Latest / Funny Comedy | Laugh Out Loud / Dating in Today's World Is Wild | Comedians Share Their Experiences 🚨New Podcast Titled/ Meditation podcast | Relax Zone

Transcript

Dating in Today's World Is Wild | Comedians Share Their Experiences 🚨New Podcast Titled/ Meditation podcast | Relax Zone · Funny Comedy | Laugh Out Loud

0:00
SPEAKER_00: Hello everyone.
0:01
SPEAKER_00: I'm excited to share my new podcast.
0:04
SPEAKER_00: Meditation Podcast Relax Zone.
0:08
SPEAKER_00: You can find Meditation Podcast Relax Zone by clicking the link in this episode's description, or simply search Meditation Podcast Relax Zone on your favorite listening platform.
0:18
SPEAKER_00: If you're looking for a peaceful space to relax, recharge, and improve your well-being, this podcast is designed for you.
0:27
SPEAKER_00: Each episode is created to help with stress relief, anxiety reduction, better sleep, a positive mindset, mindfulness, self-care, morning motivation, deep relaxation, and emotional healing.
0:41
SPEAKER_00: I would love to hear your thoughts about the podcast.
0:44
SPEAKER_00: After listening, please take a moment to leave a comment and share your review on any of the episodes.
0:50
SPEAKER_00: Your feedback helps the podcast grow and allows me to create even better content for you.
0:56
SPEAKER_00: Once again, you can find Meditation Podcast RelaxZone by clicking the link in this episode's description, or simply search Meditation Podcast RelaxZone on your favorite listening platform.
1:10
SPEAKER_00: If you enjoy the new podcast, please follow the show, rate it, and leave a review.
1:16
SPEAKER_00: Every follow, rating, comment, and share makes a huge difference and helps more people discover the benefits of meditation and relaxation.
1:24
SPEAKER_00: Thank you so much for your support.
1:26
SPEAKER_00: I truly appreciate every listener, and I'm grateful to have you as part of the Relax Zone community.
1:32
SPEAKER_03: How are you doing?
1:33
SPEAKER_03: Thanks so much for coming out.
1:35
SPEAKER_03: Honestly, I had no idea you were gonna be here.
1:38
SPEAKER_03: It's just like threw me off at first, but then I was like, I like this guy.
1:43
SPEAKER_03: I like him.
1:43
SPEAKER_03: I didn't think they were gonna put him up front, but I like him.
1:49
SPEAKER_03: You're a great addition.
1:52
SPEAKER_03: Look at me.
1:54
SPEAKER_03: I'm serious, man.
1:55
SPEAKER_03: Everything you're doing up here is just like you're nailing it.
2:03
SPEAKER_03: I love that about audiences.
2:04
SPEAKER_03: It's just like they're always different, you know.
2:06
SPEAKER_03: And I realize that maybe five years into the stand-up game.
2:09
SPEAKER_03: It's just like different people every show, you know.
2:12
SPEAKER_03: A part of that is a risk because something could come into the show that just throws everything off, you know, you never know.
2:18
SPEAKER_03: And I did this show recently where a um the manager came backstage beforehand with a girl.
2:23
SPEAKER_03: He was like, Nick, um, I want you to meet Lisa.
2:26
SPEAKER_03: She's gonna be performing sign language during the show.
2:29
SPEAKER_03: And I just said, Well, I hope you enjoyed the jokes, because you're kind of telling them too.
2:33
SPEAKER_03: And she was like, No, I don't even listen.
2:35
SPEAKER_03: Like, whatever you say, I just deliver it.
2:37
SPEAKER_03: It doesn't even like register in my head what I'm saying.
2:39
SPEAKER_03: And I was like, Oh, good to know.
2:41
SPEAKER_03: Um I realized the weirdest thing about it when I got out on stage that she was like right on the side of the stage.
2:50
SPEAKER_03: This is her.
