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What Hashem Sees When He Looks at You · Ayekah: Finding Your True Self with Rav Shlomo Katz

• Okay, Boker tov everybody. We are learning in the month of Cheshvan, sponsored by Dina Tobin for a complete refuah sheleimah of Malka Liza bas Mazal, by the Finns, Ayala and Yonatan Finn for a complete refuah sheleimah of Ayala's mother, Yehudit bas Sarah, sponsored anonymously for a זיווג הגון for Esther bas Rachel, Nechama Miriam bas Tzena Pearl, Yaela Avia bas Chana Devorah, and Galia bas Yehudit. The week is sponsored by Ashirah Edelman, dedicated to all those in need of healing בגוף ובנפש. We all thank you, Ashirah, for that one. Be'ezrat Hashem, you should feel good as well. And today, Daled' Cheshvan, is she here Sarah? She's not here, Sarah Gold, for the complete, total, and speedy refuah sheleimah of Dalia bas Sarah, amen. Is there any updates? Nothing. Okay, Dalia ממש sat right here in shiur on Thursday. She purchased the sefer. Please Hashem, we'll see nissim venifla'ot. Today is also the yahrzeit of the Esh Kodesh. Today is Daled' Cheshvan, the yahrzeit of the Piaseczner Rebbe. That's a very, a very big day in the shul, in the world. The Rebbe's fire is is is shining brighter than ever, it should get brighter and brighter עד ביאת גואל צדק בעזרת השם. It's been a big simchah since we started the sefer אייכה, and I know many, many have been asking me about copies. And we did figure out, I believe, an order that's on its way, but it's, Baruch Hashem, this has been out of print, so we're working on it. And my my brother was actually with Rav Sasson last night. There was by the hilula in in Woodmere in Esh Kodesh, Rav Sasson's in New York and had been in America for the last few days, and he's sweetening up, he's sweetening up the whole galut, it's unbelievable. And as well, I just want you to know that we're working very hard on bringing Rav Sasson to the shul for a Shabbaton and in hopefully around before right after Chanukah time. So this is very, very special, very, very special, and we got off to a really chazak start, a chazak chazak start. So I'm just going to bring us back a little bit to how we started the shiur, and Be'ezrat Hashem we have siyata dishmaya to keep stay focused over here, cuz this is a it it seems like certain learning, certain sefarim are are taking, like some some shiurim are shayach to a certain part, to one relationship, to a certain aspect of our lives. I don't know, it seems to me that this sefer is talking about כל העולם שלנו, our whole world, everything about our world. And I just hope that I'm I'm davening so strong that we're mechaven to the right place. And as we learned last week, this whole sefer is really based on four lines from Orot HaKodesh from Rav Kook that we saw last week. So what I want to do is go back again and the first page, we're just going we we ended with Rav Kook's words, but we're going to go again to Rav Kook on the second page, סליחה, but the first page of the photocopy that you have in front of you. Where you see where it says חטא אדם הראשון, the second paragraph? Okay, so let's are there more copies? Whoever needs, there's more copies over here. All right, and Yishar koach everyone for coming. I never take it for granted, the zechut to learn together, it's always very heartwarming, and gives gives all of us, the whole chevra a lot of koach, a lot of strength. So this is from Rav Kook's Orot HaKodesh, such beautiful words. I always feel, you should know, whenever we learn Rav Kook and actually have an inkling as to what he's saying, that it's as if Hashem's saying, "Here, take this מתנת חנם for today, this is a this is my my my my gift, my get out of jail for free card that I'm giving you." Cuz I feel like every time we learn Rav Kook we're getting out of some kind of jail, taking off some type of some some shackle off of ourselves. So again, חטא אדם הראשון, what was the sin of Adam Harishon? באמת, what was the sin? What was wrong? Like what, don't give me a detail of an aveirah that he was over, a halachah that he was over, what was the sin of Adam Harishon? שנתנכר לעצמיותו, that he became נכר, he became foreign to who he really is. That, Rav Kook says, was the sin. He became foreign to what he really is. He is not a person that identifies with the seduction of a snake. That's not Adam Harishon. And he became that for a little bit. שפנה לדעתו של נחש, he let the נחש's words get the the worst of him, ואבד את עצמו, and he lost himself, And then, לא ידע להשיב תשובה ברורה על שאלת איכה. Rav Kook says the pain and the sin of Adam Harishon was that, well basically, the aftermath of what happened is that Hashem says to him, "איכה?" And what does he answer back? He doesn't know how to answer that question. He can't tell Hashem, "I don't know where I really am. I actually don't know where I really am." And we said last week, this is our introduction to humanity. Isn't it weird? Our whole Torah, our whole world, like we get introduced to human beings and the first thing we basically know about them is that they're so easily tempted and seduced להתנכר לעצמיותם, to not be themselves. Like, I mean, right now it's not a it's not a easy, it's not a great example, but if I ask if we went around in a circle, and which we're not, don't worry, but if if we did, and we asked every person to check in and say, "Did the real you show up to this room right now, the way that you are, the way you're looking, the way you're dressing, the way you're portray the way you're projecting?" right? So, בסדר, so we're in a shiur now, and our minds are focused, hopefully. So, that's not such a big test. The question is, throughout our day, would we answer like Adam Harishon answered after איכה? Or would we have a better answer when Hashem says to us, "איכה?" Eichah, where are you at? What kind of world are you going to start to dream of building right now? להתנכר, yeah. נכר, נכר means, foreign. He became foreign to himself. You want to, this is the first time in a women's shiur that a woman is inviting blame on Chava than on Adam. But it was through. It was. It was it was through Chava. Nachon. Nachon. Great, great question. If someone doesn't know better, is it still considered an aveirah when they do an aveirah? But it's okay, but even listen, where you're if you're asking on the level of if you're asking on the level of like, tell us to make it less cold in here, I'm just saying. If you're asking on the level of aveirah versus mitzvah, then that's that's not the what we're dealing with here. We're talking about the aftermath. מה שקרה בסוף, like whether whether