rubber band with a paperclip, like shut it off.
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My child brain, and I don't mean now.
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I mean when I was a child and I watched this movie,
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for some reason the word porcelain stuck in my head,
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but it looked like a polymer type thing.
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Basically something that can't be detected by metal.
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What do you do then?
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Because this would be an immediate pivot.
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If I was a bank robber, I would immediately pivot.
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No, you wouldn't.
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Oh, okay, why?
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Because no serious robbers bringing a porcelain gun to a bank And no one going to think that this bank has the proprietary magnet system I mean I seen commercials for it sure but not this bank
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This is a bad bank.
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This is not the best bank.
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You're right.
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We've never reached the portion of the invention of the week.
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You're going to look behind the curtain, Blake.
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This is where Francis gets very exasperated that his vision is not so clearly obvious.
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Okay.
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There's going to be a lot of eye-rolling from here on out.
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No, no, no.
12:00
No, that's not.
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I don't think I do that.
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You do.
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I roll?
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You just did.
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Damn, damn.
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Okay.
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Well, I forgot to mention the plastic and porcelain magnet system.
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Oh, oh.
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You should have led with that.
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Yeah.
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If you can kill with it, it can be magnetized.
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Okay.
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It's true.
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It's true.
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It's true for ropes.
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it's true for
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kindness
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kindness
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that's great
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poor Carol's in trouble
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she's so nice
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there's only one downside to this
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if you have a pacemaker
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you will be dead
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oh
12:39
well
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if you have a pacemaker
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you're probably pretty close to death
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anyway
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that's
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you've already died once
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I think that's actually
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not true
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but
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people with pacemakers
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out there
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I'm sorry
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we know you're listening
12:55
and I apologize for that.
12:57
I'll do better. I'll learn more about how that
12:59
technology keeps you alive. Maybe go to the
13:01
drive-thru.
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Oh, yeah. Alright. There you go.
13:05
What about robbers
13:07
at the drive-thru?
13:09
That's a great idea. That's where we should
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be robbing. Yeah, the drive-thru?
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Yeah. Because the magnet's not there.
13:15
Stick a gun in one of those pneumatic tubes.
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The guy that goes in,
13:19
give me all the money you are, we'll shoot you with this gun.
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Tyler's just pointing at her colleagues.
13:23
I'm sorry, I don't want to.
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You came for the tube.
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I have to do something.
13:30
It's an integrity thing.
13:32
No, send it back because I need it.
13:35
It's just to prove I got this gun.
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I know, I know.
13:40
So, uh...
13:41
So, do we have...
13:47
Do you have a name for this?
13:49
I do.
13:50
Okay.
13:50
And I thought a lot about it.
13:52
and unfortunately the best I could come up with
13:55
is
13:55
gone
13:59
gone
14:04
like a gun is gone
14:07
yeah
14:07
gone gun
14:09
damn
14:11
that's not bad
14:13
gone yeah
14:15
or goo gone
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no like you know that
14:18
that product the
14:20
Goobie Gun?
14:21
Yeah, like the sink cleaner thing.
14:23
Like Goobie Gun?
14:24
Oh, Goobie Gun, yeah.
14:26
Goobie Gun?
14:28
Goobie Gun?
14:29
Goobie's Gun.
14:31
Well, yeah, there you have it.
14:32
Goobie's Gun.
14:34
You've been boofed.
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I did the best thing for a podcast.
14:38
I drew a picture of your invention.
14:41
Yeah, yeah, that's exactly it.
14:44
Okay.
14:45
Yeah.
14:46
Well, yeah.
14:49
Follow us on social media.
14:50
you will see that picture
14:51
somewhere on our social medias.
14:55
Would it be funny if you,
14:56
when the guns went up?
14:57
At flu pod official.
15:00
Across all social.
15:00
No.
15:01
Oh, I'm Amora.
15:02
Yeah, no, that's okay.
15:03
At flu pod official
15:04
on all social media.
15:07
Anyway, sorry.
15:08
Go ahead.
15:08
Sorry, no, I just had a passing thought.
15:09
If you turn the magnets on
15:11
and the guns went up.
15:11
Yeah.
15:12
And for fun, you turned it off
15:13
and they fell.
15:13
And then like,
15:14
they were like trying to scramble
15:15
to get them and you turn it on again.
15:16
Yeah.
15:16
Make them look stupid.
15:18
I really want.