2:51
SPEAKER_03: This is she she actually was a redhead, um with white polka dots.
2:57
SPEAKER_03: And she was doing sign language for the whole show while this one gentleman in the crowd was on a five-second laugh delay for the whole show.
3:08
SPEAKER_03: Which just turned into like this awkward thing of like, what joke did he just laugh at?
3:12
SPEAKER_03: You know, and he's laughing in the middle of every other joke.
3:16
SPEAKER_03: Again, the only guy who has no idea how loud he's actually laughing.
3:21
SPEAKER_03: And so it just turns into like this game of everyone in the audience is trying not to look at him.
3:26
SPEAKER_03: Nobody wants to make him feel bad about his disability, because generally a crowd I would say is polite.
3:31
SPEAKER_03: And so they're all just sitting there, not laughing at anything I say, and focused on just don't look at him, don't look at him, and then also probably interested by the attractive red-headed girl who's doing awesome stuff with her hands for an hour.
3:46
SPEAKER_03: I'd watch it, put it on a channel 24 hours a day.
3:48
SPEAKER_03: I will tune in at some point, you know.
3:51
SPEAKER_03: So throughout the show, I'm realizing the dilemma that I'm facing, and I want to address it, but I don't want to make him feel bad.
3:58
SPEAKER_03: So I waited and waited and kept trying to think.
4:01
SPEAKER_03: And then finally I came up with an idea and so capitalized on it, took an opportunity, just grabbed it, stopped telling my jokes, turned my back to the audience, found the stool, and just quietly was like, huh.
4:18
SPEAKER_03: I don't know, I guess he's just checking out the stool now.
4:29
SPEAKER_03: Yeah, I'm pretty sick of doing sign language right now.
4:41
SPEAKER_03: Hands are exhausted.
4:42
SPEAKER_03: Um I don't think this guy's that funny, to be honest.
4:49
SPEAKER_03: So, what are you doing after the show?
4:54
SPEAKER_03: And then I just said blowjob for a minute.
4:57
SPEAKER_03: Just back to back to back to back to back.
5:01
SPEAKER_03: And some of you guys might not know what sign language for blowjob is, some of you might.
5:05
SPEAKER_03: And I'll just say, either way, it's exactly what you think it is.
5:14
SPEAKER_03: And she was an unbelievable performer that put everything she had into it.
5:25
SPEAKER_03: They actually had her close the show out that night.
5:28
SPEAKER_03: Which I understood.
5:36
SPEAKER_03: So um, this is kind of my boots of Spanish leather.
5:47
SPEAKER_03: I went through, like I mentioned earlier, I break up when I was 14, but when I was 21, was the real like life-changing, like my life is ruined, girl broke my heart.
5:56
SPEAKER_03: And I thought we were gonna get married, and I was talking about it all the time, and finally a friend pulled me aside.
6:00
SPEAKER_03: He's like, listen, you're kind of bumming everybody out.
6:02
SPEAKER_03: Like, maybe just stay home a lot.
6:08
SPEAKER_03: And then I said, Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah, I know.
6:10
SPEAKER_03: No, yeah, totally.
6:11
SPEAKER_03: Um, let's go back home and do that.
6:14
SPEAKER_03: Um and he was like, I can give you some advice though, too.
6:16
SPEAKER_03: If you get out maybe and do something bigger than yourself and maybe help somebody for once in your life, maybe you will get through it.
6:25
SPEAKER_03: And I thought, yeah, you know what?
6:27
SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
6:27
SPEAKER_03: And it felt like the right time for me to really get out there and maybe mentor a kid, you know?
6:33
SPEAKER_03: So I went out to an agency, because you got to go through an agency, but the problem is they want to make you fill out all this paperwork and do background checks, and it's just like, hey, just give me a kid.
6:41
SPEAKER_03: You know what I mean?
6:42
SPEAKER_03: Like, why not?
