Latest / WTF! Women Talk Finance / EP 11: The Power of Women Supporting Women, with Vaungaylyn Zarcone

Transcript

EP 11: The Power of Women Supporting Women, with Vaungaylyn Zarcone · WTF! Women Talk Finance

0:00
SPEAKER_01: I'm Jackie.
0:01
SPEAKER_01: I'm Kid.
0:03
SPEAKER_01: And this is WTF.
0:05
SPEAKER_06: Grab your coffee, wine, water bottle, emotional support snack, no judgment, and let's get into it.
0:13
SPEAKER_06: Welcome back to another episode of WTF Women Talk Finance.
0:17
SPEAKER_06: Today we have a very, very, very special guest.
0:25
SPEAKER_02: The very Voggy SG.
0:27
SPEAKER_06: Yes.
0:28
SPEAKER_06: The very von Galen Zarconi.
0:34
SPEAKER_06: Which is probably all the intro she needs.
0:37
SPEAKER_06: The Von Galen Zarconi, um, as I sometimes refer to her.
0:42
SPEAKER_06: She is one of the most light up in a room.
0:49
SPEAKER_06: And I'm not talking about like spotlight light up.
0:52
SPEAKER_06: I'm talking disco light light up, but like neon ridiculous disco light.
0:59
SPEAKER_06: Uh, she is the person you need to see when you're having a crummy day and you need to walk by her down an aisle at the grocery store because she is going to make you feel like a queen.
1:14
SPEAKER_06: I have witnessed it many times.
1:17
SPEAKER_06: She is a big personality and in the best, most fun, whimsical, creative, and bring joy to everyone around her way.
1:31
SPEAKER_06: And she is my bestie of 17 years.
1:36
SPEAKER_02: 17 years.
1:37
SPEAKER_06: 17 years.
1:39
SPEAKER_06: Is that right?
1:41
SPEAKER_02: Well, and I feel bad, Ken, because I asked you to do the intro, which is hard because she's it's harder when you're friend.
1:48
SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
1:49
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
1:49
SPEAKER_02: It's like um, I want to call von Galen a friend, but I am like newer to knowing von Galen.
1:58
SPEAKER_02: We don't go back 17 years, but I'm a little more removed for the intro, and I will say I will back up everything you said, Von Galen.
2:04
SPEAKER_02: You are just you are a very special, special human.
2:08
SPEAKER_02: You are unique in that you do show up just authentically, like you are you.
2:13
SPEAKER_02: You're comfortable in your skin, and you, honest to God, like can champion anyone.
2:18
SPEAKER_02: Or if they need like a really safe space for whatever they're going through, you're that person.
2:24
SPEAKER_02: And we, you know, WTF, it's Women Talking Finance.
2:28
SPEAKER_02: So we'll get to like the money piece on this, but you are excellent at just championing other women.
2:37
SPEAKER_02: Um I see it how you parent, I see it you in you as a spouse, and I see it for sure with you with your friends.
2:43
SPEAKER_02: And it's been fun like witnessing your friendship from like where I sit because you truly are you're a total like champion for other women.
2:52
SPEAKER_02: And I feel like there's um there's a narrative where we're like women supporting women, and yes, we fully believe in that and embrace it, but when you're out in the real world, it can get a little bit dicey or a little harder to implement.
3:06
SPEAKER_02: I feel like that's not the case for you, though.
3:07
SPEAKER_02: So I'm gonna stop.
3:08
SPEAKER_02: That's my breakdown intro.
3:10
SPEAKER_04: I mean, good.
3:11
SPEAKER_04: The the whole thing's over.
3:12
SPEAKER_04: I came here for praise.
3:13
SPEAKER_04: I got it.
3:13
SPEAKER_04: I'm out.
3:14
SPEAKER_04: Thanks.
3:15
SPEAKER_06: Not really good myself.
3:17
SPEAKER_06: She is the ultimate women supporting woman.
3:19
SPEAKER_06: She's the mom hug.
3:21
SPEAKER_06: And I'm not even kidding you.
3:22
SPEAKER_06: This happened a couple weeks ago.
3:24
SPEAKER_06: She's the mom hug standing in line.
3:29
SPEAKER_06: Truly, uh, just just gave some gave a stranger who was going into something and was like, Do you need a mom hug?
3:37
SPEAKER_06: And the girl flat out was like, I do.
3:40
SPEAKER_06: And Von Galen gave her a mom hug.
3:42
SPEAKER_06: Like ultimate, ultimate grassroots at the core level, women supporting women.
3:51
SPEAKER_02: Okay, so Mike, I guess my question is, what did you see or what'd you notice, von Galen, in that moment where you're like, I can I can witness somebody else like needs uh they need that model right now.
4:03
SPEAKER_02: Like, what did you see or observe where you were like, I mean, that was that was that was an I mean it was a young woman, she was 17-ish.
4:11
SPEAKER_04: It was at a a restaurant that clearly she worked at, and we were in the bathroom, and she was clearly crying.
4:17
SPEAKER_04: And in those moments, I think as human beings, we retract, right?
4:20
SPEAKER_04: We want to give us space, it's an uncomfortable situation, you don't know.
4:23
SPEAKER_04: And I certainly feel that too, but I did just say quietly, I think I said something to the effect of are you all right?
4:33
SPEAKER_04: And she said, Yeah.
4:35
SPEAKER_04: And I said, Do you need a hug?
4:39
SPEAKER_04: And she like paused, and then she said, Yeah, that'd be really nice.
4:44
SPEAKER_04: I said, Okay, like cool.
4:46
SPEAKER_04: So, you know, I think I think that there's definitely something to me not being afraid to be the ninpoop weird weirdo in the room because I am that person and I I'm I mean I get nervous about it sometimes.
5:02
SPEAKER_04: People are gonna think I'm a weirdo, but I am, I'm a total weirdo.
5:04
SPEAKER_04: And if you don't like it, I'm not your people, that's okay.
5:07
SPEAKER_04: I got my people, it's fine.
5:08
SPEAKER_04: But yeah, she she was pretty obvious one, but I think that I've dealt with a lot of a lot of um discomfort in life, and so many of us have, and the way that I've chosen to tackle it for the most part is head-on and like throwing light on it, and that works for me, and I don't know that that works for everyone, but share it, put light on it, especially when it's super hard, right?
5:36
SPEAKER_04: And whether it's depression or grief or um you don't feel like you belong, or just the discomfort.
5:43
SPEAKER_04: I think that the discomfort that we all feel, especially like the cool girls that everybody thinks don't like them, they're just they're uncomfortable in their in their space and they're nervous as well.
5:54
SPEAKER_04: And so if you just break that down then and you step into it, then people are gonna respond to that.
5:59
SPEAKER_04: And they don't always respond well, but also I'm like, that's okay.
6:02
SPEAKER_04: That's on you, that's not on me.
6:04
SPEAKER_02: So I can think of so many situations where that's applicable, even like in spaces where I've been doing something for a long time.
6:11
SPEAKER_02: And I'm not an expert, but I should have comfort there, right?
6:14
SPEAKER_02: And I'll use yoga as my example, but we all have our own examples.
6:17
SPEAKER_02: But I've been doing yoga since I was 15, and I can walk into most yoga studios, and from the outside, it'll look like I know what I'm doing, right?
6:25
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, I know when I walk in, I'm like, oh, I where where should I put my mat?
6:29
SPEAKER_02: Like, what's the protocol in this studio?
6:31
SPEAKER_02: Or my hamstrings are really tight today.
6:33
SPEAKER_02: Like, what if I can't get into the postures?
6:34
SPEAKER_02: I'm in my own head as much as anything else, and I know that everyone, everyone else is too, even if it's their you know, day 4036 in that, or if it's day one.
6:47
SPEAKER_02: And I think it's it's healthy to remember like no one is watching you in the in the bathroom.
6:53
SPEAKER_02: You were like you were watching, but in a loving way, not in a judgmental there was no way around that one.
6:59
SPEAKER_04: It was a tight space, and she was crying.
7:01
SPEAKER_06: She does that though in everything, and it shifts my perspective.
7:05
SPEAKER_06: And I hope somebody can take away from today this mindset shift.
7:10
SPEAKER_06: So we have a joke that we use with each other.
7:14
SPEAKER_06: Um, and I'm I'm reasonably certain Vengilin came up with this.
7:18
SPEAKER_06: It's not it was one of our kids, but this just shows how her brain works of like seeing the best in people.
7:27
SPEAKER_06: We were talking, somebody cut us off, and your instinct when somebody cuts you off is to be like that asshole.
7:35
SPEAKER_06: And she goes, they probably have to poop.