15:20
what's
15:22
what's
15:22
what's
15:22
what's
15:22
what's
15:22
from like
15:23
going up
15:24
with the gun
15:24
I'm picturing
15:25
a bunch of
15:26
human beings
15:27
stuck to this
15:28
magnet
15:28
it's gonna be
15:29
it's like
15:29
do I let go
15:33
this gun
15:34
really wants
15:34
to go
15:35
so then
15:36
someone can
15:37
come up
15:37
and tickle
15:38
you
15:38
oh yeah
15:40
and then
15:41
but then
15:41
yeah
15:42
the tickling
15:43
is a kind
15:45
of torture
15:45
yeah it's true
15:46
if you have
15:47
a trigger
15:47
happy robber
15:48
just comes in
15:48
a blazing
15:49
can you turn
15:49
on the magnet and it'll catch the bullets.
15:51
The bullets will go up.
15:54
You promise. That's a guarantee.
15:56
I promise.
15:57
I promise from the Cayman Islands
15:59
where I live with my money.
16:02
It can't be extradited.
16:06
The gun
16:07
girl gun.
16:08
Gone.
16:10
Gone.
16:11
Gone.
16:13
Gone.
16:15
Gone go.
16:17
That'd be great.
16:19
There's a sticker on the front of the window of the bank that says,
16:22
Equipped with Gun Go.
16:24
We have the system.
16:25
Yes, the one.
16:27
That's right.
16:28
That one.
16:29
This means you.
16:29
Yeah.
16:30
And we have the plastic and porcelain filters, too.
16:34
And the kindness.
16:35
And the kindness.
16:36
Sorry, Carol.
16:39
Hmm.
16:40
Yeah.
16:41
So, okay.
16:42
Now I have to think.
16:43
If I owned a bank, would I buy this?
16:47
Keep in mind, it works.
16:49
I, that's a good thing to keep in mind when evaluating whether you buy something.
16:58
I don't know.
17:00
To me, again, it's, it feels like the Ashaundam in that I think I want to, I want to endorse
17:06
it just because I want to see people using it.
17:10
I want to see the hilarity that will ensue once this metal like thing happens.
17:14
I think there's going to be a whole bunch of unintended consequences of things flying
17:18
off people's bodies.
17:20
Yeah. If you have a small
17:22
child with a belt, I bet you he flies
17:24
up. Maybe it's too...
17:26
He could grab the gun.
17:28
On his way up?
17:29
And get a shot in at the robber.
17:32
That's good.
17:32
When the bullet will go up.
17:34
You turn it off briefly.
17:36
When the good guys are shooting,
17:39
you turn it off.
17:40
Good guys shooting, you turn it off.
17:43
Just behind
17:44
the desk, what was her name?
17:46
Mabel. She's back there. Carol.
17:48
Carol's just flipping it. Yeah.
17:50
I think Carol would have a field day with this.
17:52
Now you have to get the employees
17:54
properly trained on this.
17:56
I love that Carol has just become like
17:58
a Bugs Bunny character at this point.
18:01
Carol loves it too.
18:03
I like the idea of all the pins on
18:04
chains just floating
18:06
above the desks. Well, they'll fly right up.
18:08
They're on a chain. It'll rip the chain.
18:10
It'll rip the chain. Oh, exactly.
18:12
And it might even rip your earlobe if you have like
18:14
Oh. You're definitely
18:16
going to lose your earrings. Well, you're alive.
18:18
Wear clip-ons in this bank.
18:20
Yeah.
18:22
Always wear clip-ons to the bank, folks.
18:24
Or real gold.
18:26
Or real gold, yeah.
18:28
It's not magnetic.
18:29
It won't be affected by it.
18:30
Don't come with those iron earrings. Don't you think no one's ever thought of this, though?
18:34
It's crazy
18:35
that no one's ever thought of this.
18:36
Actually, for all we know, I've never been in a
18:39
bank that's about to be robbed.
18:41
You just walk in today
18:42
and just pull a gun out and be like, go ahead.
18:45
And then watch what, and then suddenly it's out of my hands and onto the ceiling.
18:48
But they're the one bank that doesn't have it, so you just get arrested.
18:51
I mean, maybe they all do have this, and they just don't tell you about it.
18:57
Banks, if you're listening, write to us.
19:00
Do you have this already?
19:01
Do you already have, I keep forgetting.
19:04
Gone.
19:05
Gone.
19:06
Gone.
19:06
Gone.
19:07
How do you spell that?
19:08
G-U-A-H-H.
19:15
N.
