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95. Pope Leo X - The Ultimate Nepo Baby · Who Did What Now With Katie Charlwood

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Speaker 1: You're listening to an Airwave media podcast. Hello delicious friends,
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Speaker 1: and welcome to Hood and What Now, the history podcast
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Speaker 1: That's not your History class with me your host Katie Charlewood,
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Speaker 1: history harlot and reader of books. Guess who hurt their
0:33
Speaker 1: back this week? Spoiler alert twas I, Yes, I hurt
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Speaker 1: it coming out of the car. I didn't tripper anything.
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Speaker 1: My back just decided it hated me, because that's what
0:46
Speaker 1: happens when you hit your mid thirties. It was so weird.
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Speaker 1: I think it's probably because I was traveling so much,
0:54
Speaker 1: and I I actively try not to hold myself in
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Speaker 1: weird positions because I know, like you try and take
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Speaker 1: up less space and your muscles sort of tension tension,
1:05
Speaker 1: your muscles tense up, and I do that. So yes,
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Speaker 1: I think that was part of it. And I was
1:15
Speaker 1: dragging suitcases along with me, and I was running in heels,
1:19
Speaker 1: and I think all of that added up to my
1:20
Speaker 1: back going fuck you so effectively. I have scoliosis mild.
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Speaker 1: It causes me pain like a standard amount, a regular
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Speaker 1: amount of pain. Yeah, and it's not usually a problem,
1:39
Speaker 1: but then sometimes the back muscle spasm sometimes all hold
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Speaker 1: the way up one side and make it physically impossible
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Speaker 1: for me to do things. So I've been wearing like
1:49
Speaker 1: a back support to work, although somebody mentioned to me
1:52
Speaker 1: this week that, like, you know, technically, of course it
1:55
Speaker 1: would make a very good back brace, and I'm like, oh,
1:59
Speaker 1: that's a pair of excuse for me to get corsets.
2:02
Speaker 1: And I was trying to make myself feel better by
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Speaker 1: like window shopping online and I found this amazing like
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Speaker 1: was eyeing up and I decided to amuse myself by
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Speaker 1: renaming my PayPal, which I had just like labeled his
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Speaker 1: tip jar, but now it is the Smutty Little Dress
2:26
Speaker 1: Fund because I deserve a smutty little dress. So if
2:30
Speaker 1: anyone feels like donating to this smutty Little Dress fund,
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Speaker 1: So why couldn't wear ridiculously smutty outfits on stage or
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Speaker 1: in videos or for weird history Harlitt Photo shoots Their
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Speaker 1: option is there linking the description down below. But yeah,
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Speaker 1: it's been a week and I've been exhausted, and I thought,
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Speaker 1: how am I going to cover this week? And I struggled.
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Speaker 1: Let me tell you, I struggled because I couldn't get
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Speaker 1: enough research because I wanted to do like a fun
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Speaker 1: line lesbian like that was my entire plan. But what
3:04
Speaker 1: I want to do, it's going to be like a
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Speaker 1: two episode because there's just so much because she's amazing.
3:10
Speaker 1: And now I'm thinking I could do that, or could
3:13
Speaker 1: cut it down for a live show, because I would
3:17
Speaker 1: happily talk about slutty lesbians like it's just such a
3:21
Speaker 1: good fun time for me. And then I remembered I
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Speaker 1: have a lot of research about popes, many popes, some good,
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Speaker 1: some bad, some weird, but interesting, and that brings us
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Speaker 1: to it today because you know, last week we had
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Speaker 1: a good and we had William Dorsey Swan, he's fabulous,
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Speaker 1: and this week I thought, let's talk about an absolute bastard.
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Speaker 1: But I know what you're thinking, you're thinking, what your
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Speaker 1: jibber jabber in fact me, in fact you, I will,
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Speaker 1: But first we've got to get our source on. Our
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Speaker 1: sources are The Black Prince of Florence by Catherine Fletcher,
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Speaker 1: Cardinal Bnaedelia Sulei and Church Patronage in sixteenth century Italy
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Speaker 1: by Helen Hyde. Church in Politics in Renaissance Italy, The
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Speaker 1: life and career of Cardinal Francesco Sorderine by Kate Lowe.
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Speaker 1: The Pontificate of Leo the Tenth by William Roscoe. Under
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Speaker 1: the Knife, A History of Surgery in twenty eight Remarkable
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Speaker 1: Operations by Arnold van delar Sex and Spirituality in fifteen
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Speaker 1: hundred to Rome by Jill Burke. History of the Popes
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Speaker 1: from the Close of the Middle Ages, drawn from the
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Speaker 1: secret archives of the Vatican and other original sources by
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Speaker 1: Ludwig von Pastor. The Medici Popes by Herbert M. Vaughan.
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Speaker 1: And of course we have our favorites history dot com
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Speaker 1: and biography dot com. Iose it in coomfortably good. Then
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Speaker 1: let's begin. So Pope Leo the Tenth did not start
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Speaker 1: his life as Leo the tenth, obviously, or as Pope
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Speaker 1: that would be weird. He came into the world as
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Speaker 1: Giovanni de Lorenzo de Medici, yes added the accent for
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Speaker 1: dramatic effect, apologies to any Italian listeners. And he was
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Speaker 1: born on the eleventh of December in fourteen seventy five
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Speaker 1: in Florence, Italy. He was the second son of Lorenzo
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Speaker 1: the Magnificent, head of the Florentine Republic and Claris Rossini.
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Speaker 1: So he was the second son of Lorenzo di Medici,
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Speaker 1: and being the second son, there's kind of rules. So
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Speaker 1: the first son, he's going to inherit everything. He is
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Speaker 1: your main sort of in the chain. Here's where your lineage,
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Speaker 1: your heritage, your money, that's all going to go down him.
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Speaker 1: His said, that's just how things were in the past.
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Speaker 1: Oh so I'm just saying this is a random second son,
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Speaker 1: I mean, second son of a prominent figure, but still
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Speaker 1: second son from the fourteen hundreds. And we have a birthday.
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Speaker 1: Do you know how hard it is to find a
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Speaker 1: medieval women's birthday. I've just been out there. It's absolutely shocking.
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Speaker 1: But we have Giovanni here. So he is the second son,
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Speaker 1: and the first son they usually go and you know,
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Speaker 1: run the family business or whatever. The second son usually
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Speaker 1: goes into the church because that would be an ecumenical matter.