7:39
SPEAKER_06: I hope they make it to the bathroom in time.
7:42
SPEAKER_06: Go, man.
7:44
SPEAKER_04: Go.
7:44
SPEAKER_04: Um, that was not me, that was our other friend.
7:49
SPEAKER_06: Oh, was it our other friend?
7:51
SPEAKER_06: It was it is how you operate, and I love having this group of women who operate in the way of like, I'm going to think the best of somebody, even if my experience was not ideal, and I'm gonna send them the most positive energy.
8:10
SPEAKER_06: Yeah, like I hope they get to the bathroom all the time.
8:13
SPEAKER_04: No, when they when they really seem to be awful, I do wish them unwell bathroom situations in their own.
8:20
SPEAKER_04: They still make it.
8:22
SPEAKER_04: It's rare, but listen.
8:24
SPEAKER_04: So actually, that one is the really funny one.
8:26
SPEAKER_04: And I lean the reason you thought it was me is because I've leaned into that so hard and I keep bringing it up.
8:31
SPEAKER_04: Because what I really think is, oh gosh, they're going to the hospital and somebody is gonna die.
8:35
SPEAKER_04: So it's very draining, right?
8:37
SPEAKER_04: And I'm just like, get them there, somebody support them, be their wingwoman, get them there.
8:41
SPEAKER_04: So I like the happier version that's not so morose and uh dark.
8:45
SPEAKER_04: So that's why.
8:46
SPEAKER_04: That's why we lean into that one.
8:48
SPEAKER_04: But it's true, so few.
8:50
SPEAKER_04: I mean, I have cut people off unknowingly, or because I have to get in and I'm like, Do you see me?
8:55
SPEAKER_04: Do you see me?
8:55
SPEAKER_04: Do you see me?
8:56
SPEAKER_04: And they're not letting me in.
8:57
SPEAKER_04: It's whatever.
8:58
SPEAKER_04: So these things happen.
8:59
SPEAKER_04: And the I think the point is we all do shitty things, hopefully not on purpose.
9:04
SPEAKER_04: And I would hope that somebody would grant me grace in those spaces, and I will do my very best to grant you grace.
9:09
SPEAKER_04: I'm not great at it all the time, not perfect at it, but I'm pretty good.
9:13
SPEAKER_04: I'm pretty good, guys.
9:14
SPEAKER_06: You are, and it shows in the light that you are, and I think it just makes you an easier, fun person because you're not harboring all this weird anger and micro curses on everybody around you who you feel wronged you.
9:32
SPEAKER_06: You really you have this incredible ability to just like let it go.
9:36
SPEAKER_06: Almost let go, yeah.
9:37
SPEAKER_04: I don't know that that can be taught, right?
9:39
SPEAKER_04: And I but that all plays really hard into supporting humans and supporting women's, especially, because I think as women, we get so we get pitted against each other, whether we're talking about how our culture is or just our biology.
9:55
SPEAKER_04: I always go back to like we're Neanderthals, we're animals.
9:57
SPEAKER_04: Like, we have to fight for resources, and the resources we have to fight for in our back brain are unfortunately men who will, quote, provide for us and keep us safe if we were animals, right?
10:09
SPEAKER_04: Like this thing.
10:10
SPEAKER_04: And then and then I think about like, oh, what about when we you read about these historic things where women like now we all come together and we're in a commune of women and we're villaging and we're working together, and I've got your kids and you've got my kids, and we're scooping up.
10:24
SPEAKER_04: And I think that there's something to to that.
10:27
SPEAKER_04: And so we are pitted against each other as women so much.
10:31
SPEAKER_04: And if you grant grace to those women and just think like they can't possibly be nasty human beings, they might be doing something nasty in this moment or that is in misalignment with how I think, at the end of the day, there's probably something really good about them.
10:47
SPEAKER_04: There are again 99% of the time that's true.
10:52
SPEAKER_04: And you have to watch out for the 1% because they'll run all over you.
10:56
SPEAKER_02: So if we are talking about like actually supporting other women and championing each other and kind of shifting the mindset from we're in competition, there's limited resources, to we're doing this together, there's not like one pizza, right?
11:14
SPEAKER_02: There's like an unlimited, like we can all have all the pizza we want.
11:17
SPEAKER_02: Like, there's yeah, there's enough to go around.
11:20
SPEAKER_02: Where are we coming up short, and how do we like bridge that gap?
11:24
SPEAKER_02: And I have a very specific example.
11:26
SPEAKER_02: Let me jump to this.
11:26
SPEAKER_02: Okay.
11:38
unknown: Yeah.
11:39
SPEAKER_02: And it's hard.
11:40
SPEAKER_04: I hope we're talking about the same shows.
11:42
SPEAKER_04: I love those shows.
11:43
SPEAKER_02: Okay.
11:44
SPEAKER_02: So it's hard to like, we're also sensory beings, like, we are built to judge.
11:50
SPEAKER_02: We have to judge.
11:51
SPEAKER_02: We have to do that.
11:53
SPEAKER_04: That's a way to keep ourselves safe.
11:54
SPEAKER_04: That's a protection.
11:55
SPEAKER_02: Right, right.
11:56
SPEAKER_02: So, how do we balance this?
11:58
SPEAKER_02: Like, enjoying the shows because the snarkiness and the judgment, the competition, and watching it all in nature.
12:06
SPEAKER_02: But then also, like, like, what's why can't I sit back and be like, this is beautiful?
12:11
SPEAKER_02: Like, I really want all of those women to succeed, right?
12:14
SPEAKER_02: I don't feel that way.
12:15
SPEAKER_02: I don't feel that genuine sentiment of like I really want all of them to succeed.
12:19
SPEAKER_01: So, yeah, like you're like that.
12:22
SPEAKER_02: I want that one, but not that one.
12:24
SPEAKER_04: There's a villain.
12:25
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
12:26
SPEAKER_04: Every time let me clarify, I like those shows, and now that you're talking about it, I'm like, I actually don't watch them very often, and I think it's because it's so negative and nasty.
12:35
SPEAKER_04: I like to see what they're wearing.
12:37
SPEAKER_04: I like to see what these houses are, and I love to see what the script is because I don't care if you want to call it reality, it's not.
12:42
SPEAKER_04: It's not real.
12:44
SPEAKER_04: And so, like, you know, you you can talk about all those shows, but again, those women are being pitted against each other for entertainment.
12:51
SPEAKER_04: They're being told to be that way.
12:52
SPEAKER_04: They're being told to do those things.
12:54
SPEAKER_04: And we can say that as women who have as human beings who have evolved, but like the pe we're not their target market anymore.
13:00
SPEAKER_04: The people that are their target market still don't have fully developed brains and they think that's the way they should behave.
13:05
SPEAKER_04: And so that's the struggle, I think.
13:07
SPEAKER_04: Um so it's interesting that you say, like, oh, I like this, because also there's something innate, and again, that like Neanderthal back of brain, there's something innate in like getting on board with a team and the winning team because it's how you survived once upon a time.
13:23
SPEAKER_04: You didn't want to be part of the losing team.
13:25
SPEAKER_04: And oftentimes weakness is, you know, the losing team.
13:29
SPEAKER_04: And then there's all sorts of emotions that have been subscribed and prescribed to being weak.
13:34
SPEAKER_04: And that I mean, we have evolved so quickly that I think who we really are as animals and as beings cannot actually connect with what we're expected to do and be and think today.
13:45
SPEAKER_04: And that's just that's just culture and where we are.
13:47
SPEAKER_04: But there's always been an interest in being on the winning team, and there always will be.
13:52
SPEAKER_04: Um, but in terms of like how do we rectify that and figure out what's going on?
14:01
SPEAKER_04: Everybody's a villain in somebody else's story, and everybody's the savior in a different story.
14:07
SPEAKER_04: So I promise you, there are people out there that do not like me.
14:10
SPEAKER_04: I don't know who they are because I shouldn't.
14:13
SPEAKER_04: We're on our road trip.
14:14
SPEAKER_04: We went through that one town.
14:16
SPEAKER_04: The woman who works at that one store.
14:17
SPEAKER_06: The woman who works at the container store did not buy Banyo.
14:22
SPEAKER_06: It was the weirdest.
14:23
SPEAKER_06: I've never seen anybody not be not just like light up by her presence, and this woman was having none of it.
14:30
SPEAKER_06: None of me.
14:32
SPEAKER_04: I don't know.
14:33
SPEAKER_04: I clearly again, that was my aura.
14:35
SPEAKER_04: Something was weird there, even though I was in a great.