19:16
N.
19:17
N.
19:17
I was hoping a W would be in there.
19:21
There's not.
19:23
There's several H's.
19:25
Two H's and four N's.
19:28
Thank you.
19:29
Exclamation point at the end?
19:31
Let me try it.
19:33
Gone!
19:35
That was a question mark.
19:36
Was it?
19:37
Yeah, you added a question mark at the end.
19:40
Gone!
19:41
With three staccato, it sounds like shooting.
19:43
that's what we need to do
19:46
thank you for considering everything
19:50
I'm going to say it's an angry
19:52
exclamation point
19:53
yeah
19:55
yeah
19:57
and that's that
19:59
again I think this is a
20:01
I would like to see this being used
20:03
so for my own amusement
20:04
I would invest in this
20:07
what's to stop people from putting this in their own house
20:09
expensive
20:11
only banks have that kind of money
20:13
It's basically an MRI machine in the attic.
20:15
Could you make a portable version for on the go?
20:20
Ooh.
20:22
That seems like something a criminal would do.
20:26
Like they've hacked the system and now it's like, watch this.
20:29
Are you saying that your god can be thwarted with your own personal god?
20:36
Two gods make a right?
20:38
Yeah.
20:38
I don't know.
20:40
Your name.
20:41
Yeah.
20:42
I'm just not sure.
20:43
That's for the personal version.
20:45
Two gones make a right.
20:47
So think about this from the Game of Islands.
20:50
I don't know how magnets work.
20:52
No one does.
20:53
No one does, yeah.
20:54
No one does.
20:55
Did you know you can open a safe with a magnet?
20:58
What?
20:59
You get earth magnets.
21:00
Wait, is this going to open the Burt Banks vaults?
21:04
Next segment.
21:07
I want to hear this.
21:08
No, I want to sell this thing.
21:10
Shit.
21:13
No, let's pretend like I didn't say that.
21:15
Okay, shoot.
21:17
Yeah, I watched the video.
21:18
You can take two earth magnets.
21:20
Why are they earth magnets?
21:21
I don't know about magnets.
21:23
I just know the words.
21:24
Okay, two earth magnets.
21:25
Okay.
21:29
Told you it's exasperated.
21:33
No, I'm cool.
21:35
And you put it up against the safe where the bars are locked,
21:38
and you put the magnets in a sock.
21:40
I saw about this.
21:41
and you pull the magnets away
21:43
and the bars open in the safe.
21:46
There's YouTube videos about this.
21:49
But you're...
21:51
But the gearing.
21:52
Yeah, I know.
21:55
Well, alright.
21:57
That sounds like it works on like a bathroom stall door.
22:00
Boom.
22:01
Yeah, that kind of...
22:02
Oh, the magnet curve strikes again.
22:11
Well, I'd invest to see it in action because I think it's funny.
22:17
Thanks.
22:18
Blake, what are your thoughts?
22:19
I like your secondary idea of creating a magnet device to unlock bathroom doors when it's an emergency for you.
22:26
Not my idea.
22:28
I think that's way more useful.
22:30
Hey, someone's in the stall too long.
22:31
Boom.
22:32
Slip.
22:32
Oh, it was.
22:33
Okay.
22:34
You're policing the stall.
22:35
You're not attacking people.
22:36
Okay.
22:37
No, just got to go.
22:40
All right.
22:41
Well, go to friendslikeuspod.com to invest in the gone.
22:50
Any final thoughts or should we just close the invention of the week?
22:53
No, I did what I could.
22:55
All right.
22:56
That's it for the invention of the week.
23:01
It time for our next segment We need a job Hello 911 We need a job
23:15
This is not a commentary on the fact that we all need jobs.
23:19
This actually came to me in a dream the other night.
23:22
I dreamed we were recording the podcast,
23:24
and the segment was We Need a Job,
23:26
and here's how this segment works.
23:28
we all have to come up with a job that doesn't already exist yet on this planet
23:34
that will like once we invent it will have the highest rate of employment once this job is
23:42
activated basically i don't know if that makes sense you get it so once i've created this job
23:49
i am a true job creator and i can employ most of the population yeah you want to have what's
23:54
a job that would get, like if this job
23:56
existed, suddenly
23:57
tons of people would be employed.
24:00
Just professional carrier of shit.
24:03
Shouldn't be...
24:04
You just carry things.
24:06
Oh, okay. I was like...
24:08
I don't carry that.
24:11
Well,
24:13
you can think about it.