it was his fault or not his fault, remember we gave an איזביצער mind-blowing answer last week, where I think we said last week where Adam HaRishon basically told God, "Listen, האשה אשר נתת עמדי, you gave me a zivug, you gave me someone, I see they did something wrong. You want me to stay so holy and my wife feeling so nebech? Wouldn't you have wanted me to start to taste what she's tasting for for for that sense of devikut with each other, right?" But we're talking about the aftermath of a of of of a seduction of the נחש דוקא, is that and we're going to see today who, be'ezrat Hashem, what what does that resemble? Who is the nachash today? What is the nachash? But the what happens is the result, the consequences, is that אני נכר לעצמי, I'm foreign to myself. I I look in the mirror, and I don't even recognize who that person is. I'm shocked because and then, later in the day, I do feel like I recognize this person, and then a few hours later, I don't recognize this person again. It's like back and forth, like Rabbi Nachman speaks about, you know, a person, this is a very important teaching in Rabbi Nachman, תורה ו', a person has to be בקי ברצוא ושוב. You have to have this way of understanding the עליות וירידות, but to get trapped into not being yourself, זה, it seems that the Torah is telling us, that's the worst thing. It's not the worst aveirah, but it's the worst מציאות to live in. You understand the difference? It's not the worst aveirah. We know there's the three cardinal sins. The worst aveirah is not eating from the עץ הדעת, but the worst the worst positioning of being in this world is that you really lost sense of who you are and where you are and where you're holding. That's like that's that's a siut. That's a nightmare. That's a nightmare. So, and when we have these opportunities to answer back "Eichah", we feel freedom, which is what this sefer really is all about. This whole sefer is trying to give us the answer to "Eichah". מפני שלא ידע את נפשו, אדם הראשון didn't know know his own soul at that moment. מפני, why? שהאניות, remember that word we said last week? האניות, his אני האמיתית, נאבדה ממנו. It got lost. Now it's important for us to understand that people grow. That doesn't mean that the אני changes. It just means that their אני gets more refined. But it's it doesn't סותר, it doesn't contradict a person's spiritual development, and then they may act a little different or think different, but that's just them becoming more of them when it's real. Don't be Don't be too scared to like have these growth spurts, and that's not That's not losing yourself. That's actually recognizing, getting to know your אני much more, much better. Okay. So, now let's continue. Now we're Now, this is where we're We stopped here, and we're going to continue from here. Yeah. Just louder so everyone could hear. Okay, you know, I'm just thinking like the little bit that we know about Adam, like, the moments that he was אני, that he was himself, was when he was given this task of naming the animals. So it's like It's not like we have like moments where we see him. One pasuk, yeah. We have one pasuk of him naming animals, וזהו. But the Midrash explains this over there that Adam was trying to find his real self, because he wasn't just naming animals. What was he doing? He was trying looking for mating. That's really And it's funny that the that that he finds his mate, and what happens to him? He loses himself. We're opening up a whole a whole door right now. But that's actually what he was doing. It wasn't just he was giving them names. He He named them. He was trying to you know, cuz he's Hashem says, "I'm going to make you עזר כנגדו." He's thinking, "Okay, so maybe it's this. Maybe it's that. Maybe it's that." It's none of that. And then he does find himself for like a few minutes. And then that person that made him find himself through the עזר כנגדו was also his downfall. You know, Rabbi Erez Moshe Doron has a lot on this. But other other other sefarim speak about this as well, and this is a this is more going to a place of like בינו לבינה, husband and wife, shalom bayit stuff, is that your your spouse as a tikkun is never one that brings you down, even if that's what you think is going on in in in in your mind, like, "Oh, I'm I'm holding here, and they're bringing me down." It's It's not that. It's it's mamash your spouse is the What does it mean עזר כנגדו is that their whole being in this world, whether you want to admit it or not, emunah in a zivug means that this zivug is making me, and it's so hard to remember this all the time, that your zivug is the one that's forming the most the most concise, beautiful, and exact image of you in this world, your זיווג הגון. And he didn't get that from any of the animals, and he gets it by, you know, Chava, who is the one that we're saying took him out of איכה. So it's a very That's what I'm saying. Like our introduction to humanity through through people, through a zivug, is very wacky. על פי like על פי פשט, it's very it's pretty out there. How would you say by the end he finds himself? Adam Harishon finds himself through teshuvah, yeah. You Betach. Adam Harishon, but it took 130 years. Let's hope our our mahalach is a little shorter than that. All right. Yeah. Yeah, I don't know if this is too far south from the topic, but We already went completely south. But what the what the wife is to the man, she was made an עזר כנגדו, does that mean that he is the same thing to her? I mean It's I'm I'm one male in a room filled with I'm not going to I'm I'm I'm pleading the What do you say, I'm pleading the the Fifth? You'll decide. It's an interesting question, cuz the Torah doesn't say אעשה לה עזר כנגדה, it just says עזר כנגדו. Again, I'm not. Okay. Yalla. Next paragraph. Hamatzav haze, this matzav, what matzav? בו עולמות זרים חודרים לעומק הנפש, that foreign worlds infiltrate into the depth of our soul. This happens all the time. והאדם מחליף בהם את הקול של נשמתו העצמית, and man exchanges his own The voice of his own neshamah with foreign voices that have invaded his soul, הוא מצב העבדות הקשה ביותר. That's the greatest form of enslavement. What's amazing about Mitzrayim, for instance, or you have example of this of Yidden in Auschwitz, like they had the I don't know how this works, but they had the ability to never really Viktor Frankl's whole whole world is about this, they had this ability to not fall into this trap of, "I am never becoming what the Nazi what the Nazi calls me." Right? We see this in the world, like so many so many weak Jews have become the voice that they're called: occupiers, colonialists, genociders, all