Latest / Pod Therapy / #434: Breakup Emotional Fatigue, Grief Drama, Sex Cure for Crazy

Transcript

#434: Breakup Emotional Fatigue, Grief Drama, Sex Cure for Crazy · Pod Therapy

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: They're dancing.
• 0:02
  Speaker 2: Do you dance at weddings?
• 0:03
  Speaker 3: I do, actually, I mean occasionally. I never danced ever,
• 0:07
  Speaker 3: and it wasn't really until about I turned I don't know,
• 0:11
  Speaker 3: forty two. I figured that's a good time when Iowan
• 0:14
  Speaker 3: start dancing.
• 0:15
  Speaker 4: Yeah, the age of maturity in Iowa. I'm just imagining,
• 0:21
  Speaker 4: like the nature biographer, like narrating as the Iowan crawls
• 0:25
  Speaker 4: from his hole and starts like dancing a jig in
• 0:27
  Speaker 4: his mid forth. That's how you find it, mate, It's
• 0:30
  Speaker 4: like a bird of paradise. In jazz dance, that is
• 0:35
  Speaker 4: how we dance. Would would just walk around the ancestral
• 0:39
  Speaker 4: Iowan jazz hands the ancestual ancestral. Yes, it depends on
• 0:51
  Speaker 4: which state we're talking about in Iowa. I'm sure they're fine.
• 1:00
  Speaker 4: Episode titles so many times, Oh goodness.
• 1:08
  Speaker 3: From fabulous Las Vegas and Mata. This is pod Therapy,
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• 1:19
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• 1:22
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• 3:30
  Speaker 3: So I bet it's a lot easier to name a goat.
• 3:33
  Speaker 3: I feel like the more you can do with a goat. Yeah, yeah,
• 3:36
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  Speaker 4: great questions for today's show, and we're kicking off the
• 4:46
  Speaker 4: lineup today with Compassion Fatigue, Hi, Pod Therapy Gang. It's
• 4:51
  Speaker 4: your man, Edgar rallan Hoe again. I've got out of
• 4:55
  Speaker 4: a relationship half a year ago that was good in
• 4:58
  Speaker 4: some ways and not great in others. One of the
• 5:01
  Speaker 4: ways it wasn't so great was that my partner took
• 5:04
  Speaker 4: all the emotional space in the relationship. We reached a
• 5:07
  Speaker 4: point where I was clued into every thought my partner had,
• 5:10
  Speaker 4: the good, the bad, the stuff you probably should never
• 5:13
  Speaker 4: say out loud. Since ending the relationship, I've tried to
• 5:16
  Speaker 4: reconnect with my past life, old friends, family, and colleagues,
• 5:20
  Speaker 4: but I'm finding it hard to do so emotionally. I
• 5:23
  Speaker 4: routinely cancel plans if I get the sense that my
• 5:25
  Speaker 4: friends want my emotional currency. I get overwhelmed at the
• 5:29
  Speaker 4: idea of calling back home because something is always upsetting
• 5:32
  Speaker 4: my mom or my dad. I find myself stuck in
• 5:35
  Speaker 4: casual workplace conversations because I can't bring anything personal to
• 5:40
  Speaker 4: the table. The more time presses on, the more I'm
• 5:43
  Speaker 4: craving new everything, new friends, new people, new work, just
• 5:48
  Speaker 4: so the lack of emotional depth in those new places
• 5:51
  Speaker 4: can give me a moment of rest. I guess I
• 5:53
  Speaker 4: have two questions for you. Number one, how do you
• 5:56
  Speaker 4: deal with that kind of compassion fatigue? I don't want
• 5:59
  Speaker 4: to lose my friends or family. Number two, Is it
• 6:02
  Speaker 4: common for a relationship to tarnish everything that came before it,
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  Speaker 4: even the things it never touched? Is it unusual to
• 6:10
  Speaker 4: crave an entirely new life? Thanks in big love as
• 6:14
  Speaker 4: always Edgar Allan ho it's a good.
• 6:17
  Speaker 1: Question, a little bit like codependency.
• 6:20
  Speaker 4: It's yeah, right, because like it feels bigger than just
• 6:23
  Speaker 4: compassion fatigue, right, Like it almost feels like you've blown
• 6:27
  Speaker 4: something out, Like he blew out a heart muscle here,
• 6:29
  Speaker 4: and it's like everything is sensitive.
• 6:31
  Speaker 5: I don't want to use this ability for one.
• 6:33
  Speaker 2: This is almost like just when I get home from
• 6:35
  Speaker 2: like a big event or something, okay, and like I
• 6:37
  Speaker 2: just need to decompress a little biting weddings from all
• 6:41
  Speaker 2: the wedding planning yeah and officiating sure, yeah, and being
• 6:45
  Speaker 2: in and.
• 6:47
  Speaker 5: It's exhausted.
• 6:48
  Speaker 4: Oh so Nick has so much energy is.
• 6:54
  Speaker 6: Let me tell you he looks just once, just once,
• 6:59
  Speaker 6: one time you were all talking and what about this
• 7:04
  Speaker 6: whole pan of gunboat. I'm gonna have to eat all
• 7:07
  Speaker 6: this myself.
• 7:08
  Speaker 2: Really, Yeah, a little bit like a little bit of
• 7:12
  Speaker 2: just kind of like emotional fatigue, I don't know, just.
• 7:16
  Speaker 4: Burnout for sure. Yeah, I could see that. I mean,
• 7:19
  Speaker 4: and it's interesting and it sounds like that to me
• 7:20
  Speaker 4: a little bit.
• 7:21
  Speaker 7: Yeah.
• 7:21
  Speaker 4: I mean, especially if you had a relationship that was
• 7:23
  Speaker 4: like all consuming and you just feel like all of
• 7:26
  Speaker 4: my emotional muscles were just constantly clenched.
• 7:29
  Speaker 5: I get it.
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  Speaker 4: Like there's almost like a soreness right, Like I don't
• 7:31
  Speaker 4: know what the right word is, but I think we're
• 7:33
  Speaker 4: all started getting adjacent to it.
• 7:35
  Speaker 7: Yeah, And I mean, if you had to kind of
• 7:37
  Speaker 7: be spend so much energy being so in tune with
• 7:41
  Speaker 7: all these little things going on emotionally with your partner.
• 7:45
  Speaker 1: It's hard to break that practice, you know.
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  Speaker 7: It's like maybe that's what you did to make the
• 7:50
  Speaker 7: relationship work, and so now you're feeling like when I
• 7:53
  Speaker 7: call my parents or when I'm at work, I have
• 7:56
  Speaker 7: to start doing that. But I think the he will
• 8:00
  Speaker 7: be to try and practice replacing that with something like.
• 8:05
  Speaker 1: I don't know, like not do.
• 8:07
  Speaker 2: You ever feel like this is a therapist.
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  Speaker 4: I feel like I'm shallow as fuck because I deal
• 8:12
  Speaker 4: with like this deep dive trauma and like really heavy
• 8:15
  Speaker 4: emotional lifting. And I get out and I'm like, I'm
• 8:18
  Speaker 4: I'm great with completely surface level friendships. Like I don't
• 8:21
  Speaker 4: want to hear anybody's business. They don't want to tell me.
• 8:23
  Speaker 7: You're saying shallow in a sense of like you give
• 8:25
  Speaker 7: it to your clients, but now outside you're like, I
• 8:28
  Speaker 7: have no more to give?
• 8:29
  Speaker 1: Is that what you're saying?
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  Speaker 4: It isn't that I have no more to give, It's
• 8:30
  Speaker 4: that I welcome a lack of depth in my friendship.
• 8:34
  Speaker 7: Sure, Like I just want to shoo were friends.
• 8:38
  Speaker 4: You are the perfect friend. There's never been a time
• 8:41
  Speaker 4: when I ask you, how are you doing that you
• 8:43
  Speaker 4: have more to say than great, did your house just
• 8:46
  Speaker 4: burned down?
• 8:47
  Speaker 3: Yeah?
• 8:48
  Speaker 2: Yeah, cool? Sure?
• 8:54
  Speaker 1: Uh No, I do feel this.
• 8:56
  Speaker 7: I was actually just thinking about this today before even
• 8:58
  Speaker 7: getting the script, just from some stuff going on in
• 9:02
  Speaker 7: my personal life, but that I'm not going to go into.
• 9:05
  Speaker 1: But I feel like that is a very real I know, but.
• 9:08
  Speaker 7: I'm not going to seem like a cry for help
• 9:11
  Speaker 7: nobody else brought, no, because it's draining. Like even coming in,
• 9:14
  Speaker 7: I'm like, oh, you just you feel drained from like
• 9:17
  Speaker 7: those experiences. And I was sitting there thinking like, man,
• 9:20
  Speaker 7: I feel like when I'm in therapy, I want to
• 9:24
  Speaker 7: give all of that to my clients, and sometimes with
• 9:27
  Speaker 7: my friends, I'm okay with that, like sometimes your friends
• 9:29
  Speaker 7: need that, and I'm that to them as well, like
• 9:32
  Speaker 7: I need them to take on some of my shit.
• 9:34
  Speaker 7: But like if you have one person that has been
• 9:38
  Speaker 7: constantly taking and then they're gone, it's kind of like, yeah,
• 9:43
  Speaker 7: like Jacob said, when you come home from a long
• 9:45
  Speaker 7: day and you've just been giving, given, giving, and then
• 9:47
  Speaker 7: you're just like I just need to stare at a wall.
• 9:48
  Speaker 7: That's my I need to stare at a wall for
• 9:50
  Speaker 7: a while, like the wall doesn't need anything from me.
• 9:53
  Speaker 4: I'm just gonna I've seen this happen. So I've had
• 9:55
  Speaker 4: situations where I now actually have a whole bunch of interns.
• 9:58
  Speaker 4: I haven't talked about it. I have more than one now. Oh,
• 10:00
  Speaker 4: we need to add a few more voices.
• 10:03
  Speaker 2: That's the first one.
• 10:05
  Speaker 4: The queen for me.
• 10:12
  Speaker 2: I love that she now is a cultural accent.
• 10:15
  Speaker 4: I think before it was always just the snip off,
• 10:17
  Speaker 4: like it never really had an accent, but I've always
• 10:19
  Speaker 4: heard it okay, but now it's no accent anyway.
• 10:23
  Speaker 2: I have a whole bunch of them now.
• 10:25
  Speaker 4: But like, this is something that's come up because you
• 10:28
  Speaker 4: know your interns and your students, like they're going through stuff, right,
• 10:31
  Speaker 4: and like you're supposed to be watching over their mental
• 10:33
  Speaker 4: health too, and so you're checking on them and stuff.
• 10:36
  Speaker 4: And i've recently, you know, interns of going through their
• 10:38
  Speaker 4: lives and you know they're they're ups and downs, and
• 10:41
  Speaker 4: there was somebody going through something and I kind of
• 10:43
  Speaker 4: didn't really check on them very much. I was just like, hey,
• 10:46
  Speaker 4: I assume they'll reach out if they need to. And
• 10:47
  Speaker 4: I wasn't like proactive and we finally synced up and
• 10:50
  Speaker 4: they were just like, hey, I just wanted you didn't
• 10:53
  Speaker 4: really reach out to me and you knew things were
• 10:54
  Speaker 4: going on, And I was like, yeah, I think my
• 10:56
  Speaker 4: default setting is like when I'm going through stuff, I
• 11:00
  Speaker 4: want to be left the fuck alone, Like I don't
• 11:01
  Speaker 4: want people asking me about because like the emotional burnouts
• 11:05
  Speaker 4: already so high is a therapist, I don't want to
• 11:07
  Speaker 4: talk about it, Like I just really want to be
• 11:09
  Speaker 4: left to myself. So for whatever reason, people in my
• 11:11
  Speaker 4: life when they're going through stuff, I tend to like
• 11:14
  Speaker 4: give space and wait. If they signal they would like
• 11:17
  Speaker 4: to talk about it, then I'm cool. But I feel
• 11:19
  Speaker 4: like I don't want to pry or like push that
• 11:21
  Speaker 4: door open. And also I think there is this emotional
• 11:24
  Speaker 4: fatigue that's like my default setting in therapy land is
• 11:28
  Speaker 4: to probe, is to ask, that's the job, like, and
• 11:30
  Speaker 4: I'm carrying that space for them in my personal life
• 11:33
  Speaker 4: or in paraprofessional life, I don't tend to. And so
• 11:36
  Speaker 4: I kind of agree with not agree, but I relate
• 11:39
  Speaker 4: to Edgar Allan Hoe that there is sort of this
• 11:42
  Speaker 4: you use that muscle so often elsewhere that you find
• 11:45
  Speaker 4: yourself not trying to use it intentionally, and I don't
• 11:49
  Speaker 4: know I relate to that. I don't know if you
• 11:50
  Speaker 4: feel like that, Nick.
• 11:52
  Speaker 3: Yeah, not so much. I don't know. I uh like,
• 11:56
  Speaker 3: in situations like this, I feel like like if I
• 11:59
  Speaker 3: ever feel like I've kind of developed that compassion fatigue,
• 12:02
  Speaker 3: I feel like it's because something's going on with me
• 12:05
  Speaker 3: that I haven't really like if I'm going through something,
• 12:09
  Speaker 3: then it almost kind of becomes like if somebody else
• 12:12
  Speaker 3: is expressing something back to me about something they're going through,
• 12:17
  Speaker 3: I don't want to be that person. It's like, yeah, yeah,
• 12:19
  Speaker 3: totally get it, here's what's happening to me, you know,
• 12:22
  Speaker 3: and then switch it back, you know, So then it
• 12:24
  Speaker 3: becomes like, okay, well I have to like kind of
• 12:26
  Speaker 3: suppress what's going on with me so that I can
• 12:28
  Speaker 3: be present with this person, and then it kind of
• 12:31
  Speaker 3: becomes difficult to deal with in that sense. But for me,
• 12:34
  Speaker 3: it's always just been like, once I deal with my shit,
• 12:38
  Speaker 3: then I can be more present with other people and
• 12:40
  Speaker 3: I can be more genuine with other people. And I
• 12:42
  Speaker 3: feel like, you know, for the writer, I feel like
• 12:44
  Speaker 3: this does come back. I think it's going to be
• 12:47
  Speaker 3: some time. I think you just kind of have to
• 12:50
  Speaker 3: find your your new normal.
• 12:52
  Speaker 4: Yeah, well, I mean the second question that Edgar asks about,
• 12:56
  Speaker 4: is it possible for a breakup to basically have this huge,
• 13:00
  Speaker 4: out of fact, this corrosive effect into areas of your
• 13:02
  Speaker 4: life that the relationship didn't technically touch.
• 13:05
  Speaker 2: I think so.
