Latest / The Mental Healness Podcast / Do narcissists know how to LOVE?

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Do narcissists know how to LOVE? · The Mental Healness Podcast

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  What? Is going on beautiful people?
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  Today we're. Answering the question do
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  narcissists even know? How to love?
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  Do they? If you're new here, my name is
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  Lee Hammock. I'm a clinically diagnosed
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  narcissist. And welcome to another episode
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  of The Narcissist Code. Boom.
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  Welcome back. Welcome back.
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  Welcome back, folks. Welcome back, my beautiful
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  folks. My beautiful, beautiful folks.
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  So happy to have you here today on this beautiful Tuesday.
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  What? Is going on.
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  So yes, well, it might be Tuesday when you're watching.
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  This might not be Tuesday. Well, welcome anyway.
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  But yes, y'all. So many narcissistic people.
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  So. Many like I get this.
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  So not from narcissistic people. But well, I keep.
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  I do get it from. Some from some narcissists, but.
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  So many. Empathetic people, Co dependent
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  people, people who have dealt with narcissist victims.
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  Ask me Do narcissists even know how to love you?
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  Like do they? Even know how to love.
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  And I'm going to be like, yeah, let's keep it hot.
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  I know what y'all going to say. You're going to say no, right,
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  Lee? No, you're going to say no, I
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  know. You are.
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  And it makes sense because they don't know how to.
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  It's it's like they definitely don't know how to treat you, you
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  know, But a lot of. Narcissists.
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  Most narcissistic people do not know how to show you love.
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  For an extended. Period of time they do not know
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  how to show you a A. Long Extended Consistent.
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  Version of emotional love. They can do.
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  The y'all I'm telling you. The extended.
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  Version of emotional love. They can do the short.
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  Version. Right, they can do the shortened
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  version they. Can do the the love bombing they
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  can. Give you the love.
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  Bomb, right? During this, the love, the love.
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  Bombing phase. They can give.
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  You you love, right? They can show.
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  You love they can. They can.
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  It's like they can receive, they can give it and.
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  Receive it at the same time, right?
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  But as the relationship goes on as the.
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  Relationship continues. It's like the love goes away.
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  Because they get exposed for who they.
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  For what they really actually have going on.
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  You know, they get exposed for who they really, really are.
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  They get exposed because they don't.
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  Actually know how to truly show you love.
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  Pardon the Interruption. Just want to let you know that I
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  do have courses and support groups available as well.
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  Courses to help you understand what you went through and
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  support groups to help you during or after the toxic
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  relationship. Link in the description and back
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  to the. Video they can, like I said,
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  they can do the physical stuff. They can do the hugging and the
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  loving and the the clapping of said cheeks.
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  They can do a lot of narcissists.
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  Can do that. They know how to do that, right?
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  A lot of narcissists know how to do that.
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  They they can show they can emulate it, they can mirror,
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  they can mirror and they can mimic it, right?
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  But a lot of narcissists don't know how to go past that.
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  They don't give you the emotional connection they can do
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  they? Yeah, they can fake it at first.
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  They can fake it up front. They can give you the fake, the
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  faux love they can give you. The They can give you love.
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  Adjacent for It could be a long time Y'all the love bombing face
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  has no. Set time limit.
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  So they could give it to you for a little while or for a long
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  while, but then once once it starts to fade, it starts to
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  fade. Once it starts to fade, it goes
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  away. You said it's just like and you
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  are left struggling trying to. Reattach to this person because
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  sometimes you can feel like you're getting physically loved
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  for this person, but the emotional.
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  Connection is gone. Like, you don't feel emotionally
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  connected to this person. You don't feel emotionally safe
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  with this person anymore. You don't feel like this person
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  is giving you what you want and need and.
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  This is what happens when you. Voice that to that narcissistic
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  person when you voice your your. Unhappiness with the.
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  Current state The current state of your.
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  Relationship. They get angry.
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  They can give you the emotional anger, but giving you the love
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  that you want and need, they don't.
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  They're not going to do. That y'all.
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  They get like, I say, it's short bursts.
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  It's running like. Narcissistic relationships.
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  Are sprints you were you were running a Sprint, the 100.
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  Meet like it's a narcissistic relationship if relationships.
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  Were like Olympic track. Meets a narcissistic
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  relationship would be either the. 60 meter dash.
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  Or the 100 meter dash. Literally, it would be one of it
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  would be 1. Of the other, it would be one of
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  those two right there. It'd be this the 100.
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  Meter dash or. The. 60 meter dash.
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  Quick burst typically done under. 10.
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  Like the 100? The 100 meter dash is under 10
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  seconds of most times, so 10 seconds of.
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  Love the 60. The 60 meter dash is less than
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  that, but. Long term, healthy.
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  Relationships are marathons. It's a damn 8KA16KA triathlon,
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  You know, a 3200 meter. It takes a long time.
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  You know you have to. You pace yourself.
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  It could have, you know, it could have some speed bursts
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  here. And there to get out in front.
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  But you pace yourself. Narcissists are 100.
