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Flaws of Self Help Culture - A Hegelian Perspective · Gabriel Ellis, PhD | The Curious Mind Podcast

• 0:02
  Hello and welcome to another episode of the Curious Mind
• 0:06
  Podcast. My name is Gabriel Ellis.
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  I'm a psychotherapist and in my therapy I try to apply the
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  highest standards that I can in terms of concepts and in terms
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  of understanding of how the human mind works.
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  Today I'm tackling a big topic which is self help literature
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  and self help culture. It should be no surprise to you
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  that this is a huge market, hundreds and thousands of books
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  sold every year in this genre. YouTube is full of self help
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  videos and tips, tools, tricks, hacks and so forth.
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  How to develop oneself in a seemingly effective and
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  straightforward way. And also, you have probably read
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  one or two self help books or watched one of those
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  motivational videos promising to change your life.
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  But how effective are those tools in the long run?
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  As experiences showed, since the 1980s at least, that the self
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  help industry often gives us overly simplistic, static
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  solutions to complex and dynamic problems.
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  One good example of this is the the book with the title The
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  Pursuit of Unhappiness by Paul Watzlavik.
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  He was a communication specialist and that was in the
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  beginning of the 80s where he was surprised that in spite of
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  another growing market of self help books, people seemed to
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  have to become more and more miserable.
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  Or at least not much has changed in the state of affairs.
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  Where it should be the case that with all this good knowledge
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  around and with all of those advices and recommendations and
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  a further cyclicization of everyday language, people should
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  be better equipped to deal with their lives and to solve their
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  issues. And I would say that again, we
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  are in a similar period today. There is more information of how
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  to lead a good life than ever, also with the availability of
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  videos and all the other platforms that are out there.
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  And also it has seeped through everyday language and yet the
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  numbers speak for themselves. There are mental illnesses,
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  teenagers, young people suffer from it, there are difficulties
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  with isolation and loneliness. So wherever you look in, for
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  example in the Western world where the availability of this
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  information should be there, it didn't move the needle that
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  much. And the question is, is it does
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  self help culture contribute to that?
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  Would the worsening of the mental health of the public,
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  would it be worse without self help information?
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  So it's unclear how those kind of conflicting informations fit
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  together there. And I don't pretend that I have
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  an answer today, but I want to point out a few difficulties
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  that self help culture faces and doesn't address enough.
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  I want to contrast this with an approach that is based on the
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  philosophy of Hegel and it's called the dialectic process.
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  This is quite complicated in detail, but I think that I can
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  break it down, especially in the context of the conversation
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  today about self help culture to in a more approachable level.
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  This tool of dialectic process can help you, I think, to
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  understand not only what's wrong with self help, but also how to
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  go beyond it for a deeper development.
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  And when I say self help, I mean the self help culture in terms
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  of books and so on, the genre that it is.
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  I don't mean the self people helping themselves in their own
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  development, which is of course great.
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  OK. Take for instance the idea of
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  positive thinking. While it's clearly important to
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  maintain a positive outlook, self help self help literature
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  often presents this, which is the idea of positive thinking as
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  a universal solution. The problem is, life is complex
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  and dynamic. What happens when you're
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  positive thinking isn't enough? What happens if your challenges
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  demand a more nuanced and perhaps even pessimistic
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  approach every now and then? This is where self help self
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  help literature often falls short.
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  It gives you a tool and it says this will work no matter what.
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  But life doesn't work like that. Context change, situations
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  evolve, and what works in one scenario fails miserably in
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  another. Also, self help is static in
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  nature and because of that it ignores the inherent complexity
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  of life. So it should be clear that by
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  offering rigid solutions it's. This limits the possibilities
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  for a real personal development. Because I assume that reality is
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  simple. It looks very convincing when
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  someone charismatic describes it, or when I read it in a book
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  and then I forget over this simplistic kind of clue, this
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  key to life. I forget how complex and how
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  intertwined and ever shifting life is.
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  Another example, take any book that tells you to visualize
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  success to manifest success. While that might work for some,
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  what about when life interferes with your plan?
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  What happens when you fail despite visualizing your success
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  every single day? Do you then blame yourself for
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  not doing it right? And here's the pattern.
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  When the rigid tools don't work, people often feel like they have
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  failed, when in fact it's the simplistic tool that has failed
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  them by not being according to the complexity of life.
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  OK, now let me describe, in short, Hegel's dialectic.