• 13:07
  Speaker 4: I think breakups are one of the unique things that
• 13:09
  Speaker 4: really can do that. Like there's this nuclear falls Like
• 13:14
  Speaker 4: there's a nuclear fallout into a lot of your life,
• 13:16
  Speaker 4: like your job is all of a sudden affected, even
• 13:18
  Speaker 4: though they were never part of your career, you know,
• 13:20
  Speaker 4: or whatever. Like I think that that just it shakes
• 13:23
  Speaker 4: you so much to your core. And it sounds like
• 13:25
  Speaker 4: Edgar and his uh partner you had mentioned codependent maybe
• 13:29
  Speaker 4: or enmeshed might be another word that we'd use. Like
• 13:32
  Speaker 4: when you're feeling everything that is going on your partner's world,
• 13:35
  Speaker 4: you have unlimited, transparent inner access to all their stuff.
• 13:39
  Speaker 4: You're on the roller coaster, like that is a live
• 13:41
  Speaker 4: stream of consciousness. That is a lot like that is
• 13:44
  Speaker 4: so much. It's hard to deal with that shit for yourself.
• 13:47
  Speaker 4: Now You've got a whole nother brain living in your
• 13:49
  Speaker 4: head and you're following their story.
• 13:50
  Speaker 2: I don't know, do you.
• 13:51
  Speaker 5: I think it's like drinking from a fire hose like
• 13:52
  Speaker 5: that just be too much.
• 13:54
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 13:54
  Speaker 7: So when ed Girl and How talks about losing friends
• 13:58
  Speaker 7: or fans by.
• 13:59
  Speaker 1: The way, I know, I love it. He say it.
• 14:03
  Speaker 7: Talking about how to still show your friends and family
• 14:06
  Speaker 7: they're important, because that is part of connection and relationship building,
• 14:11
  Speaker 7: is being there for your friends, listening to them and
• 14:14
  Speaker 7: sharing with them. Gosh, advice on that, I would say
• 14:20
  Speaker 7: maybe if you're over time, because it will take time,
• 14:22
  Speaker 7: but eventually you will have better days where you feel
• 14:25
  Speaker 7: a little more restored, and that might mean doing activities
• 14:28
  Speaker 7: that restore you. If that's going on a hike or
• 14:31
  Speaker 7: like I don't know, laying in the grass.
• 14:33
  Speaker 1: Whatever. Again, stare out of the wall. It's fine.
• 14:37
  Speaker 7: I think doing those things that help you feel restored
• 14:39
  Speaker 7: and relaxed, well, it's kind of like balancing your nervous
• 14:42
  Speaker 7: system almost, instead of being on edge trying to pay
• 14:44
  Speaker 7: attention to what your partner's feeling at all times and
• 14:46
  Speaker 7: be in tune with them. It's kind of like be
• 14:48
  Speaker 7: in tune with yourself, then find ways to reattune, and
• 14:52
  Speaker 7: then then you might have a little space for someone
• 14:54
  Speaker 7: and then you might think, oh, yeah, you know what,
• 14:57
  Speaker 7: Like my buddy over there, they were reaching out last
• 15:00
  Speaker 7: week saying they were having a tough time with their
• 15:03
  Speaker 7: kids or at their job or whatever. Like maybe I'll
• 15:06
  Speaker 7: reach back on to say, hey, how are things going.
• 15:08
  Speaker 4: I like it sounds like there's a difference between because,
• 15:11
  Speaker 4: like Edgar says, in my work life, I keep it
• 15:13
  Speaker 4: sort of superficial because I don't want to bring anything
• 15:15
  Speaker 4: to the table, and part of me feels like that
• 15:18
  Speaker 4: I would differentiate those two things, like there's a difference
• 15:20
  Speaker 4: between being present for somebody and being a good friend
• 15:23
  Speaker 4: or a good coworker and checking on people versus volunteering
• 15:26
  Speaker 4: your inner stuff. And I think you're allowed to be
• 15:29
  Speaker 4: in a place where you're like I'm I can still
• 15:31
  Speaker 4: be a good friend, I can still be present for you.
• 15:33
  Speaker 4: I do care about you, but I choose not to
• 15:36
  Speaker 4: open my box, right, I think that's okay.
• 15:39
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I like what Whitney's saying. I like kind of
• 15:42
  Speaker 2: being a bit meditative about it. And I have recommended meditation.
• 15:46
  Speaker 1: In a while. I know.
• 15:50
  Speaker 2: There is And what was I think I was gonna say?
• 15:55
  Speaker 2: What did Jim say?
• 15:56
  Speaker 1: Meditation?
• 15:56
  Speaker 2: Fake it till you make it, fake it till you
• 15:58
  Speaker 2: make it that I think that was what I said.
• 16:00
  Speaker 1: Did Jim say, I'm never listening to anything.
• 16:02
  Speaker 3: I don't just go on my.
• 16:03
  Speaker 7: Head all of you about the weather today.
• 16:12
  Speaker 2: In April. I want you to work on like intellectualizing
• 16:16
  Speaker 2: the emotion.
• 16:17
  Speaker 3: Oh.
• 16:17
  Speaker 2: I like this, Like you can discuss emotion and you
• 16:20
  Speaker 2: can think about emotion and like other people's emotion especially,
• 16:25
  Speaker 2: and I mean you can do it in a way
• 16:26
  Speaker 2: where you're not lending your own emotion to it, you know,
• 16:30
  Speaker 2: like you can you can kind of like get in
• 16:33
  Speaker 2: your head a little more with this, I would maybe
• 16:36
  Speaker 2: I don't know.
• 16:37
  Speaker 4: Well, this goes back to mindfulness, which I think is
• 16:39
  Speaker 4: what you're talking about, Which is that that strategy of saying,
• 16:42
  Speaker 4: I see the emotion in the room with me, but
• 16:44
  Speaker 4: I disconnect from it, right, So I'm in the presence
• 16:46
  Speaker 4: of anger, I'm in the presence of restless.
• 16:48
  Speaker 2: And I think disconnect is probably too strong. Yeah, depersonalized
• 16:53
  Speaker 2: the identified I mean take a little step back, and
• 16:55
  Speaker 2: I mean, can you can appreciate the emotion and you
• 16:57
  Speaker 2: can still empathize with the emotion without being yeah, without
• 17:01
  Speaker 2: it being your emotion.
• 17:02
  Speaker 7: Because when we're in it. That's when it feels the strongest. Yeah,
• 17:05
  Speaker 7: so it's kind of yeah, I like that.
• 17:07
  Speaker 2: I like that a lot.
• 17:08
  Speaker 4: But I do think it's a really human thing, like
• 17:10
  Speaker 4: everything that I mean, come on a huge breakup after
• 17:12
  Speaker 4: being really in mesh relationship, noticing just all the emotional
• 17:16
  Speaker 4: valves are blown out and like you're just recalibrating, you're
• 17:18
  Speaker 4: just not there, And there's something to be said for that.
• 17:21
  Speaker 4: Like even in therapy training and stuff with this is
• 17:23
  Speaker 4: something we talk to our students about all the time
• 17:25
  Speaker 4: and in turns like, hey, sometimes you're gonna be running
• 17:28
  Speaker 4: on empty, You're not gonna have much to give, and
• 17:30
  Speaker 4: there's a different therapy prosture that you're gonna have to
• 17:32
  Speaker 4: try to take so that you can do the job.
• 17:34
  Speaker 4: But like you're gonna find yourself retracting from other people.
• 17:37
  Speaker 4: So there's only so many emotional capital units that I
• 17:40
  Speaker 4: think you have to spend sometimes, And I think, yeah,
• 17:43
  Speaker 4: like you know, Edgar's bankrupt for a while, he'll recapitalize, it'll,
• 17:46
  Speaker 4: it'll come back. But I think that you're allowed to
• 17:49
  Speaker 4: sort of turtle up for a while, give yourself that space,
• 17:52
  Speaker 4: turtle it up. But also you know, I get it, Edgar.
• 17:54
  Speaker 4: You're also saying, hey, over time, I do want to
• 17:56
  Speaker 4: give myself back to my friends, to my family. I
• 17:58
  Speaker 4: want to make that a priority.
• 17:59
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 17:59
  Speaker 4: I think when his point and Jacob's points are completely correct,
• 18:02
  Speaker 4: like that mindfulness technique is ultimately a great way to
• 18:04
  Speaker 4: differentiate and approach. I think that going with this like
• 18:07
  Speaker 4: paced sort of iterative process is the right way to go.
• 18:10
  Speaker 4: It'll get better over time. But you know, giving yourself
• 18:13
  Speaker 4: like that permission to hold back too, I don't see
• 18:16
  Speaker 4: anything wrong with that.
• 18:17
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 18:18
  Speaker 5: I think this.
• 18:18
  Speaker 2: Especially at work, Like I have that different space in
• 18:21
  Speaker 2: your mind at work.
• 18:22
  Speaker 5: That's fair.
• 18:22
  Speaker 2: I think that's always always a nice piece of advice.
• 18:26
  Speaker 2: It's like once when you walk into work, like, don't
• 18:29
  Speaker 2: make that the same emotional headspace as the rest of
• 18:32
  Speaker 2: your day. Yeah, this is a different thing. Do you
• 18:35
  Speaker 2: remember that.
• 18:36
  Speaker 4: Scene in Family Guy where the Peter's like, ah, that
• 18:39
  Speaker 4: guy Michael's such a jerk. Why is that guy such
• 18:41
  Speaker 4: a jerk? And like, yeah, well that jerk just dedicated
• 18:44
  Speaker 4: half of his check to orphans orphans with diseases, And
• 18:47
  Speaker 4: then like it zooms in on the guy and Peter's like, Okay,
• 18:50
  Speaker 4: I get it. That's what you're talking about with work,
• 18:55
  Speaker 4: It was pretty good.
• 18:57
  Speaker 2: We're taking a quick break and when we come back,
• 18:59
  Speaker 2: we're talking about balancing Greek and drama.
• 19:02
  Speaker 3: You're listening, hippod Today's episode is brought to you by
• 19:07
  Speaker 3: Jake Schneider, Molia, Richard Macy, Sunny Boy, Thunder Cougar, Falcon Scoops, Motherfucker,
• 19:12
  Speaker 3: Sandra mclaffull, Lena Gabriella Done, Adam Moore and Bigay do
• 19:17
  Speaker 3: Crimes and Natalie Portman not Kiera Knight.
• 19:20
  Speaker 1: Would you like to sponsor the show?
• 19:22
  Speaker 3: Become a therapist or patroon dot com slash therapy.
• 19:24
  Speaker 4: I heard that one of them just had a kid
• 19:27
  Speaker 4: or is pregnant or something and is like in her
• 19:29
  Speaker 4: probably Jake Schneider forties.
• 19:31
  Speaker 5: That's pretty exciting.
• 19:31
  Speaker 3: Oh you're talking about Okay here Knightley.
• 19:35
  Speaker 2: Okay, mazel tov, Jake.
• 19:39
  Speaker 3: Name it after me. All right, we're talking about uh
• 19:44
  Speaker 3: food and drink origins. All right, Okay, continuing on from
• 19:48
  Speaker 3: last week, so we'll start with Whitney Kellogg's corn flakes
• 19:54
  Speaker 3: were rich because I imagined you listened to the.
• 19:57
  Speaker 1: Last show I started. I didn't finish a girl.
• 20:00
  Speaker 3: How you doing that is the pod therapy. Listen during
• 20:05
  Speaker 3: the Kellogg's cornflakes were specifically invented to serve what purpose?
• 20:11
  Speaker 4: Oh, it's the masturbation thing, Whitney, What it's the masturbation.
• 20:16
  Speaker 4: It's the masturbation thing.
• 20:17
  Speaker 5: Just say that you get two points.
• 20:19
  Speaker 2: I believe they're designed to stop masturbation.
• 20:21
  Speaker 1: Corn corn flakes. Okay, you want options?
• 20:25
  Speaker 7: Yeah, I guess Wow, Tanjamin, like we're trying to play
• 20:30
  Speaker 7: a competitive gamebtbation putting his.
• 20:33
  Speaker 2: Thumb on the scale.
• 20:36
  Speaker 4: Referee, just let the boys play.
• 20:38
  Speaker 3: A quick breakfast for factory worker workers, a low cost
• 20:43
  Speaker 3: alternative to oatmeal, a patriotic, patriotic wartime food staple, or
• 20:49
  Speaker 3: a health food designed to reduce sexual urges.
• 20:55
  Speaker 2: What what? What?
• 21:02
  Speaker 4: I'll tell you what when I have a balls corn flakes?
• 21:06
  Speaker 4: My man, I am dead from the waist down. You
• 21:11
  Speaker 4: could put me in a harom.
• 21:13
  Speaker 2: I see nothing, feel anything down there? Nothing?
• 21:19
  Speaker 1: What was it?
• 21:20
  Speaker 3: A was a quick breakfast for factory workers?
• 21:25
  Speaker 7: Uh?
• 21:25
  Speaker 3: No, passing debate, Yes, Jacob d it is d.
• 21:31
  Speaker 5: See.
• 21:32
  Speaker 3: See she would have gotten two points if she listened
• 21:34
  Speaker 3: to you. I gave her options, which means she would
• 21:37
  Speaker 3: only gotten one. See, I know what I'm doing We're
• 21:40
  Speaker 3: just out here to make sure she doesn't win. Doctor
• 21:43
  Speaker 3: John Harvey Kellogg, a Seventh day adventistland fruits food.
• 21:52
  Speaker 4: See, I actually was doing gamesmanship. I didn't know that
• 21:55
  Speaker 4: that was the right answer. I thought that that guy
• 21:58
  Speaker 4: did the Graham crackers. I thought Graham crackers were to
• 22:01
  Speaker 4: stop masturbation. So I was totally not sure that. I
• 22:04
  Speaker 4: didn't think at all. I was just trying to fuck
• 22:05
  Speaker 4: her up. And then whenever that turned right aswick the
• 22:08
  Speaker 4: fuck and so like the the gram cracker guy apparently
• 22:11
  Speaker 4: invented everything to stop masturbation, but I thought it was
• 22:14
  Speaker 4: gram Cracker. Don't jerk that thing is Jesus's watch, all right, Jacob,
• 22:21
  Speaker 4: this one jerk that fang. This one's for you, each
• 22:24
  Speaker 4: corn flakes kid.
• 22:25
  Speaker 3: Don't don't jerk that appropriately for you. Coca Cola was
• 22:30
  Speaker 3: originally invented to help treat what condition, Oh my god, rust, Rust,
• 22:37
  Speaker 3: I think that was monster energy.
• 22:39
  Speaker 2: Actually the pavement. I will tell you, growing up, if
• 22:44
  Speaker 2: you had like a corroded battery end or something like that,
• 22:47
  Speaker 2: you just put some a coke in a bucket and
• 22:49
  Speaker 2: drop that in there, and it would did you discover
• 22:52
  Speaker 2: right off? It's great fine.