these all these, right? קולות זרים, עולמות זרים, foreign worlds. He says, Rav Sasson says, this is the מצב of of of עבדות. This is like being enslaved in such a in such a powerful way. בו האדם כלל אינו יודע שהוא עבד לאחרים. It's that you don't even realize that you're a servant to other people. Remember the famous video that someone came to the Rebbe? It was a Jews for J. Remember this? Remember this famous video? I think we spoke about it once. It's an amazing video. This guy that was born a Yid, but is a missionary, came to the Rebbe, and he has with him pamphlets. And he gives the And this was like the whackiest thing. Groner, the Chevra, thought like, "Oh my God, what's the Rebbe going to do with this?" And you see in the video that the Rebbe looks at the person and says to him, "The greatest sign of someone that's sick is someone that doesn't know that they're sick." That's And then he and then he takes the pamphlets, and everyone's like, "Oh my God, the Rebbe is holding the pamphlets." And then he says to them, "I'm just taking this so that there'll be less of this to to give out." And then you see him go like this with chucks it on the floor. It's an amazing video. You should find it online. This, we're saying, what Rav Sasson is saying, when a person doesn't even know that they're an עבד to somebody else. Eviatar Banai once said, "שמתי לב אחרי ארבע וחצי שעות בוואטסאפ שאני עבד לוואטסאפ." So it took him four and a half hours, like whoa. And this is a guy that, you know, for I don't know if he's still holding there, but he had a dumbphone for years. But on dumbphones you have you have WhatsApp, right? It's amazing. Like we could be we don't we're not even aware of it, we're not even conscious of it. לעולמות זרים, that you're enslaved to foreign worlds, and the crazy thing is סבור שהוא בן חורין, "I'm free. I'm so free that I could do whatever I want." But that thing that whatever you want has taken control of you. And what did it really do? It took your אני. It took your אני, which is like the saddest thing in the world. בוחר בחירה עצמית, he's choosing his own בחירה. מממש את חייו וצועד אל אושרו הנכסף. You think you're you're free, you get to do what you want to do, you fulfill your life, and you're marching towards your your desired happiness. That's what we think, with free with the with this illusion of freedom. שאלה זו, this question, נוקבת ויורדת עד תהום הנפש, חודרת לכל אחד מאיתנו. This question goes into the core of everyone, and I want to make a very like important statement, cuz I'm sure that it's going to come up a lot. The easiest thing to The easiest example to be given, of course, are cellphones, our pocket computers, but it's not just that. It's much more than that, where we get lost, where we lose ourselves, literally our self, our אני. And it's for everyone. How do I know this? Because all of us are חלק from the neshamah of Adam and Chavah. And their experience in this world, their introduction into this world together, was with the נחש. The נחש and Adam and Chavah is not just a story that happened that we read in Parashat Bereishit. What happened there and the aftermath of what happened there are things that are taking place all day long in our lives. It's it's it's nonstop. So I just want to keep that in mind if we keep on going to the cellphone stuff וכולי, just because it's an easy thing to go to, right? And obviously, you know, we're not going to be right now coming out of a I mean, if you do on your own, it's great, I'm not telling anyone to do this, but we're not coming in the conclusion that this ספר basically told us to go to dumbphones, because then you'll find it somewhere else as well. It's deeper than that. It's deeper than just phones. It's deeper than just computers. It's משהו It has to do with the nefesh, with ourselves. Now why why is it so true that it's still happening? Cuz look at this next line, הנחש הקדמוני לא התעייף. We may get tired. You know who never gets tired? The primordial snake. The נחש never gets tired. Like we said last week, נחש is the גימטריא משיח, because once we call him out and grab onto him, and Am Yisrael gets hold of their truest identity, the game is over. The game's over. So basically, a מציאות of Mashiach in this world, this is the most beautiful thing I think in the world, is that everyone is themselves. And they're not depressed about it. They're actually they're actually astonished by it. It makes them happy. It gives them joy, gives them pride. הנחש הקדמוני לא התעייף, the snake never got tired. יודע הוא לפשוט צורה וללבוש צורה. He knows how to look like this, then take off his clothes and put on something else, and then look like this, always reappearing as something else in our lives. ובכל דור להציג עולמות חדשים וקסומים, and in every generation he presents newer worlds and magical, you know, with filled with magic. Rabbi Weinberger always says in the name of I forget who it was, that everyone always speaks about the alte heim, the alte heim, ah, back then, back then. One some at a farbrengen some, one one one time someone got up and said, "Listen, I was in the alte heim, it's not..." Meaning, every generation, instead that we say, "Oh my God, the last generation didn't have to go through this," they had their zach. What, our grandparents were the most lichtig, non-depressed people in the world? No, we we we live like that in thinking, "Oh, they were they back then, you know, they didn't have our struggles." It's true. And we don't have their struggles. We have different struggles. Every generation Why? Because the Nachash doesn't get tired. And in every generation it appears with new magic tricks all the time, every single דור. בתמונות מרהיבות ובהצעות מפתות, מפרסם ומשווק, עץ טוב למראה ונחמד להשכיל, ומושך את הלבבות אחריו, תוך שהם שוכחים את האור העצמי שלהם. Amazing. He's saying, how does he seduce how does he work in every generation? The Nachash is the most prolific PR agent. He has a PR company, and he rocks it. And every year, he figures out new algorithms, he figures out new things, and they all work. They grab the ruach of the דור in every generation. And what did we become? נעשים צרכני תרבות שלו. That means we become What is a צר Huh? Cultural consumers of him. צרכני תרבות, זאת אומרת, what's the late you know, what's the latest, I don't know what you want to say, like what's the late Huh? Buzz. What's the latest buzz? What's what is it, you know, what's going on, what do I have to look like, every generation, that's what the Nachash is basically saying, "Okay, ask yourself, what's going on in the world and then what do you have to look like in order to get