24:15
I'll go first, because in my dream
24:16
I actually thought of what my answer would be.
24:19
And then you guys can...
24:21
We can save you for last.
24:22
So you can come up with something better than professional carrier of shit.
24:26
Okay.
24:29
My adventure,
24:31
my job would be car crash liaison.
24:36
Every time you're in a car accident,
24:38
you get a personal liaison to help take care of all the details and the
24:43
minutia that comes up with having to take care of a car crash.
24:49
and uh and everybody gets their own so that's like i think there are probably tons of
24:56
car crashes every day both sides get their own liaison okay so it's two people per crash now
25:02
yep and you think there's so many car crashes that everyone has around the world yeah and if
25:09
let's say you're only liaising everyone like this happens and you're gonna get a car crash liaison
25:15
Can you guys liaise each other?
25:17
Can two people be each other's liaisons?
25:20
No.
25:21
You have to have a distinct liaison
25:23
for every car crash.
25:28
The liaison can only handle one car crash at a time.
25:30
They retire after that?
25:32
No, then they can get a new one.
25:34
It's not like one liaison is handling 100 car crashes.
25:38
I feel like this would cover as many car crashes
25:42
as there are in a day across the whole world.
25:45
Hmm.
25:46
What, you're skeptical?
25:47
I am.
25:48
I don't think there's enough car crashes that everyone who needs a job would have a job.
25:53
Well, I didn't say every...
25:54
No, no, no.
25:54
This is just...
25:55
This is about maximizing as many jobs as you can get out of...
25:58
It's not literally there's nobody unemployed anymore.
26:02
Okay.
26:02
It's just...
26:03
We're just...
26:03
Come up with an idea and...
26:06
Okay.
26:08
And we'll see who gets the most jobs out of their idea.
26:12
Thank you for the note.
26:13
Yeah.
26:13
Are we going to post these jobs
26:15
and people apply?
26:16
Yeah, we could do a poll and see who wants to apply
26:19
for your guys' jobs and who gets the most
26:22
applications.
26:24
Yeah, all right, we'll do a poll.
26:25
Real resumes only, though, people.
26:28
That kind of makes me wonder, though.
26:30
Do people have to bid for these?
26:31
It's like everyone's waiting and they see
26:33
a ding new accident and whoever gets there
26:35
first is the liaison?
26:38
I'll take it, I'll take it.
26:39
It's mine.
26:41
Sure.
26:41
I don't care.
26:44
Or if they're assigned
26:46
randomly assigned. Just one happens
26:48
and you're the next in the line for that accident.
26:50
Thank you.
26:51
Alright, so that's my idea.
26:54
Car crash liaison.
26:57
Okay.
26:57
You want to go? Okay, I can go.
27:01
My job
27:02
is called hydration
27:04
specialist.
27:06
And this is a person
27:07
that observes you urinate.
27:10
or take your urine.
27:12
Make sure you've been drinking enough water.
27:14
Make sure it's the right hue
27:16
of
27:18
yellow or brown depending on the person.
27:24
They're aiming for clear. We all know they're aiming for clear.
27:27
But it's just that
27:28
trusted specialist
27:30
that goes, hey,
27:32
I have an extra glass of water today.
27:35
While you're peeing?
27:36
Yes, it has to be in the moment.
27:38
In person. Yes.
27:39
yes they need to see the stream
27:41
okay wouldn't this
27:43
lead to like a daisy chain of
27:45
everybody's hydration specialist
27:47
being in the room like
27:48
because that guy's got a hydration specialist too
27:51
or is this a voluntary thing
27:52
is like everyone has one or
27:54
well if it's voluntary it's not employment so
27:56
or do they just stay in the bathroom and wait
27:59
I feel like you could just like
28:01
it could be remote you don't actually
28:03
have to be there
28:03
but you can have like your toilet could have
28:07
a video camera in it which I know that
28:08
Exposes us to a lot of weird situations.
28:11
But it only goes off when the seat is up.
28:15
Well, that probably wouldn't work either.
28:18
Anyway, there's some kind of sensor scanning situation that then sends information to an individual
28:27
so that they can review it and make sure your urine is the appropriate color for proper hydration.
28:34
And they can advise you appropriately.
28:36
You need more electrolytes.
28:39
That's smart.
28:40
Thank you.
28:42
Okay.
28:44
All right.
28:45
Francis, do you have a...
28:46
Yep.
28:47
I don't know if I'm about to feel real smart or real dumb.