6:43
SPEAKER_03: Just let me try it out.
6:44
SPEAKER_03: No one, seriously, off the books, just this one.
6:47
SPEAKER_03: Because I'll tell you right now, the background check's not coming up good.
6:50
SPEAKER_03: All right?
6:51
SPEAKER_03: I got a couple citizens' arrests that I didn't know were illegal.
6:56
SPEAKER_03: And it's just like write it down somewhere, you know?
6:58
SPEAKER_03: Like you grow up thinking you're allowed to arrest people and then all of a sudden you can't.
7:04
SPEAKER_03: So I found a huge loophole in the mentoring program where you can basically just go out and take any kid you want and just start mentoring them and not even tell them about it.
7:13
SPEAKER_03: You can it works with adults too, but it's a lot easier with a kid.
7:17
SPEAKER_03: Um, I'm actually mentoring like 30 people right now.
7:26
SPEAKER_03: So I didn't have time to hang out with a kid, but I did have time to write him a few letters, and if you guys don't mind, I'd like to read them to you.
7:41
SPEAKER_03: Dear Daniel.
7:44
SPEAKER_03: How's it going, buddy?
7:46
SPEAKER_03: I know you're probably super busy right now.
7:48
SPEAKER_03: I remember what it was like when I was seven.
7:50
SPEAKER_03: It's a crazy year, you know.
7:53
SPEAKER_03: Happy belated birthday, by the way.
7:54
SPEAKER_03: I wish I could have been there.
7:55
SPEAKER_03: I just didn't think it'd be appropriate since your older sister and I aren't technically still dating.
8:02
SPEAKER_03: How's the first grade?
8:04
SPEAKER_03: I remember first grade like it was like 26 years ago.
8:07
SPEAKER_03: It's crazy.
8:09
SPEAKER_03: Have you started learning cursive yet?
8:11
SPEAKER_03: Because, Daniel, if you're learning cursive, do not let it intimidate you.
8:15
SPEAKER_03: Because all cursive are are insecure italics that need somebody else to lean on.
8:20
SPEAKER_03: Kind of like how I used to lean on your sister before she broke my fucking heart.
8:27
SPEAKER_01: Choose the bathroom, man.
8:29
SPEAKER_01: It's a good thing.
8:31
SPEAKER_01: For years, I was sick and tired of going to a bar and seeing girls who cut the bathroom line when theirs are too long.
8:39
SPEAKER_01: They walk to the guys and they go, hi, our line's too long.
8:42
SPEAKER_01: Do you think me?
8:43
SPEAKER_01: Can we cut?
8:45
SPEAKER_01: Is this chill if we cut?
8:48
SPEAKER_01: I know there's a stereotypical impression.
8:50
SPEAKER_01: I don't I don't give a shit.
8:51
SPEAKER_01: That's real.
8:52
SPEAKER_01: Can we cut?
8:53
SPEAKER_01: That's real.
8:55
SPEAKER_01: And every asshole in line is like, yeah, go ahead.
8:58
SPEAKER_01: Oh, so real.
8:59
SPEAKER_01: Also real.
9:00
SPEAKER_01: Also a real impression of us.
9:04
SPEAKER_01: You go like that, we go like that, okay?
9:08
SPEAKER_01: So guys let him in.
9:10
SPEAKER_01: I'm tired of that shit.
9:11
SPEAKER_01: Because we can't use your bathrooms.
9:13
SPEAKER_01: Guys can't use girls' bathrooms at bars.
9:15
SPEAKER_01: You can use ours.
9:16
SPEAKER_01: Why can't we use yours?
9:17
SPEAKER_01: The only thing I ever hear is, well, you pee on the sea.
9:21
SPEAKER_01: Do we?
9:23
SPEAKER_01: I don't.
9:24
SPEAKER_01: I don't pee on the seat.
9:25
SPEAKER_01: If you live with someone that pee on the seat, it's because they hate your fucking guts.