• 22:53
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 22:54
  Speaker 2: And then there was a myth for a while that
• 22:58
  Speaker 2: I don't know it's true or not, but I sold
• 23:00
  Speaker 2: that Louisiana State Police would keep gallon jugs of Coca
• 23:05
  Speaker 2: Cola syrup just to concentrate in the backs of their
• 23:09
  Speaker 2: cruisers to clean blood off of the pavement.
• 23:12
  Speaker 5: I believe that is true.
• 23:13
  Speaker 2: I have no idea if that's true or not.
• 23:15
  Speaker 1: So good grief.
• 23:17
  Speaker 2: I give you those options. I know I was a
• 23:19
  Speaker 2: pharmacist that invented it.
• 23:21
  Speaker 3: Uh, stomach cramps and indigestion, fatigue and generally low energy.
• 23:27
  Speaker 2: That's that's pretty solid.
• 23:28
  Speaker 3: Morphine addiction and headaches, anxiety and nervous disorders.
• 23:34
  Speaker 2: Oh, it might be that one.
• 23:36
  Speaker 3: What was what was b fatigue and general low energy?
• 23:40
  Speaker 2: Who wrote this?
• 23:42
  Speaker 3: Am? I'll take b uh No.
• 23:46
  Speaker 2: I liked that a lot. That extra didn't the original
• 23:51
  Speaker 2: have cocaine in it?
• 23:52
  Speaker 4: So you figure like that's gotta be it, Like it's
• 23:54
  Speaker 4: the boost of energy ship, all right. So I don't
• 23:57
  Speaker 4: think it's going to fix anxiety if it had cocaine
• 23:59
  Speaker 4: in it.
• 24:00
  Speaker 2: Uh, probably maybe.
• 24:01
  Speaker 3: Morphine fu what was a the stomach cramps and indigestion?
• 24:05
  Speaker 3: Give me that one, No ship.
• 24:08
  Speaker 1: So it's not a r B. What was CNDRE.
• 24:11
  Speaker 3: Morphine addiction and headaches, D anxiety and nervous disorders.
• 24:16
  Speaker 2: I don't it's got to be D. No, it's got
• 24:19
  Speaker 2: to be D. You think so it didn't. It didn't
• 24:21
  Speaker 2: have to work. That was that was the idea. Oh,
• 24:24
  Speaker 2: you're saying it's not a good treatment for it.
• 24:25
  Speaker 1: But caffeine helps headaches?
• 24:28
  Speaker 2: Yeah? All right? Which one are you going with?
• 24:31
  Speaker 3: It is well done?
• 24:33
  Speaker 2: Well done?
• 24:34
  Speaker 3: All right?
• 24:35
  Speaker 1: Uh?
• 24:36
  Speaker 3: Civil War veteran and morphine act himself, John Pepper Pepper
• 24:40
  Speaker 3: Pepperton that created Coca Cola as a patent medicine. Wow,
• 24:48
  Speaker 3: the original formula contained actual cocaine from.
• 24:51
  Speaker 1: Coca Help take you off the morning.
• 24:54
  Speaker 3: All right, Jimothy. French fries are associated with France, but
• 24:59
  Speaker 3: food history Ian's widely believe they actually originated where I
• 25:03
  Speaker 3: knew we'd find a way to get geography in here.
• 25:05
  Speaker 2: Yeah. I think I can take this one off the
• 25:08
  Speaker 2: hip too. I think I could one.
• 25:09
  Speaker 5: I think I can.
• 25:11
  Speaker 4: Let's do it, jimithy Okay, But this place may have
• 25:16
  Speaker 4: several names.
• 25:19
  Speaker 2: I've often been confused.
• 25:21
  Speaker 3: It may go by Great Britain, Spain, by Portugal.
• 25:26
  Speaker 2: You know what, this place. It's a joker. It's a joker.
• 25:32
  Speaker 4: Look, it's one of those places that I've never really
• 25:35
  Speaker 4: been able to figure out.
• 25:36
  Speaker 2: The fuck is the right word?
• 25:37
  Speaker 4: Okay, but I'm pretty sure that several words describe the
• 25:40
  Speaker 4: same group of people, and I think this is the
• 25:42
  Speaker 4: people that did it.
• 25:42
  Speaker 3: Okay, why you're describing it? I know you're wrong, but
• 25:45
  Speaker 3: go ahead.
• 25:45
  Speaker 2: I'm very excited. Do you think I should take options?
• 25:47
  Speaker 2: I don't know. No, yes, no, I don't think you
• 25:50
  Speaker 2: take off. I think you should take it off the hip.
• 25:52
  Speaker 2: I think you should take it off the hip. If
• 25:53
  Speaker 2: you're wrong, you'll take it off.
• 25:55
  Speaker 3: You have already drawn your gun from the holster. You
• 25:58
  Speaker 3: can't put it back in. Now you've got a fire.
• 26:01
  Speaker 5: All right.
• 26:03
  Speaker 2: The Dutch Netherlands. I've really impressed that you got those
• 26:10
  Speaker 2: two words just together at all. Honestly those people no
• 26:15
  Speaker 2: fuck' that's correct, but really impressed that you got the
• 26:20
  Speaker 2: Dutch and the Netherlands together. Is it the same people?
• 26:25
  Speaker 2: I'm proud of you, Frank, but I'm.
• 26:27
  Speaker 3: Going to give you a fifteen percent of a point.
• 26:29
  Speaker 2: I will take all of that taking.
• 26:33
  Speaker 1: Options, you coward.
• 26:36
  Speaker 3: Is it Belgium? Is it France? The one that it
• 26:40
  Speaker 3: can't be because her question was associated with France. Is
• 26:46
  Speaker 3: it see the Netherlands, which is what Jim Gaston or Spain?
• 26:52
  Speaker 2: Well, all right, hold on.
• 26:53
  Speaker 4: I now feel very validated because had I gotten those options,
• 26:56
  Speaker 4: I would have shouted Netherlands.
• 26:58
  Speaker 2: At the top of my lungs. And I still on wrong.
• 27:00
  Speaker 7: So I'm just Belgium.
• 27:04
  Speaker 2: I'm still so impressed that he said the Dutch in
• 27:07
  Speaker 2: connection with the Netherlands. Yeah, and I think it's like
• 27:10
  Speaker 2: a third name they go by two. So Belgium, it's Belgium.
• 27:14
  Speaker 3: It is Belgium.
• 27:16
  Speaker 1: Is that not the Netherlands.
• 27:18
  Speaker 3: That's the whole different place right next to the Netherlands.
• 27:21
  Speaker 3: It's not the Netherlands.
• 27:22
  Speaker 4: So I think, I, well, you gave me fifteen percent
• 27:25
  Speaker 4: of a point.
• 27:25
  Speaker 5: I'm just gonna take it.
• 27:26
  Speaker 4: You know, I can't. I can't win at zero and
• 27:29
  Speaker 4: I can't lose at zero.
• 27:30
  Speaker 5: So that's fine.
• 27:31
  Speaker 4: Balancing grief and drama, Dearest, pod Therapy, my dad unexpectedly
• 27:36
  Speaker 4: passed away on April fifteenth of this year. I have
• 27:40
  Speaker 4: a group of friends who hang out in a discord
• 27:43
  Speaker 4: voice chat. Naturally, these friends ask me how I'm doing
• 27:46
  Speaker 4: and I update them. One friend was triggered by me
• 27:49
  Speaker 4: talking about this, mumbled something quickly and left the chat.
• 27:53
  Speaker 4: I found out through another friend that she's upset because
• 27:57
  Speaker 4: this is the fourth anniversary of her son's death and
• 28:00
  Speaker 4: it's coming up this week. I was angry that she
• 28:03
  Speaker 4: made my grief about herself and couldn't put her own
• 28:06
  Speaker 4: feelings aside to support someone who she supposedly considers a friend.
• 28:11
  Speaker 4: I couldn't understand which she mumbled, but I got the
• 28:14
  Speaker 4: impression that she wanted me to feel bad about talking
• 28:18
  Speaker 4: about it. I really want to tell her, I'm sorry
• 28:21
  Speaker 4: the timing was inconvenient for you. It won't happen again
• 28:24
  Speaker 4: since both my parents are dead now insert eye roll here.
• 28:28
  Speaker 4: This happens all the time, though, and started long before
• 28:32
  Speaker 4: my dad passed away. It doesn't have to be close
• 28:34
  Speaker 4: to a birthday or death anniversary for her.
• 28:37
  Speaker 5: To do this.
• 28:38
  Speaker 4: Something that comes up in a normal conversation can cause
• 28:41
  Speaker 4: her to make a connection to her son's death, and
• 28:44
  Speaker 4: she'll dramatically leave the chat and expect someone to come
• 28:47
  Speaker 4: after her. If anyone reaches out, she'll try to make
• 28:50
  Speaker 4: them feel like an asshole because they should have been
• 28:53
  Speaker 4: more sensitive. It's tiring to have to walk on eggshells
• 28:57
  Speaker 4: around her. She's not in therapy because she doesn't have
• 29:00
  Speaker 4: insurance and won't look for a job with benefits. I'm
• 29:03
  Speaker 4: starting to wonder whether she enjoys.
• 29:05
  Speaker 2: Being the victim.
• 29:06
  Speaker 4: I'm thinking of ending this friendship, but we share a
• 29:09
  Speaker 4: lot of mutual friends and I don't want to lose them.
• 29:12
  Speaker 4: Any advice would be appreciated. Signed Scoop Lindsey pronouns or
• 29:17
  Speaker 4: she and her.
• 29:20
  Speaker 7: This took a turn. When you started reading the letter,
• 29:22
  Speaker 7: I was like, ooh. I was like, yeah, feeling like
• 29:25
  Speaker 7: Scoop Lindsay was a little insensitive. But then by the
• 29:27
  Speaker 7: end I was like, oh.
• 29:28
  Speaker 2: Yeah, right, yeah, that was kind of my take too.
• 29:30
  Speaker 4: Like at first you're kind of like, oh boy, you know,
• 29:32
  Speaker 4: like I'm the whole thing is sad, Like I'm sorry
• 29:35
  Speaker 4: you lost a parent, and I'm sorry, oh my goodness,
• 29:37
  Speaker 4: this person lost a child, and like these are terrible
• 29:39
  Speaker 4: things and maybe everybody's allowed to be sad. But then
• 29:42
  Speaker 4: I appreciate the context of like, look, this isn't just
• 29:46
  Speaker 4: a single incident. This is a perpetual thing. This constantly
• 29:49
  Speaker 4: gets brought up and at some point it's it's exhausting, right,
• 29:53
  Speaker 4: it feels a little bit histrionic, a word we might
• 29:56
  Speaker 4: explore here at a moment, But yeah, what do.
• 29:57
  Speaker 5: You think about this?
• 29:58
  Speaker 7: Yeah, I mean, gus any thoughts about it? You know,
• 30:04
  Speaker 7: I think we have to decide as as we live
• 30:08
  Speaker 7: our life and get older, where you want your energy
• 30:11
  Speaker 7: to go when it comes to friendships, I know, and
• 30:14
  Speaker 7: preaching to the choir in this termally like fuck them.
• 30:17
  Speaker 1: And the good friends.
• 30:18
  Speaker 7: I feel like, but it sounds like there's been a
• 30:22
  Speaker 7: lot of chances in the past for you to be
• 30:25
  Speaker 7: there for this friend, and you were kind of looking
• 30:28
  Speaker 7: for that reciprocal moment where maybe even like she would
• 30:32
  Speaker 7: understand what you're going through more like in a sense
• 30:35
  Speaker 7: of having lost an unexpected loss too an unexpectedly.
• 30:39
  Speaker 1: Losing a parent is I mean, just even worse.
• 30:43
  Speaker 7: And so I feel like maybe you were seeking that
• 30:45
  Speaker 7: out and she's not able to give that to you,
• 30:48
  Speaker 7: or I say she they weren't able to give that
• 30:50
  Speaker 7: to you.
• 30:51
  Speaker 1: So I don't know.
• 30:52
  Speaker 7: I think it's okay to to kind of pull back
• 30:54
  Speaker 7: a little. I also hear you saying there's a lot
• 30:56
  Speaker 7: of mutual friends, so.
• 31:00
  Speaker 2: That's hard, that is.
• 31:03
  Speaker 1: But I do think there are worlds where your friendships
• 31:07
  Speaker 1: with those other people can still last even if you
• 31:09
  Speaker 1: just maybe pull back from your contact or as much
• 31:12
  Speaker 1: contact with this one particular friend. But I don't know,
• 31:16
  Speaker 1: it depends on how I think.
• 31:17
  Speaker 4: Shared spaces make it tough too, when somebody's kind of
• 31:20
  Speaker 4: like doing that and I don't. It's really hard because,
• 31:22
  Speaker 4: like we want to criticize a behavior without negating the
• 31:25
  Speaker 4: fact that what this person went through was horrific. Right,
• 31:29
  Speaker 4: their child is dead. That is the worst of all
• 31:31
  Speaker 4: possible worlds. There are no universes where I want to
• 31:34
  Speaker 4: minimize that. But I can agree with Scoop lindsay, this
• 31:37
  Speaker 4: behavior is problematic, and we might consider it like diva behavior,
• 31:40
  Speaker 4: look at me behavior, hyper sensitive behavior, you know, dashing
• 31:44
  Speaker 4: out of the room, you know, throwing yourself upon the
• 31:46
  Speaker 4: stairs and bawling and like waiting for people to come
• 31:49
  Speaker 4: out there and go, I'm so sorry. We brought up
• 31:51
  Speaker 4: that this color. We know that that was your child's
• 31:53
  Speaker 4: favorite color, and it's.
• 31:54
  Speaker 1: Like I don't say anything or do anything.
• 31:56
  Speaker 4: Yeah, and like this walking on eggshell's thing, and like
• 31:59
  Speaker 4: it's been four years and there's no you know, statute
• 32:01
  Speaker 4: of limitations on this. That's what makes it so hard,
• 32:03
  Speaker 4: and I think that that's also what causes everybody to
• 32:05
  Speaker 4: feel captive, right that it's like, Okay, we do relate
• 32:08
  Speaker 4: to this. This is a real person, this is a
• 32:10
  Speaker 4: real tragedy, and there isn't a limitation to it. But
• 32:14
  Speaker 4: I think that Scoop Lindsay's not off base to say, guys,
• 32:17
  Speaker 4: there's some emotional hostage taking at some point where this
• 32:21
  Speaker 4: is exaggerated a bit, it's performative a bit. Or you're
• 32:25
  Speaker 4: so hyper sensitive and so unhealed from this that it
• 32:28
  Speaker 4: isn't good for you to be in an ecosystem where
• 32:31
  Speaker 4: there are triggers and where there are other humans going
• 32:33
  Speaker 4: through other tragedies that have nothing to do with you,
• 32:36
  Speaker 4: and you're gonna step on their emotions like you just
• 32:38
  Speaker 4: did to me. I'm going through grief, I've lost a
• 32:40
  Speaker 4: family member, and you immediately minimize that and put yourself
• 32:45
  Speaker 4: into the front of a conversation among our people as
• 32:47
  Speaker 4: I'm trying to, you know, heal and go through something
• 32:50
  Speaker 4: that sucks. And the fact that you can't counterbalance my
• 32:53
  Speaker 4: needs as your friend and our friendship ecosystem with your
• 32:57
  Speaker 4: loss in some ways maybe shows you and be out
• 33:00
  Speaker 4: and about like you can't be walking around the world
• 33:02
  Speaker 4: if your chest is still wide open and your heart's
• 33:05
  Speaker 4: right there, like you're not ready for this. There's not
• 33:08
  Speaker 4: a correct answer to that. I just want to balance
• 33:10
  Speaker 4: that though.