with the times." במקום, instead, שיהיו בעצמם יוצרים ומקוריים, instead of us becoming originating originate original create creators. Like even today when people are putting up content online, what do how do what do they do in order to be matzliach? They're looking at what works. That is a klal. Now, what works could be seeped into something so משעבד, so enslaving. And yet, if I want to be matzliach, I have to look at what works. By the way, that's why I love certain musicians that are coming out these days, certain musicians that are coming out these days, that when you hear יצירה מקורית, אין דבר כזה. Listen, when when Yishai Ribo came onto the scene, I don't know if you remember, it was a total chidush. Some said, "Oh, he's he's the next Yonatan Razel, he's the next Eviatar Banai." Yishai Ribo when he first came onto the scene, the song was תוכו רצוף אהבה. Of course we have a lot to credit Idan Raichel for that, because he whatever, it's a whole story. But when Ribo came onto the scene, there was a mamash what he's saying over here, it was a יצירה מקורית. It's an original יצירה. And then people say, "Oh, he sounds the same in every album." It's like, yeah, he sounds like his original chidush, and what, you want him to sound like someone else? Oh, it all sounds like repetitive. Do you want him to start sounding like someone else? Like for me, musicians that capture my heart are not musicians that sound like someone else per se, but that they figured out יש להם יצירה מקורית. They have an original nigun. They found, they found their nigun, and yeah, let them harp on it, who cares? It's original. עולים לביתם ומולידים את אורם. They are giving birth to their own light. מוציאים לאור את יהלומי הקודש הגנוזים בעצמיותם. They publish diamonds of holiness that have been concealed within who they really are. They discover a yahalom inside of them, and Hashem gave certain people this art of, this gift of creativity, and they know what to do with it. What we just described at the end here has a word. It's called chofesh. That's called freedom. That's called freedom. Freedom is not to live with the need to look at what's working in order to figure out what what's inside of me. You understand? Are you following? This is deep stuff. Not so much, Eva? Where where where are you stuck? I don't know, I feel like it's a constant process of like being yourself and becoming yourself, and part of that, isn't part of that like to see what works for you in your life and not to be a slave to what other people think should work necessarily, but What yeah, but you just said it. What works for you. What works for you and what doesn't. So like there is a constant evaluation process I feel like going on for people to like actualize who they really are. Even the nachash is part of, yes we're nichshalim, but like the nachash is like a helper for us in finding out who we are, because every time we don't give in to the nachash, that creates like the strength in us and and reinforces like who we how amazing and how strong we really are and what's really our values and what is really important to us, because it was important enough to us to not be nichshal. Listen, what you're saying is 1 million percent correct, and I'm going to medayek something on what you're saying to show how it shtims with what we're saying. You said, "Every person has to always evaluate what works for them." Them. And we're speaking about the world of consumer goods is what, what do people detect? What works for them. Not what works for Or what they think should work for you. Bediyuk. Like the nachash. I think this would work for you. For $49.99 you can download the app. And you realize the nachash is always saying, he's never saying 50, he's saying $49.90. No, that's where it You know that's where it comes from. No, even that. It's $49.99, that whole world. I'm talking with someone about the pricing of a certain book, and I said, "I think it should be 100 shekel." He said, "Oh, so therefore you should write 98." Mamash like, just like, and the person didn't mean anything wrong. He wants things to be matzliach. But there's like right away. So I agree with I fully think I think that what you're saying is fully aligned with this if the evaluation has to do with how do I feel about what I'm doing, but not based on them. I think it's also like I'm struggling a little bit with like how Adam was even supposed to really know who he was to become foreign from it. Like, how did he possibly know in order to be So this is why we're going to It's so good what you're saying. This is this is chazak because this is why this is going to transform the way we understand maaseh bereishit and the creation of man. He wasn't. All he had was a Godly command mixed in with a few other חברה in the picture. If God didn't want Adam to sin, why did He put a nachash in Gan Eden? If God never wanted us to sin at all, then why does He put so many obstacles in front of us? But you can't say, "Ah, that means God wants me to sin in order to learn." That's the game. That's the whole game, meaning I can't think like this lechatchilah, but I have to think like this bediavad. I can't lechatchilah say, "Listen, God put a nachash in Gan Eden, you know, that this is the way we learn in in this world." I give it my best shot, but then afterwards I have to go back and say, "Well, okay, there's some something here that's definitely helping me refine and be more mechuvan as to what I'm supposed to be doing in this world and how to gain a better concept and understanding of the אני, of me." Which I guess is why I'm struggling with how Adam was even supposed to know what that was. Who said he was supposed to know? Because we're saying the whole premise of this is that like he distanced from like who he his אני was. Subconsciously. That's what happened. That's what he realized happened only after the nachash did what he did to them. Right. Not consciously. So, it's sort of like Not fair? Yeah, it's like ke'ilu. Poor guy. He was plopped here. It's like he's in this like completely Godly atmosphere where like how could he be anything but Yes. Yes. but what he is, because it was so new and fresh and Godly and completely void of like The frum answer, Eva, is because Hashem said, "Don't eat from the tree of knowledge." But we're not giving frum answers here. We're We're We're hopefully giving like, you know, a deeper way of of looking at this. You are right. There's no We're together. We're all together in this. Yeah, Lisa. All of it then that we should not be influenced and and Adam could have chose to be brave and Hashem said follow me, so he could