9:30
SPEAKER_01: I'm sending you a message.
9:33
SPEAKER_01: Oh no, you got the groceries, Karen, you fucking bitch.
9:36
SPEAKER_01: Fucking asshole.
9:38
SPEAKER_01: He's saying something to you.
9:44
SPEAKER_01: That's between you two.
9:46
SPEAKER_01: What do you think?
9:47
SPEAKER_01: You you think we walk in the bathroom, we just open it up and let it go, and it's like, ah, wherever it goes, it goes.
9:53
SPEAKER_01: I know where it goes, I got a laser pointer.
9:55
SPEAKER_01: I know precisely where it goes.
9:58
SPEAKER_01: Right there.
10:01
SPEAKER_01: Pee on the seat.
10:03
SPEAKER_01: That's amazing.
10:04
SPEAKER_01: It's ridiculous.
10:05
SPEAKER_01: So that's to me, I think the fix has always been remove the stalls from men's bathrooms in bars.
10:14
SPEAKER_01: Remove them.
10:15
SPEAKER_01: Urinals or just holes in the ground.
10:18
SPEAKER_01: It doesn't really matter.
10:19
SPEAKER_01: Guys will pee into anything.
10:20
SPEAKER_01: We don't really give a shit.
10:22
SPEAKER_01: But get the stalls out of men's bathrooms and bars.
10:25
SPEAKER_01: Because they shouldn't be there in the first place.
10:28
SPEAKER_01: Okay?
10:29
SPEAKER_01: They should never have been there.
10:30
SPEAKER_01: Because a girl can't walk in now and use a urinal.
10:33
SPEAKER_01: Unless you can, ladies, and then I want to see it.
10:36
SPEAKER_01: If you can tippy toe pee, I would love to see it.
10:39
SPEAKER_01: I don't know.
10:39
SPEAKER_01: I don't know if it's this way or that way.
10:41
SPEAKER_01: I don't know which way is better.
10:42
SPEAKER_01: But if you can do that, I want to check it out.
10:47
SPEAKER_01: But there shouldn't be stalls in men's bathrooms and bars in the first place.
10:51
SPEAKER_01: Because who the fuck is pooping at the bar?
10:58
SPEAKER_01: You're gonna poop at the bar?
11:01
SPEAKER_01: You're gonna poop here.
11:02
SPEAKER_01: Steve, you're gonna poop at the bar.
11:04
SPEAKER_01: The bar that we're at.
11:05
SPEAKER_01: You're gonna poop at this bar?
11:06
SPEAKER_01: You feel okay with that as a person?
11:09
SPEAKER_01: Pooping at the bar.
11:10
SPEAKER_01: Okay.
11:10
SPEAKER_01: Now I know who you really are.
11:13
SPEAKER_01: Pooping at the bar?
11:14
SPEAKER_01: Who are your friends?
11:15
SPEAKER_01: Who's your family?
11:17
SPEAKER_01: Go home, you animal.
11:18
SPEAKER_01: What are you?
11:20
SPEAKER_01: You pig person, poop at the bar?
11:23
SPEAKER_01: You out of your mind?
11:26
SPEAKER_01: You're gross.
11:27
SPEAKER_01: You're a gross human.
11:29
SPEAKER_01: You don't poop at the bar.
11:31
SPEAKER_01: You man up if you have to poop.
11:34
SPEAKER_01: You man up if you have to poop.
11:35
SPEAKER_01: You finish your drink, pinch it off, and you walk home.
11:39
SPEAKER_01: So you can poop at the house naked like a grown-up.
11:44
SPEAKER_01: Like a fully grown adult.
11:48
SPEAKER_01: If you're pooping at the bar that I'm at and I see you doing that, I'm gonna walk in, look under, walk out, and go, hey, this guy pooping here wearing blue Adidas.
11:58
SPEAKER_01: Blue Adidas, yeah, he's pooping right now.