14:37
SPEAKER_04: But I mean, you can there are people that are not gonna like you.
14:41
SPEAKER_04: And you know, that whole thing, like, oh, that's none of your business.
14:44
SPEAKER_04: Well, that's really nice to say, but I'm a people pleaser too.
14:47
SPEAKER_04: I like I want everyone to like me.
14:48
SPEAKER_04: But at the end of the day, that's not the energy I'm gonna hang on to.
14:52
SPEAKER_04: I'm really gonna try to let that go.
14:54
SPEAKER_04: And and I'm gonna work through that, and I'm gonna trust that that woman actually really is a lovely human being for someone else, maybe not for me.
15:02
SPEAKER_04: Right.
15:03
SPEAKER_04: So, like like let's call it, let's talk about it in an analogy way.
15:07
SPEAKER_04: That this sweater might be really if people can't hear people that are listening to me here.
15:11
SPEAKER_04: I'm wearing the most ridiculous.
15:13
SPEAKER_06: Sat next to that sweater at like a con, like at like a performance.
15:17
SPEAKER_04: Performance, it's really noisy.
15:19
SPEAKER_04: This sweater with all these things.
15:20
SPEAKER_04: This sweater is really great for me most of the time, right?
15:23
SPEAKER_04: Like I love a sweater.
15:24
SPEAKER_04: But this sweater for Candace is not great.
15:27
SPEAKER_04: It's a villain in her story.
15:28
SPEAKER_04: It's the wrong color, it doesn't feel right, it's noisy.
15:32
SPEAKER_04: This sweater is not great for her, but it but it's great for me.
15:35
SPEAKER_04: That doesn't mean it's a bad sweater, it just means it's not her sweater.
15:38
SPEAKER_04: So these human beings, right?
15:40
SPEAKER_04: You might just not might be my people, and that's okay, and I'm not yours, then that's okay.
15:44
SPEAKER_04: So I think that I think that when we talk about how do we champion someone, I don't have to want great things for you and be your cheerleader extraordinaire, but I can say, hey, I'm gonna remove myself and I hope that you have the best thing for you.
16:00
SPEAKER_04: And if if the best thing for you is something that is super toxic and nasty for me, okay, I'm just gonna go the other way.
16:06
SPEAKER_04: It doesn't affect unless until you're hurting me and the person I love, it it's not my it's not my problem.
16:13
SPEAKER_04: Like I'm gonna see it, I'm gonna feel it, I'm gonna notice it, I'm gonna walk away.
16:17
SPEAKER_04: It just does it doesn't make sense, right?
16:19
SPEAKER_02: And like framing it that way.
16:21
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, for me, it's like an energy conversation.
16:23
SPEAKER_02: If it's something that's not a good fit, like it's just I have less energy to put there.
16:29
SPEAKER_02: Over things that are the right fit or my people or my things, whatever, that gets my energy and my attention.
16:35
SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
16:36
SPEAKER_04: Um, I will say, like, just as we've got to just as we dove into this, and I've been thinking about like some women supporting women, and it's so funny.
16:43
SPEAKER_04: So I was raised by a pod of single women in a small hippie town where there were like no father figures cruising around.
16:51
SPEAKER_02: Interesting.
16:52
SPEAKER_04: Really interesting, right?
16:53
SPEAKER_04: And my godmother is the most ferocious, fierce, scary woman you've ever met in your life.
16:58
SPEAKER_04: You better want you want her on your side and not again, don't be against her.
17:02
SPEAKER_04: She'll give you the shirt off her back to like watch out for her.
17:05
SPEAKER_04: And these women raised this pot of feral children and didn't, you know, like we didn't have much.
17:13
SPEAKER_04: And like, I my my dad was around, like, let's be clear, my dad was around.
17:18
SPEAKER_04: But in my day-to-day life growing up, it was all these single moms in this little town with all these kids running amok, and they were doing their very best just to get by.
17:27
SPEAKER_04: And so it was like, you don't you listen to that mom, you listen to that mom, you listen to that mom.
17:32
SPEAKER_04: You better be ready.
17:33
SPEAKER_04: Because like, it's not you don't get to tell that mom no, she will whoop you.
17:37
SPEAKER_04: Like, let's go.
17:38
SPEAKER_04: And be on top of your game, but also be ready because if anyone messes with you, there are like 10 moms rolling deep in a suburban gonna come get you, watch out.
17:50
SPEAKER_04: It's it's intense.
17:51
SPEAKER_04: So I really wonder if I really wonder how I'm sure a ton of that shaped this idea of be be in your own skin, be powerful, you can do anything.
17:59
SPEAKER_04: You don't need to be taken care of by anyone other than your friends and your women, right?
18:04
SPEAKER_04: That's there's there's good and bad to that again.
18:06
SPEAKER_04: Like I have a lot of my my very sweet boss who is a man who is a friend, he's always like, I'm offering to help you.
18:12
SPEAKER_04: Can you just let me help you?
18:13
SPEAKER_04: And I'm like, No, I don't need your help.
18:15
SPEAKER_04: Get out.
18:15
SPEAKER_04: I can do it all myself.
18:17
SPEAKER_04: So it there's um there's a thing, but it's pretty interesting because you can be, you can you can get in competition with a woman, but at the end of the day, like we're all just trying to survive and make it make our world work.
18:30
SPEAKER_04: So why not back each other up and hold each other up?
18:33
SPEAKER_04: And I think that in this day and age where we see a lot of women behaving and saying and acting and doing things that really feel misaligned with the feminine cause.
18:44
SPEAKER_04: And um, I definitely get lost there, but I'm but I'm not wishing them ill.
18:49
SPEAKER_04: I'm wishing for their mentality to shift and be more open.
18:54
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
18:54
SPEAKER_02: And like you said, you've done um, you've done a lot of the work, and even when you're down or going through something, you still have the ability to be happy for someone else and be happy for your friends.
19:09
unknown: Yeah.
19:09
SPEAKER_02: And it's kind of like, yes, this and this.
19:13
SPEAKER_02: Like my emotional states don't need to be mutually exclusive.
19:16
SPEAKER_02: You know what I mean?
19:17
SPEAKER_02: Like I've got friends who are doing amazing, amazing things and have amazing things, and their lives are just like picture perfect, right?
19:26
SPEAKER_02: Seemingly on the outside.
19:27
SPEAKER_02: And it's like, okay, there's one in me that has a little bit of envy.
19:31
SPEAKER_05: Yep.
19:31
SPEAKER_02: And as I've grown up, that envy fortunately has gotten a little less, and it's like I'm just so like I genuinely know how much you want that, and I'm happy you have it.
19:41
SPEAKER_02: But I feel like it it takes work to get there, and I'm still not even where I'd like to be there.
19:46
SPEAKER_02: I'd like to have none of the envy.
19:48
SPEAKER_02: You know what I mean?
19:49
SPEAKER_04: But you will.
19:50
SPEAKER_04: But I mean, I don't know if you know, but in the movie Inside Out, there is a whole thing of envy, and they don't go away.
19:55
SPEAKER_04: It's an actual emotion.
19:57
SPEAKER_04: Are we not supposed to shout out movies?
19:59
SPEAKER_04: Sorry.
19:59
SPEAKER_04: Oh, I love that movie.
20:02
SPEAKER_04: It's a great movie.
20:02
SPEAKER_04: I think about it all the time.
20:04
SPEAKER_04: You know, I I gotta I was thinking about this because I don't have and again, I oh, come tell people how to like how to champion women and how to be supportive and like just do it is not the right answer.
20:16
SPEAKER_04: Like, right?
20:16
SPEAKER_04: But like go forth.
20:18
SPEAKER_04: Um, but I think I think about it a lot because there are there are there is a very specific human who I cannot be happy for in this life.
20:27
SPEAKER_04: And it is like envy gets in, jealousy gets in, um, and I cannot get I cannot get happy for that human.
20:34
SPEAKER_04: And I constantly like, what is your problem?
20:37
SPEAKER_04: Um and I think what it really comes down to is that person's not happy with them, with or for themselves or with or for anyone else, no matter what.
20:48
SPEAKER_04: And so it's hard because that energy is pushed onto you.
20:52
SPEAKER_04: At some point, there's only so much deflection you can do before you you start to mirror it or absorb it, or like say, Well, if you're just gonna be an asshole, well, then I can't be happy for you.
21:03
SPEAKER_06: No matter how much my sweater jingles, sweater jingly.
21:08
SPEAKER_04: Oh my god, this thing is so great.
21:09
SPEAKER_04: But um, but those those things exist.
21:11
SPEAKER_04: And I can't that one is the hard work for me where I'm like, be happy for that person, be happy for that person.