28:50
We'll see.
28:51
I was thinking cool rock finder.
28:57
Okay.
28:58
Because if I want to create the most amount of jobs, it's like, you want to work?
29:02
Get out there.
29:04
Find a rock.
29:06
So when do you consider a person employed in this position?
29:09
Is it just the first rock that they find cool or otherwise?
29:12
They can do as many as they want.
29:13
But then it's just like I walk out my front door and then I pick up a rock and then what, I'm employed now?
29:18
If it's cool.
29:20
Oh, so your first cool rock that you find suddenly now.
29:24
Temperature or vibe?
29:25
Color, vibe, material.
29:27
Shape.
29:28
Yeah, something that's like, wow, this.
29:30
Shape.
29:30
Like, have you ever been out in nature?
29:31
I would like a chilly rock, though.
29:33
Chilly rock?
29:33
Yeah, like a cool one.
29:34
Oh, chill rock.
29:35
Temperature, yeah.
29:37
I don't know why I thought this was a drug thing.
29:40
Got a chili rock.
29:44
I guess the barrier to entry for that is...
29:49
Who pays them?
29:50
Low.
29:51
How come I'm the only one being asked who's paying the employees?
29:56
I would pay for cool rocks.
29:57
The government's paying.
29:59
If they're really cool.
30:00
The rocks line things.
30:02
they are also
30:03
cannon fodder
30:04
my pockets with money
30:06
cannon fodder
30:10
they're literally
30:11
bullets are made of rocks now
30:13
okay
30:14
next week's invention
30:16
are rocks
30:17
some of them
30:20
cool magnetic rock
30:22
I love that
30:24
C-M-R-I
30:26
Kermy
30:28
all right so i guess we'll see who wins all right uh yeah this is gonna be a poll
30:36
we're gonna have to create a poll probably on instagram is my guess so
30:41
check out flu pod official our instagram vote uh on which one you think well should it be should
30:50
they vote on which one they would want to do or which one they think would actually
30:54
create the most jobs.
30:57
That was the prompt.
30:58
That was the prompt.
30:59
Yeah.
31:00
So,
31:02
I'll just count my rocks
31:03
all the way to the Cayman Islands,
31:04
I guess.
31:06
Where you're going to find
31:07
a bunch of cool rocks
31:08
so you'll continue to be employed.
31:10
Yeah.
31:11
Okay.
31:12
Well, I guess we'll find out
31:13
when the poll closes.
31:16
Yeah, soon.
31:17
Yeah, all right.
31:19
Good job, everybody.
31:20
Well, we did it.
31:21
That was
31:22
We Need a Job.
31:24
All right.
31:29
One final segment.
31:31
Oh, yeah.
31:32
The big question.
31:35
The question is very big.
31:38
Francis, you got a big question?
31:40
I have a big question.
31:40
All right.
31:41
All right, my people.
31:42
Yeah.
31:43
Yes.
31:45
If you could go into any book or movie, like any fictional situation,
31:52
and like mess things up for someone,
31:56
who would you mess with?
32:00
Like what arc would you derail?
32:04
Oh, wait.
32:05
So any book or any fictional movie?
32:09
I don't know what else exists.
32:10
Can't think of anything.
32:11
Song.
32:12
That would be an interesting choice.
32:14
Janie doesn't have a gun.
32:18
Good luck at that bank now, Janie.
32:22
um
32:25
well who do I hate
32:28
in fiction and
32:30
or movie yeah
32:32
hmm do you have anything
32:35
in mind oh I immediately already
32:37
okay and this
32:39
is going to be controversial but I would
32:40
um I would go and
32:43
tell Luke Skywalker
32:44
that Darth Vader is his dad and he
32:47
should just leave the whole situation alone
32:48
oh like early on yeah
32:50
I would ruin that for all the Star Wars
32:54
fans. What if he didn't believe you?
32:56
Oh, he'll believe me.
32:59
How are you going to get him to
33:00
believe you? I'll just
33:01
give him puppy dog eyes or something like that.
33:03
You know, it'll work. You're going to
33:05
harass Luke Skywalker with puppy dog eyes?
33:08
I mean, he's... Luke Skywalker
33:10
pretty much listens to a lot of strangers.
33:12
Okay.
33:14
He does.
33:14
Yeah.