12:00
SPEAKER_01: And then leave you with your mistake.
12:03
SPEAKER_01: How's everybody looking at my shoes?
12:05
SPEAKER_01: Because you pooped here, Mike.
12:07
SPEAKER_01: What's wrong with you?
12:08
SPEAKER_01: Get your life locked up.
12:12
SPEAKER_01: Pig.
12:12
SPEAKER_01: Go home, you pig.
12:15
SPEAKER_01: Say that next time you hear so you see someone pooping in a bathroom walking and go, go home, you pig.
12:20
SPEAKER_01: Make me sick.
12:27
SPEAKER_01: Unbelievable, man.
12:28
SPEAKER_01: How we protect we protect the bathrooms like they're a big deal.
12:30
SPEAKER_01: Who gives a shit about the bathrooms?
12:32
SPEAKER_01: Go to the bathroom.
12:33
SPEAKER_01: We protect bathrooms in this country like it's something important.
12:36
SPEAKER_01: It's remarkable to me.
12:37
SPEAKER_01: Sometimes you go to a restaurant and you're like, hey, can I get the key to the bathroom?
12:40
SPEAKER_01: It's locked.
12:40
SPEAKER_01: They're like, oh yeah, we got the key.
12:41
SPEAKER_01: Here you go.
12:42
SPEAKER_01: It's attached to a comically large ladle for no reason.
12:45
SPEAKER_01: I got a spoon on a goddamn thing.
12:46
SPEAKER_01: I gotta take that in there, find a place for it.
12:48
SPEAKER_01: It's gonna be a nightmare.
12:49
SPEAKER_01: Go ahead.
12:50
SPEAKER_01: You're gonna hate every second of that.
12:52
SPEAKER_01: Why do we do that?
12:53
SPEAKER_01: You lock up.
12:54
SPEAKER_01: You keep the bathroom under lock and key?
12:56
SPEAKER_01: You realize in every restaurant, every restaurant, you can walk right in, go right into the kitchen.
13:01
SPEAKER_01: There's no locks on a kitchen?
13:03
SPEAKER_01: Just walk in and go, hey, what's up, you guys?
13:05
SPEAKER_01: Dunk your hand in some soup.
13:10
SPEAKER_01: It's more salt.
13:11
SPEAKER_01: He needs more salt.
13:12
SPEAKER_01: I gotta go.
13:14
SPEAKER_01: Use the bathroom.
13:14
SPEAKER_01: You got the key?
13:15
SPEAKER_01: No.
13:17
SPEAKER_01: Get real.
13:20
SPEAKER_01: It's a weird country, man.
13:23
SPEAKER_01: We live in a weird country.
13:24
SPEAKER_01: We live in a weird time.
13:25
SPEAKER_01: I didn't want to talk about anything that's going on right now, but because I got a lot of time, it's a late show.
13:30
SPEAKER_01: I'll do whatever the fuck I want.
13:32
SPEAKER_01: So let me say this.
13:40
SPEAKER_01: I'm proud to be from where I'm from.
13:43
SPEAKER_01: Okay?
13:43
SPEAKER_01: I'm proud to be from Chicago.
13:45
SPEAKER_01: No, I'm proud to be from the United States of America.
13:47
SPEAKER_01: I'm not trying to get on a patriotic kick.
13:48
SPEAKER_01: All I want to say is we got some fucked up things going on in our country.
13:52
SPEAKER_01: Times are really crazy.
13:53
SPEAKER_01: It's unfortunate as fuck.
13:55
SPEAKER_01: It's awful.
13:56
SPEAKER_01: People on both sides are blaming people on both sides, okay?
13:59
SPEAKER_01: I have cops that are in my family.
14:01
SPEAKER_01: Every cop is not a bad fucking person, and every person isn't a bad person, right?
14:05
SPEAKER_01: These are the same fucking things.
14:07
SPEAKER_01: So don't point fingers at either side.