• 33:10
  Speaker 2: Okay, so the letter doesn't The letter doesn't say that.
• 33:12
  Speaker 2: The letter doesn't say she's stepping up and making herself
• 33:16
  Speaker 2: the focal point. The letter says that she mumbled something
• 33:18
  Speaker 2: quickly and left the chat.
• 33:19
  Speaker 4: Okay, yeah, so like she left, Well, yeah, there is there's.
• 33:27
  Speaker 2: The like assumption I guess that you know, maybe she's
• 33:31
  Speaker 2: leaving and want someone to follow her, or like maybe
• 33:34
  Speaker 2: call it's a discord chat, so maybe you'll call her
• 33:37
  Speaker 2: or whatever. Yeah, you'll get to her offline.
• 33:41
  Speaker 4: But apparently it's a pattern, like because Lindsay says, this
• 33:43
  Speaker 4: isn't the first time this has happened. It's been going
• 33:45
  Speaker 4: on for a while. I think the stomp off and.
• 33:47
  Speaker 2: I think the people whose kids die and don't go
• 33:50
  Speaker 2: to therapy and don't work on that stuff, I think
• 33:53
  Speaker 2: they demonstrate a pattern of being really upset that their
• 33:56
  Speaker 2: kid died. I mean, I think it is a pattern,
• 33:59
  Speaker 2: but I think it's a I think it's an understandable patterns.
• 34:01
  Speaker 2: I think the person, the person's kid died, and like
• 34:05
  Speaker 2: they're gonna have thoughts about that, and like if they're
• 34:08
  Speaker 2: if they're not doing therapy, you say, if they're not
• 34:10
  Speaker 2: doing other things to work with that, Like, you can't
• 34:14
  Speaker 2: expect it to get better.
• 34:15
  Speaker 4: So if you're if you're the friend in the situation
• 34:17
  Speaker 4: and it's now affecting you emotionally, what is your counterbalance
• 34:22
  Speaker 4: between Because I'm hearing you say, like, look, I have
• 34:24
  Speaker 4: sincere empathy for this person, I have no indictment upon them,
• 34:27
  Speaker 4: and yet their behavior and their situation is now stepping
• 34:31
  Speaker 4: on other people's emotional toes who don't deserve it.
• 34:33
  Speaker 2: I think. I think severe deaths and family like this
• 34:36
  Speaker 2: are are common and like reasonable reasons that friendships end.
• 34:42
  Speaker 2: Oh okay, Like people whose kids die, like oftentimes I
• 34:49
  Speaker 2: think they just end up losing friends because like their
• 34:52
  Speaker 2: friends aren't equipped to deal with that.
• 34:55
  Speaker 5: Like that's actually a good point.
• 34:58
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I don't. I don't want I'm not minimizing you
• 35:00
  Speaker 2: would all hear scoop lindsay like, yes, everything you're saying
• 35:03
  Speaker 2: I think is true. Yeah, every everything you're saying is true. Like, yeah,
• 35:08
  Speaker 2: I don't think. I don't think your friend is capable
• 35:10
  Speaker 2: of helping you deal with that emotionally, like your parent dying,
• 35:15
  Speaker 2: and you're saying like, oh, my friend didn't help with this. Nope,
• 35:18
  Speaker 2: no she didn't. And it's possible that she just and
• 35:23
  Speaker 2: like it might be that she's just not going to
• 35:25
  Speaker 2: be capable and if that's not something that you can
• 35:28
  Speaker 2: accept and and kind of roll with, and like that's
• 35:30
  Speaker 2: that's how this friend is expectation. Yeah, Like I don't know,
• 35:35
  Speaker 2: it might just be time to cut that friendship loose
• 35:38
  Speaker 2: and and and your friend might might even understand, Like
• 35:43
  Speaker 2: it's I think it's horrible. I mean, like we we
• 35:46
  Speaker 2: lose older members of our families. Like I haven't lost
• 35:48
  Speaker 2: an Both of my parents are still alive, you know,
• 35:50
  Speaker 2: grandparents and aunts and uncles and cousins and friends and
• 35:53
  Speaker 2: everybody else. And like when someone who's older, even if
• 35:58
  Speaker 2: even if it isn't expected, like that's horrible, but it's
• 36:01
  Speaker 2: never not to be countless. It's never completely unexpected, right,
• 36:07
  Speaker 2: you know, an old person who's a little bit older,
• 36:10
  Speaker 2: Like shit, this came out of nowhere. I mean they're eighty,
• 36:13
  Speaker 2: but in the sense that they're eighty, it also came
• 36:15
  Speaker 2: out of nowhere.
• 36:16
  Speaker 5: People are a little bit more equipped.
• 36:17
  Speaker 2: Yeah, that's all I mean by that is we're a
• 36:20
  Speaker 2: little more ready for it.
• 36:21
  Speaker 4: I think you make a really solid point because I've
• 36:24
  Speaker 4: known people in the world who have lost a child,
• 36:27
  Speaker 4: and your point there of this person just may be
• 36:30
  Speaker 4: permanently psychologically disfigured.
• 36:33
  Speaker 2: Yeah, and there may be. They are simply changed. They're
• 36:37
  Speaker 2: very simply a different person.
• 36:38
  Speaker 4: And if that is now incompatible with functional friendships, that's reasonable.
• 36:44
  Speaker 4: It's just may be the deal. And I think you're
• 36:46
  Speaker 4: not wrong, Like I've seen that in those kinds of
• 36:47
  Speaker 4: folks that go through something similar to this, they are
• 36:50
  Speaker 4: fundamentally different people and that may just be the reality.
• 36:53
  Speaker 4: And some people will have excessive pity and mercy for
• 36:56
  Speaker 4: that because of the situation, and some people say, look,
• 36:59
  Speaker 4: I'm a human and at some point I have to
• 37:01
  Speaker 4: step back, and so I can. I can see your
• 37:03
  Speaker 4: point that it's fine if Scoop Lindsay needs to do that,
• 37:05
  Speaker 4: while also I think you're acknowledging and I get that
• 37:08
  Speaker 4: it's complex you you have a shared friendship.
• 37:09
  Speaker 2: Because yeah, it's not oh yeah, yeah, all all the things.
• 37:12
  Speaker 2: I don't think. I don't think Scoop Lindsay's wrong about anything.
• 37:14
  Speaker 2: I don't think scoop Lindsay's being in uh in in
• 37:18
  Speaker 2: uh considerate. Uh, you know it's worse than inconsiderate. But
• 37:23
  Speaker 2: I don't think. I don't think yeah, insensitive maybe yeah,
• 37:27
  Speaker 2: like I don't know, incontinent. Yeah, that'd be worse.
• 37:30
  Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, though I don't know it is.
• 37:32
  Speaker 2: Yeah, it depends on their degrees.
• 37:35
  Speaker 3: A lot of people suffer with that and do fineans
• 37:38
  Speaker 3: commercial Yeah, I think so, I don't know, I mean
• 37:43
  Speaker 3: kind of, I'm imagined.
• 37:44
  Speaker 2: These vowels are brought to you by Colon blow, Colon blow, Oops,
• 37:50
  Speaker 2: I ship my pants and O S and l BIS.
• 37:54
  Speaker 2: It depends you enjoy the rest of your.
• 38:02
  Speaker 3: I'm imagining. You know. The question that you just asked
• 38:05
  Speaker 3: Jacob is like, if I'm Lendsy or if I'm the
• 38:09
  Speaker 3: person here that's dealing with this, how would I handle
• 38:12
  Speaker 3: this situation? And the person who's if I'm if I'm yeah,
• 38:16
  Speaker 3: if I'm scupulans in this particular situation, how would I
• 38:20
  Speaker 3: handle this? And I think, to a large degree, the
• 38:24
  Speaker 3: power that this other person that my friend has over me.
• 38:30
  Speaker 3: Part of it is how I frame this situation. I'm
• 38:34
  Speaker 3: not taking on one hundred percent ownership for everything that
• 38:37
  Speaker 3: happens in this dynamic. But I can take on a
• 38:40
  Speaker 3: small percentage, and I think that small percentage is where
• 38:42
  Speaker 3: the power is. And I think that one of the
• 38:45
  Speaker 3: things that we've said over and over on the show
• 38:48
  Speaker 3: is that hurting people hurt people. And through that Lens,
• 38:53
  Speaker 3: I think that would be the way that I would
• 38:56
  Speaker 3: take power away from this friend, you know, just being
• 39:00
  Speaker 3: able to understand that, Yeah, when she mumbles something and
• 39:03
  Speaker 3: storms out, it's not about me. You know. I may
• 39:06
  Speaker 3: have been the catalyst that caused her to do that,
• 39:09
  Speaker 3: but the reaction is not about me. She's hurting, She's
• 39:14
  Speaker 3: been hurting for a long time. She's overwhelmed, she doesn't
• 39:17
  Speaker 3: have the skills to deal with this.
• 39:19
  Speaker 2: And five years. I mean, honestly, I just want to
• 39:21
  Speaker 2: cry for this woman because like, yeah, she has to
• 39:24
  Speaker 2: just feel like this is what life is for the
• 39:26
  Speaker 2: rest of my life. Yeah, it's been five years of this,
• 39:30
  Speaker 2: this is this is it. Yeah, and it's a misery.
• 39:33
  Speaker 3: Yeah, and not to say and I would second everything
• 39:36
  Speaker 3: that Jacob just said, like it's not Lindsay's fault. And
• 39:40
  Speaker 3: if this is the line where Lindsay is like, hey,
• 39:42
  Speaker 3: you know, like I get that she's hurting, but I
• 39:45
  Speaker 3: don't have the tools. I don't have the emotional ability
• 39:50
  Speaker 3: or the room to navigate and deal with this friend.
• 39:54
  Speaker 3: So maybe it is best that we just part ways
• 39:56
  Speaker 3: and you can do so with no resentment and to
• 40:02
  Speaker 3: be able to say, like, yeah, that she needs help
• 40:06
  Speaker 3: and Lindsey is not in a position right now to
• 40:09
  Speaker 3: be able to offer help. And I think this happens sometimes,
• 40:12
  Speaker 3: you know, with like self help groups. I think they're
• 40:15
  Speaker 3: incredibly beneficial to be able to talk to somebody who's
• 40:20
  Speaker 3: going through the same thing or something similar that you're
• 40:22
  Speaker 3: going through. There's so many benefits to doing that. But
• 40:25
  Speaker 3: the downside of that is you often have a lot
• 40:28
  Speaker 3: of people in the same situation and it's like everyone
• 40:31
  Speaker 3: is drowning and there's no one there to be able
• 40:34
  Speaker 3: to throw out a life raft.
• 40:35
  Speaker 5: Right.
• 40:36
  Speaker 2: There have to be support groups for for this, Oh
• 40:41
  Speaker 2: there are, I mean like online support groups and everything.
• 40:43
  Speaker 2: If you if your friend can't do insurance, you know,
• 40:47
  Speaker 2: finding finding a couple of these support groups and pointing
• 40:51
  Speaker 2: a little arrow at them and using that as you know,
• 40:55
  Speaker 2: a potential olive branch for your for your friend and
• 40:57
  Speaker 2: for yourself. Yeah, it's like, yeah, yeah, all of this. Yeah,
• 41:04
  Speaker 2: I don't know, it's it's a shitty situation. I'm sorry,
• 41:08
  Speaker 2: it's really it's really nasty. I'm sitting here thinking, like
• 41:12
  Speaker 2: I had a friend whose child died in a car crash. Uh,
• 41:19
  Speaker 2: and like we're not really friends anymore. Like she she
• 41:23
  Speaker 2: changed and you know, lover her. She she's a wonderful person.
• 41:27
  Speaker 2: I'm sure she would say the same about me. But
• 41:29
  Speaker 2: we don't we don't we don't live near each other anything,
• 41:32
  Speaker 2: but like we don't communicate regularly or anything like that anymore.
• 41:37
  Speaker 2: And uh, and yeah, it was it was very simply
• 41:39
  Speaker 2: like she she became a different person after her child,
• 41:43
  Speaker 2: you know, suddenly died in a car in a car.
• 41:45
  Speaker 3: Actually, you kind of have to.
• 41:47
  Speaker 2: I don't know how you. I don't know how you.
• 41:49
  Speaker 3: I don't know how you wouldn't ye, Yeah, because life
• 41:51
  Speaker 3: is just different. Yeah, and it's never going to be
• 41:53
  Speaker 3: the same again. Yeah.
• 41:55
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 41:55
  Speaker 4: I think that you make a really strong point there
• 41:57
  Speaker 4: that the expectation can't be that the friend is going
• 42:00
  Speaker 4: to change or can repair from this or be a
• 42:03
  Speaker 4: better friend. And yet the expectation can also be and
• 42:07
  Speaker 4: Scoop Lindsy doesn't necessarily have to indefinitely endure that because hey,
• 42:11
  Speaker 4: this person may be unfriendable right now. They don't have
• 42:14
  Speaker 4: the capacity to give friends what they need. And yet
• 42:18
  Speaker 4: you're in this shared ecosystem. I don't want to see
• 42:20
  Speaker 4: a mutiny. I don't want to see a vote to
• 42:22
  Speaker 4: kick this person off the island and say, hey, you know,
• 42:24
  Speaker 4: most of us in this server agree, this person's not
• 42:27
  Speaker 4: very healthy for us. Let's kick them out. But there
• 42:29
  Speaker 4: is this sense of like, as a group, we start
• 42:32
  Speaker 4: to know how to treat that person or like what
• 42:34
  Speaker 4: to do with them, what they can and can't do,
• 42:37
  Speaker 4: conversations they can and cannot be a part of. And
• 42:39
  Speaker 4: maybe that becomes something where like yeah, if we know,
• 42:44
  Speaker 4: like hey, we have a shared chat, maybe there's a
• 42:47
  Speaker 4: sense of like, hey, guys, before I dive in on
• 42:49
  Speaker 4: some things going on in my life, hey friend, this
• 42:52
  Speaker 4: is going to be a hard topic. Is this something
• 42:55
  Speaker 4: you're comfortable being a part of or do you think
• 42:56
  Speaker 4: you'd like to be out And maybe that starts to
• 42:58
  Speaker 4: get that early egg it where it's like, oh, yeah,
• 43:01
  Speaker 4: thanks for the heads up, and it still gives them
• 43:03
  Speaker 4: that chance to sort of like have a little if
• 43:05
  Speaker 4: they're doing any amount of performance that they still get
• 43:07
  Speaker 4: to for a moment and say, yep, you're right, I
• 43:09
  Speaker 4: can't handle that goodbye, and it say okay, honestly goodbye.