33:15
what would the fate of that end up being
33:23
I'm trying to think
33:24
Darth Vader goes I guess I'm going to tell you
33:27
and he's like yeah I know
33:29
yeah I know
33:30
yeah I got it
33:32
yeah thanks dad
33:34
yeah I know
33:36
you kissed your sister
33:38
and then write your credits
33:41
the only one movie's made
33:44
say it to everybody
33:45
I don't actually know the answer to this question
33:48
because I'm not like huge into Star Wars or anything
33:50
I've seen the original ones
33:52
but so Luke has this
33:54
big moment where he's like no
33:55
you're not my dad does Leia ever
33:58
have that moment
33:59
I don't know if she ever figures it out
34:02
but they just let her
34:04
women folk can't handle
34:06
kind of
34:07
I mean I view this situation as
34:10
I'm like I'm saving this guy's hand
34:12
is it his left hand or his right
34:14
does it matter?
34:16
I'm going to say left
34:17
I think it's a left too
34:18
but like a hand is a terrible thing to lose
34:22
like you don't
34:24
gotta lose it dude
34:24
you know you get the ball in the hole
34:27
on the dust side
34:28
or like a robot
34:30
yeah it would work just as well
34:33
he's fine
34:34
there no way it works just as well it probably better cause oh like Yeah You don have to sit on it anymore It was his right hand by the way
34:45
It was a righty?
34:47
Well, I don't know which hand
34:49
he was dominant with, but he lost his
34:51
right hand. I thought he was a righty. Statistically,
34:53
it probably was a righty. So he won that...
34:55
Did he...
34:56
Did he win that lightsaber fight?
34:58
Or it just kind of came to a draw and they all ran away?
35:01
I can't remember. I recently watched all three of the original
35:03
movies did you i can't tell you the answer we've lost the star wars fan base we'll get back yeah
35:11
um star wars fan base if you're listening and we know you are
35:17
uh we'll get you back somehow someday don't give up on us yet um we'll see now i feel like
35:25
should i i wasn't thinking in terms of like that like should i
35:29
go into the movie Oppenheimer and tell him
35:32
just maybe leave hydrogen alone.
35:33
Or whatever.
35:34
Your original idea was just
35:37
to mess with somebody in a way that didn't really change
35:40
plot?
35:40
Yeah.
35:42
Interesting.
35:44
I was thinking
35:45
I really
35:47
hated the book Jane Eyre.
35:51
I would just mess
35:52
with Jane Eyre.
35:55
He's not going to fall in love with you at the end.
35:58
Yeah. I don't know.
35:59
Like, I like thinking of it like in taking it personally.
36:04
Like, I hate that part of my life was ruined by having to read Jane Eyre.
36:08
And I've resented it ever since.
36:10
And I read that when I was like 13.
36:12
And I've been mad about it for years.
36:14
Because it was like a sign.
36:15
Summer reading thing?
36:16
The sign reading somewhere in my.
36:18
I swear I've never heard of it.
36:20
It's like a big.
36:22
It's a big like.
36:23
Sugar crush.
36:24
it's one of the horrible bronte sisters and uh it's it's one of those it's like
36:34
like girls are supposed to like it or something i don't know i just thought it was so boring
36:40
and i thought it was so terrible and i that's a bad soundbite yeah the times people have told me
36:45
girls like it yeah girls are supposed to like it i don't know but it's like i don't know it's
36:50
like emily dickinson like i don't give a shit what you have to say emily shut up so sorry about hope
36:58
having feathers yeah wait no that's not emily dickinson that's maya angelou she can talk
37:04
isn't maya angelou the one who said hope is the thing oh no my angelou was uh the cage bird i'm
37:12
getting my i'm getting my poetic bird references you're messing with a lot of fiction books here
37:17
I know.
37:17
Well, anyway, I'd find a way to fuck with Jane Eyre.
37:20
That's what I'd do.
37:22
Yeah.
37:24
Or Rebecca.
37:25
I also didn't like the book Rebecca.
37:28
Yeah.
37:29
Anyway.
37:30
Mine is vengeful for the time that I wasted having read it.
37:34
I'm noticing that Blake wants to do it to help the character,
37:38
and you want to do it to satisfy your own loathing.
37:41
This is for Jenna.
37:42
I want my time back
37:49
I actually
37:50
can I quickly interject with an answer
37:52
you've inspired me before we get to Francis' answer
37:55
this is Joe
37:56
I would do The Old Man in the Sea
37:59
and I would just shove
38:01
Santiago into the water and let him drown
38:02
oh okay another vengeful one
38:05
yeah so that way I'd just save myself
38:07
some time having to read that book
38:09
so terrible
38:10
sucks
38:11
so boring.