21:17
SPEAKER_04: And I can't.
21:20
SPEAKER_04: It's tricky.
21:20
SPEAKER_04: So I continue to work at that because I can't walk away from that person.
21:23
SPEAKER_04: That person's in my life in a big way and will be.
21:27
SPEAKER_04: And so those are the hard ones where you, you know, you can't just distance yourself.
21:32
SPEAKER_06: So you are you say, like, oh, I could just say, like, just do it, just you know, support women.
21:42
SPEAKER_06: But in reality, what you are doing is you model this and take on very strong leadership roles for young women.
21:52
SPEAKER_05: Yes.
21:53
SPEAKER_06: Um in major, major ways.
21:58
SPEAKER_06: You are heavily.
22:00
SPEAKER_06: Involved in your sorority, Delta Gamma.
22:02
SPEAKER_06: You're heavily involved.
22:04
SPEAKER_06: You're heavily involved in other organizations, girls on the run.
22:11
SPEAKER_04: National Charity League.
22:12
SPEAKER_06: National Charity League.
22:14
SPEAKER_06: You have really taken on this role as a mentor and like spirit guide for these young women.
22:24
SPEAKER_06: And I I see it because I talk to you every day.
22:28
SPEAKER_06: The level of effort you put in, especially with the girls that are at the age of like that, like you said, like that kind of evolving brain, that frontal lobe development part where we're moving on from being people who like watching people get torn apart by a lion in the Colosseum or on Netflix TV shows to people who can really be champions and understand the complexity of the human experience and recognize that it's not all about you and that we don't know what that person's going through that day.
23:05
SPEAKER_06: Can you talk a and I think you are really a standout?
23:09
SPEAKER_06: I don't think all volunteers are doing this because I'm also involved in other groups and I see that not all not everybody's taking on this role of mentorship.
23:18
SPEAKER_06: What are some things that you've done, and I can name them if you can't, um, with some of the groups that are really working with young women and teaching them how to be this like supportive community rather than in competition?
23:35
SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
23:36
SPEAKER_04: So so much of what I so much of what we do as human beings, in my opinion, really has specific side specific silos.
23:46
SPEAKER_04: And when we can name those silos and really understand those silos, I think we can move through them in a little bit better way, right?
23:51
SPEAKER_04: And so you and I this is, I mean, this is what Candace and I talk about all day, every day, basically.
23:57
SPEAKER_04: Um, but we all need to vent, get it out, right?
24:02
SPEAKER_04: Take the trash out.
24:03
SPEAKER_04: You got to vent.
24:04
SPEAKER_04: Um, and venting looks really different than externally processing for yourself, looks really different than brainstorming solutions, looks really different than talking mad shit.
24:13
SPEAKER_04: Those are all different things, and so easily can those look similar in a line if you're not clear on and as you're doing, as you're, you know, we're vomiting, you can interweave them, but there is a difference and there's a purpose to all of them.
24:28
SPEAKER_04: Um, so in that vein, and I don't know if this is where you wanted me to go, Can, but in that vein, um, I believe very, very big in um the car is the only safe place to vent.
24:43
SPEAKER_04: Now, this has bit this has bitten me in the ass, and the more we get into uh technology, the scarier it gets.
24:49
SPEAKER_04: But I definitely was in my car, believed I was on the phone with a different friend and was having a decent, a good, like closed vent session.
24:56
SPEAKER_04: I mean, venting, which sounds a lot like talking shit.
25:00
SPEAKER_04: She's gotta get it out.
25:01
SPEAKER_04: Um, about my husband.
25:02
SPEAKER_04: And then I was in his car and there's a dash cam.
25:05
SPEAKER_04: And so he definitely happened to look at the image, like, damn it.
25:09
SPEAKER_04: I was like, I was in the safe place anyway.
25:11
SPEAKER_04: So good lesson learned.
25:12
SPEAKER_04: Um, so I tell I tell these young women, like, listen, do not, do not just start talking, talking about anything because you need to get it out and you need to like not have to censor and you need to be clear about it, but you need to do it in a space where it's not gonna hurt somebody's feeling, you're not gonna have to backpedal off of this and try to explain the nuances of it, right?
25:30
SPEAKER_04: We go in if you if you're someone brilliant enough to go to therapy, you go in and you spit it all out, and then you dissect, right?
25:35
SPEAKER_04: Then you figure it out.
25:36
SPEAKER_04: So the car is the only safe place to vent.
25:39
SPEAKER_04: You better know who you're venting to and trust them because like you gotta you gotta know, you gotta trust.
25:44
SPEAKER_04: Um, and then okay, now let's see it from the other side.
25:48
SPEAKER_04: Let's really dissect it and and figure it out what like why.
25:51
SPEAKER_04: And then you have to you have to go talk to the elephant in the room.
25:55
SPEAKER_04: Like you have to be brave enough to go say I don't feel good about this.
25:59
SPEAKER_04: And that might be face to face, it might be in a text, it might be a letter, it might be whatever, but you have to you have to do it.
26:05
SPEAKER_04: And um, and then the other side of that is when you choose to be that person, you hold all the power then.
26:13
SPEAKER_04: And so some people need to know where they can get that power, and some for some people that power feels really good.
26:18
SPEAKER_04: And so they're like, Oh, I will do that since I have the power.
26:20
SPEAKER_04: That's my daughter.
26:21
SPEAKER_04: She's like, Oh, do the hard thing have the power?
26:24
SPEAKER_04: I'm in.
26:24
SPEAKER_04: Let's go.
26:25
SPEAKER_04: Um for some people it's really scary.
26:27
SPEAKER_04: But at the end of the day, like, if I have broached that subject, no you you have like I am now in the clear, let's talk about it, right?
26:36
SPEAKER_04: So I think that those are some of the big things.
26:38
SPEAKER_04: I've never really thought about it beyond that, um, or that clearly, maybe, but I think it's those big pieces.
26:45
SPEAKER_04: And I think the other side is if you're not willing to go and have the conversation with somebody, nothing's gonna change.
26:50
SPEAKER_04: Uh-huh.
26:51
SPEAKER_04: Right.
26:52
SPEAKER_04: Um, I again, most of the time this works and it's true.
26:56
SPEAKER_04: There are always exceptions.
26:58
SPEAKER_00: You can have a board, investors, advisors, and still have nobody you can actually talk to about what is really going on.
27:05
SPEAKER_00: That is not unusual.
27:07
SPEAKER_00: That is the founder reality.
27:08
SPEAKER_00: And we step in right there.
27:10
SPEAKER_00: I'm Tom Powell, and at the founder's office, we're proud to sponsor Women Talk Finance.
27:16
SPEAKER_06: I think you're talking about constructive venting versus like trash talk, right?
27:22
SPEAKER_06: Like, and I think that's a big difference is like when you're trying to solve a problem, when you're trying to navigate this, or um, a lot of times, like you said, a lot of times you're we you and I are looking for different perspective on how to see something in a way that you can then come and be the champion for that person on the other side.
27:39
SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
27:40
SPEAKER_06: Um, not necessarily come at things from an adversarial position.
27:45
SPEAKER_06: I think this is true through, I think a lot of times people feel that way in their work life, right?
27:50
SPEAKER_06: Like it's common to have somebody in an adversarial position, whether you're in competition or you just disagree with how they're working or they're making your life harder.
28:01
SPEAKER_06: And so a lot of times there's this like inherent competitiveness in our work experience.
28:08
SPEAKER_06: Yeah.
28:09
SPEAKER_06: So being able to then dissect that and make it into something that we can solve.
28:14
SPEAKER_06: Or finding the team in it, right?
28:16
SPEAKER_04: So we can both we can both excel at this by helping each other, but you have to build that trust.
28:23
SPEAKER_04: It's all trusted.
28:24
SPEAKER_04: We know that, like it's all trust.
28:25
SPEAKER_04: Um so I think that that's really important.
28:28
SPEAKER_04: And until I'm willing to be vulnerable myself and say I messed up or I'm sorry, or whatever, they're not gonna be willing to do it.
28:37
SPEAKER_04: You just have to be willing to be the scapegoat in so much of the things.
28:41
SPEAKER_04: Um, but I will tell you that, like, and actually, this happened when we all worked together once upon a time.
28:47
SPEAKER_04: There was a big problem, and I came, I came and said, This was my mistake, like big mistake, real big problem.
28:54
SPEAKER_04: I messed up.
28:55
SPEAKER_04: I am so sorry, I own this fully.
28:58
SPEAKER_04: And like people were really impressed with that.
29:01
SPEAKER_04: And I was like, no, don't be impressed.