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  I think this is the antidote to such simplistic approaches.
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  Dialectic here means that life doesn't stand still, and the
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  experiences that I make change my perspective both on myself
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  and on life in general. So after I have experienced
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  something important, profound, stressful, et cetera, my whole
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  coordinate system has changed. I am not the same person as I
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  was before, so I cannot expect that the tools that have helped
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  me before this event a month ago, a year ago, will work in
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  the same way. The background has changed, I
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  have changed, and so necessarily the tools that I want to employ
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  have to change as well. Dialectic is a philosophical
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  term, and again, I don't need to get into it or we'll describe it
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  in more detail in future episodes, but it shows how the
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  process of thinking, according to Hegel, moves through stages.
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  We start with a concept, let's say positive thinking.
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  We apply it, and now we don't stand still.
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  We see the limitations of that. And so we apply our
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  understanding, we change our tool, we applied that to life
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  until we faced another limitation.
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  So even our adapted understanding will hit a wall,
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  will hit a limitation, and then I adapt this new tool again, and
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  so forth and so forth. This is the dialectic process
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  and the dialectic movement. It goes towards a deeper truth
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  and a deeper understanding of ourselves.
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  This is the movement towards deeper understanding in
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  dialectics. And this is in a way what we
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  should do quite normally in life anyway.
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  It simply doesn't work to find one tool and apply it endlessly.
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  We eventually hit a wall and what was a solution in the past
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  will become an issue in the future.
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  And this is what I emphasize again and again in my
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  therapeutic work with my clients.
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  Of course, it is legitimate to when you feel bad, when you have
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  difficulties to look for tools. So there's no problem with that.
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  And they're often very good tools for specific situations
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  and for specific people. And I have no problems to
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  recommend them, but I let them know don't completely trust that
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  what works now will be helpful in the future as well.
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  Eventually the solution for this issue, if it becomes a habit and
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  you try to apply it in a indiscriminate way, it will
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  become an issue because you will get used to applying it, reaping
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  the reward, being successful with that.
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  And that's success because the situations and the problems will
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  have changed in the future. It shifts.
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  And with a shifting background, I cannot expect that the old
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  tool, that my old understanding is ever in the future
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  sufficient. So the real personal development
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  is complex and it cannot be reduced to simple universal
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  formulas. Self help literature, though,
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  often makes personal growth seem linear and straightforward, but
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  in reality it's far from that, and Hegel's dialectic reminds us
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  to embrace the complexity of our personal journeys.
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  Rather than shying away from contradictions and trying to fit
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  the tools that are eternal and always works best, we should see
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  them as challenges we have to face at some point.
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  Those contradictions, those limitations, we will have to
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  overcome the challenges that come along with the application
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  of them. And when we face those
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  challenges, then it can help us to understand our very specific
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  life, our very individual special life better.
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  And it helps us to navigate it better.
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  OK, let's look at some more differences between those two
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  approaches. And here keep in mind that I'm
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  polarizing a little bit for the sake of pointing out the
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  different approaches. Of course, also in self help
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  culture and books and literature and videos, there are more
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  complex and better tools and approaches.
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  But nonetheless, I think that they always lack this dynamic
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  aspect. And even if for market reasons
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  alone, if I am trying to sell you a book or a tool, and I tell
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  you, look, this tool has limitations, it will not always
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  work. Use it for a while and then
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  throw it away and find something else, then I'm doing myself a
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  disservice as someone who wants to benefit financially or for
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  reasons of fame, success and so on.
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  So this is one kind of systemic reason why the self help
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  literature doesn't point it out in itself, even if maybe its
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  authors would know that. OK, so self help literature
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  often fails to recognize the limitations of the tools it
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  presents. Contrast a dialectic approach
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  knows that it's limited and it encourages you to go beyond it
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  and find a more fitting approach.
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  Also, most self help books are designed to sell easy answers
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  rather than to provoke a deep inquiry and understanding.
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  Again, for those reasons of financial success, fame and so
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  forth. Often the self help approaches
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  rely on feel good motivation rather than a critical or
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  transformative approach, which you would find in serious
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  therapeutic processes for example.
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  Sure, self help does offer convincing simple tools, but a
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  deeper understanding comes when you challenge the limits of
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  these concepts and tools. You keep what is good for now
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  and adjust what doesn't work. But for that you have to see
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  what doesn't work. You have to anticipate it and
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  not just blindly trust the tool that makes you feel good for a
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  few days or a few weeks. And after that, after evaluating
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  the concepts, you adjust them again.