• 43:12
  Speaker 4: Maybe that can happen like a little bit of a
• 43:14
  Speaker 4: trigger warning, or the community can kind of like preemptively
• 43:16
  Speaker 4: if it's this predictable, like maybe that's possible. Anything's better
• 43:21
  Speaker 4: than like a full blown like kick her off the
• 43:23
  Speaker 4: island or kick her out at the server. I don't
• 43:25
  Speaker 4: like that either. That seems unkind And I don't think
• 43:27
  Speaker 4: that's what Lindsay's saying. But I think Lindsay's kind of
• 43:29
  Speaker 4: in this dark place of like.
• 43:32
  Speaker 7: Yeah, that's that's it's hard to see you don't feel
• 43:34
  Speaker 7: like you have the bandwidth to to help that friend
• 43:37
  Speaker 7: right now.
• 43:37
  Speaker 2: And you don't you feel like you need help, and
• 43:39
  Speaker 2: you've been bandwidth to them for five years, and so
• 43:44
  Speaker 2: you feel a little unbalanced.
• 43:46
  Speaker 3: Yeah, and now you which is not unreasonable.
• 43:48
  Speaker 4: You're grieving your family's die, you know, like now you
• 43:51
  Speaker 4: need to like lean on your friends. And as soon
• 43:53
  Speaker 4: as you try to, here's this person sounding off and
• 43:55
  Speaker 4: making about themselves. And I get it, Like you're not
• 43:58
  Speaker 4: petty for feeling like.
• 43:59
  Speaker 2: Hey, that's sucks.
• 44:00
  Speaker 4: And I think Jacob's points still right though they fundamentally
• 44:04
  Speaker 4: lack the capacity to offer the friendship that you need.
• 44:07
  Speaker 4: They do not have that anymore, like that part of
• 44:10
  Speaker 4: them is dead. And so like, Okay, you know, I
• 44:13
  Speaker 4: think you're allowed to say I don't think this friendship
• 44:15
  Speaker 4: is good for me anymore. And I don't know how
• 44:17
  Speaker 4: you get rid of that in a group setting, because
• 44:18
  Speaker 4: I don't think you do. Yeah, it's it's not a
• 44:21
  Speaker 4: it's not a marriage that you're dissolving. It's not a
• 44:24
  Speaker 4: business partnership. It's just like I'm gonna interact with this
• 44:27
  Speaker 4: person a little.
• 44:27
  Speaker 5: Bit less less.
• 44:28
  Speaker 2: Yeah, you don't have to have a you know, I'm
• 44:30
  Speaker 2: breaking up with you as a friend right moments.
• 44:33
  Speaker 4: Yeah, especially when you have to be in the same
• 44:36
  Speaker 4: group chats, you know, so what are you gonna do?
• 44:38
  Speaker 5: Like you're in there.
• 44:39
  Speaker 4: But I think given them the trigger warning, Whitney, that
• 44:41
  Speaker 4: was a really good idea to say, hey, there's some
• 44:43
  Speaker 4: things I want to talk about tonight. So and so,
• 44:46
  Speaker 4: I know this kind of stuff is really sensitive for you.
• 44:48
  Speaker 4: Out of respect for you, I wanted to give you
• 44:50
  Speaker 4: a heads up in case that's something you just prefer not.
• 44:52
  Speaker 5: Being part of.
• 44:53
  Speaker 2: And also like it's it's worth reminding ourselves, like we
• 44:56
  Speaker 2: always talk about like, you know, people who are younger,
• 44:59
  Speaker 2: you know, they don't have the the wisdom and they
• 45:00
  Speaker 2: haven't gone through the life experiences, so they haven't become
• 45:03
  Speaker 2: that whole adult yet. You know, they're not that fully
• 45:06
  Speaker 2: realized version of themselves. Yet we do cross a line
• 45:10
  Speaker 2: at some point where things start getting worse. The older
• 45:14
  Speaker 2: we get, the more things in us, both mentally and
• 45:16
  Speaker 2: physically are going to break. Like you're gonna have to
• 45:20
  Speaker 2: adjust your your friendships and your relationships as that happens
• 45:23
  Speaker 2: with you, within yourself and within your your friend group. Yeah,
• 45:27
  Speaker 2: Like it's people change, man, like it and like sometimes
• 45:31
  Speaker 2: life gets shittier, That's true.
• 45:33
  Speaker 4: And I think also people's the edges of their capacities
• 45:36
  Speaker 4: I think are also revealed over time to that.
• 45:38
  Speaker 2: And they also change that the levels of that of
• 45:41
  Speaker 2: that like I can be here and be that person
• 45:44
  Speaker 2: that you can just lay all of this on for
• 45:46
  Speaker 2: twenty four hours a day every day. Some you know,
• 45:49
  Speaker 2: one day that just goes I can't. I can't be
• 45:52
  Speaker 2: that person today.
• 45:53
  Speaker 4: Yeah, and I think that's that's this is huge. Yeah, yeah,
• 45:57
  Speaker 4: this is a tough one. But Scoop Lindsy, you know,
• 45:59
  Speaker 4: I think that we're all just and I think shared
• 46:01
  Speaker 4: response that this is sad for you, and obviously you know,
• 46:04
  Speaker 4: we feel terrible to hear this for you. It's it's
• 46:06
  Speaker 4: there's no right words that you know, we can give
• 46:09
  Speaker 4: a person going through this. And I don't want to
• 46:10
  Speaker 4: just skip over the fact that you know, you're writing
• 46:12
  Speaker 4: in this letter and saying, hey, I'm in this weird predicament.
• 46:14
  Speaker 4: But also you you know, tilted your cards a little
• 46:17
  Speaker 4: bit to let us know you're grieving. And so I
• 46:18
  Speaker 4: just hope that that's something that you're able to find
• 46:21
  Speaker 4: access to the friends and the support groups that people
• 46:23
  Speaker 4: in your life, you know that can be there for
• 46:26
  Speaker 4: you just to hear these thoughts. And I think that
• 46:28
  Speaker 4: you do need to tell your stories. You do need
• 46:30
  Speaker 4: to reflect on where the pain is. You need to
• 46:31
  Speaker 4: reflect on what you miss about this parent, and you know,
• 46:34
  Speaker 4: the memories that you shared with them, and the good,
• 46:36
  Speaker 4: the bad, the ugly, like all of that is how
• 46:38
  Speaker 4: we grieve. And I think that that's just part of
• 46:40
  Speaker 4: that human process. There's all these steps that go along
• 46:43
  Speaker 4: with it. And I think if you give yourself to
• 46:44
  Speaker 4: that process, and you just continue to lean in and
• 46:47
  Speaker 4: language what you're going through. Over time, this does generally
• 46:51
  Speaker 4: get better. We do generally heal and this is part
• 46:53
  Speaker 4: of the human experience. But we're really sorry to hear
• 46:56
  Speaker 4: about this. And yeah, thank you for being a really
• 46:58
  Speaker 4: sensitive person. It sounds like you're trying to handle this
• 47:00
  Speaker 4: friend of yours in a classy way despite getting your
• 47:02
  Speaker 4: feelings completely stepped on. Yeah, I think very highly of you.
• 47:06
  Speaker 4: We've met you a million times in person. We know
• 47:08
  Speaker 4: that you're very sensitive, empathic person. Thank you for just
• 47:10
  Speaker 4: being classy and it's being.
• 47:12
  Speaker 5: Kind to them.
• 47:13
  Speaker 2: I think you're fine, You're you're you're fine. I think
• 47:16
  Speaker 2: you do what fine.
• 47:16
  Speaker 3: You're doing, which, honestly, if you want something greater than
• 47:23
  Speaker 3: that from Jake the Oscar, that's a full throat out.
• 47:29
  Speaker 3: You should hear the way he talks about us.
• 47:31
  Speaker 2: That's your You don't want to hear that.
• 47:33
  Speaker 4: We're in a take quick break and when we come back,
• 47:35
  Speaker 4: we're talking about sticking your dicking crazy.
• 47:38
  Speaker 2: You're listening to.
• 47:42
  Speaker 3: Today's episode is brought to you by Jake Schneider, Malia
• 47:45
  Speaker 3: Richard Macy, Sunny Boy, Thunder Cougar, Falcon Scoop, Surping Guy, Motherfucker,
• 47:49
  Speaker 3: Sander mcwaffall, Olina Gabriella, dom Adam Warren Ba do crimes
• 47:53
  Speaker 3: and knock here and Knightley. Would you like exponse to
• 47:55
  Speaker 3: the show? Become a therapyroducer at patreon dot com slash therapy.
• 47:59
  Speaker 3: All right, so what's that?
• 48:00
  Speaker 2: I've got a quarter of a point. I have a point. No, no,
• 48:03
  Speaker 2: don't round up one.
• 48:07
  Speaker 1: You know, I think I'm winning, even though you'll.
• 48:10
  Speaker 2: Think the whole point. I have a point. You have
• 48:13
  Speaker 2: to you have two points although you're winning. Then I
• 48:15
  Speaker 2: think because I think I only have one. I think
• 48:18
  Speaker 2: I just got the cornflakes one.
• 48:20
  Speaker 5: Still confused about that?
• 48:21
  Speaker 3: Before Whitney before Tomatoes entered the picture Tomatoes final answer,
• 48:27
  Speaker 3: it's it. The original versions of Ketchup were made from.
• 48:31
  Speaker 2: What oh before Tomatoes?
• 48:35
  Speaker 3: Yeah, I can't even imagine this is.
• 48:38
  Speaker 2: I believe it's forbidden in levit I know tomatoes were
• 48:40
  Speaker 2: at one point believe to be poisonous. I wonder if
• 48:42
  Speaker 2: that has to do with that.
• 48:43
  Speaker 4: Yeah, poison love apples, that's right, according to a kid
• 48:46
  Speaker 4: in King Arthur's Court, the movie from which I get
• 48:48
  Speaker 4: most of my historical facts.
• 48:51
  Speaker 2: That explains a.
• 48:51
  Speaker 1: Lot, and.
• 48:53
  Speaker 3: They didn't. Notably, there were no Lebanese in that movie,
• 48:57
  Speaker 3: which is why there's that gap of knowledge that you Okay, yeah,
• 49:04
  Speaker 3: it wasn't Disney. They haven't had a Lebanon Disney movie.
• 49:07
  Speaker 3: I know Disney. Yeah, help in Disney is saying, and
• 49:12
  Speaker 3: we never.
• 49:13
  Speaker 2: Will you wait the guy who did the movie where
• 49:17
  Speaker 2: he was a baseball pitcher, Yes, that's the guy did
• 49:21
  Speaker 2: when do you remember this remake of a Connecticut Yankee
• 49:24
  Speaker 2: in King Arthur's Court? Yes?
• 49:25
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I remember that movie?
• 49:27
  Speaker 4: K yeah, yeah, it's with the kid from Not a
• 49:29
  Speaker 4: League the Year.
• 49:32
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 49:33
  Speaker 4: It was actually a really good, like teen film, like
• 49:36
  Speaker 4: I didn't like teen romance very much, but that movie in.
• 49:39
  Speaker 2: King Arthur's Court was it was it's a remake of
• 49:42
  Speaker 2: of a very old movie called a Connecticut Yankee and
• 49:45
  Speaker 2: King Arthur's Court.
• 49:45
  Speaker 1: Oh I know that it's Disney's Cheapens.
• 49:49
  Speaker 2: Yeah, what is the yeah? Anyway to what is it?
• 49:54
  Speaker 1: Options? Please?
• 49:56
  Speaker 3: Uh? A plums and vinegar, oh, b beat, juice and spices,
• 50:03
  Speaker 3: see fermented fish in mushrooms, d dried fruit and tamoorined tamaron.
• 50:11
  Speaker 2: Everybody doesn't like taming.
• 50:13
  Speaker 3: I feel like a plums and vinegar. Yes, no, giving
• 50:19
  Speaker 3: beats drop the Battlestar Galactica.
• 50:22
  Speaker 2: No, by the way, King Arthur's Court, it's a Mark
• 50:26
  Speaker 2: Twain story that's being adapted into films, right, So beats
• 50:31
  Speaker 2: and plums are off.
• 50:32
  Speaker 3: I got fish sauce, fermented fish and mushrooms or dried
• 50:36
  Speaker 3: fruit and tamarin.
• 50:38
  Speaker 4: It's probably that one. Yeah, give me the fourth one.
• 50:40
  Speaker 4: The tamarind five points for nick.
• 50:46
  Speaker 1: Was wrong.
• 50:47
  Speaker 3: The word touch up traces to Southeast Asian fermented fish sauces.
• 50:54
  Speaker 3: British versions evolved to use mushrooms and walnuts. Tomatoes didn't
• 50:58
  Speaker 3: appear into the rest of until the eighteen hundred.
• 51:01
  Speaker 2: What a big switch.
• 51:02
  Speaker 4: It's like, you know what, instead of this fish bits,
• 51:05
  Speaker 4: let's use a tomato.
• 51:07
  Speaker 1: But sugar in it.
• 51:08
  Speaker 2: Yeah, Like why not? They're that, you know, similar in flavor?
• 51:11
  Speaker 5: Like I don't know.
• 51:12
  Speaker 2: Damn Connecticut Yankee and King Arthur's Court by the way,
• 51:15
  Speaker 2: nineteen forty nine, starring Bing Crosby.
• 51:17
  Speaker 1: Oh damn okay, fifty U Jacob.
• 51:22
  Speaker 2: Yes.
• 51:23
  Speaker 3: The name mountain dew originally American slang for what it's
• 51:28
  Speaker 3: sex thing?
• 51:30
  Speaker 2: Do I mean it's gotta be sex thing? No?
• 51:34
  Speaker 3: Like moonshine.
• 51:35
  Speaker 2: Oh fucking hoots. Right, you're going for two? Oh yeah,
• 51:41
  Speaker 2: Mountain deu making the hooch up in the hill. Mountain, Yeah,
• 51:45
  Speaker 2: Mountain do the mountain people up there making hoop?
• 51:48
  Speaker 1: You trust Jacob on the mountain.
• 51:50
  Speaker 2: There's anything.