29:03
SPEAKER_04: I messed up.
29:04
SPEAKER_04: But I took ownership of it.
29:06
SPEAKER_04: And it and it made people who we all worked with who d had not spoken to me because I'm the extrovert and I'm crazy and I'm weird and I show up and they're like, that one's too much for me.
29:15
SPEAKER_04: They were like, Oh, we can trust her.
29:18
SPEAKER_04: Like we're gonna go to her now and be her friend and like connect with her and and know that she's gonna she's on the up and up.
29:24
SPEAKER_04: There's nothing um secretive there to do.
29:27
SPEAKER_02: So also it like um it kind of debunks the myth of like perfectionism, and that there's like flawless humans who don't make mistakes and the bar is this high, and you always have to do it, or or else you are failing.
29:45
unknown: Yeah.
29:45
SPEAKER_02: I think there are definitely those models out there, and there's messaging in our society that it needs to look like this being a woman, being a mom, you know, motherhood, being a wife, being a career person, yeah, being any combination of the things, like doing it all, being it all, it has to look a certain way.
30:04
SPEAKER_02: And there's a model.
30:06
SPEAKER_02: There's I I can think of like social media on socials, there's the the people, influencers, they have a name, right?
30:14
SPEAKER_02: That influence how we're supposed to think, how we're supposed to act, what we're supposed to like, what we're supposed to want.
30:21
SPEAKER_02: They are influencing our choices from not just like a consumerism standpoint, but also like how we are supposed to be interacting with each other, moving through the world, showing up in these relationships, all of it.
30:37
SPEAKER_02: And it's um yeah, it's a little bit like of a mind, a mind fuck.
30:44
SPEAKER_02: I think we can say the F word on our on our show.
30:46
SPEAKER_04: It's your podcast.
30:47
SPEAKER_04: It's in our name.
30:49
SPEAKER_04: I was gonna say, WTF is a just fuck, though.
30:52
SPEAKER_02: It's it's it's a mind fuck.
30:53
SPEAKER_02: It is like there's it's a little it creates cognitive dissonance.
30:57
SPEAKER_02: You're like, what are we supposed to be today?
30:58
SPEAKER_02: So going back to your example, you lead by example, you're like, perfectionism is not real.
31:04
SPEAKER_02: Mistakes happen.
31:05
SPEAKER_02: If we know about everything, so you just like normalized that for an entire team of people.
31:10
SPEAKER_02: You're like, oh, that was that was cool.
31:12
SPEAKER_02: She messed up, she owned it, like, not a big deal.
31:15
SPEAKER_02: We'll fix it and move on.
31:16
SPEAKER_04: Yeah, and and if I say I messed up, I'm the problem, then it doesn't matter if you're trying to vent or talk shit or externally process, when you say she messed up, everybody's like, Yeah, we know she said so.
31:29
SPEAKER_04: Again, I have power.
31:30
SPEAKER_04: So, you know, these are tricky businesses.
31:33
SPEAKER_04: Um, but I think that the other part is when we're talking about women and competition on all the things.
31:39
SPEAKER_04: When I was in my 20s, like, so go back, I grew up not wanting for things I needed.
31:44
SPEAKER_04: I always had everything I needed, but we didn't have flashy all sorts of fun things, right?
31:49
SPEAKER_04: Um, and so get into my 20s, and I'm like, I want the I want the name brand bags, and I want the this and I want the that.
31:55
SPEAKER_04: Well, financially, how do you do that?
31:58
SPEAKER_04: You don't, really, most people.
32:00
SPEAKER_04: And then I felt like, oh, but now somebody's gonna ask me if I want to go on this trip, and I'm gonna have to say I can't afford it, and that didn't feel good.
32:06
SPEAKER_04: And it took, it took a long time.
32:09
SPEAKER_04: I mean, there's so much in there, but it took a long time for me to be able to say, that's not in my budget, or that's not where I'm allocating my money.
32:15
SPEAKER_04: Or and honest to goodness, you guys, season one that I got to be part of watching from behind the scenes with you guys taught me so much and gave me so much power, and it was watching women that I trust share information.
32:27
SPEAKER_04: So what you do here is important, and it has, I mean, I've told you both multiple times.
32:32
SPEAKER_04: Like, I had never thought I could walk into an open house because I didn't think that it was fair or funny.
32:36
SPEAKER_04: And now I'm like, open house, I'm going in.
32:38
SPEAKER_04: What's happening?
32:38
SPEAKER_04: And like that gives me power, and it also led me to start to understand how houses are bought.
32:44
SPEAKER_04: I've never bought a house.
32:45
SPEAKER_04: My husband had the house built before I met him.
32:47
SPEAKER_04: My parents, my mom has never owned a house.
32:49
SPEAKER_04: My dad and I didn't talk about it.
32:50
SPEAKER_04: Oh, you've just stepped me into a space where I feel more powerful simply by saying, here's what I know high-yield savings accounts, that was you.
32:58
SPEAKER_04: I have one, my mom has one, my husband didn't know about it.
33:00
SPEAKER_04: I am the winner.
33:01
SPEAKER_04: You're welcome.
33:02
SPEAKER_06: So yes.
33:03
SPEAKER_06: We well, I wanna, you did a beautiful segue.
33:06
SPEAKER_06: I'm gonna let you finish.
33:07
SPEAKER_06: I'm gonna let you finish.
33:08
SPEAKER_04: I mean, I'm I just want to say like I think that you you have hit the nail on the head of saying we're gonna say things, right?
33:15
SPEAKER_04: We're gonna share our knowledge without thinking that our knowledge, like there's enough pieces of that pie.
33:20
SPEAKER_04: Tell everyone.
33:22
SPEAKER_04: So if we just share and we open and we give and we like whatever we can.
33:27
SPEAKER_04: I am someone that says, Hi, I'm I'm gonna welcome you into this room that actually I just got invited to.
33:33
SPEAKER_04: I'm not in charge.
33:34
SPEAKER_04: And people think I'm in charge all the time at every event.
33:36
SPEAKER_04: Cause I'm like, You think you're a host at everything.
33:38
SPEAKER_04: I am, but it's because people walk in and they don't know how to behave.
33:42
SPEAKER_04: And I'm like, all you have to do is pretend you gotta be here and like you just need one person to say hello.
33:46
SPEAKER_04: And it's the same thing if we're talking about finance or momming or whatever.
33:50
SPEAKER_04: Hey, how's it going?
33:51
SPEAKER_04: You're doing a great job.
33:52
SPEAKER_04: Let's go.
33:52
SPEAKER_04: Because really, everyone is doing their very best.
33:56
SPEAKER_04: And if you just believe that everyone is truly doing their very best, and it might not be your best, it might be way better than you or way worse than you, and it might be really great for you or really not great for you.
34:06
SPEAKER_04: Again, it's a sweater, right?
34:07
SPEAKER_04: Like everybody's just doing their best.
34:09
SPEAKER_04: That's all you gotta do.
34:10
SPEAKER_06: So well, the skills aren't we're measuring each other on skills that are irrelevant and aren't the same for everybody.
34:17
SPEAKER_06: So dumb.
34:17
SPEAKER_06: But you and I, so we've been friends for such a long time.
34:21
SPEAKER_06: Such a long time.
34:22
SPEAKER_06: We didn't talk about finance until the start of this podcast.
34:27
SPEAKER_06: So here I am having this podcast, like where women need to take finance, and then me and my best friend have never ever spoken about it.
34:36
SPEAKER_06: But now it's really shifted the way we communicate in our friendship.
34:42
SPEAKER_06: I think we have like a deeper friendship because of it.
34:45
SPEAKER_06: Yeah.
34:46
SPEAKER_06: We talk about, we have we celebrate financial wins for each other.
34:52
SPEAKER_06: We gut check each other.
34:54
SPEAKER_06: Um, like, hey, did you negotiate on that?
34:56
SPEAKER_06: Or, you know, um, we we really do have this whole new level to our friendship now that we're talking about what and then when I say, oh my gosh, I got this interest rate on on this, I don't know, loan, and it I killed it on this.
35:14
SPEAKER_04: Like, look at all the research I did, you also champion it and celebrate it.
35:17
SPEAKER_04: Like you're the first one to blow the horn for me.
35:19
SPEAKER_04: So there's that, right?
35:20
SPEAKER_04: Um and women, what do women want to do?
35:23
SPEAKER_04: We're caregivers, right?
35:24
SPEAKER_04: We just want to take care of everybody.
35:26
SPEAKER_04: We want to, we wanna some people want to feed.
35:28
SPEAKER_04: I do not want to feed anyone, I want to eat the food.