have chose to be brave and found God within himself. So meaning because God said to him something, and then he got he had a mashpia, a mashpia showed up on the scene, an influencer, right, shows up on the scene. He chose to become Well, yeah, he chose to It sounds very frum, though. You can choose to call me whatever you want. Now, you know what I mean. You know what I mean. Like that sounds a little bit too ke'ilu he should have known better. No, it's not that. It's a choice. He didn't realize it's a Meaning, that's what we're saying over here is that he he didn't How He He was a few minutes old also, right? So he didn't even know Like he didn't get to choose to do nisyonot yet, like like to even try anything out, mess it like He did. Well, he did, but he didn't have much of a choice. He did. That's what we said. He did. I don't know, I just feel like it's a process and he didn't even get the chance. If he had all this ability to name all the animals and all, that's a You drag me back to the place that I don't feel comfortable doing, which is to say, well, there was a person in the middle here that caused all this. Did she cause it? The snake caused it. Ah, you see? We all know the story. It's Listen, you want to Okay, let's pretend it's a men's shiur, okay? For just a few minutes, right? Let's answer everything you're saying right now and what Lisa is saying. How could he have gone to a place of of making a making this bechirah? Of making this choice? How could he have done that? God told him to keep one mitzvah. One mitzvah! How could it be? She told him to eat? Yeah, how could that be? Ezer kenegdo. He listened to her. Because of the explanation of the ezer Because Hashem also said, "I'm giving you an ezer kenegdo." So if she's saying this, it must mean that according to his logic, it must mean this is my עזר כנגדו. This is what I'm supposed to do. This is how the Mi HaShiloach learns out Parashat Bereishit, by the way. This is what he says. This is the עזר כ- The Mi HaShiloach says this. We learned it this last Shabbos morning. This is how the Izhbitzer understands Adam's response to God. He's saying, "האשה אשר נתתה עמדי means, wait a second. When You told me not to eat from the tree of knowledge, it's because You thought there's a חסרון in me, must be, and that's why You told me, 'Stay away from something.' But then You said, 'עזר כנגדו,' and You brought me something that I thought was going to be משלים my חסרון. So I followed that." The thing is that the Izhbitzer still says, and he has a whole mahalach explaining why that's still not not good enough. Meaning that answer of saying, "Listen, You gave her to me, and what did you expect me to do?" For דורי דו- for the next for generations to come, that's not going to be good enough because we're going to have to figure out a better way of of of not relying on blaming someone for losing my self-identity, because gaining your self-identity, and holding onto your self-identity, and discovering it, and staying close to it is the most precious thing in the world. So you can have all the teirutzim why you lost it, but that's not the avodah of a person in this world. Sounds like the whole, I mean, like what Rav Kook is saying: He never had a stand. And he's like, okay, you you told me to do this, okay, if I did that, you told me this, I did that, like he never had that אני to begin with, of like, this is who I am, this is my decision. He, no, you can only lose something you have, right? Which means he had an אני and then he lost it. מפני שהאניות האמיתית נאבדה ממנו. Maybe he wasn't aware of it, but he had it. It happens in this group. Listen, you think Am Yisrael since 1948 has gained this אני? לא, אנחנו מפתחים. Yeah, הלוואי עלינו. I heard from Rav Manis Friedman once, I hope to say it over correctly, that Hashem was really asking Adam, "How did you know that I wanted you to do this?" And he said, "I didn't, the woman you gave me did." And like, to to elevate an already elevated world is not a chiddush, but to go to a very low world and elevate that, only woman understood. So he was saying like, "I didn't get it, she got it, and she taught me, and now we're down here together." So does that work out with Rav Kook's understanding of Adam losing his self of identity? Maybe, because it's part of the process of going lower to go higher, because then you can find yourself in a deeper way. So again, you can't say that lechatchilah. That's that's that's the danger. That's why people stopped learning Izhbitzer because they misunderstood him. Because he keeps on harping on this idea. That's, even though that's so true, that's only לאחר מעשה. You can't you can't approach life like this. Right, that was always my question when I heard that Torah, like, Right, it's like, oh, so what is that? So so why did any of them get punished? So whatever, there's a whole Izhbitzer understanding of the punishment. What what was the punishment of Chavah? בעצב תלדי בנים, right? It's not a punishment, it's a it's a description of a reality when you think that that's what that when you think that you know, the world is yes, yes, no, no, do this, don't do this. If you think that's what the world is about, if you're going to give that over to your children, that's going to be a punishable way your life is going to feel like a punishment, because it's so much deeper than that. We went so much more Izhbitzer than than than I thought. Jess, you had your hand up? I feel like, like can't we look at it as just the reality of how the the world works as opposed to this like blame game of like because Adam didn't do this and because Chavah did that, it's just kind of like, okay this is this is how things were set up and there are consequences to the way things were set up, and this is why we are the way that we are, and then to take it into into life, as a, I don't know. Well, this is the way the world works. Say say that Now I'm going to ask you to actually sound frumer. Now say, what does that, what does that mean? This is the way This is the way Hashem designed creation. Right. It's not the way the world works, meaning the world of consumer goods where there's נחש in your face all the time. But he did create a נחש, so I guess that's part of the way Hashem designed the world. Yeah? Yeah? And I'm going to make mistakes, and then I'm going to learn from them, and then I'm going to overthink it, and then I'm going to, it's like the whole Unless I decide to not overthink it. Good luck to all of us, hatzlachah to all of us, Chaya. I think the אניות that he had was passive, and then Yes, yes, yes. Yes. Yes. It has to be, because Rav Kook is saying he had he did have it. But even that was lost from him, meaning when you don't when you're not proactive with your אניות, you're passive with it, you lose it. I think he needed tools in order Betach. 