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  Meters dashers because they want to get there fast, because they
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  know that they can't hold up the emotional connection for an
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  extended period of time. Like I said, so many people
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  conflate emotional with physical.
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  Connection and it messes people up.
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  It can really do a number. On you right it really can't do
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  a number on you. It can mess your head.
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  Up and make you think different things about this.
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  Narcissistic person. It can make you feel different.
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  Ways about this. Narcissistic person, so they're
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  sprinting. To the finish line to get you
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  there. That's why you all get.
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  Married so quickly? That's why you fall in love so
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  quickly. That's why you are living
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  together and having kids so quickly without really actually.
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  Knowing the person. I know some of y'all do know him
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  because I've been with him for. A long time before you start
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  getting married and have kids. But a lot of times y'all don't
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  really know the person. And then we got a baby on the
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  way. And then their true colors start
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  to come out. Like they Sprint really quickly
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  because they don't know how to show you love and they know.
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  Once their mask comes off and the truth the true.
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  Colors are revealed. You might.
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  Not want them. But they want you.
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  They want to keep you around so they impregnate.
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  You or get pregnant by you. They buy a house with you.
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  They make a commitment that they cosign on this car for for me.
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  I love you so much and I want to be in a drive to see you so
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  much, but I but I can't. Because I I don't have a car.
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  Can you Co sign for my credit's beat up?
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  Because my my credit is horrible because my last crazy ex got me
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  locked up and I missed a bunch of payments while I.
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  Was in. Jail So.
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  I'm really trying to rebuild my credit right now.
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  Whole time they're going to beat the ex's ass.
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  Then they got. Violated the probation order and
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  they've been in jail because they deserve to be there and
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  then y'all. And then their credit got messed
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  up because they do miss payments while you're in jail.
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  That part was true, but they just.
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  Don't know how to give you the love that you need.
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  What if they know how to love? Is, say, what if the narcissist
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  version of love right, is all that they can give?
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  You it's not. Going to be enough a lot of
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  times. What?
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  What if this? Are you happy with the version
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  of love that you're getting? Are you happy?
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  Would you be content with the? Version of love that you're
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  receiving right now, not. If anything changes in the
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  future. I'm not talking about future
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  stuff, y'all I'm talking about right now, in this moment.
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  Would you be happy? With with this.
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  Person Would you be happy long term if nothing else were to
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  change in this relationship, would you be happy?
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  In this relationship, would you there's.
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  So many people just like, well, I would be happy if they say no,
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  no, no, no they don't. If they don't know how to love,
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  if you don't think they know how to love, would you be happy
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  moving forward long term with this person?
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  Right now. Long term, I know some
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  everybody's situation is different, but these are these
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  are questions you have to ask yourself, am I OK?
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  With the amount of love that I'm receiving right?
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  Now if not, then I might need to pack up.
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  And dip. Or make a plan to.
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  Get out of here. Because narcissists don't feel
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  the incentives to change. They feel like they've look.
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  They feel like they've done enough in the beginning to hold
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  you over. You know it.
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  Damn. Look, you're not like,
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  hibernation. Like, damn, dude.
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  Boy. What is it?
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  What? Is damn analogies and metaphors
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  coming from y'all? It literally is like a.
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  Bear hibernating right, like your relationship is like a bear
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  you fatten. Yourself up the narcissist?
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  Fattens up their relationship in the beginning.
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  Because they're. Planning on to hibernate later.
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  They're never going to need it to.
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  They're going to need the stuff that they do.
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  Do in the beginning. To.
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  To love. Bomb you to to get you to feel a
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  certain type of way so you don't leave them alone in the end.
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  So you stay there with them, so you.
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  Give them another chance so. You, you keep being there with
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  them. You see what I'm saying?
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  They don't know. They know how to love for short.
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  Periods of time and the reason why most narcissists don't know
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  how to. Love they They didn't have good
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  models of it when they were growing up.
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  They didn't have. They grew up in.
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  Single parent households or. You know, or or two.
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  Parent households where their parents hating each other.
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  Narcissists a lot of times themselves.
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  You know, grew. Up in toxic households.
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  Me. I didn't grow up in a toxic
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  household. I just had AI feel like I had a
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  toxic, neglectful parent. That wasn't around a lot.
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  He just didn't validate me. He was neglectful.
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  He was sometimes physically abusive.
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  You see what? I'm saying but that's where it
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  goes. I didn't have a Role model to
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  show me how. To love or to be caring, you
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  know, carrying, affectionate. I had to learn as I go.
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  I had to. Learn from movies and TV shows.
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  And stuff like that. I had to or just model what I
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  saw. You know, that's what a lot of
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  narcissists. Do they model what they see a
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  lot of y'all have? Dealt with narcissists and you
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  meet their parents, you'd be like, damn, the parents are
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  narcissists. So.
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  It's just like. There's two narcissists right
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  here, or one narcissist. And here's their offspring.
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  You know, here's their offspring.
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  Here is the toxic, narcissistic person this is.
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  What's going on? This is how we heal.