35:30
SPEAKER_04: Thanks.
35:31
SPEAKER_04: Um, but you know, we want to care for them.
35:32
SPEAKER_04: So if you can't give people food you've made, you can give them knowledge, you can give them love, you can give them comfort, you can give them presence, you can give them confidence by standing next to you or being able to say your ridiculous name, right?
35:44
SPEAKER_04: Like, you give what you can give.
35:46
SPEAKER_04: Women want to do that.
35:48
SPEAKER_04: We don't do it because we're afraid of being wrong.
35:50
SPEAKER_04: So, like, I have zero fear because I trust that my friends Jackie and Candace were telling me the truth.
35:56
SPEAKER_04: That the high yield savings account is a good idea.
35:58
SPEAKER_04: And so I have zero problem being like, I'm not gonna be wrong about this.
36:01
SPEAKER_04: You need a high yield savings account, friend.
36:03
SPEAKER_04: I'm not gonna be wrong.
36:03
SPEAKER_04: Now listen, which one?
36:04
SPEAKER_04: That's a whole different ballgame.
36:06
SPEAKER_04: Gotta find your pink sweater.
36:07
SPEAKER_04: But it's a good idea.
36:09
SPEAKER_04: And I don't feel like I'm gonna be wrong.
36:11
SPEAKER_04: If somebody's gonna come now, inevitably there's a bro in a vest that's gonna come along and be like, that's not the best way, and I'm gonna say, Okay.
36:18
SPEAKER_04: And then I'm gonna say, um, I'll ask my girls about that.
36:22
SPEAKER_04: I don't know.
36:24
SPEAKER_04: Say, tell me more.
36:25
SPEAKER_04: Um, but I think that I think that because we want to take care of people and we want to, we want to nurture people, it doesn't matter what you're talking about, as long as you're nurturing some set something that they need in that moment, that's how women are gonna feel empowered and special.
36:41
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, that's the win-win.
36:43
SPEAKER_02: The um so women supporting women, I think we typically frame it in terms of like an emotional supporting, like cheering each other on or being happy for each other's wins, or being there um with our presence in in the downtimes, right?
36:58
SPEAKER_02: Like so it's it's this emotional generosity and like availability.
37:03
SPEAKER_02: But we would love to encourage our listeners to think of it as also like an economic strategy.
37:10
SPEAKER_02: Um this is said before, like women don't we don't need to gatekeep for each other.
37:15
SPEAKER_02: We can share opportunities, we can make injunctions, we can refer business, we can normalize ambition and boundaries and like normalize like it the expectations on doing all the things and all of the unpaid work and you know, like the the unspoken, unacknowledged burdens that are carried, like just normalizing those conversations, discussing money openly, and then like collaborating on on some things rather than competing.
37:43
SPEAKER_02: That right there is massive, massive mindset shift, and I think a massive um show-up shift.
37:51
SPEAKER_02: Like you'll feel the effects of that in your both close relationships and even like just even acquaintances, I think.
37:59
SPEAKER_04: Acquaintances for sure.
38:00
SPEAKER_04: Um, you were talking about in saying all that, it reminded me of the elections process with these collegiate sorority women that I participated with.
38:09
SPEAKER_04: And I think now I'm do going through these election processes with the younger with seventh and eighth graders in officer roles, and um teaching you said something, and I'm drawing a blank on the exact words, but something about the competition, and I think naming the competition for what it is.
38:23
SPEAKER_04: Hey, we can compete and still be okay.
38:25
SPEAKER_04: I think teaching women that is crucial.
38:28
SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
38:28
SPEAKER_04: Like we can we can be out on my daughter, we can be out on the soccer field kicking each other's asses and then turn around and be like, good game.
38:37
SPEAKER_04: Or not good game and calling each other on it, right?
38:39
SPEAKER_04: My my child is.
38:42
SPEAKER_02: Like the UFC fighters that like hug, shake, shake it out at the end.
38:47
SPEAKER_04: Right.
38:48
SPEAKER_04: But what's the competition, right?
38:49
SPEAKER_04: So, like, I'm thinking political races are are happening, right?
38:53
SPEAKER_04: And there are women, and what what does this culture do?
38:56
SPEAKER_04: Pits them against each other on the most awful situations and the most terrible.
39:00
SPEAKER_04: Oh, she's prettier, oh, she's got a better outfit.
39:02
SPEAKER_04: That doesn't matter.
39:03
SPEAKER_04: Let's and the if they can come together in the back and be like, hi, we don't see eye to eye on some things, but good luck because this is the whole thing is I believe I'm here for good, and you believe you're here for good.
39:13
SPEAKER_04: And how do we work through this?
39:15
SPEAKER_04: So much power in saying we are in competition on purpose because we chose to be.
39:21
SPEAKER_04: And when we're done, maybe you can help me continue to see things from the other side.
39:26
SPEAKER_03: Love.
39:27
SPEAKER_04: I mean, how great would that be?
39:29
SPEAKER_06: I mean, I just went through it recently where I felt compet in a competition with with another woman, and I think you really helped me.
39:39
SPEAKER_06: Oh, yeah.
39:40
SPEAKER_06: I think through we worked through because in the beginning it was a lot.
39:45
SPEAKER_06: It was very emotionally.
39:46
SPEAKER_06: Both of you helped me.
39:49
SPEAKER_04: And that situation and like everything we've talked about so far.
39:53
SPEAKER_04: It goes all over.
39:54
SPEAKER_06: Having to recognize though, and take like this realization that like that other person really felt strongly in what they believed in in their story, they are the hero.
40:09
SPEAKER_04: And in their friends department, right?
40:11
SPEAKER_04: We heard that.
40:12
SPEAKER_04: Their friends were like, She's great, she's a good person, she means well.
40:16
SPEAKER_06: And I totally believe that.
40:17
SPEAKER_06: I do, because these are people I trust, and um and we just agree on how things are handled and how things go, and that's gonna happen.
40:25
SPEAKER_06: But yeah, and I it's I yeah, like I definitely had to shift from the primal brain of competing for resources to an executive brain of having to see another human being as another human being.
40:43
SPEAKER_06: Um, and that's it's hard to do sometimes.
40:46
SPEAKER_04: And I I acknowledge this, and you were in direct competition and you were in the space you had to be in that moment, do it.
40:54
SPEAKER_04: And now the the period has come.
40:57
SPEAKER_04: We've put a we've put a what is what's the thing?
40:59
SPEAKER_04: We've put a mark in it, whatever it is.
41:01
SPEAKER_04: It's done, it's over there.
41:03
SPEAKER_04: And now you're able, I don't know what the the analogy is.
41:06
SPEAKER_03: I don't either.
41:06
SPEAKER_04: I was like, but it's like a flag in the moon, but I don't know.
41:09
SPEAKER_04: I don't know, it's done, right?
41:10
SPEAKER_04: So like this thing, and you had to be, you were in it, and then it finished.
41:14
SPEAKER_04: And now, while when you're when your stress comes down and you're like, listen, that didn't feel good.
41:19
SPEAKER_04: I didn't like it.
41:20
SPEAKER_04: I didn't like who I was in that in certain instances, but I'm really proud of who I was in other moments in that thing.
41:25
SPEAKER_04: And I see you and I don't like what you did, but I'm sure that there was a reason behind it that I've yet to find out.
41:31
SPEAKER_04: So again, coming back and and saying, Where did I, where could I have changed things?
41:36
SPEAKER_04: Where am I real proud?
41:37
SPEAKER_04: I stood up and was real hard ass, like good job me, because you had a lot of good job moments in that.
41:41
SPEAKER_04: We can um dissect it afterwards and we can learn from it and grow from it, and we can acknowledge it.
41:47
SPEAKER_04: Doesn't mean we have to condone it, condone behavior that we don't like, but we can say, Okay, thank you for the competition.
41:53
SPEAKER_04: I'm a better person for it.
41:55
SPEAKER_06: I learned from both of you on that whole thing, and I love this idea of as we're continuing to grow and evolve, this this I can still mature in the way I interact with other people and especially women, right?
42:11
SPEAKER_06: And and I can continue to choose how I respond to different situations.
42:19
SPEAKER_06: Um, I'm not always gonna get the same result, but I learn from you both every single day in that.
42:26
SPEAKER_04: Um, it is very hard to sit here and think about this uh from the outside and not just say, suck it girl who was mean to my friend.
42:35
SPEAKER_06: That's the other side of women supporting women.
42:38
SPEAKER_06: Right, right.
42:41
SPEAKER_04: I think very seriously, I'm gonna come across that person because it's a small world, and I've had a lot of things about like when I meet this person, how how is that gonna look?