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Speaker 1: The second son usually goes into the clergy because that's
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Speaker 1: another place of power, especially in Italy, because you know,
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Speaker 1: Italy as a general rule, very Catholic, like quite a
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Speaker 1: lot of well for quite a lot of Europe, especially
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Speaker 1: incredibly Catholic for most of this definitely Christian, but usually Catholic.
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Speaker 1: So just as a sidebar, when people discuss medieval Europe,
7:30
Speaker 1: they do not mean like Europe as a whole, especially
7:35
Speaker 1: as a geographical concept, because we see geography as this
7:39
Speaker 1: is the line drawn in the sand, this is this area,
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Speaker 1: this is that area, and you know, it was less
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Speaker 1: of a physical geographic location and it was more related
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Speaker 1: to political ecclesiastical affiliations. Effectively, medieval Europe is Christian Europe.
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Speaker 1: That's what they mean. So if anybody discusses anything out
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Speaker 1: with that, that's not what they're talking about. That's why
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Speaker 1: generalizations happen and you go, oh, but what about this. Yeah,
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Speaker 1: it's because they're not counting it. Because history is written
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Speaker 1: by monks and stuff, and that's basically what it all
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Speaker 1: comes down to. The monks were the ones writing the notes,
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Speaker 1: so back to them being Christian. So Italy is so
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Speaker 1: Christian that the King of Italy became the head of
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Speaker 1: the Holy Roman Empire known as the Holy Roman Emperor.
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Speaker 1: Like that, too much power the Church wielded, They had
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Speaker 1: like an empire, and a lot of things couldn't happen
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Speaker 1: sort of within medieval Europe without the pope, say so
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Speaker 1: without that blessing with that power. So there would be
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Speaker 1: political power, which one some would have, and then another
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Speaker 1: form of political power through the church. So one would
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Speaker 1: go through official political channels and one would go through
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Speaker 1: the religious channels. And it was just a way of
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Speaker 1: ensuring that sort of power. I don't know a better
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Speaker 1: way to put it. Like, it's just covering all your bases,
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Speaker 1: you know, making sure every corner covered, you know, so
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Speaker 1: if you need to put something through, you have these
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Speaker 1: alliances and affiliations and all of these connections. So it
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Speaker 1: was deemed very early on that the second son, Medici
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Speaker 1: number two, was going to have a career in the church.
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Speaker 1: And when he's seven, he ends up getting benefices, which
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Speaker 1: is basically rewards for being you know, good and holy
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Speaker 1: and wanting to do churchy things. And he gets these
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Speaker 1: and his dad's like, just careful now, you don't want
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Speaker 1: to get into like luxury and vices and all this
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Speaker 1: kind of stuff because you want to be like good,
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Speaker 1: like a good dude. Ah ha ha. This may shock you,
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Speaker 1: but that is not how this story is going to go.
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Speaker 1: It's not gonna go at all. So his dad, Lorenzo,
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Speaker 1: being incredibly important, starts, you know, lobbying on his behalf
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Speaker 1: to Pope Innocent the Eighth to name him the Cardinal
10:44
Speaker 1: of Santa Maria Dominica. Sorry for the accent, I can't
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Speaker 1: help myself. I should probably add there's gonna be a
10:51
Speaker 1: lot of nepotism in this story. Like you think there's nepotism,
10:55
Speaker 1: you think you've seen an epo baby. No no, no, no, no,
10:58
Speaker 1: no no. Year is not a level of an nepotism
11:03
Speaker 1: than sort of Renaissance Italy. Like the amount of favors
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Speaker 1: and people getting jobs just because you know they're related
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Speaker 1: to a pope is absolutely ridiculous. Like this has gotten
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Speaker 1: to a point where the pope has access to all
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Speaker 1: this money and all this power and they're just living
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Speaker 1: it up like half the time. Like I understand the
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Speaker 1: concept of wanting to help your friend or relative or whatever,
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Speaker 1: but there comes a point where it's not helpful and
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Speaker 1: is just incredibly self serving. But yeah, he ends up
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Speaker 1: being named cardinal at age thirteen, which I feel is
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Speaker 1: just too young to be a cardinal. Like he doesn't
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Speaker 1: become a priest, and I think at this point he's
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Speaker 1: like he should. You should be a priest first and
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Speaker 1: then work your way up to cardinal, Like, isn't that
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Speaker 1: how it's supposed to go. You're supposed to go up
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Speaker 1: the steps, up the ladders, you'll learn your bit. But no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
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Speaker 1: not Giovanni ya no no, no, he doesn't have to
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Speaker 1: do that, bloody ridiculous. So he's not allowed to wear
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Speaker 1: like the insignia or do stuff in the you know,
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Speaker 1: in the college until he's sixteen, like they're like no, no, no, no,
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Speaker 1: you can't be doing that, which is shocking. So he
12:32
Speaker 1: can be a cardinal as long as he doesn't like
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Speaker 1: dress like a cardinal, like you can be in our group,
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Speaker 1: but you can't wear the uniform. But we will, but
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Speaker 1: we I mean, he has, you know, a child at
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Speaker 1: this point, so I get it. So seeing as he
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Speaker 1: can't be like proper for long cardinal, he ends up
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Speaker 1: getting an education at Lorenzo's court, and it is a
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Speaker 1: humanist education, the same one Henry the eighth, you know,
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Speaker 1: very well rounded education actually, so you're learning sort of
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Speaker 1: arithmetic and languages and music and dance and philosophy like
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Speaker 1: all of this stuff. A lot that through danceing there
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Speaker 1: everybody had to dance the Middle Ages, like you don't
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Speaker 1: have a lot of hobbies. You don't have a lot
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Speaker 1: of opportunities, like you're gonna be able to work at
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Speaker 1: a party, you know. But he gets a humanist education
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Speaker 1: and he has I mean, he's being taught by all
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Speaker 1: these amazing thinkers like Marcelio Puccini, Bernardo Babienna, Like he
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Speaker 1: is doing well, and he is studying on top of
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Speaker 1: all this, he's studying theology and can in law. So
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Speaker 1: he's you know, he's learning, he's working his way up. Now,
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Speaker 1: when he's sixteen, he is formally admitted into the Sacred
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Speaker 1: College of Cardinals and is allowed to live in Rome.