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  This is how we grow. So many people have fought.
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  This and faced this dynamic so many.
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  People have faced it, they just don't know how.
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  To give you love for an extended period of time.
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  Well, Lee, what if they go to therapy?
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  Can they learn how to? Yeah, I'm not putting like so.
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  I don't. Rule anything out with somebody
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  that is. Consistent long.
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  Term with therapy and being open and honest, but can you do?
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  You really see this person being open and honest in therapy.
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  Do you really see that? That's the question you have to
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  ask yourself. Do you really see?
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  This person being open and honest to a.
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  Therapist because what's? The benefit in it for them to be
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  open and honest with a therapist?
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  Where's the benefit? Where's the gain?
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  I need a gain here. I need some.
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  I need some gains. Like I'm like, damn, like I'm
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  working out. What?
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  What are the? Gains here because if I, if I
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  don't go to therapy are you going to leave me?
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  You see, most narcissists, they they.
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  Don't know how to love. Because most narcissists lack
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  that lookout. You can't.
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  I really this is. Me right here, I don't think
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  that people can be can have a lot of love to give if they
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  don't have empathy to give. I feel like empathy is a
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  connective tissue that you need to have love for somebody else,
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  you know? I really, I really do.
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  Think you have to have emotional empathy?
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  To have a deep emotional connection.
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  With people, can narcissists have emotional empathy?
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  Yes, there are some narcissists out there with emotional
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  empathy. But most narcissists have
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  cognitive empathy, like they know what you're going through,
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  they just don't feel it and connect to it on an emotional
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  level. So if your narcissist only has
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  or has more of the cognitive empathy aspect, then.
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  They're not going to be able to connect to you.
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  In an emotional, deep emotional way.
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  That you probably want, that you're probably requesting that
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  you probably are. Craving.
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  You're craving it. Aren't you?
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  You're craving that connection. You're craving that love.
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  You're craving it. And I get it.
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  I promise you. I get it.
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  I promise you. I understand it.
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  I promise you. But.
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  They don't know how to give it to.
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  You and you can't teach them. You can't.
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  Teach. A person is not willing to
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  learn. Can you teach the student that
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  has their head down with their headphones all day?
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  There's not. They get all FS in the class.
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  It's hard to get through to that person.
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  You have to find the right the way to get through that person,
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  and typically they have to. Open themselves up.
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  To be able to get through to it, for you to get through to them,
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  or for somebody else to get through to them.
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  Most narcissists are not willing to open themselves up on an
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  emotional level, to allow anybody to help them, or to get
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  through to them, or to allow them to learn how to love in a
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  healthy emotional have a healthy emotional connection, or learn
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  how to love in a healthy way. They don't know how to give
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  love, and this is the dynamic right here.
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  Y'all. Because they don't know how to
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  give love. They damn sure don't.
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  Have to receive it a lot of times either.
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  Because when you're trying to give them love, they typically
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  push you away. They receive it at first, but
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  typically they push it away like and when they're pushing you
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  away, they give you less love, they give you less emotional
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  connection. Y'all can still be sleeping
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  together and going through the. Motions of looking like a.
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  Happy. A happy couple having a happy
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  relationship, You know, even if this is your parent, your parent
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  might not be emotionally connected to you.
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  Y'all, and that sucks. If you have a narcissistic
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  parent that's not emotionally connected to you, he's
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  emotionally pushed you away, emotionally discarded you, has
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  been emotionally neglectful for you.
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  That sucks. And it just sucks me to say,
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  have to say that your parent might not be able to get that
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  emotional, that deep emotional connection with you.
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  But this is what I will say about narcissistic parents.
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  If they do connect to somebody emotionally, it might be their
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  kids. Like sometimes.
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  It's not the kids. And sometimes they will get rid
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  of the kids. And connect to a new supply more
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  than they connect to their kids. They'll discard their kids for a
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  new supply. They'll discard their family for
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  a new supply. They happen sometimes right
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  there. Y'all.
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  So I wish y'all the best in your healing journey.
• 13:27
  Like I said. I do have my new mini course out
• 13:30
  Understanding the seven stages of a narcissistic Relationship.
• 13:33
  The link is in the description of every video and podcast that
• 13:35
  I do if you're interested. Interested in checking that out.
• 13:39
  I'm super thankful for y'all. Make sure y'all subscribe to
• 13:40
  this channel. Helps reach more people.
• 13:42
  And of course y'all for the mental illnesses.
• 13:45
  Peace. Thank you so much for making it
• 13:47
  to the end of my video. I am extremely grateful for you.
• 13:49
  Have no idea. If you haven't already, make
• 13:51
  sure you go ahead and subscribe to the channel.
• 13:53
  Help us reach more people. And click.
• 13:54
  On the screen to watch another video or to browse through
• 13:56
  another playlist. There's also a link on the
• 13:58
  screen to check out my courses and my support groups to help
• 14:01
  you heal and understand what you've been through.
• 14:03
  Thank you so much again. I will see you in the next
• 14:05
  video. Peace.