42:50
SPEAKER_04: And real talk, I would bet money that it's gonna look like this.
42:54
SPEAKER_04: Oh, I'm Candace's best friend.
42:56
SPEAKER_04: Hi, it's really nice to meet you.
42:59
SPEAKER_04: And she's gonna draw a conclusion, but I want to set it up like this is where I stand.
43:03
SPEAKER_04: And then because I am who I am, if we're in a space where it works, I'm gonna say, can you explain to me where you stood on that and why?
43:10
SPEAKER_04: Like I'm happy to ask because I want to know.
43:12
SPEAKER_06: You're really good at actually asking great questions like that.
43:16
SPEAKER_06: Um I think that if you ask that with the wrong intention, people are gonna fight.
43:21
SPEAKER_04: And I don't think I legitimately don't understand you.
43:25
SPEAKER_06: Where are you?
43:26
SPEAKER_06: How do you get off versus I'd really like to understand?
43:31
SPEAKER_06: You have a genuine curiosity, which I appreciate because I don't always approach things with that way.
43:37
SPEAKER_06: So I think there's so many lessons here of like removing some of that bias, coming at things from a really like natural, inquisitive, supportive way, or at least giving the space that there's a different side that I, you know, any none of us have considered.
43:56
SPEAKER_06: And I think that's a great starting point.
43:58
SPEAKER_06: If some of these Netflix shows did.
44:00
SPEAKER_06: That of like there's enough to go around.
44:04
SPEAKER_06: We can, we can come at, we can all thrive and support each other.
44:09
SPEAKER_06: And we may not agree, but we can come from a position of I may not understand the way you do this or how you operate, but I'm gonna leave space for that.
44:22
SPEAKER_04: Or I might really understand it and really disagree with it, and that's fine.
44:25
SPEAKER_04: I'm not gonna operate that way.
44:28
SPEAKER_02: What's really interesting, and I don't mean this to be a criticism.
44:31
SPEAKER_02: I'm not coming at this with any sort of negativity.
44:34
SPEAKER_02: It's more just like an observation.
44:36
SPEAKER_02: This is all how we've been conditioned, all of us, us three and her in this world of like, well, going back to Von Galen's feral pod, like the the guys were around, but they were in in a different way, right?
44:50
SPEAKER_02: This whole world that we operate in would look different if the traditional male roles and male way of approaching things wasn't the default conditioning.
45:03
SPEAKER_02: And I'm talking about everything from like our work environment, Candace.
45:05
SPEAKER_02: The situation we're talking about, I was I responded in a veil, in a very protective, like male energy way.
45:13
SPEAKER_02: I wanted to fight when there was a challenging you, I was like, no, like we're gonna throw down and this is gonna get gnarly and nasty.
45:22
SPEAKER_02: And on the back end, when you're digesting it, you're heading more into your feminine energy, being like, I want to repair this.
45:28
SPEAKER_02: I respect where she might have been coming from.
45:32
SPEAKER_02: I want to understand, right?
45:33
SPEAKER_02: Like on the back end, you've got this feminine energy for it, but we are in a very conditioned framework of like approach it with that male energy, approach your work like that life that way.
45:45
SPEAKER_02: Even your your family, your day, the 24-hour clock is like male energy, women, feminine energy.
45:53
SPEAKER_02: We're on like a 28-day cycle, we're not building a 24-hour day.
45:58
SPEAKER_02: Like happy hour at 4 o'clock.
46:00
SPEAKER_02: That is a male energy of being social in the afternoon.
46:03
SPEAKER_02: Feminine energy, like four o'clock.
46:05
SPEAKER_02: Like I'm done, I'm working.
46:08
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
46:09
SPEAKER_02: So I'm just bringing that again.
46:11
SPEAKER_02: It's not a criticism, it is, it's just the reality of how we've been conditioned.
46:16
SPEAKER_02: So I love what you said about acknowledging like healthy competition, but even like add that extra lens of the feminine aspect to it.
46:24
SPEAKER_02: Like, I want to show up.
46:26
SPEAKER_02: This is competition for us, but we're both lifting each other up or putting right the potential.
46:33
SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
46:34
SPEAKER_04: Um yes to all of that.
46:37
SPEAKER_04: And let's also remember that when we're in the fight, there's no room for feeling good or being kind.
46:44
SPEAKER_04: It's you're in a fight for a reason, and there and there's a fight happening.
46:47
SPEAKER_04: And when the fight is over, then you can do anything you want, right?
46:50
SPEAKER_04: Then you can approach it any way you want.
46:52
SPEAKER_04: But in that moment, like we're not this isn't about anything but survival.
46:56
SPEAKER_04: If you really get down to it.
46:59
SPEAKER_06: So Yeah, I felt I I feel I feel that.
47:02
SPEAKER_06: And I feel like there's a way for me to in the uh in the way my brain is evolved, and and and I I can channel both sides of that, giving equal energy to that other side, to the feminine side of me, to the to the part of me that doesn't want to be in a battle.
47:29
SPEAKER_06: Because there is a huge part of me that that doesn't want to be in that.
47:32
SPEAKER_06: There's a huge part of me that does see like equal access, equal opportunity.
47:38
SPEAKER_06: Everything's we can all play fair.
47:41
SPEAKER_06: Um, how do I channel equal oper equal energy to that?
47:46
SPEAKER_06: You know, it's kind of like that idea of like for as much as you can dwell on the negative piece or like fear of something, put in as much, give as much screen time in your brain to the possibility that things can work out amazing, right?
48:01
SPEAKER_06: And I feel like that's something we could all balance.
48:04
SPEAKER_06: So you can be pissed at this person, but give them a compliment too.
48:08
SPEAKER_04: You know, you have said about this exact situation, these poor, poor listeners, they're like, tell us the tea.
48:14
SPEAKER_04: We'll never.
48:15
SPEAKER_04: This is a this is a lockdown tea moment.
48:17
SPEAKER_04: You just get the the surface level, sorry.
48:19
SPEAKER_04: Uh but in this in this space, you have said, Candice, like she she has to be a good person.
48:24
SPEAKER_04: And if we met somewhere else in a different situation, we probably would have connected and been friends.
48:29
SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
48:29
SPEAKER_04: You've said it multiple more times than I can count because you're looking at it from a we both really wanted to fight for something that was very deeply important to us.
48:39
SPEAKER_04: And that there is you wanna you want to talk about women supporting women, champion the fact that there are other women who are willing to stand up and fight in a big way.
48:47
SPEAKER_06: Oh, yeah.
48:48
SPEAKER_06: And in a way, I think I'm kind of honored that she was that way, that she that she was equally as, you know, passionate.
48:58
SPEAKER_06: Passionate that she was that she felt like that we are in a in a in a day and age where we feel like we can both stand up for something that we very strongly believe in.
49:10
SPEAKER_06: And so, wow, that's really neat as well.
49:13
SPEAKER_06: I like that.
49:14
SPEAKER_04: So um, yeah.
49:16
SPEAKER_04: I think the other the other part of this, just in like how what are we missing and how do we champion women is telling women, just telling, verbalizing.
49:23
SPEAKER_04: You you know, we talked about sharing our information and sharing our knowledge, but also just telling them, like, hey, I'm not trying to be a dick about it.
49:30
SPEAKER_04: I'm really like legitimately telling you, I think you're crushing it.
49:33
SPEAKER_04: Yeah, real good job.
49:35
SPEAKER_04: I'm not patronizing you, telling you you look real good in that outfit.
49:39
SPEAKER_04: Like, mm-hmm, just wear it every day.
49:41
SPEAKER_04: Or like, you know what I mean?
49:42
SPEAKER_04: And not on the surface level, deep.
49:45
SPEAKER_04: Like, tell people a lot.
49:47
SPEAKER_04: If you like it, if it feels good, you tell them.
49:50
SPEAKER_04: Why not?
49:51
SPEAKER_04: And you know, don't get me wrong, they're gonna some people are gonna be like, okay, thanks.
49:55
SPEAKER_04: Thanks so much.
49:56
SPEAKER_04: Uh, and I'm gonna be like, too bad for you.
49:58
SPEAKER_04: You took it so sad.
49:59
SPEAKER_04: I meant it for real.
50:00
SPEAKER_04: You look good, or you did great, or whatever, you know, but tell them.
50:04
SPEAKER_04: Be vulnerable, be honest, be the weirdo.
50:06
SPEAKER_04: It works out really well.
50:07
SPEAKER_06: How often do women think you're hitting on them?
50:09
SPEAKER_04: Or men?