38:13
Oh man, come on. That's a Hemingway
38:15
classic, man. That's about the
38:17
yearning of work.
38:20
Hemingway
38:21
overrated.
38:23
Even he thought so. He shot himself.
38:26
It'd be funny if I go home
38:27
and I have the book open with
38:29
a bookmark in it because it's my first time reading it and I just
38:31
close it.
38:34
You were mid-read.
38:35
Oh man, Santiago's going to do some
38:37
really crazy stuff. I know it.
38:39
Nope.
38:41
Thank you.
38:42
All right.
38:43
So I have inspired you to be vengeful, Joe.
38:45
Good.
38:45
All right.
38:47
Well, this is dumb, but I was thinking, would it be funny?
38:49
I'll be the judge of that.
38:50
Thank you.
38:51
Wouldn't it be funny if you went into the Saw movies and just told everyone how to get out of the traps?
38:59
Yeah.
38:59
So, like, he'd be so embarrassed.
39:01
Like, the video starts and they're already, like, the collar's off.
39:06
I like that.
39:07
That would make it really funny.
39:09
I would like seeing that.
39:11
I'd love to see a scene when a little tricycle comes in.
39:13
Somebody just comes from the side.
39:14
Who's telling you?
39:18
Parallel of the ground.
39:19
Just full spear.
39:21
Side tackle.
39:22
Big time.
39:23
That would be funny.
39:24
A good side tackle is always funny.
39:27
Yeah.
39:28
He sidles in and is just like, guys.
39:32
Guys.
39:33
Where is everybody?
39:34
How come no one's heads explode?
39:36
I worked really hard on this.
39:39
Took me three hours to put this makeup on.
39:40
I'm trying to teach a lesson here.
39:44
Well, thanks.
39:45
All right.
39:46
So, Blake was being nice.
39:49
I was being mean.
39:51
And you were just kind of being comedic.
39:53
I like it.
39:54
The tripod.
39:54
Yep.
39:59
All right.
39:59
Well, I think we have our answers to the big question.
40:03
Exciting.
40:04
The big question.
40:06
Well, there's only one thing left.
40:07
left. All three
40:10
of you guys said your secret words.
40:11
You guys all did a real good
40:14
job, by the way. Yeah, because everything felt so smooth.
40:16
Okay.
40:17
Okay, what do we do? I know Francis...
40:20
Okay. What? Francis, I know
40:22
you wrote down suggestions. I feel
40:24
like I could guess what one of your guesses
40:26
for me is. Okay, go ahead.
40:27
I think you're going to guess that my word is pneumatic.
40:31
I didn't even hear you say that.
40:32
Oh, the tube! The tube, okay. No, was that
40:34
your word? No, it was not. No, but I saw
40:36
you write that down. No, I didn't write that down.
40:38
No, I saw you write something down right
40:40
around the same time that I said pneumatic.
40:41
Well, my guess for you is liaison.
40:44
No. You think
40:46
I dreamed my secret word?
40:52
No, you could have. I didn't know
40:54
you dreamed that. You could have slipped it in.
40:56
No, no, no. Car crash
40:57
liaison was fully in my dream.
41:00
The wording and everything.
41:02
Was it pivot?
41:04
No. Okay, I'm out of guesses for you.
41:05
Is this the part where you guess if Jenna's word was Earth Magnet?
41:10
Princess has a long history of guessing words that he says first.
41:14
It's called Inception.
41:15
Yeah.
41:16
All right, Blake, do you have a guess for what my secret word was?
41:18
No, I didn't pick up anything on you at all.
41:21
Nice.
41:22
By the way, halfway through this, I realized, oh, I should be looking out for a secret word.
41:25
I know.
41:26
It's, yeah.
41:27
We don't do well with this.
41:31
We really are bad at this.
41:32
We're quite bad.
41:33
You'll hear this.
41:34
Mostly myths.
41:35
my secret word was hydrogen.
41:40
Really?
41:40
Is that why you went with Oppenheimer?
41:42
Yep.
41:43
Oh.
41:44
Yes.
41:44
You dog.
41:46
I was very grateful to Blake for the opening for that.
41:48
I was like, okay, I know I can work my word in now.
41:50
So, yeah.
41:52
Damn.
41:54
Your hydrogen went away.
41:56
Okay.
41:58
All right.
41:58
Great.
41:59
Good job.
42:00
Thank you.