14:09
SPEAKER_01: We need to be better people in general across the fucking board.
14:12
SPEAKER_01: That's it.
14:14
SPEAKER_01: That's it.
14:22
SPEAKER_01: I'm uh I'm uh I'm I'm a guy who who recently uh uh thankfully found a woman who was dumb enough to stick around.
14:32
SPEAKER_01: Stupid girl.
14:34
SPEAKER_01: Stupid girl.
14:36
SPEAKER_01: Because look at this, you know, like look at guys, you're gross.
14:39
SPEAKER_01: Why would they even go for us?
14:40
SPEAKER_01: Why would a woman want to do stuff with you?
14:45
SPEAKER_01: You're gross, you're disgusting.
14:49
SPEAKER_01: Look at a naked woman.
14:50
SPEAKER_01: Take one look at a naked woman, right?
14:52
SPEAKER_01: Beautiful, symmetrical, hairless.
14:54
SPEAKER_01: What a creature.
14:55
SPEAKER_01: Whatever made it, finally crafted it like a Ferrari, you know?
15:00
SPEAKER_01: Took time with it.
15:02
SPEAKER_01: And then they got to the guy and they were like, ah, we ran out of time.
15:07
SPEAKER_01: No, put the genitals on the outside.
15:09
SPEAKER_01: It doesn't matter.
15:11
SPEAKER_01: No one's gonna see.
15:12
SPEAKER_01: Who cares?
15:13
SPEAKER_01: Hair?
15:13
SPEAKER_01: Throw some hair on it.
15:14
SPEAKER_01: Fine, throw some hair on it.
15:19
SPEAKER_02: Um, right up top.
15:21
SPEAKER_02: If my energy comes off as a little low, uh, that's because I am married.
15:26
SPEAKER_02: Alright, that's just how this candle burns.
15:30
SPEAKER_02: Like, make some noise if you're married.
15:32
unknown: Woo!
15:34
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, see what I'm talking about, like could have made happier noises, but that's what y'all went with.
15:41
SPEAKER_02: Um if uh for those of you uninitiated, um we made that noise uh because uh you know, after this show, we just want to go home straight to bed, all right?
15:51
SPEAKER_02: Like y'all pick the six o'clock show because everybody wants to be asleep by nine o'clock.
15:55
SPEAKER_02: All right.
15:58
SPEAKER_02: And then for me, I want to be in bed with my wife, facing opposite directions, on our phones, scrolling, all right, just sending each other memes.
16:08
SPEAKER_02: That's what I want to do.
16:10
SPEAKER_02: Um, I like being married mainly because I didn't like dating.
16:14
SPEAKER_02: Uh it was just never my favorite thing.
16:17
SPEAKER_02: Like I remember the last date I went on before I met my wife, a lovely young woman and I.
16:21
SPEAKER_02: We went out to dinner.
16:22
SPEAKER_02: It was cool, you know, good food, good conversation.
16:24
SPEAKER_02: Um, at the end of the meal, the check comes the way I was raised.
16:26
SPEAKER_02: I immediately get my wallet out, I take out my little credit card, I put in the folder, I hand it in the server, uh, I turn on my date, you know, I got this, I'll treat.
16:33
SPEAKER_02: My date proceeds to take the folder.
16:35
SPEAKER_02: She goes, uh, well, I'm a feminist.
16:37
SPEAKER_02: So I believe in paying for my half of the meal.
16:40
SPEAKER_02: And I understand this is 2024 now, so it's gonna come off as toxic masculinity, but I feel very strongly at that point she should have paid for the entire meal, right?
16:50
SPEAKER_02: Like that's that's etiquette, that's manners, that's the rules.
16:55
SPEAKER_02: Like you go for the folder, you take care of the whole shebang, you know?
16:59
SPEAKER_02: Like, like, don't reach for the crown if you're not gonna wear it.