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  So in a Hegelian dialectic process, solutions are never
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  static, but they evolve by confronting their limitations.
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  Ideally, they expose their own limitations.
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  So a dialectic process acknowledges contradictions and
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  encourages you to transcend them.
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  OK, let's look at some more examples.
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  Let's take goal setting. Conventional self help teaches
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  you to set SMART goals, and SMART is here an acronym.
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  It stands for a specific, measurable, achievable, relevant
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  and time bound. So set SMART goals and stick to
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  them no matter what. A dialectical approach might
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  begin with SMART goals as a first first step, but then it
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  asks the question, what happens if I do that everywhere with
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  each topic? Would that work?
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  Probably not, because what about goals that just cannot be
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  squeezed into a specific measurable form?
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  Or another question, how would I feel after doing this SMART
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  approach for a month or a year? When would I start to feel like
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  a robot or burned out? These are all questions that aim
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  at understanding the limitation of this tool that seems so
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  reasonable, practical and successful on first glance.
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  Another example, overcoming fear.
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  Conventional self help says face your fears head on and conquer
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  them. Go get it right.
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  The dialectical approach asks us or tells us to face your fears,
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  yes, but recognize that blindly confronting every fear may lead
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  to burnout and to unnecessary stress and to exhaustion.
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  So in a more healthy way, you can learn to be selective about
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  the fears you face. So I take this principle of
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  facing fear, but I don't make it absolute.
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  I don't make it the one tool to face all situations.
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  I try to understand more intelligently when and where it
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  should apply and when and where it doesn't.
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  How well do I have to feel in order to face a fear?
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  Meaning when I'm exhausted, when I'm tired, when I'm depressed?
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  Probably elect the energy to do something as demanding as facing
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  a relevant fear. What are the supporting
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  circumstances that I need? For example, maybe I should have
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  conversations with friends as a preparation before I face this
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  fear at work or whatever it is. Maybe I should plan to give
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  myself time to recover afterwards so that I can
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  recharge my batteries. All these additional questions
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  we often ask in therapy in order to prepare our clients to do
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  something very difficult. And basically whether therapists
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  know that or not, this is rooted in a dialectical understanding
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  of the issue because we become aware of the limitations and we
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  try to incorporate that those limitations, those
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  contradictions into our approach.
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  Another example, gratitude practice, conventional self help
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  says keep a daily gratitude journal to stay positive and
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  appreciate what you have. OK, sounds great, The
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  dialectical approach says practice gratitude journaling.
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  But recognize when focusing on gratitude might distract you
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  from addressing genuine dissatisfaction or systemic
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  issues in your life, and as a consequence, create a balance
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  between gratitude and constructive criticism of your
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  circumstances. What does it mean?
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  Let's say at work, salary's OK, many things are fine, but my
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  superior, my bosses, they create a toxic work environment.
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  Now of course this is an issue that would demand a real life
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  situation. I should go to HRI, should look
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  for a different job, I should try to move to another team and
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  so forth. And so.
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  Or I could try to address or solve the issue with my boss,
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  even though that sometimes it's quite difficult.
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  Now if someone blindly follows a an approach of positivity, this
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  would quickly verge on the edge of toxic positivity, because
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  there's the real issue of the so-called positive approach.
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  Tells me in the evening to focus on my gratitude, to focus on
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  what is good in my life, not to focus on being exploited, being
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  treated in a malicious way and so forth.
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  So I can trick people. I can convince people to look
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  away from the systemic issues in the immediate surroundings and
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  to focus on what they can do, to focus on the good and so on.
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  Now you see my irony there. Obviously, we should be able to
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  face to understand the issues that are there and to address
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  them as it is necessary, and to look away when systemic
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  maltreatment is happening, for example at the workplace.
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  I don't think that this is a good solution, and I don't think
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  that the unconscious agrees with it.
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  I might push myself to focus on positive things for a while, but
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  eventually the dissatisfaction, the clear impression that I'm
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  treated not fairly, that I should leave, this would start
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  to bombard me from the inside because the conclusion is so
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  clear. Another example, self-care and
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  self love, big topics nowadays. Conventional self help would be
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  it is your time to take care of yourself because nobody else
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  will prioritize yourself and your needs.
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  But for many people this leads to an aggressive egoism.