100%. 100%. Yeah. Okay, bottom paragraph, this is all very good stuff. המאבק You realize this is the הקדמה for the הקדמה? Just saying. Okay? This is why I I this is why some of the Israeli chevra are envious of us because they read it, because they know Hebrew. They don't they don't get, you know, stuck with these very important things. This is actually the advantage of learning this stuff like this, be'emet. המאבק בין הנחש ובין הנשמה העצמית By the way, if we if this was all in English, none of this would come up. Do you know that? If we just, and it is in English, by the way, this is translated. I'm not going to tell you where you can find it. But if we had it, you'll you'd you'll see. You'll see. It's not, it's זה מדהים. You'll see, no, there's a great example of it. There's a sefer of Rav Kluger, Yichud HaHitbodedut, amazing sefer. Did we learn No, we learned באמר הילד, other things, but in English it's translated to One. Big white book, right? All the chevra, the American chevra, that were so happy and excited it's in English? Nothing. Went back to the Hebrew. It's be'emet, we're because we're we're activating a certain part, we're activating, that's what it is, Chaya, it's exactly the same thing. When you read it in a language that you know, you're you're passive with the knowledge, because you think you understand it, because it's words you understand. So that's what's going on over here as well. המאבק בין הנחש ובין הנשמה העצמית, this this this fight between the soul, our soul, and this and the snake, הוא מאבק בין העולם הפנימי העצמי ובין עולמות חיצוניים ונוצצים, is really the struggle between our inner world and that bright, shiny world that's sparkling outside. זהו מאבק היסטורי, it's not a new struggle. This is a historical battle. על הזהות האמיתית של האדם, over man's true identity. על מהותו ונשמתו, on who they really are and their soul. וממילא על דרך החיים הטובה לו, and then, of course, the best life for them, שעל ידה, through a person's own discovery of their true identity, only through a struggle over a person's true identity, יבוא אל האושר ואל טובת החיים, happiness and the goodness of life is waiting for you, מתיקותם ונועמם, its sweetness. And again, it's hard to not keep on going back between Am Yisrael in Eretz Yisrael to this concept of זהות, finding your own זהות. And it's not necessarily a plug for Moshe Feiglin, what I'm saying right now, but you see that, you know, when I was a kid there was a Prime Minister and a Foreign Minister that described that the the dream of Eretz Yisrael should be the Singapore it should become the Singapore of the Middle East. That's what, those were the words. Anyone remember that language? Singapore of the Middle East. Now what's what's not what's what's not beautiful about that? It's very beautiful. Can you imagine if it became the Singapore whatever that, I have no idea about Singapore davka, but whatever, but it sounds nice and enticing. But what's so not beautiful about it? Because it's not Jewish. is that it's not the זהות, it's not the identity. That's not the identity of it. So the people leading this country have to discover what our real identity truly is. What is our זהות? Because as long as you don't know, you'll be making the gravest mistakes like we've been making for 78 years. Mamash. Because when you do find your real זהות, look, he says you know what's waiting for you, אושר, טובת החיים, מתיקותם ונועמם, the greatest the sweetness and happiness and holiness in the world is waiting for you once you don't give up on on discovering or wanting to discover what your real זהות is. ובעומק המאבק הזה, and in the depth of this struggle, בא Hashem Elokim, Hashem comes, ושואל את האדם שאלה נוקבת. זהבה, how would you say נוקבת? Piercing. Piercing, very good. Thank you. He asks man a piercing question: איכה. We got so stuck in the sin, but the focus is not the sin, or whatever balagan went, the focus of this sefer is, wait a second, Hashem prepared the tikkun, you know, He prepared He prepared it all. He prepared the the the the mahalach of going to discover your זהות through one word: איכה. Rab Shalom, I'm sorry to interrupt, but just, but anytime you you fall on a certain area, at that point, that's when you should be asking yourself that. Hashem is asking us this all day long. No, because if you like, you know, you have a certain whatever, and then you fall, that's He doesn't say that, but that's what we should be hearing. Yeah, but I want to say that איכה should also be the question before you fall. Don't wait to fall to answer that question. You wake up in the morning, you didn't do anything wrong, you just get this sense of I don't know, Dan, I'm not so grounded, I don't feel aligned. I'm not I'm not in tune, I'm not the rhythm's not flowing. So beseder, this, you know, breathwork is, of course, an amazing tool that's being developed more and more in the world today, especially in the Jewish world where it's so, you know, in our world it's so needed, but it's it's much it's it's much more than just that. איכה is really hearing that question and being like Yeah, it'd it'd be great to like have a day where I stick to my to myself. Be just be a nice thing. איכה בתוך It's one of these it's one of these ספרים, ein mah la'asot. Yeah. Did I just say after? I don't know. I was just going to say, I think it's Rav Kook that says that every person is born with a song. Sounds like Rav Kook, yeah. Yeah. I think Fruman echoes it too, like Rav Yosi Fruman echoed it. But and then I remember reading about this tribe that when a woman is pregnant, they take her into a tent and they sing a song. Like you know, the baby's only nigun. And then when the baby's born, they sing it to them again. And then throughout their life, this nigun is sung, and then also on the day they die. And so it's like something that's carried them throughout their lives. I mentioned Yishai Ribo, I don't know himself, but I'm saying I think this idea of a song of every person having their own song and every person being their own artist, like I feel like that's the אני. Yeah, but just not to freak people out that are tone-deaf and stuff like that, is that it's not limited to just creativity in the form of a song. That's very important. That that that's a great example that many of us could relate to. It's art, it's dance, it's like so many your your voice of Torah, which is your nigun, 100%. Yeah. I think it's more I