• 51:51
  Speaker 7: Yeah, the drink would Mountain was literally that country by
• 51:58
  Speaker 7: He Knows His Moon Country as a whiskey mixer in
• 52:02
  Speaker 7: Tennessee in the nineteen forties.
• 52:04
  Speaker 3: Mixer its name was straight up slang for moonshine.
• 52:07
  Speaker 2: I like, there you go.
• 52:08
  Speaker 3: It's really funny. I remember in boy Scouts maybe it's
• 52:13
  Speaker 3: Cub Scouts. We used to like have like songs like
• 52:17
  Speaker 3: we go to the jamboree, would sit by the campfire
• 52:19
  Speaker 3: and have all these songs. There was one song called
• 52:21
  Speaker 3: Mountain Dew.
• 52:22
  Speaker 2: Okay, we bites in our group. In our group, bitches
• 52:28
  Speaker 2: in our group.
• 52:28
  Speaker 3: The funny thing is, like what I knew at that
• 52:32
  Speaker 3: age that mountain dew wasn't in the song. Wasn't the
• 52:36
  Speaker 3: mountain dew.
• 52:37
  Speaker 4: That we knew as they.
• 52:40
  Speaker 3: Like, I don't remember exactly is.
• 52:47
  Speaker 1: Keep going. It's like the hobo con some will some.
• 52:50
  Speaker 3: Will refuse it a few something something something I don't
• 52:53
  Speaker 3: know that good old mountain dew. But you knew by
• 52:56
  Speaker 3: contacts like it was moonshine poach.
• 52:59
  Speaker 1: All right, Okay, I never heard of it.
• 53:01
  Speaker 5: Kids are getting an education, all right.
• 53:02
  Speaker 3: All right, Jim. The ice cream cone is believed to
• 53:06
  Speaker 3: have been invented at which events?
• 53:09
  Speaker 4: Mmm, give me that. I'm going I need to. I'm
• 53:14
  Speaker 4: just going come on, give me that, all right. Look,
• 53:17
  Speaker 4: I'm not gonna get the year right, but that World's
• 53:19
  Speaker 4: Fair thing.
• 53:20
  Speaker 2: World's Fair is what I was thinking.
• 53:21
  Speaker 4: To give me, that World's fair thing. And you don't
• 53:24
  Speaker 4: fuck me on the date. You know the one, the
• 53:26
  Speaker 4: one that's always the good one.
• 53:28
  Speaker 2: I think you hold on.
• 53:30
  Speaker 4: The one where Captain America gets shot.
• 53:31
  Speaker 1: Up with that shit movie references.
• 53:35
  Speaker 3: Well, I would never fuck you on the date, okay,
• 53:38
  Speaker 3: Emma would okay, because your.
• 53:40
  Speaker 2: Options are God damn it.
• 53:43
  Speaker 3: The eighteen ninety three Chicago wame on you, Emma, the
• 53:47
  Speaker 3: New York City Street Fair of nineteen ten, oh come
• 53:49
  Speaker 3: on a London trade exhibition in eighteen ninety nine, or
• 53:53
  Speaker 3: the nineteen oh four Saint Louis World's Fair.
• 53:56
  Speaker 5: Fuck me, huh.
• 53:57
  Speaker 4: I thought I was gonna get away with it there
• 53:59
  Speaker 4: for saying I I'm being generous because it could have
• 54:01
  Speaker 4: just taken zero from you.
• 54:04
  Speaker 3: All right, but I'm giving you thanks.
• 54:06
  Speaker 4: You're walk I'm not pushing the ref on this, thank you.
• 54:09
  Speaker 4: It's between Chicago World Fair and Saint Louis World Fair.
• 54:12
  Speaker 4: Saint Louis is a shithole, So I'm going to go
• 54:16
  Speaker 4: with Chicago because I don't think they're inventing ice cream
• 54:19
  Speaker 4: in fucking Saint Louis Louis.
• 54:21
  Speaker 2: Give me Chicago World Fair for two they No.
• 54:26
  Speaker 1: Whitney was the other non World Fair ones.
• 54:29
  Speaker 3: New York City Street Fair nineteen ten, the London Trade
• 54:33
  Speaker 3: Exhibition eighteen ninety nine.
• 54:35
  Speaker 5: That kind of sounds cool too.
• 54:37
  Speaker 2: Boom boom boom boom.
• 54:38
  Speaker 3: I feel like the New York City Street Fair of
• 54:41
  Speaker 3: nineteen ten.
• 54:42
  Speaker 8: No meet me and Saint Louis Louis, Meet me Fair,
• 54:52
  Speaker 8: Saint Louis.
• 54:53
  Speaker 2: Where's World's Fair?
• 54:54
  Speaker 3: Correct? The most popular story holds that an ice cream
• 54:59
  Speaker 3: vendor ran out of dishes and the nearby waffle vendor
• 55:03
  Speaker 3: rolled his waffles into corners to help out. Multiple vendors
• 55:07
  Speaker 3: from that fair claim credit, which is where the on brand,
• 55:11
  Speaker 3: which is very on brand for the food.
• 55:13
  Speaker 2: Inst and nobody fucking come at me for using state Fair.
• 55:17
  Speaker 2: I know it's the Saint Louis State Fair that I
• 55:19
  Speaker 2: was doing a song from. It's not the World's Fair.
• 55:21
  Speaker 2: Don't come at me about I was gonna say that,
• 55:23
  Speaker 2: don't you come at me about that?
• 55:24
  Speaker 3: It was really bothering me.
• 55:25
  Speaker 1: Madam.
• 55:27
  Speaker 3: Thank you for your admission.
• 55:28
  Speaker 4: We want to hear the thoughts in the discord on this, because, yeah,
• 55:32
  Speaker 4: I for one thing, this will be the scandal of
• 55:34
  Speaker 4: the season.
• 55:34
  Speaker 2: I only have so many songs in my head that
• 55:36
  Speaker 2: involves Saint Louis and fairs.
• 55:38
  Speaker 5: Fair.
• 55:38
  Speaker 2: Honestly, that you had anything, it was a pretty deep
• 55:41
  Speaker 2: dive there. So let's say, what's your name?
• 55:43
  Speaker 5: Scraping.
• 55:43
  Speaker 2: I can't think of anybody's names today.
• 55:46
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I was gonna say Dorothy, but it's.
• 55:47
  Speaker 3: Judy Dench, Judy Ditch.
• 55:49
  Speaker 2: That's Judy Garland. She's in the in the movie version
• 55:53
  Speaker 2: of state Fair Rogers and Rogers.
• 55:55
  Speaker 4: Ever sign Rogers at hart Our state Fair is the
• 55:59
  Speaker 4: best state fair, best state fair in our state.
• 56:02
  Speaker 5: Obviously not a million times.
• 56:03
  Speaker 2: That was in Saint Louis, the Saint Louis State's Fair.
• 56:06
  Speaker 1: Oh meet me in Saint Louis geography. He wouldn't know
• 56:09
  Speaker 1: that part. He left that part out.
• 56:11
  Speaker 2: The other song that I was thinking is also from
• 56:12
  Speaker 2: that show A great Yeah, that was actually very watchable.
• 56:17
  Speaker 2: I remember watching that as a kid.
• 56:18
  Speaker 5: It was really good. Yeah, with the.
• 56:21
  Speaker 2: Frills on top.
• 56:22
  Speaker 5: I remember that that.
• 56:26
  Speaker 1: Mar Wow Are Good Guys.
• 56:30
  Speaker 3: Show musical which took place where.
• 56:34
  Speaker 4: Ohklahoma, where the wind comes sweeping down the plains, Iowa, Wowa,
• 56:40
  Speaker 4: River City, Iowa, which was actually which was actually Mason City, Iowa,
• 56:45
  Speaker 4: which is where Meredith Wilson was.
• 56:46
  Speaker 3: That's his hometown, which is about thirty minutes away from
• 56:50
  Speaker 3: my hometown.
• 56:51
  Speaker 2: Okay, basically basically celebrate.
• 57:01
  Speaker 1: I need to watch more musical. I know.
• 57:08
  Speaker 7: In there that's like bye bye Birdie. Someone, I'm sorry,
• 57:12
  Speaker 7: what's the Conrad?
• 57:13
  Speaker 2: That is?
• 57:13
  Speaker 1: Bye bye Bertie? Yeah?
• 57:14
  Speaker 4: All right, So I want to ask what musical can
• 57:17
  Speaker 4: you probably sing every word from start to back? But
• 57:19
  Speaker 4: I'm not going to ask Jacob that because it's probably
• 57:21
  Speaker 4: ten of them that's a list, but you two. Yeah,
• 57:24
  Speaker 4: mine is Phantom of the Opera. I can do all
• 57:26
  Speaker 4: the opera, not by my own fucking accord. My mom
• 57:29
  Speaker 4: just played it NonStop as a kid, and so like
• 57:32
  Speaker 4: I just know it all by I can sing every
• 57:35
  Speaker 4: fucking word every single song.
• 57:38
  Speaker 3: I don't know about every song or every word, but
• 57:41
  Speaker 3: I would say if they're if I had to pick one,
• 57:44
  Speaker 3: where I would know most okay, uh probably sound of Music.
• 57:49
  Speaker 2: Oh yeah, okay, yeah, A vice is a good song.
• 57:54
  Speaker 7: Mine's really every song before, like from two thousand and seven,
• 58:00
  Speaker 7: and I saw it for my daughter.
• 58:01
  Speaker 2: Loved so good.
• 58:03
  Speaker 1: So the movie did a really great job.
• 58:05
  Speaker 2: I felt like I finally sat down and watched the
• 58:07
  Speaker 2: first one. I haven't seen the second, the second Wicked movie.
• 58:10
  Speaker 4: More Wicked, Wicked, Wicked, You fellow Wicked. You thought it
• 58:15
  Speaker 4: was already Wicked? Just wait, it's smart.
• 58:20
  Speaker 7: The first time I saw Wicked was in London on
• 58:23
  Speaker 7: a European trip, and I was like, I didn't know
• 58:25
  Speaker 7: what it was about it all. I had no idea
• 58:26
  Speaker 7: it was about like Wizard of Oz stuff. Just everyone
• 58:29
  Speaker 7: at my college, you know, Liberal Arts school, they're like Wicked.
• 58:31
  Speaker 7: When it came to Little Rock Big Wicked, I was like,
• 58:33
  Speaker 7: what's it even about?
• 58:34
  Speaker 2: I watched.
• 58:34
  Speaker 1: I was just like, this is the best thing ever.
• 58:38
  Speaker 5: That's was so awesome.
• 58:39
  Speaker 2: All right, So I imagine for you it's oh, it's
• 58:42
  Speaker 2: a lot, Yeah, there's yeah.
• 58:43
  Speaker 1: Top three.
• 58:44
  Speaker 2: Oh, like when I was. Yeah, when I was like
• 58:48
  Speaker 2: a teenager, you had like.
• 58:50
  Speaker 1: Rent that was Oh, I didn't know.
• 58:52
  Speaker 2: A lot of the last five years came out. I
• 58:58
  Speaker 2: think when I was in college, which is not a
• 58:59
  Speaker 2: very good show, but the music is fantastic. It's all duos, uh,
• 59:04
  Speaker 2: I think it's all. It's all solos and duos in
• 59:07
  Speaker 2: the in the in the track or in the soundtrack,
• 59:09
  Speaker 2: and it's very very good. Oh, I don't know. I mean, well,
• 59:14
  Speaker 2: the Python spamalot. I mean there's all these musicals that
• 59:19
  Speaker 2: I that I worked on or was in or ran
• 59:22
  Speaker 2: or something like that where I just would hear me,
• 59:25
  Speaker 2: just hear yeah, like they're in there.
• 59:28
  Speaker 1: Yeah that's fair.
• 59:29
  Speaker 2: Alexander I cans. I hate it.
• 59:32
  Speaker 4: But yeah, all right, it's time to stick our dick
• 59:37
  Speaker 4: and crazy.
• 59:37
  Speaker 2: Everybody.
• 59:38
  Speaker 3: Here we go.
• 59:39
  Speaker 4: Buckle up, hi everyone. I've been doing a lot of
• 59:42
  Speaker 4: reflecting lightly and I've come to a realization in my
• 59:46
  Speaker 4: mouth that's a bit unsettling. I might actually be the drama.
• 59:51
  Speaker 4: I'm a pretty emotional person, whether it's a big serious
• 59:54
  Speaker 4: conversation or something maybe kind of sort of slightly meaningful.
• 59:57
  Speaker 4: I tend to feel things deeply, and t are always
• 1:00:01
  Speaker 4: just around the corner. I'm aware that this can be
• 1:00:04
  Speaker 4: a lot for my partner. Sadly, I've developed a habit
• 1:00:07
  Speaker 4: of holding things in. I tell myself this isn't the
• 1:00:10
  Speaker 4: right time or it's not worth bringing up, So I
• 1:00:13
  Speaker 4: push my feelings down. Over time, they build up, and
• 1:00:16
  Speaker 4: eventually it reaches a point of implosion and I end
• 1:00:19
  Speaker 4: up finding myself stuck in that intense headspace. The only
• 1:00:23
  Speaker 4: things that seem to help me reset are either one
• 1:00:26
  Speaker 4: having a really open, honest and deep conversation where everything
• 1:00:30
  Speaker 4: is laid out and we find some sense of understanding
• 1:00:34
  Speaker 4: you or number two having mad, crazy, amazing sex. So
• 1:00:39
  Speaker 4: I guess what I'm really asking is this, Is this
• 1:00:42
  Speaker 4: the behavior of someone fitting the description of don't stick
• 1:00:45
  Speaker 4: here dicking crazy? I know the question itself is negatively framed.
• 1:00:50
  Speaker 4: Forgive that it's a joke.
• 1:00:51
  Speaker 2: Bro.
• 1:00:51
  Speaker 4: At the end of the day, I'm trying to understand myself.
• 1:00:54
  Speaker 4: Love you lots, You're all my parasocial besties, and besties
• 1:00:58
  Speaker 4: ought to be honest with one, damn it.
• 1:01:01
  Speaker 2: So be honest signed a.
• 1:01:03
  Speaker 5: He and him? Interesting?
• 1:01:05
  Speaker 4: Okay, so writer says, I am the the crazy to
• 1:01:09
  Speaker 4: which you must not stick one's dick, But it helps
• 1:01:12
  Speaker 4: me uncrazy myself. To fuck the crazy out of somebody
• 1:01:16
  Speaker 4: I think is a talent. I think that really says
• 1:01:18
  Speaker 4: a lot about writer's partner.
• 1:01:20
  Speaker 3: Gotta make you like a horse whisper.
• 1:01:22
  Speaker 1: That's exactly.
• 1:01:24
  Speaker 2: I've never been good at fucking crazy out of people.
• 1:01:27
  Speaker 2: I'm really good at getting it in there.