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Speaker 1: Now a month after he gets into the College of Cardinals,
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Speaker 1: his father dies, So Lorenzo is just dead. He's gone
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Speaker 1: to put So Lorenzo passes away and he has to
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Speaker 1: return to Florence to go deal with the funeral and
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Speaker 1: you know, all of those important things. So he goes
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Speaker 1: and does that, and he's dealing with all that, he's grieving,
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Speaker 1: I would assume God, I hope, so he could be
14:36
Speaker 1: bad if he wasn't. So he's doing all that. But
14:39
Speaker 1: then he has to return to Rome because Pope Innocent
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Speaker 1: has died, and so a new Pope needs to get elected,
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Speaker 1: so he returned to the conclave and he opposes the
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Speaker 1: election of everyone's favorite horrible Pope, Cardinal Rodrigo Borgia, who
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Speaker 1: ends up being elected as Pope Alexander the sixth. Because
15:04
Speaker 1: none of these popees want new names, they'll have to
15:06
Speaker 1: be the fifth, the sex, the twelfth, the eighth. Like,
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Speaker 1: let's have a weird pope. Let's have a pope with
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Speaker 1: a weird name, like Chad. Could you imagine a Pope Chad? Oh?
15:19
Speaker 1: Come on, like that'd be very funny, Pope Chad. Pope.
15:27
Speaker 1: I don't know, I don't know the names about the popes.
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Speaker 1: I feel like something silly would be very good, very
15:33
Speaker 1: fun Pope tim heh. So he opposes were Drugo Borgia
15:42
Speaker 1: and that doesn't work out, so he ends up heading
15:45
Speaker 1: back to stay with his brother Piero in Florence. So
15:50
Speaker 1: a lot of stuff is going on at this point.
15:51
Speaker 1: I don't know if you remember now, A lot of
15:55
Speaker 1: this would have been covered in Erlacretzia Borge episode and
15:58
Speaker 1: our CARTOONUS four is an episode about all of the tumultuous,
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Speaker 1: crazy shit that was happening in in Italy at this time.
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Speaker 1: So first we have Girolamo Savonorala. I have definitely mispronounced
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Speaker 1: that name. So we have him, and he is this
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Speaker 1: puritan friar. So he's a monk, right, think of you know,
16:24
Speaker 1: the high Sparrow from Game of Thrones. He's Puritan, he's
16:28
Speaker 1: a fanatic. He is a fanatical monk, tyrannical summer even say,
16:35
Speaker 1: like he is very into austerity measures like the Tory government,
16:40
Speaker 1: and he's all about, you know, poverty is good, in
16:45
Speaker 1: pain is good and frivolity is bad. And he's just
16:49
Speaker 1: he's just making enemies left right and center. Like he's
16:54
Speaker 1: one of the reasons that the Medicis get kicked out
16:57
Speaker 1: of Florence. So he's causing all this shit. And then
17:01
Speaker 1: of course we have King Charles the eighth of France,
17:07
Speaker 1: who is like invading and just causing shit again in
17:12
Speaker 1: the previous episodes, and it gets to the point where
17:18
Speaker 1: there's an uprising in Florence, like they're super into this
17:22
Speaker 1: monk dude, and they're just sick of all this shit
17:24
Speaker 1: that's happening, and they effectively kick the Madici's out of Florence.
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Speaker 1: So this is Piero manages to go to Venice and
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Speaker 1: Albino and Giovanni. He ends up in the Midlands and France,
17:46
Speaker 1: and I'm not gonna say Germany because it's like German states,
17:51
Speaker 1: so he could have ended up in Prussia, for example.
17:56
Speaker 1: I'm not sure where exactly in Germany he was, but
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Speaker 1: he was going round, he was, he was getting about.
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Speaker 1: When he's eighteen, he manages to come back to Rome
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Speaker 1: and he's still very young, and he is received very
18:12
Speaker 1: well by the current Pope Borgia or you know, Alexander
18:19
Speaker 1: the sixth, and so he lives in Rome and he's
18:23
Speaker 1: spending time getting to know like literature and art, and
18:28
Speaker 1: he's reading stuff. He's getting involved in the art scene,
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Speaker 1: menus the berets and the clicking the fingers instead of clapping.
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Speaker 1: So the Medici's getting kicked out. Part of it was
18:41
Speaker 1: a little bit of a power play from, you know,
18:45
Speaker 1: the pope, because the Borgias kind of had some issues
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Speaker 1: with them, you know, here and there, and so off
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Speaker 1: they went. But then Alexander the sex dies and in
18:59
Speaker 1: fifteen three, Pope Julius the Second ascends to the pontificate
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Speaker 1: and you know, Giovanni pretty happy. Cardinal Giovanni there is
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Speaker 1: like that's cool. Pope Julius is cool. We're cool with
19:14
Speaker 1: Pope Julius. Everything is fine. The very same year, something
19:19
Speaker 1: good slash bad depending on your perspective, happens to Giovanni
19:24
Speaker 1: because his brother Piero dies, So you know, obviously sad
19:30
Speaker 1: that his brother is no longer with him, but also
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Speaker 1: with him out the way, Giovanni is now the head
19:38
Speaker 1: of the Medici family. And Giovanni he is getting in
19:42
Speaker 1: good with the Pope because when he is twenty nine,
19:45
Speaker 1: that's right, twenty nine years old, hasn't even hit the
19:48
Speaker 1: Big three oh yet, hasn't even had a chance to
19:51
Speaker 1: have a quasi life crisis. No, barely a gray hair
19:55
Speaker 1: on any of those balls. Yeah, brought back poles again.
19:58
Speaker 1: You didn't think I was gonna do it, but did.
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Speaker 1: But yeah, he's twenty nine and he gets appointed the
20:05
Speaker 1: papal legate of Bologna and Romagna. Basically the he's the
20:12
Speaker 1: representative of the Pope in these places. So in Bologna
20:16
Speaker 1: and Romagnia, he is the Pope's dood. He is the
20:21
Speaker 1: person you talk to if you want to get a
20:23
Speaker 1: message to the Pope or the Pope wants to get
20:26
Speaker 1: the message to you. So he's you know, he's the
20:29
Speaker 1: middle man, he's Julie the guard dog. So Florence at
20:34
Speaker 1: this point is a republic and it's aligned with the French,
20:38
Speaker 1: so it's decided with them. The Medicis have been kicked out,
20:42
Speaker 1: and Pope Julius has sent Giovanni to basically deal with them.