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  They tend to see themselves as victims or potential victims,
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  and then they stand up for themselves.
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  Which is good, but not in a measured way, but kind of an an
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  aggressive self assertiveness in an egoistic way to which the
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  unconscious, by the way, responds negatively.
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  People who kind of go in that direction with a good intention
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  to stand up for themselves become aggressive and self
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  absorbed. The unconscious will recognize
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  that there are in a major disharmony with their
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  surrounding so the unconscious can develop an over sensitivity
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  towards maltreatment. And then I see microaggressions
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  everywhere. I learn to perceive the people
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  around me and my surrounding as potential enemies all the time.
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  So I might fall out of balance with my surrounding by over
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  focusing on issues, on me not being strong enough, not taking
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  center stage. So often when it comes to self
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  help, when we want to support a development and people loving
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  themselves, we need to counterbalance this kind of
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  aggressive egoistic aspect in wanting to improve one's self
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  love by a more general approach. And this general approach is to
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  develop qualities of care and love in general for everybody,
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  to see how everyone struggles, how everyone deserves to be
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  treated. Well, golden rules, right?
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  To emphasize that. And sometimes, often as a
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  natural consequence, people will learn to apply this kind of
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  empathy also towards themselves. OK, now let's take another
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  person who is in therapy. And that person is a fixer,
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  someone who notoriously over cares for others and doesn't see
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  them at themselves at all. And now imagine that I will tell
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  them the message of yeah, first generate the care and empathy
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  towards others. And maybe as a consequence, you
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  will generate the care and love for yourself.
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  For those people, of course, this is poison.
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  This is poisonous to tell them something like this because
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  they're anyway focusing on others too much.
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  So what I'm trying to tell you here, what is to show with this
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  example, is that any kind of simplistic, undifferentiated,
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  general approach to self help, sorry, to self-care and to self
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  love, is limited. I have to take into account who
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  the person is that I'm talking to.
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  I have to take into account their limitation, their specific
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  challenges, their situations, their circumstances, the work
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  conditions, the family conditions and so on.
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  If I don't do that, any kind of advice that is general and
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  therefore generic will lead to problems.
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  I need the differentiated approach that I either describe
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  kind of different kinds of people and how what would be
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  recommendable for them if I write a book or indeed I'll need
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  something more alive, conversations with good friends,
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  with trusted mentors, with therapists.
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  OK, so I hope that with those examples I can give you an
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  overview what it means when I try to point out that self help
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  culture that those books, that those videos are simplistic.
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  They pretend that that your problems are actually simple and
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  that therefore the solution is simple.
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  And they overlook everyone is living in shifting
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  circumstances. We change, our circumstances
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  change and that it requires much more tailor made, much more
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  specific responses, plus the intelligence to be able to see
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  the limitations of a certain approach, to trust that and to
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  adapt it to my needs needs again and again.
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  OK, so All in all, this dialectical, this Hegelian
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  dialectic approach invites us to embrace the complexity of our
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  personal journeys. Rather than shying away from
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  ambivalences and limitations, we should see them as necessary in
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  order to grow and evolve. Every time we encounter a
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  limitation, we get the chance to reflect, to adapt our views, our
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  understandings, our concepts, and develop a more nuanced
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  approach to life. And this is what I apply in my
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  therapeutic work as well. I'm deeply influenced by those
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  kinds of philosophies that emphasize the complexity of
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  life. I don't think that there are
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  fixed solutions for different kinds of people or that a
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  solution will work for the same person again and again and
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  again. I've no problems to discuss, to
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  recommend, to adapt solutions to a person.
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  This is to repeat that it's it's necessary.
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  Like when people feel bad, they have every right to find tools
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  and concepts and exercises that help them.
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  But we should never fall into the trap of blindly trusting a
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  technique and a concept and absolves ourselves, absolves
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  ourselves from the responsibility to periodically
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  re evaluate if this is still what I want to do, how I want to
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  do things, or if I should change that perspective.
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  Again, therapy is a context where all of these complexities
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  can and should be discussed. I invite you to see if you are
• 26:49
  interested in order to develop in a certain way to make use of
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  therapy in therapeutic contexts. I myself Ioffer 30 minutes free
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  consultations in order to see if you want to work with me.
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  And so I'm a big fan of this kind of work when it's done
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  correctly. And I'm looking forward to see
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  you again in the future episode. Thank you for your attention and
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  see you next time.