• 1:01:28
  Speaker 1: That nice.
• 1:01:31
  Speaker 2: If you don't have enough crazy in you, you called Jacob,
• 1:01:34
  Speaker 2: I got you. I got you, Pam, I got you.
• 1:01:39
  Speaker 2: I believe it. I like this. I like the horse
• 1:01:41
  Speaker 2: whisper theory too. Just yeah, this is.
• 1:01:44
  Speaker 4: So this person is saying, I am hyper sensitive.
• 1:01:46
  Speaker 5: I fall apart.
• 1:01:48
  Speaker 2: Uh.
• 1:01:48
  Speaker 4: The only two things that make me better are this deep,
• 1:01:51
  Speaker 4: meaningful get all the cards on the table conversation, which
• 1:01:54
  Speaker 4: is the most emotionally laborious. It's really hard to do.
• 1:01:57
  Speaker 4: It's difficult for me. Or we bang it out and
• 1:02:02
  Speaker 4: they are asking, is that okay? What is wrong with me?
• 1:02:05
  Speaker 3: Am?
• 1:02:05
  Speaker 4: I exactly what that phrase don't stick you're dicking crazy.
• 1:02:09
  Speaker 2: Is all about?
• 1:02:09
  Speaker 7: I mean, wouldn't that be like the crazy reaction, not
• 1:02:13
  Speaker 7: like I feel crazy? That's what I imagine when it's like, don't.
• 1:02:18
  Speaker 2: This is not describing that not.
• 1:02:21
  Speaker 1: I just wanted to clarify that part.
• 1:02:22
  Speaker 2: I'm like, I never heard it said. I didn't know
• 1:02:24
  Speaker 2: the phrase was don't just sticking your dick is crazy.
• 1:02:30
  Speaker 2: It's just a description, Oh that's what you've done, not
• 1:02:33
  Speaker 2: an encouragement or or saying like don't do this a state.
• 1:02:37
  Speaker 3: That's a non judgmental thing. That's just like, what were
• 1:02:39
  Speaker 3: you doing the other day? Oh, I was thinking my
• 1:02:41
  Speaker 3: dicking crazy.
• 1:02:41
  Speaker 4: Oh, I've only ever heard it as a word of caution,
• 1:02:45
  Speaker 4: that is, like beware. I can also like the beginning
• 1:02:51
  Speaker 4: of hants a Mansion.
• 1:02:55
  Speaker 2: Crazy.
• 1:02:57
  Speaker 3: That was the musical that I know all the words
• 1:03:01
  Speaker 3: to that one, the.
• 1:03:04
  Speaker 2: Crazy dick Crazy.
• 1:03:07
  Speaker 7: He's gonna have a whole musical by the end of
• 1:03:09
  Speaker 7: this emisode.
• 1:03:11
  Speaker 3: Also also Squares Yes, also based in Iowa.
• 1:03:15
  Speaker 4: Yeah, a lot of people don't know a lot of
• 1:03:18
  Speaker 4: dicks in Iowa.
• 1:03:19
  Speaker 3: Yeah. I mean when when they sang it in school,
• 1:03:24
  Speaker 3: it was corn, don't stick your corn and crazy. I mean,
• 1:03:30
  Speaker 3: oh yeah, we would still say dick in school. The
• 1:03:38
  Speaker 3: crazy is the word that we weren't the stigma, you know,
• 1:03:43
  Speaker 3: we don't like that around.
• 1:03:44
  Speaker 2: So where we keep the call we see son second
• 1:03:58
  Speaker 2: verse here, we keep I keep doing this until you
• 1:04:04
  Speaker 2: keep going with the letter.
• 1:04:08
  Speaker 3: To me, Yes, I think both of these are unhealthy
• 1:04:13
  Speaker 3: to some degree. Okay, the first one sounds good, but
• 1:04:17
  Speaker 3: honestly it's it's because you let it build up, right,
• 1:04:22
  Speaker 3: I mean, having a really open, honest and deep conversation happens.
• 1:04:27
  Speaker 3: I think when you just have to let everything out
• 1:04:31
  Speaker 3: because you've just held it in for so long web
• 1:04:34
  Speaker 3: of last resort. Yeah yeah, I mean, because I mean
• 1:04:37
  Speaker 3: you're talking about, you know, holding everything in and not
• 1:04:41
  Speaker 3: showing anything, and then the next thing, you know, you're
• 1:04:43
  Speaker 3: crying at a Super Bowl commercial. You know, like eventually
• 1:04:46
  Speaker 3: it's just gonna Yeah. Yeah, well me neither. That's why
• 1:04:49
  Speaker 3: I just thought it was weird.
• 1:04:50
  Speaker 4: I wouldn't even bring Carmen Electra took the face.
• 1:04:55
  Speaker 2: I just started crying so good. Yeah.
• 1:04:59
  Speaker 3: So I don't know, I think, uh, I don't know
• 1:05:02
  Speaker 3: where I was going with that.
• 1:05:03
  Speaker 4: So I do think that there's something to be said.
• 1:05:05
  Speaker 4: Like I appreciate the juxtaposition. I appreciate that the humor
• 1:05:08
  Speaker 4: in the letter. But you guys may completely disagree with
• 1:05:11
  Speaker 4: me on this, but honestly, I have seen the psychotherapeutic
• 1:05:16
  Speaker 4: healing factor of sex as a whole ass thing and
• 1:05:20
  Speaker 4: It's interesting because our colleagues, a lot of them that
• 1:05:22
  Speaker 4: study at the A Sect.
• 1:05:23
  Speaker 3: Have so many interns.
• 1:05:25
  Speaker 2: Yes offering, you're like a fundamentalist Mormon.
• 1:05:34
  Speaker 4: Hey, Board of Examiners, these are jokes. Don't listen to
• 1:05:38
  Speaker 4: the friends they that's definitely Jacob Board of Examiners.
• 1:05:41
  Speaker 2: He's right there.
• 1:05:42
  Speaker 4: You can see it on the video on dot com
• 1:05:44
  Speaker 4: slash therapy.
• 1:05:45
  Speaker 2: They of all of the other wives, all the joke,
• 1:05:47
  Speaker 2: all the joke.
• 1:05:48
  Speaker 3: The Board of Examiners has a really good sense of humor.
• 1:05:51
  Speaker 3: Worry about it, don't you worry.
• 1:05:53
  Speaker 2: If there's one thing they are not, it's ligigious. So,
• 1:05:56
  Speaker 2: mister Jim, maybe.
• 1:06:00
  Speaker 3: It's okay.
• 1:06:03
  Speaker 4: Out of you, doctor Jacobs says in you you no.
• 1:06:09
  Speaker 4: But it's interesting because, like I think that there is
• 1:06:11
  Speaker 4: some truth to this, like when the writer just game,
• 1:06:18
  Speaker 4: mister g thank you in turn, return to your cave.
• 1:06:22
  Speaker 4: Now go back to your box.
• 1:06:23
  Speaker 2: There's no room.
• 1:06:25
  Speaker 3: There's too many, that's all right.
• 1:06:26
  Speaker 4: Jesus, Oh god, oh wow, we don't.
• 1:06:36
  Speaker 2: I mean, we're not animals. You don't want to need
• 1:06:39
  Speaker 2: a peak corner and have not established one. You don't
• 1:06:45
  Speaker 2: want to establish a peak corner when you need it, you.
• 1:06:47
  Speaker 4: Have established step one elected leader, Step two peak corner.
• 1:06:52
  Speaker 2: Yeah, these are the step three find your water shuttleful,
• 1:06:54
  Speaker 2: step four profit.
• 1:06:56
  Speaker 4: All right, So you know, to this point though, the
• 1:06:58
  Speaker 4: writer's talking about going through like emotional turmoil in their
• 1:07:01
  Speaker 4: relationship and saying like in my relationship, two things heal
• 1:07:06
  Speaker 4: me right, having a complete clearing of the air or
• 1:07:10
  Speaker 4: having really good sex. I don't look at that and
• 1:07:13
  Speaker 4: and and I don't look at that in an askew
• 1:07:15
  Speaker 4: kind of way. I look at that and go, well,
• 1:07:17
  Speaker 4: of course, that actually restores your your sanity because it's validating,
• 1:07:22
  Speaker 4: it's vulnerable. There's reassurance and reconnection. You're in your head
• 1:07:27
  Speaker 4: about all these things.
• 1:07:28
  Speaker 3: About you release.
• 1:07:30
  Speaker 2: Yeah, there's a release to it, there's but there's something
• 1:07:33
  Speaker 2: domine dump.
• 1:07:34
  Speaker 4: There is there's something really psychokinetic about that sexual connection
• 1:07:38
  Speaker 4: that I think.
• 1:07:38
  Speaker 2: Honestly none of.
• 1:07:41
  Speaker 4: You've cathartically gotten all. Yeah, and I feel like there's
• 1:07:47
  Speaker 4: this restoration. And I think that's actually really common for
• 1:07:50
  Speaker 4: a lot of couples, whether they identify as somebody who
• 1:07:53
  Speaker 4: holds a lot in or goes crazy or not, there's
• 1:07:55
  Speaker 4: a lot of couples that go through these cycles where
• 1:07:58
  Speaker 4: they're not doing well and they're they're struggling, there's anxiety,
• 1:08:01
  Speaker 4: there's depression, there's all sorts of animosity, and then they
• 1:08:04
  Speaker 4: have sex. And like, this is a joke in popular culture,
• 1:08:07
  Speaker 4: you talk about boning it out just to like restore
• 1:08:09
  Speaker 4: the relationship. That's not a weird thing for the writer
• 1:08:12
  Speaker 4: to say. And honestly, and a lot of couples therapy too,
• 1:08:15
  Speaker 4: this comes up a lot in couple's therapy. Like one
• 1:08:18
  Speaker 4: of the most important things that would really help couples
• 1:08:21
  Speaker 4: work is just getting them to have sex. Like, if
• 1:08:24
  Speaker 4: you can just do that, it's like, what do you
• 1:08:26
  Speaker 4: think the couch is for that?
• 1:08:28
  Speaker 2: I'm gonna walk out of this room.
• 1:08:30
  Speaker 4: You guy's gonna do some therapy on yourselves for about
• 1:08:33
  Speaker 4: forty five minutes.
• 1:08:35
  Speaker 2: Yeah, that's right.
• 1:08:36
  Speaker 4: They're gonna see somebody looking through the blinds over here.
• 1:08:38
  Speaker 2: This is supervision, all right. It's very important concern.
• 1:08:52
  Speaker 4: It's taught me everything. Am I way off base here?
• 1:08:57
  Speaker 4: Or do we agree that, like there is something that
• 1:08:59
  Speaker 4: is incredibly psychological for a couple, and having restorative sex's
• 1:09:04
  Speaker 4: beyond that.
• 1:09:05
  Speaker 2: It's like, hope, I think it washes away.
• 1:09:11
  Speaker 3: Marriage.
• 1:09:13
  Speaker 2: I'm so proud of you, buddy. I'm super critical and weights.
• 1:09:18
  Speaker 3: I'm real proud of you, real proud of you. I'm
• 1:09:21
  Speaker 3: starting to understand why the first two failed.
• 1:09:23
  Speaker 4: Nick's wedding is brought to you by Truelove, Weights and
• 1:09:26
  Speaker 4: evangelical Christianity. Remember, kids, the worst possible thing you could
• 1:09:31
  Speaker 4: do is have sex before marriage.
• 1:09:35
  Speaker 2: And now back to you, priest.
• 1:09:40
  Speaker 4: There's something psychologically restorative about sex, and so I don't
• 1:09:44
  Speaker 4: see that being a weird thing in the letter. I
• 1:09:46
  Speaker 4: hear that and go, yeah, no, I'm not surprised that
• 1:09:48
  Speaker 4: that's the other release valve that like washes away all
• 1:09:52
  Speaker 4: the psychological debris that's going on inside of you. I
• 1:09:55
  Speaker 4: could see that being restorative.
• 1:09:57
  Speaker 7: Yeah, I just thought as another form of release. Talking
• 1:10:00
  Speaker 7: about the build up, and you can release through crying,
• 1:10:02
  Speaker 7: you can like all of that is such.
• 1:10:04
  Speaker 1: A built up physical feeling.
• 1:10:07
  Speaker 7: And then yeah, letting something out, whether it's tears or
• 1:10:10
  Speaker 7: other things.
• 1:10:13
  Speaker 4: But I think there's also like this sense of like
• 1:10:15
  Speaker 4: you develop animosity, you develop resentment, and either you two
• 1:10:18
  Speaker 4: sit down and like talk through it, or I think
• 1:10:21
  Speaker 4: that the physicality and the reunification of sex is that
• 1:10:25
  Speaker 4: nonverbal communication, right, Like you're essentially forgiving each other and
• 1:10:29
  Speaker 4: you're you're essentially letting a lot of things go and
• 1:10:32
  Speaker 4: you're sort of like giving yourself back to the relationship.
• 1:10:35
  Speaker 4: That whole thing, I think is a cycle that a
• 1:10:37
  Speaker 4: lot of long term relationships will relate to it. I
• 1:10:39
  Speaker 4: don't think that that's a crazy thing.
• 1:10:40
  Speaker 7: I'm I guess clarifying I did Okay, maybe I read
• 1:10:48
  Speaker 7: the or read or heard the letter wrong. I saw
• 1:10:51
  Speaker 7: this as them saying like anytime they are feeling like
• 1:10:57
  Speaker 7: frustrated in general than having sex and general is.
• 1:11:02
  Speaker 2: I thought it was related to couples.
• 1:11:04
  Speaker 7: Read no, but I kind of see it how you're saying, So,
• 1:11:07
  Speaker 7: I don't know, how do you read it, Nick.
• 1:11:10
  Speaker 3: I, Yeah, that's the same way that you did no
• 1:11:13
  Speaker 3: more of a general thing.
• 1:11:15
  Speaker 1: Yeah, it was like just focusing on those couples.
• 1:11:18
  Speaker 2: It is like a couple's letter.
• 1:11:20
  Speaker 7: And I don't know, because I could kind of see
• 1:11:22
  Speaker 7: it how you're reading it too. Yeah, now that you
• 1:11:24
  Speaker 7: say that, but I don't.
• 1:11:26
  Speaker 3: Know, I don't know.
• 1:11:27
  Speaker 4: I also wouldn't let go of option number one, okay.
• 1:11:31
  Speaker 3: Like, which is you know, having really open, honest and
• 1:11:34
  Speaker 3: deep conversations where everything is laid out. There's still some
• 1:11:39
  Speaker 3: value to that, like and the fact that it is uncomfortable,
• 1:11:43
  Speaker 3: as evidenced by you putting in parentheses. You yeah, I
• 1:11:47
  Speaker 3: mean like that's often you know, kind of the saying.