think what keeps coming up to me in reading on the questions is like we're going to we're going to interface with free free will, free choice. Of course. Of course. Betach. And that's that's really like how do you know איכה, or if it's subconscious or conscious, Yeah. It's really, you know, I feel for a lot of people, myself included, through creativity you really like enter that, but for everyone it's different. It could be math, it could be language, it could be like something that opens that up to be like I see this and that, and I'm really utilizing my my free will and in in the consciousness. I think a great question to to ask is like with your free will, if once Mashiach comes, would you choose to still do what you're doing to to to do what you're doing right now? And if a person can say yes, they're they're mamash a free person. It's also how you do it, you know? Huh? How you do it, but but if Yeah, but No, it it came down one one time last year late at night, we were sitting with Chanan and some of the chevra in his house, and people were talking about what do you think Mashiach's going to look like? And he said and I couldn't believe he said this, and I I at first I was like, wow, I I didn't never saw this side of him of such a such a you know בעל גאווה or שחצן. He said he said, אני חושב שאני אמור לעשות בדיוק את אותו הדבר שאני עושה היום. And I like, wow, it's a can I say that, you know? You could say that, can I can I? I don't know. I don't know. It's a very to me it's a that's a very that's a free will, that's a very free you know, that's mamash freedom to be able to choose to think like this. That's an amazing thing. But I I want this a few more minutes because there is something very important that I want to get to today's shiur, and I knew, trust me, I I knew it would be like this, that's why you don't have more text in front of you than just this page, but listen to this. Again, from the beginning of the paragraph, ובעומק המאבק כזה בא השם אלוקים ושואל את האדם שאלה נוקבת: איכה? בתוך שאלה זו, in this question, איכה, תמונה Listen to this. This is This is key. In this question, איכה, תמונה ההערכה העצומה של הקדוש ברוך הוא לאדם. What does that mean? Mamash yafeh. Mamash yafeh. What's What's What What exists in this question, איכה? What does it teach us? More. But more than believing. What's the word, ההערכה? He He values. There's this amazing הערכה. God looks at man and he doesn't look at man like the rest of the animals. God looks at man, he's like, no, no, listen, you have this mechanism going on in you, you're going to tap into it more, I value that. תמונה ההערכה. You know, when someone says to you in Hebrew, תשמע, אני באמת מעריך אותך, that's like a really nice compliment. I value you. Your your worth is valued for me, right? תמונה means placed. טמון, הטמנה. You know in הלכות שבת, the to place something. It's hidden, nachon, but we have to know that it's there. תמונה ההערכה. Place הערכה, like appreciation is placed in man by, like in the eyes of Hashem, to to man. טמונה הערכה. It's amazing. Last week we said, some people grew up in a world where they hear, "נו? איכה?" Right? "נו? נו? איכה?" That is not the tone of this ספר at all, not one bit. This ספר is more like איכה. You know, like, well it has to be a question, so I guess איכה? I don't know, it's like איכה meaning there's so much appreciation for who you are, like איכה. Like, awe. Not the PTA meetings where the kid said, you know, your kid has so, when the parent teacher said that the P-word, I won't say it, your kid has so much, right? Potential. Not that, you have so much potential. No, that never made anyone it never made any parent relate better to their child, or a kid feeling better about themselves. איזה פוטנציאל יש לו. No. That basically means you think my kid's an idiot, right? Whenever a parent Whenever a teacher says you have so much potential, basically you think my kid's an idiot, right? No, טמונה ההערכה העצומה של הקדוש ברוך הוא לאדם. השאלה הזו, now he says now he develops it, עם כל התביעה החריפה שבה, תביעה חריפה. What's that? A חריף demand. There's a חריף demand that comes from איכה, נובעת מגדלות הנשמה של האדם. It only comes because man's soul is so big. מעוצמת האור האינסופי שחבוי בו, cuz the amount of infinite, endless light that is hidden within man's soul. השם יתברך מאמין באדם עד מאוד. רבה אמונתו בכל אחד מאיתנו. And if you don't believe it, you should not be saying מודה אני in the morning, cuz it's you just you don't believe in the words you're saying. מודה אני לפניך מלך חי וקיים שהחזרת בי נשמתי בחמלה, רבה אמונתך. You can't say the מודה If you don't believe this paragraph, you should not say the מודה אני. It's not You don't believe in it. לכן השאלה עמוקה וכואבת. That's why it's such a painful and deep question. אתה יהלום יקר, you're a precious gem. אור מיוחד כל כך, such a special light. היאך יתכן שתתכחש לאור הגדול שבך? How could it be that you will live a life of self-denial, of denying the light that's in you, the great light that's in you? ותנהה להצעות של הנחש, and you will you will easily be seduced, basically, to the to the עצה of the נחש, which means לעולמות רדודים ונמוכים, to low and shallow worlds, שאינם ראויים לך. Like when I hear rabbanim speak כביכול בשם השם against other groups of Jews, it's exactly the world I feel like this is exactly what he's saying, עולמות רדודים ונמוכים. You're a Rav! How do you talk like this about other people, other other rabbanim? How could it be? שימצאוך בהם First of all he says, שאינם ראויים לך. זה לא מתאים לך. לא מתאים לך לחשוב ככה. שימצאוך בהם, you being in such stuck in shallow concepts and shallow worlds and denying your own light that exists with you, היא ביזיון לגדולת אלוהים שחקוקה בקרבך. It's a disgrace to the greatness of Hashem that's engraved in you. אני אמרתי אלוהים אתם ובני עליון כולכם. Meaning, Rav Sasson is saying, Eicha, yeah, it's not just pretty and sweet. It's a heavy question. It's the question of saying, "Don't you want to tap into your real בחירה חופשית, and not the בחירה חופשית that's influenced by by what anyone else is saying?" Wouldn't איך זה יכול להיות? That you're Why would you deny And basically it comes with this like package of saying, "And denying your own light, or not being interested in discovering what that is, is a bizayon for the greatness of Hashem that's that of the infinite light that exists within you." שאלה זו באה לסייע לנשמות This question comes to help our souls. לקום ולהילחם בעבדות הרוח והנפש, to get get up and fight against all that enslaves my spirit and my soul. מזהירה היא את האדם, it warns man, לבל יאבד את עצמו, don't lose yourself, וישכח את זהותו, and forget your