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Speaker 1: So he's been he's been sent with the papal army
20:54
Speaker 1: to go deal with this, but unfortunately, things don't go well.
20:59
Speaker 1: So the friend end up winning this battle and they
21:03
Speaker 1: capture Giovanni with their retreating forces. So even though they've won,
21:09
Speaker 1: they have suffered such a massive loss that they're just stuck.
21:15
Speaker 1: They have no choice but to just leg it back
21:17
Speaker 1: and run away, and they take Giovanni with them. He
21:21
Speaker 1: manages to escape, head back to Florence and re establishes
21:26
Speaker 1: the Medicis as like the main guys in Florence, like
21:31
Speaker 1: the head Honchos, although his younger brother ends up taking
21:35
Speaker 1: proper control at that point, but anyway, they become the
21:41
Speaker 1: most important family in Florence and the French get driven
21:47
Speaker 1: out of Italy. Now, Pope Julius, he is not well.
21:58
Speaker 1: His time on this mortal oil is coming to an end,
22:03
Speaker 1: and so everyone is expected to return to Rome. So
22:09
Speaker 1: then Pope Julius dies, right, and they need to elect
22:15
Speaker 1: a new pope. Now, there are considerably less cardinals there
22:21
Speaker 1: at the papal conclave in fifteen thirteen because you know,
22:26
Speaker 1: the French cardinals are not there because of you know,
22:29
Speaker 1: the whole invading Italy thing. But whether medicis and the
22:32
Speaker 1: Sporzas and yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, just wild, absolutely wild.
22:38
Speaker 1: And so all the votes go in and who gets
22:43
Speaker 1: carried in to the building but Giovanni, because he is
22:50
Speaker 1: suffering from terrible anal fishers and fistulates like it gets
22:58
Speaker 1: to the point where people are went on how bad
23:01
Speaker 1: it smells now. It is also commented that his particular
23:07
Speaker 1: lifestyle led to this. Basically, he was doing a lot
23:12
Speaker 1: of butt stuff, anal sex, you know, sort of me
23:18
Speaker 1: all the other terminology for it, I don't, I don't know.
23:21
Speaker 1: Butt stuff just sounds funnier to me. So I'm gonna
23:23
Speaker 1: stick with the but stuff, even though it feels really childish.
23:29
Speaker 1: But I'm in a lot opion and I'm on a
23:31
Speaker 1: load of drugs trucks, It's okay. They were prescribed by
23:37
Speaker 1: a doctor, yes, And at the age of thirty seven
23:45
Speaker 1: thirty seven, Giovanni is elected pope. Now the story is
23:53
Speaker 1: that some of them felt sorry for him and they
23:55
Speaker 1: didn't think he was going to be round much longer
23:57
Speaker 1: because you know, because of all of his anal issues.
24:02
Speaker 1: But yeah, he gets elected and he decides on the
24:06
Speaker 1: name Leo. So he is Pope Leo the tenth. And
24:12
Speaker 1: now he is in charge of the church and his
24:15
Speaker 1: younger brother is in charge of the Medici family. So
24:21
Speaker 1: over the next couple of days, so this is how
24:26
Speaker 1: quick it was. On the fifteenth of March he's ordained
24:29
Speaker 1: as a priest. On the seventeenth of March, Saint Patrick's day,
24:34
Speaker 1: he was ordained as the Bishop of Rome, and on
24:37
Speaker 1: the nineteenth of March he was officially named pope. Now
24:44
Speaker 1: now no offense. That's four days. Over the course of
24:47
Speaker 1: four days, he went through all of the ecumenical stuff,
24:54
Speaker 1: all of the all of all of the clergy like
24:59
Speaker 1: level up, like he leveled up through the clergy with
25:05
Speaker 1: four days. Four days he did it, which is worrying.
25:10
Speaker 1: And so he is known as the young Pope obviously
25:13
Speaker 1: because he's very young. Have you seen popes, they're generally
25:18
Speaker 1: quite wrinkly, like their prunes and human form. You know
25:22
Speaker 1: that they're getting on a bit. And this may shock you,
25:26
Speaker 1: but he is the last non priest to ever be
25:29
Speaker 1: elected pope, and I think for good reason. Now Leo
25:34
Speaker 1: is in charge, and he starts spending money. No, I
25:39
Speaker 1: don't know if you know this, but the Vatican is
25:41
Speaker 1: hella rich, like they are rolling in it. They have
25:46
Speaker 1: so much money. And you know, people would say to Leo, listen,
25:53
Speaker 1: have you considered being a bit more pious? I mean
25:56
Speaker 1: he was praying, he would fast before Mass, and you
25:59
Speaker 1: would like all of the things one would expect someone
26:03
Speaker 1: deeply religious to do, so he would go through all
26:06
Speaker 1: of that. But then also, it's been a fuck ton
26:10
Speaker 1: of money. So he he spent so much money, like
26:16
Speaker 1: so much money, to the point that he spent over
26:20
Speaker 1: the next two years all of the money, like all
26:24
Speaker 1: of all of the paper money. And they're like, can
26:27
Speaker 1: you maybe not do that? And he said, ah, fuck
26:29
Speaker 1: that for a game of soldiers, I'm gonna just renovate
26:34
Speaker 1: this pitch because what he does is he makes a
26:37
Speaker 1: pornographic bathroom. I don't know if you've heard about the
26:40
Speaker 1: Pope's pornographic bathroom. This is the one this is the
26:44
Speaker 1: secret Vatican bathroom full of sort of artwork frescoes. Perhaps
26:53
Speaker 1: thinks a frescos it's artwork, and it's it's it's it's
26:58
Speaker 1: basically porn it's pornographic imagery. It's just a big, dirty bathroom.
27:02
Speaker 1: It's very funny. So you've got that.
27:04
Speaker 2: And he is.
27:07
Speaker 1: Enlarging the Vatican Palace and he's ordering like churches and
27:12
Speaker 1: chapels to be built around Rome. But he's not just
27:16
Speaker 1: spending on himself, like he's also forking a lot of
27:19
Speaker 1: money out to charity. So this is where I see,
27:22
Speaker 1: like you can be like two things at once, Like
27:24
Speaker 1: you can do good things and you can do awful things.