• 1:11:51
  Speaker 3: How the saying goes is like if it's if it's easy,
• 1:11:54
  Speaker 3: it's probably not the answer. If it's really difficult, then
• 1:11:57
  Speaker 3: that's probably the better. That's the lasting way of doing something,
• 1:12:01
  Speaker 3: you know. So I think that's the fact that it's
• 1:12:04
  Speaker 3: uncomfortable is probably an indicator that it maybe is the
• 1:12:08
  Speaker 3: right thing to do, and you just need to learn
• 1:12:10
  Speaker 3: to deal with discomfort.
• 1:12:12
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 1:12:12
  Speaker 7: Yeah, is it truly processing by like having sex with somebody?
• 1:12:16
  Speaker 4: Well, and now that I think I'm hearing you guys's
• 1:12:18
  Speaker 4: version of this, then that's a very different thing. If
• 1:12:20
  Speaker 4: we're talking about a couple stuff and like, sure this is restorative,
• 1:12:22
  Speaker 4: that's a legitimate, you know, mechanism of action. But if
• 1:12:25
  Speaker 4: it's you individually as a human, when you get caught
• 1:12:28
  Speaker 4: up in your feelings, yeah, that's like your release valve
• 1:12:32
  Speaker 4: and it's like, oh, that's fine. But also I could
• 1:12:35
  Speaker 4: see that being like you're you're still burying it to
• 1:12:38
  Speaker 4: some extent.
• 1:12:39
  Speaker 3: I mean substitute substitute having mad crazy with shooting hair. Yeah,
• 1:12:46
  Speaker 3: And it's the same thing.
• 1:12:49
  Speaker 4: Yeah, two things make my pain go away, dealing with
• 1:12:52
  Speaker 4: it or getting blackout drunk.
• 1:12:53
  Speaker 3: Yeah yeah, well but.
• 1:12:55
  Speaker 4: I mean arguably obviously sex could be that could be
• 1:12:58
  Speaker 4: really healthy for them. Right if somebody said, hey, I
• 1:12:59
  Speaker 4: just rub out and then I feel better, It's like,
• 1:13:01
  Speaker 4: all right, well then do that. You know, like, I'm
• 1:13:02
  Speaker 4: fine with it, But that doesn't to me. The preventative
• 1:13:05
  Speaker 4: action is learning how to notice your hypersensitivity. And I
• 1:13:09
  Speaker 4: think that that kind of goes back to like DBT
• 1:13:11
  Speaker 4: maybe or CBT, like either reframing cognitive distortions and wrong
• 1:13:16
  Speaker 4: interpretations or learning the emotional regulation of dialectical behavioral therapy.
• 1:13:21
  Speaker 4: Because if that's controlling you and you're just regulated, I'm
• 1:13:24
  Speaker 4: glad you have two solutions to that problem. But that's
• 1:13:27
  Speaker 4: the deeper work, is to learn how to regulate those things,
• 1:13:30
  Speaker 4: to notice them up front, to filter the world, and
• 1:13:32
  Speaker 4: to right size your expectations of others and of yourself
• 1:13:35
  Speaker 4: soa you don't need to just bang it out to
• 1:13:36
  Speaker 4: solve the problem.
• 1:13:37
  Speaker 5: Or talk it out necessarily.
• 1:13:39
  Speaker 4: Like if you can kind of preventatively notice things as
• 1:13:41
  Speaker 4: they are and feel accurate about them, that's the win.
• 1:13:44
  Speaker 4: But that requires some really good work. Yeah, and you
• 1:13:47
  Speaker 4: have to have sex with a lot of people in
• 1:13:49
  Speaker 4: order to solve that problem.
• 1:13:50
  Speaker 3: Oh, you got to get good at it.
• 1:13:51
  Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, I see that Rebie does.
• 1:13:54
  Speaker 2: DBT's so tit could be.
• 1:14:01
  Speaker 3: I remember we watched that in class. Remembers right, Yeah,
• 1:14:06
  Speaker 3: and then the professor was fired, did not make tenures
• 1:14:13
  Speaker 3: and of course evaluations tough.
• 1:14:15
  Speaker 1: I don't think back in your day they fired people
• 1:14:18
  Speaker 1: a different class. No, I was just going to say too.
• 1:14:26
  Speaker 2: Uh.
• 1:14:26
  Speaker 7: Sometimes when I've worked with clients who tend to hold
• 1:14:30
  Speaker 7: a lot of their emotions in and push all push
• 1:14:32
  Speaker 7: all that ship down until it's overflowing, or you're on
• 1:14:35
  Speaker 7: the verge of tears constantly practicing being open and sharing
• 1:14:39
  Speaker 7: and again cliche going to therapy, but like paying somebody
• 1:14:43
  Speaker 7: to take on your ship for a while, it kind
• 1:14:45
  Speaker 7: of lets you practice getting out whatever is building up
• 1:14:49
  Speaker 7: inside of you and then also being able to process.
• 1:14:53
  Speaker 1: What's going on.
• 1:14:53
  Speaker 7: And so I think the more you're able to do that,
• 1:14:56
  Speaker 7: the less you will feel on the verge of tears
• 1:14:58
  Speaker 7: at any given time, because as you've practiced that release,
• 1:15:01
  Speaker 7: not sexually with your therapist, but depends on who are
• 1:15:08
  Speaker 7: depends on what practice it is look at the description.
• 1:15:11
  Speaker 4: I really like your point though, that that if we
• 1:15:13
  Speaker 4: can get better at that, and you're more rehearsed in that,
• 1:15:15
  Speaker 4: then it's not you anymore. You know how to do it,
• 1:15:18
  Speaker 4: and like that'll be more familiar to you.
• 1:15:20
  Speaker 5: I like that.
• 1:15:20
  Speaker 2: And you don't want to swing You ought to be
• 1:15:22
  Speaker 2: careful because you don't want to swing it too far
• 1:15:23
  Speaker 2: over where. You can only have sex if you're emotionally
• 1:15:26
  Speaker 2: distraught about something else. Oh my god, I have to
• 1:15:29
  Speaker 2: get emotionally distraught. I'm able to have sex.
• 1:15:33
  Speaker 4: There is somebody listening right now who's like, oh shit,
• 1:15:38
  Speaker 4: they're already starting to write the letter you.
• 1:15:42
  Speaker 2: I'm sorry. I'm gonna be really funny about your letter.
• 1:15:45
  Speaker 2: Send it in.
• 1:15:45
  Speaker 4: We want to hear about it. My kink is that
• 1:15:48
  Speaker 4: I have to be in drama. Yeah, that's the only way.
• 1:15:52
  Speaker 4: Tell me how much of a disappointment am to my parents. Anyway, writer,
• 1:15:58
  Speaker 4: good luck with this, Please do the world. I think
• 1:16:00
  Speaker 4: that if you're having sex to get rid of the pain, fine,
• 1:16:03
  Speaker 4: but I think we all would like you to find
• 1:16:05
  Speaker 4: more ways, whether that's preventative or, as Whitney said, getting
• 1:16:08
  Speaker 4: used to doing the hard work of emotionally languaging your
• 1:16:10
  Speaker 4: experience so it becomes easier for you over time, and
• 1:16:14
  Speaker 4: you have more than one option to get the crazy
• 1:16:16
  Speaker 4: out of yourself.
• 1:16:17
  Speaker 2: At the very least different positions. Yeah, I recommend the
• 1:16:23
  Speaker 2: Pile Driver. Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah. It had some physical
• 1:16:31
  Speaker 2: physical exercises as well.
• 1:16:33
  Speaker 4: Oh, this reminds me of something I heard. I heard,
• 1:16:35
  Speaker 4: this is unrelated. I was thinking about training for the
• 1:16:39
  Speaker 4: Let me explain how I get to my logic. I
• 1:16:41
  Speaker 4: was thinking about training videos for during the Pile Driver,
• 1:16:43
  Speaker 4: and then I thought of this whole joke runs one
• 1:16:45
  Speaker 4: of the best fantasy football punishments ever. You have to
• 1:16:49
  Speaker 4: sign up at a karate dojo and you cannot quit
• 1:16:51
  Speaker 4: until you earn a yellow belt.
• 1:16:54
  Speaker 2: It's great.
• 1:16:56
  Speaker 4: Enjoy that and it's like a kid's dojo. You're not
• 1:17:02
  Speaker 4: you go every week until you earn a yellow belt.
• 1:17:05
  Speaker 2: I love it.
• 1:17:05
  Speaker 4: Anyway, we're gonna take quick break, and when we come back,
• 1:17:08
  Speaker 4: we are wrapping up the show. You are listening to
• 1:17:10
  Speaker 4: Pod Therapy.
• 1:17:11
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• 1:18:14
  Speaker 2: Oh hello, oh, thank you for driving by the Therapy Podcast.
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• 1:18:28
  Speaker 2: Drew Pinski, yeah, not fuckable, not anymore, not on my
• 1:18:33
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• 1:18:42
  Speaker 2: of us, you have one fuckable person. Not one of
• 1:18:47
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  Speaker 2: the summation.
• 1:18:50
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• 1:18:54
  Speaker 4: can get this done. We will fuck the crazy out
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  Speaker 2: into the therapal water. It's a buck. You're already signed up,
• 1:20:45
  Speaker 2: just put a card in there.
• 1:20:46
  Speaker 5: Whatnot?
• 1:20:47
  Speaker 2: Don't do a dollar. We lose money at a dollar.
• 1:20:49
  Speaker 2: Your only patreon makes money at a dollar. Yeah, do
• 1:20:51
  Speaker 2: at least two dollars. Honestly, three dollars.
• 1:20:54
  Speaker 4: Okay, make it five, gets a video. Yeah, okay, just
• 1:20:58
  Speaker 4: keep going.
• 1:20:59
  Speaker 2: We won't. We don't.
• 1:21:01
  Speaker 3: We don't want to do it that way. But oil
• 1:21:05
  Speaker 3: prices yeah going up. Yeah, it takes a lot of oil.
• 1:21:08
  Speaker 2: Yeah. Yeah.
• 1:21:10
  Speaker 4: People don't know that we run generators to get all this.
• 1:21:14
  Speaker 3: We don't have to.
• 1:21:14
  Speaker 2: We choose to, like it's a better show. We have
• 1:21:19
  Speaker 2: solar panels. They work, they're hooked up.
• 1:21:23
  Speaker 4: Well, we run those with diesel as well. We run
• 1:21:27
  Speaker 4: ours at night.
• 1:21:29
  Speaker 2: They're led. I choose the solar panels, the level the generators.
• 1:21:36
  Speaker 4: Weird like to thank the benevolent, revered, generous and flagrantly
• 1:21:39
  Speaker 4: pro therapy Diehard who loves you all so much they
• 1:21:42
  Speaker 4: give till it hurts our therap partner Picket, and we
• 1:21:45
  Speaker 4: want to think our bosses, the mysterious and shrouded Illuminati
• 1:21:47
  Speaker 4: members of our fan club, that they're producers. Thank you,
• 1:21:50
  Speaker 4: Jake Schneider, Meira, Robert Brownie Junior, Mint, Smitty Scoop, Richard
• 1:21:53
  Speaker 4: Fucking Macy, Judy Schneider, Malia, Leon Casab, Carolyn Albert, Kevin Chamberlain,
• 1:21:58
  Speaker 4: Tess Miller, Dan Martin, Sammy Scoop Scoop Slurpikai Motherfucker, Ben
• 1:22:02
  Speaker 4: Stanley slapping your face, Sarah Smith, Adam Hathaway, Builer Team,
• 1:22:05
  Speaker 4: Mike helm Oscar Swan Ros Paris A Sunny Boy, Darren Cunningham,
• 1:22:09
  Speaker 4: Lib Sandra Mcwoffle Team Monaco, Thunder Cougar, Falcon, Scoop, Heyo Hannah,
• 1:22:14
  Speaker 4: Marie Andrew Langmead, Emma Tanka and Pony Soprano Alina Brady,
• 1:22:19
  Speaker 4: Malaychick Chick, Filatio, Gabriela Dame, Shaun Sutherland, Max the Ginger, Scoop,
• 1:22:24
  Speaker 4: Chad mag Adam Wore and Inkle The Prince, Sam Cone,
• 1:22:27
  Speaker 4: be Gay do crimes, Eli Odare Not Kier Knightley and
• 1:22:31
  Speaker 4: Amy Ardvark.
• 1:22:32
  Speaker 3: If you would like to hear this episode uncut and unedited,
• 1:22:35
  Speaker 3: and why wouldn't you and enjoy our spontaneous side projects,
• 1:22:38
  Speaker 3: go to patreon dot com slash therapy and thank you
• 1:22:40
  Speaker 3: for supporting mental health.
• 1:22:42
  Speaker 2: Well that's all the time we get for this week's session.
• 1:22:43
  Speaker 4: I want to thank our landlords, s J and the Ruckus,
• 1:22:46
  Speaker 4: Scenic Coy Pond Studios, and thanks so those of you
• 1:22:49
  Speaker 4: contributed to our show today. We really appreciate it. But
• 1:22:52
  Speaker 4: remember pod therapy is and something stoop all to yourself.
• 1:22:55
  Speaker 4: Sure the episode of the world. Tag us on the
• 1:22:57
  Speaker 4: socials when you do. It's at pod therapy Guys on
• 1:22:59
  Speaker 4: Tha's Instagram and Twitter, and it's slash pot therapy on Facebook.
• 1:23:03
  Speaker 4: Don't forget but all the extra goodies at patreon dot
• 1:23:05
  Speaker 4: com slash therapy.
• 1:23:07
  Speaker 3: And if you want to summit a question to the show,
• 1:23:09
  Speaker 3: you can ask anonymously at podtherapy dot net, email us
• 1:23:12
  Speaker 3: at pod therapy guys at gmail dot com, or click
• 1:23:15
  Speaker 3: the link in the episode description. Le'll be taken to
• 1:23:17
  Speaker 3: anonymous Google for him.
• 1:23:18
  Speaker 1: I'm next, I'm Jim.
• 1:23:20
  Speaker 3: Thanks, and we'll seeing you for your appointment next week.
• 1:23:22
  Speaker 4: And Jacob is holding a beautiful little dog, just staring
• 1:23:27
  Speaker 4: right into the cameras. She did not bark very hard
• 1:23:30
  Speaker 4: at me today. I feel like, after several years of
• 1:23:34
  Speaker 4: seeing me every.
• 1:23:35
  Speaker 5: Week, it's starting to be cool.
• 1:23:36
  Speaker 2: I think she's getting old.
• 1:23:37
  Speaker 3: She just doesn't care.
• 1:23:38
  Speaker 5: Okay, don't do that too cool beans cool.
• 1:23:43
  Speaker 1: I'm here all right.
• 1:23:45
  Speaker 4: Your father's dick has been in that great bye bye
• 1:23:49
  Speaker 4: bye