42:01
So, Francis.
42:02
Yeah.
42:03
Jenny, you got a guess?
42:04
Is your secret word puppy dog?
42:08
Did I say that?
42:09
You said puppy dog eyes.
42:11
Oh, no, no, I didn't.
42:14
Oh, okay.
42:14
I said that.
42:16
Oh, yeah.
42:17
Oh, wow.
42:19
I'm turning into a real Francis.
42:22
I thought you were taught.
42:25
Do you have a guess?
42:26
I think your word is prompt.
42:29
It's not.
42:31
I'm really happy that Blake didn't guess
42:33
that would be embarrassing
42:34
if you come in
42:35
right out of the gate
42:36
yeah
42:36
and then we're just
42:37
we have to leave
42:37
out him saying the word
42:39
and then you'd be like
42:40
no that's not it
42:40
yeah
42:41
we'd have to go
42:42
into doctor history
42:43
yep
42:44
my word is harass
42:45
oh
42:47
when did you say it
42:48
I mean
42:49
harass Luke Skywalker
42:50
with puppy dog eyes
42:51
there we go
42:53
I saw something going on
42:55
with when you said puppy dog
42:57
I was like
42:57
something was a little
42:58
off about this
42:59
I got the wrong
43:00
yeah you did
43:01
got the wrong word
43:01
that was a real
43:02
hone your craft
43:03
sort of situation. Yes, it was.
43:07
All right, now we're on to
43:09
V-Man.
43:10
Cool.
43:12
Was your word
43:14
hydration?
43:17
No. Oh. Good one,
43:19
good one. Okay.
43:20
You're kind of close.
43:22
Specialist? No, wait.
43:25
Was it specialist? No,
43:27
but how are you giving proximity
43:29
alerts before Francis
43:31
is... Yeah, that's true.
43:32
It's just what we do, Blake.
43:35
Just shut up.
43:37
You come on to our podcast
43:39
and have the gall to question our process.
43:43
Well, my light's been red the whole time,
43:45
so I know that none of this is getting recorded.
43:47
Close to hydration.
43:49
Do you mean close as in when that conversation was happening?
43:52
Yes.
43:52
Oh, shit.
43:53
Well, Jesus Christ.
43:54
Very close.
43:55
Oh, no.
43:59
Is it...
44:01
This is a great podcast.
44:06
Are you just going to regurgitate this out?
44:08
Like you're hoping it comes from deep within?
44:12
Oh god, is it brown?
44:16
Brown?
44:18
Is that your final answer?
44:20
No.
44:21
No, it's not.
44:22
We're just hoping you didn't say brown peeve.
44:26
Because it was in your heart.
44:28
Yeah, we were hoping you said it as a way
44:31
to get your secret word out. Is it stream?
44:34
No. Okay.
44:35
Alright, what was it?
44:36
It's either urine or urine, depending on
44:39
what part of the world you're in.
44:40
I was literally going to say that. I'm like, there's no way that word was
44:43
generated. It was.
44:44
You made a whole
44:46
job out of your...
44:49
Oh, yeah. You need backstory
44:51
to sell out. Nobody vote
44:53
for that one. It was bored in
44:55
sin. Yes.
44:56
That job was for false pretenses.
44:59
if you already went and voted on that poll
45:01
if you paused when we said to vote
45:03
and you went and voted immediately go back
45:05
there's no way anybody's going to be hired
45:07
to do that job come on people
45:08
wait this is okay so this is the thing
45:11
that's how
45:12
messed up you are that that totally seemed
45:15
like a Blake job that you would come up with
45:17
that didn't I was like okay
45:18
that sounds like the kind of job Blake would come up with
45:21
yeah well now you're on to it
45:22
at random times I just say weird shit
45:25
to people so that I can get away with things
45:27
So if you're harassed on a podcast and you have to say a secret word.
45:30
I've been playing this for 15 years.
45:32
Should have said urine.
45:36
Well, thanks, Blake.
45:38
Well, yeah.
45:39
Yeah.
45:39
Thanks for joining us, Blake.
45:40
Thank you.
45:40
It's been fun.
45:42
And I guess that's it.
45:44
It's time for our fees.
45:46
Yep.
45:48
Okay.
45:48
Yep.
45:49
Now Blake charges us.
45:50
I've been to you.
45:52
Yeah.
45:52
Negative $30.
45:53
Yep.
45:55
All right.
45:55
Thanks for listening, everyone.
45:57
Bye.