27:27
Speaker 1: This is why, like bad people can do good things
27:29
Speaker 1: and good people can do bad things, and some people
27:31
Speaker 1: are absolute cunts. Like this faila because what he does
27:34
Speaker 1: is he decides that not only is he going to
27:38
Speaker 1: spend all the Vaticans money, he doesn't give a shit,
27:43
Speaker 1: and he has to find ways to make more money.
27:48
Speaker 1: And he does this by creating new offices and offering
27:55
Speaker 1: these roles to the highest bidder. So you could get
27:59
Speaker 1: a job if you were effectively instead of being capable
28:03
Speaker 1: or good and so he started selling papal indulgences. He's
28:09
Speaker 1: giving beneficials out he is just going to town, and
28:14
Speaker 1: it gets to the point that he is just spending
28:18
Speaker 1: so much money and he's not His outgoings are more
28:22
Speaker 1: than his incomings effectively. And he then has to deal
28:27
Speaker 1: with King Francis the First, because King Francis the First
28:32
Speaker 1: of France, France, Francis of France. He is a little
28:39
Speaker 1: bit power hungry because he wants to regain control of
28:43
Speaker 1: Milan in Naples, and he marches to Italy to head
28:48
Speaker 1: an army to just try and take over. And you've
28:53
Speaker 1: got the French, the French, the French. I can't be
28:59
Speaker 1: away to this. The film got the French army and
29:01
Speaker 1: you've got the Swiss army and they're fighting in Mariniano
29:06
Speaker 1: and the French take control of Milan, and it's just
29:12
Speaker 1: it's not great. And also Italy's not too cool with that.
29:18
Speaker 1: The Pope's not too cool with that. And in the meantime,
29:24
Speaker 1: he is trying to do with a bunch of stuff
29:27
Speaker 1: because he was open to put his brother in charge
29:30
Speaker 1: of a lot of stuff. They wanted to make him
29:33
Speaker 1: a powerhouse and to be a Roman patrician, so he
29:40
Speaker 1: was hoping to invest all of his sort of political
29:45
Speaker 1: plans and his brother he had made him a Roman patrician,
29:49
Speaker 1: and he was hoping to really really get the ball
29:53
Speaker 1: rolling there and really gain power through Giuliano. Effectively, his
29:59
Speaker 1: plan was to put in charge of the kingdom in
30:02
Speaker 1: central Italy, so he was hoping to have him in
30:05
Speaker 1: charge of Ferrara and Urbuno and Biacenza and Parma, and
30:11
Speaker 1: he was just really hoping to get all this going.
30:16
Speaker 1: But then Juliana dies or sorry, Giuliano dies, and his
30:21
Speaker 1: son Leo's nephew Lorenzo I know, I know another name.
30:27
Speaker 1: The kids repeated, he is now, he's now the big boss.
30:30
Speaker 1: He's now where all those all those plans are going.
30:34
Speaker 1: He is putting Al's ex in one basket, so he's
30:37
Speaker 1: got plans for him. So he deals with him, and
30:40
Speaker 1: then he takes Epolito, who is his nephew, because he
30:46
Speaker 1: is but he's illegitimate, so he raises him because that's
30:49
Speaker 1: that's always good to have on hand. Because here's the thing,
30:52
Speaker 1: he's the pope. He can declare him legitimate anytime he wants,
30:55
Speaker 1: so he has power here. So he's dealing with that,
31:01
Speaker 1: and then the following year, when he's thirty eight, he
31:05
Speaker 1: ends up having a meeting with Francis, of course, and
31:10
Speaker 1: he ends up at the Concordat of Bologna, and it's
31:14
Speaker 1: basically a treaty with Franz where Francis the first gets
31:18
Speaker 1: the right to appoint all of the churchmen in France,
31:22
Speaker 1: which sounds super fun. So we're in fifteen seventeen, which
31:29
Speaker 1: is a very very busy year for Leo. Oh my god,
31:33
Speaker 1: I forgot the elephant. Okay, So when Leo gets elected
31:38
Speaker 1: to you know, being pope, he is gifted a white
31:43
Speaker 1: elephant by the King of Portugal because he's trying to
31:46
Speaker 1: stay on his good side obviously, And it's a big
31:49
Speaker 1: way elephant called Annon, but the Pope calls him Hanno, right,
31:53
Speaker 1: and he loves this elephant more than fucking life itself.
31:58
Speaker 1: Like this elephant gets treated the best it has, it
32:04
Speaker 1: could do tricks, it lives in a gold room that's
32:07
Speaker 1: just having a great time. Hannah is treated so fucking well,
32:10
Speaker 1: and the Pope fucking loves this elephant, like I don't
32:14
Speaker 1: know what else to tell you, Like he is the
32:17
Speaker 1: way people obsess over their dogs, that's the way Leo
32:22
Speaker 1: treats this elephant like he loves it. He has parties
32:27
Speaker 1: with it. I cannot tell you how much weird elephant
32:32
Speaker 1: related history I know, but I know far too much
32:36
Speaker 1: elephant related history, far too much. But anyway, he has it,
32:43
Speaker 1: and he has it for four years. So this is
32:47
Speaker 1: the year we still have it. Currently, fifteen seventeen, we
32:50
Speaker 1: still have Hannah the elephant, still very much living his
32:54
Speaker 1: best life. Now. The elephant is not the only thing
32:59
Speaker 1: he loves. He also spends a lot of special time
33:04
Speaker 1: with certain cardinals, certain bishops, certain friends, best friends, roommates,
33:14
Speaker 1: wink wink, nudge, nudge. But we'll get back to that
33:16
Speaker 1: in a moment. So what happens is Europe, Christian Europe
33:22
Speaker 1: ends up banding together because they're so afraid of the Turks.
33:26
Speaker 1: So they are terrified they are going to be overrun
33:32
Speaker 1: by the Turks. Is you know, as if they haven't
33:36
Speaker 1: just been like invading all of these other countries and
33:39
Speaker 1: trying to like enforce you know, Catholic dogma upon them,
33:44
Speaker 1: like as if that's not a thing, when that was
33:47
Speaker 1: very much, you know, a millennia of things. You know,
33:54
Speaker 1: It's just it's wild. So there is this like peace
34:00
Speaker 1: between like France and Spain and the Habsburg monarchy and Venice,
34:04
Speaker 1: and because they were like want to fight against you know,
34:08
Speaker 1: the Turks, because again they're worried about someone doing to
34:13
Speaker 1: them what they did to other people. Oh no, it
34:17
Speaker 1: isn't the consequences of your own actions.