17:02
SPEAKER_02: Like, what are you trying to prove?
17:04
SPEAKER_02: Also, I don't know what wave of feminism we're on where they're teaching women to be cheapskates, but I don't like it, you know, like women out here thinking they can get full rights for half price, uh-uh, not on my watch, all right?
17:15
SPEAKER_02: You're not gonna give equality on a discount, all right?
17:19
SPEAKER_02: Um but yeah, women who date men, it sucks for y'all.
17:27
SPEAKER_02: I understand this.
17:28
SPEAKER_02: I I learned this out a little later in life, and I don't know if every guy here knows this, but guys, did you know that when a woman goes out, particularly on a first date, many of them have a genuine fear they're gonna be kidnapped andor murdered?
17:41
SPEAKER_02: Did you know that?
17:42
SPEAKER_02: Okay, some women are nodding.
17:44
SPEAKER_02: Uh just some.
17:46
SPEAKER_02: Uh, the ones who are, you have great survival instincts, alright?
17:50
SPEAKER_02: Like Darwin selected you, you'll be fine.
17:52
SPEAKER_02: Um if this is brand new information to any women who date men here, stay safe.
17:57
SPEAKER_02: I don't know what to tell you.
17:58
SPEAKER_02: Good luck with all that.
17:59
SPEAKER_02: Maybe Google men next time you go out with one alone at night, um unarmed.
18:05
SPEAKER_02: I wouldn't do that.
18:06
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, like that's why I married a woman.
18:08
SPEAKER_02: I'm gonna throw my life away like that.
18:09
SPEAKER_02: That's stupid.
18:12
SPEAKER_02: Um but guys, now that you know this information, yeah, you can be a better guy, you can be a better gentleman, you can be a better date.
18:18
SPEAKER_02: Um so like next time you're on a date, or if you're on a date right now, uh at some point in the evening, be smooth about it, but just whisper to your date You're gonna make it.
18:27
SPEAKER_02: Right?
18:27
SPEAKER_02: Like that's it's a nice thing to say to a lady on a first date.
18:33
SPEAKER_02: It's a lie, but it's a good lie.
18:34
SPEAKER_02: Like, let her have that.
18:36
SPEAKER_02: Um ladies understand this about men.
18:39
SPEAKER_02: Uh we have our own fears and insecurities whenever we go out on first dates.
18:43
SPEAKER_02: Uh, not many people know this, but did you know that whenever a man goes out on a first date with a woman, that man is terrified he's gonna murder that woman?
18:50
SPEAKER_02: Like that's a real thing that we wrestle with.
18:53
SPEAKER_02: It's a lot of anxiety, it's a lot of you ever been on a date with a guy, he's just quiet the whole time because he's in his head, he's just going, Did I remember the shovel?
19:02
SPEAKER_02: Oh my god, so embarrassing if I forgot again.
19:05
SPEAKER_02: Um yeah, that's why I like being married, you know.
19:09
SPEAKER_02: Like, it's better.
19:10
SPEAKER_02: Like I don't concern myself with murdering random women anymore, you know?
19:13
SPEAKER_02: I get to just focus on the one, right?
19:15
SPEAKER_02: Like it's more romantic.
19:19
SPEAKER_02: I've been married for almost three years, straight three years.
19:22
SPEAKER_02: The only thing I'm still not used to with being married is having to wear a wedding band, which I don't care for.
19:27
SPEAKER_02: Uh, not for any symbolic reasons.
19:29
SPEAKER_02: Like, I love contrived sentimentality, it's my favorite, you know.
19:32
SPEAKER_02: I wish there was more of it in my life.
19:33
SPEAKER_02: It's just I'm not a jewelry person.
19:35
SPEAKER_02: I don't like to wear accessories, watches, necklaces, bracelets, none of that.
19:39
SPEAKER_02: But I do wear a wedding band because my wife insists that I do, because, in her words, uh she needed them hoes to know what's up.