50:11
SPEAKER_04: I don't um, I don't think they do.
50:13
SPEAKER_04: This is this is a whole other podcast.
50:16
SPEAKER_04: I don't think they do because my hitting on you energy, which has not been put out into the world for 20 years, is real palpable.
50:25
SPEAKER_04: There's no question.
50:26
SPEAKER_04: Like, there's no question.
50:29
SPEAKER_04: So I don't think they think I'm gonna do it.
50:31
SPEAKER_02: This is a whole different episode, but I want to know like what tricks are in your bag.
50:38
SPEAKER_02: What is 15 minutes of being hit on by Von Galen Zarconi looking for?
50:42
SPEAKER_06: I don't mean 15 minutes.
50:44
SPEAKER_02: That's silly.
50:45
SPEAKER_06: She can she can land the plane much quicker.
50:50
SPEAKER_02: Listen, just it just is like is this a plotted like seven-course meal?
50:56
SPEAKER_02: Is this and by that I mean like does this happen over months?
50:59
SPEAKER_02: Is this strategic or literally is it just like lightning in a bottle?
51:02
SPEAKER_04: Lightning in a bottle.
51:04
SPEAKER_04: I will say there was a very handsome young man uh crossing the street a while ago.
51:09
SPEAKER_04: And I don't know what it was, but I saw him coming and I was like, okay.
51:14
SPEAKER_04: And he looked at me.
51:16
SPEAKER_04: Well, I was in my car and he looked at me and I I clearly had my face on because he was like, and I don't get I don't get that.
51:25
SPEAKER_04: I'm the I'm the pursuer.
51:26
SPEAKER_04: I pursued my husband.
51:27
SPEAKER_04: I went and got him and told him you will date me, you will marry me, you will have all the babies with me.
51:30
SPEAKER_04: And he's an aggressive human, like he's an assertive, aggressive man.
51:34
SPEAKER_04: It's me.
51:35
SPEAKER_04: So it was funny when it happened, and I was like, whoa, turn it off, turn it off.
51:38
SPEAKER_04: No, no, what's the off switch?
51:40
unknown: Turn it off.
51:42
SPEAKER_04: I am very powerful, you guys.
51:44
SPEAKER_04: I'm very powerful.
51:44
SPEAKER_04: Just don't know.
51:45
SPEAKER_04: I'm very powerful.
51:46
SPEAKER_06: You are, you are you're such a powerful queen.
51:50
SPEAKER_04: You I have no idea if this was any use to you, but it was a real good time.
51:54
SPEAKER_06: We'll find out from the listeners.
51:55
SPEAKER_06: Let us know if you liked this.
51:57
SPEAKER_06: Please channel Von Galen.
51:59
SPEAKER_06: I do all the time.
52:00
SPEAKER_06: I told the woman in a smoking glitter one piece.
52:06
SPEAKER_06: I mean, and she looked amazing.
52:09
SPEAKER_06: And normal me, by the way, Von Galen and I are like yin and yang, like hot to lid, but I'm like, I'm always dressed in all black.
52:17
SPEAKER_06: We have so many pictures of us where I'm dressed in all black and she's wearing something wild.
52:20
SPEAKER_06: And I don't usually go up to people and say, like, initiate conversation.
52:25
SPEAKER_06: Von Galen, that's just how she moves through the world.
52:28
SPEAKER_06: And I I channeled you and I made her night.
52:32
SPEAKER_06: Of course I made her night, which made me feel good too.
52:34
SPEAKER_06: I was like, girl, girl, this was made for you.
52:39
SPEAKER_06: Like, you look smoking.
52:41
SPEAKER_06: Um, and the reason I asked that is because my husband then goes, Do you think she thought you were hitting on her?
52:46
SPEAKER_03: And I was like, Oh, I don't know.
52:48
SPEAKER_04: What a man thing to think.
52:50
SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
52:51
SPEAKER_04: No, just appreciating your beauty, man.
52:53
SPEAKER_04: And yeah, Candace will be like, excuse me, I have to really feel it.
52:55
SPEAKER_04: And I'll be like, literally with a bullhorn across the room, you look really good in that outfit.
53:00
SPEAKER_05: Like, that's how it is.
53:03
SPEAKER_04: That's why I have a bullhorn.
53:05
SPEAKER_04: She does.
53:06
SPEAKER_04: She doesn't need it.
53:07
SPEAKER_04: Um, but yeah, I I think that uh just remembering that we're all doing our best and we're all moving through the space like being nervous, nobody would ever think I was nervous, and I get nervous and I get uncomfortable and I step into it anyway.
53:21
SPEAKER_04: But like we all feel that way.
53:23
SPEAKER_04: We are all in sixth grade being worried about the world all the time.
53:27
SPEAKER_04: So if you just like extend a hand, right?
53:29
SPEAKER_04: The whole like reach down for somebody, I don't like that one, but like put an arm out and say, Let's go, sister.
53:34
SPEAKER_04: Like, come on.
53:35
SPEAKER_04: Yeah, middle school Candace is still in here.
53:38
SPEAKER_04: You know, oh middle school, everybody is in there.
53:40
SPEAKER_02: So middle school, everyone's still in here.
53:43
SPEAKER_04: We're all that's all we are, right?
53:44
SPEAKER_04: And if we love her deep enough and we go say hi to all the other people, great.
53:49
SPEAKER_04: The people who are not nice haven't gotten through whatever their nonsense is.
53:54
SPEAKER_02: And I can only imagine how not nice they are to themselves if they're not nice to others.
54:00
SPEAKER_04: Yes, big time, big time.
54:02
SPEAKER_02: Yep.
54:02
SPEAKER_04: That's it.
54:03
SPEAKER_04: That's it.
54:04
SPEAKER_04: Just yell at people lovingly with all the good.
54:07
SPEAKER_06: Yell at people lovingly.
54:09
SPEAKER_06: Thank you.
54:09
SPEAKER_06: Well, thank you, you gorgeous queen.
54:12
SPEAKER_06: You're welcome.
54:13
SPEAKER_06: Thanks for asking.
54:14
SPEAKER_01: Give us one more shake.
54:15
SPEAKER_01: One more shake.
54:19
SPEAKER_06: I wish we had a mic right there.
54:21
SPEAKER_06: It is the loudest sweater.
54:22
SPEAKER_06: I've I don't know where the computer.
54:24
SPEAKER_06: I don't know.
54:27
SPEAKER_04: Both visually and and the fact that our friend gets overstimulated and I'm her person is pretty hilarious.
54:35
SPEAKER_02: What I would love to see is the next time we hang out in person, I'd like you to wear that and I will bring some sort of not like a dicky, but like uh a collar that like ties that slides under, it'll have maybe some lace and some I don't I don't know.
54:59
SPEAKER_04: I'm so excited for whatever this is.
55:01
SPEAKER_02: Not that the sweater needs any elevation whatsoever, but something that just like boosts it in this section.
55:09
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
55:10
SPEAKER_04: Oh, yeah, I see what you're saying.
55:11
SPEAKER_04: Well, you're only getting this portion of it.
55:13
SPEAKER_04: There's a lot going on down below.
55:15
SPEAKER_02: Really?
55:15
SPEAKER_02: It's not a crop top.
55:18
SPEAKER_04: It might be tucked up in my bra right now because it's so hot in my office that I can't breathe.
55:23
SPEAKER_02: It's 90 degrees here.
55:24
SPEAKER_02: I never wear short sleeves and I have my arms out.
55:27
SPEAKER_04: So it's real hot, guys.
55:31
SPEAKER_02: We love you.
55:32
SPEAKER_02: Love you, love you.
55:32
SPEAKER_02: Thank you.
55:33
SPEAKER_04: Guys, I love you.
55:34
SPEAKER_04: Thanks for asking.
55:34
SPEAKER_06: This is so fun.
55:35
SPEAKER_02: Thanks for joining us.
55:36
SPEAKER_02: Like and subscribe and all the other things.
55:38
SPEAKER_06: And then go pay somebody a compliment.
55:41
SPEAKER_06: Go offer a hug to somebody today.
55:44
SPEAKER_06: That's your that's your homework, everyone.
55:46
SPEAKER_06: Enjoy.
55:47
SPEAKER_01: Okay, that was today's episode of WTF.
55:50
SPEAKER_01: If you laughed, learned something, or felt a little less alone, make sure you hit follow and send this episode to a friend who might need it.
55:59
SPEAKER_02: Women don't gatekeep, especially not the good stuff.
56:02
SPEAKER_06: We'll be back next week with more real talk, more stories, and probably more over sharing.
56:07
SPEAKER_01: See you next time on WTF.