34:20
Speaker 2: WI shame, shame.
34:23
Speaker 1: So yeah, they end doing that. But and then there's
34:26
Speaker 1: a little bit of peace for well. But then of
34:28
Speaker 1: course you have Henry eighth who's like consistently in a
34:34
Speaker 1: deck measuring contest with the King of France Kevin. Francis
34:38
Speaker 1: are just like wasting money trying to screw each other over.
34:44
Speaker 1: So Leo here manages to get one hundred and fifty
34:48
Speaker 1: thousand ducats in order to like I help Henry the
34:57
Speaker 1: eight in order to enter the Imperial League of Spain
35:01
Speaker 1: and England against France, like they're just trying to fuck
35:05
Speaker 1: it over. And this warlands from like February to September
35:11
Speaker 1: that year. But it brings it does help, It brings
35:19
Speaker 1: up Lorenzo. He manages to get up and does well,
35:24
Speaker 1: does well for himself. Although there is like a bunch
35:29
Speaker 1: of stuff messed over, and there was supposed to be
35:31
Speaker 1: a crusade, and then obviously the crusee can happen, and
35:35
Speaker 1: this whole war caused him eight hundred thousand ducats in total,
35:41
Speaker 1: eight hundred thousand. I don't even know how much that
35:43
Speaker 1: is in today's money. A fucked on, that's what I know.
35:47
Speaker 1: But at the end, Lorenzo is the new duke, Duke
35:53
Speaker 1: Duke of Rubino, so, you know, not the worst way
35:57
Speaker 1: for it to end, but there is a bunch of
36:00
Speaker 1: stuff going on. So they end up having a party, right,
36:03
Speaker 1: and they are celebrating and they're having a good time,
36:08
Speaker 1: and they're all drinking wine. And the elephants there and
36:12
Speaker 1: the elephant is offered wine. It drinks a goblet and
36:17
Speaker 1: then in the middle of this party, Hannah, the elephant head,
36:22
Speaker 1: starts to wabble, starts making noises, and then collapses. Now
36:32
Speaker 1: there's two two stories to this, the first being that
36:38
Speaker 1: the elephant was fed gold leaf and laxative, which did
36:44
Speaker 1: something to it, and the other is that the elephant
36:50
Speaker 1: was provided poisoned wine. Because the wine that the elephant
36:56
Speaker 1: Hannah drank was supposed to be like celebrated whine, for
37:01
Speaker 1: you know, the pope and his pals and so Leo
37:07
Speaker 1: starts getting suspicious. Who out of everybody was going to
37:13
Speaker 1: do that to him? But Leo sees what's happening, and
37:19
Speaker 1: he decides to tell people that someone is planning to
37:24
Speaker 1: part him and he has a reason for that. But first,
37:30
Speaker 1: his beloved Hannah the Elephant gets a full church funeral,
37:35
Speaker 1: a full church service proper like again, really loved the
37:41
Speaker 1: elephant very much into this, and so he has a
37:46
Speaker 1: massive funeral for it. And then Hannah the Elephant is
37:49
Speaker 1: buried under the Vatican where their bones still lay, like
37:54
Speaker 1: that elephant is still there. So here's the thing. Pope
37:59
Speaker 1: Leo has a lover, the twenty six year old Cardinal
38:04
Speaker 1: Alphonso Patrucci. Now Leo has ousted Portucci's cousin and he
38:09
Speaker 1: is well mad, and so he ends up heading back
38:13
Speaker 1: to Sienna, which does not sit well with the Pope,
38:17
Speaker 1: not at all. So Sienna the Tennis Siena, it is
38:22
Speaker 1: a it's this city's Tuscan city. Technically, yeah, it is
38:27
Speaker 1: a rival of Florence, which is the pope city. So
38:31
Speaker 1: they're basically like my town against your town. So he
38:39
Speaker 1: had put like Sienna under the protection of the paper city.
38:43
Speaker 1: So like Pope's like, I'm looking after that, to worry
38:45
Speaker 1: about it, and yeah, Portucari ends up involved in this
38:50
Speaker 1: alliance and he's trying to negotiate retaking the city, and
38:55
Speaker 1: Leo was pest absolutely my, he's fucking not with it
39:02
Speaker 1: at all, not get on the situation. And so like
39:07
Speaker 1: one is betrayed that I was betrayed. They're all passed
39:09
Speaker 1: off with each other, and he decides he wants to
39:12
Speaker 1: get rid of him, and he is looking at his elephant,
39:16
Speaker 1: He's looking everything around him, and he goes, you know what,
39:20
Speaker 1: I've got a plan. I'm going to accuse him of murder.
39:25
Speaker 1: And that's what he does. So he ends up sending
39:30
Speaker 1: like a letter to Portracci offering him safety and security
39:35
Speaker 1: and like, you know, everything's fine, we just want to
39:38
Speaker 1: chat and have a talk, and so he brings him
39:42
Speaker 1: over and he arrives only to be arrested. Unbeknownst to Portrucci,
39:50
Speaker 1: a bunch of people from servants to sergeants have been
39:55
Speaker 1: rounded up, tortured and interrogated, and they were all pointing
40:01
Speaker 1: the finger to like this conspiracy of cardinals. And you've
40:05
Speaker 1: got the surgeon who's like, yeah, he paid me to
40:09
Speaker 1: poison him during a surgery for his Ano Festulis so
40:17
Speaker 1: like he was just gonna like poison his ass quite literally,
40:21
Speaker 1: like that's what he says. And then you've got sort
40:25
Speaker 1: of these letters appear saying that the person did this,
40:28
Speaker 1: this person did that, and and they get arrested, and
40:32
Speaker 1: people are shocked and a bit a bit worried. So
40:38
Speaker 1: all the men players involved, they are found guilty in
40:41
Speaker 1: a trial by a bunch of cardinals. Right, so you
40:45
Speaker 1: have Nini, in Vicelli, and Riario petrog They're all found guilty.