identity. תובעת היא ממנו, it demands of you. Now this lashon he's using of that the like Eicha is demanding of you, is very Rav Kook language where the Rav Kook says this word a lot, teviah. Like the דור is תובע משהו. We're used to teviah meaning אני תובע אותך, which means I'm suing you. But it's the same thing. It's basically saying I'm demanding, I'm prosecuting you until you figure this out. תובעת היא ממנו, what is the soul demanding of you? שיהיה בן חורין, to be a free person. להגשים את הישות האמיתית שנתן בו השם יתברך, to actually materialize, to reach, to access, and to activate the real you that Hashem gave you. Rav Shlomo always said שמע ישראל השם אלוקינו השם אחד means, what does it mean that God is one? That God hates imitation. God never created something twice, ever. The Arizal says, we learned this yesterday in shiur, according to the Arizal, every person in the world has a different דעת of Hashem. Every single person's concept of God is different, and that's the most beautiful thing in the world. So if that's true, why don't you just spend your time discovering what your דעת השם is in the world? שאלה אלוקית זו, this Godly question, מהדהדת במעמקי החיים של כל אחד מאיתנו. Eicha, whether we like it or not, is always echoing in the depth of our life, all of us, every day. שכן כל אחד מאיתנו הוא יהלום נדיר, each one of us is a rare and precious diamond. אין אדם שאינו מיוחד כפי שמבואר בספרים. The sefarim have taught us there's no person that's not special. שלכל אחד יש אור ייחודי, everyone has their own significant, unique light, שרק הוא יכול להאירו לעולם, and you can't shine my light, and I can't shine your light. אור זה, this light, הטמון בסתרי חדרי הלב, which is placed and hidden in the rooms of the heart, מבקש עד מאוד להתממש. You know, if we got quiet right now, inner quiet, if we like really attained inner quiet, you know what we'd be able to hear? We'd be able to hear the soul, the light that he's speaking about that makes us who we really are saying, "Find a way for me to come out already." That's what he would hear. It reminds me of I spent Simchat Torah on the מושב a long time ago, a year before I met my wife, and Michael Golan, have any of you ever spent Shabbos on the מושב? Yeah? Like, was Michael Golan alive when you were there? Michael. So, Leah Golan, she should be well for many more years, so her husband Michael was the gabbai. He would now you think our davening's long here, do you know what would happen in Kriat HaTorah on the מושב? So the baal korei is ר' Shlomo, he leyns, and then each person gets the עליה, מי שברך אבותינו, right? And then Michael went would go based on where you're at in life, he'd give you the longest, most personalized מי שברך. First time I was there, I never saw business before in my life. I'm 16, I go up there and he says to me, "What's your name?" He saw I duch'n'd. I said, "Shlomo." And he's like I'm like no, because everyone there has like 18 names, I was like, "No, just just Shlomo." So he called me up and that was the first time. But then he called me up one year and he said to me, he said to me like this, it was a long, long, long מי שברך. Sometimes this would be like be'emet, like you're sitting there in shul, everyone's there for like 7-8 minutes he would say he would give you a מי שברך. Pouring down. It was like unbelievable. But the end of the מי שברך was, "And I give you a berachah that you get to a place that you could actually hear your children," I wasn't married, "your children screaming, 'Abba, bring us out already! Bring us out!'" I just I you know, I'm standing there like, and there's a whole kahal, you know, whole community there and I'm and then he just ended, "amen." And I'm like, "Oh, thank God he's done." But if we got the quiet, Rav Sasson is saying, we would really, and the breathing and all the centering, whatever it takes, you'd be able to hear your own light that's unique to you say, "Find a way for me to come out. אני רוצה להשתחרר. I want to come out already." משדר לנו, five lines from the bottom, משדר לנו ממעמקים. We're just going to end with this paragraph. יש בך אור. What's Akiva's song? יש לך יש בך אור. יש בך הכל. יש בך הכל. You have everything. ערך גדול ומיוחד, such a precious value. הנשמה העצמית האבודה במעמקים נאבקת. But that soul, the soul of the real me is lost in the depth sometimes, and it's struggling. שהאדם ישוב למוצאה. The soul is constantly davening, so to speak, all day long saying, "Will this body that I was placed within finally find me?" שימצא את שמו שנשכח ממנו, find your name that was lost from you. ובכך ישוב אל ערכו האמיתי, and by this will return to its real true value, ערכו האלוקי, which is a godly value. You see, for 2,000 years of galut, this avodah was impossible. Now that we're back home in Eretz Yisrael, not only is it possible, it's hachrachi. How do you say that? It's it's necessary. It's not luxury. It's not like, "Oh, it'd be nice if while living in Eretz Yisrael, I also found my identity." We'll be chalilah spat out of here if we don't. The land can't stomach the land can't stomach people, a nation, a group of people that are not that are not discovering their own light. This is what Rav Kook was preparing for us for. This is what Rav Kook was talking about. ואז, and then when I when this all comes together, לא דמיונות שווא יבקש. I'm not going to be asking for for false, you know, imaginations that are coming up in my head, חלופות זולות, things that just pass by, אלא חיים וגודל. I'm going to ask Hashem, give me life, big greatness, קודש וטוהר, holiness and purity, אור אין סוף, endless light. זאת אומרת, how do you know that you tapped in more to the real you? If you're asking to feel more and more alive. A person that suffers, I'm not talking about the clinical terminology right now, but more from a depression way of living in this world, doesn't want to feel more and more alive. They just want to go to sleep and cover the go into the blankets and go schloofy. Like that that's that's what that's the opposite of it. So all all we did so far is just discover, at least for today, that the question of איכה is showing us basically Hashem saying, "I wish you saw in you what I see in you." But not in that like, again, not the PTA trauma vibe of it. Not the PTA trauma of like, "If only you..." Not that, but like from Hashem. When when Hashem says it, when Hashem says it and you can hear איכה, ay, it's geshmak, it's so it's the greatest thing in the world. It's the greatest sound. It's the most inviting and invigorating question. Okay, be'ezrat Hashem, Dalia should have a refuah sheleimah, and we are going to continue learning this next Thursday.