19:46
SPEAKER_02: So here we are, y'all.
19:48
SPEAKER_02: Take a good look, soak it in.
19:50
SPEAKER_02: Y'all got it?
19:51
SPEAKER_02: Cool, all right.
19:52
SPEAKER_02: So uh to any hoes in the room, you're on notice.
19:54
SPEAKER_02: All right, like that's what happened right now.
19:56
SPEAKER_02: You've been served.
19:57
SPEAKER_02: Uh send out a survey after the show.
20:00
SPEAKER_02: Please fill out the survey.
20:01
SPEAKER_02: My wife needs to know your whereabouts at all times, for whatever reason.
20:06
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, uh, ladies who uh are with men.
20:08
SPEAKER_02: I don't know if you ever accused your man of having hoes before, but do it.
20:11
SPEAKER_02: We love it.
20:12
SPEAKER_02: All right, like it feels so good.
20:14
SPEAKER_02: It's so great for the eagle.
20:15
SPEAKER_02: Really strains up the posture, charges the batteries.
20:17
SPEAKER_02: It's so flattering.
20:19
SPEAKER_02: Uh it's wasted on me though, because I never had hoes.
20:22
SPEAKER_02: Uh yeah, I don't have hoes, never had hoes.
20:25
SPEAKER_02: Would not be married if I had hoes, if I'm being honest.
20:34
SPEAKER_02: Like you just can't let a good hoe go to waste, you know what I'm saying?
20:37
SPEAKER_02: Like in this economy, y'all got it like that.
20:41
SPEAKER_02: God bless.
20:43
SPEAKER_02: But you know, uh it just might be me.
20:45
SPEAKER_02: Like, uh, I am the product of immigrants, so I was raised with what's called a scarcity mentality.
20:50
SPEAKER_02: So even if I did have hoes, couldn't let that hoe go.
20:54
SPEAKER_02: Like, I'd be holding on tightly because I'd be too scared.
20:57
SPEAKER_02: I wouldn't know when my next hoe would come around.
20:58
SPEAKER_02: It's like, nah, this is mine.
21:00
SPEAKER_02: Mind your business, get out of my pockets, mind yours.
21:04
SPEAKER_02: I know some of y'all were raised with a you know the spirit of abundance where you just walk outside and expect hoes to rain from the sky, but you had a more fortunate upbringing than I did.
21:15
SPEAKER_02: Uh yeah.
21:18
SPEAKER_02: Um married, I'm in an interracial marriage because it's the Bay Area and that's the law, right?
21:22
SPEAKER_02: Like you have to do that now.
21:24
SPEAKER_02: You have to do that.
21:26
SPEAKER_02: Date whomever you want, but when you make it official, you have to do that, all right?
21:30
SPEAKER_02: Like we just passed it last year, and uh time's taken.
21:35
SPEAKER_02: Like, you know, read the uh read the room.
21:38
SPEAKER_02: We're trying to create an ambiance, you know, uh, by next year.
21:41
SPEAKER_02: Uh, if you plan on marrying somebody of the same race, uh, take that nonsense to 2016 where it means something.
21:48
SPEAKER_02: Like, we don't like that here.
21:50
unknown: All right?
21:51
SPEAKER_02: Like, how else are you gonna prove you're not racist if you don't do this?
21:53
SPEAKER_02: You know, it's called virtue signal.
21:57
SPEAKER_02: By the end of next year, we're gonna change this place, call it the beige area.
22:01
SPEAKER_02: You understand?
22:01
SPEAKER_02: Like that's our project 2025.
22:05
SPEAKER_02: Like we have an agenda too.
22:10
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
22:10
SPEAKER_02: Interracial marriage, my wife.
22:12
SPEAKER_02: Uh my wife is black, which surprises people, uh, which is disrespectful.
22:16
SPEAKER_02: That's right.
22:17
SPEAKER_04: I yeah.