40:53
Speaker 1: So Nini and Vercelli were hung, drawn and quartered with
40:56
Speaker 1: their bodies displayed on the bridge outside of the Castle Santangelo,
41:00
Speaker 1: you know, to prove a point. And Petrucci was supposed
41:07
Speaker 1: to be a few days later. But between these executions
41:12
Speaker 1: and the next round of executions, Leo appoints thirty one
41:17
Speaker 1: new cardinals, like doubling the size of the college, like
41:21
Speaker 1: since the re establishment of the single paper, say in Rome,
41:25
Speaker 1: like sixty seventy years before, Like the most amount of
41:31
Speaker 1: cardinals that being appointed at any one time was twelve,
41:35
Speaker 1: But he went for thirty one, almost as if he
41:37
Speaker 1: was trying to get more people in his corner right,
41:41
Speaker 1: so he manages to elect elect to create amount. It
41:48
Speaker 1: was like four Florentines medici allies and laws cenes, including
41:56
Speaker 1: Raphael Patricci, so like a iival like branch of the
42:02
Speaker 1: cardinal's family of Fonso's family, so effectively, a lot of
42:08
Speaker 1: these older cardinals that have been there, their power had
42:11
Speaker 1: sort of been displaced, and this new college of cardinals
42:15
Speaker 1: had appeared. So yeah, there was supposed to be an
42:19
Speaker 1: execution for Alfonso Buttricci like three days after this, and
42:27
Speaker 1: the remaining conspirators quote unquote were just freaking out, so
42:32
Speaker 1: souly his family goes to France and asks the crown
42:35
Speaker 1: to like jump in in his behalf zick. The government
42:41
Speaker 1: of Genoa manages to intervene to Castalysi flees to Rome
42:46
Speaker 1: and like loses all of his like good shit, and
42:53
Speaker 1: he gets stripped of being cardinally like loses everything. One
42:58
Speaker 1: of the other conspirators manages to like pull a Sagaphre
43:01
Speaker 1: and Roy and tricks Leo tense cards into following like
43:05
Speaker 1: a decoy entourage while he manages to sneak the fuck
43:08
Speaker 1: out of Room and Siwilly, who's having a bunch of
43:14
Speaker 1: issues he because of you know, the crown and the
43:19
Speaker 1: government lobbying on his behalf. He gets moved to a
43:22
Speaker 1: most comfortable sell and Riario his family and friends are
43:29
Speaker 1: making arrangements to pay his fine. So like most fines
43:33
Speaker 1: for this for the conspirators was like twelve and a
43:37
Speaker 1: half thousand ducats, Riario his was one hundred and fifty thousand.
43:45
Speaker 1: Like the richest man in Rome, Agustino Chi, Like, he
43:52
Speaker 1: pays like a third of the sum. And Riario gets
43:57
Speaker 1: released at his exile, so he's off, He's off to Naples.
44:01
Speaker 1: Soule is released like a week later, and he's found
44:04
Speaker 1: twenty five thousand ducats and he's confined. He's on home arrest,
44:08
Speaker 1: right home arrest, house arrest, and he's stuck in his
44:11
Speaker 1: house and he loses like a bunch of stuff and
44:17
Speaker 1: then he dies a year later. So eah, So like
44:23
Speaker 1: through all this, Leo makes was half a million ducats
44:29
Speaker 1: out of all this, which is two hundred and fifty
44:33
Speaker 1: times the income of the proest cardinal in Rome. Now
44:42
Speaker 1: what happens for Petrucci? Like he apparently it said, you
44:48
Speaker 1: know that he was going to kill the pope carrieriariiea.
44:51
Speaker 1: What maybe he said in anger. Maybe he said intentems
44:54
Speaker 1: to say. All we know was that Leo wanted rid
44:57
Speaker 1: of him and he needed an excuse to do so.
45:01
Speaker 1: And framing someone for murder or attempted murder of the
45:04
Speaker 1: pope during a surgery is definitely one way to do it.
45:09
Speaker 1: But as Patricci is in his cell awaiting his execution,
45:14
Speaker 1: somebody breaks in and strangles him with a red silk cord,
45:19
Speaker 1: which is known as the Turkish method. I mean, that's
45:23
Speaker 1: an intimate death. I mean, I'm not one to get
45:26
Speaker 1: people advice on murder, but that is an intimate, specific death.
45:30
Speaker 1: There are so many other options, in so many ways
45:34
Speaker 1: he could have been executed, but that's a deeply personal
45:39
Speaker 1: personal thing. Maybe it was meant to be an insult,
45:44
Speaker 1: I'm not sure, but it was. It is what it was.
45:47
Speaker 1: Now again, we're still in fifteen seventeen and there is
45:49
Speaker 1: a lot of stuff happening.
45:51
Speaker 2: So some of you we know fifteen seventeen for a
45:54
Speaker 2: very particular reason for the church, and it's because Martin
45:59
Speaker 2: Lether he takes his ninety five these season he nails
46:02
Speaker 2: them to the church door in Germany.
46:06
Speaker 1: See, seven years before Martin Luther had actually come to
46:09
Speaker 1: Rome and then seen all the sort of wanton luxury
46:15
Speaker 1: and all of the all of the nepotism and the scheming,
46:21
Speaker 1: and just just the awfulness he thought, because he was like,
46:24
Speaker 1: this is not good. This is all too much. And
46:29
Speaker 1: so like Leo and Martin Luther, they had not they
46:34
Speaker 1: had not done well. Leo had ended up actually excommunicating
46:40
Speaker 1: Martin Leather, which is weird. Do you know how hard
46:43
Speaker 1: it is actually to get excommunicated, Like, it is so
46:47
Speaker 1: hard to be excommunicated by the church. I've tried. It's
46:51
Speaker 1: not an easy thing to do. So basically this is
46:53
Speaker 1: the start of the Reformation, and you have like these
46:57
Speaker 1: fractures and these factions sort of splitting up, and Protestantism, Lutheranism, Anglicanism,
47:03
Speaker 1: like all of these different sort of branches appear, and
47:09
Speaker 1: they're all going, we're not super into the whole Roman
47:13
Speaker 1: Catholicism right now because of all the dodginess that's happening
47:17
Speaker 1: in the church and all the money landering and you know,
47:22
Speaker 1: making weird crime families happen, and also a lot of
47:26
Speaker 1: this weird family tree which is a wreath. There's a
47:30
Speaker 1: lot of it going on. It's not good. So he
47:34
Speaker 1: is so mad about all of this sort of reformation
47:37
Speaker 1: shit happening that he releases his papal bill or is
47:40
Speaker 1: that to call it? His people bullshit, and he is
47:43
Speaker 1: just so mad denouncing all so on and so forth,
47:49
Speaker 1: and Martin Luther ends up burning the papal bill he'd
47:53
Speaker 1: been sent because he gets sent because he's like, you
47:56
Speaker 1: need to remove these forty one sentences which we think
47:59
Speaker 1: are her read, and you've got like sixty days to
48:02
Speaker 1: do it. He's got a deadline, right, and you know,
48:06
Speaker 1: he gets this, He gets this on the fifteenth of June,
48:11
Speaker 1: but it's not until the tenth of December then he
48:13
Speaker 1: actually just dread up burns the damn thing. So he's like,
48:17
Speaker 1: he's like, I mean that's more than sixty days, that's
48:20
Speaker 1: that is, But he burns it anyway, He's like, ooh,
48:23
Speaker 1: just a big show at this point. It's a big
48:26
Speaker 1: fuck you to him, and and yeah, Leo's like, you
48:34
Speaker 1: know what, you are excommunicated. No, So in fifteen twenty one,
48:42
Speaker 1: King Henry the Eighth he brings a book, Septum Sacramentorum,
48:47
Speaker 1: is presented to put Leo the Tenth, and Leo gives
48:51
Speaker 1: Henry the title of defender of the faith because he's like,
48:56
Speaker 1: so Auntie Martin Luther, like he's so Catholic, which is
49:00
Speaker 1: funny in hindsight because yeah, didn't exactly stick with that
49:07
Speaker 1: to a long did way. But then of course we
49:10
Speaker 1: have Lutheranism is like spreading into Scandinavia. It is just
49:13
Speaker 1: all over the shop and is it King Christian King? Well,
49:19
Speaker 1: the King's weed and he's like, Okay, I'm going to
49:21
Speaker 1: use this to my advantage to push room away, because
49:24
Speaker 1: like Leo would give rewards and stuff from Scandinavia to
49:30
Speaker 1: like people who gave him money and helped him gain
49:34
Speaker 1: more power. So he would do that, and he hinted
49:37
Speaker 1: up like not dealing so much with that after a while,
49:43
Speaker 1: and he didn't really check it too much because in
49:45
Speaker 1: his later years he was getting he was not well,
49:48
Speaker 1: shall we say, And so he ended up sort of
49:52
Speaker 1: passing the baton to his nephew Juliana, because of course
49:56
Speaker 1: he did, because it's the family affair apparently. So he
50:00
Speaker 1: does that and he ends up becoming incredibly fucking ill
50:05
Speaker 1: because he gets bronco pneumonia, like the bad pneumonia, like
50:12
Speaker 1: so much, so much illness should have washed his hands more.
50:15
Speaker 1: It's what I'm saying, and he is so ill, Like
50:20
Speaker 1: this comes on like sharp and fast in the end
50:24
Speaker 1: of November, and he ends up dying so suddenly that
50:31
Speaker 1: he doesn't get like his last right, so the final sacraments,
50:33
Speaker 1: like he manages to not get them, so that that's
50:37
Speaker 1: that's not a good sign for him. But it's such
50:41
Speaker 1: a fast dead like there's like an idea that he
50:44
Speaker 1: got poisoned, but it's pneumonia, Like all of the signs
50:48
Speaker 1: point to pneumonia. And in the first of December fifteen
50:52
Speaker 1: twenty one, at the age of forty six, Giovanni di Medici,
50:59
Speaker 1: pop Leo the Ten passes away, and so ends our
51:05
Speaker 1: story of Pope Leo the Tenth, who murdered his lover
51:09
Speaker 1: because he's good and had a elephant and was super corrupt.
51:14
Speaker 1: If you liked my telling of this story, please write
51:17
Speaker 1: interview five stars. You have no idea how much I
51:21
Speaker 1: hope this is current, because I'm on so many painkillers
51:24
Speaker 1: right now, I'm not even sure I did it right.
51:27
Speaker 1: I'm not even sure. Oh my notes, I think I
51:29
Speaker 1: skipped a couple of pages. But here we are. We're
51:32
Speaker 1: just gonna have to deal with it, and next week
51:34
Speaker 1: is going to be better because we're gonna have fun
51:37
Speaker 1: lesbians or at the very least super col bisexual person.
51:42
Speaker 1: There's there's gonna be some women loving women in there somewhere.
51:44
Speaker 1: They're gonna be fucking amazing. So I guess you can
51:49
Speaker 1: follow me on all the socials. I'm on threads and
51:51
Speaker 1: whatever Twitter is called now, I'm on TikTok and Instagram
51:57
Speaker 1: and Facebook. But you know what, I'm gonna give a
52:00
Speaker 1: list next week of like all the stuff I'm on
52:04
Speaker 1: and the website's get updated, so do that, and it's
52:06
Speaker 1: recommendation time. Actually, yes, so I'm gonna recommend the Oh
52:12
Speaker 1: my god, it's Katelister's Doctor Katelster. You know when someone says,
52:16
Speaker 1: like Captain Jack Sparrow, that's like me with Katelister because
52:19
Speaker 1: I'm like doctor Katelister. I love her so much so
52:23
Speaker 1: her book The Curious History of Sex. I think that's
52:26
Speaker 1: the name of it. I don't remember. It's really good.
52:30
Speaker 1: I was reading about it today. I was reading it
52:33
Speaker 1: was very fun. It was a Valentine's gift that I
52:36
Speaker 1: got in the post today. It was very nice. That's
52:40
Speaker 1: that for reading. For listening, I am going to suggest
52:44
Speaker 1: to listen to the Kinky History podcast because Valentine's Day
52:47
Speaker 1: is coming up and you deserve that, and listen to
52:50
Speaker 1: Esme because she's awesome, and for watching. Oh, there's a
52:58
Speaker 1: documentary the Irish First Sex with Blowhinderburger. I should go
53:04
Speaker 1: watch that. Do that. It's an artie. Go watch it, Okay,
53:09
Speaker 1: And with this, I shall bid you good night, Rover
53:14
Speaker 1: of what is my Friends ah bye bye